#I am once again emotionally devastated by the last of us

[kxsagi]

What if (Sae, Rin, Isagi, Michael, Barou, Reo)'s son joined the soccer team, but they couldn't help but notice after a few days that he looked down and upset, whenever they asked about it, he brushed it off and said it's fine.

Then, at some point he finally confessed that it's because of his soccer team, they find out that he related to them, at this moment team started to disrespect him, because they thought he got into their team, not because of his skills, but because of connections, no matter hard he tried to explain, they won't believe him. Son isn't angry or resentful at them, but it became hard to play and enjoy soccer for him because of his team.

(Note: I am sure that none of them would let their children do that, because in their eyes, it means not taking soccer seriously)

“𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐦”

a/n: thank you for your patience love, i'm sorry this took a while!

ft. itoshi sae, itoshi rin, isagi yoichi, kaiser michael, barou shoei, and mikage reo

itoshi sae

you notice the quiet first – your son coming home, leaving his cleats by the door, and barely touching his dinner. sae’s not a big talker, but even he knows something’s off. 

the second he hears “it’s nothing,” sae calls bullshit. not out loud, he just stares, blankly, waiting. "then why aren’t you playing like you used to?" 

when his son finally admits the team thinks he’s only there because of his last name, sae just sighs. not angry. just disappointed in the world. 

“if you were actually bad at soccer, i’d be the first to say it.” that’s his idea of comfort. 

tells his son to lace up. they’re heading to the pitch. 

doesn’t go to the school. doesn’t talk to the coach. no politics. he trains his kid into a weapon instead. 

“you don’t explain your worth. you show it. make them shut up with goals.” 

suddenly, his son is playing like he's got something to prove. and sae watches from the sidelines, arms crossed, proud but still unimpressed. 

itoshi rin

rin sees it all – withdrawn posture, missed kicks in the backyard, excuses about “homework.” 

he tries asking nicely once. just once. 

“you’re acting weird. what’s going on?” 

when his son finally explains, rin's entire face goes cold. “you didn’t get in because of me. you got in because you’re good.” 

then comes the rant. cold and controlled, but furious. “they think i give a crap about getting you on a national junior team? i wouldn’t waste my time. you earned this. and they know it, that’s why they’re mad.” 

teaches his kid how to mentally block out noise like it’s defense training. 

also, totally corners the coach after practice. doesn’t even raise his voice, just says in a low tone, “fix your team culture. or i’ll make sure you’re replaced.” 

his son eventually starts scoring again. 

rin watches from afar, silently smug. he may not say “i’m proud,” but his son can feel it. 

isagi yoichi

isagi’s crushed. like. emotionally devastated when he realizes his son is hurting because of soccer. 

“wait, what? they said what?” 

he’s ready to go talk to the team directly like a cool dad, but your son stops him. “please don’t make it worse.” 

cue isagi smiling tightly and walking it off, only to immediately text his old blue lock crew: “do you think it’s crazy if i show up at my kid’s school and humble 12-year-olds and their coach?” 

instead, he decides to help his son with tactics. starts playing mock defense like a jerk during backyard practice. 

“they think you’re carried? okay, let’s show them what you can do with your own eyes.” 

breaks down footage. sets drills. it’s a little overboard. 

eventually his son gets his confidence back and even nutmegs one of his teammates. 

isagi screams. from the parking lot. 

kaiser michael

“are those brats seriously saying you got in because of me?” 

kaiser laughs. like full-on laughs. it’s not mean, but it is dramatic. “you’re my son. you were born with god-tier genetics.” 

when he realizes his son isn’t comforted by jokes, the mood shifts fast. 

he crouches down and looks him in the eye. “you don’t need to prove your last name. just prove that you’re you.” 

makes the entire recovery process a game. "for every goal you score, i’ll buy you one thing off your wish list.” 

also probably bribes the worst junior teammate with fake autographs to make him cry. “oops, i wrote ‘to my #1 fan’ on the card. tragic.” 

his son gets cocky again. and for kaiser, that’s all that matters. 

eventually shows up to practice in sunglasses like, “just here to watch my son humiliate your starting lineup. no shade.” 

barou shoei

furious. not just annoyed. pissed. like, kicking-a-water-bottle-at-the-wall level. 

“you’re my kid. don’t walk around with your head down like some wannabe. act like a damn king.” 

barou doesn’t do “gentle.” he does “tough love with protein shakes.” 

wakes his son up at 5 AM to train. adds weights. 

“they think you got in through me? fine. crush them. make them beg to be your teammate.” 

doesn’t let his son quit, not because he doesn’t care, but because quitting means letting other people define your worth. 

by the time his son returns to the team, he’s faster, stronger, and has developed a borderline terrifying goal celebration. 

barou watches silently from the car, smirking. that’s my boy. 

mikage reo

reo sits his son down and talks to him like an equal. 

“i get it. when you have money, people assume everything’s handed to you. same thing happens to me.” 

he’s soft at first. he listens. nods. hugs him. says “i’m proud of you for telling me.” 

but when he hears the full story, oh. the switch flips. 

“you’re not gonna let them ruin this for you. we’re mikages. we earn our wins.” 

hires a private coach to help his son sharpen his game. also casually donates new uniforms to the team anonymously, just to flex. 

gives a speech at the next parent meeting that’s basically: “nepotism doesn’t score goals. your sons are just salty.” 

his kid scores a hat trick next game. reo’s clapping obnoxiously loud from the stands. 

“who’s the nepotism baby now?” he says under his breath, sipping sparkling water. 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

[invisible-pink-toast]

so obviously this could just be an excuse for ben to be the one coaching the girls at their last practice before nationals, so that we as an audience see more of him because he's the coach that survives the crash...

but that line paired with the Tension in the scene with the Martinez family in the pilot has me so curious

We know Javi really looks up to his dad, but even though he loves him Travis makes it clear he can't stand his dad and there's obviously a lot going on between Coach Martinez and his wife.

we've seen flashbacks / hallucinations from all the main characters (sometimes brief but still) except for travis and van (who i also need more content from)

so bascially i am Once Again Asking for a Martinez family flashback. let their mom talk, or have a name! let us see the family dynamic, the lead up to three of them getting on that plane and only one of them coming home and never being the same. i need to see more of them, and it will be even more emotionally devastating now we know what happens to javi

[madmax5]

it’s essay time yayayay!! this one is gonna be a song analysis/stranger things 5 speculation about “a different corner” by george michael.

now as you may have guessed, this will, of course, be an analysis of this song in relation to byler (both perspectives) and why it would make sense for this song, if it were in the show, to be over some kind of scene of them.

ok so first of all. the first thing that really caught my eye (or ear, i guess) with this song was the synth-type backing instrumentals. it sounds so much like something that would be used as background music in the show -- though if it was they would probably use an instrumental version, just to avoid the distraction of singing during an important scene (as i am about to lay out!).

second of all, the lyrics, of course. but first some background and context on the song!

this song was released in July of 1986 as a part of wham!’s album “music from the edge of the world,” though the song was accredited to george michael, as he wrote the entire thing, as well as doing all the vocals and instruments for the song. if you’ve listened to the song or read the lyrics, you can probably guess that it is about some kind of relationship -- and you would be right! when discussing where this song originated from in various interviews, george michael confirmed multiple times that the song was written and recorded in the wake of an ended relationship. 

george michael, who was openly gay after coming out in 1998, also once said in an interview about the song, “it’s amazing how emotional you can get in a short period of time and how long it can last. someone can really shake you up and it takes you a long time to get yourself back on your feet.” (obviously this doesn’t exactly fit mike and will, as they’ve known each other for a very long time, i just thought it was an interesting quote about the song and maybe something that can apply to how clearly devoted they are to each other, whether it be platonic or romantic)

now actually onto the lyrics!! here are a few lines that jumped out at me while i was listening --

“i would promise you all my life, but to lose you would cut like a knife.”

honestly i think this line makes sense from either of their perspectives. from mike’s perspective, obviously he’s afraid to lose will because of the numerous times he has lost him (physically and emotionally) in the past. will is so important to mike that, of course, this loss would be brutal for him and would “cut [him] like a knife.” from will’s perspective, he very clearly really likes mike (maybe even loves him) and wants to “promise [mike] all of [his] life,” but of course, he won’t do that, because he’s afraid of the reaction mike might have. if mike isn’t similarly interested in will, then will risks losing mike if he has a bad reaction to will’s confession. just as will is to mike, mike is incredibly important to will, and this would be a devastating loss -- not just the loss of someone he’s romantically interested in, but the loss of his best friend.

“no, i’ve never come close in all of these years, you are the only one to stop my tears, and i’m so scared of this love.”

to me, this line means something like, “i’ve never loved someone like this and you mean so much to me and are so important to me, but i’m scared of what this feeling means.” obviously there may be different interpretations of what it means, that’s just what it struck me as at first listen (200 listens…). this can be directly applied to, once again, either of them. this may be how will was feeling when he first realized that what he felt for mike wasn’t strictly platonic, whenever that was. this could also be mike’s reaction when he realizes how he feels about will. he’s “never loved someone like this” because (if we’re assuming mike is gay, which could very well not be the case! there’s is still a pretty big chance he also likes girls) he hasn’t been able to really be interested in a girl before, not like the rest of his friends are, not like he thinks he’s supposed to be, so being able to experience that feeling when it comes to will is eye opening to him. and, of course, this is realization terrifying because of his copious amounts of internalized homophobia (there isn’t an essay long enough in the entire world to get into that) and the homophobia that is casually thrown around in small-town indiana in the ‘80s. 

also, on a similar train of thought….

“take me back in time, maybe i can forget, turn a different corner and we never would have met.”

mike probably has wished before/will wish at some point that he had never realized how he felt about will. once again, his internalized homophobia and adamant denial of his feelings are probably making life feel very difficult for him and he probably, in a moment of weakness, has wished to go back to when it was simple. i don’t think he would go as far as to wish he and will had never met, but you never know. 

"i should go back to being lonely and confused, if i could, i would, i swear."

will said to joyce at the beginning of season three that he was "not gonna fall in love." he probably has felt some level of loneliness (in the romantic/relationship sense) throughout his life, both from the lack of ability to be in an openly gay, but still safe, relationship during that time period, and also from the lack of ability to discuss relationships with his friends in a fully relatable way without outing himself to them. when he realized his feelings for mike, it is very possible that he wasn't happy about the way he felt and instead wished he could go back to being "lonely and confused," rather than living with the knowledge that he was in love with his best friend (a very hard thing to grapple with).

i could totally see this song being in the show, whether it be in a more symbolic (playing over the radio in the background of a scene), less recognizable (an instrumental version under a conversation), or completely direct (playing through a scene of a conversation/under a scene of them/etc.) sense. the symbolism would be so cool and it totally fits the vibes of the soundtrack, in my opinion. it’s also perfectly lined up with the time frame (especially with a time jump) -- added bonus!

thank you for reading this crazy long (literally over 1000 words) essay. i literally had so much fun writing this -- i LOVE song analysis!!!

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s7 episode 8 "the amazing maleeni" thoughts

last episode was…. interesting!!! but this episode sounds silly. and i’m ready for a silly one. 

this episode description mentions a magician!! i bet scully would love to try and figure out how magicians do their tricks. actually, i bet they both do that, and it’s probably annoying to everyone else in the audience.

(post-episode thoughts: giggling and blushing at the blatant flirting through magic tricks. and the scooby doo level hijinks and trickery that went down. this show sure does love a twin reveal, and it gets me each time. observe how our two very badass agents are actually giant fucking dorks. and revel with me in the range this show has, from emotionally devastating to high alien camp to straight comedy, or sometimes all at once)

let’s dive in!!!

we open on a fairground- coney island? or something similar? and a worn out sign for the amazing maleeni. side note, the library of congress has a collection of magician’s posters from the late 19th and early 20th centuries, and you can look at some of them online, and they are SUPER cool

is this him? maleeni himself? sitting in a van? yes, it is!

a staff member shows up and says that he is not getting his full paycheck!! this is so sad. he still promises that this will be his greatest show ever. “right on”, says the staff guy in a voice not unlike that of john mulaney

he has begun his performance. talking about his ancient art. he seems to really be a scholar of magic as he rambles on about the greatest performers there have ever been…. and this guy heckles him

“bosco had only one contemporary rival, a slightly older frenchman named conus” <- bro, i wanna sit down and queen out with maleeni. the academic history of magic sounds like just the sort of thing i want to listen to. and his tricks are cool!

“practice though i have, i have been unable to even get married” <- this guy is funny!! they aren’t appreciating him!! stop heckling him!!

he just made oranges appear! 

this heckler dude is a flop. he’s talking about reattaching a severed head as dedi did. “western history knows three previous attempts at recreating this noachian feat, each of the three ending in tragedy. this will be the fourth” <- bro... you really provoked him into doing something crazy.

look at the camcorders the audience members pull out!! how vintage!!

staff guy is just watching this go down…. it’s all fuzzy on the screen as maleeni's head rolls around. all the way around, in fact. wonder how they did that with early CGI. crowd is very pleased, but not heckler guy.

after the performance, staff guy tells him he rocks, and goes to deliver his money. but mr. maleeni is solemn. no. wait. his head fell off!! a drastic change in the tone of this episode!!! poor john mulaney sounding guy!!

everyone cheers as we watch the intro, even though it is very short today.

hehe, i am filled with warmth and optimism.

mulder is here!!! a likely place for him to be. peeking into the van. and scully is here, too!!!

“neat trick, huh?” “i can think of a neater one: how you convinced me to drop everything and get on the first plane to los angeles” <-LMAOOOO, it's so important for scully to get his ass

BAHAHA, THESE FUCKING NEEEEEERDS, I’M CRYING

“you think this was a murder?” “don’t you?” <- they’re both confused!!

“mulder, his head was cut off” “ah, observe the nearly complete absence of blood. observe the paucity of fingerprints, as evidenced by the LA PD’s liberal use of lycopodium powder” <- LMAOOOO HER FACE WHEN SHE’S LOOKING AT HIMMMM and she asks why he’s talking like that, bahahaaa

my first thought was “did he want to be a magician as a kid?” but then i remembered he wanted to be an astronaut. but THEN i remembered kids usually want to be lots of things… children are so complex. so he definitely had a magician phase.

his hypothesis is that maleeni performed a magic trick that kills everyone who attempts it. “can i see that camcorder again?”

camcorder time. let us view the trick. scully notices the heckler and how he leaves, seemingly angry.

LMAOOOO, NOW SHE’S GETTING INTO IT. how will they find the heckler if he doesn't even show his face in the video? “ah, but observe: his discarded soda cup” <- these two are fucking losers and they were made in a lab for each other.

where are they off to now??? they find the heckler!! who is also a magician! his name is labonge. and he has a criminal record for pickpocketing.

oh, now this guy is magician lore dumping. and he….. flips his hand all the way around? dislocates his shoulder? girl, i don’t want to see that. BAHAHA, scully laughs and mulder looks like he’s gonna gag

“did you like that?” “yeah” she says <- LMAOOO

is this magician hitting on her? while doing coin tricks? anyway, he thinks it’s soul that separates the greats from the hacks. 

“that, and i hear maleeni racked up some pretty big gambling debts” <- BAHAHA

she says they’ll be in touch and he says “please do”, BAHAHAAAAA oh poor boy wanted her baaaad. don't we all. get up.

and he steals their badges!!! lol he was getting silly

autopsy time!! scully thinks professional jealousy or hatred between magicians could be a good reason for murder….

“alright, i’m stumped” hahahaaaa. you've bested her!

his head was sawed off! 

but he died of coronary disease?? so he died.... and someone sawed his head off super quick and then attached it with spirit gum. this makes mulder giggle.

and it’s been over a month since he died! “and yet he performed yesterday” “well… somebody performed yesterday” 

cut back to labonge!! who is in a bar. looking for cissy alvarez. who he did time with. he used to play poker with maleeni. “i’m the guy that made his head fall off” <- LMAOOOO WHAT? is he being fr right now? everyone stops and listens to him. 

maleeni (also, apparently, known as pinchbeck) owed cissy $20,000. “how would you like to get back what you owed? times ten?” “doing what?” “magic”

what is he plotting...? cissy’s men start to come in for him… labonge lights his own hand on fire!! and then he pulls out a wallet! that he somehow stole from cissy!!

crime!! magic crime!!! 

the agents are visiting a bank?? looking for pinchbeck. and someone points him out to them! saying he is a poor man. 

OMFG, it’s maleeni in a neck brace?? what is going on.

“good morning, mr. and mrs….” “agents!” mulder corrects quickly BAHAHA. oh. come on. a "mistaken for husband and wife" gag is always gonna kill me.

so this guy says the amazing maleeni, aka herman pinchbeck, was his twin brother!

(author's note: it might sound a little confusing from here on out, but i will refer to this banker twin as "pinchbeck", and the deceased maleeni as "maleeni". i hope this makes sense, because writing it in the moment was hard, as was editing it for clarity)

and he claims his neck was injured in a car accident. mulder asks if it’s related to the magic trick he did. no! because that wasn’t him! he was in a bad car accident in mexico. “oh, bad mexican car accident. in mexico” <- MULDERRRRRR KNOCK IT OFF.

scully asks if he knows magic, and he says he used to perform with his brother. he asks mulder to pick a card. he looks at it and then leans over, showing it to scully, and something about that is so endearing to me.

he performs the trick, and it is indeed his card! he says he quit because his brother wanted to be the best magician in the world, and he knew they never could become the very best.

mulder proposes a theory…. pinchbeck's brother maleeni died of heart disease and pinchbeck performed one final trick for him. pinchbeck says he only wishes it were true. 

the camera pulls away…. revealing he is in a wheelchair! with no legs! “it was a very bad car accident in mexico” WELL! 

mulder is gagged. HE LEFT AND HE RAN HIS HAND OVER HIS FACE, BAHAHAHA, oh my god... did he apologize for saying such a thing?

they go to consult labonge. he wants to know what he gets in return for helping them. “the feeling of pride that comes from performing your civic duty” <- LMAOOOO

mulder promises instead to let labonge root through the secrets of his least favorite magician. and he reveals maleeni’s van. 

LMAO, WHAT? HE PULLS DOVES OUT OF A HAT AND THEN PLACES THE HAT ON SCULLY. mulder is not paying attention to this. 

scully... in magician hat...

LMAO, his little hand flourish

are they tricking him into spilling his secrets here? because if so, it’s working.

he lifts up the floorboards (can they be called "floorboards" on a van?" and finds nothing down there… but mulder finds a marker! labonge must have left it there when he lifted the boards up!! he's setting them up!!

back at the bank, pinchbeck goes to pick up some money. he asks to see the guard’s gun. he’s thinking of getting one since the accident. then gives it back to the guard. something is afoot.

in comes cissy to see pinchbeck!!! he says his brother maleeni owed him a lot of money. he must pay up- cissy knows where he lives.

the guards are driving away…. they hear a thunk in their car. he grabs his gun…. but i bet it’s gonna be the bang gun….

who is in the truck!!!! oh shit!!! the gun does seem to be real!! bu it doesn't fire!! he shoots…. but whoever was in the truck is gone!!!

it’s labonge!!! he drew fake tattoos on himself and then wipes them off after making his escape!!

is this whole thing a bank heist? 

scully finds cissy!!! they found his fingerprints on the marker! he denies having killed him. scully says he shouldn’t leave town. it is very ominous. they depart.

LMAOOOOOO, MULDER DOES A LITTLE MAGIC TRICK ON HER... BAHAHAHAAAAAA!! the way i rewatched it right away to see their stupid smiles….

she did not want him touching her nose or for him to make her do something as silly as pretend to sneeze, LMAOOOOO, but she says his trick is amazing!!! “the great muldeeni”, he jokes, and omfg, my face hurts from smiling….

(still smiling painfully as i edit this post)

this is an elaborate and touchy metaphor for misdirection. and it amuses me. mulder thinks labaonge is making them look in the wrong direction.

labonge was on the street when they went by!! he calls 911!! reporting a man with a gun threatening to kill somebody!!! and then he walks away!!!

then he goes in to talk to cissy!!! who calls him a son of a bitch- “you tried to frame me” cissy starts to attack, but labonge pulls out a gun. and the cops arrive and take him away!!

scully and mulder are back to see bestie pinchbeck. mulder grabs his wheelchair and walks him away, which is so wrong. he goes to toss him out of his wheelchair, and scully yells at him to stop, but!!!! he falls out!!! and has legs!!! HE is the real maleeni!!!!!!!

he says he was afraid for his life and that is why he did what he did. he owed a lot of money to cissy from the poker games that i suppose it was actually him playing and not the twin brother pinchbeck. scully asks why he didn’t just manipulate the cards… he refused to cheat because how could he live with himself! “who raised YOU?” <- LMAOOOOOO

trust that her navy father probably would not tolerate poker cheating and this projection on his behalf will not go far.

he says he went to his brother (who is pinchbeck, btw, are you keeping track?) for a loan and found him dead. it was an opportunity to become someone else. so he faked a trip to mexico. took time away from work. faked an amputation. took his brother's identity.

mulder puts him in handcuffs!!!! they go through his stuff!!

“my god. we gave you handicapped parking. we built you a ramp”, says his boss. LMAOOO. you know it took time to build a ramp!! but tbh they should have had one to be an accessible building anyway, so!!

also lmao at scully’s face while mulder rifles through pinchbeck/real maleeni’s stuff. she is in DEEP thought. she looks mad as fuck. lmaooo.

and he had access to the vaults!!! but everything seems to be in order. maleeni breaks out of his handcuffs…. because he was a magician.

it was at this point our agents discover there was an attempted robbery yesterday! "pinchbeck" who is really maleeni was the employee on duty for that!!! he is taken to jail…. and he isn’t even allowed a phone call…..

LABONGE IS IN THE NEXT CELL??? they were working together??? this whole time??

and the money from the bank is gone!!!

they find footage of cissy walking in!!! and the security guy sees his tattoos and thinks he was the dude in his truck!! but of course we really know that it was labonge with some sharpie marker!!

mulder pokes the ceiling with a cue!!!! and bags of money fall out!!! cissy swears labonge set him up!!! will the agents believe him?

maleeni and labonge have both made their bail. but the agents have arrived to bust them!!

and mulder launches into his new theory: maleeni’s twin pinchbeck died of a heart attack, which gave him and his young protege labonge the perfect opportunity. and labonge wanted revenge against cissy, who tortured him in prison. so maleeni played poker with cissy, made sure he lost big, giving labonge an in with alvarez when maleeni was presumed dead. and labonge planted the marker in maleeni’s van. maleeni ordered the attempted bank robbery to implicate cissy. labonge was in the armored car disguised as cissy. maleeni got the guard’s gun, switched the clip to fire blanks, and then they really robbed the bank, and planted the money in cissy’s place. LMAO at this scooby doo ass explanation. but i needed it. because there were plenty of twists and turns

mulder says they can both go free as long as the magic is over. “billy, let’s get the hell out of here”, says maleeni. so they're really friends...

mulder does more magic…. he stole maleeni’s wallet! why did they need the FBI for their intricate plan? ahhh!! he needed the badge number from when labonge took their IDs and his thumbprint from when he picked a card to get access to the digital money!! but they can’t do it without the card with his thumbprint that mulder stole back!!

scully looks amazed. 

BUT SHE GAGS HIM BY TURNING HER HAND ALL THE WAY AROUND AND THEN REFUSING TO EXPLAIN, BAHAHA

the end.

ohhhh. these losers. said with SO much affection.

i needed this….. needed this one to go in my arsenal of silly time episodes. yeah ❤️

it was a caper! a heist! that our agents exposed!!! and they did bad magic and flirted along the way!!! isn’t it so great to be alive? to be known by another?

heheheheheeee…. scully in a magic hat… scully telling mulder his tricks are amazing…. hehe. i’m so pleased i feel like a fool.

NOT complaining. not complaining. i love when they are dorks together. i wish them a long future of it.

it’s so funny that this is the same show where all this terrible stuff happens. like the cancer arc and abduction arc and various tortures and murders and alien slavery plots. how do you reconcile that with this? it just makes me have to laugh if i think about it for longer than 5 seconds. they said "yes, we are gonna make a show about two people that are so emotionally distraught... but sometimes… JUST sometimes… we’ll do a silly one". and guess what? i’m here for it.

all of the heartbreaking moments- thinking of mulder sobbing in church, or begging that clone of his sister to come with him, or scully resigned to dying, losing a daughter she didn’t know she had, losing her sister, losing her partner over and over again- and despite that. we get silly magic trick.

and you know what? i’m not complaining. 

i have been loosely plotting a vague alternate ending to the series (and no, i don’t really know how it ends, but i’ve heard whispers of a few things that are decidedly more in the sorrow filled category than this) and i feel justified in my rewriting to give it a happier end.  because: don’t sit here and tell me that this show is all doom and gloom. it absolutely isn’t all of the time. come on now. i feel that i am taking part in a great tradition that includes the show runners themselves in seeing a sad episode and saying, you know what? we can change the vibe up in the next one. and so i will. and i shall. with pride.

so yes. when i write the “and they lived somewhat happily ever after” version i will incorporate my own angst AND my own cheesy magic flirting. i look forward to it.

overall, the plot to this episode was quite convoluted, and typing it out was very difficult, but i can't complain. i simply can't! i giggled the whole way through and audibly said "aww!" at certain points. because deep down these two are just losers. and it is important to remember that.

i am also curious to know how long it took the actors to learn their magic tricks. obviously they could hire pro magicians for labonge and maleeni but LMAO i'm imagining having to run mulder's card tricks over and over again...

[turtleations]

KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 3 Part 6 & 7 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5

31 December 1997, X’s breakup concert

From ‘95 onward, me and Shishô both were busy with our own respective activities, but as X’s breakup live on 31 December 1997 drew near, we once again met every day.

By this point, I wasn’t a staff member of X anymore, but when Shishô asked me, “KUMA, join us for this last time, please”… Until the day of the concert, we did everything together.

Due to the circumstances surrounding their Last Live, it was rare for all the band members to be at the rehearsals together, and so it came that I was the one to sing there as a substitute vocalist.

I still have that image in my head.

“KUMA, sing, sing!”

Shishô face and the way he moved his chin as he gave me instructions are still clear before my eyes.

It was just then, at that time, that I started to understand just how great TOSHI-san was as a vocalist.

I had done vocals before, but getting through those rehearsals feeling the greatness, and also the difficulty, of X’s songs… “X’s songs are completely different from what you hear, and performing them live is so difficult, I can’t even sing them normally.” That’s genuinely how I felt.

Another thing that left a deep impression on me in all this was harmonizing with Shishô on the song “SCARS” that HIDE-san had written.

On the morning of the day of the breakup concert, I went to pick HIDE-san up at this home. This is what HIDE-san said to me then, when it was just him and me in the room:

“X is definitely going to come back in the year 2000. Therefore, KUMA, make sure you’ll be able to sing X’s songs properly (for that time).”

That he talked about me singing for X was a joke, of course.

Shishô was contradictory like that… In a difficult situation, he would deliberately say things that distracted from the matter at hand.

So am I sure that this time was also extremely difficult for him.

Later, when I talked to YOSHIKI-san about it, he told me the same thing: “X will definitely reunite in 2000!!! Me and HIDE-chan promised we would.” So I have no doubt that the members were really planning to do that.

To Shishô, X was the most important thing.

As his solo work became his main focus and with those activities bringing good results, the public as well as the staff were requesting “more of hide’s solo work!!”

Still, X was always his priority.

HIDE-san’s solo activities had become a phenomenon on par with X.

But if you said so to the man himself, he would tell you, “I would have quit music if it weren’t for YOSHIKI. So the guitarist of X is what I am.”

Therefor, the breakup concert on 31 December 1997 must have been a very emotionally taxing time for him.

He loved X that much.

As for myself, that day was… Witnessing the disbandment of X, the band I had watched for so long, from the wings of the stage… I remember well that my feelings were so complicated that I could not put them into words.

And then the devastation of TOSHI-san and YOSHIKI-san embracing each other during “Forever Love”. Shishô couldn’t hold back his tears.

Later, Shishô said something about these lines to me:

“What they did hadn’t been planned… But, in that moment it felt like X had finally become one, in the end.“

After the breakup concert

After the concert at the dome, on the morning of 1 January 1998, I remember taking Shishô, who was like an empty shell, home.

A few days later he got into contact with me, asking, “What are you up to?”

At that time, Shishô was shooting the promotional video for “ROCKET DIVE”, and he invited me to come visit the set. When I got there, I was told, “KUMA, when we’re done, let’s go for a drink,” and with a grin he asked me, “It’s Sunday, but can you find us a place where we can drink until morning?” So I searched and searched, and then, I remember, five or six of us went to drink at a 24-hour bar in Minami-Aoyama.

“ROCKET DIVE” was the first single of “hide with Spread Beaver”, but… I think instead of using hide as before, they used this name because they didn’t want to make all of the fans sad.

Shishô may have talked about this in an interview, but HIDE-san always put the feelings of his fans first, and he always said, “When I was little, I felt really betrayed when my favorite band broke up, and sad. So I didn’t want to make my own fans feel the same way.” That’s why he named it “hide with Spread Beaver” as if it were a band name, even though it was a solo project.

The reason why “hide with Spread Beaver” was announced in a full-page add in the Asahi Shinbun newspaper on the day after the disbandment live (New Year’s Day 1998) was actually out of consideration for the feelings of the fans.

Announcing your solo activities on the day after your band broke up… One could see that as a risky move, right? There was a chance it would leave a bad impression with people.

But hide-san was thinking, “I want to make sure not one single person feels lost after the breakup of X.”

He also said after releasing his CD, “I want to do what I can, so won’t you let me do interviews and such? No matter how small a thing, I’ll do it, since I’m a newcomer,” and he kept moving forward.

I had long since separated from X and HIDE-san to focus on my own band activities, but after “hide with Spread Beaver” was started, I helped out around HIDE-san for half a month.

That said, other than in the past, he had a solid management and staff, so even as I joined them I was very worried how I could help out without disturbing the staff that was already there...

Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2

[my-castles-crumbling]

24 anon back in misery business (.mp3) with an update!

the baby shower was absolutely stunning first of all (i knew it would be, they always do it up right. i saw some of the decorations beforehand (accidentally, not planned) and it was nice to see how they got used in the end). i went with my grandma and sat with her the whole time bc she didn't know anybody outside of my friend, her husband, and her immediate family and all of them were busy/sitting elsewhere. i had a nice time, all things considered. but whenever i go to any of her events i always end feeling like its another nail in the coffin somehow. i found out her babies middle name in the middle of the baby shower when she held up a gift with his first and middle name on it, we didn't take a single picture together (thats okay, we never do (which... in itself is probably a big sad for me too if i think on it too long lmao). i dont think i can remember us taking a picture together (aka not a selfie, which honestly would probably end up being around the same time too) after our junior year homecoming in like 2017 (?)) so it bummed me out to see her posts about it the next day with tens of pictures with other people and then the only inclusion of me in off in the distance in the background? i feel like its a bunch of little things i have to complain about but they add up and build up so easy, you know?

she's somebody i will forever actively choose to keep in my life, in whatever way that ends up being, but i have been trying to take a step back from the friendship a little bit. if only emotionally, at the moment. were so physically distant that distancing emotionally is near my only option lol. im trying to maintain the relationship as it currently is but im trying to get comfortable with the change in pace and meet her were she's at and not get upset (internally, i will never be upset with her about this or make her feel bad or reasonable or anything of the sort). ive spoken at length about this whole thing with my therapist so i feel validated in the decision in ways only a therapist can accomplish, but i feel like its such a major thing to make decision about in ways i cant articulate after working all day. i know a lot of this has to do with the age i am, but i feel like ive been hit with a lot if things all at once (both things just happening now and things that have finally built enough pressure to explode) that feel like the proverbial book of my childhood being shut for the last time except its not gently with a loving fondness, its getting slammed shut and tossed to the side to inevitably get thrown out. thats an in the moment sort of thought and feeling and ill heal from that eventually (growing up 2: the electric boogaloo, stoked for her), and all the dust will settle and ill be able to breathe clearly again, but dear god is it fucking unbearable in the mean time.

anyways, on a brighter note, my friend did LOVE the shower gift i gave her (a crocheted by me baby blanket (softest yarn in the world, her little sister took it around the whole room to show it off i literally adore her) and three books (she wanted books instead of cards)), and the picture of her opening that gift is my new favorite of her (i have a lot of complicated emotions about pregnancy and having children (a whole other can of worms) and, bc of this situation, her specifically having children so i have never been truly excited about her being pregnant and sort of dreaded it (i will never tell her that (and when i do it will be in a very long time). but im getting there little by little bc i want to be there for her, pregnancy and parenthood is, imo, the hardest job in the world so, i will become excited even if only by self force. but seeing that picture really did something for me, i dont think ive ever seen her so lit up about something. it elates me in such a way that i am completely devastated over it).

my most sincere apologies to your askbox for being my unwilling fake therapist while im on a break from my real one. do you accept insurance, or offer any sort of flat fee or sliding scale?

Hi! <3

It sounds like you're working through a lot of complicated feelings, but I'm proud of you for being willing to work through them. It's so hard to have a change in a major friendship. Honestly I feel like it's tougher than a breakup in a lot of ways. I really understand what you're going through on a personal level and it's SO hard. I know the feelings of mourning, understanding, confusion, acceptance, even a little excitement (because yay, baby). I'm proud of you for talking all of this through.

As far as payment, I accept pictures of cute animals.

[kissmethroughthebone]

Topic of the day: when to leave a man.

You ever see something a man in your life does and go "WOW, you're disrespectful to that woman?"

Like for example, there's this older man I'm friends with. Lawyer turned comedian. Great fella otherwise, dirty jokes galore, the works. He tries to keep a good balance of offensive humor yet still being respectful and not demeaning to women, doesn't always hit the mark.

Recently he told me that he and his girlfriend are "basically winding down", a.k.a. slowly separating and weaning off of each other... Why, you ask?

Because her mom died (iirc) and he decided that he didn't need to be emotionally involved in all that, at least from the way he described that.

"Too serious and gloomy." He couldn't emotionally be damned to care. She begged and said no no no they should still be a thing, but he's sold on not doing it.

Played with her feelings, they were "friends" for 10 years and dated for another 5.

He bragged that while she said she loved him, he never said it back, since he "has loved so many people already and that never worked out, so I'm not interested in that again".

And she was alright with him, over the years, going out to other countries to fuck women all over the world (he's 70, for context).

And that......... was a lot to learn at a random Korean spot on a Thursday evening, but, okay. I am someone who doesn't find much taboo, but holy fucking shit.

And paired with how maybe last week, he told me that two years ago, he dated a 20-something (why am I adding the "something? She was most likely 20,) in Thailand who he was planning to marry......

The timelines clicked for me this weekend, when I connected those dots.

That was already bad enough, but the context of "I had an open-ish (or she-tolerated-me-cheating) relationship with a woman and was fully gonna marry someone else and leave her in the dark" is.......... gross.

Reminds me of another woman my mother was friends with; chasing after the same guy for 30 years.

Like he's not a catch sweetie, you're finally being used for sex and money after several decades and still mistreated by a man who has happily done the worst to you.

It's so disheartening.

But here's some stories, as palate cleansers:

Over the pandemic, I went on a date with some guy when I was 19. 300 bucks (platonic) for a steak dinner topped with crab meat and some other nice decadent treats, a nice time was had.

The guy, in his 30s/40s, went on a tangent about how his last ex was a woman he dated for 10 years or so, iirc.

She was getting older in the years, wanted a ring. He said he wasn't sure....

That was all she needed to hear.

They broke up, and in less than a year, she had a husband and a baby. The man was devastated, and all the begging he did was for nothing, just like hers was. And clearly not doing well, since his mid life crisis of "I need to take out a 19 year old on a date and pay her 300 bucks to tolerate my company". And we didn't work out. He resorted to posting pictures of himself almost fully naked in gym locker rooms, with old men with their ass out in the back of the photo, hoping it might inspire women to talk to him.

What a catch, hmm? Ew.

At least I got that laptop money I needed.

Another one:

My last serious ex's brother was a pathetic loser in many ways, but ontop of the addictions, mommy issues, and lack of a job, he did once vent to me about how his last girlfriend, he dated for maybe 7 or 10 years, just about?

She was like "We've been together awhile, since we were teens, and I want marriage. Are you down?" He said no, since he wanted to be sure and wait another 3 years to be sure, since that was a huge commitment and he had no way of knowing they would work out....

Ah, so.... you aren't sure you and the girl you've been with for almost a decade, as a romantic couple, would.... work as a committed romantic couple, so you.... want to exist as a romantic couple even longer.... with a fake commitment, but no security? Almost reaching her 30s with no ring or any chance of actual growth?

Same story, she was heartbroken, but left. (She needed to raise her standards anyway, he was a joke.) Guess what? A year or so later, new man, and to this day has TWO babies. And he, meanwhile, is still 31 and JUST now finally got a job, almost two years after having this conversation with me, and is being made by his mother to do chores. Haaaa.

I remember specifically going "Do you think you ever want therapy for what happened, since your mom's divorces traumatized you so much?", and he just outright refused, saying he doesn't need it, and that love is just doomed and not something realistic, and marriage isn't necessary.

....and yet, these women and the men they left for are happy as can be, poster families for the white picket fence American Dream of love, adoration, and success. Hmm.

Seems like only the losers are the ones who have self-fulfilling prophecies, with both genders...

"All men cheat", "There aren't men that do nice things for you like that any more", and on and on and on. It's tiresome!

"Women hate me and I am never gonna find love", says the sex addicted man who refuses to develop social skills or ever risk rejection. And specifically goes for women he considers "low quality" or "tolerable", instead of having enough self respect or self esteem to grow as a person. Ew.

"All men are sleazeballs" says the girl who keeps fucking the men with sticky fingers and patchy scalps that loiter at gas stations, who I would pepper spray for approaching me, rain or shine.

Like, maybe you're not having luck with women since you have no personality or hobbies and see them as sex objects while fearing love, accountability, conversations, AND your mother (or lack thereof!).

Maybe men are good, but you keep screwing the dudes who will pick up the phone in the middle of sex with you to tell the girl they actually want that they aren't up to much.

Have some accountability, jesus. Even I am aware of my own mistakes made, present and past. At least I try.

Anyway leave a nigga in the dust.

They will brag about stringing you along and mock you if you do, and only miss you when you're gone, because they have weird mental issues that prevent them from learning empathy and common sense like we all learned at age ten.

And leave a dude in the dust. What one won't, another will. And ask yourself, "Would my future husband act like this?" I've checked myself multiple times on this, when I've made mistakes.

"Would a future husband be spending all his money on Patreons for Marvel vs Zombies board games and not actually putting in the required effort to keep me interested in him? A future husband would not touch or treat me like this."

Don't have a sealed image in your mind as that one person being a potential husband for you.

They are an avenue you can take, yes, but not your sole path.

(That's a bar, ooooh, yeah.... I hope yall quote me if yall say that anywhere else! Haha!)

Plus, sometimes doors close for a reason. If these women stayed with these pathetic men, then they would've had their patheticness manifest in different ways.

Like you ever leave an ex and see them get ridiculously down bad after losing you?

And think "Ew, what a mistake it was to date that person?", and feel better about leaving them?

Exactly. Better to have a "fuck, why did I date them?", and not a "Fuck, why can't I leave them?" Since there's a rich nigga on Bumble right now waiting for you to text them, ready to take you out in your best beautiful "saving for a nice night out" garments and high end special occasion jewelry to a steak and prix fixe dinner that NIGHT.

Stop waiting for a text back at your apartment with the lights off, scrolling Instagram and refreshing their story endlessly, there's self care to do and people to see! Can be covering up those tear stained eyes with aloe gel and getting dolled up for Fine Rich Nigga Number #3 on your roster!

Think big! Love you, be safe, take care.

[friendlylocalwhumper]

Hey there whump-fellow! I was wondering if you might help me out a bit. I'm writing an original superhero story for Camp NaNo this year and I want the main character's superpower to come with whumpy side-effects, but I am having a hard time coming up with anything even slightly original in that regard. Do you have any suggestions or examples I might play off of? Also, I am going to ask around to a few whump blogs to cast a wider net! Any suggestions as to whom I should ask?

Telekinesis/mind reading with a side effect of migraines. Agony, sensitivity to light/noise. Days-long pain after just using their powers once, which causes the pavlovian response of an awful headache starting up just at the thought of using their powers.

Fire powers that leave burns, thick scars that hurt less and less the more the powers are used but the nerves die more and more, meaning that the whumpee loses feeling in their fingers, then hands, then arms. They will miss out on feeling gentle breezes, soft blankets, holding hands with a friend.

Ice powers that cause frostbite. They can put out a fire, stop an enemy instantly, catch someone who is falling before they die… but the pain afterward is intense, and they always have to weigh the benefits of saving lives versus potentially losing a part of their own body. Or their powers give frostbite to anyone that the ice touches!

Invincibility that lasts for as long as it’s being used, but after the battle is over, in safety, all the damage hits at once. Bruises bloom in purples and blues, cuts spring forth and leave the whumpee scrambling to apply pressure and soak up too much blood before they pass out.

Invisibility/phasing that is strategically useful because the whumpee can sneak or pass through obstacles, but it makes their body have too loose a grasp on reality and their loved ones lose memories of them. They may be able to sneak into a dangerous place and get out unharmed, but their mother or partner will now struggle to recall their name.

A superpower that was desperately wished for in an hour of need, but now every time that it’s used, something precious has to be sacrificed. For the power to be used, an hierloom has to be chosen to disappear from existence, or a limb has to be chosen to never work without pain again, or a comforting memory has to be forgotten. Eventually this would leave the whumpee tougher, less sensitive to loss, but they would also have so much less comfort to come home to. This power would work great as a “gift” from a deity, fae, supernatural creature, or a naively summoned ghost.

Villain-turned-hero who used to use their powers for evil, but now that they are fighting for good, their powers keep trying to turn on them. They used to melt guards’ weapons and locks off vaults, but now that they try to melt doors shut to keep out storms or villains, the molten metal sputters and hits their skin. Or they used to make their nemesis’ armor, tools, or on their most evil day, that nemesis’ most cherished friend disappear; but now after a long hard day of protecting people, when they come home, they find that their partner is missing. They find that their car keys are gone, their fridge, their shoes. Sometimes it is a small thing they won’t even miss, and sometimes it is something so devastating to lose that they fall to their knees and sob.

The superpower of being able to compel that the truth be given after they ask a question. Very useful for a detective, a hero in a corrupt society littered with propaganda, a spy trying to work their way up in an evil organization. But if they ask a question that someone doesn’t know the answer to, it can drive that person mad. If they ask a question someone would rather die than answer, they will give the truth but then be emotionally broken from admitting that aloud. If that person would rather kill than answer…

Any power which has no direct side effects immediately after use, but which is forbidden or horrifying for some reason. Maybe it is the power to bring the dead back to life for just long enough to answer questions, which is morally complicated. Maybe it’s the power to cause intense agony without leaving physical marks. Maybe it’s the ability to travel through time, which causes alternate universes to sprout up and can cause mass deaths, confusion, or chaos in the future. Whatever the power is, it has to be used for some reason, and hiding its use and its consequences leaves the hero afraid, unable to trust anyone, and devastatingly ashamed. This could lead to angsty confessions, betrayal, abandonment, a public execution, banishment, etc.

A very subtle, pleasant power that is embarassingly weak in a time when more power is needed. the ability to numb pain, which feels useless during war when people are bleeding out and losing friends. the ability to see the future in a time when everyone knows what the horrifying outcome will be and no one can stop it. the ability to stop time, but not to move or change what is happening, which just leaves the hero stuck to think, to rely on their own mind to try to solve a terrible problem while seeing everyone frozen in a moment of pain or fear.

I’m not sure about other whump blogs you could ask, but anyone who sees this post is totally welcome to add ideas! The side effects of the superpower don’t have to be direct or ironic, so any random idea could be perfect for the story! No idea is bad!

[summermoonshine]

Wow... Just Wow... You'd think in the post The Last of Us Part II world game developers would think twice before killing off a main character people were yearning to play again. I thought Activision knew better and since they didn't do anything of the sort in MWII, the boys are safe. Gosh, I was so excited, I just wanted to have a good time and see what's new with my buddies from 1-4-1. Fuck this, I'm exhausted

Dear Anon, I've got so much to say to the point I felt the need to distance myself from the fandom immediately after completing the campaign. I am emotionally devastated, and as crazy as it sounds, it was vital to me that AV gave Soap another chance after mw3. Sure, it's a war videogame and deaths are therefore inevitable, but killing the same character twice with the sole hope of making us hate Makarov so as to have more hype for the next COD (which, personally, I doubt will follow this arc since I define it now concluded although there are still unresolved issues) it was a stupid move to make, because by doing so we are hating AV, not Makarov himself.

Furthermore, what is most infuriating is that if the COD family has started to be so lively, creative and enthusiastic again in ways that it wasn't even 20 years ago, it is above all thanks to Saop.

Each of the protagonists in MWII was perfect, earning a special place in our hearts, but it is clear that Soap and the relationship established with Ghost were the catalyst of definitive affection that connected us so deeply to the reboot, leading us to buy even a new game that, more than a campaign, more than a DLC, is a scam:

rushed dialogues, too many characters piled on top of each other, typical warzone game dynamics with such a short duration that each level becomes chaotic etc etc etc... 2, maximum 3 hours later, we find ourselves with a Soap killed, slaughtered and left to die with total dullness and without any emotional focus DURING our game without even receiving a cutscene dedicated to him. And, as if that wasn't enough, by killing him, Ghost was also indirectly killed: for once, perhaps for the first real time, that man - always represented as cold - had found a family and something, someone to hold on to: taking it away from him , they demolished two people with a single shot.

Atrocious.

Treating one of the characters who has practically supported the entire current COD fortune on his shoulders in this way is, for me, a great injustice, as well as a stupid move.

Again, I don't hate Makarov; I hate AV.

Also, I apologize for the outburst, but after 20 years of supporting the COD saga, I never expected them to play so dirty with reboots.

I'll make a separate post when I find the courage, but for now thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about it openly.

[thewingedwolf]

wait i’m gonna be so annoying and have a final thoughts here

the aesthetic & main romance has just really fallen off. they are incapable of sticking the landing in the third act & while they still have some good looks, i think there’s a certain level of playing it too safe (see Kate’s wardrobe!!!!!) and also just, bizarre makeup choices that were a bit distracting.

they also just don’t know how to keep a character waiting for their romance while building that character up over several arcs. kind of a bad trait to have for a tv show?? 😭😭 like, i love them with all my heart, but everyone has said that eloise, benedict, & colin have felt so confused at points as characters, like the writers didn’t know where to go with them. they’re just waiting for their romance instead of like, growing.

Colin was the male lead what do we even know about him beyond his inability to interact with a woman without projecting onto her.

once again the milfs outsold, agatha and violet are the best thing about this series and i don’t care how much i like violet’s lil thing with agatha’s brother, i want those two gossipy old milfs to kiss sloppy style.

it’s too goddamn short, i think this wasn’t a problem in s1 or qc bc it’s the First season so there’s not as many characters to follow but they keep introducing all these other characters that take space away from a) The Main Couple and b) The Bridgertons As A Family, and those are the draws of the series!! it’s too much for only 8 episodes, what happened to 12-18 episodes for high budget or cable shows, if they had these people on like Normal tv contracts they wouldn’t have such a hard time scheduling and have these long ass waits between seasons Either, im tired of this and i blame the duffer brothers and i want those two nerds hunted for sport.

also hyacinth and gregory are getting SO OLD OMG HURRY UP 😭😭😭

i think they did a better job this season with folding the siblings in together but it feels disjointed from s2. anthony & kate specifically feel very oddly thrown in there and idgi. i loved seeing the bridgertons using calling times as an excuse for Group Hangs, and i loved the way John pointed this out to Francesca. i liked that the ending with benedict where he’s realizing he’s the oldest still left at home with two like, toddler siblings and feeling unhappy with it, but bc they struggle with incorporating all the siblings together, we really lose that thread from last season between him & anthony that could have given benedict a way to explore his sexuality in a slutty way while also giving anthony something to do & not drop the art school thing. however, this is all detailed and would take a lot of time and they only have eight episodes. why. do 13-18 or im gonna start sending death threats to ceos. for legal reasons that’s a joke haha.

i do think in the few kathony scenes we got, they nailed the dynamic that she is the world’s most put upon eldest daughterson and he needs to be institutionalized. pls put jonathan bailey and simone ashley in another thing together so i can see them together again. this can’t be the end. be the next tom hanks and meg ryan please. he george clooney and julia roberts. i’m on my knees here.

am i allowed to say i’m glad we got a long devirginizing scene like in s1 & qc but also we did not see Nearly enough of those two fucking. more than kathony but imo still not on the level of the other two. also you could write an essay here about the sex politics of this show. i will refrain and say Is This Not The Pervert’s Show?? Can we Please get better pandering????

i think no one can handle a big cast like shonda not even her hand picked teams. qc handled having a host of characters so much better. early grey’s is really great at this. htgawm is good at this. u can tell what season she was really In That Writer’s Room. shonda pls get back in the writer’s room i need something as emotionally devastating as “meredith i’m so sorry” “you must be the woman whose screwing my husband” i need sexy like the “teach me” scene but with the freedom of streaming to get freaky with it, this cast WANTS to deliver but netflix & these writers are NOT up to the challenge!!!

i love bi benedict. even if nothing else comes of this i didn’t think they’d genuinely have benedict get intimate with and acknowledge being attracted to a man. genuinely really jazzed about that. but they Have said they want to explore his ~fluidity more and there’s so many scenarios that could be, i have no idea what the hell they mean by that askksjd. crossdressing sophie, genderbent to solomon, a trans sophie/solomon of some persuasion, im excited to see where they go!

BI FRANCESCA. MICHAELA STIRLING. PEOPLE ARE HATING BUT YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION. esp bc you could do a michaela that has like, resigned herself to a life of never feeling love only to fall in love At Her Cousin’s Wedding so well with this. these three, michaela francesca john, are gonna break my HEART i’m READY for it!

i want the resolution to one of the gay couples to include brimsley & reynolds encouraging charlotte to cure society of homophobia somehow. if we can do this with racism we can do it with homophobia. why the hell not.

listen to me. listen closely. are you listening. if we don’t get lesbian eloise what are we even fucking doing here. enough fucking around. give me a real sign this is all going somewhere. i am no longer asking.

[gemsofgreece]

https://dasarxeio.com/2023/08/28/128302/

Did you see this article? I am so devastated by the destruction that has happened in Dadia. It's so horrible a part of me cannot even process it :((

You know, I have stopped talking about this because it affects me. It gets to my well-being. On one hand the pain is so great, on the other hand I feel like we should be punished for all our political choices, all our problematic mindsets and indifference and chaotic selfish attitude and lack of organisation and foresight and poor system of justice that count decades at this point. We need the punishment until the lesson gets learned. At the same time, if I think about it, my eyes water about the forest and the animals and all the people living near it or holding it close to their hearts.

The national woodland of Dadia has been burning for 13 days now. The professor of forest studies in the Aristotle University of Thessaloniki has warned that the forest will need 100-150 years to return to its original form, so none of us will live to see it. Some won't see it again like they once did and the rest won't ever see what it was like. Dadia was one of Europe's most important ecosystems, being home to many endangered bird species, especially super rare vultures. We have no idea what happened to them. Either they are dead or they will never return.

Dadia was the pride of the region of Evros. It's gone. Estimations are that 150,000 hectares are gone and we keep going. The fire has been characterised as officially the worst fire in the history of the European Union.

And we generally lose 75,000 hectares every year, most of the animals living in them and 9 people on average. Where is this gonna go? We're not a big country. Not that being a big country would make this better in any way but still. This is not an one time thing. This has become systemic at this point and nobody does anything about it. We can not afford it financially, environmentally, emotionally, mentally. We can't.

And again. 90% OF IT IS NOT DUE TO CLIMATE CHANGE. IT'S EITHER ORGANISED CRIME OR WIDE INDEPENDENT CRIMINAL ACTIVITY. It is getting confirmed and proved again and again. At this point it is even admitted by the Greek government. Dadia in particular was targeted last year as well. Climate change can't always happen in Dadia every year, the northernmost and thus a humid and cold region compared to the average of the country!!!!

And yet the Greek state sits and watches. We must always remember that the Greek state for some reason dismantled the Firefighting sector of the Forest Service in the 90s and has made the standard city firefighting service responsible for forest fires. We are the only country with flammable ecosystems like ours that does this globally. And despite what happens every year, we do not correct this.

And you know the most maddening stuff. We have a lot of personell and we also spend more money than the average for the firefighting expenditures!!!!!!!!!!!! About 1.5 billion every year and we are the worst at it in Europe. Like... I can't make coherent thoughts anymore.

I can't talk about this more right now, I am sorry. Nothing I can say will make any difference anyway. The only thing I can hope and pray for is that speculations and predictions will prove to be pessimistic as nature is always so much stronger and resourceful than we are.

[ourladyofomega]

Before writing this final post of 2023, I was undecided of how good of a poker hand I’d end up with. ‘21 and ‘22 left no doubt what I finished with. This year, all the good and bad have scattered all over the place like chips spread across the roulette table - but we don’t usually play that game here, do we? No, we don’t. This year added on both the good and bad on top of the previous years before it - in even wider disparity.

So, where do we start?

The bad hit a little harder than it did last year. The customers were at their nastiest, competitive, and most egotistical. Having a verbally and emotionally abusive sales manager who saw fit to humiliate me in front of co-workers and literally yell at me for anything little reason he could didn’t help any. Fighting through under-staffing, wasted potential, not getting assistance when it really mattered, and making more mistakes and fuck-ups than ever made for a highly controversial final year at physical retail.

I pulled the plug on people I once considered “friends” who kept me on read when I asked for help, ghosted me during conversations, left me hanging all by myself as their comrades pretended I didn’t exist, and didn’t care about specific situations I had involving them. The spicy redheaded devil who played apologist for her closest friends - the same “friends” in the past who took me for everything they could and left a thick irreplaceable poison that’s still flowing in me. Or worse, unexpectedly running into former enablist co-workers, narcissistic managers, and manipulative college chads showing their obvious “oh-my-god!” faces and wanting to catch up with me. I told them to fuck right off forever - and never to speak to me again.

Luckily, I didn’t have as many hard pills to swallow like I used to. But, the sometimes unavoidable news of potentials’ long-suffering loneliness ending with exciting one-night stands, abrupt t.m.i., and their eye-opening bucket list to-do’s (that’d make Sasha Grey look like a straight-A honor student) made it a disappointing no-dice situation. Then, the deeper depressive spells of anxiety and hopelessness. The constant reminder of how rude, childish, and unnecessarily rude other people are around me. The change of plans, the blown calls of missing out on some holidays, or dropping the ball on attending some major shows (Alice Cooper headlining with Rob Zombie, Ministry, and Filter for one). The worst news came unexpectedly in late September when my sis- was dealt the Ace Of Spades and died in her sleep from complications of multiple sclerosis. I lost a major childhood component in her, and that visit to Bay Ridge will resonate with me for a long time.

Yes. This year’s losses were just more frequent and came at a slightly heavier cost. (Thankfully, not coming down to another personal devastation.) But, with every loss came with a win. And, wow, did these wins hit.

A brand new pinball arcade opened up in Patchogue to my total surprise, once again giving me a new portal in revisiting my Atari / Nintendo youth and forget my daily ills. It was there when I placed 3rd at their 4th of July tournament. The retro video arcade at the shopping center near me still offered a substantial modicum of hours-long fun until I was sick of it.

Though I lost my sister, I had some super essential moments with both of my families from Coney- and Staten Island respectively. I just celebrated an amazing Christmas over Italian foods, Secret Santas, gift-trades, and children screaming in eardrum-rattling unison; all ending with $100.00 cash-in-hand from my uncle, and a drive through the Belt Parkway and Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel to the train ride home to Penn Station. Fighting through the sluggish three-hour Friday rush-hour drive made getting to my cousin’s engagement party totally worth it; decorated with loud generic dee-jay standards, catching up under clear starry night skies, and having a near two-hour AM night-drive home over the Verrazzano Bridge and through the Brooklyn / Queens / Long Island Expressway.

I’ve attended some amazing shows in the past, but nothing would ever compare in experiencing Skinny Puppy’s final tours. I took no chances getting tickets and, holy Mother Mary, I made the right call. I would’ve never imagined meeting up with five other mutuals (some following me for years) in my hometown of New York City to witness industrial history. The best? Shaking hands with God Ministry’s Paul Barker himself; The Hero of All Heroes. He signed my copy of The Eternal Present as I almost died before him at the merch- table. I also attended Cold Waves XI and scratched Front Line Assembly off the must-see list, with visions of Hospital Productions’ 20th returning when I witnessed Orphx and Justin Broadrick a second time.

Then, my position. My final two months at my location were the toughest, meanest, and most unforgiving I’d ever put myself through. I endured so much that something had to be done because I knew I deserved better and didn’t want to live like this. So, I did a massive favor to myself. After 10 years with the company, I celebrated by getting an in-home position for virtual sales. I left all the massive amounts of stress behind and still stayed with the company while keeping my 401K, medical, and time-off in the process. Goodbye and good riddance to physical retail and the toxic undesirables that inhabit it…never to visit it again.

As an added bonus, I learned a lot more about myself and became the person I always wanted to be. I was fortunate in having the right people who changed it all and their inexplicable energy made me block those challenging persistent feelings of hollowness and despair. I taught myself to drop my guard, stop fearing the worst that could happen, and start putting my trust in people as nothing was at stake. That paid off in multitudes. I felt things I couldn’t before, because they allowed me to open up without persecuting or vilifying me for it.

I had more moments where I did great things for great people because they gave me nice ideas that were out-of-the-ordinary. Cakeday and Christmas boxes full of CDs, cassettes, and other fun stuff were exchanged which left two people wowed and many others in critical condition. Plenty of night-time phone calls were had about everything and nothing important at all, or the cries of concern that made me go all-in to help the other because there’s no taking chances. Most importantly: reciprocation, saying it right from the heart, a giving what people really want because you feel it and it’s the right thing to do.

**********

Now, what’s in the cards for next year?

I plan to revisit New York City more frequently. To start, I’m coming back to my childhood, and that all in Brooklyn. The Tokeneke, Bath Ave., Shore Road Park, Luna Park, and ultimately Borough Park where it all began. I’m even contemplating a mini-record store victory tour next year - all city. Long Island locales sit out this time as select Brooklyn and Manhattan stops better get ready for me and accept my hard-earned money. This would be Lina Romay-proportions of music porn if this happens.

As for everything else Omega, there’s no signs of slowing down as my radio show started Year 12. Its previous year had almost no bonus broadcasts from start to finish, but the current stockpile of artists and sounds across the board means I’m ready to unload when asked. The months-long process of digitizing my entire personal cassette dub library has finally been completed, which means I’ll have more time to dive into all my records, tapes, and discs that I purchased over the years that I've yet listened to, but now will.

Which reminds me:

Most of you know that I maintained a music -blr here: Ω+. I became an open-book and allowed my visitors, followers, mutuals, and even passers-by a peek into my personal life, listening, and purchasing habits. To this day, I still believe there’s no other extensive music blog like it here. It felt great posting sounds, artists, and releases no one else even thought or considered. I had so much fun with it and became one of the most exciting projects I ever done. Life-changing, even. Now, I no longer have the time or energy to keep up with sizeable, timely write-ups while staying on top of infinite music finds and dealing with Real-Life Syndrome.

I decided that it’s time to end it after 10 years of maintaining it.

However, I didn’t want to stop doing what still fascinates me. I stepped back, and realized that I can do it differently. I’m happy to say that I’m starting all over again and re-building it as Omega Remix (ΩRMX), a simpler, more stripped-down version of the original retaining the personal seasonal mixtapes, Omega WUSB playlists, best-of lists, personal posts, and more. No more numbered headers, no more aesthetic issues. It’ll be quicker and easier to do what keeps me going and in touch with anyone interested with what I’m listening to.

**********

I appreciate and thank (tremendously) everyone who joined up with me at a show, posted music finds, kept in touch, helped out, or did something nice for me this year. You know who you are. For any and all who liked, followed, and supported all things Omega, you’re also appreciated. Each and every one of you. Here's hoping we're still alive and dodge a massive authoritarian bullet by this year's end.

See you all in ‘24.

Winning hand: Aces full house over Deuces.

[sssammich]

for the ask game!!! is it too greedy to ask for 1, 5, 8? :D thank you!

HELLO

sorry these are late i was uh basically playing video games all of last night and therefore did not touch tumblr again until now haha never too greedy here we go

What themes would you like to write about that you feel don’t get explored very often?

oh boy i have been itching to write lost love or just crossed paths and open endings because that's so interesting to me but i also can't decide if i'm emotionally ready to devastate myself. but i just really wanna get into it. like contained relationships that have a beginning and end, but that it still counts as love. i'm a happy ending kinda gal so this feels at odds for me in some ways.

5. Would you rather write a happy ending that soothes the soul or a tragic ending that hurts the heart?

lol speaking of! my default and regular MO is truly just writing happy endings. i am firmly in the camp of if they are suffering throughout the story then it needs to have been a worthy catharsis otherwise i'm just miserable. the thing is that these stories are for me, myself, and i about 75% of the time so i'm looking forward to a happy ending when i write because that's what i wanna read from me

8. Favorite dialogue in your wip? (If asked more than once, respond with a new piece each time)

hmmmm i am in the middle of writing this swan queen fic so this is the part that i am liking so far. i've put it under the cut

fic ask meme

“You gave Emma your permission to leave?” 

He offers her a small smile. “Yeah.” 

“Wh—” she pauses, tries to gather her thoughts. “Henry, sweetheart, why would you do that?”

He shrugs, the lift of his shoulders so much like his birth mother. “She hasn’t been very happy for a long time, Mom.” 

“What are you saying?” 

“She just…I think she just wants to find her place in the world. And I don’t think I’d be a very good son if I didn’t support her.” 

“And you’re okay with her leaving?” 

“I’m leaving. Mom, she’ll be back. She loves us too much to leave for good. But I think she just wants to move on.” 

“Move on from what?” 

Henry stands and puts his bowl in the sink and turns the water on before quickly rinsing it. Regina watches helplessly as she stares up at her son, this time taller than her before he puts his arms around her—a now uncommon occurrence. 

“I love you, Mom. I just want you to be happy. I want both of you to be happy. Even if it’s with other people.” 

[snarky-bee]

14, 16, 20 for moxie!!

moxie hours have begun again.

14. How does your OC want to be seen by other characters? Generally, wants to be seen as a sort of unstoppable force - MOXIE. you want x done? great, lets do it. in fact im ready to go do it right fucking now. down to clown at any given time.

i think also moxie wants to be seen as the ride or die type. loyal, committed. would not sell you out for a cornchip (once youre her friend of course. otherwise bets are off). she tries quite hard to be seen as innocent and generally disarming too

16. What is your OC's pain tolerance like?

this is interesting given... whats recently happened in game (ouch oof my magically suppressed grief is back). its funny how having such a long period of happy makes the misfortune all the more devastating. Emotionally? fucking LOW these days.

physically? fucking LOW. getting into combat and nearly dying sure was an event. shes lived a very gentle life most of the time. pain is not something shes become accustomed to. if she gets fucking stabbed shes not gonna be all chill guy "tis a flesh wound" about it. arrows? oh my gods i am BLEEDING THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. She used to be a beekeeper and you BET she went running to Ayla after any single bee sting all in all she is a pink squish. must protect

20. Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest? No, not really. Maybe about some things. She's definitely jealous about Oak's life and their family for instance, but she's honestly mature enough about this particular emotion to simply accept that she didn't get so lucky there. Though that's really more envy than jealousy so I suppose to circle back, no.

She just spent the last 10+ years in basically a hippy farming commune and 1000% could have ended up in a polycule at some point if life continued on that way. Even marrying Ayla was a show of devotion and promise and not at all in the sense of "you're mine and no one else's"

[erigold13261]

Assuming 1010 stay with their SOs for years… what would they do if their SOs pass away? (I am guessing 1010 as robots would live longer than their SOs)

Short answer is:

-Rin: Never tries to love again and hold their relationship with Zuke in a very high regard. This feeling stops it from every trying to form another romantic relationship again.

-Purl: Already accepted that their partners are going to die before they have actually died. Once they do, they bottle up all their emotions and try to move on as if nothing happened only to break down in horrible, extreme ways all alone. Uses bad coping mechanisms like drugs and sex to forget the love they once had while rejecting any kind of meaningful relationship to avoid this pain again.

-Zimelu: Takes a long time to grieve and needs basically a decade before being open to the idea of dating again. Not going out of her way to date, but by that point if something happens she won't try to stop herself from loving again.

-Haym: Bottles up his emotions in order to help his partners. Wants to feel helpful as a way to lessen the pain they feel. Is open to dating again at some point. Probably the fasted to get into a new relationship (other than Purl whose new "relationship" are all basically one night stands).

-Eloni: Ends up pulling away from the partners they have to get more familial support. Doesn't even realize he is neglecting his partner because of the pain he is in. The family helps both him and his partner(s). Either ends up going back to their partner, or is able to get into a new relationship, but it will take a while.

Long answer:

Well right off the bat, I'm gonna say that Purl is the only 1010 that has actually thought of this and put time into this thought process. They are the only one to really take it seriously that 1010 is most likely going to outlive their SOs, which is why Purl was the last to even get a SO because their main belief is basically "why even try to love when they are going to die and the pain will be worse in the end?" or something along those lines.

So Purl is already preparing themself for when everyone around them, not just their SOs, ends up dying. Once West or Cyril pass (even Joust which is a complicated relationship that Purl has with him), Purl is probably just going to shut down emotionally, bottle up their emotions, and just push forward in a very unhealthy way. Their main coping mechanism is just to run away from their feelings, so to an outsider it looks like Purl never even cared about their SO and just moved on. On the inside though they are in so much pain but refuse to ever let it out until they probably can't hold it in anymore. Even then they will just have an absolute breakdown in their room and then hide that away until they can't hold it in again later on.

Plus, while all of this is going on, they would still be doing self destructive behaviours. Especially using substances or basically giving their body away to strangers. Honestly, they would become more of a whore after this to try and forget about their relationship as much as they can. Though obviously trying to avoid any kind of real connection with whoever they are sleeping with.

All the rest of 1010 either haven't thought of death as a possibility, or have been trying to push the thought away to not think about it at all. I would say that Rin and Eloni are the ones to push it away as much as possible as the two of them are very much anxious in their own ways about death and the end.

Rin, if its SO died (whether it be Zuke or anyone else it falls in love with, same with the other 1010s, they might not all be with their current SOs in like 20 years), then it would be devastated. Considering that Rin is a very romance heavy bot, and puts a LOT of emphasis on basically "true love" or like finding "the one" that I can see it never fully getting over Zuke or dating again. I'm sure Rin could find someone to love just as much, but its not really open to that idea. Basically I can see it becoming like Neon J, where that love of a past relationship will always be at the forefront and never truly go away (though obviously Rin and Zuke's relationship is much different from J and Martha's).

Zimelu, Haym, and Eloni are all three that are similar in their aftermaths where I can see each of them going through a time of mourning and then some day trying to date again. Especially Haym and Eloni because them being poly potentially allows them to have another partner that will share in their grief and help them get over/come to terms the loss of their SOs in a way that friends and family cannot. It would be easier (still difficult though) for them to move on and try to find someone new.

Zimelu I can see as, like I said, taking a very long time to process her grief, but she does end up getting with someone new. Probably a very long time after the death of her SO though. Depending on how long 1010 actually can survive given how I am thinking of magic works for robots, then possibly a decade or so after Zimelu's SO dies would she be willing to try again. And even then, she wouldn't be looking for a new love like Haym and Eloni might, she would have to have it be very natural.

Haym and Eloni keep their loves in their heart, but also help their other partners (or I guess in Haym's case, he would be helping Eve if he is still in a relationship with her and May, and May was the one who died since technically he and Eve are not dating). In the case of Haym and Eve, the two would stop dating but would remain friends and help each other process stuff. If it was a different group of people for Haym, depending if he was dating the other person(s) or not means he either leans into them more or will try to just help them out in their grief. Honestly, Haym probably bottles his emotions up a lot and does more to help his other partners while ignoring his own feelings, trying to feel helpful as a coping mechanism for his loss.

Eloni on the other hand isn't going to find a partner quickly. First, because it is hard for them to find someone wanting a QPR, secondly, because they would be in a lot of pain and probably a crying mess. Very over emotional and not knowing how to really deal with this. Unfortunately, I kinda see her as drawing away from their other partner(s) and clinging to family during this time. This would leave his partner(s) in a bit of isolation, but the rest of 1010 (and possibly Neon if he is still around) would do their best to help both Eloni and his partner(s).

Not doing Dew, Carna, or Maragold because 1). they are all minors and I haven't thought of them in any serious relationship as they get older yet, and 2). they are technically not part of 1010 which is what you asked for.

[theghostparty]

going into ur latest king of new york update i was like Oh damn im hearing a little bit too much from sam bill and tommy… SOMEONE IS NOT COMING HOME 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and i could feel it in my bones but i cant believe i was right 💔💔💔 reading ur war depictions actually had me contemplating real life like i know its just a fanfic but…. war and loss and grief are just so so so tragic. Tommy was My Boy and i feel like i actually just lost him!! in my head hes still the little kid who accidentally made the reader fall out of the window way back when. #TAKE ME BACK PLEASEEEEEEEE

Tommy was, quite literally, down on his knees begging for forgiveness. He had reverted back to weeping and you motioned for him to come close. He lay his head on the mattress and you stroked his hair.

“I forgive you, bubba,” you cooed, using a nickname Tommy and Sam had both earned as toddlers, “And I love you.”

“I love you, I love you, please don’t ever leave me, okay?”

You shushed your younger brother, petting him soothingly, and marvelled at how easily he had become four years old again. The twins were fifteen this year and had surrendered most of the worship of their older siblings, leaning on youthful irreverence. But in this moment, he needed his big sister.

“I would never leave you.”

before this theres a little line about how hes going to apologize to her for the rest of his life and it just hit me like a train like. he only had 6 more years or so!!!!!! thats not a life thats nothing at all 💔💔💔💔 LIKE AUTHOR UR CRAZY FOR THIS!!!

when i saw how the words in tommys section cut off mid sentence i had to pause because in my Head i was like well it doesnt mean hes dead. like that could mean anything ❤️ and then it cut to sam receivinf a letter and i was like Oh ok dont worry its just from his sister guys we can still smile!! but alas i was wrong. readinf about his grief was so so so devastating bc i cant even imagine that as a twin!! thats half your soul bro. sighing so loud my poor family

once again youve outdone urself!! im so emotionally invested in them how am i supposed to go throughout my day when my fictional brother just got taken out 💔thank u for updating

This has been sitting in my inbox for so long and I just want to say that reading it over the last few months has delighted me endlessly. So sorry to have killed that fictional boy. He was lovely and I miss him.