#sorry for the vent im just. trying so hard not to lose it every day

[kasper-k]

Woah i love being not able to sleep and feeling nauseous all the time from extreme stress. I love having my hair fall out again and having to take pepper spray to work because i have a stalker now. I love not having a moment to myself and having to clean or cook or look after dogs or etc etc 🫠🫠

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[johndonneswife]

[scaredgirlsilly]

big vent sorry lksdfjsk

when one of my friends watched i saw the tv glow (hi duna ::3 )her reaction was "thank god i transitioned" and like. thats so real klsjhfjks but i think. idk i think even tho i transitioned i. i still feel like im doing what the main character did in istvg yk. like pre transition feels lifetimes away, to the point that its hard to think of that as me at all, so rlly it feels like my life has just been the past 2 or 3 years after transitioning. and what have i been doing in the past 2-3 years?? fucking Nothing. laying in bed rotting. sometimes i make new friends but i tend to lose them. some i dont which im grateful for but im not very good at keeping friends so. who knows,, but all of them are so far away that they. kinda dont feel real. or yk. not as real as like. people i can touch and hug yk. i dont go out of my house except to go to the pharmacy to get my hrt meds or to go to a friends house once every like. several months ad even that is happening less frequently. it doesnt feel like im apart of the world. like i simply do not live in the society everyone else lives in. i walk through the world like a ghost, no one to recognize me, only seeing me when they have to. it genuinely feels like some day in the not too distant future im just gonna. fizzle out. dissapear without a trace or care and the world will move on like nothing happened. and i know logically that isnt true. but. idk. logic can only get you so far. and there are steps i can take to hopefully work myself out of it. to try and worm my way into the minds of other people around me. i could get a job, learn to drive, meet people around me, but it all just feels so. daunting. like its all just too much. like im not made to do all of those things. im just made to be some specter in your computer who says jokes no one laughs at and talks to herself until i lose the will to keep my corporeal form together and evaporate. i didnt like being a boy but the memories arent all tainted because in school at least i was real. now im some. shadow of a person, knowing a light is gonna shine on me and banish me to wherever shadows go, just waiting for it to happen. i rlly lost my train of thought anyways klsjfhgjks like. its odd being this young and also literally i already transitioned but i still. idk. relate to that movie alot,,,,,,,, i need something drastic to happen (positive dw not anything bad like i need to meet new people LKHDSGLKJ)

[lesbianpepsi]

You don't have to respond or anything. I actually feel bad for writing this bcs i don't wanna burden anyone with this but if i don't say anything I'll lose it.

TW for R-word, PTSD, Depression, Self-harm and just really bad thoughts overall.

I'm honestly going insane. I don't even feel real anymore and it sounds corny and dumb but I truly don't. Nothing is helping, no therapy or any amount of pills are working for me. It's like, everytime I'm left to my own thoughts, I go crazy.

I hate it, I hate how I can't remember anything from 6-11 years old other than my cousin and his friend, the only childhood memories I have is my cousin and his friend r-wording me. They're 6 years older than me, I was just a kid. Barely 6, they were preteens. I don't understand why this happened to me and I'm so angry. I can barely sleep, 2 hours a night is amazing for me. But even in my sleep I have nightmares. They're awful, I wake up crying and covered in sweat. When I'm at school, one second I'll be fine and the next all I can feel is him and his friend. Its been years since I've last seen them but they're still there and they won't go away. I can still smell them, feel them, hear them. It's like it's happening all over again and I'm just so tired. I don't know what to do with myself. Everytime I think about having to live with this for the rest of my life, I feel an overwhelming sensation of just straight up agony. My chest hurts, my throat closes up and my eyes get watery. I'm tired of crying every night. I can't live in peace, these flashbacks I get are awful. It's like a flash of pictures in my head and my body reacts to it, like I'm a little kid with two grown men hurting me all over again. I tried fighting back of course, he just didn't feel pain. No matter how hard I kicked and punched and bit him. He wouldn't even flinch, it felt like God or whoever is supposedly up there, was on his side. It still feels like that. I can't even begin to understand why, if God is so powerful and real, why did he let that happen to me? It feels like it's my fault, God punished me for something I did and I just have to deal with it.

I hate how I'd let it happen all over again. Because at least it was just me, he threatened to hurt my sisters if I didn't let him and his friend. I didn't really have a choice, I couldn't let them go through that. So I'm grateful that he stuck to his word and my sisters are fine, I don't know what would happen to me or what'd I would do if they were hurt like i was and honestly still am. I'm sorry, I just feel so lost and faded. If that makes sense? I don't know what's happening to me and I'm scared of that. Thank you and have a goodnight, sorry for this shit I sent you but I wholeheartedly would snap if I stayed silent.

hey anon, it's alright i totally understand just wanting to say anything you've been thinking about.

i firstly wanna say im so sorry for everything's thats happened to you, nobody on earth deserves to go through that, im so sorry my love. and it was not your fault, the only person that's at fault is that scum, not you. you did nothing wrong, absolutely nothing.

i understand it's really hard and finding it so incredibly hard to find the point in trying to continue when you feel like you aren't getting better at all, but from my experience it does get better, it might take days, months or even years but eventually it does.

if you ever want to talk it vent anon feel free to send me a private message, i'm always here to help absolutely anyone, even if it's just to vent and get everything off of your chest.

i'm so sorry, my love, you're loved and i hope everything gets better for you❤️🫂

[magnoliamyrrh]

and another thing that chronic pain brings that i find is less talked about and that people without chronic pain can't wrap their head around, is the emotional pain and just straight up despair of feeling like your body is useless, knowing you'll never be able to do the things you want to that "normal" people can do.

^^^^^ Exactly

especially when it hits you when youre young. even if and when you manage to get used to the pain itself (tho even "getting used to it" takes a prepetual toll) theres still always that part of it too. of feeling trapped in a body that seems so weak and fragile, and there being things you want to do that you used to be able to at some point, or dreamed of being able to do that you just.... have to accept you either cant, or that if you do them theyre going to make you exponentially worse....... it feels like being forced to miss out on so many things, and its so damn hard and mentally draining and scary and,,,,yea,, a lot of dispair hits you. its hard to accept

i always lose it when i realize how much i can't rly do anymore. even when i had chronic pain some years back and my joints were going to shit, id still push myself and walk for hours upon hours almost every day, it was relaxing and one of my favourite things to do.... now there are many times when walking for 30-40 minutes a day or several times a week feels like it absolutely cripples me. such seeminly low effort things take it out of me for days on end.... i cant play guitar anymore because my hands cant handle it. when my pain was worse, thank god its better now, i couldn't draw anymore... theres so many hobbies i wanted to try, but cant because some part of my body wouldnt handle it. many times ive been too dizzy or exhausted to cook, despite it being one of my favourite things to do.... i had an entire weeks-long mental breakdown and spiraled horribly when i realized i couldnt really ski anymore, despite being very, very good at it. id rather die than think i could never ride horses again, but i know there is a high chance doing so will ruin my hips...... the list is fucking endless

it feels like some sort of nightmare you just cant seem to wake up from. past a point damned be the pain, but realizing your body just cant handle or do shit or doesnt have the strengh, or that the pain is just too sharp, its just... fucking horrible.... it almost breaks you more than the pain itself past a point. and idk personally its been a nightmare for me to see how fast a lot of my health issues have progressed. i was certain i wouldnt be as bad as i am now until i was in my 30s.... but in just a few years, its gotten so much fucking worse

..... its one of those things that i guess you cant do nothing about but accept...? and try to make the best out of??? because getting endlessly upset about it doesnt help, and being upset only feeds the chronic pain. but its very hard, especially when daily things in your life constantly remind you. i still havent been able to figure out some sort of way or mindset to do that at all

i assume from this ask you also struggle with this? im very sorry ❤️🧡❤️ it truly is a lot to handle to say the least. thank u for this ask tho, helps to feel less alone, and if u ever need to vent to someone who gets it ur more than welcome to 🌸 i hope this week will be easier on you and that youll feel a little bit better, and i hope with time you'll maybe be able to find some things which make it easier to bare. god knows what the chances are, but maybe with all the science nowadays well both have the insane luck for some cure or actual treatment, as far fetched as that seems at times

[alltoolauren]

@taylorswift

we are one month away from ttpd and my girl i am soooooo excited 🩶 i know i mentioned this before but since im on the west coast, ttpd will come out at 9pm my time on April 18th, which is my birthday. not going to lie i already have the birthday blues. i dread it every year. i tried to plan far in advance a day to celebrate it and me, and despite that, someone who used to be my best friend has already bailed. for the second year in a row. and im so sad. just feel so unimportant and that they really don’t care about me or trying to be friends anymore which really sucks and something that im just trying to come to terms with. it pains me so much and it feels like what’s best for me is to let go of them which is even more upsetting. moving on from people and things and the passage of time and life changing has always been hard for me. losing a friend is always hard. but even harder when it seems they don’t care if they lose you or if you’re in their life or not. so sorry to vent but this is basically just me saying how much i am looking forward to having ttpd on those last few hours of my birthday. i love that i have that to look forward to and to get me through the night. thank you so much for sharing your words and your music and your creativity all these years. you will truly never know how much it has meant to me. sending you so so much love 💗 thank you for being there without even knowing it. sorry this one was kind of a downer. but hope all is well my girl!!!!!! love you forever

@taylornation

[bandofchimeras]

posting a lot rn sorry Im gonna readmore this vent that is a standin for next therapy session

i have a lot of trauma from losing my last few housing situations over interpersonal conflict and not having enough money or being good at managing my money. I was too ashamed to ask for what I needed until it was desperate and I had no options.

I have big decisions to make that are producing so much anxiety. and am burnt out. but also grateful and astounded at the miracle that is life.

so can't handle small talk right now. my whole chest is splitting open with the need to be somewhere I feel loved and safe bc I know who tf I am now....but knowing I have to make these next moves out of my own initiative

somewhere deep in my brain I know this isn't all my fault but I had to stop victim thinking to get myself out of the Hole and consequently just Shut Up about the Pain

the last people I lived with really wanted me to shut up and conform perfectly to the anxiously controlled life they'd constructed bc I was there temporarily

and for my part I was in depression self centered funk and coming out of abuse too brainfoggerd to remember the rules

One of them is a former mutual and he was also a transmasc person I had a crush on and we had a short little Thing

what they ended up doing was 1000% shitty asshole stuff like kicking me out in the middle of winter after I communicated I was in too much pain from moving in and work, and requested a two week extension, and trying to charge me illegal "storage fees" when I needed time to get my stuff after being kicked out.

my discord friends had to help me parse that these people were not my friends and did not care about me at all. I thought they did. but the guilt they laid on thick and blamed me for their actions has been dragging around my ankles for awhile and I just want to shake it off, I want to be okay and not soaked in guilt like milk toast

the situation also led to my car being stolen, getting in a crash, my cats health severely declining until she passed away this spring. just fucking wrecking ball on everything I was attached to for any sort of comfort or sense of reality.

Right before that my long term job that was....dubiously ethical, my sort of boss fired me in a similarly guilting way, and similarly could see exactly why they had a problem with me but I just, at the time I simply could not show up how I needed to. Not killing myself was an accomplishment. And this boss was deeply prejudiced against autistic people despite running a group home. I genuinely hated her guts for how miserable she made everyone around her while also recognizing I wasn't doing much better.

anyways through this time period kitchen work has become this attachment that toughens me up and feels doable while my brain is inflamed, despite being shit for my disabled body. I can't shake free quite. I don't have a permanent house and all my friendships feel weird and troubled in that way only mutual survivors of emotionally neglectful or abusive families and religious trauma can, like every thing I do or say can be wrong, or isn't giving someone enough attention or isnt the response they want or is bad bad bad bad

and so yeah, making new friends is hard

letting people in feels impossible

looking for decent jobs too

I'm not a mess in the way I have been but it's all messy inside and I'm sad and tired and very hypersensitive to rejection, every day breaks and makes me again and I miss writing and loving and feeling good

I thought pride would be so fun and make me feel better. It was cool in a lot of ways, but also grimly corporate and fangless and expensive, there were a ton of missed connections and the couple I went with was being nitpicky and hurtful to each other and even at the club dressed to the nines and dancing my little gay heart out I felt disconnected and ignorable (maybe it's just a Seattle thing, moving from a small-town environment into big urban reminds you you're nothin special all in all) and couldn't see the magic

I miss my ex or at least keep seeing stuff that reminds me of caring about her in that specific way and the bridge we tried to build across everything despite it all and I know we still care about each other just couldn't stop the fucking awful Bullshit, moving on would be easier if I could just dismiss people entirely

and at work things started falling apart too, my boss got super guilt happy at overworked caregivers and I lost all respect for him and was mega triggered and posted about it and embarrassed myself. theyre more okay I guess but everyone seems so demoralized and worn down by being criticized and used up and overcharged and under loved and I don't want to give any more right now, I want to rest rest rest and make art and I can't let myself while I'm living in someone's living room and both of us are working around eachothers mood disorders

meanwhile my family while making progress is still on about how I have to accept criticism of my gender identity if I want to talk to them about the harm done by their religious ideology and MEANWHILE I develop deep feelings for yet another unavailable cis man for bare minimum shit

i don't know I guess it feels like other people know how to have friends and love and enjoy things and I am missing the boat and if I don't change something indistinguishable super fast, it will be too late for me and I will continue to ruin every good thing that comes my way and.magnetically attract trouble

and it doesn't help that my attempts to connect online also feel desperate and awkward like I'm really a sick puppy who wants headpats but aren't we all they say

some days I do think overall it would be easier to Kermit but I can't do that to my siblings AND there are many buoyantly beautiful things bout life I am looking forward to like top surgery and kissing boys like I mean it which someday will feel real and not like a knife twist in the chest

also I haven't got enough sleep lately and my period came back so hopefully this stupid shit is more bearable in a few days I'm just gonna watch OFMD and hug myself to sleep and literally kill anyone who is a hater about the tiny things that bring me joy bc I am fucking doing my best out here to stay afloat and not yuck other people's yums either

[sneezes-and-stuff]

Tw for medical issues, eating disorders, drugs and general venting

I really hope I'm not gonna have a PANS flare right now. Not only are they always terrifying and awful and I'm so traumatised from them, I'm going on vacation with my family tomorrow. My first vacation in like 4 years.

Im finally doing better physically and mentally enough for me to have a chance of enjoying a vacation for once, I don't want it to be ruined.

I think this time I can actually feel okay with allowing myself to actually eat tasty food in the restaurants and the hotel we go to, instead of just salad and lean cheese and coke zero.

I think I can actually have the motivation to leave the hotel room and do the fun activities with my family bc my antidepressants are actually somewhat working.

But I think I pushed my body too far, trying to lose weight before vacation. For 2 weeks I exercised a lot and ate "healthy", and for the last few days I felt so gross and nauseous. Now I took 2 days off to let my body rest so I won't feel sick on vacation, so hopefully it'll help.

I know it's my fault, but I just feel so bad with the weight my meds made me gain. Even with all the exercise I did it barely made a difference, where before it always worked. So it's even more frustrating and triggering for my ed

And this feeling I have these few days of nausea and weakness in my arms and buzzing in my muscles until I move them a certain way and the insomnia getting a lot worse, all really feels similar to pans. So hopefully it's not a flare. Also been taking anti inflammatories for a few days to try and stop it if it is.

Also been taking Clonazepam every night for almost a week which is Not Good for me but the weird feeling and movement in my leg muscles is really making it so hard to sleep. I'll try detoxing myself again after vacation, bc I'll definitely need sleep aid there.

Sorry for all this, just need to vent my worries without worrying my family. Thanks for listening if anyone actually read this

[embv]

fellas is it kind of fucked up to say that it’s the child’s fault that their parent is yelling at them because the child was the one who escalated it (even if that’s not true and even if the parent started getting heated in their initial monologue about all the ways that child was Fucking up) and then when they’re called out on the fact that they were the one who got so passionate about it in the first place they justify it by saying it’s because it hurts them to see their child like this and that they want to fix it and that’s why they’re so upset and then when they’re called out on how even if it does hurt that’s not a valid excuse they round it back and say that they’ve tried gentler approaches and they’ve tried being nice and it never worked so this is the only option they have left (even if that’s not true and it still doesn’t justify yelling)? is that kind of fucked up or is it just me? /s /rhetorical

[soupyspaghetti]

venting again lmao disregard

[seraphimsinful]

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

hi sorry to vent in ur asks like this but im tired of life and I have nobody to talk to. I'm so worried about the world and covid and bad vaxxes and Ukraine and Canada and fucking biden but im a year away from graduating college and I don't have time to do anything but work and study. my grandmother is in the hospital with fractured vertebra and cracked bones, all of my other grandparents have diseases that are progressively getting worse recently, my terminally ill uncle has reached the average length that people survive with his cancer and his health has gotten worse since Christmas. I spend all day learning sad things and more sad things and I come home to keep reading about sad things. I'm failing one of my required classes but I can't fail bc it would push my graduation to another year. I want to ask for a break but midterms start in a week and I cant afford to fall behind in anything. I'm so tired and afraid but there isn't a single thing I or anyone else can do except sit and wait and hope and honestly I can't see myself living for much longer like this. I'm sorry to bring so much stuff in your asks knowing that you can't even do anything but I have noone to talk to in real life or anywhere but anonymous asks really

Damn, I'm so sorry anon. It sounds like your life is really fucking hard right now. I'm not making this about me, but several times over the past year I've felt similarly. I was scared and angry and kept thinking "if things get too much worse I'm going to have to seriously consider how much of this I want to be around for". And I didn't have even half the stuff you're going through. My point with telling you this is that you're stronger than you think you are. You've held on through more than I could ever handle, and I don't consider myself to be mentally weak. As much as I can say without knowing you, I think you'll survive this, anon.

I know you didn't ask for advice, so feel free to ignore this, but I think the best thing you could do is just turn off the news completely and focus on your family and your studies. The world will go the way it goes with or without you watching it happen. Spend as much time with your loved ones as you can, and treasure every moment you have with them. Make them happy moments. Tell them you love them. Tell them anything you've always wanted to tell them but have been putting off. Try your best not to have any regrets after they're gone, and as many happy memories as you can stuff into your head. In some ways, I think it's a little bit easier losing people when you've known it's coming for a while. You can mentally prepare and make sure they're as loved and as comfortable as possible.

[marshmellobunny64]

A3 eng news rambling ignore me

(Ignore the typos and bad punctuation n stuff if you actually read im so bad at writing. Im bad at words i know)

Bro i had the biggest crying fit finding this news on Twitter last night I literally had a hard time sleeping. I spent most of the day today thinking about it so i need somewhere to dump it all out and i feel less exposed on here venting.

I honestly can’t believe that its ending so soon.

It sucks being able to only read in eng/spa. Even then i can only really read eng cause i never really read things in spanish. Like man its nice being bilingual but i wish i was multilingual and knew every language that ever existed. Theres so many things im missing out on and it frustrates me that i cant learn things quick enough ; n ;.

Whats hecking me up even more is that im losing the thing that’s literally been what’s been fueling me to draw for these past almost two years.

Im not joking when i tell you ive got so much stuff still packed in my wips. Like its crazy not even my kpop art matches up to the amount of stuff i churned out for a3 and ive been drawing that for way longer. I never even managed to go past like 5 days on a prompt thing ever but i somehow got to get to 22 thanks to this game.

The last time I had something make me go crazy making art like this was vld but it wasnt even close to this tbh

This game is really special to me so it’s really heartbreaking to lose it. Like i feel like i was literally growing up together with it which is kinda silly to say but its true i did grow with it.

Ngl almost feels like im losing a super close friend because they suddenly have to move away.

Im really gonna miss it.

Im so glad I decided to play this game though like i don’t regret a single moment of it (maybe gem buying i do kinda regret lol) but yeah no i regret nothing.

I feel extremely lucky being able to play such an amazing game and Im truly thankful for a3 eng.

Im def not gonna give up drawing a3 fanart anytime soon thats for sure. Nor do i want to leave the fandom yet cause bro the entire a3 community is so wonderful 😭. Ive literally never been in such a chill/kind space with so many nice people if you get what i mean.

Im not gonna quit trying to read after they officially close the server either. I cant let go of these characters just yet especially with how the jpn server is still ongoing. Gonna have to rely on translations now cause i gotta see everyone bloom no matter what >:’U ❤️

Ok i think ive emptied my brain enough. Sorry for all my nonsense. Ill be ok. I hope you all will be ok too. Im not good at sending comforting words but im sending hugs to those who need it.

[aajjks]

Things suck recently. This is another one of my stupid vents to the internet as a stranger on the internet spreading their TMI about their pathetic life and I’m just here bc I have no better outlet.

Within 2 weeks since school started it feels like everything has fallen apart. I’m arguing w my friends and most of them aren’t talking to me while I’m going through the toughest time of my life rn. My family is struggling in ways more than one. The new dance crew I’m in feels so unfamiliar and I don’t have friends there. The old one kicked me out of the gc (understandable bc I’m not in it obv) but it just makes me feel so empty and like dying. The last thing I was able to see from the chat is their rehearsal video and all my teammates look so happy. It feels like every life or group that I was ever a part of always becomes happier or better without me. I don’t even have the time to cry anymore because the 24 hours of my day are half school, half dance/vocal, and half hw. I barely even have time to eat, do chores, or go on my phone like I am now and the reason I can even do that now is bc it’ll take away from my sleep time instead. everything is so much and it feels like I’m healing, hurting, and losing myself all at once. I’m trying to keep my head up and look forward to small things like updates on ur blog or just anything but when those come I barely have the time to look at them now. As a person I’ve been through a lot but this is charting as probably the worst time I’ve ever had and this time no one can help me. I can’t drop dance or vocal bc im so dedicated and I can’t drop out of school or do less hw. My childhood had always been lost growing up but now it feels like my youth has become nothing but training in the studio for a choreography I won’t even get cast in and doings mountains of work that won’t help me if I’m stuck in poverty in the future. I don’t even know who I am anymore and I’ve become insecure of every atom that makes up me.

And now the only thing I can do is be a moping, lifeless loser and complain about it like it’ll do anything. Growing up really sucks, you can probably relate to that as well. I hope you do well on your exams goddess, and take this as a sorry for all my random vents that might appear in the future too. Don’t post this if u don’t want to honestly, it’s hard to say anything abt this and u shouldn’t have to be comforting or caring to someone you don’t know on the internet. Just hope you can have less stressful days, exams really suck and I hope you can rest and take care soon. Btw I’m not super young like a primary school kid and just got hw assigned for the first time ever or sth I’ve been doing it all my life but this year it’s just sm worse.

- the 🐇 anon who said she was gonna write regular asks soon but lied

my love.. I’m not even going to lie but yes life fucking sucks. We’re struggling nonstop w/o any break or good thing in life…. God the depression that I get when I think about my future just makes me want to quit everything and sit like a pathetic loser….

It fucking hurts to feel excluded and feel like the world is better/happier without your presence, makes my guts clench so hard.

God… I can’t even imagine the level of your exhaustion… hw/vocal and dance practice for so many hours w/o any good outcome yet must feel so burdening… with family and personal issues as well…

I can relate to you…. Oh my god my mind is too not in a good place but here’s the thing I tell myself.

I have to keep trying and survive. That’s the thing.

No matter how hard it is to try to go on and repeat the same routine every single day.

And can I tell you something personally? I really really think that you’ll succeed. I really want you to keep trying… keep working hard because I just know you’re going to make it, better than anyone else…

Please don’t give up. It takes a HELL lot to achieve your dreams…. I don’t have the guts to haha but I want you to fulfill your dream!!! And become happy! ❤️

tbh you’re so gutsy to not have given up, I’m soooo proud of you and I’ll be rooting for you like a top fan ;) trust me you’re going to BE SUCCESSFUL 😋❤️

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

Okay i know that's not about lovestruck but i have to ramble so im sorry i guess a year ago i moved to another city because my gf life's here and she didnt want to move , started a new job cause my old job just wasn't what i wanted anymore i felt stuck, so now my new job is great and everything great opportunitys but im in a new city, i only know my gf's friend's around not the people i grew up with, now there is talk about kids and everbodys just saying how good it is that im so responsible and level headed blabla im taking care of

Things i can take charge and stuff i don't want this i feel so tired but nobody is listening i dont want children

I don't want all the responsibilities everyone should get there own da** stuff done

But nobody is listening as soon i say i can't do this its like what do you have to do you cant be thst stressed etc. Like what the people are just so ugh..

And as soon as i cant do something there like how hard can it be bla bla bla im a quite person i would rather sit at home read and olay video games nkt be social with all this people sometimes i just listen i dont always have to talk now my gf's mother told me how respectsless that is made a giant scene and ny gf agreed like seriously.. Few days later everything's forgotten and now we have to help renovate

I don't know i feel helpless 😣

-----------------------------------------------------------------

First of all dear, I am sorry you're feeling so helpless 😣 And never apologize for needing to vent or reach out to people ♥️

Secondly, when I say I felt this on so many levels. Like holy- I moved to Texas a few years ago because my gf at the time was from here. I also left behind all of my friends and basically my entire support system (until I moved my Mom and brother down here), and only had her friends and family to talk to or hang out with. I am also a quiet, nerdy introvert, who also happens to have no filter. All things that are severely frowned upon and misunderstood here. I spent years putting in an effort and trying to be this version of myself that was acceptable. I was called rude or disrespectful if I didn't keep up with conversation or act a certain way socially (I also have really bad social anxiety, so yay) After awhile tho, all it did was make me lose myself. I forgot who I even was. I felt depressed and misunderstood everywhere I went. And my ex also always sided with her friends and family. There were days here where I felt (feel) completely alone. It hurts, I know it does, dear. And I'm so sorry you're being put through all of that. You have every right to be the shining light that you are, and not be judged for it. Best advice I can give you is maybe talk to your gf about it (if you haven't already - and if you have, maybe try again) and hopefully she will be receptive to how this is all making you feel. You have every right to not want children, to need time for yourself, to not want to engage in every social activity that happens in your gfs life, and just to be yourself. It's OKAY to just be you. That should be enough. Always. I wish I had better advice to give you, and I truly hope that everything gets better for you. I do feel as though maybe taking a stand on how it's making you feel might be needed at some point, tho. Just remember, dear.. you are amazing.. you are incredible.. you are enough, just the way you are. Don't allow anyone to make you feel like being introverted or a quiet person is a bad or disrespectful thing. I allowed that to happen in my life for way too long, and now here I am... Single, alone, and trying my hardest to find myself again. Be kind to yourself, and know that we are always here for you ♥️ - Mod Runa