#I am still!!!! sick!!! 🙃!!!
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it doesn’t count as kissing if you only use tongue
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I may be on day two of being stuck in bed thanks to some of the ✨worst back pain I've ever had in my life✨, but the neighbours are outside grilling, the window is open a bit, and it smells so fucking good. I'm not even hungry rn, but I am v much enjoying the second hand good food smells.
#text post#if im still not online much today the pain is why lmao#Housemate has been an absolute angel looking after me and helped me figure out it's nothing more serious#i just really befuckened my back 🙃#feeling a great deal better today than it did yesterday tho so I'm crossing my fingers I'll be back to normal by tomorrow#or at least as close to normal as possible lol#for today i am continuing the schedule of ibuprofen water edibles heating pad and naps on the wedge pillow#with the extra benefit of the neighbours grilling what must be something w/a nice marinade on it bc#like im not a big meat eater or bbq person at all but this smells so sweet and interesting that even im like 👀#...i might be slightly hungry actually but that's a win bc i was physically sick yesterday from this stupid knot in my back#and managed some nibbles yesterday but know i need to try and ramp that up today if possible#so grill away neighbours and help convince my stomach to nibble something later today
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had to call out sick from work all three days i work this week and i'm a little terrified that HR or my boss is gonna require a doctor's note or something bc i do not want to find an urgent care clinic open on A Fucking Sunday for this. and the anxiety is not helping the Feeling Like Shit aspect of being sick.
#started feeling sick the day after i got back from seattle (tuesday) and i am still like. congested and dizzy and fatigued as hell#i took three rapid antigen covid tests and they were all negative and i'm way less sick than the one time i definitely had covid#so i *think* (hope) that it's just a cold sorta thing. but.#anyway! i feel like shit and i'm worried about my job! exciting times 🙃#tiny.txt#also for clarification. if you *know* you're sick the night before ur shift my boss prefers you let her know then#so she can sort out shift coverage ahead of time instead of In The Moment
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Me: Surely eating double stuffed Oreos won't hurt my stomach THIS time, right? :)
Narrator: The Oreos did, in fact, destroy her stomach
#guys I am literally shitting and crying rn#why did I think that was okay. WHY#that's one of the foods that has made me sick before#but since when has that ever stopped me#honestly I deserve this lol#but still OWWWWW#it hurts so much#it's 2 AM I'm dying#gonna be a long night 🙃#IBS#gastrointestinal issues
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Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..
I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.
I was texting my sister today about it and she said
“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”
I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences
#I relate to all of this so much#and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma#I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine#it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian#honestly at this point I have no clue what i am#even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma#but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents#growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold#cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them#but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there#their perfect angel fell from heaven#and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything#it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith#it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally#the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church#when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with#wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was#YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away#and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone)#but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life#but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it#which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to#^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop#sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma#yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse#sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past#please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best#it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family#I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help
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bro come ON. my endo said my estrogen levels are finally down & testosterone is in the lead again. WHY is my period still beating my ass every month 😭
seriously can't believe I even made it in to work today at all, let alone stayed for a full 8 hours. I'm absolutely miserable. Honestly might just call in sick tomorrow if I keep having cramps this bad.
#i almost called in sick this morning and tbh im kinda glad i didnt because we were ALREADY down a person#but at the same time. holy SHIT that sucked. i spent p much all day in absolute agony#(ive been back on a consistent tgel dose since august but am still having a regular fullblown period each month. and they make me cramp BAD#i had a good 1.5yr stretch where i wasnt having them anymore & it was fucking awesome. and then health insurance fuckin ruined it 🙃#def calling my endo first thing tomorrow morning bc i NEED to know if there's any way i can make it Fuck Off sooner#if anyone has any advice to make this suck less in the meantime pls share i want 2 fucking explode 🙃#ace screams into the void
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i appreciate that while i've been too busy because of work and holidays and also miserably sick the last few days on top of everything else that i'm still getting a trickle of likes and reblogs on mostly gifs i've made over the last few months, it's a nice little pat on the shoulder that things i've made are still appreciated even if i'm too out of it to be actively doing anything constructive lately 💖
#i am so sick and so ready to be over it but i'm still a seasonal employee for now so i have no pto so i can't take any days off 🙃🙃#i have sunday off and can't wait to spend the whole day in bed#mia talks about things#mia talks about real life things
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So just throwing this other point for why it doesn't make sense from a story telling point to kill off Gabriel. He's also law enforcement and they can bring him out for plot points they want to explore that don't make sense for Carlos and then not have to spend time finding another actor to cast as a Texas ranger. And if I remember right Tim justified killing off Gwyn and Charles because he didn't know what to do with them. I have no idea what this tragedy is but hopefully it isn't something that makes zero narrative sense like killing off Gabriel or cruel like giving Tk huntingtons disease
[follow up to this post]
Hmmm that is a very good point!
Mark this under The Dreaded Thing is Not Happening column, thank you for your contribution!
#anon answered#911ls spoilers & speculation#if i werent so strongly looking for things to go in The Dreaded Thing is Not Happening column I would maybe point out a thing#(and that thing is the reoccurring character of Detective Washington)#BUT! I am ignoring that pls and thx#also small note but I do think Charles was technically killed off cause the actor got another better job and Tim...#... didn't know how to work around that & therefore 'didn't know what to do with him' - i'm not still bitter at all about that btw 🙃#negativity discourse all the bad words#<- only kinda but I know people are already sick of this gabriel talk and i don't blame them lol
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driving myself slightly bonkers trying to engineer a pollen screen of sorts ready for summer so i can use the ac and try not to spend months laying on the floor in misery due to my heat exacerbated Maladies WITHOUT letting air into the house, the very reason i needed to get an ac anyway (can't have the windows open lest i surrender my vision and breathing and nose to The Allergies). Why are premade pollen screens hundreds of pounds.... Why is my house not 100% square, instead being slightly wonky and leaving gaps in the already kinda garbage-y sliding-door-adapter through which pollen can get in..... i WILL be able to make one for i am guessing <£40? hopefully? (pollen-stop fabric, adhesive velcro, Long zipper) but it's A Lot to get my head around and i need to get a move on because otherwise before i know it summer will be here. Watch this space, telling friends about it will 100% motivate me to actually start it instead of keep stewing on it! :P
#i was so ill last year for so many months. like crying on the floor ill.#which is fine. like i got through it i am still here! but i would really really really like to not go through that again.#hopefully i will get a diagnosis that might give me access to medication that has a small but hopefully real chance of reducing some#of my symptoms in the next couple of months!!!#(I am ignoring the fact that having the ac on is so loud that it makes me sick from autistic issues so i can only use it a little 🙃#the little that is does help is huge and i'm v grateful for it. i just. wish i could like. live with air and heat and the world and stuff.#:P )#ANYWAY THIS IS DEFINITELY A FUN CRAFT PROJECT!#i'm gonna do it and i'll feel less ill and be real and alive for all the months of the year!
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me: "i don't really get nightmares like sure sometimes horror movie shit happens in my dreams but it doesn't ever upset me or affect my sleep"
also me: *wakes up in an angry, anxious sweat after dreaming about fighting with my parents but being unable to escape their control*
#violent murders in my dreams? extreme body horror?? ravenous monsters literally eating me alive??? no problem#dream parents yelling at me to just do this 1 thing & why am i so stupid & difficult & taking away my car keys & trapping me? oh i'm dying#now i've been feeling sick all morning like it's been hours and i'm still nauseous just thinking about it#fun times 🙃#personal shit
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i have had a shitty 48 hours and all i want is a nap
#i was handed a new project at work unexpectedly and had to start it completely on my own#and that was so stressful and then i came home to a sick kitty#and got basically zero sleep last night from trying to take care of her and worrying about her#and so i'm exhausted and then at work had to finish the project and help with another#and had to get missy a vet appointment and get her to that today too#and now i have to figure out how to get her to use a new litter box so i can get a urine sample from her to take back to the vet tomorrow#and i still haven't gotten all the christmas presents i need to get#so some of my friends just won't get gifts until late cause there's no way they'll be here on time now#and i'm on my period and i have a headache and i need to do laundry because kitty pooped on my sheets#and threw up on her towels#and i'm really tired which means i am starting to get physical symptoms (thanks for always doing that body 🙃 it's so helpful)#so my lunch is making me super nauseous which fucking sucks#i'm just done
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I spent all my spare time today making him a 5hr long playlist but in my defence I asked him for is Spotify on repeat playlist and he sent me a playlist he made back instead so I kinda had to right?
I've had a playlist made for me and honestly I thought that was cute as heck but I've never actually made a boy a proper playlist. I've made ones about relationships but never made a playlist to actually send to one.
I'm nervous. He's sleeping. He said he'd listen to it at work and I was like oh no that's an awful idea. I've not made a work appropriate playlist in my life.
Anyway it's almost like 2am and I've abandoned all responsibility.. I need balance. I need sleep.
#he said its cause the girls at work messed up his spotify cause he lets them use it#oh i lied but i only got 2 songs in and gave up#sailor boy#diary#i am sick#and uh haha this playlist is just for him only him no one else#this is fucking vunerable af for me#we will see if he still wants to do a cute lil hotel getaway after he listens to my head 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
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not me finally hitting adventure rank 59 just a few hours before 5.0 like dang girl VERY nice timing👌👌
#also 5.0 TODAY??#being sick sucks so bad it feels like i time traveled like a week into the future#im not readyyyyy#i probably won’t even do much with it yet since i still feel absolutely awful🙃#BUT i am very excited about some of the qol stuff#so im DEFINITELY going to tinker a little😤#ensured three boss drops im SO ready for you <3333
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🤦🏽♀️
#why oh WHY did I agree to this#I have to get up at 6 AM to do a church choir ���…. that I don’t really wanna do#don’t get me wrong I LOVE being in a choir and I miss it so much#but the only reason why I agreed to do it cause I thought I was going to do it with my dad#but since his surgery didn’t go the best (he’s better but still recovering) he’s going to sit this one out#and now I’m stuck doing it#I just need to remind myself — it’s only one morning and after I can come home and sleeeeeeeep#also to my snap babes I’m sorry I’ve been away for a little bit - but I promise I’ll be around to talk soon!#from being sick to everything going on with my dad to fucking moving…. I haven’t had the energy to do literally ANYTHING#but I’m finally feeling better / my dad is starting to recover (thank God) so I’m starting to get in a better headspace#anywayyyy I need to go to bed since I get to get up in like 5 hours 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#but if you haven’t seen it already - check out my Etsy shop pretty pls 🥺💖#good night lovelies 💖#shut up rosie
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Woah i love being not able to sleep and feeling nauseous all the time from extreme stress. I love having my hair fall out again and having to take pepper spray to work because i have a stalker now. I love not having a moment to myself and having to clean or cook or look after dogs or etc etc 🫠🫠
#genuinely what the fuck am i supposed to do#i had a sobbing breakdown this morning because i broke something of mine looking for other peoples shit#i feel like i cant even have ONE fucking thing#sorry for the vent im just. trying so hard not to lose it every day#i feel so sick all the time and not being able to sleep is making it worse#ive been feeling exhausted and fatigued for months but i literally dont have money to see a doctor#barely eating anything and still gaining weight too. mostly bc of nausea 🙃
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#god DAMN it#how do i turn off my stupid thing that i do where if i can sense that a guy likes me i just#can't help but play into it a bit?? even if i don't like them back that way#i think it's because the chase/crush phase of anything is entertaining and i am easily bored#it feels like a game and that's fun even if it's not serious#the problem is it's so easy to interpret the excitement of having fun as attraction or romantic interest when it actually isn't#and then you have this mess of being tangled up with someone and realizing you don't want them and you're going to have to hurt them#and you don't know why you can't just BE NORMAL ugh#i also think i project this sort of mysterious vulnerable sad girl vibe that makes certain guys want to take care of me#and my entire being physically rejects that even though a part of me does want to be taken care of rather desperately#basically i think im very much one of those women men later describe as having been crazy or screwed up#cause im constantly getting conflicting feedback from my mind and body and as a result i give very mixed signals#ive never tried but im relatively certain i would also do this with women because even though the baseline fear is absent#the general anxiety and dread i have around vulnerability would still be a big factor#anyway i would just really like to be able to like somebody without constantly questioning if it's real and not feeling physically sick 24/#🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#tbh i think part of it is just that as far as my nervous system is concerned#sex is dangerous and so is anyone who might want it from me
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