#I am sorry for being a downer and all that
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im in jail but i am sending u so so so many hugs and warm cookies or warm fish patties (those cream cheese fish things i cant remember)
Ty for the cream cheese fish XD <3
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You don't have to reply to this, but I am very happy to stumble across a non-problematic Youjo Senki fanpage. 💖
Thank you very much!! I'll continue to do my best!
#ask#anonymous#not a daily post#“ask sent 3 months ago” oops#sorry again ;;#im cleaning up inbox ok. or trying to#this is the last one tho i just. needed to express how much everyone being very kind means to me#confession: sometimes i kinda resent this blog for no good reason. its kinda tragic#suffice to say i regret taking on this project sometimes and i get in these downer ass moods#but like. i remember there are people who do actually like the silly time im having here#and it makes me feel better. so i need to express that. thank you. to the people who sent messages to me but also just like everyone lol#if these tags read as kinda corny im sorry but i just am in one of those sappy moods yknow and i need to share it#sorry i love u all. as if its my fault </3 /j#anyway see u all tmrw for dailydegu once more. itll be the last day of huevember!!#it uh. might be late bc im tired
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kinda spoilers for the latest kuro arc if you aren't caught up
honestly, I'm now pretty scared that the next mini arc and series finale will be emotionally disapointing.
it's already obvious that the pacing has been bad for a very long time, and engagement gets lower and lower as we go on. but for some reason, it's never really clicked for me how emotionless I feel while reading recently.
it's probably because of how grim this orphanage mini arc is compared to the last two that it occurred to me: if I read or watched this arc consecutively in the form of a single chapter or episode, well dare that I would cry for these children, eventually. I would be riding the waves of trust and fear, and there wouldn't be enough time for me to process my feelings, leaving me a sopping mess. that's how I like to consume media.
but there's too much time in between, and so I don't... really feel anything. and this arc is sad, just as sad as those orphans during the Circus arc, but I just don't feel or even care for them a lot. to put it heavily.
this isn't a commentary on how I feel in the fandom now or anything, my point here is that so many people, me included, are looking forwards to the next mini arc with Ciel and Sebastian(especially the people who left the fandom until they return) because we're expecting new dark discoveries and emotional turmoil. this applies to the finale as well. blood, death, trauma, a moment of happiness, all that awful stuff will happen! but now I'm worried that the emotional impacts won't hit me at all, and then I'll be.... disapointed.
sad thoughts, sorry. in the end, I'll still be here. it's just weird that I only realize this now.
#sorry I don't mean to fear post. or misery post. or idk im being negative big sad. I just want to be wrong cause waiting all this time to#be let down cause yana or G fantasy made some marketing decision- or whatever is going on. idk cause there's barely any communication#between staff and fans#idk. I just hope they pull it together when it's needed and we get the grim emotional finale we all need#kuroshitsuji#black butler#ramblings#my text posts#but maybe im just complaining to myself cause at the end of the day as logical as I am i consume content with my emotions first#but at the end of the day if we don't feel anything when reading then what's the point#sorry to be such a downer here lol im sure whatever I post next will be happier#Im a worry wart. have been since the 4th grade
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i think there is just something fundamentally wrong with my brain that makes it and school not mix
#julia.txt#like i am TRYING. i am trying really hard all the time#and its not that i dont understand or im not good at memorization bscause i AM#it just. i dont know? it doesnt work#i love what im learning i love Being At Uni#i just ???? ????????? ???????????#ever since my last year of high school ive been saying THIS is the semester where i do well and it just. Never Is#i am so tired guys. im so tired. im so tired im so tired#i am so tired of spending hours memorizing having 0 social life because i just cant afford to#because it just takes me That Much Time to get through the material#and then i get to the exam and it just Doesnt Work#i am Trying to not be pessemistic about it but its REALLY HARD when it just Never Works#honestly this is The Area where my faith falters because i have been praying so hard forever and . well. nothing changes#i dont know what im doing wrong !!! i dont !!!!#anyways. enough complaining out of me im going to go work on my lab report. i guess.#sorry i have been A Downer these past few days lol
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I don't want to hear anything about the world anymore thanks
#im done#im so tired#nothing fucking matters anymore to me because the world is fucking ending#i am unmotivated for my thesis#my hobbies#my career#there's too much shit going on it all seems so fucking inconsequential#why should i care about making a life for myself when children are dying#and the world is being poisoned#and the far right won the election#and no one seems to care#/negative#sorry for being a debby downer#;; blue talks
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running my drawings through glaze to repost them on twitter and wondering if this shit is even worth it anymore
#im so tired.#i feel like the world is passing me by again. so much of my time is spent doing job apps or courses or simply being tired from those things#i really wonder how much i'd be able to get done if i wasn't weighed down by all these worries#like my parents have been supporting me ever since i got out of college and im grateful for that but#sometimes it just feels like they're prolonging my existence when i should have been weeded out by the cruelty of the system long ago#i cant complain about being spared from it for the time being but am i ever going to be able to survive in it on my own?#sorry. this is a bit of a downer post. i'm just real tired of it all#cowposting
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Oh man the hits just keep comin
#if anyone has a spare 1000$#i am uhhh suffering#the charger broke off inside my ipad and i cannot get it out#not like that is basically the only lifeline i have atm#plus the tires#plus the car insurance i havent paid#plus the cellphone bill#i started a disability benefits application#but i dont have an official diagnosis yet a d wont for 2 more weeks at least#and no way to drive myself anhwhere#i hate relying on my partner i feel like such a pos#im not providing anything except walking the dogs its pathetic#sorry for being a debby downer but i think i just need to scream this into the ether#or all explode
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i love US because we just go to each others posts and profiles and comment stuff at each other. constant state of "rant rant rant" and "yo check this out." from her and "hi ^_^ hope youre doing well!!! thought youd like this <3" and "omg!!! this is so good. i love how you did that thing." from me. i love being very nice to people
#txt#and together we are THE 2 NIXON GALS#who arent even american#♥️♥️♥️#we also talk abt our pets to each other all the time its great. LOVE HER!#earlier she was like 'sorry for being a downer i can stop talking about this if you want' NEVER SHUT UP. RANT TO ME FOREVER. I LOVE IT & YOU#....... YOI ARE MY FRIEND AND I LOVE YOU#if i make you feel less alone then GOOD!!!!!!! I AM HERE!!!! I LOVE YOU😭#her first mistake was asking me my personal thoughts on nixon... her second mistake was making me laugh. her THIRD mistake? being ridiculous#ly gonjus and beuatiful and cute♥️
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I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think
#someone very recently acknowledged something that usually goes unseen and it wasn't even that great of an acknowledgement but ive just been#staring at the messages every once in a while. its great. not really i sort of feel like a real weirdo#im very lonely. i cant say why but let it be known that i am very lonely#ok i have a question to those who lie their eyes upon this post: tell me what you know about me please?#so much lies in my social perception and i am just. not being perceived. at all. darn#i have a lot to cry about but morally i dont think i should-- specifics would mean being mean to the people i love#talking to anyone anymore just makes me feel horrible. doing anything anymore makes me feel horrible..tmbg has my back though ill live for#another.week or a few. and then my birthday will happen and rhen um#.Well. it sucks that sucks man. i dont want to disclose my age but to elaborate on why ACTUALLY HOLD ON#the thing i am about to say is not true; it is a metaphorical thing: it is my 21st birthday soon.#i decided that i wouldnt live past this age around 5 years ago and the only reason ive lived five years is being killed this year. i dont#think every thing ive been desperately clinging on to for the past 2 (?) years can keep me alive past then..i think im going to die. i have#to#NO MORE BEING A DOWNER#fox (vulpes vulpes) on the Internet for the first time#okay maybe a little more..i dont know who im talking to in this post. my friends do not read my tumblr and. i dont know anyone else.really.#uh#I'm listen to tmbg right now i love them#hey reader; i can only think of 3 people who see enough about me to check my blog. so i have separate questions for the each of you.#one of you likes (liked? school came in and i couldnt see your blog much past then; idk if its changed) tmbg. what do you think of The Else?#and uh you there... the guyyy. Google john flansburgh..i dont have a reason to this one ive just not been able to stop thinking about askin#you what you think of him.#um third person..... um#okay theres nothing iecan ask. i do want to apologize to you though: im sorry.#iThis is bullshit#im gonna delete this soon#Um also sorry if my wording here is. really wack. i tend to do that#i dont think anyones going to see this as is always#i think i just like talking to the hypothetical beast. yeah
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#and there it was#the tears#I hate that I can do this to myself#I felt alright this morning#and now I feel my head is spinning me down a spiral taking all my energy and motivation and happiness#and because of what?#because I asked a question I should'nt have?#I am pathetic#I understand why nobody wants to talk to me honestly#btw sorry for being a downer#this is only the top of the iceberg of what is going on in my head#but I try to keep it less self pitying#i am not sure if I've succeeded#micahs thoughts
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i know that bc i'm tired and hurting, what i'm feeling is amplified, but i just want y'all to know that i'm not trying to avoid talking to anyone ooc. i really wanted today to focus on messages and plots, if i'm honest! but there's certain things going on right now that are kinda taking everything out of me, and it's just so much easier to make a post and maybe reply to a comment -- even those i haven't been great about. but i promise it's not intentional, and more than likely, i'm excited to talk!! i also just feel very exhausted and funky mentally atm. reaching out or replying to messages seems so daunting when i feel like this.
if you're currently waiting on me, thank you for being patient with me, and i'm sorry to make you wait. these moments always pass, so this one will, too! but i'm sorry if it at all feels like i'm ignoring you in the meantime or like i'm hard to connect with.
#i'm already not great with messages but i feel extra horrible with them lately and it really is just a matter of feeling so off and drained#and guilty tbh#i feel like i'm slacking so much as a writing partner and it feels really hard trying to get back to where i used to be#and i'm sure i'm being critical of myself but i don't want anyone to think they're doing something wrong or that i dislike them#especially bc some of y'all have been so kind and sweet to me while i've been going through things#it's literally all on me and not y'all#now that that's off my chest (and sorry if i'm being a bit of a debbie downer) i am!! gonna try and work on some plot asks!!#i'll be slow about it most likely but i want to at least brainstorm some ideas for you guys#get ready to ramble | ooc
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Hi. (Announcement in the tags)
#uhmm...i don't know how to explain this...#so my family has been having a lot of trouble lately#mostly our relationship with our step father#there's been ups and downs..well..more on the downer side. the only main reason my mother married him was because of..well..#money..as trash as that sounds. i can't deny the fact that I've been able to continue my studies due to his financial support.#i don't want to justify anything that i've probably done wrong to him but emotionally right now—i'm simply scarred to the point where—#I don't think I could heal without professional help. I've been struggling a lot with it ever since of what he did#i felt disgusted. dirty. I felt lost. I didn't want to forgive him. maybe this is the punishment i have to endure because I didn't have it—#—in me to forgive him. I know the principles of my religion and it is stated that one must always find forgiveness towards others.#no matter how big their mistake is. but you see—I'm not God. I am human. my kindness isn't as grand and as big as Him.#my patience is limited and so is my forgiveness#that applies the same to my mother. my mother is a very patient person when it comes to her husband. but yet again she isn't an angel—#nor is she God. she is also human and has limits to what she could handle and what she could forgive and forget.#they argued tonight. and I don't think it'll slide or end well like the past arguments. and I'm sorry to say but—#I won't be able to be active all that much either.#without him now I'll probably have to look for part time jobs. which is gonna limit how active I will be here and on my main account#I will probably go into an indefinite hiatus for some time#maybe I'll come back...maybe I won't. hopefully I will. just...pray for me that I have it in me to continue doing what I love and—#—sharing these little bits of what I do in my free time with you.#I won't have the time to reply to anything for the time being. college tests are on the way and I have to prepare myself for—#—the better or worse.#if things go downhill and you don't hear from me for a long while. then this will probably be my last post here.#I'll still be able to reply to messages on other platforms#but I just don't have the emotional stability to talk right now. No it's gonna be fine. I have faith in me and God.#I know that He doesn't put His children into burdens that none of them could handle.#and if He thinks I could handle this. then I will. and I can. He is with me and so is all of your faith.#that puts me in a sense of reassurance a little hahah...#yeah.. so...I'll see you then..bye.
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#being depressed is so boring#and everything feels like swimming upstream#I feel like I have nothing to talk about right now except how miserable I am and I hate it#I'm really trying to get out of this pit and it's hard#potatoblog#sorry for being such a downer all the time right now
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coming to terms with having adhd is like wow so my brain has been broken all my fucking life and always will be. and when I felt like everything was unfair + more difficult for me than everyone else thats because it is actually. and it will always be like this forever. hope that helps 👍
#and also all my concerns abt being high risk for substance abuse + self harm + suicide are now statistically proven 👍#not to mention risks of debt/houselessness + the whole spectrum of attachment/relationship issues etcetera#the likelihood of me having adhd is inescapable theres too much evidence for it. but I cant even think abt it without having a breakdown#my execution function hasn't been functioning for weeks and I'm so fucking tired I just want to be able to do shit. please#also so sick of ppl being like oh adhd is so fun it means youre more creative + energetic haha 🤪 whenever I try to talk abt it#like actually not to be a downer but its ruining my fucking life. its not some 'superpower' or coveted quirk. kindly shut the fuck up#maybe it would just be a fun different type of brain if society was structured differently. but its not! so it will always be a hindrance#I think I need to try and find a therapist to see who specialises in or has experience w adhd bc I am rly not coping right now lmfao#just so I can wrap my head around this. and figure out how to get my shit together and function as a member of society#anyway. sorry.#.vent#oddly this is very specific to adhd. when i think abt the fact i likely have autism im like hell yeah that rules B^)
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The winter break loneliness is hitting hard already and while I don't have a good ask meme lined up, if anyone wants to send questions about fic/playlists/cosplay or anything else, they would be much appreciated
#usually it takes a little longer for me to feel all sad and isolated during break#but with scribe sort of down for the count my brain is operating more on 'feels a little like living alone again' rules these days#which uh. are not good for me. i spiral pretty fast without social interaction#and with everything closed for the next day or two i can't really try to go anywhere to shake it#doesn't help that lots of friends are out of town or doing things with their families for the next few days#whereas i don't really have holiday plans tonight beyond lighting my menorah#anyways uh...... sorry for being a bit of a downer#i am doing my best not to succumb to the horrors here but they are. persistent
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for various reasons i havent been gaming for monthsss, and so i never renewed my ps plus subscription, and seeing the free monthly games since, im glad i did, the games are mainly ass nowadays
#used to be some good stuff theyd give you. ofc this is a generalization and there are some id be interested in playing#but i def do think the value has gone down meanwhile the subscription price has only gone up#but isnt that the state of all things in life? can you tell im tired? damn i am sorry for being such a downer. i been extra lame lately
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