#I am still!!!! sick!!! 🙃!!!
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it doesn’t count as kissing if you only use tongue
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#this year couldn’t end more fittingly#i wanted to spend new year's on a city trip with a friend#but she got sick so i went alone#and am going home earlier to spend it with friends#but now this friend said their plans changed bc there's a funeral of some distant family member#so i guess i'll just spend it with my parents#instead of at a party in another country🙃#nice#i mean nothing against my parents but still
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I may be on day two of being stuck in bed thanks to some of the ✨worst back pain I've ever had in my life✨, but the neighbours are outside grilling, the window is open a bit, and it smells so fucking good. I'm not even hungry rn, but I am v much enjoying the second hand good food smells.
#text post#if im still not online much today the pain is why lmao#Housemate has been an absolute angel looking after me and helped me figure out it's nothing more serious#i just really befuckened my back 🙃#feeling a great deal better today than it did yesterday tho so I'm crossing my fingers I'll be back to normal by tomorrow#or at least as close to normal as possible lol#for today i am continuing the schedule of ibuprofen water edibles heating pad and naps on the wedge pillow#with the extra benefit of the neighbours grilling what must be something w/a nice marinade on it bc#like im not a big meat eater or bbq person at all but this smells so sweet and interesting that even im like 👀#...i might be slightly hungry actually but that's a win bc i was physically sick yesterday from this stupid knot in my back#and managed some nibbles yesterday but know i need to try and ramp that up today if possible#so grill away neighbours and help convince my stomach to nibble something later today
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good morning, saw the WORST slip up in my post at like midnight last night lmao pretend that didn't happen 🤣
#jrnlsht#i mean we all know who luke reminds me of 🙃#i didnt have to say it though#especially as i am still determined to keep that man off my blog from now on#there is still this gaping shocked ache in me that cant understand how nick went from telling me he loved me#and making plans to visit me in august#to cutting me off cold turkey and not answering my calls or messages the minute my illness turned from temporary#to scary real and maybe permanent#like ditching someone when they get sick is NOT love and never will be#i have forgiven him so much over the years i have loved him so much over the years#i thought he had me forever in that unfailing deep so strong it surpasses superfluous romance kind of way#but i was wrong#i cant ignore or forgive this
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Me: Surely eating double stuffed Oreos won't hurt my stomach THIS time, right? :)
Narrator: The Oreos did, in fact, destroy her stomach
#guys I am literally shitting and crying rn#why did I think that was okay. WHY#that's one of the foods that has made me sick before#but since when has that ever stopped me#honestly I deserve this lol#but still OWWWWW#it hurts so much#it's 2 AM I'm dying#gonna be a long night 🙃#IBS#gastrointestinal issues
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Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..
I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.
I was texting my sister today about it and she said
“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”
I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences
#I relate to all of this so much#and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma#I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine#it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian#honestly at this point I have no clue what i am#even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma#but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents#growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold#cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them#but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there#their perfect angel fell from heaven#and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything#it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith#it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally#the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church#when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with#wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was#YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away#and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone)#but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life#but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it#which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to#^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop#sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma#yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse#sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past#please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best#it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family#I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help
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bro come ON. my endo said my estrogen levels are finally down & testosterone is in the lead again. WHY is my period still beating my ass every month 😭
seriously can't believe I even made it in to work today at all, let alone stayed for a full 8 hours. I'm absolutely miserable. Honestly might just call in sick tomorrow if I keep having cramps this bad.
#i almost called in sick this morning and tbh im kinda glad i didnt because we were ALREADY down a person#but at the same time. holy SHIT that sucked. i spent p much all day in absolute agony#(ive been back on a consistent tgel dose since august but am still having a regular fullblown period each month. and they make me cramp BAD#i had a good 1.5yr stretch where i wasnt having them anymore & it was fucking awesome. and then health insurance fuckin ruined it 🙃#def calling my endo first thing tomorrow morning bc i NEED to know if there's any way i can make it Fuck Off sooner#if anyone has any advice to make this suck less in the meantime pls share i want 2 fucking explode 🙃#ace screams into the void
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i appreciate that while i've been too busy because of work and holidays and also miserably sick the last few days on top of everything else that i'm still getting a trickle of likes and reblogs on mostly gifs i've made over the last few months, it's a nice little pat on the shoulder that things i've made are still appreciated even if i'm too out of it to be actively doing anything constructive lately 💖
#i am so sick and so ready to be over it but i'm still a seasonal employee for now so i have no pto so i can't take any days off 🙃🙃#i have sunday off and can't wait to spend the whole day in bed#mia talks about things#mia talks about real life things
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So just throwing this other point for why it doesn't make sense from a story telling point to kill off Gabriel. He's also law enforcement and they can bring him out for plot points they want to explore that don't make sense for Carlos and then not have to spend time finding another actor to cast as a Texas ranger. And if I remember right Tim justified killing off Gwyn and Charles because he didn't know what to do with them. I have no idea what this tragedy is but hopefully it isn't something that makes zero narrative sense like killing off Gabriel or cruel like giving Tk huntingtons disease
[follow up to this post]
Hmmm that is a very good point!
Mark this under The Dreaded Thing is Not Happening column, thank you for your contribution!
#anon answered#911ls spoilers & speculation#if i werent so strongly looking for things to go in The Dreaded Thing is Not Happening column I would maybe point out a thing#(and that thing is the reoccurring character of Detective Washington)#BUT! I am ignoring that pls and thx#also small note but I do think Charles was technically killed off cause the actor got another better job and Tim...#... didn't know how to work around that & therefore 'didn't know what to do with him' - i'm not still bitter at all about that btw 🙃#negativity discourse all the bad words#<- only kinda but I know people are already sick of this gabriel talk and i don't blame them lol
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#hhhhh im still really freaked out about needing a root canal thing done again on the same tooth#my clinic called me to make sure the doctor explained things to me#and i totally misunderstood everything she was asking me and i just mansplained everything back to her#she was looking for like a yes or no answer and i just foot in the mouth thought she wasnt clear on what the endodontist sent her#listen im tired and sore and scared and hadnt had pain medicine yet at that point in the morning#understated my pain too bc i have fibromyalgia and its like. i gotta subtract like 5 points to cover for the fact that...#...im in constant pain all the time including all of my teeth#she was like 'we can probably process the request for the second root canal by next week'#excuse me? 🙃 so im gonna be having fucked up half-teeth one on each side of my mouth?? till the end of january??#how tf am i supposed to eat anything?!?! my diet is already fucked up from having jaw pain and tooth pain from orthodontics#im having regular days of 3-digit calories and none of them are healthy calories except the supplements im taking like#how tf am i supposed to eat anything man im tired and its so hard for me to make any food at all bc of my back pain#im so fucking tired of everything i dont want oral surgery man just let me live with the infection at this point#that tooth doesnt have a root anymore so i dont even notice it and ive been used to the sensitivity since 2022 man#this is too much and im scared to call the tmj doctor about my orthodontics bc i dont wanna ...#...sit in the fucking car 2 hours each way to go for another visit bc of my back pain. its unbearable just sitting in the car 5 mins#wonder if getting orthodontics made the infection show bc of the tooth movements. just ugh. im sick of everhthing happening#vent#personal#medical#dental#delete later / /#ShitPost.exe
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I spent all my spare time today making him a 5hr long playlist but in my defence I asked him for is Spotify on repeat playlist and he sent me a playlist he made back instead so I kinda had to right?
I've had a playlist made for me and honestly I thought that was cute as heck but I've never actually made a boy a proper playlist. I've made ones about relationships but never made a playlist to actually send to one.
I'm nervous. He's sleeping. He said he'd listen to it at work and I was like oh no that's an awful idea. I've not made a work appropriate playlist in my life.
Anyway it's almost like 2am and I've abandoned all responsibility.. I need balance. I need sleep.
#he said its cause the girls at work messed up his spotify cause he lets them use it#oh i lied but i only got 2 songs in and gave up#sailor boy#diary#i am sick#and uh haha this playlist is just for him only him no one else#this is fucking vunerable af for me#we will see if he still wants to do a cute lil hotel getaway after he listens to my head 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
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not me finally hitting adventure rank 59 just a few hours before 5.0 like dang girl VERY nice timing👌👌
#also 5.0 TODAY??#being sick sucks so bad it feels like i time traveled like a week into the future#im not readyyyyy#i probably won’t even do much with it yet since i still feel absolutely awful🙃#BUT i am very excited about some of the qol stuff#so im DEFINITELY going to tinker a little😤#ensured three boss drops im SO ready for you <3333
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Woah i love being not able to sleep and feeling nauseous all the time from extreme stress. I love having my hair fall out again and having to take pepper spray to work because i have a stalker now. I love not having a moment to myself and having to clean or cook or look after dogs or etc etc 🫠🫠
#genuinely what the fuck am i supposed to do#i had a sobbing breakdown this morning because i broke something of mine looking for other peoples shit#i feel like i cant even have ONE fucking thing#sorry for the vent im just. trying so hard not to lose it every day#i feel so sick all the time and not being able to sleep is making it worse#ive been feeling exhausted and fatigued for months but i literally dont have money to see a doctor#barely eating anything and still gaining weight too. mostly bc of nausea 🙃
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#god DAMN it#how do i turn off my stupid thing that i do where if i can sense that a guy likes me i just#can't help but play into it a bit?? even if i don't like them back that way#i think it's because the chase/crush phase of anything is entertaining and i am easily bored#it feels like a game and that's fun even if it's not serious#the problem is it's so easy to interpret the excitement of having fun as attraction or romantic interest when it actually isn't#and then you have this mess of being tangled up with someone and realizing you don't want them and you're going to have to hurt them#and you don't know why you can't just BE NORMAL ugh#i also think i project this sort of mysterious vulnerable sad girl vibe that makes certain guys want to take care of me#and my entire being physically rejects that even though a part of me does want to be taken care of rather desperately#basically i think im very much one of those women men later describe as having been crazy or screwed up#cause im constantly getting conflicting feedback from my mind and body and as a result i give very mixed signals#ive never tried but im relatively certain i would also do this with women because even though the baseline fear is absent#the general anxiety and dread i have around vulnerability would still be a big factor#anyway i would just really like to be able to like somebody without constantly questioning if it's real and not feeling physically sick 24/#🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#tbh i think part of it is just that as far as my nervous system is concerned#sex is dangerous and so is anyone who might want it from me
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I just wanna say that I am SO excited for the part 2 to your Paul Destiny fic. I have so many questions and Im excited to see if they get answered. Like if Paul is pledging his love to the reader then is the romance plot with Chani still relevant? Is the reader still the princess here? Very interesting
Imagine if Paul Atreides claimed you as his destiny: PART Ⅱ of Ⅱ
|| Word Count: 1.7K || Fluff ||
A/N: Honestly, I didn't think this would blow up so much- 1k+ likes??! Thank you all, it's sick 🙃 in answer to your questions, I didn't really specify if the reader (you) are part of a Great House or the Emperor's daughter, or maybe someone else, that's kind of up to your imagination. And yeah, sorry Chani fans, I kind of kicked her to the curb lmao; This is all about you, and so enjoy the second and final part of this destiny trope before I work on some relationship headcanons for Paul and Feyd-Rautha... Requests are open for Dune 2, so don't be shy 📩
You can't escape fate.
It's as real as the Spice that threads through the grains of sand blanketing Arrakis in heavy, warm golden waves. It twists and turns in the air, in the tides of change, something beyond understanding roping together reality and its lives to bond, whether in love or hate.
At least, with the newly ascended young Emperor, you know which side you're on. Since the day of his declaration and claiming of you as his Empress, you've never once left his sight, unknowingly or not. The boy is almost ridiculously close and observant, as if testing the depths of the events unfolding around him, testing to see whether you'll try to run from them, from him. But you can't run from fate, either.
"You aren't resting."
Paul's soft, low voice slices through the silence of the dusk, the only words you hear before you feel his warm, firm arms slipping under your arms and around your middle, pulling you into his front in a smooth, protective motion. His chocolate brown locks tickle your neck and cheek as he gazes up at you from your shoulder; wandering, curious eyes study yours knowingly, his natural hues tainted blue with the Spice.
"What troubles you?"
You hesitate in your response, unsure of the right thing to say. There's no point in lying, not to him, to a boy who could easily use the power of his Voice to make you tell him everything and anything with just a few words. He's done it to the Bene Gesserit, to those who speak out of turn and challenge him cluelessly, but never to you. And something tells you that he never will.
"I'm sorry," is how you answer instead, in a small whisper, trying to read his expression before his reaction.
But all Paul does is give you one of his soft, amused smirks, a brow raising slightly, unconvinced.
"Don't apologise to anyone for anything," he murmurs, his fingers drifting to lock with yours, his hand hot and strong in yours. "We are to be wed, you and I, soon. So what troubles you?"
"It's not you," you tell him as earnestly as you can, his eyes capturing yours and holding them as you blink up at him. "I'm just... nervous."
"Nervous?" Paul repeats gently, his hands squeezing yours for a moment, his face an inch away from yours. "What have you to be nervous about?" He grins slightly, not attempting to hide his teasing amusement. "A wedding?"
You can't help but smile at his tone, savouring the unguarded moments of the new, young Emperor, his boyish traits lingering beneath the newfound power and promises passed down to him.
You were nervous, because you weren't so familiar with destiny and its quirks, and yet, Paul Atreides seemed to be its master. Nervous, because although there was a strange pull between you and him, a deeper part of you somehow knowing him, at an instinctive ease with him, you had never met him before these past few days, and now, you were going to be joined together for time indefinite by marriage. Nervous, because he didn't just want you to rule with him, but alongside him, as a partner, a second part of him. His second half who's with him in soul, not just spirit, physically, not just mentally. And he's relishing in it.
"I've never had one before," you shake your head with a light smile, "I don't know what to expect. Or what's expected of me."
Paul hums to himself at your reply, pausing for a while as he thinks over his words.
"It isn't just a wedding," he tells you quietly, "it's so much more. This... this a beginning. A new dawn."
"Beginning?" You echo in bemusement, looking up at him in wonder. "Of what?"
"Of a new era," Paul says thoughtfully, his hands moving from yours to run over and down your sides, tracing over your figure absentmindedly, a gesture that makes you hold your breath for a beat as you watch him, "the first of many. You are more than a mere future. You're the future. My future. And the future of my people."
The sincerity and conviction in his voice makes you stare back at him in slight awe, taken by his certainty of what he's seen in the deepest stretches of his mind, the flickering images of you, adorned in all your natural beauty and grace that he could find nothing short of perfect. You were a fantasy and a hope materialised. Someone he'd wished and dreamed for so much, that you came true, just as you should have.
"Anything that happens to you," Paul continues, looking you straight in the eye as he speaks, "happens to me. You have always been mine, and I was yours before then. Absolutely and completely."
And his words make a home in your head, everything he says so poetic and beautifully surreal, but so honest and unwaveringly confident. He didn't need to practise what he said before he whispered the sweet words in your ear, in a voice only you could catch, in the long, warm nights on Arrakis. There was no need for practice. He had been made for this, and he wouldn't have it any other way.
You let yourself relax slightly in his grips, giving him an earnest smile. "That sounds nice."
Paul smiles back at you, a bright, sweet smile that makes him seem so soft and normal, almost forgetting for a moment of his utter strength and glory over the planets, his dangerous darkness that he occasionally allowed to rule over his actions at the tensest of times, until those who stood up against him retreated in bewilderment and fascination and fear.
"It does," he agrees, his gaze dropping to look out at the dunes beyond you, "you can't imagine..."
You couldn't. But every part of you wanted to. And those parts won.
"Won't you tell me?"
Paul's attention shifts back to you after you speak, before you can stop yourself.
"Would it be kind to tell you?" He asks aloud, speaking half to himself as his eyes go to search yours again, studying every inch of you, almost unsettlingly intently.
"Do you dream?" Paul questions you softly, and you dither before shaking your head.
"Not like you do," you answer steadily.
"Like I do. Seeing your face amidst the streaks of sunbeams and every kind of ethereal power that could create wonders, planets, worlds. Waking up, and you're not here, though it felt so real," he goes on, his voice laced with longing, as if it pained him to remember the feeling. "Realer than I've ever felt anything before. Every sense in me was awakened, because with destiny, I saw hope. And I did not know that hope could be so.... beautifully... angelic."
Paul draws closer and closer with each word, pulled by invisible strings to rest his forehead against yours, closing his eyes for a long moment to breathe, breathe you in. The sight of it is almost dizzyingly hypnotic, staring at the little scattered freckles over his fair, lightly tanned skin, cheeks flushed golden. He moves his face to rub his cheek against yours, seeking out affection in an irresistible rare, vulnerable move. Your hand reaches up to brush your fingers against it, and he takes it in his immediately, pressing his lips against your fingertips as he speaks.
"I need you," Paul insists, his voice firm and pressing again as he stares at you with a spark of desperation. "I need only you. More than you can comprehend. By my side, always, where you belong."
"I'm right here," you reply a little giddily, looking away from his eyes slightly bashfully from the intensity and unbridled longing of his gaze. "I suppose I'm just not used to this."
"To what?" Paul questions, his fingers tilting your chin up softly to force your eyes back up to his, his face a little closer than before. "To being an Empress?"
Before you can respond, he's pushed himself closer over you, his warm, damp lips sliding and pressing against yours and parting to encourage you to deepen his affections. It sends hot shockwaves rushing straight through your blood, as Paul crouches over you, all patience and purpose forgotten in the moment where it's just the two of you in the calm, lingering desert night.
You fit together perfectly, too perfectly for his words to be untrue, and his head tilts keenly where your fingers skim his neck, his lips parting from yours as they tangle in his hair with a short gasp. He loses none of his confidence and persistence, his azure blue eyes a shade darker as he watches you with an open trace of adoration.
"A queen?"
"Paul," you start shakily, as he smirks at you fondly, his head ducking to trace his tongue briefly up the skin of your neck, with a faint chuckle.
"To being desired?"
You glare at him weakly, hanging onto his hands tight to find some sense of grounding. "You're just playing with me."
"I intend to do so much more than that," Paul grins at you, kissing your cheek before burying his face against your shoulder. "And so should you. Test the depths of our connection. Push it to its limits. Push me. Please."
You find yourself speechless again at his way with words, simple and truthful, but full of passion and unthought romance, a sensation he's been craving since the first shadows of your being in his hazy dreams and visions.
"Give into your destiny, sweet girl," he croons to you in a whisper, his lips brushing against yours and pressing down against your skin needily, hungrily. It takes almost inhumane strength not to crumble and shiver under his touch and desire radiating off him and his dark glare, the wanting over years of dreams and prophecies building up to its peak. "Give into me."
"I think I will," you whisper back in awe and giddiness, your arms having to hold tightly around his neck to stay upright. "I think I want to."
"That's good," he praises you with a soft smile, as his voice lowers. "And besides," Paul mutters in your ear, nuzzling against your cheek breathlessly, with that subtle, teasing look in his eyes, "I plan on taking you as mine well before the wedding."
══════════════⊹⊱≼ fin ≽⊰⊹══════════════
Taglist (lmk if you want to be added to this for my future Dune fanfics): @minaxcarter @milaeth @ennycutie @weird0o0 @aoi-targaryen @jindongdongie
#paul atredies x reader#paul atreides imagine#paul atreides x reader#paul atreides x you#paul atreides#dune x reader#dune x you#timothee chalamet x you#paul atredies smut#paul atreides oneshot#dune spoilers#dune imagine#dune 2024#timothee fanfic#timothee x reader#timothee imagine#timothee chalamet#timothee chamalet#chalamet#dune fandom#dune fanfiction#paul atreides fanfic
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#I am having a day 🙃#hell shift at work#they’re short staffed and my boss is out so it falls to me and just#there is no way one person could complete what they needed#I skipped my 15 and got out late and it’s still not done and I gotta deal with shit in the morning#stg I almost quit on the spot again this shit is ridiculous#then got a letter complaining about my husbands car from the township#the registration is expired but it’s on our driveway#someone complained to the township and they’re saying it has to be covered with a tarp#we have some time to get it done but said tarp is $60 so kinda mad#know exactly who complained too#it was the asshole neighbor down the street who keyed my parents car and got caught#the one who also keyed my car but we can’t prove mine :/#and I’m either getting sick or my allergies are kicking it or my long covid is acting up cause I’m run down#or all three#I’m coughing and running a fever again and I’m so achy I feel like I have the flu#wanna just curl up and sleep 😞
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