#I barely made it through this week and that was WITH a sick day
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Part 1 of my first chapter of Stages
Chapters will update on Fridays âšđ«¶ Enjoy!!
Jason seemed smaller in his arms now. Bruce had hugged him just days ago. How was he so small? Agony ripped through him, this was more than a fight with Dick, this was more than a spat about birth mothers. This was permanent, this was an ending that came far too soon.
Bruce didn't know how long he sat in the rubble and smoke. His throat burned with the dry smoke he kept inhaling. A fine layer of snow was falling all around them, he wiped Jasonâs face down with a clean part of his cape, hoping and praying this was some kind of sick joke, that this was a horrible nightmare.
But his son didn't move, didnât push him away, didnât react at all.
He lifted Jasonâs tiny body up carefully, oh so carefully. His blood was already coagulated and the cold had already made Jasonâs body so stiff. He didnât dare think about how he would explain this to the public, how people would see Bruce Wayne.
He tugged his son close, he needed to get him away and safe. Godâs above, Bruce was a curse on all he loved.
Bruce didnât know how he got back to the jet, he didn't know how he made the call to Alfred who called Dick back to Earth. He knew that the autopilot took him back to Gotham in what could have been record time - just under 16 hours, cleaning his sonâs dead body, putting him into his favorite pajamas, tucking him into the small cot where he thought Bruce wouldn't find the Wonder Woman stickers on the bottom side of the top bunk.
Jason looked like he could have been asleep like this, but his face was too pale, his chest was unmoving, his face far too still.
He didnât stop crying, he didnât sleep. He had changed at some point, hating his own suit so much that the sight of it made him sick.
He didnât realize he was in the cave until Alfred pulled him into a hug.
âI lost him, I lost him Al.â Bruce cried, holding Alfred close. His only parent left, smoothing back his hair, wiping away his tears.
âShh, Bruce, this is not your fault son.â Alfred hugged him tighter. âWe have to take care of this now though, come, Dick just arrived home, he needs you. Miss Gordon will be coming later tonight.â
Fear raced through him, he was no father, he didnât know how to console Dick. He could barely console himself. Barbra was a whole different story, he didnât know if he could face her.
âMaster Bruce, I can hear you thinking, go see your son,â Alfred said in his âdo what I say voice.â âI will take care of Master Jason.â Alfred pushed him out the door onto the hard concrete. Dick was there, teary eyed.
âTell me this is a sick joke, B.â He was in civilian clothes, hair messy and unclean. h
He had grown some since Bruce last saw him.
Bruce could only shake his head, catching Dick as he collapsed into his arms. He had to remember that Dick was just barely into adulthood as well. Two orphans who knew loss like their own reflections.
âFuck! Fuck!â Dick held onto Bruceâs shirt, âWhat happened Bruce?â He pulled back, searching his sons eyes.
âJoker got him, a bomb, oh JasonâŠâ He wailed, he didnât remember the last time he had cried so hard. When his parents died he, well he blocked much of the weeks that had passed from his memory. He knew in his heart that he must have cried, but he also knew his parents were always going to leave him first, that was the way of life.
This, no this thing that happened, this was never supposed to happen.
He knew the people they fought were monsters, but none of them ever hit Jason as hard, they never tried to kill the kid before. Sure they were probably holding back because of some kind of overconfidence, but there was never a sense that they wanted to kill the kid. They shot at Batman, not at Robin.
Maybe Bruce was delusional, maybe he never saw the signs.
They stood after a moment, Bruce wiping his sonâs tears. He would not mess this up again, he would not let Dick leave his sight, at least not for now. Dick walked to the jet where Alfred was carrying Jasonâs wrapped body down to the ground floor.
He was shaking as he reached for the blanket covering Jasonâs body.
âSon- Dick, you donât have to see him like this,â Bruce said, hand on Dickâs shoulder. That Dick didnât push him away or scream that he wasnât Bruceâs son was some relief. He was just glad Dick had shown up.He knew the boys had a rocky relationship to say the least, but having him here was a comfort for his racing mind.
âNo I- I have to see him,â Dick said pulling back the blanket to find that too small frame unmoving, unsmiling.
âGod-â He choked out before covering the boy once again, turning to leave the cave, âI canât - I canât be down here right now.â He all but ran up the stairs.
Bruce turned to Alfred, whose grief was written all over his face.
âI already called Leslie, she will preform the autopsy. I have also told the press that there was a car accident and that you were severely injured - you will be free from press duty for the next 3 months.â Alfred said, patting his shoulder. The man was so much shorter than him, yet Bruce always felt so small in his presence.
âI failed him, Alfred. What do I do?â
âWe will figure it out together son.â
#batfam#batfam fanfic#batman#jason todd robin#jason todd#dick grayson#bruce wayne#tim drake#barbara gordon#batfam angst#angst fic#it will have a happy ending i pinky promise#just sad rn
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Sometimes my adhd makes me feel so stupid and I hate it. And the thing is like, I know Iâm smart. Certainly nowhere near the most intelligent person Iâve ever met, but like, unquestionably smarter than average. I know that kind of makes me sound like an asshole, but itâs true, and I can feel that itâs true when Iâm doing something like writing or designing, researching, solving certain kinds of problems or puzzles, interpreting the thoughts and motivations and feelings of others, etc.
But then I try to work my normal, underpaid administrative job and draw simple connections or parse simple directions and suddenly Iâm drowning. I become paralyzed because I canât make sense between what somebody asked me to do and the other information thatâs come through via email. I canât remember how this financial transfer works vs. that one, what kind of information it would make sense for a donor to need, how to ask what they need me to prepare without being awkward or rude or impolite, how all of these institutions are related to each other in a money senseâŠI justâŠI shut down.
And suddenly my brain is doing nothing and everything at the same time. All of my thoughts are spinning and overlapping and fragmenting while I try to make sense of what seems to come perfectly naturally to everyone around me, and at the same time it feels like I donât have a single thought at all in my little head.
I justâŠIâm so tired.
#Iâve pretty much lost my whole team#who were what was keeping me at this job#so itâs just me and the new senior director now#and sheâs fine#but kind of micromanagey#and I feel like she can tell that I donât âworkâ 40 a week#and is going to say something soon#and Jesus I just feel like a 3rd grader panicking bc Iâm overwhelmed again by what I KNOW is simple easy shit thatâs beneath me#itâs so frustrating#sorry for the vulnerability dump yâall#Iâm just really feeling it today#I barely made it through this week and that was WITH a sick day#it would probably help if I could get a full nights sleep huh?#personal#adhd#adhd overwhelm#adhd problems#long post
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I slept rly deeply last night even tho it took me a while to get to sleep but I think that was bc I had acid reflux and I'd been playing videogames too late not anything else.... still only got 6 hrs but doing pretty okay all things considered đ
#and not feeling sick this morning so im sticking w the higher dose for one more day. my heart rate does feel a little uncomfortably fast#but its tolerable. just gonna make notes of how it goes through the day and ill submit my review form to my dr this evening#and hopefully she'll give me the green light to drop back down instead of continuing to titrate up#this is making me think of those heartrate fetishists... do u think i could make money selling tachycardic heart recordings online#i do wanna try to exercise this morning while i have energy. might take the bike out it looks like a gorgeously sunny day#maybe ill try to map my cycle route to work so i can consider cycling there instead of taking the bus in a couple weeks..#i cant atm thp cuz they have scaffolding up and its blocked off the bike racks sadly đ#i think making myself eat + drink as much as i can has helped control the nausea too. just need a lot of fuel to process meds properly ig#and a lot of sleep.. its a bit stressful to think abt how rigid im going to have to be abt my daily routines if i want to stay medicated#but to be honest i have a pretty rock solid sleep/meal routine already bc its the only way i can function with the hours i work#so like. i dont rly need to worry too much. i think i reacted badly the first couple days bc my base anxiety was high#and then bc that feeling was heightened by meds -> made me not eat/sleep properly -> knock on sickness the next day#but yeah still the side effects arent very nice and i dont wanna take the risk of it exacerbating every difficult emotion i deal with#but fingers crossed bc 30 worked rly nice for me and i had barely any side effects so hopefully i can settle w that long term đ€#we will see....#ANYWAY. sorry for making the same post over and over the last couple days. talking abt it on here has helped me feel a lot calmer#i dont wanna bother ppl irl w every thought and physical symptom i experience hourly. but this is my blog i can do what i want#hope everyone else has a nice sunday <3#.diaries
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and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do
#im not smart or talented or hot enough to have a source of income working from home.#i dont have a ged or a kicense or a way to get to work or much experience + ive got a steadily fucking growing gap in my employment history.#And i have essentially 0 social skills i barely Function half the time im dissociated or just crying. im weak and out of shape and#not pretty im like. unhireable i think . and again even if a place did hire me I dont have a way to fucking get 2 work#i might be able to walk 2 a place if i had been at work for a while bc if be more used to being on my feet and active again. its take a#while and id be in a Lot of pain but like. itd be doable. and once i worked for s bit i could get lyfts even tho Expensive also idk that#there as many drivers here. and wtvr. but if i did that itd be Less money to help my family and less money to save up toget my own place and#atp maybe its selfish of me to want my own place and i need to judt be more grateful im allowed 2 stay here . yk#idk. im so tired i just need like. idk. ik the only way is to just get through it and get a job and make it work but it feels so pointless#everything always does. i cant keep getting over hurdles man im so fucking tired of getting through hurdles#every single day is Difficult and every single day is the Same and any time j manage to have a good day ill just go right back to feeling#exactly the same. and even if it looks like everythings better for a bit it all goes back down eventually and ik im supposed to be like But#itll get better again after that <3 ups and downs are a part of life <3 we have to have the bad to appreciate the good <3 im just fucking#sick of the goddamn bad im fucking sick of it ive had enough bad i want good. ik other ppl deserve it more i want everybody to have good#days and be safe and happy i don't want things to keep getting worse but everything just gets worse and all the good parts r tempirary and#im so tired. I am not your strongest soldier bro !!!#idk. i just want to be atable i dont need anything crazy i just want my family to live comfortably and to have enough money that i can#donate i rly donot need much i dont need that much food 2 survive i dont need a ton of space i dont need a nide house i like. i just want to#be Stable and know that everything will be ok. yk. at least 4 my family i want them all to be able to eat and the bills 2 be paid and#hopefully for lamp and the kids 2 go to college. bc lamp and tag both want to go to college and itsy is 6 so he soesnt care#but i want them to be able to so bad bc i can't and i ws never gonna be able to and i dont get to be whiny abt that but like. they want to#and theyre smart and passionate and like. i want them to be able to achieve their dreams and get to have normal lives and be fulfilled and#happy. yk. idk. annie showed me her schoolwork the other day and since it wa first week at like. an alt school it ws a lot of personality#type stuff and mental health stuff and im not gonna get into it bc its not mine to tell but. their answers for one of the things made me so#upset bc it sounded so much like me when i was their age and even now and it makes me feel so guilty that like. i didnt make it better for#them. im the one whos supposed to endure it and then theyre supposed to get to be happy but im too fuckinf weak nowadays and i can't keep#any of them safe or happy and i feel so insanely useless. i hate it i just want to be useful idc anymore like. i want to be good i want to#be helpful i want to be cared abt and its so selfish bc a part of me is like. Ohh wahhh we shouldnr have to do all that to be cared abt wahh#and its dumb bc Yes i do its my job. it just fucking sucks rn bc like i have all the like. sorrow over this being what i have to do and this#is my lot in life but i also have all the guilt over how im not doing it bc km lazy and selfish and i cant just work bc im . Ugh
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when i remember this is my life and im actually living this i feel so weird
#i think i am constantly having an existential crisis but its so frequently blocked out by the also constant dissociation and numbness#so its like i have brief blips of consciousness where the reality of my horrible life hits me andni have to deal with it#ive thought about killing myself sooo much the past few weeks and i made liek a new active plan a few days ago for when i get money#but idk if ill be able to go through with it im such a pussy and dont know a good location either#it jsut hurts to be alive rn and idk how to make it better nothing helps haha#i wish i didnt feel sovshitty bc ivwant to lvoe my life so much i love my roommate and our cats and where i live and my future career#but theres trash everhwhere and theres â â â â â and â â â â â and everything fucked up in my brain thats constantly making everythingbawful#and i jsut dont know how im expected to survive it anynore#it feels like everyone ive met knows im goign to die before them like everyones acceoted im going to killvmyself soon enough#i dont know what to do anynore im so so sick of this being how i am just bc i got born severely disabled#i cant function at all eithout major support and im a financial drain and wnergy drain obviously i hte it#whatever fml i can barely keep my ryes open heres to more being useless smd unsble to function in a modern world tomorrow and đ»#snarls
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ExHusband!Simon x Reader
You Want a Divorce? (One)
Note: I'm having the WORST writer's block now so pls excuse my lack of proper writing... I'm currently sitting in front of a beach writing in hopes that ill gain inspo
CW: Angst, mentions of sex, jealous/possessive Simon, PLS DONT LEAVE YOUR KIDS IN THE CAR !!! Or break into someoneâs house
Inspired by: Ex!Husband Simon
PART TWO
Simon stared at you. The shades of his eyes simmering into endless voids of obsidian, blonde lashes moulded against his greased lids, the residue of the perpetual torture his body had succumbed to during deployment.
âYou want a divorce?â He spoke, voice deep as he flickered between your shaking heads, sweat soiling into the papers gripped firmly and your swollen face, cheeks feverish with a red hue, eyes even more so.
You held back a rough sob, throat stripped of all moisture evident in your hoarse voice as you spoke, âYes, Simon. I think it would be best for our family⊠for us.â
He scoffed. âYou think the best thing for our family is to separate?â
âWe already pretty much are. Youâre away for days, weeks, months at a time. Weâre hardly a family and itâs difficult to explain to the children why Iâm crying.â
âOk then.â
That was it. You would admit, it stung. His lacklustre tone felt like a stab in the gut, the blade drenched with anthrax as it reared blistering sores internally, the effects having shown through your putrid complexion. Your skin was dull, practically lifeless, the only living form of you grew day by day through the darkening of eyebags that almost made you look apocalyptic.
It had been 12 months of separation, officially 8 being legally divorced. You kept his last name, the permanent burn of hearing Mrs Riley still searing through you with every syllable, yet you feel it would only hurt you more if they said Ms.
Simon was often away now, and the minimal family time he used to get felt pointless as the shabby apartment he moved into after the sudden interference of your mind-boggling news barely fit the two kids you shared. His body felt more relentless on him, the taunting of his mind fulgurated the inoperative reality that he would come home to you, to his family.
His voice, almost like it dropped an octave had grown richer in aggression, tormenting those he deemed suitable, both with his tongue and with his bruised knuckles, an oil painting of blue and purple hues radiating across the pale flesh as he shrugged it off to his team as âpushing himself and others to do betterâ.
Couldnât you realise your mistake? Wouldnât you prefer crying in his arms about his absence than never having it fulfilled again?
As he looked around the bleak environment, tan stained walls revolting the creaking mattress he had brought someone home to, someone who wasnât you. It made him feel sick like a viral infection had slunk its way into his bloodstream as he laid next to a woman that failed to make his cock throb, endless images of you sprawled out under him flickering. No wonder he called out your name instead.
You felt the familiar shake of your hands every time your phone dinged; Simonâs dreary tone was evident through his dry âOn the wayâ text. You ushered a day of your childrenâs life into their cartoon-themed backpacks, innocent smiles adorning their skin, doe-like eyes of brown, far too familiar to Simonâs staring up at you.
The sound of his car scraping into your paved driveway almost made you feel like throwing up, the nerves of seeing him combined with the already present pit of anxiety due to your date later turning you into one big shaky mess as you brushed it off as âtoo much caffeineâ.
The echo of his car door slamming shut rung through your ears, staining you with the reiteration that your ex-husband was now at your door, heavy fists knocking upon the wood. The image you saw of him in your mind morphed back to reality as you stared at him, a blank expression on your face.
âHi, love.â
âHi, Simon.â
Your frown was clear, the pet name you were so used to becoming a distant memory in the past few months. It was a hole you were attempting to fill, to clear yourself away from his teasing tongue and faux impression of a healthy relationship. You were divorced for a reason, you knew that, but as you gazed upon the lack of life in his skin, it was almost like he was holding a mirror up to you.
âDaddy!â You watched as your 5-year-old, Ella, practically leapt into his hefty frame, his hands coiling around her like second nature. You could feel his warmth, the heat that would build in your stomach when you felt those same digits touch you.
âHi sweetheart,â his voice gruff, yet tone lighter as he placed a delicate kiss on the skin of her forehead, âYou miss me?â
She nodded, her face buried in the hem of his neck as your other child cooed from the bouncy chair, tubby legs attempting to wheel himself to the door.
âThereâs my boy,â Simon practically cooed as he placed Ella down, bounding inside as he lifted the toddler out, grabby arms reaching out to pull at Simonâs locks, gentle tugs causing you to laugh.
Your voice cut through the scene like glass. Why would you want to destroy such a happy moment? Werenât you supposed to be reuniting? Just say it, tell Simon you want him to come home, that you need him.
âThis is Ellaâs bag,â you speak, holding up the pink Minnie Mouse bag, âAnd this is Tobyâs.â Your son giggled as he muffled out the words, âTransformersâ.
Simon nodded, âAre you doing anything tonight?â
Ella practically screeched, âMummyâs going on a date!â The thrill of her laughter that followed only seemed to make the situation more awkward.
âA date?â Simonâs voice was deadly, the hair raising on your arms as you shook your head, a tight smile on your suddenly dry lips.
âNo, no, nothing like that. Just catching up with an old colleague of mine.â
âBut heâs a boy, Mummy,â Ella giggled. Who was raising your daughter to be such a big mouth? Your face formed an annoyed look, eyebrows raising as a line of wrinkles crinkled against your forehead, your pointer fingers massaging your temples.
âAn old colleague?â Simon practically gasped. Had he met him at your old work Xmas parties?
âLetâs get you guys in the car.â You fumbled with Tobyâs car seat as you strapped him in, your nimble fingers shaking with anxiety before you shut the door, pressing a kiss against the window before wiping away the minimal residue of dirt. Gross.
âWho is he?â His tone was acerbic like he was looking for an argument. How dare you try and replace him? He was your husband, the father of your two kids? Have you seen this random man before? Had he fucked you?
âGod, Simon-â
âWho is he?â Simon was relentless, bullying his way into getting the answers as his arms folded across his chest, tattoos practically screaming at you too.
âHis nameâs Andrew. I ran into him at a coffee shop a few weeks back and he just wanted to catch up. Thatâs it.â
A loud scoff sounded in the air. âYou mean that geezer from that corporate job you hated? The one who didnât know it was weird to blatantly stare down your dress when you were standing next to your fucking husband?â
âHe didnât stare down my dress! Youâre not my husband anymore, Simon. I can see who I want.â
âI donât want our children to grow up thinking they have multiple dads.â
Youâll admit, that stung.
âMultiple dads? Youâre out of your mind. The only reason they would ever believe they have multiple dads is if their real one stopped showing up. And where have you been, Simon? When have you shown up?â
Simon held his tongue, the warmth of the metallic taste gashing through his teeth as he practically snarled past you. âIâll bring them back tomorrow.â
The dress you wore was practically suffocating you as you tucked your stomach in. Simon never minded the change in your figure after motherhood, he found himself liking it even more. He loved knowing that his seed put you through that, that he made you swell with his children, and he brought out the glow in your cheeks and the delicate stretch marks that laced your hips.
Andrew was nice. His tone was comforting as he walked to your door, ushering you to his car as he insisted you could order whatever you wanted. He was handsome, the salt and pepper hues of his hair settling your insecurity.
âWeâll take the Pinot Noir,â he spoke, looking at you with an almost arrogant sheer in his blue eyes. You only liked white. Simon knew that just like he knew everything about y-
Youâre not with Simon anymore. You had to realise that. Maybe thatâs why you brought Andrew home, let him shove his cock (that was a lot smaller than what you were used to) inside your heat, as you let out moans you had mimicked from the porn you watched with the actor that resembled far too much of your ex-husband.
Simon's fingers gripped the steering wheel early the next morning, your two children snuggled up in the backseat as he drove back to his old house, your old home. He wasnât a man who gave up easy, he would show you, prove to you that you made a mistake. You needed each other.
Hold on. You donât drive a red car?
His car lurched into the entrance of your home, nearly ramming into the garage as he shoved it in park, rolling down the two back windows slightly for air as he dug around in the small side compartment of his car.
The familiar gold key he had stolen from you the night he packed up all his stuff stared back at him, practically egging him on. Go on Simon, march in there. So he did. His hand rattled against the door knob, glancing back to peak into the car for a second before he slammed the door shut.
Your body froze. Were you being robbed? No. It was only Simon. A very angry-looking Simon. You stood, the white sheet barely shielding your naked body as he took in the sight of the man next to you, his hands wrapping around his shoulders as he practically ripped him out of bed, flinging him onto the floor as he grunted, eyes reared with hatred.
âSimon, what the fuck are you doing? WHERE ARE THE KIDS?â
Andrew groaned, on the floor, covering his groin as Simon chucked the masculine clothes at his head, the thin boxers soiled across the manâs scalp as he trembled.
âOur kids are asleep in the car, waiting for their Mummy to come to the zoo with them.â Simonâs words were despicable, laced with an acrimonious tone, small particles of spit seething through his lips as stared at you.
He turned to the man, a giant frame staggering over the top of him. âGet the fuck out, and if you wake up our kids when you go past, I will personally put a bullet straight in the middle of your skull,â he said, pushing a thick digit against his forehead as Andrew rushed out, clothes barely on before you felt the front door shut, a cry of apologises leaving your lips as you tried to assist him but Simon only held you back, a tight grip coiling around your arm.
âWhat the fuck was that? Howâd you get in?â You couldnât even place the words to say, humiliation roaring through you as you snuggled the sheet closer to you, away from his peering eyes.
âItâs time to be a family again, donât you think love?â
#evilgwrl#141 x reader#call of duty x reader#ghost#ghost smut#simon riley#simon riley smut#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley#ghost x reader#ghost cod
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summary: you've been helping your neighbor, gojo satoru, out by babysitting megumi. when megumi's catches the flu, gojo relies on you for help.
a.n.: megumi is ~4-5 years old, and is extremely attached to you. a little angsty, mostly fluffy, a sprinkle of smut at the end. cursing, female reader.
~
The first time Megumi got sick, Gojo panicked. Not the frantic, frenzied sort of panic, but the quiet, desperate kind that he did his best to hide. But you noticed it - the way his fingers trembled, the way he barely looked you in the eye, the way he repeatedly ran his hands through his hair.
It was usually you who made the elevator trip up to Gojoâs high-rise loft to babysit Megumi a couple of days a week. Thatâs why it took you aback to see him at your door at 11:53 at night, looking stricken as he told you Megumi refused to eat all day and started throwing up.Â
You followed him to his place immediately, your heart squeezing at the sight of Megumi bundled up in his bed, his little face scrunched up in discomfort.
âHey sweetie, youâre not feeling so good?â you cooed, kneeling as you placed your cheek against his warm forehead. He shook his head, though his flushed cheeks and labored breathing were enough confirmation that he was sick.
âHeâs running a fever. Probably a cold, but you should take him to the ER just in case,â you told Gojo, watching as his shoulders tensed. He was slightly older than you, but still young to have a child; you could imagine how anxious he was feeling about Megumiâs first ER visit.
âI can come with you,â you offered, watching his shoulders relaxed ever so slightly.
âPlease,â he said lowly, looking at you like you were his salvation.
You made quick work changing Megumi out of his sweat-soaked clothes and prepared a small bag of his favorite snacks and toys. You caught a glance at Gojoâs awe-stricken face before you scooped Megumi into your arms and followed Gojo to his car.Â
The silence in the car ride was heavy, Gojoâs stress was obvious in the way he gripped the steering wheel so hard his fingertips turned white.
âHeâll be okay. Iâll be here until he is,â you said gently.
His eyes flicked to you for a second before he swallowed roughly. He nodded, murmuring his thanks before you lost him to his thoughts.
Megumi was seen within the hour, the perfect patient as he allowed himself to be examined without a fuss (As long as you held his hand the entire time).
âItâs the stomach flu, pretty common for this time of the year. Iâll send you home with some medications, just be sure to keep him hydrated,â the doctor said.
âLet mom and dad take care of you, alright Megumi? Youâll get better in no time,â she said kindly, patting his head as he nodded sleepily. You looked at Gojo, waiting for him to correct her. But he didnât.
As soon as she left the room, Gojo sank into the chair, exhaling heavily as he placed his head in his hands. It was strange to see a man so proud and confident to look soâŠtired. So human.
You stood between his legs, gingerly laying your hand on his shoulder.
âSee? Megumi will be just fine,â you said, swiping your thumb back and forth over his skin.
âItâs been a long time since Iâve felt scared like that,â he admitted, reaching up to cover your hand with his.
âItâs how you know youâre a parent,â you said, moving your hand to cup his cheek.
He finally looked up at you, a mixture of relief, exhaustion, and something else painted in those eyes of his. You watched him wordlessly as he leaned into your touch, his long lashes fanning across his cheeks.Â
After a beat, his eyes snapped open, looking downwards as a sleepy Megumi tugged at his pant leg.
âHome now please?â he asked groggily, barely able to keep himself upright.
The two of you laughed as Gojo lifted him into his arms, Megumi settling his head on Gojoâs shoulder.Â
âLetâs go home,â he said, wrapping his jacket around Megumi. You couldâve sworn he was looking at you as he said it, though.
~
Sick Megumi was unexpecedly clingy. The first few times you babysat him, you were taken aback by how quiet and independent he was. Most kids his age demanded constant attention, but he was happy to be left alone with his two dogs. You did find out that shadowpuppets was a surefire way to get him to laugh, though.Â
You tried getting Megumi to rest in his bedroom, but as soon as the preschooler realized you werenât right next to him, heâd get up to wander Gojoâs loft, tearfully calling your name until he found you. That's why you decided to settle down on the leather recliner in the living room, Megumi asleep on your chest with a blanket draped over the two of you. You were immersed in your Kindle before the sound of the front door unlocking dragged you back to reality.
Gojos strolled in, stopping in his tracks when he noticed the two of you. His sharp eyes eyes softened as he approached.
âWelcome home. Youâre back early,â you greeted quietly, your heartbeat quickening as Gojo lowered himself to a crouching position so he could sneak a look at Megumiâs face.
His eyes flickered to yours, full of emotion you couldnât quite place. He swept a few strands out of Megumiâs eyes, studying him like he needed to confirm that he was breathing.
âI may or may not have snuck away,â Gojo mused, eyes full of warmth and mischief.
âCareful, or this one will begin picking up some bad habits,â you teased, rubbing Megumiâs back as he stirred.
âNah, heâs too much of a goody-two-shoes. Besides, there are more important things than work,â he said fondly, and the way his eyes flowed between the two of you while he talked, it felt like he was talking about you too.
You averted your eyes as you blushed, thankful that Megumi chose that moment to wake up.Â
His little fists rubbed against his half-closed eyes, looking between you and Gojo like he was wondering if he was dreaming.Â
He reached his hands out towards Gojo, who readily scooped him into his arms.
âAlright, Iâll get going then. I already gave him his meds and a bath so he should be okay for the rest of the night,â you said, gathering your things as you sat up.
You leaned forward to kiss Megumi goodbye, only to be stopped by the tears welling up in his eyes and the grip his hand had on your own.
âDonât go,â he said, almost making you cry with how sad and adorable he was.Â
âNot fair Megumi. You donât even cry when I leave,â Gojo teased, rubbing his back as you laughed.
âGojo is home now my love, Iâll see you tomorrow though! Iâll already be here by the time you wake up,â you promised, wiping the tears from his soft cheeks.
Megumi sniffed as he shook his head, reaching his arms out towards you. You took him back into your arms, giggling at Gojoâs feigned hurt expression.
âIâm hurt, Megumi,â he said, making a show of wiping fake tears from his face.
âOh no, look how sad he is Megumi! Donât you want to spend some time with him?â you said, inching closer to Gojo, whose arms were outstretched.
Megumi looked at him for a second before shaking his head, burying his face in your neck.Â
You laughed even harder at Gojoâs expression, unable to find Megumi anything except utterly adorable.Â
âFine, I get it. I wouldâve chosen her too,â Gojo said, throwing you off with the affection in his smile.Â
âI can stay untill he falls asleep,â you mouthed to Gojo, hoping he could read your lips. He smiled at you before leaning into your space, his lips brushing against your ear as he spoke.
âOr you could stay for dinner. As a friend, not a babysitter,â he whispered, sending shivers down your spine.Â
âI couldnât impose,â you replied, a bit more breathlessly than you intended.
âNonsense. Iâve been dying to cook you dinner while you sit prettily in that chair,â Gojo said, seemingly pleased at the blush revisiting your cheeks.Â
How could I say no to that?
~
The sun had set long before you were finally able to get Megumi to bed for the night, the moonlight seeping into Gojoâs living room through the enormous windows.
You allowed yourself to sink down onto his couch, the exhaustion from the day wearing on you. Though Megumiâs fever finally broke, he could barely keep his food down today, forcing you to go back and forth bathing him, changing his bedsheets, and cooking different meals to see what he could stomach.
The click of the door being unlocked made you jump, the familiar sight of Gojo making you forget about how tired you were.
He sauntered towards you, looking so enraptured that he didnât speak a word.Â
You froze as you understood why. The usual modest clothes you had on were long forgotten after repeated trips to the bathtub to wash the vomit and sweat off Megumi. The chaos of the day left you in your underclothes -Â a thin tank top and cotton shorts - which Gojo seemed to be studying as though heâd never seen them before.
âWelcome home,â you began shyly, sitting up as you attempted to cover yourself with a pillow.
âSorry about the outfit. Long day,â you continued sheepishly.
Gojoâs eyes finally snapped up to yours, somehow making you feel more naked than ever.
âDonât worry about it,â he said, something unreadable in his tone.Â
He changed out of his work attire - taking off his watch, loosening his tie, and stripping off his jacket. Completely normal things to do when you get home. But he captivated your attention, unable to tear your eyes away from him.Â
âI canât believe Iâm jealous of a child,â he said to himself as he sat to join you on the couch, looking sinfully handsome with his hair tousled and the top buttons of his shirt undone.
âWhat do you mean?â you pressed, feeling your self-control begin to slip as you smelled as his cologne wafting towards you.
âMegumi gets to be with you all day. Gets to hug you, hold you, lay his head on your chest. Iâm jealous,â he drawled.
You heard it again. That voice in the back of your head begging you to give in to the pull you constantly felt towards Gojo.Â
You dared to inch closer, well aware of his gaze roving up and down your body.
âYou can do those things,â you said slowly, never breaking eye contact with him. And just like that, he snapped.
He was on you instantly, pinning you to the back of the couch as his lips moved against yours, desperate and demanding.Â
You kissed him back with the same fervor, shamelessly roving your hands over the smooth expanse of his chest, until you reached his hair. His silvery locks were just as silky as you expected, and you couldnât help yourself as you gave them a light tug.
The deep, guttural sound that came out of him sent a wave of pleasure throughout your body. You felt your breath leave you as Gojo laid you on your back, positioning himself between your legs.
âIâve wanted you since the day I saw you,â he murmured against your ear. His lips began moving from your jaw down your neck, causing you to gasp and squirm as he smiled against you.
âI kept myself on a tight leash for Megumiâs sake,â he started, trailing kisses across your shoulders.
âBut you in that outfit? Fuck, I knew it was over for me,â he said, pulling back to admire how flushed and breathless he made you.
You grabbed the edge of his collar, tugging his lips to yours to return the favor. You wrapped a leg around his waist, pulling him even closer to you, his ragged breathing music to your ears.
âFucking finally,â you said between kisses.
The sound of a thud coming from Megumiâs room caused you both to freeze. You rushed over to check on him, relieved to see he kicked his water bottle off his bed in his sleep. Sighing, you dragged the blanket back over his sleeping form, walking back to where Gojo sat on the couch.
His pupils were blown out, his lips bruised and swollen.Â
âMaybe we should continue another time, I donât wanna wake him up,â you said, surprised at Gojoâs lack of protest. Instead, he tugged you into his lap, placing a soft kiss on your cheek.
âFree your schedule next week. Megumiâs gonna spend a day with Uncle Nanami, and Iâm taking you out on a date. And weâre gonna end the night in my bedroom, where you can be as loud as you want.â
#gojo fanfic#gojo fluff#gojo satoru#gojo x you#gojou satoru x reader#gojo x y/n#jjk x reader#female reader#gojo x reader#jjk fanfic#megumi fushiguro#jjk megumi#megumi x reader#jujutsu megumi#jujutsu kaisen megumi#fushiguro#megumi fluff#fushiguro fluff#jjk drabbles#jjk imagines#gojo headcanons#gojo hurt/comfort#gojo drabbles#baby megumi#jjk fluff#jjk gojo#jjk smut#satoru gojo#gojo smut#jjk satoru
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âł check yes or no
âł sae itoshi x fem!reader âł sfw âł influencer!reader, established relationship, hidden(ish) relationship, going public, language, fluff + crack(?), jealous!sae, kissing on livestream, slight possessiveness, shat outta my ass ngl, my writing
âł 1.3k words
âł iâm sorry sae has me in a chokehold (i love it harder pls) and this little brain bug just randomly slid into my skull sooooo here it is! thank you all so much for reading and i hope you enjoy dahlings! <3
(y/u/n)fan1998: welcome back lovely!
switterz: good to see you again! hope ur feeling better!
emi44578: i missed you so much!
a smile pulled at your lips and your chest warmed at the multitude of messages flooding your livestream. your throat was still a little sore, but thankfully your stomach had stopped rolling the day prior, and youâd been fever free for twenty-four hours. you didnât feel completely better, but you felt well enough to at least start a small stream.
âaw, thank you guys so much.â you croaked, voice slightly groggy and thick. âiâm feeling a bit better, but as you can probably hear, iâm not outta the woods yet.â
once more, messages flooded your screen, so fast that you could hardly catch more than a mere glimpse of one before it was pushed up by another. your fans seemed to be extremely pleased by your online appearance, and it made you so happy despite the sickness still weighing down your body.
you hated having to take time off, especially unexpectedly.
the chat slowed to a comfortable trickle as you dived into the events of the past week, starting off with how you even got sick in the first place. you had to tweak the truth a bit â after all, you couldnât exactly tell your audience that youâd caught a cold by attending your boyfriendâs game alongside a snotty, congested child.
â⊠this kid was sneezing all over the place, and the mother didnât even care to wipe his nose or the things he sneezed on. it was so gross.â you complained, receiving a fair share of agreements and sympathies from your viewers.
it was as you were berating the mothering skills of a complete stranger when something familiar caught your eye. a username followed by a simple message, one youâd seen time and time again.
(y/n)husband1: (y/n) will you go out with me? check yes or no
you forced out a small laugh and shook your head as you addressed the message. your skin felt tight suddenly, that username always putting you off just slightly.
âiâm afraid iâm going to have to check âno.â iâm in a very happy relationship.â the same answer you gave every time.
there was a flurry of comments again, some berating the user who had even typed a message like that and others calling out cap on your statement. you were fairly used to that; youâd never even shown sae on camera before, so your relationship was as good as hearsay to your viewers.
âokay, letâs just calm down.â you chipped out, barely suppressing a cough that threatened to rip through your throat. âiâll need to take some more medicine soon, so i donât have very long. letâs do some q and a before i go.â
thirty minutes later and over two dozen questions answered, you finally said goodbye to your viewers and clicked off the livestream. your shoulders sagged with relief instantly, and you let out a small sigh.
âhowâd it go?â
you startled at the sudden intrusion to your thoughts. saeâs voice was a smooth, seemingly uninterested rumble. you calmed your racing heart and hummed as you stood from your chair, raising your arms up to stretch out your stiff torso.
ânot bad at all. they werenât mad at me, at least.â
sae rolled his eyes as you ambled to his side, his arm immediately sliding around your hip as he guided you to the sitting quarters.
âso what if they were? the feelings and thoughts of insignificant strangers arenât important.â
you clapped your palm over his chest gently and shushed him. sae was always blunt like this; but his words did remind you of something.
âoh. that reminds me. (y/n)husband1 struck again.â
you know you didnât imagine the way saeâs fingers tightened on your hip. was it wrong that you took some pleasure in that? maybe.
âwhat did they say this time?â sae murmured a bit tightly.
you huffed and rolled your eyes. âthe same thing they always say. â(y/n) will you go out with me? check yes or no.ââ
âitâs incredible they donât already have a girlfriend, what with that irresistible smooth talk.â sae quipped, pulling a giggle from your throat. you shook your head and wrapped your arm around his rib cage, stumbling slightly from the awkward position.
âletâs just go find a movie, baby.â you suggested, your statement quickly garnering saeâs agreement. cuddles late into the night were always your favorite; and you had a feeling they were saeâs too.
three days later, you were completely recovered and back to your usual streaming schedule. your viewers were quite happy with the development, and for the most part, it was smooth sailing.
well, except for the occasional whirlpool conjured by the appearance of (y/n)husband1. they seemed to strike when you least expected it, and always with the same stupid question â the same stupid question that earned the same stern answer.
even your viewers seemed to be becoming irate by it, as they expressed their distaste on multiple occasions.
switterz: why dont u just block them from your streams? theyâre annoying!
(y/u/n)fan1998: yea theyâre clogging up the chat log all the time! and harassing u!
you wet your lips and said, slightly timidly, âwell, technically, they arenât breaking any rules guys. the best thing to do is simply ignore them, like i do.â
a majority of the chat seemed to disagree, but you werenât wrong in what you said; though they spammed the same message again and again, they technically werenât breaking any of the rules you had set in place during your first few streams.
suddenly, as if on the drop of a hat, the chat began to flood with a different topic â one that seemed to have taken over the controversy of (y/n)husband1 entirely.
switterz: SAE FCKIN ITOSHI????
emi44578: why is sae itoshi in ur house?!!?!?????
jackerquack: WTF HELLO SAE
user193949294: DONT TELL ME YOUR BF IS SAE ITOSHI!!!!
usererror404: THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE THERES NO WAY
âwhatâ?â
âi have to agree with the chat. you should block them.â
you swiveled around in your chair only to nearly touch noses with sae. your eyes widened and your lips popped open. what the hell was he doing? wasnât his pr manager the one that insisted his relationship with you stay underwraps? just what was even happening?
there were hundreds of questions you wanted to ask, but in your pure shock you simply could work any past your lips; sae blinked once, then twice, before turning his eyes to the monitor in front of you.
âfor those who have been wondering if sheâs in a relationship, she is. with me. so no more harassment, or lying accusations.â
your heart was literally racing in your chest, your entire body frozen. sae was acting completely normal, as if he hadnât just gone against every wish of his pr manager. you didnât feel scared, per se, but the only emotion you could liken what you felt to was fear.
âdemonking12 says they donât believe it.â sae observed smoothly, eyes skimming down the chat. âand thereâs some others who second thatâŠâ
you couldnât even look at your screen â your eyes were glued to sae. how could he be so calm right now?!
sae turned to meet your stare of disbelief, and your stomach rolled when his lips quirked into the smallest, most mischievous smirk youâd ever seen grace his features.
âshould we prove it?â
âum, whatâ?â you couldnât even finish your blubbering before sae leaned in quickly and captured your lips with his â right in 4k!
the kiss wasnât messy, or even sultry in nature, but it had your nerves lighting up and your cheeks flaring. saeâs lips were soft, warm, and almost commanding â it lasted a total of three seconds, but it was long enough to have your legs feeling weak.
sae pulled away but left just enough space between the two of you that you could see the sly swipe of his tongue across his bottom lip â as if he were collecting remnants of your taste.
âiâm pretty sure youâve met your hour stream goal; time to entertain me, now.â
thank you so much for reading and i hope you enjoyed! likes, comments and reblogs are by no means required but are so greatly appreciated! <33
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đĄđâđŹ đđČđąđ§đ đđ«đšđŠ đ„đđđ€ đšđ đđđđđ§đđąđšđ§
đ°đđ«đ§đąđ§đ đŹ: pure intense fluff, kissing, cuddling, squeezing, handsy pouty bastard, insisting youâve been neglecting him, his is dying and itâs all your fault, how dare you do this to him, he will hold you accountable for your heinous crimes by cuddling you, toji is going soft for you, established relationship
Standing in front of your vanity, slipping your earrings off, sticking them with the rest. Glancing into your vanity mirror when Toji emerges from the bathroom.
Arms crossed over his bare pecs sticking his bottom lip out in his adorable pout. Itâs one of your favorite Toji expressions. He huffs, âFinally someone figures where they live.â
He unzips the back of your dress. âYou werenât here!â kissing your shoulder. Slipping it down your body, trailing gentle sloppy kisses down your back. âThe house was so empty and cold, I was dying of loneliness little mama.â
Stepping out of your dress, he tossing it into the hamper beside the bedroom door. âIs it even a home without you there?â His warm fingers brushing against your back unclasping your bra, gliding the straps off your shoulders. His touch comforting.
You insist, âWithout you this place is just some walls.â Grabbing his hands, kissing his warm palms. Glancing into the mirror, Toji âItâs also not my fault you showed up two days early. Couldn't rush a planned girlâs night for your needy ass.â Turning around sliding your hand over his thick pecs, broad shoulder and into his soft dark hair.
âIm only needy when it comes you to mama. Youâre so cruel neglecting me.â Grabbing your ass, lifting you up. Wrapping your legs around his slim waist.
âWe aren't leaving for the weekend. Tired of seeing everyoneâs ugly ass faces and hearing their annoying ass voices.â He kisses the top of your head. âJust need to spend some time with you mama.â Wrapping his arms around your waist, squeezing your tightly.
Wheezing, âI'm all yourâs Teddy Bear!â Your back pops several times. Gasping for sweet air when he loosens his gasp.
âDamn right you are.â Kissing along Tojiâs jawline, softly biting his pouty bottom lip, melting into his gentle kiss.âItâs not fair mama I can't squeeze you like I want to.â Carrying you through the hallway, towards the living room. âGet good mama, lemme squeeze you tighter.â
âNah Teddy Bear thatâs a you problem.â Squeezing Tojiâs slim waist with your legs, tightening your grasp around Tojiâs neck. âI can hug you as tight as I want. Ha-ha-haha!â Ripping you off him and throwing you onto the sofa.
âImma make it your problem little mama.â Carefully falling on top of you, pinning your body with his weight. Resting his head on your chest. âHahah! Looks whose trapped now! Iâm not letting you go anywhere beautiful.â
Pushing himself up, and leaning in for a kiss. âAll mine.â Parting your lips, the gentle hunger of his passionate kiss replacing your need for air. Slipping your fingers through his soft dark hair.
When he pulls away, covering your face with kisses. You grin widelyz âI missed ya so much teddy bear, Iâm all yourâs for the rest of the week. Iâll make sure you get sick of me.â Giving your forehead another gentle kiss, squeezing your hips.
Itâs comforting having his heavy weight pressing you into the bed. His large strong hands on your body making you feel so safe and protected. His gentle kisses and words ensuring you know how cherished you are.
His cheeks turn pink, spreading across the bridge of his nose, coloring the tips of his ears. âI can never get enough of you.â His eyes widen. âListen to me, ya made me all mushy, gonna have to hold you responsible. Hmm how should I do that.â
Oreo creampieâs m.list
Satoruâs verison!
#jjk fluff#toji fluff#fushiguro toji fluff#toji fushiguro x reader#jujutsu toji#fushiguro toji x reader#toji x y/n#toji x you#toji x reader#toji fushiguro fluff#toji fushiguro x y/n#fushiguro toji#jujutsu kaisen toji#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen scenarios#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujustu kaisen fluff#toji fushiguro x you#toji fushiguro#toji fushigro x reader#t
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â maybe some faith would do me good
christian!virgin!reader x ellie williams
summary â ellie's forced to go to some church camp thing for the summer. maybe she'll actually enjoy it if she keeps seeing you around.
warnings â 2.78k â smut, non apocalyptic au, guys dont cancel međ
, mention of suicide (jokingly) , implied reader virginity loss, religious themes, alludes to what david did to ellie, friends to enemies to lovers kinda, dacryphilia, public sex, sex in church, public humiliation, cunnilingus and fingering (r!receiving), pet names (baby, pretty girl, good girl)
ellie tried to protest when joel proposed the idea of ellie spending her summer days at some camp for religious kids that one of the elders in jackson had volunteered to host, she really did. she didn't know what joel was trying to accomplish. maybe he thought in some twisted way this would help her get over that encounter. it didn't matter what the point was, it mattered that she was being woken up at 8 in the morning on the first day of summer to go to some stupid camp. joel told her she was being dramatic, it was only a 2 and half week program and then the rest of her summer was free.
she was still grumpy nevertheless, slumping her way to this church retreat. she'd only packed enough for a week, hoping that if she ran out of clothes they'd be forced to send her home. A friendly old woman greeted her, smiling and cheerful unlike ellie. The woman led ellie to a room, explaining that this was her room during the program. She fought every urge to roll her eyes, knowing the woman was just being nice but, god, who really had that much energy this early in the morning? The woman instructed her to leave her bag on one of the bedsâ great she had a roommateâ and then make her way to the prayer room.
ellie groaned at the thought. prayer room? she might as well shoot herself now. she complied nevertheless. her feet dragging along the wooden floor, the planks creaking with every step she took. the halls were white, various pictures of religious symbolism decorating the otherwise plain walls. she couldn't deny that the hallway made her feel uneasy. she could only imagine what it looked like at night. ellie sighs as she comes across a door, half open and she can hear chatter from behind it. she worked up the courage to walk through the door, preparing herself for whatever bullshit she'll endure while she's here.
she takes a look around the room, eyes all the girls who seemed to all know each other. each girl with their own smile on their face. ellie rolled her eyes, closing the door behind her and before she could even process what was happening, she was approached by a girl. you. "i didn't think you'd be here." you smile at her, oblivious to the one sided feud you had with ellie. you were the pastor's daughter, probably the one responsible for this little get together. god, ellie hated you. the way you dressed, the way you talked, the stupid smile on your face, the even stupider bow in your hair and that little sundress that showed so much for someone like you.
truthfully, ellie didn't have a good reason to hate you. especially since you two grew up together, being raised to be built in friends. but hating you just to hate you seemed justified enough for her. "didn't have much of a choice." she barely keeps eye contact, keeping her response cold and dry. you frown at that. "oh. okay..." you look down to your shoes, it was obvious you picked up on the dismay in her tone. her mind wonders, just for a second, if she took it too far. but she shakes the thought. "yeah." she clears her throat, looking around the room once again. "well... um..." it was ridiculous how quickly your confidence was knocked down. all because of ellie.
ellie chuckles, finding some sick amusement in your reaction. you were going to speak again, probably to ask something like 'are you mad at me?' but you were dragged away by your friends. ellie sighed, watching you walk away. her eyes trailing from the back of your head all the way down to yourâ woah. why the hell did she look there?! god, but the damage was done. ellie wanted to look again, certain parts of her practically begging for just another glance. she refuses though, instead focusing on one of the stained glass windows. nothing fancy, just a red cross with a blue background. the funding for this particular chapel wasn't exactly the highest.
ellie could feel herself warm up, her mind jolting such crude thoughts about you. she groaned, running a hand through her hair. you had her mind so confused. she hated your guts. she really did. but all she could think about when she saw you was how much she wanted to bend you over and just yell at you. for what? she didn't know. for being too religious? too kind? too innocent? her mind wanders again, to a new thought she'd never had before. she wanted to ruin you, give it to you until you couldn't possibly take it any more. watching all the innocence leave your eyes while she filled you with sin. ellie snaps out of her thoughts, noticing that the woman from earlier had begun to speak about the quote unquote 'fun activities planned'.
through out the day, she tried to avoid you. even when you tried your very hardest to make amends for something you had no clue about. she participated in the church themed activities with little enthusiasm, being told more than once to at least act like she was having fun. the sun had begun to set, the chaperones calling out that dinner was ready. but ellie wasn't hungry. she managed to slip away from everyone else. wondering the semi creepy halls, just thinking to herself. she counted how many times the floor squeaked and creaked. she was content with just doing that until she counted a creak that she didn't make.
she turned around, her heart rate a little elevated only to find out it was just you. she sighed and rolled her eyes, returning to her initial path. "hey... they said dinner was ready." you were wary, nervous and shy even, and she couldn't blame you. "i know." her tone was less harsh this time. perhaps she was feeling guilty for her outburst earlier. "you're... um, you're going the wrong way." you were just trying to be helpful, but with every word you spoke, the more ellie got angry at you. "i know." she repeated. she heart your soft footsteps running up behind her to catch up. "so, why are you going this way?" your voice was so sweet, just like the honey ellie imagined licking off your body at least 30 times today.
she didn't answer, continuing to walk in the opposite direction of where she needed to be. and you just followed like a lost little puppy. "hey? i saidâ" she cuts you off. "i heard you." her cold tone was back. "oh." just like earlier, your gaze redirected to your shoes. "don't do that." she sighed, looking over at you. "huh? do what...?" you look up at her, frown evident on your face. "look like i just crushed your heart." ellie looked away from you again, examining the religious paraphilia on the walls. you didn't reply, looking away again but ellie didn't miss the hint of blush covering your face before you did. "oh? did i just crush your heart?" she jokes, weirdly seeming to warm up to you. once again, she's met to no reply. she rolls her eyes, turning the corner in the hall. she was met with a door and she wasn't sure if she should enter.
"it's the chapel." you explain, sensing her confusion and hesitation. ellie looks at you, a little annoyance on her face that you knew something she didn't. she pulls the handle on the door, gesturing for you to enter first. "ladies first." she remarks, not much amusement in her tone. you walk in and she follows after you. it was empty and though it shouldn't be creepy, ellie felt unnerved. "wait! don't let it closeâ" you try to warn, but the door had already been shut. you sigh, biting your lip in anxiousness. "what?" she utters, wondering why her closing the door was a bad thing. "it locks from the outside." you explain and ellie's face drops. "that's fucking great." ellie groans, running her hands over her face, walking down the isle and up the two steps to the alter. you follow.
"i tried to tell you..." you mutter. ellie wants to yell at you. say something along the lines of 'you should have tried harder' or whatever but before you can get the words out your head is in your hands and you're crying. ellie's shocked, not knowing what to do or say. she sighs. "don't cry, c'mon." she comforts, moving your hands away from your face and wiping your tears. it made you reminiscent to when you and ellie used to be friends. "i'm sorry." you sniffle as she dries your tears. "why're you crying, hm?" she tries to be gentle but just at the sight of your tears makes her want to fuck you over the alter. "'cause you're being mean and i got us locked in here." you vent your frustrations, revealing just what a hard day you had because of ellie.
she feels terrible now, hating that she made you feel so inadequate. god, why does she even care how you feel? ellie looks at you, watching as you wipe the tears that she missed. "i'm sorry for being so mean." she apologizes, deciding to cut the act. she didn't hate you. she could never hate you. "i just can't get you out of my mind." she admits. you look at her blankly for a moment, clearly not understanding. but ellie can see the exact moment when your eyes lighten up, realizing what she meant. "you mean it?" you ask, full of hope. "god." ellie rolls her eyes and your naivety. she leans closer to you, pressing her lips against yours, her hands cupping your face.
you pull back and ellie is now the one who frowns. did she misinterpret all your signs? "i'm not good at that." you admit while avoiding eye contact. ellie chuckles, pulling you closer by your waist. "i don't care." she mutters, kissing down your neck. you gasp, her warm tongue running over your cool skin. ellie's hands venture down, grabbing your ass over your dress. the ass that started this whole mess. "ellie!" you were startled. it felt like all the statues were suddenly watching you, judging you. but it just felt too good to care. but it weighed in the back of your mind as ellie kissed your jaw.
"i'm gonna fuck you so good." she mumbles, becoming drunk with lust. "i've never..." you trail off, your voice transitioning into a gasp when her hands begin to roam over your body. "i know. so pure, huh?" she teases with an eye roll, mocking how the church would call you pure. you don't reply. you couldn't. you words stuck in your throat, your eyes focused on her hands. watching them caress your waist slowly sliding up your body to cup your breasts. "el..." your whisper, you voice filled with breath. "i'm right here." she slides her right hand back down your body, reaching your thighs. she trails her fingers over the flesh before pressing her finger to your clothed cunt. you gasp, clutching onto her tighter.
"i know, baby. feels so good, doesn't it?" she mumbles in your ear, her fingers circling your clit so gently over your panties, which were becoming soaked. "el, el, ellie." you breathed out heavily, trying your best to keep as most decency as you could. after all, this was a chapel. "saying my name just like a prayer." ellie acknowledges, her fingers slowly working towards slipping into your underwear. your eyes rolled back when her cold fingers finally touch the place you needed her most. your legs were weak, wanting to give out on you. ellie notices, biting back a laugh at how blissed you already looked. she leaned you against the alter, her fingers working faster.
"so pretty." ellie mutter against your clammy skin. "so good. you're being such a good girl." her words made you feel so dirty but so... aroused at the same time. "keep... keep saying that." you barely managed to get out, you voice coming out in broken whimpers. "yeah? you like being my good girl?" she gently slides a finger into your dripping cunt. ellie can help but moan herself. "ellie." you whisper, feeling more pleasure than you've ever felt before. "i know. i know." she comforts, knowing exactly how you were feeling as she adds another finger. ellie was so aroused, drunk on the power of ruining you, being the one to help you commit the worst sin you've ever done.
your head lolled back, feeling something you've never felt before. "el." you choke out. "i know. you're almost there." ellie sinks to her knees, kneeling in front of you. "should i confess my sins to you." she whispers, kissing your thighs. you can't respond, finding the scene before you so arousing. ellie lifts up your dress to reveal your lacy underwear. "of course." she mutters under her breath. "hold this for me pretty girl." she looks up at you, and you shakily take hold of the dress that she flipped up. she gently slides your panties down your thighs, never breaking eye contact with you. she helps you step out of them, shoving them in her pocket so she didn't have to put them on the dirty ground.
her eyes flicker down to your pussy, biting her lip. "ellie." you can't even focus anymore, the loss of her fingers deep in your cunt making you want to cry. "i'm gonna make you feel so good. just be patient." she kisses your inner thighs, teasing you. you can't say anything, complain about how much you need her. but luckily, she doesn't torture too much, cause in a matter of seconds she's sucking on your clit, with her fingers returning to their job of fucking you. the sweat on your body makes you hot to touch, needing your release so badly. you push your hips forward instinctively, greedily wanting everything ellie could give you. before you could even process how good ellie was making feel, your orgasm approached.
ellie couldn't help but moan as your own moans got louder and your free hand tangled itself in her hair. "so close, baby." she mumbles into your pussy, feeling just as pleasured as you do. "el. oh my gosh, el! please!" you mutter, your words conjumbled and not making much sense. "good job, baby." she mumbles as she finally pushes you over the edge. your moans are loud and broken, filling the empty chapel with such sin. the cross necklace around your neck sticking to your skin. "ellie rubs your thighs, pressing small kisses on your pussy. "can't get enough of this pussy." she moaned, so drunk on you, on lust, on life. "ellieâ" you whine and she moves away but not before she runs her tongue through your folds one last time.
"so good." she praises and lets your dress fall back into place. ellie kisses you, the taste of your arousal still in her lips. she pulls away, both of you out of breath. the sound of doors opening cause you both to pull apart. your hands going to fix your hair. "ms. heather wanted to know where you two went. you okay...?" a girl ellie recognized as one of your friends from earlier asked you. ellie began to make her way down the steps and down the isle, you quick to follow. "yes, yeah. we just got a little lost." you speak slowly, trying to maintain your thoughts.
your eyes scattered around to find your underwear. ellie smirked when she saw you looking around, knowing they were right in her pocket. she would give them back eventually but the thought of you walking around a few hours commando just made her feel things. catching glimpses of you around the night pulling down your dress, looking around to make sure no one can see anything. but of course in the morning she'll return them after using them all that night, after her roommate when home sick. but this is ellie we're talking about. she had to tease you just a little bit. so on day two when everyone wakes up to gather in the prayer room to see a pair of lace panties hanging from the cross, the kids and chaperones were most definitely shocked, and of course ellie earned some death glares from you in between your embarrassment. and ellie can't help but think maybe she'll hang out with you at church more often if that's the reward.
another christian!reader x ellie williams fic!
#đ â the last of us#đ°ïž â birds and bees#ellie williams x reader#the last of us x reader#ellie williams#ellie williams smut#ellie smut#ellie x reader#tlou x reader#tlou smut#the last of us smut#wlw smut
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play pretend ! ââĄâ nsfw.
the premise of fake dating your best friend, for just a weekend, is hilarous.. and scary. but what happens after is even scarier.. it's just play pretend right?
warnings / includes â sex, heavy fwb themes, bit of angst
shame coated you when you woke up in one of the guest rooms, carefully placed onto the bed at about 3am by no other then jungkook while you were dead hungover. pure rotten shame rests in your cheeks, paints them red when you say bye to his family a few hours later as jungkook couldn't quite even look at you.
everything about him was different. the way he moved around you, the way he avoided looking directly at you. hell, even his voice sounded quieter, less confident, like he didnât know what to do either.
something had changed him, for the worse.
and it was all your damn fault.
you had thought the car ride would give you both time to defrost, pretend that whatever happened the night earlier did in fact not happen, crack some jokes but to no avail â long, defening silence.
silence and shame don't go well together, the color they create on the canvas of yours, it soaked through you. stayed with you for the next five days, it's the color of the message you send him at 11 pm on saturday, asking him how he was doing.
it's the ugly color of the 'delivered' button that stays there for the following two days.
the dress you wear to the next party is bright, anything to drown out the guilt that was eating you alive.
the music is loud, and so are you. laughing a little too hard, moving a little too close to anyone who shows you attention. you take another sip of whatever is in your cup, the liquid burning its way down your throat but dulling the ache in your chest.
and then thereâs him.
you donât see Jungkook immediately, but you feel him before your eyes catch his across the room. you feel the way the air shifts, the way your stomach churns when you notice the familiar set of his jaw, the way his eyes flicker toward you.
you almost drop your drink.
because it feels like a candid flashback of that nightâonly now itâs all so different. why did things have to be so complicated?
youâre pressed against some guy you barely know, his lips grazing your neck in a way that should distract you. youâve been letting it happen, letting him flirt, letting his hands wander because itâs easier than thinking about the mess you left unresolved.
but then thereâs jungkook. he stands on the other side, the neon light painting his face; his look wasn't judging. maybe light disappointment but more observing then anything, really. and it reminded you of how you used to stare at him whenever he was going after various girls at these exact sorts of parties.
it makes you sick, makes the unfamilar hands on your body feel foul and uninviting, it's not the fire burning through you like it had that night, it's cold ice, slowly creeping through your veins, making it's way to your brain.
said ice whispers things you don't want to hear, reminds you of things you don't want to think about.
"fuck, i think i like you."
you run of upstairs to the nearest balcony, the house was familar one of your mutual friends', this place was where you used to play spin the damn bottle in high school. now it feels haunted, just as univiting as the guy's hands felt a few minutes ago, why did everything feel so distant now? first jungkook, now everything else. why was it so consuming?
you light up a cigarette, you didn't usually smoke but you wanted to feel that fire again, the warmth, the pure need from a week ago. you regreted not having fucked the guy because you were sure he could've made you forget for longer then this cig could.
âthought I might find you here,â he says behind you, kneeling next to you yet keeping a safe distance, his voice low and cautious.
"you shouldn't have," you respond coldly, because anger is a better emotion to feel then regret and you had plenty things to be frustrated about, "you've been avoiding me for a whole week, don't pretend like you give a fuck." you don't meet his eyes, just take another drag.
but you see him flinch in the corner of your eye. great, the guilt sits in you once again.
he shifts slightly, and you can feel the tension radiating off him , âi know Iâve been a jerk, but itâs not that simpleââ
âthen make it simple.â your voice is sharper than you intended, but the hurt has festered for too long. you finally turn to face him, âi need to know what you want. because this? whatever this is? itâs fucking misery.â
the words hang heavily in the air, and for a moment, silence stretches between you. jungkook looks like heâs grappling with his thoughts, the tension in his body palpable. then, slowly, he closes the distance between you, his eyes softening as he cups your face in his hands.
âcan I kiss you?â he asks, his voice a whisper, as if the question itself is laced with vulnerability.
you nod, and the moment your lips touch, itâs like everything else fades away. the kiss starts soft, gentle, as if heâs savoring the moment, and you can feel your heart begin to race.
it's nothing like the previous fire you had wished to experience earlier, it's delicate warming sunlight, brushing over your skin, washing away the hideous color that had built over the last few days.
âfriends with benefits,â he murmurs against your lips, his breath hot and sweet. âwe get to have this-â he kisses you again, slow and lingering, ââwithout the pressure of expectations.â
âexpectations?â you echo, your mind racing as you try to process his words.
âyeah,â he replies, his lips brushing against yours, each touch sending shivers down your spine. âwe can enjoy each other without worrying about where itâs going. just... pure fun.â his hands toy with the hem of your dress, before returning your gaze.
time slips quick, it all feels so raw, so different from that night yet all so much better.
his hands grip your thighs, pulling you closer, driving deep inside you with a primal urgency. you can feel the way he fills you, stretching you perfectly. you're so glad you aren't drunk, that you'll remember this in the morning and the day after.
you claw at his back, nails digging in, urging him on, needing more, wanting all of him. and he curses, runs his mouth like the talkative brat you knew he always was, degrades you one second, tentatively kisses your cheeks the next.
his hands rest on your tighs as he kisses along your clit once again, sweet, real. taunts you 'for the mess you made on your friend's coach' but he doesn't give you time to feel guilty, just starts nuzzling his face back into your pussy, licking along.
no, jungkook will never make you feel the same guilt again. you're sure of it, well â not that you could really properly think under these conditions anyway.
#bts fic#bts x reader#jungkook#bangtan fic#bangtan x reader#jungkook fic#jungkook imagine#jungkook smut#bangtan x you#bts jungkook#jeon jungkook x reader#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#jungkook x y/n#bts fluff#bts smut#bts fanfiction#bts fanfic#bts x y/n#bts x fem!reader#bangtan smut#bangtan fanfic#đââŹâ§Ë° play pretend! verse
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Birthday Wishes
Pairing: (Hallmark) Joel Miller x f!reader
Summary: It's Joel's birthday and he only has one wish.
Warnings: language, hallmark style fluff, smut (18+ MDNI), unprotected piv sex, food and alcohol consumption, anxiety
WC: 5K
Series Masterlist
Dividers by @saradika-graphics
Today was the day.
He was really going to do it this time.
He chickened out countless times already but this time, he was going to go through with it.
He was going to ask you to marry him.
The ring had a permanent home in his pocket by now, always waiting for the 'perfect time', for 'the right moment', and so many passed him by with his fingertips brushing up against the smooth gold deep in his pocket. Like the time he took you to a baseball game and you made it on the kiss cam. Or when you rented a lake house for a weekend getaway and you watched the sunset together from the front porch with a shared blanket draped over your knees.
Goddamnit, he was so nervous it was making him sick. What was he so worried for? He didn't think you would say no, although you haven't even been together even a year yet. Maybe it was too soon for you. He could have asked you two weeks after meeting you and it wouldn't have made a difference to him, he knew right away. But maybe it was different for you.
But on Father's Day, you did admit to wanting kids with him one day. So you must have been thinking about your future together, even a little. Right?
He should just do it right now. Just get it over with and slide the ring on your finger while you slept so peacefully next to him. It wasn't a half bad idea, but he always envisioned his proposal being a little more meaningful, and it felt like taking the easy way out if he just put it on your finger while you were asleep.
You deserved better than that. You deserved a whole speech on why you're so fucking perfect and how much you've changed his and Sarah's lives. And everyone should know it, not just the two of you. Everyone should hear how incredible you are and how happy you were together. If he could, despite his nerves, he would broadcast it on national television.
Then, right as you stirred, the perfect idea hit him like a ton of bricks.
"What're you smiling about?" you yawned when you peered up at him from your pillow.
"Nothin'," he said before slinking back down into bed to wrap his arms around you. You tucked your face into his neck and wedged one of your legs between both of his and it was fucking heaven the way your body fit perfectly against him. Then, you practically jumped awake when you remembered what day it was.
"Happy birthday!" you exclaimed, tipping your head back with a huge smile.
"Thank you, baby," he murmured, pinching your chin and tugging you closer so he could press your lips together.
"Feeling your age yet, Miller?" you teased with a wiggle of your eyebrows, and he laughed, pushing his hips against you underneath the covers. When you felt the growing erection in his sweatpants, you giggled and squirmed away. "Guess that answers that question," you said, tossing the covers off you so you could stand. Joel frowned and reached out for you.
"Where you goin'?"
"I have laundry to do and a whole house to clean, not to mention food to make for your party later," you reminded him. You tugged your shirt over your head so you could put on a bra and clean shirt and Joel groaned from his spot in bed when he caught a glimpse of your bare chest.
"Can't give me twenty minutes 'fore you start all that?"
You had just clasped your bra and held your shirt in your hand when you turned back around, on the verge of telling him you really didn't have the time to spare because you both knew he would take longer than twenty minutes, but then you saw how fucking breathtakingly handsome he looked all shrouded with sleep, hair tousled and voice rough, and you couldn't resist. It was his birthday, after all. With a sigh and a smirk, you jumped back into bed, straddling his lap and laughing when his eyes lit up with delight.
"Twenty minutes - I'm holding you to it."
Thank goodness for Sarah. She helped you clean the house, move the laundry, and then hung all the decorations while you checked on the cake in the oven and began to marinate the burgers, chicken and steaks.
Joel offered to help countless times but you kept refusing. Instead, you pushed him outside to relax in the sun while you worked away in the kitchen. You had the foresight to make two pasta salads the day before but you still needed to cook up the yams, get the dough for the biscuits ready, and chop up vegetables for a green salad.
Luckily your gift, two tickets for really good seats to a basketball game, was small enough to just shove into a card, one which you already wrote a sappy little love letter to him on the inside.
"Alright, living room's all set. What else?" Sarah asked when she breezed into the room. You glanced at the time before looking out the window.
"Can you start setting up the tables and chairs in the yard? The tablecloths are right there," you said, pointing to the pile on the counter which also consisted of paper plates and napkins.
"You got it," she said, but before she jogged outside, you called after her, "You're a lifesaver!"
"I know!" she shouted back, then the sliding door shut, leaving you all alone in the kitchen. You had enough time, you just needed to keep moving, but you did pause long enough to connect your phone to a speaker so you could listen to some music while you worked.
About thirty minutes later, some movement caught your eye through the window over the sink that looked out onto the backyard. You smiled when you saw Tommy and Maria climb the deck stairs to give Joel matching hugs and a small blue gift bag. Maria stepped back when the two men began laughing after Tommy made an old man joke and she caught your eye in the window. She gave you an excited wave and jogged into the house, sliding the door shut behind her and tossing her purse on the table.
"Hey!" she sang out, pulling her hair back. "Give me something to do."
You immediately put her in charge of the salad and the yams while you got all the appetizers ready, eternally grateful for her help. And she worked fast, too. Before you knew it, you had all the appetizers out on the counter ready to be taken outside but guests didn't arrive for another forty five minutes.
"I think we've earned a couple drinks of our own," Maria said, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand and jutting her chin towards the glass door where Joel and Tommy sat, beers in hand and feet kicked up, relaxing in the sun.
"Hell, yeah," you replied, swiveling around to yank a bottle of wine from the fridge. "White wine good with you?"
"Absolutely," she said, reaching on her tip toes to grab a couple wine glasses from the top shelf of your cupboard.
"Oh, my god, did Joel do these?" she asked when she closed the door and saw the intricate designs carved into the wood. You turned around and nodded fondly.
"Aren't they amazing?"
"Shit, I didn't know he was so creative," Maria said in awe, fingertips dragging over a cluster of little birds.
"He did them in my parents' house, too," you told her as you carefully poured two glasses of wine. "I told him he would make so much money if he advertised that skill a little more, but he said he doesn't want to. Said it would suck all the fun out of it."
Maria rolled her eyes in disbelief before clinking your glasses together and taking a sip.
"Is your family coming tonight?"
You nodded and rushed over to the oven to turn off a timer. "Yep. My parents, my sister, her husband and my niece."
"Anna, right? How old is she now?"
You sighed and took another sip of your wine. "Six months, can you believe it? Cassie's already begging Josh for another one, she's absolutely insane."
"Speaking of," Maria said, nodding out the window. You turned to see your family climbing the stairs of the deck, loudly wishing Joel happy birthday and giving him hugs and slaps on the back.
"Shit, maybe we should take some of these outside," you said, pointing to the appetizers.
"Let's take the cold ones out and leave the warm ones in the oven til more people arrive."
Maria and Sarah were unbelievably helpful the entire party. Sarah made sure everyone had drinks and knew where the coolers were while Maria was constantly picking up after everyone. Tommy even volunteered to grill so you could spend some time catching up with your family.
"Buck, where's Joel?" Cassie asked, looking around the crowded yard. You peered through the throngs of people until your brow relaxed and you smiled, pointing to the corner of the lawn.
"Looks like he's playing cornhole with some guys from work."
"How're things goin' with him, honey?" your father asked. You swirled around and frowned at the term of endearment.
"'Honey'?" you repeated, the word sounding vile on your tongue. "You never call me that. You only ever call me Bucky."
Your dad shook his head and took a sip of beer. "Not true. I call you all sorts'a things."
"No," Cassie said, one hand on her hip and the other cradling Anna. "You don't, Dad."
He rolled his eyes and looked to your mom for help.
"I think Dad's just wondering if things with you and Joel are still going good. He just worries about you," your mom explained, wrapping an arm around your dad's sizable waist. "You know, since moving in together. It's a big step and-"
"And we were thinkin' you might've gotten a new piece of jewelry by now, is all," you dad finished for her.
"Dad!" you exclaimed, face instantly growing hot. Thank fuck Joel wasn't around to hear that. The last thing you wanted to do was pressure him but still, the image of a small velvet box you saw tucked into his underwear drawer when you first moved in danced across your vision. "We are extremely happy, thank you very much. I'm begging you, please don't say something like that in front of him."
"Don't worry, Buck, I won't let him," Cassie promised. "Dad! You can't pressure them like that! Joel's probably just taking his time and not rushing anything because of the whole Will fiasco."
You cringed and looked away at the mention of your ex-fiancé who cheated on you with your ex-best friend back in New York City.
"It hasn't even been a year yet," you grumbled, "I'm happy, he's happy, can we please change the subject now?"
"Of course we can, Buck," your mom said, then patted your dad on his belly. "Did you tell the girls about Auntie Carolyn?"
You breathed a sigh of relief when your dad launched into a story about his sister meeting some guy at church and what a big deal it was for her as it was the first date she had been on since her husband passed away almost twenty years ago. At some point near the end of the story, Joel had sidled up next to you. His arm snaked around your middle and he pressed his lips lovingly against the side of your head, murmuring so only you could hear about what a great party it was and how he was having a fantastic time. You leaned into him, tuning your mom and dad out when the conversation began to dwindle into some dumb argument over which month your uncle died.
"Did you eat?" he asked you, looking down at you like you were the only two people on earth, his deep brown eyes sparkling brightly as they drifted over your face.
"I did, did you?"
"Mhm, ate too much. Everythin' was so perfect, baby, thank you," he said before capturing your lips with his. His mouth lingered a moment too long and if you hadn't already tasted the beer from his kiss, his delayed reaction pulling away would have been your next clue.
"How much did you have to drink?" you giggled, your family now completely ignored. It wasn't your fault. It was the effect Joel had on you, and you wouldn't change it for anything.
"Not that much," he replied, and you scoffed before rolling your eyes. "No, I'm serious. Only had, ah, three, I think. I ain't drunk."
"It's okay if you are, it's your birthday-"
"No, listen to me. I ain't drunk," he repeated, staring you dead in the eye so you could see his vision was as clear as his mind. He couldn't have you thinking he would be proposing to you drunk.
"O-okay," you said slowly, giving him a confused smile before taking his hand. "We should do cake and gifts in case people want to take off soon."
Joel nodded, following as you led him through the crowd to the deck, his free hand raking anxiously through his hair as he tried to remember his speech.
He stood by your side as you gathered everybody around the cake you made, smiling when Sarah had to shout to get everyone's attention while you lit the candles and he tried not to bring attention to the fact his hands were shaking and his breath was growing shallow.
You clapped your hands together loudly, then sang out the first note to Happy Birthday, his friends and family following suit and holding up their phones, snapping pictures and videos when he tugged you into one side, Sarah into the other and kissed the top of your heads. He made eye contact with Tommy and his brother gave him a subtle nod, holding up his phone and making sure he had the clearest angle for when he blew out his candles.
Fuck, he was really going to do this.
When the song ended, he took a deep breath, looking at you once before blowing out the candles. He vaguely heard everyone clapping and cheering, their voices stirring up old conversations again, but he could hardly process any of it through his nerves.
"Here, why don't you let me do that," Maria said slyly, taking the knife from your hand before you could begin to cut the cake. You quirked an eyebrow at her but gave her the knife anyway.
"What'd you wish for, Dad?" Sarah asked loudly, commanding most of the guests' attention. She was giving him a playful smirk, eyes darting back and forth between you while she rocked excitedly on her heels.
It was around that point when you sensed something was going on. The entire moment felt like it was moving in slow motion but in reality it had probably only been a handful of seconds. You looked over at your family, huddled together and smiling and you narrowed your eyes at Cassie, trying to read her mind to no avail.
With your head still turned, you heard a handful of soft gasps and squeaks. Your gaze was still locked on Cassie and in a split second, you saw her eyes drop to somewhere behind you. Her face crumpled and her hand flew up to cover her mouth and you slowly tilted your head to the side. She was happy. Those were happy tears.
Your eyes widened when everyone fell eerily silent and you felt more than saw their eyes on you. Your heart began to beat faster, mind racing and adrenaline shooting through your body when you finally twisted back around.
"Oh, my god!" you exclaimed, voice already breaking when you made eye contact with Joel, who had dropped to one knee while holding a diamond ring with shaky fingers. You slapped both palms over your mouth and you squeezed your eyes shut but the tears still leaked out and trickled down your cheeks. It was actually happening.
Then, you opened your eyes. His mouth was curved into a nervous smile and his eyes were glassy as he gazed up at you from the wood floor of the deck. The blood in your veins was moving so goddamn fast you could hear it rushing in your ears, so you took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm down. You wanted to make sure you remembered every single second and every single word.
"Hey, baby," he said. His tone was so soft, you almost forgot anyone else was around. It felt like, in that moment, it was just the two of you. You laughed lightly through your tears, unable to keep the smile from your face, so certain it would never, ever fade. He reached up to you with his free hand and you flicked away a couple tears before tucking your hand inside his.
"When we first met," he began, voice trembling a bit, "I know we said we would keep things casual, but, uh... I lied."
A ripple of laughter swept through the crowd and you grinned, unwilling to look away from him.
"I knew the night of our first date we'd end up right here, one way or another. You know why?"
You shook your head, tears clouding your vision, so you blinked them away.
"'Cause I never felt the way I felt that night with anyone else," he told you, his lower lip quivering as his smile slowly began to slip. "It was like... my heart knew 'fore my head I couldn't ever live without you."
"Me, too," you wept. His eyes sparkled and you saw his throat bob before he took a steadying breath.
"You changed my life. You changed my daughter's life, and for that-" he cut himself off, throat closing up and voice growing thick as he took a moment to collect himself. But when you saw two tears trickle down his cheeks, disappearing into his beard, you fell to your knees with him and cupped his face. "I can't thank you enough, baby," he finally whispered. You dragged your thumbs over his damp cheeks, tears streaming down your own face, too, but you didn't care. Joel pressed his forehead against yours for a moment, just a quick second to ground himself before inhaling sharply and leaning back. He held the diamond ring between you, eyes flickering to it briefly, then swallowed nervously before saying your full name, followed by, "Will you marry me?"
You nodded so fast you thought your neck would snap.
"Yes!" you cried out, throwing your arms around him and burying your face into his shoulder. His muscles sagged with relief right before his arms circled you, tugging you closer. Everyone around you was laughing and cheering so you couldn't hear Joel, but you could feel the way his shoulders moved and his chest heaved. Then he shifted so his mouth was next to your ear and you heard his laughter mixed with choked sobs, mimicking your own.
"I love you," you sobbed before finding his lips. "I love you so much," you said while repeatedly planting kisses all over his face. He chuckled and tilted his head back so he could give you one more searing kiss before sitting back on his heels and holding out his hand. You swiped your tears away with the back of your hand, staring at him until it dawned on you what he wanted.
"Oh!" you exclaimed, shakily presenting your left hand to him. He slid the ring on with ease and hummed his approval under his breath when you flicked your wrist around, catching the diamond in the light.
"I love it," you breathed, locking eyes with him. He had the biggest smile on his face, the kind that made the wrinkles next to his eyes scrunch up in the most adorable way. You were about to say more when Sarah tackled him out of nowhere right as your sister hugged you from behind and practically screeched in your ear.
The rest of the party was a blur after that.
The men ended up somehow finding cigars and surrounding themselves with clouds of thick smoke in the backyard while encouraging Joel to take a couple shots of tequila with them.
"Hey, go easy on him! He's old now and he's gotta celebrate later," Tommy joked. Joel whipped around, fucking praying Sarah or your father weren't around to hear that, then shoved his brother in the shoulder, muttering watch it under his breath.
Meanwhile, your family had you cornered in the living room. Your mom had been on the verge of tears since Joel proposed, your sister had passed Anna off onto your brother-in-law so she could admire your ring while already lecturing you on color schemes, band or DJ, and suggesting a few banquet halls in the vicinity that were beautiful but book up fast.
"I've been engaged for an hour, Cas! Give me a break!" you laughed before turning to your dad. "Did you know? Earlier when you were-"
"Nope!" he immediately said, his face all red from the excitement. "Well, I didn't know he was gonna do it tonight but... I knew. Asked my permission the night little Annie was born."
April? Joel had been thinking about proposing to you since April? The love you had for that man was insurmountable.
"Excuse us!" Sarah yelled out, racing through the living room with two of her friends, their phones clutched in their hands and giggling as they headed for the door.
"Uh, where are you going?" you asked when you saw her put on shoes.
She glanced up at you and grinned.
"The school football team's playing a home game, we were gonna try to catch the last quarter so Katy could give Paulie heart eyes from the bleachers," Sarah laughed when Katy shoved her shoulder, her face turning pink.
"Does your dad know?"
"Listen to Buck, already sounding like a stepmom," Cassie whispered to your parents.
"Yeah, he said it was cool. I'll be home by midnight," she replied, then right when she turned towards the door she stopped, swiveling back around and rushing over to you. She threw her arms around your shoulders, squeezing you tight.
"I love you, Bucky."
You kissed the top of her messy curls with a smile before she let you go.
"Love you, too. Be safe."
After Sarah left, a dam broke and other guests began to gather their things to leave, finding each of you to thank you for the party and congratulate you one more time until all that remained were Tommy and Maria helping Joel clean up the yard while you practically pushed your family out the door, insisting they didn't need to help and that Anna needed to get to bed.
When the house was finally silent, you tiredly strolled into the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe, looking around at the empty cups, plates, half filled bottles of beer and uncovered trays of food. A Happy Birthday banner hung loosely from above your head where someone had drunkenly scrawled congrats! in black sharpie underneath. Crumpled bags of potato chips and spilled drinks littered your counters, but you were happy. You were so stupidly, unbelievably happy that no amount of cleaning up could ever take that away from you.
And surprisingly, it didn't take very long. Maybe it was due to your unwavering good mood every time you tied up a garbage bag or ripped off a piece of foil and saw your beautiful engagement ring sparkling on your hand, but regardless of the reason, you had gotten the kitchen into decent enough shape by ten thirty, just as the sliding door opened.
"Alright. Yard's as good as we're gonna get it," Tommy yawned when he stepped inside, followed closely by Joel and Maria.
"Thank you both so much," you said, giving them each tight hugs before finding your spot next to Joel. He tucked you under his arm and glanced around the kitchen.
"You did all this by yourself?"
"It went fast," you assured him.
He looked down at you and shook his head in disbelief. "Everythin' was perfect, sweetheart," he said. "Don't know what I did to deserve you."
Tommy shrugged on his leather jacket while Maria draped the strap of her purse over her shoulder. "Alright, lovebirds. We're gonna hit it. Congrats again and happy birthday, big brother," he said before tugging Joel into a bear hug while Maria gave you another kiss on your cheek. The pair of you walked them to the door, laughing about how drunk one of their buddies from work got and taking bets on whether he would be calling in on Monday. Then they jogged down the porch and the door finally swung shut, leaving the two of you alone for the first time since that morning.
You immediately spun around and snaked your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a deep kiss.
"I love you," you murmured, and he grinned before slipping his tongue past your lips. Your squeal was muffled when he lifted you off the ground and headed for the stairs. You slapped his shoulders, giggling and squirming until he put you down.
"You'll kill us both if you try to carry me up there," you told him breathlessly. He gazed down at you, dark eyes sparkling and smile stretched so wide, it almost hurt.
"See? That's why I'm marryin' you. You're so damn smart, baby."
You laughed and playfully pushed him away, then carefully walked backwards up a couple steps. "And why am I marrying you?" you teased, lifting an eyebrow.
He made a noise in the back of his throat, following after you with a devious smirk and a predatory look in his eye.
"Get to bed and I'll show you."
Joel couldn't imagine what his life would be like without you. You've blended into their lives so perfectly, it felt like you were always there. He was obsessed with you and he didn't even try to deny it if anyone caught him staring at you from across the room. The way you toss your head back when you laugh, the way your nose scrunches up when you take a sip of something bubbly, the sleepy way you snuggle into him early in the morning when his alarm goes off. All of it. Every single thing.
And, sure, the way his name sounds falling from your lips when he buries himself deep inside you is pretty incredible, too.
"Thought you'd gotten your fill this morning," you whispered in his ear, fingers combing through the curls on the back of his head, pressing him closer so your mouth could drag along his cheek.
"Never," he whispered back, and at the same time plunged into you once again. A deep groan rumbled in his chest, utterly consumed by the way your cunt stretched and pulsed around him, something that's happened countless times by now but never lost its allure.
"You... you feel so good," you moaned, head limply falling back into the sheets as his hips steadily rocked into you, building you up just to tear you back down. You gazed up at him, swollen lips parted, eyes half open, mesmerized by the fact he was going to be your husband. This beautiful man who looked at you like you held the meaning of life in your hands. Who loved you, cared for you, stood by your side through laughter and tears. Who taught you what it meant to be truly loved after your heart was shattered.
This was the man who was meant just for you, you never felt more sure about anything in your life.
"I love you," you whimpered when his hips began to grind into you, giving your clit that extra stimulation you needed to feel your orgasm swell low in your belly, your jaw dropping and your breath quickening with each forceful thrust.
"Love you," he replied, his own focus growing hazy. He nipped at your jaw, kissed your throat, licked into your mouth, needing to taste and feel you everywhere. It was never enough. "Y'so beautiful, so perfect..." he mumbled in between sloppy kisses and sharp gasps. "Y'make make me so happy. I'll never stop lovin' you... shit," he groaned, eyes squeezing shut. You were close. He could tell by the way you trembled underneath him and clenched tightly around his cock.
He let his head fall to your shoulder, driving into you over and over until your legs shook and your nails dug into his back and you cried out his name. His mouth covered yours instantly, swallowing down your moans and whimpers, headboard knocking rhythmically against the wall until his own body jolted forward, stilling and pumping you full of his seed while he whispered brokenly against your lips how much he loved you.
"Fuck," he breathed, pressing his sticky forehead against yours, rolling it back and forth as you each fought for air. You occasionally pecked little kisses at his lips but you were too tired to do much else. You felt like you were melting into the bed, every single muscle loose and relaxed, eyelids heavy and sliding closed.
"I wear you out, baby?" Joel teased when he slipped out of you with a soft grunt. You nodded, breathing in deep when the mattress shifted and the heat from his body disappeared. A moment later you felt him gently spread your still shaky legs to wipe a wet washcloth between your thighs, giving your stomach a quick kiss before heading back to the bathroom. You vaguely heard the sink running, then the familiar sound of him brushing his teeth before the light switch flicked off and he joined you back in bed.
"I'll get up in a minute," you mumbled, turning to bury your face against his bare chest, left hand snaking around his waist, the cool metal of your ring pressing against his skin. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you close.
"Did you get everything you wanted for your birthday?" you asked with a yawn. He smiled and closed his eyes, blindly bringing your left hand up to his lips.
"Sure did."
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#joel miller#pedro pascal#joel miller x reader#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fic#joel miller smut#joel miller fanfic#joel x reader smut#joel miller tlou#joel x reader#joel miller au#hallmark couple#hallmark#the last of us hbo#the last of us fanfiction#the last of us fic#joel the last of us#the last of us#the last of us au
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Feverish
Spencer Reid x Reader
18+ â€ïžâđ„
Spencer canât keep his hands off of you in his fever induced delirium.
Inspired by a scene from The Tearsmith (on Netflix)
âWhat happened?â You ask Morgan whoâs got Spencerâs arm draped over his shoulder.
Spencer is out of it, delirious, coated in sweat. Yet he grins at you.
âPopped for the flu, probably from those kids earlier this week,â Morgan answers as he puts Spencer in the passenger seat of your car.
âI knew the flu shot was a waste of time,â Spencer muses. âItâs an educated guess at best as for what strain will circulate through the population,â he scoffs and shoves on sunglasses.
âWonderful,â you groan.
âYouâve already been sick this season, youâre probably fine,â Spencer mumbles and lulls his head back in the seat.
âI think thatâs why he said to call you,â Morgan smiles.
âWell, itâs great to see you again. Stay safe,â Morgan hugs you by way of farewell.
Taking care of your sick ex boyfriend on your long anticipated three day weekend was not high on your bucket list. But here you were.
You drop into the car next to him and heâs already fast asleep. Feeling his forehead, you confirm that heâs burning up.
You and Spencer had ended things amicably four weeks ago. Your crazy schedule as a labor and delivery nurse didnât mesh well with his chaotic FBI job. It didnât mean you didnât care for him. Perhaps that made seeing him so sick that much harder.
âCome on,â you help him from the car and into your house.
He stumbles up the front steps but youâre able to hold him up.
âSorry, dizzy,â he murmurs.
âItâs okay,â you place your hand at the center of his chest, pushing yourself under his arm further to support his tall frame. The heat coming off of him could almost burn you.
You had never been more grateful that you opted for a one floor house. You imagined getting him up a flight of stairs would be impossible.
âHere,â you sit him on the edge of your king sized bed but he just flops onto his side, tucking his face into your pillow. He breaths in deeply, you can hear how congested he is.
You hurry to your medicine cabinet to get him a concoction of fever reducers.
âTake this,â you sit him up.
He barely opens his eyes, just groggily obeys and trusts the pills youâre giving him. He knows youâd never do anything to hurt him.
You wipe the water from his lips gently. He purses his mouth as though to kiss the pad of your thumb longingly.
You slowly undo the buttons of his shirt, you needed to cool him down. Heâs drenched in sweat.
âSit up,â you pull him up with a hand on the back of his neck and push the shirt off of his shoulders. Your eyes trace his body longingly, but only for a moment.
You gently lay him back down and start undoing his converse so he can get more comfortable. He groans at the movements as you tug the shoes off and discard them, adoring his mismatched socks.
You brush his hair from his forehead and prompt him to open his eyes. He does but theyâre heavy with fatigue.
âYouâre going to be fine Spence, just tell me if you need anything,â you whisper.
You gently caress his cheek, his eyes fluttering closed. You relax your hand in the center of his bare chest, unable to help how drawn to him you are. You missed him. His lean body with the thin sheen of sweat had your heart fluttering. Touching him was too much, too overwhelming. You sigh and stand from the bed.
His arm wraps around your waist and he tugs you weakly back into the bed. You fall half onto him and half next to him.
âDonât go,â he murmurs and buries his face in your stomach like youâre all heâll ever need. You run your hands through his long hair and hold him close to comfort him. It doesnât even bother you that his hair is damp, you just want to help him.
He pulls you more onto him and twists his hands into your shirt. Youâre nearly straddling him now, leaning over him as he groans and begs for you to be closer.
âSpence,â you warn.
He nudges his face into your abdomen, between your breasts. Heâs so out of it you doubt heâs even aware of his actions. His mouth clamps over your nipple which is hardening through your shirt. This is so wrong, but it feels so fucking good.
Your body reacts to him, your hips grinding down against his. You canât help it.
Your tank top rides up and his mouth trails sloppily against your now exposed skin, causing you to suck air through your teeth harshly. Heâs kind of kissing you, but more seemingly needing to touch you with his mouth. He leaves moist trails of kisses against your stomach. He grapples at your body, heâs needy, heâs panting. Heâs whimpering against you.
Heâs burning up.
âShhh, Spence,â you sink down next to him and nestle into the crook of his arm.
You push away your arousal. That was not happening right now.
Besides, clear headed Spencer wouldnât touch you that way after breaking up.
âNeed you,â he moans.
âNot right now baby,â the nickname slips out. It was habit.
His buries his face in the crook of your neck, heâs breathing hard as his hand trails down your body. He digs his nails into the soft skin on your hips and squeezes lovingly. His fingertips move down the plane of your stomach and graze just under the edge of your waistband but he goes no further. You take in the sight of his large hand on your body again, those fingers, the way the muscles and veins move as he does. Your traitorous pussy clenches around absolutely nothing. Ugh.
He begins to kiss the soft spot of your neck and you canât help but to tilt your head to give him better access. His hand moves up to squeeze your breast, pulling a moan from you. God you needed him so bad. But he was so sick. His desperation for you was driving you mad.
You hear him shudder as a chill washes over him. But he ignores it, moving so his laying on you, kissing your nipples through the thin fabric of your shirt. His eyes are still closed, heavy with sickness. But he slides his strong arms under you to hold you even closer to him as he continues to kiss and sucking at your neck. He nudges your tank top down and pulls your nipple into his mouth, sucking hard.
âAh, Spencer. Baby,â you writhe beneath him, but heâs got you pinned.
He kisses you until he canât anymore, until his grip on you grows weaker and his mouth lingers on you longer.
He grows tired and rests his head on your chest. He keeps you beneath him, most of his body weight laying between your legs. His head rests on your stomach as he starts to doze off. His warm breath fans against your skin.
You push your hand into his hair to keep him right where he is. Heâs absorbing your body heat, his breathing beginning to slow.
A content sigh escapes his chest and he finally falls asleep.
You can still feel the ghosts of his hands and lips, messy and needy on your body. Itâs like he was devouring you, like you were the only thing that could save him. He was absolutely out of his mind, acting on instinct and primal need despite being sick. Itâs like he couldnât help it, couldnât stop himself from touching you.
#spencer reid#criminal minds#mgg#mgg pics#dr reid#spencer reid one shots#spicy spencer reid#spencer reid one shot#spencer reid smut#Spencer reid cute#spencer reid fanfiction#Spencer Reid long hair#Jesus Reid
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Okay but forreal⊠how would it go down if babydollâs dad caught trailer park!rafe defiling his precious daughter đ« I can just imagine him getting more suspicious about the time his daughter is gone and one day he catches her walking into Rafeâs trailer and barges in their to see her getting absolutely defiled and disgraced by Rafe who would just smirk and be like âthink itâs about time we tell him heâs gonna be a grandpa or what?â UGHHH HEâS SO MEAN I LUV HIM
uh oh đ€
With you being pregnant, you had been spending nearly all your time over at Rafeâs. You werenât very far along, your bump barely noticeable to most. You were in your own little world, happy as can be to be pregnant with Rafeâs baby and very hormonal. You were even more clingy with him, nearly had a meltdown when he left to go get beer one night and needed dick all the time.
Your father had been growing a little suspicious of you here recently as you seemed to never be home anymore. It was now the third day this week you hadnât been at the trailer when he had gotten off work and he couldnât get past it. So much so he got in his truck and began slowly driving down the road to see if you were around the park anywhere. Surely he had nothing to worry about and you were just finishing up handing out the cookies you liked to make for everyone.
He was about to turn around when he spotted a flash of pink at one of a familiar trailer. His eyes widened in a flash of horror as he saw you walking into the run down dump that was Rafe Cameronâs. The same man that never paid rent on time, had a major attitude problem and got drunk all day off of cheap beer. What was his innocent daughter doing anywhere around that piece of trash? Your father didnât know what he had expected to see when he barged in Rafeâs trailer door, but it definitely wasnât you on that filthy manâs lap doing things he never thought you would ever partake in. He didnât even have words to process the sight he saw in front of him.
You were so incredibly needy, Rafeâs huge cock stretching your leaking hole as he whispered dirty words in your ear. His large hands gripped your waist that was barely starting to round out, reminding himself you were indeed knocked up with his baby. He smiled at the thought, facial hair tickling your neck as you threw your head back against his broad shoulder. âSuch a desperate little thing for cock now that I got you pregnant, huh?â His voice rough as you had barely walked through the front door before he had your pretty little pink dress up as you were begging to be filled.
It was the door slamming open that made his blue eyes look up an instant look of gratification on his face as he saw your father standing there in shock. You were so cock drunk too, that you couldnât do anything but sit there and continue to take it up your fluttering cunt. He let out a small laugh, staring the old man right in the face as he continued to thrust upward. He was sick for doing this, but then again really gave zero fucks. He wanted this to happen, to finally show that miserable bastard that he had ownership of your sugary sweet self now.
âWell look who it is babydoll. Takinâ a bad manâs dick up your little fuckhole for your pops to finally see. Should we tell him heâs gonna be a grandpa?â Rafeâs voice raspy as your beautiful moans still echoed off the trailer walls. Oh he had you completely ruined and he was loving every dirty second of it. Here you were taking dick up your pretty cunt that he had broken open and nutted into, now to only be a hormonal mess that couldnât get anything out but âFuck me..â
#rafe cameron#trailerpark!rafe#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron concepts#rafe cameron prompt#rafe cameron blurb#outerbanks rafe#rafe outer banks#drew starkey#drew starkey x reader#drew starkey smut#obx#obx smut#outer banks
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chapter 4: the game a bridgerton!au
pairing âžș duke!satoru gojo x fem!reader
summaryâžș dearest gentle reader, a new season is upon us as the ton gets ready for a season filled with drama, heartbreak, and passion. after being crowned diamond of the season, duke gojoâžșonly looking to marry just to secure his inheritanceâžșhas his sights set on you, the easiest (and most obvious) option. later, when you catch his saying unsavory things about you on a terrace when he least suspected it, you swear to never marry gojo. as london's fashionable set goes through yet another wedding season, will there be hope for scandalous gossip, hate, and thinly veiled insults, or will we witness blooming love and passion?
warnings âžș nsfw, enemies to lovers, bridgerton au, angst, fluff, SUGGESTIVE, eventual smut, jealousy, misogyny, regency era au, gojo being infuriating, reader also being infuriating, both of them are clueless honestly
chapter summary: satoru has some revelations about you. both you and satoru share some quite...happening days at the manor, including an eventful game of pall mall. (4.9k)
a/n WARNING this chapter is suggestive. like always minors dni. not edited at all bc im sick of this chapter lol (like always i fear). see u at the bottom ;)
prev. the manor | next. the fall
general masterlist | series masterlist
Dearest reader,Â
It has come to the attention of This Author that Miss Itadori, the undeniable diamond of the season, has made her appearance at Gojo Manor a full week ahead of the rest of the ton. Such early arrival can only provoke speculation: might the tender buds of affection be blossoming in the Kentish countryside? Shall we soon witness Miss Itadori departing with more than just fond memories, perhaps even a ring upon her finger? These are the very questions now fluttering through the minds of young ladies and their ever-watchful mamas, who may find their carefully laid plans to ensnare Lord Gojo dashed before the house party has even begun.
âž» LADY WHISTLEDOWNâS SOCIETY PAPERS
Gojo leaned back in his chair, fingers absentmindedly drumming on the armrest as he watched you fumble with the library door. The soft fabric of your nightgown slipped off your shoulder, a glimpse of bare skin catching in the dim lightâžșsomething not lost to Gojoâs eyes as he watched your figure disappear angrily. Your face was flushed, eyes wide and uncertain. Despite the flurry of emotions playing across your features, what struck him most was the way your hands trembled as you fought to maintain composure.
His lips pressed into a thin line as he leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. You had come hereâžșof all placesâžșinto his sanctuary, and for what? A part of him couldnât reconcile the image of you sneaking into the library in the dead of night with the proper, composed lady you portrayed during the day. The whole encounter felt surreal, leaving a knot of confusion coiled tightly in his chest.
His gaze lingered on the empty doorway after you vanished, a strange hollowness settling in his chest. He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to shake off the feeling, but it clung to him like the shadows of the room. His fingers tightened around the armrest, knuckles whitening as if he could grasp onto something concreteâžșsomething that made sense. But all he was left with was the lingering echo of your footsteps in the hallway and the ghost of your flushed face in his mind.
He rubbed a hand over his face, exhaling slowly. His mind kept returning to the way your nightgown had slipped from your shoulder as you fumbled with the door. The pale fabric had slid down so effortlessly, exposing the curve of your bare skin. It wasnât scandalous, not reallyâžșnot enough to warrant the way his thoughts kept circling back to it. And yet, he couldnât shake the image, the unexpected flash of vulnerability. The sight of it stirred something in him, a quiet confusion that unsettled his usual composure.
What was it that made him notice? Gojoâs brow furrowed as he considered it, his fingers absently drumming on the armrest of his chair. He had witnessed plenty of women in far less modest circumstances (most of them courtesy of his friends, who forced him to go to ridiculous events), and yet, this felt different. There was something about the way you had tried to maintain your dignity, the way you had fought to compose yourself even as your face flushed and your nightgown betrayed you. It was... distracting.
The memory of your fearful expression gnawed at him. He had expected haughty arrogance or calculated charm, not genuine fear. You werenât like the people who usually surrounded him, playing their part in society's grand performance, all vying for his attention. There was an intelligence in your eyes, a spark that made him feel something unsettlingly close to admiration.
He couldnât make sense of it. Why did it matter that you were different? Why did he find himself enjoying your company, despite the fact that you seemed entirely uninterested in his? He drummed his fingers against the armrest, contemplating the possibility of pursuing you for the rest of the seasonâžșthough he quickly dismissed the thought. You were uncooperative, difficult. A chase after you would be nothing short of exhausting.Â
And yet...
His attention shifted back to the desk, to the scattered papers you had left behind. Gojo reached for them, his fingers brushing lightly against the edge of the parchment as though handling something fragile. The numbers and diagrams were a mess of scribbled notes, and yet, they held a strange familiarity. His brow furrowed as he traced the lines with his eyes, piecing together the fragmented calculations. Then, like a puzzle falling into place, it clicked.
Venus. Of all things, you had been calculating the size of Venus.
Gojoâs hand froze midair, hovering over the papers. He blinked, his breath catching in his throat. He had assumedâžșno, expectedâžșyou to be reading some frivolous romance, a book about love and passion, something fitting for a young lady sneaking into a library. But instead, you were working on complex celestial calculations.
He had pegged you for a typical young lady of the tonâžșsomeone more interested in the latest gossip or the affections of suitors than in the stars. It annoyed him, more than he cared to admit, that he had been wrong.
Gojo set the paper down, his hand resting on the edge of the desk as he leaned back in his chair. The flicker of irritation that sparked in his chest was unfamiliar, unsettling even. It wasnât just that you had surprised himâžșplenty of people had done that before. No, it was the fact that he had misjudged you so completely. He prided himself on being perceptive, on seeing through peopleâs masks with ease. Yet here you were, slipping past his assumptions with nothing more than a few scribbled notes and a fleeting presence.
His gaze dropped to the floor, and for the first time in a long while, he felt uncertain. Gojo wasnât used to feeling this wayâžșunsettled, annoyed, and a little too curious for his own good. He tapped the papers lightly, lost in thought. What did it mean that you had gotten under his skin like this? That he found himself wanting to unravel the mystery of you, to see what lay beneath the surface of your carefully constructed facade?
A sigh escaped his lips, low and quiet. His hand finally left the papers, and he leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling as if it held answers he couldnât quite grasp. The world around him was filled with people who either fawned over his charms or remained blissfully unaware of his true nature. But you? You saw right through him. You challenged him, unsettled him, made him question things he had never thought to question before.
With a final glance at the empty doorway, Satoru leaned forward again, ready to dive back into his work. But this time, his thoughts werenât solely on his familyâs ledgers. They were on youâžșand the undeniable pull that had started to form between you.
And inevitably, because Satoru is distracted, he lets the lull of sleep sneak up on him, swathing him in its deep, heavy blanket.
No, Satoru hears himself think. Youâre not supposed to be here.
Youâre sitting on his bed, somehow made it up to his chambers. A part of Satoru comprehendsâžșin all his sleep-deprived gloryâžșthat he is definitely dreaming, but thereâs an overwhelmingly stubborn part of him that dominates his entire consciousness, refusing to accept the fact.Â
Youâre leaning on your elbow, resting on your side on the foot of his bed. Part of him wants to believe that you are really here, sheer nightgown that seems to get shorter and shorterâžșslipping up your thighsâžșevery time his consciousness paints an image of you. The sheer material drapes over your figure, accentuating the gentle curve of your waist and the fullness of your hips, painting a picture that torments him.
âMy lord,â you whisper.Â
Itâs just his title, but your voice carries a sweetness it never holds in reality, dripping with an unfamiliar softness that makes Satoruâs heart lurch. Panic takes root, and he scrambles back, trying to distance himself from the fantasy in front of him. His back slams against the headboard as he fights to resistâžșnot just you, but the part of himself that aches to abandon all notions of honor. That part of him that craves to do things to you that are anything but honorable.
Then, he notices your smile. Itâs not the polite, practiced smile you show at balls or to suitors vying for your attention. This one is sincere, warmâžșa smile that speaks of affection, the kind youâve never shown him before.
Like you are in love.Â
And you are not helping Satoru in his restraint because you position yourself, crawling like a predator, straddling his lap. Satoru is suddenly breathing too fast, his chest tightening with the weight of desire and disbelief.
Your lips are at his ear. Your lips are so soft. âTouch me,â you say, trailing your lips down feather light across his jaw.Â
Right now, you are in love. With him. You are his, and Satoru desperately does not want to fight it.Â
He does not want to.Â
Your hands start trailing down his torso, and now he registers that he is simply wearing a linen shirt and underwear because you are tracing the edge of his underwear, touching his inner thighs, getting so, so impossibly close toâžș
âNo,â he rasps, squeezing his eyes shut. âI am a man of honor.â
But thatâs a lie. One that Satoru clings to, because admitting the truth would shatter everything heâs built. His identity, his valuesâžșthey all rest on the lie heâs desperately trying to hold onto.
What he really wants is nothing between you and him.
He wants that flimsy nightgown gone, the one that barely covers your thighs and what lies between them. He wants to keep the candlelight burning so he can see every inch of you, learn every detail of your body. He wants to slip off your chemise and explore the softness of your skin, trace the swell of your breasts, the dip of your hips, and taste the sweetness of your lips.
Satoru canât focus on anything except the fact you are utterly, scandalously close to him, sitting on his lap and staring at him as if you love him.Â
And his treacherous heart wants to abandon duty, honor, the dukedom, the royal familyâžșeverythingâžșand simply take you. To feel the weight of you pressed against him, wrapped around him.
But just as his hands move to cup your face, you start giggling. âNo, you are not.â
Satoru blinks, confused.
You laugh again, light and teasing. âYou are no man of honor.â
And suddenly, your laughter echoes in his mind, filling the room with its taunting melody. It etches itself into his thoughts, leaving an indelible mark.
âYou are a coward.â
You entered the drawing room to break your fast, Choso by your side, and immediately locked eyes with Gojo, who was already seated at the table with his mother. He quickly looked away, focusing on the toast he was slathering with an ungodly amount of jam.
As you moved to sit at the table with Choso, you couldn't help but study him. Gojo appeared more disheveled than usual, perhaps a bit fatigued, though any sign of vulnerability quickly vanished when your mother spoke.
âLord Gojo, it is a fine morning, is it not?â she inquired with her usual warmth.
Gojo smiled, leaning back in his chair with his characteristic nonchalance. âIndeed, Lady Itadori, especially as I am blessed with such lovely company as yourself and your daughter.â His eyes flickered toward you, an arrogant glint in them before they shifted back to your mother.
You and Choso exchanged exasperated glances.Â
Your mother chuckled, clearly charmed. âOh, my lord, you flatter me. Tell me, what do you favor for breakfast? I am always curious to hear of others' preferences.â
âClearly, it is toast drowned in enough jam to satisfy an army,â you muttered under your breath, delicately spreading butter onto your own toast.
Gojoâs eyes flashed, and he couldnât resist a retort. âAt least I do not indulge in something as dull as butter.â
You stiffened. âButter is far superior to such overwhelming sweetness. Jam annihilates the taste of the toast itself, rendering it pointless.â
âAnd butter,â he shot back, âadds nothing but blandness. It is unremarkable, simple, and tasteless.â
A surge of heat rose to your face, ready to deliver another sharp remark, but before you could respond, Duchess Gojoâs lilting laughter filled the room. âOh, my dears, what a lively couple you make!â Her tone was teasing, her eyes alight with amusement. âSuch spirited conversation at breakfastâžșhow delightful!â
Both you and Gojo stiffened, your faces flushing, though whether it was from irritation or something else entirely, you couldnât say. You hastily turned your attention back to your toast, while Gojo busied himself with his tea.
Duchess Gojo clapped her hands together lightly, her eyes sparkling with mischief. âSince we are all in such a lively mood this morning, I do believe a game of pall-mall is in order once breakfast is through. The garden is in full bloom, and the weather is perfect for it.â
Your mother smiled graciously. âA wonderful idea, Duchess. It has been some time since we last enjoyed a game.â
âIndeed,â the Duchess agreed. âAnd I daresay a little friendly competition will do us all good. What do you say, Lord Gojo?â She turned to her son with a knowing look. âI trust you are up for the challenge?â
Gojo leaned back in his chair, a smirk playing on his lips. âI never shy away from a challenge, Mother. But do be warned, I have no intention of losing.â
âConfidence is a virtue,â you remarked dryly, reaching for your teacup, âbut do not let it cloud your judgment. Pall-mall requires more than mere bravado.â
Gojo raised an eyebrow, his smile widening. âAh, a challenge from you as well. This shall be an interesting morning indeed.â
âLet us hope your skills in the garden match your flair for words, my lord,â you retorted, your tone light (for the sake of preventing your mother a heart attack) but your gaze to Gojo sharp.Â
Duchess Gojoâs laughter rang out once more, her eyes gleaming with delight. âOh, this will be most entertaining! Come now, let us finish our breakfast, and then we shall see who emerges victorious on the field.â
You took a sip of your tea, pointedly ignoring the way Gojoâs gaze lingered on you as you did so. The day had barely begun, and already, you felt the familiar tension of being in his presence. But if there was one thing you knew, it was that you wouldnât back down from a challengeâžșwhether at the breakfast table or in the garden.
Duchess Gojo clapped her hands together, her eyes sparkling with excitement. âNow, we must let our diamond choose first. After all, she is the only lady participating today.â
You smiled warmly at her, a polite nod of appreciation. Gojo, however, frowned, his eyes narrowing slightly as he glanced between you and the bag of mallets. âAre we not simply setting her up for victory?â
Turning to him with an innocent smile, you crossed your arms. âWhatâs that, my lord? Are you unable, as a man, to deal with the loss of your chosen mallet? I know some men depend heavily on certain familiars to win.â
Gojo held your gaze for a moment, his expression unreadable. Then, with a dismissive shrug, he looked away. âChoose whatever you want. I will be sure to defeat you regardless.â
Duchess Gojo placed a warm hand on your back, encouraging you forward. âThatâs the spirit, my son. Now, Miss Itadori, do choose which one you fancy.â
You approached the bag of mallets, your eyes scanning over the selection. They varied in subtle shapes and sizes, each one seemingly tailored for a different style of play. Your gaze settled on a mallet slightly larger than the others, painted a light blue shade. Its weight and shape seemed particularly advantageous for aim and controlâperfect for directing the ball with precision.
As you picked it up, Gojoâs expression darkened, a hint of irritation flickering in his eyes. âOf course, she chooses the best one,â he muttered under his breath.
âWell,â Duchess Gojo crossed her arms. âI suppose itâs only fair that you all let the lady go first.â She turned to you, nodding. âI will go join your mother for tea inside, my dear.â Winking, she adds, âShow these boys how real ladies do it.â
As the duchess took her leave, Choso, always the supportive brother, leaned over to you with a small smile. âExcellent choice, sister. Show them how itâs done.â
You gave him a grateful nod and positioned yourself for your turn. With a graceful swing, you sent the ball rolling smoothly across the lawn. Choso clapped in approval, but when you looked up, Gojo and Yuji were both glowering at you from the sidelines.
Gojoâs lips curled into a smirk, clearly not amused by your success. âBeginnerâs luck,â he commented dryly. Yuji could only nod in mindless agreement to Gojo, and you graced him with a glower. Traitor.
Now it was Gojoâs turn. He stepped forward with confident ease, positioning himself with the mallet as though he had been doing this his entire life. With a swift, practiced swing, his ball shot forward and struck a target dead center. Yujiâs eyes sparkled with admiration, practically beaming at Gojoâs skill.
Choso and you exchanged petulant glances, unimpressed by Gojoâs display. But Yujiâs excitement only grew, and he couldnât resist praising his mentor. âIncredible, my lord! You never miss!â
Chosoâs turn came next. With a focused look, he lined up his shot and knocked Gojoâs ball right out of position, sending it tumbling off course into a forested area. Gojo let out a forced laugh, masking his irritation as best as he could, and you clapped and let out a small, petty giggle. âGood shot, brother! I fear Lord Gojo will have to travel much distance to retrieve and get it on course.â
You would come to bite your words.
When it was Yujiâs turn, he aimed with all his might and sent your ball flying out of position. You gasped in outrage, turning to him with narrowed eyes. âOh, you will pay for this.â.Â
Gojo, on the other hand, gave Yuji a hearty pat on the back, beaming with pride. âWell done, Yuji. Well done.â
It was now your turn, and you stomped your way towards the forested area where you and Gojoâs balls had traveled towards. Soon enough, Gojo was following after you.
The path was shaded by trees, and the coolness of the forest was a welcome relief from the heat of the sun. You could help but give each other glares until you finally broke the silence.
 âHow dare you bewitch my brother into turning against me?â you accused him, stepping over a stray root.
Gojo rolled his eyes, a playful smirk on his lips. âIt appears that Yujiâs blood is indeed not thicker than water,âÂ
 âOr maybeâžșjust maybeâžșyour charm isnât as infallible as you think.â
Keeping pace beside you, Gojo scoffed. âAnd yet, here you are, still engaged in conversation with me. I must be doing something right.â
You shoot him an angry sideways glance. âIâm only here because my ball is, unfortunately, in the same direction as yours. Nothing more.â
He raised an eyebrow. âAh, so itâs mere coincidence that fate keeps pulling us together.â
âMore like unfortunate circumstance.â
The two of you continued bickering as you searched for your wayward balls. The back-and-forth banter echoed through the forest, neither of you willing to back down.
Finally, you spotted themâžșyour ball and Gojoâsâžșresting precariously on top of a narrow stream of water. You both halted, glancing at each other, and then, without a word, you raced forward.
Gojo reached the waterâs edge first, but you werenât far behind. Neither of you hesitated as you waded into the shallow stream, your focus entirely on retrieving your respective balls. The bottoms of your clothes became soaked in the cool water, but neither of you paid it any mind, too busy grappling to reach your goals first.
Just as you managed to scoop up your ball, your dress snagged on something in the water. You stumbled forward, colliding directly into Gojo, who had just retrieved his own. The sudden impact sent both of you toppling into the water.
You landed squarely on top of him, the shock of the fall leaving you momentarily dazed. Gojo blinked up at you, his breath catching as his gaze dropped to your now-dampened bodice, honing in on your bosom. For a moment, his usually sharp and calculating eyes softened, confusion flickering across his face as if he didnât quite understand the effect you were having on him.
You scrambled to find your words, unsure of what to say. âI didnât mean toâžșâ
Before you could finish, Gojo gently grasped your shoulders and helped you off of him. He stood up first, his expression uncharacteristically serious as he brushed off his wet clothing and offered you a hand. You took it, steadying yourself as you rose to your feet.
Gojo swallowed hard, clearly at a loss for words. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then quickly closed it, shaking his head. âI must go,â he muttered,.
Without another word, he turned and left, leaving you standing there in the stream, confused and flustered as you watched him disappear into the trees.
âI am not impressed.â Nobara impassively stares you down with a glower.
You fluttered your fan, maintaining a delicate air of mock innocence. âWhatever do you mean, my dear friend?â
The two of you sat at a small table on the terrace, its stone surface warm from the midday sun. Before you, the expansive field served as Gojoâs personal training ground, scattered with targets and archery equipment. Gojo and his protĂ©gĂ©, Yuji, had clearly been at it for hours, their bare skin glistening with sweat under the relentless sun. They moved with a practiced ease, their focus entirely on the task at hand.
Gojo was currently demonstrating a particular stance to Yuji, his voice carrying faintly over the terrace as he corrected the younger manâs posture and grip. Yuji, ever the diligent student, watched him with an intensity that bordered on awe. You couldnât help but reflect that his expression nowâžșdetermined and assuredâžșcontrasted much with his encounter with you at the game.Â
Nobaraâs eyes narrowed as she regarded the scene. âWhy are we here?â she asked flatly, her gaze lingering on the two men.
You turned to her with a smile, fluttering your fan with exaggerated elegance. âWhy, to record in my journal, of course. One must capture the beauty of Mother Nature when it presents itself so generously from this terrace.â
Her expression remained unimpressed. âIs it truly Mother Nature that has captivated you, or Lord Gojoâs bare skin?â She glanced down at your unopened journal, its quill resting untouched beside it. âAnd how much progress have you made in this recording of yours?â
You couldnât suppress a laugh, caught in your own half-hearted excuse. âWell, even you cannot deny that he presents a rather fine figure, can you? And I will get to my writing in due time. Inspiration must first strike, after all.â
Nobara sighed, folding her arms across her chest. âI cannot fathom how you find pleasure in looking upon a man who has caused you so much distress. Many times, in fact.â
You glanced back toward the field, watching as Gojo effortlessly pulled back his bowstring, the muscles in his back rippling with the movement. His form was impeccable, each action a demonstration of his skill and strength. Yuji, in contrast, struggled to replicate the motion with as much ease and accuracy, though his determination was evident.
"Heâs clearly enjoying himself," you commented dryly, turning your attention back to Nobara. "Torturing me, that is. I might as well make due of my harrowing and demeaning stay here and enjoy some aspects of Gojo. I swear, he delights in the fact that Iâm stuck here."
Nobaraâs eyes narrowed, and she snorted. "Oh, absolutely. Men like him donât get much amusement in life unless it involves making someone else miserable."
You shook your head, remembering the library encounter all too vividly. Gojo had seemed genuinely surprised to find you there, and yet he had taken to taunting you with his usual smugness. That infernal smirk of his had been etched into your memory.
"I almost wonder," you mused, "if he was actually shocked to find me in the library. Perhaps I caught him off guard for once."
Nobara raised an eyebrow. "What were you doing? Looking for a book on how to survive insufferable dukes?"
You chuckled softly. "No, I was reading about Venus, actually. But Gojoâžșhe assumed I was indulging in some silly romance. Imagine his surprise when he realized I was working on calculations instead."
Nobaraâs lips twitched upward in amusement, but before she could respond, a loud thud! echoed across the terrace. Both of you looked down just in time to see Gojo's arrow hit the target dead center.
You rolled your eyes. Of course, he would show off. That insufferable man never missed an opportunity to flaunt his skills. Yuji, predictably, looked like he was about to faint from admiration.
Gojo notched another arrow, his back muscles rippling as he drew it back with practiced ease. His abs tightened with the effort, and though you told yourself you were merely observing his technique, your gaze lingered a moment longer than necessary. The tautness of his form was, undeniably, impressive.
âIt is a shame,â Nobara remarked, her voice breaking through your thoughts. âHe does present a rather fine figure. If only his character matched his appearance.â
You blinked, realizing that your gaze had lingered on him for far too long. âWhat?â
Nobara glanced at you, her expression half-amused, half-pitying. âI merely observe that if his manners were as well-formed as his physique, he might be a most agreeable companion.â
You opened your fan again, waving it lightly in front of your face. âPerhaps. But we both know that appearances can be deceiving.â
Nobaraâs expression turned serious as she looked at you. âYou must find yourself a husband who is both well-formed and well-mannered, my dear. Else I shall be forced to gouge out my eyes every time I am called to attend on you.â
You sighed dramatically, closing your fan with a soft snap. âWhatever you say, Nobara.â
Yet, even as you dismissed her words, your gaze drifted back to the field. Gojo was a puzzle, indeed. And whether you liked it or not, he had captured more of your attention than you were willing to admit.
Satoru is sweaty and hot, and therefore he must rush back to take a cold bath.Â
The weather is quite warm, he must admit to himself. Teaching Yuji had been nothing sort of pleasurable; the boyâs physical prowess was quite impressive, and he learned things very, very fast. If Yuji were to keep learning and working on his skill, he would easily be up to Gojoâs level or even surpass him.Â
As he climbs up the stairs to the terrace, he wipes his brow, which has budded with sweat. When he crosses a table that overlooks the field, he notices a book. His mother and him wouldnât expose any books like thisâžșa fine and intricate design covering the topâžșto the harsh, humid weather, so he picks up the book, frowning.
Frowning, he picked it up, curiosity getting the better of him. The book felt unfamiliar in his hands, and as he opened it, the words within seemed to swim before his eyes. Annoyed, he rubbed the sweat from his forehead and squinted, finally making out the fine, neat handwriting on the page.
I confess, there is something intoxicating about the notion that women might be more than what society has so neatly confined us to be. Is it truly so outlandish to consider that we, too, possess minds capable of great thought and spirits yearning for freedom?
Satoru's eyes widened, and a flicker of intrigue sparked within him. He flipped to the next page, where the writing grew messier, more hurried.
Indeed, God truly blesses the wrong soldiers with features such as his. However, I take pride in being one of His strongest for I possess the fortitude to resist the temptation of ending Gojoâs miserable existence myself.
His eyes widened. If he had been intrigued before, now he was thoroughly captivated. This had to be you. His heart began to beat faster as he quickly turned to another page, where the ink was still fresh, and a pressed leaf lay nestled between the pages.
If I were to base my choice of husband solely on physical appearance, I must confess that Lord Gojo would be a most compelling candidate. However, to consider him without regard to his character would be a grave disservice to myself and to dear Nobara, who would bear the consequences of such a choice daily.
I hold out hope for a suitor with a similar strength of physique, one whose form displays power and grace, much like Gojo. His muscles, so clearly defined, speak of formidable strength and controlâhis back rippling with every pull of the bowstring, his breath labored as he steadies himself.
Alas, such attributes, though appealing, are not enoughâŠ
His fingers hovered over the delicate page, the words sinking in. A part of him wanted to laugh at your sharpness, your refusal to fall prey to his charms, but another partâžșone that kept resurfacing and resurfacing against his will, showing up even in his slumberâžșfelt something else entirely.
âŠWhat a pity, indeed.
prev. the manor | next. the fall
general masterlist | series masterlist
a/n i feel like the only important plot point in this chapter is that gojo is a boobs guy
sorry if this chapter was a little icky :( i prefered publishing this than having to subject my dear beta reader to having to edit this mess or even me having to think about it further. i will rest so that the next chapter is better <3 (lots of fluffy moments to come in the next one)
gojo when you spawned in his bedroom
will finally treat myself to answering asks after I wake up since i'm done with this dreadfull chapter <333 jesus it's 3am
comment, reblog, and send in an ask to let me know ur thots :3 memes are also appreciated <3
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Itâs the fourth time this week Eddieâs been late without a phone call.
Sure, his job has him working weird hours - Steve gets it. But he also knows his schedule and he knows the days Eddie works at the bar til close and he knows the days heâs supposed to be home before dark, and he hasnât had a closing shift once this week.Â
Yet he came home near ten tonight, and Steve had been worried and nervous and yes, sure, a little - a lot - insecure about it, and maybe heâd lashed out first, or maybe Eddie had, Steve doesnât know, but he knows theyâre standing in the living room shouting at one another and itâs all coming to a head and he canât stop himself, canât keep from getting loud and angry andâ
"Do you even want to fucking be here?" he yells.
"Not when you're acting like this!" Eddie says, and Steve's throat goes tight like there's a fist wrapped around it.Â
Not when he's acting like this, he thinks. Not when he's being too needy. Too pushy. Too demanding.
Something in his brain feels like it rewires. Their relationship flips on its head, and suddenly fear is coiling in Steve's stomach, not anger.Â
He'll lose Eddie if he keeps pushing like this. If he demands too much of his time, pulls him away from what he'd rather be doing, makes himself too much work, he'll lose him. Eddie always said he wasn't going anywhere. That he loves Steve, wants to be with him, will never get tired of him. Steve was a fucking idiot to take that at face value.
He feels sick to his stomach. He wants to apologize, wants to tell Eddie to forget all about what he said, wants to show how sorry he is, but between one moment and the next he's feeling like a guest in his own home, and he's very familiar with how it feels to be unwelcome.
So instead he shakes his head. Eddie wants to be left alone, probably. Doesn't want to see Steve when he's mad at him. Doesn't want to deal with him. He'll make himself scarce.
"I'm staying in the guest room tonight," he says stiffly, and turns away, only faltering a little when Eddie mumbles 'what the fuck ever' behind him. He flinches when Eddie slams the front door and closes the spare room so quietly it barely even clicks.
â Eddie gets home late.
Like, late-late. Steve hears the front door open as he's staring at the clock on the bedside table, the bright red numbers burning into his vision. Why did they even put a fucking clock in here, he thinks. It's the guest room. Why did he insist on furnishing this room like someone might live in it? Like this was a home people would be in and out of, like their family would come and stay with them long enough to need an alarm clock on the bedside table?
Desperate, a voice in his head hisses at him, desperate and needy and full of wishful thinking that someone would want to stay around sad little Steve Harrington long enough to need anything--
Eddie's coming down the hallway. He's trying to be quiet, but he forgot to take his shoes off at the door and his Reeboks squeak a little against the hardwood. It's a familiar sound. Comforting, usually. It's how he knows his honey's made it home safe when he's out late, that tell-tale squeak and the little stumbles when he's tipsy and making his way through their home after a long gig.
There was no gig tonight, though, and Eddie's footsteps are steady and even despite the soft sound of rubber on wood. He isn't drunk, Steve doesn't think - and is that better or worse? That he left after a fight and didn't even go somewhere to drink it off. Where has he been, if not their usual bar to think about what they'd spat at one another, trying to think of solutions, of apologies?
And is Steve really owed an apology? He was overbearing. He was pushy. He was demanding and authoritative and too fucking much all over again, and Eddie lashed out in response, and does Steve deserve an apology after all that? He's been going around in circles with himself all evening about it, arguing in his own head, saying yes I deserve one because my feelings were hurt and no I don't deserve one because I lashed out first and how does he answer this for himself? He doesn't know.
He knows he'd do just about anything to make the empty feeling in his chest go away, though. Knows that he'd shove his hurt away and eat his words and apologize to Eddie and never, ever push again if it meant he knew where they stood. If it meant Eddie would forgive him and never storm out like that again, if it meant Steve knew he wouldn't be left alone like this to wonder if Eddie was coming back.
And he feels so dramatic - he can hear Robin's voice already, telling him it was just a fight, that there's no reason to get this worked up about it, but Steve can't help it. Slammed doors and loneliness are the soundtrack to his childhood and he can't help the panic he feels when someone he loves leaves.
"Do you want to be here?" he'd asked, like a fucking idiot, and Eddie hadn't said yes. Steve swallows around the lump that's taken up permanent residence in his throat. Reaches to swipe a hand over his face, rubbed raw, eyes burning with tears he won't let fall because what right does he have to cry? He brought this on himself. He always brings it on himself.
Eddie's feet are still squeaking their way slowly down the hallway, he's trying not to wake Steve - or is he just trying not to be noticed? Impossible, if Eddie Munson is in a room Steve is going to notice, how can he not? He's been yanked into that gravitational pull and there's no escape for him, not anymore, he's a moon circling around the solar system and Eddie is the sun, burning bright and pulling focus and what is Steve to do in the face of that?
He keeps his eyes fixed on the clock. Watches the display change when a minute's passed. Feels his heartbeat stutter when Eddie's shuffling, squeaking steps pause outside the guest room.
They keep a hall light on at night. It's on a dimmer, turned down way low, but neither of them do well with complete darkness. Too many nightmares, too many shadows haunting and hunting the both of them. Steve can see the muted glow of it from beneath the door.
He can also see when Eddie comes to a stop because his feet block that light. Two shadows in the doorframe, obscuring the soft haze of warm orange that creeps in a half-moon over the carpet, and Steve stops breathing. There's a soft shifting noise, fabric over wood, a gentle thunk when Eddie leans against the guest room door, and Steve almost calls out to him. Almost says I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, please don't leave again, please don't leave me, but the words stick in his throat. Ball's in Eddie's court, as it should be when Steve fucked up so bad, when he tried to ruin it all, when he made Eddie so mad that he left when he promised Steve he would never do that. Eddie's a good man. Keeps his word. Steve's the problem, Steve is always the goddamn problem, always will be, ruins and stains everything he fucking touchesâ
The shadow disappears. Steve squeezes his eyes shut so tight he sees lights popping behind his lids. Those shuffling squeaking steps continue their way down the hall. Steve feels like he's going to throw up but he didn't have dinner so there's nothing in his belly but bile and nothing comes up even though his throat is tight and his stomach is fucking rolling.
The bedroom door - their bedroom door - creaks on its hinges. Steve keeps meaning to put some WD-40 on it but he kind of likes that it makes a noise, that when he's asleep it's just loud enough to wake him halfway and tell him to anticipate the warm wash of tobacco and sandalwood that will cloud him when Eddie slips beneath the covers. Lets him know he's about to be grabbed and groped a little bit, sweet little kisses pressed to his shoulder and neck and jawline until he's got a face tucked into the curve of his throat, until he's giving a sleepy smile and winding his arms around a trim waist and dragging Eddie in close, sputtering and laughing tiredly as wild hair gets in his face and mouth before he falls asleep again, wrapped tight around the love of his life.
None of that tonight, apparently - and he doesn't blame him. No, he hears the bedroom door creak and it feels like a punishment that he deserves and his eyes burn and burn and burn and his face is wet now, he can't help it, and he wipes at it again angrily, takes the soft blanket to his face and why is it so soft why does Steve try so hard when he knows he won't get anything back why does he try to build a home when he's never had one and never will and is going to lose the one he's clawed onto so desperately and tried so hard to keepâ
The door creaks again. Steve takes a stuttering breath. Eddie's steps are soft now as they come down the hallway, bare feet on the floor, almost silent as he creeps his way closer. Steve clenches his teeth so hard his jaw aches, anything to hold back the sounds he wants to make - he can't let Eddie hear him. He can't let Eddie know he's crying. That's manipulative, isn't it? Crying in front of the person he hurt? He won't do it, won't be that selfish, but that shadow appears at the base of the door again. Steve can't help the shaky inhale he takes, and it sounds so fucking loud in the quiet of the guest room, choked and echoing.Â
"Baby?" Eddie says, voice low and quiet, rapping so gently against the door with one knuckle. "You in there, Stevie?"Â
Just the sound of him is enough to send his heart crashing around in his ribcage, fluttering and jumping and making Steve tense. He wants to answer but he canât get the words to form, his throat feels sealed shut, and he wonders if he should answer even if he were able because what could Eddie possibly have to say right now? It canât be anything good and Steve doesnât know if he can take it right now, in this room that makes him feel like a guest in his own home - but isnât he always a guest? Isnât that what heâs made to be, a temporary stop in everyone elseâs story?
But heâs not ready for Eddie to move past him yet. Not tonight. Let it happen in the morning if it has to happen, let him put this off just a little longer. Just please, not tonight. Not yet.
But Eddieâs never been known for his patience, and the click of the latch has Steve slamming his eyes closed. Too late to roll over and hide his face, but heâs got enough time to duck down and tuck most of his features into a pillow. He tries to let his body relax, to let the tense lines of his muscles uncoil and his shoulders drop and his fists unclench, but he canât tell if heâs managed it and the ache in his palms from his blunt nails tells him maybe he did, but it wonât help much.
Eddie makes his way across the carpet in silent steps, and the mattress dips with his weight as he sits on the edge of it. Steveâs fingers twitch to reach for him, but he just curls them into the sheets instead and hopes the motion looks absent enough to have happened in his sleep.Â
He smells sandalwood and tobacco and feels the warmth from Eddie being so near but it feels like thereâs a wall between them, one he canât cross even if he tries, one heâs barred from so much as touching.Â
He works hard to keep his breathing even but itâs hitching now and then despite his best efforts, shaky and too loud in the silent room, but he keeps up the charade even though the end of it all is perched right in front of him. And itâs Eddie who puts an end to it. It was always Eddie who was going to put an end to it.
âI know youâre awake,â he says, and Steve squeezes his eyes tighter like thatâll make it untrue, like he can just drift off in a second if he wills it hard enough. Eddie shifts on the mattress, and Steve curls tighter into himself. âLetâs just hash this out, huh? Get it over with.â Steve bites his tongue so hard he thinks he might taste blood. Itâs that simple for Eddie - but itâs always simple, isnât it? Cut and dry, plain as day, Steve is the only one who can never see it coming, itâs written on the goddamn walls for everyone else.
He risks peeking through his lashes but Eddieâs got his back to him so it doesnât even matter, not really. Eddie isnât looking at him and so Steve allows himself to look, takes in the hunch of Eddieâs shoulders, the curve of his spine beneath his thin pajama shirt - heâd changed, when heâd made his way through their creaky bedroom door, took off his clothes and put his pajamas on and kicked off those tennis shoes, theyâre probably in a pile at the foot of the bed for Steve to trip over and he will miss tripping over them, heâll miss it terribly.
He wonders if heâll need to move. If heâll have to find a new place and separate out all of their things into his things, if SteveAndEddieâsStuff will become Steveâs stuff and Eddieâs stuff. Or maybe heâll just start staying in this guest room, maybe thatâs why he furnished this room so completely, because somehow he knew heâd end up alone in it.
âIâm sorry,â Eddie says, and Steve inhales sharply.
âDonât,â he says, and somehow he keeps his voice steady.
âSo you are awake,â Eddie says, and he tries to sound teasing, sound playful, but it drops like a stone in this space between them. No room for levity in the dark cloud Steveâs filled this room with. He wishes he could be easygoing and let go gently, but itâs Eddie - in what world could he take losing him graciously?
âYeah,â he says, and he stares at Eddieâs back as the other raises his head, but he still doesnât turn to look at Steve, and he wishes he could at least look him in the face when he rips his heart out of his chest.
part 2
#steddie#steve/eddie#stevexeddie#eddie/steve#eddiexsteve#steddie fic#my fic#listen i was in the mood for steve whump and i won't apologize for it#don't worry there's plenty of eddie whump coming in part 2 i promise
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