#I am not old enough to parent this kid
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Okay, but I do have an AU version of that AU in my head where Dick Grayson returns to earth and manages to find Annabeth (and Thalia and Luke) living in the streets before they make it all the way to Camp Halfblood.
We can explore the implications of that for Thalia and Luke in a different post, but basically Annabeth still has to go to CHB for large portions of the year, she attracts too many monsters, but when she isn't there, Dick Grayson has unofficial custody for quite awhile while Bruce gets his shit together.
The crack fic version of that AU of an AU has Annabeth trying to manipulate her way into arranging a meeting between Chiron and Roy Harper because her brother's friends have been kind to her and if one of them is going to be an archer, they should be the BEST archer so that they can keep Dick alive longer.
No one is more surprised than Chiron when he actually agreed to give Roy some "pointers", although he trained fully human heroes in the Ancient Days.
And to be fair to Roy his brain is stuck trying to work its way around fact that his friend's little sister staged an emergency to introduce him to a man who's half horse. He's kind of mad, which, fair. That said, once the actual archery lesson starts and he realizes that Chiron really is that much of an expert, he immediately gets into it.
Which is how a panicked Dick Grayson bursts into the scene a few hours later, expecting something terrible has happened to Anna & Roy because Roy isn't responding to comms.
Only to find his best friend arguing with a centaur about some obscure fact of aerodynamics while Annabeth is perched nearby watching, legs swinging, eating way too many popsicles and occasionally calling out questions when her curiosity gets the better of her.
Dick isn't sure whether to be pissed, relieved, or just plain confused, but he for sure isn't letting Anna OR Roy live that one down for years.
And if he also gets distracted and listens in to some of Chiron's archery explanations, well, it's always good to know your teammates' full potential.
#Dick @ Roy: like thanks for dropping everything to try and protect my family man really I mean it#but also what the actual fuck#you couldnt call me back???#trick question roy wasn't sure how the whole demigods and technology thing worked exactly so he just didnt bring any#as for Anna Dick probably gives her the scolding of a life time but he's also like#if this is what she's like when her age is still in the single digits what the fuck am I going to do when she's a teenager#Bruce better figure his shit out before then becuse I do not know what I'm going to do otherwise#I am not old enough to parent this kid#plus some part of him does find it sweet that she wanted to help Roy just because Roy was his friend#he just also wants to tear his hair out#annabeth wayne#although since this is the 'Dick gets custody and Thalia doesn't die (immediately?) AU#should it be Annabeth Grayson Wayne? Annabeth Wayne Grayson?#Idk havent gotten that far this is just the au for when I hurt my own feelings with the main AU#which now also involves crack fic versions I guess#dick grayson#roy harper#annabeth chase#pjo x dc#dc x pjo#annabeth wayne grayson
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When the Robins were too young to convincingly pass as drivers, they'd always insist that Bruce drive them to school or anyplace they were running late to, because Bruce's extensive illegal racing experience meant they were guaranteed to make it there on time. Or even early sometimes.
#You know that old meme where that Gorbachev was driving that one time instead of his driver#and the polizei dudes went “no way in fucking hell am I arresting anyone important enough for Gorbachev to drive around”#It's that#THey see the prince of the city behind the wheel and the cops assume he's got a decent reason for breaking every speed limit and rule of th#road#alfred chills with the kid in the back and nearly knocks his head against the window thrice#GPS squinting at their time: “how the hell did you get there in five minutes?”#Bruce pulling up to the parking lot with smoking car tyres#to the horror of the other PTA parents#dc comics#bruce wayne#batfamily#batman#personal#dick grayson#jason todd#Damian wayne#i guess#I do not see Timmy or Cass requiring this#Stephanie brown#maybe
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EYE do not want to have kids . i have NEVER wanted to have kids (source: three year old me who lived thru my mom's very unpleasant experience having my twin siblings and literally made up deep lore for every doll i ever had to ensure that everyone knew they were adopted and did NOT come from my tummy (the tummy thing is also a direct quote)). HOWEVERRRRRR. when people are good w kids i turn into a fucking puddle of goo.
#like i do think being decent w children#(like. treating them like human beings. being kind and silly n attentive w them and taking their concerns seriously)#is a pretty key consideration for like serious dating for me#not in a 'well they need to be a good co-parent' way (necessarily. have not ruled out adoption/partner carrying. just pregnancy 4 myself)#but in a 'i plan on being a very involved aunt to my siblings' kids my cousins' kids my friends' kids the neighbors' kids etc' way#and in a 'if you cant be decent to children for even fifteen minutes there is something fundamentally mismatched w us' way i guess#i have drunkenly told MANY people like bro when ur kids r old enough i am showing up to ur house w a $400 lego kit#and sending u out on date night or whatever. idc get out somewhere. so me and ur kids can build some crazy shit#i ALREADY send my one hs friend who has two kids copies of my fave books from when i was that age#ANYWAYS. basically it's sweet AND it's also . hot ? so u can imagine how much psychological damage lando does to me on a monthly basis
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Nothing has made me feel like I'm Ezio more than watching people go crazy over coins I threw in the air as part of our New Years party.
#i am absolutely confused by their reaction considering individual each coin ranges from 2~18 US cents or coin chocolate#my cousin says 'catching coins means you'll be lucky next year'#gurl i just saw someone fell while trying to catch coins#and another has their sandals' strap broken during me having flashbacks of throwing money at the citizens of firenze#i truly hope they get all the luck they wanted#i would have understood it if it was just the kids#but nooo#people old enough to be my parents were in it too XD#they all seemed happy about it so i guess all's well#i am sure i looked very awkward the entire time#personal#do i tag ezio??? naaahhh
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for the first time in my life i was just asked if i have kids instead of if i'm in college yet. the years start coming and they don't stop coming huh
#stooooop#i know i have been old enough to have kids for a while but 😵💫#im always behind on all the milestones in life tho but it never stood out before bc people always thought i was 17#literally from when i was 13 until very recently people always guessed i was like 16-19#which was great bc i am an autistic late bloomer who lives w my parents and sucks at being an adult#so giving off the vibe and appearance of being a teenager was fine#but now i look like an adult#🧍♀️🧍♀️🧍♀️#yet i am not good enough at being one for these questions and assumptions 😭#i hate it hereee#anyway weird old guy at the store started telling dumb blonde jokes then asked me if i had kids#never in my life have i been asked that#late twenties fr the worst age bc u still feel young but start getting treated old and also u don't have ur shit and life together yet#but everyone thinks you do or should by now#alas#irl i'm 27 what am i a child bride moment#not that having kids is for old people#but im not even good at being responsible for myself yet let alone an entire baby#i do want kids but im not ready for that yet#also never been in love 🫠#or even seriously dated anyone ever#not that it's a requirement#in fact im planning to adopt esp if i dont get married but still#anyway i do very much want kids im just not in that place yet#and didnt feel that behind in life about it bc nobody ever asked me that before#thsi better not be like how everyone asks you as soon as they meet u about ur job or school i dont need to be fielding this forever
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Sometimes I see a mutual talk about their kid and I'm like wow that's so weird you're on tumblr as a grown adult old enough to have kids while I'm here as a 13 year old. And then I remember I'm 24
#personal#i am also a grown adult old enough to have kids#i dont#but i could have kids in elementary school rn#(i mean really i could have kids in middle school if not older but#not referring to very young parents)
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what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.
#i am fine ftr im just. exhausted haha#NOT to overshare about my personal life too much but my dog is dying. my horse is being given back to his og owner this summer / fall.#my dads kicking me out in two years (in favor of his girlfriend and her kids bc he would rather live w them!!!)#his alcoholism is driving me crazy bc hes treating me like absolute shit and berating me constantly#and stealing from me 🙃#ive lost my healthcare benefits + now have to either raw dog therapy out of pocket or loose my therapist#a therapist that took me a year of being on a waiting list to get in w btw#and idk i just genuinely feel like a loser rn like. im a 23 year old unemployed fat virgin who plays video games all day like. 🧍#where is this going for me. what is the point of it all. in two years im going to be fucking homeless on top of all that#unless some miracle happens bc as is i am too disabled to work.#im just reaching a point where i deeply dont care anymore. whatever happens happens im done fighting it#and ik its the abandonment issues talking here but knowing my dad is planning on abandoning me. 👍#thats two for two on parents leaving me. my entire family has at this point so like truly i cant trust any relationship#like if my PARENTS find me that unbearable. and my best friend who knew me my entire life thought so. then truly every relationship#i ever have is on a fucking timer like. idk if any besties r reading this im sorry i promise this is in no way a dig at yall#bc you guys do really make me feel loved and secure in a way no one else has but. id be lying if i said i wasnt still scared#anyways enough oversharing#i really am fine and safe rn btw like. at minimum u guys r stuck w me until arc*ne season 2 comes out 😂#my post
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I love learning ASL it’s so good. Makes me happy to learn it. I’m so glad my university has classes for it with professors actually steeped in Deaf culture.
#blue chatter#am I good at ASL? hahahahahahaha. no.#ASL and English grammar are incredibly different and even when I remember my vocab I am easily clockable as hearing#but I do have some language capacity now. enough to communicate the basics.#and I just. genuinely really enjoy it. it’s fun to learn and engaging in a way most of my classes just aren’t.#and I can. yanno. communicate respectfully w Deaf ppl. and learn about their culture#which is incredibly important given that I want to go into a field where there is a higher incidence than typical of Deaf people#autistic? you’re more likely to be Deaf!#not to mention the fact that sign language can sometimes be a useful alternative to speech for nonspeaking/nonverbal people#depending on the person obvi; some nonspeaking/nonverbal autistics cannot use sign language and that’s okay#but surely at some point I will encounter either a Deaf client or a nonspeaking/nonverbal client who uses ASL#and when that time comes I should have some idea of how to communicate with them#I also rly like the Deaf church by my parents’ house#their community is really welcoming and their services are really interesting#I think it’s rly cool how they take intentions directly from the congregation#they’ll raise their hands and then sign what their intention is from their pew to the ambo#which is rly neat#it is funny bc every time I go the Deaf ppl I talk to will tell each other ‘go slow she’s hearing’#which is ENTIRELY fair bc. I am hearing. and I do need them to go slower.#but it also makes me laugh bc truly everyone knows within a few minutes.#oh hey the new person? they’re hearing. yeah they’re learning ASL at college. sign slowly for her.#which again makes sense bc a big Deaf culture thing is keeping ppl informed. it’s not gossip it’s getting everyone on the same page.#Deaf ppl do NOT beat around the bush that is like the height of rudeness to them. u say what u mean goshdangit. do not waste their time.#which I appreciate the heck out of bc i don’t have to try and phrase things delicately or w/e#it was also funny bc my mom came w me while I was home for Christmas and they asked her if I was her kid#and she said yes. and the lady running the kid’s craft corner thing was like ‘great you’re doing a craft now’#and I’m sitting there. visibly over 18 years old. amongst several seven year olds. trying desperately to figure out how to say hot glue gun#I made a v pretty pinecone tree it was a lot of fun ^-^
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Your boyfriend is awfully violent. What if he loses it on you like that?
((Anon, I'm going to assume you genuinely mean well and just want to poke fun at the thread I'm having with Fox via my Shiro blog, especially since I'm writing/tagging Dennis in that thread alongside them. I don't want to believe that you're acting maliciously, stupidly, or some combination of the two at once. But I need to take this ask you've sent and create a moment to remind everyone:
If there's any kind of confusion on what exactly these types of abuses are and-or what they mean, please feel free to google them before approaching me with questions. I don't mind elaborating on my own needs around them because my personal and specific triggers are not a google-able thing (for a variety of reasons), but I'm also not agreeable to the idea of explaining the bare bone basics of these types of abuse to people who are perfectly capable of researching the topics for themselves. Like, genuinely, it's not hard and I shouldn't have to put myself in a vulnerable position and do your homework on this. Seriously.))
#ooc post#anonymous#ask#tw: domestic abuse#and I'm sorry if this took on an irritable tone#but I am being very poorly reminded of an experience I had less than a year ago already#where I had to fucking explain to people what I meant when I said domestic and parental abuse#like this was not already a clear enough title and listing#I had to fucking spoon feed them information#and then they proceeded to not fucking care anyway and pushed back on me every time I expressed I was triggered by something#because I was the new kid on the block challenging the fucking main character syndrome brat#who couldn't fucking fathom someone else understanding abuse on an intimate level#but I was not openly discussing it for edge and coddling points because it's none of your fucking business#like the shit I could fucking tell ya that I've been made to live through is haunting#from my earliest memories at 4/5 years old to even right fucking now#there's an entire strip of road that I have to drive on a regular basis because it's on my commute to work#that just hits me with a god awful memory of being almost seriously hurt and possibly killed#so like#don't#capiche?
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I wonder how much money Toy Story 5 will make
#will it bring in a barbillion dollars by nature of being a Pixar sequel#or will it flop#or ‘flop’ by bringing in less than Toy Story 4#I mean I saw 3 and 4 but don’t plan on seeing 5 in theatres so#I’m just so fascinated#I mean the last Toy Story movie was an epic flop shdbdbdbdbd#the gay space ranger couldn’t save lighryear even tho she was so cool I wish she’d been in the movie more :(#the general public opinion from people my age is less than enthusiastic for Toy Story five but ik parents will bring their kids#or will they? will parenrs who grew up with the OG movies (or three!!!!!!! I won’t have kids in 2026 but I’m old enough to have kids)#maybe they won’t#esp if Shrek 5 comes out the same summer HDHDHDHDHD#I WILL BE SEATED FOR SHREK 5#anyway#I’m done#ts5 you make me exhausted and you don’t come out for two more years I am not looking forward to those trailers lmao#ok now I’m done fr#(let the record show however if you’re excited for TS5 I love that for you!!! do not let me rain on your parade)#toy story 5#toy story#Pixar#cadence rambles
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#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
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i could have been home two whole hours ago. instead i am sitting, bored out of my mind, in the truck while my family wanders around scheels. literally why???? there is nothing in there that can't be got elsewhere. i just want to go home
#we ate breakfast in the tiniest loudest restaurant ever#comments were made about how good i am with kids because i played with my cousins baby#and got told i would be a good mom and had plenty of time to have babies of my own and that i'm still young#and then we stopped to get a shirt at old navy for my mom for an angel tree thing#there are like 10 old navy's within an hour of my parents house#why did we have to stop at the one in springfield#and then i thought finally i was going home but nope#stopped at scheels. thought it would be a quick trip fucking why idk. i had hope i guess#i've been waiting for my family to come back for the last 45 minutes at least#and now it's late enough i know they are going to want to stop for food somewhere#😭 i just want to go home and see my baby kitty and go to sleep in my bed#EDIT: they just got back and all they bought was DOG TOYS AND LICORICE#WHY
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god the duality between 'I don't want someone in my house' and 'yeah I'd like my own kids and no way I'm doing that alone'
#like ppl who don't want kids should be free to live their lives without ppl being like 'watch out! your biological clock is ticking!'#that's bullshit ppl shouldn't say that. but also. i would like kids and#after so many years trying not to get pregnant and that seeming like a worst case scenario. so desperately wanting to not become my parents#now i am an age where I'd happily have a kid if i were in the right life situation & i don't feel I've got all the time in the world anymore#lol like. the space in between 'too young to have a baby' and 'old enough that i risk more health issues/ will be an older parent'#feels way way narrower than i ever would have assumed lol. esp. because all the parents in my family are so young. the idea of being an#older parent is so strange to me. I'm so aware of the things you can't do when you're older and how it's harder work to run after them#and like my body is already wearing out way faster than anyone elses. my health's only gonna get worse so.#being an older parent just doesn't seem an option. not to mention like. the older i am the less generations I'll get to see.#i want to be a great grandmother damnit. lol.#like I'm on a clock. to get over my commitment issues or it legit won't happen. but yeah. can't think of anything worse than having#to have someone in my house. if i was rich enough to have lots of space that's one thing but. I'm not lol.#and rich ppl rub me up the wrong way whenever they try and chat me up so doubt I'm gonna marry in to money looool#like i have come to terms with the fact that. if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen. id rather not get to be a mother than to settle#like that whole 'looking for a partner' dating life is not for me i can't think of anything worse. if it happens it happens#I'll either meet the right person who im willing to give up an empty house for or i won't looool#and it's not like im giving up the whole raising kids thing completely.#like I've got to play a significant hand in raising my siblings even if i didn't ask for that. I've got to see them grow and#help them reach those milestones. and whatever the circumstances I'm blessed to have had them in my life#even if i don't have my own kids I'm always gonna have kids in my life even if I'm an aunt rather than grandmother you know#I'm lucky to be in a family where raising kids is a communal thing. but yeah id love to have my own kids & have someone that looks like me#but I'm not willing to bring someone in to the world in non opportune circumstances deliberately.#like if it's up to me i want them to have 2 parents to look out for them and 2 parents that at least stand a chance of liking each other lol
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😤😮💨
I am once again venting below the cut, please enjoy this Jacqueline in the meantime:
GOOD LORD!! CIRCULAR CONVERSATIONS ARE GENUINELY SOOO FRUSTRATING. I've had my new car for a WEEK and for a WEEK it's been the SAME SHIT between the hubbers and the MIL:
He mentions the car bc he's excited about it
She goes on an emotionally charged RANT about how concerned she is that we went and bought this car and how she's worried about all the debt we have and that we won't be able to "just vibe"
He assures her we went over everything (which we did) and that it's affordable for us (it being the bi-weekly payment)
It stops there. He laments to me. I reassure. I boost him the FUCK UP LIKE HE DESERVES TO BE! 😤
He brings up the car again with her in the hopes she'll be like I'm also excited about this for you!!
She instead once more lectures us on debt
He once again reassures her
He comes to me lamenting once more
I am stuck watching this circle and smacking my head against the wall
I love this man so much, and he does NOT deserve the shit his mother is giving him and I VERY MUCH DISLIKE that he is STILL SEEKING HER APPROVAL. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE WE DIDN'T BUY THE CAR FOR HIM!! WE BOUGHT IT FOR M E AND HE CO-SIGNED BC THE PAYMENT IS CHEAPER AND HE IS VERY EXCITED THAT WE HAVE A NEW, RELIABLE VEHICLE THAT IS SAFE FOR ME! HE'S HAPPY I'M SAFE!
And he's NOT explaining this bit to his Mom, and keeps being like w/e her opinion doesn't matter
BUT THEN THEY HAVE THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN
AHHHHHH
I hate circular arguments y'all. They make me want to explodE. My entire morning/afternoon has been reassuring the hubbers and trying to point out how the convo is circular bc he's looking for her approval and excitement but she is looking for Something Else BC she's worried about our finances. Guys, imma be real with you. This is an affordable payment for us. It's literally only coming out of MY PAYCHECK since it's MY CAR and they BOTH seem to be forgetting that and it's causing this stupid discussion that won't end until either:
He tells her he's heard her concerns and asks her what she's looking for (since despite his reassurances and walking her thru the process we went thru last weekend and showing her the numbers and how it all works out fine she STILL keeps voicing her concerns, to the point where I haven't even talked with her about it but am dying to yell WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE US TO DO MARGE, GET RID OF THE CAR??? Because really, what WOULD you like us to do and it's presumptuous of you to assume we can't handle it and will need your help)
He tells her he's heard her concerns and asks her to just listen to his and please show some excitement because he's excited about it, so why can't you be
They let it die and never talk about it again the end OR
He understands that this is another one of those Margie being Margie scenarios and he's not gonna get her approval or excitement, and accepts that all he needs in this scenario is his OWN acceptance and excitement, and find a way to be OKAY with that
And I don't know how LIKELY any of these are going to be in the near future (and dw, I texted him that blurb already so hopefully it's on his mind and he makes good choices, good choices being either 1 or 4 bc this isn't gonna get resolved any time soon with my MIL's old fashioned REPRESS UR EMOTIONS ass 😤) so I am instead FUMING about situations OUTSIDE OF MY CONTROL bc as an outsider Incan see how it's going and after 4 years of therapy I can see what needs to be done bc I'VE BEEN THERE TOO
This situation has me so down it's making me wanna call and vent to my Mommy and that's how you KNOW it's yucky tbh
#dani speaks#dani vents#i don't often call my mom to vent these days bc she can be very similar to Richard's mom re: ur childs feelings#BUT MY GOD. I AM AT A LIMIT#anyway if u read the vent ty for reading I appreciate it 🩷#we'll be okay! i know Richard will read those options and see what's going on and choose what works best for the time being#BUT MY GOD WATCHING THE CROSSFIRE?? IS STRESSFUL#I'M LIKE#THIS IS SO STUPID GUYS PLZ#anyway if anyone wonders why I wrote blinter the way I did#THIS IS WHY. I THINK PARENTS SHOULD MAKE UP WITH THEIR ADULT CHILDREN AND UNDERSTAND THE TRAUMAS AND THINGS#AND BE SUPER SUPPORTIVE#I THINK PARENTS NEED TO STOP THE AGE OLD HANDING OVER OF TRAUMA TO THE KIDS#GENERATIONAL TRAUMA IS AO FRUSTRATING AND SO EASILY AVOIDABLE BUT IT DOES ENOUGH DAMAGE THAT IT KEEPS GOING!#FUCK THE CYCLE ALL MY HOMIES HATE THE CYCLE#and if anyone is wondering. i am VERY excited about the new car#being able to drive again without breakdown anxiety and in a car that isn't crumbling to dust around me#is STELLAR! I WANT TO CRY HAPPY TEARS! I HAVE MY FREEDOM BACK! THE MONEY WE'LL SAVE ON SUDDEN REPAIRS#IS GONNA BE SO NICE#I'm 😭😭😭#it's just so reliving and I feel so annoyed that MIL doesn't see it like that and is focusing on 'startung ur marriage out in debt'#sweetie. I've been paying student loans for 5 years. We were ALREADY starting with debt and our payment plan is FINE#WE HAVE JOB SECURITY#OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT#AND IF WE SUDDENLY DON'T#WE SELL ONE OF THE CARS#Boom. done.#ANYWAY. IMMA GO GROCERY SHOPPING NOW#BC I CAN BC MY CAR IS RELIABLE!! AH!#out of context jacquelines
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Being genderflud for me is always a mess
#Miranda talking shit#No ok it isnt... But ivr always been a.. 'tomboy' ot whatever and never been a girly girl... I mean i had to play makeup and#Dress up doll for my sister until i was 5 but after that i basically abruptly stopped wearing any dresses unless i had to...#Only thing appearance wise i kept that was feminine was long hair. Idek why i did that? Maybe bc ive always had it so i just kept it... Or#Maybe bc it was the few feminine things i had. Ive had such difficulty with my name. In the teen years it eas severe#But i still never ... Changed it? To this day i haven't. I have my online name having an mr in it but i always give my name and i mean#Yeah... I like being referred to as bro/dude and such but usually don't like being referred to as a girl... I dont hate it usually but im#Indiffrent? Maybe why ive been struggling with sx isnt only bc of my shit self esteem and that but also with gender. I know if i would have#Had the option id want to been born a guy. I mean... Most days at least i think so. Bc i am uncomfortable with my shape and organs. The#Fact i have buubs makes me wamt to shrivel up and perish. But i also mostly love my tighs. Maybe bc i like that on others as well..#Heck idk. Sometimes i want to really go all out and make myself look cute and girly but i dont havr the confidence or knowledge#So instead i keep wearing what I've been since i was 8 yrd old (big hoodie or tshirt + jeans/sweatpants) would lovr to know someone#Whos into make up and fashion who would teach me and take me out and pick mr outfits. But also i dont think im cute enough to do that#Not cute enough and not cool enough to be a boy ... Im an oddly shaped blob /:#I dont know what i am i just let people call me whatever they want. Its a shame itd usually a girl. Thr time a kid called me 'boy' i was#Genuinely happy but then their parent corrected them and i was like damn... He had it man he knew what was up#Maybe I'd not struggle as much if i was skinny bc 98% of my time I've been overweight so..curves comes with the territory#My moms genes also got me the biggest cake in history like i cant lose it i think its permanent. It can get bigger tho
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#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data#which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done#for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior#so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip.#also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a#collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things.#and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more#devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close#bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the#country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will#instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a#different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad#a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi#intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see#them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize#the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b#doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped#that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying#less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating#unrelated
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