#I am not even neurodivergent and I struggle with this 😭😭😭😭😭

[mycornerofdaydreams]

This is me right now while looking for a job.

[mazzystar24]

As someone who works with autistic children and adolescents and advocates for media to ACTUALLY portray neurodivergence accurately, it repulses me that his stans are now saying Tommy is autistic to excuse his behavior and overall just lack of interest in Buck for anything other than his body. I am begging these people to go outside and touch grass or something

YESSS thank you

Like sometimes people are unfunny and assholes these aren’t autistic traits these are just harmful stereotypes the media places on autistic people

I’m assuming you’re from the post I rb with tags abt how and why I agree that the hc of autistic tommy based on nothing but him acting like an ass is harmful

Like yes there are some traits that can make autistic people come off the wrong way in real life or even seem a little assholey - like one of my sisters really struggles with seeing things from another persons perspective and it does come off wrong a lot- but in reality autistic people aren’t just these emotionless assholes who don’t know how to make jokes or anything and if you think that I beg you to go outside and realise people don’t just exist from the stereotypes you see on tv

Like in sociology we do a whole module about media and part of it is how it portrays autism and it’s so irritating when people just take that as fact like I thought we moved past that atp but now it’s like so absorbed in peoples brains that it extends to headcanons based off harmful stereotypes

And obviously from doing psych and like experience with family and friends I know what autistic traits actually are and all that stuff and it’s like when these people say like oh bluntness or like being very deadpan etc it’s like y’all aren’t even scratching the surface of what autistic traits are

Like wtf is this Sheldon, the good doctor, atypical shit where being an asshole means you’re autistic and so people can’t criticise the asshole behaviour eventhough autism isn’t abt being an asshole?? Make it make sense😭😭

[dysfunctional-doodle]

YPI PROJECT BEAT MY ASS AND I’M SUPER TIRED BUT THE TOO MANY TURTLES COMMENTARY GRIND NEVER STOPS ‼️‼️💯💯💯

betrayal…. (playing uno is 100% more worth your time than patrol, can confirm, best game ever, played a game with 20 people in a german exchange (but it was kinda quick since we only had one pack of cards and. well. 20 people))

HELL YEAH, WE’RE MAKING PROGRESS!!!!! (i have a feeling this might get a bit angsty…)

😭😭😭😭 (speech to text is really annoying i get the struggle)

y’know, of all the turtles to slander clothes, i didn’t think it’d be him

god noooo the feels 😭😭 (i never quite experienced the bad-teacher side of the neurodivergent experience (my physics teacher was crazy supportive despite the fact i never scored higher than a 40% in his class) but i would get a loooottttt of shit from classmates,,,,,,, sucks ass i feel for mm mikey)

gotta keep expanding your horizons!

ok but. of all the turtles………

love it when this happens

taking action! (also hold on 2012 mikey is an adult in his timeline???)

sighhhh i hope tech stays with the mikeys forever because their dynamiccccc 😭😭😭

not sure if i’m ready for the angst that is most likely coming our way. BUT i’m excited for it

Happy you liked my insane rambles again!

Referring to what you said about teachers, I have personally had some struggle throughout school with the way they teach things which I kind of use to write the issue mm mikey is having, very loosely. Though I don’t have a neurodivergency diagnosed (though a lot of people have kind of told me that I most definitely probably have big ADD or something similar rattling in the old noggin so idk) I learn much differently to what schools want. I am a very hands on learner, and really struggle with visual/auditory classes. It’s like being told how to write a good story but not actually doing it - I just tune out, or it is difficult to get it to “click” unless I explain it to myself in a weird way that actually makes much more sense to me. Once this “click” happens it’s great, I have no issues, but I have a lot of questions and thoughts that others don’t get prior to this point that I’ve unfortunately been disregarded for, as my teacher just didn’t want to explain and deemed me as stupid and needing extra classes because I didn’t learn in the same way. Not to brag but I’m pretty intelligent without even studying so this was a slap in the face for me.

So yeah, I kinda based at least some elements on this experience, though obviously a lot is also made up/fictionalised.

Wow that was a ramble

Anyway, you also mentioned Mikey’s age? I don’t think I’ve ever properly written down the ages outside of a discord I am in that talks about this fic, oops. In short, the timelines are not linear, but rather dotted around the place. A breakdown:

1987 are the ones where I’m not 100% sure on what to age them as, but I imagine around 17 - 19, all the same age

Rise boys are about 6 months - a year after the events of the movie

2012 are about 20 - 22, a few years after their final series (with Mikey being an extra 2 years ahead due to Dimension X)

2007 are what I believe are their cannon ages at 21? Takes place a few months after their 2007 movie (I also consider the 90s movies to be from the same universe due to the details present in 2007)

2003 are a few years after the crossover movie, making them the oldest at around 25 (Mikey being 24 due to him being a few months or so younger when they were sold)

Mutant mayhem boys are literally a couple of weeks after their movie

Bayverse boys are a year after their second movie

Hopefully that clears things up a little :)

[cyberr-v0id]

Some people are so insufferable about maths.

I don’t mean like, treating it like it’s amazing and can do wonderful stuff, because you know what? It can do wonderful things when used properly!

I mean how I’ll be talking about how I can’t do maths, and someone who is way better than me and can do maths will be like ‘noooo!!!!! Don’t say thatttt! You’re great at maths!’

Or I’ll mention something like ‘I literally cannot do maths, I just wrote the decision symbol instead of the equals sign, and I’m not even doing a maths problem 😭’

And someone will say ‘uh, you do know that actually has nothing to do with your ability to do maths, right?’

WRONG AGAIN MATEY. If I am unable to distinguish between mathematical symbols when even writing them out for shorthand in a sentence, how, pray tell, am I supposed to be able to use them properly in an equation? How am I supposed to read when the question wants me to do and to properly do that?

Another thing I’ve had people say to me is along the lines of ‘I don’t think that anyone’s actually bad at maths, just that some people aren’t good at teaching it’

Hmm, yes, ok, see I’ve had- and forgive me if this is wrong, I’m not the best at counting- over eight teachers since being at this school, and I still can’t do maths. I had to teach myself ratio over the holidays.

The other day I had a maths exam. Real important one, fate of my future depends on it etc. I can’t get a proper good grade on it anyways because of how the system works, I can only get up to a five, so that’s two pass grades possible four fail grades. During the exam I had to keep restarting my questions because I had read the numbers in the wrong order (eg 16937 would become 19673) or written my numbers the wrong way around (eg 4 facing the wrong way)

I told my mother about it and how this has always happened and she, a psychotherapist who’s job entails recognising neurodivergencies in children, got upset that I hadn’t said anything to her before, because I could have dyscalculia and if she had known then she could have applied for support. But see, I had spoken to someone about it before- my maths teacher! Who should have been the perfect person to deal with this, if she hadn’t brushed it over like almost everyone else

You know what is also a symptom of dyscalculia? Not being able to distinguish between mathematical symbols!

So, to conclude:

Yes maths is great and can be really useful

Not being able to distinguish maths signs (➕➖➗✖️🟰 etc) actually has a big effect on one’s ability to do maths

Some people actually are just bad at maths, and your attempts at trying to convince them that they actually are good helps no one and just makes you seem like a privileged son of a salt biscuit

Not being able to read numbers in the correct order or right them the correct way round is also an issue with doing maths

Mathematical dyslexia aka dyscalculia effects a persons ability to: do maths, identify maths symbols, and read numbers in the correct order, as well as struggling to count

[anonymous-tals]

YES, exactly, I first raised an eyebrow at the scene where he's on the anniversary date with Kate and he literally watching Liv and her husband and mimicking what they do to try and seem more, like, romantic and assertive. But at the same time I was like, I dunno, it's probably just a coincidence, this isn't necessarily, like, indicative of anything, but then, oh my god...That dinner was, like- I was like, oh, yeah, he- Yup, this man is autistic, 100%, haha.

Am I just not looking hard enough or is there, like, nothing out there pointing out how the mayor in Resident Alien, Ben Hawthorne, is very autistic coded(intentionally, I assumed). I've only ever seen people mention that in relation to Harry. Or, idk, maybe it just went without saying. Like, we don't need to point it out, duh-doy.

[vincentferard]

My thoughts on CX-2 in the most recent episode. Spoilers for The Bad Batch ofc! (Under the cut)

Okay, I have so so many thought and things I noticed in the most recent episode and I feel like if I don't share them I'm going to explode. So tune in and buckle up cause here comes a lot of word vomit 😂😭

I'm saying it right now to get it out there, I think CX is Tech and I am absolutely expecting to sob about it in the upcoming episodes.

So actually starting off, the way he interacted with Phee and Phee's ship!

He was able to get into the computer of the ship and maintain the information so easily

And the way he lingers after and watches Phee. He didn't have to do that, he had the intel, he could've left

But no, instead he stays and risks getting caught so he can watch her for a moment

Doomed love makes me so sad :(

Another thing I've been paying attention to and thinking about is that people keep theorizing CX-2 is either Tech (most likely) or Cody (less likely), right?

People have also pointed out that in yesterday's episodes CX had an accent resembling Cody as well as an accent resembling Crosshair later on

Did you know that a lot of autistic/neurodivergents in general have a subconscious tendency to mimic the way speak speak, things they say, and even their accents to fit in?

Since Tech is cannonly confirmed to be autistic and he definitely struggles with social interactions/situations the CX trooper being Tech would make that much more sense

Another thing I noticed a lot of people pointing out was how CX used the term "domicile" and...yeah.

I'm sorry but I deadass can't imagine any clone ever ever using that word other than Tech.

Also, and this one absolutely set the final stone for me, even his ship is programmed to do a Tech turn

I fucking cannot

I want my brother back, but at what cost?

If CX really really is Tech (which is seemingly more and more likely every episode) how the hell is the crew gonna handle this??

I cannot see a way that it turns out to be Tech and he doesn't die again or kill his brothers or something

I am so anxious 😭

[kestrel-bee]

I just finished ISAT, and. Wow. I am in shambles after Act 5 holy FRICK

Okay, now that I’m done, time to dump all of my thoughts out at once, because I NEED to talk about this game holy crap

(spoilers abound from this point, don’t read if you are interested in playing for yourself)

(CW for discussing religion-related struggles with sexuality, if that’s something that bugs ya)

Okay, for starters, I just want to talk about how well executed this game is.

The gameplay was interesting and not too hard to understand while still being unique and fun, the illustrations and art style was really cute and charming, the character designs are recognizable yet creative, the writing is entertaining and made me love all of the characters in a very quick fashion, and the story overall was just FANTASTIC.

Literally my only complaint is that i had a tricky time adjusting to how sensitive the controls were when walking. Maybe it works better on desktop, but I was playing on the Steam Deck, and the only other platform I can play on is Mac, which this game does not support.

But honestly this ended up being a nonissue, I figured it out pretty quickly and after an hour or so I had the controls down to pat.

I also love how they handled the concept of a time loop, and the slow descent of Siffrin’s mental downfall. The way he started getting so desperate at the end, clinging to every scrap of hope he could find was heart wrenching.

Act 5 was KILLER, omg, I was so wrecked over it I had to take a break to calm down 😭

It’s not often a piece of media evokes THIS much emotion out of me, holy crud.

To talk about some of the characters,

I LOVE me some found family fluff, and boy oh boy was I fed, they’re so wholesome, they’re all so skrunkly 😭

I loved the little snippets of representation in these characters, with Odile being mixed race and attempting to connect to her roots, and Isabeau’s very trans-coded backstory. And yk, the multitude of gays and lesbians throughout the game XD

Even though that kind of representation doesn’t resonate with me personally, I still like to see it.

But oh man, Mirabelle’s cutscene in Act 3 hit hard. I myself am aroace and religious, and marriage was always something I felt was expected from me.

As I got older and realized that romantic attraction wasn’t really something I feel for people, I tried to convince myself I was attracted to a good friend of mine who had a crush on me, which obviously didn’t work out.

I’ve always had a hard time identifying with womanhood in the way my church has always portrayed it as, so having Mirabelle talk about her faith related struggle with her asexuality and identity was such a comforting representation for me.

Another thing, I can’t tell if it’s intentional or not, but I love how neurodivergent coded they are?

Like, we have Siffrin, kinda touch averse and quiet,

Odile who doesn’t like change and needs her routine alone time to recuperate after every floor,

Mirabelle and Isabeau, the funny noise appreciation squad, the hyper-empathetic duo who would always get over hyped over things together,

And while I can’t think of a specific example for them, Bonnie is always there matching Mirabelle and Isabeau’s energy.

Not to mention the frequent amount of times the latter 3 would repeat each other (echolalia) when saying something fun or happy. (Like the “Pie Smell!” candle).

Do these things on their own make them neurodivergent? No, but the way they’re consistently written like this feels very intentional and I love it.

Anyway, whoof, that was very long, but TLDR: this game was PHENOMENAL, and I will be recommending it to everyone I know

[gearselectric]

Slightly tired of mental illness and neurodivergency symptoms/traits in media always needing some magical/paranormal/etc reason for occurring instead of ever just being symptoms

It just feels kind of weird that so many movies/shows will encourage the idea that delusions/hallucinations are actually NOT mental illness and actually the worst case scenario IS happening!!! And the character will be like “am I going crazy?!” And other characters will treat them weird about it and it almost seems like accurate representation until “you were cursed by the wizard when you were 2 and now you get visions!!!!” Like cool. That’s interesting. Anyways can somebody get me a character with mental disorder symptoms that don’t occur supernaturally? Thx

Like IDK I don’t wanna sound like a hypocrite actually. Because I have object OCs that have a magic system and esp clocks have a lot of (projected) mental illness/neurodivergency/etc metaphors but. It’s different. Idk how to explain jt. It’s like wreck it Ralph. Or the Lego movie.

Like there is a difference between a characters traits being comparable to mental disorders/disabilities and being compared to or just being them in the media itself. In the Lego movie they don’t like say “EMMET BRICKOWSKI IS THE AUTISM EXPERIENCE!!!! He struggles socially!!!!” But they show him being excluded by all his friends and him just not knowing why he doesn’t seem to fit in or why people view him the way they do. They show him sticking to a structured routine and loving to follow written rules, including written rules on how he should socialize with others!! And that is something I really relate to!! I recently got a job and I struggle a lot with doing my work without a list of what I should do, and my boss keeps telling me to “do what I think is right,” but that is really hard for me to do because I’m used to just doing what other people tell me to 😭 which we could also see Emmet struggles with when others tell him to come up with his own idea.. you guys see.. they didn’t have to say emmet the Lego was autistic for me to be like

“That lego is autistic”

But then you have horror movies. They will make the mental illness the entire point of the movie and make it as horrifying and inaccurate as possible.

And others, even non-horror movies at times, will be like “everybody thinks I’m crazy but now my delusions and hallucinations are real!”

Some will be like “mental illnesses give you super powers!!!!!!!”

Like, most neurodivergent people will find that the characters they relate to most don’t have anything explicitly said or perhaps even implied at all.

It feels like a lot of “representation” of mental illness is made painfully obvious, showing characters in a hospital, or saying shit like “the voices😥” either for horror or as a joke. (Which in tern leads to a lot of ableist jokes in society!! I love hearing my family joking about ppl who get hallucinations whilst I’m secretly in the midst of a psychotic episode!! Sure hasn’t hindered my ability to ask for help at all! It also likely makes a lot of people feel their own symptoms must not be bad enough, because they don’t act as extremely.)

Like. I do think some people show more symptoms externally than others. But when only extreme cases are explicitly shown in media (and frequently explained by some supernatural event)

It’s just weird. And then the most relatable ones don’t mention it at all! It’s almost as if.. most experiences with neurodivergency and stuff.. are casual!

I do think in recent years there have been some media that have been including more casual/better representation of things, buuuut I don’t watch TV enough to give a solid opinion.

Another case I just think is rlly hilarious is when it feels incredibly implied that a character is something (autistic) but they don’t outwardly say it.

Arin from Ninjago dragons rising is SO. autistic. There are SO MANY dialogues where he’s just like “oopsies! I missed a social cue again! 😮” and it’s just. So silly to me. They never say he’s autistic but it’s so funny and obvious that they’re implying that to me. I’d be surprised if they aren’t (esp considering they’ve been getting more inclusive over the years.) Then there’s Jay who also has much much more subtle traits (saying he has sensitive hearing, having a lot of stim-like movements, a very intense interest in Fritz Donnegan movies, etc. ) and Zane who all his traits were explained away by him being a robot.

Idm if ppl agree or disagree with me I’m just rambling. Thinking thoughts.

Casual symbolism and codedness > obvious for sensationalism/interest

[monstersinthecosmos]

please make longform sheith posts on tumblr 😭😭😭 (if you so wish ofc)

hjaklgd I hung onto this ask because I was waiting for the right time to talk about Sheith and I got such an insightful comment on my fic Tonight the Stars Revolt! that I decided I wanted to talk a little meta about the thought process that goes into this fic and so here you are and it's time to utilize this invitation !!!!!!!!!!!!

The comment from DocYo5 as follows:

It feels like reality, the feelings and thoughts Keith has, fitting for someone who had to grow up without close relationships, with Shiro being closest to a family member before he left for Kerberos. Understandable that he's able to open up to him, because he trusts him and somehow understandable that they can have sex together without hard feelings... At least from Keith's point of view. We can only guess how Shiro feels about this, probably more than he lets out. For me it's surprising to have sex with someone repeatedly without considering to love him, to announce it as weird to like him when I think it's much more weird to fuck someone often without love, only to get release. In this fic I think it's possible that it stays that way. So I am curious what you will make of it. The way you put it it would make sense.

So!!!! This is exactly the dynamic that this fic is ABOUT, okay? And while some of this pertains to my fic specifically and the places their relationship goes behind the scenes of canon, I did build it off of canon, so a lot of this speaks to the way I’m reading them on the show.

Since the fic is Keith’s POV we’re spending more time with his interiority, naturally, but I’m going to get to Shiro in a second lol. But I think Keith is someone who really compartmentalizes his feelings. I think he, more than the others on the show, sort of has an ON and OFF switch in which he’s either a grumpy little shit or he’s simply dealing in facts. It’s SO rare to see him smile; I think he laughs, like, once? Even in the shitshow of S8 he can’t enjoy himself on their day off at the carnival.

Compartmentalizing can be a useful tool, especially given that the characters are at war, but it can be so harmful, as well. And Keith, unlike the others, tends to have sort of violent outburst from time to time and does lose his temper. I know the creators one time ascribed this to his being half Galra, which I think really opens a fucking can of worms when we talk about Keith’s emotional intelligence as well as being neurodivergent; it’s a popular fanon read that Keith is autistic, and there’s a lot of clues!, but I also have to ask like, how much of his Galra half is driving in his brain? And if his brain is only half human, that literally means he’s neurodivergent from a typical human.

I strayed from my point a little but I’m trying to say that Keith perhaps relies on anger a little too much, whether it’s genetic or not, and sometimes I think compartmentalizing looks like him being angry all the time because he won’t interact with any of his other feelings.

THE EXCEPTION TO THIS of course, is with Shiro! There are so many moments of him and Shiro where he’s vulnerable and soft in a way he doesn’t show to other characters! And I think it’s easy to overlook this when we watch with shipping goggles—of course we ARE SEEING IT because we’re shipping it lmao but it’s easy to forget that he doesn’t show this to anybody else.

So anyway I’ve been very intentional in this fic to try to write Keith as obsessively compartmentalizing and trying to keep a hold on all of his emotions and have control over the way other people perceive him. I’ve ranted & raved about this before but I read Keith as a person who makes himself deliberately unpleasant so that he can control when people come & go from his life, rather than ever trusting anyone or relying on them or having his feelings hurt when he inevitably gets abandoned again.

I often struggle in this fic with the line between showing and not telling because I am very aware that a lot of the text IS telling, but this is intentional! Keith obsesses over every feeling, every interaction with Shiro, he questions everything he says and does and worries about it for days! This is part of his anxiety around the whole situation and not knowing if he’s behaving correctly! He doesn’t want to compromise his relationship with Shiro, because it’s the ONLY meaningful relationship in his life AND Shiro is the ONLY person he has the stomach to trust, but on top of that he simply does not understand how he’s supposed to act. So every interaction between them is this huge puzzle for him to figure out and he’s stressed out as fuck!

And this fic is about him trying to compartmentalize all these human emotions and needs, like, his need to have sex, his need for companionship, maybe even his need for love? And he has the drive to want these things. (Does his growing and uncontrollable horniness have anything to do with same non-human half that dictates his temper? We shall see. 😏)  But how does he navigate “I am horny and want to get off” vs “I need the companionship of my best friend” alongside “having sex with someone is actually very intimate” and in the end "sexual intimacy makes me uncomfortable because in some ways this thing with Shiro is everything that I want, but if I admit that and lose it I will be destroyed” ?? How can these things coalesce for him???

The idea for this fic was me trying to subvert some tropes I was seeing all the time in Sheith fic and the main one is like, we have a habit of making them such soulmates and making it so seamless! WHICH IS FINE AND GOOD, I LOVE THOSE FICS TOO LOL, but I wanted to ask like, what if it was messy, what if they were just fucking? And I think part of me wanted to keep the illusion going for longer, when I was first planning the fic, and it wound up like growing a life of its own and taking me to a lot of places I didn’t intend to go. And I say that because, where we are right now in the story, I don’t think either of them are denial about their feelings, or withholding on purpose. I think Keith is compartmentalizing, and I tried to get at this a little bit when he has the conversation with Pidge about what love means. He loves Shiro, he already loved Shiro. He will love Shiro regardless, as a friend. And he’s also fucking Shiro. And he’s keeping these two things separate. And I don’t write it as if he’s pining and WANTS more (just yet) as much as he’s just found himself in a tricky emotional space and doesn’t know where his boundaries are.

The complication of the perhaps-alien-half dictating his libido trying to co-pilot with his very human half that is demisexual is a problem, too. Like he asks Pidge in Chapter 8: . “If you love someone as a friend, but you’re fucking them. When does it become, like. I don’t know. Romantic?”

He doesn’t know! We don’t know! Let’s keep going and see what happens lol.

SHIRO ON THE OTHER HAND.

What makes him such a great character (for me lol) is that like, he could so easily be such a 2D character and just, the fearless leader who is always chill and nice to everybody, and we DO get that to an extent, but they were generous in making him so multifaceted. He has PTSD. He struggles with his disability. He even loses his temper sometimes! When he gets back (as Kuron) he has a lil depression cave sesh in his bedroom in his PJs. Like he’s a very well rounded character and it makes him extremely realistic and human to me!

I don’t think it’s as fair to say that he compartmentalizes the way that Keith does, except what we can glean from his canon timeline. Meaning: He fights for the Kerberos mission despite his disability, he makes it up there only to be abducted, he survives the arena, he escapes to lead Voltron. And ALSO him being canonically queer; I think this starts getting into headcanon territory because I don’t think we get any clues in canon that they’re navigating homophobia in their universe, but we absolutely still see ableism and sexism. (Put a pin in the racism conversation as well when it comes to like, alien species and systems of oppression because there’s a lot to unpack and I’m trying to focus LOL.) So like, we do know that their world isn’t perfect, and Shiro is someone who had to work his ass off and fight for his rank and for his career. He’s someone who can put his feelings aside and focus on the task at hand, and we know this because he’s NOT perfect, he does occasionally lose his temper, and he has PTSD!

Basically, I think we have to assume he compartmentalizes to function, because he comes out of a year of INTENSE trauma to immediately lead a team, and lead them with kindness and patience, and the writing tells us that it’s not a matter of him being Perfect Cartoon Man, because he’s not a perfect person and he’s traumatized as fuck.

Because the fic is Keith’s POV I’ve tried to communicate this by Keith noticing that Shiro wears “masks”, or uses different voices. Sometimes it’s even about his clothes, like as they become more intimate and Keith starts seeing more of Shiro’s scars, and how Shiro is self-conscious about them. But it’s also moments like in Chapter 7 when Shiro is crying.

I feel that Keith and Shiro have some like sort of equal-opposite relationships to trauma and grief that balance each other in the end. Like, Keith lost his dad at a young age and had a horrific childhood, but that’s been his reality for most of his life and he’s learned how to carry it day-to-day.  Even though he’s a messier and more immature person, he’s used to shouldering it and it’s sort of baked into his personality at this point. But Shiro’s trauma is SO new. Shiro’s is a ton of shit ALL AT ONCE, vs. Keith’s 10+ years of grief and disappointment, and it’s so recent!  Even though Shiro is, on paper, a more mature and emotionally intelligent person, this is very new to him!

So Shiro in this fic also has some feelings he’s juggling, like, “I am touch starved and have physical needs” and “my mentee grew up kinda hot” and “I have to be very careful with him and his feelings”. He sees Keith for the mess that he is, and he’s patient, and he can wait for Keith, and take Keith’s lead.

I don’t feel that Shiro is pining necessarily, either—I think he’s a lot more grounded and realistic, and their encounters aren’t causing him the same level of anxiety because he can read Keith so clearly, even when Keith can’t read him back. But I think, he is pining a LITTLE lol. I think because he’s smart enough to know where this is heading, and he’s being patient, but he’d speed it along if it were up to him. They’re both so sensitive in different ways and I think they’re both so vulnerable to hurting each other’s feelings!!!! And Shiro is trying so so hard not to crush Keith like a little egg!!!!!!!!!!!

😊

Anyway !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for coming to my lecture! I don’t say this often about my fics because it makes me squeamish but I LOVE this fic, it really is where I put all my Sheith love, and all the thoughtwork I do about them is FOR THIS FIC lol it’s my lovenote to them, I’m putting my whole Sheithussy into it ahskjgdlasd

[kirasworldofwords]

I don't think I ever really introduced myself here so here goes!

First of all, hi! My name is Kira, but you may call me Kiki if you'd like. On AO3, I'm known as "chiquita_chequito", I'm often there just lingering and reading or writing, lol. I'm 22 years old, German with Polish roots and live in a small German town where nothing ever really happens, lol. I have many interests, like certain anime and F1 (especially that as of late) and consider myself a decent writer at least. You're free to quote and/or correct me on that though, lol.

A few random facts about me:

✨️ I'm neurodivergent! I have OCD, ADD and Autism paired with hyperesthesia and ARFID (I know, I know... I should pick a struggle, but alas).

✨️ I also happen to be queer - bisexual as well as somewhere on the aro-ace gradient plus bigender, to be exact. My pronouns are they/she, meaning I prefer "they/them" but am also okay with "she/her". Anything but "he/him" and "it/its".

✨️ My hyperfixation has been cars (as in the vehicles, not the movie) ever since I was a baby. After my first two words, "Mama" and "No", my third word was "Car" in German - the fourth was "Skodda", as per my mom's telling. Surprise surprise, I still love Škodas. 😂

✨️ I play in a sort of marching band that we call Schalmeienzug, there's no direct translation though. It's really fun! Been there for five years now and still love it. 🫶🏻

✨️ Don't ask me how or why but for whatever reason, I can get any song I want stuck in someone else's brain. It works every damn time with just about anyone and yes, I am quite shameless about it. If I have to suffer through having Spongebob music stuck in my brain, then so do you. I have spoken.

✨️ My sense of humor is... skewed at best, fucking dark at worst. That's it. I refuse to elaborate.

✨️ In my free time, I also study Finnish. Thanks, Käärijä, lmao.

✨️ And yes, I love Eurovision. As a queer European girlie, that's a must, lol.

✨️ Regarding F1, my favorite drivers of the current grid are Oscar Piastri, Daniel Ricciardo (noooo, I don't have a thing for Aussies, wdym [also RIP, I am not okay, even if he's not a driver anymore, I will always love him]), Nico Hülkenberg and Sergio "Checo" Pérez. Of the old grid I still somewhat remember (I've been watching F1 since childhood days), my favorites used to be Sebastian Vettel, Kimi Räikkönen and the Nicobergs - aka Nico Rosberg and Nico Hülkenberg. My heart has a special place reserved for Michael Schumacher, though, and it's shaped specifically like his stature. ❤️

✨️ I swear a lot. Like, a lot. I'm not kidding. So... proceed with caution if you're sensitive to that.

✨️ My free time is mainly spent playing video games - I don't have many friends and those I do have don't always have time for me so this is what I revert back to if I don't have somewhere else to be like a performance, lol.

✨️ I drive a black Opel Corsa ecoflex from 2016 and it is my pride and joy. 🫶🏻 Already jokingly told my mom that, if she wants grandkids, she already has one. My car. 😭

✨️ Last but not least, my writing style is quite distinct in the way that I usually write melancholic, if not downright depressing stuff. I guess it's a reflection of my life thus far - again, I will not elaborate.

That should be it from my side for now. If anything else comes into my messy little pea-sized brain, I shall let you know through editing this post - or just completely rewriting it, lmao.

Which means, for now, have a nice one and don't let the bedbugs bite!

- 🍸

[antoncore]

things i love about your blog:

- sub x sub anton and reader. enough said

- you’re interactive with your anons! i love blogs that reply, me and my friends have seen so many that ignore them (i mean harmless asks like “any thoughts about Z?”)😭 we just started using dreamily for one of our fandoms out of being tired LMAO

- you’re a riize focused blog that stays focused on riize. not that you shouldn’t be able to talk about what you want, but as a reader it’s easier for me to enjoy scrolling this blog when i know it has what i’m looking for! 🌸 (and i am neurodivergent, so it actually physically pains me if i go to an X blog and see 10 untagged posts about group Y that i can’t ignore :’))

- you’re open minded and have a good understanding of the members. i know at the end of the day this is all kind of just hc but having versatility in the themes you can write with makes me interested as a reader! your anons also have interesting ideas! :3 the vibes here are good because everyone is nice too :>

- you link the twitter links!!! the visual information to pair with the posts is helpful again as a neurodivergent person who sometimes doesn’t understand how some things in fic are supposed to work 😂

things you could improve:

this is just my personal issue, and it’s not really an improvement because it’s only my wish. 😂 but sohee looks and sounds too much like my biological brother. i volunteer as tribute for the rest of riize to rearrange my insides but when i see sohee i get an allergic reaction. i cant think of him, its not humanely possible 🤣 i know he is your bias and i would never ask you to change that because of me, i only ask if you could tag him carefully for me please 😅 i love your blog, you are my favorite antonalyist on the internet! 🧡😊

thank you so much, you’re so sweet :D ofc i love interacting with people here, everyone i’ve spoken to, anon or mutual is so lovely <3 and honestly links are such good help bc even as a writer i personally sometimes to struggle to describe what i’m imagining in my head? it’s just better to see it sometimes imo jsnsbsbs

and i laughed a little at the improvement part IM SORRY😭😭 i already have a personal tag for sohee which is #cee l.sh + i’m pretty sure you can block tags :D

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

1, 2, 7, 15, 18 from this ask game

1. What was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for?

Like, ever??? When I was in 6th grade I wrote (and published on the ancient ff.net) Warrior Cats fanfiction 😭 in Year of our Lord 2011. It has since been erased. When I got back into writing as an adult, Nimona/Goldenheart was the first fandom and ship I published for. I'd been writing disconnected drabbles for various fandoms before that, though.

2.Do you participate in any writing events or challenges throughout the year? If so, what do you like about them?

I am participating in the Nimona Big Bang and I participated in Nimona Week! I may also be participating in Goldenheart Week once I check out the prompts!

What I really liked about Nimona Week was seeing different people's take on the prompts. For a lot of them I really assumed everyone would have the same idea but they really didn't! It was great to see so many interpretations and to see stories/art made that otherwise probably wouldn't have been :)

7. What do you struggle with when writing?

I have a really hard time writing action sequences. I think they usually come out okay, I just find them boring to write. This even happens with smut sometimes, if the characters are just DOING and not TALKING or ruminating, I get bored lmfao. I also find it hard for characters to communicate emotions to one another without using "therapy speak" which I see writers get made fun of for a lot but like, I'm neurodivergent. So are most people I love. I'm used to explaining how I feel and having others do the same, everything else is foreign to me. I don't quite understand how to write characters unintentionally miscommunicating their own emotions because like, I don't even know how to do that irl lmfao.

15. A Hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics. Which fic would you want it to be?

This one is hard bc it means it would have to be both good, adaptable to film, and capable of standing without the source material. I think Ballister Has Brain Trauma and Ambrosius Wants to Beat the Ever-Loving Shit out of Todd Sureblade would be the best to adapt into that medium because it's more of a Things Happen than a People Talk fic like most of my others. As a sidenote what the fuck was July Yrrt thinking with that title? Lmao

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

It's super hard to say, because I can't remember half of what I write 😭 I think I really like the scene from What Still is Yours where Ballister looks at the portrait of Ambrosius hanging in the Champion's Mansion.

"The person in the portrait was beautiful, as Ambrosius was, but he did not have the mischievous lilt in his smile that was somehow always there, even when his intentions were completely genuine. He didn't have the same eager softness in his blue eyes that bored into your soul and screamed "Here I am, love me, love me, love me." His teeth were perfectly straight and didn't have the little gap from sucking his thumb too much as a child that years of orthodontics hadn't been able to fix."

I just thought it was super sad and sweet and spoke to how well Ballister still knew Ambrosius and how much he still loved him even after all that had happened. One of the main things I notice about loving someone is their face becomes sort of etched into your mind, I experience face blindness so someone has to be pretty close to me for a long time before they become recognizable, and I thought this was a nice contrast between the Institution's image of Ambrosius versus how Ballister saw him / how he really was.

Ty for the ask!!! Please feel free to keep asking 💕

Questions Post

[cressthebest]

out of all the marauders era/Slytherin skittles/valkeries characters, who do you relate to the most and why?? (idk why but this is always important to me, helps me figure someone out :D)

ahhhhh!! okay um this is going to be a longer explanation than you need, but i love to overshare:

wolfstar is my favorite ship for reasons i cannot describe, and out of it, i probably act more like remus, but i don’t outright relate to him. i, in fact, so desperately want to look like sirius black in the most gender way possible, and personally see him as gender-fluid, which may just be projection, but do not personally relate to him either. i have a mix of his fashion, marlene’s fashion, and mary’s fashion

i do relate to the family issues the black have, when dealing with their mother and everything revolving around that with queerness and expectations (don’t worry, i’m in a safe household unlike them)

but i don’t relate to regulus either except with the family issues and the fact that the fandom headcanons him to have autism. (fantastic hair and fashion sense tho)

the other skittles are too unhinged to be me, including dorcas and pandora.

so that leaves james, peter and the valkarkies.-

-marlene- doesn’t fit. just, straight up. all that matches is that we both like women

-mary- maybe? i like her fashion sense and i’m a huge jewelry type girly and love to dress up. but not enough to relate to her with all her struggles and personality, especially with her sexuality and the way she is viewed by others.

-james- oh sweet james. i’m definitely a gold jewelry person like him. and i’m very mom freind of the group, and i match him with the role i take in romantic relationships. (literally. it’s an issue. all the way down to sex life.. :/ )

but it’s still not quite matching.

that leaves… drumroll.. lily and peter. it’s a mix between the two.

lily- lily, oh my beloved lily. with the beautiful personality and everything so wonderful about her. i wish to be her and i try to be her. and of course, when trying to be like lily, i also come with her faults as well. i have her “will fuck you up if you hit the right nerve” personality. like, the way you know she’s badass. deadly, even, when you mess with her crew. she won’t even hex you, she’ll deck you the muggle way, like you fucking deserve. she’s also struggling with her family, which i relate too, the way her sister calls her a freak for being magic feels similar to the way my brother says gay people are gross. also, the fashion <3 i can’t tell if i am her or want to be her so badly that i’m hallucinating

then lastly, peter. my peter. i’m him in the way that isn’t fun. i’m him in the way that i’m the fourth member who will always be left out of things. the fourth member who tries to fit, and they love me, but the others will always connect better and connect more. and no matter how hard i try, i feel left out and don’t know what i did wrong other than exist. i feel for peter, i really do. god, i feel like him so much at times that it hurts. though i finally know that the reason i always felt like that was autism and it helped me out so much, cause then when i purposefully made freinds with other neurodivergents and realized i understood them better, i felt so much better. i have a great group of friends now- equal mix of neurodivergent and neurotypical. also, i want to encapsulate “just lovers” peter personality. that’s my favorite version of him.

thank you, goodnight, and i hope that wasn’t too much 😭😭 i promise i don’t normally ramble like this

[momomiooo]

Essay😛

I think a problem a lot of people have with CI (including myself) is how different she is compared to the likes of v4 and talk. There was an obvious aesthetic set up by Gynoid that Cevio didn’t exactly follow through with and the color scheme came off as strange to me so i shall describe my few problems in sorta depth

Twitter

VFlower used to be EXTREMELY active almost like a person on twitter. I got curious during a car ride home and saw cevio attempted it but it didn’t hold the same strength as flowers did. While many people don’t even follow Vflowers account or even go through her post it’s still clear people liked having vocaloids seem realistic, like they were like us. It gave her a bit more relatability that could make even newer fans amazed. While The trend of realistic tweets from vocaloids has died down (sadly) to see they’re at least trying gives me hope for flowers future endeavors! Some of the things CIflower lacks are things that V posted which could be seen as risky for the company (some old tweets consisting of flower trying to flirt with girls, swooning over randos and talking about big boobs[😭???]) it gave flower some spice no other vocaloid softwares DARED to do!

Her Design

ah yes, the initial problem, her design. As fore-mentioned Cevio didn’t go with the exact color palette/scheme as the last few models but I still think it was a great idea. It feels like we’re watching an emo girl grow into adult-hood, flower now appearing to be around 17-24! The only problem is her color scheme. While I love the idea it just doesn’t fit flower and I think to make it work they had to change flowers most notable features, her hair and eyes. Her eyes have gone from magenta or pink (depending on who drew her when) to blue. Her hair also changed, getting a similar color to ia’s, more blonde and pink than white. And while I could go on about the software companies hating while haired characters (maybe they don’t sell as much like piko idk) or how they need to learn their audience consist of neurodivergent gays afraid of change, I don’t have an explanation for this one. Surely I could search and find out something but I don’t know why flower took such a leap from her talk vb to ci. I understand you change as you grow blah blah blah but still how did she go from confidence and the only problem you see is her dropping her head phones in talk to “c-can you p-pass the ketchup m-mi-miss?” She looks so scared and nervous😭.

Her voice

holllyyyyy crap. I could take the model, “pink eyes are unrealistic anyways… maybe it’s just shading” but the difference from AI and hand done is just.. wow… on one hand maybe maturing caused a bit more feminine to come into her life but oh my flying Fukase. Dunno whoever’s reading this but that whole “learn their audience” was observing how me and other autistic people felt about the design😭😭😭 I hate change so when I heard the lower one’s eyes cover I almost had a panic attack. Where is the angrodgany??? Where’s the vflower??? I get they’re supposed to sound realistic but it just sounds feminine. Could just be the creature of habit thing but I personally prefer her older voice banks just because of the power and emotion I feel from her voice. Some covers make her sound real, like she’s struggled just like us. So far the songs with CI in them sound… well.. AI. Advanced AI, sure, but ai nonetheless.

summary-ish

if you hate this woman now because of the design, take a deep breath and remember…

YOU CAN HEADCANON ANYTHING!!!!!

Re-make flower, nothing is canon other than existence, and even those boundaries are tested by creative people! Have fun making a flower that represents YOU. It’s a voice with a name and that’s all that matters. Self project on the plant and give her a life you’d like! Still don’t think she’s a girl? PRONOUN IT UP! Flower is just a singing software package, have fun making her what you want to see while supporting others:D

Have a good day I am done yammering

[vorpalfae]

I saw your post about your experiences and struggles with sensory issues, routine, eye contact etc and i really empathise with the part about feeling 'why am I like this???'

It sounds like you've got experiences in common with neurodivergences like autism/adhd? definitely worth investigating if you can - it's been a massive relief and can help make life easier.

good luck, you deserve good things <33

sorry this got buried in my inbox & i'm just seeing it now😭 i actually just got diagnosed with autism! its strange finding out as an adult but it has opened my eyes to so much and explains so much lol i am still sorta confused about it and how it affects my life but it feels really good to finally understand myself better and why i struggle with certain things like the sensory issues and other things u just named! i feel like i'm learning more about myself every day, in fact i've never felt more like myself! thank you for sending me such a kind message. even tho i am late reading it, its still very much appreciated✨ thank you so much🥺🥰

[maylorscardigan]

Those headphones he’s been wearing. Do you think it’s possible that his ADHD is part of the reason why he wears them? I’ve been trying to learn more about him (I am a new the 1975 fan) and I am a neurodivergent fan. I have ASD and ADHD. Some of the way he talks and the nervous energy and stimming… I know all of these are common in adhd but he seems to be a little extra with it. (I do not mean that rudely). Do you think it’s possible he is on the ASD spectrum or has sensory processing disorder?

*DISCLAIMER*

Only so I don’t get attacked by mobs of people for “diagnosing” Matty… that’s not it at all, so please don’t attack me for it. This is very different then the video going around of Taylor “stimming” and that being used as an assumption. This is 100% opinion based formulated by my experiences as someone with AuDHD as well as a mother of son who has the same.

———

A fellow AuDHD! (Is that right? God, I hope so)

I understand not meaning it in a rude way. No worries there. Honestly….

Yes. I think it’s definitely a possibility. I see it more in interviews then anything else or in the videos we see that they’ve posted or as part of the series. This is also why I believe he created Truman Black.

Masking is any neurodivergents secret weapon. I have my own version of a mask that I use in certain situations.

For those who don’t know -

It’s very very common with those who have adhd or on the autistic spectrum. I believe Matty 100% had a mask with TB. Yet when he’s in interviews, the stimming is more apparent and when he’s with his band mates in a more private setting - he’s very much not masking.

There’s obvious similarities and differences in ADHD / ASD as seen above.

The first time I really considered he may be on the ASD spectrum was this interview… took me a bit to hunt it down…

Why? It’s like watching my son. Which sort of amazed me. I can also be like that.

The blinking, looking up a lot and the struggle to process his thoughts. These are both things you can find in ADHD / ASD. The sleeves over the hands. Constantly touching his hair. The awkwardness.

He’s also had times when he’s expressed not liking to be touched and struggle with social situations / fame. The video above… the famous suitcase one… he says he hates being touched then spends a while in it. My son… master at this. Even at 13 he still likes to see what spaces he can fit himself into. He LOVES fitting into tight spaces as it’s a comfort thing and he’s one of the only people I know who could tolerate anything like that for extended periods of time.

He struggles with social ques and even practices it. This I found really cute. Like a Sim character lol. I’ve done this so many times it’s scary.

The sorry? I don’t know about other AuDHD individuals but apologies can be so scary and awkward for me. I hate them. I freak out. I generally end up writing a letter or text saying sorry instead. His last verbal apology he tried to give also was used against him and I believe that this was his way of saying sorry for everything without making it worse on himself because that’s connection between the mind and mouth gets messed up. Look at the apology he made that one time about the Taylor thing back in 2014 or 2015…? It was written and it was received well for the most part. But it’s easier to gather thoughts when writing.

He also has this relationship with his band mates that had an edge of - they’re his life line. Which is part of why I think he left the stage yesterday when his ear piece messed up. There was a time last year that George made him mess up during a song because he moaned into the mic that carry’s communication and made Matty laugh and forced him to make the audience sing lol.

That’s a few things. I could probably write a few hours about this but I got a list of things I’m procrastinating on haha. If you guys are curious for more let me know.