#I believe parallel parking is one of those things where if you say you’re good at it you’ll never have any success ever again

[kuroppiii]

     day by day ᵕ̈           husband!timeskip!kuroo tetsurō x gn reader ˎˊ˗

⋮⋮ ˒ ₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 𖥻 ⿻ : little moments from your ⋮⋮  daily life with your silly little husband

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💬 kuroppiii ─ “ this is like word vomit but pleaseee he plagues my mind , i ' m clawing at the walls of my enclosure ( not proofread !! ) ”

um yeah so congrats to timeskip!kuroo for being able to live his best life

an even greater life with you in it, of course

because although he swaggers along in his little suit and tie handing out his card willy-nilly to god knows who all day,,,

you bet your sweet ass he’s got a picture of you in his wallet

and that wallet is constantly getting whipped out around the office as he looks at your smiling face

looking longingly and with a little lovestruck sigh

(he’s so dramatic)

he has your drink order on lock and will pick it up coming back from work

but he is the type to take a “sip” out of your cup in exchange

(half your drink’s gone after that 🙁)

he “needs help” tying his tie like every other morning

“y/n love of my life can you help me with this”

it was cute

like the first couple times

maybe not so much at the twentieth time

at this point you just tell him to do it himself so you don’t have to get out of your bed bc you know what he’s trying to do

"have you ever considered trying a clip-on tie, tetsu?"

but granted, whenever you do cave, it’s impossible to miss in the corner of your eye the way his eyes are filled with pure unadulterated admiration as he watches you tie the stupid tie

(it was never about the tie)

(he just needs to look at you before he has to go the work where he can’t look at you like this until he comes home later that night)

and sometimes when he gets home he really tries to take up making dinner some nights to give you a break

he even wears a little apron (your apron) over the wife pleaser and boxers he’s so accustomed to changing into upon arriving home

(really not necessary but you two watched the bear together one night and he’s really just trying to get into it with the apron)

he looks ridiculous but you hate to admit you find it so adorable

"can someone get me a fucking sharpie, that fucking works!!!"

"i'm sorry for cursing at you babe, i don't even need a sharpie, i was just saying the thing from the thing–"

the best he can do is like cold noodles or the occasional steak dinner which really aren’t that bad when those are on the dinner menu!!!

when it comes to everything else? well... yeah he’s better off without the apron

but make him lunch for the office? oh he’ll propose to you a second time right then and there next to your fridge

put the cute character cutouts in there too, as if he cares what his coworkers might say bc anything you touch is gold to him no matter what

“ok but where are your guys’ carrot flowers, huh? don’t eat your veggies? have you ever considered that what you should actually be concerned about, is that you’re not eating as balanced of meals as i am every day?”

part of me wants to say when all is said and done, you two share a bottle of wine or smth under the night sky together to wind down

but honestly i don’t think a moment with this man necessarily calls for being a little buzzed like that

he makes you laugh simply by how he talks about his day, and with his little comments and reactions to whatever you may tell him about yours

"some people may wonder how he got demoted from a coordinator position–but y/n, honey, if you saw the way he parallel parks on the street outside our office, you would agree he's very much lacking in the skill of coordination."

"wow, i can't believe she treated you that way. and you're sure she knows the 'h' in 'hr' stands for 'human', right? because she sure isn't acting like a good one."

"😧 ..."

it’s like your home becomes your own personal comedy-club to round off yet another day with the love of your life

with the sounds of both of your laughter mingling together in a solemn late-night harmony only ever truly appreciated by the both of you

and when you two finally head to bed

his arm can’t help but snake its way around your waist

"g'night my love..."

pulling you close and breathing in your scent as you both get lulled away into a deep sleep

all to repeat everything again the next morning <3

[pinazee]

Bounty Hunters!

I just find it so adorable when a kid has bright ass food stains on them. Its like the essence of childhood or something more poetic haha also, this might sound insane, but this is the first ep i could feel that shawn and gus had been friends since childhood. Possibly because they’re nearly wearing the exact same shirts and at the same steps so the parallel is a lot more obvious. Like it just clicked in my brain or something.

I just really liked this shot. That is all.

Shout out to James and Dulés’ stunt double

This is one of those times i don’t envy actors. This looks so uncomfortable. Also, i can’t decide if it’s naivety or arrogance that Shawn would think he could go into this bar and be okay?? I guess you can assume that Shawn knew Tancana would stop them before they caused any serious damage but that one guy was about to hit him with a chain, and its one thing to go into this on your own, its another to bring your friend with you.

A+ scene work from Corbin Bernsen here lol

This is what I do to get my dog to stop eating her toys. Doesn’t work with her either.

One of the few times Shawn kind of loses it with Gus and has to recollect himself haha. Like he’s been frustrated sure, but he usually applies some sort of manipulation. But i really like this scene because usually its Gus thats frustrated with Shawns behavior.

Sidenote: about the super sniffer. I don’t think its that he can smell things others can’t, because Shawn usually points it out and can recognize it, i think the super sniffer is that Gus can break the smell down and put a name to it. Like the gardenias in the perfume, the ginger blossoms in the kangaroo paste. Shawn just knows its kangaroo paste. Idk, i had to think about it at least haha

What a goof. But also, ive started watching Gus while shawns doing his breakdowns and he’s like miming beside him haha if i see it in a later ep i’ll gif it.

Its kind of insane that Bird hands over Tancana and this supposedly alleviates Juliets guilt? Like i get the line she says we all make mistakes as a way of saying Juliet’s forgiven herself, but um, she didn’t really do anything. I wish instead they would have had Shawn notify the cops where he’d be, have lassie ignore him per usual, but let juliet take off on her own (against orders) and save them from bird that way (possibly at the parking garage). This way we can see that she can still rely on her gut and it isn’t handed to her by shawn, kind of like the If You’re So Smart ep, when he solved her case and its somehow a win for her. Its still a sweet gesture that Shawn was cool semi-risking his life (and gus’s for that matter) so she can “save” them and get her good reputation back, even if it doesn’t quite make sense haha

The near kiss was perfection! I think a full kiss would have been too soon, particularly because Juliet was pretty vulnerable just then and it wouldn’t feel right. But the fact that it made juliet nervous enough to start dismantling her gun like she’d been doing all day- fantastic way to gain insight into to her mind and give us the audience hope that the ship would exist. She seems pretty conflicted about him (i think mainly because she doesn’t date coworkers?). I mean, from her perspective, she only know him as immature, irresponsible to a degree, who relentlessly flirts, BUT at the same time is incredibly kind and fun. I would have some hesitation too. Being kind and fun will only get you so far, in my book at least. I also need someone i can rely on to do the boring grown up stuff so im not solely responsible and Shawn just doesn’t come across as someone who can do that (yet). And not to spoil it, but in the bank robbery ep, we learn Juliet likes them mature.

okay. I don’t think this is going to be a popular opinion (just to prepare you mentally) cause i believe everyone loves this scene, and don’t get me wrong i love it too, i just think it doesn’t quite fit in the ep? Like i know shawn was flirty with jules the whole time, and he’s trying to impress her, but it was always jokey and they didn’t really have a solid heart to heart moment, and it pulls away from what Juliet was going through. I think if he’d consoled her a bit, let her know that a mistake is inevitable and assuming that she wouldn’t make any was setting her up to fail, that she was still the smartest, and bravest cop on the force and she should remember that the next time that voice in her head says differently, then he could maybe go for the kiss. Maybe. I think I would’ve preferred it if he’d just consoled her and she was the one who went to kiss him but changed her mind at the last second and thats how we get close talking. Because she wants to kiss him, but at the end of the day she’s pragmatic.

(I just want to quickly add that i by no means think i can write these better. This is just fun for me to put my own little spin on it. I also know other factors go into making a show (time, budget etc) so there are things writers wanted to include that would have improved their eps but said factors forced them to make changes. I don’t want these little opinionated changes i’d make to come across as mean spirited or arrogant. They’re more like responses to a writing prompt if that makes sense.)

[jcmarchi]

From bench to bedside, and beyond

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/from-bench-to-bedside-and-beyond/

From bench to bedside, and beyond

In medical school, Matthew Dolan ’81 briefly considered specializing in orthopedic surgery because of the materials science nature of the work — but he soon realized that he didn’t have the innate skills required for that type of work.

“I’ll be honest with you — I can’t parallel park,” he jokes. “You can consider a lot of things, but if you find the things that you’re good at and that excite you, you can hopefully move forward with those.”

Dolan certainly has, tackling problems from bench to bedside and beyond. Both in the United States and abroad through the U.S. Air Force, Dolan has emerged as a leader in immunology and virology, and has served as director of the Defense Institute for Medical Operations. He’s worked on everything from foodborne illnesses and Ebola to biological weapons and Covid-19, and has even been a guest speaker on NPR’s “Science Friday.”

“This is fun and interesting, and I believe that, and I work hard to convey that — and it’s contagious,” he says. “You can affect people with that excitement.”

Pieces of the puzzle

Dolan fondly recalls his years at MIT, and is still in touch with many of the “brilliant” and “interesting” friends he made while in Cambridge.

He notes that the challenges that were the most rewarding in his career were also the ones that MIT had uniquely prepared him for. Dolan, a Course 7 major, naturally took many classes outside of biology as part of his undergraduate studies: organic chemistry was foundational for understanding toxicology while studying chemical weapons, while pathogens like Legionella, which causes pneumonia and can spread through water systems such as ice machines or air conditioners, are solved at the interface between public health and ecology.

“I learned that learning can be a high-intensity experience,” Dolan recalls. “You can be aggressive in your learning; you can learn and excel in a wide variety of things and gather up all the knowledge and knowledgeable people to work together towards solutions.”

Dolan, for example, worked in the Amazon Basin in Peru on a public health crisis of a sharp rise in childhood mortality due to malaria. The cause was a few degrees removed from the immediate problem: human agriculture had affected the Amazon’s tributaries, leading to still and stagnant water where before there had been rushing streams and rivers. This change in the environment allowed a certain mosquito species of “avid human biters” to thrive. 

“It can be helpful and important for some people to have a really comprehensive and contextual view of scientific problems and biological problems,” he says. “It’s very rewarding to put the pieces in a puzzle like that together.”

Choosing To serve

Dolan says a key to finding meaning in his work, especially during difficult times, is a sentiment from Alsatian polymath and Nobel Peace Prize winner Albert Schweitzer: “The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.”

One of Dolan’s early formative experiences was working in the heart of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, at a time when there was no effective treatment. No matter how hard he worked, the patients would still die.

“Failure is not an option — unless you have to fail. You can’t let the failures destroy you,” he says. “There are a lot of other battles out there, and it’s self-indulgent to ignore them and focus on your woe.”

Lasting impacts

Dolan couldn’t pick a favorite country, but notes that he’s always impressed seeing how people value the chance to excel with science and medicine when offered resources and respect. Ultimately, everyone he’s worked with, no matter their differences, was committed to solving problems and improving lives.

Dolan worked in Russia after the Berlin Wall fell, on HIV/AIDS in Moscow and tuberculosis in the Russian Far East. Although relations with Russia are currently tense, to say the least, Dolan remains optimistic for a brighter future.

“People that were staunch adversaries can go on to do well together,” he says. “Sometimes, peace leads to partnership. Remembering that it was once possible gives me great hope.”

Dolan understands that the most lasting impact he has had is, likely, teaching: Time marches on, and discoveries can be lost to history, but teaching and training people continues and propagates. In addition to guiding the next generation of health-care specialists, Dolan also developed programs in laboratory biosafety and biosecurity with the U.S. departments of State and Defense, and taught those programs around the world.

“Working in prevention gives you the chance to take care of process problems before they become people problems — patient care problems,” he says. “I have been so impressed with the courageous and giving people that have worked with me.” 

[babygirlgiles]

the most important part of parallel parking is to have fun and be yourself 🥰

[dontshootmespence]

Possessive

Summary: After months of denying his feelings for you, Spencer sees you dancing with another man at a bar. Jealousy takes over and everything bubbles to the surface.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Male Reader

Word Count: 1,648

Warnings: Shameless smut, oral and anal sex, anal fingering, use lube folks, jealous Spencer, fuckinggg.

A/N: I have had quite a few requests for more male reader fics with Spencer. This anon asked for one where Spencer and the reader like each other but are just friends because they’ve never wanted to cross that line, but after Spencer sees the reader dancing with another guy at the bar he takes the reader home and shows him who he belongs to. :D

After watching Y/N flirt with nearly every man at the bar, Spencer couldn’t take it anymore. With a determination he should’ve had long ago, he shoved his way through the throngs of people to where Y/N stood with someone else. “Spence, what are you doing here?” He asked, his million-watt smile flashing across his face. 

“Just here to let off some steam after the case,” he replied. A muscle ticked in his jaw and he knew Y/N could see it. They were all profilers. It didn’t take a genius to figure out there were unspoken feelings bubbling to the surface. “You?”

“Same.” He replied. For a moment, Y/N turned his attention to the man standing next to him. “John, this is Spencer. Spencer this is John.”

John leaned casually against the bar, all cool smile and endearing charm as he extended his hand to shake Spencer’s. But instead of taking it, Spencer just returned with his usual awkward wave and a curt ‘nice to meet you.’ “So John,” Spencer started, “How do you and Y/N know each other?”

Leaning over, John grazed his body against Y/N. “Just saw him on the dance floor and had to get to know him, you know?” Spencer understood more than John could ever understand. If it weren’t for those damned social niceties, he would shove himself in between John and Y/N right now. “We’ve been having such a good time I decided to buy him a drink.”

Spencer bit the inside of his cheek to keep his brain in check but it was growing more and more difficult by the second. 

“Were you planning on meeting Y/N here?” John asked. “Or was it just a coincidence?”

Confidence oozed from him in a way it hadn’t in years - maybe ever. “Actually, I was hoping to run into him. Could you excuse us for a second?” 

Without waiting for an answer, Spencer grasped Y/N by the forearm and walked toward the front door. “Spence, what are you doing? John and I were having a good time?”

“Well, I don’t want you to.” Spencer replied quickly. “Not with him.”

Y/N pivoted onto his back leg and crossed his arms over his chest. “Why?” The ‘I want to hear you say it’ was implied. They’d been dancing around this for too many years for him not to know what was going on.

Spencer sucked on his bottom lip. “Because you should be having a good time with me. We should be going out. You should be dancing with me. For years, I’ve been too much of a bitch to say anything. I’m sorry it took until now for me to say it, but I want you. With me. Not him.” God, that felt so much better. Even if Y/N were to turn him down right now, there was something about just getting it out there that pulled the weight off his shoulders. 

Glancing over his shoulder, Y/N sought out John’s face at the bar and gave him a cursory wave, the kind that let him know he wasn’t coming back to finish that drink. Like the gentleman he was, Y/N pulled out a 10 dollar bill and waved it in John’s direction, willing to pay for his own drink considering their impromptu date didn’t go anywhere. John, in turn, shook his head and waved Y/N off.

In an instant, Spencer whisked Y/N outside and toward his car. “Let’s get out of here.”

Y/N laughed, the earlier tenseness easing from his voice. “You gonna take me home?”

Spencer smiled for the first time since seeing Y/N and John at the bar. “Finally, so we can do what I’ve been imagining for years.”

“What have you been imagining?” He asked, slipping into the passenger seat of the car.

Spencer clumsily put the key in the ignition, his previous confidence starting to fall away as he stumbled over his words. “Making you - making you mine in every way imaginable.”

Swallowing against his growing need, Y/N bent over and reached into Spencer’s pants, releasing his cock from its confines just as Spencer sped out of the parking lot. “Before that, I need to do what I’ve been thinking about for years.” He spit into his hand and wrapped it around Spencer’s shaft, moving slowly up and down as he licked at the tip and tasted the tang of his pre-come. He moaned when he felt Spencer tense above him. “If you can’t control the car, the safe word is banana,” Y/N laughed.

“Are you really going to make me say banana?” Spencer jerked the wheel left as soon as the light turned green. 

“I’m basically just hoping I can make the calm and collected Dr. Spencer Reid scream banana.”

“You’re mean.”

“You love it.”

“I’m going to get you back for this, you know.” Spencer stated.

Y/N didn’t care. As Spencer’s free hand snaked into Y/N’s hair, he wrapped his lips around the head of his cock, rolling his tongue around it and pressing against that sweet spot that he knew from personal experience could drive a man insane. “Fuck, Y/N, that mouth is something else.”

Encouragement was one of the best drugs in the world, Y/N thought to himself as he took more of Spencer’s hardening cock into his mouth. Road head was always made out to be glamorous. It really wasn’t. The angle made things especially difficult. But that wasn’t going to keep him from trying. Hearing Spencer moan was too heady not to deal with a little discomfort.

Reaching into Spencer’s pants, he cupped his balls and massaged them as he bobbed his head up and down, allowing the building saliva to drip down his cock. They were going to need to use someone’s jacket to get up to the apartment if they didn’t want to make it completely obvious that Y/N had just had Spencer’s cock in his mouth. “Fuck, Y/N. I can’t...the car...I-” Spencer eased down on the brake, thankful to whatever deity existed for a red light.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” Spencer managed to choke out. Slipping his free hand into Y/N’s hair, Spencer gently pushed down on his head before cursing at the light for turning green. That light always took forever, but not now apparently. As the muscles in his stomach coiled, he saw upcoming traffic and knew he wouldn’t be able to control the car. “Banana,” he said through clenched teeth. “I’m going to combust. and crash if you don’t stop.”

Easing off, Y/N chuckled and wiped the spit from his mouth. “It’s almost worth it, but I need to see what else you have in store, so I’ll give you a break.” On the rest of the way home, Y/N lazily stroked Spencer’s cock, pulling away just as he was about to come. 

Spencer parallel parked with the expertise of a NASCAR driver, desperate to get inside. He pulled off his jacket and wrapped it around his waist. “Let’s go. I’m ready to lose it.”

“What do you want to do to me?” Y/N asked, huffing and puffing with need and slight exhaustion after running up three flights of stairs.

Once inside, Spencer slammed the door shut and pushed Y/N against the wall, his stomach pressing against the cool wood of Spencer’s front door.  “Believe it or not, I’m not so great with the words right now. I’ll show you. The second I saw you with John I realized I couldn’t do this anymore.” 

With hurried hands, Spencer unbuckled Y/N’s belt and pushed his jeans and boxers down around his ankles before reaching into a nearby furniture stand to grab a bottle of lube. “Prepared for this?” Y/N chuckled softly, whimpering when Spencer scratched his nails up Y/N’s ass. 

“I’m always prepared.” Spencer nibbled down Y/N’s neck and shoulder as he squeezed some lube into his hands. He rubbed quick circles around Y/N’s ass before slipping a finger inside and watching as his mouth dropped open. “Been thinking about this for a long time.”

“Me too,” Y/N groaned. “Long enough for me to know I don’t need the foreplay tonight.”

Spencer laughed and pulled Y/N��s head back by his hair. “Do you want my cock?” Y/N nodded. “Say it.”

“I need your cock in my ass, Spence. Fuck me.”

Quickly, Spencer lubed himself up and pressed the head of his cock to Y/N’s ass, pushing slowly as he eased himself passed the tight ring of muscle. Moaning, Y/N pushed back to take him deeper. “Fuck me. Show me how desperate you were when you saw me with John.”

At the mention of the other man’s name, Spencer sunk into Y/N’s ass and grunted. “Fuck.” Spencer reached one hand around the front and grasped Y/N’s cock, stroking it in time with his thrusts. He wanted, needed, to overwhelm him with sensation. He bit down on Y/N’s earlobe and marked his way down, practically branding him with teeth marks.

“Spence, I’m gonna come,” Y/N breathed as he slipped a free hand into Spencer’s hair and pulled. “Come in my ass.”

Without another word, Spencer buried himself in Y/N and let go before feeling Y/N tense in his hand. 

“Fuckin’ hell, Spence. I never knew you could be so possessive. I think I like it. I know I like it,” he laughed, turning around and pulling Spencer’s bottom lip between his teeth.

Spencer walked Y/N back toward his bedroom and began stroking his cock again. “Believe me, that doesn’t even scratch the surface of the things I’ve imagined doing to you.”

It was going to be a long and delicious night.

[sou-ver-2-0]

Sou Hiyori and Kanna’s Sister Parallels

In my short time in the Your Turn to Die fandom, I haven't seen anyone discuss the similarities between our Sou Hiyori and Kanna's older sister Kugie. This subtle parallel is one of the many fantastic writing details in this game, and it happens to be my favorite one. So I wanted to talk about it! 

I love the irony that the characters in YTTD draw a more obvious parallel between Kugie Kizuchi and the game's protagonist, Sara Chidouin. Both Sara and Kugie are high-school aged girls, and Sara often plays the part of Kanna's big sister, leading Kanna to project her feelings for Kugie onto Sara. Although this is sweet, it's still a superficial parallel. Sara and Kugie play the same role, but how similar are they really? If you choose to chat with Kanna on the first day of Chapter 2's storyline, Kanna will tell you the truth about her adoptive sister. Instead of idealizing her, Kanna paints a more complex picture of a flawed young woman. Unlike Sara, Kugie bullied Kanna when they first met. It took time for the pair of them to feel like real siblings. On a deeper level, Kugie's own mini-character arc is very different from Sara's arc, but it perfectly mirrors Sou's arc!

Both Kugie and Sou have a cruel streak and they each make rash judgments about other people. However, they eventually reveal with their actions that they truly love Kanna deep down. While Sara can make the choice to abandon Kanna, both Kugie and Sou would die for the girl. Because of the striking parallels I see between Kanna's memories of Kugie and Kanna's present relationship with Sou, I want to believe that Kugie was just as willing as Sou was to die in order to save Kanna's life. Kugie's story effectively acts as a microcosm of Sou's story. So let's take a close look at it.

KANNA: ...Sara... / You're just like... my sister.

SARA: Huh...?

KANNA: Your strength... and your kindness... / ... / But my sister... / Wasn't always kind from the moment we met.

SARA: (The moment they met...?)

If you speak to Kanna during negotiation time on Day 1 of Chapter 2, the girl begins her story by telling Sara that she's just like her sister, since Sara shares Kugie's "strength and kindness." However, she admits that her sister "wasn't always kind from the moment we met." This is the first major difference between the two girls, and it's what clued me into the idea that Kugie's story might be a metaphor for Sou's story instead. It's also an early moment in which Kanna reveals that she's not as naive as people think she is. She's aware that Kugie was flawed, just like she's aware of Sou's flaws. She keeps choosing to believe in their capacity for good, even as she understands that they are capable of hurting her. 

  Following this revelation, we come to a notable choice.   

1. CHOICE: You aren't blood-related?

SARA: ...Kanna. Are you and your sister not blood-related...?

KANNA: ...Right...

2. CHOICE: Guess I win

SARA: I was nice from the start, so guess I win.

KANNA: Ah... Even the way you say weird things like that is just like my sister...

SARA: (Strangely, that just got her more emotional...)

Sara can either ask "You aren't blood-related?" or smugly observe "Guess I win." Either way, Kanna will steer the conversation back to her adoption by the Kizuchi family. But the choice to declare "victory" over Kugie here fascinates me, since it's easy to connect this competitive sentiment to Sara's relationship with Sou. While Sara and Sou are obviously in a competition for their lives, what ends up mattering more is their competition for Kanna's affections. In both cases, Sou is painfully aware that he's the underdog with "zero percent chance of success." Sou is sure that Kanna would choose Sara's life over his life, if she were forced to make that awful choice.

For Sou, who believes that Kanna loves him less, his moral dilemma is whether to support Kanna in spite of this. The fact that he supports her unconditionally in the second Main Game speaks to his strength of character. He proves that he truly values Kanna more than his own life. For Sara, who already feels comfortable in the "victory" of Kanna's devotion, the moral question becomes whether the player will make choices that are worthy of the girl. Will you help Sou protect her? Or will you decide that Kanna's life is worth less than Sou's hacking skills? Sara's choice determines whether she truly shares Kugie's "strength and kindness."

I'll come back to Kanna's feelings on this "competition" later. For now it's enough to say that she recognizes that competitive streak in Kugie too, and that memory makes her "emotional." It shows how she loves these three characters even when they say "weird things." Again, Kanna is aware of Sara, Kugie, and Sou's flaws but still feels affection for them. That's just how it is when you love someone.

Kanna continues her story:

KANNA: ...See, Kanna's adopted.

SARA: ...!

KANNA: She came to her current family from an orphanage when she was little...

SARA: So you had different parents, too?

KANNA: Mom and dad were really kind... / Kanna... was determined to always smile, childishly thinking "I can't trouble them." / ...And Kanna's sister didn't seem to like her...

Here, Kanna reveals that she has always had the type of personality where she tries hard to please others. She was worried about being a burden long before the Death Game, but for a more ordinary reason; she's adopted. She's always been self-conscious. Her ongoing heartbreak and anxiety comes from a deep place of worrying that her big sister doesn't love her. This informs her current relationships with both Sara and Sou.

At this point, the narrative shifts to a flashback of Kanna's memories.

MOM: Stop it, Kugie! Why do you do such cruel things?!

KANNA: No, it's fine! Kanna's not angry... She's not, really... / Look, see! Ahaha... Ehehehehe...

KUGIE: ...What're you always laughing for?

KANNA: Huh...?

KUGIE: ...You're creepy. I hate it.

DAD: Hey, stop that! Apologize, Kugie!

Kugie calls Kanna "creepy" and even says that she "hates" that part of her. Sara can't ever say such cruel words to Kanna; the worst you can do as a player is speak sternly to her sometimes. But Sou absolutely can say cruel things. He has called Kanna "stupid kid," "dead weight," and a "hindrance" in front of the entire group. And just like the Kizuchi parents scolded Kugie for her mean words, our group members condemn Sou for his mean words.

Now, we know Sou wasn't actually speaking his heart with those words. He didn't have malicious intent. (In fact, he was trying to save Kanna's life.) Sou said those words because he wears a mask to cover his true self. That's the essence of his character. He tries to sound tough and logical to force people to take him seriously. He assumes that once he lets his guard down and shows weakness, everyone will vote to kill him. He becomes a bully because he's insecure.

What if Kugie was also wearing a mask when she bullied Kanna? Not because of the Death Game like Sou, but for a more ordinary reason. Maybe she was simply trying to sound "cool." Maybe Kugie bullied Kanna because she was also insecure, and it would be easy to take out her insecurity on a little girl like Kanna. Kanna is an awkward child who speaks in the third person and laughs for no reason. It would be easy for an older girl to look at Kanna and think, "At least I'm not as embarrassing as that." Even though we don't know Kugie as well as Sou, I think it's a logical assumption.

KANNA: Even then, I kept on smiling... I didn't... want to make sister out as a villain. / But one day, when it became unbearable... I ran away from home.

This is the saddest part but I love it because it's a direct parallel to what Kanna says about Sou! 

During the Second Main Game, when Kanna confesses that she took the Sacrifice card from Sara, she says, "Kanna...Kanna...!! She didn't want to let Sara die...!! And also...!! She didn't want to make Sou a murderer...!!" 

The things Kanna does for these two!!

In other words, there comes a point for both Kugie and Sou where their actions are so harmful that Kanna feels like she has to throw herself away to thwart their "villainy." She runs away from home. She takes the Sacrifice Card. Because she doesn't want these two people she loves to become villains.  

We continue Kanna's story with another flashback. This time, it's accompanied by visual imagery of a small Kanna sitting by herself and crying while hiding her face under a bucket.

KANNA: ...sniff... sob...

KANNA: (narrating) I couldn't go home. I didn't want to... Thinking that to myself, I sat in the park with a bucket on my head and cried.

This is Kanna at her most vulnerable. She is isolated and alone. She has given up. 

In the present day, Kanna has many hopeless moments like this since she has just lost her sister, the person she loved most. We can judge any of the game's characters by how well they treat her, the most vulnerable among them.

In Kanna's memory, there is a character who comes to speak with her at this time. A little boy who tries to joke with her and cheer her up. Kanna only remembers him as "Brat," but to the player, he looks an awful lot like a small Joe Tazuna! The following confrontation between Kanna, "Brat," and Kugie is my favorite part, because it leads to my favorite parallel.

BRAT: Hey! Whatcha doin'? / What's with the bucket?! Yer funny!

KANNA: ...sniff... sniffle...

BRAT: Huh? You cryin'?!

KANNA: ..........

BRAT: ...Alright. / *He lifts his shirt over his head.* How's that! Ehh?! Look at me! C'mon! Funny, right?

KANNA: ...uuuuu...

VOICE (KUGIE): What're you doing?!

BRAT: ...Huh...?

KUGIE: How dare you put a bucket on her head and tease her!! Beat it, you!!

BRAT: I-I wasn't teasin' her!

KUGIE: Liar!! Kanna's crying, isn't she?! D-Don't... be so cruel to my little sister!!

KANNA (narrating): ...That was the first time she called me "little sister"...

In the scene, "Brat" greets Kanna and tries to cheer her up by being a goofball. However, Kugie sees this and gets the wrong impression. She assumes that the boy is hurting Kanna and she rushes to her little sister's defense. As a result of Kugie's actions, Kanna finally sees Kugie's true loving heart.

This is, beat for beat, exactly what happens when Sou confronts Sara about Kugie's smartphone. Just like Kugie wrongly assumed that Joe was bullying Kanna, Sou wrongly assumes that Sara tampered with Kugie's smartphone to make it seem like Kugie hated Kanna. Even though Sou is wrong--Sara was trying to fix the smartphone, just like Sou was--this is the first moment that the player can see Sou's true heart. We learn that Sou's reasons for targeting Sara aren't due to him being some scheming mastermind; he's simply suspicious by nature and he makes rash judgments. He acts the way he does because he genuinely believes that Sara is dangerous. And for the first time, we see how deeply Sou cares about Kanna. We see him stand up to Sara to defend her. Then we see how he wrote a message full of love and hope on Kugie's phone. 

When Kanna finally receives the phone, she cries "tears of salvation" over Kugie's new message. But Kugie's words are really Sou's words. And by the time we reach Chapter 3, we learn that Kanna knew the truth the whole time.

(KANNA): Kanna was always with her big sister. / Because she loved her a lot… / But Kanna was always just a bother to her… / Even that time when it mattered most, she couldn't do anything. / So she thought she was hated… / But that message... made her remember. / That surely, her big sister was watching over her… / That she had to stay strong on her own… / But, well… / The truth is, she knew… / That it wasn't her sister who wrote that message… / *Kanna remembers Sou's face.* .... / ...There's people who tried to protect Kanna. / There's people who worked to encourage her. / So... she doesn't want anyone else to die. / Because... they're all such kind people...

In the game, Kanna shares these thoughts with the player in the aftermath of Sou's death. This is the scenario in which Sou gets to complete the same arc as Kugie. They both sacrifice themselves to save the little sister they love so much. I'm sure that Kugie would have been grateful for Sou's help in writing that message and saving Kanna's life.

I'll finish sharing the rest of Kanna's story about Kugie: 

KUGIE: ...You still crying?

KANNA: S-Sorry... sister...

KUGIE: ... / ...So you cry too, Kanna.

I think the wording of that last sentence in English is interesting. The obvious interpretation is that Kugie realizes that Kanna has been secretly crying and hiding her true self all this time. But on another level, I wonder if Kugie is admitting that she herself "cries too"? That would confirm Kugie's insecurity. And it would make this a moment in which Kugie sees herself in Kanna, just like it's implied that Sou sees his "weak self" in Kanna. In any case, this "unmasking" of Kanna's true heart is a good parallel for Sou's story as well. Kanna also hides her feelings like he does.

KANNA: ..........

KUGIE: .......... / Kanna... I'm sorry...

KANNA: ...Sister...

KUGIE: Mom and dad are worried, so let's get home quick, okay?

KANNA: O... Okay! Eheheh...

It is possible for Sou to apologize to Kanna in the prologue of Chapter 2, Part 2. His wording is more ominous than Kugie's, though he keeps Kugie's sentiment about returning home: "...Sorry. / Just relax. If you’re obedient, I’ll tell you how to survive."

Continuing with Kanna's story, the narrative shifts back to the present day.

KANNA: ...Ever since then, my sister and I got along really well.

SARA: I see...

KANNA: Without any blood relation... Kanna and her sister got along really... really well... / ..........

I love this line because it can apply to Sou as well, since he isn't blood-related to Kanna either. All of Kanna's protective siblings commit to her well-being by their own choice.

SARA: Kanna...

KANNA: Kanna... will definitely go home...! Because she needs to tell mom and dad...! / Determination... / A kind of determination... much too heavy for a girl her age to bear. / ...I should be going soon. Sou might wake up, after all... / Thank you very much... Sara.

Kanna ends her story with a determined speech to return home and honor Kugie's memory. As we read earlier, Kanna gives a similar determined speech in the aftermath of Sou's sacrifice. Later in Chapter 3, she further expresses a desire to honor Sou’s memory, saying “I want to know more about the man who sacrificed himself for me.” This is Kanna at her strongest! This is a Kanna who wants to live!

I mentioned earlier that I would come back to Kanna's feelings on the "competition" between Sou and Sara for her affections. Because Sara resembles Kugie physically, everyone believes that Kanna would choose Sara over Sou. Kanna even says that Sara is "the person she most wants to live." That is Kanna's emotional appeal to save Sara from being voted as a candidate. In the event that Kanna dies, Keiji rubs Kanna’s words in Sou's face at the beginning of Chapter 3, leaving Sou desolate.

But it's important to note that Kanna's choice was always to save both Sara and Sou. To say that she would abandon Sou discredits what actually happened. After Kanna makes an emotional appeal to save Sara's life, she shrewdly makes a logical appeal to save Sou's life. And when Sou tries to direct the votes to Kanna, thinking she has the Sacrifice card, Kanna easily thwarts his efforts by simply telling the truth. Kanna was the only character who chose to be honest about the Sacrifice Card, because she never intended to let anyone else die for her. 

Kanna's choice was to reject the “competition” outright. She doesn't even take it seriously. Her reasons for taking the Sacrifice card were twofold: to save Sara's life, and to save Sou's soul. It's never a real question for her which person she values more. She would have died for them both.

This matters because Sou doesn't parallel Kugie in such an obvious way like Sara does, but the parallel is still there. It's subtle enough that Sou can't even see it. He never feels confident in Kanna's affection, which is why he ordered her, "Kanna. / Don’t you betray me." He can't see what's right in front of him: that Kanna cares about him as though he were her own brother. 

In contrast, Sara feels self-conscious about the comparisons people draw between Kugie and herself. She always feels awkward about it. She is fully aware that Kugie was her own person, and Sara can only pretend to understand what she was like. I really like the way that the manga treated this issue. Although the manga cuts out many of the excellent character moments from the game, it adds more focus on Kugie.

Sara thinks to herself, "I don't know...how many regrets that person had..." which neatly foreshadows that Kugie would have regretted bullying Kanna. Speaking of regrets also reminds me of Sou, who--in the route where he dies--regrets not trusting everyone sooner.

I wanted to end this piece on a happy note, so I'll just say that I like to imagine that Sou and Kugie would have gotten along! Maybe they would even be able to see through each other's masks and help each other. They could work together to protect Kanna, and the Player could choose whether Sara joins them.

[shadowfae]

Harmony, Chaos, RuneScape and Quoilunetary Nonhumanity

[Crossposted to National Nonhuman Park, and requested by @dzamie.]

I forgot to do this for like three days, but. I wanted to do a post on understanding past experiences and the differing perspectives people can have on the same experiences and how that can lead to radically different understandings and why there will never be a clear-cut border between alterhuman terminology, and I think I finally found a way to articulate that point. Commentary and responses welcome.

The very simplest way of explaining this concept is the following sentence: "I never said that I owed her money." Seems a simple statement, yeah? Place emphasis on one word, read it again, and then place emphasis on a different word and read it. "I never said that I owed her money," implies a flat-out denial of the concept. However, "I never said that I owed her money," is a clear 'I implied it but never said it, and you can't hold me to that'. And emphasis on other words brings the exact meaning of those emphasized words into question, and so forth.

But while that concept is universal, it's difficult to see as it stands how that applies to alterhuman experiences. So we're going to delve into the source of one of my current linktypes, RuneScape, and we're going to explain things the way a warpriest does, using the setting's available godly philosophies to explain a past experience.

The two we'll be looking at today are Serenist and Zamorakian philosophies, particularly the Elven questline, and we're choosing this because Seren's ingame dialogue includes her explaining why Zamorakianism doesn't fit the questline. I, however, say it does, so let's compare and contrast how they both fit, and why they're both valid, and why if you're determined enough you can be absolutely convinced that the other's an idiot.

Seren is the crystal goddess of light; associated heavily with integrity, harmony, prudence, wisdom, and tranquility. Simply put, she is a pacifist who believes that if two parties can meet in the middle and find harmony, the best possible result can be achieved.

This is contrasted heavily with Zamorakian philosophy. Zamorak is known best as the god of chaos, although his philosophy heavily centres strength through personal strife. He believes that almost all obstacles and challenges in life can be beaten if one just never gives up, and that through surviving those obstacles, one is made a better person. He also believes that order brings stagnation: with no reason or need to do something different, people will do what they have always done, thus, chaos is necessary for improvement and achievement.

When Seren left the elves, her main followers, scrambled to put together a leadership that might replace her. Modelling the humans, they chose a monarchy, which was undercut in short order by Clan Iorwerth. (Iorwerth is one of the two military elven clans.) Iorwerth, following a dark power, overthrew the monarchy and shut down the elven kingdom entirely, forcing every elf that wasn't trapped to flee or swear allegiance to them. They were later overthrown by the remains of the other seven clans and the player character, the kingdom was restored as a republic, and eventually Seren came back.

When asked about Zamorak's philosophy, Seren references this: ["Order only brings stagnation."] "Perhaps, but there is also imagination and community. When sharing with others, we can learn to see the world differently. Look at all my elves accomplished. It was undone for a time because of chaos. It was harmony that restored them." [Post- The Light Within dialogue.]

Note the emphasis on harmony, and how she looks down upon this. However, she does agree that the elves are stronger without her, evidenced by her refusal to lead them again after her return: "I will not leave you, not again, but I will not lead you. Let me, here and now, recognise this council as the true leadership of the elven people." [The Light Within quest dialogue.]

Zamorak ingame has never spoken about this event, it's on the other side of the continent and he doesn't much care about what Seren does so long as she stays away from him. However, speaking as my linktype, a son of Zamorak, and a warpriest of Zamorakian philosophy and religion, I feel qualified to explain what his philosophy does say about this event, and how it differs.

Zamorakian philosophy places emphasis on the chaos, and how through it, one becomes stronger. Seren says that she recognizes the clan council of the elven republic to be its true leadership. This council did not exist until after she left and left her followers to deal with the aftermath. Even so, their first attempt at fixing the situation was to create a monarchy, which was overthrown almost immediately.

Arguably, their first attempt via wisdom and harmony – modelling their new government after a human form of government that evidently worked, and by choosing their monarchs to represent them best – failed miserably. However, Iorwerth's assault forced the remaining elves to think of another solution that there was no historic precedence for. The clan leaders chose to go into hiding until someone else had overthrown Iorwerth, which didn't happen until the player character did so, over two thousand years later. Those elves who did not go fully into hiding instead created a resistance, aiming first to stop Clan Iorwerth from obtaining death magic that would have cemented its rule perhaps permanently, and then by taking it down once it was properly destabilized.

Their second attempt at a form of government, truly equal across all eight clans, is evidently better than their first attempt: it withstood the next upheaval of Seren's return and refusal to govern them again, and she gave the council her blessing. The solution they found through harmony and tranquility failed. The solution they found through chaos succeeded.

Seren places her emphasis on the fact that through the Iorwerth domination, the remaining elves worked together to find a solution. Zamorakian philosophy states that they never would have found that solution or learned to work together had their lives not been thrown into utter chaos.

Seren focuses on the harmony that is the method of survival, Zamorak focuses on the chaos that caused invention of an improved method of survival. Seren disavows chaos, disregarding that it is anything but an obstacle that needs to be overcome, refusing to see it as something worth seeking out. Zamorak disavows order, arguably incredibly similar to the Serenist ideal of harmony, and states that it only brings stagnation and is incredibly fragile and meaningless. Through this, the two philosophies are radically opposed, both disavowing what the other praises.

Compare this scenario to one more personal and recognizable to those who may read this: any scenario in which someone is put to their limits, any scenario potentially traumatizing. Serenist philosophy asks for integrity, that one stays true to oneself throughout it all, and harmony, to seek a peaceful solution. This is easily taken down by any situation in which one needs to change in order to survive, however, it also is best represented by the growth of the aftermath when it is time to rebuild. Zamorakian philosophy asks for strength, to find a way through no matter the cost, and celebration of strife, to recognize that there is a point to the pain. This is easily taken down by any sort of emotional trauma that leaves scars, however, it also is best represented by the ability to take any punches thrown and to recognize the good of recovery and what that means for the future.

Thus, in a situation of aftermath, both celebrate the growth and the strength necessary to survive, and meet up perfectly in the middle in any situation in which one is honest with themself, survives the ordeal, and recognizes that they are better than they were before.

Radically opposed, and when you tilt your head and squint, they lead to the same conclusion of a better tomorrow than yesterday was.

As my last point, the question of 'and what exactly does this have to do with gray areas of the alterhuman community?' requires an answer. Not all cases will fall under this, but here's a couple scenarios to think on. Someone who has a parallel life in another world: are they otherkin, or are they otherhearted? Someone who places emphasis on the differences between themself and their parallel life may recognize the other as their counterpart, but not quite them, too similar to be anything but family but too different to be the same person, like twins separated at birth. But someone who places emphasis on the similarities, recognizing the other as a reflection of themself, may say that they're otherkin, not so separate as to be family but too similar to be anything but the same person, if in two different situations.

Take further something psychological. Someone with executive dysfunction, an uncontrollable focus mechanism, emotional dysregulation, ostracization from their peers, and a lack of understanding of metaphors or half-truths may go to a pediatrician and be diagnosed as autistic. If they never go to that hypothetical pediatrician, but instead find themself online and hunting for answers, they may discover the otherkin community and come to the conclusion that they are Fair. Where one reads the apparent difference between themself and others as recognizing that they do not psychologically think the way others do, and thus being othered; one recognizes it as others having a gut feeling that they are simply not human, akin to an uncanny valley effect.

Lastly, consider someone who takes up believing themself to be a unicorn as a child, to deal with ostracization from their peers. Something along the lines of the last scenario. Years later, after growing up and discovering a friend group and no longer facing any ostracization, they determine that they still identify as a unicorn. They do research and understand that if they put in the effort over several decades and ego alteration, they may be capable of releasing that coping mechanism turned integral part of them, and letting it go.

Are they otherkin, or a copinglinker?

If they consider themself otherkin, then one can assume they would be disinterested in using ego alteration over a course of decades to let go. If they consider themself a copinglinker, then they may be interested, or they may not, but it would be more likely that they would at least consider the option before deciding either way. And if they do decide against it, does that make it otherkin? As the difference between the two is defined and largely accepted that otherkin is involuntary and copinglinking is, one might argue that they would still be a 'linker, as one cannot choose to be otherkin.

But are they keeping a linktype that they chose and are still choosing, or are they choosing to embrace a kintype that already exists?

I suppose which one it is depends on how you want to look at it, and where you want to place your emphasis of the experience. And no matter how someone else may look at it, the only one with final say is the one who experiences it in the first place.

Both conclusions lead to the same place, in the end: an alterhuman identity, and an experience worth exploring and talking about. No matter how one understands it, or what they ultimately decide to call it.

[reidecorating]

the bau team and their star signs based on science

hotch: clearly an aries. this is not up for debate and i don't take criticism. natural born and excellent leader? maybe. but bossy boots because he is just a bossy boss man who probably sleeps in a suit or those pyjamas that have suit graphics on them? most definitely. when he speaks, his voice sounds like it’s coming out in all lower case, when he yells, it’s all caps. angery. down to throw hands at anything in his immediate line of vision probably. will exterminate you like a roach if you mess with someone he cares about. don't break the rules or my boss will kill me 😡 to you're breaking the rules under MY supervision, that way my boss will kill US 🥰. probably microwaves food a lot. type of dad to say no to getting a dog, then two months later get matching christmas costumes with said dog. never stops working because he is an absolute UNIT built like the circuit of one of those infinity pools in bali. could use another sabbatical.

rossi: i saw his birth certificate and the rumours are true, he’s a november sagittarius. two wives away from being a modern day king henry the eighth. it’s rossi’s world and we’re all just living in it. he is a prophet. his third eye has been opened and he ascended to the seventh dimension at the age of 24. when he takes leave, the only way to contact him is through a ouija board in latin or maybe greek depending on the position of the sun. he will only die when he chooses to die but will dissolve at the words ‘what are we?’. the major arteries in his body are just long pieces of macaroni. definitely has hooked up with one person from every state the jet has landed in. no filter between his brain and mouth, will destroy your self confidence intentionally. uses abbreviations when texting. liberal - because of the experimenting back in college. probably friends with your mum on facebook.

prentiss: imagine her being anything but an air sign. you can't because she's clearly an aquarius?? work comes first (first equal with her girlfriend). if you tell her to do something she simply won't do it, especially if it was something she was just about to do. she once came home from a run with her mother in the summer and her mother politely suggested that she should drink some water. emily, an anarchist, did not drink water and was hospitalised for heatstroke in due course of proving her point of nonconformity. has been to jail. sucks on candy canes and makes them pointy because christmas is one of her least favourite days. on probation. no, i really like him *deletes his number*. maybe moves to iceland to become a sheep herder to avoid having to ever see anyone she has romantically affiliated with ever again. actually quite the jester, joke levels exceed 4000, but can make you laugh and cry in the span of approximately the length of a short youtube ad. the antichrist.

morgan: has at some point caused someone to question their sexuality. am i really a straight man? do i really only like women? - direct quotes from anyone who has seen him. if that doesn't scream libra i don't know what does. i’m trying to refrain from using the words ‘hot’, ‘sex god’, ‘rail me’. the kinda guy who will hold open a door for you, but also have no problem kicking one down for you. has never ditched class before. momma’s boy. tries to make his pecs move in the mirror. he KNOWS he’s hot okay??? but THEN its not just that because people are like ‘oh he's attractive’ but then they find out he’s RESPECTFUL, and INTELLIGENT and COMPASSIONATE and then that awkward moment when you just DIE because he is not flawed??? it’s like he’s a lucid dream??? probably secretly is really good at baking some obscure european good. uses colognes that have really manly man sounding names for instance, ‘Man Musk’, ‘Mystical Muscles’, ‘Beards and Buttercream’.

garcia: the epitome of a female pisces. a baddie™. definitely owns a pair of those really skinny sunglasses that influencers wear and looks like god herself while in them. spirals from being the momma bear to the wine-aunt. she will care about you so hard but if that's not reciprocated, will hack into your my eyes only and fax those pictures to every machine she can connect to. accidentally has flirted her way into at least 19 relationships. really good at writing fan fiction??? like - seriously good. knows 4 different synonyms for the word “member” iykyk. researches things the people she loves most enjoy, so when she talks to them she can have more detailed conversations. catches feelings for people who are definitely not good for her. sometimes just takes off her glasses because she's tired of, well... seeing. hand makes cute lil earrings for her friends. a master at fireboy and watergirl and will never play with anyone else because ‘another player just slows you down, i can do it myself in half the time’. THAT FRIEND WHO WILL WAIT FOR YOU TO TIE YOUR LACES.

jj: virgo. she was definitely that girl who had notes with pretty titles and colour coded highlighters in school. also did extracurriculars in the weekends so she’d have to be picked up from sleepovers early to go to soccer games. when she takes the time to learn something she learns it well and perfects any craft handed to her because anything less than 100% is failure in her eyes. gets annoyed when other people cry for too long probably. will judge you. so much. silently. especially if you cry. don't make her mad because she has caused civil unrest in 13 continents. live, laugh, love signs in her kitchen. security footage surfaced in 2007 of her roundhouse kicking a middle aged man, in the junk food aisle of a trader joe’s, after he took the last re-stocked bag of cheetos. has a ‘mom first, agent second’ mug that garcia got her. likes family walks which will most likely be planned out meticulously, involving a detailed itinerary of the day i.e. Henry’s toilet break, 10AM

reid: he despises star signs and anyone who gives them any thought because “where is the SCIENCE?” this bitch is a scorpio. definitely only knows his sun sign. so intense! have you seen the way he looks at things?? the way he stares??? the way he analyses dead bodies??? the way he loves??? ridiculously put together to everyone around him but emotionally life is soup and he is fork. kinky. breaks off bananas little by little with his hands before eating each piece individually because eating them normally is too sensual and he’s paranoid morgan might see him doing it and take a picture. wants the kind of love he reads about. has a superiority complex about having a superiority complex. keeps a straight face while saying literally anything so you cannot tell if he’s being serious or not like one day he’ll just be like “yeah i killed a man with an axe once to enable myself to more easily empathise with future unsubs who potentially work as lumberjacks or have a history of logging. it’s called method axing,” and then leave the room to draw circles on maps or something. believes that parallel parking should work, in theory, but never seems to work for him in practice.

[whateverthedragonswant]

Holy crap this episode was funny as hell until it wasn't and then we were plunged right back into the intensity. But great episode!!! I don't lb so I don't get spoilers but man I had a lot of reactions as I watched. Ngl, a lot of cursing and caps ahead but damn was this such a good episode:

“One minute before the blackout” - now we’re to 1 minute from 1 week last week

“The place where this heart’s from, it was a tragedy. But once we land, it’s gonna turn into a miracle, right?” “Yeah, I like that” -- so once we land and settle after all of this craziness, a tragedy will turn into a miracle? I like that *looking at you Eddie*

EDDIE GET OUT OF THAT CHOPPER RN, DO NOT DO THIS TO ME AFTER SEASON 4, DO NOT!!!

Bobby going in to save the heart, hmm...

Oh, thank God - Eddie, Hen, and Bobby are all safe

Dr. Salazar - we need more of her. I love her so much.

4 Days later - hmm...

Wow, they’re really bringing Harry to the forefront here, this whole kidnapping thing is going to happen isn't it?

Harry charging neighbors and Michael and David in a sort of co-parent situation - first of all, Harry you are a GENIUS and love that Michael and David with Harry are being focused on in this episode, ahem, is there possibly a reason...?

Lou survived!!!! THANK GOD

Nearly 5 days Lou was in hospital

5 day head start for Hudson - is there something with 1, 3, 4 and now 5? I'm keeping track here, Tim

Buck is the power czar LOL - omg I love this man so much

Ravi!!! We need MORE Ravi!!! but where is Albert???

CHIMNEY!!!!! OMG I LOVE YOU - "Give me a charger or Uncle Buck will never see his niece again" - "Give him a charger" - "Well played" - "Let this be a lesson, never give that man a clipboard" - "Excuse me for being efficient" - "That’s one word for what you are" - okay #1 I will forever be in love with Chimney, probably one of my top favorite characters on this show & #2 LOVE this whole brothers interaction, Albert may not be there but Buck and Chim are still going with the whole older-brother-is-exasperated-with-the-younger-brother's-shit vibe

Oh God, here comes more cringe, yay... not so much

Eddie kisses Ana on the cheek AGAIN (Eddie, can you hear me? This is your subconscious speaking, when are you going to end this, my man?)

Ana says going to visit was Christopher’s idea since he missed Eddie and thought he was hungry - muy interesante

Buck rushing over to greet Christopher and hugging him tight is a moment I live for - outside of the whole Buck and Eddie story, I LOVE this relationship with all of my heart, I am so glad Christopher has Buck, he really is his second dad (with or without Eddie being involved)

Eddie not introducing Ana to Ravi (nor Buck saying hi) - Buck’s expression - “You must be Eddie’s wife” Christopher: “Not yet” I FUCKING LOVE THIS KID, OKAY!!!! Buck’s smile, he loves Christopher, too - love how Ana and Eddie don't say anything to dispel or clarify this

SAME FUCKING TRIGGER AND THIS TIME BUCK SEES IT!!!! OMG (Eddie, this is your subconscious again, you need to listen! The universe and I are trying to tell you something, please before any more shit hits the fan like me having to watch more uncomfortable interactions between you and your placeholder friend!)

Eddie sending Ana and Christopher on a tour with Ravi IN THE DARK at his work place so he can put SALADS AWAY

Buck’s expressions the entire time - Buck knows something's up

Ana’s expressions the entire time - she KNOWS

Thank God Bobby wasn’t around - hear me out, I have a reason for this that I am still working on in this long ass meta

Buck makes sure to not make eye contact with Ana (except quickly when Ravi is waiting to be introduced), even when Ana laughs at his “Constantly”

Eddie being a probie when Shannon came back in season 2 (and Eddie pulled her into the locker room to talk) & Ana being left to tour the station house with Ravi aka Probie - hello parallels & contrasts, my old friend

“I don’t want these things to wilt” - interesting choice of wording there, Eddie (newsflash, it's already wilting, Eddie)

I almost feel a little bad for Ana here because she did do something nice and she gets the brushoff and some discomfort/embarrassment in return (I mean the woman brought three salads in the middle of a blackout that she most likely made herself, come on - I'm sure some people think salads are easy to make but to those of us in the inexperienced/uninitiated cooks' club, it's not that simple)

Lila dead - hmm...are we surprised? (Hudson didn't give a fig about her and what's sad is Lou would have saved her)

“I think she was smitten like those other fools. I think she saw him being led away in cuffs and she intervened on his behalf” - interesting line there, Athena...

I need more scenes with Athena and Elaine - I know Elaine is the captain and Athena is on her own with no partner but I gotta say I am enjoying this

Athena! Why are you not warning the survivors!!! I mean I get it but still!!!

OMG “He takes Christopher all the time, he’s got the place memorized” - BUCK LISTENED TO EDDIE IN 3x03 - OMG!!!

Oh Buck my poor baby, he knows what they’re walking into - I LOVE Hen’s line of “Just smile, Buck” and then Eddie and Chim both smile wide at him - OMG I AM LIVING FOR THESE SCENES WITH THE 118

“Welcome to the Jungle” - nice touch 911

OMG Buck you are cracking me up - no animals are getting past him

1 hawk or eagle or raptor maybe? I’m not good with bird species okay!!!

3 emus again

1 bird I have no idea what kind (wondering if that’s what we saw the back of last episode near the emus)

Giraffe again

3 wolves

3 camels

Elephant

“The animal makes a move, control it” - YOU GOT THIS BUCK (yes we are finally getting that scene we saw filmed!!!)

Buck’s expression when the camel runs by is KILLING ME 'yeah, that's right Camel, back up, back up, you don't want any of this, yeah that's right'

Stuffed animals in the souvenir store, interesting

2 for $5 sign - even more interesting

1 alpaca

I guess I kind of wonder why Hen didn’t become a vet at one point in her life? Like I’m glad she’s a first responder and about to be a doctor but damn she knows so much about animals, she’s like the 118’s resident animal expert, that’s my girl

“We were gonna get one” - um...what? Hen...

“I wouldn’t” LOL oh Bobby you slay me

Is it just me or do we hear ET almost type music in the background as Hen lays chips down for the alpaca? Bobby mentioning the Reese’s Pieces, the flashlight shining on the Alpaca when it steps into view...are we getting an ET reference?

“It’s calling its friend!” *another Alpaca appears through coats “Clever girl” - a Jurassic Park reference - It’s a fucking Steven Spielberg reference, holy shit!!!!

Okay so that scene was Eddie looking over at Bobby, got it, near the fire trucks

Oh Buck I love you so much “So you ran from an Alpaca?” “Two Alpacas and no one was running” - both Buck’s and Eddie’s faces and then laughter are freaking hilarious

Chimney: “After careful consideration, I have decided not to endorse this park” - OMG I have not stopped laughing for like five minutes straight, can you imagine a Jurassic Park AU for this team? - shot of T-rex above Ripley’s Believe It Or Not (nice one, 911)

Weird looking bird that I've never seen before and 2 emus and 2 vulture, 1 hawk/raptor bird, 1 rhino

May is awesome!!! And so are those neighbors!!!!

Eddie in the tank top!!! Buck with a clipboard!!!

“Hey are you sleeping or just pretending?” Buck is taking no prisoners today

Buck is trying to make sure he’s not having any symptoms, omg, seriously how do you not love this guy???? Eddie you better make an honest man out of him soon, I'm not sure how much longer I can take this

“You don’t give up, do you?” Oh Eddie you did not just say that, to Buck of all people, come on man (hello season 3 Eddie, my old friend)

Get him, Buck! Get him!

“Since when do you panic?” “That’s what I said, I don’t panic” Buck once again out there proving that he knows Eddie better than anyone else

Oh wow!!! Eddie came right out and said it “If I’m being honest with myself I think it was Ana”

And there it is folks “She’s been a constant through all of this, staying with Christopher”

“Somehow we became a ready made family and I don’t know if I’m ready for that” - wow, this is an excellent scene, he’s totally letting that wall down to talk candidly with Buck, nice - and him being stripped down to a tank top for this scene just reiterates that fact, he's baring some things

“I think I’m gonna stick it out. Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon” - oh Eddie, you really need to shit or get off the pot my friend, this isn’t good for you, Christopher or Ana - how can you sentence all three of you to this? come on

“My kid loves her” but YOU DON'T - okay my heart is breaking, Eddie is making the same goddamn mistake all over again just like we predicted - Eddie please, what did Carla just say to you three episodes ago? Where the hell is Carla btw????

“Stick it out? That’s not the way you talk about someone you’re in love with” “That enough?” - thank you Buck, seriously THANK YOU

Okay my heart just broke again but for Buck this time “Eddie, I have been Ana” - aww =( I love my chaotic firefighter son with all of my heart

And of course Denial!Eddie aka repressed!Eddie are back, sigh - 5x03 has to be where it all comes to a head, it has to be, now even Buck is forcing him to face what he's trying so hard not to - word of advice Eddie, my repressed firefighter son, you can try to deny it mentally/emotionally all you want but it will come out one way or another, just like it's coming out in panic attack symptoms and anxiety - you have to end this, sweetie

And I think it’s very interesting that Eddie looks right at Buck during “If I’m being honest with myself” *looks away then right back at Buck* “I think it was Ana”, “staying with Christopher”, then right after “I don’t know if I’m ready for that”, “I think I’m gonna stick it out”, “Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon” “My kid loves her”

OMG Eddie’s expression when Buck says “I know what it’s like to be in love with someone who’s not all the way in and deep down you know it and it hurts. It hurts worse than the truth” — RYAN WHERE IS YOUR GODDAMN EMMY??? If anyone ever doubted that Eddie was in love with Buck, there’s the freaking proof written all over Eddie’s face at Buck’s line!!! It’s not something he thinks he can have and it hurts

Okay seriously, Eddie saying “Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with Shannon” — VERY PURPOSEFUL MENTION OF A WOMAN HE’S WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH, EDDIE PLEASE, CAN YOU HEAR ME!!!!

Then they go right to Chim calling Maddie, uh huh, I see you 911

I really love Hen’s full support of Maddie btw & I love how Chim is able to talk to Hen about it all

Oh no!!! Maddie please don’t fall asleep!!!

Oh thank God!!!! It’s going to be okay, Maddie, you got her, it’s going to be okay - I seriously want to give my girl a hug and tell her it's going to be okay

Omg Jee-Yun is so cute!!!

Day 4 or day 5 hmmm - I'm still keeping track, Tim

“Why is it every time the world ends, it ends some more?” “It just keeps us on our toes” “More like knocks us on our asses” - Universe is that you?

Awww Bobby just called Athena “baby” <3 I'm not crying, you're crying

YES more Athena and Elaine

Lou is awake!!!!

Awww Lou =( I may or may not be ugly crying rn

I cannot tell you how relieved I am that Lou is alive

Oh God!!!! Athena get the cops there now!!!!

Yeah you should have let Harry charge them Michael lol, of course they were there to just use the generator power (though I love and appreciate the contrast they gave us in the neighbors who helped the boy with the ventilator so we know not all people take advantage)

OH NO GET AWAY FROM HARRY YOU BASTARD!!!!

On a side note, it’s nice to see more Michael and David but at what cost, Tim? Can we please get more of them and especially David in a more lighthearted episode for crying out loud? Is that too much to ask???

Go Bobby!!!!

Good for you, Athena!!!

Omg this is practically Athena’s nightmare come to life, shit

Omg Hudson unplugged the goddamn generator, THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!

HARRY!!!!!!

I’M SORRY BUT ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE’S NO BOLO WITH A PICTURE ON THIS GUY?!!? - oh right, no power, but STILL

Okay that was super intense, I really hope Athena is the one to take Hudson down, just like Bobby said

I have a few more rewatches to do before breaking things down but damn, I think I need a drink after that one.

[a-square-minus-one]

Honey 8

The outline for this chapter was much longer but I didn’t have time to actualize it :( More to come soon! <3

Raven can sense that things are going to go wrong the minute the tip of her toe lands gently against the pavement. She rushed over to the park, making it there much quicker than any of her teammates in order to scope out the situation. And immediately she feels anxiety wrap its fingers around her spine through her skin. She stands in front of four of her brothers, who stand in a semi-circle formation. Malchior is leaning against a tree off to the side, grinning. She looks around. They emptied the park?

“Sister, nice to meet you,” Wrath acknowledges, looking characteristically serene against the bright blue sky. He stood as if his ginormous, bulging body was weightless. Raven eyes Gluttony who’s a part of the circle but standing a little further back. His cheeks hollow as he sucks roughly on a lollipop. He’s skinny enough for the wind to blow him over even though Raven suspects he probably eats enough for eight or nine athletes in one day. He stands a foot and a half shorter than Lust and the difference is even more extreme between him and Wrath who must be at least a few inches taller than Cyborg and impossibly wider. She runs her eyes to Envy who's eyeing her from head to feet, lip twitching. His chin is tilted up and his arms are crossed over his chest. 

They aren’t fighting anyone. 

Or killing anyone. 

Or making anyone fight or kill each other.

The wind rustles the leaves in the trees around them.

“You called my team over for a conversation?” Raven asks, peaking at Malchior who winks at her. Judging by the way Lust and Gluttony are looking at the sky behind her, her team has just reached the park. Raven doesn’t look back to know they are currently getting into formation behind her.

“You came. We never beckoned you,” Wrath says, hands behind his back. Raven rolls her eyes.

“But you knew the presence of all five of you, in the open, would alert us,” Raven  clarifies. Wrath nods once, smoothly.

“Indeed.”

And then no one moves. Or says anything.

Wrath assesses her whole team much like she assessed them. A small smile plays on his lips.

“We do not have to fight one another sister.”

Raven arcs an eyebrow. 

“Join our side. We can spare your friends. Perhaps you can negotiate positions of power for them in our new world.”

“Yes because deals with the devil are almost always honored.” 

Raven notes how Wrath’s smirk never reaches his eyes. It’s more of a slight tick in the corner of his lips. It’s the most unnatural part of his appearance. He’s completely comfortable in his weight and height.  “Very human of you to make things so dichotomous. Devil bad. Human good. You know very well we can only play with people’s natural tendencies. We could never make something out of nothing.”

“Very demonic of you to think manipulation is so much holier.”

“There can be honor even amongst the worst of beings.” 

Wrath purses his lips, looking off into the distance. He rubs his hands together.

“Dragon,” Wrath says once, continuing to look off into the distance. Suddenly Malchior’s giant chest is expanding towards them, his claws pushing pounds of dirt into their face as he digs them into the ground. Terra is quick to stop the mounds of dirt from hitting her teammates. Raven has only a few seconds to put up a quick barrier as she watches Malchior inhale a giant breath. Even with the barrier the whole team is still smacked with an incredible wall of heat, like they had just opened an oven. Flames flicker up the edges of the wall of her black energy.

“Dragon!” Raven yells through her gritted teeth, looking back at Garfield. Garfield rolls his shoulders a couple times. “Anytime now,” Raven says, pushing against the force of Malchior’s fiery exhale. She focuses her attention forward, ensuring her friends are protected 

“I do this everyday,” Garfield drones. Raven rolls her eyes and looks back. She’s met with the muscular underside of Garfield’s belly: The sun reflects off of his shiny scales. Her barrier falters completely but Malchior has stopped blowing. 

“That’s-“ Raven starts, her eyes trailing up Garfield’s long neck. The sunlight behind his head is blocking her view of his face.

“Sexy,” Terra finishes for her and she has to swallow because the word fits a little too perfectly in her sentence starter. Raven shakes her head and flies up the length of Garfield’s neck. He meets her halfway and bends his head to her. She quickly straddles one of the ridges on his forehead. She places her hands on his head.

Garfield, you’ll be able to hear my voice in your head but I’m not going to be going through anything. I’ve just put up a field-

Raven’s distracted as Garfield blows fire at Malchior’s underbelly. Suspiciously close to his-

Garfield!

What? The prick loves talking about his dick so much, might as well put a spotlight on it.

I should explain the link a little-

What’s there to explain? I can hear you, you can hear me... 

Gar-

Rae, you can poke and prod- 

Garfield pauses to deflect Malchior’s fiery breath.

-whatever you want. Poke and prod whatever you need to so we can stick this asshole back in his fucking book. I trust you…but it’s kinda hard to chit chat. I’m new to this whole dragon thing. 

...I won’t invade your thoughts.

Didn’t think you would. Garfield thinks flippantly before charging at Malchior. Hold on tight. 

Garfield takes a quick, open clawed swing at Malchior, immediately forming three, long, oozing stripes in the dragon’s neck. 

Okay this guy clearly knows nothing about hand to hand.

Raven is rocked forward, her head smacks against Garfield’s.

What the-

Raven notes how the ground shifts like waves beneath them before she’s rocked backwards.

Fly off the ground, He’s trying to dislodge me.

But Garfield was already hovering above the shaking ground before Raven finished her sentence.

Clearly that man has never seen me with a few Jacks in me. If I can keep my balance then-

You’re a messy drunk; now pay attention!

Hey! Cyborg says I’m a great drinking buddy!

Cyborg? Also a messy drunk!

Hey, you’d be a messy drunk too if you-

Suddenly Garfield’s head swings around like a bobble head. He’s gurgling. Raven clenches her thighs over the ridge on his forehead and narrows her eyes towards Malchior who is a football field away. Malchior’s claws are clenched around an invisible object.

“Azarath Metrion Zinthos!” Raven calls out, wrapping Malchior’s arms in dark energy and locking them over his head. Garfield coughs, little sparks passing his lips.

Did he just? Choke me?

Will you pay attention now?!

How was I supposed to know he was going to choke me?! He was nowhere near me!

He can astrally project! 

He should see a therapist about that.

He should see a therapist about a lot of things. Astral projection is not one of them. Watch-

Garfield dodges Malchior’s frontal attack. 

-out…

Raven puts up a shield as Malchior shoots fire at her. Garfield shoots fire at Malchior’s open wound. The black dragon hisses and falls back.

 The man is terrible at hand to hand combat.

He’s...not.

Garfield grabs Malchior by the tail and tosses him, cutting a bunch of trees in half.

Are you really defending your psycho ex?

Raven purses her lips. Garfield. This is too easy. 

Raven looks around. Starfire is locked in a grip with Wrath. Nightwing and Cyborg are tag teaming Lust and Wrath. Terra is mostly just trying to block Gluttony’s attack; no one has taken the offensive against him. Aqualad is jumping between each group and filling in whatever gaps are left open.

She believed fully in her team’s potential to stop her brothers. But something wasn’t right. Garfield was able to toss Malchior like a rag doll and they’re the same weight.

He’s barely casting any spells.

You’re always saying that a good spell requires a lot of energy.

For me. Malchior has done this for centuries.

Malchior charges at Garfield. Garfield takes two quick steps backwards, kicking up chunks of Earth that Terra uses to block the two benches Gluttony hurls at the team. Garfield bites at the wounds in Malchior’s neck. The black dragon howls in pain, aimlessly spewing a stream of fire past his lips. Directly past the bulk of Garfield’s body.

Raven watches intently as the flames meet their mark several hundred feet away from Garfield. She almost brushes off Malchior’s poor marksmanship as a result of his incredible hubris. It’s a weak, last ditch effort to inflict pain from a losing opponent whose head is heavy with unwarranted pride. She’s about to move her eyes back to where Garfield’s teeth are sunk into their opponents neck when she notices something almost imperceptible in the flames. A shape. Two little deformed circles, almost parallel to each other. She squints her eyes. That’s odd.

And then it hits her.

Those are eye sockets.

Malchior had casted a spell.

They hadn’t emptied the park.

Everyone was camouflaged. 

Garfield! 

Garfield sinks his teeth deeper into Malchior’s neck. Malchior spews out another thick stream of fire. 

Garfield! The park isn’t empty.

Garfield spits Malchior’s neck out of his mouth, blood immediately begins oozing out of the black dragon’s wounds.

What?

Raven looks around. Trees were knocked over. Car windows were broken. Street lights were bent in half. Sidewalk had been ripped from the ground. Her eyes land on a playground three hundred feet away. Entire chunks of bright yellow and red steel were turned on their sides. She feels hot liquid rises in her esophagus, burning away at her body. Her skin suddenly feels too tight.

The park’s not empty. Malchior just made everyone invisible to us.

Garfield grabs Malchior by the neck and shoves his head into the ground.

“Uncast  the spell,” Raven threatens, using her powers to hover the sharp end of a street light over Malchior’s eye. Malchior looks towards the rod, chuckles and crumples it. Garfield shoves his head deeper into the ground. Malchior spits some blood into the ground. 

“You tethered me to that book. The walls were my only companions! We could have ruled the world!” Malchior screams, spitting blood in her face. She grabs him by the neck herself. 

“Uncast. The. Spell,” Raven says, trying to reign in her desire to tear the dragon apart limb by limb between each word. 

“No.”

Raven, you have to tell the rest of the team before they accidentally hurt anyone else.

He’ll transform you. 

Not if I detach his head from his body first.

Raven notes how Garfield tightens his palm around the semi-conscious dragon’s neck. 

Garfiel-

Get Aqualad. He’ll cover my ass.

Raven makes quick work of teleporting Aqualad over to the group.

“The park’s not empty. Malchior cloaked everyone in an invisibility spell.” Raven tells him before he can even steady his feet. “You need to stay with Garfield while I inform the rest of the team and figure out how to reverse the spell.”

Be careful Garfield.

She places a gentle hand on her friend’s forehead. 

I’ll do my best. 

[malikmata]

Notes from a Brown Boy - Kansas Diaries

*Author’s Note: Some people’s names have been changed to protect their identities

The rain was the first thing to greet me when I landed in Wichita. Overhead the gray clouds loomed, shadowing the farmland that yawned in the distance. Distance. At first glance, the city seemed like one long stretch of prairies and cracked parking lots, occasionally punctuated by billboards of grinning injury lawyers and lit up restaurant road signs.

If you spend enough time here amid the crumbling old buildings, watching the weeds sway in the vacant lots, you’ll feel the slow, inevitable creep of dread or something like it.

It’s easy to feel lonely here.

But, if you’re receptive enough, you’ll run into many friendly folks. Sometimes too friendly.

For example: During my first week, I went to Freddy’s, a local fast food chain, and ordered a crispy chicken sandwich with fries. The cashier, a young woman with glasses and short blonde hair, suddenly started confessing her fear that her 8-year old chihuahua wouldn’t live a long life.

“I still think of him as a teenager,” she said.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “He’s a chihuahua. They live long lives.”

Out here, in the most middle-of-the-road cities, you sometimes get a chance to show an act of passing kindness. While waiting in line at one of the hip, new cafes downtown, a place called Milkfloat, a tall elderly gentleman recommended which coffee and pastry to get.

“My wife says this place has the best cold brew in town.” Afterwards, grabbing his pastry and coffee, he wished me a good day. Most folks here always do and you better hope it comes true. Because here, like elsewhere, a day is filled with ordinary heartbreaks.

I will simply call her “Tita.” She works as a tailor at a department store, the only tailor working there, hemming and tapering racks full of suit pants under fluorescent lights. The nature of the job requires exact measurements and a keen eye for detail. She works hard, often skips lunch, and comes home dead tired. Her husband is recovering from 4 broken ribs after a car repair job went awry. Nothing can be done but wait until he gets better.

They live in a languid suburb on Wichita’s east side, a street with few sidewalks but plenty of lawn.

And noise. Plenty of noise. The neighborhood sits next to a car dealership. The skies overhead rumble continuously with airplanes and thunderstorms. Dogs bark at anyone who gets too close. A pickup truck blasts a corny country song as the cicadas and frogs belt out their lonely mating calls. Occasionally, a child’s laughter rises above it all.

Gossip is one of the great pastimes in towns like these. Even if you shut yourself up in your home, stories trickle in.

The neighbor across the street shot himself in the head.

The elderly couple that used to live next door got committed to a nursing home.

A fellow around the corner is on his third attempt to grow weed.

A college student starves himself morning to night so that he can save money for college.

Down the street, a kid lifts weights and punches the heavy bag hanging on his front porch.

Here, dumb luck seems, more so than in the big cities, the providence of God.

A man told me he got a job installing new carpets at a friend’s house. He was in desperate need of money, having sent most of it to his mother back home, who proceeded to gamble it away. When he ripped out the old carpet, he found a bundle of $10,000 dollars just lying there. His co-worker said, “We should split it.”

“No, no, we can’t take it.” the man said. He gave the money to his friend.

Sometime later, he went to the casino and couldn’t stop winning jackpot after jackpot. He brought home close to $16,000 in one night.

“So, if you do something good,” he told me, “God will remember that.”

Many people have come to live and die here, all of them wrapped up in the melancholic churning of faded ambitions and familial obligations.

Some people here have found something that returns them to the placidity they once felt in their youth. Sometimes that’s enough to keep them going.

For example:

I met Phil Uhlik, the namesake of the music store on E Douglas. He heard me playing an old Martin acoustic in one of the rooms. He shuffled in slightly hunched over, wearing a blue paisley shirt and brown shorts. He looked at the sunburst guitar in my hands and said, “It’s got a little beauty mark there.” He pointed to a small nick just above the sound hole. “All girls have beauty marks.” He pointed to his cheeks and smiled.

Uhlik started this music store 51 years ago and enjoys every moment of it.

“When you go to work for Boeing, that’s work,” he said. “But this, it doesn’t feel like work.” He motioned to the instruments all around him.

“How’d you get started?” I asked.

“I started off playing one of these,” he said, taking one of the accordions off a nearby shelf. As he strapped it on, all the years seemed to disappear. With a big crooked-teeth grin, he breathed life into the old accordion, his hands dancing up and down the keys. The smile never left his face as we bid farewell to each other.

I wish everyone in this world were as lucky as Phil.

I’m always seeking indie bookstores when I travel. Eighth Day Books provides much needed shelter from the summer heat. The shop was built 33 years ago and used to be located about half a mile east, in Clifton Square Village. About 17 years ago they moved to their current location, a 1920 Dutch-style colonial house on the corner of E Douglas and N Erie. Its blue trimmed windows peek through the foliage of neighboring trees.

When you walk in, you’ll see shelves of books on Christianity and Theological studies, most notably in the Eastern Orthodox tradition. I’ve never seen a bookshop with a section dedicated to Iconography.

Wichita, despite its size, feels like a small place. And with that cramped spaciousness, you’re likely to run into someone you may remember or who may remember you. Here I ran into my girlfriend’s 8th grade English teacher. A bald, bespectacled man with a gentle demeanor. After a bit of catching up, he said to us with a smile, “I hope all your dreams come true.”

The short story writer, Raymond Carver, once wrote: “Dreams… are what you wake up from.”

Wichita is a land that hypnotizes you; it makes you dream, dream of something beyond the miles of strip malls and airplane factories, beyond the shocks of wheat and windswept plains, beyond the doldrums and ennui. But it also shakes you awake, reminds you that you’re in it, that you better stop dreaming.

I’m not the religious sort anymore, having survived the regime laid down by my Catholic parents. But there is something enthralling, maybe even inspirational, when I look at the rows of beautifully painted portraits of saints and martyrs. Such solemn faces surrounded by golden halos. According to the Eastern Orthodox tradition, such paintings transcend art; they’re supposed to be windows through which you can glimpse the divine. They remind me of my grandparents with their judging eyes and moral seriousness.

My book haul for the day:

Snow Country by Yasunari Kawabata

The Diary of Anne Frank

Earthly Signs: Moscow Diaries by Marina Tsvetaeva

Near to the Wild Heart by Clarice Lispector

In that last book, I found this lovely little passage:

…”in the Revolution, as always, the weight of everyday life falls on women: previously--in sheaves, now in sacks. Everyday life is a sack with holes. And you carry it anyway.”

From Earthly Signs, P. 40

According to the 2019 United States census bureau, 15.9% of Wichita's population lives below the poverty line. That’s higher than the state average, which hovers around 11.4%. That’s not the lowest nor is it the highest in the country. As befitting its location, Kansas is right in the middle.

The minimum wage in Kansas is still $7.25 despite efforts to increase it to $15. When Covid-19 hit, city and service workers bore the brunt of the impact. You can keep all your empty slogans like  “We Love Our Frontline Workers.” Congratulate me all you want for my hard work but where’s my pay?

When you see that business here has returned to normal--people freely walking around without masks, no longer socially distancing--it still feels all too strange; we spent an entire year under lockdown. There’s still a pandemic by the way.

Loved ones fell ill, died alone, hooked up to ventilators in closed off hospital rooms. I believe every interaction now carries the weight of all those deaths. My family, like so many others, didn’t escape unscathed from the pandemic. My grandpa, Amang, caught Covid. Since he was an elderly citizen (and suffering from emphysema to boot), he was among those considered most at risk. We all feared the worst. Somehow he survived. The doctors called him a “trailblazer.”

Now, with businesses back to 100% capacity, I’m afraid that, just like the 1918 Flu epidemic, the past will fade like a nightmare upon waking. But it was so much more than that; it was an avoidable tragedy.

If you want to know what this pandemic has done to people and their livelihoods, is still doing to them, take a ride through downtown.

Things were already going bad before Covid hit. Back in 2004, the writer Thomas Frank wrote,

“There were so many closed shops in Wichita… that you could drive for blocks without ever leaving their empty parking lots, running parallel to the city streets past the shut-down sporting goods stores and toy stores and farm implement stores.”

What’s the Matter with Kansas: How Conservatives Won the Heart of America, P. 75

What led to all this blight? Frank attributes the decline to:

“the conservatives’ beloved free market capitalism, a system that, at its most unrestrained, has little use for smalltown merchants or the agricultural system that supported the small towns in the first place.”

-P. 79

The same story happens in a lot of places. A megacorporation keeps eating everything around it and leaves nothing else at the table.

The people are left hurting, a pit in their stomachs, and some asshole somewhere profits off of it.

While at the DMV, I overheard this:

“You have a good day now,” the security guard said.

“I’ll try my best,” a woman said.

My girlfriend heard them too and laughed.

“You really do have to try your best in order to have a good day here.”

At some point, we hit the town with a couple friends: Monica, and her boyfriend Will. Both are musicians trying to carve out their niche in a place that, on the surface, seems apathetic to creative pursuits.

It’s impossible to not be captured by their energy. As soon as we walk into their house, Monica, with her dark blonde hair draped over her shoulders, reached in for a hug. Will, a tall and bearded fellow with a bear-like presence, also went in for the hug.

“Ready to experience some Wichita nightlife?” Monica asked.

What is the nightlife here like? A group of high school punks wanted to fight us over a couple movie theater seats. Bored kids play rounds of “Chinese Fire Drill” at stop lights. I heard a nazi biker gang rolled into town at some point during my stay. Regular things like that.

At a low-key bar downtown called Luckys, I met a guy named Cory. He told me how he met a 15 year old kid loitering here, looking lost and forlorn.

“I don’t know what kind of advice I can give you but I’ll do the best I can,” Cory said.

This is the spirit I’ve often come across during my stay: A sort of slightly intrusive compassion. For a cynical Californian like me, the behavior seems a little strange, maybe even a little annoying. But I’ve come to appreciate the candor of it.

“Guaranteed we’ll know half the people here,” Will said.

Right away, he shook hands with the bartender—a high school friend of his—and asked him how his band was doing. Afterwards, we sat down and talked. Talking, after a year of pandemic lockdown, has become a lost art to me. But a little alcohol loosened the lips and suddenly I talked as though I’d known these people my whole life.

Will sipped his whisky on the rocks and told me:

“If everything in this world is meant to break down eventually, then any act of creation becomes an act of defiance.”

It may sound naive but to me, it’s true. I think about the words of the writer, John Berger:

Compassion defies the laws of necessity. To forget yourself and identify with a stranger has a power that defies the supposed natural order of things.

--The Shape of a Pocket, P. 179

Making art has to be, in some way, a compassion act, because it involves letting the environment and the people you meet speak for themselves, allowing a collaboration.

“When a painting is lifeless it is the result of the painter not having the nerve to get close enough for a collaboration to start… Every authentic painting demonstrates a collaboration.”

--The Shape of a Pocket, P. 16

You need to open yourself up, feel what someone is saying behind their words, and hopefully, feel what they feel.

Art, like Compassion, is defiant.

Among the 4 or so Asian markets here, you can find all the ingredients you need to cook up something good. During my first week, I stopped at a place called Grace Market. Like a lot of small Asian markets, it’s family run. A father from Taiwan. A mother from Korea. The son usually helps out when he can. Today (June 23), On this warm Wednesday morning, the son is manning the cash register.

“You’re from California? I’m from there too,” he said.

“Where at?” I asked.

“Sacramento. How about you? So Cal?”

“Nah, Bay Area.”

“Funny. That’s where my parents met.”

“Small world.”

On a different day, we met the father, a jovial man who never fails to say hi when you walk in. He came here over a couple decades ago from California, doing work for the US Army in Garden City. Once his service was over, he decided to stay in Kansas.

“I think you know why,” he said.

More and more young folks these days are leaving California. The high cost of living is presumably what’s driving this exodus. I told him I was also thinking of leaving the Golden State, as much as I love the place.

“Well, a town like this has a lot of potential if you want to save money,” he said. “If I tried to start this business in California, I don’t think I could’ve done it.”

The summer heat can, with the suddenness of a lightning flash, give way to thunderous storms. Speaking as someone from California, whose home has gone through excruciating periods of drought and wildfire, these nightly downpours are a startling yet relaxing sight.

The distant boom of thunder in the distance reminds you of how much of our lives depend on the weather, how small we are in comparison, how we are never separate from the goings-on of nature. The rain doesn’t come down lightly here. At night, it smacks and drums against the window pane with all the force of an animal trying to get inside.

But I don’t find myself frightened by it so much as awed by the combined power of wind and rain colliding against our rickety old house.

Kansas lies in the Great Plains, where layers of cool and warm air often combine into a low-level jet stream. Unimpeded by any natural obstacles on the wide flat plains, the wind roars across the expanse. Thunder growls over the prairie. And lightning flashes on the horizon in a fearsome red tinge.

The storm rages throughout the night, the only source of light in an ocean-sized plain.

“In general, the gods of the Wichita are spoken of as "dreams," and they are divided into four groups: Dreams-that-are-Above (Itskasanakatadiwaha), or, as the Skidi would say, the heavenly gods; and (2) Dreams-down-Here (Howwitsnetskasade), which, according to the Skidi terminology, are the earthly gods. The latter "dreams" in turn are divided into two groups: Dreams-living-in-Water (Itska-sanidwaha), and the Dreams-closest-to-Man (Tedetskasade)”

From The Mythology of the Wichita, P. 33

If you go downtown, you’ll see a sculpture called “The Keeper of the Plains.”

It’s almost 9 o’ clock when I get there, so large crowds have gathered to watch the ring of fire lit around its perimeter.

The statue was designed by indigenous artist and craftsman, Blackbear Bosin. Born in Cyril, Oklahoma, but living much of his adult life in Wichita, Kansas, Bosin was of Comanche and Kiowa descent and almost entirely self-taught as an artist.

When you come upon the Keeper of the Plains, standing tall on the fork of the Arkansas and Little Arkansas Rivers, you can’t help but feel a mix of admiration and sadness. It’s a striking statue, especially when set against the beautiful orange and lavender hues of the setting sun. But monuments like these end up reminding you of the Wichita peoples who were killed, displaced, driven from their land, and left to die in reservations, forgotten. The tribes that once lived here along the southern plains still show traces of their culture but now, you’ll see it mostly as a memory in a museum or as art hanging on the walls of a library.

I learned from a video by the Wichita Eagle that the last speaker of the Wichita language, Doris Jean Lamar, died back in 2016. It must be indescribably lonely to be the last speaker of a language. There is no one to have a conversation with, no one to whom you can confess your hopes or your regrets. But in the video, Lamar, even knowing that she is the last speaker, expresses hope that future generations will know what the language sounded like.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ScPkN_xGRI

Is forgiveness even possible when injustices are still committed today against native peoples everywhere?

Not enough can be said about the skies here, which seem at times so brilliantly marbled with peach and lavender colors that you begin to walk with your head perpetually craned upwards.

It’s this aspect, the overwhelming sense of the sublime, that will probably stay with me long after I’ve left Kansas.

I think again about the nature of dreams. It isn’t such a sin to dream about things, about things that haven’t happened yet, and about things that have happened. To quit dreaming seems too cynical, like admitting from the outset that everything is screwed, that you should stop trying.

During my stay here, I’ve met many people who aren’t so irony poisoned yet, people who are achingly sincere and kind. They haven’t stopped trying. There isn’t much room for cynicism here. I appreciate that a lot.

Farewell to you, Kansas, you and your clumps of cumulus and vast fields of cows and grass. I’ll see you again.

Check out Will’s music! It’s gloomy, melancholy, and LOUD!: https://teamtremolo.bandcamp.com/album/intruder

[twdmusicboxmystery]

FTWD 6x11: The Holding

Wow! Where to begin with this episode? We had some super-stellar parallels going here. I don’t think it was any secret that I wasn’t thrilled with last week’s episode. It was fine, but also kind of meh. I LOVED this week’s episode. So much good stuff!

***As always, spoilers for 6x11 abound below. Don't read until you've watched!***

So, we learn about these “end is the beginning” people. They’re staying in a place called The Holding, which is really an underground parking garage. (Um…cars, anyone? Let’s recall that Daryl and Carol walked through at least one parking garage in Consumed while looking for Beth. They also passed lots of above-ground ones, including one that had a red car with its door open in front of it. Also, the fact that it’s underground could make it a symbolic tomb/grave.)

These people are composting walkers to grow food underground. (People do use blood and bone feed to fertilize gardens. Like compost and waste, it really does help them grow. Of course in our society it’s ANIMAL blood and bone. Using walkers/humans is definitely more sinister and cringy. And they have proven that eating various parts of humans leads to things like Mad Cow’s Disease, so I do think Alicia’s question about food being grown that way being healthy is viable.)

But moving on.

It’s important to note that the showrunner called this group a cult, so are not they meant to be “good people.” Most of those that live there aren’t sinister, but they’ve been brainwashed into thinking their leader is a good man and that what he’s trying to accomplish is good. They’ve drunk the koolaid (or eaten the walker food?).

So, we have the ivy walker.

There really couldn’t be a more clear parallel to the blond girl Daryl saw on the tree in 5x15. Plus all the green ivy around her.

I believe we saw a promo of this walker early on. Like maybe nearer the beginning of S6. Which, thanks to Covid, was more than a year ago. I’d pretty much forgotten it, but we actually do see it in this episode.

The dogma of this group (“the end is the beginning”) is that from death springs new life. This walker is meant to represent that. Life growing out of death. And on its own, it doesn’t seem like an overly negative mission statement. After all, this world is full of death and people are trying to survive. But it quickly becomes obvious that there’s more sinister stuff at work here.

So what does this have to do with Beth? I think she’s the ultimate symbol of life springing from death. So, not only does this foreshadow her, but they’re also using her as a symbol here. I don’t know how this group may feed into future story lines, or if they’ll just be a FTWD thing, but it will be interesting to watch.

Some of the major things in this episode: a Sirius reunion, a Daryl/Merle parallel, Grady parallels, at least two major Beth/Bethyl proxies, and some tantalizing hints for what’s to come involving both this group and the CRM. (See why I loved this episode?)

Let’s dive in.

First, let me acknowledge all the background symbols. There are tons of them, and I don’t want to go into tons of detail about them. But we see cheese (think Morgan/Eastman), tomatoes, eggs (lots of food). We also see fire extinguishers, lots of green (especially paint), an elevator. You get the idea.

The first big thing that happens is Wes meets his brother, Derek, whom he thought was dead. 

Welcome to the first Beth proxy.

Okay, I didn’t remember much of this backstory or how much of it was told when we first met Wes. I do remember talking about his brother as a possible Beth proxy, but beyond that, I didn’t remember details. But they rehash it all here. Care to take a guess?

Wes went out for supplies and was overwhelmed by, you guessed it, a walker horde. He ran into a shed but it collapsed (becoming something of tomb) and the walkers were beating on the outside, trying to get in (think Beth and Daryl in the trunk). He passed out and woke up in The Holding.

That’s exactly like what happened with Beth, actually. She told Gorman she was fighting a walker and everything went black. She woke up at Grady.

The difference here is that Beth never bought into what Dawn was peddling, but unfortunately, Wes’s brother did. We eventually learn that he’s a true follower of “Teddy,” the cult leader and condones the murder that’s being done.

And of course that’s also what we think happened during the missing 17 days. Overwhelmed by walkers, left behind. Perhaps she woke up back at Grady, or somewhere else.

But the actual reunion between Wes and Derek is very on-the-nose. Because Wes truly thought this brother dead, he even says things like, “You’re alive?” and “What the hell?” Probably things that will be said about Beth when she finally shows up.

There’s also a serious/Sirius mention when they sit down to talk. And Derek keeps mentioning his bike. Like Daryl, he had a bike that Wes took when he thought his brother dead. But the fact that he mentions “bikes” like five times in this conversation is important.

I wanted to mention coffee. We’ve seen coffee as a symbol before, specifically around Carol. We first noticed it when Paula told her little story about the carrot, the egg and the coffee beans going into the water in 6x13. She said the coffee beans changed the water itself. So, coffee = a catalyst for change. But this episode made me realize it’s a catalyst for a change that’s not necessarily good.

Apparently, the supplies Wes’s brother went out for was coffee creamer. The change that came was not only him being left behind and presumed dead, but changing into a person that no longer empathized with other human beings. (Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t we see Carol making and drinking coffee just before they went to the caverns and Connie disappeared?)

There’s also a huge eye/sight/see theme. They take everyone over to see this green-ivy walker and ask them what they “see”. The idea is that they should see life and possibility springing from death, but it’s just a way to indoctrinate them and check to see if they’re willing to go along with what the cult’s beliefs are. Lots of talk of eyes (opening your eyes), what one can and can’t yet see, etc.

Later, we see walkers with their mouths sewn shut. So we have at least the see no evil, speak no evil themes. There might have been hear no evil that I didn’t catch.

The second major parallel is to Daryl and Merle, since these two are brothers. 

But it’s more than just that. Wes took Derek’s bike after he disappeared (same as Daryl and Merle). When Wes found his brother again, he was with a bad group (with Merle, it was the Governor) or rather a group of decent people led by an evil man. Derek has a skewed mindset, and is working for Teddy. Remember that Merle not only worked for the Gov but even tried to kill Michonne at one point. And how they die is…similar. Merle’s, in the end, was more chivalrous, as he died to help save Daryl and TF. That wasn’t the case with Derek, but his death resulted from him pretending to work against Teddy. Unfortunately it wasn’t real, and he betrayed them, but there are still parallels/anti-parallels between the two stories.

How is this place like Grady?

There’s the underground tomb aspect, the fact that they grow their own food. At the beginning, Alicia’s group keeps asking them questions about the community, which Riley (Nick Stahl) pretty much refuses to answer.

One of them is, “Are we allowed to leave?” or “Is anyone allowed to leave?” That, of course, instantly reminded me of Grady. Now, they never answer it directly, and at one point, Riley says they can decide if they want to stay or not. But by the time we get to the end of the episode, I’m pretty sure that’s BS. So, like Grady, no one’s really given the choice to leave. Even if they tell people they can.

They’re taken into a room with medical equipment at one point. It just looks a lot like Grady, though I could tell it wasn’t the same kind of medical equipment. We’re told that it’s embalming equipment.

In fact, Al says something that should catch your ear. She says, “they must have hit the funeral home.” Naturally all our minds will go to Alone, but she’s talking about the funeral home she and Dwight (I think) were at before. I don’t remember which episode, but we talked about it looking a lot like the funeral home in Alone. So, I think Al is saying these people, The Holding, raided that funeral home and took the equipment. Kinda makes me think the funeral home in Alone will come back into the picture at some point.

And it turns out, The Holding is embalming walkers. Al’s group ends up in a room with dozens of walkers strung up by their wrists (kind of like Daryl and Michonne were in Scars). They’ve been embalmed and their mouths have been sewn shut.

So, here’s where the plot becomes super interesting. I mentioned above that Riley told them they could choose to leave at some point, right? Al was saying that everything they’ve set up is impressive—food, power, water, they’re very self-sustaining—but it felt like they were preparing for something big.

He admits that they are. He says they are planning to soon close the doors permanently. He says they never want to go topside again, and the new way to live will be underground.

Later, when talking to Morgan, Al sort of implies that maybe it’s not so much about them choosing to go underground as that something will drive them underground for a long time. Almost like they’re preparing for a nuclear winter or something. But we don’t know exactly what it is.

I think what we’re supposed to infer is that they’re collecting walkers to use as compost in coming years. (They even call the walkers ‘posters.) They’re embalming the walkers to keep them “fresh.” Riley says the walkers last about 2 months in the composter before they break down entirely, so putting away 20 or 30 walkers really will last them for years.

CRM Ties

Wes and Al snoop through Derek’s room. They find maps of different communities and some of those transparent overlays that have the three rings of the CRM on them. That’s how they know that this group is attacking communities (like Tank Town) and that Derek knows all about it.

The other thing Al figures out from looking at Derek’s maps is that the group seemed to be tracking the CRM’s drop sites. She thinks they want to get their hands on a helicopter. (So, when it comes to Nora’s group, who was in the high rise, this group wasn’t after them. The roof was a helicopter drop site and that’s really who they were after. Though, they might have set the plague on Nora’s people because they are trying to kill humanity.) And given that this cult might be planning the end of the world, clearly them getting a hold of a helicopter would be a bad thing. 

Al tells Dwight she’s going to go look for Isobel and warn her. I think she’s just planning to go to the drop sites and wait for a helicopter to show up.

So, we have more potential interaction with the CRM through Al. And I’m really hoping we get some good Bethyl symbolism and clues through this storyline. I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on it.

Morgan and Burning it Down

Wes confronts him and talks him into leaving with them. At one point, Wes mentions Morgan. I think he just does it without thinking, because what would Morgan mean to his brother, right? But Derek instantly gets weird when he hears Morgan’s name, and Wes doesn’t really notice.

When they try to leave, they get caught, and it’s obvious Derek set them up. They’re taken to the embalming room, and Riley asks where Morgan is. They won’t say how they know him or why they want him, but they’re VERY interested in finding Morgan. 

I was thinking it might just be because Morgan killed those two guys in one of the early episodes when they attacked him in his truck, but they both died and wouldn’t have known his name from that encounter anyway. So I’m not sure what this is about. There are the tapes they were leaving at gas stations and such. Maybe that’s it, but it wouldn’t explain why they would want Morgan more than the others.

They’re taken to the embalming room and threatened with death. Derek takes Wes back to the ivy walker to see if he can “see” what Wes does. 

A fight ensues, and Wes throws Derek into the walker where he’s bitten. He shoots his brother so he won’t turn. The thing about this part is that it doesn’t show it. It instead shows the (somewhat yellowish) mural Derek was working on before, and Teddy’s voice is talking about how light comes from darkness. Then, we just hear a single gunshot. 

That gave me *major* Beth vibes.

Wes then goes back to the embalming room to rescue the others.

Wes’s reaction at this part reminded me a bit of Daryl/Merle too. Not so much at Merle’s death, but back in 3x10 when Daryl returned to the prison. It just struck me that, while Wes did cry when his brother died and clearly mourned him, he got over it really fast. He went back to where the group was and no longer seemed terribly broken up about it. I was just thinking he seemed to have figured out who his true family was and where he really belonged, and that that was more important than his brother’s warped mindset. Much like Daryl and Merle.

When he goes back, he takes Riley hostage briefly and they all escape into another room and bar the door. This room is full of the hanging walkers full of embalming fluid. They have to walk between them toward an exit on the far side.

Al Parallels Daryl in 5x15

Here’s another super interesting parallel. Al sees one walker hanging that has the black CRM gear on it, including the helmet, so she can’t see its face. She walks over to it and lifts its helmet, clearly looking to see if it’s Isobel, which it’s not. Such an obvious parallel to Daryl looking into the face of the blond walker on the tree. It even lunges at her and she kills it, like Daryl did with that walker.

What I liked here is that Alicia freaked out about it. She said, “what the hell was that?” Aaron didn’t say that to Daryl, so they weren’t drawing as much attention to it there as they did here. But clearly we are supposed to notice that, without knowing more, that behavior is bizarre. And here, we the audience know that Al was worried it was Isobel. But Alicia doesn’t. Where the blond walker on the tree is concerned, the audience is in Alicia’s place, not being terribly clear about what’s behind Daryl’s behavior. (I mean, TD is, but most of the rest of the fandom isn’t.)

So then Alicia says they should take this place down. When Al stabbed the CRM walker in the neck, embalming fluid poured out. Embalming fluid is highly flammable. So, long story short, Alicia stays behind to “burn it down” and the others escape. (I don’t have to explain that parallel, right? ;D)

It all happens really fast. We see Alicia light the match (which Al had; just reminded me of Daryl having matches in Rick’s hallucination in 7x01, and clearly Al = Daryl in this parallel), and then it skips to Al, Wes, and Luciana back with Morgan telling him what happened. They say the fire was huge and burned hot, and Alicia could have gotten out, but they couldn’t FIND her. They also don’t know if any of the Holding people got out.

So Morgan just says they’re going to go back and start at the Holding location to look for Alicia. I’m assuming that will happen next episode.

So, we aren’t exactly clear on this group’s dogma or what they’re trying to do, but it does seem that they want to kill off everyone who lives up top. Which is, you know, everyone. And once again, that makes them a lot like the Wolves. They believe killing people is saving them. I’m not saying these are Wolves or anything (they might be; after all, both groups tied a blond walker to a tree and believed similar things about killing off the remnants of humanity) but rather that the Wolves were a foreshadow of other groups to come.

And the next question is, are they part of the CRM? Because of the CRM walker, and what they implied about them trying to hijack a helicopter, I’m thinking not. But there’s clearly a lot of entanglement going on.

Alicia = Beth

So, in the final scene, we have some interesting developments. This may be the scene that got my mind spinning the most, just in terms of symbolic Beth potential.

We see Alicia, very much alive, and still in the embalming room, though now all the walls look blackened. So obviously the entire place didn’t burn down. (That doesn’t surprise me. It’s an underground parking garage. It takes a lot to burn down cement.)

She’s being held hostage in there. Riley comes in and says some weird, cryptic things. He says new life springs from death, for MOST people, and that they plan to preserve Alicia exactly as she is. It’s obvious they mean to kill and embalm her.

But I had the thought that maybe they meant her to take the place of the Ivy Walker. We don’t know what happened to that walker. It might have burned in the fire, but they didn’t show us either way. I was thinking that it would make a twisted sense for them to embalm Alicia (who tried to take their community down) and put her in its place. Which would make her a Beth proxy.

Riley leaves her alone with the embalming guy, but she stabs him in the eye (Sirius) and then, after a brutal scuffle, sticks him in the neck with the embalming needle, killing him.

It’s then that we finally meet Teddy, the leader of the cult. We hear about him and hear his voice a lot during the episode (they play tapes of him talking throughout the garage as people work) but this is when we first see him. It’s John Glover. I don’t know if everyone’s familiar with him. He was on Smallville back in the day. I totally forgot he was going to be on the show. He’s usually a villain, but more of a funny villain than a scary villain.

Anyway, he basically tells Alicia he has a special role for her and that he’s been looking for someone like her for a long time. He seems convinced that he can convert her to his philosophy, but he’s also fixated on the fact that she sacrificed herself for her family. So, it doesn’t say what he means by “someone like you” but I’m assuming someone who is brave or else self-sacrificial.

But here’s the thing. I’ve been thinking recently that they haven’t really done much with Alicia lately. She’s one of the few surviving originals for this series, and one of the most well known actors going into it, because she’s been on other highly-watched tv shows, but they’ve kind of been ignoring her.

So, I think this is the beginning of a big arc for her, and I think it will be a major parallel for what happened with Beth after she was left behind.

Alicia becomes a proxy here for Beth, not only because she’s in the Grady-like medical room, and stabs a guy in the eye, but Teddy totally razzes her about being left behind.

He says, “they left you behind.” She says, “I made them.” He says, “Yeah, but they obliged.” And then goes off about how they’re her family and family is sacred and they shouldn’t have done that.

And in my head, I’m screaming, “Beth! Beth! Beth!”

So yeah. Super intrigued by this episode. They’re setting up some really intriguing things and it will be very interesting to see what happens moving forward.

What did everyone else think of the episode?

[starryevermore]

long story short: the way of the fist (6) ✧ sam and colby

long story short ✧ a parallel universe snc au | ao3

disclaimer: i do not own any aspect of the karate kid universe. does not *totally* follow the karate kid canon (i’ve taken a few creative liberties).

summary: sam joins cobra kai.

word count: 2,091

warning(s): swearing, a lot of scheming

Stupid fucking English class. Colby really hated this. He hated being back in school. He hated that he fucked up this universe. He hated that he and Sam had to pretend to be enemies. And he really fucking hated that he had to write some stupid fucking English paper for a school that he shouldn’t even be in and certainly wouldn’t graduate from. God, he fucking hated this. Hell, he might even be able to pull a 10-page paper out of how much he hated the predicament he was in. 

“Hey, you good, man?” Daniel asked, pulling Colby out of his thoughts. “You stare at that book any harder, and you might burn holes through it.” 

It was another research day at the library. Colby had gathered together some books that talked about the paranormal. Sure, it was a niche subject and would likely lead him to getting bullied for being a weirdo. But that was the point, wasn’t it? To get bullied? So, might as well give them good reason. 

“I don’t know how to read,” Colby said, trying to use humor to deflect from the actual frustration he was experiencing about…well, everything. 

“You’re dumb enough that I’d believe that,” Daniel laughed. “Seriously, though, is everything all good?” 

“I just…really hate being the new kid,” he said. Well, it wasn’t exactly a lie. He did hate being the new kid. Granted, it went a lot farther than just having to enroll in a new school and all the bullshit that followed with it, but, hey, Daniel didn’t need to know that.

“Hey, man, you’re preaching to the choir. I had a whole life back in Jersey and then my ma gets a new job down here and she just…takes it without even talking to me about it. And now I have to pretend everything’s a-okay, when I don’t know the first thing about fitting in here.” 

“Right? I mean, I didn’t have that many friends back in Kansas, but at least I knew how to navigate life there, you know? Now, I have no idea what the fuck is happening or how I can even begin to fit in here. And I know that fitting in is overrated, but at least I wouldn’t be so alone, you know?” 

“I know exactly how you feel, man.” Then, Daniel’s eyes lit up. “Hey, there’s soccer tryouts tomorrow! You should come try out for the team with me!”

“Oh, I don’t know, I’m not very good at soccer,” Colby said.

“Nah, I’m sure you’re fine at it! We can go down to the beach or the park after school today and I can coach you!”

Colby thought for a moment. He really, really didn’t want to. But, this might have been one of those moments that was integral to setting this universe back on track. Fuck, he really needed Sam or Arden to explain to him what needed to be done to get the story going where it needed to go. 

“Fine, but you better not make fun of my dumbass,” Colby said.

“Deal.” 

A few minutes of silence passed between Daniel and Colby as each flipped through their respective books they were researching from. But Colby’s mind was wandering far away from research. Was there anything else he could do? Something else he could say to make sure things were on track? Didn’t Sam say something about that blonde girl on the beach? Wasn’t she important to the plot? 

“So, uh, you got your eye on any girls?” Colby asked. Trying to channel the fuck boy all of his fans thought him to be, he continued, “Have to admit, the girls in California are a lot hotter than the girls in Kansas.” 

Daniel’s face turned red. “Uh, yeah, there’s one girl.”

“Oh yeah? Danny got a crush?” Colby teased. He cringed at what he was saying. God, he felt gross just pretending that he was that kind of guy.

“Kinda? I don’t really know her. But, you remember that blonde girl at the beach?” 

Colby raised a brow. “Oh, I remember. Who could forget the beating we both got for trying to stop that asshole from being, well, an asshole to her.” 

Daniel snorted. “Yeah, can’t forget that. But, yeah, I think she’s kinda cute. I just, I don’t know, it might be too much trouble to try and get to know her after getting my ass handed to me for trying to be nice to her.”

“What do you mean?” Colby asked.

“I mean, that guy beat us both up for trying to stop him from taking her radio. Who’s to say he won’t do more if I actually show interest in her, you know?”

“But you like her?”

“Well, yeah.” 

“Then there’s no such thing as too much trouble.” 

“You know what? You might be right.”

And, as Daniel slumped back in his seat, probably thinking about what Colby had said, Colby smiled to himself. Hey, he might not be such a bad actor after all.

Arden was very keenly aware that Sam and Colby thought that she knew everything about everything they needed to do to solve this predicament they were in. She knew that. She knew the expectations they had of her, even with the knowledge that she was a mere agent in training. She knew that. And, God, did she wish she didn’t know that. While Arden had a good idea of how to fix things—unite Colby and Daniel to get Daniel’s training rolling, to have the Cobras focus their attention to Daniel and that Sam could be beneficial in stoking the flames of the rivalry, to ensure that Daniel wins the All Valley Tournament—she also had no fucking idea if what she was doing was right. The Multidimensional Travel Division had given her next to no instruction on what she was supposed to be doing. Granted, they hadn’t pulled her from the case and berated her for what she’s attempting to do, so she could only hope that meant she was on the right track. But, still, she was terrified that she was just going to make everything worse, and she didn’t know if she could handle that sort of failure. 

So, while Sam dealt with the Cobras and Colby dealt with Daniel, Arden figured she could use her time to make sure Ali was playing the part she was meant to play. The very beginning of the rivalry rode heavily on Ali being interested in Daniel and Daniel being interested in Ali. Arden needed to make sure that still happened, that Colby’s still intervention at the beach hadn’t shifted things too far in that regard. 

But how to do it? Arden knew that the MTD had given her a role, a name, of the standard implant into a universe. In the early days of the MTD, when parallel universe travel was just beginning, the MTD had created characters that an agent could play should a universe’s events need to be mended. The idea was that the character would be within the memories of the main people in the universe, but only just, so that any agent could realistically play it. It wasn’t uncommon for universes to get off track, you see. Agents periodically would have to check in to make sure everything is going as it should, that no rogue agents had started messing with things. So there was typically a character that existed for the sole purpose of fixing things in the event that it was needed. For this universe, the character was Arden Gaumont, a high schooler in the same grade as the Cobras, Ali, and Daniel, who had lived in the Valley her entire life. She was a wallflower, someone that wasn’t always noticed. It was the perfect character for an agent to just drop into, as the people within the universe would at least know who she is without knowing too much about her. 

Well, she supposed she could at least test out the theory that everyone knew who she was. (But did she? Clearly the receptionist, all of her teachers, and Bobby knew of her.) So, she waltzed up to the table Ali sat at in the library during study hall and sat straight across from her.

“Hey, Ali!” Arden greeted, flashing a bright smile to the blonde. 

Ali looked up from her math textbook, and smiled at Arden. “Hey! I haven’t seen you in a while!”

Yeah, no shit. 

“I’ve just been busy. My cousins moved in with me and my parents, so it’s been hard trying to adjust to that.”

“Oh, I can only imagine how difficult that’d be to get used to,” Ali said. 

“Yeah, it’s been…interesting.” Well, that was an understatement. “I’ve been looking for something to distract myself from the craziness. Aren’t cheerleading tryouts tomorrow?” 

Ali’s face lit up. “Yeah! You should definitely come down. You’re perfect for the team!” 

“Well, we’ll see about that,” Arden laughed. “Hey, aren’t soccer tryouts tomorrow, too?”

“Yeah, we’re both using the field. Why?”

“You think that new kid is gonna be there? I saw him making moves on you at the beach,” Arden winked.

Ali’s face turned blood red. “You saw that?” 

“Oh, yeah! He’s totally into you,” Arden teased. “You should go for him.”

“Oh, I don’t know…He probably wouldn’t want to be around me after what happened with Johnny.” 

Arden snorted. “He doesn’t seem to be the type to let a challenge stop him. And I didn’t think you were the type, either, Miss Mills.”

Ali paused for a moment. “You know what? You’re right. I’m gonna give it a shot!” 

Sam had mulled over the decision of joining Cobra Kai the entire night. While his best friend slept, he agonized over whether or not becoming a Cobra would strain their friendship. Sure, he had been the calming voice of reassurance to help Colby with his anxieties, but he himself was terrified of what could happen if he did follow through on Arden’s suggestion (order?) that he join Cobra Kai. 

He hadn’t slept, if he was being honest. He was so anxious. He hadn’t felt this way in so fucking long. But suddenly everything in his life has been turned on its head. His universe was not the only one in the, well, universe. And he had to work to save a universe that wasn’t even his own. And, oh God, he wasn’t going to be able to see Katrina in…well…who knows how fucking long. At least he wasn’t going to be alone, at least he had Coby. But holy fuck, did he really? He had to pretend to be his friend’s fucking enemy, for Christ’s sake. 

So, he did what only sane person would do. He got up, went to Arden’s room, and asked if she knew anything about karate. And, thankfully, she did. She said something about the MTD training all future agents in all forms of hand-to-hand combat? Whatever, it didn’t matter that much to him. He just needed to learn, and to get his mind focused on anything else. So, from midnight until the sun came up, Sam trained and trained and trained. He was by no means an expert, but at least he could stand a chance against the Cobras. Fake it til you make it, as they say. 

Because, at the end of the day, Sam knew he had no choice in the matter. He had to pretend to be Colby’s enemy. As much as he hated it, Arden had a point. They needed to work on this problem from all angles to make sure that things return to business as usual. But, goddangit, it fucking sucked. 

But he put on a brave face, marked with faux happiness, as he waltzed into West Valley High School. Fake it til you make it. He had no choice, not really. So, when it came down to do it, he asked Bobby what time lessons started at the dojo. And, when school ended, he made the journey to the Cobra Kai dojo. And he met the sensei that used to leave him terrified when he watched The Karate Kid as a child and, quite frankly, still scared the shit out of him. And he signed up for lessons. And he took his place in Cobra Kai’s ranks. 

Because, at the end of the day, it was time, as unfortunate it as may be, to learn the way of the fist. 

[fandomsonrequests]

𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗 𝖘𝖊𝖑𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓..? [𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 6]

fandom: ATEEZ

characters: prince! park seonghwa

reader: fem! knight

word count: 2.9k+

summary:  It was time for another Selection. No- not a Selection for a bride but rather a well-trained knight to keep Prince Seonghwa safe after a failed assassination attempt. You, a blacksmith’s daughter, manage to make it to the elite group of knights worthy and skilled enough to protect the crown prince after months and months of training. This alone catches Seonghwa’s eyes- in more ways than one

a/n: whoooo- so i’m back. i’m sorry for not updating as much :’)) school has really been kicking my ass. how’s quarantine for you all? do you have physical or online classes? either way, i hope you’re all staying safe and constantly hydrating! <3

taglist: @iwanttohitmyself​ @barcelona-sergei​ @minihongjoong​ @i-purrple-u @taetae123094 @jeonartemis @jibaxja​

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“So that was an experience,” Siyeon says as she loops her arm with yours, following Mina to their shared quarters with the rest of the girls. 

You nodded in agreement, trying to keep note of all the twists and turns you took and memorizing them for future use. “I still can’t believe that Hae-seong guy is going to tutor us about the kingdom’s laws.” You grimaced. 

“Ugh, tell me about it,” Your friend sighs. “I bet that guy likes to pick on the others- or flunk them on purpose.”

“He definitely seems like it.” 

You and the rest of the group stopped at a hallway that’s parallel to a large window, designed with stained glass roses creeping up the sides. You could see the whole courtyard and the other roofs of the palace from this spot. It was quite a breathtaking view, but you imagined that it was even more beautiful at sunset. 

“Here you are,” Mina says in her tiny but clear voice as she opened the doors to the quarters. “I’ll be fetching you from now on to avoid any of you getting lost in the palace. You’ll be fitted for your uniforms later before the feast. In the meantime, you must wear what you have brought to training.” 

The room was huge. There were around twenty girls in the group but the room could fit more than that. The whole room was probably as big as your whole damn house. 

Soft beds lined the walls, a narrow but tall window in between each space separating the beds. Trunks carved with intricate designs and gold encrustations on the side were settled at the foot of each bed. This was probably where they were to put their things in as the days continued. Candlesticks were sat on top of the simple but marble bedside tables for each bed. 

All of you couldn’t help but gawk at the whole place, making Mina chuckle under her breath. To her, it was a normal thing to see but seeing everyone else’s reaction reminded her other first day as a maid in the palace. 

“The beds look so soft..” Says a tall girl from your right. 

“I wonder how the uniforms would feel..” Another says. 

“Please feel free to rest and unpack the things you have brought,” Mina says with a humble bow of her head. “If you feel too cooped up in the room, you may take a look at the palace but I advise you to not stray too far from this wing. The palace is quite enormous.”

The young maid bowed once more before she exited the room and closed the door behind her. Several girls didn’t waste any time to pick a bed that they liked and start unpacking. You felt Siyeon tug at your arm and lead the both of you to a spot near the corner of the room. 

Idle chatter and quiet sounds of excitement filled the whole room, making it a little more lively. Several girls huddled together as they unpacked their things while others worked on their own. Some went straight to their bed and tried to sleep- it was probably an exhausting journey for them.

“Here, here.” She says when she finally picks a spot and settles her bag over the trunk provided for them.

“Oh wow,” You remark as you sit on the bed. 

It felt soft, so soft. It felt like those special marshmallows you had whenever you were able to buy some from the traders. You exclaim a little when you move up the bed, feeling it dip from your weight. You were afraid that you would sink right to the floor from how soft it was. Your beds back at Trelark we’re never this comfy. 

A few other girls, mainly from city villages, looked at you weirdly and giggled behind their hands. You tried to ignore them as a furious flush of embarrassment crept up your cheeks. 

“Don’t mind them,” Siyeon says as she moved from her bed to yours. “You know what city girls are like.” 

“Pompous and obnoxious..” You reply with a chuckle of your own. 

Your friend clicks her tongue and winks. “Exactly. But enough of that- let’s talk about the prince.” She says with a cheeky grin, leaning onto your shoulder.

You laugh a little and roll your eyes. “Really? That’s what you're interested in?” You ask as you gently nudge her off of you. 

“Oh come on,” She retorts. “He’s handsome, isn’t he? I didn’t expect that he’d be that… flawless.”

You couldn’t help but agree. You heard from the stories that floated around here and there on how handsome Prince Seonghwa was. But seeing him in real life was truly something else. 

You tried not to gawk at him the first time you saw him, but he just looked so ethereal. His clothes were pristine and pressed, elegant trimmings and subtle glint of the designs embossed in the fabric shined under the light. He had a good combination of genes from both parents because the way his face was shaped, from that sharp jaw to his nose, one would think he was sculpted by the gods themselves. 

But the gold crown that sat upon his silver locks tied the whole look together. 

“Plus, he doesn’t seem so stuck-up and arrogant.” 

“Well,” you shrug. “It could be a front.”

“True, true. But if he were, you’d practically feel the arrogance radiate from him. He didn’t seem to give off any bad energy.” 

Siyeon had this spooky but amazing gift of being able to read people and sense their “auras” around them. There were moments where she was wrong, but most of the time she was correct. It still puzzles you how she’s able to do that but you suppose some people were blessed to have amazing talents. 

“Was that what your special gut feeling was telling you?” You tease her with a smile.

“Yes, and you know how my gut is always right.”

“Most of the time.”

“Most of the time.”

You two end your conversation there and decide to finally unpack. You needed to get some shut-eye after all this travel. 

~ 

“What do you think of the delegates so far?” Hongjoong asks as he brings a stack of books over to Seonghwa.

The two were currently in the palace library, brushing up on some lessons that the prince had learned a week ago. He liked to study some lessons from before to keep his mind sharp and to retain that knowledge from before. 

“They seem alright from first glance,” Seonghwa answered after thanking his friend for the books. He sighs and closes the one he was reading before looking up to the shorter man. “I really wished father didn’t require that all these people had to go. Some looked reluctant to even be here.”

“I think they’d change their mind soon,” Hongjoong replies and sat across his friend the polished table. “I mean, their whole family gets to live here in the palace and I won’t lie, that’s an amazing opportunity. 

“I suppose..” 

“And if that doesn’t persuade them, they could always drop out.” 

“I just wished I didn’t need all this protection,” The prince sighs and stands up. He folds his hands together and glances out the window to look over to the wing that held the delegates’ quarters. “I feel like a burden to people.”

“Seonghwa, you’re not a burden don’t you ever say that,” Hongjoong refutes and looks up at his friend. “Besides.. you’re more of a peaceful person rather than a fighter.”

Seonghwa couldn’t help but chuckle at this, the corners of his luscious lips quirking up into a smile. “I suppose that’s my fault. I did prefer my lessons over the ones Byron would give.”

The prince turned to his friend with another sigh and returned to his seat. He opens another book for his lessons. “I hope that they won't quit too early though..” 

~ 

You were awoken by Siyeon who was shaking your shoulder. “Hey sleepyhead, Mina’s here,” She says quietly as not to disrupt the maid who was delivering the news.

You sat up, eyes still blurry and mind foggy from being robbed of sleep, and yawned behind your hand. The girl’s mousy voice carried over to you when your head was finally cleared. 

“...please wear your most appropriate attire for the banquet later. I suggest you prepare now to avoid further delays when I fetch you later. The washroom is right across the hall.” 

Mina bows and leaves the room. Once more, chatter fills the room, and a sense of excitement and some bits of anxiety fill the room. Girls hop off their beds and start rummaging through their clothes to pick out something presentable while others headed over to the washroom to freshen up. 

You hear Siyeon humming as she goes through her clothes. She was the daughter of a tailor and a seamstress you see, so most of the time they made their own clothes or reformed it to their taste. She had quite a lot of presentable wear that could even allow her to pass off as a noble who liked to dress casually. 

Other girls, specifically from the city villages, had such lavish clothes. It was hard for you to believe that they were simple wear. 

You turn to your clothes. There wasn’t much variety to them. They all ranged from hues of white to black to brown. Fabric dye was hard to come by in your village of Trelark. The most colorful clothing you had was a simple dress when you were six. That was long gone by now. 

“Not much to pick from huh?” 

You direct your attention to the voice beside you. A girl with tanned skin and long black hair tied into a ponytail was looking at you expectantly. There were bags under her eyes and a few tiny streaks of silver in her hair, making her look older than usual. She had no malice in her expression thankfully; she just had a look of sympathy. 

“Uhm, yeah… is it that obvious?” You answer somewhat shyly. You didn’t think you’d be this conscious about your clothes ever. 

The girl gave a warm laugh and shrugged. “I have the same problem as you.” She said and gestured to her clothes laid out in the bed. It mirrored yours except hers had more skirts than trousers. 

“I’m Amihan, it’s nice to meet you,” She introduces herself and extends a hand for you to shake. “I came from Sinal.” 

Sinal- another mountain village. That made sense. 

“____,” You shook her hand and offered her a smile. “I came from Trelark.” 

“Ahh, that explains things.” She grins and pulls her hand away. “I was originally from Rako, you know, the farming village. But my family had to transfer to Sinal after that drought.”

Several years ago, when you were still a very young girl, the north side of the kingdom had experienced a terrible drought. Many people had suffered- especially those living on the outskirts of the kingdom. Almost a fourth of the kingdom’s population was wiped out due to the lack of food and the violence of trying to stay alive arose from it. 

Your family was fortunate enough to be living on the other side, but you had remembered the flock of people that had arrived at Trelark in search of a place to stay and restart their lives. 

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” You say quietly, hands awkwardly hovering over your clothing. 

Amihan brushes it off and continues to go about picking her clothes. “It’s alright, it was long ago so it doesn’t really matter now. I don’t even remember what happened then.” 

The silence that follows after she speaks marks the end of the conversation. You were kind of glad that she approached you- you had a feeling that she’d end up being a good friend of yours. 

~ 

Mina came to fetch all of you after as the time for the banquet drew near. You were in the middle of brushing out Siyeon’s hair when the maid called for everyone and requested that they follow her to the dining hall where the royal family was waiting. 

That made you hurry your actions and toss your friend’s brush onto her bed when you were done. “Okay, you’re done. You look great- now let's go.” You say in a rush and prompt her to stand. 

The group trailed after her and headed towards the dining hall, meeting the group of young men halfway through. Their hair was slicked or tied back and they too were wearing their best clothing. Some looked like they dressed to impress while others didn’t seem to mind too much just as long as they looked appropriate. 

You didn’t miss the way a few curious glances and flirtatious winks were sent to each other from both groups, making you roll your eyes in amusement. All of you were young, you had to expect this kind of behavior would happen. 

“Well, don’t you two look great.” Raviv compliments when the delegates merge. 

“Thank you, Raviv,” Siyeon says with a proud smile and a bow of her head. 

Once you arrive at the dining hall, you couldn’t help but be blown away by the spectacular aura it has. The walls were lined with velvet while ivory columns stood along the walls to support the tall ceiling above you. Several banners hung along the walls while a guard stood underneath each. A large plush red rug lay in the middle of the room where a rather long and somewhat narrow dining table was, topped with gold silverware and candle holders. 

It was just like you imagined- only ten times better. 

A various array of delicious foods was laid out on the table. Some were recognizable but many others looked foreign and even exotic to you. It was definitely way better than the stale bread and hard meat you had to eat from day in and day out.

Your mouth waters from the delicious aroma alone. You only realized how hungry you were when your stomach growled. You clutch it out of embarrassment but no one seemed to notice as they were too entranced by the sight before them. 

The King and his family had their little table at the front with their food placed upon it. He rose from his seat and spread his arms wide to welcome you. “Please take a seat and enjoy the meal we have prepared for you. I’m sure you’re all famished.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty.” Several of you say with a bow of the head. 

The second the King gave his permission to eat everyone quickly made their way over to the long table. Some tried to nudge their way towards the seat nearest to the royal family. Luckily, the other delegates weren’t foolish enough to fight in front of the king. Although, the poisonous glares they received from others were hard to miss.

You, Siyeon, and Raviv managed to snag three seats away from the boisterous people and found yourselves sitting near the end of the table. You see Amihan trying to find one for herself when you wave her over. “Amihan, over here!” 

The young woman grins when she sees you and makes her way over. “Thank you…” She says softly and nodded over at your two other friends to which they responded in kind. 

“Please, enjoy your meal.” The King says once more before sitting down and resuming his dinner with his family. 

You all dug in excitedly. Your tastebuds were met with an explosion of flavor. You try not to shove food into your mouth, you were after all raised with manners. You’ve never had anything this good before. Everything you tasted was so fresh and so tender, it was truly a luxury only the rich could have. 

By the time dinner was over everyone was full and satisfied. The once lively chatter dwindled to content murmurs and soft tones. 

“If I have another bite of that cookie I’m going to burst,” Raviv says as he leans back against his chair and wipes his mouth with the table napkin provided for them. 

You could only hum in agreement. “I don’t think they’d feed us like this everyday though..” You muse as you drink some water to wash everything down. 

“Ah, _____ let us dream a little.” Amihan gently pushes your shoulder with a small laugh. “But I’m going to have to agree with you. Even if they’re rich they’d still ration the food they have.”

“That and the kingdom’s taxes go to them so they can’t really spend all our money on this,” Siyeon added.

There was a fair share of corrupt kings throughout the generations, a couple of them being dethroned by the resistance of the kingdom. Although some ruled justly- one of these kings being Seonghwa’s father. There were still people that despised the royal family but the majority adored them. 

The banquet ends with words from the King before the delegates were dismissed to head back to their quarters and prepare for bed. Back in the girls’ quarters, several candles were lit as they all prepared for bed. 

Siyeon was already settled and snuggled down on her own while you sat on yours, brushing your hair out. You set down your course brush on your bedside table and move to lay under the covers, blowing out your candle in the process. As you shift onto your side, you feel the weight of the pendant your father gave you fall off your chest. Your hand comes up to touch it, allowing the memories of your family to give you strength.

Tomorrow is the day you start training. Tomorrow is the day the game starts.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Let’s talk about: RUN! BTS episode 125

by Admin 1 and Admin 2

So, episode 125 of RUN BTS aired yesterday and we thought it’d be fun to talk about it, share our favorite moments, things we noticed, and other miscellaneous things we thought would be nice to mention. The episode was filmed at their dorm and featured a special guest in form of Baek jong-won who is a famous Korean chef. The episode was special because of that, but also due to the fact that it was used to highlight Korean pork ham which uses the parts of pigs that usually don’t get chosen by restaurants and the average consumers, and also to honor Korean pig farmers in times of COVID.

The members were split into two teams, though Yoongi was missing in the episode which leads us to believe that the episode was likely filmed sometimes in December 2020 (as well as the fact that Tae had that pimple on his cheek which he also had in his birthday vlive). The teams—Tae, Jimin and Seokjin vs. Hoseok, Namjoon and JK—consisted of one person per team who knows what they are doing—Seokjin and JK—and two people with limited or a complete lack of knowledge in the kitchen. Each team was given a recipe they were supposed to cook using the aforementioned ham and that’s what they did, driving Chef Baek slightly crazy (but also making him seem endeared by Bangtan’s cluelessness and kind of lack of confidence within the kitchen) with their constant questions and requests for assistance.

Now that we have the general gist of the episode down, lets jump into the actual point of this post (it turned out quite long, if you don’t want to read the entire thing, perhaps at least read the last couple of paragraphs since they’re kind of important):

One thing that made both of us very, very happy was the fact that Tae was in an outstandingly good mood, cracking jokes and smiling the entire time. We’ve seen his quieter mood in episodes filmed in the first half of 2020, so seeing him this happy while filming this episode was truly amazing and once again made the episode even more special in that regard.

We also had Tae turn to Chef Baek and tell him about how his mom learned how to cook from him and if he could potentially get an autograph from him for his mom. This had Chef Baek all surprised and flustered, since he likely didn’t expect a member of the biggest group in Korea to want his autograph, saying that if anything shouldn’t he be the one asking this question. At that also Namjoon spoke up and quietly asked if he could get one for his mom as well since otherwise he wouldn’t be allowed to come home. In his vlive after the RUN episode was posted, Namjoon mentioned how yes, he did get that autograph in the end and that he also gave the knife to his mom as well since a knife like that is dangerous. Adorable.

At some point JK asked Chef Baek the golden question of whether or not he likes mint chocolate ice cream, followed by the question of pineapple on pizza, yes or no, and how that’s a question they are, for some reason, asked quite frequently when abroad. This was followed by Tae asking if he can eat eight crackers in a minute which led to the following commentary from Jimin:

Another detail we thought was quite funny was how instead of doing something related to cooking, Tae spent some time moving around the kitchen space cleaning away trash or washing dishes, therefore evading having to cook since it seems that isn’t his forte or he simply knew that Jimin and Seokjin would manage to do it just fine. But he did attempt to make rice, which though it turned out well, still was accompanied not only by him asking Chef Baek if he should use cold or warm water, but also Tae grabbing Jimin to ask him for help with the rice cooker.

Speaking of the rice cooker, the very one they used in the episode seems to be the same one they’ve been using since about 2014 and, if I remember correctly, might’ve been a gift from ARMY. This isn’t the only kitchen item they got from ARMY and still own and use to this day, since they also (among other things) have a set of colored bowls that can be seen standing on the shelves.

2014

2020

Something very endearing and cute though was Namjoon peeling a potato in tiny, which reminded me very much of that time around the campfire in Bon Voyage 4. Knowing Namjoon, looking at him peeling it so carefully, we were both kind of worried he might somehow hurt himself while doing it, which by no means is us trying to portray Namjoon as too stupid to do it or anything like that, but he himself said he isn’t that great in the kitchen after all.

After waiting for it since summer 2019, we finally also got a look at JK’s forearm and all the tattoos on it in HD, a big step up from looking at the blurry shots of it in Bon Voyage 4 or their refection in some microwave. ARMY on sns went crazy over it, most staying respectful while also curious, though of course there were also some idiots who felt the need to voice their negative opinions no one asked for. I think it’s an interesting step, and perhaps a really valuable one, that he felt confident and assured enough to show them to us instead of having the editors blur them like they’ve done so in episodes of In The SOOP (both the TV and Weverse versions).

At the end of the episode they all sat down together so that Chef Baek could try their dishes, with someone asking him if maybe they could all win those special engraved knives after all but Chef Baek seemed adamant about how only one team can win. While he tried their dishes Chef Baek complemented different things that the members had done well, leading Seokjin to turn red as he does whenever someone complements him, as well as Jimin looking fond and proud of Tae when Chef Baek complemented something Tae had done and they even high fived each other. Very cute and supportive, love that.

Before he chose a winner, everyone in their respective teams held hands and waited in anticipation to see who won. Thanks to editing we didn’t see the moment of Chef Baek raising the winner’s hand, which created a comedic moment where Seokjin stood up yelling triumphantly just to be very confused when also the other team was cheering. Meaning in the end all of them won and received the knives, including Yoongi despite him not being present. The teams stood up for group hugs where, I don’t know if you noticed, but we thought it was quite cute how vmin hugging seemed so natural and like something they’ve done this way a million times already with Jimin slotting his shoulder below Tae’s arm and his body against Tae’s “automatically” while being a little unsure what to do with his other arm before moving it to pull Seokjin into the hug as well. It’s these little things about Tae and Jimin that get us, you know.

Also someone pointed out a cute parallel between a famous vmin hug picture and Jimin’s arm/hand on Tae’s back during the group hug that I thought we’d show you as well.

Something I think this episode showed us in terms of vmin content is that, even if there aren’t many obvious “moments” (due to obvious reasons I kind of really don’t like that term but for a lack of a better one…), it’s still clear to see in the background how they gravitate toward each other, which of course you can argue was because they’re in the same team, but that doesn’t change the fact that Tae or Jimin could’ve just as well interacted with/asked Seokjin for things or giggled with him, but instead they still had their little moments with each other, while of course also interacting with Seokjin. We’re definitely curious if the Behind cut will show us some more of the vmin moments that we just got glimpses at in the background in the main episode.

As for namjin, since they were on different teams, there weren’t really any interactions between those two but that’s okay. Their interactions with their own teammates were great enough, Namjoon’s team trying to include him in the process even if he himself said the only thing he actually did was peel those potatoes.

A final thing we’d want to mention is a glimpse we got of the sheer number of cameras and people that were present in the background while they were filming this episode, which are likely also present during every other episode and piece of content they film. Looking at that, it doesn’t surprise us in the slightest that vmin (and even namjin, and the other members) might not be as eager/willing to show the true version/amount of affection they have for each other. I mean, who would want to showcase themselves in such a manner in front of so many lenses and eyes, even more so since for the filming of this episode surely also staff belonging to Chef Baek were present?

I think it’s important to keep these things in mind when we discuss vmin (and namjin) interactions in most of their content. Since we usually don’t see their staff and cameras, it creates this illusion of it just being them present and doing their thing, when in reality they are constantly being watched by a number of staff and cameras. Would you really want to be all over your soulmate while you’re being watched like that? Especially in more meaningful ways? Surely these things were easier for them when they were younger, a little greener and more inexperienced, so to speak, and not yet quite so (potentially) emotionally involved with each other, but now? After?

It certainly explains quite a bit of what some insist on classifying as “cold” or “distanced” behavior, doesn’t it? It’s easier to play the role you created for yourself and, in a way, use as shield (BTS V and BTS Jimin, BTS RM and BTS Jin) instead of showing your private (Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin, Kim Namjoon and Kim Seokjin) emotions and behaviors with each other, you know what I mean?

All in all, it was a really, really fun episode that had us howling with laughter.

[talk1about7seventeen]

ღ Saw You In A Dream ღ

Summary: Virgil keeps dreaming about a mysterious boy he has yet to meet. Turns out it’s his soulmate. 

Warning: Mild cursing, anxious Virgil, happy Patton, sleep Janus, chaotic Remus, low self esteem, mentions of caffeine, mentions of sex. 

Characters: Patton, Virgil, Janus, and Remus.

Word Count: 1969

Ship/ Pairing: Janus x Remus (Dukeceit - Romantic.) Virgil x Patton (Moxiety - Romantic.)

AU: Human: You dream about your soulmate until you meet them in person/ realize who they are.

Song Inspiration: Saw You In A Dream - The Japanese House

I hope you enjoy! ☆=(ゝω･)

---

“Hey, don’t worry Virgil! Maybe I’ll see you around or something, if you’d like I could---”

The alarm rang at the worst possible time waking Virgil up from the angelic voice of the boy he couldn’t ever quite remember the face of. His voice however, he couldn’t forget it. Smooth like buttermilk and warm like a Summer’s day. Virgil didn’t recall it exactly, but he was certain he had a gorgeous smile. Anyone who treated him so.....nicely....must. 

Pushing his bangs out of his face, he sat up and pulled on his purple stitched jacket which laid on top of his messy bed. One of his pillows was hanging off the side of his bed and his favorite stuffie laid lonely on the floor. His anxiety spiked as he saw his comfort item left there untouched. Quickly, he scooped the old teddy bear from the creaky wooden floor boards and sat him on the innermost corner of the bed on the remaining pillow that touched the mauve walls. 

The alarm on his phone blared on, seemingly getting louder and louder as each precious second passed by. Virgil turned, shoulders rising parallel to his jawline. “Too....early....for this...” He groaned, slamming his finger on the button to turn off the ungodly noise. In the atmosphere now drifted silence. Virgil let out a sigh and began to gather his things for the day.

“Not so fast, emo boy!” Remus grabbed the back of the boy’s shirt as he tried to pass by the kitchen. “Ugh, put me down you neon disaster.” Virgil fought back, swatting the air around him, attempting to hit the taller being behind him. He could never move fast enough to catch Remus though. “Boys,” A voice called out from down the hall. They both turned, Remus’ wide eyed with Virgil still in his rather strong grip. Janus, their other roommate sauntered out of the darkness into the small glow of the kitchen light with it’s faint green hues. Janus pressed a mug to his lips and took a long gulp of his cold coffee. “If you’re going to kill each other, keep the house and I out of it.” He motioned to the counter and placed the cup into the microwave. 

“Up late again, Snakey?” Remus dropped Virgil and walked up behind Janus, wrapping his arms around the even taller boy’s waist. “When am I not...?” Virgil looked away as they chatted, intertwined with each other like two pieces of red string that connected at the fingertips. This was no real surprise for him, he was use to seeing the two so affectionate. That’s how it always was when you found your soulmate....

Virgil couldn’t really understand how. Maybe it was his lack of experience with romance, or maybe he just refused to believe in something that he was convinced would never apply to him. Love....now that was something he could laugh at. Who on Earth could love him? Besides Janus and that dumpster fire of a person he was tied to, no one else really stuck with him. He was convinced it was how easily he could push other people away or his unfriendly nature. No matter which one it was exactly, the only thing close to love he would ever get was inanimate objects that never spoke back and those two drooling all over each other. The love that he did get, wasn’t the kind he was searching for. Virgil appreciated what he got immensely, without Janus and Remus, he probably would feel more alone than he already does. But they didn’t look at him how they looked at each other; no one looked at him that way. 

“I should head out.” Virgil announced as Janus pulled his warmed up coffee cup out of the kitchen appliance and set it back down in front of him. “See ya!” Remus stuck out his tongue to Virgil and went back to embracing his lover. “Stay safe.” Janus told him without looking up, exhaustion closing in on him similarly like how one would imagine Remus’ embraces to be like; noticeable and slightly aggressive. 

 Leaving the house, he popped in his headphones and pressed shuffle on his Spotify playlist named: Drowning out the fucking from the next room. This playlist included and not limiting to, Evanescence, Fall Out Boy, and MCR (Obviously.) Why he made this playlist started off as a joke and then transformed into him successfully being able to block out even the most unholy sounds, like people talking to him, or Remus being Remus. 

As he walked down the street with his hood up, the words of the mystery boy played in his head. Who was he? Why was he so often in his dreams? Maybe it was pure coincidence. That he was so low that his brain felt the need to create a love interest out of thin air for the lonely boy. Wouldn’t that be something? Ridiculous....Virgil thought to himself. On autopilot, he went through the motions of walking up to his local coffee shop and ordering something for Remus, Janus, and himself. The barista who knew him by face at this point asked him what he wanted. He answered the same most every time, only occasionally switching up the order. It was easy to stick with what he knew, and it never disappointed, not when it’s a hot cup of coffee with caffeine you could practically taste just from the scent. 

“Have a great day, sir!” She smiled handing Virgil his hot coffee as well as a baked good for Janus and an espresso drink for Remus. Not that the borderline chaotic evil idiot needed so much coffee, because he surely did not. But Virgil would rather just go along with it to avoid conflict. “You too.” Virgil tried to push a smile since she was always nice to him. As Virgil began to walk out the door, he noticed the sky was particularly blue today. I’ll take a little detour...He thought to himself, nodding once.

Passing Virgil by were children with parents smiling and giggling as the warm breeze blew through their hair, people walking their dogs, and teens making their way to the skate park which was about a ten minute walk from where he was. The buildings lined in a row opened up to a park with a large water fountain in the midst of the area. Why not..He shrugged making his way into the park. Butterflies fluttered and children’s laughter could be heard. The overall feeling of this place gave Virgil a feeling of contentment that he hadn’t felt in some time. Breathing in and out, he took advantage of this feel-good opportunity. He sat down on a nearby bench, leaning until his spine touched the back of the seat. “Excuse me?” Virgil’s eyes shot open and he pulled the earbuds out of his ears. In front of him was a golden haired boy with freckles planted on his cheeks and nose. 

Virgil felt his chest began to explode with so many emotions. “Oh! Did I disrupt you? My bad!” He apologized. The boy’s voice was so recognizable but for some reason, Virgil couldn’t figure out exactly where from. It hurt his brain as he fished for answers but came up empty handed. “No! It’s uh....it’s okay...” Virgil’s voice quieted as he began to speak on. The boy gave a wide smile. “I just wanted to say I really like your hoodie. I’m Patton.” He held out a hand. “Thanks,” He swallowed a lump in his throat as he looked at Patton, now feeling a new kind of anxious. “I’m Virgil.” Patton shook his hand gently. “Did you make it yourself?” Virgil looked down at his purple and black stitched hoodie. “Yea, I did.” Patton’s face lit up. “That’s so cool!” 

“I hope this isn’t too weird but, do I know you from somewhere?” Virgil couldn’t seem to place the familiar feeling he felt when looking at Patton. It was like being engulfed in your childhood blanket for the first time in years. It felt....right...

“Uh, I don’t know but, I was thinking the same thing.” Patton pressed a finger to his lip and pondered for a moment. They stood there for a moment, their surroundings making up for the lack of words. The boy in front of him brushed it off with a shrug and looked back into Virgil’s eyes. “Well, anyhow, I should probably be on my way.” Patton giggled. Virgil felt his heart sink into his stomach. The golden haired boy placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder, looking into his eyes as if he could read how the dark boy felt. 

“Hey, don’t worry Virgil! Maybe I’ll see you around or something, if you’d like I could give you my phone number!” Virgil nearly spit out his coffee at the words he said. “What did you say!?” He exclaimed. As Patton repeated his words, he covered his mouth instantly. Everything in that moment clicked. The boy’s smile, his gentle and kind demeanor, he was Virgil’s dream boy....

How did this simultaneously make so much sense, but also not at all? What would he say? What could he say? Was there any real approach that wouldn’t make him look like an idiot? “Do you believe in soulmates, Patton?” He asked breathless. Shock ran through Patton. “You....” Patton tried to speak. “I think....” They both stared at each other for a long moment, taking in the awe and wonder that had for each other. In that moment, they were no longer strangers, but a story yet to be written. “Patton, I think you’re my soulmate.” The boy’s eyes widened and then softened as his lips curled up into such a dazzling smile. He pulled out a blue colored sharpie from his bag. “May I?” He pointed to the coffee cup. “Oh!” He handed it to him and Patton began to write something on the white part of the cup. He handed it back a very star struck Virgil. “Please call me.” After that he gave a little wave and left, disappearing behind the water fountain and out of sight completely.

Virgil sat there, brain full of questions racing at a million miles an hour. I need to get home. Without wasting anymore time, he quickly made his way home, practically running. “Welcome back, Vi---” Janus tried to say but stopped as he took a glance at the expression on his good friend’s face as he walked through the door. “I think I just met my soulmate.” 

“Well, God damn, My Little Paranoid!” Remus answered. “He gave me his number and---” Remus cut him off. “GO CALL HIM NOW!” His voice boomed in he small house. “Remus, give him a bit he’s probably overwhelmed.” Janus turned from the couch, looking over the side at Virgil. “How do you feel, Virgie?” He asked. “I---I think I forgot how to breathe.” Virgil stared at his own shaking hands. “HAHAHAHAHAHAH!” Remus cackled. He ran up to the shaken boy and took the drink and baked good for Janus. “Try to calm down and when you’re ready, go call him.” Janus eyed Remus, emphasizing his words. Remus began to chug his drink. “What?” He asked after a large gulp. “Okay! Thank you!” Virgil ran up stairs into his room. 

Jumping onto the bed he examined the cup and very slowly punched the numbers in. He stared at his phone for a minute. Is this really happening? Or is this just a dream I’m living in? Virgil shook his head. “I’m gonna do it...” He with great hesitation pressed the call button, the ringing making him jump. It rang once, then twice, and finally....click!

“Hello?” Patton asked, cheery like a Summer’s day.

“Hey.”