#I apologize for nothing from here on out
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Oh I see how it is……. Ok, alright
ONLYFANS!!!!! LIZZ!!! Gimme gimme gimme!!
jj for i have a snippet just for you
He holds the base of the dildo with one hand and teases his entrance with it, rocking back and forth on his knees. R whines, his breath hitching as the toy catches his rim. Jake loves that R never sounds over the top or fake; the whine hits Jake straight in the gut, heat pooling in his stomach. He was already half hard before he clicked the link, and now, his cock is straining in his underwear. Jake pulls it out and starts stroking himself, lightly and avoiding the sensitive head. He wants to tease himself like R is, hold out for the real show.
“Fuck,” R’s voice is breathy and strained, like he’s been on edge for hours. “Fuck, I need you in me, daddy.”
#LIZZZZZ EXCUSE ME#LIZ#direct attempt on my life#ok#that’s fine#I apologize for nothing from here on out#minors dni#jake hangman seresin#bradley rooster bradshaw#top gun: maverick#hangster
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getting all the education/degrees I can and planning so I can get the fuck out of this country >>>>
#🪷—faerie whispers#because I still don’t like these fucking ppl#done all that yip yapping in my ask box and these ppl still suck#idec who wins#I want out of this hellhole. bc were cooked either way#everybody voting for the wrong reasons anyways so who gives a fuck#I’ve been saving and I plan to get one more degree before I leave#I’ve been heavily considering Japan or Germany#there really isn’t shit here for me#ppl always say ‘wont you have to deal w racism/colorism?’#a cop yelled at me to move my truck out in front of a store even tho I’m on a cane and couldn’t walk far#black men literally have been ignoring and treating me like shit for my entire life since elementary school#trust me when I say nothing could be worse than what I’ve gone through#I’m ready to leave#we have no future under a capitalist society#and a government that no matter what prioritizes war and profit over ppl’s lives#I have no intelligent words for this#I’m truly tired#and for all the dumbasses who were pissed off at me for what I said in august#stay mad bc I have nothing for y’all either#y’all owe Palestinians an apology#they’re the main ones suffering from this ignorance#and we’re next
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The idea that trans people in "safe states" shouldn't still fight for their rights isn't the right thing to do, I think. In fact, I'd caution against complacency. We have to ensure that safe states stay safe states. You cannot assume your rights when they are being taken away in many other states
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#transphobia#transphobia tw#also the idea that safe states are immune from being *unsafe* for trans people is pretty wild#like sure in the USA at least there *are* worse states to be trans in#but i don't think assuming you have rights and will continue to have them in safe states will be the right move#i feel lucky to live where i do and i am grateful that i was fortunate enough to have been forced to move here...#...but i also do not feel *safe* here. hell one of the cities i wanted to study in had a huge fucking hate crime occur...#...and that's what we're calling safe. so be careful out there. there is a lot of fighting left to do and it's complex and messy...#...if you're able to foght for that then be careful and safe...#...and if you aren't able to fight don't feel guilty. just rest. it's fucking hard enough out there and you have nothing to apologize for#this post was US-centric because that is where i live but it may apply to non-US countries
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some sketches to help beat my art block hhhhrhh
#gonna be so so so honest. i think hector turned out the best here…#though we can ignore my horse anatomy its not very good..#apologies to my art history teacher i learned NOTHING from ur horses girl.#hector of troy#the iliad#patroclus#patroclus of opus#diomedes#paris of troy#ancient greece#homer’s iliad#v. art#artists on tumblr#digital art#sketch#tagamemnon
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being a loz fan and generally not caring about zelink is one thing by itself, but specifically trying to gather botw info for fanfic reasons while actively disliking botw/totk zelink is fucking torture
#it's not that i don't like zelda! botw zelda is a darling and i adore her#totk is kinda horseshit character wise but i'm ignoring it for now#i just got so fucking burnt out by the fandom around both games insisting they're canon absolutely nonstop#i'm willing to accept that skyward sword zelink may as well be canon and honestly i DO like their chemistry in botw#but i went from bland disinterest to resentment over time and it's not going anywhere#obviously there's nothing wrong with the ship and this is a Me Issue but can i please look up cutscenes and guides and stuff#without being bombarded by the assumption that it's a canon ship#i ship revalink ok. i wanna write a wildlight fanfic. i'm not here for this#tox.txt#if tumblr inserts this into any zelink spaces for algorithm reasons i sincerely apologize and understand if you block me lmao
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I'm not sure why someone would leap to compare Cait/Vi from Arcane and Mizrak/Olrox from Castlevania: Nocturne, as they're characters from different shows, different story universes, and different studios (Arcane was made by the French studio Fortiche, and only distributed by Netflix, while Nocturne is made by the US studio Powerhouse Animation, which makes a lot of shows for Netflix). Cait/Vi also has existed in a series with two seasons, while Nocturne has only 1 season (season 2 airs at the end of January 2025). It's also comparing an f/f couple and an m/m couple, different dynamics, and the former is a pairing of a white woman/a mixed-race woman, while the latter is two men of color.
CaitVi is a story about classism and police brutality, while Mizrox is a story of European and Christian supremacy, colonization, and racism. The main through-lines for comparison are the analysis of privilege and how opposites meet and attract on a battlefield, and that they're both queer pairings. But whereas Cait is privileged over Vi for being rich and a member of a policing organization (which murdered Vi's parents) while Vi is from a poor background in the slums, Mizrak is privileged over Olrox for being highly ranked in a supremacist European religious organization and Olrox is a member of a marginalized indigenous group, which was colonized by followers of Mizrak's religion. You can compare the writing of the two, but to pretend they're 1:1 just because they're both queer pairings in shows that are on Netflix is bizarre.
And to pretend Mizrox has no build-up is to not have eyes. Olrox is an investigative person who's curious about the world overseas he's been invited to. As a member of a marginalized group now in the hotbed of the world that mass murdered many of his people, he's going to be wary of them and treat the area with suspicion. He knows they view him as lesser, even though he's a powerful vampire (likely he assumes the vampires view him as lesser). He likely wanted an in to learn things that Erzsebet, Drolta, and Emmanuel wouldn't tell him themselves, and it makes sense he'd target Emmanuel's right-hand man as a potential in, particularly if he found the guy attractive, as he seemingly did. Maybe the fact that Emmanuel, this uber-white French guy, had a man of color as his right-hand man intrigued Olrox, too.
Olrox was clearly extra intrigued by Mizrak's training and their conversation in the courtyard, especially when Mizrak didn't attempt to hurt him and just talked to him, and it seemed like he had fun with their tussle (like you can tell from Olrox's expressions he was enjoying the back and forth). I imagine the "this dude is hot and I want to bang"-ometer in Olrox's head skyrocketed. And I don't know how much action Mizrak has been getting in his position, especially when, unlike Olrox, Mizrak has to live around anyone he sleeps with. Olrox is a foreigner and can just go home if he makes a mess. A hot guy who's interested in Mizrak, seems a bit different from other vampires, and has some civility seems like someone who would intrigue Mizrak, especially if he wants more intel on the vampires coming to his city that he won't get from Emmanuel or Erzsebet.
Even if you're watching the story for the first time, the whole set-up for the courtyard sequence is incredibly obvious. Whether it appeals to you or not is subjective, but pretending the later scene of them in bed comes out of nowhere is bizarre. Olrox very clearly invites Mizrak to meet again with sexual innuendo at the end of the scene, and Mizrak is very clearly intrigued, even if you don't have the English subtitles on while Mizrak is staring after Olrox's departing back.
You can just see a lot in his expression. He's not disgusted or repulsed: he's curious. The story doesn't need to show every single moment of them reuniting somewhere, talking more, or perhaps just immediately moving to physical intimacy if one or both of them just really want to get off. I mean I'd personally love more of their story, which is why I wrote my main fanfic of them, but it's not necessary from an overall narrative standpoint. Olrox is introduced at the start of the story, and the team was clearly interested in exploring who he is as a character more. He doesn't have to stalk Richter for the entire narrative to do that, and having him pair up with Mizrak also develops more of Emmanuel's organization because we get to know Mizrak, who has no apparent connection to the heroes other than he works for Emmanuel. It also better develops the vampires as Olrox and Drolta vie for power, with Mizrak as a potential pawn. And overall it makes the different factions in the story feel full of people with their own agendas, ready for a showdown where those agendas don't fully align, but is bound to be interesting when it happens (such as when Olrox appears to stand between Mizrak and Richter in the dungeons).
Also enemies-to-lovers is a very popular trope. And if you haven't heard of people going overseas to get laid um... what rock are you living under? Sudden make-outs/flirting in action stories are also pretty common. Not even getting into the historic appeal of Christian x the vampire as a trope, including opposites attract.
I don't know that I'm biased because after watching the scene they meet for the first time I immediately wanted to write fic where they banged (but held off because I wanted to see the rest of the season and then was pleasantly surprised that the show delivered on it), but that was my literal reaction the first time I saw it.
I do think Nocturne S1 had some feeling of rush on it, likely due to the desire to tell something of a whole story over worries of there not being a season 2 (it was renewed like right after the series was aired), and you can make criticisms of just not getting enough Mizrox, but the elements are there and I'm not sure how someone would miss them, especially if they were looking. And I honestly think it still works just fine as a narrative. Most narratives with a cast of more than 2-4 people are going to be a bit tight in TV format. Arcane also had elements of rush, which is likely due to it only getting 2 seasons.
Anyway, as someone who loves both Cait/Vi and Mizrak/Olrox, they're both good pairings.
#olrox#mizrak#not all things that end up on netflix are made by netflix#if you like one pairing from a thing on there that says nothing about why the other pairing in another thing exists#especially when it's written by different people from different countries#this is so bizarre#pretty sure that post was just to shit on netflixvania and yeah whatever knock yourself out#it's just fucking bizarre#'here's a queer couple from one video game adaptation that shows up on netflix that I did like and here's one I didn't'#feels like a really pathetic reach imo#then again the post was racist as fuck so I'm not surprised#perpetuating the racist idea that first nation people no longer exist and talking about wokeness like wtf#folks don't have to like either pairing or either show but good grief that was some noxious bs in the tag#castlevania: nocturne#castlevania nocturne#I apologize to people in the Arcane tag who are confused#I promise not all of us in this fandom are as weird as that random racist was
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If Adora and Catra both did crap to hurt each other then why do I never see comics abt Adora feeling like crap and feeling bad for hurting Catra
#salt salt salt#old draft post that i had stewing in here#even fandom knows. they KNOW. that c//a is not an equal relatioship.#equal c//a would have these two ALWAYS arguing back and forth with each other about things from the past. possibly working them out togethe#equal c//a FANON would naturally reflect this following that same logic#so why is it when we see the premises of “Adora has to apologize to Catra now” its the same tired old...#“Im sorry i left you in the Horde”#and nothing else.#“im sorry that your feelings were hurt and im sorry that you had no influence over me at that time... Im sorry that you're STILL mad at me”#she's not apologizing over something that she is genuinely sorry about#she's apologizing in these fanon works as a means to placate catra (and fans' warped reality of what this relationship actually is)#it's a shitty vaguely disguised way to “equalize” c//a and make it so that they BOTH look like awful people#when obviously this is not the case because the narrative itself doesn't think Adora is wrong for leaving the Horde!#even if these two were “equally bad” to each other. why ship them then. really. seriously. i get the rhetoric of “ooh toxic spicy ship” but#if they're really SO “toxic and spicy” where is the part where they're BOTH toxic? BOTH bad for each other?#it's not a toxic relationship if ONE side is toxic. thats called an abusive relationship. anyway. im done now. good night.#whoops! tag rant
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beach episode!
#IM SO SORRY I FORGOT TO POST THIS . LORD#i finished this like a week or two ago it just slipped my mind to actually post#anyways hello everypony#thank you to will for the lovely idea ❤️ as always#i just really like the idea of jacob being a total flake and everyone else just hanging out because theres nothing better to do#but theyre still friends because friendship is magic <3#ehehe. anyways i hope u all enjoy#sid totally throws big rocks off of bridges . i love him#anyways#siddex my beloved#OH ALSO. 70s au update#im about 1/3 through chapter 4#i had to stop writing for a bit bc i was housesitting but im back now#im having a lot of fun writing julie... i like being able to bounce around from memory to the present#and finally having jacob here is. well. its setting things in motion#my apologies for not updating you guys as often as i used to#summer is. well. its great until its not#but i promise u i am working on it !!!#that makes it sound like im not. um. just trust me guys#rlm#redlettermedia#gorilla interrupted#art#dex#sid#julie#ray grabowski#siddex#fanart
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yknow, i’m real sorry for all the ventposting you all have had to deal with from me lately while getting nothing in return
i’ve just been doing frankly terrible since the turn of the month, and even before that, so i just can’t give anything to this website
you might see me more now that school’s coming to a close for me (just one more week), but that doesn’t really change just how bad my mental state has been and how much i don’t really like being on here
i don’t want to quite this site like i did instagram. i just, don’t want to interact or post anything here either
it kinda sucks
everything just kinda sucks
and i just wish i could be alright again
#vent#again#gods— im really sorry about this#i know i already apologized but#why am i even like this anyways#there are people dying and suffering all over the world#and im here in my cozy air conditioned room feeling terrible for no reason#with my access to education and social media and all the information i could ever want#but i still feel like shit for nothing#this is why i hate venting#i know that there are people worse off than me but i feel like this anyways#those vents from me over the past month or so have only been things i *had* to get out into the void#ive had so much more to say but have stopped myself before even approaching anyone or opening any app#all in all i both feel like shit and like a piece of shit
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~ ~ ~
#so glad things are back to good with my bestie#turns out I was depressed and anxious for nothing and my hormones were making everything worse#because earlier I talked to him about how I was feeling badly lately and like he only wanted me around for convenience#and he reassured me that wasn’t the case and apologized for making me feel badly before#all I really wanted was to be heard and respected and reassured and he gave me all of that so easily#I’m trying to remember that I have good friends that I can be safe with and talk to without it becoming a problem#the past trauma tries to tell me it’ll be an issue but then things turn out fine and I get to heal little by little#and he was so sweet when we were on shift together cause he brought my food from the cafeteria to my office#and got me strawberries which are my favorite fruit (caf had some packaged to take)#made the effort to text with me when he wasn’t here and then also came to sit with me for about an hour and a half up until his shift ended#we printed out cute Halloween decorations for him to put up in his little office area since he likes the decor I put up in the ER#we sat and made jokes and talked like normal#and before he left he gave me a big hug and a tight squeeze#just really made me feel loved in the time we had and showed he did listen to me and is making an effort to help me feel better#and now I’m babbling just cause I’m happy and relieved and feeling better but yeah#very grateful to have a good best friend who listens and makes me feel safe and cared for when I need it#personal
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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🦋
#i still havent been able to get the pic of my entire family celebrating the holidays together out of my head.#my parents ruined every christmas they could. every holiday. every birthday. everything. there could be nothing special#w/o my dad calling my mother a fat pig or my mom interrupting his dinner prayer to call him a lying hypocrite.#w/o police getting involved&having to explain why my dad had my mom in a headlock or my mom had punched him in the face.#we could have nothing bc their need for misery outweighed their desire to give their children any fucking joy#every fucking time.#but i have to sit here&wonder if im in the wrong bc im being gaslit into missing a family+memories we all know damn well#never fucking happened. i blacked out half my fucking childhood&still know thats true.#i have to wonder if maybe-- just maybe-- they would actually apologize for everything they did if i ever called or wrote.#if maybe they would welcome me back w/o expecting an apology From Me.#but then i remember how the first thing my mother said when getting in touch w me after two years was how disappointed she was in me#for not thinking to tell anyone in the family that i was homeless. how selfish i was for it.#how she only contacted me after getting my email address-- the same one ive had since high school-- from family#bc shed been crying to our entire extended family about how worried she was about me so they managed to find my gofundme#¬ a single person in my family donated to it-- but they all had a lot to say about it. didnt they.#&somehow i know that theres nothing for me w any of them. nothing at all but more disappointment.#&photos of all of them smiling that i have to remind myself are definitely not real.#bc how many of those exact photos had i been in? no matter what the answer is i dont remember a single one being real.
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on todays episode of: am i a huge c*nt or did my date last night rly fuck up?
#like it was actually such a nice date until he couldn’t take no for an answer#and two years ago i would’ve just fucked him bc it was easier#but i stuck to my guns and thankfully all he was was pushy not malicious#so that’s on growth ig#ugh it’s rough out here u guys#and ofc T texted me for valentine’s day when i purposefully didn’t text him#and he said ‘a rather nontraditional valentines to you mon cherie’ and then ‘you have a very special place in my heart’#you absolute bastard you are so beautiful and stupid and i love you please come kiss me :(#theoretically we’re ending it once and for all in march so OF COURSE he’s getting sentimental and of course so am i#and it’s my idea because i want and deserve real committed love#and i want it from him too badly to find it while im seeing him probably#but god i will be so sad#with nothing to show for it#not one christmas in my hometown or one i love you in the middle of the night or one romantic dinner or one fucking new years kiss#not one picture of the two of us (fully clothed)#it’s like we walked so far our feet hurt but the footprints are all on the shoreline#i am melancholy and prosaic now apologies
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If I could do Fics With A Plot I'd probably attempt An AU Where Lauffey Dies And Odin Goes "Oh Hey, Frost Dudes, I Had Your Heir All Along :D He's Urs Now :D" Except Because This Is A Shit Plan It Does Not Go At All Well. Because it does bother me. Because I worry too much about fictional monarchies having the 'wrong' rules. D:
#this of course means odin has also has to tell his son “btw we lied to you. GUESS WHAT THO!! I GOT U A JOB!!”#and he sends Thor along because a) characters need other characters to talk to and b) he does in fact expect trouble#and I reckon after some sort of tense Confrontation about how if Lauffey wanted rid of his son he should have the guts to make sure he died#instead of leaving it to fate like a COWARD#Loki would - by power of poshness alone - manage to convince one or two Jotuns that he does indeed count as the heir#meanwhile: existential crisis D: D: D:#but hey free kingdom nothing to sneeze at eh? let's go! we can do this!#except (obviously) no. you can't. there is NO WAY there's nobody out there with a counterclaim.#and if your WORST ENEMY raised your new king (who has a questionable claim) you absolutely manage to find a third cousin from somewhere far#off who also has a shaky claim but - here's the thing - he's not an obvious attempt to impose Odin's puppet on your realm#and then Plot would unfold which is why i cant write this despite my Weird Niche Interests being aroused (NOT LIKE THAT) by this idea#also i would answer the “was there no mother involved? did she not mind the infanticide thing?” (could go either way on that really)#essentially Loki does have Scheming Politician energy but sometimes the task really is just impossible#but perhaps surprisingly the ending is a heartwarming reunion and maybe - MAYBE - some sort of vague apology#because that really was The Worst Fucking Plan Of All Time#okay someone stop me making a new file (you-and-whose-army.rtf) and writing the extensive notes i've now got in my head D:#(but an AU so not really!)#do you want a civil war on jotunheim because this is how you get a civil war on jotunheim#...oh no DO you want a civil war on jotunheim?! D: D: was THAT the plan??? D: D:#i'd totally throw in an Ambitious Consort Queen because those are my jam <3 <3 <3#fic-related#thor movies
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.
#snapped at my mom because im stressed about my preboard results and then i apologized and explained that i was rly stressed and accidentally#lashed out and she started saying that im always rude to her and taking my stress out on her ??? and that i never do this to my dad#and then she said i never talk to her about anything even though she's the only one who does everything for me yet i still dont talk to her#and well. maybe if she didnt tell my brother 'if u do this u will end up like ur sister in the future. u dont want to fail in life right ?#then dont do this' (nearly exact words) when she was scolding him . i mean maybe then i would actually want to talk to her#and it sucks because i cant rly talk to anyone irl about this because i still feel scared that they'll like. judge my mom#because i still love her a lot and dont want people to think badly about her#but its getting harder ! to exist here ! and the fact that i am constantly used as an example of what my brother should NOT be#especially when i work this hard partly because i want to be someone my brother can look up to#and to have that come from my own mother . it's really hurtful and makes me feel like nothing i ever do will be enough for her#not to mention the fact that i have come out to her 4 times and she still constantly asks me if it's just a phase#<- i thought that part was getting better but apparently not#but i've stopped expecting anything from anyone in that respect so it doesn't really come as a surprise lmao#anyway rant over i just needed to get that off my chest because i really dont know how long i can keep crying and then forcing my voice#to be normal so that no one asks what happened because wow it is taking a toll on me! who knew#do noooot perceive this
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You know what the best part about yesterday's adventure was? Even though it absolutely was an exclusive thing not available to the public - and a bunch of people on my insta are coming out of the woodwork like 'how did YOU get a tour with the LEGEND? (disbelief heavily implied)' - the vibe of the entire day was a group of friends chatting and joking and remarking on the history of the place we were visiting. And it wasnt a one time thing, we all volunteer together, im going to see them again on monday. And its just FUN! ^_^ i love it!
#Journal shit#Btw my answer to the asshole from my old company who couldnt believe that someone lowly like me got to talk to this legend?#I didnt bite at the bait i didnt say anything except: 'he's a friend! :)'#One fun story that i dont think the host would mind me sharing#He is almost as popular as jeff - jeff is the easy to approach not intimidating guy#The Legend guy is a little more intimidating#anyway we stopped at a coffee shop on the lot and The Legend got held up taking photos and signing autographs because#Every person working behind the counter at the coffee shop wanted one it was geat :)#And then when he was done with the photos and chatting with them he came back over and actually apologized to us#He was like im sorry you didnt come to this to do nothing but see star*bucks and then complained a little that security is more strict now#So he cant even really get us into the good places#And all of us were like are you kidding we are HERE and talking to you we would be happy with just the star*bucks all day lollll#He's very humble almost too humble one thing i noticed was that there were a lot of stories about other people in history#but not a lot of stories about him and i kept trying to figure out polite ways of working my more personal art questions into conversation
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