#I also have not been able to figure out the actual issue

[ultrakill-confessions]

can i just say that I am SO grateful for the accessibility options and assists in ultrakill? like, yeah i make my jokes about being dogshit at this game. but, like, honestly, i haven't played an FPS in almost 20 years. I've felt way too out of my depth to try, because I already have mobility issues with my hands, the learning curve seems so steep, and I really don't like the prospect of humiliating myself.

Watching playthroughs had me worried I would be too overwhelmed to enjoy the game, but being able to use things like aim assist? Being able to play on harmless and have slower enemies? I'm actually able to ENJOY this game, not just throw myself at the same level over and over until I feel embarrassed and stop playing entirely.

And the way that they're phrased--things like "minor assists" and "major assists" rather than "cheats"? talking about the easier difficulties with things like "for a less stressful experience" as opposed to making it seem like having an easy mode is for people who just ~aren't willing to put in the effort to get good~? It makes me feel so much less judged for not being familiar enough with this genre to jump right in on the hardest difficulty. It feels remarkably kind.

It's also been incredibly helpful! I've only been playing for a week-ish, but playing on harmless has helped me figure out the mechanics without just, like, dying every two seconds. I spent over an hour in the sandbox today just really focusing on how to move my hands in the right way to actually get around while being able to see where I'm going.

Today I was finally able to play through the whole prelude on lenient instead of harmless, and with 20% aim assist instead of 40%! And I only fell into three blade fans instead of, like, twelve! I got through Cerberus without resetting once! I've never even gotten to Cerberus before! The amount of improvement I have been able to make has literally been night and day. Am I good at this game? Without a doubt, I am not! And I'm fine with that. I take pride in being God's worst mistake. But I actually feel excited to play, and it just makes me appreciate this game and hakita as a dev so, so much.

- girlfailure v1 anon

-

[pain-is-too-tired]

One thing I think is interesting is how much a parallel Will is to Nico. Not just cause "oh,dead siblings-" but how that whole situation pays out overall.

Both are raised by their mom for first decade of their life, why Nico grows up with a sibling, Will only has his mom to lean on, why not shown(praying so hard for a Naomi moment in tsats 2-) it's very clear he has a close bond with her why Nico hardly is able to remember his.

Both end up attack at young age with their moms. Nico losing his from Zeus, and Will being attacked why in the city with his mom. Something that sticks to him so much despite fighting in like 3 wars that he still is scared of those monster birds.

Nico and Bianca are taken to the Casino and years later camp, why Will it's taken straight to camp, and only then does he get siblings to lean on.

Nico loses the only stability(nonfataly at first) he's had his own life when she decides to join the hunters (which, as a younger sibling with similar age gap,definitely gives the feel of sibling struggling with being left behind as the older grows up but that's a different ramble-) Will like makes the decision to not be able to see his mom as much anymore for the safety of her and himself, becoming a year rounder, or having to do so after the war for sake of his siblings. Either way loosing that stability as well.

Of course Will loses a brother before Michael, not only that he looses almost all his siblings.

And this where most interesting comparing the two.

Nico has to stay in camp, he entrust Percy to look after her and when she dies in his young grieving mind he blames Percy. He was there when Nico couldn't be and didn't save her. Add on to the fact that Nico felt her die. He's left with his sister dieing why he was stuck and camp and couldn't be there with her.

Then for Will, he likely not only felt some of his siblings die(if why trying to heal them they died right there) but he saw them die. He was there and he couldn't do anything.

He sees not just Michael being knocked off the bridge, but some of his other siblings too a bit prior from Kronos. A year prior he likely also had to see many other die as well including his other brother.

I don't think most of his anger is in Percy, though I'm sure he has some mixed feelings about it at this point after botl Will is fully aware they're in the middle of war and what comes with that. They had to act fast in both breaking the bridge and getting to Annabeth. Michael wasn't the only sibling somewhere under that bridge, leaving his cabin to search and regroup why he went with Percy was the best option.

But,I think if he'd be upset at anyone, it be Clarisse and her cabin. Even if by a little bit.

A reverse of Nico's situation. Instead of "i couldn't be there, you were" its "I was there, you chose not to."

Not that they particularly could 100% saved Michael just be being their sooner or whatever, but if they were there would've been room for reinforcement. That maybe at least some of his other siblings could've survived.

They're then given something that just becomes a sour reminder of what they lost. Nico's given the figure Bianca got that led into her death by Percy.

Will's handed over the chariot, which was the reason Clarisse refused to assist in the fight why his siblings died, by Clarisse.

But, Nico left camp after. Having no ties to it and no responsibility other than taking care of himself. Only having to get back on contact with Percy after months without it. And why still going through a lot he's finally able to talk stuff over and start on a healing journey.

And honestly,I thinks why Nico and so much further in not just acknowledging his trauma and issues,but actually get moments to think it over and talk and connect to someone over it.

Think that's why I hate that idea that will just came in and "fixed Nico" or whatever. Because Nico was already on the way to healing by the end of the first series! Of course he still struggled,cause healing doesn't happen over night,but if wasn't just Will that helped him. Will was just the person to help him find his place in chb and settle in a stable place where he could finish his healing.

In contrast, Will had hardly any of that. As soon as Michael and his siblings died he was responsible for not only what little siblings he had left(Kayla and Austin were like 11 or so btw-) but a whole army of his peers and others.

He had to become a head counselor mid war, afterwards he had to burn bodies and empty shrouds of his siblings and peers why still having to take care of his living peers.

He couldn't risk the energy to argue or be mad fully at Clarisse. He just had to put on a steady face why she gives his cabin back the chariot like that would fix anything. Only for that to get broken but too long afterwards

It is non stop for over the next 1-2 years. To the point he centered his worth around helping others to an unhealthy degree that it even affects his relationship with Nico.

Which took up to tsats for Nico to really sit and talk to Will about it. Nico's aware of how hurt by his sibling's lost Will is, but i think up until tsats he hadn't fully processed the fact that Will never got the closure he did. Will never got to say goodbye nor had time to do his own thing. And I think tsats it as much of a start of Will's healing journey as it is Nico fully coming to terms with his. Obviously trauma like that doesn't go away, but Nico it's a lot further ahead than Will, and think just interesting how differently their life led them to that.

Will,despite having me stability with camp and his two siblings, he never really had anyone he felt he was allowed to lean on even a little bit. Even with how close he is to his mom, there's only so much he likely would tell her.

Idk. The parallels are so interesting to me.

Also, idea of Clarisse being to Will as Percy is to Nico and kinda fun to think about. I'm just a sucker for Clarisse being a big sister figure to Will hdgd

Also, not saying Nico is there to work Will through his issues either. I bet much rather him just be part of it in the way Will was with him. Nico had Jason and Reyna and Hazel as well. Let Will have that support system. Obviously I'm sucker for him and Jake having heart to heart. But also others.

Anyway gdgd just random thoughts about them.

[stilesstlinski]

‘Jekyll and Hyde’ wasn’t the most sensitive way to describe Void, but it certainly was accurate, so Stiles appreciated the honesty behind her question. “Yeah. But it’s more than that, y’know?” He glanced down with a sigh, noting that his hands were no longer trembling. Talking to Rose was proving a good distraction, as he’d theorised. She didn’t tiptoe around difficult subjects, or tell Stiles what he wanted to hear, instead of what he needed. He owed her the same in response. “Ever since I died it’s just gotten worse. The not sleeping, the jumpiness. Constantly feeling like something terrible is going to happen, again. It’s like drowning. Do you ever feel like that?” She seemed so put together, but perhaps Rose was better at hiding her anxiety. Or maybe he was right, maybe it was just him. She hadn’t come back with an evil alter ago, after all.

“I don’t, actually.” Stiles interjected quickly, before she continued. It was important to him that she realised he valued her opinion. If he didn’t, they wouldn’t even be having this conversation. He sat in silence from that point, letting her speak her piece. Unfortunately, she wasn’t saying anything he wasn’t already aware of. His relationship with Scott had been strained for months, and it was doing Stiles no favours. Without his brother, his panic attacks were more frequent, as was his loneliness. He felt like half of a whole person, especially considering the pack bond caused it to become a very physical absence. “Yeah. Yeah I know,” he replied, lips pressing together. 

Deep down, Stiles knew that Scott valued him a great deal, and loved him. But his own insecurities and jealousy were hard to dig through, and often in his need for reassurance, Stiles only pushed Scott further away. He hated feeling as though he were competing for his brother’s attention, or becoming a burden. His distrust ruled him, too, finding Scott’s new friends hard to accept. “I just need some time first. I think he does, too.” Alexandria was already proving to be hard work, and there were far more people that needed Scott’s time and assistance. Stiles could fly solo until the dust settled, more than used to his own suffering. “He’s better equipped than everyone, that’s why he’s in such high demand.” Still, Rose had offered her own shoulder, so he wasn’t entirely alone. “We’ll fix it. I’ll — fix it. Just not yet.”

“And you didn’t feel like that before?” Stiles questioned, genuinely intrigued now. Not only was Rose feeling the lack; Dean was, too. Maybe they really did need their bonded counterparts to feel healthy. “I feel sick and tired all the time. Constantly, since I came back.” He nodded, feeling more motivated to find whoever the girl was now, so he could prove their hypothesis. Stiles also found himself wondering why there was distance between Rose and Wanda now, and if the reason related to his own experience with Caroline. Wanda didn’t seem like the unforgiving type, especially in consideration of the circumstances. They’d had no choice, after all. “We need to find out more about who we are. There’s gotta’ be more to us than automatic killing machines.”

“Apparently,” Stiles said, laughing at his own misfortune. His rebirth had been one mystery he hadn’t been able to resolve, yet, and it was driving him insane. He hated the uncertainty, the not knowing. If he could figure it out, he could help himself, and the others, too. Stiles was desperate for the connection that she was describing, so he could truly begin to decipher which issues stemmed from what. His species, his bonded partner, the pack, or his own personality. With so many emotions and voices in his mind, it was no wonder why he constantly felt strung out. 

Rose continued on with her explanation, but in a very sudden rush of fear and adrenaline, Stiles lost all focus. Her speech began to seemingly blur together, no longer understandable. The hands which she’d comfortingly held a moment ago began to viciously shake again, and despite his own confusion, Stiles was certain this wasn’t his own doing. Talking to Rose had eased his worries, and given him some clarity, so this could only be a result of one of the aforementioned stressors. His heart felt as though it were going to pound through his chest, and his saliva started to taste metallic. No, not metallic. It tasted like blood. 

“Rose -” Stiles reached for her, fingers erratically scraping along the table that separated them. By the time he’d gotten close, his vision was gone entirely. “Oh, fu —” His mind followed a second later, transported into that of someone else, and Stiles’ body fell sideward out of his chair, collapsing onto the floor below.

Rose pouted at the sarcasm, but refrained from rolling her eyes, used to it from him by now. Still, it was hard to tell how honest he was being underneath the attitude, thus how concerned she should be. She hadn’t known him for his whole life, after all. But considering the explanation that came after, Rose decided to trust in the sarcasm. Besides, she’d never seen him this jumpy before. Irritable, yes, but not visibly shaking for a prolonged period of time. “Are you talking about your… uh, ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ thing?” It was the softest way she could think of to word it. Rose had a feeling she was right, of course, but wanted total clarity to help get to the bottom of it. 

As if exampling that very same intuition, her suspicion about the continued rockiness of Scott and Stiles’ relationship proved true. Rose frowned, unsettled to hear it anyway, gaze full of concern. “Stiles… I know you probably think I’m full of shit most of the time, but I need you to listen to me now. You two have to work this crap out, stat. It’s not helping you, and I know without really knowing that it’s not good for him, either. Plus, you know he’d do anything for you. Everyone needs a Scott on their side, and you’re at like the top of his list, dude. Even if all this shit, whatever it is, was his fault, talk to him about this, or I swear to god, I will drag both your asses out and have some gross group therapy. Don’t push me.”

She sat back with a huff, feeling she was done saying her piece; but it suddenly dawned on her how it might’ve sounded. Rose didn’t want to seem like she wasn’t there for him at all. “— Wait, don’t get me wrong, okay, I’m not trying to palm off all the responsibility onto you two either. Of course you can talk to me, now and whenever, but I just -” She sighed, unsure how to word the lack of confidence she was currently feeling. “I just feel like he’s better equipped to handle this than me, or anyone. That goes for pretty much everything, actually. And he loves you a lot, so that’s a pretty good duo. That’s all I’m saying. And I’m done now, I swear, so if you wanna talk to me, I’ll shut up. I’m listening.”

Rose sighed, feeing it was safe to assume the Caroline thing had something to do with their surprise programming. “I know there’s so much shit we don’t know, and can’t confirm, but… ever since the Capitol, what they triggered in us… I haven’t been around Wanda much. At all, actually. But the longer I’m apart from her, I swear it’s like draining me. I’m exhausted, nauseous, sometimes. And she’s faded, you know? I just can’t feel her as close anymore. It wasn't like that before. Dean told me something similar once, and he’s been looking like real shit lately. He doesn’t know who his connection is either. So, we might be making it up, maybe it’s all coincidence, but maybe it’s not. We felt unwell, like, always in the Capitol.” She shrugged, feeling that sense of intuition again. “This is my roundabout way of asking if you’ve felt the same? Because maybe that’s how you work it out. The closer you are to them, the better you may feel.”

Her concerned gaze returned at hearing his questions, and without thinking about it, she’d instinctively reached out to hold the hand that still shook. “If it’s just you, then we’ll work that out. You’ve got so many people on your side, Stiles, you’re not going to be alone in this. Besides, you’re famous for working things out, right?” At his next question, Rose sat back in thought, having not really thought about it like that. “I guess, in a few ways, yes. Like for the distance thing, I reckon it helps. Does for me, anyway. Also, I guess you automatically become the person who knows them best, so if you get all these foreign emotions, you know there’s something up and can then help get rid of it, so you feel better, too. Does that make sense?”

[dumbthink]

I rlly wanna try writing Forrest again sometime soon but. I just feel like there is something kinda like… missing? I dunno how to explain it, it just feels like he is one ingredient off from being like nadine. not perfect, but fully formed. I just can’t figure out what it is

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! Weird question time, but let me preface it by saying these are not symptoms I am currently experiencing and also I have talked to doctors about this, I just didn't think to put the two things together For all the migraine havers out there, do you have tachycardia when you have migraines? Either like during the whole migraine, or only with migraines bad enough to cause stomach issues?

[void-chara]

first finished piece of lifesteal fanart yaayyy!! I. I started this during the second round of the mcytblr sexyman contest. Why does art take me so long. I finished most of it a while ago but the scythe just took forever because I couldn’t figure it out and kept redoing it. I think it turned out good though!

[voidimp]

maybe now that i have adhd meds i can attempt Language again

[dan-crimes]

I love writers I love when they ramble on abt characters and their motivations, their core values and the reasons why they react to things in certain ways and having character interactions work off of each other due to their differing ways of viewing the world and in general I just love character analysis

[thethingything]

we have an especially bad migraine where I noticed us getting aura (mostly being pissed off and upset in a specific way) for several hours before it started and we've taken pain meds but I'm not sure they've actually helped. they have definitely given us side effects though and I feel very spaced out and nauseous and generally shit.

we've also had way worse ADHD symptoms for the last few days to the point of being pretty much unable to focus on anything besides like 2 things we've hyperfixated on. we've had so much trouble starting tasks and keep struggling to hold a train of thought or focus long enough to even figure out what we need to do each day despite having all our Habitica dailies to tell us.

our brain is all over the place and I'm not really sure what to do with it or what would help but it's just occurred to me that sometimes our ADHD gets really bad in the buildup to some of our worst migraines and now I'm just hoping that both the migraine and other shit ease off soon because I'd like to be able to function

[altruistic-meme]

yay we love adding an additional 15 stressors to an already stressed tf out person like yayyy whoopee that sure is fun :)

[phagodyke]

coming to terms with having adhd is like wow so my brain has been broken all my fucking life and always will be. and when I felt like everything was unfair + more difficult for me than everyone else thats because it is actually. and it will always be like this forever. hope that helps 👍

[chemicalarospec]

My experience with Hannibal so far:

Jeff the killer: kills people. Mutilates and eats them too.

Me: Yeah that's alright with me (skipping the eye gore tho)

Jeff the evil liar: evilly lies to someone about the cause of their psychosis

Me: I Am Not Okay With This

[floral-hex]

health whining

Dilemma: breathing trouble. Still. For weeks. Another bad night where I’m afraid to go to sleep.

Options, if I go somewhere:

ER. No copay. Can go right now. Will most definitely feel shitty for presumably wasting their time and will probably be told to see ENT (ENT appointment in almost 2 weeks but issue is affecting me NOW).

Urgent care. There is a copay. I’ll have to wait 2 more hours. If equipment is needed (I dunno, endoscopy scopes. Who knows), they most definitely won’t have it. Will also probably tell me to go see ENT.

[mayspicer]

Ok, the boss is no more! There were some super stressful moments but surprisingly we all survived o:

My animal companion got hit with disintegrate, but we had hero points to make him avoid it. I would cry actually, because disintegrate means no resurrection x_x

The war is prevented! At least this one, because Cayden's party is right at the center of a much bigger one just starting. Today we saved the country. Cayden is trying to not even save the whole world, just maybe slow the whole thing down and save as much people as possible...

[dalishious]

The Sanitized Lore of Dragon Age: The Veilguard

Tevinter is the heart of slavery in Thedas. This lore has been established in every game, novel, comic, and other extended material in the Dragon Age franchise to date that so much as mentions the nation. But in Dragon Age: The Veilguard, when we are finally able to actually visit this location for the first time… this rampant slavery we’ve heard so much about is nowhere to be found. It’s talked about here and there; Neve mentions The Viper has a history of freeing slaves, as does Rook themselves if they choose the Shadow Dragon faction as their origin, for example. But walking down the streets of Minrathous, you’d never know. Because Dragon Age: The Veilguard, for all its enjoyment otherwise, has one glaring issue: It’s too clean.

The world of Thedas is full of injustices. Humans persecute elves, fear qunari, and belittle dwarves. Mages of any race are treated like caged animals in most places. The nobility is corrupt. Although, Dragon Age has not always handled these injustices well, mind you. Many, many times I’ve found myself frustrated with moments that just feel like a Racism Simulator. But what makes it worth it, is when you can actually do something about it. These injustices are things that a good-aligned character strives to fight back against, maybe even for very personal reasons. Part of the power-fantasy for many minorities is that this fight feels tangible. I cannot arrange the assassination of a corrupt politician in real life, but I sure can get Celene Valmont stabbed to death in Dragon Age: Inquisition, for example. Additionally, these fictional injustices can be used to make statements on real life parallels, like any source of media. For example, no, the Chant of Light is not real, but acting as a stand-in for Catholicism, through a media analysis lens we can explore what the Chant of Light communicates on a figurative level.

When starting Dragon Age: The Veilguard and selecting to play as an elf – this should be unsurprising to anyone who is familiar with my bias towards them – I was fully prepared to enter the streets of Minrathous and immediately get called “knife-ear” or “rabbit”. But this did not happen. I thought perhaps it was just a prologue thing, but returning to Minrathous once again, there was not a single shred of disapproval from any NPC I encountered that wasn’t a generic enemy to fight. And even the generic enemies, the Tevinter Nationalist cult of the Venatori, didn’t seem to care at all that I was a lineage they deemed inferior before now. This is a stark difference from entering the Winter Palace in Dragon Age: Inquisition and immediately getting hit with court disapproval and insults. Are we now to believe that Tevinter has somehow solved its astronomical racism and classism problems in the ten years since the past game? Or perhaps are we to believe all the characters who have demonstrated Tevinter’s systemic discriminatory views were just lying or outliers? Because it makes absolutely no sense at all for this horribly corrupt nation to not have a shred of reactivity to an elven or qunari Rook prancing around. But here were are, and not a single NPC even recognizes my character’s lineage. And because this is so different from every single past game, it feels weird.

As an elf, you have the option to make a comment about how “too many humans look down on us” in one scene early in the game. You can also talk to Bellara and Davrin, the elven companions, about concerns that people won’t trust elves after finding out about the big bad Ancient Evanuris… but this is presented as if elves don’t already face persecution. It’s all so limited in scope that it could be all too easily missed if you are not paying very close attention, and coming into the game with pre-existing lore knowledge.

All this made it easy to first assume that the developers simply over-corrected an attempt to address the Racism Simulator moments. And if that was the case, than I would at least give credit to effort; they did not find the right balance, but they at least tried. However, the sudden lack of discrimination against different lineages in Dragon Age: The Veilguard is not the only sanitized example of lore present.

In Dragon Age: Origins, Zevran Arainai is a companion who is from the Antivan Crows; a group of assassins. He discusses in detail how the Crows buy children and raise them into murder machines through all kinds of torture. The World of Thedas books also describe how the Antivan Crows work, echoing what Zevran says and expanding that of the recruitment, only a select handful of those taken by the Crows even survive. When you start Dragon Age: The Veilguard as an Antivan Crow, you immediately unlock a re-used codex entry from the past, “The Crows and Queen Madrigal”, that says the following:

“His guild has a reputation to uphold. They are ruthless, efficient, and discreet. How would they maintain such notoriety if agents routinely revealed the names of employers with something as "banal" as torture.”

Ruthless, efficient, and discreet. Torture is banal. This is what the Crows were before Dragon Age: The Veilguard decided to take them in a very different direction. The Antivan Crows in this latest game are painted as freedom fighters against the Antaam occupation of Treviso. Teia calls the Crows “patriots”. And while I can certainly believe that the Crows would have enough motivation to fight back against the Antaam, given that it is in direct opposition to their own goals, I cannot understand why they are suddenly suggested to be morally good. They are assassins. They treat their people like tools and murder for money. Even as recent as the Tevinter Nights story Eight Little Talons, it is addressed that the Antivan Crows are in it for the coin and power, with characters like Teia being outliers for wanting to change that. It makes the use of the older codex all the more confusing, as it sets the Antivan Crows up as something they are no longer portrayed as.

I personally think it would have been really interesting to explore a morally corrupt faction in comparison to say, the Shadow Dragons. Perhaps even as a protagonist, address things like the enslavement of “recruits” to make the faction at least somewhat better. (They are still assassins, after all.) Instead, we’re just supposed to ignore everything unsavory about them, I suppose…

We could discuss even further examples. Like how the Lords of Fortune pillage ruins but it’s okay, because they never sell artifacts of cultural importance, supposedly. Or how the only problem with the Templar Order in Tevinter is just the “bad apples” that work with Venatori. I could go on, but I don’t think I have to.

It is because of all this sanitization, that I cannot believe this was simply over-correction on a developmental part. Especially when there is still racism in the game, in other forms. The impression I’m left with feels far deeper than that; it feels corporate. As if a computer ran through the game’s script and got rid of anything with “too much” political substance. The strongest statements are hidden in codex entries, and I almost suspect they had to be snuck in.

Between a Racism Simulator and just ignoring anything bad whatsoever, I believe a balance is achievable; that sweet spot that actually has something to say about what it is presenting. I know it is achievable, because there are a few bright spots of this that I’ve encountered in Dragon Age: The Veilguard too. For example, some of the codex entries like I mentioned, and almost all the content with the Grey Wardens thus far. It is a shame there is not more content on this level.

Dragon Age: The Veilguard is overall still a fun game, in my opinion. But it’s hard to argue that it isn’t missing the grit of its predecessors. The sharp edges have been smoothed. The claws have been removed. The house has been baby-proofed. And for what purpose?

-----

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[wickjump]

ok i rambled a lot in the tags and there’s a STUPID TAG LIMIT so my thoughts are CONDENSED and LAMEand not smart. but i could be. i could be if i wanted to. also the second half of this is literally me just talking about krepicolor im So sorry i got so off topic and distracted. the first half is good tho and makes sense i think

Why am I chill with most color ships but eh or 😡 and 🙄 or 🫤 on most killer ships