#I am so anxious about it man
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I might have injured my tendon in my elbow at work. And now I have to go through employee health for possible workman's comp. QwQ why does God give his hardest battles to his weakest warriors?
#I am so anxious about it man#Cuz I didn't say anything about feeling my elbow pop at the time#And I don't know how to adult#Please someone break my arm so I have a visible excuse
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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wanna bug Toji soooo bad while he’s on the phone. his ass doesn’t have a job so it’s not like he’s discussing important business, but he likes to make it look that way. phone tucked between his shoulder and ear as he uses one hand to rub circles on your exposed thigh, the other flipping through the tv channels. he’s speaking in a low tone, his eyebrows mused together in agitation as he calls the guy on the other line a barrage of insulting names.
and you’re just a simple person—the man looks hot as fuck like that and you just have to bother him. so you do, despite the side eye he gives you when you swing your leg over, foot in the air, right in his face. he swats you away gently before going back to his phone call, bites at your toes when you still try to wiggle them in his face.
"If you think you can lowball me like that, then you're stupider than I thought." Toji grunts to the other man on the phone, distracted once more. a little peeved that his attention isn't on you much anymore, you do what any little conniving imp would do.
you sit on his lap. backwards, facing the TV, looking over your shoulder at him with such an evil little grin that it makes his eyes squint to you in warning. but you've never listened much, especially when you know you'll be rewarded so plentifully in the end.
so you rock your hips, just slightly the first few times. your legs sat on either side of him, hands resting in the space between his legs on the bed, leaning your weight back on his hips that you sit against. instantly, you can feel the swell of him beneath his sweats, feel the thickness that you love to fill you up start to twitch when you circle your hips, grinding them oh so slowly against his covered cock.
when you look over your shoulder again, Toji only stares, the slightest lilt of his lip turning up at the corners. he tries to act unbothered, one arm bent back to rest his head against, the other holding the phone to his ear. but you can see through him, and feel just how bothered he really is.
so you up the ante; start to lift and drop your hips slow, slow, slow at first before the pace begins to build. you lean forward on your elbows, pull your underwear up until the curve of your ass is exposed, gasping from the friction, from the feeling of his cock rubbing so sweetly at your slit through the thin cotton.
you look over your shoulder once more, grinning, biting at your lip as you grind against him, close to completion. he can see it all in your eyes.
"Gonna call you back later. Got some important shit to take care of right now." Toji hangs up without preamble, gaze distant as he focuses on the ever growing spot of your arousal that starts to leak onto his own sweats.
but you're a little minx, with the way you scramble from his grasp before he can catch you, laughing when he snags your ankle to drag you back down. he's suddenly kneeling over you, grin sharp and ferocious, the straining of his cock through his sweats hanging so intimidatingly low, that if you lift your hips just a little, his tip would kiss your clit in the sweetest kiss.
"And where do you think you're going, you little brat?" Toji growls, dropping down to nip at the base of your neck, licking over your pulse point.
"Not letting me off the hook that easy, huh?" you tease, hands splayed beside your head in surrender, just wanting a little bit of the chase before the devouring. and by the look in his eyes, you know you'll only be bones by morning.
"Not in a million years." he promises right before the inevitable pounce.
#hello all 🧍🏽♀️#my head is hurty and I feel nauseous so I think I will take some sleeping pills and lay down 👍🏽#also think I might finally finish that fic for him tomorrow#but no promises bc I sometimes get Tired#also thinking about starting coms in late June#bc my semester ends in a few days and I have surgery scheduled after that so I’ll be down for a bit#but I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to still sit in bed and write so hopefully all goes well!!!#I set up my kofi but I chickened out of posting it here bc I am Anxious#about Everyrhinf#rambling sorry I hope u guys like this I’m obsessed with this man#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#toji treats! 🍬
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I am really tired of a situation rn.
#fe three houses#felix hugo fraldarius#me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet!#anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine#can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 !#why am i getting your insurance company calling me today !#also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp#and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene#so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth#literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic#i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck!#im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like#bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved#cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered#idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy#got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam#and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified#there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them#and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious#its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it
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so hey guys i finished dungeon meshi yesterday and i'm still thinking about it
#ria.txt#i spoiled myself so at first i was like 'this is bonkers wtf are they doing in those last few chapters?????'#but then it was like. yeah. i see#love those ch when it's just clearly putting the squad into Situations#also. izutsumi#what i really liked was how tightly the protagonist and the deuteragonist were wound up in the overall themes#the plot the themes the conflict the characters it was very neatly connected#hence i am also now accidentally invested in whatever going on between laios and marcille#not just platonic not romantic not enemies i just think they work well tgt and deeply care for each other its great watching them develop#it's the leader + most trusted advisor / anxious girlfailure + the annoying freak she's somehow attached to vibes#haha that rabbit chapter with marcille. hahha i was like what the fuck man. it was funny and then boom whump [tears streaming down my face]#those shapeshifter chs were sooo much fun esp seeing other chara's perceptions of each other. stealing that#the changeling ones were great too elf senshi is the fucking funniest he looks sooooooo unserious#marcille's evolving perception with death starting with saving falin and saving the squad and her nightmares of outliving everyone-#-and her dad and her 'temper tantrum' and UGH when at the end she said she was fine with falin not coming back.... WAAA. OUGH.#i think dunmeshi handled the trope of 'prophecy of chosen one becoming king' pretty well and it makes sense why laios is the protag#the worldbuilding is so thoughtful as well i liked seeing different characters with different worldviews interact#very solid and well rounded series wooo#the main 4 has such a fun dynamic together#anyways. dunmeshi au.....#more like borrowing the worldbuilding bc charas are too nuanced for a one to one comparison#ren is like some prince of his own species but he's like 34th in line and no one cares about him so he fucks off to eat monsters#which is why he's both snobbish AND a total freak when it comes to his food taste#false is originally in for the money from ren and plans to scam him but unfortunately the cringefail swag captures her#martyn is Obnoxiously Clueless and thinks he's smart but he's not. he's resourceful but also pathetic and crazy#stress cant cook but she thinks she does so everyone goes (≖_≖ ) when she picks up a pot. they delegate her to killing and chopping duty#the mvp is iskall who keeps on saving everyone's asses and somehow has resources for everyone#i think ren is actually aware false is going to scam him but he has too much money to spend anyway and he thinks shes cool so he lets her??#and somehow she doesnt take the money and run. and goes back to eating monsters w/ the party. everyone is crazy
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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I fucked up
#Is it socially acceptable to write a comment to a fic that is longer than the fic 😭😭😭#Is it socially acceptable to write a comment that is longer than the 10000 ao3 character limit 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm so so embarrassed right now. This is why I've been struggling to write comments for a year now.#It's because every time I really like a fic I end up with an essay that takes hours to days to make#I'm so sorry to all the authors I've neglected commenting because of this I swear I'll try to do better in the future.#But right now I'm miserably failing. Man I put myself in a mess#Can someone please reassure me on this I'm feeling really insecure and I don't want to make the author uncomfortable.#Or genuinely tell me it's too much if it's too much#Fun fact the first comment I've ever written I was 16 and never ended up commenting because it breached the character limit too.#And 16 me was too much of an anxious mess to post it. And I probably still am#I'm so sorry ray/emma actors au fic I loved you so much.#Please don't ask what the fic is it's a relatively old one and this is already wholly embarrassing by its own for me#But to give you an idea of the proportions I'm talking about a 3k+ comment for a 2k fic ಥ_ಥ#random rambles#To all the authors my lack of self control has kept me from commenting to their fics: I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm
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so i sort of half accidentally did the end of totk on monday, i had over 130 hours and slightly over 50% of the game done and did the second to last fight with 3 hearts left and no way to heal but fairies after i gave up multiple times thinking the game might be trying to force me to fight a certain way xD
so im still playing it and am aiming for the 100% but i dont think theres gonna be much more to discover story wise the game is really fun and has a lot of detail and love put into it that you can really see, the music is fantastic as well, some of the characters get more love which is great but the story is … well disappointing but not surprising, especially in its treatment of ganondorf, who still feels incredibly flat as a character, which was to be expected but also … you cant fault people (including me) for faintly hoping theyd do something more interesting tho i will say the end fight is really well done and i cant think of a way to top that in terms of epicness xD
anyway, some unfiltered thoughts and opinions in no particular order (keep in mind i know its viddy game logic uwu but still some things can really destroy the immersion; and also i like to think too hard about the stuff i care about so take this with a grain of salt, i never expected the story to be world changing but i want to remind you that i am criticizing it bc i love this franchise)
--what the hell happened to all the sheikah tech?? botws story gets mentioned a few times but never is it mentioned what happened to all the tons of tech lying around everywhere? if they dismantled the towers for purah to build her new ones around i guess thats fine, but all the srhines? the titans ??? THE SHRINE OF LIFE??? its all gone, esepcially the shrine of life irks me bc the cave is still there and its still called by its bame but its nothing but a cave in a vague shape of how the buidling was it absolutely drives me crazy bc its so dumb?? even if it all stopped working for some reason why would you dismantled it all and even then where did the material go?? why would you dismanlted an neitre building like that anyway?? if you want to have a cave there just have it be half collapsed, if all sheikah tech has gotten useless just leave it there but overgrown?? and why is all of purahs tech still working then? zelda doesnt seem to care about it anymore either even tho shes been so obsessed with it for so long? the titans how would you even MOVE them?? you CANNOT tell me that all this tech that survived tens of thousands of years just went poof within a few years; and sometimes it even feels .. insulting? like you know how much robelo cared for cherry and now shes tiny and just serves as a way to buy fotos for your collection? the fact that the shrine of life is fully gone but the cave is vaguely shaped like its interior and where the bed used to be is a healing pool of water too? like idk if im just insane but it feels like 'haha lol remember what used to be here? get it? the water heals you like the bed in the shrine of life and lol there was the stairs HAHA remember? its gone now for no reason.lmao.' to be clear i like having some mysteries and all but that is just …. so weird? when i discovered the shrine of life i was so taken aback i didnt know what to do, it really broke my immersion, by alot even, it just makes it feel even more like all sheikah tech was replaced by much cooler (tm) sonau tech
--what happend to the sonau people? we only know that rauru and mineru are the last two remaining ones back then but … what made them die out like that? this is by far not as important to me as the issue with the sheikah tech but still feels like a point that could have been mentioned
--as much as i like the open world and how free you are to do things your own way but, regardign the dragon tears i think they should have been locked more behind story progression, i got all of them rather early on and it made it a lil frustrating to play through the other story parts bc you know the truth but you cant tell anyone and everyone around you is acting like a dumbass running after fake zelda while the real one is floating around above you, and i know thats partly my fault for getting them all so early but it still felt like some could have been more well hidden or locked or something since theres no hint to when it would fit to do which one; i expecpted impa to travel to each one but it seemed like she appeared on only a few here and there- additionally i fully expected her to be more important, that she would have an actual involment trying to help zelda undragonfy but that turned out to be very wrong lmao
--why are the enemies in the underground mining sonanium? ganondorf didnt seem itnerested at all in any of their tech, only in the mystery stones (only one too, he didnt seem to want any more of them either) they dont use it for anything? at least the ones on the surface collected stuff they could eat or use for fighting?
--did mineru really build herself a robot body just to fight ganondorf for a bit and then leave? as the last of the sonau, even tho long dead too, why wouldnt she tell their history and knowledge or something and instead if just helping a lil in the fight and then go poof (i half expected purah to be a surprise sage since the spirit one would have fit her i think)
--the zelda being the white dragon plot point lost alot of weight to me when it was just .. resolved like that in the end, i know she spent thousands of years like that and all but it seemed like a much heavier decision that later on felt a little less flat after fidning mineru even tho i felt like i didnt care at all at first bc of the way i found out ,and i half expected there to be an extra mission to try and find her soul again since that apparently gets lost when you do the whole dragon thing, but in the end that wasnt a problem at all, two ghosts and link (somehow naked again) blasting her with some magic(tm) and boom shes back and well and fine woohoo it was a non problem after all i didnt expect her to stay dragon since that would mean the end of the legend of zelda basically, but still it took away alot of the weight of her decision to me? like i get undragonfying her before the end would be difficult since you can get material off of her but still i hoped for something other than boom it resolved itself and i thoguht and worried about it for nothing honestly a post game or even another title where the main focus wouldnt be desstroying yet anyother one note evilest guy of them all and isntead the goal is to bring zeldas soul back and undragon her or something would have been a cool idea tbh tho i know its unrealistic
--did ganondorf think turning himself into a dragon would end the world somehow? did he mean the lil evil goo clouds he spit at you in the last fight to end the world? and how come that he was vunerable to fight? none of the other dragons could be hurt and for an 'immortal' dragon he sure went down fast also how did the stone get back on his forehead? you need to eat it to dragonfy yourself and zelda doesnt have her stone out either (i know viddy games logic but still) (on another note, gan shoving half his arm in his own mouth felt really cursed to watch)
--into WHAT exactly wanted gan to reshape the world into?? only destroying it is such a non reason if you want to rule it? theres nothing left to rule if you kill everything in it?? he just gonna play cards with some bokblins or what -i really wanted to fight ganondorf on the surface, not in his lil miasma incubation cave again :(
--so …. why he evil? are we really doing the and WHOOP suddendnly theres the eviliest guy of the world and he hates your guts for some reason thing again? no tension with the gerudo that seemed to follow him in the lil cutscene we see and the ones that went on raurus side? no actual origin? does he have ANYONE to talk to normally or did he just surround himself by monsters all the time or abadon everyone that once followed him once he got his power up?? you can make any design or fight as good as it can possibly be but in the end its still gonna feel hollow if the character has no character besides evil even the fake zelda wasnt actually him and just a lil puppet made of miasma so even him fucking with people is a little less interesting when he was actually just marinading in his lil goop cave, and the lil hand wink he gives you at phase two can only do so much lmao
--ganondorf is cool and all, but tbh he feels more like the evil miasma goop guy than anything else --why are the old sonau ruins in hyrule so different from the rest? like we know now that they arent actually a civilization from the sky alone but were even in the underground too, and all of their ruins have that blocky white style to it, the supposedly sonau ruins in phirone for example, albeit they share the dragon theme the style on the outside is very much different? and the ancient ruins from the other races dont match it either --are the sheikah descendants of the mixing of sonau and hylians? the white hair and third eye theme would fit to the only alive sonaus we see having white hair (fur?), the literal third eye and their affinity to techonology similar to the sheikah, and zelda having both light and time powers would make sense if its yet another descendant thing, but that would mean zelda was at least part sheikah .. (ngl white haired zelda might look pretty neat actually) but also … it didnt seem like sonia and rauru have been together all that long and no mention or even hint to them having children … which given that both of them die would be an important thing to mention no?
--why cant you do anything with the dongos but feed them????????? i wanna ride them :(
--where is kashiwa????????????????? they talk about him like hes a lost legend
--putting in all the amiibo stuff is cool and annoying at the same time, i spent 5 hours fighting my way throguh the underground to follow treasure maps and found 3 nigh identcal link hats from past games in a row, then two other parts of similar, then two aiimbo weapons and then jsut yesterday another one from a bigger quest that i expected more of; getting the armor sets of past games is cool if you want them but if i did i would have just gotten the amiibos back in botw, my inevntory already feels super bloated with all the new and old armor sets and now the amiibo stuff as well even tho i have like .. half of it all atm (and dont go and argue 'oh so complaining about more content for free???' yes. yes i am.)
--whats with this game and making link almost naked? rauru saving you from death? naked. (annoying) survival shrines? naked. weird teleport to alternate ghost dimension to blast zelda with magic power tm to solve all problems? naked.
--(added in edit) im glad dorephan didnt die!! i fully expected him to have died offscreen or something to make way for everyones favorite fish
--(added in edit) so are definitely other lands besides hyrule if yona came from there, also lol
--the story feels, espeically once you see the last cutscene, very …. uncomfortable to me if dare to think about it more than just taking everythign as its said to you, like … the oh so perfect descednants of the gods(what) marry a normal hylian lady and sourround themselves with perfetly obedient faceless servants of the other races so the perfect and good kingdom tm is born and oh suddendly theres an evil brown man (makign him grey doesnt change the implications, if anything, it makes it worse bc they wont even stand for it and instead are trying to hide it behind uuuuh no no its fine hes blue actally kinda way) from the desert that attacks the perfect good kingdom and king, then he swears alliance to them only to betray and murder da queen right away to get his hands on a super power the perfect and good king held and would have never never used it in a bad way nono and now they need to defend it by all means and at the end woohoo zelda has now again the perfect kingdom with no opposition except the yiga who are (as much as i love them) mostly played for laughs or .. well, evil(tm) as epic and cool the dragon fight was, zelda being the slim tiny white/gold/blue dragon and ganondorf being the evil spiky big black and red dragon and them literally being called white/black dragon feels like wow they arent even trying to hide the black and white storytelling huh (i know its a design trope to the bad be black(color) and the good anything else and spiky vs round and soft blah blah but that doesnt make it any better .. maybe even worse? idk)
the way nintendy was keeping stuff a secret and hinting around so much made me feel like it would finally be a little more nuanced and then it turned out to be even flatter than before and all that secrecy(?) was only to keep dragon zelda plotpoint a secret, something that was resolved no problem in the end anyway (i didnt need zelda to stay dragon but .. it all just lost so much weight the way it was done at the end)
-- (added in edit) master koga is the best character and no one can beat him, the most joy i felt was seeing him again and i am not joking, i wish i could talk to him normally tho without him being able to see through my yiga disguise :( im so glad he didnt die tho bc if he actually went to gan he would 100% be dead within seconds
--(added in edit2) i forgot to mention but was just reminded that link getting his arm back felt super weird too, so really everything that meant major changes got reversed basically ... coool ...back to status quo i guess, couldnt he if he wasnt missing it at least have it be discolored somehow? or scarred? any reminder? zelda too even, could she also have some sort of scar or similar due to her transformation ??
--(added in edit2) so where did the mystery stones even come from? gans and zeldas are gone after dragonfying i guess so ...what?
so in summary, im not eloquent enough to properly analyse all the problematic/questionable stuff and put it into the right words, but these are my random thoughts just spilled out, theres gonna be things i missed, forgot, or gonna think about later, maybe ill add it maybe not
again take it with a grain of salt, the game is still one of the most fun games i have ever played, my problems with it lie majorly in the story, its still very much worth playing!
#ganondoodles talks#long post#totk spoilers#totk spoiler#totkspoilers#at least i havent seen the botw gerudo outfit yet#maybe one evil was defeated after all#to be clear i havent seen all of it yet#i have 72 shrine atm and am missing alot of colletibles still#but i wanted to write out my thoughts so maybe they will stop bothering me this much#but all this being said#i am now more then ever confused about being told that something about my hylia design was -correct- before totk released#bc all i can think of is sonia being mistaken for hylia?#and even then what .... is their similarity??#man was i anxious about the game when it was just like referenceing stuff#like gan being called the demon king and all and the war being called the sealing war#i feel so dumb about everything now lmao
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I have a question for you.
The tanks are already good on their own, now having Mammon attacker and the area it covers.
Beel, as a support, especially Beel Bloodshed is already ensuring victory.
I love that shooters are not only Satan (except his attacker card), but also Levi.
Idk which Levi is more powerful than the other, when they work the same. 🤔
I didn't include his bath, because I don't have it. 😭 So, I don't know what his skills are like.
#whb#what in hell is bad#prettybusy what in “hell” is bad?#whb leviathan#pretty busy#I need answers#I am the least traumatized and obsessed with Levi#I won't talk so much about Levi when Luci comes#I'm anxious#It's not my fault that I fell in love with that man.
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back to self-analyzing what the fucks going on in my brainium
#txt#i need to go back to a therapist methinks#cuz why am i only now reading about OSDD-1a#bc errrmmmmmmm.........................#i know C-PTSD is very comorbid with dissociative disorders#but like given things ive experienced and struggled with its always felt like there's something More going on idk#idk it's like...i can see OSDD CPTSD or even...BPD i guess#but its just like i dont feel like ONE of those fits me its like i relate to a bit of all three#mostly so CPTSD but thats bc DUH I HAVE CPTSD#my lifes been trauma after trauma there's definitely not simply ONE traumatic event that's defined me#also wondering in another area if it's just adhd autism overlap#or maybe i AM autistic afterall just VERY VERY good at masking it or compensating for it#or if i have the same subcategory of Bipolar a former friend had that commonly gets misdiagnosed as the former two#which is likely bc all my blood relatives have gotten diagnosed with a form of bipolar and im not joking#idk man i just wish i knew wtf is wrong with me and how to like...do something about it but like actually#and not just focus on the depression or anxiety because that's CLEARLY NOT HELPING#yes im depressed and severely anxious but dont u think they might have a ROOT CAUSE#i'm definitely convinced and have been for years that they stem from something else#deeper and more of an issue than anyone trying to study wtfs wrong w me has figured out including me
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Dread be dreading
#ughg#i usually have awful thoughts randomly popping up here or there#make me pretty anxious for a few days then i won't think about them for a while#but man i can't handle doubts suddenly resurfacing#like this monday i was listening to my last lecture and everything bad i cooked up a in the past few months hit me like a truck#couldn't even focus i was too busy internally chanting shit fuck i don't want this i made a huge mistake shit shit#i won't be able to handle all this responsibility i'm so tired this will butcher my mental health should have chosen media studies fuuuck#what was i thinking what am i gonna do help#then proceeded to distract myself with an electric outlet otherwise i might have started crying#:/#and those thoughts aren't wrong unfortunately#i love this university and the classes and the things i study#the teachers and my classmates and the kids i got to take care of#but i don't think i could do this for real#i'm not even struggling with anything i'm just scared and tired as hell#and thought i could just. power through it- like if i'm stubborn enough it won't matter that it's draining#but damn#and hell originally i came here because i wanted to teach english to kids#i guess my expectations were too high i don't feel like i've learned anything that useful this far#and turns out it won't get better#we just gonna do presentations again#to be fair i loved researching nursery rhymes but i hoped we would have... more. of that#also about media studies. chief... i crave to be there#could have picked the english specialization there too- i'm a moron. a bozo. holy shit#well. gonna go through this semester either way. because again everything i study here (almost everything) is genuinely great and useful#and perhaps i'm just in a Pit right now#the dread pit#should probably break this to my sister. somehow#random squeak
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your pepstavo is literally the best thing in the entire world ur recent post sent me to heaven….I love ur hcs for their intimacy it’s EXACTLY how i see it too!!!
i think peppino struggles extremely with intimacy to the point where he’ll just end up crying before anything can start, which gus never minds and he’s always there for him to hold him and remind him he’ll always wait for him for when he’s ready…😢😢RAGGHH ilovethememmm…..
Thank yuuuu 😭💖💖💖💖 its prob out of the blue bc 98% of all of my hcs are just rotating in my head but i think about them sooo much. Peppino is a scared but ANGRY man and hes fun to work w bc i see him as both incredibly expressive and also extremely emotionally constipated; wants intimacy, cannot understand WHY it sucks so bad when he gets invited to partake in it. He is frustrated and anxious and he has like 400 million thoughts conflicting w each other and it ends up w him being angry and pissy wo knowing WHY hes angry and pissy.
And Gus is a saint but he is also a VERY stubborn little man and is probably the only person in the world stubborn enough to tolerate this messy, messy man. He doesnt treat peppino as a fixer-up; he treats him as someone he KNOWS has hang ups about Everything. The thing is, Gus has been interested in peppino even when he was in the throes of being in his literal Lowest Point of his life; Gus was ride or die from jump and he knew he would have to have the patience to deal w peppino and his attitude.
And its kind of funny (sweet) to Gus bc now he (and rlly everyone now) gets to see what peppino looks like when hes not BEYOND stressed, and Gus sees that hes in fact soft and kind of a silly man ! He likes any and ALL displays of affection, he likes being pampered and he likes being coddled a lil and he likes existing in Gustavos space :) Hes REALLY coy and equally playful and hes a bit (alot) of a brat; it makes Gus wish he got to see Peppino when he was younger (bc peppino will show him pics from when he was young and he mentions that he used to be a BRAT w these older men lmao) like theres more to this (at first glance) grumpy man, but hes like more than happy to have the peppino he knows rn 🧡
#chattin#answered#long post#saucy#not really but wehg#pepstavo#WAMBLIN…….i care about them sm#its funny that u mention him getting frustrated bc yes thats exactly how i see him#like hes a CRYBABY and he will cry over any strong emotion and getting angry definitely fits in that category#but like i am drawing them being so BAD and its bc i like that once gus gets past that outer anxious shell#gus gets to see that oh. he is SO playful and silly…#and hes got a ton of confidence when hes like. yknow. not drowning in debt and a constant reminder of his failures#gus was really ready to be w this angry man FOREVER but hes happy to know that peppino is not actually this angry and bitter all the time
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Me: I want to talk to my mutuals so bad 😔
Also me: *doesn't do it*
#why am I like this 😭 then I complain about being lonely I don't think thats how it works man#sorry to all my moots you are so cool but I am so anxious#and also have nothing to talk about im not interesting lol#cringe on the art blog again#rambles
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I think smth that gets me about the way a lot of the fandom woobifies Vash is that like... so many of them erase his anger? They make him a soft and sweet doormat who never gets angry Ever, and that's just objectively not true, EVEN IF we're just talking about tristamp Vash. He's definitely softer spoken in tristamp than the other versions, but we still see him get angry!! We see him Yell!!! And these people ignore that!
Then when you consider 98 Vash and ESPECIALLY trimax Vash. Bro is genuinely furious like Any time he is dealing with #Situations. He gets angry. He yells. And he's genuinely tempted to kill people in anger (as we see with Monev).
It's just plain mischaracterization when people make him so soft and sweet and Never Angry. And we all know exactly why people characterize him like this.
#speculation nation#it's bc so many ppl r just not normal about trans people lol#like man i love the widespread trans vash headcanons but Man the weird characterizations it often brings...#it is. vexing. my perpetual curse. i will always be annoyed by it.#sometimes i think about when i started writing 3gun fic w stampede vash and i had him Angry in even the first chapter#and i was so anxious about it being mischaracterization bc so many people write him so soft#then i looked back at canon and i was like. '.... no this IS in character. he WOULD be angry. what are YOU guys doing?'#and now with my manga fic i am just continuously writing him angry bc he IS. he is SO angry.#and so tired and so sad etc etc like theres more to it and all but like#you cant take the anger out of vash. it's an important part of who he is.#that 100% justified anger at his life and circumstances and Everything#he is not a doormat. stop writing him like one. im begging you.
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Today, i decided to practice doing these funky eye lines tim has here!
I have gotten positive responses from a friend and my partner who both say it looks good! But i do kinda wanna wear this outside too, but i am VERY anxious and scared of other people's opinions--
#the mechanisms#the mechs#@chaotic man named oliver#gay immortal space pirate band my beloved<3#gunpowdertim#gunpowder tim#i really like how they look and they bring me joy but i am so so anxious about peoples opinions-
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hello long vent / kinda updates ( in tags for both ) & also i love you all sm
#life is hard man#i cant socialize for shit#i appreciate everyone whose been reaching out to me and stuff#i wanna clarify my lack of responses is due to the mess that is my life rn#but also im autistic as hell and bad at messaging#tbh#i just have lots of trauma / problems there so communication is really difficult for me#and i am not sure how to navigate it#im doing my best but it is so hard#im not good at messaging back or knowing what to say etc#its been really hard#im an anxious mess most days#and its honestly not getting better its getting worse#i have lots of untreated mental stuff going on#managed to do a screening yesterday so the ball is rolling but its slow & im out of time#rn my partner + friends & wrestling are whats getting me through this#like aside from my cat and a junk drawer full of small things thats about what i got#and life is not very kind to me / us#feels like its working against us actively tbh#and theres some family stuff that went down thats intense#after my nightmare day at all out. i learned a lot more about my place in my family that i didnt really wanna learn rn#so i am. a mess#all my problems are literally so severe i cannot function. i cant do tasks. i cant think. i literally have panic attacks over everything#anxiety attacks that last whole days or hours cause my skin just stays shaking and wrong#my ocd is unbearable#and i cant leave my house really anymore#and select moments i can but. i dont even have those anymore really#i wish i could explain the mess of how bad im doing and also express the gratitude for the people still around#or the people checking in#i am trying to! i am still trying.
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