#I am just driven insane by people who keep looking for the right people to be racist to

[optimisticlucio]

Guys she was a gym instructor. Israel has forced conscription; she was never actually on the field or even doing anything beyond telling people to do pushups.

Every Israeli actor I see in any production is getting called a war criminal even when they did fuck all (Tomer Capone in The Boys is getting the exact same treatment) and it’s starting to drive me up the wall.

If you dislike her, that’s fine, don’t watch the movie. If you think Disney sucks, so do I, don’t watch the movie. You don’t have to find a reason why someone you think sucks *has* to also be secretly a child killer.

stop watching anything with gal gadot in it — that ESPECIALLY includes marvel. they’re not even good anyway lmao. military-sponsored propaganda.

“not watching something” is genuinely the bare minimum. it’s the simplest boycott that could be asked of you.

[logansargeantsbabymom]

Too Good To Say Goodbye pt8

Logan Sargeant x Fem!Reader, Lando Norris x Fem!Reader

A/N: First I wanted to say thank you to everyone for all the kind messages I've been receiving, I keep rereading them and tearing up. It lets me know that there are genuine people in the world and that I can take a few days or a week to finish a request. Sorry this part took a bit longer due to the short break I took, I'll try my best to get the request I have out in a timely manner!

warnings: cursing

part 1 I part 2 I part 3 I part 4 I part 5 I part 6 I part 7 I part 8 I part 9 I part 10

Follow my instagram account (THATS STRICTLY FOR THIS BLOG) for updates on when i post and fun stuff like that!

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F1 Masterlist

A drive to Lily's that normally would've taken 25 minutes depending on traffic only took Lando 10 and I think the way he is flooring it right now has been the fastest he's ever driven in his life. I mean anyone could've easily mistaken him for Max Verstappen in this moment and rightfully so, my bastard of an ex-boyfriend and baby dad is an absolute dick for what he just did.

I get being upset that I'm pregnant and that my boyfriend right now is treating me 10x better than you ever will but actually spoiling the gender for us AND spoiling the fact that I'm carrying twins is on another level of insanity.

When we dropped Yelena off, Lily had told us she wasn't going to be expecting a baby pick up anytime soon. Which by the way, God bless Lily for just being able to drop whatever she had planned for today to be able to watch my kid while Lando and I dealt with baby daddy drama.

The blaring sound of a ringtone is what yanked me from deep in my thoughts. I picked up the phone to look at the caller ID before answering and placing it on speaker "Carlos, now is really not a good time". I said while running a hand over my face to try and ease some tension building up.

"Logan's at my place." Lando's knuckled gripped the steering wheel tighter at the mention of his name.

"Why is he there and why does he need to have a conversation with you present?" I questioned

"He told me to tell you and Lando to meet him here to talk to you but wants me present and he thinks Lando is going to kill him." Carlos started, doubt coating his voice as he talked.

"I FUCKING AM" Lando screamed as he pressed down on the gas pedal harder.

I’ve seen Lando upset and even angry before but what I was seeing from him right now wasn’t either of those, this was pure hatred. Lando was seeing pure red in his vision as he was driving, almost hit a pedestrian (who shouldn’t have crossed but people don’t pay attention to signs).

Now that Lando knows he has to book it to Carlos’ place instead of Logan’s he makes a sharp turn, which could’ve easily flipped the car if you weren’t as much of a skilled driver as Lando is.

"BABE! I KNOW YOU'RE MAD AND ALL BUT DON'T CRASH THIS CAR AND KILL ALL 4 OF US!" I screamed as I grabbed ahold of the center console

Something about the fear in my voice as I screamed at Lando seemed to get through this barrier of red he had coating him and he seemed to ease up on the steering wheel and drove a bit more safer.

-

Arriving at Carlos house, we were greeted with Carlos standing out front. Lando and I got out of the car and started making our way to the front door of Carlos' luxurious house while Carlos started walking towards us, meeting us halfway.

"Ay, I talk to Logan. He meant no harm pero I think he did. He is in the living room." Carlos said as he patted Lando's tense shoulder before turning his attention to me. "I'm so sorry Logan did what he did. I feel so bad but just know that I'm here for you with whatever you need." Carlos added while he pulled me into a hug.

I've always loved Carlos' hugs because of the level of comfort they always brought was just unmatched. If you're sad, have a Carlos hug, if you're happy, have a Carlos hug, if you don't want a hug, have a Carlos hug. Moral of the story: a Carlos hug can fix everything. Well, almost everything.

"Thank you Carlos, I really needed that hug. I just-" The sound of glass breaking is what caused me to stop mid-sentence and I turned to look over at my boyfriend, only to find him no where in sight.

My heart dropped to my feet when I was met with no sign of my boyfriend and all I could hear from a distance was arguing. Carlos wasted no time in spinning on his heels and running into his house and into the living room where all the arguing was taking place.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY IN YOUR MIND, YOU THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY TO SPOIL A FUCKING GENDER REVEAL BY POSTING IT ON INSTAGRAM AND ON TOP OF THAT SPOILING THE FACT THAT WE'RE HAVING FUCKING TWINS!!!" the voice of Lando booming louder as I inched closer to Carlos' living room.

"I DID IT BECAUSE YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME! YOU TOOK MY BABY, MY LIFE, MY GIRL, YOU TOOK IT ALL! I HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR!" Logan shouted in rebuttal, his face contorted in a way I've never seen before and his skin as red as a tomato.

When our eyes locked, I could see Logan's eyes soften but when he opened his mouth to say something, Lando cut him off.

"I DIDN'T 'TAKE' YOUR GIRL, I SHOWED HER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LIVE IN A HOUSE WHERE SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT DOING SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER EVERY MOVE. I SHOWED HER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE IN A HAPPY AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, I SHOWED HER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE LOVED BY A REAL MAN! I SHOWED HER EVERYTHING YOU COULDN'T AND YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE YOU'RE A COWARD!" that seemed to set Logan off because the second the word "coward" came spilling out of Lando's mouth, Logan lunged towards him in an angry manner.

Before they could make any type of contact, Carlos was in the middle trying to set some type of boundaries between them.

"YOU GUYS ARE NOT FIGHTING IN MY HOUSE! LOGAN, OUT NOW! BEFORE I CALL THE COPS!" That seemed to be enough for Logan to walk away but not before stopping in front of me, his face so close to mine I could feel his breath against my skin.

"I hope I never see you again until your fucking funeral, slut." Logan walked away brushing his shoulder past mine as he did.

I knew Logan felt some type of way towards me since I left him while I was pregnant and refused to give in to all his promises of being a better man for me but hearing those words coming out of his mouth hurt. I always hoped we would be able to work it out for the sake of Yelena but after what he said, I don't know if we can, even if I wanted to.

Everything after what Logan said was blur, I don't remember him leaving, I don't remember Lando running after him and Carlos after Lando, but more importantly, I don't remember my legs giving out under my weight and me collapsing to the ground.

All at once everything started to hit me like a semi-truck. The pain in my knees after the fall, the ache in my heart but also the excruciating pain in my abdomen.

"BABE?! BABY ARE YOU OKAY? CARLOS GET THE CAR STARTED! WE HAVE TO TAKE Y/N TO THE HOSPITAL!"

-

The whole car ride to the hospital had to be the worst 15 minutes of my life. Every bump or sudden brake of the car increased the pain in my abdomen by 10. At one point it literally felt like there was an elephant sitting on me, restricting my oxygen intake.

When we finally arrived, Carlos quickly parked in front of the ER doors before rushing inside. Less than 30 seconds after running into the hospital, a group of doctors and nurses came running outside with a gurney.

Seeing them, Lando swung the car door open and quickly got out, allowing them better access to get to me.

Getting transferred from the back seat of the car to the gurney hurt just as suspected but they quickly rushed me in so they could evaluate my symptoms to tell me what's wrong.

No matter how much pain medication they gave me, the pain was still too much to bear.

"Do you want us to give you something to sedate you?" The student doctor said. She sounded genuinely hurt at hearing how much pain I was in.

"YES! PLEASE, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" I screamed and I watched as she grabbed the vile of liquid.

Just as the student doctor was done giving me the sedative, I heard the doctor come in.

"So, unfortunately I've got some ba-AH NO! WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER?"

"I- Uh, Gave her a sedative?"

"YOU'RE NEVER SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WITHOUT CONSULTING ME! THE SEDATIVE IS GOING TO DO MORE HARM THAN GOOD!" that was all I heard before slipping into unconsciousness.

-

After I fell unconscious and was of no use, my doctor made his way to the waiting room to have a talk with Lando in order to figure out the steps going forward.

Once Lando locked eyes with the doctor, he shot up from his seat "Doc, how is she??" Lando asked as he searched the doctors face for answers.

"Unfortunately your girlfriend has a rare condition that affects the babies called Monochorionic Twins, which is where the babies share the same placenta and amniotic sac which can cause tangling of umbilical cords, imbalance of nutrients, blood and problems to other vital organs. Your girlfriend also has a history of major bleeding, vomiting and dehydration during pregnancy which also puts her at risk. We have to operate to save them, the babies have a 25% chance of survival and would have to be in the NICU for many months whereas your girlfriend has a 75% of surviving with minimal damage to any part of her reproductive system. " the doctor started, he tried to look and sound as sympathetic as possible.

"What are you saying Doc?" Lando asked, his breath and hands shaky and his knees trembled beneath him.

"You have to choose who we save, your babies or your girlfriend."

-

Again, thank you guys so much for the overwhelming amount of support I've received in the past few days. I appreciate and love each and every single one of you guys and I hope you enjoy this part.

Unfortunately this series is coming to an end soon but I really don't want to say goodbye to it yet.

taglist:

@luckyladycreator2 @itsmiamalfoy @jeffs77 @ilivbullyingjeongin @forevercaffeinated-lee @daemyratwst @gulphulp @callsignwidow @f1wintermoon13 @teenwolf01 @victoriassecret101 @hiireadstuff @formulaal @eddieharrington @kazza72584 @zabwlky1999 @dark-night-sky-99 @rougekiki @xoscar03 @jess-wither @bountychanti @dhanihamidi @Ggasly.p @tellybearryyyy @a-panseuxalmess @love-simon @tallrock35 @iiaik0ii @Milkyymelanine @ilovsyou3000morgan @styl1shl1v

[yuri-is-online]

Hi Yuri! Have you ever considered the idea of there being an alternate version of the twst boys in Yuu’s world? Since we have no clue if it’s just another planet or an entirely separate universe, it’s theoretically possible. Poor Yuu would think they are going crazy seeing a familiar face or hearing a familiar voice in another world. Perhaps it is even painful to the point Yuu tries to avoid interacting with the boy in question. - 🦐

(Also, I am well aware of how often I’ve been sharing these thoughts. If they’re annoying you or you don’t feel up to it, I don’t want you to feel pressured to respond or anything. I’m just spitballing and posting before I forget. 👉👈)

OH BOY DO I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS ON THIS!!!!! (first and foremost being that you are very much not annoying <3)

An alt version of a twst boy in Yuu's world is just so yummy. There's so much angst potential depending on what the relationship is/was. Did their boy die in some horrible accident? Is he waiting for them, anxious and terrified about where Yuu went? Does this imply that twst also has a version of Yuu somewhere out there in the world? Questions questions. I did sort of write about this idea in the tags of this yan version of the soulbound au, wherein a cursed Yuu driven insane by their curse kills their soulmate before being isekaid to Twisted Wonderland and finding a different version of him, horrified with the realization that they could kill him again... but I want to cook up some dynamics for what the dorm leaders/overblot boys could be up to in Yuu's world first sooo...

I had a hard time thinking about Riddle until I remembered he's a horse girl and cast Yuu in the role of bad boy ranch hand whose dad's got a job at the barn so they're forced to help take care of the horses and warn all the would be YA protags about the "special horse" who doesn't take orders from just anyone. Not that Riddle is the protagonist... he's more the well established rich petty bitch who looks down on the new girls and especially on you because you're never taking care of his horse in accordance with all his stupid rules. And in stereotypical horse movie fashion Riddle has a massive not so secret crush on bad boy ranch hand Yuu who just doesn't get why he keeps trying to talk to them.

There isn't much royalty left in the world, but imagine Leona as the son of some rich business magnate whose older brother got the company and left him with "nothing." Maybe Yuu works at a liquor store part time and Leona comes in to pick stuff up every once in a while. You wouldn't call him a friend, but you guys shoot the shit enough that you have a general feel for each other to the point he joins you on your breaks to keep up the talk and play chess.

I love the idea of student president council Azul. He's made for that trope. Born for it, he'd be such a terror with Jade as his VP and Floyd as well. Floyd. I can't see him really being a part of the student council but I had this idea the other day based off this instagram post I saw about this mom who sews right? Her daughter was running for class president and she made these bracelets with little shrimp on them and attached them to cards that said "Keep it shrimple! Vote for (kid's name)!" And I was struck with this vision of Yuu doing that so like. Yuu running against Azul with that campaign slogan and he's tearing his hair out over it being so popular because people like memes (the original idea had Floyd running as Yuu's vp but they both dropped out at the last minute because neither him or Yuu wanted to do the actual work lol.) I also like student council president Azul and delinquent Yuu... but that's because of Tsuredure Children ha

Kalim and Jamil are hard... but I think the same set up of rich businessman's kid and his bodyguard in training still fits. How Yuu meets them is beyond me, but if you were friends with either of them could you imagine how painful seeing the same tragedy play out in this new world would be? Jamil doomed to always be a servant and Kalim doomed to be betrayed by his best friend... that would be so painful for someone who cared deeply about either of them I could see it motivating Yuu to try and resolve things for twst Jamil and Kalim that much harder.

Ok so hear me out... Vil still wants to be an actor in your world but he doesn't have the connections to his dad and is working as a pharm tech with Yuu at your local drugstore while going to school and hunting for gigs. He mentions being interested in cosmetics and magical pharmacology in game... and he also mentions knowing nothing about his mom so like. Your world Vil ended up with his mom instead of his dad and you get to see him on the cusp of his big break as one of his number one supporters from the very start, only to get isekaid to a world where you get to see what things could have looked like. It's strange how similar and yet not both versions of Vil are...

Idia is the guy who comes in to buy snacks at your convenience store during the night shift who you start talking to when you notice him buying a game time card for something you also play. You're stupid awkward around each other at first, but it's nice to finally have someone to talk about your niche interest with once you've passed each other's sniff tests. You don't actually know him know him though... so getting sent to another world where there's another version of him makes you worried the more you learn about his backstory that maybe you should have been there for your Idia more. Is he doing ok back home? Did he think of you as a friend? You hope he isn't blaming himself for any of this...

Malleus is an old money trust fund baby whose family was absolutely royalty at some point and is still overly attached to it. He likes old buildings, cemeteries, long walks in the fog, you know all those good goth things. He's tall and socially awkward and so grateful for you, his first and best friend who he met one moonlight night he swore was a dream in his favorite abandoned building who spoke at length with him about all sorts of things he liked. So you know. More or less the same. Just without the world ending powers... I think this is another one that would be quite sad. Which version of Malleus needs Yuu more? Which one is the real one? I'd hate the idea of him being destined to always be lonely and lose the ones he loves.

As for Yuu avoiding them... I could see that. It would feel weird seeing someone you love so much only for it not to be them at all. I know that the Lovebrush Chronicles kiiiiind of deals with this??? I wish I had the patience to play through it has an appealing glasses wearing ro but it's a mobile otome :/ but still. It's a concept I promise I am totally normal about.

[dangermousie]

I genuinely started screaming at this scene. Because JW gave info about bribes to the reporter right before confirmation hearing for his father which was nuts enough but unsurprisingly daddy was able to weasel out of it. And then this happens:

Look at Ju Won's face. He's bracing himself. He knows. HE KNOWS!!!!

This is a man who was expecting it. And not just because of his conscience or w/e, because I 100% bet he planned it. The thing is, it's an objectively an insane thing to do. Running your own unauthorized sting operation during which the mole dies because she comes across a serial killer and which you have by now reported to the proper police auditing authority is not something for which one needs to be arrested during a freaking confirmation hearing for one's father. It's highly unlikely to even be an offense from which you will be dismissed from the force let alone jailed. And both he and Dong Sik have to know this - so it has to be part of some sort of plan. (And also the thing is, Ju Won genuinely believes he should be punished and he's asked for punishment during the audit and got none because nobody wanted to piss off his father. I am sure at least some of this for Ju Won is driven not just by desire to crack the case about DS' sister but by his desire to be punished and if they won't do so otherwise, he will force the issue.)

The way he raises his cuffed hands when asked if he remembers LGH? I love that so much! Ju Won's belief in taking responsibility - not just by others but by himself - is probably the best thing about him. He is my favorite character in a drama full of great characters because he's such an absolutist idealist who applies his insane standards not just to others but to himself whatever the cost. He's a zealot and he's willing to immolate himself for what he thinks is just and I just love love love that in a character. (I mentioned before that he made me think of CWN in 2ha in insistence the same rules and punishment apply to him as to others; even if everyone else knows this is supposed to be only on paper he refuses to live in that reality. And the penalty for violating the law would not stop him from doing what he thinks is needed, but he will also insist on punishment. He believes that it's fair to pay the price for what one's done and it's worth it. He's whatever the opposite of a shirker is and I love that.)

Look at the looks on their faces. This was totally planned by them both or I will eat my nonexistent hat.

I think this is what draws DS to JW btw - he has been surrounded by people who shied away from facing their wrongdoings or the wrongdoings of their loved ones, who tried to hide them or forget them or ignore them - that even includes the Chief let alone everyone else - and then here is Ju Won who comes in as an awkward by the book martinet with seemingly unrealistic standards and HE LIVES UP TO THEM and keeps living up to them in insane circumstances. He will never hide or ignore or try to justify anything of his or his close ones. This is one person DS can always be certain of in that regard. The rest of the characters all have some sort of lever than can be found if one pushes hard enough to make them deviate; but not Ju Won. Because to deviate would be to destroy the basis of his self. It would never be worth it to him because he would not be able to live with it; the pain of whatever happens if he adheres to his code is immaterial compared to the destruction of him at his base that would happen if he failed to adhere.

[yuseirra]

I really enjoy drawing them as gods! :) I'll keep drawing this version too while I can (and even after things clear up~)

I jotted about these guys earlier AGAIN and it's so funny, I'll put it in the read more

(was written in another language, translated in bulk by chatgpt~)

I set up my tablet to draw all weekend and started listening to Fatal again.

Seriously, this song… it’s just Kamiki, saying, “I can’t live without Ai~~ I want to see Ai so badly… Without her, I’m really going to die, I feel like I’ll die—what am I supposed to do?” That’s exactly what it sounds like.

It’s like Ai is Ame-no-Uzume, and Kamiki is her husband. He’s like a god who lost his wife and went completely insane. I can’t hear it any other way, seriously. If this isn’t the case, I’d be so disappointed! There’s just no other explanation for all the bizarre situations in the story. Every time I hear this song, I feel like I’m losing my mind because of this interpretation…

This isn’t Aqua. Right now, Aqua let go of his wish for Ai and is sinking deeper as he saves Ruby. No, it’s Kamiki who’s crying about not being able to live without Ai, wanting to see her that badly. What are we supposed to do with him? Why does he love Ai this much? (To be fair, the backstory is there. Watching his character unfold, I thought, "Yeah, it makes sense he’d fall for Ai.” Even before the song and Chapter 154 came out, I was certain of it.) He’s the only character who’d have such a “lack of Ai.” He lost Ai, and now he’s like, “My destiny is to get her back!” I’m sure that’s what’s driving him. He studied science in college, built a company, and went around doing all these things while telling himself, “It’s my fault, my fault,” and witnessing people dying. Seriously… what is this?

And his eyes—I feel they were originally golden, but it feels like something mixed in because of that black star, which changed the color. His eyes look so murky. I don’t think they were meant to be purple. Every other character has clear eyes, but whenever they show his in the anime, his color is cloudy, almost like something else is mixed in.

The Hoshino family’s eye colors connect to their names, but Kamiki’s name means “light,” so why the sudden purple? It could be, but his eyes look so cloudy, and no other character’s eyes have that quality. He’s not in his right mind… he really seems possessed. And why are the lyrics like this? Why do they have this meaning? If this isn’t revealed, I’m going to seek out the author myself. It’s almost funny. This song is just so strange.

It sounds like constant crying—a song of intense longing, he’s losing his mind. Once again, this isn’t Aqua’s emotional arc. Kamiki’s emotions are ten steps deeper than Aqua’s, maybe even more unhinged. He literally seems unable to live without Ai. But this makes sense if they’re a divine couple; they literally can’t function without each other. They need to be together, which even aligns with the things Kamiki says in the story. He was hers and she was his- What is he, really? He isn’t your average person. He’s genuinely strange. What he does is something that can't just be explained with charisma or “because he’s charming.” No, Ai and Kamiki must have originally been gods.

Honestly, Kamiki must be a god who was deeply devoted to his wife, driven to madness because people killed her. That’s why Aqua was assigned to dunk him into the sea to get him… This storyline would make so much more sense if this is it.

Ai must be crying in heaven if she sees what’s become of her husband. It’s so absurdly tragic. I feel like this direction would make more sense. I mean, what kind of story would it be if Kamiki were just “the bad guy”? We already know he was fundamentally a good person. How could an ordinary person even do all these things? I know the setting is modern, with cell phones, electronics, law enforcement, etc. But honestly, people buying into this guy’s ideals to this degree is baffling. He could only pull this off if he were a god.

Fatal… I’m sure I’ve shared my thoughts on this song countless times, but every time I listen to it, I feel like I’m one step closer to understanding its meaning. This song’s emotions are just so Kamiki. If this is Kamiki, though… well, he must really have loved Ai. He’s struggling so much, and you can really feel what it means to not be able to live without someone. He simply can't bear it. That’s how strong his love is.

At this point, can’t we just let him meet Ai again already? He fell apart because he couldn’t see her, even though he wanted to so badly. Was he really at fault for all of this? Is he actually responsible for Ai’s death? I don’t think so… If Ai had been there, he probably wouldn��t have ended up like this.

We need to find out the real reason Ai died, don’t we? This song has to mean something, right? There has to be a reason this song came out. I wouldn’t have started down this path if I didn’t feel I already knew the answer. If I were the author, I’d never make a character who wants to see Ai so desperately into her killer. Maybe Kamiki has some godly power that became unstable out of his anxiety, causing the chain of events that led to her death, but...

Now that we know Ai truly loved Kamiki, I can’t believe he’d even lay a finger on her. It just doesn’t fit his character or story. His behavior shows he isn’t capable of that. This is the same person who couldn’t even retaliate against people who treated him horribly, even those he cared less about than Ai. He was a kind person.

Looking at Kamiki’s consistent behavior, there’s always this gentleness, almost peacefulness. Even if he’s lost it now, that gentleness seems closer to his true nature. I feel like something forced its way into him and twisted him.

The person Ai loved was probably this part of Kamiki, the gentle exterior. If you look at it, it makes sense why she’d fall for him. He’s fundamentally that kind of person, but something happened to him.

I’m rarely wrong about things like this… There aren’t many chapters left now, so if I’m wrong, I’ll just take it as it comes.

Was Kamiki really the kind of person Aqua could treat that way? Honestly, I wasn’t satisfied watching the interactions between Tsukuyomi and Aqua. It didn’t feel good to watch them connect and talk sympathetically. Plus, if it turns out Ai loved someone who was truly insane, that’s another problem.

If Kamiki really did do horrible things, it would make more sense if they were god-level punishments from a god who went insane. If he were just a regular boy who lost it and became a serial killer… what even is that? That would be so disrespectful to people who have similar backgrounds. For a character like this, I feel like there should be a certain amount of care in how he’s handled. Otherwise, I'd really be upset. I’m sure the author understands that.

Anyway… it feels like the answer’s already in the song. Like the answer’s already been given. There aren’t many chapters left, so I guess we’ll find out soon.

[mixelation]

i will also share with u the absurd toxicity (reborn au au (tm)) rpf lore developed with @waffliesinyoface

point one: obito would not be naturally drawn to fandom, but he IS a troll who likes absurd things, and it's important to him to know what's up with the people in his life. he has read the entirety of icha icha (more than once!) for the simple pleasure of sniping kakashi with a well-placed reference. when tori gets fixated on ninja rpf, he also obviously starts reading it so he can have fuel to tease her.

unlike kakashi's brand of obsession (which is PRIVATE, obito, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS), tori's obsessions crave interaction. you want to talk rpf with her? she is going to drag you down into a terrible vortex of rpf fixations

obviously "driven to making insane decisions for petty reasons" tori is obito's favorite tori. he is SO supportive of her ongoing war against the sasori girls.

obvious outcome of point one: obito becomes a kakashi girl

tori is SO supportive of his psychosexual kakashi obsession. she thinks him working through his feelings like this is good for him. also she likes reading fic

obito is not well-liked in kakashi fan circles when he's writing in under a pen name because he keeps writing kakashi as a damsel in distress in constant need of rescuing due to chakra exhaustion. fangirls hate this because kakashi should be cool and badass all of the time???

point two (horrible realization): in this au, obito retains his uchiha pretty privilege. he's also the infamous loose canon of the yellow flash's students. there's ABSOLUTELY insane fic about him

obito's favorite ship is obviously him/kakashi, but NO ONE writes it right???

yes he and tori are dating. no she doesn't care he keeps looking up kakashi/him. she knows what she signed up for.

in fact, tori inspires him!! if tori can go hunt down a random sasori rpf writer to argue with her, OBVIOUSLY he can go have a converastion with some obito writers and gently push them in the right direction!!

but he has to do it cool and mysterious, see, so they get him. he shows up in the dead of night in his super dramatic madara personality. he just wants to talk. he gives a dramatic speech and throws in some killing intent for Effect

obvious outcome of point two: everyone stops writing obito fic because they're terrified.

tori: realizes there's still READERS for obito fic but no writers

tori: that's free real estate

she's converting. she's an obito girl now. (obito: babe that's SO sweet of you)

NO ONE likes her obito fics either because she writes him as a deeply pathetic whackjob who cries during sex. she gets multiple replies that are like "when will obito show up to murder THIS writer"

instead of being normal she's like "FYI he DID show up in my bedroom but that won't stop me because I AM NOT A COWARD"

third, miscellaneous point: obito is shunned by fandom when he's a faceless person writing in. at in person meet-ups, people love him despite his rancid opinions because he is hot. :'(

tori: PUT THE MASK BACK ON I HATE THIS

obito in kakashi cosplay??? with kakashi's real clothes he stole???

i thought about writing a joke about them going to an in-person fic exchange and people not realizing they're together to mirror the ANBU Party Debacle. however i do not think this is the mood for Torito because they cannot physically resist bothering each other for more than 90 seconds at a time. obito shows up holding her hand so he can swing their arms like literal children. if he doesn't pay attention to her for long enough, tori WILL tug his hair/loose clothing/etc. he attempts to sit in her lap at least twice. they're both super into the other person's rancid headcanons. they are so fucking obnoxious

no one ever matches obito-in-person with obito-showing-up-to-harass-fic-writers because of the insanely different personalities

people are okay with obito in person despite his personality because he is. hot. and a man. and they're a group of mostly women who are attracted to men. do you see? but they still fucking hate tori

a rumor starts that the reason tori can write bonkers obito fic without him murdering her is that when he showed up to threaten her over it, she slept with him. so not only is she annoying, but she cheated on her hot boyfriend (obito) with famous ninja uchiha obito! she doesn't deserve either of them!!!

(obito: that's exactly what happened tho. i gave you my super cool and scary "write better fanfic" speech and you slept with me. <3 / tori, who will never EVER admit she found his stupid "madara" personality kind of hot: (tea kettle noises))

[riverofrainbows]

Ok so the black book episode.

I finally watched it.

It could have done with a double feature. There was so much going on. And it worked, emotionally, but it was a lot. The plot was so fucking condensed.

Fuck when they do something they do it right, don't they. The deaths of the three were fucking harrowing. No fanfare or dramatics, just realistic and dead.

I'm so goddamn impressed by Sophie playing 12 different people. I love her. I know she gets a lot of recognition, but she deserves some more. Holy shit her voice training skills must be off the rocks.

I thought they would have hired Quinn for the police officer, he looked kind of similar, and then i thought it was him and Tara. But with Sophie being on phone theatre, of course Nate was free.

I wonder how fast Sterling figured it out. I think about half a minute into the room with Nate. The rest was just playing along, and hesitating whether to actually go through with the con, while setting up an outcome for both decisions. Usually i really don't think he has it all immediately figured out, but usually he isn't at quite that high alert, and the target isn't that clear and big a deal.

It really should have been a double feature, or a movie length episode. There needed to be more time, to really lay it all out.

I like what they used as the contents and method of collection for the black book. I watched another show (can't remember which) where it was some unsourced collection of various evil people, and that was soo shady and frustrating.

I've come across a bunch of Sterling/Nate shipping by now, and I'm starting to agree. Like that is genuinely a love story for the ages. However i am firmly convinced that it is entirely mental and intellectual. I just really can't see them having any relationship type. Not that Sterling wouldn't fuck Nate but that's just Mark Sheppard's insane gay flirting aura. But mentally, those two are having mind sex, and are tragic soulmate lovers. Also because they have divorced vibes. I'm convinced of the headcanon that they were in a couple friendship driven/held up by their wives socialising, and played 6d time travel chess mind games over barbecue (aka having a mind sex love affair right in front of the salad) (but really low key because they wouldn't actually cheat on their wives).

The way the con failed and they died was really realistic and well done and really stressed me out :(((( not over that.

Also the way this confirmed the Hardison-Eliot ship (platonic or romantic) was. Very much canon thank you. Not to mention the "till my dying day". Like hello??? Also the ice cave and rundown job train scene having already confirmed the depth of Eliot-Parker's bond earlier in the season. (But toxic masculinity and being a show from 2009 impeding the Hardison-Eliot part till the last episode/them dying (rituals to touch other mens skin etc etc flashbacks to superhell love confession sth sth bury your gays (except they lived bitch)).

Also the setup with "do you think you could live a normal life" earlier in the season. Also², annotation to that one: Eliot talking about having to help Hardison's restaurant, as if Hardison didn't buy it for him.

I liked the part about order vs justice. Very 'keeping the peace with an abusive person causing more harm than upsetting status quo'.

It's a good ending for a show. Seriously, it's both end of an era and not destroying everything that was before. Still glad we got leverage redemption tho obviously.

Parker being the new mastermind is great

Her monologue ajsbsjjd. I was cackling so bad. It was a fantastic way to really cinematographically tie up the show though, and she is great for the job. Both Hardison (who already has enough to do) and Eliot (who really doesn't like leading) always get way too deep into stuff, including their respective jobs for it, which is one reason why they're so good though don't get me wrong.

Why did she have slicked back hair with no bangs, and weird eyeshadow :( Awful 1/10. One point for her clearly thinking she needs to put on hair gel for stepping into a Nate role for a con, like that is exactly a logic she would have.

Eliot's blue tinted glasses, love it.

I like that they're not having one of the guys do it just for misogyny reasons, and that at the same time her doing it is very well supported and set up by their characterisations, and not as some sort of disrespectful shoehorned girlboss feminism move. Which ends up with a woman being the new mastermind being actually well done too. Because they never do annoying stereotypes at leverage, and thank fuck for that.

I love that Sterling was there for the last episode. Also, i swear, getting used by Nate for a con (while getting something out of it himself) is a kink thing for him. It happens genuinely almost every goddamn time we see him, while he knows and actively plays along.

I want to see more of Sophies telephone theatre :(

How the fuck did they fake the car accident, they should have shown sth on it.

Only because i knew very securely that they were fine did i not get completely freaked out at Hardison lying there on the ground. And i never ever want to see Eliot gargle up blood ever again. :((((

I was 100% convinced that Parker can hold him with just one hand, i was so shocked. Honestly one of the first clues from the story itself that it was fake. Yes i have that much trust in her. Second clue was the balloon.

No actually, first clue was Nate looking at the cameras. Can't remember which first clue came first in the episode.

I thought Nate gave Sterling something when he distracted him from the trio, and clearly Sterling also thought so, he probably took like several seconds to check if he had gotten anything slipped into his pockets afterwards.

I wish we could have seen more of the "you lied to us?" conversation at the end. Not that that wasn't the tldr of it or needed change, but i want to see the whole conversation.

The tunnels were great. I again wish to have gotten even a crumb more information on that.

It might have done well, and I'm just throwing out ideas here, to be a two parter episode, they could have really used some extra space. The plot was really condensed.

It was q good episode, and a very good ending, something oh so rare in tv shows.

[cator99]

I love making phone calls I love sending emails and being overall pleasant to interact with I love looking for solutions and being eager to understand how the world around me operates and to ask people about the role they play in this beautiful world I love being able to tell that other people are excited for any reason at all to strut their shit in this way and I always take notes on how they do it. It's all so funny to me. I am doing this because I am an insane person. I am the best person for the job. I am like the inverse of Jude St Francis. Born in a wet cardboard box doomed fucked in the head and forced to make an accommodation with life BUT I think its cunty and will commit awesomely violent ritual seppuku when my life is at its absolute peak. But yeah I dont get anxiety anymore if I dont like something it I can just thank them for their time and then find a way to leave and literally do anything else no one really cares as long as you do it right and you know like you can just keep looking for better things you literally never know you might turn out to be really passionate about fish mongering and didnt even consider it and it's not always easy but if the alternative is unbearable then fuck it pack a bag and stick your thumb out on the highway and spend 2 hours chatting about life with a fat 60 year old semi truck driver with photos of his happy fatty family plastered over the entirety of his dashboard and who was concerned why some kid was wandering the highway without a jacket and is nothing but totally kind and appropriate towards you which you kind of didnt expect when you hit the road but then you get to the city and go to an orgy party at some xi/xirs apartment who you met while on a psychiatrist-approved leave to attend an LGBT youth summer camp during the tail end of your 4 month stay at a youth mental health/detention facility but you can't stay there because his 40 year old housemate just announced that he's moving to the states and suddenly wouldnt be contributing to next months rent and didn't want to say anything until the night before when his boxes were being actively moved out of the apartment in order to avoid any sort of confrontation and the resulting altercation is heart breaking this 40 year old workig professional gay dude just absolutely betrayed this screwed up teenaged lesbian with no hesitation but maybe the drug fuelled sex parties had something to do with it but im just there stoned watching some tv show about anthropomorphic fast food and xe really did care about me but this was not the time to be pulling some cutesy whimsical runaway shit so we said our goodbyes and xe gave me directions the youth emergency shelter. As far as I was concerned, I was living the dream. This was just the "hard" part. I broke the high score on the ancient tetris machine at the day-shelter and barely ate anything because they relied entirely on donations and for whatever reason nobody thought to donate anything gluten free. I slept in the girls quarters of the cold shelter we were taken to every night, driven in huge vans by the staff at the day shelter. The girls were primarily quiet and didnt want to talk or even look at anyone. Some of the native girls were chill to play board games or watch tv with though. The guys were real rough. Mostly drug addicts. Mostly violent. They were known for treating each other terribly. I was told I could "use whatever rooms or washrooms that align with your gender identity". I told them I'd rather use the room that made me less likely to have me end up raped or my pillow pissed on.

[jemmo]

i keep on seeing shit about ot6 vs ot7, who is there more of, why they support seunghan, why they don’t, and how that effects whether he returns to or leaves the group. and all i can think is WHY THE FUCK IS IT UP TO THE FANS. we do not own sm, we’re not on the board, we don’t work there. fans can think however they like. but why are we actually letting fans opinions not just influence but actually dictate what happens with these groups. no matter what anyone thinks, there are hard truths. seunghan did nothing wrong. that should be the only thing that dictates whether he’s allowed to continue his career or not, not what anyone online has to say. and reflecting on all of this makes me feel like a crazy person for not seeing it sooner. companies will lull you in with the intense connection they manufacture between idols and fans, they’ll make you think you’re important and that you matter, and when they respond to fan opinion in the way you want, it makes you feel great, like wow the powers that be actually listened to me. they want you to think that fan influence isn’t just good, it’s essential. like it just comes with being a fan now, you have power, it’s how they up engagement and make money. and usually them doing things, making decisions that are fan-driven is good bc it reinforces the feeling of power and closeness fans have and the company benefits so you don’t bat an eyelid. but something like this happens and you step back and just realise how insane it is. i am just a person. we are just people and our opinions can be fickle and baseless and emotional. they should not be the thing that drives decisions that change the lives of these idols. I do not want that power. sm might suck but they’re professionals paid to do a job, they’re kind of employed to have that power. when they do something you don’t like, you can complain about it, that’s fine. and if they do something bad or that is hurtful or objectively wrong, yes, kick up a fuss. but please please, i need people to realise that there’s a difference between complaining about a idol you don’t like and a company uplifting a person that has done something wrong, and sm should not look at us complaining about those as the same thing and meet it with the same response. public influence over companies should be reserved for when it is needed, for when that company is doing something that is actually bad, not for when its doing something you don’t like. at that point, no, you don’t get a say. there has to be a separation, we have to reintroduce that separation, between the what the company is doing and what the fans think. fan engagement is a nice sentiment but just look at where it has got us. we have people believing it’s right that they control an idols life, they think that’s what they’re entitled to, bc of how much they support them, how much they buy. and we have companies that will listen to harmful fans bc it’s better for them to go with what they think bc that’s where the money comes from. it’s the bad feeding off the bad. and while it’s not all of asian fans or all of korean fans, the fact is that whoever is making the most noise in the home market, no matter what it is they’re saying, they’ll get listened to, bc the company needs that fanbase most. they need the ones that will attend events day after day, buy all the merch and engage most and believe in this parasocial relationship for them to benefit. why do they support delulus? it’s how they make money. simple as. and as much as i hate being pessimistic and bitter, there’s simply nothing we can do. if it’s not what the local crazies want, it won’t happen. and as much as i wished for all these months that seunghan could just wait out the hiatus until all the drama died down and return quietly and it’d all be fine, I should’ve known that there’s nothing those ‘fans’ like better than sitting on their high horse over something petty and unimportant just to feel powerful.

so consider this a call out post, to fans that have made this space so incredibly harmful and toxic, and to the companies that encourage their behaviour. i hope you’re very happy together.

[maidragoste]

hello! i hope your day has been well!!

its me again, I've come to rant....

this show has driven me to the point of insanity and not in a good way. its the common cause of bad writing good scenery. like the writers focused more on the surroundings and costumes and hair then the actual plot and the actual writing and dialect that needs to take place.

aemond is actually a crazy man, like not him forcing everyone to march to the riverlands knowing daemon resides there instead of trying to garner other areas that could go head to head with them OR instead of getting more men. also not him putting alicent in her place because she helped create the patriarchal environment so now she has to deal with the fact she's raised horrible men.

also if aemond is that way with his mother, imagine if he had a wife?? i'd be scared for her. like alicent needs to slap him because i would lowkey. she slapped aegon so much as a kid, she forgot to slap aemond to keep his ego at ground level.

daemon having hallucinations for a tenth millionth episode is too much for me bro, like he needs more help than i do. like he's actually crazy and not him thinking it was simon doing it when its alys.

also alys having to give daemon life lessons is crazy to me. like thank goodness shes like 100 stuck in a young body because her wisdom must prevail and she looks young so people will listen ish.

not rhaenyra kissing mysaria like what is actually happening?? like too many heart to hearts, like they're good, but what do they add??

aemond wanting to actively kill everyone is beyond me like he's the real villain. like he doesnt care about the small folk and parades dragon heads like he's at a festival like he would make a bad ruler. i'm starting to think he's maegor the cruel not even with teats just maegor the cruel lol. like he is on a kinslaying spree.

aegon was even scared of aemond though he claims not to remember im sure he does and didn't want aemond to know because he knows his brother would kill him to silence him. like if the maester didn't walk in...

alicent realizing her dad is the only one who gave her power is wild and gwayne inadvertently telling her she failed as a mom was tier like she lowkey did in a way bro. like daeron is kind because he didn't grow up with your kids and your nonsense. like idk how helaena is even surviving because poor girl.

this whole show is so bad, but i have to watch to the end type of bad like it's not like i read the books yet to make the comparison so i'm not like uh "ohhh but in the book!!" like these are general observations that anyone can make about the show. it's not good and if i was the author of the book...i'd be a little pressed at all the fillers and them saying there's gonna be a 3rd season when this one has too many fillers....

sorry for the entire essay, and thank you for being a good listener and active responder!!

hi anon, how are you?

I was late in responding because I am sick and I only saw the episode today hahaha

I think I didn't suffer so much with this episode because I read your ask first so I already knew what was coming xd

I feel like I shouldn't laugh but the comment that Alicent should have hit Aemond made me laugh a lot 😭😭

About the hallucinations, I'm glad I was right that there was going to be a hallucination with Viserys, but I can understand why so many hallucinations are getting boring, and I didn't like it so much that Viserys is saying dialogues that he already said in the first season. they could have invented something

I'M WITH YOU. I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW DAEMON SUSPECTED SIMON STRONG. POOR LORD, HE NEVER DID ANYTHING TO HIM 😭😭

honestly i didn't expect to like alys but i like her dynamic with daemon

I don't know how to feel about the kiss, a part of me already saw a tension between them and I like that they confirmed rhaenyra as bisexual but I don't know how they are going to continue with this plot

I honestly don't know what to think of Aemond's writing anymore ☠️☠️ I feel like even the maester doesn't trust him

I loved the conversation about Daeron (I'm just a girl who gets excited at every mention of him). I felt sorry for Alicent, I really don't think Gwayne wanted to make her feel bad 🥺

My friend and I also thought that the show went bad (we also read the book) but we still continue watching it because we already started it and we want to see some things that are to come

Thank you for writing to me and I hope you are well 💖💖

[positivelybeastly]

Shouldn’t the “clone” Hank be regarded as the “true” Hank? After all, when Charles got brood queened and replaced with a clone, no one referred to him as a duplicate. He’s literally thee Hank

"Charles got what?!"

". . . You had a question. Ahm. Just a moment, I need to."

He rubs at his nose and his temple for a moment, wondering just when the future is going to run out of unpleasant surprises for him.

"Right, existentialism, always a light and frothy dinner topic. I suppose I am a true Hank McCoy, in that I am him, genetically, intellectually, and emotionally, but the Hank McCoy? That's a trickier question to answer, isn't it? From what I read in X-Force's files, not even the Hank McCoy who died destroying the black hole gun was technically the Hank McCoy anymore, was he?"

"From my understanding, the real Hank McCoy died a year ago as the result of some kind of psychic attack. He suffered a stroke, and Sage snapped his neck, at his request.

That was the original Hank McCoy, the one who was born in Dunfee, Illinois some thirty seven years ago. The versions that came after him were just as much clones as I am. The only material difference is that they had more memories than I do, but by my metrics, they weren't the real Hank either."

"It's a conundrum, frankly. I feel real. But then, don't all well made fakes do their best to be indistinguishable to the original? Say a thief stole the Mona Lisa and replaced it with a near-identical replica - the only difference being perhaps one misapplied brush stroke, and the fact that the canvas does not, in fact, date back to the 16th century.

Say the thief dies, and the original is lost - destroyed, even. If no-one knows that the replica is a replica, and everyone agrees that it's the original, is it now the original? I would say no. No, it isn't. Even if no-one else knows, then the replica knows. It is, on a base level, not the original, even if it looks like it. Even if everyone says it is.

I suppose there's a debate to be had, about whether original equals true, but I would tend to say it does . . . and that thought keeps the replica up at night."

This is one of those questions that I fear is going to be brushed under the bed and ignored, even though it's a completely valid existential debate that should keep a philosophically minded individual like Hank awake at night. The whole bullshit about Krakoan resurrection being different to cloning is just so - like, fuck off, don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining, it's just cloning done without machines. You are no longer the original versions of those characters, you died, and this is a clone.

This is literally the argument people have about Star Trek's transporters, only you don't have a debate over whether the reconstructed molecules assembled into a person are the original or not, it's just a fact. Everyone who died and got brought back on Krakoa is a clone. They are not the original. The conflict over what this means in a metaphysical sense for the existence of a mortal soul should have driven anyone with even a lick of faith or ambiguity about how the world works fucking insane, but instead, we just kind of. Ignore the ramifications of this.

Clone Hank is technically the true Hank in the sense that he's the only one left and he's truer to who Hank is as an individual (fuck you, Ben Percy, X-Force Beast is not who Hank really is), but he's not technically the original. He's identical, sure, but he's distinguishable.

Hell, go look at the Marvel Wikia right now.

The original.

The clone.

Now, I kind of fucking hate this distinction, because I straight up find it disrespectful for any version of Hank to have 'created by Ben Percy' on his Wiki page. Feels fucking gross and filthy.

But, the only material difference between this instance of cloning and all the Krakoan shit is how many memories he has, and if you want to list him as a clone, you should list every individual who died on Krakoa and got resurrected as a clone, in my opinion.

I'm just waiting for them to go back on this decision because it's going to be annoying to keep the two pages straight. Something I'm going to watch with interest and upset, I imagine. Maybe if clone Hank gets his memories back, they'll reintegrate the two pages - if they don't, that's just inconsistent, because Tony Stark is still listed as the same individual from the 60s to now, even though the Crossing happened (I know, we don't talk about the Crossing, BUT hey, X-Force is about as shitty of a character assassination, SO!).

But, anyway, this does dovetail with my point. Even if you did merge the two pages, they are technically two different individuals; they aren't the same physical age, they don't have the same scars, they don't have the same memories, they weren't born in the same place, etc, etc.

To most people, and to most people in-universe I don't think they care. But I care, and Hank would care, I feel.

Even at his goofiest, even at his least intellectual, Hank can't turn his brain off. He is constantly thinking. Whether it's the 90s Hank that Ben Percy was clearly writing, despite claiming it was New Defenders Hank, or actual New Defenders Hank, he would care.

I really want Hank to get his memories back, man. I fucking hate the idea of him not being allowed to know who he is. Hell, it's not even just his history that's been lost, the X-Men have lost years of their history, too, even if they don't know it - how many little moments, how many intimacies, how many beautiful seconds, have been lost because Hank is no longer able to remember them? Because Hank always remembers, even when other people don't, and that just . . . gaaaah.

All those moments, lost.

[nabibeans]

Save you

However, he soon meets Seonghwa, his brother’s Neighbor. Seonghwa wants to save Hongjoong from his past, but Hongjoong isn’t so sure he can be.

TW//: Blood, violence, drug usage (weed), underage drinking ( HJ is 18) , self harm scars, physical and verbal abuse mentioned in the past, sexual assault mentioned.

Chapter 1: new beginnings

Hongjoong was finally getting out of there. Out of the childhood home he’d been beaten and abused in. It felt surreal, that he’d finally be away from his mother and father; his mother who had done everything she could to kill him and failed every time, his father that forced him to strip naked and do unspeakable things. It had driven Hongjoong to the point of using drugs and alcohol to cope. Sneaking out late at night with his friends to drink his pain away, only to be stumbling home at 5 in the morning and vomiting every few minutes. Realistically he still smoked and drank, though Bumjoong would more than likely ask him to stop under his roof.

“Hey, you ready to go? I want to get you out before they come home.”

Hongjoong looked at his brother, Bumjoong was both a mixture of paranoid and angry at the moment; angry his parents had made his little brother’s life a living hell, paranoid they’d arrive home any moment to see the brothers fleeing.

“Yeah I am, trust me I want out as bad as you do. I can’t believe it’s finally happening.”

Hongjoong grabbed his bag, throwing it over his shoulder. The two brothers made their way to the car, leaving as fast as possible.

“I got you a new phone, mom and dad will probably shut yours off once they find out you’re gone. Sorry I couldn’t transfer your phone number like I promise.”

Hongjoong shook his head, looking down at the cracked iPhone XR in his hand. The screen was still readable, but it was clear it needed put out of its misery.

“It’s okay hyung, I’m sure my contacts will transfer with my iCloud. I’ll probably just toss this old thing anyway.”

Bumjoong smiled, ruffling his brothers hair as he drove.

“You wanted the pink one right? You’re lucky they had one left in stock when I went.”

Hongjoong nodded with a smile across his face, Bumjoong had promised him that as soon as he was out of his parents house he’d buy him the not so new iPhone 15; he had kept his word unlike his parents.

“Seriously!? You’re the best bro!”

The brothers spent the rest of the drive to Bumjoong’s apartment chatting about how things would go from now on. Hongjoong already had a job lined up he’d start in a week, he’d look into colleges with his scholarships he had, he’d also be closer to his online friends. Bumjoong suggested meeting them in person and hanging out while he gets settled. Arriving at the apartment Hongjoong’s jaw dropped, this place was nice; way nicer than he was used to.

“Holy shit- bro this is insane! You live here!?”

Bumjoong chuckled, ruffling Hongjoong’s long hair.

“I do, the receptionist is very kind. They’re trans like you.”

Hongjoong smiled at that, he’d transitioned in such an unsafe environment. Been forced to have sex with men just so his mother could keep calling him her daughter. Nausea bubbled up in his stomach that he quickly swallowed down. His asexuality had stemmed from that trauma, now sex disgusted him; he didn’t want any part in it.

“That makes me happy, though I’m mostly excited to have an actual bed to sleep on. And a proper shower, food.”

His life at his parent’s house had been rough. He’d be starved, forced to sleep on the floor or outside on the porch like a dog, he doesn’t even remember the last time he actually showered since graduating. Bumjoong laughed and nodded,

“How about you go shower, you do stink. I’ll have the movers bring your stuff up. It’s the third floor, door has 24 on it.”

Hongjoong nodded heading into the apartment complex. It was nice, far nicer than anything he’d ever had. The elevator dinged open , a few people walking out allowing Hongjoong to slip in. Pressing the button to the third floor he removed the jacket he’d been wearing. Dark red, pink, and white scars ran up his arms. A grim reminder of all the times he’d tried to harm himself to escape his parents torments, the times he’d been hospitalized for bleeding too much. That wasn’t going to happen anymore, he wouldn’t cut himself anymore. He was going to be clean. From cutting, drugs, alcohol. All of it.

The elevator opened, allowing the boy to walk to the apartment his brother had said and opened the door. It was a rather large apartment, the kitchen was spacious, the living room as well. He’d explore later, right now a warm shower was calling his name. Entering the bathroom Hongjoong eagerly turned on the water and stripped his dirty clothes, no amount of soap would be able to get the alcohol and weed smell out of them; he’d just toss them since Bumjoong bought him all new clothes. Stepping under the spray of the shower Hongjoong moaned in relief. The hot water washing weeks of dirt off his skin, even some old blood he hadn’t realized was there. It felt nice to finally have a shower, to get all the grime off his skin, finally be clean.

Once he finished in the shower Hongjoong looked at himself in the mirror. His tan skin now clean and glowing, his chest looked better too, the scars from his top surgery faded more than he’d originally thought.

“I actually look like…a person.”

He touched his face, there were a few pimples but nothing he couldn’t get rid of with his skin care products.

“Wow is that my little brother? What happened to that dirty little gremlin.”

Bumjoong was holding clean clothes for the younger, a smile on his face.

“I’m still a gremlin don’t worry. Just a clean one now. Fuck it feels amazing to actually be clean!”

Taking the clothes Hongjoong quickly began to get dressed, the clothes fit nicely; he would definitely be making the shirt into a crop top though. Once he was dressed he helped Bumjoong move in the rest of his stuff, once all the boxes were inside Bumjoong helped set up his new phone. Transferring all the data and ultimately deciding to get rid of the old one so Hongjoong would be safer and couldn’t be tracked.

“Okay, I have to go to work now. So the place is yours until midnight, you can order food with my debit card; don’t talk to strangers.”

Bumjoong ruffled the boys hair. Hongjoong nodded, already comfortable on the couch and wrapped up in a blanket. Since Bumjoong was a nurse he worked long hours, meaning Hongjoong would be alone more often than not.

“Okay, I’ll probably take a nap. Love you, see you later.”

Bumjoong kissed his brother’s cheek then left the apartment. The only sound being the air conditioning and the tv playing some drama Bumjoong had been watching earlier. It was nice, not having to worry about getting hit or assaulted. Hongjoong curled up on the couch, texting his friends in the group chat they had on discord.

Joongie💕: I’m finally out of my parent’s place and in Seoul. I’ll get to see you guys more now, this apartment is nice! I actually got to take a shower and eat proper food, have an actual drink. I’m gonna get used to this fast.

Youngie 🐈‍⬛: AHHHH IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU JOONG! You deserved this!

Putting his phone down Hongjoong curled up and drifted to sleep on the couch.

•

It was around 8pm when Hongjoong finally woke up, ordering food and changed into a cropped tank top and shorts to go to bed in after he ate. The apartment was now illuminated with led lights that turned on automatically, there were even some in Hongjoong’s bedroom that really made it feel cozy. A knock on the door came a few moments later, the small boy moved to open the door and grab his food. At the same time the neighbor opened theirs, for the same reason it seemed. The two made eye contact across the hall, Hongjoong’s cheeks heated up.

The man looking back at him looked to be a tiny bit older than him, maybe 19 or 20; long black hair was tied into a ponytail. He had peircings, an eyebrow and industrial. Hongjoong had them too, his ears, septum, and belly button. This guy, was exactly Hongjoong’s type.

“Oh hello! You must be Bumjoong’s little brother, I’m Seonghwa nice to meet you. I’m 20, I’ll be a freshman in college this August.”

The stranger, Seonghwa; held out his hand to Hongjoong who shook it.

“I’m Hongjoong, I’m 18. I’m going to college too, and I’m gay- I mean no not gay, actually I am gay but…aish!”

Hongjoong blushed while Seongwha laughed.

“I’m gay too, it’s okay. You’re very cute Hongjoong I hope I see you more. Do you have KakaoTalk?”

Hongjoong nodded, taking out his phone so they could exchange kakao IDs.

“I hope I get to see you more too Seongwha, sorry for being weird.”

Seonghwa shook his head, “I like weird. I hope you have a good night.”

Hongjoong watched as Seonghwa grabbed his food and entered the apartment across the hall, waving to the smaller boy as he closed the door. Grabbing his own food and walking to his bedroom Hongjoong immediately opened his chat logs on discord.

Joongie💕: cute boy alert! Really cute boy! And I totally fucked up and said I was gay and embarrassed myself! I have his KakaoTalk though! So I’m excited to get to know him.

Sitting on his bed Hongjoong began to eat his food while turning on an anime he’d been watching. This was the start of something better, especially if there was a cute boy only a door away.

[sempiternities]

march

I don't lie anymore, but I change. I am unreliable. I still can't consolidate my identity. I can’t just be one thing. I’ve grown, and become better, and yet i catch glimpses of myself in the rear view mirror, and miss it. The mess, the chaos, the gravity. And i like the peace I have built. I do. And it has to be better for me. But, it always feels slightly hollow. Like I'm pretending. that i'm naive. that it's all just another game, that wastes away the days. I don't really know, anymore. 

Sometimes, I am just a child. Sometimes im a monster. Well, never in action, but sometimes in thought. Not recently though, not for awhile. But I can't say its not there. And I have been insane. Strangely, i find myself missing it more and more, lately. Because at least then, i seemed to be driven by a mission, or goal, despite its lack of grounding in reality. 

I’ve been seeking out me in other things. Looking for the things that stop me in my tracks, and i can point to it and say, “look, do you see me?” I am not this body, or this face. I am the colors of the pictures i paint, and the songs that sing and vibrate through my body. I find myself in the insane. Sometimes, in the tragic. I find myself in the idea of love. But not love itself. or, maybe i do. I just cant feel it, right now. 

I am the songs of the 60s. The songs that sound like sunshine and white walls bathed in blood. Changing times. Youth destroyed by false idols. worshiping those who give you love when you need it. I see myself in the yellow patterned wallpapers, and shabby carpets that smell of lives lived. I am free and all encompassing love, of no boundaries. Body and soul. But also the sinister darkness that emerges in the shadow of the lack of it. I am that starved child, who just wishes to be held. A child that sits in the solace of parents that don’t say what they really think. a child that grows up believing everyone is a puzzle. and puzzles always need to be cracked. 

Sometimes you hear something for the first time, and wonder how it has existed along side you all this time, only now discovering it. I heard a song last night, mama, that made me turn, and twist my head. my memories are aloof, and don’t tend to stick around. They need to be inspired, or called forth, to be seen. Im looking out a window, from another time. I remember the parallels of my thoughts. I remember considering when future me would look back through my eyes, of these moments. Often, i remember the thoughts more clearly than the memories themselves. Everything painted in the color of emotion. 

But all i have is who i am. Right? Isn't that how this works? We cant separate ourselves. Maybe we can. Maybe I will try to do that. To write of myself without myself. Maybe i can be the backdrop, or the stage on which stories play out. 

Why can i only hear planes when the sun is out? Why do they sound like summer?

 And sometimes i realize i don't really have anyone else to talk to. No one that i can really be honest with. I wonder how many others feel the same. But you can't just open up with anyone. you need certain people. i must just need to keep waiting. and working. i guess. because i can't do anything as casual as find what i need out in the wild. or maybe i can. but i don't want to play in the desperation of seeking. i don't want to waste my time trying to find someone to keep my bed warm, because it won't be enough. i don't think i can let anyone else in, except one person. and maybe the people that read what i write. But even then, i avoid writing about the ugly things. Because still, i do not want to burden you with the darkness from which i come. I won't tell you so you won't have to take it in, and ingest it, and face the truth. people are happier when they think you're happy. but when you aren't, they usually don't care enough anyway. it depends where you meet them, though. there are those solid, and made of love. they are just unfortunately, seemingly an endangered species. 

i think we do everything for the exceptional moments. those things that only happen 1% of the time, or maybe even only once. Our lives tend to be shaped around these moments, defined by their before, and after. that's just what i've come to believe, because i've seen it. i think this world is tied down to numbers, statistics, and percentages. i think things fall into three categories, while simultaneously falling into all. it goes like this: 50/50, 80/20, 99/1. the first category, are the doers, and the do-not’ers. out of the ones that do, there will always be a top 20% of the highest achievers. and then, even deeper, we will find the one, who’s aptitude is only rivaled by all others, their capacity exponentially larger. But i don't intend this in a broad meaning. i think these talents are micro systems of ourselves. even a genius lacks in other areas - but perhaps that also means that there must be one person in the top 1% who is yet the top 1% of that group, and perhaps it is their knowledge that rivals that of the entire world. maybe simply, that one is god. maybe that is how our ultimate hierarchy is structured. and though i have come to believe in the numbers, i too believe that other realities must be categorically different. our system is a simple example of a fundamental truth of a subjective reality. it is my experienced truth, but other realities, by the nature of infinities, must be structured in a variety of ways (well, really an infinite amount of ways). perhaps even within this shared reality, others do not experience life in the same code that i do, the same number patterns. but then again, it can be parsed into the numbers, now only for personality traits, upbringing, and all the other factors which make us who we are. but maybe my gods are different than yours, to which i argue there must be reason in. statistically, we do not all agree in our beliefs. maybe my views are niche due to the mathematical statistical probability of it arising from a specific upbringing. perhaps there are other recipes which arrive at the same result. different fractions of ingredients to make us who we are. and you know what i mean, when you meet someone from another life who shares your same soul. but you might also not yet know, because maybe you are still in the before part of your life. maybe your match has not yet been made. you would know it if it has.

[paledarklight]

That last anon - I think Rick as a character is geared to care for Beth platonically as a Greene and as his own 'family'. He was very close to Hershel and felt guilt over everything that happened to Beth etc.

That saying... Andrew Lincoln altered his scenes with Em unconsciously with this weird attraction thing he has like that season 3 scene NARGH. It was meant to be sweet and innocent and he's eyefucking her. That is on Andrew 💯 He should have kept any feelings off screen and to himself. It shouldn't affect scenes and alter the interaction. Em is a pro and played her role as it should be.

I have to be clear Rick's emotional direction and Andrew's do not align. I'm pretty sure if the crush scene was implemented then he would have pushed for it to change direction and become requited. But again that's on Andrew. Anyone else playing Rick would have had a totally different take on their relationship and played it as it should.

I am not getting into the age thing or anything via this because where I am, 16 is an adult. I just feel very strongly that it was Daryl who caught feelings for Beth season 4 prison era, possibly as jealousy at first because of Zac getting with Beth. Then it went full rein. But Beth seemed kind of oblivious until that moment in the kitchen but she seems kinda like wow, really, I mean so much to you? The idea seems entrancing. But I am really strong that Rick never seen Beth as anything but Hershel's daughter and as a member of his family. It was platonic and Andrew totally fucked that up with his weird feelings. He's trying to play oh Rick would be against Beth's crush but then Andy comes through and just ARGH. Rick and Beth are platonic, family. Daryl and Beth were on their way to being more.

I'm not hating on you for thinking Rick would be after Beth that way if that's your take. I just think there is a genuine distinction between the characters original arc which was platonic and Andrew just totally setting fire to it. I know people ship them but if we are going to be pedantic, there is nothing romantic in his relationship to Beth. Anything there is all down to Andrew.

I also say yeah, he is hugely attracted to Danai. I know Richonners say he was drawn to Michonne from the moment he seen her and he was checking her out in the prison when he restrained her. No. That was all Andrew again. Rick was driven mad by losing Lori like a couple of days before. He was grieving her and the loss drove him insane. He's not going to be looking at another woman. I know his marriage was over etc but he said he thought he could hold on and keep them safe etc, that he still loves her and just before Lori died, there was hints of a reconciliation. So the way Rick was looking at Michonne all the way through those first scenes is NOT Rick, that is Andrew fucking up those scenes because he's thinking with his dick again.

I have to laugh cause I agree, I think that Andy doesn't always know how to stay in character and he bleeds through into Rick affecting how Rick acts.

When I write and if Ricks is involved he is purely as a father figure , he loves Beth purely as a father loves his daughter.

But your right that I watch how Rick gives the smolder at whomever female he's in contact with and it's like Mmmm maybe ??

But then I have to remember that's Andrew not keeping himself in check.

Norman Reedus can eat peanut butter even if HE hates it, the scene of him escaping the Saviors calls for Daryl Dixon eating peanut butter so he eats it.

Similarly, Andrew....

I agree I definitely see Daryl being jealous, not understanding his feelings but there's definitely jealousy when he sees Zac, @twdmusicboxmystery said I think that he's postering at Zac when he is guessing Daryls past , Daryl gives him this made up story about him being a undercover ans it sounds very cool and tough and a bit showy which Daryl isn't... Except when he's bumping chests with someone he perceived as competition

[skykashi]

Just wanted to chime in on what I've been seeing just now about those AI accusations to try and help put your mind and heart at ease as a fellow artist who's been accused of essentially art theft in the past because of moderate style variations(someone I considered one of my best friends accused me of tracing a piece they'd done of one of their characters because the nose on the sketch I did of him (while having their piece up to the side so I knew what he looked like) looked too similar in their opinion to the one they'd done, along with another piece I used photo reference for). Don't let that person get to you - they obviously have nothing better to do with their time than target random people with accusations they have no proof of, acting like some divine authority on what human-driven art is supposed to look like. Like, demanding proof that someone made a piece is so borderline-dystopian to me, and to claim that your motivation is like, protecting artists from being hurt then go and... accuse an artist of theft/lying for no good reason to the point where they consider leaving the fandom space you claim you're trying to keep 'safe'? Wild. Them saying it must be AI because it's 'soooo different from your usual style' is also insane to me. Styles can literally change on a day-to-day basis depending on a variety of factors. Artists try new things and end up with wildly different results sometimes. I sometimes use really thick lines while other times I push myself to go as thin as possible. Sometimes I go freehand and other times if my tablet's acting up or I just don't feel like plugging it in, I've used vector lines on a premade sketch before using just my mouse to gain ultimate control over line weight, transparency, curves and angles, etc. I've also tried out lineless, going rounder or more angular with my shape language, used 3D models as reference for anatomy in some pieces and freehanded others, etc. Also, it like... costs nothing to mind your own business, am I right? LMAO Keep up the good work and I hope you keep creating and improving even more from here. Stay safe and well and protect your creative spirit against those who would doubt you!

Ikr? I might have understood it if every single thing I post looks completely different from the other but making those claims for one piece that is meant to be different is just wild lol, like I don't know, am I supposed to submit a request first before trying to experiment with new things?

Anyway, thank you so much for all of your kind words, I was really upset yesterday and was thinking what's the point of trying anymore if that's what I will get in the end but I feel much better today thanks to all the wonderful support everyone has shown me 🥺❤️ you guys have no idea how happy and lucky I am to have such a supportive and wholesome community 😭❤️❤️

[shannendoherty-fans]

Shannen Doherty Wants to 'Embrace Life' as Cancer Has Spread to Her Bones: 'My Greatest Memory Is Yet to Come' (Exclusive)

The 'Beverly Hills, 90210' star opens up in PEOPLE's latest cover story about her Stage 4 cancer diagnosis and how she hopes to inspire others by focusing on her future

ByDanielle Bacher

Updated on November 29, 2023 09:29AM EST

Shannen Doherty doesn’t mince words.

“I don’t want to die,” she asserts as a sliver of Los Angeles sunshine falls across her face on the set of her PEOPLE cover shoot four days before Thanksgiving.

The actress — who is best known for her roles on the hit ’90s TV show Beverly Hills, 90210 and later, Charmed — is characteristically candid, upbeat and dry-witted as she opens up about her Stage 4 breast cancer that has spread to her bones.

As she continues to receive treatment, the 52-year-old is more determined than ever to keep moving forward. “I’m not done with living. I’m not done with loving. I’m not done with creating. I’m not done with hopefully changing things for the better,” she says, cracking a smile. "I’m just not — I’m not done.”

Doherty’s eight-year journey with cancer has led her to reflect on the big picture of her life, a theme she will explore on her memoir-style podcast, Let’s Be Clear with Shannen Doherty, premiering Dec. 6 on iHeartRadio, where she plans to discuss everything from career highlights and past relationships to the numerous stages of her illness and health regimens.

After her initial breast cancer diagnosis in 2015 that she first shared with PEOPLE, Doherty had a mastectomy and underwent chemotherapy and radiation.

In April 2017, she revealed on Instagram she went into remission. But by 2019, the cancer returned — and she announced her diagnosis of metastatic stage 4 cancer the following year.

“When you ask yourself, ‘Why me? Why did I get cancer?’ and then ‘Why did my cancer come back? Why am I stage 4?,’ that leads you to look for the bigger purpose in life,” she explains.

She hopes to raise awareness and funds for cancer research — while showing that people with terminal cancer still have plenty to contribute to the world. “It’s insane to me [that] we still don’t have a cure,” she says.

In June, Doherty shared on Instagram that the cancer had spread to her brain and that she had undergone surgery five months earlier to remove a brain tumor. With dark humor, she named it Bob.

“He had to get removed and dissected to see his pathology,” she explains. “It was definitely one of the scariest things I’ve ever been through in my entire life.”

Right now, Doherty hopes to get into clinical trials as new treatments are developed. (It is estimated 168,000 people are living with metastatic breast cancer, according to the Susan G. Komen organization.) But she is most driven by her desire to prove that she can work despite her cancer diagnosis. And it's that deep-seated sense of discipline that helps her carry on.

“People just assume that it means you can’t walk, you can’t eat, you can’t work. They put you out to pasture at a very early age —‘You’re done, you’re retired,’ and we’re not,” she says. “We’re vibrant, and we have such a different outlook on life. We are people who want to work and embrace life and keep moving forward.”

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer.

Each morning, the actress feels grateful for another day with her friends, her family and her German shepherd Bowie.

"My greatest memory is yet to come," she says. "I pray. I wake up and go to bed thanking God, praying for the things that matter to me without asking for too much. It connects me to a higher power and spirituality. My faith is my mantra.”

As she explains, when you have cancer, everything is more poignant, and the sky is bluer.

“I know it sounds cheesy and crazy, but you’re just more aware of everything, and you feel so blessed. We’re the people who want to work the most, because we’re just so grateful for every second, every hour, every day we get to be here.”

For more on Shannen Doherty's cancer journey and how she's finding moments of joy amid her diagnosis, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday.