#and even then ive Never heard anything like

[vickytaa]

Music keeps me alive. M.S. Chapter IV

sumerry: y/n's father passed away, and she moved to Boston to finish school. She always keeps her headphones on, only she knows the reason why. What happens when she meets Matt?

Chapter I - Chapter II - Chapter III

Y/n Pov:

I was never a big fan of parties, especially when I didn't know anyone, but being next to Matt always calmed me down a bit. After the thing with Emily, everything felt weird and uncomfortable, but the guys quickly noticed it on my face and made me feel at ease again.

“Honey, I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be right back,” I told Matt, who kissed me on the forehead and let go of my hand so I could go. It didn't take long, or well, a little bit. I just did my business and touched up my makeup a bit, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back out. The party wasn’t bad, and getting to know the guys' friends better is great, it's just that I was tired and I've never been one to go to these parties, but if Matt liked it and it made him happy, obviously I was going to go with him.

As I walked in, I was met with a crowd of sweaty bodies dancing together, which made me a little uncomfortable. But when I found Nick talking to Chris, everything else faded away. Reaching the circle where everyone was chatting, I saw him. Matt was wrapping his arm around Emily's waist, just like he used to with me. He must have made a mistake. But how could he not realize it wasn't me? Maybe he'd just had too much to drink... But Matt doesn't drink much. I was approaching them when I saw Emily grab his jaw and kiss him. He didn't pull away, he kissed her back. How? Why? Didn't anyone notice that I wasn't the one with Matt?

Without realizing it, my eyes had filled with tears and some rolled down my cheeks. My breath caught in my throat. My heart ached. Those few seconds of their kiss felt like years to me. I felt invisible, until Matt heard a sob coming from me and turned around. That's when he realized that the girl he was kissing wasn't his girlfriend, it was Emily.

I was in shock, my world was falling apart, again. "What? Y/n?" I heard Matt say, looking completely confused. I had trusted him, I had told him things about myself that I never thought I would tell anyone else. I couldn't think of anything else, I wanted to get out of there, away from everything, from everyone, lock myself in my room and never come out. So I did, I turned around and started running through the crowd, while I heard Matt shouting for me to stop as he ran after me.

"Y/n! Wait!" Matt repeated, his voice desperate. I had managed to get out of the house, but hearing him cry made me unable to contain my pain and I turned around, this time stopping. "Y/n, I- I didn't- I didn't realize that... that it wasn't you. I had too much to drink and when she..." Matt started to speak, trying to explain what happened, but I couldn't take anymore pain, so much betrayal, so much everything. "No, Matt!" I tried to interrupt him, but I couldn't. He had come very close and grabbed my arms tightly, afraid I would leave. "I thought you had already come back and..." "Matt! Stop!" I yelled, now desperate because I couldn't escape. Matt stood still, slowly raising his gaze that was fixed on the floor to meet mine. My tears were now falling uncontrollably, despite my enormous effort to stop them. "Matt, let go of me," I said, now in a softer, lower tone. But he didn't let go. "I don't want you to leave Y/n. Please," Matt started begging me not to leave, which hurt me even more, but I had to stay strong and respect myself. "No, Matt. Now let me go," I said again in the same tone. "No, no, no, please don't go, I need you," Matt said as he began to kneel in front of me. He was crying uncontrollably, begging me please not to leave, grabbing my legs. "Matt let go of me!" I shouted and my voice cracked.

Hearing my voice crack, Matt let go of me. I quickly ran away from there, not wanting to hear anything else from anyone. I didn't know where I was going or how long I was going to walk, all I knew was that at that moment I needed my dad. He had always been there for me in the best and worst of times, always trying to make me feel better. Even though sometimes I didn't quite understand what he was saying, he always found a way to see the good in the situation, or a way to make me feel good, no matter how bad the situation was. For example, when my cat Sherlock died, he made sure to be there for me the whole month, giving me gifts, affection, making me laugh, despite the fact that I wanted to cry, among many other things that I had never realized I needed until he was gone.

And that left a huge void in me, a pain in my chest, a sadness and a need for him to come back, not at 2 in the morning at my lowest point of mental breakdown, but when I was laughing with my cousins while playing at the last family dinner all together.

I didn't need the music. When I said it kept me alive, it was a lie, what kept me alive was the memory of my dad. The countless nights I spent sleeping in his arms while listening to his favorite records, the road trips singing at the top of our lungs while mom laughed at how much we were alike, that's what kept me alive.

After an hour of walking in the middle of a neighborhood I didn't know, I decided to order an Uber home. The ride was quick, I got home and opened the door, still in costume. "Hi honey! How-" My mom started talking until she looked into my eyes. "What happened to you? Are you okay?" She started asking me a million questions, but I wasn't really listening. I couldn't feel anything but pain. Why does something bad always have to happen when I'm having a good time? It broke my heart to see myself so vulnerable in front of my mom, not knowing what else to do but wanting to run away from everything, like we had done when Dad died. My mom understood that I wasn't going to talk now so she hugged me. She knew I needed my father there, and maybe that wasn't something he would have done, but now he wasn't there and she had to find a way to make me feel a little better. I was crying uncontrollably, and my mom's hug made me cry more, but it helped me, because I felt more comfortable expressing my feelings, I felt accompanied, I felt at home. After a while hugging, my mom helped me go to bed and lay down next to me. Maybe I'll never say it, but I was very grateful to her.

That night, I could sleep very little, so my mom let me sleep a couple more hours and then try to talk about what happened yesterday. When I woke up, I stretched and grabbed my phone. There were thousands of messages and missed calls from Matt, but I couldn't even start looking at them when my eyes started to fill with tears again. I decided that maybe I wouldn't want to see my phone for a few days, so I just turned it off and got out of bed. My mom was making breakfast, like every day. "Good morning, my love. How are you feeling?" she asked. How do I feel? It was my time to speak, to explain everything that had happened, to talk about everything that has been happening to me lately since Dad died, to talk about my desire to leave, to talk. But who cares? If I have a problem, the problem is mine and I have to solve it myself, if I talk to someone I'm sure I'll bother them, I can't talk. If I talk, I cry. Why can't I explain what I feel like everyone else?

I simply swallowed my urge to cry and nodded. I sat down for breakfast and just sat there, staring at the plate of food in front of me. "Y/n, please," Mom said without explanation. I started eating. When I finished, I went upstairs to go back to sleep. I had nothing else to do. When I got up, I would just stare at the ceiling, not knowing what to do. Read? I couldn't form a complete sentence in my mind. Listen to music? I can't even hear my own thoughts. Talk to someone? I cry.

The moments from last night replayed over and over in my mind. The turn the night took, before we went out we were all doing great, happy, and at the end we didn't even leave the party together. I wonder what Matt is thinking, what he's doing. Is he thinking about me? Why would he think about me now if he didn't think about me before kissing Emily? God. I need to sleep and never wake up again.

The emptiness inside me grew bigger and bigger. I don't know if I'll ever trust anyone again. I feel broken and alone, as if the world around me is falling apart and there's nothing I can do but watch it crumble. I don't understand why he would want to make me believe he was in love with me and that he loved me only to break my heart. A big part of me wanted to talk to him and tell him what a jerk he is, the other part wanted to believe that it was an accident and that there's still hope.

The following days were the same, I only left my room to eat or go to the bathroom, I missed a whole week of school, I left my phone off, in short, I disappeared for everyone except my mom. She understood that I didn't want to go to school now because I didn't want to see Matt's face, but she refused when I asked if we could move because if I did anything here it reminded me of him, and that hurt me a lot. "No, honey, we're not moving again." I was crying again, begging her to leave. "Mom, please!" I said in my broken voice, full of pain. My mom's heart broke seeing me like that, but she couldn't take a step back again. "Honey, listen, when your father... passed away, I couldn't go back home because I was afraid of having to start over without him. He was the engine of my life." Her eyes began to fill with tears, she paused to catch her breath and spoke again, "That's why we moved, because I couldn't go back home and see all his things. But now that some time has passed, I could think about it better and I think maybe it wasn't the best thing on my part, because with that I taught you that if something bothers you you have to run away from it, and no, you have to talk. I barely knew Matt, but he seems like a good guy, and it shows that he really loves you and would never do anything to make you feel bad." She finished and I saw a tear fall and roll down her face. "Mom..." I said in a weak voice. "Honey, talk to him." "I... I can't," and with that I ran to my room and locked myself in again.

When the weekend arrived, I found myself out of my room, in the living room, listening to music again after so many days. As the first song was about to start, I heard the doorbell ring. Who was it? I wondered. Honestly, I didn't want to see anyone, especially at that moment, because I had red and swollen eyes, my hair in a messy bun, a big t-shirt and shorts.

But I didn't think about it much either, so I quickly got up from the couch and walked to the door. The doorbell rang again, it seemed like the person behind the door was desperate. "I'm coming!" I said, a little annoyed by the impatience. I opened the door and there was Nick, who looked very worried, and as if he had been crying, but little compared to what I had cried. "Y/n, I need help," Nick said. I knew this was serious, because he went straight to the point, without greeting or anything. Before I could ask, Nick explained what was happening: "Matt... he's not eating, he's not talking, he won't leave the room, Y/n please, we've tried everything, but-" I interrupted him, "Wait, wait, what happened to him?" I couldn't believe it, Matt was bad, very bad. Could it be because of...? "When you ran out that night, we went after Matt and found him crying on the floor. We took him home, we tried to talk to him, but he doesn't answer, he just locked himself in the room and won't come out. I'm afraid he's going to do something bad. I'm scared, Y/n."

I knew what happened between us had affected him, but hearing it from Nick? This is terrible. Nick is never afraid of anything. I knew I had to do something to help his brother, as much as it hurt me, Nick and his brothers were still my friends and seeing him so devastated broke my heart.

I tried to calm him down a bit, we spent some time together, but my mind was fixed on Matt, I had to help him. So when Nick left, I turned on my phone, after a few days off. And there were millions of messages from Matt, of all kinds, but they all ended with an 'I love you, I'm sorry'. I can't deny that my heart didn't break as I read the messages.

I couldn't wait any longer, there was no more time, I changed into a more comfortable outfit, greeted my mom and left the house, to head towards the triplets' house.

a/n: I cried writing this chapter. What happens when she goes to their house? I can't wait

love yall:))

[aardvaark]

medical drama necessities:

doctors exclusively use the paddles for defibrillators. the electrode pads that are very common today do not seem to exist.

the show has never heard of any medical professional besides a doctor in its entire life. what is a nurse??

the best doctors never explain The Treatment TM, they just administer it in the middle of an emergency while their colleagues shout "what are you doing??" and try to pull them away.

doctor massively crosses legal or ethical lines but doesn’t get any punishment because they’re the main character

doctors really, really want to stab a hole in your throat. trying the heimlich maneuver first? nah, that’s silly.

the faster you do CPR, the better it works.

doctors have a wildly disproportionately high rate of getting into emergencies themselves. you’re guaranteed to require emergency surgery at least once, it’s in your contract.

don’t you hate it when your workplace is interrupted by a bomb, a blackout, the ceiling caving in, a car crashing right in through the ground floor walls, a highly infectious fatal disease outbreak, and every possible natural disaster known to man?

failed paternity test = the kid was accidentally switched at birth

"i’ve never seen anything like this before. this is a once in a lifetime case" - thing that someone will say every week about the most recent rare disease or unusual surgery.

creative surgery with some interesting tools. i’ve seen everything from a ballpoint pen to a pig being used in tv medical procedures.

doctors scrubs are oddly well-fitted, particularly on the women.

everyone is having sex in the on-call rooms or supply closets. also, no one knows how to lock or barricade doors.

"please get rabies shots if you are bitten by a bat or stray animal" psa episode

no one throws up. and if they do throw up, it’s fully captured by one of those little bowls and we don’t see anything except maybe some spit.

live worms, spiders, or even small fish inside people’s bodies.

incarcerated patient transferred to the hospital from prison. almost certainly a murderer or did some other particularly messed up thing, and very likely to be on death row if the show’s set in a place where death penalty still stands.

patient wakes up in hospital, pulls out their IV and tries to leave (special shoutout to this one because it makes me gag every time, that thing is IN YOUR VEIN).

[mamawasatesttube]

i have to speak my truth. i think timkon clone baby aus fucking suck

[yume-fanfare]

im glad that towikasa is more or less slowly permeating into the enstarrie conscience as some sort of background thing but i feel like if you've been under a prolonged exposure to me you'll think it's a bigger ship bigger than it really is, which is to say: not big at all

[bananonbinary]

i appreciate ann reardon because it's actually really interesting to hear about food science in a way that isn't obviously hateful and afraid of fat. she's like "yeah don't chug fructose and a lot of our current mass-produced food has problems but anyway here's a nice recipe for cake :) food is a good thing and calories are how you get energy :)"

[pup-pee]

friend of friends here. genuinely asking how you've never tasted apple pie because it's like. idk one of the common ones ? (I'm not even an apple pie lover- catch me with some cherry or blueberry over apple anyday if we're talking pies)

hello friend of a friend :D

OK SO LIKE

ive never actually had any pie OTHER than pumpkin pie & the reason 4 that is bc my older brother doesnt like any other pie

he has texture issues & just, ??? bc he didnt like it my parents never interacted w/apple pie or any pie outside of pumpkin since? asklfhdsjk

this happens w/all kinds of food & also just other thingssss

this is y ik nothing of starwars; bc my brother h8ed it so i just never got 2 watch any((dont ask how weird that was i just assummed it was a rule & havent made time 2 watych it idk kfjhdsfkj))

also NO1 SELLS ANY APPLE PIE HERE I DONT GET IT

im from goddamn the west of west & just WHERE IS THE APPLE PIE ALL I SEE IS PUMPKIN PIE & CHEESECAKE 4 MILES 2 COME

[ei-mugi]

one time i was talking to my american online friends about stuff and i was like "haha yeah people always say i look ambiguously european but cant place what i am specifically" and they were like "i dont think europeans have a look though." what do you mean. you dont believe different ethnic features exist...?

[meatriarch]

any time i see something mentioning that luda isnt h*yts mother but is Another Type Of Relation to him im just the lady with the math equations meme bc what? where-

.

[widevibratobitch]

christ i know its her birthday but i just have too much to do i cant manage that i really cant. but the paralysing fucking dread of having to tell her that sure is something lol

[sugurugetos]

jim jones is an anti black cult leader and yoongi used a sample from one of his speeches. jim jones speech is a real thing it's not funny

i'm genuinely speechless

[danielnelsen]

About DA Legends: I couldn't confirm this but I read that one ending boon in Origins sets up a new Circle in West Hill, and that's the Jainen Circle.

ok this has been in my inbox for 3 months because i never got round to checking this, but im currently going through dialogue files for an unrelated reason and got reminded of this

if the warden dies and they're a mage, alistair/anora will say the following:

I wish to see the Circle restored. However, I understand that the Veil at the tower is too weak. That being the case, I wish a new tower built--with the Chantry's aid. And it will bear the Hero's name.

there's nothing to say it's in west hill (unless that's mentioned in some other media), although jainen is in the waking sea bannorn anyway (but likely off the coast of the west hill bannorn, so it's close)

that said, this is absolutely a contender for the jainen circle. id say it's completely unintended, but im gonna accept it because that's just what you've gotta do with legends lore

[schrodingers-hoarding-problem]

tumblr users are culturally supernatural fans the way americans are culturally christian

[infizero]

the loonaverse pages on the loona wiki are so fucking funny bcuz they're just a total mess and full of ppl just stating theories as if they're fact

[batz]

neurologist says my optic nerves are fine/same as last few appointments but still tells me to start taking 12 diamox a day and tells me to get out before i can ask why . also diamox like. cannot fix an issue involving my veins. but idk im not doctor so whatever

im 100% not taking 12 pills a day tho thatd hurt me. past few appointments hes just been rlly wanting me to have more diamox even tho he keeps saying im in remission but he wont answer when i ask why i need the meds then

[cinnabeat]

this interaction and friendship is exactly how i made friends on the playground at the park as a kid

[wavetapper]

derangement aside I do recommend getting into bms, even if you don't end up playing any of the charts. the amount of insanely creative songs and music videos that get released every year For Free just for this community game is amazing and the fact that some get picked up and licensed for commercial games and artists who started out making work for bms get commissioned for them as well is just. idk