#I am lonely as hell

[subcoolture]

I remember being a teenager in the mid 2000s. Dysfunctional family, verbally abusive father, never leaving my room. I still got to make some social life, but never enough not to want to kms. Music saved me. About 15 years have passed and I will not tell you it gets better. Some things did, but what I knew about the world then hasn’t changed. I still don’t see a future for myself. No love, no nothing, nothing that’s real. I’m surviving just like I did back then, and I just know the world is better with me in it. I have affected thousands of lives for good. I am a light in this world. I try to appreciate things regardless of everything. The trees, the stars. I try to be what I would like to see in other people. And I just go on.

[grungeprincess2]

Me and who?

[candygriff]

hyperfixating on old media sucks because in order to engage with the community you must risk spoilers. I NEED to see memes. I NEED to see peoples' takes. or my hyperfixation will die a sad and lonely death and I don't want that!!!

[pitske]

queer people?

[pepperpixel]

Initial drawings of that old man… I literally, I haven’t finished reading the book of bill yet!!! I had to stop and take a break for a week to feverishly draw fanart of myself petting fords floofy hair and giving him attention and shit…!!!! The urge was too great….!! I’ve literally. I had a crush on this guy the instant he was first REVEALED in the show, but I did not have the artistic prowess to draw good looking old men back then… but I do now… thank god… thank fucking god

[crimson-nail]

whenever i draw characters a lot i like to have little references for myself on how i draw their features… and design notes :)

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

thinkin about all the ways that xenk and edgin parallel/complement each other

like. theyve both suffered terrible loss. edgin's is what drove him away from the harpers and 'doing the right thing'. xenk's is what drove him towards that very thing. edgin found a family despite his loss. every time we see xenk, he is doing his work alone. edgin and his family defeated the same evil that tore xenk from his. xenk brings to justice the man who nearly tore edgin's family apart. they are different sides of the same coin do you see

[toothpastewolf]

mag 170 was DEVASTATING holy shit

[the-wine-dark-sea]

I've recently been thinking about the difference between Edwin’s experience in Hell in the comics vs. the show and what it says about the differences in characterization.

(Please note that I haven't read the comics completely yet, this is really just what came to mind when re-reading the boys' story from The Sandman.)

This is how Edwin describes Hell in the comics, when his character is first introduced:

"It was just corridors.

And I was hurrying down these corridors, because I knew I was late for something, but I couldn't quite remember what.

And then I realized that there was something behind me. Something horrible. But it was always one or two bends of the corridor behind. And even though it wasn't making any noise I knew it was always there.

And if I started to run it would get me.

So I just kept walking, as fast as I could. Down these corridors. With something silently walking behind me. Something sad and lonely and terrible."

So at first glance, his torture simply seems more purely psychological here than on the show. And it sounds horrific, especially for this even younger version of him. Now, it's obviously a different version of events, two seperate canons, so it's no use to speculate if the thing that stalks comic!Edwin through Hell is the Babydoll Spider or something completely different, or if the same parameters apply. But I don't think that really matters. Because it is his reaction to this situation that truly stuck out to me:

"And if I started to run it would get me. So I just kept walking"

This Edwin knows he is going to get caught, not from experience, but he is aware of it in the way you just know certain things in your dreams sometimes. (He does describe it feeling like a nightmare, after all.) He can feel that he would get caught, and so he just keeps walking. He never tries to make a run for it, just to see what would actually happen, or to try to outrun whatever would give chase. He keeps walking, as fast as he can, but still walking.

And then we have show!Edwin. He knows he will get caught eventually from excruciating experience, over and over and over. "The moment I run it'll chase. And I can't get away from it." He knows he'll trip it off if he runs, or if he is too loud. And yet he runs. He doesn't stop running for seven decades.

[bri-does-art]

.

[stuffed-full-pussy]

I was talking to someone, somewhat seriously, for the last couple of months, and then we (he, mostly) agreed that it wouldn’t be smart to pursue a relationship.

I’m kind of heart broken about it. He talked about knocking me up so sweetly, and I knew that he would have stuck around to love and raise the kids. I’m craving the soft domestic kind of breeding, where I get showered with compliments while my needy hole is being filled over and over again. I just want to be someone’s incredibly horny little housewife.

[binomech]

someone in my notes saying visually impaired kim kitsuragi is always on their mind and i'm just gripping the armrests so tight to keep myself from taking the bait

[orpheusilver]

god. vicky stein truly was hating on his 8 foot infant son with his literal dying breath.

[dspd]

I'm sure like 300 people have already had this idea for a Loki s2 fixit fic but here it is anyway

Loki, with his power infusing every fiber of every branch and limb and barest wisp of thread of the multiverse, sits lonely upon his golden throne and watches his friends move on. O.B. and Casey and B-15 and, surprisingly Renslayer, all blossom and grow and evolve and are happy. But Mobius.

Mobius is static.

He's an unnatural knot in the trunk of the Sacred Timeline. A blemish in the flow of time and choice. An itching, unhealed sore that stings and taints Loki's peace for ensuring his friends' - and by extension, the world's - survival.

All of Loki's power goes into the Tree but, every once in a while, he gathers the smallest scrap and sends it racing with a message pulsing eagerly throughout the tree, bark creaking and leaves shivering, the loudest silent sound of his love and commitment.

Even strangers, those born before his time, or never met him when he walked freely, or heard of him after his time was done, feel its passage. The sun revitalizes, the cold reinvigorates, the water tastes like life, and-

Mobius.

Mobius is stuck.

Stagnant.

Stationary.

Statuesque.

Loki watches Mobius until he can watch no more and then he...visits. He stops spending those glimmers on wordless messages and saves it. He spins it like yarn on a spindle and creates something new - a beautiful, shining thread with just enough juice to slip away from his carefully crafted cage for a few minutes.

And he slides along one branch to the next and pulls himself into the half reality on the edge of a dream. He tugs a little and the scene, a multistory super mall with shops selling wilted Loki crowns and pink pineapples and too-green key lime pie, shifts. The lights flicker from a bright, shaded afternoon and the noise of the crowd fades into the barely there two-toned hum of the TVA.

Mobius is already there, smashing his third piece of piece into an unappetizing ruin, muddling the crust and filling into a grainy, mush.

Loki's hands twitch, excitement and hope and joy and trepidation fizzing down his palms to his fingertips and hopes this will help.

"Hello, Mobius."

[autisticlee]

everyone likes to tell me that real friends exist, the right people for me exist, i'll find them, I just have to look, keep trying. etc.

but no one tells me how, where to look, or how to know who "the right people" even are!

not to mention the fact that I'm getting too old to "make friends" because it's mainly expected of kids/teens to do that. older adults are supposed to have their people already. most adults my age already have their established friend groups that i'm not allowed to join. or they're all pairing off and prefer their partners over friends. or I just simply can't relate or bond with them because we have nothing in common.

[whoblewboobear]

Staring down that weird feeling of feeling like too much or out of place or annoying if I say too much or say things too loud or too off-putting to be like- WANTED in any given social situation. To try so hard to socialize just to- idk. I’d very much like to stop defaulting to that scared kid that was pushed away or talked over until I got old enough and desperate enough to say any and every rapid fire thought that comes to mind. Like filling space when there’s dead air then wondering if maybe I did the Too Much™️ thing again and A. Scared everyone away or B. Pushed everyone away so it would hurt less when they leave BC of A.

Of feeling like I need to be useful or smart or talented or pretty or SOMETHING worthwhile so people want me around. I can just be but then it’s like just being has never been enough for anyone to like- stay. Or care. Running is always a mistake bc it’s like riiiight.. no one noticed you ran, babe. You’re not even at the top of their list people to want around. And just feel so low about it that I talk myself into feeling miserable again.

I’m happy, ive been so much happier lately and i dont take it for granted bc it’s so rare that things go okay or that there’s a sense of peace for a moment. I’m creating again and im less hard on myself about it. I have hobbies again, I’m making friends. And still I’m like seeing the other foot start to drop in real time bc it’s like. You’re in, but are you? That constant nagging voice that sounds so much like my own going “lonely again? Good you deserve it”