#I am so glad someone posted this bc I was genuinely considering starting a new save purely to get this screenshot

[viahiptop]

[x]

[ethereal-lix]

.

[bansheeoftheforest]

Uh, is there still an angst break? Ignore this ask until your ready if so 👉😎👉

-

What was the au where Jekylls pushed down the stairs and experiences a skull crackening again? Oh well but I've been thinking of a branch of that where Jekyll doesn't know hes dead like all day. I also cant remember if that was already discussed or not

The lodgers patch him up, he complains of a headache, and goes on his merry way! He's confused why all the lodgers are so nervous and being nice to him all of the sudden, why creature is looking at him with a stange mix of empathy and pity. He was told he fell down the stairs, fell unconscious, and obtained a bit of an injury. He cant fathom why Frankenstein is "The only doctor who can treat him" why he has to constantly go to her for checkups. Why Maijabi is suddenly following him practically everywhere.

Hyde squeezes back control for a moment and tries the potion but it doesn't work. Maybe a bit of pain but certainly no transformation. Jekyll assumes his injury or whatever medication they're giving him to treat it somehow negated the effects

Jekyll complains about "suddenly blacking out" the lodgers know its because his soul is slippery. They tell him it must just be a side effect of the injury and not to worry

How long can they keep it secret from him? When does he find out? Does he? Does it get to be years only for him to realize that he hasn't aged? That he still needs checkups from Frankenstein? Does he learn sooner? Does a lodger crack and say it? Does he rot? Does he notice how so very cold he is. How animals act around him? It's all very interesting,,

-

I actually did think a bit of Jekyll's kidnappers for the amnesia kidnapping au! When drawing that lil sketch of Henry and O'Leary meeting Robert I had considered making it so O'Leary was suspicious of Lanyon like "Oh theres no news anywhere of someone matching Thomas' description who's missing. But some random people walk up claiming to know him? Begging to take him back with them?" And he'd think they were the kidnappers. But ultimately I decided against it as I felt Lanyon and Rachel were pretty clearly, genuinely concerned for "Thomas" :p

-

I tried playing assassins creed once, the first(?) one. But the controls were confusing and everything was sorta thrown all at me at once, and I got bored of it quickly

But! I went to the store the other day and just so happened to notice Syndicate was being sold for 15 dollars 👀 So I bought it because funky Victorian assassins and your influence! It's a bit less confusing then the first ac game I tried but why is going down or dropping so hard bdksnks. I'm having quite a bit of fun! If you dont count my rage and annoyance-, the B button refuses to cooperate with me unless I'm looting corpses >:(

The b button being the bane of my existence aside, I AM having fun! I like the funky outfits and I want to play as the girl twin (evie?) forever because her clothes are good and shes better at attacking than jacob(?) For some reason. Probably the stun her weapon has? Oh well! I have not unlocked any new outfits yet, nonetheless I wish there were more.

Also! I was thimking, and my current quests are taking place at 1868? Did I get that right? And Jekyll is like 35 in 1885. So in game he'd be 18! An au like I believe you mentioned sounds very interesting 👀 but I must play more to know what's going on and daydream about it

That would be the resurrection au <3

But god, I really like that branch! Especially combined with the hc that he can't feel pain bc the HJ7 and the transformations made him immune. Frankenstein patched him up and made fleshweaver to heal the crack in his skull but it still has to be bandaged, he surely broke a few bones, yet all he has to do is to be careful because it doesn't even hurt. He doesn't even realize how severe the injuries are because it doesn't hurt, it very well might just have been that he accidentally slipped at the bottom of the staircase and accidentally hit his head on the railing during his fall, rather than getting physically pushed and flying down the stairs, shattering his skull upon impact with the marble floor. Y'know what would be extra fun? If he only starts getting a bit suspicious about how severe the injury was once he realizes his lungs stop breathing for minutes at a time when he gets distracted, or his heartbeat stops dead in his chest. I know that that's not how biology or even creature works but lets say the HJ7 is funky, Zombie Jekyll my beloved. Perhaps he would only fully grasp what had happened once he blacked out too much and 'passed out', but his soul slipped out enough to leave his body unconscious on the floor while his soul/ghost was just... Watching. And it's not until Maijabi (who, as you said, follows him everywhere) immediately calls for more Lodgers saying that Henry's soul is getting unstable and Frankenstein's lousy job is starting to shine through that he fully understands that it was not a mere hit to the head. Or maybe it is when days, weeks, maybe months has passed and the headache never goes away, he only feels how his body starts feeling so much more... Fragile and delicate, that the guilt has eaten Helsby up alive and he corners him and spills everything, knowing he is going directly against what the group agreed to but not being able to keep it a secret much longer-- or maybe Creature would tell him immediately, once Henry is, for once, alone perhaps days after the initial accident. He cannot see Henry struggle to understand what is going on when he already knows what's happening to Henry, his mind, and his body. He doesn't listen to the plan that Frankenstein and the Lodgers has set up and immediately tells Henry the first moment they are alone. That would certainly be horrifying, I can only imagine how the Lodgers would find Henry after that, once he actually knows and manages to process everything. He would be so mad, not only to have been killed in the first place, but also because he was robbed of an afterlife because the Lodgers were selfish and could not accept the consequences of their actions. He would be mad, he would be so pissed and I have no doubt he might actually be mad at Maijabi too for even agreeing to help Frankenstein and the rest of the Lodgers. That anger would not stay long, though. That anger would soon turn into misery and sadness and paranoia so even as Henry has tried to push Maijabi away, Henry still ends up on his doorstep begging him to help him make sure he is not rotting, because no matter what anyone says, he is sure he can see rotten spots and patches on his skin and he is just so scared and jdhfjsdfdsfsfs... <3

--

Ooooooohhh, I was actually daydreaming about this just this morning! Granted, I woke up at 5 and began to daydream to fall asleep quicker but I still like the thought of O'Leary being suspicious of Robert/Rachel/Jasper/the Lodgers bc he is protective of 'Thomas' and doesn't want anything bad to happen to him and especially with the idea that Henry still has hallucinations and they both think he was abandoned by his family, left to rot at a mental asylum. O'Leary might very well think that it might be Henry's friends and family that dumped him that Henry had 'escaped' the hospital and that's why they knew he was missing since the Asylum itself obviously wouldn't have posted the news... I really liked Jeks idea, okay? Like a lot, I absolutely love it <3

--

Oh, the oldest AC game I played was Unity bc it was free after the Notre Dame fire, and I can confirm, I played 15 min and could not get through it even if i would have wanted to, it absolutely sucks so i have no doubt the older games are just as frustrating <3

BUT!!!! I'M SO GLAD MY CORRUPTION IS SPREADING AND YOU BOUGHT AND PLAYED IT AND ARE ENJOYING IT SO FAR!!! Trust me, Syndicate truly is an absolutely amazing game and is definitely one of my top 3 games of all time. I sometimes play it w my friend watching me play and trust me, I know that rage of trying to do smt but the character does smt else... or you try to do smt but the game doesn't react and you miss your chance... Oh well, still a wonderful game <3

My friend loves to play as Evie as well but I'm definitely playing Jacob every chance I get and I honestly get a lil pissy when I have to play as Evie bc I always prefer to play male characters, plus, I just like Jacob better bc he is a sweetheart. He is also canonically bisexual as hell!!! Have you met Abberline yet? The police officer? Him and Jacob together is one of my fave ships for the game. I also bought the ultimate/golden/whatever name it was edition so I had a bunch of extra outfits, I love the sherlock holmes outfit for Jacob but my friend keeps bullying me for it </3

Honestly? The time difference is the bane of my entire idea for the au bc if it's during their time Henry hasn't even graduated yet, and definitely not well-known enough for them to actively meet for whatever reason, and if you use the timeline for the jack the ripper dlc (in 1888) a lot of... Less than pleasant things happen so it wouldn't really make a lot of sense for a crossover to happen at that point but maybe it's just bc im a pussy and refuse to play the dlc. Rn, while imagining the au, I just imagine the 1868 timeline to be the same as the TGS timeline. I like to imagine the Frye Twins hearing about Henry and the Society and promptly breaking into his office to ask him to make poison and stuff for them. I also have a feeling that Jacob would flirt wildly with Henry and that Henry would be less-than-amused. It would also be a very fun thing with the fact that there would be two Henrys, with TGS Henry Jekyll and AC Syndicate Henry Green, soo... XD

[army-of-mai-lovers]

ATLA Fic Recs part 2!

part 1 (consider this link a re-rec of everything I recced in part 1, bc those fics are still amazing and at this point many of them that weren’t complete are finished now which is cool!) 

So I’m structuring this fic recs list a little differently than I did the first one. First one was just “fics I like” with no regard to how popular the fics were and a little bit of thought as to balancing gen fics with ship fics and trying to have a diversity of ships listed. This time, I am paying attention to how popular the fics are, and while I’m probably still going to rec popular fics/fic authors, I’m hoping to also expose people to some new authors with this list (as well as exposing people to work from their favorite authors that they may not have read)! Expanding your horizons is a really good thing, it’s how I’ve found basically every fic I love, and I hope y’all will love each of the fics I’m reccing as much as I do! In no particular order: 

1.  her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you by @aangsblush I said that I was going to rec this a couple days ago and here I am doing it because HOW ON EARTH IS THIS FIC AS BRILLIANT AS IT IS AND NOT LIGHTING THE FANDOM ON FIRE RIGHT NOW. I’ve genuinely never read a fic like this before. Never in my life. It’s a collection of vignettes, mostly dealing with Hakoda and Sokka’s various experiences of grief with Kya and Yue (and there’s a little bit of cute bakoda and sukka sprinkled in there as well). Like I said, the chapters were vignettes, some of them as short as two or three sentences, and yet somehow I was crying after every single chapter???? The author uses language so sparingly and so impactfully and I truly cannot get over how brilliant this is like bruh. who gave you the right. Who. Who. Tbh I could make a whole post about this fic (and I have!) but instead, I’m going to direct you to the fic, bc really, it speaks for itself. 

2. laughter lines by @bi-suki To be completely real, I tend not to read sad fics, or seek out sad media in general, but I read this fic and I’m so glad I did. It’s a modern au about Sokka and his family moving to Anchorage, separating him from his childhood best friend, Yue. Make sure you read the tags before you read this fic, please. It’s really sad. I started tearing up while writing out just that quick summary. Keep a box of tissues handy. I’ve read a lot of this author’s fics and they all have a habit of sticking in my head long after I’ve read them, but this one really packs a punch. Sokka’s grief and his friendship with Yue is written in such an intimate and beautiful way, and yes, I literally am crying right now thinking about it. I do think it’s hard to pull off writing yukka, especially in a modern au, while giving appropriate depth to both Sokka and Yue, but this fic really managed it so well. Even though this fic made me sad, I don’t regret reading it one bit.

3. call it fate by @bluberry-spicehead y’all are really converting me into a maiko shipper and honestly I’m so here for it. Mai’s one of my favorite characters in ATLA, and the care that the fic takes in portraying her perspective as well as her relationships with Zuko, Azula, and Ty Lee (despite the fact that Zuko isn’t even there when the fic takes place)--I mean, it’s honestly just incredible work. I’ve seen a lot of joke-y posts about “oh what if x happened with Aunt Wu instead of what happened in canon?” but never with Maiko and never quite the way this fic describes it. It’s really original and really carefully done, with all the complexity and nuance of their relationship infused into the details of the fic. And the way that Mai is written is both in character for her and expands on existing canon in a way that I really believe works for her. The writing is so immediate and really roots you in the world and in Mai’s head and I love it I love it I love it! 

4. i am your savior, your last serving daughter by @gays4korra *sokka voice* SUKI! Bruh. BRUH. The amount that I love both Suki and Kyoshi cannot be overstated, they’re both such fascinating and complex characters, and yet some people (*cough* the fandom *cough*) don’t want to see them in their full and complete brilliance. Enter this fic, which shows Suki and Kyoshi meeting, like someone saw my wildest dreams and was like “hey that’s a cool fic idea!” The TEARS I cried reading this fic (yes, I am aware that this is the fourth time I’ve mentioned crying over a fic in just this one post, these fic authors are incredibly talented and I have three planets in Cancer, fight me) Suki and Kyoshi, icons themselves, conversing across time???? iconic. simply iconic. And then the fact that Sokka orchestrated the whole thing because he wanted to make Suki happy? I love them, your honor. And Kyoshi being happy that Suki looks up to her because really Kyoshi’s a fluffy dork with self-esteem issues.... I’m crying again it’s so beautiful I’ve looked at it for five hours now. Gosh. read this fic. 

5. Balance My Heart in The Palm of Your Hands by @spookysukki ok while looking for this person’s tumblr I found out that this was their first work in the fandom and can I just say pal you POPPED OFF with this one fic and I hope that you write more because this was. This was awesome. Mailee is def in my top 5 (possibly top 2) ATLA ships but unfortunately I have a hard time finding content for it. Fortunately, every time I do find content for it it’s incredibly cute and this was absolutely no exception. It’s also the rare Mai & Sokka friendship fic which is not something I knew I needed in my life but is a concept that I am completely obsessed with having read this. Basically, Mai’s jealous of Sokka because Ty Lee keeps talking about Sokka being attractive, and shenanigans ensue. And you know me, I love shenanigans. This is also a Mai perspective fic which is awesome because as I said earlier, I love love LOVE Mai, and she’s so sweet and broody in this lsfjskdfjk I love her so much what an icon. 

5. earth system history by @pianjeong I have read this fic. So many times. I could honestly probably recite it from memory (jfdksjflsd ok that’s not true but at this rate I probably will be able to soon). It is an absolutely stunning fic. It’s like all my favorite parts of college condensed into one story (running around buildings you probably shouldn’t be in in the middle of the night with the person you have a crush on, coming out to your professor who is also gay, all iconic college moods). I’m simply obsessed with the way each character is written, and it’s so clear that the author knows what she’s talking about when it comes to geology, and that in general this fic was written with a lot of love for the characters of ATLA and also for rocks. It’s that love that keeps me coming back to this one. Cannot recommend it enough. 

6. the end is barely beginning by @katarahairloopies  gosh I don’t even know where to start with this one other than I cannot believe that it almost wasn’t posted and I’m so glad that it was because you truly can never have enough father/son moments between Hakoda and Sokka and I care them. I care them so much. Also can I just say Hakoda not remembering all of Sokka and Katara’s friends’ names and having to really think about it is such a dad mood. I can’t remember a single time in my life where my dad could remember all of my friends’ names (and there were points in my life where he would have only had to remember one name and yet. and yet.) I really love ATLA fics that are character studies because they tend to really retain the complexity of the characters as they’re depicted in the show (or make them more complex) and this one is no exception. There were so many lines of this that were just really poignant and beautiful. Again, cannot recommend it enough. 

[arizona-trash-bag]

I can totally explain a bit of my thinking behind seeing lwj as autistic and wwx as autistic/adhd!! Before I get into specifics though, let me preface with where I’m coming from. I first saw CQL and then read the EXR translation of the novel. I prefer MDZS to CQL, but also want to acknowledge that because I do not read/speak Mandarin I am inherently experiencing this story second-hand and therefore am probably missing out on a lot of nuances. I am trying to learn Mandarin, but it will be a long time before I am even a little close to fluent lol.

Another preface- obviously not all autistic people present in the same way, and many of the things that I will mention are not solely specific to autistic people either. It’s one of those things where all of it added up together points towards asd, but each one individually would not on its own indicate asd, you know? Also, I will say that many of the things I picked up on for both characters are autistic traits that many autistic people have vs the clinical characteristics (much like most of the case I could make for wwx’s adhd would be adhd traits he has rather than symptoms that would lead to a real-world diagnosis.) Edit: OH! I almost forgot to say, that also all of these traits I’m listing are from a western perspective, and I would LOVE to read more about how autism presents in different cultures and to see conversations between autistc Chinese people specifically, so as to see if these traits are specific to western autistic people or not, but again, I do not speak Mandarin or Cantonese or any other Chinese dialect, so that’s a little inaccessible for me atm.

Ok, SO, for both characters I would list: strong sense of justice, lack of care for society’s opinion (I feel like it could be argued that lwj does to a certain point, but imo he operates more from what he morally considers to be correct and from a place of familial duty vs catering to the opinion of society at large), and then more vaguely, they both seem to be “nerdy” (this doesnt feel like the most accurate term, especially because it's not like being scholarly is specific to their characters, especially in ancient fantasy China- it’s more that their particular hmmm, flavor?? of love of knowledge feels very neurodivergent to me, vs like, being scholarly because it’s the thing that is expected of a Young Master, if that makes any sense at all- like the difference btwn someone getting an engineering degree because it is expected of them vs because they genuinely love engineering), and lastly for both- I would say that they are canonically kinky, and while I can’t cite any statistics, there’s a pretty high correlation between being autistic and being into kink. Obviously, not every person who is not vanilla is autistic, and not every autistic person is into kink…….but there is a high correlation.

For lwj specifically, the things that made me think he might be autistic are his lack of outward emoting combined with his depth and breadth of emotions, how he seems to thrive in and quite enjoy the very structured environment he grew up in, and then the last one off the top of my head (side note, I feel like a week from now I’m going to randomly think of other examples lol) I’m not actually sure IS an example, because I know (thanks to the awesome post from hunxi that you linked to that I had read previously) that his succintness does not equal autism, but I do kind of feel like it is very autistic to Always be so formal and to Always talk in textbook perfect language.

For wwx, I also think he likely has CPTSD! I’m not going to list anything for adhd or cptsd since we both agree on those :) As far as being autistic goes, there is, of course, the high prevalence of adhd/asd comorbidity. For specifc traits- while autism can show up as lack of facial expressions/tone, it can also show up as being overly exuberant and overexpressive. Especially for younger autistic children this can show up as being overly friendly/no boundaries w/ strangers (just?? going home with a random man who says he knew wwx’s parents???), making unusual connections that others do not can be both asd and adhd, his disregard for social status (disregard might be a strong word, and also I feel like this might be one of those things that got lost in translation and if I had read the original text I might have a different opinon, but what I mean here is the way that often autistic people learn certain social rules and try their best to follow them, but often do not pick up on specifics related to social hierarchy that are not spelled out for them- I think jyl’s take down of jin zixun is a great example of the /oppossite/ of what I’m talking about, and is a very neurotypical interaction. An example also of what I mean by disregard for social hierarchy, but from my own life, is how I’ve reflected on past convos w/ my boss only to realize that what I thought was just an interesting conversation about our opinons on a particular subject was actually them trying to tell-me-as-my-boss something they wanted me to do. We ended up doing things the way I wanted to do them because I didn’t realize that they were telling me to do something because they didnt explicitly say so, and because I just don’t pick up on when people are saying something from a social hierarchy pov. Idk if this makes sense or not, so I’m happy to try to expand if you would like me to. I feel like wwx could be described as having alexithymia, which is very common in autistic people, but could also be due to his cptsd. And then, I don’t feel like this is a true point because it is kind of based on headcanon? but wwx feels very demisexual to me, which is much more common for autistic people than it is for allistic people. But him being demi is not canon, just my perception of him (I see him as demisexual gay w/ massive comphet, but I know lots of people see him as bi, which also totally makes sense!!)

Tbh, I’m having a harder time than I thought I would listing wwx specifics. I might go through the book sometime this weekend and see if there are specific moments that pop out at me, but tbh w/ him its more that he Feels very adhd/asd to me?? Idk, I was diagnosed w/ adhd when I was 8, and all 4 of my siblings plus my father have offical adhd diagnoses. I’m 29 now and was only diagnosed as autistic earlier this year.  All of my close friends have always been either adhd, asd, or adhd/asd. There have been multiple people I have met that I’ve suspected were neurodivergent who have later told me they started looking into it and are now seeking formal diagnoses. I mention these things, only to give full context when I say that I have spent a lot of time observing the differences between interacting with neurotypicals and neurodivergents. I mean, obviously, it’s possible that I could just be projecting, but to me, Wwx gives off late-diagnosed/heavy masker autism/adhd combo vibes. Again, maybe I am projecting, but I did try to analyze whether I was or not previously, and determined that since in the past with other favorite characters (who I probably share more similarities in personality with) I did not feel like they were neurodivergent, so I figured that probably I wasn’t? That feels like a very convoluted sentence, but what I mean is that I have not thought that about other characters who have been my fav, so I figured that while I do project in certain areas that this particular area probably wasn’t one of them. Or, to say it in yet another way, since i did not project any of my neurodivergencies on past favorite characters, I figured I probably didn’t start doing so now.

I would love to hear more of your perspective on this, particularly because I worry that I do not have the cultural touchstones to realize when something wwx or lwj is doing is not actually a sign of being neurodivergent. I try my best to research things I don’t know about and to listen to fans who actually do have that cultural understanding, but there’s only so much I can look into on my own when I only speak/read english. And also, I love mdzs and I love talking about both adhd and autism, so I’m glad to talk about these subjects with someone else who also likes all of those topics :) Sorry for sending a book of a response and also I hope you are having a great day!!

wow wow wow anon THANK YOU for doing your research and acknowledging your blind spots you seriously made my day. I wanted to get to this as soon as I made that rant while sharing cyan’s post bc this is specifically an example of a well researched proposition based on actual lived experience and critical thinking.

I almost want to ask you to come forward so we can take this convo elsewhere for a more nuanced discussion bc you’ve already hit upon an issue that’s been holding me back from making a big blathering masterpost on the matter - that the ND experience is so unique and individual, and no one person can dictate someone else’s experience. at the end of the day, if you personally relate to these characters and gain more understanding of yourself and your experiences from them, who am I to take that away from you?

in a public space though I have to make the discussion very broad in order to accurately contextualize these issues, bc in typical autistic fashion I feel morally compelled to Do My Best and Get It Right even as the masses show no inclination of returning the favor, so apologies for the boring backstories I have to get out of the way before we can approach anything resembling new ground.

first from a diagnostic standpoint, while I recognize the traits you listed (and appreciate your clearly nuanced understanding of ND expressions) and would find value in exploring them in a personal context, they are not unique to adhd and/or autism and wouldn’t constitute a basis for diagnosis in a clinical setting. I know that's probably beside the point for this anon, but there's enough edgy teens hoarding labels out there without tacit encouragement from scientists (yes I am technically a scientist, even though my ideologies these days range from conventional to... wildly esoteric, shall we say)

from a cultural standpoint, it’s important for me to emphasize that the concept of neurodivergence is a uniquely western notion. for those unfamiliar, the term 'neurodiversity' was only coined in 1998. I was born in 1991. I existed for a whole 7 years as an autistic person before the idea of being neurodivergent was even a thing. this ND acceptance thing is very, very new - people were not making tiktok confessionals about their adhd diagnosis journeys when I was growing up.

china, like most asian countries, is about 20 years or more behind on just about every social issue compared with western countries. to better illustrate, the experience of being ND in china falls much closer to the conventional experience of disability (i.e. being eugenicized out of existence) than the tentative ND acceptance movement that’s been kickstarted in the past 20 years in the anglosphere.

safe to say, there is no ND coding going on in chinese media. characters are either explicitly ND or they're not. there's no basis for a creator subtly inducing ND-like traits in a character, because there's no such thing as ND awareness in the cultural context of where mdzs was written and consumed. any resemblance is purely accidental, as they say.

as to how this resemblance could exist - I could go into the layers and layers of historical, cultural, social and religious context that make up these characters and the xianxia genre as a whole. for this anon in particular i'm happy to, because they've done the work. please please get in touch in some way where we can have a fully fleshed out chat if you're interested in taking this further, I realize i’ve basically addressed none of the finer points you’ve raised but honestly it’s another level of discussion to be had that cannot be summarized in one blog post haha.

as for those who would scream 'but special interests!!' at a character whose sect was founded by a literal monk - what would be the point?

PS. to comprise a starting point for why it's possible to see ND4ND everywhere in media if you looked hard enough - I refer you to the seminal red oni blue oni trope 💁‍♀️

[kbsd]

hi since I am awake and sincereposting. your amvs are amazing and they are literally my entire music taste now. also! I'd never heard of crazy ex girlfriend before and now I'm on my 3rd rewatch. guess I just wanted to say thanks! you're very creative and they are so funny that I half to genuinely pause and take a break or I will die laughing. thank you <3

oh wow this is incredibly kind, thank you!! i started making those videos for myself as a creative outlet, so i'm just constantly so thrilled/amazed that people love them so much! every time someone says they started cxg bc of my videos, it makes me so so happy :') i'm glad you enjoy the show!

i hopefully will be posting a new cxspn video today or tomorrow, so consider that one dedicated to you!!! <3

[destinyc1020]

I was a Jacdaya stan and actually preferred them over Tomdaya at one point, and I can tell you you are completely right w/us ignoring the red flags purposefully. It was pushed a lot that J must have been the better option/man since Z was more public with him and a lot of comments were made like "the Tomdayas are angry or jealous bc she didn't even want to claim Tom" or about his height making him less of man than J. Joey was regarded as crazy and attention seeking in regards to the rumors and I didn't even know about Cari till I came here, most of the time it was ignored or brushed off like the timelines of his relationships overlapping meant nothing. All of Z's random/out of norm behavior was read as her growing up again since J was "a mature man" and her going on vacay w/o chaperones with J was showing J and Z were in an adult relationship and she was being treated like a "woman" should as if with Tom if was some childlike fantasy or child-like relationship. It was crazy.

I'm glad blogs like you exist now, because I finally realize with the info on here and through all the messy stuff that came out about J a couple months ago w/Kaia and everything, how I was completely wrong and Tom was the superior relationship and man but yeah, just wanted to give the perspective. Love your blog!

Wow!  

Well, first of all can I just say?  Thank you for being so honest! 👏  I don’t think many people would have admitted what you just admitted tbh.  That takes a lot of guts (and humility) to admit that maybe some fans in the Jacdaya fandom were purposely just ignoring blatant red flags and rumors that have been around since forever about JE and his “patterns” with girls/exes, etc.  

TBH (and I’m being completely honest here), I actually would not have minded Z dating another guy after Tom. I am a HUGE Tomdaya fan (both together AND apart), but I’m also a realist.  If Z was unhappy in the relationship towards the end, or if they couldn’t agree on certain aspects, then they did need to break up!  I’m actually glad that they did honestly!  Because it probably salvaged the possibility of them still being able to maintain somewhat of a friendship w/each other.  SOME couples wait for far too long to break up, and then the relationship just turns toxic and they just end up totally HATING each other in the end. 🥴 I’m just glad Tom & Z didn’t do that.  To me that would have been sadder than their actual breakup. 😔  With that said, I was actually not minding Jacob at FIRST when he was on that trip to Greece with her.  I’ve said it before on here that I actually liked that she wasn’t sitting at home crying or looking depressed.  I liked that she was actually going on VACATION (for a change), traveling, doing new things, wearing that hot, “post-breakup” sexy green dress she wore at the Emmys, etc....  Like, while I felt bad that she and Tom had broken up, I was actually happy that she was still going on w/her life.  It was when I started hearing all of the stories about JE that came out about him (how he treated Joey, his ex in Australia, his ex Cari, etc... ) that I started to really get RED FLAGS about him.  I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t ignore that stuff.  And I just don’t see how anyone who considers themselves a genuine fan of Zendaya’s could ignore those red flags either tbh. 

I would have been perfectly fine if Zendaya had dated an UPSTANDING guy after her breakup with Tom.  But to DOWNgrade?? It just felt like such a step DOWN.   And I’m not even talking about fame/money/prestige-wise... I’m just talking about general character. JE just never seemed good enough for her to me. I just didn’t see how she could go from someone like Tom (character-wise), to someone like JE.  Like, it just didn’t compute. At least if you break up with your ex, get somebody BETTER!  Don’t DOWNgrade! 😅  Anyway, that’s just mho... Thank you for being honest, and thanks for the kind words about my blog!   I appreciate it.  😊 

[donkey-hyuck]

— thank you ❤︎

~ as i am writing this, i have surpassed 400 followers (now at 402)! i am thankful for everyone who has followed me and followed my passion as a writer. i started this blog somewhere last year (mayb march of 2019??) but unfortunately, i did delete my first few posts— even tho i really regret deleting it in the first place— but they were just not good so ig i had a reason??? however, thank you all for liking my shit haha

it’s kind of upsetting bc i have no asks to actually answer, but half of my followers are moots— lmao—and i’m so glad and thankful for every one of you. you all made me realize that i could be myself and even brought out a side of me i didn’t even knew i had. i’ve met so many good people that i genuinely consider friends and i’m so happy! so a big thanks for my following is all of you!!💗 (not gonna tag ppl bc ion wanna be cheesy😭)

now i have some giftes for y’all! i’ve updated my headers (of which have alr been edited and posted for the teasers), and i have some story ideas and headers alr in mind so i’m just gonna give them to you!

❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

— (song fic; butterflies by queen naija) ↴

genre- angst (in the beginning) || fluff (pray for me)|| lil suggestive || strangers to friends to lovers|| college!au

characters/pairing- basketball player!yukhei x fem!reader || wayv/nct || (more to come..)

— in the midst of your relationship crisis, you’re set up with one of the most known basketball players in the district. though, you were more alike than you thought, yukhei made you feel some type of way; only for the feeling to be reciprocated. and you caused butterflies in each other’s tummies.

— release date: to be determined

❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

— (song fic; i.l.y. by the rose) ↴

genre- fluff || angst || idol!au

characters/pairing- idol!jisung x younger, fem!reader || nct || other sm artists

— the reality of the world hit you both in the face. he was an idol and you were just an ordinary person that attended school and just overall worked your ass off. exposed by a dispatch article, there were an abundance of people that said the two of you would never work and that you were too young. yet you and jisung proved society wrong. and after quite the buzz, sm had released a press confirmation that changed your lives; and for the better.

— release date: to be determined

❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

— (demi-god!au) ↴

genre- fluff || maybe a lil suggestive || also maybe a bit angst??? || demi-god! au || college freshman! au || e2l! au

characters/pairing- demi-god!donghyuck x fem, mortal!reader || nct || (more to come..)

— his secret was out, but no one cared. in fact, it made them love him even more. the son of nike, goddess of victory. he excelled at everything, only he was the exact opposite of his mother, and you hated him for that.

— release date: to be determined

❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

— (criminal!au) ↴

genre- princess! au || criminal! au || angst || fluff ||suggestive

characters/pairing- criminal!hyuck X princess!reader || nct || (more to come..)

— born and raised in the castle, you never really got to experience life out of it. everything you did and learned had to be within the castle walls. yet, you were soon to be the queen, and have barely seen the people living in your kingdom. it was a shame, truly. but one night, whilst tossing and turning in your sleep, the bustle of rope on your balcony had instinctively told you to rise. slowly, opening the balcony doors, you’re met with criminal mastermind, lee donghyuck. you felt attracted to him the minute he spoke. and he promised you freedom from your own people. but he lied about who he was and his past, and when you later found out, you felt so damn naive.

— release date: to be determined

❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

— (tv show inspired) ↴

genre- fluff || a lot of action (bc I’m a nerd)

characters/pairing- not a lot of pairing (even tho aang and katara highkey had a thing) avatar!mark x fem, waterbender!reader || nct || (more to come..)

— after accidentally coming across the last air bender with your brother, he is faced with the reality of the world a hundred years later. the fire nation had taken over almost all the villages across the globe. you and your brother had been destined to help out the avatar. and it was the avatar’s destiny to restore peace in the world. now it was time for the avatar to master all elements to defeat the fire nation and end the hundred year war; all while having the smallest crush on said water bender.

— release date: to be determined

❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

— (pirate!au) ↴

genre- angst || fluff-ish lol || maybe a bit suggestive??

characters/pairing- pirate!hendery x runaway bride!reader || wayv/nct || (more to come..)

— you were arranged to be engaged to some snobby hero. but he was no hero, he was an impulsive liar. the man only got away with things because of his charm. everyone in the whole town believed what he said, no matter how false it was. the only true thing about him was that he loved you yet you didn’t have the guts to love him back. and on the day of your wedding, things didn’t go as planned and you were stolen as a victim. aboard the pirate ship, famous for its savages, wong kunhang is the captain of the boat and has a huge debt to pay.

— release date: to be determined

❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

— (prince!au) ↴

genre- maleficent! au || dark fey! au || prince! au || angst || fantasy || suggestive

characters/pairing- prince!jaemin X fey, fem!reader || nct || (more to come..)

— the boy, na jaemin. ever since he had been born, stories of the fey’s had been the main talk within the kingdom for centuries. and na jaemin was an inquisitive person. so when one of his knights had told him a story about his experience with a fey, his curiosity only grew more. he was a very young boy when he first snuck out of the kingdom walls, out into the forest surrounding it. the rustling of the trees and branches only filled his ears as the moonlight cascaded onto his pale skin. until it was completely covered. since then, years had passed by, and na jaemin finds himself venturing past the walls once more. to find the fey that drew him into the mystical world behind it.

— release date: to be determined

❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

— (from this point on, these fics i just haven’t written down yet) ↴

genre- prince/king!au || fluff || angst

characters/pairing- prince!taeil x seamstress!reader || nct || (more to come..)

— prince moon taeil, now, king. he’d first met you when you were both twelve. living at the orphanage at the time, taeil was amazed at how beautifully skilled you were at your music abilities. his mother and father had always thrived off of the sound and calmness music had brought them. but when he introduced you as a musician, they had refused to acknowledge you and expelled you from ever getting near their son and the castle ever again. but taeil would not give up, because after all those years of listening to you, he’d developed feelings. you were the music notes to his own song; the pauper and the prince. (rough-draft summary)

— release date: to be determined

❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

— (song fic; when night falls [긴밤이오면 OST] by eddy kim) ↴

genre- post breakup!au (if that makes sense) || long distance relationship!au || ghost!au || angst :’)

characters/pairing- ghost!jungwoo x fem!reader || nct || (more to come..)

— they said long distance relationships weren’t easy. but after five whole years, you and jungwoo had proved the hypothesis wrong. there was the occasional meeting while you were in seoul but other than that, it was all screens and pixelated lovers. however, when you got moved to a new job, farther than what you had expected, your path was solely based on your career and so you broke up with the man. three years had then gone by with little communication until the second year came and jungwoo completely cut contact with you. but when you came back to visit friends, kim jungwoo’s spirit— who now roams the streets of seoul, korea— notices you’re back; but you never noticed that he was gone. (rough-draft summary)

— release date: to be determined

❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

— (high school! au) ↴

genre- high school (musical)!au || lots of fluff || a lil angst

characters/pairing- troy bolton esque! chenle, gabriella montez esque!reader || nct || (more to come..)

— after moving across the country, your father was granted an internship. so once you moved to the place you didn’t call home, there was someone that brought it all back. who knew after one interaction would make you feel this way? (rough-draft summary)

— release date: to be determined

❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

thank you all again!! please look forward to these! i love you to the universe and back!💗

[acelezz]

My Experience With Internalized Homophobia

I know that I haven’t been making that many posts lately, but I would like to announce that as of like a month ago, I officially came out to everyone in my life. It was a long journey and I’m glad that’s over and that nothing has changed. My coming out story is nothing special so I’d rather talk about something that is more interesting: my battle with internalized homophobia.

I first heard the word “gay” when I was 8-years-old. It was said on George Lopez and when I asked what the word meant, my mom told me. At first, I was very repulsed. I’ll admit it: I used to be a bit homophobic growing up and I’m very ashamed of it. I’ve always believed in being kind to others so it was never to a gay person’s face. I would just make comments when it was just all straight people and this went on for awhile but it wasn’t something that I did every day; just when the topic was mentioned. For instance, in 7th grade, two of my girl classmates were outed as a couple and although I had been suspecting that bc the one girl was obviously gay, I made a disgusted face when my one friend told me about it and did the same thing when she told me that another friend of hers was bi and was with a girl once. 

At first, I thought “Ok, maybe I used to be like this because I was young and didn’t know that I was gay yet and was just being introduced to gay people after not knowing about them for so long.” Nope. Completely incorrect because lets compare this to my reaction with finding out about trans people. I remember it very clearly: it was when Caitlyn Jenner had just come out. My cousin was staying with us for the weekend and her and my mom started talking about how her coming out documentary was airing that night. I remember asking what it meant to be transgender as my mom was driving us. She explained what it meant. I’ll admit, my reaction was not the best as some of my questions were ignorant but I was still young as I was still only in middle school. But my tone wasn’t nasty; I genuinely wanted to learn more about what it meant to be trans. My mom explained it the best she could as a cis woman and then that night, my parents let us watch the documentary.

Now, I do not know much about Caitlyn Jenner but what I do know is that she probably is not the best trans person to idolize as she has had some controversial moments, but I really do have to admit one thing: my initial understanding and acceptance of trans people came from what her coming out documentary taught me. Initially, I thought that people may wanna be trans if they are gay and are facing too much homophobia and wanna change their sex to avoid discrimination but boy, was middle school me painfully wrong in so many ways 😂. Caitlyn Jenner taught me that transgender people whose gender identity doesn’t match up with their biological sex. Also, that people who crossdress aren’t transgender necessarily. When she transitioned, I wonder if this meant that she liked men now but she answered that for me as well. She taught me that trans people can be any sexuality just like cis people. 

Obviously, my trans knowledge has since expanded but I learned a lot that day and took it in with acceptance. Now, keep in mind that I am gay and cis. When I first learned about being gay, I was a bit disgusted even though my family told me that it was okay. When I first learned about trans people, I was accepting and understanding from day one. Clearly, I was battling internalized homophobia. Obviously, this didn’t come from my family as they were accepting. I believe it was because I knew that not everyone accepted it and that deep down inside, I was scared that no one would accept me. 

Let’s trace back to when I said that when I was young, I had no idea that I’m gay. The only reason that I didn’t know was that because I was so deep in denial that I convinced myself that I wasn’t. Shortly after I found out what gay meant, coincidently, I started to have urges to kiss girls. At first, I thought that it was because I had just learned what it meant to be gay but little did I realize that I was starting puberty.

Now, this inner battle went on for YEARS. I remember that when I was twelve, I first learned what it meant to be bi because I was watching a “Whatdaya Want From Me” lyric video and as you all know, Adam Lambert is gay and someone in the comments was saying how they loved him and his music and said how they are bisexual. I thought that I had a crush on a boy before in 4th grade and one on my friend’s cousin in 7th-8th grade but those were no crushes 😂 If anything, I just really wanted to be friends with them and had never had a real crush on anyone before so I mistook platonic crushes for romantic ones. So in the back of my mind, I kept on saying to myself, “you’re bisexual.”

6th-7th grade was the most unhappy time of my life tied with October 2019-today(big thanks to my family problems and miss rona) because I was constantly argued with myself in my head and it didn't help that I had family problems at this time as well. It got so bad that in 7th grade, I just genuinely hated myself so much that I hated going to sleep at night bc I hated being alone  with my own thoughts (similar to this year but this year it was just all external forces and nothing with myself at all). I was just very miserable and felt really caged from silencing my gay thoughts that I hated that I had. Then I eventually found the song “Let Me Be Myself” by 3 Doors Down and it saved me. It’s as if it was directed towards my own conscious, telling me to be myself and let all of my thoughts flow without arguing with them. Whenever I found myself hating myself, I’d just scream this song in my head and it was so relieving. It made me feel like I was standing up to my own self and it made me feel more free.

Now, there is a reason why I didn’t accept myself as gay or bi in 8th grade. I don’t get crushes much and I literally only saw my friend’s cousin once and found out that he had a gf so, I thought I was asexual for a whole year although I was happily devouring Girl Meets World fanfics that were all just RileyxMaya(I’ll never forgive Disney for not making Rilaya happen and for cancelling the show so early on). This is when I stopped being so homophobic and more accepting. I honestly thought it was bc of all of my LGBTQ+ classmates and bc of their kindness, I learned that I needed to be more of an ally. I mean, I did learn a lot just from watching those classmates, but that wasn’t it, fam. I truly thought that I enjoyed wlw fanfics because I thought that the stories were cute and that the couples were nice together. While that was true, someone who’s just an ally wouldn’t enjoy that many gay stories and read as many and devour them like I did. Not to go off topic, I did start doing that in 7th grade so that is probably another reason why I labeled myself as bi in the back of my head then, but in 8th grade, saw myself as ace bc it’s not like I had a crush on Riley or Maya. I just really shipped them and REALLY enjoyed any wlw fanfic on Wattpad. For some reason, the fact that I didn’t have any crushes that year made me think that I was ace which is totally untrue bc I’m about to hit my one year anniversary of not having a crush (but I’m going to a new school so that’s probably gonna change next month lol)

When I stopped arguing with myself in my head for good and allowed my thoughts to flow freely, I was truly happier although I was still questioning myself. I learned that questioning is so much easier when you consider those thoughts in the back of your head instead of fight them because I did question myself for much longer, but it was pleasant and a self-discovering journey.

I remember my first crush on a girl clearly. I was 15 and at first, I didn’t know that it was a crush bc it was actually my first crush and I didn’t know what it was supposed to feel like. I was obsessed with her and constantly thought about her and constantly wanted to be with her. I remember getting really nervous whenever I knew that I was going to see her. I remember that I used to talk about her all the time. Let’s call her K. I remember my mom saying, “L, do you like K?” And I got all nervous and denied it. The moment I realized when it was indeed a crush was when it got to be too much so my mom had a talk with me and I told her about how K made me feel and so my mom was like, “L, that’s a crush.” and I just sat there and said, “oh, crap!” and that’s how I semi-came out.

I still struggled for awhile after that. I knew I wasn’t straight and that I had a crush on a girl, but it was a hard pill to swallow that people could hate me for something that I can’t help. Although that “oh, crap!” was probably a dead giveaway,  it wasn’t an official, “oh, I guess that means that I’m not straight”. I kept it to myself for awhile and didn’t hate myself for it, but still couldn’t quite process it. 

I probably have an unusual self-acceptance story. I didn’t truly accept myself until months later when I got bored and decided to see if the new Nickelodeon was any good and of course, stumbled upon the Loud House. I eventually found the episode “L is For Love” and fell in love with the show. I had never seen good bisexual representation before and it really did help that it was a girl my age at the time too. I felt like I could really relate to Luna with how she was nervous to confess her feelings to Sam and how everyone treated her like she was no different made me really accept myself. It made me realize that friends and family matter the most and all of mine were accepting of LGBT (at the time and I’ll explain what I mean in a second) and that I had nothing to worry about because they’ll always love me. 

It did take me a couple of months to come out to my parents after that because although I knew they’d accept me as they said they would always love me even if I was gay. Coming out is just a scary process even if you know they’ll accept you because you feel like you’re exposed because it’s something that you kept to yourself for so long. My parents telling me that did make it way easier to come out to them so props to them for doing that right. I feel like it’s so important to tell your kids from a young age that you’ll accept them if they’re LGBTQ+ because even if you were never homophobic, coming out is scary and they may worry that you are homophobic but just never brought up the topic. 

It took me so much longer to come out to my friends because for one, I promised myself that I’d tell my family first and also, when I was 16 and had just finally accepted myself as bisexual(even though I’d later realize that I’m just gay, but it was a good start), I became best friends with these girls who were kind of homophobic. We’ll call them GH and GS. GS had found my rilaya fanfics on wattpad from 8th grade and we had just become friends, so I lied and said that it had nothing to do with me, I was just supportive. GS didn’t care but she stopped reading the book and thought that since I was comfortable enough to share my opinions on the subject, that she’d share hers. Not the most homophobic comments, but she made it clear that she didn't like it too much but that she didn’t hate gay people and that she recognized that others don’t share her opinions. GH was more harsh about her opinions which scared me the most. I feel like I should mention that I have two other Christian friends. I wasn’t as worried about them since we never really talked about LGBTQ topics but they do go to the same church as GH and GS, which made me a bit worried. Imagine finally being ready to come out of the closet all of the way just to be scared into staying in there for a few more years. 

This made me feel conflicted bc these girls didn’t constantly preach their beliefs and never bashed on LGBTQ people, but I was afraid that if I came out to them, they wouldn’t accept me. I should mention that they’re very religious Christians and I noticed that homophobic Christians come from a place of love bc they are so brainwashed that they think that shoving their beliefs down people’s throats helps them bc they believe that what they believe is the only right way to live and there's nothing wrong with being religious, but they are very mislead about LGBTQ+ people. I literally saw this when I was 14 and I stood up to my Baptist cyber friend who cyberbullied a lesbian and he admitted that he thought that he was helping her and that he didn’t think that it was bullying. Bullying is never ok and so I blocked him and only learned that from an apology letter that somehow made its way to me through another cyber friend.

I am going to say something that some of you may not agree with. I honestly don’t care if people don’t like that I’m gay as long as they don’t vocalize it. Like I don’t like spiders but I recognize that my dislike is irrational as they play a huge part in our ecosystem and are important to this world, just as every single person is. I wish that people who are against LGBTQ bc of their religion just would recognize that it’s irrational as everyone has different beliefs and would just keep that to themselves. If they just kept that to themselves, I would have came out so much sooner and I bet a lot of people can relate to that. I’ll never understand the dislike as I’m catholic and was taught that it’s okay but respect and kindness is better than outward hatred and is a step towards more acceptance in this world. 

Anyways, after awhile of being in the closet with my friends, I decided I would tell them once we graduated and not in the middle of the school year since if anyone was mean, I could literally just block them and never have to see them again instead of having to switch friend groups and still having to see their faces every day in class and in the hallways. Also, I did go through a period of questioning myself and did not want to tell them until I had a clear label. When I was 17, I got another massive crush on another girl and I realized that I never really did have crushes on boys as those “crushes” do not even begin to compare to the ones that I had on girls. I then finally realized that I'm just lesbian and with school being shut down, I came out sooner than I intended which is good. 

I wish that I would have came out to my friends sooner. Everyone was so accepting, including my christian friends and the two girls that I had massive crushes on. It was a relief that they all accepted me because I feared that they wouldn’t. I really discussed my fears with my religious friends but with my crushes, I knew that they were both accepting of LGBTQ+ as they both had gay friends and only said nice things about gay people, but I was afraid that they would figure it out that I used to like them with how clingy I was with the both of them, especially the second one(let’s call her LM), and would become uncomfortable around me.  I have no idea if either of them figured it out but K showed her support when I came out on insta and left a nice comment and LM liked the post and didn’t make any comments about it but since has shown an a bit of an interest of becoming closer friends with me again since we stopped talking as much since we didn’t have any classes together this year.

I never told either about my feelings but if they figured it out, they must have realized that I was only such a clingy friend bc I was crushing on them and didn’t know how to show it properly bc I was closeted so it came out as that. Also, they probably have both realized that I am over them now as I am not clingy with them at all, making them realized that I have changed and have realized that I learned that I shouldn’t be so clingy as it can be really annoying as I’ve been on the receiving end of that before. Also, I have to say I don’t think that either of them ever liked me. I was just so deep into my fantasies that I created false realities. I mean, I think they both like boys. I’m not saying that they can’t be bisexual, but I feel like they have accepting friends so at least I would have found out by now especially after coming about bc I’ve had 2 ppl come out to me as bi after I came out. What I’m saying is that I’m happy bc I would rather crush on accepting girls who don’t like me back than homophobic girls. Now that I don’t like them anymore, I realized that K and I are good as just acquaintances and that I want to become better friends with LM bc when I talk to her now, I feel as if I’m talking to my best friend M and I’ve always seen M as a sister. 

About my christian friends, I was happy that we got to stay as friends. I was so scared that I would lose them bc they are wonderful people. I came out to them separately and they were all very accepting. It kind of made me realize something about them. Perhaps they too are struggling bc they are being brainwashed into thinking that it’s a sin to be gay but they don’t seem to believe it exactly. I feel like I always see the best of people when I’m alone with them bc ppl feel comfortable to be their true selves around me and I noticed that my christian friends talk differently when we are talking one-on-one. It’s almost as if they change themselves and what they talk about to look like “good christians” as if they seek their own church’s approval in front of one another and it’s sad.

Sorry that this turned out to be so long. I just have really changed over the past decade or so and I’m really proud of how I became a better person and what I learned about myself and the lessons that I learned along the way. I learned to be myself no matter what and I hope that everyone learns that at some point, especially my christian friends that I mentioned bc you should never put on an act to be accepted. You’ll be much happier when you realize that your true friends and family are the ones who love you for you because you’re amazing just the way you are.

[ranger-kellyn]

11 Favorite Excerpts

In honor if it being the 11 year anniversary of the first fic I ever posted, Platinum Bound, I thought I’d list out 10 of my favorite excerpts from everything I’ve posted so far, 1 from something I haven’t posted yet, and then kind of just. Talk about it~

As always, feel free to talk to me about any of my fics, no matter how old or new~ I’m very vain~<3

--

1 - Come With Me - Prologue - 03/02/2015 - Completed

A day that was supposed to be filled with sorrow and mourning had turned out to be very lovely. The cold that had long persisted since November had decided to lighten its icy grip on this one day in particular. It was almost a tragedy in itself that the weather failed to match the mood by pouring a relentless downpour. Rain was fit for a funeral. Not sunshine.

The opening to Come With Me has always had a special place in my heart, and while I know my writing has gotten better since then, I always hold up this opening as like...my premium brand, I suppose.  I love the mood the prologue sets up for Siebold’s side of the story.  Mismatched weather.  His parents having the same death date.  A sense of odd relationship dynamics with them.  Clear indication that there’s going to be a lot of conflict with Jean as shown by Diantha, Siebold’d childhood friend, who has a clear disdain towards him.  CWM may not be my BEST WORK, but it’s probably one of my favorites.  ALSO....come on...the restaurant’s name is Apple of The Earth, which is a direct translation of pomme de terre, which is French for potato.  And like???? i just get a little kick out of it every time

--

2 - It Takes Two - 12/16/2014 - Oneshot

Siebold chuckled.  “A water dark type?  My, my.  You’ve already put yourself at a disadvantage. Cress shook his head.  “Don’t give away your secret ingredient just yet, Siebold.  Leave something to the imagination, please,” he teased.

If there is ONE THING I LOVE it’s writing flirty banter for these two, and this fic if full of it.  My first fic for Cress/Siebold, staking my claim on the pool noodle that is this ship.  I AM the captain of this pool noodle

--

3 - Second Chances - Chapter 7 - 06/14/2017 - Ongoing

“It was supposed to be me!” . . . Shaking, she stopped herself in the front hallway.  Looking over the large, glass-famed map, she felt as though she was leaving her own body as she slammed herself against it in a last ditch effort to feel something other than emotional pain.  In an effort to put a physical wound to her emotional one. 

There’s plenty of happier lines from this fic I could choose.  Ch 10 had a section I was considering instead, but I think this emotionally charged section has always stood out for me. I like to generally characterize Cynthia as someone who is in control of her emotions, or at the very least, is very good at compartmentalizing things, but here, she absolutely loses it.  No rationality.  No seeking help.  Just raw pain.  It was supposed to be me. Because it was!  It absolutely was!  In the previous chapter you learn that Diantha had fully intended to propose to her!  But was instead manipulated by her mother and manager into leaving Cynthia.  While Cynthia didn’t know that, we do, and that makes that line so much more painful to me.  I swear.  ONE DAY.  I’ll actually finish this fic.

--

4 - Fortune and Fame - Chapter 1 - 03/23/2016 - Completed

“The best part of that outfit would be taking it off.” Her mouth turns into a smile. “I should think so,” she tells you.

Second person POV is a HUGE pain in the ass, but I still love this silly little fic, and I love this silly little moment EVEN MORE.  What can I say.  I love flirty banter. This whole fic was an absolute experiment, and while it certainly could be better, considering 2POV is not something I regularly work with, I’ve never been too upset with it.

--

5 - Stockholm - Chapter 4 - 06/20/2016 - Ongoing

“You’re my mission and my mission alone.  I don’t need outside help,” he tells me. I catch myself about to laugh.  “Figured you would welcome it seeing as whatever you think you’re doing to me clearly isn’t working.” He moves closer, enough for me to feel the warmth of his body, but it’s only when I think he’s looking at my lips do I come to my senses, pulling my legs up to my person, and pushing back up against the wall. “I would say it’s working just fine.”

i like to think of this fic as me playing in a sandbox.  i don’t REALLY know what i’m doing, but i���m having fun, and that’s all that matters. This is a fic I had been thinking about for the longest time.  I abandoned it back in 2016.  I don’t really remember why, but I posted the first update early this year, and I just.  I’ve been loving it since.  I haven’t played in first person in SUCH a long time, it’s just nice to play in the space, and explore a darker emotion I guess.  Game verse Commander Saturn/Dawn is always a weakness of mine

--

6 - Shadows of My Heart - Chapter 4 - 02/22/2011 - Completed

Looking at Kellyn, I notice that he has taken his jacket off and is now offering it to me. Shaking my head, I tell him that I can't take it, even though I would love nothing more than to take him up on his offer. He walks closer, smiling as he places his jacket over me. Now, the only thing I hear is the sound of the rain bouncing off of Kellyn's jacket, and the sound my own heartbeat. I'd have to be crazy or dead to not be blushing right now, and obviously my pulse is still going…

if you’ve followed me for a few years, you might think this is a weird pick for me.  i complain about it a lot.  i experience a lot of visceral cringe whenever i reread it (Like i did just now searching for a section i liked) But that’s why I like it.  I love having this visible benchmark of where I’ve come from, and where my ideals have shifted to.  I’ve always written Kellyn as my Ideal Man™© and in this fic he is suCH A “NICE GUY” AND IT’S JUST. SO BAD. I’M SO GLAD I’M NOT WITH THE KIND OF PERSON I USED TO WISH I WAS WITH. This fic is, at best, clumsy.  Younger me was venting a LOT of stuff. Everything I put Rhythmi through in the fic, I was dealing with irl, and NOT handling them well.  I never recommend this for reading, but I list it here because it’s like looking in a time capsule.  

--

7 - Washington Blues - Chapter 2 - 04/30/2012 - Abandoned Work

Looking back up at me, the afternoon sun shines on her face.  As if I needed to be reminded that she is very pretty.  “I believe that it is too soon to be giving a definite answer, but,” she pauses to brush some hair behind her ear, “I do believe I am going to like it here.” I nod, liking the answer she has provided.  I put my pink bag over my shoulder, and step down the stairs.  “That’s good to hear.  I do hope you come to love our little band,” I say, putting a little emphasis on “our”.  Hopefully she will start using that term as well.

This fic has been abandoned since 2012, but as I was rereading it just now, I...felt a weird urge to give it a second chance?  Marching band was my EVERYTHING in high school.  It was basically my personality.  It and Homestuck.  If nothing else, I think I might give this fic a redo, because it’s something my younger self would have loved.  I had so many ideas I wanted to explore and I think it would be a fun space to explore. Just reading it I got the most tactile memories of band camp, from the sounds, all the way down to the god awful smells.  One day I’ll give this fic another go, but probably in 3rd person lmao.  Also, it’s kind of funny.  I remember holding this fic up as like.  My Magnum Opus.  I considered chapter 1 to be the BEST thing I had written up to that point. Now? It’s so fucking D RY......and no real person talks like they all do l m a o I love being able to see how far I’ve come. 

--

8 - Hindsight - Sometime Feb 2014?  - Oneshot for an old RP group

This question led him to placing both of his hands in his lap.  “I would never describe her as winter.  It’s the season she hates the most.  From what I’ve gathered during our travels together, understandably so,” he answered, not meeting her eyes. 

While this fic is OLD it holds a very special place in my heart.  I had stopped writing for a while.  For about 2 years nothing I wrote ever really panned out, and joining that RP group was literally the best thing I could have done for my creativity.  It was so much fun, and I met some truly incredible people thanks to it.  Literally, everything I’ve written since I attribute to that group.  <3 I may not talk to most of them anymore, but I have some of the best memories of that time, and I just.  Genuinely don’t think I would have HALF of what I have written now if it hadn’t been for their support.  <3

--

9 - Ours For The Taking - Chapter 2 - 01/28/2012 - Abandoned Work

Killing is in the nature of almost every Pokémon, but we humans have inhibited that out for the most part. It doesn't take much to trigger the instinct though. A couple kills and then they thirst for blood.

Now i know this looks like a WACK ASS PICK.  It’s been abandoned since 2012.  It’s bad.  It’s gore.  It’s bad.  But that’s exactly why I picked it.  That, and I know it would chap Farla’s ass bc she told me years ago how awful this fic was. The whole reason my writing confidence took a blow.  I can look back and know that this fic wasn’t great, but I hate for my younger self that they were knocked down like that.  You can’t learn the boundaries of your writing until you try to push them.  Maybe I could have turned into a great gore/horror writer if I hadn’t been knocked down?  Who knows?  But because of that negative experience, I now approach all comments I leave on fics with “unconditional positive regard”.  I firmly believe if someone wants con-crit they’ll ask for it, and even then, I’m not someone who is going to offer up that criticism.  That’s not my jam.  I’m just here for a good time.  This fic may be bad, but that’s why I love it.  I love how over the top, 2Edgy4me the two chapters are. 

--

10 - Getaway Car - Chapter 5 - 01/01/2019 - Ongoing

Pulling away just enough to make them look at one another, Cynthia looked her over.  She was getting more drunk admissions than she ever thought she would, and she was in no frame of mind to worry about pushing her luck.  “How did that make you feel?” she asked. She let her hand trail down her arm as she spoke.  “Grounded.  Like nothing else in the world mattered except us in that moment.  I wasn’t worried about filming, deadlines, what people might say or think, or– anything, really.  All that mattered was the calm you brought me, and how without meaning to you’ve made me feel like the most important person in the room.”

It’s no secret that Getaway Car is like.  MY BABY.  This is MY FIC.  MY BABY.  I CHERISH THIS FIC FOR SO MANY REASONS. I like venting through characters, and this fic is no exception.  But I loved writing this moment specifically, because it just...I think it encapsulates everything Diantha has been looking for.  She lives a charmed, chaotic life.  Up to that point in the fic, she’s with a man who can’t really be bothered to give her the time of day, but also can’t handle the idea of letting her go.  Without meaning to, without necessarily trying to, Cynthia makes her feel like the most important person in the room.  She grounds her, and someone who lives a star-studded life needs that.  This fic is my baby.  My everything.  It’s probably what I’m known for at this point, and I’m A-OK with that because these two are my everything.  (ALSO, I specifically posted this fic when I did to get Farla to leave me a review, and had a good laugh about it when she did.  My “bat shit crazy” plot device has ended up being my most popular fic~)

--

--

11 - Namtaflu - Chapter _ - Draft from NaNoWriMo 2019

The sound of something rising to the surface of the water attracted everyone’s attention.  Turning their eyes towards the water, one by one, countless Starmie and Staryu began to surface, floating atop the water, their bright gem center’s shining in the moonlight.  “Oh, wow,” Bianca said, holding the Audino closer to herself.  "What are they doing?” Hilbert asked, turning himself so he wasn’t having to strain to look at them.  Cheren shrugged.  “They’ve always done this.” "They’re looking at the stars,” Hilda added.  “It’s what Nona would always tell me.  She said she read it in a book somewhere.  They surface at night to look at the stars, and they’ll even start blinking here soon.”  As she said it, from out in the distance, quick flashes of red began to move along the waves, reminding both her and Cheren of fireflies from further south.  Soon enough, the entire shoreline was filled with the water pokémon blinking away at the stars, almost as if they were communicating with each other, or even something else.  A few Audino continued to sit with them, everyone moved to silence by the display, afraid to make a single noise, not wanting to scare them at all and make them stop.  The display moved in waves, like a heartbeat, ebbing and flowing.  At times they were bright enough to cast a glow onto the shore, and at others it seemed like they had collectively stopped for the night. Once Broadway and Manhattan had decided to retire for the night, the group came to an agreement that it was time they retired for the night as well.  They had stayed up long past sundown, but it had been worth every second.   

I won’t be posting this fic WELL until my three current ongoing fics are completed, but this fic is pretty much everything to me.  I first got the idea for this fic back in 2013, my senior year of high school.  I wrote the first draft my first NaNoWriMo in 2014, and did a second draft of it last year.  This fic has evolved SO MUCH, but this last draft is where I’m REALLY happy with it.  I firmly believe there’s never a “right time” to write a fic, but I also believe this fic absolutely benefited from me not posting it after that first draft.  They’re almost two entirely different stories.  The original had a lot of unhealthy relationship dynamics, and this time, i decided, FUCK THAT, and now it’s a hilda/hilbert/cheren/bianca poly fic ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ I can’t wait for the day when I actually get to share this fic with the world. 

[aharris00britney]

ASKS 16

haha remember in July when I said I was gonna answer stuff every month... yeah me neither 🙈🙈 anyways lots of stuff under the cut

Anonymous said: You should get along with other Simblrs and start a new cc group now that PTS is disbanded, your hairs and clothes are always amazing! :D

Firstly thank you! Most of the clothing in AxA is 99% ayoshi with me going in after and cleaning/adding some stuff. So I give him props for the clothes :P As far as a ‘new PTS’ style group idk, there are a lot of amazing creators on simblr but I think the reason PTS was such a special thing is because the bond they all had. I feel that when working on collabs with some of my really close friends (such as the one coming out this month with @dogsill​ and @ayoshi​) because we have known each other for over 2 years now. A group of friends built only for collabing purposes would be more of a hassle than an enjoyment imo. <3

Anonymous said: HELLLOOOO! just curious bc why not but what is your favorite creation that you have made??

It varies every month to be honest lmao. If you asked me to pick a favorite hair from each month? Easy, always the last release of the month. But favorite hair ever? Awwww shucks 🤠 lmao I would say my Madison Hair is one of my favorite hair releases, I am planning to revamp it soon to work with my Mia ombre accessories and tidy the mesh up some. 

Anonymous said: hello, when will this collection be free for public download please? /post/186706149526/patreon-08-19

That came out in August luv, go to my downloads page and click AxA 2019

Anonymous said: Hi! Idk if you do wcif!!!! But if you do, wcif the freckles on the girl with the short hair on the BOP AHOOB collab?? If you know! Thank you much in advance!!!!!

Hey! You’ll need to send Bowl-Of-Plumbobs a message for that WCIF, that was his Sim otherwise I would link you. Sorry hun

@lumalinrose-sims​ said: Not a question, but you are like so cool I can't even--

thank you lmao I appreciate it, your profile pic it pretty cool :P

@ang3lba3 said: sarah is so pretty!!! is there a way to download how she looks in its entirety, or no? (sorry if this is a silly question im pretty new to the sims) 

not silly don’t worry :P the Sarah hair is for download on the post, the sim can be downloaded here but she is a bit outdated as I have changed her somewhat since then. 

Anonymous said: Hihi just stopping by to tell you how much I love your hairs!!

thank you so much! I appreciate the love<3

Anonymous said: hi! i just wanted to say that i love your cc so much i and always look forward to your posts! you make the cutest cc ever and honestly you're probably my favorite cc maker. you also seem like such a chill and genuine person we truly stan.

fgvhbjn thank you lmao I am literally TOO CHILL irl lmao I let people run over me so much but it’s whatever. Thank you again for the super sweet message. Have a great day if you’re reading this :)

Anonymous said: Heeeey we have the same name

Austin club :P great name til you’re trying to sign something and it looks awful (at least for me I can’t do my signature for shit)

Anonymous said: the collab with bop is so boring and dull it’s drier than a cracker it’s a no from me

well not everything is going to be someones cup of tea lmao I’m sure there is someone that enjoys it which counters you’re negative view <3

Anonymous said: Hi I love your cc! I have almost all of it in my game and I love your tropical punch palette so much I was wondering if you would ever consider releasing the palette.

If I ever make an ombre accessory tutorial video I will release a set of actions for the palette. If you wanna use the palette feel free to grab the hex codes from S4S.

Anonymous said: How did you become a ea game changer? Was it through Tumblr or youtube?

About a year ago SimGuruKate was the community manager and had applications for Tumblr Game Changers, I applied and got accepted. Follow SimGuruFrost on Twitter to stay up to date on when new applications are open.

Anonymous said: Are you going to upload the hair you made on your livestream? I literally love your work and am a Patreon subscriber!!!

Hey! The hair will be in my October voting (I think) and if it wins, release will be November. If it doesn’t win I will put it in November voting and so forth til it wins. Also thank you for watching the stream and supporting me on Patreon 

Anonymous said: hello!! i just wanted to see if knew is there’s anyway i can save my cc and save files somehow where i can download them again if my computer breaks so i don’t have to download it all again.?

zip your Sims 4 folder and upload it to Google Drive/SimsFileShare/OneDrive. Then when you install Sims 4 again you just replace the folder made in Electronic Arts in your Documents.

Anonymous said: what face do you make when your in love with a bee?

this is an old anon so I doubt they’re gonna check for this, and I can’t find the joke on Google so.... anybody know it?

Anonymous said: i love these collab sets they are honestly gifts from above

mhmm gifts from above for every collab except those in October... those are from below  👹 😳

Anonymous said: the pack is sooooo cute i love everything omg!!!! The male stuff is so adorable i can’t wait to download   

Anonymous said: you guys are the only ones i go to for packs i would love to see build buy items in the future we don’t get a lot mm stuff like that

Anonymous said:i just want to say thank you for putting in so much time and hard work and dedication to creating cc for us. i hope there's never a moment when you feel unappreciated, and i want you to know we all love you!

@primadonnaliferiseandfall​ said: all hail you and ayoshi for the cc pack its so pretty omg!!!!

Anonymous said: omg the kings have delivered!!

Anonymous said: since we got axa 2019 and 2018 will there be an axa 2020? 👀

Anonymous said: Great job on the pack! Everyone's items look gorgeous! Thank you for making this, you talented human being.

Anonymous said: ilysm! that’s all 💓💫

Anonymous said: just wanted to let you know that your content is absolutely amazing and i love it all :) sending love from the uk👍

Anonymous said: would you and ayoshi consider sharing the psds for some of the stuff in your collab? please?

thank you guys so much! Me and Ayoshi were super super happy with the AxA 2019 release and we are so happy with how many people have liked it. AxA 2020 will be a thing, yes. Also I have been working on PSDs that are super easy to navigate. I will get those up soon hopefully.

@graphicpickles​ said: Hey um, I dont know if you were aware of this but your discord link is broken ^^"

hey! this is super late sorry, discord link should be working now. If not: https://discord.gg/CtQR9tb

Anonymous said: Why would you include a cc hair in a preview for a cas review

because I liked the hair and wanted to use it 😗

@goddesssimmerina​ said: I just stopped by to tell you how much I LOVE your content. *_* I just went through and downloaded soooo much! xD I actually just switched to using MM hair and i'm so glad I did because I'm finding so many of you amazing creators and I thank you all sm! :*

awe thank you!! I appreciate it. Welcome to MM hair world :P

@moonbrightsims said: whats ur origin id?

AHarris00Britney

Anonymous said: how are your photos/screenshots so high quality? seriously, do you use a mod for it or idk editing? or maybe your settings?

Ultra Settings, and I use SRWE for HQ pics. 

Anonymous said: if you don’t answer this ask you’re straight

It has been answered. I am no longer straight. Was a hard two months not answering this 😔😔😔

Anonymous said: Hi, would you mind teaching us how you make the LoDs of your hairs? I opened one of them in S4S and found out your LoDs are great looking. I use decimate tool in blender and they look really bad.

I edge split everything before I decimate in Blender, I also delete the hairline and extrude the mesh inside the head before decimating as well. Really confusing to explain in words sorry. Might make a tutorial.

Anonymous said: omg ur cc finds blog has apink namjoo as icon and header. i'm.. sCREAMING. austin knows royalty

yes ma’am now where is the comeback

- it was at this point I realized I have caught up with my last asks post and have answered 4 things over again from Asks 15. Well... I guess that’s it folks

see yall in asks 17 in 2 months.... maybe the end of October idk

[annavolovodov]

ya girl saw the downton movie and has some Thoughts

if you followed me at all from 2011-2015 then you'll know i am firmly Team Downstairs and did not want this movie to happen, just so you all know what position i'm coming from here.

everything below is gonna be spoilery af. if you haven't seen it yet and want info just hmu. if you have seen it and want to talk about it please message me bc i’m always up for chatting about Downton.

okay but the title sequence with the music building and cresting as we come up over the hills and get our first shot of downton... goosebumps. tbh i don't know shit about film making but i can't fault the technical aspects (costumes, music, cinematography). the impact of the increased budget was felt from the very first second.

for the plot i’m gonna split things by character to make it easier. i’ll probably go to see it again and maybe after that i’ll have some deeper Thoughts but i missed being able to liveblog during the film so enjoy my rambling first reactions.

upstairs peeps

everything with violet was iconic. i'm glad that they didn't neglect her relationship with isobel and ofc maggie and imelda played fantastically off each other. pretty much everyone has already highlighted the scene with violet and mary at the end and it tied things up perfectly between them. violet and mary are so so similar and violet has been pushing for her to inherit since before S1. the movie showed us that mary is basically running the estate even if she doesn't get the the title and i can totally see why violet is confident in the future of downton now. that being said, i don't think violet will actually die. maggie has been talking about leaving since 2012 and fellowes obviously put this in as a get-out clause for her should she want to go, but i reckon they’ll convince her to do more. if carson's palsy can be mysteriously cured, so can violet's conveniently vague illness.

i already knew that robert and cora weren't gonna be in it much, but i wish we could've seen cora finding out what was happening with edith and helping her out. it wouldn't surprise me if there was a deleted scene there cause that whole storyline felt a little disjointed. i completely forgot that cora knew about the pregnancy and was so confused at how the queen foud out about it all. i don't think we got anything in robert and cora's bedroom, or anything with cora/baxter and robert/bates, which would've also been very welcome but i guess they can only fit in so much.

onto mary: this may be an unpopular opinion but god i miss her long hair. yeah i know it wasn't the style of the time but her wig in this one was tragic and they need to fix it. i absolutely love that t*lbot didn't exist for a solid 95% of this movie and mary got her rightful place ruling downton. i wouldn't say i’m the biggest mary fan but her arc felt like one of the more satisfying ones of the movie imo.

as someone who has been firmly #teamedith from day one i am delighted to see my girl happy and successful. literally all her outfits were A+ and not to be gay on main but those scenes of her in her nightclothes getting ready for bed gave me my rights. i’m sad that she seems like she's either given up her magazine or has less of a role in it now based on what they said outside???? she did seem unsatisfied with aspects of her position so hopefully she'll go back to doing some writing and publishing cause that was a good fit for her, and if edith and bertie are “modern” enough to travel without servants surely edith moving away from traditional grand lady duties and back to her magazine that wouldn't be an issue. 

the mention of sybil being gone seven years? yeah. thanks for the pain. tom accidentally saving the monarchy on no less than two occasions is the ultimate "congratulations you played yourself" moment but the fact he thought the army had sent someone to check up on him is the level of republican i'm trying to be on. i'm a bit ehhhh on his relationship with lucy, mainly cause i'd rather the screentime given to the newbies had went to established characters. but like sybil/tom was a wholeass epic romantic slowburn spanning several years through a war and across class divisions n shit and meanwhile lucy/tom have known each other for forty eight hours and had three conversations in a hallway so like obviously that’s just gonna pale in comparison????? like it just is???? i guess i don't hate it but it just was a bit unnecessary and the time coulda been spent on better things.

isobel didn't have all that much to do on her own but i appreciated her scenes with violet and i love that she was the one to figure out that lucy was lady whatever's daughter. penelope wilton's facial expressions during some of the exchanges with violet were great. i see lord merton has also undergone a miraculous recovery from his apparently serious anaemia but he also didn't appear much which was a big win for me!

team downstairs aka the ones i turned up to see

as a downstairs supremacist who has watched the screentime distribution in previous fifty two eps of the show, it’s fair to say i had low expectations going in. i expected a grand total of 10 minutes for the servants combined and i think that's why i was unexpectedly happy with what we got. ideally we would've ditched the subplots involving the personal lives of the royals and all the stuff w imelda staunton and her maid but oh well it could’ve been worse and i'll take any breadcrumbs i can get. anyway i'm eagerly awaiting the team downstairs cut of the film one of yall will hopefully make when the dvd comes out. the only part that was far, FAR too upstairs heavy for me was the last sequence of the film after the royals left and i think we would've benefitted from rounding things off with team downstairs after the ball.

so i guess retirement magically cured the palsy carson had, but i guess after matthew’s miraculous recovery anything can happen at downton when it comes to health. Fellowes is getting a free pass for retconning this one cause i cba with more death/loss. mary going to carson for help and him immediately coming to her aid was very sweet. kinda wish we'd find out what he was up to post-Downton (except for his gardening) tho.

i was expected zero carson/hughes content in this movie and yet !!!! and yet!!!!!! we were somewhat well-fed. like carson (incorrectly) thinking he can control the other servants and mrs hughes' "oh that went well charlie, start as you mean to go on" hdjksjs i love them. and the lil scene in their cottage ugh. also we got more of them using their first names and yeah i guess that makes sense given they've been married for a while now but as i said, i had low expectations.

mrs hughes is still like the best person ever but wbk. her vs. the royal housekeeper = iconic. i kinda felt bad for royal whatsherface in some ways because she clearly didn't know who she was up against THE elsie hughes who has vanquished much scarier foes in her time. the other servants were never gonna win that battle.

the 0.5 seconds of baby bates *chef's kiss* perfection. god i am slightly bitter it was only 0.5 seconds given the fuckin multiseason journey leading up to his birth. tbh we should've ditched everything involving the personal lives of the rando new characters and let baby bates have some of that time but fellowes loves upstairs too much to let that happen. the small interaction was adorable though and i'm glad the mention of his name was subtle enough that we can retcon it cause i truly believe anna and bates would've came up with a more creative choice than that. genuinely i'm so curious about their whole living situation and how they cope with a smol child while working full time but i doubt fellowes even considered that so y’know. what can we do. i enjoyed the breadcrumbs but i wanted more.

i did go into this film with the mindset of "something awful will probably happen to anna or bates," cause that's what usually happens in these things but plot twist!!!! we saw them smile on multiple occassions!!!! what a nice change for us all! i swear every time anna bates smiles an angel gains their wings. her scenes with mary were good and i'm happy their friendship made it into the film. you know what else i was happy to see? the EXTREMELY UNDERRATED brotp between anna and baxter. there was a couple of moments with them standing next to each other or talking to each other and it warmed my heart. like yass two of my fave people are friends. it's a big win for me. 

i'm sure i read something about brendan being involved in another project which meant he couldn't film too much (i'm curious to whether this impacted the lack of baby bates scenes?) and while it's true that bates didn't have a ton of scenes, i didn't feel like he was absent which was good.

thomas had the best storyline imo. i don't blame him for being angry that mary brought in carson and it was actually very iconic of him to go off in the library like that. i found it hilarious that while everyone else was panicking at downton he went off on gay adventures. i really wish we'd gotten this "thomas makes a gay friend then discovers the village's underground gay scene THEN gets a boyfriend" in the show cause that would've been SO MUCH BETTER than some of the other stuff that got stretched out across the last couple series (like the love quadrangle with daisy/ivy/alfred/jimmy). like, imagine thomas’ movie plot as a series-long arc. the impact. i liked the guy that was his maybe-boyfriend and i hope any continuation keeps that relationship going.

mrs p and daisy continue to be the mother-daughter duo of the century. i thought both of them were supposed to be moving to the farm post-S6 but i suppose that would've meant they wouldn't be in the film hence why it didn't come to fruition. i guess they could all move once daisy and andy get married. mrs patmore didn't get a great deal to do but i still feel like i saw her a fair amount. comrade daisy was awesome and is definitely me when i see any monarchy-related stuff. somewhere over the last few seasons she's developed into one of the most interesting characters in downton and we don't talk about that enough. andy trashing the boiler was immature af but at the same time i feel like it completely makes sense for daisy to take that as a compliment. it’s just such a daisy thing to do?????

now, there is one thing i kinda fucked up here. while i went into the film with low expectations for everyone else, i fully expected baxley to be A Thing because how could i not and boy did i come out looking like boo boo the fool. i guess baxter and molesley have continued the tradition of Agonisingly Long Downstairs Slowburns which would be okay if we were still getting one season per year but is quite frankly rude when we're on rationed content like this. the first half of the film i thought it was gonna be revealed that they were together or something but then that scene at the end implied they're dancing around each other and my god is it frustrating. i would give so much to trade tom and lucy's romantic subplot for a baxter/molesley one but once again i know that's an unrealistic dream.

definitely not enough baxter in general but that one shot of her, anna and mrs hughes standing in the same frame was worth the price of my cinema ticket. still love molesley even tho he's a monarchist.

in terms of the overall downstairs stuff, i'm euphoric at seeing all these people interact with each other again. as we all know, found family is the best trope and since the servants are literally the epitome of that every moment focussed on them is like chicken soup for my weary soul. was the revolution against the royal servants realistic? no. was it realistic for the two people who came up with most of the plot to be the ones who went to jail for doing literally nothing wrong and would therefore want to avoid stuff that could get them in trouble with an all-powerful family? also no! however, seeing downstairs all working together for a common goal is content that appeals directly to me and i am thankful.

shoutout to the last scene which is the best way the movie could've ended it for me. use of first names AND walking home together? thank u fellowes.

tldr; team downstairs fan who was strongly anti-movie, went in with low expectations, was pleasantly surprised.  there are a shit ton of things i’d change but i just really loved seeing these characters who all mean so much to me again. obviously the only reason this film happened was for financial reasons rather than a desire to continue the storyline (cause the finale tied things up perfectly imo) but i wish they'd done a two-part miniseries instead to ensure everyone gets some screentime. two ninety minute specials every few years would work much better if everyone wants to keep downton going but i guess that doesn't bring the cash in like a movie does.

[sunsetsover]

i meant to make a really nice well thought out post about how glad i was to have found this fandom and all you wonderful people but my dumbass completely forgot all about it bc i have a brain like a sieve but honestly i am so glad i found this fandom and all you wonderful people. genuinely. from the bottom of my heart. like if you’d have told me at the beginning of the year that i would end the year as an eastenders stan i probably would have laughed but honestly i am really glad bc i’ve had so much fun and i’ve written like i haven’t in years and i’ve spoken to all these amazingly kind and funny and clever people and!! i’m just so thankful to everyone who has reached out to me even if we only spoke once or if you just sent me an anon or if we’ve just started speaking or if we’ve been talking for ages bc like honestly i’m so shy and hardly ever reach out to talk to people myself bc i’m always worried i’m gonna annoy people so i’m so so thankful to everyone who has reached out to me bc like!! you’re all so amazing!! and i enjoy talking to you all!! and in my head you’re all my friends even when if you dont consider me one. and i would tag you all but i’m terrified of missing someone out but i really love you all and i know i’m rambling and this probably makes no fucking sense but thank you @ ee for coming into my life and allowing me to have this much fun and making me care even when there’s been heartbreaking stuff going on on screen and thank you to all of you for making it so much fun and for being so funny and lovely and talented and kind and for accepting me the way you have like !! i know i’m being sappy but i love u all and i hope you all have a good new years and more importantly that the next year is good and kind to you all and that you all prosper and thrive and that the best things come to you and yeah i love u guys happy new year 💖💞💕❤️💘💝💞🧡💖💚💙💓❣️💝🧡💘❣️💝

[jcmorgenstern]

3x14 Review

Hey so for once this is actually super positive! I loved this episode and can’t wait to gush about it! So without further ado, I’m gonna get the stuff I quibbled with outta the way before diving into what I liked:

The Bad: — I think my biggest problem overall was that scene between Alec and Lorenzo. I understand Alec was being protective and he goes into Fierce Mommy Tiger mode around those he considers family and those he loves (I think it’s important to show that Magnus isn’t just his boyfriend, Magnus has become integrated into the thing Alec bases his life around). But I had hoped Alec would have figured out by now that a Nephilim threatening to depose a Downward leader over an apartment is…..unideal, at least. — I get that this may have been designed as a plot hook as an understandable yet stupid thing Alec does that comes back to bite him later (i.e., if there is a Downward civil war in New York, and Lorenzo decides to fuck Alec over). Alec’s strength and weaknesses are tied to his family, and I think it’s a very believable mistake for him to make. I don’t expect him to be perfect, I just hope the narrative treats his threat to Lorenzo as less of a “pure uwu cutesy bf” move and more of a mistake, even if Lorenzo is being cruel to Magnus. — Honestly y’all I expected something WAY worse. Losing the apartment was nothing compared to the drama I expected—I thought Lorenzo was gonna ask Magnus to spy on Alec or go back to Asmodeus or something awful. Thankfully that was inverted by a very obvious attempt to get Magnus to move in with Alec, because apparently he can’t buy a new house with all his money. — I also quibbled a little with how Clary was written, especially in that scene where Jace comforts her (or, really, when Jace makes what happened to her about him and how angry he is and how he’s going to kill Jonathan etc. It’s a pattern with him, esp where Jonathan is involved, and I have more to say about it). Clary has always been a very temperamental, look before you leap sort of person, and I’m not sure that if she figured out Jonathan had hurt Jace she would just smile and pretend along. Clary would FREAK. This is Jocelyn’s daughter, y’all. The knives would be out. She stabbed herself to stab him before and she’d do it again. She has ALL the tools at her disposal to rune him or run away. — To be clear, I’m not shaming Clary for what she chose to do or not confronting a violently entitled dude who kidnapped her once already, I just felt the arc was artificially extended to let Jace be the hero instead of letting Clary kick Jonathan’s ass off a pier and rune him. There’s no way that bitch can swim. It seemed kind of….not how Clary would react and kind of artificially done for Jace and Jonathan’s benefit. — Last thing, which isn’t even a quibble but I feel people will be confused if it’s not on here: the Maia and Jordan thing. I’ll go into it more but basically: if they’re doing what I think, I think it worked shockingly well, but if it’s played straight yeah it’ll be Unfortunate.

The Good: — I’m just gonna come out and say this episode was AMAZING. Since this is mostly a positive review I’d like to credit the writer specifically—Zoe Broad. Honestly just the overall coherence of this episode was greater than any of the ones in S3 for me, it flowed from one scene to the other and there was no point where I had the urge to check Facebook or whatever. The dialogue was pretty good overall and truly amazing at parts, and I felt she had a pretty good handle on the characters, despite this being her first episode, which was very impressive. — I actually ENJOYED the ship content??? Clace was absolutely adorable on the rink, with Jace’s sometimes annoying bravado being played wryly both on his part and by the script. “I was born ahead of the curve” delivered with a smile and then nearly falling on his ass was. Very good. And Clary’s little “you’re doing better than me….when I was six” was equally great and I just. Really liked it? They felt like real people on a real date and it felt real and dynamic and cute. — Same with Malec’s grave-robbing date. Usually their scenes start to get weighed down by drama or just general “talking to the audience to make them happy rather than each other,” but this was just cute AND advanced the plot, and connected them back to the main storyline. I hadn’t liked how they were quarantined away from the main story and I’m glad they’re back, even if the “losing Magnus’ loft” was a weird way to do it. — Maia and Alisha particularly were really the breakout stars of the episode. Alisha really really SOLD that dialogue and was honestly incredible. Her terror and anger and desperation felt so visceral and real that even though I knew it would be resolved in the episode, it was gripping and I genuinely needed to know what happened next. — I also did like how Zoe wrote Maia (that “frickin” was TOTALLY a stand in for fuck and I APPRECIATE it) and I felt she really captured how she feels about Jordan—she does care about him as a person, or rather for the person he was at some point, but still refuses to not to push down on her own anger and hurt for his or anyone else’s sake. I felt it was really complex and confusing and emotional for her and overall I think that scene was meant to give her a sense of closure. Just because she recognizes that Jordan does care about her and can be supportive of her, doesn’t mean she’ll necessarily jump back into his arms. — That’s kind of my reading—I’m not sure where they’re going, obviously, but my instinct was that the less chill stuff Maia says (implying they may be going a romantic arc) was more due to the fact she was PANICKING IN A LOCKED CLOSET WITH A DYING DUDE. Like she says “I’m confused” like yes she meant before but honestly right then she obviously was, and I don’t really see the show going for Jordan/Maia? Especially since Todd has hinted Maia has a “don’t need no man” arc. Like she drifts apart from Simon but gets back with someone she hated for years?? Not seeing it. — However if they do go there I’ll be really disappointed, mostly because of the missed opportunity for complexity but also because yeahhhhh maybe not the chillest thing with how many people interpret their relationship as abuse. (I could make a separate post about it but yeah). — Onto Magnus. God okay I don’t know how others felt but I felt Zoe really got to the crux of why Magnus misses his magic. That how he feels connected to the world through his magic was just…such a good insight and it really impacted me because it wasn’t just some generic “magic is what makes me who I am,” it was so much more deep and personal and I felt it meant a lot that Magnus finally put that into words for Alec. He’d clearly been struggling to impart to Alec how he felt, both in terms of “how do I even explain this loss” and a his own emotional reticence. God that grave robbing scene!!!! — Umm the Morningstar sword actually being a sword to summon demons?? Kind of weird?? Esp if they play it off as an actual Morgenstern relic?? Not sure what’s happening but it was cool?? — honestly dudes I’ve been FUCKED UP about the Luke storyline and SUPER STRESSED and now IT’S ALL HAPPENIGN someone SAVE HIM oh my GOD I’m actually so stressed I’ve been stressed for 9 months FREE HIM — Ok now to Jonathan bc lbr y’all know I can’t shut up about him. Ok first off, that scene with the seelie gal, oh my FUCKING GOD I was screaming what a LOSER GHSDKLFJhghghhghgg. And she insults his shitty dialogue?? Zoe ma’am may I PROPOSE??? This keeps getting wilder and wilder I can’t believe they’re GOING THERE. THEY’RE GOING THERE SO HARD. HE’S SUCH A WILD LOSER. Can you BELIEVE he found someone off shadow world fetlife to be like “I’m a Morgenstern and I love you bro you’re so hot and clever and lovable” I just can’t. I bet you ANYTHING she tops and is only in it for the shadow hunter ass. — SHAPESHIFTING. YALL. I BUST A NUT. Look, it fixes so many fucking plot holes. His eyes look SO COOL when he does demon magic. He’s so OP and Chaotic Stupid it’s not even a joke  I Lov my Mary Sue Son. — Honestly having Jonathan impersonate Jace is so brilliant (remember when he said, “I don’t want your pity, I want your life?”) Like it is so fucked up but I love it.  Not looking forward to the mind control but maybe he just whispered “I’m a bottom” into her ear and ran off in her ensuing shock and confusion. You can’t prove me wrong until next week so until then LA LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOU — Personally I liked Dom’s performance as Jonathan, but not to be that Bitch I felt Will was a lot more subtle about it. Dom gave him a straight up thousand mile stare whereas Will played him as something charismatic and good at lying with a little edge of Something Wrong, a strain behind a smile. Sure, Jonathan was probably nervous for his little kidnapping date, but I felt it was unrealistic that he was so suave and convincing (sans the part where Aline comes to visit him that was hilarious, Jonathan you’re an idiot) as Seb and then is like “I eat ants sometimes” as Jace. Like. He’s an obsessive bitch. He’d have practiced Jace in the mirror. Fuck you. Probably while saying “fuck you.” ANYWAYS. — Izzy doing science? It’s not much but I’ll fucking take it lmao. I’m excited to see where Heavenly Fire is going. Matt’s Latin is still abysmal but whatever it’s ok. — also that rose?? A kiss from a rose?? Honestly this ep was so clever and thematically connected and just FLOWED like an ACTUAL EP OF TV god I’m emotional!!!! Thank you Zoe Broad ma’am you are a hero!!! — Again I’m gonna point out both Jace and Jonathan have a designated Brooding Fireplace. — Not super hyped about Heidi coming back but hey this ep was Worth It.

Anyway tldr I really liked it and wanted to spew semi-coherent positivity for once! About more characters than just my stupid fave!!! Wow!!! Good writing is SEXY and I LOVE IT!!!

[someobscurereference]

Characters holding eachother, scared that the other is dead is also my kink, and you have some good taste. :ok_hand: Niles seems like he’d be the most snuggly after one happened to leo/odin. While Odin+Leo are the ones who cry first, and hover over the other one later. At least until they’re invited to snuggle. Any hc’s you have on their reactions? I don’t think you’ve written Odin reacting to Leo/Niles having a near death experience before ٩( 'ω' )و

(referring to this post) Ayy, glad to know you’re into this just as much as I am, anon ;D Those tropes are honestly!! My #1 favorite!! I want them in every fic!!

Niles is actually much softer and sweeter in a romance than some people might think given his tendency to be rude to others before he realizes how uncalled for it is (see: in S-Supports he tends to say “wherever you go, I’ll follow” to his spouse quite easily/seriously and if he marries the Avatar, he tends to comment that he worries if they stay out late, coyly mentions that he brought them flowers, etc. Some of this is teasing but I think it’s also genuine too.) Which is to say I agree! Niles had a hard life and he’s used to roughness, so while he’s a realest, I think he’s also rather soft w/ his spouse too. Which means he really wants to comfort them/comfort himself if anything bad were to almost happen to them!

I’ve definitely written them fussing over Odin before (and am writing it again now because I’m weak, RIP), but you’re right that I don’t think I’ve done Leo/Niles being the ones who were in trouble before! I recently wanted to write Niles being the one to have a near death experience, but I got side tracked and started writing a different fic instead, lol. But I do want to see it! And write it! So here are some shorthand HCs for those kind of experiences for all three of them! 

Odin:

I think he remembers his near experiences quite well and they do haunt him a bit. Specifically that one by the bridge haunts him the most, and that’s why he’s afraid of heights. 

He’s in a difference place now than he was at like age 16 though, so while he was really ready to sacrifice himself back then (canonically bc it seemed like a hero move to do and also in my heart bc he was probably Very Tired of the bad future and was thinking about giving up if it meant he could rest while everyone else could make it out okay), he’s not so ready to do that self-sacrificial stuff anymore.

Not that he wouldn’t sacrifice himself now, because he would, but he does very much want to live more now than in the Bad Timeline, I think. I think that’s part of the reason he retreats like Selena in Birthright if beaten in battle

Anyway, he’s used to being the one who does crazy stuff, Niles is very capable and isn’t normally hurt all that badly, and Leo is obscenely powerful, a prince, and has the two of them keeping him safe. So if either Niles or Leo were to be hurt seriously (especially doing something to keep Odin safe), he’d be pretty shocked.

Would absolutely tell Niles/Leo how cool they looked doing whatever it was they did. Or at the very least recounting it all in dramatic fashion to anyone willing to listen.

When he’s not recounting these events like a TV show, he does drop character to be serious

While he can appreciate the storytelling elements of whatever happened at a later date, this “wow, that was kind of cool” comes much later/acts as a front initially. Because after Bad Timeline, he seriously (of course) Does Not want to lose anybody ever again and the fear of it happening right there where he can see but can’t act is real.

So he probably makes them promise not to do that stuff again/to leave the stunts to him, a true hero

Also fusses obnoxiously. Definitely suggesting something new every two minutes to make Leo/Niles feel better. Only calms down when he’s specifically called out about being too antsy and told to lay down with them. He just has a lot of energy and nowhere to direct it. Probably still freaked out and trying not to show it.

Very Fidgety and going to be thinking about what could have happened for a long time. But ironically, for having the biggest mouth, he’s the most likely to lock that shit up inside and not bring it up again unless called out (so Niles and Leo have to call him out. Otherwise he’ll cool down in his own time)

Niles:

Again, I think Niles is much softer in his romantic life than out of it/with other people.

Even if he says coy/teasing things, if it’s to his spouse, he genuinely means it. 11/10 likes cuddles the most.

But because of his past he definitely knows just how rough and cruel the world can be (similar to Odin but still different) and so the prospect of anything happening to Leo or Odin is very real in his mind. And he’s right. The reality of this is just sharper to him even off the battlefield.

So if something really were to happen to either of them, his fears would become the sharpest. 

In exchange, he becomes even softer with the injured person. He wants to lay there and just hold them and listen to them breathe. He’s awake even when they fall asleep.

If they’re in his arms, he can tell himself they’re safe and sound 

If they got hurt some stupid way, he’s going to be annoyed. But he also trusts Leo and Odin 110% as his lord and his partner (respectively) on top of the fact they’re in love, so if they made a case for why they did XYZ, he’d probably relent and believe/trust in them to have made the right call

As soft as he is with them, though, Niles will also become more withdrawn into his own head after an event like this, even if only for a few days.

Similar to his Support with Leo: Catch Niles staring into space and just thinking to himself with nobody around.

He’ll talk about what he’s imagining much more readily than Odin if asked. He surprisingly doesn’t really have any qualms sharing his memories or fears before, especially with someone he trusts. Probably secretly wants to share them?

So expect his response to be “I’m thinking about how close I came to losing you” or something similar if asked, even if how candid he is catches his SO off guard the first few times. He’s 100% candid.

This just means he’s even more grateful Leo/Odin lived.

It’s stressful for sure. Niles requires a lot of winding down after something like that.

He also might chide himself for not doing more, but being a realist also means realizing when there was nothing he could have done to prevent something worse from happening too.

This doesn’t necessarily make it easier. It just is.

Leo:

Also a realest like Niles, but he’s also fussy like Odin, though usually fussier more about the events than the aftermath.

By which I mean, he’s the one who says “Why did you do X… You could have YZ… In the future, don’t take risks, etc.” That kind of thing.

It’s coming from a place of love and worry, even if it can seem kind of moot a whole day later when Niles/Odin is laying in bed recovering.

Niles accepts these comments with relative ease bc he knows it makes Leo feel better, but Odin might be the type to say “Milord!! I wanted to but! That wasn’t an option!” Not a fight bc he loves and respects Leo a lot too but Odin doesn’t bend very much either if he did what he thought was right. Leo is usually the one to win for a variety of reasons though

Canonically quite the smooth-talker in his romance Supports and I don’t act on that enough. So he probably is very thoughtful and ensures Niles/Odin have as convenient a time as possible while they are recovering even when Leo can’t be there himself. He doesn’t want them to strain any more than they already are.

Niles and Odin’s duties to him as retainers come first even when they’re all together, and Leo understands that very well. So he understands that sometimes they have to do things he’d rather not do in the name of Nohr/Leo.

That said, he specifically never wants them to risk themselves more than strictly necessary (see: his Odin Support where he says this explicitly, his Support with Niles where Niles is a little more difficult to dissuade and so Leo sidesteps moreso than outright saying no but is obviously a little uncomfortable), and he will be Upset if they did something that wasn’t worth it, even if they did it for him.

Not the type to hide what he feels when it’s not necessary, so he’s going to be Obviously Scared/Relieved when he sees Niles/Odin hurt and then realizes they’ll be alright. He composes himself pretty soon after, but he has a lot more emotions than other diplomats/royals might pick up on considering the image a prince of Nohr must keep up. Niles and Odin get to see them all.

Unlike Niles (who usually relents) or Odin (who stays firm in his own convictions but realizes a lot of things can happen very quickly in a battle), if Leo puts his foot down, it stays down.

This could lead to a fight later if Odin/Niles hurt themselves after Leo told them not to, but at the end of the day they’re all doing it for each other, tbh

This list might be a little more aftermath focused than actual “stumbling upon nearly dead SO,” but that reaction depends on the exact situation. And also I’ll try to save dramatic reactions for actual written scenes. Hopefully I’ll do one for Niles soon like I originally wanted to! 

I’m a fan of asks like these, so thanks so much! ;D

[kabutoraiger]

usually i type up “final thoughts” posts like, immediately after i finish a show. usually i’ve already made up my mind about how i feel, i guess. but kr build is... a tough one to wrap my head around.

i went into build needing it to be really good. for me personally, rider hasn’t been truly great since fourze. i’ve definitely liked certain seasons in between. but i haven’t loved them. and so this was me kinda placing all my hopes on this 1 show to tell me that rider still had the potential to be incredible.

and... it was, in some ways. mainly in terms of character - it’s been a while since i’ve loved a main rider OR a secondary as much as i love our best match boys. their relationship is something i hadn’t realized how much we’d been missing in this franchise. we hadn’t had that powerful main/secondary romance fated connection since... decade, i guess, and nothing quite like ryuga & sento since kagami & tendou. even then, there’s only so far i can take that comparison. bc ryusen really is pretty incomparable to the rest of heisei rider relationships. build has a lot of showa leanings but it’s the main duo that reminds me the most of the olden days.

i mean tell me this isn’t some build lads dialogue right here:

and the rest of the cast has so many other standouts - sawa, who despite being severely underutilized is still wildly interesting and unlike any lady in rider in the past few years. gentoku and his several weird phases each of them iconic in their own way. evolt, who entertained me more than any central villain in rider ever has. (thank you papa dan the capitalist man for paving the road for more genuinely fun big bads. your contribution was invaluable)

soichi. though why i love him so much i’ll get into in a moment.

the way the relationships & connections are woven together in build is astonishing to me. the way misora’s childhood interests informed the fullbottles (ok, sure, a lot of That was half-assed as far as explanations go, but on the base level there are some affecting ideas in there). the way the best match ft. her favorite animal then named sento. the way sento & ryuga were seemingly destined to meet from early on. the way sento was built by evolt, and the way that was all slowly erased as he was rebuilt by people who loved him. the way evolt’s manipulation of his “proteges” so to speak mirrors nanba and his “children.” all these themes of being put on a preset path by some dark or terrible power or person, and having to fight to free yourself from it.

there are so many beautifully complex things going on in build. the ties into real world politics. the way the pandora box doesn’t turn people berserker violent but instead makes them lose their human empathy, makes them scheming and cruel. gives them imperialist notions of the ultimate satisfaction being war and conquest. the blatant “here, see for yourself, kids” about why wars happen - not for the greater good but because people in power want them to - and how innocent people will always get caught in the crossfire and be turned into little more than weapons to be disposed of at someone’s whim.

there is so much happening in build.

there is too much happening in build.

in the end, it throws so much at the screen that it was never all going to stick. you could make entire shows out of minor parts of kr build. the nanba children, ryuga’s origins, vernage and the dead civilization of fcking mars!! these could all be entire premises on their own. in build, these things are almost an afterthought. it’s dizzying, at best. frustrating, at worst. even moreso when you consider that clearly mr muto needed to burn time somehow before the endgame, which is the only explanation i can come up with for the collecting lost bottles nonsense and all that ungodly boring shit with sento’s dad.

how do you look at this show you’ve made, which has about 50 incredibly interesting ideas too many, and decide to ignore all of those in favor of dad drama, toku’s favorite dull as dirt oft-recycled plot concept? it’s mind boggling to me. and to think that time could’ve been spent deepening characters & relationships, too. letting sawa talk to utsumi. doing Anything with utsumi to establish some kind of consistent personality, to make us actually care when he’s revealed to have technically died in the human sense and had his free will stripped from him many episodes prior. letting misora & kazumi have a normal goddamn conversation for once. treating misora as a person with wants of her own and not just a cute little prop to stand around and cry over others.

letting soichi wake the fuck up!!

the intriguing tragedy of soichi is something that i kept hoping and wishing that build might address. being trapped inside your own body for a decade, watching someone pose as you, and with such a spot-on impression that no one notices at all. the helplessness, knowing that this entity is plotting something terrible for everyone on earth and just. not being able to do a thing about it. but the emotions most of all - what did he feel for sento & ryuga & sawa while he was trapped? was it real, if he had no say in it, if he could hear them but they couldn’t hear him? and what did he really feel towards evolt, his only actual 2-sided conversation partner for 10 whole years? how well did he know him? what wild knowledge of evolt’s weaknesses could he have imparted if he’d just WOKEN UP!!

and now, with the ending, it’s like it never happened at all. i suppose the idea going around is that someday they might remember. but that’s just... so nebulous. it’s not a merge of worlds if one is just gone. i’d hoped so much that certain outcomes might have carried over, just with different causes. gentoku’s father still being dead, for example. in the new world he wouldn’t have been killed by evolt but instead in, say, a political assassination.

it just all feels too simple. all that pain and strife just wiped away. maybe it’s hypocritical to complain about this as a ryuki fan, but. in ryuki, resets were established as a thing that could happen. and via the setup of the rider battle, what other option was there to end the series satisfactorily?

here in build, we were told that the worlds would combine, and that evolt would never have existed. but evolt was not the singular source of villainy in all the universe. this show which took so many thought-provoking risks early on is now apparently telling me that in a world without evolt, humanity is totally at peace. nanba was never affected by the pandora box’s light. he was just goddamn evil, because sometimes people are. i loved that about his portrayal. in a world with no war to profit off of, this man should by all accounts probably be trying to start one himself.

but that’s not the world we see in the final ep of build. instead, everyone is simply normal and happy, the terrible things that shaped them in another reality seemingly having never occurred at all, even the things (re: nanba children) that by all accounts still should have.

it’s a disappointment. it feels like the easy way out.

but at the same time holy shit that ryuga & sento romance ending and the idea of the others even just potentially getting their memories back is like my IDEAL tropey shit i am so into that stuff oh my god dude!!! i cried so fucking hard just thinking about it!!

... so. yeah. conflicted might be the word for all of this.

i wish build had been better. i’m not sure what exactly happened, in that 2nd half. rewrites, i guess? the command that it now had to be compliant with the setting of the next rider, and so whoops time to do a little reality smushing & for some reason throw out all the other plot points? demands to toss in even more fucking merch like it didn’t have enough collectibles and upgrades already, good lord, even kids can’t possibly keep up with toy schedules like this, can they, like by the time you convince your parents to buy you [x] it’s already goddamn obsolete in the show --

but it’s hard to deny that build affected me in a big way. i got tired of it, near the end. but i’m glad i watched it all the way through. and i’ll never forget the absolute euphoria i felt watching, like, ep 12 to ep 30 or so. that stretch was a highlight of this entire franchise for me. it was like i was watching something made specifically for me. it was beautiful.

beautiful just like the suits in this show. damn. 

if only sawa had gotten one.