#and now I’m babbling just cause I’m happy and relieved and feeling better but yeah

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[sunjaesol]

the smile you gave me (it’s magic)

juke | meet-cute au | tw: alcohol + annoying men in bars | written for @alexjulies as we have the same headcanons about luke

What Julie Molina was about to do was horribly unfeminist and Flynn would hate her forever, but really, it was all the man’s fault - as usual.

She rejected his advances three times now in the last hour. The bartender gave her a drink on the man’s tab and she sent it back, the man brought it himself (introduced himself as Levi) and she politely declined once more. The third time he asked her to dance and then she fled to the bathroom. Julie wasn’t the biggest partygoer, occasionally joining Flynn for happy hour - like today. Her friend was late however, due to an emergency meeting at a magazine she worked at and Julie had to endure the bar alone. Grave mistake. She should’ve just waited at a McDonalds or something; even if she’d look out of place in her cocktail dress.

im there in 15!! hang in there <3 <3

Julie groaned. Great. Fifteen more minutes in a smelly bathroom stall as women outside were drunkenly crying in front of the mirrors and babbled about their own grievances regarding men. For such a universal problem, she had hoped all men would’ve taken the hint by now.

No, she didn’t want to dance. No, she didn’t want a drink. No, she wouldn’t give her number to someone that kept pushing and coming into her personal space. Levi could fuck off. It was bad enough how he had given her a suggestive once-over like he was deciding whether he wanted brunette or blonde tonight.  

The reminder angered her, pushed her out of the stall with a scowl. Was she really going to let a dumb man (nay: boy) ruin her night before it even started? Her songwriting session with Hayley Williams had gone really well and she deserved to celebrate that! She deserved to end her day on a high note! A quick look in the mirror to assure her make-up hadn’t smudged, she marched out the bathroom back into the dimly lit bar.

Her eyes scanned the room, relieved to not catch Levi close-by. Did he give up and leave? Was he cornering another girl? Whatever. As long as he wasn’t bothering her, she’d be able to breathe and maybe forget about the altercation.

If he did bother her again, she’d use her privilege as a girl and yell at the top of her lungs that he was harassing her. Surely then security would kick him out, right?

Over by the bartop was clamour, two men pulling each other into a laughing embrace as one hauled their backpack over their shoulder as the other dropped it. Changing shifts, Julie noted, halting on the man that had arrived. Well then. The theory that bars only hired attractive people seemed to be correct, the guy straight from a CW show. Mussed up brown hair, sharp features, big eyes, cute smile. A ten out of ten.  

He shrugged his red shacket off, fully black outfit beneath and began washing off discarded glasses. His muscular arms made her throat dry up; he wasn’t attractive, he was hot.

(Oh God. Was she just as bad as Levi, gawking over a stranger? But wasn’t part of his job that girls were supposed to gawk over him? More tips and all that? Julie decided she shouldn’t feel too guilty.)

Her feet moved on their own accord towards the bar, sliding into a leather high stool and wondering what she’d order as she waited for any of the bartenders (him?) to approach her.

Luck was on her side, the new bartender pressing his hands into the counter, brows raised expectantly. “What can I get you?”

Her lips tutted, debating between a margarita and a strawberry mojito. Both were appealing and at a marginally low price. “What’s better?”, she asked. “Margarita or mojito? Honestly.”

He grinned. “Honestly?”

“Yeah.” She crossed her arms atop the counter, a brush away from his hands. “I’ve bartended before. I know you have to lie a little.”

His muscle tee shifted around as he chuckled, slivers of tattoos peeking through on his chest. Her eyes averted, hoping she was a bit more subtle than she felt, and kept them trained on the stacks of whiskey in the glass rack.

His fingers drummed on the wood. “The mojito, then.” Leaning in as if imparting a secret, he added: “We’ve been buying the cheaper tequila. Gotta pay those bills.”

Satisfied at his reply, she gave him a pleased nod. “Okay. A mojito, please.”

He pushed himself off with a click of the tongue, as if he auctioned her something, and turned to grab the ingredients. As he poured the rum into a tall glass, he fell into casual conversation she was all too familiar with.

“You here alone?”

“Waiting on a friend.” Eager to distract herself from the reason why she waiting, and what caused her to wait in a fucking bathroom, she asked: “What’s the tattoo?”

The bartender paused for a beat, as if momentarily forgetting he was inked up, and then tugged his shirt out the way to showcase more skin. Had she not been so curious, she’d focus on the fact that he was defined as hell. The tattoo was a detailed sun with an ocean wave drawn inside. More uncovered: a play and pause button, ‘now or never’, a stick and poke tattoo of a lightning bolt. It was as if she herself doodled onto her skin and then left it there, but it somehow worked. It was personal. Maybe she was also a bit intrigued since he seemed especially interested by music. Granted, it was LA. Everyone was some type of artist with varying degrees of success. Still - she was curious.

“They’re cool,” she complimented, him going back to making her drink with an appreciative grin.

“Thanks.”

“Was the lightning bolt a drunk decision?”, she teased. The only instance someone got a stick and poke tattoo was when they felt chaotic or impulsive.

His grin widened, throwing crushed ice in the glass. “That obvious? Yeah, me and my boys all got one. This whole idea of-” He waved his hands around, trying to find the right words. “-bonding us together for life, I guess.”

Warmth thudded in her chest at his story, endeared by the way his voice became lighter when he talked about his friends. They must be like brothers to him.

As he placed the completed drink in front of her, she contemplated her answer. She’d rather keep talking to him than wait for Flynn in silence. “That’s nice. Having friends like that, it’s special.” Twisting her wrist, she showed her own tattoo. “I got this one when I turned eighteen.”      

They were two, small butterflies dancing on the inside of her forearm. When her mother passed away, she always knew she’d get something to commemorate her. Doodles of butterflies marked her skin in high school, finally becoming permanent when she was allowed to. Knowing everyone inevitably asked about the why, she continued talking.  

“It’s, you know, it’s about metamorphosis and beauty and transcendence and I just-” She caught herself before blabbing her sob story to a stranger. With a chuckle, she muttered: “It’s a reminder that change is good.”

When Julie looked up at him, she was struck by the wonder on his face. He didn’t look as confident as he did before, probably taken aback by her sudden spiritual spiel about butterflies - or by her, in general. The thought let a quiet thrill course through her.  

He snapped out of it, a smirk falling on his lips as his nail chimed against the glass. “It’s on me.”

“Is that a move?” Her head tilted, amused.

“You want me to lie or be honest?” The man leaned across the counter again, much closer this time. “Cool tattoo, by the way.”

She laughed, biting back a silly grin from blooming. This was his job, she reminded herself. Act all cute and get her to buy more drinks so that eventually, her tab would be enormous. It was like winning once at a game of poker and then becoming cocky.

Coy, she ripped her gaze from his and sipped on her drink. She’d let him simmer for a bit.

That was when it happened. Her unfeminist deed that would make Gloria Steinem shudder. Levi, the devil reincarnated, shot her a smug look from the other side of the bar. Swerving past people to the beat of the music, he tried approaching her again.

Julie groaned behind her glass, her good mood instantly shattered once more. Why couldn’t this idiot take a fucking hint?!

“Damn,” bartender mused, “I thought my mojito skills were good.”

The brash words tumbled out at a rapid pace, her need for a solution trumping her pride. “There’s a guy coming onto me right now and you need to help me ward him off. Please.”

He grimaced. “Yeesh. Ex-boyfriend?”

“Worse,” she bit. “A fool.”

A stressed smile pinned itself on her cheeks as Levi sidled beside her, one arm bracketing her left. Her back tensed as she shot a quick, pleading look at the bartender. He zeroed in on Levi, mouth curled downwards.    

“There you are,” Levi grinned. “Thought you left.”

Julie didn’t entertain him anymore. “I’ve told you. I’m not interested.”

He dismissed her. “I see you got yourself a drink? What is it?”

“I’m not interested,” she snapped, eyes flickering once more to the bartender. Was he really not going to help her?

It spurred him into action, his arm reaching over to create a barrier between Levi and her. “Dude, you heard her. Back off.”

Levi snarled. “Can you not? This is between me and her.”

“No, actually,” he exclaimed, blunt. “I’m her boyfriend.”

Her vigilance got her acting swiftly, shifting her expression into a believable nod and placing a hand on his outstretched arm.  

“He is?” Levi was gobsmacked, a hint of anger lacing his voice.

“Yeah,” Julie bit, silently thanking him when he played along and enveloped her hand with his. Her final strike spit his venom right back in his face. “So can you just leave us alone?”

The man rolled his eyes with a scoff, kicking one of the stools and mumbling a string of curses. “Bullshit…”

When he was out of sight again, having stormed off like a petulant child to a shadowy corner, Julie let out breath of relief. “Finally!” Shooting the bartender a bright smile, she kept babbling. “You have no idea how annoying that is. And smart idea - the boyfriend card always works!”

He squeezed her hand, worried. “You sure you’re okay? That was fucked up.”

“Yeah…” She trailed off, the soft touch reminding her of his words from before. Squeezing back, she watched as the pinch between his brows vanished. “I’m okay.”

They kept their stare for a beat, the revolving pop music and excited chatter merely background noise. Neither have let go of their hold on each other. She didn’t want to either; his hand was warm and gentle and a calloused thumb absentmindedly caressed her skin. Levi should learn from this.

Sometimes, a connection just happened.

He let go first, collecting himself into a casual stance that was far more amusing than it should be. Ducking beneath the bar and grabbing a beer, he tapped it against her glass with a cocky nod. “My name’s Luke.”

Julie matched his expression. Luke. Luke, the bartender. It fit him perfectly. “I’m Julie. Are you supposed to be drinking on the clock?”

“I work in a bar,” Luke deadpanned. “It’s expected. And I’m sure Jack can handle it.”

“Why would he have to serve alone?” she inquired teasingly, eyes glimmering with challenge. If there was one thing she loved, it was getting the upper hand in a fun game of flirting.  

He lifted his bottle with a wink. “I’m drinking with you.” A pause, his gaze matching her intensity. Damn. He was a good opponent. “Unless you want me to go?”

She shook her head, took a sip from the mojito and wiggled her brows. “Cheers to warding off annoying men, fake boyfriend.”

“I better get some good karma from this,” he joked. “Cheers!”

(Later that night, she’d realise Flynn never came by. When she asked what happened, Flynn told her she had walked in and saw Julie completely wrapped up in a conversation ‘with that cute bartender’ and left. The joyous announcement that Julie got his number made her friend screech over the phone.

Julie went back to the bar many times. Drinking and talking bled until deep in the night, once till closing time and then he walked her to her apartment. He didn’t resist when she kissed him, his lips kissing back with hunger.

It didn’t take long for the ‘fake’ to be scrapped from that label.)  

🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸

@blush-and-books @willexx @bluefirewrites @ourstarscollided

[kieraelieson]

A Baby Human

For @katelynn-a-fan as a part of @sanderssidesgiftxchange, and beta-read by @enby-phoenix. I really hope you enjoy!

 Janus is a baby and the rest of the sides are *insert creature not human here* and they are protective and may or may not teach him some... unorthodox thing

Warnings: past/offscreen child abuse, Virgil is a spider-creature, 

••^*^••

Roman let out a quiet sigh. Virgil hadn’t even said anything, but he could see his pinched, anxious look. “We’ll be fine.”

“I know we’ll be fine!” Virgil snapped, crossing his arms. “It’s just getting dark. And we don’t know what’s out here.”

“You’re the poisonous one! You don’t have to worry about anything.”

“Virgil is venomous,” Logan said calmly from his perch on one of the protruding spider legs on Virgil’s back. 

“Yeah,” Virgil muttered, a hand lifting to pet Logan, which Logan reluctantly permitted. 

Logan was, or rather had been, a witch’s familiar. After leaving the witch quite a few years ago, he had discovered Virgil, and stayed with him and Patton, and later, Roman as well. The witch still changed his shape every now and again in petty revenge for his choice to leave. As of a few days ago, he was in the form of a crow, though struggling somewhat to get used to it. 

Roman turned to look forward. He wasn’t terribly worried, but the growing dusk would be a problem soon, if only for visibility’s sake. And if the moon came out, that would probably be less, rather than more helpful, with as close to full as it was. He’d really rather not have to deal with shifting. 

But he’d been smelling odd things out here. And he couldn’t wait any longer to find out what was causing it, problems or no problems. 

“If we get home late Patton will be worried,” Virgil muttered grumpily. 

Roman heard a small sound, like something between a sigh and a quiet whine, and shushed Virgil. “It’s close now.”

The curiosity overrode the embarrassment he would usually feel at sniffing around, trying to find where and what the smell was. 

“This way!” He yelled, bounding off through the brush. 

Virgil was only just able to keep up with him, following down into a little gully. They both stopped short, seeing it at the same time. 

It was a human. A baby human. Or at most, a toddler. Laying in a pile of leaves, and not moving other than shallow breathing. It was hurt too, though there wasn’t blood, bruises trailing over its entire left side. 

“Is… is he ok?” Virgil asked tentatively. 

Roman shrugged, staring helplessly. 

Logan was the first to actually approach the baby, flapping noisily over to him and nudging him with his beak. The baby made a soft, weak keening sound, but didn’t open his eyes. 

“He is likely in need of nourishment, as soon as possible. We should bring him back home and find something he can eat.”

Roman nodded, scooping up the baby. He wasn’t trying to hold himself at all, just laying limply in Roman’s hold. Roman carefully shifted how he was holding the baby, making sure to hold his head up. 

They ran back home quickly, none of them very sure what to feed a baby, and hoping Patton would have some kind of answer. 

Patton, being a dryad, instantly suggested tree sap. 

Roman objected. “Patton, I don’t think a human—“

“You used to be a human. And you drink it.”

“Yes, but a baby, and a malnourished one at that—“ Logan said. 

Roman silently agreed. It was nothing against Patton, it was just that sap was weak and watery, and wouldn’t the baby need something to help him get strong?

“No buts. I’ll get something better, just start him out with maple sap. He’ll need the water, and the sugar will be good too.” Patton insisted. 

Logan let out an odd almost-sigh, but agreed. “Virgil, would you tap the tree?”

Logan went with Virgil, though not very far away. Roman was just left holding the baby, and not sure what to do, as Patton faded away, his shadow faintly seen flitting from tree to tree off into the distance. He felt awkward, and confused, and looked down at the baby, suddenly very aware of the way he was holding him, and wondering if it really was the correct way to hold a baby. 

“There’s not a lot yet,” Virgil said, handing Roman a small waterbag made of webbing. “It’s not really the right time of year for it.”

Roman sat down. Apparently he was feeding the baby too. His curiosity sure did put him in strange places sometimes. 

Logan landed on his shoulder. “Put the mouth of the bag into his mouth, and slowly tip it up. Keep going as he swallows, and try not to waste any.”

Roman tried following the instructions, but as soon as the liquid sloshed into the baby’s mouth, his eyes fluttered open, and he grabbed at the waterbag with weak floundering movements, batting and squishing the bag, fighting against Roman’s hold, trying to swallow as much as he could and hold the bag all by himself, which ended up spilling more than he drank. 

“Logaaan, what do I do???” 

“Take the waterbag away from him! You’re the adult here, don’t let him go and spill it.”

Roman pulled it away, and there was a brief moment of the most pitiful face he’d ever seen in his whole life, all wide, teary eyes and wobbly lip. And then the baby opened his mouth, scrunched his face up, and screamed. 

“Here! Here’s another one, give it to him!” Virgil said desperately, holding out another bag. 

But the baby was flailing, and Roman couldn’t get the bag into his mouth. 

“What are you doing to the poor baby?” Patton scolded, setting down a large bowl and taking the baby out of Roman’s arms. “Shhh, it’s alright. Virgil, fill a bag with that. Quickly.”

“What is it?” Roman asked, his nose wrinkling. It looked like milk, but smelled distinctly plant-like. 

But Patton was too occupied cooing to the baby and bouncing him gently. It seemed the correct way to calm a baby, rather than the fumbling Roman had been doing, and yet the baby only seemed to half agree, still sniffling with his face all scrunched up. Virgil handed Patton a bag of the milky substance, and Patton was able to pop the mouth of the bag into the baby’s mouth with little trouble. From there, it was only moments before the baby was happily and calmly drinking. 

They all let out a relieved sigh together, hoping the peace would last. 

••^*^••

It hadn’t been morning for more than a few minutes before it was clear that the peace would not, in fact, last. The baby was crying again, distinctly upset cries interspersed with babbled nonsense, and had pulled himself up to stand at the side of Roman’s bed, hitting at Roman’s arm. 

Roman scooped the baby up, and the baby wailed, curling up in his grip. Oh! His poor side. Roman tucked the baby against his chest, rolling onto his side, careful not to hurt the baby’s side any more. He reached backwards, rummaging blindly for the dried meat he kept by on his bedside table this time of month, and popped the end of a sizable piece into the baby’s mouth. If he could crawl over to him, he could probably eat whatever meat he managed to gnaw off the piece. 

The baby quieted quickly, biting and sucking the piece of meat, and showing off his few little teeth, holding it very firmly in his tiny hands. 

“Look at you, all fierce, aren’t you?” Roman whispered. 

The baby looked up at him, not relinquishing his grip on the piece of meat. 

Roman smiled, letting out a soft, rumbling growl. “Are you killing that meat?”

“Uuu. Ugh. Ughh.” The baby said, little noises sounding probably about as fierce as a human baby could make. 

“That’s right,” Roman said, again demonstrating a small growl. 

The baby’s sound, while far from a growl, was clearly an attempt to copy him. And that made Roman feel far prouder and happier than he would have expected. 

After a few more tries, it was clear that the baby was as close as he would get to growling with his little ughhh sounds. But he was copying Roman! And Roman couldn’t help smiling wide, growling at the little baby. 

“What are you threatening the baby for?” Virgil asked, his tone slow and drawling, probably from being up far earlier than he usually would be. 

But Roman’s joy couldn’t be dampened by Virgil’s grumpy teasing. “He’s copying me!”

“Oh? Are you secretly a werewolf baby?” Virgil asked, slipping into almost baby talk to address the baby instead of Roman.

“I don’t think he is,” Roman said. 

“Should he really be eating that, then? I’m going to get some more of Patton’s milk stuff.”

“He loves the meat! Look at him all happy.”

The baby tried again to make a growling sound, and Roman melted. “You are, aren’t you? You’re very happy here with the meat.”

Virgil rolled his many eyes, but didn’t quite hide the fond smile before he turned away to get the milk. 

And then Roman had to take the meat away, just for a bit, and the baby burst into loud wails immediately, flailing and hitting the bag of milk instead of accepting it. Somehow, Roman got the mouth of the bag into the baby’s mouth, but he seemed too upset to even realize it was food, and Roman didn’t want to choke him by tipping it up before he was ready. 

“Shhh, it’s ok,” Roman said, feeling more lost with every cry. “Just drink your milk and I’ll give it right back, I promise.”

It was not the clean, easy feeding Patton had had the night before, but the baby hopefully got enough of the milk inside of him to be worth it, and quieted down again when Roman gave him the meat to gnaw on again. 

Virgil sighed. “What are we going to do with him?”

Roman bristled. “We’re keeping him! Whatever humans he belonged to clearly didn’t care for him!”

“What if they did? He could just be lost, rolled down into the gulley and they couldn’t find him.”

Roman hugged the baby closer to himself. “Patton will agree with me. It’ll be two against one.”

Virgil sighed heavily. “I don’t want to fight about it. Just look for his parents? At least once?”

Roman very reluctantly nodded. 

Patton suddenly sat up and shivered, his eyes wide, and a sound like wind in leaves coming from him. “Virgil! Virgil, help! There’s a spider on my tree! I know there is. Help!”

Virgil rushed to Patton, scooping him up and quickly running out of the house. Any spiders on Patton’s tree had to be dealt with immediately, or he would become hysterical. 

They wouldn’t be back till afternoon, at least. 

Which left Roman the sole caretaker of the baby. 

Well, Logan had to be around somewhere, but there wasn’t much he could do to help other than give instructions. 

The baby was happy though, gnawing away with his few little teeth and getting slivers of meat to gradually come off. He was also more than damp, and a bit sticky. 

“Do I need to figure out how to bathe you now?” Roman asked. 

The baby babbled some nonsense around his piece of meat, as emphatic as it was unintelligible. 

“Oh, you have very clear ideas on how you’re taking a bath then, huh?”

The baby babbled again, so strangely close to normal words that Roman could’ve sworn he was saying ‘want some more’, except for the fact that he was currently very happy with a large piece of dried meat, and they were talking about baths, not food. 

While he was still trying to figure it out, Logan flew in from the open window, flapping loudly as if he didn’t quite know how to use his wings properly and quietly. Which, to be fair, he probably didn’t. He’d only been a crow for a few days, and it’d been a good year since he’d last been in a bird shape. Or, Roman supposed, it could just be that crows were loud birds. 

“How do you bathe a baby?” Roman asked Logan. “Just dunk it in the water? Do you need special soap?”

“I should hope you know better than ‘just dunking’ the baby into the water. That could be very dangerous. Though I believe the soap we have will be sufficient.”

“Well, then how do you do it? I only have two hands, and I can’t just wrap one arm around him without hurting his side.” 

Logan made an odd sighing noise. “He can sit up on his own, just put him in something shallow, and steady him with one hand.”

The baby only just then noticed Logan, squirming around to look at him curiously. He made a little sound, reaching one hand out to make grabby hands at him. 

“Aww, he wants to see you, Logan!”

“He does not. He wishes to touch me, which will mostly likely end unpleasantly.” Logan said primly, doing a little bird-shake that fluffed up his feathers and then smoothed them down again. 

But the baby was still reaching, making noises and grasping in Logan’s direction. 

“Oh, come on, you’d pass up the chance to be petted by a baby?”

“I do not enjoy petting in general, much less by one who is uncoordinated and almost certainly not capable of being sufficiently gentle.”

“Are you saying you’re scared of the baby?” Roman teased. 

Logan fluffed up angrily. “That is not what I’m saying!”

The baby’s little grunts stopped, and Roman bent down to see that he was giving Logan the most pitifully large watering eyes. And then he cried. Great, heart-wrenching wails as he curled up and rubbed at his eyes. 

“Oh, for the love of—“ Logan hopped into Roman’s lap, nudging at the baby with his beak. 

The baby sniffed pitifully, but stopped crying, grabbing Logan as if he were an oversized toy. Logan ruffled up in annoyance, but submitted to the baby’s pats and intense babbling, just keeping his head out of reach of the tiny hands. 

“Awwww, he likes you, Lo!”

And Logan couldn’t seem to muster up any disparaging words to join his grumble, which meant Logan liked him too. And Roman couldn’t help but smile. 

••^*^••

“We’re back!” Patton said cheerfully. “Everything’s alright now.”

“Welcome back!” Roman said, holding one of the baby’s little hands as he toddled around. He couldn’t quite walk on his own yet, but he seemed close. 

The baby looked up at Virgil, eyes wide and curious. “Ughh. Ughh!”

Virgil got a tiny grin he would probably forever deny as he scooped the baby up. “Are you growling at me? You can’t growl at me, you growl at Roman. With me you hiss, like this.”

The baby seemed to pick up the hiss even faster than the growl, though it devolved into spluttering raspberries half the time. 

“Ssssssssa!” The baby said, almost triumphantly, and then grinned up at Virgil. Virgil melted. He tried to pretend he wasn’t, but he absolutely was. 

“Awwwww!” Patton cooed. “Are you going to be so fierce? And so cute?”

The baby hissed at Patton, which just made him coo over him more. 

••^*^••

It had been a few days since they found the baby. He was now firmly a part of their family, though they hadn’t agreed on a name yet. 

The bruises seemed to be healing, or at least, changing. They were all confused to see the bruises morphing into a dark, mottling color. It was like nothing even Patton, the oldest of them, had ever seen on a human. It was strange, but it didn’t seem to hurt him. 

They kept him safely in their little cabin, and he’d been sleeping mostly in Roman’s bed, until Roman could finish the crib he’d started making. 

But it couldn’t last much longer. 

“I’m worried, Pat. I’ll shift any day now, and what if I can’t recognize him anymore? What if I… what if I hurt him?”

“You wouldn’t do that, you’ve never hurt one of us.” 

“But you’re all big! He’s so little, I could hurt him without meaning to.”

Patton’s mouth twisted as he thought. “Well, I don’t mind keeping him in my bed, but I don’t like the idea of you sleeping outside all by yourself.” 

“I could be dangerous to him! I could bite him, or try to run off and hide him, or I could just step on him the wrong way and—“

“No, you wouldn’t, you’re very good as a giant dog.”

Roman frowned. “You guys know how to handle me.”

Patton frowned at him disapprovingly.

“And if it’s the middle of the night you might not be awake before I find him,” Roman continued. “Even if he just wakes up while I’m shifting, he could be scared.”

Patton’s frown deepened. “Alright. For this first time, you can sleep outside, and we’ll be really careful introducing you two, but I’m positive you’re still going to love him and be just as careful of him as you are now. And next time you’ll definitely recognize him, and you’ll be inside, with all of us.”

“Only if this time goes well.”

“It will. I’m positive it will.”

••^*^••

Virgil woke up to a loud whine and scratching at the door. The baby was sitting right in front of it, patting it and trying to push it open, and that must be Roman on the other side, whining to get in. 

He picked up the baby, holding him carefully up on his shoulder, where Roman couldn’t reach right away, and then opened the door. 

Roman bounded inside immediately, jumping up to see the baby, tail wagging excitedly. 

“No! No, sit. Sit, Roman.”

Roman sat, but he was practically quivering with excitement, puppy eyes almost as effective as the baby’s were. And then the baby tipped forward, reaching and ‘growling’ at Roman. 

“Alright, alright, I’ll let you see each other, but be careful.” 

Virgil brought the baby down to Roman’s level, and Roman was immediately sniffing all over him, and then trying to lick the baby. Virgil nearly snatched him away, but the baby was cackling with laughter and patting Roman’s snout, clearly just as excited as he was. Virgil let out a relieved sigh. He’d just bathe the baby afterwards. 

“Well, this seems to have gone well.” Logan commented, landing on Virgil’s shoulder. 

“Patton will probably be mad to have missed it,” Virgil whispered with a chuckle. Once Patton was asleep, all awareness shifted to his tree, and he was dead to the world. 

He tried setting the baby down on the ground, and Roman bounded all around, nosing and licking the baby while he giggled and tried to grab Roman’s ears. 

Virgil sat down in the chair, still keeping a close eye on them. He would’ve thought that the baby might be scared of Roman’s over excitement. He certainly had been the first few shifts. But the baby seemed to be just as excited, laughing and trying to growl. And Roman didn’t even seem to mind when the baby really did grab hold of his ear and hold on tight. 

Virgil should have kept a closer eye. Or guessed that something would happen. Or have sat closer. But he didn’t. He was just too relieved that everything was going well. 

And so he didn’t react fast enough when Roman picked up the baby by his shirt and whisked him out the door, trotting away quickly and ignoring all cries of ‘wait, stop!’

Roman just kept going, and while Virgil caught up before he could really get away, the instant Virgil reached for the baby he let out a low growl. 

“Roman!”

Roman flinched, and stopped, but still growled. 

“Put him down,” Virgil said sternly. 

Roman whined, but put the baby down. He did not, however, let Virgil get near him, standing over the baby and growling more whenever Virgil got too close. 

Virgil sighed, and sat down, folding himself to be smaller. “Look, Roman, I’d never hurt him. You know I wouldn’t. I’m part of your pack as much as he is. Hand him back. I won’t take him away.” 

Roman stood his ground, bristling up bigger, and even more menacing when Virgil was seated. 

But the baby proved to be more helpful, crawling towards Virgil. Roman didn’t want to growl at the baby, and just watched, getting more panicked the closer he got. 

Virgil sat as still and relaxed as he could manage, given the situation. “I’m not gonna hurt either of you, or try to separate you. Don’t worry, Roman.” 

Roman whined when the baby climbed into Virgil’s lap, but the baby just babbled happily, sitting and patting Virgil’s legs. 

Roman laid down, his snout resting in the baby’s lap. 

The baby did his little ‘growl’, patting Roman’s nose. 

Roman licked the baby’s face, and the baby giggled, tugging at his ears again. 

“See? We’re all good.” Virgil said, gently reaching out to pet Roman’s shoulder. 

Roman seemed to smile, and scooted a little closer. 

They’d be alright. 

••^*^••

“He needs a name,” Patton said. 

Virgil looked to where Roman was asleep on the floor, the baby tucked into his side, happily sleeping against the warm fur. “Shouldn’t we wait till Roman can help us pick?”

“If we do that we’ll end up with a positively absurd name,” Logan said. 

“I like Janus,” Patton said. 

“Janus?” Virgil said. “Why?”

Patton shrugged. 

Logan made a strange sound that wasn’t quite a sigh. “It appears we were going to end up with a strange name either way. Having said that, however, I am not opposed.”

Virgil shrugged. “Yeah, alright. I don’t mind it. It’s a bit weird, but so’s the kid.”

Patton grinned. “Then his name is Janus!”

••^*^••

“Janice???” Roman asked, practically wailing. “You not only named him without me, but you gave him an old lady name???”

“Not like that,” Logan said. “Janus. Like the old god.”

Roman pouted. “Well… that’s not so bad. But you still named him without me!”

Roman scooped up the baby, cuddling him close. “You are going to get an awesome wolf-name. And it’ll be a secret from these jerks.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. 

Patton held out his arms, and Roman passed Janus to him. 

“It would be good,” Logan said. “Before we get irrevocably attached, to attempt to find his parents.”

“It’s a bit late for that,” Roman murmured under his breath. 

“I can come with you,” Virgil offered. 

“What, right now?”

Virgil shrugged. “We might as well. We have time now.”

“... yeah, I guess so.”

••^*^••

When they came back the next night, they were extremely somber.

Virgil held out his arms, and Patton wordlessly passed him the sleeping baby. Virgil cuddled him so carefully and gently, folding around him protectively and lovingly, not even caring, like he usually did, that they were seeing him being ‘weak’. 

Roman sat down heavily, watching the two of them with wide, shiny eyes. “He’s ours, Pat. We’re never, ever letting anyone touch him.”

Virgil let out a violent hiss, and Janus startled, his face scrunching, but didn’t quite wake up. “Never. No one gets to him past us.”

“What happened?” Patton asked.

Virgil just shook his head, tucking Janus closer to his chest.

Patton looked to Roman. 

“It’s… better left unsaid. I think it’d be enough to say our guesses were right. He was cast out.”

“But he’s a baby!” Patton protested. “He can’t even talk yet.”

“And he’s ours now.” Virgil said firmly. 

“He’ll never be hurt again,” Roman said. “Not as long as we can help it.”

Patton nodded. 

“Can I hold him now?” Roman asked, reaching out. 

Virgil looked very reluctant, but passed Janus to Roman. Roman also practically curled around him, cuddling him close. 

There was a rustle as Logan, who must have woken up sometime, shook out his feathers and flew to Virgil’s shoulder. “I’m positive he’ll be safe and happy here with us, there’s no need to worry more about what happened before.” 

Virgil nodded. Patton held out his arms for a hug and Virgil tucked close, seeming all small now. Whatever it was, it must have really been bad. Patton was glad it was over. 

And he’d make sure it stayed over. 

They all would. 

[twokinkybeans]

Touch Me, Please [Starker Fic] Pt.2

Summary: Tony Stark has never told anyone that he's still a virgin. He doesn't want to sleep with people who only want him because of his outward persona. So instead, he hires an escort. Things get a little more heated than either of them had expected. Tags/Warnings: Escort!Peter, Virgin!Tony, nff, nsfw, sexual tension, teasing, Peter is 22, Tony is 53, oral sex, 69. Taglist: @starkerswonderland @staticwhispersinthedark @starkerprince @parkers-stark​ (let me know if you want to be added!) -Kim

Read the fic here on AO3

Or click here to read Chapter 1 on Tumblr

-

TOUCH ME PLEASE, PT.2

Tony’s brain fails to function when Peter’s cherry-red lips press themselves onto his own. It’s a gentle clash. Peter’s lips are much softer than the ones Tony had kissed all those years ago. “Peter,” he whimpers desperately into the boy’s parted lips. The escort responds by simply deepening the kiss. The soft, velvet tongue sweeps past his teeth, and he kisses him hungrily. The staged passion has Tony fooled more than he thought possible. He’s aware that this is Peter’s job- making other men aroused and then pleasing them. Yet, Tony hadn’t thought it’d feel so real.  “Tony-” Peter breathes and pulls back slightly. Tony swears he can see a hint of longing on the boy’s face. He’s acting, don’t forget that. “Tony, tell me what you want.” “W-what?”

“I want you to tell me what you want me to do. It’s your first time. Gotta make it special, huh?” Somehow, the teasing tone in Peter’s voice when he speaks those words makes it so easy for Tony to push down his rising shame. It’s not some weird clinical discussion. Not at all. The question for consent low-key blows him away. He’s not used to it. His high school boyfriend at the time had never asked, and the people that tried flirting with him now weren’t much better. His ‘no’s are usually waved off as cocky, entitled behavior. 

“I…” Tony starts, frowning when he notices how he has no fucking clue. Oh, God. Here he is. He hired an escort, and he doesn’t even know what he wants. “I don’t know,” he whispers. Peter leans back a little, leaving some space between them, and sends him a gentle smile.

“That’s alright. We’ll take it step-by-step, ‘kay?” “Please.” “Cool. Anything you don’t want to do tonight?” Peter tilts his head in a curious motion. His curls bounce along with the movement, and once again, Tony is struck by his beauty.

“Nothing kinky,” Tony rushes out. “I just… I just want it to feel good. I want to make you feel good.” Tony’s head snaps up as he realizes what he just said. Something clicks in his mind. It… Yes. That’s it. “I want to make you feel good,” he repeats, his voice more assertive this time. Peter lets out a surprised chuckle. The boy searches Tony’s face for a second. Does he think Tony’s joking? “For real?” Peter asks. “You could ask me to do anything to you, but you want to make me feel good?” “Yes.” Tony straightens his shoulders. “I know pleasure. I- I wanna know how to make someone else feel that way. I-” Suddenly, he’s overcome with a wave of uncertainty again. “If that’s… Okay for you as well. Of course. God- I’m sorry. This is so not sexy,” he rambles. Peter tuts and leans in again, pressing his forehead against Tony’s.

“Doesn’t have to be,” he whispers. “If we want the rest of our night to be amazing, we gotta talk about this. Have to admit, most clients are very clear about their wants.” Peter snorts. “They usually prefer if I don’t talk at all.” “Oh?” “Mmmh. They prefer me to keep my mouth occupied elsewhere. But you?” Peter’s voice seems to trail off for a second when their gazes lock. Peter’s dark, chocolate puppy eyes contain a seriousness Tony can’t quite place. Peter’s voice is soft when he continues. “You’re different.”

Tony can’t shake the feeling that those words mean something. Different. He’s different. The insecurity almost makes him ask if that’s a good or a bad thing, but the intensity in Peter’s eyes already reveals the answer. “Peter…” he breathes softly. “I don’t know how to be a good client. But I promise you; I’ll be the most eager student you’ve ever taught how to have sex.” The half-sincere joke makes Peter laugh, and the sound sends a pleasant tingling sensation across Tony’s chest. “Sex ed 101 with Peter,” the escort jokes back. “Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” “Best-selling class, I’m telling ya.” “Well, lucky for you, you’re my first student.” Peter’s voice drops, making everything flare up again. Tony’s heartbeat picks up, and his cock throbs in the tight fit of his jeans. He speaks hoarsely. “Where do we start?”

Instantly, Peter’s lips are back on his own. It shouldn’t take Tony by surprise anymore, but it does. It’s earth-shattering how good it feels. Peter’s every move is urgent and hot and it makes Tony think that although it may be an act… Maybe, some of it could be real? “Can I unbutton your shirt?” Peter moans, and Tony curses at the sensations it sends straight into his hard cock. He ruts upwards and nods. “Y-yeah. If you take your shirt off too?” Peter sends him a cocky grin and nods. “Deal.”  Their teeth clash clumsily when Peter can no longer steady himself against Tony’s chest. His slender fingers easily unbutton the tight, expensive white dress shirt. Tony grunts as he feels the coldness of Peter’s fingertips brushing over his hot skin. He doesn’t even mind that it’s cold. All he can think about is how a gorgeous being is touching him - touching him. He swallows. “Feels good,” he mutters and drops his head back against the backrest of his couch when Peter’s fingers trail lower. And lower. And lower. His eyes widen, and he stares enchanted how Peter teasingly traces past the band of his boxers. Then, he snaps his gaze back up. “Your shirt?” “R-Right.” Peter expertly grabs the hem of his shirt and pulls it over his head. Tony blinks a few times when he sees the smooth skin gliding past the fittest body he ever saw.

“Good Lord,” Tony laughs. “You’re fucking ripped.” “Wanna touch it?” Peter retorts, causing Tony to blush. He smiles sheepishly at the escort and nods, slowly reaching out. He’s never touched someone else like this. Never with the burning pit of desire deep within his core. Never so longingly. Never this intimately. When he feels the hot skin on his fingers, he lets out a shaky breath.  “Why is this so fucking scary,” he mumbles, not even that taken aback anymore by how easy it is to open up about that to Peter. He’s safe here. “Do you want me to guide your hands?”

Tony nods. He’s relieved at the offer. He stares at how Peter shuffles his weight back to make sure he won’t fall. Then, he gently reaches up and grabs the back of Tony’s hands. Slowly, he brings them up, all the way over his pecs and to his neck. Then, slowly, back down until Tony’s hands grab Peter’s waist tightly. “Peter?” “Yeah?” “You’re beautiful.”

Peter stills at that and he stares down at Tony. “Thank you.” He whispers. “I mean it.” “I know.” Peter’s voice is so gentle, and it stuns Tony just how confidently the boy is taking his compliment. He trusts Tony to speak the truth. “We should go to my bedroom,” Tony continues then. Peter smirks and nods.  “Show me where the m- Eh, the magic’s about to happen?” Tony laughs and shakes his head.  “Good save.” He grabs the kid’s thighs tightly and grins, hoisting him a little closer. Peter gasps, a silent shriek leaving his parted lips. Tony stands up quickly- he’s eternally grateful for his workout sessions with Happy- and carries Peter towards his master bedroom. Peter giggles adorably, and Tony would be a damn liar if he’d say the sound didn’t make his heart flutter in his chest. 

“Holy shit-” is the first thing Peter manages to say when he eyes the bedroom with his pupils blown. “I knew you were rich and classy, but this? This is next level.” “Do you like it?” “Mmmh,” Peter pretends to think. “I will have to evaluate the softness of your sheets to-” Tony, carefully, drops Peter onto the soft cushions displayed on his large king bed. Peter groans, grabbing at the surface of the blanket. “Perfect.” He looks up teasingly and pats the free space next to him. Tony obeys and lays down next to Peter. He swallows when he sees the golden light of the lamps reflect in Peter’s eyes - casting a nice, warm glow on his torso. 

It makes Tony feel bold. He leans in and presses his lips against Peter’s ribcage. Peter gasps, the tiny sound so lovely that Tony wants to hear it again with all his heart. He sucks onto the skin, moving his kisses higher and higher. In the process, he finds himself half-draped over the kid, but he doesn’t mind. His opened shirt covers the both of them once Tony’s hot kisses have found their way against Peter’s smooth neck. “This okay?” he asks. Peter lets out a breathy, ‘yes, keep going just like that.’ Tony obeys. His lips suckling, teasing Peter’s skin, and the boy’s shaky moans have him in pieces. He wants to experience this… This bliss, forever.

“Tony,” Peter groans, and Tony can’t help the jittery explosion of butterflies in his stomach when he feels how the boy bucks his hips up to press his groin against Tony’s thighs. He’s rutting himself against him, oh god.   “Mmmh?” “I need you-” Peter babbles. The kid’s eyes open wide, and a deep red blush appears on both cheekbones. He looks so flushed and needy that it makes Tony feel all the things he thought were impossible. The things he’d written off as ‘fake’ or ‘only in porn.’ “I shouldn’t…” “Shouldn’t what?” Tony says, his heart skipping a beat. Peter presses his lips together for a short moment in time. Then, he shakes his head and chuckles softly at his own thoughts.  “I shouldn’t let myself go like this. Fuck, Tony, I’ve never felt this way with anyone before.”

Tony freezes. Surely, Peter could say that to anyone, right? But the flushed cheeks, the longing in Peter’s eyes, the desperate rutting… Is there a chance all of that is, well, real? “Peter, are you… I need to know-” he croaks. “Is this an act, or…” His voice trails off. It’s Peter who seems startled this time, and he quickly shakes his head. “N-no! I swear, fuck, Tony, this is not an act. I-” he stammers and looks up at Tony with such sincerity that it makes his chest constrict with emotions he can’t quite place. No one. No one’s ever looked at him like that. Not his high-school boyfriend. Not the casual flirts. Not the strippers that some folks jokingly hired for him at parties. No.

There’s absolutely no possible way that anyone could act such a thing. 

“God,” Tony lets out with a quivering breath. He stares at the boy and swallows. Even the boy’s beauty hits differently now. He feels connected to Peter in a way he does not understand. It’s as if this is meant to be. Them. Together. Their fingers tangled in messy bedsheets, their lips crushed together until they both ride their highs. It’s… Fate. And Tony be damned, he never believed in such a thing, but Peter makes him think anything’s possible right now. “You wanted to please me, right, Tony?” “Y-yeah?” “Then touch me. Please?”

The high-pitched moan that escapes from Tony’s throat is feral as he dives in. He straddles Peter’s thighs and mouths at the boy’s skin. Lower, and lower, and lower. He revels in the breathy gasps from his partner when he licks a stripe past the waistband of Peter’s jeans. He shifts his weight a little and sniffs once, slowly moving his hand to squeeze Peter’s hip. Then, he moves his fingers. Creeping up all the way until they cup the hard, unmistakenly big cock that strains against the fabric.  “Holy shit,” Peter moans. “Yes, Tony, yes. ” It’s all the encouragement that the man needs to move his hand a little - rubbing, stroking, teasing the boy’s groin. He’s touching another man. And while he feels slightly uncertain about what he’s doing, he knows he’s doing it right. It’s new and exciting, but it feels so utterly natural.  Tony had feared not knowing how to do any of this, but it’s as if his brains automatically steer him in the right direction. It’s addictive. Tony’s nostrils flare when a new, daring thought crosses his mind.

“Can I, eh, Peter, can I suck you off?” Peter’s eyes are dark and hungry when he nods. Tony grins, and he’s starting to feel more confident now. The boy moves his hands down and unbuttons his dark slacks, then desperately trying to push them down.  “Lemme help,” Tony chuckles, and he grabs the edge of the fabric, tugging it down when Peter lifts his hips. Tony’s breath catches in his throat when he realizes Peter isn’t wearing any underwear.  For a short moment, he just stares at the big, hard cock resting on the young man’s ripped abdomen. Somehow, the sight makes Tony fly grow tighter. Tony recomposes himself and tugs the pants down, tossing them on the floor. Peter’s entirely naked now, and he’s gorgeous. He looks like a marble statue or a beautiful Renaissance painting, the warm glow of his skin begging for ecstatic pleasure. 

“Hey, you alright?”  Tony stares up and blinks a few times, then meeting Peter’s eyes. He blushes when he realizes he’d gotten a little too caught up in staring. “Yeah,” Tony confirms quickly. He doesn’t want Peter to worry. “You’re… Stunning. Never saw anyone quite like you.” “Can I see you too?” Peter props himself onto his elbows and cocks his head playfully. “My clients usually like to get naked, but you don’t seem to be in a similar rush.” “I’m not like your other clients,” Tony growls, probably far too possessive and inappropriate. But Peter moans, and Tony counts it as yet another win. He shifts a bit closer and stares at the boy’s cock again. It can’t be that difficult, can it? Tony knows how he likes to touch himself. This has to be somewhat similar.

Tony takes a leap of faith when he reaches out and curls his fingers around Peter’s cock. It’s warm. It fits in his hand perfectly. He slowly moves his hand down a little bit and smiles slyly when it makes the other gasp.  He was wrong, though- It’s nothing like his own cock. It’s much, much , better. He leans forward and kisses the tip; the pink flesh feels soft against his lips. It’s a strange sensation. He’s touched his own cock often enough, obviously, yet this feels enticingly different and good.  Peter growls when Tony takes him deeper into his mouth, and the sound only spurs Tony on to keep going. “Shit, Tony-” Peter brabbles. “You’re amazing, k-keep going.” 

Soon, Tony finds himself in an enchanting rhythm. It’s almost stupidly funny how much doing this satisfies him. He’s not only giving pleasure to Peter. He’s taking it too. He loves everything about it. The way Peter’s cock fills his mouth so good, the way Peter’s fingers unconsciously tug on Tony’s hair to guide him in the right direction, the throaty moans leaving the boy’s lips.

“Tony- Tony, w-wait. I wanna try something.” Peter mumbles, and Tony looks up curiously, his lips parted and tingly from the continuous dragging motions.  “Show me?” “Yeah, eh, come here and turn around, facing- Yeah. That’s it.” Peter directs him, and Tony’s throat feels dry when Peter’s idea settles under his skin. Oh. Yes. “I don’t know how…” Tony mumbles, unsure where to go to make it happen. Peter’s hands easily guide him back until Tony’s kind of straddling Peter’s face, and suddenly, he feels the soft, expert lips wrapping around his cock. Tony curses out loud. His fingers grasp at the sheets as he feels the most intense pleasure he’s ever felt in his entire life. 

It takes him a few seconds to get used to the sensations, and then he casts his eyes down again to stare at Peter’s cock. Right. He moves down and captures the head between his lips again. Peter moans around his cock, and Tony swears he’s over and done with. Lost. He’s lost within this pleasure.  In an attempt to stay alert enough to know what he’s doing, he tries to follow Peter’s motions. When Peter sucks, Tony sucks too. When Peter takes him deeper, so does Tony. A slight chuckle from Peter reveals he sees through Tony, and Tony has to keep a grin at bay when Peter starts doing exactly the things he wants to feel himself. Their bodies sync perfectly together like this and everything is just absolutely 100% perfect.

Tony doesn’t think he’ll survive this. His hair is messy, sticking to his sweaty forehead. His jaw aches so bad, and his arms are starting to wear out from being in this position for who knows how long. He feels so, so good. His groin is burning, building closer and closer towards his orgasm. His balls feel tight, and Peter’s tongue is still relentlessly swirling around him while the tight lips keep dragging up and down around him.  He hears Peter’s mumbles becoming louder, though, and he notices the boy’s thighs are trembling. Tony whimpers when he realizes that Peter is this close to spilling into his mouth. It’s the sheer desperation of wanting to have Peter fall apart underneath him that he’s able to carry on faster than he had before. Peter keens with pleasure, his lips getting sloppy around Tony’s cock. 

The man doesn’t see it coming when suddenly Peter’s body seems to tense up, and hot spurts fill Tony’s mouth. Oh. Tony thinks, scrunching his nose a little bit at the slightly bitter taste. This is not what he’d expected, but he eagerly sucks and swallows every last drop.  “Fuck, Peter…” he breathes as he finally swallowed it all, staring at how the cock now lays limp on the boy’s stomach. Slowly getting smaller again. “Fuck, that was- Ah! ” 

Peter seems not to want to waste another second. The boy’s fingers dig into Tony’s upper legs as he sucks harder and faster. Tony’s world comes crumbling down when his mind shortcircuits. His muscles tense, and he releases without warning, spilling into the hot depths of Peter’s throat. “O-Oh, fuck. Fuckfuck fuck, Peter.” Tony chokes out when suddenly every sensation is heightened. The boy’s tongue swirls slow circles around the head of his cock, lapping up every last drop. Tony’s too out of it to say anything. He simply lets it happen, relishing in this wave of post-orgasm bliss. 

After God knows how long, his eyes finally flutter open, and he drops himself onto his sheets next to Peter. The escort smiles at him widely and reaches out to trace Tony’s chest with the tips of his fingers. “Did you like it?” Peter asks quietly. Tony smirks and nods, scooting a little closer to press into Peter’s side. “It was… Perfect.” Tony pauses and takes a deep breath. “Thank you, I… Couldn’t have dreamed of something better.”

Maybe they didn’t get to the ‘real’ thing yet, and Tony has to admit that he desperately wishes to know what it’d feel like to be inside of the boy, but for now, everything inside him feels light and fluttery and sound. “Stay the night?” he whispers, not wanting to be alone. Peter swallows and turns his head to stare at Tony’s face. “I want to,” he whispers, seeming to hesitate about something. Tony frowns. “Hey, you don’t have to, I…” “No, Tony. I… I want to. But it’s not without cost. I’m still… At work,” he says awkwardly. “I don’t want you to pay for that.” His voice sounds as if he’s sorry about it. Tony smiles at him. “Money’s no issue for me. I’d happily pay you double to have you around a bit longer.”

Tony knows it’s, again, inappropriate to say such things, but he can’t help it. He can’t help the confusing emotions when it comes to Peter. Peter looks up happily and nods.

“I… I’d love to stay.”

[moral-turpitudes]

Silver Linings: Part 5

Masterlist | Rules | Peaky Prompts 

A/N: Don’t mind me I’m just over here hyperventilating bc of this gif. 

Trigger Warnings: Angst, FLUFF.

Word Count: 1,897

Characters: Michael Gray x Alfie’s Adopted Daughter!Reader

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | *Part 4* | Part 5

***Almost 1 year later:***

“Dear Y/N,

I hope this finds you well. I’m glad to hear things are still moving along at the shop. I think it’s great you’ve moved up in the business now that you don’t have to hide. A beautiful woman like yourself should never have to. In response to your last letter, I feel it’s important to tell you that I’ll be coming back soon, this week in fact. I know you’ve said you’ve waited for me and I can’t begin to describe how relieved I am to hear that. I’ve waited for this moment as well, and I’m counting down the days until we can meet again. I’m looking forward to whatever surprise you said you’d had.

All my love,

Michael.”

Her eyes scanned the letter as she curled up on her sofa, a tea cup nestled in her hands as her heart fluttered at the letter.

It had been almost a year since Thomas’ standoff with the mafia, leading to Luca and his men’s demise. Officially clearing her of any danger, at least for the time being.

She quickly went to the phone, calling her father who was most likely at the shop, recently raking in the dough so to speak, as his rum-running business was taking off, leading to a collaboration with Michael in New York.

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know he’s coming home.” She said, the sound of the men shouting and working in the background.

“Who? The one you’ve been writing every week for the last year? Oh right what’s his name...Michael summin’ innit?” He asked, jokingly. She chuckled lightly as cries were heard from the other room.

“Yeah. I know it’s going to be tense but I’m going to need you on my side. You’ve helped me enough as it is since you felt bad after him leaving. I just need you to be on my side this time though, please?” She said.

He sighed as he thought about the last time he and Thomas had a nasty fight, knowing the new addition would force an unlikely truce between the family, one that Alfie was as hesitant to make as Tommy was. But it was needed, especially if they needed help in the long run. Each of their families coming too close to death since the standoff.

“Alright, I’ll play nice. But that’s just because I want to see that little one grow up happy you hear? I’ll ring Tommy and let him know if he doesn’t already.” He said.

“Thank you. I have to go, but I’ll come by after I uh...take care of this.” She said, knowing she had a world of explaining to do.

“Good luck, darling. I’ll see you both soon.” He said, the phone lines ending as the cries grew louder.

“Hello....Y/C/N (your child’s name) have a good nap aye? It’s okay. Shh.” She cooed as she bounced the little baby around. They were just a few months shy of their first birthday.

“You’re going to meet your father this week sweetheart. He’ll love you. I promise.” She said, carrying the little bundle into the living room as she listened to them babbling.

As the day drug on she realized the date on the letter read a few days ago, meaning Michael was most likely going to be there today.

“Christ....” she mumbled as she held the baby who looked more like their father each day.

Over the time that their child had been in the world, she’d grown to like Michael’s mother Polly. Becoming ever thankful to have someone who understood her plight at a young age. Polly hated that her nephew and her father tore them apart, but at the time it was the best thing to do. But when she noticed Y/N started getting sick after meeting with her on occasion, Polly had known. She knew just in the way she carried herself, and how her eyes sunk with the newfound exhaustion. She even read her tea leaves which Alfie was skeptical of at first, but she knew and it was true. After she’d found out, Y/N pondered over her weekly letters, wondering if she should tell him the sudden news, but she figured it was best to keep it to herself and the family for the baby’s safety. But now, since the threat from the Changretta’s were gone, and with the news of Michael’s arrival, she figured now was as good of a time as ever.

As the evening drew near, she put Y/C/N down for bed, praying that when we he did come, he didn’t wake them up.

After pouring herself a glass of wine, she heard a knock at the door, her heart racing as she opened it see Michael, holding a small bouquet of flowers.

“Told you I’d be back.” He said with a grin. He’d pretty much looked the same, except his fashion sense improved a bit. His hair more slicked back than usual and his eyes slightly more tired, but not as tired as her own.

She couldn’t say anything at first, just wrapping him into a long hug on her doorstep.

“My god I’m so glad to see you. I um....I have a surprise. I just....I don’t want you to be mad alright?” She said hurriedly as if he’d leave again.

“Aye slow down sweetheart, it’s alright. I’m not leaving anytime soon. Lemme look at you...Wow.” He said twirling her around, noticing the more prominent circles under her eyes and the way her hair was slightly disheveled. She was still as beautiful as he’d remembered.

“You look beautiful. Maybe a little tired, but just as beautiful as when I left.” He said, giving her a kiss that was long over-due.

“That’s why I wanted to show your surprise. I...I have a good explanation besides work picking up and all. Take a seat in the living room and try not to be too loud.” She said rather quietly as he entered the apartment.

He didn’t think much of it as he sat down in the familiar living room, his heart aching at how he’d left the same room so long ago. But his demeanor soon changed though as he saw the sleeping baby in Y/N’s arms, his mind racing with trying to figure out how and when, and unfortunately with whom this could’ve happened with.

“Michael, please don’t be mad. I uh...after you left-“ She began as he cut her off. His voice blank as stared at the wall.

“Is that....is that someone else’s child Y/N?” He asked.

“What? No. Michael...they’re yours. It’s our child, I’ve named them Y/C/N.” She said swallowing hard, her worst fear seemingly coming to life as she knew he may not have taken the news well.

“Really?” He asked as her answer sank in, a small smile forming on his face as he looked at the little one wrapped in a small blanket, clearly still asleep.

“Yeah. I waited...and obviously couldn’t do much in the waiting anyways. I just....didn’t know when to tell you because I didn’t know if it was safe with the mafia and all. I just wanted to keep them safe. I hope you can understand.” She said, tears falling down her cheeks as she quickly wiped them away.

Michael quickly sat near her, holding her to him as he looked down at his child. His world feeling like it was changing with every millisecond.

“I don’t blame you alright love? I’m glad you’re both safe. That’s all I care about. I’m just sad I couldn’t have been there, but we have all the time to make up for it, yeah?” He asked, his heart about to explode as he realized he’s a father. The baby looking like him the more he gazed at them. In that moment wanting to protect them more than anything else in the world.

“I love you, Y/N. I love you and our child alright? I’m here now.” He said, helping her calm down as the baby started fussing about.

“Shhh. It’s okay love.” Y/N said gently, sniffling and wiping away her tears as she handed the baby to Michael.

“Are you sure?” He asked, his hands shaking slightly as he didn’t want to drop them.

“You’re their father. I trust you more than the family.” She said as he cradled the small bundle.

“They’ll be a year old in a few months. I think Y/C/N may have brought our families together. At least somewhat.” She said with a nervous chuckle.

The baby settled down as they fell asleep in the comfort of Michael’s arms. Causing a huge smile to form on his face.

“I can’t see why they couldn’t bring them together. I’m assuming my mum is handling it better than Thomas.” He said, an understandable annoyance in his tone towards his older blinder cousin.

“Yeah...Polly could tell I was pregnant just weeks after you’d left. She gave him a stern talking to though. I’ve come to like your mum after all. She’s a nice woman.” She said.

“How did your father take the news?” He asked.

“He was kind of like Thomas, only he felt more guilt. He knew making you leave would upset me and once he found out, he wanted to get you back once the Changretta drama had been resolved. But Thomas kind of kept him from infringing upon that plan. Him doing the rum business with you was his way of extending an olive branch I think.” She said, taking a deep breath as she laid her head on his shoulder. Taking in his familiar scent that she longed to have back all those months ago.

“I’m glad you came back though. I don’t think we could’ve gone much longer without you knowing. It ate me up inside not telling you but I’m so glad you’re here love. We need you.” She said, glancing at the flowers he’d set on the table.

“I have a feeling I’ll be staying a while now. So don’t worry about me. I’ll figure things out with Tom and the rest.” He said, brushing his hand softly over the baby’s little head, the hair so fine and fragile he pulled his hand away slowly, not wanting to disturb them.

“Y/C/N’s perfect. I....I can’t believe it. I never thought I’d come home to this....Thank you love. You’ve done so much. I’ll repay you, I’ll be sure to once this all gets settled.” He said.

“Just you being here is payment enough. Thank you for waiting. I know I sure did.” She said, yawning then kissing his cheek. A long, yet peaceful silence formed between them as the stars sparkled out the window, filling the room with a lovely blue glow.

“Well love, if you want to, you can stay up with them for a bit. I’d really like the sleep.” She said chuckling lightly.

“Of course. I’ll be there soon.” He said staring at the new little light in his life.

“Alright, goodnight you two. Love you.” She said.

“Love you too.” He said back, glad he was finally able to say it in person.

Never in a million years would he have thought something like that would come out of such a tense situation, but maybe there were silver linings in life after all, they both just had to wait long enough to finally see them.

[boiolay]

See You Soon | Part 2

Dad!Jaehyun + Boyfriend!Johnny

genre: fluff; angst

warnings: swearing; alcohol 

word count: 5.5K

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 

You yawned looking around while rocked an asleep Seoyeon on the baby carrier. It was hard for you to even keep your eyes open, but you had to pay attention to the baggage carousel. The last 24 hours were probably the most stressfull of your life. You took a 13 hours flight alone with a 19 month old toddler that couldn't sit still for more than an hour. She had cried for half of the time and paced around the halls of the plane at the other half, your dauther only fell asleep when you landed, so you didn't have any sleep. Moving to a different country being a single mother wasn't easy.

A man saw you struggling with the baby and offered to help with your baggage so after a few minutes you were walking through the arrival gate and looking at the crowd to see if you could spot a familiar face. And as soon as you saw the tall man grinning widely and waving, you couldn't help but smile back sighing relieved.

You walked to him and when you got closer you saw him holding your favorite flowers. You laughed amuzed and shook your head opening your arms so you could hug him the best way you could since Seoyeon was still on the carrier. "I told you not to buy anything!"

Johnny cupped your cheeks and pressed a small kiss to your lips grinning against them.

"Who told you they are for you? I bought them to Seoyeon, but since she's sleeping I guess you can have them." He winked playfully and you rolled your eyes, but keeped the smile on your face. You accepted the flowers and smelled them while the tall man reached to caress the toddler's head. "Thank you, babe."

He took the trolley from your hands and started walking out of the airport. You could clearly see that he was delighted to have you in his home city with him. He was back in Chicago to start his doctoral program after years of studying in Korea. He talked about going back to the States since the day you met him, but after the you of you got together he stopped talking about it so often. That was until he was offered a scholarship to study back home. He thought of rejecting it with the excuse that he couldn't just leave his patients, but you knew it was because he didn't want to leave you. So you told him to accept, because Korea didn't feel like home anymore and you confessed that going back to your home country would always come into your mind, but you always brushed it off since the topic was much more complex than your desire. So one night, when the two of you were having dinner he brought it up again.

"Would you ever consider going to Chicago? I mean in an ideal scenario where you have a job you like, a house, a school for Seoyeon..." He had stared at you expectantly and you could see looking into his eyes a future that made your heart warm. You had smiled foundly and reached over the table to take his hand and caress his knuckles.

"Yes, I would. But the scenario isn't ideal, love." You offered him a sad smile and went back eating. But your words made something cross his mind. So in the next week you had received a lot of unbelivable job offers in Chicago. When you told Johnny about it he said that maybe he had sent your curriculum to some of these companies.

It took you a few weeks to measure all the consequences that could happen with your decision, after all it wasn't only your life that would change.

"How was the flight?" Johnny said once you reached the car and started to put your bagagge inside. He had come earlier to the US because his program started before Seoyeon visa was ready.

"Terible. She couldn't sit still. I didn't get one hour of sleep." You sighed rubbing your eyes, you really needed to pass out for a whole day. Johnny laughed a little and once everything was inside the car, he shut the door and pulled you to a hug.

"You'll have the whole day to rest. Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on her." You pressed a kiss on his chest and looked up at him. "And... I'm glad I bought this." He opened the door to the back seat and you saw a baby car seat.

"Oh my God. You are my angel." He laughed and helped you to put Seoyeon on the seat without waking her up before the two of you get in the car.

"You can sleep for a bit now, love." You nodded feeling Johnny's hand on your thigh, rested your head on the window looking Chicago appear in front of your eyes.

Even being extremely tired, you couldnt fall asleep your mind was bringing you back to Korea, specifically to your ex-husband. The night you told him you were bringing your daugther with you played in your head in a loop, you have never seen Jaehyun so broken.

When the words came out of your mouth you saw the anger on him dissipate and be replaced by pain. You stared at each other for a while, he went blank and when he spoke again his voice came out weaker than he intended.

"You can't be serious... You can't do that." You saw tears welling up in his eyes and you bit your lower lip feeling it trembling. You were already feeling guilty for what you were doing, but seeing him like that made your heart sink. "You can't do that to me, y/n... That's my daughter!!" He raised his voice again, but as soon as he did he brust into tears. Jaehyun raises his arms to his face to hide it from you not wanting you to see him so fragil even though you have been with him on his worst. You turned around and squated hugging your legs not being able to look at him at that moment, feeling your heart ache you let tears fall down your cheeks.

"You can't do that. She's the most important thing in my life! You are being selfish to take her away from me!”

"Don't you undestand?! I'm not happy here, Jaehyun. And I haven't been for a while!" You stand up and walk closer to be face to face with him, with the back of your hands you clean the tears off your face before speaking. "Yeah, maybe I'm being selfish because I want to be happy, but honestly do you really think you could raise her on your own?" You raise your hand to make him stop talking when he open his mouth. "I'm not saying you are not capable. I know you are and I trust you so much, but, Jae... You are the bussiest person I know. You stay weeks traveling and when you are back you barely stay at home. How do you expect to raise a girl who isn't even two years old when you are constantly working?"

Your hands where shaking when you raised them to softly wipe the tears away from you ex-husband's face . He closed his eyes, leaning to your touch before hugging you and burying his face on your neck to sob against it.

"I don't want to take her away from you either, but staying here has been very bad for me. We will make it work. I'll always bring her here and you are always welcomed to come to us. She won't stop loving you because you are a little far."

After that day you talked a lot more times to sort things out and you agreed that it was better for Seoyeon to come with you. But you felt that his meanor around you changed, he was much more colder towards you and he would barely look at your eyes when you talked, besides that you would usually talk to each other about whatever was happening in your life and thay wasn’t happening anymore. You didn't blame him tho, since all the pain he was feeling was caused by you.

You just realized you felt asleep when you felt two little hands squeezing your cheeks. You opened your eyes and saw Seoyeon on your lap looking at you with a smile, you smiled back and leaned to kiss her forehead seaching for Johnny, that standed beside you with the car's door opened. "Hi, baby girl. Did you sleep well?"

She nodded and leaned to cuddle you still feeling a little sleepy. You hugged her and looked up at your boyfriend, he smiled helping you to get out of the car. You looked at the shinning bulding in front of you and felt Johnny's hand rest on your waist pulling you to his chest.

"Welcome home, love."

                                               ♡

And that was the beginning of your new life. After 3 months, everything went well. Seoyeon was adapting fairly good to the new country so far, you and Johnny would speak english to her so she could be able to learn the language soon. You made sure that she spoke daily with her father, so you would facetime Jaehyun in the morning when she wake up and right after she went to sleep. She would spend about thirty minutes babbling and laughing with him. You loved to hear them talk. Your job was doing great too, the people were super nice and hardworking so that made your work much easier. Johnny was also extremely happy with his studies, his time was being devided between working at the hospital with the others doctors that were envolved on his research, staying at your house and going back to his only when he needed more clothes.

Before going to Chicago Jaehyun agreed that whenever possible you should go to Korea with Seoyeon and he would do the same so they could see each other out of the computer screen. So one day during the father and daughter's facetime he asked to talk to you after she went to sleep. He told you he was going to attend New York Fashion Week and he wanted to see his Seoyeon. He said he could go to Chicago for a bit, but most of the days he would have to stay in New York, so he asked if you could bring her to stay for a few days with him, he also said that he needed to work and wouldn't like to let her alone with some babysitter, even if it was for just a few hours, so he would feel better if you could come too. Seeing his face almost begging you, you couldn't deny him that.

So there you were in the hotel lobby waiting for Jaehyun to arrive. Seoyeon was very excited to see her dad and was jumping around always running to the door to check if he was already comming, that would make the doorman laugh and play with her, she was a very sociable kid and her cute way would always make everyone fall in love with her.

"Seoyeon, come here! Wait here beside mommy." She looked at you and at the door one last time before running back to you. You sat her by you on the couch and caressed her hair while giving her the tedy lion that her father gave her, it was her favorite toy. "Do you miss dad?"

"Daddy." She said nodding as she fiddle the toy. You sighed and leaned to press a kiss on her head. "Yeah, I know, honey. I miss him too." You stopped for a moment after hearing what you said, but shrugged. Of couse you missed him, you would always be around each other and confident things to one another and it has been months since you didn't have a proper conversation. Anyone would feel like that. Right?

Your thoughts were interupted when you heard Seoyeon scream and run towards the door, you stod up ready to prevent her from going to the streat, but as soon as you raised your eyes you saw Jaehyun walking inside and opening his arms with the brightest smile you've seen in a while on his face ready to pick up his daughter. He holded her and spined her around kissing all over her face making her giggle and scream happily. You had a huge smile on your lips and couldn't help getting a little emotional.

"My baby is so big! Look at how much you've grown, Seoyeon! And you are so beautiful!" He said admiring the toddler's face and caressing her cheek. "You look more like your mother everytime I see you." He whispered foundly and with that something seemed to snap on his head, so he looked around searching for something and as soon as his eyes landed on you he smiled widely and walked over you.

You suddenly became very self-conscious, you cleaned your hands that you didn't realise were sweating on your jeans as Jaehyun approached. You expected him to stop in front of you, but he pulled you into his arms. You were surprised at first, but buried yourself in the hug.

The three of you standed like this for a few moments, until you gently steped back. You looked up at your daughter that was still hugging your ex-hunband's neck and then moved your eyes to watch him who stared back at you.

"Hi." You said softly what made him chuckle and answer.

"Hi."

"Hello!!" You two turned to your Seoyeon that was happily waiving at her parents and that made Jaehyun and you laugh. He leaned to press a kiss on her hands rocking her softly.

"Hello to you too, baby girl."

"So... Did you have a good flight?" You asked when his eyes met yours again and he nodded shortly.

"Yes! I tried to sleep so I could spend more time with my baby." He said ticking the toddle's belly making her laugh. You smiled foundly and turned around when heard someone approach.

Jaehyun's manager greated you and Seoyeon warmly and said that he had already made the check-in for your bedrooms. So the three of you followed him to the elevator.

As you walked your ex-husband iniciated a small talk with you asking about how Seoyeon has been adapting, but his eyes wouldn't leave his daughter that once in a while would join your conversation making the two of you melt. You couldn't be happier in that moment seeing how the toddle's eyes would sparkle everytime she looked at her dad.

Once you exited the elevator, the manager started speaking. "Since I didn't know how you would divide your time with Seoyeon, I thought that a suit with two bedrooms would be nice for you so she could choose with whom she wants to sleep without having to leave the room. But, if you prefer to stay in a room of your own, Y/N, you can stay in mine and I'll share the other with Jaehyun."

He unlocked the door while speaking and before answering you entered the room. There was a cozy living room with a small kitchen and three doors, two bedrooms and a bathroom, you thought.

"I don't mind." You turned around to look at Jaehyun and saw him let his daughter down on the floor. "Do you?"

He looked up at you and shook his head right away. "No. Not at all."

"Great. I'll leave the three of you alone. Jae, I'll come to wake you up for the photoshot tomorrow. Y/n, is good to see you." You smiled warmly at him and nodded repeating the words back at him." Bye, Soyeon!"

"Bye bye!" The toddler waved at the manager as he closed the door.

Once you were alone, you felt a little akward to be sleeping under the same roof as your ex-husband again even if it was just for 5 days. You looked around seeing your bags in a corner, so you moved to take your daughters toys to give it to her.

"Would you like me to order dinner? Oh. You can choose which bedroom you want." You looked at him and nodded extending the bag to him. "Sure. I would like that."

At that night you ate dinner together. It felt nice to share a meal the three of you again, it was even better now because Seoyeon would take part of the conversation on her own way. He asked you about how was your job, if you were enjoing it and how it felt to live in Chicago. You asked him about how things were going with his fashion brand, if his parents were healthy and if he was still bowling weekly. You slowly felt like the two of you were going back to the relashionship you had before telling him you were moving to the US.

And it went like that for the following days. You would speak to each other warmly, laugh at each other and make fun of one another. It was refreshing to be able to talk freely too him again.

You let Seoyeon sleep with her dad so they could spend more time together, one night she woke up whinning wanting to see you, but as soon as she was sure that you haven't gone anywhere, she went back to sleep on her father's arms. And you sighed at the sight of Jaehyun in his pijama’s rocking her baby in his arms while singing her a lullaby.

The two of you followed Jaehyun in most of his appointments so during the breaks he would play with the toddler. You felt proud of him once you saw that he achieved all he ever wanted. He had become a respected model and the art director of a expanding brand, you could see that he was happy and that made your heart warmer.

Some of the times you knew he didn't have a schedule you would leave the two of them alone to go on dates so they could enjoy each other's company. Jaehyun would always insist for you to come too, you would say that you had work to do. That wasn't a lie, but you wanted to make sure that they could spend some time alone, because you knew that it would take a while for them to have an oportunity like that again.

The time alone Jaehyun and you spent together was close to zero, the only minutes Seoyeon wouldn't be around was when she had just felt asleep, but he would have to sleep early too because he had some schedule early on the following day.

That was until your last night on the hotel. The three of you have been to Central Park and that made your baby so tired she felt asleep on your way back to the hotel. As soon as you got in the room, Johnny called you. Jaehyun told you to answer while he changed Seoyeon's clothes, so you sat on the couch and opened the facetime smiling at your boyfriend.

You talked about your day, he told you about his and after a few minutes you let out a small yawn.

"You tired?"

"Just a little. We ran after Seoyeon the whole afternoon." You chuckled and smiled tenderly remembering the good day you had. "And then they teamed up against me! That wasn't fair!" You said laughing." It was great day. You saw Johnny nod, but didn't realized he dropped the smile he had on his lips.

"You should sleep, love."

"Uhm, yeah. I think I should." You said streaching your arms with a lazy smile.

"Go ahead. I love you and I miss you."

" Me too, baby. Goodnight."

You turned off the call and when you were about to stand up you realized that Jaehyun was standing on the corner of the living room looking at the menu of the room service.

"Did she wake up?" He turned at you and shook his head with a smile

"Sleeping as a rock. I ordered us dinner by the way." You laughed nodding and rested back when saw he coming at you with the menu in hands. "They have Franciacorta here. Is it still your favorite wine?" He looked at you with a small smirk tilting his head as mocking you, that made you laugh throwing your head back.

"Oh my God, yes! The last time I drank it was in Italy in that restaurant with the little farm when- "

"You drank too much and couldn't stand still so you decided that it was a good idea to sit on the grass of the yard to play with the dogs while waited for me." You covered your face with your hands embarassed, but coudn't help laughing at the memory.

"I ruined my white dress that night."

"And I thought I have lost you because I clearly remember to tell you to wait for me at the table. By the way, why on earth were you so excited to be talking to the dogs?!"

"I was drunk. Give me a break! And, well, you proposed that night. I was happy, I had to share the news.”." You pushed his shoulder lightly while the two of you laughed and his eyes sparkled when you said the last part and you felt shy under his gaze. In that moment you heard a knock on the door and Jaehyun stood up to answer it.

"It's the room service." He said after some moments walking into the room again being followed by a concierge with a food cart. The man set the food on the table and you noticed that the wine that Jaehyun talked about was on the cart.

"Did you actually ordered that?" You said amuzed and shook your head. He scrached his neck with a shy smile.

"Is it too much? I mean... I know you like it and, well, it's our last night here and we didn't even have time to talk-"

"Jae." You interupted him smiling softly walking closer to the table. "It's okay." You thanked the concierge and he made a small bow.

"Have a good night, Miss Jung." He said before walking back to the door, you opened your mouth softly at the name you haven't been called in a while, but there was no use correcting him. And because you turned to eat some fries of the dish, you missed Jaehyun bitting back a smile.

"Only you to order wine with hamburgers." You commented low taking the plates and bringing them to the center table in the middle of the living room and sat on the floor with your back against the couch. "Come on. Join me."

He opened the bottle, poured some wine in two glasses and came over to sit by you. He extended you one and said with a grin. "Hope you don't befriend any animals today."

You laughed and lightly punched him on the arm, he gasped and holded the place you touched pretending that he was in pain, but soon the both of you were laughing.

As the time went on, you talked and laughed about your past and your memories and at every moment you recalled, you felt something blooming inside you, but you couldn't tell what that was. After the third glass and Jaehyun have eaten all of your fries, there was a comfortable silence between the two of you. You leaned your back on the couch and closed your eyes for a moment feeling that the wine has gone to your head.

"How's Johnny?" At the question, your eyes shot open and you realized that Jaehyun was staring at you closely. He haven't asked about your boyfriend until now, actually even back in Korea he would never bring him up, so you were taken aback at him question. You raised your head and turned it in order to face him. You stared at him for a moment trying to read his expression, but you couldn't.

"Why are you asking that?"

He let out a soft snort with a sad smile, you saw him lower his gaze and start fiddling with the carpet.

"Does he treat you right? Does he make you happy?" You opened you mouth slightly not knowing how to react to what he was asking you.

"Listen. I shoudn't be telling you this. Maybe this is selfish, but honestly I don't think I care right now. I need to get this off my chest. During these months that you were here. I tried to hate you. I really did. I mean, you are living with my daugher miles away from me and I thought 'why is it fair that you get to see her everyday, to hold her and I don't?' I know you noticed that I didn't want to speak to you after talking to Seoyeon because I could see it in your face and the look you would give me hurted me. Hurted me like hell. And I couldn’t understand why. But then one day it hit me." He stopped to take a deep breath and squeezed his eyes for a moment before letting a low "Fuck" come out of his lips. "I can't stand looking at your face through a screen because it tells me that I can't have you back. It fucking rubs on my face that I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. And I uncounsciously thought that if I distanced myself from you I would stop missing you, the pain would stop. But it just got harder." He licked his lips and raised a hand to rub his eyes that you noticed were filling with tears. "And these days here with you and Seoyeon was like when we were still together and I felt like my heart was gonna brust with happiness. But then I heard you talking to Johnny and I was brought back to reality. God. I just want to make sure that he is loving you the way I didn't. I just need to know if he treats you the way that you should be treated and that you are the happiest with him."

He opened his eyes to stare deep into yours, he smiled lovingly at you, but his eyes were full of pain. He raised a hand to pull a strand of hair behind your ear and rubbed his tumb against your cheek. It was natural for you to lean on his touch. You closed your eyes feeling them burn with the tears welled up in them. You felt your heart beat like crazy in a way that only one person ever made you feel, yet you couldn't speak. You didn't know what to do, your head was spinning and the only thing running in your mind was that you hated seeing Jaehyun like that. He chuckled humorless and you felt his thumb brushing your tears away.

"Why are you crying?" He leaned foward to rest his forehead against yours and holded the two sides of your face softly before whispering. "You are the love of my life. You have always been and always will be. I just feel stupid that I didn't realized that before." You started sobbing and he squeezed his eyes shaking his head. "Shhh, it's alright. You are the love of my life. But that doesn't mean I'm yours. I love you so so much and I just want you to be happy. And if you are happy with him. That's more than enough for me." The two of you stared into each other’s eyes closely with your foreheads still touching. He leaned foward brushing his lips softly against yours and you felt your breath go away. You stopped, you weren't thinking about anything else, just you and him right there at that moment and his lips on yours. The world seemed to fade and his touch was the only thing you could feel, his scent the only thing you could smell and his breath and your heart beat the only things you could hear. And it felt so right.

Suddenly he pulled away, like something just hit him. You opened your eyes missing his touch and you saw him standing up and rubbing his hands against his eyes. "We... You should go to sleep. You have to wake up early tomorrow." And with that he left to his room.

The rest of the night felt like a blur to you. You went to your own room and layed on the bed, but you couldn't sleep right away. You had a thousand thoughts running through your mind and your heart was in a pace you didn't think was healthy.

You didn't realized when you slept, but you woke up with Seoyeon climbing into your bed and sitting on your belly to lay on top of you.

"Mama. Mama!" She said poking your cheek, you hugged her and opened your eyes looking at her with a smile. "Uncle is there." You furrowed your eyebrows and looked at the clock on the nightstand. You knew that by uncle she ment Jaehyun's manager, but you didn't know why he was there at that time. You stood up and followed the toddler into the living room.

" Morning, y/n. I'm sorry to come here at this time, but Jaehyun had to leave early to a meeting and he didn't want to wake you up and neither leave Seoyeon alone."

"It's okay." You smiled softly feeling a slight headache as the consequences of the glasses from yesterday started hitting you. "But, he already left?" You couldn't help, but fell a little dissapointed at that.

"No. He actually is joining the two of you after breakfast." You nodded, thanked him for looking afyer Seoyeon and said that the two of you would take a shower and head down to the restaurant.

Once he left, you startet packing your bags and when you entered Jaehyun's bedroom you saw that both his and your daughter's bags where already packed. You took a shower with your baby, once the two of you were dressed and all was packed you headed down to the lobby. On your way, you thought about the night before, was he avoiding you because of what he said? Does he really mean it? Why are you you freaking out? Should you tell Johnny?

And your thoughts went like that for all the morning, you keeped looking around to check when he was coming, but there was no sight of him. The time to go to the airport was coming and he wasn't there yet.

"Y/n, I'll take you to the airport now." His manager said while carring your bags.

"But, he is not here yet."

"Don't worry. He'll join us there."

Once in the airport, you were walking inside the lobby, holding Seoyeon tightly, people would think that you were worried that she would run around, but you were worried that she would not be able to tell her father goodbye. Or maybe you were worried you wouldn't be able to talk to him. But then you saw him, standing in front of the check-in counter. You almost cursed under your breath. Why were you suddenly so nervous? He saw the two of you and walked closer.

"I'm sorry I had to leave early. I had some problems."

"It's okay." That was all you could manage to answer. He offered you a small smile and leaned down to pick his baby up.

"I wish I had more time to talk, but... My flight is in a few minutes." He said looking at you and you felt your heart sink.

"Y/n. I... I don't know what to say. I shouldn't have told you all of those things yesterday because I know you are happy. And it was stupid, but... It was all true. And-" At that moment he heard hia flight being called and you two knew that he had to go. You saw him tear up and hold his daughter against his chest tighter. He raised her a little so she would be facing him and pecked around her face making her giggle. "My sweet, baby girl. Your dad loves you so much. I'll miss you so so much. Be good to your mother, okay? Take care of her." You saw your daughter pout slightly and widen her eyes and you knew what would come next. He pecked her forehead again and she whispered a low "I love you, dada." while burrying her face in his neck. He smile putting her on the floor again. "I love you more, my little." When he turned to look at you, you bit your lip feeling your hands shaking a little.

"And you." He reached to rub you cheek with his thumb. "Just be happy." He leaned foward and you felt his lips linger on your forehead. "I'll see you soon, love of my life." His flight was called again making he move away from you. He nodded softly and reached to caress Seoyeon's head one last time before leaving to take the plane back home.

author’s note: Hi!! I had more things to put on this part, but it was already sooo big... I’ll do a part 3.  Just let me know what you think!! I really appreciate feedbacks Thank you so much for reading!!! <3 BTW i was so excited to post i didnt proofread sorry if there are any mistakes

[amelialincoln]

Notion

“Hey.” Link was breathless as he brought the final bits of outdoor furniture into the kitchen. It was supposed to rain tomorrow and Seattle had become covered in a thick layer of fog that seemed to cling to him as he closed the door to the backyard.

“Everyone headed out?” Amelia asked, scraping the last of the kid’s leftovers into the compost. Link nodded, placing a lingering, cold kiss on her forehead that made her shiver.

“Seemed kinda awkward between Jackson and Winston.”

“Well, it’s not Maggie’s fault that Jackson’s dated every person in a fifty mile radius,” she responded bitterly.

“This is true,” Link nodded.

“What’s going to make things worse is that she’s going to have to explain that all of us are mourning her other ex’s death,” she added grimly.

“No,” Link’s voice was soft. “I thought he pulled through.” 

“Richard just called me to see if I wanted to join a meeting on zoom tonight, everything fell apart and Teddy and Owen couldn’t save him.” Tears were starting to fill her eyes. Deluca hadn’t spent much time on her service recently but he and Sam were pivotal when she was working on Kimmie’s tumor. When it came to her own tumor, she was surprised how much Deluca had shown his support.

“So, he’s just gone?” Unlike Amelia, Link hadn’t experienced a whole lot of death.

“Yeah.” He pulled her into his chest and rocked gently. It almost hurt how nice it was to see the few people that had come over today. Despite the house they were living in being chaos, the couple had never felt more isolated and alone. “I had to tell Zola that Mer might possibly not wake up.” Amelia whimpered. “She was so strong. She doesn’t want to worry Bailey and Ellis so she told Maggie and I not to tell them. If anything happens to Mer, Derek made Kathleen their godmother, I can’t watch these kids get shipped off to New York, they’ve had it hard enough.” 

“I know, babe,” Link sighed, pulling her in closer.

“I have to go feed Scout, my boobs are gonna explode,” Amelia finally shed herself of Link’s arms after a couple of blissful moments. “Can you read to Zola and Bailey? I can handle Ellis because she’ll get like five stories out of you if I let you go in there.” Link chuckled.

“You’re probably right.”

 [][][]

“Auntie Amelia.” Amelia was relieved to be greeted with a sleepy voice as she stepped into the pink monstrosity that was Ellis’ room.

“Hi Elle belle.” She smiled in response to the little girl’s arms reaching towards her. “Come on sweetheart, let's pick some pjs.”

“Can you make it a surprise?” Ellis asked in a way that made Amelia’s ovaries explode and she found herself wondering what Link would think about trying for a girl. Hormones, Amelia, focus. “What about these?” She suggested, holding up a pair of pastel blue Moana pajamas. Ellie nodded happily, squealing as Amelia tugged them over her pudgy arms.

“Can we read the cookie mouse story?”

“Of course,” Amelia grinned. “It’s not like we haven’t read it every day this week.” She lowered herself gently down onto Ellis’ bed. Recovery hadn’t been the easiest when chasing three children around the house and caring for a newborn. Link had pulled out Amelia’s stitches the night before, using his phone’s flashlight, since neither of them wanted to go to the hospital and then go through the trouble of getting tested. She had tried to hide the pain for Link’s sake, tired of him expecting her to be constantly resting, but she hadn’t expected the pain. Link was an incredible ortho surgeon but when it came to the little details, he was sometimes a bit careless.

Amelia closed the door to Ellis’ bedroom as quietly as possible, trying not to chuckle at the little figure sprawled out across her twin bed. For such a small girl Ellis was notoriously known as the most impossible person to sleep with, taking up spaces three times her size. She walked past Zola and Bailey’s room, hearing Link’s animated voice through fits of giggles. He definitely outdid her in the storytelling department, and really in every department, which she tried to not think too much about. Scout was babbling as Amelia entered the familiar room.

“You hungry, big guy?” To Amelia’s relief, Scout had progressed past his grumpy and problematic eating phase. She hugged him into her chest, breathing in his sweet and comforting soft lavender smell from the bubble bath they’d used this afternoon. “My beautiful boy.” She was still in disbelief, even staring down at him in her arms, that he truly existed. As he’d gotten bigger, he’d started to become a perfect combination of his parents. With Link’s strong features, like his nose, and what Amelia could tell would be his jaw, along with her dimple and piercing blue eyes.

“Hey mommy,” Link’s amused voice came from the doorway. “You feeling better?” Amelia wasn’t sure whether he was referring to the soreness in her lower half or the news about Deluca.

“He makes everything better,” she sighed, fumbling with one of the buttons on Scout’s onesie.

“You going to go to that meeting?” Link asked, she could tell he knew something was bothering her. “I already missed it.” She shrugged, glancing at their bedside alarm clock. “I’ll probably just feed him and then pass out.”

“Do you want me to grab the baby wrap, you were lifting lots today already with the furniture.”

“Sure,” she nodded, not feeling like having a conversation about how perfectly fine her arms were. Link nodded, placing a soft hand on her back before rummaging through their closet for the wrap. She was happy to find that Scout latched on easily and without protest, feeling a little guilty about the lack of attention that he’d received today. She knew that people were suffering way more during this time and she couldn’t help but feel guilty for wishing that she, Scout and Link could be spending quality time in their apartment for their maternity leave like planned.

“Lift your arm a bit.” Link ran a soft hand along the side of her forearm as he tied the piece of fabric around her shoulder and managed to wiggle Scout into it, without removing him from her chest.

“Thank you,” she smiled tiredly.

“No problem,” he yawned, practically collapsing into bed beside her. “Fuck, Amelia I’m exhasuted.”

“Me too.” She ran a gentle hand through his hair, tugging out some of the frequent knots that had begun to form since his hair had begun to grow out.

“Is your incision site healing okay,” he groaned into the pillow, melting a bit as she massaged the root of his neck.

“I haven’t checked,” she admitted with a yawn.

“Want me to grab some polysporin?”

“It’s okay, babe, it feels fine.” She sighed slightly, playing with the idea of bringing up a topic that has been bugging her but not wanting to cause an argument that neither of them were up for. “You started drinking pretty early today.”

“Amelia,” Link groaned tiredly. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It was just unnecessary, no one wanted...I’m just worried.” She shifted Scout to the other side uncomfortably.

“It’s not my fault you see addiction everywhere. I had like two beers.” Silence hung thickly in the air and after a couple of minutes Link turned to face her. “I’m sorry. I know it makes you uncomfortable.” 

“You don’t really seem to care,” she answered honestly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He replied defensively, tiredness had seemed to leave his body momentarily. “I don’t--”

“The fridge is stocked, Link. It’s like a reminder every time I go to make food. There’s a cooler in the garage for a reason.”

“How am I supposed to know,” he sputtered. “Meredith downs tequila in front of you like this is a frat house. You hang out with our friends when they drink all the time.” 

“It’s different when you're surrounded by people. When I’m alone and just staring at a fridge filled with booze it’s hard to not want to take one.”

“Amelia, you haven’t relapsed in years, why would you even--”

“Because I’m an addict, Link!” The increase in volume of her voice caused Scout to shriek in protest. “Don’t you understand that? It doesn’t get easier. It’s a fight every fucking day. And when my boyfriend starts drinking every day at three o’clock in the afternoon, it makes that fight ten times harder.”

“Well, I’m sorry you feel that way,” he grumbled. 

“Are you serious right now?”

“About what,” he shot back.

“Well, I’m sorry you feel that way. I thought you’d be considerate enough to validate my feelings instead of acting like I’m being dramatic but instead you’re being a child.”

“Mia,” Link groaned, slamming his head back into the pillow, looking as childish as ever. “You’re--”

“What? Overreacting? The fact that you don’t see this as an issue is concerning.” Scout’s shrieking turned into a full on meltdown as their “perfect” son burst into tears. “Oh, baby, no. It’s okay.” Amelia sighed, finding tears of frustration begin to build at the sides of her own eyes and let out a tiny whimper as she held back any sobs that attempted to be heard. Of course Link noticed, as always, and rolled over to witness the upset state that both his girlfriend and baby were in.

“I am sorry,”

“Show me then,” Amelia hissed through a clenched jaw, wiping away some stubborn fallen tears. “Cause right now I don’t believe you.”

“I’ll put the packs in the cooler tomorrow,” he promised, with a hint of resentment. Amelia shrugged, finally giving up on feeding Scout and bringing him tightly into her chest.

“Hey, it’s okay, mommy and daddy fight sometimes, but everything’s going to be okay. Don’t cry Scout. We love you so much,” she murmured into the crown of his head, causing Link to melt a little inside.

“Are we going to be okay?” Link asked, receiving a teary glance from his girlfriend. 

“Not if you can’t get this sorted because I cannot be his mother and also be passed out in a ditch somewhere on opioids.” Link nodded, moving to tug her shirt back into place and took Scout into his own hands, marvelling slightly at the little miracle they had created. “I don’t want to screw him up.” 

“You won’t,” he promised her, pressing a kiss to her forehead before grazing her slightly chapped lips. “You’ve been a mother for a month and have already proved that. That’s the last thing we need to worry about right now.” He patted his chest. “Now come to sleep because if we stay up any longer I feel like I might end up on the couch,” he chuckled. 

“Don’t give me any ideas,” she replied with a yawn. 

“I love you,” he sighed.

“I love you too.” 

what did u guys think of 17x07? i did find the beers at like 12 a bit weird and with the upcoming episode’s synopsis “Jo, Jackson and Link play a drinking game” I wonder if Amelia and him will have a conversation about her addiction bc I feel like they haven't really talked about it. lmk what u think!

[the-magic-lava-lamp]

Harvest Moon

Summary: {A light sequel to: Unforgettable}  They laughed, sort of sadly. The full night sky enriched them with gentle peace, strengthened by the soft light of the stars. The temperature dropped considerably since Sam had initially come out. But he didn’t mind the nice chill, it braced his skin and left him with tingling goosebumps. It reminded Sam how real the moment actually was. Paying less attention to the hearty sloshes of water, Sam picked up his radio.

Ships: SamBucky 

Word Count: 5,285

The light from the orange sunset flushed Sam Wilson’s cheeks, encouraging the spread of an internally hot blush. Color blossomed under his soft complexion with all the grace of the water rings rippling under the rocks skipping on the lake. Though the sweat was just beginning to puddle in his palms and drip down his temple, Sam was only focused on the fevered senses of comfort which had been deep-rooted in his chest since arriving back home. 

The babbling waters had called him out to the docks just the same as they did when he was small. And following that nostalgia, Sam felt the ghost of supper on the stove. Turns out his fucked up Avengers mind could still remind himself to be home before the porcelain plates hit the table. No longer his Mama--but Sarah who would be annoyed with him and that was perhaps more threatening. He thought as his tiny radio played on. 

AJ and Cass had fallen asleep with the gentle nudge of a fuzzy re-run of ‘Whose Line is it Anyway?’ and the promise of a hot meal when they awoke. Sam’s absence would be noticed very soon.

‘Sittin' in the mornin' sun

I'll be sittin' when the evenin' comes

Watching the ships roll in

Then I watch 'em roll away again, yeah

I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay

Watchin' the tide roll away, ooh

I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay

Wastin' time…’

He swiped salty sweat from his brow and found himself dwelling on the evening, wanting to change the direction of the souring sun. No matter what, Sam always began to mourn the day at around 5 p.m. Everyday could’ve been better. The threat of night’s permanent closure and the bearer of nightmares fermented him with anxiety. He was working on that issue with his therapist. 

‘Now I'm just gon' sit, at the dock of the bay

Watchin' the tide roll away, ooh yeah

Sittin' on the dock of the bay

Wastin' time…’

Otis began the famed whistling as Sam leaned back on his hands, palms flat on the warm dock. He felt the movement just before a voice began whistling along behind him. It chirped delicately in Sam’s ear, until the song faded and with it--

Sam turned--Bucky Barnes sing-along.

Bucky grinned, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Nice to see you so…” He craned his neck and squinted his eyes. “Lazy.” Even he looked a bit confused by the word choice. 

“Thanks…” Sam chuckled. 

“I just mean--” Buck paused, scratching down from his chin to his neck. Sam saw that he did that often enough to earn patches of grainy red skin under his facial hair. 

Sam smirked, pulling his left thigh up and around from the edge. His eyes simmered Bucky’s blush. 

“Have you ever had the time to laze around?” Bucky asked, amazed at his own wondering. “To sit and watch the sun on the water?” He gestured frantically outward. “You’ve been a busy guy...not that I helped you with that any…”

Sam shook his head. “Nah, man. Tracking your ass for Steve reaped some rewards.” He gestured for the man to rest his old bones down next to him and Bucky hesitantly took the offer. His knees cracked with sharp pops all the way down. 

“No old man jokes, I swear-” 

Sam held up his hands. “I wasn’t planning on it, Bucky.” He glanced at Steve’s old friend and for a moment, couldn’t believe the man of history books and horror stories was ‘sun-setting’ in Sam’s home-town. The orange light caressed his face in the same eerie way it’d done way back at Tony’s funeral.

“Thanks for letting me stay-” Bucky went to rub his chin again. “Not quite separate vacations but…” He chuckled, fading off. It was subconscious, the way Bucky led in with no follow through. He wanted Sam to be the one to initiate the conversation. 

But Sam bit his tongue. He deserved to hear what Bucky had to say without having to pull it out himself. 

Bucky turned with those doe eyes, tired but with enough energy left to admire his partner. “I hurt you....” He frowned, bitter with himself. “I know that and I’m damn sorry, Sam.” His voice was crisp and steady but his eyes wavered. 

Sam sighed, eyes back on the water. “We were getting somewhere, man. And you just…” He flicked his hand out. “Disappeared on me.” He paused. 

“I shouldn’t have left you...especially at such an ambiguous time for us.” Bucky stumbled slightly on his words. 

Sam took a long blink, remembering the ‘unforgettable’  feeling of being held again. “I’m more hurt by the fact that I got nothing but radio silence from you-” He swallowed. “Past that-” He glanced at Bucky “Thing we had just started. I thought we’d reached a point where we could communicate.” He shrugged with muted emotion. “We were friends.” He added with a slight question in his voice. He watched Bucky’s eyes flicker with guilt.

“If you had given me a heads up, maybe. That’s all.” Sam patted his thigh. “I can understand needing space. I understand that even answering texts can be difficult as hell when your mind feels sick. I’ve been there, Buck. Shit’s hard.” He felt a dark twist in his stomach and tried not to dwell in his own memories. “I don’t hold this against you. I know you’re a good guy.” Sam made sure Bucky looked him in the eye for that particular sentiment. “But you should know how I felt about it. Whatever relationship we end up having; Friends, co-workers, partners-” He flicked his fingers. “I’d hope you’d think about how your decisions affect me.” 

They held the next silence for a few minutes, Bucky seemingly taking in what he’d said. “For me, it was like I blinked and you were gone with the wind. I didn’t know how you were doing for months--if you were even okay. But then, out of the blue, you come back and you’re pissed about something that wasn’t about you.” Sam shrugged, feeling a bit lighter for every word he’d been simmering on for weeks. 

Bucky grimaced, looking extremely pained. “I’m really sorry, Sam.” He repeated himself with genuine regret. The light around them bled darker. “I let a lot of my intrusive thoughts control me.” He hissed at his own words but quickly moved on. “Part of me let it happen because I’m not sure I could handle a competent hand on the wheel. I’ve lived as the...Winter Soldier longer than Bucky, you know-? And Holy shit that’s something I try not to perceive.” He turned, hoping he wasn’t over-sharing. “It’s terrifying to think it’s just in my nature...being destructive. I’m always nervous-” He paused again. “Not that I’m going to hurt someone--but the feeling that I need to will bleed back into me…” His voice faded off again as he picked at a loose string on his jeans. 

“This is something you’re talking about in therapy, right?” Sam quirked his brow, needing the answer to be yes but the distant pain in his head reminded him that he dodged plenty of shit from his therapist. 

Bucky nodded and before Sam could speak again, asked the question he’d been aching to for months. “I want to go back to you-”

“Of course you do.” Sam chuckled. 

Bucky rolled his eyes. “How have you been, really?” 

Sam thought for a minute. “Working myself to death, mostly.” He laughed, though it didn’t sound happy at all. “Been seeing Sarah and the boys as much as I can…” 

The sky purpled, darkness bleeding into the orange hues. The stars would soon be visible and Bucky was almost positive Sam would now push the question off, neglecting the details. For as much as he complains that Bucky doesn’t talk about himself enough, Sam often avoids voicing his own feelings. 

“Sarah was swamped and anxious, despite what she says-” 

“And what were you feeling, Samuel?” Bucky playfully tapped his friend’s knee with a smug grin. 

Sam rolled his eyes but grinned slightly at the familiar teasing. He wasn’t sure how to put his thoughts into words so he turned back to the water. “Thought a lot about the soul stone, actually.” The sentence rolled casually off his tongue but did nothing to relieve the stress it’d been causing him. 

Bucky tried to remain stoic but a glint of concern shined over his eyes. The infinity stone felt somehow personal between them. Though nobody had memories of their time dusted, Sam and Bucky came out with a new sense of intimacy for each other. It was as if something happened in those 5 years, which felt like only a brief nap to them and in that blip, they’d connected. Falling together was comfortingly natural after that. 

“My last thought before I...dusted, was ‘Maybe I’ll get to see Riley.’ ” Sam whizzed his palm in the air, voice breaking slightly and definitely against his will. 

Bucky’s heart twitched. They’d gone dancing in the evening after Tony Stark’s funeral. It was the most blissful Bucky’d ever been and he’d spent the night in Sam’s hotel room doing the most talking he’d ever spoken. Nothing physical happened nor did either man think of it, they were too busy soaking up all the information they could get from the other before the night ended. They could truly get to know each other for the first time. 

Bucky went on about his family, as much as he could remember anyway. Sam talked of his parents; Paul and Darlene and eventually trailed his way to Riley. 

Sam halted his next thought for a few minutes because it was damn hard to illustrate. “I know we weren’t actually dead-” He rolled his lips together “Or maybe we were, still not clear on all that.” He sighed into another little laugh. “But I just want a few more minutes with him...you know?” 

Bucky nodded, giving him a ‘go on’ expression. 

“I guess our souls were floating around in the stone but--” He broke off, looking down at the water. “For five years, Both our names were on gravestones and in all that time, I couldn’t just see or feel him one time?” Fists now clenched into tight fists. His body language was horrifyingly angry, contrasting the deep despair that was the expression on his face. He was almost sure that none of his words made sense, they’d been jumbling around in him for months like a virus and to be regurgitated so suddenly felt...messy. 

The radio, which Sam had long forgotten about, continued to roll-out soft volume static above glimpses of songs. “Fuck, Sam--” Bucky squinted towards the sky, taking in the brief glance into Sam’s head. “I know exactly what you mean…” He turned quickly, admiring Sam’s presence as his adoration for the man thumped like the heart-beat in his chest. “I always figured I’d never get that peace with my family...but I always assumed it’d be for some iteration of Hell.” He rubbed his palm against his neck and laughed. 

Sam elbowed him lightly, forcing Bucky to find his words again. 

“Knowing--through you and how I feel about you--” Bucky gestured between them. “That I had a mellow...impermanent afterlife(?) yet still didn’t get to see my family...well it feels like I was cheated.” He shrugged.

“I don’t think your soul’s going anywhere bad, Buck. Don’t know what happens after we’re gone for good but you’re not ditching me again.” He drifted off, feeling a sudden unbearable disappointment. “Nat’ll be there too.” 

Bucky took in a breath, enjoying the tickling static of Sam’s hand. “Riley too, don’t worry about that, ok?” He tapped Sam’s hand. “I think, when we go back into the weeds and the dirt--”

“That’s a tender way of putting it, Bucky.” Sam blinked, trying not to put himself in an internal coffin because he was significantly chilled now. 

Bucky smiled. “I think we get the peace of nothing. Just a return to nature with the souls of those we loved.” He rubbed his finger into the corner of his eye like a grandpa and sighed. “I’ve seen and experienced a lot of the Heaven/Hell folklore in my life and I’m not crazy about it, Sam” He wagged his finger and Sam pushed him slightly with a nice feeling of content. 

“We can only comfort ourselves, nothing greater will do it for us. So we write ourselves a multitude of fiction that may, or may not, ease us into accepting death.” Sam bumped their elbows together and eyed a distant bird as it darted across and just above the water. 

“I’m glad whatever it was that happened between us in that stone, happened.” Bucky added sheepishly. Turning to look at his partner under the increasingly vivid stars, Bucky hiccupped as a huge wave of affection hit him. “Cause I really like you, Sam.” 

"But don't discredit yourself. It wasn't just the stone that magically brought us together--" Bucky lightly pushed Sam's bicep. "I-...I can't begin to explain how much it means to me that you made an effort to be my friend...even during the last few months of me ghosting you and not listening to you about the shield. You didn't have to do that." 

Somewhere supper was threatening to get cold and Sarah was playing their meals with a concerned frown, Sam just knew that sister of his too well. He hoped to scrap together just a bit more time. "What can I say?" He smiled "I like you too. People need people, Buck. I wasn't gonna sit back and let you cut yourself off." 

Bucky laid back on the dock, laying his palm flat to his chest. He repeated the phrase over and over in his head. 'People need people.' "Goes both ways, you know Sam?" He spoke with deep confidence but continued to laze on the dock, trying to find an angle where the sun was blocked and he could stare up at Sam. “Meaning, I hope you’ve been letting Sarah help you out...and seeing your therapist.”  

Sam gently smacked his hand atop Bucky’s like a comforting beat of thunder. “Giving my best effort.” He nodded thoughtfully. 

Bucky fluttered his eyes with the pace of his heart. “This is the first time I’ve seen you so...still, Wilson.” 

Sam tossed his head back and laughed, knowing Bucky had hit the nail on the head with that one. The back of his neck cooled as he watched the slates of wood under them pale. The glimmers of tired orange light died and vapid pastel-white tones took their place, nestled in the cracks. Part of him wanted to disagree though he hadn’t the spirit. “I don’t like relaxing because it gives me too much time inside myself.” 

Bucky nodded, encouraging Sam to go on. Fearing the man would never pick it up again if he suddenly decided to close himself off again. 

“There’s too much to do...I feel like I don’t deserve it.” Sam shrugged, a clear illustration of his frustration. He’d definitely pulled this thread a few million times in his life. 

“Don’t deserve it?” Bucky sat up just a little, resting on his forearms, he slanted his head as if the adoring smile was just too heavy. “C’mon Doll--” He cut himself off a bit too late. 

“Slipping back into old habits, huh?” Sam rolled his eyes but waved a dismissive hand. “You’re cute.” He teased, shoving the guy gently. 

Bucky played along, pretending Sam had used enough of that strength of his to knock him back onto the dock. “I think now is a great time for a few days off Sam.” 

The man hummed, thinking about the public...what they expected of their new ‘Captain America’ and what the flicker of the new spot-light in his favor revealed about those who loved Steve for all the wrong reasons. Knowing, as a black man, he’d have to go above and beyond all those assumptions just to garner the same amount of respect they gave Steve. The anger he felt from that was righteous but god forbid he show any sense of hurt because then he’d just be labeled ‘ungrateful’ and ‘giving people grief’. He rubbed under his eye with a longing sigh. “I can’t really afford that right now, Buck.” 

His body shivered as he tried to push away the intrusive images; Walker slamming into the man over and over without hesitation, thick puddles of blood covering his shield, carrying Karli’s lifeless body over an audience where half of the people celebrated her death...perceiving and exploiting her as another ‘super-villain’. 

“Hey.” Bucky softly sat up and pulled Sam’s elbow until their eyes met. “I’ve been told I’m a great listener.” He didn’t pull away, instead hesitantly he curled his hand around Sam’s arm. His fingers pressed dimples into Sam’s skin. Bucky nestled there and his friend exhaled a little, unclenching his body. 

“It’s daunting.” He nodded to himself before tipping his chin to face Bucky. “A bucket doesn’t hold a tidal wave but that’s all I got.” He shrugged, noticing Bucky’s quirked brow. “Something my dad used to say...meaning there’s too much to say so I gotta give you a shitty summary, you know?” He shook his head. 

“I know I’m one to talk but try using more words...buzz-words if you have to.” Bucky looked momentarily proud of his modern vocabulary and squeezed Sam’s arm tighter. 

Sam chuckled. “Let’s say...nerve-wrecking.” He added, bumping his elbow into Bucky’s side. “With all that’s happened...I’m worried--” He landed on a word he felt comfortable with. “Being Captain America...it’s heavy on my shoulders, man. I know I can do it, I trust myself when it comes down to the wire. I hold myself to my standards.” He trailed off again, listening to distant sounds of kids skipping rocks across the water. “I know where this job’s going to take me and I’m ok with that, glad to do it.” He looked back at Bucky with determined eyes. 

“I’m not concerned with my fate.” Another deep breath racked his body, he wasn’t used to being so utterly serious with his current company. “I think about how it ended for Tony and I worry about the kid--” 

Bucky nodded, He’d only briefly been aware of Stark’s ‘surrogate’ son and spoke a handful of words to him at the funeral, Sam and Wanda at his side. 

Sam rubbed his neck with his free hand, feeling intense pressure all over his body. All his limbs tingled as if they were asleep. He’d not realized the true extent of how much this had been eating away at him. Speaking of eating, dinner was for sure cold by now…“Met his Aunt at the funeral.” She’d been proud of her boy but behind her eyes lived guttural fear, Sam knew that much. “I’m thinking about Rhodey because I sure as hell know the pain of losing your best friend.” 

Bucky tightened his grip on Sam even further. He’d lost Steve so many times but the time had come for the permanent end and by then...well had they even felt like best friends anymore? 

“I can’t even figure out what’s going on with Wanda.” Sam clicked his tongue with a bitter chuckle. “Girl’s doing her best to stay off the grid and I can’t imagine that’s good for her. I know Torres can handle himself but I wonder if I should be helping him more. Not to mention Bruce. What the hell is his mental state right now?” He added with a confused wave of his hand. “I’m even worrying about Scott!” Sam rubbed at his eyebrow and sighed. “This is all beside Sarah and the kids, who I’m constantly thinking about.” He laughed, voice strained and tired. 

Bucky waited a few seconds, just to make sure Sam had finished. In that short moment, his heart swelled for him. “You’re a good person, Sam. But you’re only one man.” He shook him just a little bit. “Truthfully, You’ll always be concerned for them. It’s just in your nature. Don’t fight the intrusive thoughts...accept their presence and remember you’ve got a team.” Bucky trailed off, going over what he’d just said again in his head. 

Sam’s shoulders sank with another deep sigh. “Thanks, Buck.” He swiped his hand down his face and noticed how much lighter he felt. 

Bucky responded physically. He tugged Sam down with him as he laid back on the dock, shoulders bumping together harmoniously which sent chills through Bucky’s entire body. The good kind...maybe the amazing kind. Hell, they tingled under his skin just about every moment he spent with Sam. That deeply buried fear that he might spend the rest of his life making himself excruciatingly uncomfortable in his own body, trapped under his skin which was always crawling,  faded from the realm of possibility each time Sam’s presence flushed Bucky with comfortable jitters. 

“You’re getting good taste, by the way-”

Bucky only squinted at him, still half in deep thought. So Sam started Otis’s whistling again and watched his friend realize what he was talking about. His nose scrunched up while he nodded. 

“How do you decide what to listen to?” Sam turned, they were nearly nose-to-nose. “I mean, how do you narrow it down when you’ve got decades to catch up on?” Sam’s mind flickered through artists like a jukebox--which was 1 thing he’d always wanted to buy, a real old school one. 

Bucky shifted his jaw, making an eerie click, a precursor to his amused grin. “I made a list of artists I remember liking before…” He waved his hand, turning slightly to watch the dewey clouds cover the moon. “And the periods in-and-out of being frozen...I have a list of what I remember by decade-” He chuckled. 

Sam sat up on his forearms. “I’d like to see these lists. The record set-up in Sarah’s living room is not a decoration, you know? It’s almost as great as mine back in D.C.” He grinned, thinking about the days, so far gone now. Mama and Sarah dancing around the kitchen. 

“It really faded off during the 80’s.” Bucky pushed up to level himself next to Sam. “And not that I’ve had much time, mind you--” he laughed. “But from there, I just follow what I’m fond of like family trees and consider the few recommendations I’ve collected.” He trailed off, starting to do the Otis whistle again. 

Sam let him follow through to the end, anticipating the tender connotations of the song to come after this day ended. “Out of all these decades...who are your favorite artists? Just curious.” Sam grinned. The answer to this question spoke loudly about a person, in his opinion. 

Bucky looked thoughtfully content with the question, grin cocking a bit to the right as he held out his fist above him. “I’d have to say...Ella-” He flicked out a thumb, no last name necessary. Sam knew that woman like the back of his hand. 

“Nat King Cole-” Bucky softened his eyes, searching again for that unforgettable memory in Sam, and smiling when the expression was reciprocated in his eyes which shimmered like sunlight through the trees. “Roy Orbison.” Two more metal fingers curled down. “John Denver and Billy Joel.” He let his hand fall back to his chest, satisfied for only a few seconds. “But I really love Judy Garland too.” 

“So you like the mellow ballads--” He hummed. “Slow and kinda sad, huh?” Sam bumped his arm lightly. It made good sense to him. Bucky enjoyed the peace which came effortlessly from lone singer-songwriters. His five--or rather six--showed a natural progression. 

“What about you?” Bucky asked, in a calm tone of voice though his eyes read eager. 

“Marvin Gaye, Sam Cooke, The Drifters…” Sam paused, really thinking over his picks. “Earth Wind and Fire, Linda Ronstadt and since you got a bonus...Billie Holiday.” Sam rested his palm flat on his chest, content to feel the steady beating that let him know he was still alive. A rich sense of comfort rushed over him as if a fresh load of laundry had just been dropped on his still body. There’d been too many days in his life where that buried thumping was only a reminder of non-stop existence, like a neverending rollercoaster. Installing him with dread, guilt and panic. He was glad to find those days fewer and farther between. 

“You make me feel like I’m livin’ in a Drifters song, Doll.” Bucky was only half teasing, for he was speaking a genuine thought but wasn’t sure how welcome it’d be.

“I like that one.” Sam hummed, turning his cheek once more toward the man beside him. “Tell me how you really feel.” He hiked himself up fully to return to his seated position, legs dangling over the side and casting faint shadows of foot-steps on the water. 

Bucky paused with concern, not sure he understood the reply before he processed it fully. He wanted to smirk but the sentiment out-weighed the amusement. He sat up too, pulling one knee up to rest an arm over while the other dangled next to Sam’s. “I got it bad, Sam.” He made their wandering eyes meet. 

“Me too.” Sam nodded with that dazzling grin. “You’re under my skin, what can I say?” He shook his head and tried to let his smile fade, finding he couldn’t. 

“If they weren’t gone...I’d be buggin’ you to meet my family.” Bucky ignored the twist in his gut because Sam’s reactions were his comfort. “Though who’s to say how they’d feel about the….” He trailed off and Sam nodded. “You being a fella part of it--”

“A fella of color, too.” Sam added with a bit of a smirk. 

“Fuck.” Bucky cursed quietly and playfully tugged Sam’s hand. They curled their fingers together in an exquisitely natural way. “They loved me…” His face stilled with longing. “I’d like to think--But maybe it’s best not to go down that road. I don’t believe I turned out how they’d wanted anyway.” He chuckled, pitfully. 

Sam tightened their grip on each other for a minute. “I know what you mean.” He bumped their folded hands onto Bucky’s thigh. “I’m always wondering what my parents would think of all this…” He flicked his free hand. “My career?” He almost wanted to laugh with astonished pride. Never had he expected to grow up to be a superhero. “Riley too.” He felt there was more to say but his mouth fell shut. 

“Just a way to hurt ourselves, I guess.” Bucky shrugged. “And we sure as Hell love to do that.” 

They laughed, sort of sadly. The full night sky enriched them with gentle peace, strengthened by the soft light of the stars. The temperature dropped considerably since Sam had initially come out. But he didn’t mind the nice chill, it braced his skin and left him with tingling goosebumps. It reminded Sam how real the moment actually was. Paying less attention to the hearty sloshes of water, Sam picked up his radio. 

‘Come a little bit closer

Hear what I have to say

Just like children sleepin'

We could dream this night away…’

He might have heard the song before, couldn’t be sure, and if he was alone he might have continued flipping stations just in case an older favorite was slipping through his fingers. But Bucky began to hum with the tune. 

‘But there's a full moon risin'

Let's go dancin' in the light

We know where the music's playin'

Let's go out and feel the night…’

Sam gathered himself up from the creaky dock, stretching his body little by little and watching Bucky’s wandering eyes. He gently held out his hands which was enough of a sign for Bucky to happily grab them and pull himself up. 

Sam shoved the radio in his pocket with a smile and though Bucky was more than just pleased to see him so jovial, he also felt a flicker of nervousness. “Man...for the first time in a while, I feel lucky as Hell.” 

‘Because I'm still in love with you

I want to see you dance again

Because I'm still in love with you

On this harvest moon…’

Sam raised his brow and initiated the first few dance steps with his partner hardly noticing the movement at all. “How’s that?” 

“I’m lucky to be in love with someone I like so much.” Bucky puffed out a relaxed sigh with his words and finally leaned into the dancing with real vigor. “Sam, I’ve never wanted to spend my life with someone as badly as I do with you.” 

Wind whistled past their shoulders but Sam felt perfectly warm. He let Bucky take the lead and allowed himself to be spun. The cool light of the moon acted as a highlighter, beams of translucent white caressed the shape of Sam’s body. Following the curve of his hips and sliding down the length of his legs. “Growing old with you...becoming a cranky old man couple, that sounds like fun.” He spoke as if he hadn’t had true fun in years which was probably true. 

A bush fondly bloomed under Bucky’s skin. Behind his fluttering eyelashes, Bucky indulged for once in his life. To drink in all that was this man in front of him. 

However Sam’s eyes were now focused on a cupped hand, which had somehow slipped from Bucky’s, where a yellow toned light would flicker every few seconds. Whenever the yellow light skimmed his face, he would grin with pure joy. 

“You never caught a firefly before, Sam?” Bucky asked in jest, with a huff of amused laughter. 

Sam gently guided the bug into Bucky’s face.

“Oh, fuck! You asshole” Bucky scrunched up his nose and swatted dramatically at his nose. “I change my mind, cancel my idea. Gonna crawl back into the absolute hole that is my apartment--” He playfully backed away from his friend. 

Before Bucky could slip the last inch of his skin from Sam’s hand, the man used the full strength of his extended arm to fiercely pull him back and into his chest. Like a damn professional dancer. “I’ve been seeing myself from grief’s eyes for too damn long. Think I’m ready to take control of my own life. I want to be with you.” He playfully grinned. “What about you?”

Bucky glowed in Sam’s arms. “For a long time, I lost my sense of self���” He scratched behind his ear. “But never my fuckin’ point of view.” His voice broke just a little. “I had to see and feel every horrendous thing the Winter Soldier did. “I’ll bear the consequences for the rest of my life and I accept that.” He shook his head. “But I’m ready to accept happiness too. I really want to be with you, Sam.” 

Sam nodded, content as he’d ever been. “I think we should get our dinner before Sarah comes to drag us by our ears.”

Bucky pressed a sweet kiss, full of longing and fulfillment. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.” He laughed, taking Sam’s arm and pulling him down the dock with a spring in both their steps. 

‘But now it's gettin' late

And the moon is climbin' high

I want to celebrate

See it shinin' in your eye’

 ‘Because I'm still in love with you

I want to see you dance again

Because I'm still in love with you

On this harvest moon’

[anika-ann]

Of Muffins, Coffee and Other Miracles - Pt.1

Of Muffins, Cheeky Vigilantes and Sad Interns

Pairing: Matt Murdock x reader        Word count: 3130 

Type: Two-shot, reader insert

Warnings: swearing, mention of attempted assault, tons of fluff and cheeky/cute Daredevil

Summary: You’re a secretary at Landman and Zack, having an office on the same floor as the interns. You notice one of them (which you might and might not have a crush on) seems down lately, so you decide to cheer him up the only way you can come up with. You bake muffins; right after your life is saved by a cheeky vigilante.  

You stared at the two unconscious men at his feet, still perfectly shocked but relieved, pressing your handbag to your chest.

You were slowly leaving your place by the wall – more like in the wall, because you had been trying to merge with it even since the two men had backed you into it, pulling out their knives and demanding your handbag. That had been before this guy had appeared and put them in a line – and you were pretty sure he put some of their bones out of their natural line, but you couldn’t find yourself to care.

“You… thank you. How— you… saved my life,” you stuttered, watching the man in a black mask wince as if he only now realized you were there.

“You’re welcome,” he said, voice pleasantly low-pitched, looking in your direction. “Though I’m not sure it would go that far if you have just given him your handbag.”

“Well, I couldn’t do that,” you retorted, automatically drawing the item closer to your chest.

He took two cautious steps to you, easing his fighting stance. “I know it would be a lot of paperwork and bureaucracy, but for future reference, it would be much better if you just gave it up.”

“I couldn’t. There’s a… there’s a secret recipe.”

“… a recipe. You… couldn’t have let go of your handbag because of a recipe. You’re joking,” he stated, and the little of his face you could see, free of the fabric of his mask, seemed shocked. And maybe a little amused. How would you know, you could only see his jaw. And lips – their corners were quirked inconspicuously, so yeah, definitely amused.

Well, at least you made him smile since he had saved you and all.

“It’s important! There’s this guy in my work and— never mind. Forget I said anything. I mean… beside the thank you. Wow, babbling is not my usual reaction to stress.”

“Well, if that makes you feel better I don’t usually chat with people I help out,” he said with a shrug, making you raise your eyebrows.

“So why do you now?” Not that I complain.

He shrugged again, coming a little closer again. “Nowhere to be. And you seem fun.”

Huh. Who would think a guy in a mask, lurking in a dark, would be such a nice person? He seemed genuine. You had no idea where he picked up the idea of you being fun, but you guessed he didn’t meet women protecting their handbags for recipes of all thing every night. Did he do that every night? Was that a thing?

You shook off the thoughts. “…thanks, I guess?”

“So, guy at work?” He smiled suggestively, clearly teasing you. You just gaped.

“Oh my god, I’m not talking about that with… with a masked guy! And… and it’s not like that,” you protested, questioning your own claim. Maybe?

“Really? So why that blush?”

You quickly checked you cheeks with your hand. “I don’t-“ You never blushed. You doubted you were now and your cheeks felt just normal-- that little shit. “You know, for a guy who lurks in a dark, you are sure pretty cocky.”

And for a near assault victim, I am pretty chatty and easy-going.

“People also say I’m a good listener,” he offered nonchalantly, a gentle smile on his lips.

You were not doing this, right? You wouldn’t just load that on a complete stranger? Then again, he was a complete stranger, so he couldn’t tell anyone who knew you. Mmm...

“…it’s not like that. I mean, yeah, he’s… handsome, but-- he’s… I barely know him, but he’s just really nice, you know? Like…” You licked your lips, finally letting the handbag rest on its usual place. “The kind of guy who would help you to pick up your stuff, even if he wasn’t be the one who ran into you. And the other day, I saw his telling a joke to someone who seemed down, but usually is a bitch to him. He’s the guy who would hold the elevator for you. Just… really nice. And lately… he seemed down himself. Not even his friend can cheer him up. So… yeah.”

“So… you decided to… cook something for him. For this… nice guy,” he summed up your monologue, looking a bit confused.

“Yeah. My friend met me at the bar and gave up her secret recipe for the best muffins in the world. I already bought the ingredients, guessing, but I didn’t pick up on the vanilla beans.”¨

“That’s really nice of you.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m saving his life,” you said, giving him a significant look.

Why were you smiling? You just almost got mugged! And you were chatting with a man who just broke someone’s bones! To be fair, he was really likeable. Had called you fun and nice. Not something you were used to.

“He could be depressed. So maybe you are.”

You couldn’t but smile wider. “Maybe. Though he probably gets bagels every morning… never mind. …And you know what, you are a good listener. But I should go. Got work to do.”

“Sure. Good luck with your… baking,” he wished you, grinning like a goddamn child. Was it really so amusing?

“If I have some spares, I’ll leave them on the rooftop for you,” you decided, freezing after you realized what you said. “A random rooftop! I wouldn’t want a masked guy to know where I live.”

He laughed. He honest to god laughed. “Of course. Go, I’ll call the police to pick those guys up.”

You didn’t need to be asked twice.

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

You barely managed to sneak into the interns’ office – office? More like a closet – and make it out before they appeared behind a corner. These two guys started there recently, but you instantly liked them. The one with blond hair was smiling most of the time, a cheery smile that made you smile back even when you were busy and nearly harassed by your boss a minute before; the other one, the dark-haired one, had a gentler smile, a warming one – and you hadn’t seen much of it lately. If you were honest, you thought his idealism was being crushed; he was incredibly nice and polite to everyone as far as you saw him interact with people and you were sure that a firm like Landman and Zack wasn’t a place for his fragile soul-- and now you were just projecting.

The pair fell into their closet office and you released the breath you were holding. You resisted the urge to listen in with your ear at the door. It turned out, you didn’t have to; most of the offices were empty due to the lunch break and the blond man – okay, yeah, you heard him introduce himself as Foggy, which was ridiculous, but kinda cute – was very loud.

“Matt, a muffin.”

You bit your lip, a little nervous about not hearing Matt’s reaction.

“Matt, I swear to God, there is a muffin on your table. With a note on a toothpick in it and it says— oh. That’s just mean. Why would someone give a muffin on your desk only to tempt you?” Foggy sounded bewildered and a little hurt on the behalf of his friend.

You giggled into your palm. You had left a written note saying: ‘Don’t you dare to touch it, you, who are reading this.’

The trick was in leaving one more note – in braille. ‘Feel better and be happy. The offices are too dark without your smile. Enjoy.’

Which was an idiotic lie, because the offices were all glass and steel, having too much light most of the time, but the message was clear, you hoped. Not to mention Matt wouldn’t be able to tell. Because he was… well, blind. Which meant he couldn’t read the note not directed at him, but could read his own.

You sneaked from your office, coming a little closer, listening in.

“Dude, your face. Why do I have the feeling the braille version says something different?”

You smiled for yourself, hoping to cause at least a little rise of Matt’s lips while he was reading his personal note (it was a bitch to use the braille printer without no one noticing, okay, you were kinda proud of yourself). His response was quieter, but you pricked your ears and heard it.

“Because it does.”

Later, you were trying hard not to stare too blatantly when they passed your office, but you caught a glimpse anyway. Matt was smiling. Brightly.

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

“This is so stupid, I’m crazy, I’m the craziest person to ever walk this Earth…” you were muttering as you laid a plate with two muffins in the middle of the rooftop. “If anyone’s gonna eat it, it’s gonna be Frank from 2B when coming to have a smoke. Or pigeons…”

“Did the nice guy liked his muffin?” sounded a voice from behind you and you jumped ten feet above— well, not. You literally fell on your ass, yelping in shock, your hand trying to keep your heart inside your ribcage. “Hey, easy there.”

You spun slowly to the source of the pleasant male voice, only to find a man dressed in nothing but black. With a mask on, naturally.

“Not sure. Maybe I just helped him to have a heart attack sooner. But I can ask him if he’s looking for one and refer him to you,” you complained, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, easing your hand down.

Jesus.

“I apologize. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He offered you a gloved hand to help you up. But it was a warm night and forgetting the fact your pants would be no doubt terribly dirty from the concrete, you were actually fine sitting there. You patted on the other side of the plate instead. He hesitated.

“For some reason I don’t believe you,” you exclaimed darkly. “I’m not sure you deserve these…”

“They’re really for me?”

A shy smile appeared on his lips – you really needed to stop focusing on people’s lips, it was creepy, but to be fair, this guy wasn’t offering many things to go on and staring at his body tightly wrapped in black probably wasn’t much better. He lowered himself elegantly, sitting down on the offered place.

“I figured that you might appreciate it and you’ll burn the calories easily. And since I baked six of these…”

“Thanks.” He tentatively took off his gloves, reaching for one of the muffins. He took a bite.

You blinked in surprise at his trust. “They could be poisoned.”

He froze. “You wouldn’t.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

“No one who bakes a muffin just to cheer up a guy they barely know would try to poison me,” he reasoned, his confidence almost unshaken.

“I could have just made the story up. Or bake two batches, poison one of them and lay a trap.”

He frowned, taking another bite easily. “That sounds like an awfully lot of work, considering pigeons might have eaten this. Or Frank from 2B.”

“You— you heard that?” you asked, surprised.

“I have good ears. And taste buds. This is really good.”

“I’m glad. Maybe one day I can quit my soul-crushing job, steal all of my friend’s recipes and open a bakery. The Hell’s Bakery… in Hell’s Kitchen.”

He chuckled, the sound so light that it made you wonder how the hell this guy was a vigilante. Should he be like… dark and broody? I am batman, I’m the night?

“I would be a regular. I promise.”

You couldn’t help but smile as he finished the muffin and licked his thumb.

“He’s a lucky guy, you know. Having you to look out for him,” he offered casually.

“I told you, it’s not like that…” you repeated, though you were less and less convinced it was the truth. “…and he doesn’t know it was me.”

“You didn’t give it to him?” he sounded shocked. You thought he might have raised his eyebrows. “Just leaving it? Why?”

You shrugged. “I didn’t want him to feel… obligated to be grateful or something. Plus, me noticing he’s smiling less than usual? It’s a little creepy, I imagine. It’s better if I stay anonymous.”

“Huh. You really weren’t trying to… get his attention, were you?” He seemed genuinely surprised. Was it really that strange? “Why? Not your type? Have eyes on someone else?”

“Not my type…” you repeated lowly. “I think he’s everybody’s type.” He tilted his head curiously. “I don’t.”

“But?”

“But nothing. He’s… he’s him. I bet he has someone. He has this whole…” you gestured vaguely with your hands as if it could mean something. It did. To you. “…charming, take-me-home aura.”

“Take-me-home aura?” he parroted, bewildered.

“It’s hard to-“ you stopped in the middle of the sentence, realizing the absurdity of the situation. Muffins. Late night. Dim lights. Boy problems. “Oh god, I’m having a slumber party with a vigilante on a rooftop. I really am crazy.”

“Do you want to braid hair?” he suggested with that boyish grin you remembered from yesterday. “I’m no good at painting nails, but I rock at braiding.”

You looked at him incredulously, watching him for what could be a minute. Then you burst out laughing.

“I believe you. But I’m afraid I’ll have to decline. I’m very picky about who I let touch my hair.”

“Uh-huh Okay. What does take-me-home aura mean? Take home and..?”

“And snuggle him…” you hummed, thoughtful. “Or rip his clothes off, sometimes it’s hard to decide. Probably both in the right order.”

“Oh.”

You burst out laughing once more when seeing him so taken aback. Well, you thought he looked taken aback.

“Oh god, you look so spooked. I’m not gonna do that to you, or him. Have a muffin.”

He pouted, but relaxed and reached for his comfort food. “I’m not… spooked. It’s just… why don’t you?”

“Because I’m pretty sure dragging someone into my home and ripping their clothes off is a crime,” you emphasized, even though the irony was lost on this guy, since he was acting outside the law. Matt, on the other hand… was a lawyer.

“You could just ask him out.”

The smile froze on your lips. You cleared your throat. “Yeah, right. I forgot you don’t know me very well and you don’t know whom I’m talking about. He’s… like… waaaay out of my league. Professionally speaking – one day, I’m sure – and with his looks too.”

He nibbled his muffin, looking thoughtful. It was incredibly cute. “You said he was nice. I’m sure he wouldn’t turn you down.”

“A pity date. Yay for me.”

“…you don’t have very high opinion of yourself, do you?”

You shrugged. “I’m a realist.”

He set his muffin down, turning to you with his whole body. “I don’t have many references to your looks, since we’re meeting at night, but you seem like a great person and… I really don’t talk with people much. Not at all, if I can help it. But you’re easy to talk too. Even if it was a pity date, I’m sure he would have a good time. And maybe you would find out he’s just a guy and forget there are some… leagues or whatever,” he mimicked, sounding a little disgusted. He picked his muffin back, possibly to drown the bitterness of the word league.

Oh my god, how was this guy even real? There was no way he was not chatting with all victims of crime he saved.

“Thanks— what do I call you? Give me something. I don’t expect your real name, secret identities and all, but… something.”

“Huh. I don’t know. Uhm…”

“If you don’t come up with something, I will,” you threatened, your mind racing. He would either have a terrible name, compensating with a nickname, or a plain name no one would look twice at.

“Go for it,” he challenged, licking the remains of chocolate of his lips. You observed him for a minute, wondering.

“Mm. Alright. Thank you for your encouraging words… Clark.”

“Clark? Like… Clark Kent?”

“Yeah,” you confirmed, grinning. “Hero. Secret identity. Ripped. Sweet. Yeah, you’re Clark… you’re not wearing glasses to work, are you? Are you trying to look awkward, or better yet invisible? Unnoticed? Are you a journalist?” you asked quickly to cover up the fact you blatantly told him he had hot body.

“I’m not a journalist,” he said slowly, looking a bit alarmed. Though he didn’t deny the rest.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop prying. But thanks. It’s… really sweet of you, but… I guess I’m too chicken to ask him out.”

The sentence lied heavily between you for few moments.

“…what if he asked you?”

You snorted. “Right. He doesn’t even know I exist, Clark. Doesn’t know my name.”

“Neither do I. And look at us, sitting on a rooftop, talking about boys.”

This time you laughed. “You just wriggled your eyebrows, didn’t you?”

“Maybe…” he played along mysteriously, before his smile softened. “Can I have your name?”

“Well, I guess there’s no point in denying you now know where I live, so a name wouldn’t add much. But you know what? I picked yours. Pick mine.”

“…okay. Nice to meet you… Lois.” He extended his hand towards you, making your breath hitch.

“Nice to meet you, Clark.” You shook his hand, swallowing the nervousness his choice left you in. The love interest? “Though I’m more of a Jimmy Olsen, don’t you think?” The friend.

He tensed, jerking to his feet, crouching, his head tilted. You almost had another heart attack at the sudden movement.

“I gotta go, I’m sorry. There’s… an assault a mugging in progress. But-“ he turned to you, his tense features softening a little, leaning into your space. “I chose the name on purpose.”

Then his freaking lips brushed your temple and he jogged away, jumping-- jumping off the roof. You flied to your feet as well, running after him, checking he wasn’t a bloody smudge on the pavement. He wasn’t. You saw only a shadow several rooftops over. You brought you hand to the place his lips touched your skin, still shocked.

What the actual hell?

You stood on the rooftop for a very long time, staring at the city lights, still trying to process that Clark had… pecked your temple. When you finally made it inside, you couldn’t fall asleep. After an hour of staring into the ceiling, you got up and… baked. Not wanting to bake the same stuff again, you improvised. You added cocoa powder, switched milk chocolate for dark and added some cherries you had bought the other day, hoping for an acceptable outcome.

When you had one of the muffins for breakfast, you came to conclusion it wasn’t half bad, packing one for lunch, counting on a zero lunch-break again. It turned out it was a good idea.

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

Part 2

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

I know there aren’t many Matt readers with me here, but someone might like it ;)

Thank you for reading :-* 

[finleyfray]

Unrequited

Soo huge thanks to @captain-josslett for helping me with English and making this have more sense

TW: Suicide, mention of abuse, mention of homophobia, angst

Enjoy.

Finley ran though the DEO building to the debriefing room. She was late for her last mission this year. It was routine mission, just gathering intel.

But, Fin didn’t had the power today, she was exhausted from the lack of sleep because of her nightmares, anxiety and she had been feeling very depressed lately. Ever since her crush, Alex Danvers, decided to tell everyone that she’s dating Detective Maggie Sawyer. The same Alex that has rejected her 2 months ago when Fin asked her out, because, as Alex had said “Sorry, I’m not really into woman”.

She snuck into the common room hoping nobody will notice her. But it was foolish to think that, seeing as this mission was only for two people. Immediately Director J’onzz looked right at her.

“Good morning Agent Fray, care to explain why you are late?” His tone hard and authoritative.

Finley frowned ‘Shit.’

“Good morning Director, excuse me, the traffic was really bad this morning”

‘Well that was lame.’ Fin thought to herself. The reason she was late was that she really didn’t want to go on this mission with Alex. When she closed her eyes at night she hoped that she would actually die in her sleep. And when she woke up, she was so busy staring at the celling and contemplate if she should just shoot herself with her gun that she hides under her bed.

“Don’t make a habit out of it.” He said and went on with the debrief. “Alright, you’ll leave in 5.” He dismissed them, and Finley went to armoury.

“Hey, Finley.” Alex greeted her, picking up her gun and putting her Kevlar vest on.

“Agent Danvers.” Fin nods dismissively, not meeting Alex’s eyes. The older woman frowns.

“You know, I would feel better going on a mission with you if I didn’t get the feeling of hate from you.” Alex said annoyed. Fin took her time strapping a gun to her thigh, before answering. Trying to keep her emotions in check.

“Don’t worry Agent Danvers, we’re work partners, I can’t let anything happen to you, can I? I’m sure your girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate it.

“I…” The redhead didn’t know what to answer, so Fin took her chance and went to their van.

 ***

“Watch out!” Fin yells and drags Alex towards herself. The mission was a trap, and now they needed to get out immediately.

“We need to retreat, you go first, go to the van. I’ll cover you.” Finley spoke fast, making a plan for them to get away.

“You’re in no position to give orders!” The redhead snarls.

“Do you want to go home today or not!?” Finley yells “I don’t think you have a fucking choice, Danvers, just shut up and listen to me for fucks sake.”

Brown eyes look at her in disbelief, Fin was mostly a calm person, but right now anger was written all over her face.

“Look, it’s up to you, you need to go home to your girlfriend and your sister, not me. I couldn’t care less.”

“Alright!” Alex shouted “We’ll do what you say.”

The older woman went first and Fin covered for her, so Alex would make it to the door to their right. But there were too many assassins, shooting at them constantly. As Fin moved from her cover to follow Alex one of the bullets went right through Fin’s shoulder. She hisses in pain but doesn’t stop running.

“GO!” she screams as she jumps into the van and Alex slams her foot on the gas. “Ahh, shit.” Fin breathes out, and takes off her shirt to look at her wound and stem the bleeding.

“You’re hurt!” Alex yells glaring at Finley and the road repeatedly. “Why didn’t you put on a Kevlar!?”

“Yeah, no shit!” Finley snarls back. “It disrupts my movement. Just go to the DEO! I don’t need you stating the obvious now, I’m in pain!” The black-haired woman was bleeding badly and she didn’t need Alex to lecture her now. Just 5 minutes more on the road and she will be getting medical attention. But Finley’s eyes were growing heavier.

“Hey, don’t close your eyes! You can’t die now!” The redhead panics as she sees Finley’s eyes closing.

“Relax! I’m not dying yet, I’m just tired!” Fin opens her eyes, annoyed by the older woman. ‘Like she cares if I die’ She huffs.

When they arrive at the DEO, Finley goes to medic while Alex finds Director J’onzz to debrief.

 ***

Fin sits on the bed in DEO medical wing, all patched up and ready to go when Kara enters her room. While she was in a rough patch with the redhead, the blonde was her good friend.

“Hey, Fin, you alright?” Kara walks to her and gently touched her hand.

“Yeah, Kar, I’m good, ready to go home actually.” The black-haired woman gives the blonde a small smile.

“I’m happy you don’t have to stay here for Christmas. It would be really sad.” Kara smiles back. “What are you doing for Christmas? If you have nothing planned you really should join us! Our mother, Eliza, will come soon to National City, and she really bakes the best pie. There will be just 5 of us, Lena, me, Eliza, Maggie and Alex, it’s going to be fun!” Kara babbles on, and Fin does everything not to frown.

Kara doesn’t know about the situation with Alex and how awkward it would be for Finley to be around Maggie.

“Thanks for the invite Kara, but, I’m actually going to visit my family in Gotham” Finley tries to give the brightest smile she can.

“Oh, well, that’s fun! So I guess we’ll see you after Christmas, enjoy your free time!”

“I will, have fun!” Fin says cheerfully, but when Kara leaves the room Fin deflates. She sure wasn’t going to her family. The family that abused her for being gay, and threw her out at age 16. She had a hard time trying to survive on her own such a young age. She didn’t need to relive that. She’ll just have to spend Christmas alone.

Kara’s invitation sure was nice, but she didn’t want to spend time with Alex and Maggie, it was still painful to see her crush with someone else. Finley suppresses the urge to cry. The medical room isn’t the place for this. So she gathers her things and heads home.

 ***

It was 1 am the next morning and Fin couldn’t sleep. She had spent the whole of Christmas in bed. Feeling like someone had ripped her heart out.

‘Why am I even living at this point?’ She thinks. Her dark thoughts swirling around her head. ‘I’m basically a huge disappointment, my parents didn’t want me, they don’t think I’m worth anything. Alex had to lie about not being gay when I asked her out, to not make me feel bad, and now she’s with Maggie. I’m barely able to look at her without crying. How am I supposed to work with her?’ She sighs and looks around her room.

‘Everything would be so much better if I just disappear.’ Her mind is running fast of possibilities and suddenly she remembers. Her gun. She always hides her gun in her room. Under her bed. It was for safety reasons, if ever someone breaks into her apartment.

Fin reaches down and pulls the gun out of its hiding spot. It would be so easy, just load it and put it against her head.

‘It’s not like anybody would miss me.’ Finley thinks as she stares at the gun in her hands. It would be fast, bullet will pierce through her head. It would stop all her function right away. She wouldn’t really feel it. At least she hopes so.

“That’s it.” She inhales and slowly lets it out. Her hands shake as she loads her gun. Slowly Finley puts the pistol to her temple, takes a deep breath and pulls the trigger.

 ***

“Hey.” Kara greets Alex as Kara enters the training room. Alex stops punching the bag and looks at her sister. “J’onn wants to see us.”

The redhead nods and takes off the tape from her hands.

“Have you seen Finley today?” Kara asks, the crinkle appearing on her forehead.

“Hmm, no not really. It’s not like the first thing she does is come and see me anymore.” Alex frowns. Ever since she told the Superfriends that she was seeing Maggie, the black-haired woman avoided her at all cost. She can’t blame her, Alex remembers how a few weeks earlier Alex told Fin she wasn’t gay. Alex did like Finley, she just thought it was a friendly kind of like. And then she had met Maggie and everything she believed about being straight, turned out to be a lie.

But now she was stuck, cause she loved Maggie, but she also realised she liked… loved… Finley too. But it was too late now, Fin hated her.

“Maybe she’s not back from her parents yet.” Kara tried to think up different reasons why she hadn’t seen her friend. “She probably called J’onn for a day off or something.”

The sisters head to Director J’onzz office and Kara knocks before they entered.

“Alex, Kara, I’m happy to see you. I have a request, Finley didn’t come to work today. She also didn’t call me. I tried calling her, but she didn’t answer. This is unlike her, can you go to check on her?”

“She didn’t called? “ Kara frowns and looks at Alex “We thought she maybe wasn’t back from her parents yet.” J’onn looks at her surprised.

“Parents? Agent Fray doesn’t have a family.”

“B…but she said she was visiting her family for Christmas, when I asked her to come to spend it with us.” Kara looks at Alex, but she doesn’t said anything as Alex was thinking hard. ‘Why would she lie?’

“That can’t be right.” J’onn frowns. “When she left before Christmas I asked her what her plans were. She told me that you invited her, and she’s going to spend holiday with you.”

“Kara, we need to go! Now!” Alex panics and the sister’s race to Finely apartment.

 ***

“I smell blood” Kara said as they near Finley’s apartment, she superspeeds the rest of the way. Alex races after her. Kara opens Finley’s apartment door and she superspeeds through the home looking for her friend.

“FIN!” She yells as Alex runs into the apartment. But Alex was not prepared for what she saw. Her breath stops and she falls to her knees.

The black-haired woman lay there dead with a hole in her head. There was a lot of blood on her pillow, and a gun in her hand. Her blue eyes were closed, and there was a small smile on her blue lips. She looked relieved.

“No, no, no, wake up!” Her sister shakes Fin as if she was trying to bring her back to life, tears stream down her cheeks. “Alex!” The blonde looks at her sister, begging her to do something.

“F…Fin… She’s dead…” Alex chocks out.

 ***

“We have gathered here to say goodbye to our friend, Finley Fray…” J’onn begins his speech looking at the small group that came to Fin’s funeral. The Superfriend’s and a few DEO agents that were able to take the time off work.

Lena holds Kara close as she cries silently. Next to her was Eliza, and there was an empty place where Alex should sit, but she didn’t make it to the service. Next to the empty place sat Maggie and Winn. All of them listening to J’onn.

After the speech, the group gathered together.

“I can’t believe she’s dead…” Winn says sadly. “It just happened so sudden, it doesn’t make sense…”

“I wish I would see it sooner, I would help her…” Kara cries and Lena hugs her tighter. “I’m the worst friend.”

“It’s not your fault baby…” Lena says, trying to soothe her girlfriend. “We all failed to notice.”

J’onn looks down in shame. “I’m sorry… I knew she was struggling with a few things, I should’ve talk to her. I didn’t know it was that bad.” He sighs heavily. “Where’s Alex?” He looks at Maggie.

“Ehmm… she’s not really handling this well. She wouldn’t leave the apartment. I don’t think she is ready to say goodbye yet…”

 ***

Alex looks at the photo of her and Finley. It was taken 2 days before Fin asked the redhead on a date. Where the older woman panicked and said that she wasn’t gay. Everything was easier back than and Alex didn’t feel like her heart was ripped out of her body, thrown on the floor and stamped on.

She still couldn’t believe Fin killed herself.

Going to her funeral didn’t feel right, she should be alive.

The redhead took a sip from her glass of whiskey, suddenly feeling angry. She was angry at Fin for being so selfish, angry at herself for causing her pain and angry at the world that they took one of the woman she loved from her.

But it was too late now.

[holylulusworld]

In the Blue (2)

Request: Was thinking something angsty with Sebastian Stan & reader. His friend maybe tells him that she's not nice & is behind his fame & money so she's acting all nice. Once when she's talking abt someone else Seb thinks she's actually talking abt him. He acts cold towards her & throws her out on her b'day. He insults her in front of everyone & tells everyone how bad she is. She leaves the country & changes all the contacts. Seb sees her after 2yrs, with his child. Idk a happy ending??? 

I got inspired to write this sequel by Kelly Clarkson’s ‘In the Blue’ 

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader, Chris Evans x Reader (platonic), OFC Matteo Christopher, OFC Sarah Mitchell, Scarlett Johansson

Warnings: angst, unrequited love, sad reader, mentions of heartbreak/break-up, arguments, a hint of violence (a few slaps), Chris being a good bro, a hint of daddy!Sebastian

You love me not masterlist

Chris tried everything to distract you, to make you feel comfortable while Sebastian wouldn’t stop calling him, asking how you are doing. It’s three weeks since he saw you again and he tries anything to get in touch with you.

Your eyes drift toward your son, playing in the sun with his nanny. Loretta is an experienced nanny, almost like a mother to you and a grandmother to your son. She knows what happened and told you to kick your ex-boyfriends’ ass. But honestly, you are too exhausted, too tired of fighting with Sebastian to do so.

He doesn’t know where you are living, no one of your ‘old’ life knows, except for your parents and Chris. Your best friend had to swear to never tell Sebastian where to find you. 

The man ripping your heart out, the man not believing you is in your past. There is no turning back from what he did to you.

Sebastian is determined to get to know his son, but you don’t care. He could’ve been a father two years ago, share the experience of pregnancy and giving birth with you but he was busy pleasing his friend, Sarah, instead of standing up for you.

Christopher is squealing, as you smile him. Getting your phone you take another picture for Chris. He loves your son and you are sure he would be a great father, but your heart is still healing from the deep scar Sebastian left.

You want to trust a man again, but you are too afraid of getting hurt once again. Chris is a great man, but you can’t risk ruining your friendship. You will never be good enough for him either way…

Your son walks toward you, smiling and his blue eyes shine, reminding you once again of the man you loved and lost. Mind drifting toward better times with Sebastian you need to hold back fresh tears.

Some days I barely miss you

Some days I'm almost alright

Smiling you pick your son up, ready to head out to meet up with your friend. Chris invited you to visit the set, assuring you Sebastian won’t be there for another week. His role is not needed for the current scenes.

“Do you want to visit Uncle Chris?” You whisper.

Your son babbles when you carry him out of your house. For a moment you just hold him close, hold him tight to feel his little body pressed against yours.

Memories want to come back, reminding you of the feeling of Sebastian holding you in his arms but you shake the thought away. He made his decision two years ago. 

And some nights I turn to kiss you

But you're not beside my side

 ----

Making your way to the set you smile seeing Chris waving at you. Scarlett says something, and his features darken. She knows about the break-up and the reason behind it. She became a friend and you wonder why Chris is starting to run toward you until you see her…Sarah.

“I can’t believe you try to trick Seb with a fake pregnancy. Did you let a random guy knock you up to get him back or did you borrow the child?” She snarls striding towards you.

“I got no clue what’s wrong with your brain Sarah, but for sure I do not want him back. You can do whatever you want with him. I’m not interested in getting a man not standing by my side when I need him, back. Leave me and my son alone.”

She smirks, getting closer. Sarah has the guts to try to look at your son to see if he looks like Sebastian. Her smile falls seeing your son has the same features as Seb, his eyes and even his hair.

“Hands off Y/N’s son.” Chris is by your side, shoving you behind his back. “I got no clue why you are here or how you even got on set, but you will be gone in a minute. Scarlett called the security guards. Get lost, Sarah.”

“Is the little slut now using your fame and money?” She won’t give up, glancing at you with a toothy grin. “I mean I got Sebastian so she needs to find someone new.”

“You don’t get it, right? Y/N and Sebastian were in love. She was pregnant and he could’ve had a family with her. You destroyed his chance to get happy for selfish reasons. I can’t believe he fell for your lies.” Chris is shoving Sarah away, glaring at her. “One more word and I forget myself and slap a woman for the first time in my life. My parents raised me better, but I’ll do it if I have to…”

“Leave this to me,” Scarlett states rushing to her friends’ side. “I’ll hit that bitch with pleasure, Chris.”

“What’s going on…?” Gasping Sebastian rushes to your side, looking at his son in your arms and the tears welling up your eyes as Sarah throws more insults and hurtful words at you. “Why are you here, Sarah? I told you to stay away from me and the set!”

“But Sebby, I know you don’t mean it that way, we belong together. I told you two years ago.” Sarah coos, trying to touch Sebastian's cheek but he slaps her hand away, shaking his head.

“Leave the set…”

“Don’t worry, I called the security and there they are.” Scarlett waves at the security guards, pointing toward Sarah. 

She’s trying to grab Sebastian’s jacket, wiggling, and cursing but the security guards drag her off the set. Your eyes meet Sebastian, but you look away, sniffling. Seeing Sarah opened slowly healing wounds and you need all your strength to not let the tears burst free.

“Chris, can we go somewhere else? Please…”

“Sure, doll. Let me lead you to my trailer. We can have lunch and calm a bit.”

“Wait, let’s go to my trailer, please. I want to talk to you, Y/N. Just give me five minutes, that’s all I want.” Sebastian tries to touch your arm, but you flinch away as if his touch will burn your skin.

His eyes are filled with tears seeing your reaction. You used to lean into his touch, even if it was only a peck on your cheek but now you can’t let him touch you.

Yeah, my heart is wet and heavy but my body's on the run

'Cause the night is gonna get me and it's only just begun

I keep living on the memory of you and me

You, me in the sun, in the sun

“Please give me a moment to explain, Y/N. I swear I only want to talk to you, please.” Your eyes meet Chris blue ones and you bite your lower lip as he gives you a curt nod.

“Fine, ten minutes but my son stays with Chris meanwhile. I don’t want him to hear your lies.” Voice hard you smile at Chris who’s carefully taking your son, distracting the little boy immediately.

Sebastian watches his friend holding his son and his heart aches even more. He would do anything to change places with Chris right now.

“Follow me…” Seb mumbles and you take a deep breath, ready to leave your past behind once for all. Maybe it’s a good opportunity to make the final cut.

----

“Y/N…” Pacing around the room Sebastian points toward a huge bag. “I bought toys for my son. Can I give the toys to him, please?”

“No. We don’t need anything. My son has all he needs. Chris doesn’t need your gifts. I don’t want him to end up like me. He doesn’t need to hear his father believed his son faked loving him to get money or fame.” You spat ignoring Sebastian’s sad eyes.

“Please. I would never…”

“You would never what, Seb?” Poking your finger into his chest you glare at your former lover. “Tell him he was never good enough for you? That you can’t believe his lies any longer? That someone not involved in our relationship was more important than me – the woman you claimed to love? Huh? You wouldn’t do such a thing?”

Anger radiating through your body you slap his cheek repeatedly, turning to leave.

“You have to understand…no…you don’t have to but please… Sarah and I are friends since childhood. She was my first kiss with ten. I never thought she would lie to me, would destroy my relationship, Y/N. I thought she’s telling me the truth.” Sebastian’s voice cracks glancing at the toys in the bag.

“She was more important than me. You believed her and didn’t even give me the chance to prove I’m telling the truth. I could’ve called my colleague, could have called Jenny and both would’ve confirmed she’s lying.” Panting you press one hand onto your heart. It’s relieving to finally let all the words out. “I called you, Seb. For over a month I called you, crying, begging but you ignored me.”

Tears want to break free, but you blink them away, shaking your head as he reaches out for you. His eyes meet yours and you look away, to not drown into his sad blue eyes.

No matter where you are a little piece of my heart

Will be forever with you

In the blue, in the blue

In a thousand years, we'll be far from here

I'll be forever with you in the blue, in the blue

“Y/N…”

“I’m not done!” Slapping his cheek once again you stomp your feet and a little smile crosses his face. Sebastian always loved seeing you stand your ground. “You accused me that I only used you, that I never loved you, but you were the one tossing five years away without thinking twice. Do you know how often Sarah or someone else said you were flirting with one of your colleagues? With Scarlett or Elizabeth? I never believed a single word. I never asked you if it’s true. It’s called trust, Sebastian. The most important thing in a relationship besides love is trust…”

“I know, please give me a chance to be a father. Please let me hold my son for a few minutes. I’m begging you. I go on my knees if I must, please. I never got over you, never forgot our time together. Sarah admitted she lied a year after you were gone and I tried to find you, but no one knew where you moved to. Your parents refused to tell me anything…” Sinking to his knees Sebastian grabs your hand but you step back, freeing your hand.

“Don’t touch me…”

“Please let me hold my child…”

“Fine, five minutes and then I’m gone…”

----

Chris gives you an encouraging smile handing you your son. “I know he hurt you, but I think he’s regretting everything, and he barely sleeps since he saw you. He called me for months after Matteo was born but I told him I don’t know where you moved to…”

“I’ll give him five minutes and then I’m gone…”

Yeah, I'm running from this city like a diamond in the sky

 And I'm trying to count my blessings 'stead of all the tears I've cried

 I keep driving in this darkness to get you to get you off my mind, off my mind

I'll start over in a new place, put my feet back on the ground

 Can't believe the mess that I've made just trying to drown you out

 Baby, one day I won't miss you

 I'll stop looking for you in the crowd, in the crowd

Sebastian’s hands start shaking when you let him hold his son. Matteo is tugging at his father’s long hair, squealing. 

“He likes to tug at hair. That’s the reason I wear my hair in a messy bun around this little monster.” Not taking his eyes of his son Sebastian nods, sniffling when the little boy glances up at him.

“Dadda?” Matteo squeals and you take a deep breath, grabbing the edge of the couch you or sitting on. How can he know?

“What did you say, baby boy?” Sebastian chokes out. Your son grabs his fathers’ nose, babbling. “Dadda?”

“He called me daddy…he called me daddy…” Sebastian sits onto the couch, pressing his son closer to his body as you can’t hold back the tears. 

“I don’t know why…” You sniffle. “He only knows Chris and my dad. He never called Chris dadda.”

“My baby boy knows I’m his father, Y/N. He knows it. God, he knows I’m his daddy, Baby Girl. Please don’t take this away from me. I’m begging you…”

“Sebastian, you had your chance two years ago. Do you believe I can let you hurt my son too? That I could ever trust you again after the stunt you pulled?” Taking your son out of Sebastian’s arms you need to shush him as he starts crying. Holding out his arms for his father.

“I got toys…wait…”

Opening the bag Sebastian doesn’t know what his son likes so you place Matteo onto the floor to let him choose a toy. He’s grabbing a stuffed animal, a fluffy dog, squealing.

“He likes dogs. Chris brought his dog with him a few times. I had to soothe Matteo after as he wanted the dog to stay. He’s a stubborn little man, just like his daddy.” Gently stroking your son's head you watch him offering the toy to Sebastian.

“Please let me see him. I’ll come anytime you allow me to see him.”

No matter where you are a little piece of my heart will be forever with you

In the blue, in the blue

In a thousand years we'll be far from here

I'll be forever with you in the blue, in the blue

“I need time to think about it. I have to go…I need…” Picking your son up you almost run out of the trailer, not looking back you let the tears fall. How can your son call Sebastian daddy?

“Y/N, please wait. At least give me your number, at least give me anything. A picture…” Sebastian pleas while Chris and Scarlett try to act if they do not feel sorry for all of you. 

“Ask Chris, he was interested in me and your son. He has a lot of pictures. Let him send you one ‘cause I won’t give you anything. Not now…”

Sebastian watches you rushing toward your car, Matteo in your arms as he sinks to his knees starting to cry. 

I see your face in every stranger

Footsteps down the hall

Warm breath, back of my neck

Shadows on the wall

And your voice is loud as thunder hey

I can hear it crashing in my head, yeah

No matter where you are a little piece of my heart will be forever with you

In the blue, in the blue

In a thousand years we'll be far from here

I'll be forever with you in the blue, in the blue

I'll be forever with you in the blue, in the blue

All works Tags

@yolobloggers​​, @meganywinchester​​​, @shikshinkwon​​​, @miraclesoflove​​ ​, @mogaruke​​, @shatteredabby​​, @soryuwifeyxx​​, @letsdisneythings​​, @i-love-superhero​

Marvel Tags

@stuckys-whore​​, @notyourtypicalrose​​, @voltage-my2dlove​​, @thedoctorscamanion , @officialmarvelwhore​​, @randomgirlkensy​​, @juniorhuntersam​​, @lumar014​​, @doctorswife221b​​, @badboysdoitbetter2​​​, @sister-winchesters99​​, @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​​, @the-soulofdevil​

Steve Rogers/Chris Evans Tags

@hhiggs​​​​, @roonyxx​​​, @stylesismyhubs​​​, @multisuperfandom​​, @mrspeacem1nusone​​, @shadowcatsworld

[aliceslantern]

Heartlines, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 25-- Deconstruction/Reconstruction

Twelve years ago, Xemnas betrayed the royal court of Radiant Garden to his father, Xehanort. Prince Ienzo flees to another city and begins university in the aftermath, hoping the anonymity will protect him from eager eyes with ill intent. The darkness spilling across the country, as well as an individual from his past, cut short Ienzo's new beginning and bring new conflicts to light. Strained between the desires of his magic and his heart, Ienzo's choice will change him forever.

Modern Fantasy AU, Soulmates, Zemyx. Updates Fridays until it's done.

Chapter summary:  With Radiant Garden under control of the resistance, it's time to rebuild. Ienzo tries to repair the damage done to his family.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

White sheets. Cool air. Color and light. He felt so heavy, and it took him a moment of grappling into consciousness to realize it was because he could barely move his legs.

“Ienzo? Love?”

Ienzo turned his head as much as he was able. He seemed to have motion in his upper body, but even that was difficult, like tugging on puppet strings. “Ev-even?” He swallowed.

“Would you like some water? I’ll get some. Don’t move.”

As if he could help it. Blurrily, he saw Even retreat to a corner of this room--the castle infirmary?--and pour water from a pitcher. He knew he should be grateful to still be sighted at all, after using so much magic. He squinted. Even handed him the cup; he could barely close his hand around it, but he managed it at last. Despite IV fluids, he was so thirsty .

“Are you in any pain? I can get you some medication if--”

“No. I’m not. But I can’t… it’s hard to move.”

“...I know.” Even smoothed some of the hair from Ienzo’s face. His own face was pale, pinched, a large bruise along his throat yellowing. “From the magic use. Breaking down a limiter of that strength… then triggering what you did… frankly, it’s a miracle you’re still alive.”

“Will I be like this… always?”

“I’m optimistic you’ll recover yet, but… there may be some lingering effects.”

“What’s happened? How long have I been out? Where’s Amalia? Where’s--?”

“One thing at a time, child. It’s imperative you remain calm.”

Ienzo tried to center himself, tried to take deep breaths. Even took his hand and rubbed it, gently.

“Amalia is safe and well. I suspect Ansem is enjoying having time with her. Once he received some blood replacement, Demyx was fine too. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled you’re awake. It was all rather… dramatic, how it went down. You’ve been unconscious close to three weeks.”

“Aeleus? ...Isa? What of… everything else? Xehanort’s forces? The son who called himself Ansem? He wasn’t in the throne room that day--”

Even’s eyes went blank, and he turned towards the window. “I’m afraid when I… felt your burst of magic--it was felt everywhere, Ienzo, I don’t think you understand--I assumed the worst and I--I did something reckless. He was our jailer, in my old labs, something he no doubt had great pleasure in. For the first time in my life… I acted on impulse.” He looked at his free hand, which was trembling. “I knew you were in trouble, and I--”

Ienzo had never heard Even sound so shaky. He choked down guilt. “You killed him.”

“...He was the gatekeeper.” He’d turned faintly green.

“Was that the first time you took a life?”

“It does not matter. It needed to happen either way.” He swallowed. “I made my way there, with ease. You killed every Heartless in the vicinity. Those that were human were knocked unconscious, or fled.”

“I… I did?”

“...Quite. The initial scouting indicates that… you may have slain every one in the city.”

“It was not conscious,” he admitted. “All I saw was that Demyx was bleeding out and the soulbinding reacted to all that--”

“--and the rush of emotions triggered magic. Of course it did.”

Ienzo lay back a little. “So without the three of them… and no Heartless…”

“The capital city’s under the control of the resistance.” But there was no happiness in his expression.

“Shouldn’t we be… glad? This is among the best case scenarios--”

“The sudden death of Xehanort and two of his sons has caused something like a power vacuum. The people don’t know how to react. There’s still darkness and various devotees of it spread throughout the country. Some states have turned over towards us, but others are… hesitant. Waiting to see might happen. And there are those who are outright fighting. Aeleus and Isa are among the front line, trying to see what can be done to restore order without worsening things. Meanwhile your father is trying to pursue international aid… and research better ways to defeat the darkness.”

“And of you?”

A pause. “I’ve been taking care of you.”

“I’m sure you’ll be relieved to go back to research, then.”

Even reached forward to smooth Ienzo’s hair. “To be truthful, it has been nice, to have this space to think. To consider.”

Ienzo understood. “...It’s alright if you’re upset, Even.”

“It is so silly , that I feel such guilt for killing one who’s killed thousands with his actions--but my feelings are not important.”

“I’m sure that’s not the case.” Ienzo struggled to sit up; Even adjusted the pillows under him. “So much for fighting back.”

“I think you’ve done enough. You must recover for what comes next.”

“Amalia. I need to see her.”

He hesitated.

“Please, Even.”

“...Quite.” He seemed to go a little deeper into himself. “Perhaps there will be one day when I’m not constantly in fear of your life.”

“I sincerely hope so.”

Ienzo watched him leave the room. He’d never seen Even so scattered before, so almost… unsure . Had something else happened he was not telling Ienzo, about the man calling himself Ansem? That bruise…

He hadn’t been conscious long, but he was already exhausted. He could still feel his legs, but moving was the problem. Perhaps he could get a wheelchair, and get around that way? He couldn’t seriously sit around and do nothing while all this fighting happened--

The door opened. In came Demyx, carrying their daughter. She’d gotten even bigger since Ienzo last saw her--another month he’d missed--and she was chewing on a teething ring. “Hey,” he said, softly. Like Even, his eyes were closed off.

“How do you feel?” Ienzo asked.

“Me? Oh, I’m fine. Ugly scar, but oh well, right? How are… you?” Amalia was staring at him, not with fear like before, but perhaps curiosity. Ienzo tried to reach out to her with his magic, but it was like swatting wet laundry; it didn’t come instantly to his call. So instead he reached out one trembling hand. She smiled and handed him the slimy teething ring. “Oh, sweetie, I’m sure daddy doesn’t want that.”

“Could I…” He wasn’t sure he was physically strong enough to hold her.

“Ah… sure.” Demyx pulled the chair closer to the bed and plopped her onto the mattress. “I’ve been… bringing her in here for a while every day. While daddy takes his long nap, right?”

She made a sound like “boo.”

“She talks.” Tears rose to his eyes.

“Well. Vocalizes.”

She clapped her hands together.

“And she can hold herself up.”

“She crawls, too. Ah--like that.” She had dragged herself almost across Ienzo’s lap. “I have a feeling she’ll be running before long.”

Amalia looked up at him and made a noise that could only be expressed as “?”

“Daddy,” Demyx said to her helpfully. “You remember now, yeah.”

“Baba.”

“Daddy. Good.” He smoothed the curls off her forehead.

Ienzo felt a rush of affection which was almost painful. “Look at you, big girl.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. She tugged at the sleeve of his robe. “Can you help me?” he asked Demyx.

“Sure.” He eased her into his lap. Amalia pressed her cheek against his chest. “See? Crisis averted.”

“I’m guessing the curls came from you.”

“The only time my hair was long enough to tell was when I was underwater, so.” He shrugged. Amalia gave him a toothless smile. “Look at you, happy girl.”

Ienzo noticed the difference in his voice when he spoke to the two of them. “Are you comfortable? Here?”

“Oh, yeah. Ansem set us up nice in your old room. If you don’t mind.”

“Why would I mind?”

Another shrug. “Oof, drool patrol.” He grabbed a tissue and dabbed at it. “She’s teething something wicked.”

“Maybe the next time you come you could bring me a book, so I could read to her.”

“She’d probably like that.”

Ienzo wrapped his arms loosely around her, and she let him. Feeling the warmth and weight of her--the subtle twitch of her limbs-- and hearing her little babbling eased this awful ache he’d had for so long. “I missed you,” he said to her. He kissed her head. “I missed you so much. I just… hope we can be a family now.”

“That would be nice,” he said softly. “Wouldn’t it?” The last part he repeated in a goofy voice, and Amalia laughed. “You think you’ll be okay?”

“Even’s optimistic. And I trust him.”

“He’s been up here almost constantly.”

“But the castle is… safe, for you two?”

“Oh, yeah. Magic users crawling out of the woodwork to help. I've still got some fight in me."

“I hope that soon I can be back on my feet, and start being a bigger part of her life.”

“One thing at a time.” Ienzo wondered if he was imagining the flatness in his eyes. “Isn’t that right, Li-li?”

---

It took Ienzo weeks to start feeling something resembling “normal.” For several nights the pain of his healing nerves kept him awake, but at least once it was through with he could limp around a little. He could play with Amalia a little more actively. Physical therapy made him somewhat stronger, and while he had to use a cane to walk more than a few steps, Even believed it would be gone before long.

Members of his family and the resistance ducked in and out. Ansem brought him books, briefed him on the situation as it developed. “Almost feels as though my skills to rule have grown rusty,” he admitted. “It is difficult to tell… which members of parliament left are lying, when they say they did not hold any allegiance towards Xehanort. I’m tempted to dissolve the whole thing and hold elections, but we simply can’t do so at the moment. Making sure our people are fed and safe and cared for is more important than politics at the moment. Thankfully the bordering nations have been kind enough to send along resources and medics.”

“I wish I could help,” Ienzo said. “Being here, waylaid and helpless --”

Ansem just patted his hand. “You jumpstarted a revolution, Ienzo,” he said.

“So I’m told, but I wonder if you all are exaggerating to salve my ego.”

The pat became more of a squeeze. “Control of Radiant Garden was crucial,” he said. “And you achieved that.”

“Only because Xehanort mortally wounded Demyx, and I reacted instinctively--were it not for that my whole plan would’ve collapsed--”

“Ienzo. Why are you being hard on yourself?”

He felt tears in his eyes. “These past six months… I’ve been sitting here in luxury playing silly mind games while my daughter grew up without me, while the rest of you suffered. ”

“You did the best you could with what you had--and you did pretty damn well. This guilt is pointless, Ienzo.”

“I… I know.”

“We are together now. We will rebuild. And I hope things will be better than they were before.”

He sniffled. “Is it over? Can it just be over?”

Ansem drew him into an embrace.

---

Spring began in earnest. Ienzo realized one morning as he woke in the infirmary that the lingering smell of darkness that had hung over Radiant Garden was gone, and a fresh rain brought in the sea air. He no longer needed the cane, but he tired easily, and his legs still ached tremendously. Once he was well enough, he insisted that he be more involved in the reconstruction, insofar as he could.

There was the reality of Xehanort’s youngest son’s experiments. Ienzo had purged the Heartless, but the poor people who had not been transformed were instead traumatized and in some cases catatonic. While there were doctors and psychologists willing to help them, it was hard to tell if they could be helped. Ansem organized national days of mourning for those who had been lost, and released the lists of names so families could have closure. The youngest son had kept meticulous records.

He asked community leaders to come forward with ideas as to help their nation move on. Darkness still existed; but now that people had hope, they were more willing to fight. That, and with the darkness easing, they were getting early signs that the planet could still heal. Ienzo swore he could feel its pulse, its life reaching up to his magic. He wished he did not feel so powerless.

“We don’t want things to go back to the way they were,” Ansem said in a broadcast. “Clearly, “normal” meant “suffering” for some. Darkness… only made that pain more obvious. If we wish to maintain the light, we must heal one another.”

Finally, Ienzo was well enough to go back to his rooms, and begin repairing his family… because it was going to take a lot of work. Amalia was more familiar with him, more comfortable, but still she always looked towards Demyx when she needed something.

And there was the matter of… Demyx.

At first Ienzo thought the distance between them was all paranoia on his part, but it became clear in the way Demyx spoke to him, especially when it came to their daughter. “You dressed her in that? She hates that one, it’s itchy against her scales.” “Sure. You can do that. I guess.” “Look, I know you’re trying, but strawberries give her gas .” “You let her nap too long. Now she’s not going to sleep through the night.” That, and the flatness in his eyes. It wasn’t openly unfriendly, but it lacked the warmth that they’d had before.

More straining than this, in some ways, was sharing a bed. Ienzo had honestly been looking forward to reconnecting on a physical level--he hoped it would help him sleep the deep way he had when they lived together--but that first night Demyx just rolled onto his side and fell asleep. He let it go a few nights, wondering if it were just a pain of readjustment, if he were just used to sleeping alone. Finally, he just got fed up and crawled over to spoon him, jerking him out of his sleep. “What are you--?”

“Trying to touch you?”

“Well could you please not?”

For a moment there was just silence.

Demyx exhaled heavily and ran his hand through his hair. “Look, I… I’m sorry for snapping. But I… I’m not comfortable .”

Ienzo swallowed and felt a lump in his throat. “Would you prefer I slept elsewhere?”

“No, it’s… it’s fine.”

Ienzo eased back to his side of the bed. He knew he would not be able to sleep. As it was, he was struggling not to cry.

The next day they behaved as normally as they could in front of their daughter, but when Ansem came and asked if he could spend some time with her, Ienzo agreed before Demyx could get a word in edgewise. “We need to talk,” Ienzo said.

Demyx wrinkled his nose. “Do we have to?”

“Yes. We do.” Ienzo was surprised to feel his temper flare, but he kept it in check. “Look, we’re… we’re parents, and we’re soulmates . A lot has happened, and you have a right to feel the way you do. But that can’t begin to heal if we keep ignoring it.”

He seemed to not know what to say.

“How do you feel, Demyx?” Ienzo asked.

He rubbed at his arm. “I feel like… I feel…” He swallowed. “Something’s just wrong ? With me?”

“You’re processing.”

“Not that. I don’t know. For a long time I just missed you so much it hurt, and I didn’t know how I was going to do any of it, be her dad, or…” He trailed off, a flush darkening his face. “And then I saw you again, and you were alive, and I was so happy and so relieved and I don’t know what happened since then. Something’s wrong.”

A suspicion slid into place, and Ienzo’s voice shook when he asked, “wrong how ?”

Tears flooded his eyes. “I don’t feel anything. When I look at you. You’re the father of my child. But it’s just… I feel like… I was meant to be her dad, but… I don’t know if I’m meant to be with you?” His voice quivered and broke. “I want to. I want to be in love with you again. But I…”

“I think I understand,” Ienzo said woodenly.

Demyx hesitated. He stared at Ienzo for a moment, and then he took a few steps forward and kissed him, hard.

And it was different.

Physically, it felt the same, the way they moved together. But it was just a nice kiss, without the heavy reassurance that yes , this is part of you, everything is safe, everything is okay.

In his mind’s eye, Ienzo saw Xehanort gouging him below the heart. “Oh,” he said softly.

“What’s wrong with me, Ienzo? Am I just depressed?”

“No,” he said. Numbly, he pulled away.

“...What?”

And then he started laughing.

“ What ?”

Once he began, he couldn’t stop, until tears were running down his face, and he couldn’t breathe, and somewhere the gasps of laughter became sobs, and he was curled in a ball on the floor. He felt Demyx’s hand on his back, warm but the touch was so wrong .

“Ienzo. What is it?”

He looked up. “Xehanort broke the soulbound.”

[ourownsideimagines]

Neither Half Of Me Can Put Into Words How Much I Adore You (Aziraphale x Nephilim!Reader)

Characters: Nephilim!Reader, Aziraphale, Crowley

Requested: Yes

Requested by: @pleasedontfollowmeimtrash

Point of View: Second Person

Warnings: A couple of curse words? Otherwise, minimal editing

Words: 1363

A/N: So I didn’t write the actual date scene but I hope you enjoy this nonetheless!!! I tried to use neutral pronouns but let me know if I messed up!

---

You met your dearest friend Aziraphale in the 500th year of your life. It was your 501st year that you realized you had a crush on him.

299 years later, and that’s how long he has remained clueless to your flirting (if it could even be called that). As a nephilim you could not cause miracles, but it seemed that’s what it was going to take for Aziraphale to realize how much you loved him. You’d have to settle for time, even if it took another hundred years.

He would be worth the wait. That is, if he liked you back.

God you hoped he liked you back. You weren’t sure what you’d do if he didn’t. You’d sculpted the last 300 your life around being with him, even if it wasn’t romantically. Three hundred years and he was still a clueless dork. Maybe that’s why you loved him so much.

You were the first to admit that your ways of flirting wasn’t great. They weren’t old fashioned, just… clumsy. You stayed with him at the bookshop, you baked for him, you joined him for lunches and dinners. You fixed his tie when it was crooked and helped him file books. But it was all rushed. You found yourself too flustered to make an actual move. You were pretty sure he thought you’d done all that because he was your only friend. Which was true, but that’s not the point.

You were hopelessly in love with Aziraphale and were running out of ways to show it without just standing on a rooftop and screaming it to the Heavens.

Even then, you weren’t sure he would get the hint.

He has been busy the past eleven years, dealing with the end of the world. You’d hoped you would have gotten more time to spend with him, seeing as you both assumed that everything was coming to an end. You weren’t sure that, as a nephilim, you would even go to Heaven. They despise you, unlike Aziraphale. That meant that come doomsday you were unlikely to see him, or anyone, ever again, if there was an afterlife meant for you.

But it came, then it passed, and life moved on. The bookshop, which had been burned down in a misunderstanding, was back to its former glory.

Unbeknownst to you, the night the world was supposed to end, Aziraphale and Crowley swapped faces, at the advice of a long-dead witch named Agnes Nutter. And the next morning, when you went to visit the shop with Aziraphale, your companion was actually Crowley. You could feel that something was off, but for the life of you, you couldn’t tell what.

He popped out shortly afterwards, leaving you to run the shop like he’d done plenty of times, and came back hours later with Crowley to invite you to lunch at the Ritz. Even from behind his sunglasses, you knew Crowley was giving you a look.

It wasn’t something you kept on your mind long, but it came back whenever you’d see Crowley whispering with Aziraphale in the backroom while you were working and he’d stare at you every time you came in. At first, you worried that you’d done something wrong. The more it happened though, the easier it was to brush it off.

It had been a month since they stopped armageddon, an everything finally seemed to be back to normal. You were pinning, Aziraphale was clueless, and Crowley, though he didn’t seem like it, was getting tired of watching you chase after his best friend like a lost puppy. If you didn’t ask the angel out on a date sooner rather than later, the demon was bound to tear his hair from his head. He’d been trying to convince Aziraphale to ask you, for weeks, but the angel was convinced that you saw him as only a friend.

Crowley was going to change that today, though.

“Think about it,” You’d gone out to grab some lunch for the three of you, giving Crowley opportune time to convince his friend to do the sensible thing. “They are infatuated with you, Aziraphale.”

“As I’ve told you, I highly doubt that.” Aziraphale sighed, eyes still trained on whatever book he was reading. “(Name) and I have been friends for years. I think I would know if they liked me like… that.”

“Wouldn’t that mean that they would have realized your feelings by now?” This caused the angel to glare up at his friend. “I’m just saying, old friend. Having watched the two of you dance around each other like this for the past three centuries is growing… well, absolutely infuriating. How many more pies do they have to bake you?”

“I like their pies.” Aziraphale pouted. Crowley slapped his own leg.

“That’s the point, Angel! (Name) continues to make the pies because they know you like them! The cookies, too, don’t think I forgot about those. And then there’s all the lunch and dinner dates you two have been on-”

“I’d hardly consider them dates-”

“They always makes sure to choose places that you like. They never refuse an opportunity to spend time with you, they make sure you look presentable. They listens to you babble about… whatever you babble about.” Crowley stood up, realizing his friend’s silence was him actually thinking it over. “They love you, Aziraphale. And they have for a while.”

“They… They love me?” Aziraphale placed a hand over his mouth to mask some of his shock. He’d never taken into account all of the times you’d done things for him. Made him things, listened to him, brought him to new places.

Your heart was placed on the table years ago and he’d allowed it to collect dust.

“Very, very much.” Crowley confirmed. “You should really see the way they look at you, my friend.”

“Three hundred years…”

“Yeah-”

“Crowley, I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah, but I already knew that-”

“What am I going to do?”

“Tell them. Ask them to dinner or something - make it romantic.”

“Romantic.” Aziraphale stood. “Romantic… Yes, romantic.”

“Don’t overthink it, angel.” Crowley dropped down onto the couch lazily, removing his glasses so that he could rub his eyes. “Just… be yourself.” Before anything else could be said, you reentered the shop.

“Sorry it took so long.” You said. “They kept getting your sandwich wrong, Aziraphale, so I had to wait for the to remake it… twice.” You set down the large, brown paper bag you’d been carrying on a table and opened it. “Oh, and I got the three of us some cookies to share, because they were fresh out of the oven and smelled really good.” You started pulling things from the bag, unaware of the look your friends were sharing. Aziraphale cleared his throat.

“(Name)?” You stopped, looking up at him innocently. “Could we, uh… Could we talk?”

“Of course, what about? Did you need me to move some books again?” Aziraphale spared another glance back at Crowley, who made a ‘go on’ gesture.

“Well, no, actually, uh,” Aziraphale gave you a nervous smile. You were starting to get worried - had something happened? Something bad?

“Are you okay, Azi?” You asked softly. “Is something wrong?”

“Oh, no, no, on the contrary, my dear, everything is… fine. Everything is fine.” Aziraphale took in a deep breath. Better to get it over with. “I was, uh, wondering if you might want to join me for dinner. At the Ritz.”

“Oh, of course!” You smiled, relieved. “Haven’t been there in a while. Is Crowley coming with?”

“No, no, just you and I… I was thinking it could be a… date.” There was a moment of pure silence.

“A… date?” You murmured.

“Yes?”

“Oh… uh…” Aziraphale thought for a moment that he’d done something wrong, but found his heart leaping out of his chest when you smiled shyly downward, looking absolutely overwhelmed with happiness at the idea. “Yeah, yeah I’d like that.” You nodded quickly.

“Perfect.” He smiled back. Crowley watched it all with amusement, happy that his friend finally got his head out of his ass.

This was the start of what Crowley knew was going to be a beautiful relationship.

[narrators-journal]

Into Wonderland part 8

All of this is prone to massive changes

   Luna did eventually go to sleep, waking up in the late morning out of the habit of being a maid. She would've gone back to sleep after she remembered she didn't have to work that day, but just as she was rolling over to snuggle back into her plush pillow she remembered where she was, and that Nico couldn't be trusted to keep to himself if she wasn't around to be his filter. So, begrudgingly, she threw open her canopy and scanned over her room with her tired green eyes.     It still looked like a lifeless display room, generalized pictures on the walls, impeccably cleaned without even Luna's clothes on the floor from her changing into pajamas, because she hadn't, and little to no other sign of life, not even a blonde hare with an attitude sitting in the chair that was pushed into one of the corners of the room. That earned a relieved sigh as the ravenette got up and straightened her clothes and hair before heading out to get breakfast.      When she got down to the kitchen, Nico was already at the table, chatting with a woman dressed in an elegant gown of red with hair of a darker, slightly browner crimson.      "Uhhh, hey Nico? Who's that?" she asked, watching her brother turn to her and smile brilliantly,      "Oh cool! you're up at last, Luna, this is Queenie, she's my Guardian!" he explained, making the elegant woman scoff airily,    "I'm a Guardian, not yours." she corrected with a sniff, but Nico ignored that, just smiling and gesturing for his sister to say hi, and knowing he wouldn't leave her alone about if she didn't, Luna greeted Queenie with a small wave and a hello. she got a disdainful look and a huffy wave in response. She sensed the pompous Guardian and her would not get along.      Despite that, Luna sat by her brother and did try to be at least polite to the woman while she ate the food some servants gave her. Meanwhile, Bacchus sat nearby, chatting animatedly with Lucy about his own things, which Luna didn't listen to, she had already pushed some of his buttons the night before, she didn't want to aggravate him more by eavesdropping.     All during breakfast Luna talked to her twin and the pompous Guardian, Queenie. When the meal was over, Nico smiled,     "Hey Luna, how about you come outside and we can see what Queenie can do?" her twin suggested, but Luna decided against it, needing a break from the snooty woman who did not seem to like her at all. Instead, while Nico and Bacchus headed outside, Luna went over to Lucy, the red haired girl being a more veteran Call member who she hadn't aggravated the night before.     Lucy had gone to one of the many sitting rooms or lounges the mega mansion they stayed in had once she was done eating, so Luna followed,      "Um excuse me? Can we talk, because I've got a few questions." She said, a bit awkward under the pressure of Lucy's intimidating air. The girl wasn't much older than 13 maybe, but where Bacchus was an expressive, happy dude with a bit of a dark humor, the girl didn't seem to be very open with her emotions,      "Oh? Regretting your choice to join The Call?" she guessed, and sheepishly, Luna nodded,      "I know it's stupid to suddenly be wary after going through the whole initiation, but...I dunno I just feel like I should at least start asking questions, it'd be better than not doing so." she babbled, the younger girl just looking at her calmly until she took a breath.      "It's good to start asking about stuff, even if it might be seen as late." she confirmed, "what do you want to know about?" With that awkward part out of the way, Luna let out a small breath,      "Well, first I want to know why The Call was created. I don't know a whole lot about the group," she admitted, feeling more stupid for joining after she'd said that, but Lucy just nodded,      "The Call was formed after the Harding family vanished after a destructive blast wrecked their estate. People were aware that magical beings existed, angels, demons, other little creatures, they were all known about, but we didn't know of anything that could cause so much damage. So, The Call was created to investigate the odd occurance." she explained.     Luna sat for a moment and let this information settle in. Than, she offered up her next question,      "and...what about this Ink stuff? And the dimension it opens?"      "Ink was found, not created. The blue-black substance began seemingly leaking up in random places. Sometimes in the roads, sometimes in bathtubs and sinks, we just collected it and now use it to help in our investigation into the world we call Wonderland."     "why do you call it Wonderland?"      "Because when our first team went into the dimension the survivor described it as very childish, debris, toys, stuff like that was floating around. At the core of it was a pieced together mish-mash of a child's decor and pieces of the Harding home. Since the Harding family had a young daughter named Alice, we sort of just began calling the place Wonderland." she said with a shrug, and Luna nodded, that was sort of understandable,      "you said 'the survivor,' singular, did no one else come back?" she asked after a moment, her stomach tying itself into knots as she debated with whether she really wanted to know,      "Yeah, only one came back. He's the one who told us of the first possible Guardian we've met. He said he met the 'author of our story' or something like that, so he called the creature 'the narrator'. We still aren't sure whether or not he was hallucinating or something, but since he was the only one who returned, we took his word." she explained, "Of course, that's a very shortened version of what happened, Henry or Bacchus can tell you more." she added,      "Have you ever met The narrator?" Luna asked, but Lucy shook her head,      "I assume we have, but there is no way to confirm because if we have met him, no one has survived to tell of it." That left a cold pit in Luna's stomach.      "D-did this survivor describe The narrator?" she asked, some part of her already knowing what The narrator looked like.      "Narrator is described as a bipedal black cat in a purple tail coat with a bowtie of the same color. Why do you ask?" The way Lucy looked at the ravenette didn't ease the pit of unease in her gut. It was bad enough that her dream now seemed a bit too real to be a dream, meaning she'd barely escaped without dying, she didn't need Lucy prying into her and making that worse. So, she laughed it off,      "Was just curious, I'm gonna go talk with Henry," she said quickly, getting up and scurrying out of the room before Lucy could stop her. Instead, she went upstairs and went into her room.      Luna was never a super social person, she was always more focused on helping her family than talking to others and making a bunch of friends. The thought made her sigh, her stomach twisting like a bundle of snakes of regret fighting in her gut, but she tried to ignore it.

[amelialincoln]

Prompt: Can you please do a fic with Meredith and Maggie meeting the baby? Plz don’t forget to like and repost my fics if you enjoy, it makes all the difference! Also, please keep sending prompts and any questions. They make my day! Hope this lived up to expectations!💕

Guaranteed

Amelia was in awe of the tiny baby lying on her bare chest, his little head peeking through the neckline of her thin hospital gown. This baby was alive and breathing and not going to live for only forty-three minutes. She didn’t know whether she was relieved by this idea or even more scared, knowing that this baby would be a product of her own parenting.

“Hey, Mommy,” Link said softy, his forehead resting on the doorway as if he’d been standing there awhile. “You okay?”

“We’re good,” she answered before shrugging. “I can’t seem to get him to latch.”

“The nurse came?”

“Yeah,” she mumbled. “He was good for a bit but then stopped the minute that she left. I haven't been able to get him on since.”

“He’s sleeping?” Link asked.

“Yeah,” she replied, gazing down at the little resting infant on her chest. “He seems alright.”

“Maybe, he’s just not hungry.”

“Maybe.” Link moved to the bed, kissing her forehead and reaching behind her ear to tug at the elastic holding her hair in place. The chocolate curls came tumbling down from the loose bun.

“There we go.” He smiled. “I’m a lucky guy.” He met her deep blue eyes with a lopsided grin.

“I’ve never felt better in my life, sweaty and exhausted. Not to mention the horror movie scene going on below the covers.”

“They stitched you up?”

“While you were gone. Nothing like getting your vagina sutured without pain meds.”

“Amelia—” Link winced.

“Yeah, just you finally think the pain is over they inform you that they have to suture up all the perineal lacerations caused by your six foot two boyfriend’s baby coming out of your five foot three girlfriend’s vagina.” Link chucked, pulling Amelia’s hospital gown neckline towards him as he peeked at the little baby sleeping on her chest. “He wouldn’t fall sleep unless it was skin to skin contact. I had to take him out of his onesie and everything. You missed a lot of crying.”

“My kinda guy. Doesn’t settle for anything less than the skin to skin stuff.”

“Link.” Amelia rolled her eyes, stifling a yawn.

“You tired, babe? Want me to take him?” Link offered.

“Sure, but if he has a meltdown I’m leaving.”

“Oh so every time our baby cries, from now on, you’re just walking out?” He teased. “Don’t worry he knows his daddy.” As Link rolled up her gown and lifted the baby into his arms Amelia was shocked to see that he didn’t even stir. Instead, he only burrowed into Link’s chest further and babbled sleepily. “See? Daddy’s boy.” To which Amelia rolled her eyes. “Meredith and Maggie we’re asking about you and the baby. I told them I’d ask to see if you were up for a visit.”

Amelia’s eyes widened. “I completely forgot. Of course they can come meet him. It’s probably a good time since he seems so relaxed now.” She reached for her phone and sent a quick text to their sister group chat. “I’ll just get changed and maybe take a shower. Are they still at the hospital?”

“I’m not sure. They were in the attending lounge when I saw them. They could’ve gone home but I’m not sure.”

“Okay, well tell them I’m showering if they come and will be right out.” She leaned over to give their little boy a kiss on the forehead and Link a quick one on the lips. She entered the small bathroom attached to their room. Happy to get out of the thin and uncomfortable material of the hospital gown, she undressed quickly before stealing a look at herself in the mirror. She frowned as she studied her reflection. Her chest was enlarged, swollen and tender to the touch. Most likely from the failed attempts to get Jake to nurse. She ignored her stomach and was surprised to find her vaginal area discoloured with bruising. With Christopher her labor had been debatably easier and had experienced bruising but nothing like she was witnessing at that moment. Shrugging she turned on the shower and stepped in. She wasn’t shocked to find bleeding, which was minimal and normal.

She soothed her greasy scalp with the fragranceless shampoo and conditioner in the shower before washing the rest of her body cautiously and stepping out of the shower. She used the pathetically small towel hung up on the ring beside her before pulling on the pyjamas that Link had packed her. They’d decided on Jake Derek Lincoln after not only Addison’s husband, but the man who helped Amelia through her first pregnancy. Derek after the obvious. They’d talked about hyphenating their last names but it just seemed like too much of a mouthful and Amelia had made him promise that if he ever hurt her that she’d force him to sign off for it to be Shepherd immediately. To which he’d laughed before shrugging and saying that it didn’t matter that much to him anyways. When she opened the bathroom door she was surprised to find Meredith and Maggie in the hospital bed. Link glanced up at her from his chair.

“Still doing okay, babe?”

“All good,” she sighed, moving to the edge of the bed.

“Sorry, we couldn’t go home before seeing the baby. Maggie’s been complaining all day,” Meredith grumbled, a hint of joy, however, behind her eyes.

“I would’ve said you could come earlier—”

“It was worth it,” Maggie interrupted softy, her eyes not moving from the little bundle in her arms. “Hi baby. Have you guys decided on a name?”

“Jake Derek Lincoln, for now.” Amelia answered, narrowing her eyes at Link who chuckled.

“Until I screw up apparently,” Link teased, patting his lap for Amelia to come sit.

“Are you guys staying the night?” Meredith asked, eyeing the neurosurgeon’s obvious discomfort as she lowered herself slowly onto his lap. “Sorry, Amelia, come sit on the bed.” Amelia put a hand up and shook her head before leaning comfortably onto Link’s chest. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her legs up carefully.

“I’m trying to get Carina to let me go home. I feel almost safer in the presence of all of you than here,” she joked. “I just want to sleep in my own bed and we already have the crib set up and everything. Though, I doubt he’ll be leaving our arms for at least tonight.”

“Fair enough. You’re lucky your room is still yours. Since you’ve been at Link’s apartment so often Zola’s been begging for your room.” Meredith smiled before lifting the baby from Maggie’s arms and into hers.

“Hey...” Maggie whined. “I can go talk to Carina and then we could all leave together. We’re off until tomorrow.”

“Perfect,” Amelia nodded thankfully.

Prying the baby out of Maggie and Meredith’s grasp was almost impossible. Amelia had finally fallen asleep on the couch and Link has been attempting to convince them to give the baby up for the last half hour.

“You are the perfect baby,” Maggie cooed. She wasn’t wrong. Jake had hardly stirred other than to open his big blue eyes and gurgle happily, maybe grasping a finger before falling back into a motionless sleep. Although, to Amelia’s disappointment, was still having trouble relieving her of her swollen and sore chest.

“He has been pretty great today,” Link chuckled, running a hand distractedly through Amelia’s hair and wishing they could be upstairs so that he could be holding her and their newborn son. “I think they’re both pretty tired so we should probably head up now.”

“I could do this all night,” Meredith smiled, recalling on her days with Ellis curled up in her arms as Jake was now. “It’s weird to think these days are over...but probably for the best,” she laughed softy before handing Link his little boy.

“Thank you guys. Jake is really lucky to have a family like this to grow up in.” He was reminded of how little love had been shared between his parents during his childhood and promised silently to never raise his child the same way. As he glanced over at Amelia, sleeping soundlessly in his lap, he knew that it wouldn’t be difficult. “Hey babe,” Amelia yawned, her eyes opening into slivers. “Time to go upstairs. I’d carry you up but I don’t think I could manage you and the baby.”

“I guess those days are over,” Amelia mumbled tiredly.

“Goodnight, Amelia,” Maggie said as her and Meredith watched the two make their way out of the living room.”

“I can’t promise the kids won’t be all over the both of you tomorrow,” Meredith called. “They’ve been asking me about their new cousin constantly for the last couple of weeks. I’ll try to keep them at bay so that you can get some rest.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Amelia sleepily answered.

Once they were upstairs it took all of Amelia’s effort not to crawl into bed. She left Link to change Jake’s diaper and get him into pyjamas and walked into the bathroom. She changed into a loose pair of black shorts and an oversized t shirt. After washing her face, she examined the blood situation and returned to the room to find Link fast asleep with Jake babbling happily on his chest, playing with his father’s hair. “Oh so now you’re awake.” Amelia sighed. She lifted the baby into her arms and winced as Jake applied direct pressure on her chest.

“Usually when you complain about being sore a message helps,” Link teased, woken up by her groan.

“You’re not coming anywhere near my boobs for a very long time if this guy can’t get it together,” Amelia sighed.

“Well in that case let’s figure this out,” He smiled, pulling Amelia in between his legs and resting her back on his stomach. “I asked the nurse for some tips before leaving and she said you just have to try and cup it like this.” He wrapped an arm around her helping to guide Jake. “There we go buddy. Now here, Amelia, give me your hand. Like this, babe.”

“Oh,” she murmured as Jake finally latched on. “Why did you let me suffer through hours before telling me this.”

“Meredith and Maggie—”

“Could’ve waited!” Amelia exclaimed. Link laughed, burrowing his face in her neck apologetically and breathing in the sweetness of her perfume. Amelia relaxed into him. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” It wasn’t long before Amelia nodded off. Link removed the satisfied baby from her arms. Careful to not wake Amelia, he set Jake down, removing his scrubs and changing into a new pair boxers before crawling into bed. Not wanting to put Jake in his crib just yet, he placed the sleeping baby on Amelia, who cradled him in her sleep and wrapped his arms around her. Completely content with watching the both of them resting, he knew, that for himself, it would be a sleepless night.

[mystery-deer]

Nuclear (b99 kevin/holt)

The phone call from Debbie came deep into the afternoon. It was a dismal day and rained for the better portion of it, the kind of rain that didn’t dissipate only waxed and waned.

“I’m pregnant Raymond!” She exclaimed happily. He could hear her pacing around her house, picking things up and putting them down again like she always did when talking on the phone. He remembered she almost choked him with the cord doing that. “My senses are so strong I threw up because I saw someone ELSE eating relish on a hotdog!” She continued.

Raymond shuddered. RELISH on a hotdog? It was one of the only preferences they had in common. He could recall (though he didn’t at that moment) a great many family barbeques and picnics where they’d be offered the accursed condiment and both pulled faces their mother chastised them for. “Is senses heightening a part of pregnancy?”

“Hell yeah it is!” She declared.

“Ah, I see.” He nodded, sure she must be an expert in the matter. “Well, I’m very happy for you. Please keep me updated.”

As he hung up he heard the door open and his fiancee step in. The moment they'd gotten the house it was decided that they were fiancees. “There’s no legal way to prevent us from being engaged to be married.” Kevin had stated simply, ever the romantic.

“Who was that?” He asked, shrugging off his soaked coat and slipping his shoes off at the door. He looked like a drowned rat when he was wet, his thin hair sticking to his paler-than-average forehead. He would often bemoan how 'perfect' Raymond could look even after being in the rain or having just taken a shower.

Raymond smiled, feeling fond of him. As an afterthought he said, “My sister, she’s pregnant.”

How wonderful!” Kevin said, voice lilting slightly. Raymond honestly couldn’t understand why people said it was monotonous. It had so many soft depths to it, the slight upturn when he was especially pleased by a piece of news never failed to warm his heart.

“Every pregnancy is not good news.” He said suddenly, surprised as he had not planned to say it. “People often default to saying that but there are plenty of instances in which a pregnancy is cause for alarm and panic.”

Kevin nodded and shook out his umbrella. “I see. Good news for her and not for you?” He asked, hitting the nail on the head.

Raymond looked at the nail and did not recognize it as his own. “I’m not- I am perfectly...fine. With the information.” Kevin silently communicated his doubt at this, setting his umbrella out to dry. “It’s not that I’m upset, I just feel...odd.”

Kevin kissed his fiancee’s temple and placed an extremely cold and wet hand on the back of his neck, making him jump. “Please feel free to collect your thoughts while I make us tea, it’s pouring and I know you neglected to take your umbrella.”

“The weatherman did not indicate it would rain.” Raymond protested. He had had to throw his entire outfit in the dryer and change into pajamas despite it not being nighttime. He deserved it, it was his day off.

“I told you it would.”

“You are not the weatherman. Speaking of which, the deli counter clerk referred to me as ‘the rain man’ today when I went in.”

“Which one, Rodrigo?” Kevin asked. He did not like Rodrigo the deli counter clerk. Rodrigo had once, when Kevin ordered a sausage, winked at him and chuckled a notably slurred "right on man!”

“Yes.” Raymond had had no such interactions with Rodrigo.

“I see.”

“It’s a movie.” Raymond clarified for him, thinking that the source of Kevin’s frustration. “I believe the main character has the same name as me.”

“I’m aware.” Kevin remarked, opening the cabinets and taking out their favorite mugs. He was certain Raymond would deny having a favorite mug in front of company but Kevin had noted that he would only use other mugs if that particular one was not available. It was a beautiful piece of craftsmanship, a bluish gray. “Oh, I got your text and I bought more honey.”

“Bought more what?” “More-” Kevin turned to see his fiancee raising an eyebrow slyly and smiled, that was his Raymond. Always playing jokes on him.

“Very funny.” He said, meaning it. Raymond smiled as well and went to retrieve the bear-shaped bottle along with several other items he had realized he’d forgotten after coming home from his errands. And he certainly had no intention of going back out in that veritable storm, he had on his pajamas for chrissake.

“I don’t understand why you buy this brand and not the honey with the normal container.” He said, putting the bear down on the counter as Kevin filled the kettle.

“It’s cute.” He replied. “If you think it’s cute why would you purchase it? You’re meant to drain the honey from it. It is morbid and the same reason why I am against latte art.” “I know your stance on latte art intimately.”

(Flashback: The two of them in a Parisian inspired cafe of Kevin’s choosing, both of them in suits, Raymond’s sleeves rolled up because of the rant he’s worked himself into though he’s not yelling. It's a private quasi argument between the two of them. Kevin is drinking from his cup and Raymond's lays untouched on the table.

“I’m just saying it’s fiendish! It’s undrinkable!” “Because of Mr.Cuddlesworth?” “Don’t give it a name for chrissake!” “He’s delicious Raymond try him.” “You’re a monster.”

Flashback ends.)

“I still can’t believe you drank him.” “You’re adorable.” _______________

They had tea a few minutes later, sitting in their living room and watching the fire. Kevin had prepared it and Raymond had remarked that it made the home feel rustic.

“Rustic?” Kevin asked in disbelief, smiling for a moment. “City boy.” “You’re a city boy too now.” He pointed out. Kevin stood and clapped his hands off. “I’ll carry the scars of suburbia in my heart always.”

They sat in silence for the time it took to finish their drinks and they savored the time spent together more than the taste of honey.

“Kevin, do you want children?”

Kevin turned to look at his fiancee, startled by the question. He was staring down into his mug at the leaves left over. “Children?” He asked. “As in having children of our own?”

“Yes.” Raymond said, narrowing his eyes slightly to express his extreme confusion. “Was I unclear?”

Kevin turned to look at the fire and then up at the art hanging above it that was evocative of a starry sky. They'd bought it to christen the house and he remembered the moment vividly. “We can’t have children Raymond.” He paused. “I know some couples adopt - but not AS a couple and even then It’s difficult to adopt as a single parent.”

“I do not have any particular want to have a child.” Raymond admitted. For a brief moment he pictured his mother- looking stoic but clutching her purse so tightly her knuckles paled as the doctor spoke to her in a low consoling tone. “I am far too focused on my job and have never had a want to raise one.”

He pictured Kevin in the hospital when he got shot a few years back. Kevin waiting, hands in his lap, looking stoic except for how they shook there. He told him later that he’d asked at the front desk if Raymond Holt had been admitted and the receptionist peered up at him through horn-rimmed glasses. “Are you family?” She asked.

“I’m-” He’d paused. Thinking of the man he’d seen sitting in a chair near the entrance with a bulls hat and an American flag t-shirt. Hearing a woman by the coffee vending machine talking loudly on her phone, phrases like ‘alternative lifestyle’ and ‘not around my children.’ buzzing in his ears. The room seemed spring-loaded with violence.

“-No. We’re very close friends." He hesitated, voice cracking softly. "We’ve known each other since childhood just...please let me know if there’s any news.” He said and the woman nodded sympathetically because he looked like a wreck. He looked brokenhearted.

Raymond had woken up in his hospital bed alone. Had had to buzz the nurse in four times before she finally got around to fetching him. She kept "forgetting."

He pictured a funeral with not only Kevin but a smaller them- though they couldn’t procreate his imagination supplied a child which was composed of their halves. A mixed boy, brown skin and red hair, crying for his father.

A black boy, brown skin and black hair, holding his baby sister in his arms. Their mother bent at an odd angle, body shaking. It was sunny the day of the funeral and he remembered feeling wrong about it. Debbie couldn’t even talk then - could only babble and repeat if prompted.

Kevin looked relieved. “I must confess I also don’t have any particular want of children.” He said. “They’re fascinating and can be quite adorable but I do not have it in me to raise one.” They were both people who worked long nights. Kevin imagined taking a child to work, leaving them at the daycare (a child could not be trusted to stay quiet in class, even one that was theirs). He would either worry ceaselessly about them or they would grow distant because of the time apart.

He pictured his father- the back of him. He was sitting at his desk at home shifting through medical journals and loose papers. “He’s not to be disturbed.” Said his mother, ushering him away. “Come now.”

He pictured himself, sitting in the study, surrounded by books and grading papers. Saw himself not even noticing his son- an adopted boy who miraculously looked like them, perhaps not in his physical features but in the way he walked and talked and looked at things - lingering at the half open door.

“Come now.” Raymond would say gently, leading him away by the hand. “You will see him when he’s finished.”

“I was thinking of Debbie.” Raymond admitted, though Kevin had already guessed this was the source of their conversation. “I remember when she used to be so...small. It surprised me that she could be pregnant. That she is at the age where being pregnant is a natural thing.”

He remembered her as a child. Both of them in their father’s study. He sat in the middle of the room and watched her run around spinning all of the globes and listing fake facts about wherever they landed. The joy on her face made him want to cry and he hoped she would happy forever. Dust flew around them. He was sure that as she grew she would dim into normalcy but she only grew brighter and brighter.

He remembered her bringing home her future husband, a teacher at that time. He remembered how she shone that day and when she asked "Isn't he just the cutest?" He'd responded "Yes, he has eyelashes." He went into their father's study that day to escape the noise and spun one of the globes lazily with his finger.

“If I were heterosexual would I be married by now? Would I have children?” Raymond and a faceless woman were sitting in the same house - same fire in front of them. A smaller version of him and Debbie were running the background. A child who looked like Kevin sat with his back to them, singing. He felt a weighted sadness settle on him for a moment.

“I don’t want you to feel that you are missing out on some wonderful part of life because you’re with me.” He finished, setting his mug down. The sound transported him back to a night years and years ago. Raymond and Kevin on one end of a dining table and Kevin’s parents on the other. Classical music seeped in through the corners of the memory.

“You’ve done this.” Kevin's father growled, one eye blue with oncoming cataracts. Raymond remembered feeling sorry for him- he was a surgeon after all. “You’ve done this to our son.” And he felt like he’d murdered someone.

("Do not stand at my grave and weep." Kevin's voice read that night, raw with rage and sorrow. "I am not there, I do not sleep.")

He’d told this to Debbie on the phone and she’d succinctly said. “Fuck that old bastard! But I bet you WISH you were good enough to turn a man gay.” And just like that he was innocent again.

“Raymond I don’t feel that I’m sacrificing anything by being with you.” Kevin said. “Even if I was with a woman - and somehow enjoying it - I don’t believe I would want children. I’m perfectly happy with spoiling various nieces and nephews as they pop up.”

They both pictured themselves, older and grayer, in the middle of an intimate but large family. The image was comforting and felt right. They were complete with just the two of them, they didn't need or want anything other than to spend the rest of their lives together.

Raymond smiled, content with this answer and feeling very much the same. He relaxed against his fiancee and hummed in thought.

“What do you think she’ll name the baby?” “Perhaps Dan?” “Yes.” Raymond said, apparently enjoying the thought. “Perhaps.” "Maybe we should get a dog." Kevin suggested and smiled slightly at his fiancee's dismissive snort. "Heaven forbid."