#I also personally don't really like it when people who don't (not can't but don't) vote

[fleuriion]

✦ Chiming Bell ノ MODERN! High school hcs with the Chrysos Heir because I love them so much ⸝⸝ gn reader ⸝⸝ wc: 1780 ✦ Note ; The usual grammar error and spelling mistakes warning ⸝⸝ if they come across as ooc then I apologize because I'm still not very confident in my ability of writing HSR characters haha ⸝⸝ This can be interpreted as both romantic and platonic as your liking! ⸝⸝ will probably edit out some mistakes ⸝⸝ I'm very sorry for not including Hyacine TT

♡ Phainon ⸝⸝ I feel like he's kind of a jock BUT also not a jock. Like, he's not THOSE jocks that get angry at you if you cannot catch the ball that is beaming at 1000 mph to your face. ⸝⸝ Those popular kids that are actually super nice to everyone. I feel like he doesn't judge people much and if he does dislike someone, will not rub it in their face unless they deserve to. ⸝⸝ Basically just a ray of sunshine. Definitely has Mydei as his seatmate and I just imagine Phainon walking into class greeting everyone every morning and then Mydei is just sitting there massaging his temple, wondering how he's so bright this early. ⸝⸝ While he's generally super nice, I think Phainon is also pretty mischievous though. I can already imagine him getting into some light troubles and then having to sweep the hallway as a punishment LMAO. ⸝⸝ Probably enjoys learning history and literature, he just gets super sleepy and perhaps bored in them. Decent at math but HORRIBLE at science like chemistry. Phainon comes up to Mydei as lab partner and Mydei prays the two of them don't get involved in any sorts of explosion or chemical accident /j ⸝⸝ When Phainon is pinning on you, he will 100% turn into a golden retriever. Follows you around in a non-creepy way, helps you carry stuff, probably tries tutoring you the best he could, sometimes ask to have lunch together and then drags you to the rest of his friends. ⸝⸝ Gets super shy about it and it didn't escape his friends. Also gets not bullied but teased a lot for it, when you walked past them far enough, I feel like most likely Mydei would go "holy shit is that Phainon's lover walking past by just now?!" ⸝⸝ When he announced that the two of you are dating to his friends, they would hold their pearl necklace and pretend like they're shocked (except it's so purposefully exaggerated it's hilarious wow Phainon you're so slick!) ♡ Aglaea ⸝⸝ I hc'd that the Chrysos Heir is basically akin to the Student Council in the modern world, so expect no less that Aglaea is definitely the president or at the VERY least the vice president. ⸝⸝ That one strict classmate who always looks her best and behaves the best too. Probably a class president or rep too?? Would reprimand her classmates or the other students to mind both their attire and attitude. ⸝⸝ Teacher's pet, except she's one that you can't really walk over or trample. Girl just has that aura in her for not only being smart but also beautiful?!?! (My GOAT Aglaea as always) ⸝⸝ Looks scary at first glance, but if you need her help with studying she would help say no more! That one meme that goes like "would you let me copy your homework?" "no, but I'll help you with it" ⸝⸝ This may sound pretty personal and specific but hc that she excels and enjoys public speaking. Her words and articulations are probably amazing if you get what I mean... ⸝⸝ Honestly, if she is pinning on you? Nobody would pretty much find out about it unless she personally said so. I'm sorry but Aglaea strikes off to me as the type to be super good at hiding aka slick with her feelings for someone. (Ironically for being the bearer of Mnestia's coreflame in lore lol) ⸝⸝ So when she told her friends that you two are dating, their surprise is actually real and pure. ⸝⸝ It's still noticeable though subtle tho! Aglaea will be extra mindful of you and will no doubt worry about your grades and your performance. Would help you study even if it takes time say less! ♡ Mydei

⸝⸝ Similarly to Phainon, seems like a jock but isn't too much of a jock once you get to know about him. I think it's pretty much just a first impression since he's physically well built and healthy. For someone with his looks, Mydei is a pretty quiet and calm seatmate, ones targeted by people who is just full on comical nonsense (Trailblazer for instance…. They're so stupid I love them).

⸝⸝ Seemingly messy appearance (that slightly loose collar and messily tied tie fix that rn Mydei i hate hastily tied tie and sometimes spends 5 minutes redoing it if I couldn't get it right sobs), but is actually very discipline and a pretty decent student. Also hc that he uses reading glasses.

⸝⸝ Bluddy is probably the first to arrive at class and is usually pretty punctual with a few exceptions being made. Definitely that one friend who sleeps early and wakes up early. Probably lets you copy his homework just so you can get off his ass.

⸝⸝ Excels at history, terrible at math, probably decent at chemistry??? Hear me out though, he's terrible at math and physics but he's interested in them so it's kind of a party pooper LAMFAO (self projecting). Mydei doesn't hate it, he probably just doesn't understand it.

⸝⸝ Those type of guys that people are scared of because of his appearance, but is actually good with juniors. He helps them with studying and getting the subject's concept wrapped around their head and somehow patient for a man that doesn't look like he has patience at all.

⸝⸝ When Mydei pins on you, he won't look nor act THAT much different around you. If you're a much more comical or hilarious kind of person, he endures and tolerates you more. He will offer more lending hands though; for instance, explaining things you don't understand more, willingly tutors you, sneaks gifts into your desk or locker and then softly denies it when questioned (you're not slick bro.)

⸝⸝ Mydei doesn't announce it if you two are dating, rather, his friends found out on their own by the slight flush on his face when he's around you and the way his fierce eyes seemed to simmer down a little when you're around.

♡ Castorice

⸝⸝ SUPER quiet and probably finds it hard to communicate all the time. The reason people know her is mostly because she's apart of the Student Council, but that aside, she's also super kind and nice!

⸝⸝ Hangs around Aglaea a lot and acts as her 'assistant' or similar. Also a teacher's pet except on the more mellow side and one that even the meanest of the mean doesn't have the heart to mock.

⸝⸝ She probably could be vice president.. But that's just a rough gut and because I see her as one. Also reprimands her classmates and other students to be mindful of their attire and attitude.

⸝⸝ Generally good at any subjects given, but I hc that Castorice really likes art and music classes. The atmosphere is quieter and much more peaceful that even her mind could rest a little. Definitely joins clubs like sewing club.

⸝⸝ Sometimes sleeps on recess because I see her as those super-tired looking type of people who can doze off while standing but refrains on doing so in classes. Due to this, probably picks the seat closer to the window to hide away from the lights at the center of the class.

⸝⸝ When Castorice pins on you, she will subtly get super shy around you. Sometimes stutters on her speech and is extra polite at you much to the awkwardness. Be prepared for cuteness overload!!

⸝⸝ Castorice definitely makes things for you! A small crochet plush, flower crowns, or some fake flowers that reminds her of you. Surfs into flower language to express her affection to you by making said flowers for you!

⸝⸝ Castorice would reluctantly yet shyly declares her love for you one random evening, and the rest of the Chyrsos Heir is totally NOT spying at you two from behind some bushes. ♡ Anaxa

⸝⸝ This man is canonically a professor according to the in-game lore what else do I need to say??

⸝⸝ That one smart kid who's super snarky and sarcastic. If you think Mydei is pretty sarcastic for someone, then behold Anaxagoras and his sharp yet elegant tongue that totally does not remind me of a certain doctor.

⸝⸝ He definitely no doubt enjoys subjects science related. Chemistry, physics, biology, name it. Yet nobody really dares to approach him and ask him to be their lab partner due to, again, the aura that surrounds him. You feel like you're shrinking per second you stand next to him if you don't know anything about him. Also hc that he enjoys scientific debates.

⸝⸝ He probably goes overseas to attend science olympics like a lot, and obviously comes back with victory by his side. He's probably academic rivals with Aglaea haha. I can just see them competing for the school's 1st place.

⸝⸝ Anaxa gets avoided by plenty people because of his personality, but he doesn't pay any mind nor does he care about it. After all, his only interest currently is knowledge, isn't it..?

⸝⸝ Well that's until you, who doesn't seem to be that much avoidant of him, came along to his life. Anaxa is that one person that goes deep into denial when he has feelings for someone. "NO. WDYM I HAVE FEELINGS FOR THEM. FUCK."

⸝⸝ The rest of the Chrysos Heir found out about this when one random day, Anaxa suddenly came up to Hyacine and started asking her questions related to feelings that are leaning a little bit tooooo much on the romantic side (much to his dismay and denial). Even with his denial, he found himself coming up to the pink haired girl and asking her about this… Very foreign feeling of what she described as "butterflies fluttering in his stomach" and a suspiciously big grin on her face.

⸝⸝ Like Phainon, Anaxa doesn't escape the constant teasing from the Chrysos Heir for this, mainly Aglaea. She will devilishly giggle into her fingertips and make subtle jabs at him when she talks to you; "[name], do you have just any idea how breathtaking you are?" while giving Anaxa looks to which he responded with not only a glare but a suspiciously burning pair of ear tips <3

[thechaoticcheese]

Thinking about someone I follow who ranted about König not being overall not anxious and actually being a beast if he's comfortable and I completely agree and understand, however usually if you have 1 mental issue there's more. You can't have just one chip man.

So I raise you-

König has become socially anxious not just because of bullying, but because he's got mad anger issues. It often affects how he speaks. The anger issues are 100% because of the bullying though, that and probably self hatred for being so damn tall. Like he probably self loathes a lot and has some sort of body dysmorphia. Not to mention probably depression of some sort that he fights.

Like this dude has issues. I don't doubt that he snaps, more often than he'd like. The recruits get most of it, because if they can't take random harshness, they shouldn't be there.

But when it comes to people he likes or even loves, he gets so anxious about blowing up that he just starts avoiding them on and off whenever he feels a big blow up start to build. And whenever he does blow up on a friend or lover his apologies are sincere, but this also makes him distance himself because what person would yell at someone they care about?

Will he ever not be underline angry? Probably not. But over the years he's been able to have a better handle of his emotions unless something really sets him off.

[andreilslovechild]

A Study on Aaron Minyard and Hatred

I've been in this fandom for years now. somewhere around 5 years or so. and since I've been here there's always been a distinct theme in how people talk about the brother of our beloved main love interest. see people speak about aaron in two ways mainly. the first way is, of course, labeling him as hateful and homophobic and disliking him because he dislikes Neil. the second way is building on his more personable characteristics and having him paired with someone else like Katelyn or Kevin to mellow him out. both of those are all well and good, everyone is entitled to their opinions and all, but I've never quite seen people look at both of those sides at the same time so I want to try and consolidate my thoughts on the matter.

first of all, I personally rarely consider aaron inherently hateful in my own understanding of him. annoyed or disgusted sure, but not necessarily hateful. mainly that hate is focused on three people from what the fandom talks about: Neil, Andrew, and Nicky. I'm using hate a broad term for dislike just for the ease of things right now so don't yell at me, but I think it fair to say the fandom typically pits these three up against aaron in a way that makes aaron look like the bad guy a lot of the time.

if I'm honest, I never really felt he hated Neil more than just didn't care much. at least until he found out about him and Andrew and gave him his version of the shovel talk. maybe a bit when Neil used Katelyn against him. but overall I never quite got it when people said he hated Neil, let alone hated him for "no reason". like id be annoyed too if a guy waltzed onto my college sports team while im studying premed, and turned out to be the long-lost son of a serial killer with a mouth so big it was a wonder hes still alive. plus he was super shady before all that was revealed too, but aaron was still pretty neutral when Andrew brought Neil into the monsters. he even spoke back to the upperclassmen when they freaked out about Neil sitting with the monsters. if you all need me to get the quotes I will, but it's currently like 2am, and I just can't be asked right now lmao. either way, the only time aaron really hates Neil in the books is when he uses Kate against him to get him to go to therapy. which was done for his own good in the long run, and I doubt aaron stayed upset about it for too long. plus we always have to be careful here because we are seeing things from Neil's perspective, someone who is inherently an unreliable narrator in the story.

in Nicky's case, there's a lot to consider. aaron definitely does and says some things (again not finding specifics rn because it's 2am) that are hurtful to him, or offensive. I certainly don't really blame people for reading it as homophobic on a surface level. but that's exactly what it is. surface level. his feelings about Nicky are probably the second most complex in this instance. because Nicky is his cousin, caregiver, friend, whatever you want to call him. They're close, they mean something to each other. but aaron also grew up with Tilda, probably talking with his family over the phone every few months, seeing them maybe once a year or two. when aaron moved to South Carolina he was 13. Nicky would have been 17. aaron probably spent a lot of time with him at first to avoid being alone before he made friends himself. used him as an excuse to get out of being around Tilda alone. which undoubtedly left him susceptible to Luther's preaching. I could make a whole other post on this alone. Still, he would have known Nicky was gay and that it was "wrong". He likely saw only his mask, not the depression inside because Nicky would have wanted to be happy with his cousin. he probably was around when Nicky went to Germany and then came back loud and proud, telling him about a man named Erik and finally standing up to his parents. to us, it's inspirational, exciting even, but for aaron it was like Nicky was abandoning him. He had gotten through Nicky being gone with drugs and staying out of the house as much as possible, but now knowing Nicky was leaving him there alone with his mom for what he assumed would be forever would have hit him hard. he never hated Nicky for being gay. he was angry he had left him, and he had grown up surrounded by the ideals Luther preached and likely his mom did too. with that, plus how uncomfortable it would be to have your cousin being openly sexual around you to an extreme extent like Nicky, I don't blame him really for how he reacted. he was disgusted by the thought of his cousin having sex, not who it was with. I can't remember if his disliking Erik is a canon or fanon thing. Still, he disliked him for taking Nicky away, not because he was a guy. Long story short I don't think aaron ever truly hated Nicky or was truly homophobic. I think he was just a scared kid who learned the wrong words and didn't know how to be vulnerable.

Andrew. good old Andrew. the most complicated relationship in Aaron's life save maybe his mom. I think we all know aaron doesn't hate Andrew. just like Andrew doesn't hate aaron. it's impossible for them to hate each other because they are so irrevocably tangled up and tied to each other's lives. from the second they found out about each other, everything they've done has been for the other in some way. mostly on Andrew's end sure but aaron has also done his share. see out of everyone here I think Andrew is the person that aaron thought he hated the most. he was angry about Tilda, about the drugs, about how Andrew refused to look at him. but deep down he knew he couldn't really hate Andrew. if he truly hated him he wouldn't have stuck around him this long to try and form a relationship with him. he wouldn't have bothered renewing their deal after graduating high school. he may have been stubborn and confusing and made aaron want to pull his hair out in frustration, but I don't think hatred for Andrew truly existed in him. For certain actions maybe, but him overall? definitely not.

Aaron Minyard may have been complicated, cranky, and annoyed for the majority of the times we see him, but he never truly hated anyone. not in the way people seem to think at least. and certainly, never the three people hes accused of hating the most.

[haveievermentioned]

Mina's "Hey, what should I do when calling" guide!

Hey everyone! Are you doomscrolling through your phone knowing you should call but unsure what you should focus on or what happens after you call? I've been calling for... a while now. And every day since like January. And here are some things I've been told when I asked about it! 1) Only call once a day AT MOST. Their system is only really set up for that. More calls just cause problems. 2) After you call, the person (or at least the federal senators) will get two things. One is a detailed script of what you said. The other is an end of the day "Word Cloud" about the biggest issues. 3) Focus on what each person can do. Federal Senators can push for impeachment, but state senators can only effect stuff in their state. 4) Pick an issue that matters to your state. If you live in the 13 colonies you can invoke the revolution pretty easily. You live in Tornado Alley you can talk about how the NOAA helps keep you safe. You live in a port city, talk about Tarriffs. Etc. 4a) More personal an issue the better it comes across. 5) Be polite to the intern you get. They just take notes. They do not have any control over the policy. (and I've gotten several to either make noises of agreement to my talks or discuss how busy the phone has been) 6) Practice makes perfect. The more you call, the easier it gets, and the more you will perfect your own script. 7) They are here to take down this info. They will ask some questions to make sure you can call for them. (for example, if you don't live in Kentucky you can't yell at Mitch McConnell. Sorry.) but are otherwise just there to report. 8) Honestly depending on how much it rings it goes pretty quick. Calling my 2 senators, my rep, my 2 state senators, and my governor took AT MOST 20 minutes. And a decent amount of that was just waiting for either them or the a machine to pick up. 9) 5 Calls will have info on who to call, but that information is also available online. I had to dig a bit for my state stuff, but it was still on a state website. 10) Just relax. A lot of people feel the same way you do, and this is just to increase pressure to make them do things.

[pukaparade]

My Experience Working as an Artist at Santae

Just want to start off by saying that this is simply my personal experience and that anything following the cut is simply my own opinion based off of that personal experience. Readers are encouraged to please employ their own critical thinking and taking many grains of salt when reading another person's experience, mine included. Anyway, my feelings and experiences following the cut.

To start off when I applied to Santae I was really excited to be a part of the project. It's a project that has a lot of promise and it seemed to set itself apart from other petsites I've played in the past. I was really eager to try and be a part of it and participate in the growth of the site and community.

When I joined the server I received the typical greeting - CJ pings everyone to welcome new staff not unlike a welcoming party. It was a bit overwhelming but seemed well-meaning.

There were a lot of little red flags that sprouted up after my joining that I ignored or tamped down writing them off as caused by stress or seeing them as things that could be grown from. (Badmouthing past management, poor communication, etc..)

I can't and won't go into massive detail about everything that put me off and drove me to finally split ways because it would be splitting hairs after a certain point and I also just don't have the time, energy, or care to go through things with such a meticulousness. This post is mostly to warn others who may be thinking of applying what to expect and to cast a little transparency on the work environment. There are a lot of allegations going around and understandably a lot of people are afraid to speak up. I've already quit so that can no longer be held over my head (but we'll come back to this) and the worst that will happen is I'll become a social pariah on the site, or my account will be banned. (Kind of expecting this, so if Kasper #2468 gets iced just know it wasn't by my own hand lmfao. If my KS backing and SC earned by commission get nuked in retaliation ig it's a consequence I'm willing to accept.)

To the friends I've made on the team and the folks that reached out after I quit and removed from the server - I'm glad we met. And thank you to the former coworker who offered to post my goodbye for me after reaching out to me in DM (I declined because I didn't want anyone being ~ tainted~ by association lol) I was in the middle of typing a goodbye when I was unceremoniously removed from the server. When I joined staff got to say goodbye and some even hung around for weeks after parting ways, but since Sky was removed without being able to say goodbye it seems like being instantly deleted might just be the new standard. Not to mention the other artist who was just removed overnight without even a comment. To everyone else, I kind of assumed our camaraderie was as fickle and transient as my time on the team and wasn't surprised to be proven right. I'm sure it doesn't help that (in my experience) CJ has a habit of hopping into VC to badmouth anyone who doesn't align with his vision.

Anyway this is super disjointed already. Let's get onto some specifics.

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"You didn't even need reply ^_^"

I mentioned that the pings were stressful because we had already received multiple about this 'game' and it was getting stressful. When I mentioned that, I got a passive aggressive dm and followup about it afterwards. I will also note that a coworker added an agreeing 'react' to my post about the pings which cj then. removed. lol. I did not reply to the message bc by now I was tired of the manipulation games.

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Commission Discomfort

I held off confronting about this for a long time because I feel that CJ does not take confrontation well and didn't want to make things worse for myself of others but by the end I was nearing my limit and needed to enforce a firm boundary.

I did some graphics work under the expectation that I'd be getting a divine figurine for it and had to follow up multiple times as usual, at which point CJ tried to pin it on a fellow artist coworker 'making him uncomfortable'. This is a common trend with poor communication on the team.

"management" would prefer that staff not commission site artists. This just always rubbed me wrong, especially after the, in my opinion, territorial behavior over me doing commissions. I also dmed some coworkers about it since he said he'd 'tell all the other artists' but no one else had gotten any similar messages from him.

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Streaming in Server

When I started it was pretty casual for art staff to stream site work or personal work in the vc. I stopped streaming personal things after the first uncomfortable dm I got when working on an offsite comm and stuck to santae only work from then on. I don't have a screenshot of my own that I can use for this unfortunately but cj sent a message saying

"Hey @ artist @ lead artist @ lead clothing artist I would like to stop streaming art in the staff voice chat channel as technically the behind the scenes is for BMaC so it's just a gray area, however I would love if you all still wanted to stream but would like you all to stream via our Twitch platform or TikTok

Login credentials will be provided as well.

This is a perfect time to stream with the referral contest live it would be very beneficial I believe.

If you would like to stream please reach out to me, There will be SC pay for streaming, 5sc per hour with a max of 4 hours per day and max of 10 hours per week per artist :dravalove: your normal pay rates also apply this is just additional :heart:"

When the most recent artist to stream asked about back-pay for the stream done for the site the response was a gif of an empty wallet and a crying shimmerint emoji. These messages were later deleted.

further commentary as follows -

The only reason anyone noticed he deleted his messages was because in voicechat when other staff were asking why we don't steam anymore he said 'oh I deleted that' and then said that we can stream again in vc. This was followed the day after that vc by the following

CJ not only shared images to the BMaC in my time, but also would take the images directly from the art approvals channel and drop them into the staff vc anyway to show them off to whoever was around. Frankly this felt like shit every single time and felt like he just wanted the dopamine hit of people complimenting the art. Rarely were we credited during the fawning, too.

A fellow staff reached out to ask why I wasn't around as much, this staff member was in the same vc where he said it was ok again. CJ in my opinion likes to say things one way publicly but then if there's an issue he'll take it to dms or involve as few people as possible. To me his public and private faces are very different.

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Final Straw

The screenshots from above reposted below

As you can see, they're clearly the same, lol. I will also mention that these plush items take twice as long to do and require more revisions than other items. On top of that I have concept art that I can't share due to NDA of the heartstruck concept - full roughs of the pets that I was not compensated for in any way. None of this was discussed prior to me starting the work which is my own fault and not a mistake I'll make again. I spent days, long consecutive hours working on the concepts before I could even start on the plush themselves. This time and the work I put in will remain unpaid.

Something I noticed while I was putting this together is that CJ has deleted at least one message from our dms, which is funny because the message I noticed got deleted is one that I had originally read as being sent with the intention to manipulate -

I have also been reached out to by a former coworker with a 'message from cj' which I declined. Respectfully, I've got you blocked for a reason man. If I had to guess he probably feels like there's something he needs to smooth over to cover his ass but I'm just not interested.

Overall my experience on art staff was quite stressful and the environment definitely felt like there was an in- and out- crowd that was decided by how present you are in vc and how willing you are to participate in the toxic positivity and bobble-head nodding. Also, getting frequently misgendered to your face and behind your back is a special kind of torture.

Anyway, I could probably ramble on more about the time he burst into voice call while I was in there with a coworker and ranted about another coworker for like 20 minutes totally ignoring me before just leaving, or how he's always talking shit about people behind their backs (hi new admins) but not to their faces but I don't have receipts for any of that. Nor energy. And besides there are other places where folks air their grievances and allegations if that's what you're looking for. So I guess I'll leave it here, take care y'all.

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

What's to note about Sweden in Eurovision is that, for a lot of people when they're picking out songs to send, they don't care what Europe actually wants - they think about the song that has the highest chance to WIN.

And thus, we've reached a dilemma.

The most TRENDING melfest song right now, is this one

It has everything Eurovision WANTS us to send.

It's in swedish! We haven't send anything in Swedish for over 2,5 decades! And when we HAVE, the artists have chosen to sing in english once they reach eurovision even if they sang it in swedish in melfest

It's catchy! Easy to dance to!

Good time!

It's the top 1 trending song in Sweden AND in Finland

It shows a culture not too often represented: Finno-swedes! Sometimes people IN SWEDEN are not aware there is indeed swedish speaking finns, just like there is for example french speaking canadians. And they have their own dialects, phrases and culture.

YKSI KAKSI KOLME SAUNA

However?

It will not win Eurovision (probably)

Some snobby elitist melfest fans (SORRY TO YOU GUYS BUT YOU ARE) thinks if we send something like this we will "embarrass ourselves". And we can't do that! We need to "show the world that Sweden is the biggest music export by getting good scores all the time!" (to which I say yes?? but we can also show some DIVERSITY in our songs???)

And there is the song that people think would most likely WIN the whole esc if we send it:

It's Måns Zelmerlöw, so we know he's good at what he's doing!

The performance is nicely done!

However:

Is the song that good??? Do you remember the song, like, at all? No, you get fooled by the STAGE PERFORMANCE. And sure, it does elevate the song, but not so much that I personally would want to vote for it.

Does my fellow Swedes honestly to god not know that esc people are tired of Måns Zelmerlöw? He kept showing up year after year in esc somehow, either as a middle act or as a sketch or something. He was always there.

If he wins melfest I'm honestly gonna be scared every time time he gets a good score in esc. I don't wanna live through that again. People say "don't care about the haters just enjoy your country winning" and I'm sorry but I CAN'T enjoy it if I know everyone else is mad - I also can't enjoy it when I know I didn't even vote for them to represent us. THAT to me is more embarrassing than sending a more "fun" entry that might not get as high of a jury score.

Personal opinion: I already think there's better songs in esc I think should win

Personal opinion: I do not agree that Måns' entry is better than anyone else this year. There are better songs in MELFEST already that I will vote for in the finale. Not only KAJ, but several others too.

Personal opinion: I'm not a fan of Måns' song and I don't get fooled by the "cool effects". It worked with Heroes, because he did something new with that little animated blob. It doesn't really work here for me. At all.

I do not want to experience 2023 again. Now 2 years later I feel like... fine. Loreen is Loreen. She's an icon nonetheless. MÅNS... is not her. He's more like Charlotte Perelli, Alexander Rybak or Carola: Appreciated as artists, but it definitely did not go as well for them when they came back to esc after already winning once. And I HOPE this is the fate Måns also would face.

Personal opinion: I think Sweden should chill with winning :) That was NOT a popular opinion when I said so on instagram, another Swede told me that I needed to understand that this was a COMPETITION and that we need to strive for the BEST all the time.

My thoughts on this is NOT so much that I've "fallen for the haters who hate Sweden and its success". It's the fact that during the last ten years, I've only liked TWO melfest winners. The rest I did not want to win, and thus I AGREE with Europe when they think we send generic pop songs, and I don't like them being rewarded because I didn't like them in the first place. And I want my country to send something different and FUN for ONCE, but we DON'T. The closest we got was Cornelia Jakobs in 2022. She was a LITTLE different, and I genuinely liked that. And I mean... Loreen IS Loreen, even though I did feel already in melfest that it was a little unfair because I did like some other songs more.

And so now, we have two teams here in Sweden: Those who think Måns absolutely is the only choice, nothing else will do, and we will win esc with him again. Best produced song, nothing else can top it. These people can sometimes come off as snobby and even sometimes a bit elitist in some extreme cases, even though a lot of them only are normal people who had been driven into this mindset.

And the other team is more like me: We should send something like KAJ! Or another little "different" that's already in our finale! Because we AGREE that we for once should see what EUROVISION wants rather than what the JURIES wants. No one likes the juries anyway. They didn't let Yohio win melfest in 2013 guys. Come on. It was their fault we didn't send a visual kei guy to eurovision and instead sent boring Robin Stjernberg.

Even NEWS SITES and podcasts has started discussing this. How the Swede is so predictable and rather wants to send the "safe card" than trying something new.

It's 2 weeks left until we have a finale. And I personally would not send Måns. But the songs I often want to win never win. And I think we keep sending generic pop songs because IT WORKS. It's not so fun for for the esc fans, but it works competition wise. And Swedes have sadly taken this competition too seriously, and forgotten to have fun. And maybe I am a part of that, since I seem to care so much about this I'm being so negative.

But, I will say: In 2023, the whole country was pretty much in agreement that Loreen will win melfest, the end. This year... I feel like we're more divided about this. And I think a bigger part of us will be disappointed to see Måns win melfest, both due to how we know Europe will react, but also because we genuinely don't think this song is that good. And it's a SONG contest at the end of the day, even though some argue "Well! But it's nicely produced!!!! Isn't the staging cool???" Yeah. But the song is the one you're gonna listen to, and... the song I think most people would rather LISTEN to is Bara Bada Bastu. But many people also think "they won't win anyway", and that can sadly also stop some people from even voting. "Why vote, when they won't win anyway? I don't want Måns to win but he's probably gonna win anyway, whatever :/" Not if we try to vote for others!!!

I myself in the finale will vote for Klara Hammarström, Greczula, KAJ, and if Scarlet comes to the finale this time, which I think they will, I will vote for them too. I think I'm even gonna give some few votes to Maja Ivarsson and Annika Wikihalder. There's PLENTY of other people in the finale I'd be perfectly fine and not too disappointed with if they won - especially if they NEVER HAVE WON BEFORE.

I won't vote for Måns. Both because, he's probably gonna get votes anyway, he doesn't need mine :/ And also because I just... don't like the song. Everyone can have a good scene performance with cool effects, smoke, blah blah... but that can't ONLY be it. I've seen that so many times and I'm not fooled by it.

If Måns wins melfest, it's up to Europe what to do. We can't vote for our own country in esc. So it's just up to you then to vote, or NOT vote. Remember the semifinals are all televote. You can choose to feed our ego again so that we keep sending the same thing again because it works, or you can decide not to.

[wake-me-up-inside-imagines]

Could you write something about yandere Charlie but yn is an inspector trying to get rid of the mafias families ? 🥺

Sure thing! Gonna be honest, I wasn't really sure which direction to take this in, but I hope you still enjoy!

Yandere! Mafia Boss With An Inspector Darling

Gn! Reader

Warnings: Stalking, mentions of prison, mentions of being hit in the head with a baseball bat, mentions of guns, breaking in, kidnapping, yandere character, mafia stuff, snake gif at the end

Divider credit goes to @strangergraphics

Yandere! Charlie who knows who you are, and has for a while. It’s kind of hard not to, when your entire existence seems to revolve around taking him and anyone else associated with the mafia out. You’ve been on his radar for a while, really ever since you began busting mafia operations around your city in the first place.

Yandere! Charlie who does his best to stay off your radar, despite all his cockiness. He’s not afraid of you per se, he’s just a very cautious man. He cannot afford to lose any of his right hand men, nor does he want to get arrested, however strong his organization may be. If he’s ever gonna be taken out, it won’t be by some insignificant detective.

Yandere! Charlie who doesn’t really worry about whole ton about your work, not until you bust one of his major rivals, at least. This guy wasn’t a small fry in a larger organization like most of your previous arrests, he was the leader of his respective mafia, an incredibly hard person to contact let alone catch, even by Charlie’s standards. You’ve now suddenly become a much bigger threat to Charlie’s way of life, a threat that he can’t let stand. He’s risked a lot for the power he has, and he won’t let some insignificant detective get in the way of all his hard work.

Yandere! Charlie who’s now on high alert, designating time, resources, and energy just to keep tabs on you. It’s not too hard, it’s not like your profession is that much of a secret, but he can’t help but feel like there’s something more to you, something his surveillance won’t be able to catch. What if there's more than meets the eye, something even his informants won't be able to catch? Surely there must be, if you were able to bust one of his biggest opponents. Are maybe it was just a stroke of luck?

Charlie doesn't know, and he doesn't particularly care. Luck or not, he can't risk letting up on precautions, not for a second. His career depends on it.

Yandere! Charlie who quickly discovers that despite your skill, you aren't the most...protected. Sure you're a valued detective in the public eye, now revered by any sort of law enforcement within the city, but you don't actually have much in the way of keeping yourself safe, despite the high profile. In fact, your newfound fame has made your information far easier to find, more eyes on you than ever before. Your address is public information, so is your phone number, so getting everything else is basically childsplay to Charlie. For someone so skilled, the police force really weren't treating you like the commodity you are, were they?

Still, Charlie can't complain. The lack of security makes it so much easier to take you out, not that bodyguards would have done much anyway. Not in the face of Charlie's power.

Yandere! Charlie who wants to take you out, but doesn't. Not yet. Leaving you alone is a risk, but you could also be a massive help, if he plays his cards right. You could get rid of so many rivals for him, allowing him to completely dominate the most industries he's involved in without even realizing it. It's a risky move, but he's willing to gamble if it means he'll come out on top.

Yandere! Charlie who sits back and waits, eager to see what you'll do.

Yandere! Charlie who can't help but be impressed by your abilities as he continues to keep tabs on you, month after month. You've busted a couple more people since he started watching you, mostly lowly subordinates, but one or two bigger threats managed to cross your radar too, spelling out their own untimely demise. It takes you a surprisingly short amount of time to find the information you need to bust them, it's truly spectacular. You know exactly where to look, what to ask, and how to keep yourself safe while you sniff out more information. It leaves Charlie where you learned how to do everything you've been doing.

You're no ordinary person like he originally thought. No, you're something new. Something special. He could certainly use your kind of talent in his organization.

It doesn't help that you're utterly stunning either, at least in Charlie's opinion. Maybe it's just because you've impressed him, but he can't help but be drawn in by your beauty, your intelligence, and most importantly, your humanity. Despite your job, you truly love and care for the people around you, a virtue lacked by most of his own subordinates. Maybe it's just something he's not used to but...he can't help but need more. More of you.

...Is it bad that he wants your attention?

Yandere! Charlie who finds out the answer to that question when you suddenly set your sights on him, determined to take him down.

Yandere! Charlie who knows the game is up. He's surveilling you at all times so it's not like he should be worried, but he knows he can't risk leaving you to your devices any longer, not when his whole career is at stake. He could taunt you for the fun of it, but...

If he's learned anything, it's not to underestimate you. He won't make that mistake, not like his rivals did.

Yandere! Charlie who doesn't want to kill you, so he settles for kidnapping. It won't be too hard, he knows where you live, how secure your house is, and what weapons you have laying around, but still, he plans extensively, too paranoid to leave anything up to chance. He won't go in himself, he knows he can't risk it, but he also knows you can't do much against a large group of people while on your own. So, he forms a team of people, sends them to your house in the middle of the night, and waits.

Yandere! Charlie who can't help but smile when his team drags you back to his home, completely conked out. You certainly did put up a fight, the bodycam footage his underlings gathered made for great entertainment, but you were no match for a baseball bat that collided with the back of your skull. Charlie hated to see you get hurt, and he certainly would have tried other methods of bringing you home if he had been there, but...you were trying to shoot some of his team, so hey, they did what they had to!

Yandere! Charlie who doesn't even try to pretend he's someone else when you come to, in a fully furnished room you don't recognize. He'll get your personal belongings later, but he wanted to make sure you knew where you were when you woke up, who he was, what situation you're in. He'll make sure to commend you for your work, but he can't keep the smugness out of his voice as he gloats his victory, making sure you know there's no chance of help coming for you now.

Yandere! Charlie who expects the hatred on your face. The only surprising thing about the whole situation is how naive you seemed to be. Did you really think nobody was going to try and come for you? Did you really think you were safe, after all you've done? You should be happy that he's the one who got to you first, anyone else and you would have suffered a much worse fate.

Yandere! Charlie who revels in the attention you're giving him, even if it's negative. He knows your hatred is only temporary, he can offer you so much more than your previous job paid, and you'd have so much more power too! All you'd have to do is agree to work with him, staying by his side as you dominate the crime world.

Yandere! Charlie who leaves you to your own devices, shutting you inside your room with a smirk on his face. He'd hate to wait your talent, but he knows now is not exactly the time for a business proposal, especially since you've dedicated your whole career to taking people like him down. Still, he hopes you'll rest easy knowing your talent won't be wasted, not if you let it be.

You'll warm up to him, he's sure of it. After all, what other choice do you have?

I hope you enjoyed!

[virginiaisforvampires]

There is something I think the creators of the show never really thought when it comes to the change other than the obviously ugly ones: Lestat being a vampire for so long in the show as opposed to a few decades in the book kind of seemed deliberate to up the power-dynamics between him and Louis. There is a line Louis says in the first book about how Lestat had human problems (his dad needing csre and how it was difficult for them to live in NOLA according to Louis), which quite the opposite from Show Lestat being all suave and flaunting his riches a lot more. This is why Louis' supposed fear of him in the book was contradictory, he kept repeating he couldn't escape him him and yet at the same time he threatened to kick him out of the house like five times per day 😂.

I wonder if it was to give a true appearance of malice, despite further books. As if since he is a century older he would look like he was 'trapping them' or holding information out of malice instead of well-intentioned but failed protection (also the fact that Louis and Claudia thought he was an idiot at the time and weren't really afraid of him). What do you think? For me it feels like Lestat being an older vampire took a lot more from his personality than him being physically older.

Not exactly.

@nalyra-dreaming has already discussed Lestat's age in the show in relation to his behavior here, and I concur with all of her points.

The thing is the writers didn't appear to think that aspect completely through either, because Lestat's age isn't actually the factor when it comes to the alleged power dynamics between Louis and Lestat. Again, not exactly, and that gets into the constant arguments about Lestat, as you mentioned, seemingly trying to deliberately wield power, and that was never truly the case.

The writer's demonstrated Louis holding the power and demonstrated Louis and Claudia were not afraid of Lestat at any point. Those elements are always forgotten, because the tale attempts (and fails) to gloss over them for a very specific effect i.e. why Lestat was the monster who needed to be "inevitably" killed.

So no. I don't think the writers were trying to make any statements about the relationship itself by aging up Lestat, because everything they subsequently wrote pretty much contradicts that notion. The only time Lestat's age was a true factor was during Claudia's turning and like Nalyra pointed out, it was meant to depict Lestat as no longer being the naïve youngster fledgling who just "wanted to see what would happen" and to serve as the motivator for Lestat warning Louis of what Claudia would be, because the writers wanted to give more culpability to Louis — not Lestat — in Claudia's turning. That was one of their big gotcha reveals of S2, and it's unfortunately flown right over people's heads.

Now it could be argued Lestat is older and therefore should know better, but that isn't the point the show was making with that revelation. It was about Louis and how he wielded power and how it wasn't ever about Claudia and how Louis downplayed his hand in everything. It went hand-in-hand with the revelations about the fight and again, people missed the point(s) entirely.

It's another creative choice by the writers with which I'm not completely thrilled, because it's also led to drama and accusations due to the fact people are stuck on the filtered tale and can't engage with what the writers are truly saying.

[rats-n-roaches]

sooo i was playing jinx fixes everything, and in act ii, we find a letter written to sevika. jinx doesn't comment on it

Sevika, You're still in mourning, I get that. Silco meant a lot to you. He meant a lot to all of us. To the city of Zaun. But just because he's gone...it doesn't mean we can't realize his dream. There's gotta be a way forward, to continue his work. And well, like I said...he meant a lot to you. When you're done burying yourself in a bottle, come find me. You know who. You know where.

and i haven't seen anybody talk about this, because WHO??? this letter is found in silco's office, set sometime after the prison break, pinned to a board sevika's been using to track all the things going on. she probably put it there as a reminder; she needs to mourn, but she can't get stuck in her grief.

it reminds me of how she said "[she] and [her] old man didn't always see eye to eye..." and she implied that she had to leave and cool down, but she always came back when she was ready.

obviously the person who wrote this knew sevika and was familiar with her. maybe they knew about that detail of her father, and sevika's need to be alone before she can jump back into things. i think most of zaun sees sevika as silco, an extension of him. cold and cruel, largely unfeeling.

but this person empathizes with sevika. they speak to her softly and tell her there's still hope.

we don't really see sevika be friendly with anyone. i could only think of a few people who don't despise her, but i feel like adding all my thoughts about her relationships would make this post too long so. part two soon maybe

also tell me your thoughts!!! i love seeing people yap about sevika

[chemyaart]

Rant about the cookie run kingdom fandom

Okay, so I know I'm gonna get hated for this, but I don't care. Ignore if you're sensitive.

First, I just want to clarify that it's for every fandom, of course, bad apples exist everywhere. But at this point, I can't believe what I'm seeing. The more a media is cute, kid-friendly, the more the fandom is crazy (and not in a good way)

So, I want to adress the things that bother me a lot.

Firstly, I think the Beast Yeast update was both a good thing and a bad thing to happen. Let me explain. Of course, the enemies into lovers trope has always existed and it's the most popular trope, but I think that update actually flipped upside down the fandom. Toxic ships has always existed (like affocara, redpastry, etc..) but they weren't that common I think?

But after that update, it never became the same thing again. It honestly makes me uncomfortable how shippers say "hAhA ToXiC yAoI" for everything, especially Shadowvanilla. It makes me cringe (I like sometimes when it's funny cringy, but not uncomfortable cringe you know?)

I hate how CRK content mainly ships (like 90% of the time) it's sexual.

Of course, I guess sex jokes/suggestive jokes can exist, but it comes to a point where it's like everywhere. These shippers only think about these 24/7.

One thing that adds with the fandom, is how people love to woobify the characters. The misrepresent/misinterpret the character for something they're not. Headcanons are fine, but when I see Shadowvanilla, and purecacao fans... I'm really concerned. They woobify the characters into "b-b-b-but he's g-g-g-ood!" or "I'm j-just a-a innocent uwu gay boi" I understand if you're a kid/teen, but when I see adults doing that, I'm like actually scared.

Every character is complex, and it doesn't have to be romantic. I actually like the Shadowvanilla ship, but not to this extent. And I don't like them romantically. But I would love to see them grow.

Plus, not just woobifying the characters, but also just changing them entirely. Like their personalities, and just only keep one trait. For example, Pure Vanilla Cookie. He's the most popular cookie with Shadow Milk, and all I see is just him being all innocent and nice. Of course he is friendly and generous, but (especially purecacao shippers) think he's weak or something. But when you see him defeating Dark Enchantress ALONE in the video, he isn't WEAK at all.

Or Dark Cacao, all they make him is "manly man who is strong and protects his boi" or "neglectful dad bad dad". When it's much more complex than that. I'm shocked when their account is JUST about this ship. Like I like Purelily and Cacaolily, but I don't post to this extent about them. And even if I wish for Cacaolily to be real, I'm not delusional enough to repeat that they're canon like some shadowvanilla and purecacao fans do. Of course, you can say that they're joking, but there are actually people that seriously do this ☠️ (do what you want, but I just can't belive it myself)

Plus, the amount of times where these shippers also looked at the tiniest details of an interaction, and thought, "it's canon" it's actually crazy. Like I've seen a post about how Dark Cacao's face in the fight between the ancients and Dark Enchantress Cookie, meant that he loved Pure vanilla cookie in a romantic way ☠️

Obviously characters can care about eachother without liking them romantically. Plus, not only Dark cacao was saddened, but also Hollyberry and Golden Cheese. But you don't include that for your ship.

You guys can understand that I really hate Purecacao, right? Well, unlike Shadowvanilla fans, they don't attack me personally, and they're actually cool. The experiences I had with Purecacao shippers made me hate this ship.

Also, stop hating characters for no reason, because of misunderstanding or something. Whether it's Golden Cheese Cookie, where there are people who think she's selfish and as bad as the beasts, Lord Oyster, or anyone tbh. A lot of characters are hated for no reason, either from their design, or what they did. What I mean is, okay, hate a character, but PLEASE have a at least a reason why you hate the character, and not just because it blocks your ship 😭

It's actually crazy Kingdom fans hated Revel Cookie and Okchun Cookie just for their "simple" design? A lot of CRK fans are so narrow minded it's sad. I really hope your minds opens up more, especially to other ships. For example, rare pairs are cool, and I don't see the problem with it except if they're problematic like age gap, pdf things yk?

I hate Purecacao, Affocacao, but I just block their tag. They just love drawing them kissing and making out. As much as I hate them, I won't threaten them or sending death threats over it, you know? I'm really sorry if I was too rude, my emotions get over me, I really hope it didn't hurt you.

At the end of the day, do what you want. Just don't interact with me. And please improve yourself, a lot of you guys need therapy, myself included. I needed to rant.

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV Musings - Unreliable Narrators: Louis

I am SO sick of people in this effing fandom calling Louis an unreliable narrator as a thinly veiled code for him being a LIAR™. Everyone lies, to themselves & to others. Unless you're a literal sociopath, no one wants to be the villain; blamed for things effing up; or take responsibility for eff ups. But there's a patented difference b/t someone OCCASIONALLY LYING, and a HABITUAL LIAR™ whose modus operandi is to willfully deceive, manipulate, gaslight, trick or con(trol). Louis is many things (good & bad); and no, he can't be relied on to tell the story straight, for many reasons (that are & aren't his fault). But the one huge factor differentiating his 1973 interview (a la the book) & his 2022 interview in Dubai is Louis' SINCERITY.

2022 Dubai =/= 1973 SanFran: Odyssey of Recollection / Memory is a Monster

The whole premise of AMC!IWTV is that there are things Louis CANNOT REMEMBER about his past, no matter how hard he TRIES to remember. Back in S1 Jacob Anderson was fighting for his life not to spoil anything about S2, cuz by then he already knew that yes, Louis IS the problem with this whole recounting, cuz HIS MEMORY is the problem. How TF can you sit here tryna tell your life story when you don't even remember wtf happened!? ("You don't need a memoir, Louis. You need a hundred sessions of EMDR!") You're unreliable AF!

JA said "Louis REALLY BELIEVES that a lot of this is the TRUTH." But that deep down he KNOWS something ain't right.

Rolin Jones specifically wanted the 1x7 image Louis presented of him & "the love of my life" Armand to look like the scene from The Graduate. There's ZERO CHEMISTRY with Loumand in this shot, cuz it's not REAL. It's FORCED, a PERFORMANCE, just like JA said Lou is always been forced to do: perform; presenting the cookie-cutter image of a man who's supposedly got all his crap together, when BTS he's a freaking wreck who doesn't even KNOW or love himself ("Who are you, Louis? If there was no me? If there was no him? Who would you be? What do you want? How're you gon' get there?").

And Loumand doubles-down on that fake AF performance in 2x2, cheesing & hamming it up as if they're the perfect Stepford Family. And Daniel calls that ish out immediately; "keep selling it;" cuz he's "built this way," to dismantle BS, and Louis KNOWS this, and WANTS it to happen. The person constantly tryna STOP them is ARMAND, (Daniel effing pounced in 2x5 to sort everything out while Armand was AWAY. Daniel realized what/who the REAL PROBLEM was!).

Lou called Daniel for a reason, to help him UNPACK the jumbled mess ("he's good at his job"), cuz Lou KNOWS something's wrong with the way he's telling the story. Lou KNOWS he's unreliable, that there's a very real problem with him, and that he needs HELP. Louis is not a LIAR™, he has AMNESIA. That does NOT make him the villain or the bad guy, or the one to point malicious ableist AF fingers at as a gotcha! every time it's repeatedly said that YES, Lou's NOT the most reliable source of information; cackling like hyenas when Dan asked if Lou's schizophrenic and totally missing how that's the crux of the matter: Louis is mentally unwell, and CANNOT process his traumas all by himself; for reasons that both ARE and also are NOT his fault.

And what's more is that Lou HATES himself--his Confession Booth monologue lays out everything he hates about himself and will continue to hate himself for, even for the things that legit aren't even his fault (Louis: "I failed my brother!" Father Matthias: "NO, son!"). Lou's suicidal & all-too-willing to accept & internalize the NEGATIVE things people who HATE him say ("maybe I am arrogant!"), or what people actively plotting AGAINST him say ("You should go with Lestat's version, for the book, I think. I'm sorry!").

Self-loathing is at the very core of The Vampire Chronicles, and precisely what Prince Lestat finally teaches the vampires to get rid of at the end if the book series: the self-destructive self-sabotaging tendencies rooted in self-loathing that led vampires like Nicki & Louis (AND Lestat) to kill themselves, rather than to seek help or help themselves get better & love & accept themselves. Accepting that they're vampires doesn't mean they have to act like soulless monsters--they DO have a soul/conscience & CAN/SHOULD take responsibility for their actions, esp. their effs up, to become BETTER.

Louis is the antihero of IWTV, but DANIEL is the actual hero. Louis couldn't save himself from any of the situations he was in; he needed HELP (Claudia in S1, Armand & Lestat in 2x7, Daniel in 2x8). Without Daniel getting Sam's script, Lou would've just accepted how "that's the end of it. There's nothing else;" assuming he finally had all the answers & everything was sorted out, when CHIIIIILE~! 💀Lou was still in the Sunken Place!

After Armand's seismic lies were exposed, Louis finally started "learning to live honestly" without the toxic sludge of literal mind control keeping him back anymore; and esp. without Armand's narrative spoonfed to him that Lestat hated him & wanted him dead.

1973 SanFran: lies on top of lies

The 1973 interview was a whole steaming crappy heap of lies Louis told Daniel but most importantly HIMSELF. Cuz the SEISMIC LIE Armand told him about "Banishment" had a ripple-effect, dominoe implications. If Armand saved Lou and NOT Lestat, that means Les must've really hated Lou and was fine with him being executed at the Trial. So Lou spiraled, thinking Les didn't love him (anymore?), and that Lou himself was an idiot for falling for what must've obvs been lies Les fed him the entire time about their oh-so-sacred "cord you cannot see, loving you with ALL of myself," if he could let that disgusting lynching happen and NOT save his "Companion Heart."

Louis SINCERELY WANTS to remember & give the more "nuanced portrait" about his life. But if the person at the center if his life is Lestat, and Lestat screwed him over, what does that mean about Louis' whole life? He picked the wrong person--he chose Lestat over Paul, over Claudia, over himself, and THIS is how Lestat treats him? No, Les must've manipulated TF outta him, he's the devil, Claudia was right that Les is the "Father of Lies!" What "love?! I bled him like a pig and waited for the death rattle!"

BUT!

Lestat was MORE than Louis' Maker. They really were companions. Their hearts beat in sync the way Lestat & Claudia's obvs NEVER did. Something MORE than the Vampire Bond tied them together. It WAS real. Right? Lestat did love him, right? So wtf? The math ain't mathin. ARMAND is the love of my life.

Right?....

That's not a LIAR. That's what a real library of CONFUSION looks like.

[baphometsss]

(i was gonna send this in an ask but it got too long lol sorry) @mythalism re: your tags i'm not esp into the idea of the madonna complex re: mythal bc i think, like a lot of freudian ideas, it's insufficient at best and downright harmful at worst

like YES he did put her on a pedestal and yes that's part of the madonna complex, but i think it kind of does solas a disservice when it comes to his intellect bc his thinking is not really black and white enough for that imo. i think he was deluded about her but that was mainly borne from extreme devotion, and that level of devotion can only come from someone who is deeply emotionally unfulfilled

i think it's a lot more likely that he grew to distrust so many people during the war that the only person he really felt he could trust was mythal. mythal used him and kept him on a string so she could use his intellect as a weapon. he was a tool that she believed to be obedient and unconditionally loyal to her. then she went and betrayed him too, which was too much for him to accept, because it meant that he really couldn't trust anyone at all, and that screwed him up majorly and 'broke' him.

unfortunately it's similar to a really common thing that men do w/their emotions irl. i'm not trying to make a 1:1 comparison here because the context is wildly different, but we know that the ancient elves were highly emotional beings so i think it tracks. men have this culture of being emotionally shut off from their friends because vulnerability is seen as a weakness, so they put all their emotional vulnerability into their romantic and family relationships w/women. they see women as the kind of epitome of emotional vulnerability, so they unload on them in this really unhealthy way that leads to more emotional turmoil bc it's just too much. they bottle things up and don't share it with any of their male friends, and so they overwhelm the women in their lives with their emotional needs. when that woman inevitably fails to be able to meet them, she falls off the pedestal and she turns into the awful she-devil for not being there for him. or god forbid she has needs of her own that take precedent or are put on him to fulfil bc that's not allowed for someone with no autonomy. it is partly madonna complex but there's a lot more to it on the guy's part too.

like i said it's not a 1:1 comparison bc we're talking about a war and a genocide and mythal was probably never as 'good' as solas wants to remember her being, but it really makes me think of that. rather than toxic masculinity however it's a matter of repeated betrayals and traumas that fosters his behaviour re: mythal. solas didn't have anyone he could trust with his most intimate thoughts and feelings like he once did with mythal and other spirits long passed, and he's desperately clinging to that relationship bc his ability to trust has been broken so completely and he can't handle the trauma and guilt of the war alone. and ofc unlike mythal and the evanuris, solas holds a LOT of guilt about the titans and the blight. so no matter how much she screwed him over, she always stayed on that pedestal bc the alternative (dealing with it alone) was so much worse. (there's also the fact that mythal understood him as wisdom unlike the others who brought out the worst in him, and that mirror is important for him to retain his nature as wisdom and not pride, the latter of which which his trauma pushes him towards more and more)

essentially he's put all his emotional eggs in one basket regarding mythal. by the time inquisition rolls around, he's also been betrayed by his general and close friend, and he really doesn't trust anyone at all, so he's regressing even further. it makes the romance/friendship all the more special because the inquisitor shows him that it's only by opening yourself up to trust other people (the key being multiple people) again that you can really start to heal and move on instead of wallowing alone forever in your pain and grief.

The whole 'refuge for Mythal' thing is really interesting bc it shows that Solas really saw Mythal as being on his side when it couldn't be more obvious that she enjoyed the power of being queen of the Evanuris. He calls it a 'struggle' in the regret memory, but I don't think she was struggling as much as he thinks. Even Felassan realises how delusional he is about her. It's one of many things Solas is in denial about.

That said, it does seem like he was much more aware of Elgar'nan's evil than she was; I truly believe that Mythal found a kindred spirit in Elgar'nan and thought that she was the right one for him. She tempered him and mitigated the harm he did as much as she could (which doesnt seem to be that much, in all honesty). Whether or not they had romantic feelings for each other is up for debate, but I think it's very possible. There was likely an element of tension at being evenly matched in the way they were that gave their relationship a pathological edge. It was only when Solas told her about the Evanuris using the power of the Blight that she finally decided to take him seriously and challenge her husband and the rest of the Evanuris head-on.

It's also really revealing that the Blight was her final straw. Mythal obviously had no issue with slavery as long as her slaves were treated well. It's very reminiscent of real world attitudes some had towards their slaves ie that as long as you don't abuse them it's okay. They don't understand the fundamentally unethical nature of owning another person. It's why I don't buy the benevolence retcon because slavery is inherently cruel--something that both Solas and an elven Inquisitor can argue with Dorian about.

Yeah, Solas really is an unreliable narrator with Mythal and I really wish we'd had more perspectives other than his. I long to see Mythal in all her cunty glory but alas it will never be

[shyravenns]

Nik seems to me like he's either gonna be your best relationship or your worst heartbreak, and a very high chance that it's both. idk. What would be the deal breaker for his partner? We love him for all his flaws of course, but he doesn't seem exactly... the most emotionally healthy man out there haha. Could be something so simple as his job being so busy, y'know?

Oh my god, you'd have to have be one of god's strongest soldiers to even handle being in a relationship with Nikolai. I think Nik, by nature, tends to be very aloof, and more comfortable with short-term flings and romances that don't quite lead anywhere. It's easier, and far less stressful for him to be in some sort of quasi-relationship with someone he knows won't *really* miss him when he's gone. He can't exactly afford to be distracted. Which kinda sucks because Nik is a romantic at heart IMO and a lot of this is just learned behavior

I always imagine that Nik is *really* attracted to people who are competent. A pretty face is a dime a dozen, but someone who's clever and talk circles around him??? That's RARE, and he loves it. He'd need someone who's independent and doesn't necessarily need him when he's gone. He can't compromise on his career, but he can choose a partner who won't fall apart when they're exposed to it. I hc Nik to be sort of an intellectual, and he likes to read A LOT. I think he'd be very into someone who's curious and isn't afraid to ask questions.

And as frustrating as Simon is to date, Nik is even harder IMO. I think if Nik were genuinely in love with someone, I think he would be smart enough to be aware of it while also distancing himself from said person. Also,,,,at least Simon actually stays in one place at a time lmaooo

I think one of the biggest dealbreakers (besides him being away often) when it comes to even being with him is the fact that he refuses to accept any help. There's a large part of him that thrives off of the idea of being the Big, Strong Russian man who can handle everything, and he'd be very resistant to the idea of asking for help, especially from his partner. He's telling you "I got this!" while actively bleeding to death lmao he puts up a very strong "I'm just a chill guy" front to ignore the fact that he has a lot of issues he's grown used to ignoring, and a less patient partner would have probably left him. nIk would also be the king of situationships so do with that information as you will

[loveafterdeath-if]

Ngl, I personally don’t get the El love at all? Usually with ROs you play through at least several chapters of content to get to know them better and then finally decide, yep, this one’s the one, this one’s interesting. But with El we spend too little time with for me to get attached to them at all, they’re just this vague concept with barely any personality? Half of their screen time being an optional intimate scene also doesn’t help flesh them out, (because of how generic nsfw scenes are at their core, they are only ever gratifying when you know the character really well) the first time I reached it my reaction was “ok, but why would I want my mc to get intimate with this rando, I as a player have literally *just* met them”.

BTW, I can’t be the first one to say all of the above, right? Because I keep seeing anons bashing the actual ROs for this barely defined character and I go: “really??” (Btw, I know El would have been amazing had they equal amounts of content as other ROs)

You're the first one, actually, but I'm sure many might think like you! I get what you mean haha, even if 'with barely any personality' is harsh😭 Though, I do hope that you'll enjoy the ROs routes if you choose any!

I think it's fair for people to like or dislike any characters in LAD no matter how much screentime they got or not. It's about flavour, like, you don't like caramel so you take vanilla, but this other dude take chocolate because they can't stand caramel and vanilla. And there's those who like all flavours even if they tasted them just once for a few seconds. You know what I mean?

And about people bashing actual ROs... where? I don't remember people bashing ROs. Or maybe you're talking about L? I think L is a hit or miss person, tbh. They're a sweetheart for me, but I'm pretty biased, so.... And they're pretty nosy and persistent when they want to, so I understand it can rub people the wrong way.

Or was it when this anon said all ROs were assholes? It didn't feel like bashing, imo. Mmmh, maybe you're talking about something else? Or maybe I'm delusional, if that's the case then let me be delusional pls🤣

[wheredostarsgowhenyoudie]

OMG. You get it, and I love you for it!

Tushan Jing really was the embodiment of a perfect jade. Handsome, smart, with multiple talents that excels above others, born as the legitimate heir of a powerful clan known for their wealth, trades and cunning, the undeniable and uncontestable pride of the descendants of the nine tailed fox. There could be no other perfect heir than him.

As a perfect jade, there'd be a line of women young and old wanting to love him because it would be oh so easy, they might even claim they already do before they even met him.

But then his own brother broke him in ways way worse than a monster would. Tushan Hou broke not just Jing's body. Tushan Hou ensured to destroy Jing by eviscerating his self esteem, his spirit until he became unrecognizable even to himself. Hou spent a lot of thought, time and effort to break everything that he envied in Jing to the point that it cannot be returned because Jing himself saw no reason to even try or hope for it.

Imagine being beaten and tortured, your powers clipped, and then when you're at your ugliest and most damaged, they throw you at the familiar street where all those who claimed to love and admire you just walk past you. No one helps because even if it's you, you do not look like your old perfect self. Did they even recognize you? Even if they did, would they help? Imagine giving up your hope on people. Imagine giving up on yourself. Imagine what it would take to realize and accept that you're alone in this world at your ugliest, most vulnerable and most abhorrent with no chance of getting help, not even from yourself because you can't. You don't even have the strength to help yourself. Not physically. Not emotionally. Not anything.

And then, and then...in that moment of brokenness and helplessness and self loathing, in that desperate moment when all others who had been in Jing's shoes would break, by sheer luck or a miracle or destiny, there came Wen Xiao Liu.

This untidy looking man who saw a beaten to death body who could only be a slave by the river banks, no doubt having been brought there by the waves. He saw Jing and left. But then he returned, and actually spent thought and time to think of a way that would sound convincing, an excuse to make himself purely selfish in offering help.

Wen Xiao Lou pretended to step on the bread that someone else had thrown at Jing. He made his food inedible, so of course he had to compensate somehow! Nevermind that Jing was in the state that ge could not even lift a finger to eat the bread. Never mind that Jing in that state, if only he has the energy, would be glad to eat even a rotting bread that has flies if only for the sake of having something to eat.

And the compensation for the stepped on bread? Wen Xiao Liu not only treated and healed him and saved his life. He gave Jing something else that is greater and more valuable than anything and everything that Jing had and could have had, had he remained the embodiment of the perfect jade.

Wen Xiao Liu, who just happened to truly be a girl, disguised by a power she had no control over. An actual real runaway princess whose true identity is Haoling Jiu Yao (better known as Xiao Yao), who just happens to be the most royal of all living royals what with her being the daughter of the King of Haoling and the Princess General Xiling Heng, which also makes Xiao Yao her granddaughter to the King of Xiyan. A direct descendant to powerful rulers of enemy kingdoms. Another person who could have been the embodiment of a perfect jade. Another person who could have been so easy to love but who also just happened to be broken by fate and had accepted that there was no returning to the way she had been.

A princess who believes she'd been abandoned and is hunted by rumours to the point that she had to run away and still continues to run from her real identity. A princess who had to live in the streets and hide, because all the scary monsters wanted to eat her for her powers. A girl who had been deceived and caged and tortured and prepared to be devoured by an evil fox, but who managed to escape and kill the fox who tormented her. A girl who had been so used to being so alone that she once forced a monkey to listen to her chatter till the monkey killed itself, wanting escape. A girl who had learned to embrace and accept solitude as her only constant, and yet who is desperate for companions that she, a deity, who despite knowing she would outlive them, still chose to live among and with the humans who, like her, no one else would accept. Humans, who, like her, also had no one else. She even made them a home.

This girl with her compassionate heart that she oh so tries to hide as a cold no-nonsense and uncaring wall, and yet the compassion peeks through. Because she could not not offer the help she had once been so desperate to have yet never received.

Xiao Yao, who may just as well, be the only one who would and could look at the broken jade that is Jing and think to herself..."Jing is not a jade, so there's no such thing as a dusty jade. Jing is like the bright moon. Though the moon waxes and wanes, it remains untainted by the darkness. Its radiance is always still there. So he does not need anyone's pity." 🩷

Imagine the love and acceptance. The kind that people would throw everything just to feel even for a short bit of moment in a lifetime. Imagine the kind of faith that allowed Jing to actually start to like and love himself again, not the perfect version, but the broken one. Imagine the strength it gave to see life as something wonderful again. Imagine finally having something to hope for again and even more, to look forward to again. Imagine being loved in the very definition of unconditionally.

This is at the heart of reasons why I fell in love with the author of Lost You Forever.

The way Lost You Forever says, 'the trauma never fully goes away, but we find happiness and live anyway.'

For me this is best exemplified in two physical manners:

Xiaoyao's (assumedly quite high) cultivation and power was severely damaged by the thirty years she spent being tortured by the fox. Over and over when I read people talking about the series, people wondered when she'd get her power back.

And I get it. It would have been an amazing moment to see her powers return, to see her bursting with what must have been so much strength as the daughter of two extremely famous warriors.

But instead of that, Xiaoyao makes do with what she has. She learns how to defend herself with archery. She makes poisons. She fights in her own ways. Even in this xianxia world, she can't regain what she lost, but she does her best to make up for it.

One thing I was worried about when hearing about Tushan Jing's death is that I thought he might come back unblemished by scars, totally able bodied again. Often in xianxia when someone comes back to life, they reappear somehow, cultivated from an object or just in a flurry of sparkles and flower petals. There's not usually a dead body, so the body isn't revived; the spirit is. And this isn't a criticism of that trope.

I was just concerned that if applied to Tushan Jing, it would be done in a way that made him 'whole' again. Because a lot of pieces of media can and have done this. Magical healing and rebirth? Time to remove disabilities.

And that would have frustrated me, from a narrative perspective. But the show didn't do that! It's hard to overstate the mark trauma has left on his body; 90% of it is damaged and scarred. He is handicapped in his leg. His cultivation is also damaged. And that's still there. All of it is remains.

But despite that, despite everything, they not only move on, but they find a happy ending. They will never stop carrying that with them, but for both Xiaoyao and Tushan Jing, it doesn't matter. I like this a lot.

[reidcutensshotch]

Skin S.R

Summary, Garica helps Spencer see there’s more than JJ he didn’t realize how much you cared for him because he’s been shutting everything out besides the future with him an JJ it was hard for him to see you even though you been there for him too .

Fem!reader x Spencer Reid

Content: comfort/hurt

Content warnings: heartache , pinning for Spencer at the wrong time or is it at the wrong time , hurt comfort reader try’s to pull away vulnerability, unspoken truths , 

Word count 1k

Author notes: first fic on this account please be gentle please thank you . This song hits different for me . It fits him too .

Dividers : @saradika-graphics & @enchanthings-a

I wish you knew that even you . Can't get under my skin If I don't let you in.

Spencer sat at his desk, a pile of case files scattered across the surface. His mind, however, was not on the case. His thoughts lingered on her—the constant ache in his chest whenever JJ’s name came up. JJ. She was always there, bright and kind, and yet, Spencer couldn't seem to let go of the idea of being with her.

He knew, deep down, that he should move on. But it was hard. It always was with JJ. She had this way of being everything he needed, and at the same time, someone just out of reach. He had tried. He tried to convince himself that maybe there was a chance, that somehow, she'd see him the way he saw her. But he always came back to this: a cycle of hope, disappointment, and self-doubt.

Maybe it was the quiet comfort of her presence, the way JJ was there when the world seemed too much. And maybe that’s what kept him stuck. He couldn't help it, could he?

“Spence?” A voice broke through his thoughts. It was Garcia, walking into the bullpen with her usual cheerfulness.

“Hey, Garcia.” He forced a smile, trying to mask the heaviness he felt. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore, but he also knew Garcia could read him like a book.

“You’re still daydreaming a life with JJ, aren’t you?” she asked with a soft sigh.

Spencer rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know how to stop.”

I mean she told me she loved me …

Garcia leaned against the desk, crossing her arms. “Spence… you’ve been holding onto this for way too long. I get it, you love her. But sometimes, you’ve got to face the truth. Maybe it’s not meant to be, and that’s okay. You can’t keep living in this dream world where things turn out the way you want them to.”

He stared down at the case file, a sinking feeling in his stomach. Maybe she was right. Maybe he was just too afraid to let go.

“Have you ever thought about...maybe...there’s someone else?” Garcia said softly.

Spencer blinked, glancing up at her with furrowed brows. "Someone else?"

Garcia's eyes flickered toward you—sitting at your desk, buried in paperwork but with a subtle softness about you, a quiet understanding that Spencer couldn’t deny.

You had always been there. The quiet, kind person who listened when he needed it most. You didn’t push him to talk, but when you did speak, it always had a way of making him feel seen. And yet, he’d never once allowed himself to see you in that way. Not like that.

Why hadn’t he noticed before? He caught his breath, feeling a strange pang in his chest.

Garcia’s voice brought him back to the present. “You know, not everything has to be so complicated, Spence. Sometimes, we overlook the people who are right in front of us, just because we’re too wrapped up in the idea of what could be. Maybe you should stop looking at what you think you want, and look at what’s really there.”

Spencer swallowed hard, her words lingering in his mind. Had he been so focused on the idea of JJ that he failed to see what was standing right in front of him?

He glanced at you again. This time, his gaze didn’t just linger—it searched for something. And as his eyes studied the way you worked so quietly, so effortlessly, there was a growing realization that maybe, just maybe, you were everything he needed.

But it was a thought he hadn’t allowed himself to entertain until now. How could he have been so blind?

A tight knot formed in his throat. Why didn’t I see it sooner?

You looked up then, your eyes catching his, and there was a softness in your gaze, like you knew exactly what was going on in his mind. Spencer quickly looked away, ashamed of himself.

How many times had you been there for him? How many times had you listened? And yet, he never once thought to see you like that.

Garcia’s voice was gentle as she spoke, snapping him out of his thoughts. “You deserve to be happy, Spence. But you can’t keep holding onto someone who doesn’t feel the same way. You deserve someone who sees you, who values you the way you’ve always wanted.”

He nodded, though the words seemed so much harder to grasp than they should have been. Maybe Garcia was right. Maybe he didn’t need JJ. Maybe what he needed was to stop looking so hard at the past and start seeing what was in front of him.

Spencer stood frozen, the words you had said to him swirling in his mind like a storm. He felt an overwhelming guilt, the kind that twisted his chest and made it hard to breathe. You had always been there, quietly supporting him, but he hadn’t been able to see it—he hadn’t been able to see you.

You watched him, your heart aching with the weight of everything left unspoken. The room felt suffocating, and the silence between you both was like a wall you didn’t know how to climb. You knew Spencer had been holding onto the idea of him and JJ for so long, and you understood it. You really did. But what hurt was the realization that, despite all this time, he hadn’t seen you the way you had hoped.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions. This isn’t about you, you told yourself. You have to let him go. But it wasn’t easy. Nothing was ever easy when it came to Spencer Reid.

“Spence,” you started, your voice quieter than usual, “I know you’ve been holding onto this idea of you and JJ for a long time. I get it.” You felt the words hit you harder than you expected. The truth stung. “If you’re not ready to move on, I understand. But I’ve been here, in front of you, the whole time.”

You could feel your hands trembling slightly, a quiet sign of the nervousness and pain that was trying to break through. You clenched them together, trying to hold it in.

"Maybe I should take my own advice," you continued, letting out a shaky sigh. "Maybe I need to stop making up illusions in my head about us." You forced yourself to look away, not able to meet his eyes as your heart pounded in your chest. "It’s not healthy," you added, a weak laugh escaping you as you wiped your hand across your face, trying to keep it together.

You took another step back, your throat tight, but you knew this was the only way. “I know I’m not JJ. I know I’m just me.”

Spencer’s chest tightened, his heart beating louder in his ears as he watched you pull away. He couldn’t bring himself to speak, frozen in place, guilt flooding him. He had been so consumed by his feelings for JJ, but now, looking at you—really seeing you—he realized the distance between you two had been of his own making.

But then, as you turned to walk away, he felt a sudden panic grip him. His legs moved before his mind could catch up, and in a moment, he reached out, grabbing your arm gently to stop you from leaving. His touch was tentative, unsure, but there was something desperate in it too. Something that screamed he didn’t want to let you walk away, not without a chance to explain himself.

You froze, your heart racing, and the knot in your chest tightened. This is it, you thought. He’s going to tell me to go.

But when Spencer spoke, his voice was low and filled with a quiet remorse. “Please... don’t walk away.”

His words were almost lost in the heavy silence between you. He hadn’t realized it until this moment, but now, standing in front of you, he saw everything he had overlooked—how you’d always been there for him. How he had pushed you away, blind to what was right in front of him. The realization hit him like a freight train.

“I didn’t know how to... I didn’t know how to move on from the idea of JJ,” he whispered, his voice breaking slightly. “I thought if I held onto that, maybe I wouldn’t feel this... this emptiness.” His eyes locked onto yours, his expression vulnerable and raw. “But now I see... I see that I’ve been holding onto the wrong things.”

You turned to face him, your eyes brimming with emotion, and for a moment, neither of you said anything. It was as if time had paused, and everything that had been left unsaid was hanging between you.

Finally, you spoke, your voice barely audible but filled with quiet strength. “Spence, I’m not asking for anything. I just wanted you to see me—really see me.” You took a deep breath. “I’m here, Spence. But if you can’t—if you’re not ready—then I have to step back.”

The words felt like they came from somewhere deep inside you, a place you hadn’t wanted to reach. But it was the only way to give him space, to give him the room to make his own decisions.

You took another step back, and Spencer felt something inside him crumble. He could hear the gentle hum of Garcia’s voice from across the room, watching from a distance, but it felt distant—almost irrelevant now. All he could think about was you.

Before you could move further, Spencer spoke again, his voice trembling. “I don’t want you to step back,” he said, more forcefully now, as though he couldn’t bear to let you go. “I... I’ve been so focused on the wrong things, and I’m sorry for that. I’ve been blind to what’s been right in front of me.”

Your chest tightened at his words, but there was a flicker of hope inside you. Maybe there’s something here. Maybe you had been wrong to think you’d need to give up on him entirely.

“Spence,” you whispered, your voice breaking as you met his gaze, “you don’t have to apologize. I’m just... I’m here. You don’t have to be alone in this.”

His hand reached out slowly, almost uncertain, but this time, you didn’t pull away. Instead, you let him take your hand, the warmth of his touch grounding you in the midst of the uncertainty. Spencer’s eyes were searching yours, his own feelings written plainly on his face. He didn’t know where this was going, but he was willing to find out. For the first time, Spencer felt like he wasn’t running from his own heart.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, softer now, but with more conviction. “And thank you... for being here.”