#I am literally shaking and crying
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FRIENDS I AM SEEING ENHYPEN AGAIN!!!!! AND I GOT VIP 1
#I am literally shaking and crying#how did I get blessed to snatch vip 1???#enhypen#heeseung#jay#jake#sunghoon#sunoo#niki#yeonzzzn babbles
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I hate talking on the phone so much oh I hate it so much I hate talking on the phone why can’t I just ring people and not need to type up a whole paragraph
#I am literally shaking and crying#My new meds are messing with me and I had to call in sick to work#I don’t know why I can’t talk on the phone#It’s over now#its over now#I’m okay now#i justbhate talking on the phone I had a script but the person who picked up said “how are you going” instead of “hello” and it threw me of#Phone anxiety sucks#ugh#its over now I’m okay now
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Sometimes I think about how Jin Ling goes by that instead of Jin Rulan and I just vividly picture his young mistress persona going like "yeah my not uncle was an unaware pining cut sleeve and my mom kind of just enabled it so... juijui and I just try to pretend it didn't happen -- it's cringe af" and I die a little in both grief and hilarity
#mdzs#mxtx#wangxian#mo dao zu shi#the untamed#wei wuxian#lan wangji#jin ling#jin rulan#jiang cheng#no because they silently came to that agreement for over a decade and then wex came back an JL had to look at his pining ass all the time#then after they are together he's like i am literally a teenager with the nominal marker of your infatuation yet you are JUST NOW A COUPLE?#and jiang cheng is just fuming shaking his fist at wangxian at a distance and like#listen his nephews name is basically wangxian ya feel me#its just so fucking good#and yet i sob because jiang yanli#and jin zixuan I GUESS but the way she just rolled with it ugh i die#picturing jl and lsz someday going yeah these bitches gay and dramatic we love our gays#and then i cry again#the mdzs experience#ok did not expect to make myself emotional in the tags don't perceive me
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all lesbians react the exact same way at seeing Simone Kessel as Lottie Matthews actually
#i'm literally crying and shaking with excitement about the next episode i am SO serious about this#yellowjackets
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ao3 sydcarmy writers you are gods gift to this world for preparing me for all this angst and getting me very excited. carmy resorting to his emp ways. sydneys snark and contempt. the partnership agreement. sydney contemplating the agreement. “so that you can push me and I can push you.” sydney at nat and pete’s house. berzatto in laws: sydney and pete interacting. the tension between sydcarmy in the kitchen. “if it’s not perfect it doesn’t go out.” sydney shaking the hand of the cdc from ever’s. “why are you doing this” “we’re gonna get a star” “i thought that was a trap”. “you need to calm down” “this is what you wanted right” AND THAT FUCKING LOOK. its straight out of a fanfic.
#sydcarmy#the fact that this is actual dialogue#i feel the urge to puke my guts out like sydney#literally shaking you guys#yeah this is what I wanted 😭🥹🫣🤭#screaming crying throwing up#jumping up and down dancing around grinning maniacally#I am too emotionally invested in this#is Sydney gonna potentially leave after dealing with all his crap? is carmy gonna cry and grovel?#sydcarmy s3#sydney x carmy#I can’t fucking wait#the bear s3#carmy x sydney#the bear s3 trailer#sydcarmy tension#the partnership
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I GOT MY JOHN WATSON AUTOGRAPH
#I AM CRYING I AM SHAKING#this is something i literally never thought i would get but here i am !!!!!! WITH MY JOHN WATSON AUTOGRAPH !!!!!!!!
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do you think shauna learned that cells turn over completely in seven years thing in high school biology and latched onto it and had an existential crisis meltdown of nuclear proportions when it was coming up on seven years since she’d consumed jackie because none of the cells in her body were born out of the energy she got from jackie’s flesh anymore?
#or am I the only one who thinks like this l o l#I WISH this was shitposting#I’m so serious tho lmao like#I think shauna would think about this#I think she’d study it. like she’d say okay that’s just an untrue fun fact right#but then like once you get down to the detail and the complexity she wouldn’t know if she was MORE jackie or LESS jackie#she’s sitting in the LITERAL CLOSET that she loves to sit in for environmental storytelling purposes crying about cell turnover#jeff comes home and she’s holding a medical journal in shaking hands asking about heart cells#through sobs she asks if only 40% of your heart renews in a lifetime was any of that at the RIGHT time#jeff says what…what Right time you’re scaring me a little#shauna rolls her eyes and kicks him out of his own bedroom so she can cry under better conditions (without him)#she calls taissa for the first time in two years but she of course can’t bring herself to ask so it’s just an awkward call all around#this is both funny to me and breaking my heart like I’m so emotionally dysregulated about this I’m not sure if I’m kidding or serious!!#much like yellowjackets showtime!!!#yellowjackets#shauna shipman#jackie taylor#jackie x shauna#taissa turner#shauna x jackie
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WHAT THE FUCK???
#I JUST#WHY#WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PLAY WITH MY EMOTIONS LIKE THIS??????#IS THIS GONNA BE THE SAME FOR EVERY BEAST???#I THOUGH OF THE CHANCE OF THAT HAPPENING BUT I WASNT EXPECTING DEVSIS TO ACTUALLY DO IT#IM STILL LITERALLY SHAKING#SCREAMING#CRYING#i am going through so much mental anguish right now#shitpost#crk#cookie run kingdom#burning spice cookie#golden cheese cookie
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Let me tell you a story...
It starts in the summer of 2021. Honestly it probably starts a little before that. 2020 through 2022 ish are a bit hazy because there was a lot of sitting around at home doing nothing.
Somewhere in that haziness my partner goes “wait, you haven’t watched this Good Omens show yet? And you haven’t read the book? … oh no. You should do that.”
And immediately after finishing the show I knew I was in trouble. I knew if I read the book I would absolutely fall down the fandom rabbit hole and be trapped, and so for a very long while, I didn’t. Until I did.
And then in August 2021, I wandered into fandom. I had been lurking. Seeing what AO3 had to offer. Crawling back onto Tumblr. But I had a story idea, and I needed a beta reader. And the last time I was in fandom, LiveJournal was still a thing, so I didn’t know where to go.
I found out about Discord, and I signed up for a thousand servers, it felt like, and in one server I bravely started sticking my neck out.
There was talk about someone writing a Human AU on a farm, and farm animals in general, and I chimed in about goat-scaping. And then I made the joke that would seal my fate.
“I don’t know if I could write a kid fic, but you know. I could write a kid (goat) fic.”
It was meant to be a short, sweet, meet-cute. Professor Aziraphale has a goat from the goat scaping team break into his office. Based loosely on a campus experience where a member of the goat-scaping team at a campus I was on tried (and failed) to get into a classroom once.
A simple formula. Maybe a 4+1? 4 times a goat broke into Professor Aziraphale Fell’s office, and one time it didn’t.
I even found the first beta reading request. First chapter done, I’ve got four more planned. Rated T.
Ha.
I started writing Chapter 5, you know, the final chapter, and realized—there’s more to this story. These characters have life, and story, and who doesn’t want to see more goats? Also, had I truly fulfilled the “kid-fic” portion of my joke?
I think we can all agree that no, no I hadn’t.
So, I kept writing. But I also found my stride in other Discord Servers and in Fandom in general. And in the winter of 2021, I went on a beta-reading blitz for the Gift Exchange happening in the Do It With Style Events Discord server. I read something like 14? 15? stories in a very short amount of time and in doing so, got to know some really amazing people and began to carve out my spot in the community.
From this server I found folks with lived goat-experience who were willing to share and advise me. From this server I found beta readers and brit pickers willing to cheer me on and guide my writing to the best version it could be. I found friends and joy and I found community.
And if you look very carefully through the pages of Bleating Hearts, I think that at its heart, past the puns, past the obvious fast burn love story, and the crooked Luce Matin and demanding James Starr, and even beyond the goats, it’s a story about finding your place in a community. While we talk about Aziraphale and Crowley and their relationship, so many people have asked me about Anathema and Crowley at the chicken coop (we only got to see Newt and Aziraphale in the bedroom). The most commented on scene is Anathema pulling the car over and getting Aziraphale’s consent to go to Tracy’s for lunch.
It's a story with goats, romance, and drama. But it’s a story about community.
I have thanked the people most involved a thousand times over, and I will always take an excuse to thank them again. @ambrasue, my ride or die beta reader. She is who to thank for the sentences making sense. And for me not beating you all over the head with the word “Gently.” HolRose, for the Brit-Picking and second pair of eyes when Ambra and I had gone cross-eyed, and always, always, always having a kind comment ready to go for every chapter update. @writingordinaryrealities, for all things Goats, and for not laughing at me when we met in person and I lost my cool over real life goats.
@mirjam-writes! Mirjam made me my first ever fanart for one of my fanfics! And so many more of you have followed suit and I never know what to say when I see it but I always make a noise and run excitedly to my partner and flap my hands and show him his heart and he always gets the dumbest smile and goes, “I love when people make you goat fanart. You are adorable when you’re verklempt.”
But also, the DIWS and Good Omens community. Every single person who shouted at one of my snippets when I needed a boost and shared a bit of what I was proud of. Every single person who tagged me in a goat video—you all have tagged me in so many goat videos. I watch each and every one of them. Every single person who got excited when I said I was finally ready to start posting.
Because you see, that support, that community, led me to pay it forward. At TIC4 in 2023, I had just finished my panel on beta reading and was feeling a bit amped up. I saw in the chat that someone wanted to talk Slow Show and Human Aus and, I don’t know if y’all know this, but uh, I’m a big fan of human AUs. And so I hopped into the break out room and met J.
J is a lovely human who has been fandoming since the OG Star Trek days with Kirk and Spock. She had found a physical copy of Slow Show and just needed to talk to someone, anyone about it. She wasn’t sure what the Archive was, she was still learning her way around digital fandom, and I instantly wanted to reach out and help her find community and joy the way I had when I got started in the fandom. So, I sat down and I gave her my favorites. I told her how to find me on socials. We connected on Discord. We sent each other long letters back and forth on Discord sharing our joys and frustrations and our love of GO and talking about all sorts of other things. And it has been amazing listening to her stories and getting to know her.
Unbeknownst to me, J had reached out to @brunheiffer to ask for a physical copy of Bleating Hearts. Now—I’m all for fandom in the physical space, but it’s never even crossed my mind to do more than something printed out at my home printer, hastily hole punched, and shoved into a binder so I could sneak fanfiction reading time during 5th period math class after I was done with my worksheets many, many, many moons ago. When brunheiffer reached out and asked if they could print and bind a copy for me—I didn’t know what to say. Or do. Or think. I think I keysmashed? I keysmashed after I made my partner read the message out loud. And then I went and looked through tumblr and all of brunheiffer’s excellent work. And then I went, “Do I say yes?” and he went “um YES OF COURSE YOU SAY YES. WHAT”
So, I said yes.
I also said yes to progress shots and got to watch some of the coolest work ever. I didn’t know how books…ya know…booked. Witchcraft probably? I’m still convinced there is witchcraft involved, but there is also an incredible amount of skill, and time, and patience, and hard work, and love that is put into making a book a book. And learning what I did, and watching the process, and seeing the care that brunheiffer put into each of the three (THREE!) sets of books that were made (one for me, one for brunheiffer, one for J), was just stunning.
Do you know, J reached out to me and apologized for not asking me first and asked me if it was okay that she had reached out and asked if brunheiffer would do this for her? Why would I ever be against something so heartfelt and kind?
I cried.
I legitimately sat in my office and cried.
When people ask me how I write the way I do, or why I write, or anything along those lines. I have the same answer. “I write for myself.”
Oh sure, I started to write Bleating Hearts to make Ambra laugh and/or have feelings, but at the end of the day, when I write, it is because I need to get the bed time stories I tell myself at night, the day dreams while sitting on the bus, out of my head and somewhere else—so that a new movie can play. And when I write, I write knowing that I will come back to that story. That I will forget the little pieces (because I have a pretty shit memory tbh), and I’ll be able to go back, and wrap myself up in the comfort of the story I have written, and be surprised by some of the little details I left as presents for myself. And be excited. And be happy. And watch my favorite movie again.
So every time I see someone make art of this story, or talk about how they love the story, or how happy it made them, or the feelings it inspired, or how reading goats made them want to write their own fanfiction—I get, well, like my partner says, ���verklempt.” I don’t know what to do with that feeling, other than to just be overwhelmed that somehow something I made to entertain me has brought other people so much joy. Has helped people connect and find community.
What a powerful and beautiful thing that is.
Not everything I write is going to be Bleati—y'all I am just going to call it Goats. Calling it Bleating Hearts feels so weird. It’s Goats. That’s the name of the story. That’s my name for the story.
Anyway.
Not everything is going to be Goats. I’ve got some wips in the hopper right now that are um…lots of angst and heavy spice. Not everything I write is going to be liked by everyone. Some of it may even offend you.
But knowing that this one thing has inspired you all to the point that I’ve been gifted the ability to hold my story in my hand?
That’s powerful.
And it only exists because this community, this Good Omens community, has come together and chosen joy.
There’s some bad apples out there, there are in every bunch. But I am liberal with my block button and have been blessed to find a welcoming and warm community that creates some amazing and incredible art—whether that’s like actual like digital or pen to paper art, or the fiction you write, or the podfics you record, or the meta analysis you write, or the playlists or the animatics or the beta reading or the shouting unhinged support or the role playing or the plushies, or the books you bind—this community is full of incredibly creative and amazing people.
So thanks, y’all, for letting me part of your community, and enjoying my silly little goat fic. And thank you brunheiffer and J for this amazing gift.
If you haven’t read it, or just want to reread it, you can read Bleating Hearts (GOATS) on Archive of Our Own.
All my love,
HK
(I am the most cringe sap on main right now. No regurts)
#long post#with photos#bleating hearts#hk writes#hk is having a MOMENT HERE#OKAY#I'm FINE#LOOK AT THE THING#brunheiffer made a hat!#where there wasn't a hat before!#someone please get my sondheim references I am begging you as a fandom#I literally wrote you a Sondheim and Good Omens primer#I'll put it in a fic next#no#don't let me pick up more plot bunnies#I am actively writing three stories right now#stop#I'm crying over these pictures though#honestly fuck the pictures I'm trying to keep myself from shaking these books apart#I keep touching them#I don't think they're real#there is an argument happening about whether they are allowed in the main shared space bookcases#or if they are to stay on my private bookshelves in my office#I am voting private bookshelves#my partner is against this#please weigh in if you've read this far: let the books be part of my good omens collection in my office#or display them proudly in the main space
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SHUT UP
#EMOOOOO I AM EMOOOOOOOOOOO SOMEBODY ANYONE HOLD ME#THE WAY I AM SHAKING RN I AM LITERALLY :0000000 LIKE#IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR LIKE 3 YEARS I HAVE CHILLS#I MIGHT NOT LIKE AQUA BUT SARINA MY CHILD AND THEY FINALLY REUNITE AND ASDFJGE SO FUCKED UP BUT THE FAMILIES HAVE#BEEN FOUND I GUESS ANYWAYS CRYING#oshi no ko spoilers#onk#oshi no ko#manga
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pre-holiday leave crumbs
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#hey. if I give u a bottle labeled wine with somethin else inside. would u drink it#anyways. tomorrow I Travel#The Turbulance evened out alright! so the Traveling could no longer be postponed#three days on da road babeyy (<- shaking and crying)#goin to a market! I'll try to get a new kitchen knife there. will be better than whatever the fucks goin on in our kitchen rn#anyways. post-fic haze has settled in once again I am simply no thought. this will continue for hopefully five hours#until I gotta get up for car time#kinda whittling down the 20yo reki design slowly to get to a point where it feels Correct#20yo langa is already perfect. maybe to nobody but me but I stand the fuck by it#I believe in langa looking like a guy lesbians would hit on by accident in his 20s. I hold myself to it#oh yeah if ur asking. no that was not a cigarette in the first pic. sorry Im a tightass about smoking thats a lollipop#in my head its the pickled mango flavour that alpenliebe already made a hard candy version of here#hard sour candy shell with. chili salt core. it is good (?) but it hurts my stomach (I will not stop eating them)#also if u catch the acc name going outside the panel in the comic. its bc I could NOT leave it at just 'random white girl'#it has to be the full thing I cannot do this fake fictional twitter user like that#literally the only preliminary caution I take for funny comics. nothign else makes sense I dont care. this is necessary however#anyways. it is time for baku to be horizontal and shit. so here we goooo#have a good nite lads! idk what will happen in the next 3 days! will most probably be silent! and then dip pen comms will open again#eat well sleep well! two daysborday until labor day
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#ooooof me when i am never the first choice#me when i am never the one someone is really into#me when i get very attached even tho i didn't wanna date him bc he's too young for me#me when now abandonment issues are rearing their head#me when it's literally not his fault at all but now i feel so so bad lol#ooooooof me when i'm gonna cry about it lmaooooo#this is so dumb#no more b you guys he has Met Someone#we were literally never gonna be together like i didn't want to#but he was the first person i was with after f and like#god i do be feeling abandoned and like i'm only good until the next best thing comes along#woof#why am i SHAKING. this is so dumb#why do i get so attached to people#i'm 24 this is teenager behaviour#maybe back to bed#vent
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I'M SEEING OMAR IN ANTWERP😭😭🥹🥹
#my hands are literally shaking#i am crying too#i can't believe this#I'M SEEING OMAR NEXT YEAR#omar rudberg
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I'm drawing Tftober's third prompt and oh my fucking god guess who I'm drawing holding his newborn son.
#dadspy#spydad#i love him so much#literally shaking whiledrawing this#he looks so happy he's about to cry to be holding his son#omfg i am so unwell about this man#i bet he sang sol solet regularly to scout when he was a toddler- NO WAIT THAT'S TOO CUTE IM GONNA DIE#catalan spydad might be what kills me#tf2#scout looks like a bean rn haha#finishing and posting it tomorrow. im so fucking tired today ugh
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Embarrasing stuff, huh... Like what? MAKING HER CONFESS TO MEL?
GO ON A FINE DINNER IN TAVERNA WITH MEL
GOING TO HER TENT AND - *gets shoot*
#hades ii#hades 2#hades 2 spoilers#new hades update screams#i can't wait anymore#*shakes violently* THE CONTENT OF LESBIANISM IN MY BLOOD IS RUNING LOW#I NEED NEMESIS ROMANCE SUB-PLOT NOW!!#I am dying pls give me my mean girl lesbian toxic yuri romance#I am literally kicking my foot every time I hear a friendly tone in Nems voice#screaming crying throwing up need my lesbian romance right now
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We get a new colleague in December and i looked him up and he's so heavily und unconcealed right winged i feel nauseous. I mean he's Extremely right-winged. Climate change denier, corona denier, racist, anti gender equality, anti queer, everything. And i didn't try to dig up dirt or anything. It's literally the first thing you find if you just google his name
#i want to cry#i was literally shaking lmao#I'm still not able to wrap my head around this#the majority of the people of our team is relatively left politically so i really am baffled by this choice#i know i can't avoid people like this and you have to find a way to work with them even if they want you dead (lol)#but i don't really feel comfortable anymore working there if this is an acceptable candidate for them#or if people in the team are just completely fine with it even if they don't personally have these political views#if they're just 'ah idc I'm glad we have another colleague so we have less work' or something like this#or 'that's just how it is'. like i Know this is just how it is but we should be angry that a person like this is even considered#I'm sorry but i don't think you can separate your company or yourself from politics and worldviews#hiring such a person is a clear signal that you don't mind these political positions or even support them#like I'm sure there's more people in our department as a whole who are right leaning and afD etc supporters#but this man isn't even hiding it he's proudly writing articles over articles about his views and you're hiring him for a#position in which he will represent your company and your journal#alright whatever#i guess i'm going to look for a new job when my program is over#not because i think i can avoid people like this#but because i really lost all respect I had left for this company and our management#i KNOW they're everywhere. i KNOW! but still. fuck this#void screams
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