#something something transgender misunderstanding

[inkmage13]

Some child on TikTok just tried to tell me that "transgenic" is a gender identity. Responding to my comment on a video about genetically modified animals. I need to stay on the Tumbly because this is where the adult, intelligent freaks are

[transmisogyny-explained]

I want to submit a perspective on "afab transfemininity" from. an afab multi gender person. I know my experience isn't representative of everyone who calls themselves this, but I wanted to at least share

I don't call myself a trans woman, I hesitate to call myself transfem. nonetheless, I feel connected to femininity in a distinctly transgender way. when I first came out, I hated being a girl. I was a transmedicalist and validated myself by invalidating others. I had to face a lot of internalized misogyny and transphobia in order to really learn what it meant to be a man. after I started testosterone about 3 yrs ago, I realized I was a lesbian, and started feeling more comfortable being, at least in part, a woman. it was different this time because it was something I liked, something new and my own, not something ascribed to me. it's not cisgender in any way, it is transfemininity

this being said, I know my experience toward transfemininity is extremely different from the norm. I am not what most people are referring to when they refer to transfems, and there are many definitions of transfem that do not include me. despite that, I do have some experiences that overlap, things I can relate to. my femininity is at its core transgender in nature. my gender now is more complex... I feel like both a man and a woman, neither and both. but that doesn't mean my feelings about my gender are predatory or invalid. I don't want to talk over transfems, I am very aware of my place in these conversations. but I still have a place, and it frustrates me to see you share posts that minimize my experience into a stereotype

Why do you view transfemininity as being, at its core, the experience of being “both a man and a woman” lmao

Get back to me when you start viewing trans women as actual women and transfemininity as actual femininity, and not an aesthetic or a vibe or “some other third thing” apart from femininity.

You “feel femininity in a distinctly transgender way?” Congrats! You’re nonbinary! But that is NOT what being a trans woman is — Their womanhood and femininity is not essentially different from cis women’s.

What you are describing is a very generic experience of being a feminine nonbinary person, and I don't say that to insult you; but to compare that experience to those of trans women’s betrays the fact that you don't view them as the same gender as cis women. Which is transmisogyny. It’s textbook third-gendering.

Call yourself a nonbinary woman- Call yourself whatever you want, in fact. But trans women and TMA people are never going to feel safe around you so long as you continue insisting that transfemininity is essentially the same as the nonbinary femininity you experience, and essentially different from “real” cis women’s femininity.

Also, can I just say that it’s a little condescending that you would end your ask by saying “I’m aware of my place in these conversations, but…”

Like, if you were really “aware of your place” and were actually listening to transfems when we talk about transfeminism, you would be able to recognize the enormous amount of transmisogyny baked into your message. On top of the third-gendering, you also managed to:

Imply that TMA people don’t understand the complexities of gender and nonbinarity like you, a TME person, do

Imply that TMA people creating the language and spaces to discuss our experiences in a way that excludes you, a TME person, is invalidating and somehow tantamount to labeling you as “predatory” (what does that even mean?)

Sent an unprompted ask to a transfem’s blog venting your frustrations with the language of transfeminism, despite the fact that I’m not even the one who made those posts?

Showed a pretty absurd amount of entitlement by insinuating that it’s somehow my problem that you feel frustration over misunderstanding the basics of transfeminist theory

Subtly demanded that I do the emotional labor of managing your frustration, which, frankly, is just classic misogyny

Displayed a complete lack of understanding towards what transmisogyny even is, nor why we, as the direct targets of transmisogyny, need the the language and spaces to discuss it

I really don’t care what transfem “experiences” you think you relate to, the fact that you perpetuate and can benefit from transmisogyny will always separate you from us, and if you actually gave a shit about us and our struggles, you would recognize that and try to be a better ally to us rather than co-opting and redefining our language in a shallow attempt to define us out of existence.

As has been said countless times now:

“Transfeminine” does not mean “trans + feminine,” it is a term coined by TMA people to describe our specific experiences with being denied our femininity. That is something which you, as a person for whom (as you said) womanhood/femininity was ascribed by the system of patriarchy, cannot understand in the way we do.

[claratyler]

the thing we need to understand is that the pope is not at all pro-lgbt rights in anyway. Does he oppose violenece/hate as a blanket sort of core belief? Yes, so this includes violence and hate towards a queer person. But that doesnt mean he believesthat being queer is something to be celebrated, let alone acceptable.

Does he say any gay person can join in the mass? Yes, as a blanket sort of core belief because christianity is supposed to be for everyone, and nobody, regardless of their moral failings (such as being queer, which IS regarded as a moral failing), should be turned away from participating in the holy rituals or getting close to God.

The thing you need to understand about modern day catholics is that many of them will look you in the face and say "Being gay is not a bad thing. We all have temptations we have to stay clear off. It's not the fact that you have this inclination that defines you, it's whether you choose to engage by thought and/or action instead of actively suppressing it that we look down upon." And then they'll tell you in a way they think is kind and helpful that they know a person who can help with treating that.

"The pope now accepts trans people!" Are you sure. Are you really sure

How do you think this is going to fare in reality when the parameters for this "acceptance" are "pastoral prudence" and "public scandal" and "educational disorientation".

Also, on gay people:

This is literally what i was saying: A gay person who represses their inclinations is what they mean by leading a life that conforms to the faith. Thats why a gay person in a gay relationship/marriage (which btw gay marriage is not existent in the roman catholic church, the very notion is a contradiction in their eyes) could not be eligible.

And why do i know allthis and why am i ranting about this? Because #CatholicUniTrauma and im tired of people misunderstanding how fucked up the entire catholic church is because of misleading headlines or quotes taken out of context. The pope is not woke. Seriously.

quoted article: The New York Times' "Vatican Says Transgender People Can Be Baptized and Become Godparents" by Jason Horowitz, Elisabetta Povoledo, and Ruth Graham. Published Nov 9 2023 (tumblr wont let me paste the link for some reason)

[kiyo-cant-write]

Diasomnia w/ a transmasculine s/o ✧･ﾟ

Summary: These headcanons are for the members of Diasomnia falling in love and dating another student at Night Raven College (can be Yuu, not written as explicitly Yuu) who they understand or assume to be a cisgender male and then finding out they are transgender when s/o tells them/comes out to them.

TW/CW: None

Notes: established relationship, transgender reader, he/him pronouns for the reader, the reader is explicitly human

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After much deliberation, he finally decided to tell his boyfriend about his gender identity. It didn't seem important at first. Did it even matter to his boyfriend? But, as [Name] had come to realize from a few comments that didn't fit his identity, his boyfriend truly had no idea he was transgender. That could lead to some misunderstands, so he knew what he had to do.

Walking into Diasomnia, [Name] saw him from the entryway. He was able to pull him aside from what he was doing, telling him that he had something important to share with him.

When his boyfriend asked what it was, [Name] just... told him, as casually as possible the words flowed from his lips.

"So, I'm trans."

.

.

.

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Malleus Draconia

Malleus doesn't understand what his s/o means. At all.

He is much older than his s/o and the word is foreign to him.

The fae is curious, however, and asks what it means.

He also asks if "trans" is short for transfiguration.

Have you transfigured yourself into something?

Are YOU the thing you were transfigured into??

Malleus assures that if there is a magical issue, he can help.

Once he has the concept explained to him in more detail, he nods.

Malleus' expression is serious, the same as always.

Regardless, he loves his s/o and understands the barebones of his gender identity and transition.

"Oh? Is that what this means, Child of Man? How interesting."

Malleus patted his partner on the head as he spoke. He was always appreciative of what human knowledge they had to share with him. This moment, to him, was no different. He smiled slightly, his fangs visible with this expression.

"Thank you for sharing this new vernacular with me."

"Malleus..." [Name] began, trailing off into silence.

He watched the other boy's expression sour slightly and wondered if he had somehow said something offensive. While Malleus does not apologize often, he does apologize to his significant other when called for. Malleus does not like to see him upset.

"Do not fret, my love," Malleus told him, "I do understand it now."

"Are you sure?" [Name] asked the fae prince, "You thought I was transfigured houseware during this conversation."

"I assure you, my dear," Malleus reiterated, "I love you and I understand that the man you are now is who you were meant to be."

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Lilia Vanrouge

Lilia's eyes are fixed on his s/o as they explain.

From his travels, Lilia is familiar with different gender identities.

Despite being older than Malleus, he is more in tune with others and with the modern era that he finds himself in at NRC.

He nods along as his s/o explains his own journey with gender.

Lilia's first instinct is to pat his s/o on the head and grin at them.

He doesn't like it when his s/o looks anxious or upset.

Lilia is a caretaker personality, or he has become one over time.

He praises his s/o for pursuing what they want in life.

He is no less fond of them than he was before.

Lilia tried to hold back a laugh at a joke his partner made trying to explain their gender but it escaped him anyway. He always found [Name] to be a funny person and the jokes were quite pointed and hilarious even to the old fae who was familiar with gender and its fluidity but not with being transmasculine specifically, as [Name] worded it.

"You really are a riot, even when you're worried~"

[Name] looked at him, surprised by the comment.

"I'm happy, no, overjoyed you can share these things with an old man like me," Lilia told him, "So thank you for trusting me with this, [Name]."

[Name] smiled at him, calming down notably now that Lilia had broken the ice for them both. It was a feeling of relief that Lilia was being the same Lilia he always was even having been told something that [Name] thought would startle him, even a bit.

"I'm glad this didn't shock you too much, Lilia."

"Oho? Shock me? At my age? I've seen many a thing, you know."

"I know, Lils."

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Silver

Thankfully, Silver does not accidentally nod off during this talk.

He listens respectfully and nods to show he is listening.

Because of his upbringing, Silver is unfamiliar with this more human concept of gender compared to Briar Valley's beliefs.

His understanding of gender is influenced by his home.

He actually isn't sure why they think they need to tell him so seriously as he thought gender was fluid already (shout out to Lilia for raising Silver in an LGBT-friendly household).

Silver is curious about these differences.

He asks his s/o about them but otherwise is wholly unphased by the "reveal" as his s/o is still himself. That is what Silver tells his s/o matters most.

He also thanks his s/o for explaining it to him.

Silver apologizes for being a human who doesn't know human things because he thinks that this could be disrespectful to his partner.

Silver waited for his partner to finish his explanation, which was basically a speech covering everything from "I am transgender" to what the many views of human gender were by the many humans living outside of Briar Valley. The second of the two topics had begun shortly after Silver gave [Name] a bewildered expression during their initial spiel.

All in all, Silver thought it was an interesting topic. Being raised by his father, he did not leave the Valley until he was attending Night Raven College, following after his master and father.

"I see," Silver said when [Name] was done, "That makes sense."

The light-haired boy offered a gentle smile toward him before he continued to speak, thanking [Name] for the explanation.

"Thank you for telling me this. I'm sorry I didn't understand sooner. I really am not much of a human, when you think of it," he admitted with a sheepish look in [Name]'s direction.

"Eh. You were raised by fae," [Name] agreed, laughing at the almost shy expression on Silver's face, "So it would make sense if you knew more about fae culture than humanity. I mean. How many humans live in Briar Valley anyway?"

"Malleus-sama says that more humans live there than before but not so many that they outnumber the fae within our borders."

"Huh," [Name] managed to say, "I'm still not sure how many that is."

"Sorry, I don't actually know much besides what I've been told," Silver explained the reason for his somewhat vague answer.

"You don't need to apologize, Sil."

"Sorry—"

"Silver!" [Name] cut him off before bursting into laughter that Silver couldn't help but echo with his own.

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Sebek Zigvolt

Sebek is probably the one who has the most intense reaction.

Because of his impulsive nature, he says a few insensitive things.

His first response is to ask s/o if humans can change their sex?

He means this in the sense of biologically shifting from one sex to another and does not realize that this is a weird question to ask.

His father definitely couldn't do that but his father wasn't the only human ever to exist (Exhibit A: NRC student body).

His comments are less transphobic and more weirdly racist against humans if anything, but they aren't meant to be hateful.

This boy is genuinely asking you this question.

Sebek's boyfriend spends more of the conversation giving a human biology lesson than anything else.

Once he has had the concept explained, Sebek scoffs.

Sebek asks his s/o if he was worried Sebek would be upset.

Sebek also assures his partner that his biological sex doesn't change Sebek's feelings and apologizes for thinking his s/o could shapeshift like some fae can.

"[Name], I wouldn't leave you over something as trivial as your sex," Sebek told [Name], seeming vaguely offended at the idea of doing such a thing, "You're one of the few humans that I like outside of family."

[Name] sighed as he listened to Sebek's answer. It was comforting to them. Somehow, his vague anti-human rhetoric was comforting to them in moments like this. He smiled at the half-fae.

"Sebek, I feel like you need more human friends," [Name] told him.

"NONSENSE. You and Silver are plenty of humans."

[Name] made a face at Sebek's words.

"You said you didn't even like Silver?" [Name] questioned.

"I don't, he can be irritating. But I do like you, so whatever else doesn't impact my views of you negatively," Sebek told his partner in a way that told them from the tone alone that he would not be argued with on the matter.

It would be like trying to convince him Malleus had a negative trait.

"Thanks, Sebek."

"Of course!"

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Thank you for reading! Likes and reblogs are appreciated! Do NOT repost my writing/headcanons as your own >:c Check the top of my blog for the inbox status and read the rules before requesting. This is not a twst-only blog! ^^

[hadesoftheladies]

most of y'all need to realize that men resort to smear campaigns all the time and any man lying about you is just baiting you. like they KNOW you're right. they just want to frustrate you. they are deliberately misunderstanding you. especially with this transgender nonsense. literally stop getting mad that they keep lying about you and your positions because the point is to frustrate you until you give them the reaction they want. im not telling you something impossible. you know men lie. do you get mad that chickens can't fly? or do you just accept it and live your life? stop getting defensive when these men are obviously baiting you about shit everyone knows is insane.

literally leave the weirdos on the internet alone and talk to people irl. even most of the gendies don't act so batshit in public. expecting decency or honesty from these men is basically giving them credit they haven't earned. stop giving them so much attention. focus on helping women who are already on the ground trying to fix this shit in legislation and government. boost them instead.

or better yet, just go eat something nice and watch derry girls or succession or something.

[euniexenoblade]

re: egg discourse

i thought it was just people saying that specifically making jokes about someone being trans but not knowing it yet can be kinda invalidating and sometimes traumatic. are people actually saying you should never tell someone that they might be trans?

i dont really have a side in the debate it just feels like people are willfully misunderstanding eachother and its making my brain hurt

"making jokes about someone being trans but not knowing it yet can be kinda invalidating and sometimes traumatic"

Sure, but it also isn't for a lot of people. And, a lot of people I talk to say egg jokes helped them realize who they were. Though I do think part of this resistance to an egg joke is actually internalized transphobia at points (the idea of being compared to trans people is being treated as degrading in a lot of these people's arguments) the truth of the matter is different people need and want different things. Me making eggs jokes with my friends is not your friend group.

This is why the recurring complaint of our side is it's never egg jokes can make people uncomfortable, 'make sure your friends are cool with them before just doing them,' it's always complaining about trans women forcing cis men to be women or trans women being "transvestigators" or "similar to Christian missionaries." People who are uncomfortable with egg jokes are always projecting their discomfort onto other people, other friend groups, and portray harmless fun between friends as something abusive.

Like for example,

this is a projection. the egg jokes people are talking about happen among friends and stuff, but this person is doing a whole "never make egg jokes because people did it about me and made me feel bad" (oh woe is you, people thought you might be transgender, how disgusting to be a tranny). The majority of egg jokes are not about random ass people, it's within friend groups. And, if you don't like your friends saying them, tell them to stop. If they don't? Then stop being their friends. Also from that post

The underwater filter butchered that. I know you can't read it but I wanted to post it cuz fucking look at that. What the hell. Anyways,

This opposition to egg joke people always talk about strangers. As if we're walking up to random people on the street and making egg jokes about them. It's mostly contained to friend groups. This is just an inaccurate portrayal of what's actually being discussed, and I'm sure the op will be like "I'm talking about my experience!" but OP openly admitted that this rant was relevant to a random blogger complaining about an egg tweet a woman made about her own friend group that neither this OP or that blogger are part of. They are actually dictating how strangers are allowed to act and identify with this, not the egg jokesters.

Yeah, once and a while you get shit like "Aaron Bushnell seems transfem" which was a completely innocuous convo that no one would have seen if well known transmisogynists who accuse random trans women of pedophilia like three times a year hadn't found the post. It was a trans woman seeing herself in someone important in history, and even if someone said something inappropriate, the backlash was undeserved. Yall say embarrassing shit all the time and no one's running you off the web site for it.

I'm sorry this person and others seem to have a bad time with egg jokes (though most of the time, what they describe isn't egg jokes but that's a whole other thing), but their few experiences can not be used to determine a blanket response to something so many people actually do enjoy and find useful. I'm especially not gonna take a cis person's opinions on egg jokes seriously (since so many have seemed to gotten involved and think their opinion on this matters).

"are people actually saying you should never tell someone that they might be trans?"

Yes! That's like, the entire underlying premise of this! Like, 100% this is the backbone of every anti-egg joke argument. That's the entire concept of "egg prime directive." And, it's overwhelmingly weaponized against trying to help transfems realize themselves sooner than they would. From the aforementioned Bushnell drama, to the polls where a shit ton of transmascs voted it was ok to tell an eggy friend they might be a trans man but NOT ok to tell an eggy friend they might be a trans woman, to the newest drama where chongoblog whined about a random trans woman on twitter making egg jokes about her friend (which it was later revealed chongoblog misrepresented the tweet), the anti egg joke committee / "You can't tell anyone they're trans!!!" crew are always wielding this ideology against transfems / trans women but practically never against transmascs.

This is why it's constantly said that these posts and arguments are transmisogynistic in nature. "I'm a trans woman and I say eggs jokes are bad, so it can't be transmisogynistic you're just using that as a shield!" That's great but 1) maybe read between the lines, or read the criticisms you're clearly ignoring and maybe you'll see these people don't respect you 2) the whole "using transmisogyny as a shield" is like, classic transmisogyny at this point. We've been hearing that from anti-feminists, cryptoterfs, and trans woman hating google doc writers for a few years now and 3) you being complicit doesn't mean we gotta care about what you say.

"it just feels like people are willfully misunderstanding eachother and its making my brain hurt"

Oh, I'm sure this is absolutely the case. The problem is a bunch of transphobes are really who spurred a lot of this drama up earlier this year and instead of people thinking "oh these people have bad intentions I shouldn't boost this" they instead were like "Yeah! I don't like egg jokes!" and now we have to deal with trans women making egg jokes (normal, harmless, pro-trans and literally want to help trans people) being compared to transvestigators (a literal anti-trans hate group thing). The issue is people aren't treating us as people, and thus it gets returned in kind.

What's the answer to this? Mutual understanding that "some people need to be told they're trans," "some people don't respond well to being told who they are," "egg jokes can help people and be a fun joke for friends," and "some people are uncomfortable with egg jokes" can all coexist. But, honestly, I don't think we'll ever get there.

[makingqueerhistory]

Hey, I was wondering of youd share your guy's stance on kit being outed as well as other celebrity's being pressured to share their sexuality/orientation.

I am not for it and now might be a good time to discuss something more personal since we are on the topic. Since starting this project, I have had my identity as a queer person poked and prodded at, and I have chosen not to discuss that in depth. I am going to continue with that decision, but I do want to say something. I have recently come out as transgender, specifically genderfluid, and there was some bitterness tainting what should have been an easy happy decision. Because people have spent their time and their energy attacking and targeting me based on their misunderstanding of my gender identity.

I have been told I don't have the authority to speak on transgender issues, despite spending a good portion of my life studying queer and trans history. I have been told my stances are less valid because I was not publicly under a particular set of labels. I have been publicly attacked and dismissed.

This discussion of people's identities does not only affect celebrities. I am just a regular person, doing a job they are passionate about and I have deserved more compassion than I've gotten. I haven't been hurting people, and the things I was most often attacked based on were minor intercommunity squabbles.

This whole mess is just an example of petty infighting that the queer community should be ashamed has been blasted on such a large stage as to affect these young men. Actors, who were simply doing their job are being bullied for no good reason, and outing people is always a disgraceful decision. All of this is based on a simple misapplication of a political framework that has also been proven to be just as ineffective in other communities.

The idea that you need a certain set of identities to even speak on discrimination, or be a part of the discussion, is so silly. That's how you lose important valuable insights. In real strong community work, people of all experiences are listened to and their voices are valued because of their unique perspectives. Yes, people facing the lived realities of oppression should have their voices amplified, but that truth was never meant to be used as a weapon or a silencer. It was meant to lift up people, not to tear others down.

[lordmushroomkat]

《The strong association of PCOS with cis womanhood, the defining of it as a disorder or syndrome, and its framing as a “women’s health issue” obscures the fact that PCOS is a natural hormonal variation, an endocrine difference that is illustrated through secondary sex characteristics. 

During my initial search for resources and community, I also learned that PCOS, given its characterization as a hormonal variance, falls under the intersex umbrella. This intersex umbrella covers a wide range of “individuals born with a hormonal, chromosomal, gonadal or genital variation which is considered outside of the male and female norms,” and PCOS meets that definition. 

This is not an attempt to sway every person who has PCOS to identify themselves as intersex—though it is an acknowledgment that we have the option and the right to do so if it rings true to us. Rather, this is to say that shifting my perspective on PCOS and viewing it through an intersex lens allowed me to better understand it as a natural human variation rather than an affliction causing my body to do the “wrong” thing. 

“I believe that someone with PCOS has every right to use the term intersex for themselves if they want, but I also understand it if they don’t,” said writer and intersex advocate Amanda Saenz.

“As an advocate and an intersex person, I opt to use a definition of intersex that is open ended and expansive,” Saenz explains. “The experiences that a term like ‘intersex’ hopes to define include differences in hormonal production and hormone reception, and the phenotypic effects these differences have on the body. To me, this is inclusive of things like PCOS.”

Discussing PCOS in this way is often met with indignation and resistance. Our society has a hard time separating gender from sex. This has resulted in a widespread misunderstanding of intersex identity as equivalent to transgender identity. Many who vehemently resist the idea of PCOS being under the intersex umbrella do so because they categorically link “female” with “woman,” and therefore misinterpret any acceptance of intersex identity as a denial of womanhood. Moreover, the stigma around and marginalization of intersex communities prevents many people from feeling comfortable with embracing it. 

“You can be intersex and cisgender, transgender, or nonbinary. The ‘opposite’ of intersex is endosex, not cisgender,” explained Eshe Kiama Zuri, founder of U.K. Mutual Aid. As a nonbinary intersex person, Zuri approaches these ideas with a clear understanding of how the bodies of intersex individuals as well as many people with PCOS interrupt binary thinking about both sex and gender. 

“The resistance to PCOS falling under the intersex umbrella is due to a white supremacist society’s desperation to cling to binary genders, which we know [have been] used as a colonial tool of control,” they offer. 

The same medical and surgical interventions that legislators seek to ban trans and nonbinary people from accessing—which would be gender-affirming, life-saving care for them—are often forced on intersex infants and children who are unable to consent. This is done in efforts to align intersex bodies with social expectations of female and male, man and woman; the same logic undergirds the societal and medical pressure to “feminize” the female-assigned bodies of PCOS patients. 

PCOS is “shockingly common [and] the most frequently occurring hormone-related disorder.” However, according to Medical News Today, “up to 75% of [people] with PCOS do not receive a diagnosis for their condition.” If we were to understand and accept something like PCOS as intersex, considering how “shockingly common” it is, the dominant idea of binary sex, with intersex being thought of as nothing more than a fringe occurrence, would be shattered. 

“PCOS is only one of many conditions that could fall under the intersex umbrella, and care for people with PCOS would be considerably better if it wasn’t for the forced gendering and resistance to providing actual support for people with PCOS, even if it challenges society’s ideas of gender,” says Zuri. 

Combating myths built around the gender and sex binaries would create more space to understand PCOS traits as part of normal human variation, rather than inherent problems to be fixed, symptoms to be eradicated. As Zuri so beautifully put it, “When we start to accept that this is not a body behaving ‘wrong’ and it is just a body, we stop blaming and punishing people for how their bodies work and start challenging societal expectations.”》

I was fucking right!

[catboybiologist]

Hi, I'm a silly trans kid (any pronouns) who's finding the scene and perception of trans people to be increasingly intimidating and messy when hearing these arguments.

So, if you don't mind, I would like to hear every bit of biology you know, that validates our existence.

Especially if it's instances beyond human life. Like animals. I don't know how much information on that exists, but if you have info on it, I would personally LOVE to hear it- (because transphobes forget humans are a part of nature by default so uhh use nature against them too-)

I think we need more people who actually know how to debate in the conversation so when I form an argument, I want to be able to rely on facts I know to form a logical argument. [(Just kidding I'm going to shout over the other person with random tidbits /hj (no but i just might if they have a megaphone. Thatd be fuckin hilarious-)]

Sincerely, a frustrated trans kid.

I dealt with exactly this, but for now, all I have is a non-answer.

I got burned out writing stuff like this a few months ago, because every time I said some small detail, it always generated questions and misunderstandings about what I wasn't saying in that moment. If I start talking about transition, HRT, and sex/gender science in general again, I want it to be a very complete version of my thoughts on the matter. So this is something that I want to talk about in extreme, verbose detail, and it's become a too-big megaproject of sources and scripts that I keep on subdividing to make some kind of essay or podcast. I did some work on it while in the backcountry, though, and I hope to have SOMETHING produced of it all in the next few months.

In the meantime, however, you might be interested in one of the books I read this summer: Evolution's Rainbow. It was written by a transgender ecologist, Joan Roughgarden, who was grappling with exactly what you are.

My word of warning, however, which is also stated by Roughgarden- don't fall into the naturalistic fallacy. Your existence does not need to be "validated" by what's "natural", partially because nature is so wild and varied that you will never find one constant state of nature.

My preferred approach is therefore from the genetics and molecular biology aspects which show our existence as dynamic systems that aren't defined by what's "natural" or put in place at birth. I mean, I'm studying molecular biology, so I guess it makes sense I would tackle it from that angle.

I want to talk about all of this in more depth at some point, but again, if I start down this hole on Tumblr again, I just get caught in a loop of incomplete thoughts addressing incomplete interpretations.

[wombatwisdom]

Words of Love

I would like to dig into the idea of "love" a little bit. This word gets bandied about quite a bit and I fear we all mean something different.

Part 1: Anita

After the oranges but before the cream pie to the face, Anita Bryant (an infamous anti-gay advocate in Dade County Florida) gave us these delightful words: "I love homosexuals. Its the sin of homosexuality that I hate" and "I don't hate homosexuals. I love them enough to tell them the truth: that God puts them in the category with other sinners".

Anita's "love" for the LGBTQ+ community prompted her to advocate against their basic human rights to employment and housing without discrimination in the 1970s. And her "Save the children" campaign was largely successful--at least in Dade County. Her influence can still be felt today in a lot of right wing canards (you can even see her shadow in the 2024 LDS policy of exclusion).

There is something compelling about Anita's version of "love". She loves the "sinner" enough to tell them the truth, to teach them, to coerce them back to righteousness. She loves them enough to hand them the tough realities of life.

Anita could probably point to scriptures and religious thinkers to support her brand of love. Sinners don't fare well according to the bible, so wouldn't our "love" motivate us to try and save them? Wouldn't you want to spare a loved one or even a stranger the horrors of eternal damnation and suffering?

Parents intercede for their children to keep them out of harms way. Isn't it loving to tell kids that cigarettes are harmful? Isn't it loving to remind children of the dangers of drinking and driving? Don't parents owe it to their children to protect them from harm from external or internal sources?

A cogent reader might be able to spot the difference here. There is a difference between loving someone by "informing of harm" and advocating for a removal of rights. Further more, this "love" is being conflated for control (however well intentioned), and learning to love without controlling is probably the most challenging part of parenting. But even more, our positions on cigarettes have shifted as science has provided more insights into their harm, similarly, as evidence has mounted showing the positive impacts of living authentically as an LGBTQ+ person, so to have publicly held stigmas and misunderstanding changed.

But, crucially, to Anita, she would maintain that she loves gay people and was motivated by love. It is not her problem that you may not agree with her definitions.

Part 2: Joanne

Before the Cyber bullying lawsuit and after the wild success of Harry Potter, JK Rowling published her attempt at "explaining" the maelstrom of social media debate that had sprung up around her. In the halcyon days of the early pandemic, JK Rowling tweeted almost-compassionate sentiments towards trans people such as: "I respect the right of every transgender person to live life in a way that makes them feel authentic and comfortable with themselves. I would march with you if you were discriminated against because you are transgender."

And in her "essay" published in July of 2020 (which was at one point entitled "TERF Wars" I'm almost certain, but has since been renamed), she specifically cites a transgender acquaintance whom Joanne calls "wonderful". And yet all this lip service to "respect" and "wonderfulness" has yielded some rather caustic twitter discourses, significant contributions to a increasingly transphobic political culture, and even some good old holocaust denialism.

Joanne's "love" (or she would call it "respect") seems to come if she deems it earned. My read is that for Joanne, transitioning should take a long time, require extreme levels of vetting (both internally and externally), and will only be achieved adequately by a relatively small number of people. Besides, if this population is so tiny, then we shouldn't have to accommodate them at the expense of everyone else's comfort. Love, it would seem, is a numbers game.

I do think Joanne's point about knowing a transwoman personally, should not go unremarked. She herself admits that she has met young trans people who she finds "adorable". And yet, even as we cheer for Brene Brown's "it's hard to hate someone up close", Joanne's behavior seems to suggest otherwise. She does know and respect the wonderful and adorable trans people in her circles, but that does not mean that they should have space to exist comfortably.

Joanne shows us that loving someone on a personal level is not the same thing as loving the group they represent. Furthermore, we all love someone close to us but don't agree with every thing they do. We question clothing choices, food preferences, parenting techniques, movies watched, books read, time wasted. To Joanne loving someone does not mean you need to advocate for then.

To Joanne, love is a limited resource and so who is loved and how they are loved must be chosen carefully. Joanne believes to make space for trans people comes at the expense of woman and girls, and don't woman and girls need to be loved too? There are more cis woman and girls than trans people. When love is scarce, than it follows that certain groups must be dismissed and harassed, I suppose.

Part 3: Dallin

Before his inevitable ascent to become the next prophet and after worriedly writing in the 1980's that "one generation of homosexual "marriages" would depopulate a nation...Our marriage laws should not abet national suicide", Dallin H Oaks gave a rather love-focused address in the most recent general conference (Oct 2024, Saturday morning session). He urged for us to remember the first two commandments and to avoid political contention by being peacemakers, despite the fact that he was involved, at least in part, with the recent transphobic policy put in place by the Church a few weeks ago.

My fear here is Dallin, lawyer that he is, has left a lot of words to be defined by the listener. What does it mean to be a peacemaker? What does it mean to avoid contention? And what does it mean to love?

From talks given in the past, Dallin's position seems similar to Anita and Joanne. Dallin's concern is getting people to the celestial kingdom which means that certain people need to be reminded that the way they are will not be compatible with that place. This is a thought birthed from love--he loves people enough to tell them what God expects from them! He's also keenly aware that there is a gulf forming in society and he's got to choose which one to protect because love is scarce, and given the voices he chooses to amplify (see the letter he reads in this young adult fireside), he stands with his more conservative base.

Dallin's love may be short sighted and biased, but he probably doesn't think so. He thinks his motivations are on the side of the angels and who am I to disagree, arguably he knows heaven better than I do.

But you may not find Dallin's version of love very uplifting or meaningful. You may find it motivated more from fear or bias, and perhaps your version of love has space for inclusion and multiple paths, but here is the kicker: your definitions and positions on love have limited reach.

Dallin's love is amplified in multiple languages all over the world every six months at least. When he speaks, people listen and to some degree internalize what he's saying. Dallin knows gay and trans people, he has a grandson that is openly gay, and still he shows his love this way.

Dallin has power and influence in this community and so his version of love gets elevated and replicated. Every six months we get the privilege of grappling with his love and decide what to do with it. Dallin's love comforts a certain subset of the audience while alienating others. His influence will eventually fade, but then we will need to move on to someone else's version of love and that is always a gamble.

Part 4: You

In queer spaces the individuals I have mentioned are often heavily criticized. And from my perspective rightfully so. Their actions and words have costs and inflicted damages our community routinely has to bear. But we need to be aware that our criticism that they should be more "loving" might not land where we would hope it does. They do, in their own definition, act out of love.

Their definitions certainly don't align with most of ours, but we don't often take the time define what we mean by love. And in writing this, I have come to realise that love contains multitudes: both good and bad--and holding people to my definitions just leads to unmet expectations.

What I have learned from this review is to acknowledge the differences in what love can be--I am less interested in love now but motivation and impact. Much of what I do in "love" is actually more motivated by a desire for "safety", "acceptance" or "belonging", which can have mixed results. I need to demonstrate, not to Anita, Joanne or Dallin, but to those in my life that the outcomes of certain "love" can be damaging and negative for me. I now know to avoid or be skeptical of the outcomes of Anita's, Joanne's and Dallin's love, but I also know that they don't think themselves unloving, so trying to convince them to "love" more is a fruitless exercise.

Perhaps, we become peacemakers when we hear the heartbreak of our neighbors and find ways to partner with them to build solutions. But ultimately, all of these words are up to you and how you wield them is your choice--but the fruits of your love will be decided by those who stumble across them and you cannot control how they will be received.

[cruelestpoetryever]

I don’t think people think you’re obtuse because you don’t easily change your opinion, they’re probably talking about the way you answer people (dismissive, rude, sarcastic, patronizing, disrespectful), they way you refuse to take accountability when presented with the shit you say (“it’s not what I meant”, but you still said something that comes off as mean — I think everyone will appreciate how you dealt with it), the way you ignore everything that challenges you (there are countless asks where you ignore a lot of what’s been said and answer only to what suits you), the way you misunderstand (maybe not the right word, but let’s go with this one) what people say to you (“so you mean that…?”, “so you’re saying…?”, “so you think…?” — and no, people never said what you accuse them of saying, you’re the one looking for ill intent; this obviously isn’t about the prejudiced assholes that bully you, I’m talking about people with genuine asks)

It’s also probably the way no one can have an intellectual conversation with you, because when presented with facts you answer with “but my opinion…”, “well I don’t agree”, “from my perspective…”, and it’s almost never the point

It’s also probably because it’s very difficult to talk to you, because whenever someone says the smallest criticism (or even the smallest disagreement) your reaction is “fuck you, you’re a jerk”, so it does make it seem like it’s only possible to expect niceness from you if we’re contributing to your worldview or what have you. There’s no honesty or sincerity in this kind of relationship, so how can people even try to befriend you? And when this is pointed out, your reaction still is “fuck you, you’re a jerk” while ignoring everything else

Like I am so so so sorry you feel like no one likes you, but every time people try to be nice or just have a conversation it leads to nothing. So what do you expect from people that interact with you? How can people be your friend, or at least be treated with kindness?

Okay but you are separating the people sending transphobic asks from the regular people when it's all the same. Most of those transphobic asks are from @fuckyoubrittany and @unveiledshroud because they just hate transgender people and you can tell it's them from how they write. Those are the people I get hate from AND the people who bully me constantly. It's the same people so saying your talking about those people is not productive.

[gwemmieee]

The transgender experience can have a lot of overlap with being intersex. On a raw physical level, before I even knew what gender was, my entire body shut down once puberty hit.

This is not something that I was conscious of at the time. This is something I'm only piecing together in retrospect when I look back at my life and compare the timetables of various severe physical and mental health issues with the timeline of when puberty caused what change.

Once I was being dispensed with testosterone and experiencing normal male changes, every physical sense became muted or numb, from taste to hearing to my ability to sense pain and discomfort. My mental faculties took a plunge. My mind was nothing but fog and anxiety and forced masking. My emotions disappeared and were replaced with only either anger or comfort. I began to suffer from a severe chemical imbalance style of depression. My sense of self disappeared and I literally developed face blindness. And I couldn't stop unconsciously chasing after various ways to use medications and behaviors to reproduce some of what would eventually happen automatically on estrogen. Even my genitals stopped functioning in a way that I understood how to cope with and became deeply unhealthy. On a sexual, physical level, before I had a sense of gender, I was already a woman born with the wrong genitals and the wrong hormonal production system. And it all start to go away and get better when I started HRT.

This sounds a lot like an intersex experience, doesn't it? But I just got done speaking to an actual doctor about that to really find that out. We haven't taken the blood test to check my actual chromosomes, but even with that entire story, there is actually no indication that my body is not the result of a standard XY pair. She told me that my story is in fact very common for trans people. On a scientific level, the trans perisex experience commonly involves being born as a human being who naturally requires gender-affirming medical intervention that alters sexuality itself in order to be a baseline of healthy in any and every way, even if a conscious understanding of gender or identity is missing. Which can also be said of many intersex experiences, even cis ones. We really have that in common.

EDIT: It seems to be bothering some people, so I do want to clarify, intersex folks often also have sort of an opposite experience, in which the medical intervention is exactly what they need to *not* go through to be healthy. This post was not meant to imply otherwise, and I do not feel that it did, but it is quite easy to misunderstand if you don't read it carefully.

[jfkonfucius]

i noticed you headcanon confucius as genderfluid! is that u projecting or picking up on little things within the series?

It's a mix! I'm not projecting on the genderfluid part cuz I'm not genderfluid myself, but I am a transgender guy, and Confucius seems to be relatable to a lot of transgender people

I'm prefacing this by saying that I acknowledge that realistically this wouldn't be canon at all, the show is very clear about him being a cis guy, as if the "cloned from a cis man" thing wasn't enough, they reaaally had to hit the nail in the coffin with .. that one line

(SHIVERS)

BUT ANYWAYS. I think a lot of the little details I notice trans people could relate to, I can also see going for different kinds of trans people, which is why in my personal headcanon his identity is fluid. He's alright with his masculinity, but he also wouldn't mind being perceived as no gender at all, or a girl. Depends on how he's feeling that day

FASHION

A common thing that made people transgender people relate to him (this is mostly a pre-s3 thing), is the focus on his design to cover the shape of his body. His main outfit is a very layered hoodie

But also, in situations where everyone else would wear lighter clothing or be shirtless, he would still cover his torso

People can be insecure about their bodies for plenty different reasons, body dysphoria being a common one

Bonus: he's not afraid to wear colors that wouldn't be stereotypically masculine. Pink is a major part of his main outfit

STRUGGLES WITH STEREOTYPICAL GENDER CONFORMANCE

He has to make a visible effort to be "like the other boys". A lot of S3 E4 was about that!!

He seems to often misunderstand what "being a man" is supposed to be. And the people around him agree that he doesn't conform to manliness very well. He has to go out of his way to prove it in ridiculous ways such as putting on an unnatural deep voice, or bringing A WHOLE ASS BEAR to a party. He's not used to manliness being his main thing, but embracing the man part of his identity doesn't distress him

THIS LINE THAT KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE WRITERS MEANT BY THIS

This also keeps me up at night as a Jfkonfucius shipper but by saying this he's excluding himself. "You're boys" what are you, Confucius!? This could be interpreted as a nonbinary or girlie thingy. I pick both with the genderfluid headcanon. Muahahaha

Or alternatively he's claiming that he also has something special with JFK because they're both boys I mean whaa

BLUE-HAIRED

Everybody knows blue-haired bitches collect pronouns and genders /J

Confucius is a guy. Confucius is a girl. Confucius is nothing. Confucius is all of it. But not at all times. Do you understand the vision ?

Thanks for providing me the chance to yap about my woke bs 😎😎😎 I don't take my headcanons super seriously so if u disagree and find this ridiculous thats cool . I'm just having fun

[cator99]

genuine question - why do you think the iba lied about khelif failing a gender test and not any of the other female boxers who also beat russian athletes (especially ones who stood between russian athletes and prizes, rather than worthless first round matches like khelif's)? and why would they lie when it would take a 2 second cheek swab to expose the truth? like genuinely, i'm interested, why do you think this conspiracy is a likely explanation rather than khelif simply having a sex development disorder? it all feels very q-anon, especially since the ioc have very carefully said that they were incorrect to claim it wasn't a dsd case.

See previous post. I wouldn't call the timing of her disqualification a "worthless first round".

Also this:

To expect the IOC to immediately clarify beyond what they already have and to find a legal way to subject an athlete to further qualification testing after she's been allowed to compete in the olympics is very controversial and I'm sure goes against some policy or another that they cant just bullzode because of a media storm, all of which when taken into consideration further brings into question the authority of the IOC– which should be questioned, by the way... but certainly not as a result of meddling by the IBA, and Russia, and people like Giorgia Meloni, whose personal gripes come from a clear desire to destabilize and subject the IOC to scrutiny for their own political gains, and to further their own agendas. When the Russian and Italian government's politics and policy goals are examined (which admittedly I am not well versed in doing so, I don't have a high school diploma let alone a polisci degree) it becomes clear to me why we should be wary of such malicious interference. This isn't Qanon-tier conspiracy, it's just common sense for someone who values both womens rights as well as LGBT rights.

Bach's comment on the matter expressed nothing but misunderstanding of the vague term that is "differences in sex development". He thought that meant transgender because if you aren't well-versed in transgender terminology then it sounds a lot like something that trans people would use as a euphemism for the long-term effects of HRT and and possibly surgeries. They had to carefully correct the statement, and then went silent because I'm sure everyone involved is in the middle of some very headache-inducing conversations to further investigations on these matters a day after it's happened and immediately make a definitive statement beyond that.

We'll just have to wait and see.

[a-dragons-journal]

I’m sure you’ve gotten similar asks(?) but I was wondering where you draw the line between “wanting to be” vs “being”?

I’ve been questioning being a dragon (and a few other types but mostly dragon) for a while and what’s been confusing for me is that how I expressed it before questioning alterhumanity was “God I REALLY wish I was a dragon.” Yet it didn’t stop at wanting to be a dragon, I experience shifts very frequently, strongly identify with them, but it’s always been in line with “wanting to be” a dragon vs “I am a dragon.” Which… isn’t how one would define otherkin. There’s a connection for sure but it fluctuates a lot, but there is sometimes a point in my shifts where I go “I am undeniably a dragon” before it starts to get muddy again and I start to feel differently about it.

Maybe it’s denial, or maybe I’m just otherhearted, but it’s way too confusing to pinpoint all these mixed feelings. I often feel like I’m somewhere in the middle between human and dragon while identifying not fully as either. Like sometimes I am human, sometimes I’m dragon, but most of the time I feel like I’m between them? Both? Some sort of weird shapeshifter being thing??????

The line seems very straightforward but sometimes when I dissect it I wonder if me “wanting to be” a dragon is really me completely misunderstanding myself and not fully realizing that it’s less “I want to be a dragon” and more “I’m a dragon who hasn’t recognized it yet.”

The line is, unfortunately, not straightforward at all and defining the difference is kind of just different for everyone. What I can say is that, as is famously told to transgender people, wanting to be something is a symptom of being that thing. That doesn't necessarily mean that if you want to be something you are that thing - but it's a sign of it. I can also tell you that what you're describing sounds very, very much like many dragons' experiences, especially since "wanting to be" is far from the only thing pointing you toward potentially being a dragon.

How much difference is there really, practically speaking? If it makes you happier to call yourself a dragon, why not do so? Why not just try on the label for a while and see if it fits and feels good? If it doesn't feel right, you can always drop it again later. Being wrong about these things is a normal and healthy part of the questioning process.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Im asexual and trans and possibly aromantic, And im autistic as well, is it bad that i dont like having studies come out saying my queerness is likely because of my autism? Like im proud of being autistic, and im proud of my queerness, but it feels off for me to say one is caused by the other, i just am the way i am. Maybe im misunderstanding what these studies mean? (Also, i dont have a problem with people saying they themselves are one way due to autism, i know that can be comforting for some people)

I tend to get bad vibes when its an unknown source telling this information because it sometimes reminds me of people using ableism to try and tell me im "confused" but I'd love to hear more perspective cuz it doesnt seem to bother anyone else and it very well could just be me not understanding.

Hi there,

I’m sorry to hear that this makes you uncomfortable. I did some research myself, and it does seem like autistic individuals are more likely to be LGBTQ+. Here’s a visual from Neurodivergent Insights, I site I find reliable:

According to Neurodivergent Insights:

Autists are more likely to be non-heterosexual than the general population (Sarris, 2020). While 4.5% of general population identifies as LGB (Gallup poll), a rate of 15-35% within Autistic community identify as LGB (Sarris, 2020).

Autists are 2-3 times more likely to be LGB than the general population (Dr. Eileen Crehan quoted in Sarris 2020).

In a study involving approximately 630 individuals, 69.7% of Autistic individuals reported being non-heterosexual while only 30% of the TD group identified as being non-heterosexual (George and Stokes, 2018).

Several studies suggest Autistic men are more likely to be heterosexual than Autistic women (Dewinter et al., 2017; George and Stokes, 2018). For example, in a Dutch study, 57 percent of autistic women reported being straight while 82 percent of autistic men reported being straight (Dewinter et al., 2017).

Gender Diversity

A larger percentage of autists identify with something other than strictly male or female (bigender, genderqueer and “other”) (George and Stokes, 2018)

Warrier et al., 2021 found that transgender and gender-diverse adults were three to six times more likely to be autistic than cisgender adults. Notably, this only includes diagnosed Autists–and many adults on the spectrum may be undiagnosed. Based on the global population, Warrier et al.2021 estimate somewhere between 3-9% of transgender and gender-diverse adults may be autistic. To learn more specifically about GenderDiversity and Autism see my infographic about it here.

Non-Traditional Relationship Structure

Emerging research suggests Autists are less likely to engage in traditional relationship structures. They are more likely to be poly, practice consensual non-monogamy and kink (Gratton, 2019; Schöttle et. al., 2017).

ACE/ARO

Autists are more likely to be asexual and/or aromantic (Attanasio et al., 2021; George and Stokes, 2018)

In a studying involving 230 Autistic adults 30% indicated they experienced sexual experiences as unpleasant (Lai et al., 2011)

In a study by Dewinter et al., 2017 Autistic women were more likely to be asexual than autistic men

The article has the links to the sources of these studies if you want to read more:

It’s not bad that you don’t like studies like this. I can see where you’re coming from. I just wanted to share some information about it so there would be some more understanding about the studies.

I’m no doctor or professional, so I can’t say if autism is common with the LGBTG+ community. But there does seem to be some connection between the two in my opinion.

I hope this answers your question. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️