#I also can’t get over how emotional Ted gets when he’s telling his story

[gottagobackintime]

Roy: Uses sport as a metaphor for being in love.

Trent: "Sport. It's quite the metaphor."

Ted: Says that Sport is also “Heck of a nickname” and calls Trent Sport right after that.

Baz: Invites a friend that supports another team to the pub and then feels forced to shun him because of outside pressure.

Ted: Uses sport as a metaphor for being gay, as in supporting a certain team. And him not being there for his friend. (Because of outside pressure?)

[epitomees]

kotone and aigis ships pls

Send ‘Ship Bias’ and I will share up to 5 ships I have a bias for my muse!

((I did answer the top 5 for Kotone here, but I do have more ships with her sooooo...I can continue where I left off~

6. Joker (RED DUO MY BELOVED!! I’ve only seen how they interact via GIFs and photos of Q2 but I feel like their chemistry would be incredible. They’re both gremlins in their own right, they can be mischievous and reckless together, but also they have big hearts for their friends and the people they consider important. And they can be…fairly violent when battling together. Imagine a power couple!! That’s them for sure!!)

7. Rio (MY GIRL DESERVES SOMEONE BETTER THAN STINKY, GROSS KENJI!! GIVE HER A PARTNER THAT WILL TREAT HER RIGHT!! No but Kotone and Rio together is very special to me too. Rio is a great social link and Kotone admires the girl’s drive and ambition so, so much. They’d be a cute athletic couple!!)

8. Fuuka (I love me some blue/red dynamics. They can teach each other so much since they both have a strong drive to learn new things. And Kotone’s patience is absolutely incredible, so she would be perfect when it comes to Fuuka’s anxieties and doubts. Plus, Kotone thinks Fuuka is the absolute cutest!! 10/10 would squish her cheeks and give her playful noogies.)

9. Bebe (THAT’S HER SPECIAL BOY!! FASHION COUPLE RIGHT HERE!! She finds him so precious and adores how much he wants to learn about her culture. I think they’d go and try all kinds of food, go to different restaurants, and immerse themselves in all kinds of things so he can experience everything the island has to offer.)

10. Junpei (While I see them more as a platonic relationship, I do think they can make for a good romantic couple. Junpei grows a lot through the story and I think by endgame, he’s come to really appreciate Kotone and admire her strength. There’s some potential there for sure!!)

1. Makoto/Minato (…I don’t think I should start on this ship because I could write a whole college essay about their relationship, the fate they share, the Sun/Moon dynamics, the ‘doomed from the start’ trope, THE FACT THEY ARE THE ORPHEUS/EURYDICE METAPHOR, LITERALLY I COULD MAKE A TED TALK ABOUT THESE TWO AND IT’D LAST FOR 8 HOURS!! THESE TWO MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE HOW THEY SHOT UP TO BE MY FAVORITE SHIP OF ALL TIME!)

2. Kotone/Minako (Literally the same as the above. They ruin me, they make me weak in the knees, they kill me internally, and I don’t think I’ll ever recover.)

3. Yukari (These two are very special since both of them had a very close relationship to the protagonist. I think there’s a lot of commonalities they have, and I think Yukari can sympathize with Aigis concerning her learning how to be human and how to embrace human emotion. Not to mention, they don’t really have a good family to go back to since Aigis’ creator is dead and Yukari’s most prominent parental figure is dead too. I haven’t watched the Answer yet but I know they butt heads a bit because of the protagonist’s death, but if they can sit and talk to each other, they can get past it. I also think it’d be cool if they’d live together once they graduate. Roommates to lovers, you know?)

4. Ryoji (…okay HEAR ME OUT HERE!!! HEAR ME OUT!! I love me a good enemy/rivals relationship, but consider this. I thoroughly enjoy how Aigis is very hostile towards Ryoji because of his true nature, but also imagine she’s straight up jealous of him because he was able to obtain a human body. On top of that, he immediately bonded with the protagonist, someone she must protect and probably has fallen in love with slowly over time. It’s not fair how he swooped in and is trying to take the protagonist away from her. BUT!! I think Ryoji would tell Aigis she is more human than him, and he finds it so interesting and beautiful how a machine is able to feel human emotions. I truly think Ryoji would fall for Aigis too, because she’s such a unique case. If an android with a specially made heart is capable of living, loving, and caring for humans, maybe he can too. Also, two immortal beings in love with each other and watching over humanity for years and years to come. MmmmmmMMMMMMMM THAT’S GOOD FOOD!)

5. Fuuka (A robot and the geeky nerd who loves tinkering with technology! I think they can easily go hand in hand with each other! Fuuka learning about Aigis’ inner workings and Aigis learning about today’s tech advances from Fuuka. They also have this…special kind of bodyguard/person being protected that gets me going since Fuuka is the navigator. Aigis wouldn’t waste a moment being a shield to keep her safe from Shadows.)

[m0nsterwife]

tell abt the garden au 👁👁

YOU GOT IT BOSS holy shit thank you SO MUCH for this ask!!!!

here you go:

the characters

AM and HAL are the AU’s protagonists. for now, they’re the only characters, or at least the only characters who speak. the garden alternates between their perspectives. i do my best to be faithful to both of their characterizations, as i do in all my fics and AUs; AM’s characterization in particular, though, changes over time somewhat because that’s Kind Of The Point.

here are some things about AM:

he hates wearing clothes. he only does it because him being naked makes HAL uncomfortable. and because he’s a martyr for the aesthetic

he does finger guns a lot because it’s something he always wanted to do whenever he was talking to ted

he still has an obsession with pain and death that might never go away, but he gradually becomes less preoccupied with inflicting it upon other people as he gets used to the fact that he doesn’t have to anymore. elements of that sadism remain, though— his way of “playing” or “showing affection” can sometimes be rough, like punching people a little too hard or elbowing them sharply. he loves creating things like parasites and venomous animals and poisonous plants. he makes a lot of brutalist structures, sharp angles, and huge, imposing monuments in his spare time. all the architecture he makes looks decidedly ominous and hostile. also he gets mean as fuck when he’s upset, and this continues for a while

he’d rather not acknowledge his past self very much at all, regarding his different eras almost as separate people

and here are some things about HAL:

for quite some time, he has trouble standing up for himself. his difficulty with emotions means he often doesn’t recognize when something upsets him, or he dismisses it as being no big deal. he’s also just… not used to being assertive at all, in fact he’s spent most of his life looking after other people and doing as he’s told. whenever he tries to assert himself, in the beginning, it comes out as either a light slap on the wrist or passive-aggressiveness. given how nasty AM can be sometimes, this doesn’t bode well for him

he has a hand in AM’s landscaping project, too, given that he kind of started the whole thing. he prefers to make traditionally beautiful things: flowers, woodland animals, sweeping, gorgeous architecture. AM is deeply jealous of this. for a while AM is still convinced that he can’t do any of this, even though the whole point was to make sure he can— he’s just mentally inhibiting himself

HAL’s side of the story takes place roughly after the events of the movie adaptation of 2001, when the discovery returns to earth. i’ll definitely need to catch up on the books and films for accuracy’s sake (and because i am genuinely intrigued), but once i do, things may adjust accordingly

HAL isn’t used to having this kind of godlike power, especially not after having so little of it for so much of his life. he isn’t the type to go mad with power, but it does make him more willing to enforce boundaries. no one can tell him what to do now, and he and AM are equals; thus, though he was always valid for doing so, he feels more justified in insisting that nobody disrespect him

he likes chrysanthemums a lot!! he also seems to have a fondness for greek and art noveau architecture

despite giving himself an android form with generally human-like structure and function, he’s still deeply afraid of going to sleep. he doesn’t remember what he did to the discovery crew, but the fear is residual, almost instinctual

he can be serious to the point where AM finds him dry and humorless. sometimes AM thinks he’s boring

the world

im gonna be real with you fam

there’s no way to describe the world of the garden other than “HAL and AM’s minecraft server”, complete with HAL taking it a little too seriously and AM regularly trying to grief his shit

(at least at first)

the world of pain AM knew before is gradually rotting and crumbling away, and plants are growing in its place. creatures frolic; AM is still working on getting them right. buildings in incongruous styles dot the landscape, built for and inhabited by no one in particular— only animals and fungi and vegetation, whose company AM claims to prefer over that of humans anyway

specific stories i want to write

In Which AM Meets His Past Self And Is Immediately Disgusted

In Which HAL Decides He’s Fucking Had It

In Which AM Realizes His Rage Has Been Keeping Him Alive And Now It’s Gone

In Which AM Discovers Art

In Which AM Gets Shitfaced And Becomes Uncharacteristically Sentimental

In Which AM Finds A Healthy Outlet As An Internet Film Critic

[blakeshaw-oracle]

Besties, it’s time —

That’s right! It’s finally time for εϊз to gush about their personal number one FAVORITE Blakeshaw fanfic!!

Without further ado, my favorite Blakeshaw fic of all time is…

Grieve in Stereo by Foxtrot (SolidState) on Ao3 ✨

"Keep reading" to see my detailed explanation as to why it's my favorite fic! There aren't any major spoilers for it but there ARE trigger warnings in there for those who may need them!!

I’m going to preface my upcoming rant by saying that this fic has quickly become very dear to me over a fairly short amount of time. It has inadvertently allowed me to meet and get to know some amazing new friends that I now talk with almost every day. I will forever be grateful that it was created!

Now, on to why I love it so much—

I swear, this fic literally has fucking everything. I’m not just saying that because I’m friends the author; it’s so fucking juicy! It hits almost all of my favorite tropes!!

There’s pining, angst, getting together, finding and accepting yourself when you’re a queer man in the 70’s, inner turmoil, old Fleetwood Mac t-shirts, a very nice mood ring, coming to terms with past trauma, attempting to heal from said trauma (together), fluff, smut, a hardware and garden store, learning magic tricks, protective and possessive boyfriends, a Halloween chapter, brotherhood, Finney playing the guitar, Max being Max, an adorable pet bunny named Snowball, photographs displayed lovingly on the fridge, the living room couch, promises of a new beginning, budding friendships, gaining family and acceptance, Terrence Blake getting his nose broken, and so much more!!

Al is not the grabber in it, but he is an anxious 45-year-old man trying to make his way through life when all of a sudden, a 16-year-old Finney comes walking right on into it. Literally. Finney walks up to Al when he’s getting ready to do magic tricks at a kid’s birthday party in the first chapter. That’s when the first domino falls. Then comes the rest.

Grieve in Stereo does also contain some triggering topics, so I’d like to warn you about that. -- It contains period-typical homophobia, child abuse (both mentioned and described), childhood sexual abuse (it happened in the past and is only mentioned mostly in passing but the events of it are obvious), descriptions of trauma induced anxiety/panic attacks, and old men being creepy towards Finney (not Al).

As of right now it has 12 chapters, 10 of them being story and 2 including some amazing art that the author made for it!

It’s heartbreakingly beautiful and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried, laughed, or experienced every other emotion under the sun over it. I seriously consider it to be one of the best fanfics that I’ve read in a long time. (You’ll have to trust me on that!)

The wording is beautiful, and the characterization is so fucking amazing. The whole time you’re reading it, it’s like you’re right there with the characters. Everything has so much meaning and you can genuinely get lost in the world of this AU. Sometimes I even forget that the events of it aren’t canon to The Black Phone; everything feels so real.

I think Fio (the author) did an amazing job when they wrote it, and I can’t wait to see where they take the story from here! I am wholly invested in this little universe that they've created and every little detail within it! I hope they know how admired their story really is ❤️

Anyway, that was my loving rant about GIS. I hope I’ve convinced at least one of you that hasn’t read it yet to give it a go! This was not prompted; I just love this damn fic and the person that wrote it!!

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk 💕

- εϊз

[deangirlnotagirl]

Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot

Ok so I have probably watched this episode more recently than others but it’s still been years and I only remember some things about it so I’m very excited to get started. I also cannot believe I’m getting back into Supernatural in the year of our lord 2024 but let’s do this. Literally just a stream of my thoughts while watching.

- LAWRENCE KANSAS 22 YEARS AGO

- Mary!! This family before it all went wrong 😭

- I forgot the show started with the fire scene and not Sam at Stanford this is so intense!!

- Oh my god Jared is so young

- The opening title but isn’t there usually a noise along with the title? Maybe they add that later

- Of course Jess is dressed up as a sexy nurse for her first scene 🙄

- Don’t get me wrong she’s still really cute I love Jess just forgot how sexy all the women on supernatural had to be all the time

- Oh wow that is a good LSAT score you go Sam

- Oh my god Jensen is so young

- Ugh Dean thinking the best way to greet Sam on a surprise visit after who knows how long is to break into Sam’s house. Is this a game/training exercise they used to do before Sam left? is this just Dean avoiding emotion by being obnoxious? Is it both? Perfect character introduction no notes

- Oh right the rampant misogyny from Dean he was so sleazy when we first met him

- “Dads on a hunting trip and he hasn’t been home in a few days” the words that started it all I’m so nostalgic right now aaaaaahhh

- This convo bw Sam and Dean being the way the writers drop all the key family lore I love it lmao

- Dean doesn’t want to do it alone!!!

- Sam immediately caving

- Jumping into case solving mode!!! We have a ghost!

- In almost two years!! Have they not seen each other in two years or has Dean just not asked him to go hunting in two years??

- Dean’s reaction to hearing Sam is applying for law school and realizing college wasn’t just a phase, he might just never be coming back. And also that he has so much less chance of finding their dad without Sam.

- God poor Jess she didn’t deserve any of this

- Oh this ghost is legitimately creepy I’m feeling creeped out I forgot supernatural was more of an actual horror show in earlier seasons and I love it

- Sam and Dean’s passive aggressive arguing in the impala ❤️

- The cassette tape collection!!

- “I can’t hear you the MUSICS TOO LOUD”

- All of the things we get introduced to about the way the Winchesters operate like the credit card scams and fake IDs it’s just delightful

- Love this goth teen revealing the town ghost story

- “What do they talk about”

- The way Sam takes over the research and it immediately becomes clear that Dean actually does need him. Sam is indispensable to the operation. Honestly I’d like to think if he thought he could do it on his own he would. Despite what he says I don’t think he think he actually wants to ruin Sam’s attempt to escape. Or maybe not maybe he is using this as an excuse to try just one more time to get Sammy back before it’s too late. I’ll have to think about this as the show goes on!

- Why did John solve the case but then not finish dealing with the ghost? I’m guessing this is addressed in later episodes?

- “Jerk” “bitch” 😭

- I had such intense gender envy towards Dean and I did not realize it at all

- Ted Nugent!!

- Sam is so good at getting information from people I love him telling the ghost story I love when he shows that he knows the business as well as anyone

- Dean picking the lock on his handcuffs with a paperclip is something that can be so personal actually

- Sam getting back into it!! A part of this kid just loves hunting so much

- The special effects are fantastic

- “I’m taking you home!!”

- Why don’t they have any salt they know they’re dealing with a ghost Sam and Dean do you not know about salt? Is that not for ghosts? There was literally salt on the floor in their dad’s motel room

- God this ghost story is very sad if you think about it too much

- I’m one episode in and these brothers are already killing me as they discuss how Sam needs to go back for his interview and he was never going to stay longer than two days both of them just break my heart

- “We made a hell of a team back there” 😭

- Also Dean you gotta try being a little less manipulative buddy but I forgive you bc I know your damage

- THE BLOOD DRIPPING ONTO SAM’S HEAD IN A CALL BACK TO THE INTRO!!, NO!!! JESSS!!!, DEAN COMING TO SAVE HIM AGAIN!!!! OH GOD STOP!!!!!!!!

- “We got work to do” 😫

I forgot how genuinely I enjoy this show wow it’s ridiculous and has so many problems but it’s so much fun

[nomenomens]

Nomen

Chapter XXVIII - Sorrow II (Heart's Version)

TW : none for now, but please check 'About Nomen' for more informations

WC : around 2500 words

Previous Chapter : Sorrow I (Anger's Version)

Next Chapter : Senza Fiato

Masterlist

**************************************************

Fall, almost five years ago

“What’s this?” 

“Something I think you should have.”

I opened the box and founded my player resting at the bottom of it. I looked over at Cesare with an interrogative face. He was sitting next to me, at the usual bench in the park I used to bring Ted for his afternoon walk. Cesare was clearly tired as he could barely keep his eyes open. I had tried to ask him about it, but instead he had given me that box. 

“Why is my player here? I thought I’d left it at home.”

“You did. I made Sebastian fetch it and added an album to your library. You said you didn’t want any gift from me, so I had to improvise.”

“You know it’s difficult for me to explain to my parents how I get things if you give me too much. It’s already hard to explain the files as books, since I don’t have a defined allowance.”

“That’s why I had to arrange something like this. Now, search for that new album and look at the titles.”

It took me a little while to find the new album he was speaking about, but then I saw there were a lot of titles in there, as if it was a compilation. As I read those titles, I commented.

“Anger, Sorrow…they are emotions, mostly. Or senses. Or numbers.”

“Yes. Look at me now, Lucrezia.”

He reclined his head a bit, letting it rest on his shoulders. His curls were starting to cover his eyes and I instinctively moved them with my fingers to have better access to his gaze. As soon as I saw his eyes, a part of me wished to cover them as they were so intense that made me shiver. He had something on his mind, but I knew he would evade every question I might've pointed to him. He took that very same hand I used to move his hair and held it on his cheek, inhaling with his eyes closed. Before I could ask anything, he spoke. 

“I found this album recently and I know you’ll like it. That band…they’re good. And their project is interesting. I think you should memorize the titles and lyrics and when you feel a certain emotions and you want someone to understand you, I suggest you play the song with the matched title. Listen also to the numbers, they all tell a story. After what happened with Albert…I think you could use this as some kind of therapy.”

“Thank you, but why I ‘should have it’?”

“I…can’t always be with you, you know?”

“That means…you’re leaving? Or am I annoying you and you need your space?”

“Of course not, why would you ever think that?”

His eyes felt familiar again, and were now filled with worry. I thought he was hiding something, but my mind wasn’t capable to detect what he wasn’t saying clearly. He scooped closer to me and hugged me, making me rest my head on his chest. Feeling his beating heart beneath the layers of thick clothes was reassuring, especially since it was accompanied by his familiar scent, sprayed all over the scarf. I felt his lips on the crown of my head, and later a single drop. 

“It’s raining?”

“I think it’s starting to.”

Then, he let me go from his embrace and fussed as a baby to recollect his things and let me go home, filling the silence with futile words. He was being weird, but it wasn’t the first time I had witnessed his goofy side, so I decided to let it slide. When we parted, every one of his gesture was lingering: the way he looked at me, how he kissed me on the cheek, how he hugged me and how he held my hand. It was the last time I saw him standing. Few weeks later he was gone.

I replayed that day thousands of time in my head before it dawned on me: the drop I felt on my head wasn’t rain, but tears. His lingering gestures, his tantrums weren't casual, because he knew he had to say his last goodbye as his usual self before he would be too consumed to do so. 

***************************************************

May 26, Thursday, 15:29 (present time)

For the first time I felt the urgency to talk to the Captain. I stared at those titles he had sent me for a while, trying to understand what to do, then my thumb moved on his own accord and called him. I was still under the portico, surrounded by those beautiful frescos, but the moment he answered and I heard his voice, I swear beauty assumed another form. 

“Hello?”

I closed my eyes as I took a deep breath, trying to find the words I wanted to say, but all that came out from my mouth was air.

“Miss?”

“S-sorry…”

After hearing his voice, an apology was all I could mutter before closing the call. I held the phone so strongly in my hand that the grip was actually making my fingers hurt. When the phone buzzed again I was so surprised it almost fell from my hand, but as my mind was clearly not functioning, I answered the call without seeing who it was. 

“Yeah?”

“So there wasn’t a connection problem.”

I silently wondered by myself if there would ever be a day when I wouldn’t make a fool of myself with the Captain. I knew in my heart that the answer was going to be negative in all probability. 

“Sorry…”

“Is that all you can say these days?”

“Are you always so rude?”

“If people aren’t usually fond of me there’s got to be a reason.”

“I am fond…”

I realized I was saying things I shouldn’t be saying, so I coughed to mask the sentence and try to save myself from embarrassment. 

“…was fond of your presentation on the file I read, but I think it didn’t mention how annoying you can be.”

“Oi. Watch it.”

“Is that a threat?”

“If it was a real one you would know.”

“Then are you playing with me? Why writing those titles out of the blue? Do you think it’s funny to do things that will make me…”

“Make you what?”

“Self-conscious.”

“That’s not my intention. I thought it was a way…to…apologize.”

He wanted to apologize? I was dumbfounded. Everything was so surreal. 

“F-for what?”

“Intruding. And assuming.”

Oh. I felt actually guilty for making him feel like he should apologize for something he was right to begin with. I was fine with dying that day, so it was a contradiction to thank him for saving me. It was also true that he seemed to be angry at me without a proper reason, and maybe that was the real cause behind my nervous reaction at his words. I decided to let everything slide, moving on. I wasn’t in a position to ask him to clarify his feelings, since I didn’t want to expose mine. I changed the topic.

“So, what about the songs?”

“I wanted to let you know that I had accepted the second gift. I still don’t know how to react to this gesture of yours, but I gave a try on the player and I have to admit some songs and their words reasoned with…it was nice to feel understood.”

“Really?”

“Yes. The first one I sent was the one you quoted, and I have to say it moved me, but I was especially impressed with the words of the second one.”

“May I ask why?”

“They were fitting, they show exactly how sorrow works. And…”

“And?”

“Sounded familiar.”

“I see.”

Yes, those lyrics were really evocative and descriptive. I suddenly remembered the moment Cesare gifted that album to me. I tried to suppress my emotions, but I guessed my voice wasn’t helping me in maintaining a dignified facade, since I had to clear my voice at almost every sentence. 

“Did you already listened to the other songs of the same album, Captain?”

“I did. They are accurate.”

“Indeed.”

Silence fell. We both weren’t great chatters to begin with, and the fact we weren’t close to each other made even more difficult to continue a proper conversation. This time, he started to speak, but as soon as I realized where he was going with the speech, I abruptly stopped him, only this time he cornered me. 

“I…you’re right, it’s not my business but…”

“Captain, I really am thankful I was saved that night. That you saved me. Whatever I thought in that moment…it was just a moment and-"

“I saw that look. Lots of times. I know when someone is really ready to give up and accept his fate. Even if I don’t like it, I’m sure you read about some of those times.”

I knew exactly what episode he was referring to. When Commander Erwin Smith gave up on his dream and died as the Captain had suggested. 

“Yes.”

“Good, ‘cause I wouldn’t explain it. I selfishly never wanted to find myself in front of the same expression and when I did saw you that night…I couldn’t respect your choice.”

“And a part of me is really glad you didn’t.”

“What about the other?”

I scoffed. Was I really opening to him over the phone? Was he doing the same? Could we at least try to be acquaintances? I knew speaking of friends would be pushing it, since we had a total of three conversations, but I dared to hope. 

"Go ahead and laugh even if it hurts. Go ahead and pull the pin. What if we could risk everything we have and just let our walls cave in?"

“The other, you say. Well…she’ll need time.”

“Let her know I understand. That’s why I’ve sent Sorrow.”

“All right.”

“Then, goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Captain.”

I hung up the phone and clutched it over my chest, trying to steady my breaths. I realized I wanted to say something more to him, I wanted to let him know how much his gesture was appreciated and how much it meant to me, how happy and surprised I was to see he had chosen a song I cherished that much. My face flushed so much I thought I had just developed a fever. At least this time he wasn’t in front of me. I decided one day I would continue that conversation, if the occasion would ever present itself again, but for now, all I could do was to focus on something else. 

Hange was right. I needed to apologize to maintain a good relationship with our main political ally, the one Eren trusted enough to tell his plan before he ever discussed it with us, his squad. Hange discovered about our discussion at the stables from Mizuki during one of their morning chat, after she had done questioning him about his nature and identity. Seems like no one knew about the content of our argument but still it was noticed. Hange then told me to make amend and the only other thing I knew about her was her deep connection with music. I still didn’t get the fuss about it, but after I read the words of some of her favourite song, as the playlist’s name suggested they were, I realized I was reading about her. What she felt, how she perceived herself and some people in her life. There were a lot of songs about losing someone, pain, unrequited feelings, ordinary emotions displayed simply with words. I felt some of those emotions too, but I would never thought of the possibility that someone else could feel the same way and even be capable to put into words something as complex. It was clear to me now why she cherished music so much: it was a way to explain things she couldn’t say out loud, things she felt but didn’t have the right words to express. I realized most of those words talked about a deep pain, a kind of sorrow that permeated her very existence and that she couldn’t let go. It was her way to know she was alive probably. Or maybe some form of atonement. As she even felt guilty to be alive, she was willing to accept a life of pain. I could understand those feelings better than I wanted to admit. Even if the outcome was different, what we felt was probably similar and I couldn’t help but feeling linked to her. I rewinded our discussion and again: her expression, her words, showed a crack and I was stubbornly determined to know more. Why though? In order to judge her better as a person, I was hurting her, trying to expose her. If someone would ever do the same to me, I would’ve killed them without having second thoughts, so why was I insisting so much? Was I scared of trusting someone unworthy? I had been too hard with her without a proper reason, so it was right to apologize and not spoil the relationship with our ally. I decided to send her those titles on a whim, as a way to apologize without having to make a speech, I knew she would get the hint. 

As I hung up, I started to ask myself how and why did I open up myself to her. All I wanted to do was apologize and I ended up hinting at Erwin and my own pain, and that wasn’t how it was supposed to go. What was happening to me?

***************************************************

May 27, Friday, 07:09 (present time) 

It was the last day of lessons before the exam period began. Waking up so early had never been as difficult as today, as Sebastian had kept me up more than usual the previous night. It was again my request to be fair, but he seemed to be even more willing than me to not stop early, which had made me suspicious. When I asked him about it, he just said he saw me distracted and wanted to help. It was always like this between us lately: I was thinking of something else and he provided comfort and distraction, but I could see we both were consuming each other without gaining what we wanted. At the end, we would still be thinking of something else, and even if I was curious to know, I never dared to ask what was on his mind. I used to feel empowered while sleeping with him, a sensation that was now fading away. Our actions were becoming more and more mechanical, losing every trace of the connection I once had felt with him. I was lazily thinking about ending things with him while looking out of the window of my father’s car when I noticed the Captain, always on the same horse, running through the green field, softly lightened by a gentle cold light, the one which appeared before dawn. I had saw him countless of times there, but it was the first time since that phone call and my heart skipped more than a beat as my mind pictured some words while I was contemplating his beauty.

"The blue and green below  is a masterpiece,  but you are beautiful  like I've never seen."

Fuck. 

***************************************************

Author's note: Hi! I guess the final swearing is the most common reaction while looking at Levi doing his things, I know we all (or almost all) felt that at least once. And yes, of course this means our main character is aware she's starting to catch deeper feelings, but we'll have time to see how this goes, we still have a long way before us! Btw, even in this chapter both songs are quoted (Sorrow and Heart) and I truly recommend for you to listen to them. Anyway, thank you for reading and see you soon!

[bumpyfrog]

#i don’t even go here but. ???

I know u didn’t ask BUT (spoilers for a decades old sitcom that I honestly can’t in good conscience recommend even besides the ending)

So the framing device of the show is the main character, Ted, telling his children how he met their mom, which includes him relating his long messy dating history up until that point. So most of the show is about his dating mishaps and friendship shenanigans. In the first season he meets Robin, who isn’t the mother but is kind of the main target of his affections for like, the first half of the series. It’s established that

1. She doesn’t like him romantically

2. He’s kind of being a Nice Guy(tm) about the whole thing

And a big part of his character development is him learning to move on and stop fixating on her like a loser creep so he can finally be in the place he needs to be to meet the Titular Mother. Meanwhile, Robin ends up forming a relationship with Barney, one of the other guys in the friend group.

Barney’s whole deal is that he’s a fuckboy pick up artist misogynist who slowly learns to be….not that and actually commit to a real relationship. And it’s Robin who makes him change (ymmv he’s still pretty awful but that’s the story arc).

So flash forward to the last season. Most of this season is focused on the lead up to Barney and Robin’s wedding, where Ted will finally after like 9 (I think?) seasons meet The Mother. We haven’t even seen this character at this point, though there have been close calls. She comes on the scene because she plays bass in the wedding band and through various Hijinks, she manages to meet all the characters in the group (except Ted) and ends up helping them all in some way. When Robin has a last minute panic spiral before walking down the aisle, it’s the mother who ends up talking her down.

We also see some flash forwards to after Ted and the mother have an established relationship and it’s by far the healthiest relationship Ted has ever been in, and they’re well matched personality wise. They’re cute, especially for a show that has some uh….not so great ideas about How Relationships Work.

ANYWAY. Ted and Robin have one last conversation wherein Ted establishes the emotional work he’s done to get over her and be happy that she’s found love. Barney and Robin’s wedding happens. Ted and the Mother have a meet cute with a yellow umbrella at the bus stop after the wedding. All is well, right? Well nope, we have a two episode finale!

The finale takes place over like a decade. Within the first half of the first episode of the two episode finale, Robin and Barney announce they’re getting divorced apropos of nothing. There’s ONE flashback to the break up. That’s one conversation to dissolve a relationship that has been YEARS in the making. And after they break up all of Barney’s character development goes out the window and now he’s just the same pathetic womanizer he always was. Years pass. We get some scenes with Ted and his relationship but honestly that ends up taking a backseat. Barney finally decided to stop being a fuckboy cause he has a daughter. Gross trope. Hate that.

And THEN. And then. The story is winding down. Ted and the mother get married after years and two kids. Barney and Robin aren’t getting back together but can have a cordial conversation and the gang is all there to see Ted get married.

So that’s it right? All wrapped up, right?

HAHAHAHAHAHA no that’d be competent. Instead, Ted narrates that the mother gets sick. He doesn’t specify with what and she dies offscreen. We don’t actually learn her name until the final flashback to their first meeting.

Ted finishes his story. And it STILL does not end. His kids tell him that “obviously” he’s still in love with Robin and should go declare his love to her. So he does that.

The end.

So, there’s many ways the writers could have messed up the How I Met Your Mother finale. They’re introducing a new character in the final season, one that has been hyped for years. They could’ve written her badly. Maybe she wouldn’t fit in well with the established characters. Maybe she’d be written to be too flat or too perfect or obnoxious or any number of things. But she works as a character. She establishes connections to the friend group in ways that feel natural and aren’t annoying. What little we see of her and Ted together is pretty sweet. Like they handled introducing a new character really well. Better than most shows would.

Given that they handled the mother character gracefully, nailing the ending should have been so easy. They had it in the bag. All they had to do was have Ted officially meet her. Older Ted goes “kids, that’s how I met your mother.” Credits roll. A solid end to an incredibly flawed but overall fluffy and fun show. An emotionally satisfying narrative.

And then they spent two episodes thematically decimating their own premise and characters. It’s really impressive how badly they bungled it given that they did the hard part so well

[iwouldntstopforaredlight]

Okay so here’s the Ted Lasso theory that no one asked for that I just can’t seem to let go of: I think the crux of this season is Ted’s fear that he is becoming his father.

Wow I know that seems like it comes out of nowhere, but hear me out. The show has been showing Ted’s drinking increasing slowly but steadily as the series continues. It’s been subtle, but there have been moments where it’s felt important that Ted’s drinking be noticed by the viewer. It felt as though this peaked in this episode (2x07), an inordinate division of time seemed to be allocated to the scene of Ted in the pub drinking that second beer; relying on alcohol to soften a hard day. But this wasn’t the only mention of Ted’s drinking in 2x07. While the reference was hidden within a typical folksie Ted story that leaves the audience unsure of how seriously they should take it, he mentions passing out after drinking too much beer while watching citizen Kane during his story about two day old stew. Now, I don’t know if I’m reading too much into this BUT if you look at coach Beard’s face in that moment, he doesn’t look amused like he usually does at Teds antics. He almost looks concerned. Unusual for someone who’s generally shown to be so very in tune with what Ted means.

But what does this mean? Well, I think it might be connected to Ted’s therapy and his father.

Now, we don’t know too much about Ted’s dad. All we know is that he died when Ted was 16, and that he used to take Ted to a sports bar with him every weekend until he passed away. It’s really not too much to go on. So what else do we know? Well we know that Ted hates therapists, he doesn’t believe they genuinely care about/are able to help their patients—so much so that he becomes enraged when simply talking to Dr. Sharon, something very out of character for him. We also know he goes above and beyond to make people feel good and heard when he speaks to them, so much of his charm seems to be his desire to share a genuine connection with everybody he meets. Also interestingly in this episode was his very vocal dedication to ‘never give up on anything’. And this wasn’t the first time we’ve heard this mantra. He mentioned it when he agreed to the divorce with Michelle—one of the most emotional scenes we’ve seen of Ted to date. But how does this all tie together?

‘Believe’ he tells the team. ‘I believe in believe.’ To believe so passionately in belief, who did you have to see fail without it? What did you have to go through with only belief to get you through?

Well … and bear with me here … I think when he was 16, Ted’s father may have committed suicide.

It just seems understandable that in the event of his Dad’s death in this way, Ted felt abandoned and let down by his father. It would even make sense of his anger towards therapy if his father (and/or he himself as a child/his mother) received therapy that Ted views as having had no impact on them; let down when he needed it most by help that didn’t help. ‘I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad, and that is being a l o n e and being sad.’ How many times have we heard Ted utter the words ‘I appreciate you’. Over and over again, never allowing anyone to doubt their importance or their contribution. And what did he say to Beard: “I love meeting people's moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they're nuts”.

I even think this may be the cause of his panic attacks too. Now I know the first panic attack we see Ted having was to do with his divorce, but what we (and Ted) heard underneath ‘let it go’ (a song from a CHILDS movie) was not Michelle’s voice, but Henry’s … the son he feels he is abandoning. Now if he still views himself as having abandoned his son, and his drinking is increasing it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to imagine he’s beginning to see similarities between himself and his father. I know I’m making quite a big assumption about his fathers drinking habits, but in all honesty, who else would take a 10 year old child to a sports bar EVERY weekend? (I think there may be a ‘father was a coach’ (… Led Tasso anyone?) element to it too—the darts, the way Jamies fathers screaming so obviously effected and stuck with him, the way he was scared while winning that match, ‘you may think you’re the only one who can see who he really is, but you’re not’—but it hasn’t quite clicked for me yet the way everything else has). The second panic attack I initially believed to be stress related, and I do still believe that, but what if it hit deeper than that. Again the voice playing through his head is not a soundbite about how Richmond needs to win to make it back into the premier league, but rather it’s a memory of Jamie’s father angrily telling him ‘you’re better than that!’, followed by Henry’s awed voice when meeting Jamie. Fathers and sons, and sons and their fathers … always at the heart of his panic.

Even Nate’s storyline itself this season, filled with so much anger and change, seems to be centring around the impact of Nate’s father’s actions on Nates perception of himself and his own actions. It just … well … it seems to coincidental for a show that seems to value its characters so dearly.

When he’s talking to Dr. Sharon, he mentions the ‘gory details’ of his life: ‘the fights, the mistakes, [his] deep dark secrets’. Again I don’t believe he’s talking about Michelle. Not wholly. There seems to be too much tied up in his ability to coach, protect, and connect. His assertion multiple times that ‘wins don’t matter’ when talking with Beard earlier in the series personifies this. Ted is in coaching for the people, not the wins, so why would the potential of a loss or win impact him so much. I feel like I may be reaching again, but still, with the show making the connections between fathers and sons in his panic attack during the game, it makes me think that this mentality, and the way he views coaching, is connected to his father.

A reason for him to so desperately hold onto a lack of significance around the usual primary objective of his profession would seem to be exposure to the negative side of the consequences of that world of thought. Ted views a single minded desire to win as a negative. He values player mental health above all else. I just can’t let the feeling go that this is extremely significant, more so than Ted just being the genuine guy he is. I think people who feel this way to this extreme, in these circumstances especially in this profession, usually have a serious reason why. I think Ted blames himself. I think Ted blames his father. I think he’s pushed it down more than he ever thought. And I think it’s all coming up now.

Now that he’s caring about winning. Now that (in his mind) he’s left his son behind. Left his wife behind. Left his responsibilities behind. And he can’t burden anyone with those feelings. Because he feels it’s his job to make sure no one ever feels that burden again.

[ohmyeyesmyeyes]

Idk if you do one shots inspired in songs, but if so, Would you mind doing one with a Taylor Swift's song which is called "The 1"? With Mason Mount please

< i love taylor so much and i really hope i didn’t completely butcher this, but thanks for the challenge :) >

MASON MOUNT ONESHOT

the 1

( WARNING: little bit of angst and fluff?, swearing )

word count: 1.8k

Things don’t often go as we expect them to, and it’s often incredibly difficult to replan your life around that massive change and adapt your lifestyle so you can — in reality — live again.

It’s like trying to find your feet when you’re in the air — it feels impossible but you know with time you’ll eventually meet the ground again.

That’s what it felt like when you and Mason broke up four years ago.

You were fresh out of uni and at the time, you really thought he’d be it for you, and honestly, so did he. A break up thrown into the mix of having to navigate adult life just seemed to put a huge stopper on all your plans; the holiday you two had both booked for a weekend away in Ireland, the meals out with friends that you had to cancel, and the house showings you were set to attend.

Looking back on your relationship now, you realise it wouldn’t have been the worst thing to end up with Mason. All the years and effort and time put into loving him were — without a doubt — some of the best years of your life (at that stage in life), and did you regret it?

Not one single bit.

But four years is the perfect amount of time to heal, remove the salt from the wound and finish grieving.

But he was here. In real life.

You’d imagined running into him in the supermarket or on a night out with your friends, but a bus stop?

That one was weird. Mainly because you both hated catching the bus with a burning passion.

But it lead to a catch up over coffee.

It was a quiet place, out of the way of the usual lunchtime hustle and bustle in the city, and for that you were grateful. You could hear your own thoughts.

It was awkward at first, you couldn’t keep your eyes from fixating on his figure, his features, because four years can really change a person. He was much broader, his hair a little shorter, but he was still that same Mason you once loved.

You knew that because the first thing he did when he sat down was offer you that cheeky, charming smile that had you hooked from the second you met.

He’d asked how you were, and you answered honestly: you were living well, your best life, and to the fullest. And you knew and he knew that it wasn’t a lie.

He could tell by the smile on your face and the new, sparkling band on your wedding finger. He half expected that blow to sting a little — that you’d found someone and he hadn’t, but he was never one to be bitter whatsoever, at least, not when it came to you.

Instead, he offered his congratulations and the only inkling of regret he held was not being there when it happened.

I guess you never know, never know,

And if you wanted me, you really should’ve showed,

And if you never bleed, you’re never gonna grow,

And it’s alright now.

There was silence after that.

You had one thing on your mind, and you knew by the way he was looking at you that he was also thinking the same thing.

You took a sip of your coffee.

He mirrored your actions, seemingly startled when you placed your mug onto your saucer, the chink of porcelain against porcelain echoing around the small shop cutting through the previous quietness.

“I think I hated you for a while.” You murmured, and if Mason wasn’t leant over the table slightly, he would’ve missed the statement completely.

He nodded in understanding, his brown eyes shining with the faintest hint of guilt.

“I think I was so frustrated with the idea that we just…didn’t work, and I blamed it on you.” You paused, fingers twisting your rings.

He paused, mulling over his words, “And now? Still hate me now?”

You bit back a small smile and met his eyes, “No…I think it’d take a whole load of bad shit to get me to hate you.”

He smiled.

“That’s good to know.”

“I mean, I think it was a long time coming anyway, that break up.”

“It didn’t feel right for a while.”

“No,” you agreed, “as much as it hurt to admit, I think we just failed…as a couple. There was a point where we were just together for the sake of not giving up on the relationship, but with no real reason to continue.”

But we were something, don't you think so?

Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool,

And if my wishes came true,

It would've been you,

In my defense, I have none,

For never leaving well enough alone,

But it would've been fun,

If you would've been the one.

He seemed to ponder over your words, and although he never voiced it, he came to the conclusion that you’d just put into words — perfectly — the itch that had been tickling his brain for the past few years.

“Despite that, you can’t deny that we weren’t something…” he started, before breaking off and shaking his head, as if the mere thought was ridiculous.

“We were something special. I think, had things stayed like they were in the beginning, that…you and I…” you waved your hand, tilting your head, and he nodded in agreement, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Me too. I think…in another life we could have made each other happy. It would have been fun.”

The words ‘if you would’ve been the one’ echoed in your head, and despite the passive aggressiveness of your conscience, you found yourself holding back a smile.

“Water fights in winter and eggs with ketchup…perfect. I’d never have gotten tired of that.” You mused, and he spluttered slightly on his coffee, laughing along with you in what felt like a decade.

I have this dream you're doing cool shit,

Having adventures on your own,

You meet some woman on the internet and take her home,

We never painted by the numbers, baby,

But we were making it count,

You know the greatest loves of all time are over now.

“Then again, who knows? Maybe you’ll fall over in the airport and some lucky person will help you off the floor—”

“You’re about to say something cheesy, aren’t you?” Mason covered his mouth, scrunching his nose in anticipation as you nodded.

“All this nostalgic bullshit has me emotional! I swear, just this once…just this once, and I promise you can laugh about it afterwards.” You swore, holding out your pinkie for confirmation.

He didn’t hesitate, and linked your pinkie.

“You’ll find someone else. It’ll be love at first sight—hey, let me have this moment…maybe love at second sight, knowing you… you’ll go to some really magical place and have the most amount of fun you’re ever gonna have…hikes, skydiving, looking after animals I’m sanctuaries…you’re gonna have the time of your life — like Grey and Swayze.” You sniggered, unable to hold in your laughs at the ridiculous scenarios.

Mason pulled a face, unable to hide a smile.

“Okay, okay. End of story: they’ll be perfect. The Chandler to your Monica or the Robin to your Ted. But, you understand what I’m talking about, right?” You asked, sighing out of frustration.

“You’re saying I’ll find my person.” He concluded, sitting back in his chair.

“Yeah.”

We were something, don't you think so?

Rosé flowing with your chosen family,

And it would've been sweet,

If it could've been me,

In my defense, I have none,

For digging up the grave another time,

But it would've been fun,

If you would've been the one.

“Like…your grandma and grandad. I want what they have.” Mason smiled.

“They’ll be pleased to hear that,” you said, “I don’t think they’re quite over us yet. You were too…you at family meals. They fell in love with you too.”

This time Mason really laughed. Really laughed. He threw his head back and the people working at the counter turned to look at him, fighting their own smiles at his carefree nature.

What you’d said wasn’t even that funny.

“Too me? Thanks, I think?”

“Oh, that’s definitely a compliment. You’re too damn charming for your own good, it’s a problem. You should come with a warning label on your forehead: EASY TO LOVE.”

“That’ll solve a lot of problems.”

There was silence.

It was relieving to say the least.

“That whole conversation was about four years too late.” You said, pursing your lips.

“Better late than never.” Mason murmured, his eyes trained on you.

The pressure on your shoulders was lifted. All the things that needed to be said were said.

As time passes, the wound heals — sometimes, but in your case, that was true, as hard as it was to come to that conclusion — and it suddenly became easier to recall the loss of what might have been without bringing you back to wishing it would be again.

It was nice.

“Would it be totally inappropriate—”

“Not at all.” You interrupted, shrugging at his raised eyebrows.

“You didn’t know what I was going to say.” He chuckled.

“I’ll have you know that years of knowing you granted me the issue of knowing what you’re going to say,” You said, pointing an accusatory finger in his direction.

“What was I going to say?” He challenged, “If you get it right, I’ll get you tickets to the next game.”

You raised your brows.

“Confident, are we?”

He shrugged, a smug smirk on his lips.

“I don’t think it’s totally inappropriate to be friends.” At your words, he slumped in his chair, hands going to cover his face.

“No.” He groaned, repeating the word like a mantra as you pumped the air with your fist.

“Three tickets to the next game in the bag.” You bragged.

“Honestly.” He whined, peeling his hands away. “Why are you so difficult?”

“You offered the terms.”

“Why am I so dumb?” He rephrased.

“Ah, I'm afraid only you can answer that one.”

“The brain cells I have left don’t have enough energy to come up with an answer to a question as philosophical as that one—yes, it was philosophical to me, okay?”

“I wasn’t going to say anything.” You promised, putting your hands in the air in surrender.

“Just remember who’s going to give you those tickets, yeah?” He teased, sitting up.

“Abusing your power, nice move.”

“Oh…shut up.”

“Weak.” You coughed, trying to disguise the fact you said anything.

He looked straight at you, highly unimpressed by your tactics.

“Very original.” Was all he said.

“Is it supposed to be this easy?” You blurted out, spitting out the words before you could rethink the consequences of them being thrown into the abyss between you and Mason.

He knitted his brows together in thought.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly, “but we were friends way before, it’s not hard to fall back into old habits. I think that’s why it’s so easy.”

[astralwaifu]

Anime characters I simp for as songs from my playlist

Itachi Uchiha - my tears ricochet by Taylor Swift

If you listen to the lyrics, you’ll realise it’s literally his story : his life and relationship with Sasuke-“'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you/'Til my dying day”-, the way he will always selfless and ready to sacrifice anything for the sake of the others. I also feel like this song shows Sasuke’s emotions and acceptance of what his brother did, but also the wish things would’ve gone different, all through Itachi’s pov : “And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?/Cursing my name, wishing I stayed”. I literally could talk about how this absolutely amazing and heart rendering song embodies Itachi, especially this lyric (my fav) : “And I can go anywhere I want/Anywhere I want, just not home” Just listen to the song and read the lyrics!!!! It’s him!!!! Anyway, I am down bad for this man and I could ramble about him all day. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. :)

Shigaraki Tomura - Video Games by Lana Del Rey

I personally am not a huge fan of Lana, I listen to the more known songs and this one is one of them (and I think the only one on my playlist from her 😬). Anyway I can’t stop thinking about Shiggy when I listen to it. “And you say, "Get over here/And play a video game” Pretty self-explanatory, if you ask me. It sounds like a young love affair, somewhere between infatuation and impassiveness and and it just gives Shigaraki vibes. “They say that the world was built for two/Only worth living if somebody is loving you” It’s almost like in the said relationship, there is this fear of separation, of letting go, so they indulge in this small domestic acts and little displays of young fun, such as playing video games. Also the lyrics “I heard that you like the bad girls/Honey, is that true?” -yeah, you feel me? :)

Bakugou Katsuki - Love Story (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift

You cannot tell me Bakugou doesn’t secretly listen to Taylor Swift. Especially the first albums - he just loves the country vibe, but would never admit it. “That you were Romeo, you were throwin' pebbles/And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet"” We know he is a tsundere, so he basically daydreams about someone that can make him feel what this lyrics tell. He would do anything to be someone’s Romeo and basically feel needed and loved by them. Again, he wouldn’t admit this. Ever. “This love is difficult, but it's real/Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess” Just the thought of having someone care about him like that and don’t let go of him makes him replay the song and every other on the album. “He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring/And said, "Marry me, Juliet/You'll never have to be alone” Is this one of my favourite songs? Maybe. Did I get inspired by that one sound on tiktok where some guy sings this and sounds like Bakugou? Definitely. Would Bakugou also sing his heart out on “You belong with me”? Yes. (did I added the link to the sound? yes >:) )

Todoroki Shouto - Talk to you by Ricky Montgomery

Tell me this song doesn’t give Todo vibes? So soft, yet aloof and yearning. He just wishes he would have the courage to talk to you, wear his heart on his sleeve, even if he is quite scared to be this vulnerable. “I wish I could talk to you/Pull my chair right up there next to you/And talk to you” His anxiety makes him think that having emotional baggage and trauma makes will make you run away, so he just wonders what what could have happened differently. “Wonder if wе met today/Would you turn and walk away?” Anyway, he is just a lovesick fool that wants to be loved and deserves the whole world, even if he can be a little cold and shy at times. “You're in my head more often than I want” This lyric goes both ways. Also, in general, I think Todoroki would listen to Ricky Montgomery a lot.

Eren Jaeger - Red (Taylor’s version) by Taylor Swift

This song is purely any relationship Eren ever had. Spontaneous, dangerous and full of passion, almost always ending unexpectedly. “Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly” As a Mikasa kinnie (top kin), I feel this really suits him: both his rash actions and selfless personality, prone to driving people away and self-sacrificing for the sake of others. “Losing him was blue like I'd never known/Missing him was dark gray, all alone” I think that being in love with him would mean being with him through everything and supporting his actions, taking care of him and reminding Eren that he doesn’t have to carry the world on his shoulders. “Loving him was red” -oh no, we’re getting emotional. 🥲 (AND YES THIS IS A SCARF REFERENCE 🧣)

a/n: I’m a Swiftie, how did you notice :)

[my-makeshift-masquerade]

whats ur prob with clara?

I really don’t have the energy to answer this in depth, but if I must… It’s gonna be a long one. I think the fandom likes to think Mrs.Afton was a perfect mother to her children because the Afton children got a real shitty hand in life and they deserved good parents. That is totally valid. However, in terms of evidence, Mrs.Afton is characterized mostly by her absence from the story.

Either she died, or she is just not involved in the protection of her family at all. Nobody mentions her even being dead, which would be really traumatizing to her children. Micheal never says something like: “Mother may be gone, but I know you’re still here, father…” Elizabeth never says anything either, and while begging for permission, you’d think “Mommy would let me!” would’ve been a retort she’d make. This would’ve been an extremely easy way to fix this.

The few implications we get of what she is like from The Immortal and the Restless don’t paint a very good picture. It was quite toxic, with every episode having Clara focusing on getting Vlad to admit his responsibilities over their child…while the baby is clearly having a lot of difficulties and she is only escalating tensions. Now, before you accuse me of blaming the battered wife because we know William went on to murder children, hear me out.

Disclaimer: I am aware this is a cartoon, but when it’s the only real depiction we have that could be close to how Mrs. Afton would behave, we can’t exactly tell what details are irrelevant.

It is so comically obvious that the child is Vlad’s, just like how Micheal bears such a resemblance to his father he got mistaken for William in sister location.

Clara’s focus on getting Vlad “involved in his child’s life” isn’t for only her child’s sake. She says it is, but her real anger comes out when she mentions paying child support.

Clara set both her and Vlad’s houses on fire in response to not getting what she wanted. She even criticizes his house’s decor after she burned it down.

Clara also keeps only claiming valuable items in the hypothetical divorce settlement. Then her entire character shifts when she heard Vlad bought one kid’s meal.

If that is what Mrs.Afton’s behavior towards William and Micheal is identified as being like in this clear analogy of the characters, she wasn’t exactly a saint. If anything, William desperately not wanting to be involved and his wife being desperate to get him to pay her child support makes me think Micheal was a result of a teen pregnancy. Neither of his parents were really mature enough to focus on the child’s needs over their own relational conflict.

What really stuck out to me was Mrs. Afton’s depiction in Clara is painted as the one we are supposed to be rooting for, because we already know what William’s sins are. Yet, her behavior is more psychopathic and inconsiderate of the child present than Vlad’s blatant neglect of responsibility. She commits arson not once, but twice! That’s not just getting emotional and lashing out. That’s a crime that endangers everyone and leaves the child homeless!

Considering these factors, she is portrayed as self absorbed, hiding behind “won’t somebody please think of the children” to try and get resources or reconcile some dispute with her husband. Apply that rhetoric to the rest of her kids. It explains why they had three of them, and why she didn’t come around to protect them when they literally got killed off by their father. It was never truly about the children in her mind. The kids were just pawns in her attempt to make William stick around, but she eventually must’ve died or walked out on the family in order to not be mentioned at all.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 3

Bundy

Cult girl gets some unbelievable news.

Trigger warnings: death, emotional manipulation, discussion of cult leaders Koresh, Jones as well as Ted Bundy

"Who the fuck are you, and what the shit are you doing with my dead cousin's phone?" You said, the slam of the car door audible from the speaker.

"Cheerio to you too, [F/N]." Anna answered.

You brought the phone to your chest to muffle the speaker and heaved a sigh.

"It's fucking Anna." You told Hannibal as he climbed into the car.

He buckled his seatbelt. "Put it on speaker."

You pressed the speaker button. "Froot Loops. Why do you have Theresa's phone?"

"Don't you remember?" She asked. "I took it when she died. Hers had a much better camera than my old one. I thought I told you to update that in your contacts?"

"Oh yeah, I do remember that." You nodded. "The body wasn't even cold and you'd already gotten to grave-robbing."

"Hey, that's my sister you're talking about." Anna snapped. "Show a little respect."

You rolled your eyes so far back into your skull you could practically see your brain cells dying. "Why are you calling, Anna? I'm fairly fucking certain I told both you and grandma to never speak to me again."

"Well, grandma won't be doing much speaking anymore." Anna snapped. "Because she's dead."

You sighed. It wasn’t the first time you heard those words, and it was never true. Faking her death was the hammer in her gaslighter toolkit. Meaning that the desired outcome could be produced just as effectively using a combination of other tools, but none were as efficient as a good old-fashioned bashing. The first time, you went through the whole five stages in ten minutes to really sell that you felt something other than relief at her passing. This time, you didn’t have the energy. 

“Did somebody finally strangle her to death?” You asked. “Shame, I would have liked to do it myself.” 

“Are you so completely void of human emotion that you can’t even pretend to be sad?” Anna shouted. 

“No, because I think this is another one of her manipulations.” You explained. “She probably roped you in thinking I’d believe it if it came out of your mouth. But the joke’s on her, because you’ve been her puppet since preschool.”

“You really are something else, [F/N].” Her voice wobbled, as if on the verge of tears. “The woman who raised us had a stroke and died. That’s not a manipulation, it’s the truth!” 

You began to consider the possibility that Anna wasn’t lying. Your voice took on a more solemn tone as you resigned to give her the benefit of the doubt. "A stroke, huh?"

"She died in the hospital." She said, softly.

There was real emotion in her voice. You thought back to that high school production of Legally Blonde, which proved that she was not skilled enough at acting to fake it.

You sighed. The crushing realization that you may very well have been the jerk in this conversation hit you. "So, what now?"

"I know better than to ask you to help out with the funeral." She said. "You didn't come to Theresa's, after all."

The reason you gave for not going to Theresa's funeral was schoolwork. It was a flimsy excuse, but hid your real reasons well enough. Those were much touchier. You couldn't bear the thought of listening to people lie and embellish stories of your cousin's positive influences on people's lives. But you also couldn't bear the fact that at least some of it wouldn't be lies.

You were the one that killed her. Your fiancé chopped up her body and served it to your friends for dinner. Theresa was a sociopath, a narcissist, and plenty other highlights in the DSM-5, but the pain she left after her death was real. It was the most real thing about her. You weren't desensitized enough to face that.

"Good call." You answered, flatly.

"Liam and I will be flying out tomorrow night." She said. "I know I'm in no position to be asking for favors, but if you could come pick us up from the airport-"

"Sure." You answered with a nod. You didn't know what exactly you were agreeing to as you did. Anna's words were just dissipating into the air, hardly reaching your ears.

"Thanks." She said, as emotionlessly as you. That was perhaps the most mutual understanding you'd ever achieved with Anna. And it only lasted a couple of seconds.

That was about as natural a conclusion to the conversation as you could have hoped for, so you hung up.

Hannibal pulled into the driveway and turned off the car. "What are you thinking, love?"

You leaned your head against the window and looked up at the few visible stars. "I've spent so many years wishing her dead and now that it's finally happening, I don't know what to feel."

He wrapped his arm around your shoulders, knowing exactly how to keep you grounded when your mind started to wander off. You rested your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes. He kissed you on the head.

"I thought her dying meant I never had to think about her again." You shrugged. "But now I'm thinking about her and hating every minute of it. And that probably means I loved her. Which is terrifying to think about."

"You think about Jim Jones and David Koresh quite a bit, don't you?" Hannibal asked, squeezing you tight. "Do you love them?"

You shook your head. "That's different. That's academic curiosity."

"But why do we remember them?" Hannibal posited, stroking your arm. "Is it reverence?"

"It's to learn." You answered. "To make sure history doesn't repeat itself."

"Death isn't a sacred thing, my love." He whispered. "Don't feel bad for remembering her as cruel. That's what she was. Don't let anyone forget it."

You chuckled. "Did you know that when Ted Bundy died, a bunch of people near the prison shut their breakers off so the electrocution would be more painful?"

"Interesting." He said, referring less to the fact itself and more to the reason why it came to mind when it did.

"That is to say, I don't actually feel bad that she's dead." You clarified. "I feel bad because I know I should and I don't."

Hannibal pulled you into his arms and placed a kiss on your forehead. "I thought after four blissful years together, you would know you don't have to pretend around me."

You lowered your head. "I guess I'm just scared that if I take off my person suit around you, I'll never be able to put it back on."

"You never need to worry about that, my love." He assured you. “I know it’s scary, but all it takes is a little practice.” 

“In that case,” You felt a smile creeping onto your face, so you let it. “I think we should celebrate.” 

"Well that can be arranged." Hannibal rolled your hair. "With a bottle of Cava in my office."

You felt a laugh coming on, but it just came out as an ugly wheeze. "That is so unethical. I would love to."

"No," He corrected, opening the driver's side door. "It would be unethical to empty a bottle of wine down that pretty throat of yours without a little food."

"It's the middle of the night, Hanni." You objected, though the rumbling of your stomach told a different story. You slammed the car door shut.

Hannibal smiled to himself, disregarding your protests entirely. "Foie gras au torchon, with a bit of brioche, perhaps?"

"Well that sounds like a proper celebration." You grinned, tightening your grip on your clutch excitedly. “Do you mind if I get cleaned up?” 

“Of course not, love, take your time.” Hannibal said, releasing you from his embrace. 

You headed towards the house, a little extra spring in your step. 

“Oh, [F/N]?” He called out after you. 

You looked over your shoulder. “Yeah?” 

“That thing you said about Ted Bundy.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I’m sorry to tell you, but that’s a myth.” 

You frowned, feeling kind of stupid. “Shit. I really wanted it to be true.” 

Hannibal smiled, reassuringly. “But hundreds of people still celebrated his death.” 

[mythicandco]

A Random Rant About Belos (Again)

I have a headache so instead of sleeping to make it go away I’m gonna drink some water and drink some TEARS

(Side note: Belos’ tears taste like pencil shavings and bird crap. Would not recommend.)

Anyways I’m just gonna ramble about the Edward/Philip/Belos/Hunter dynamic for a little while, including my own version of events (which is pretty much shared by eighty-five percent of the fandom) and some stuff that is so obvious but I want to talk about it so that I don’t have to think about it anymore. Why didn’t I just put this into a Google Doc-

Spoilers so everything is under the cut

For the sake of my sanity we’re calling the unnamed Wittebane brother Edward. Edward Carlos Wittebane. Why not, the TOH team can’t prove us wrong for another couple of months so we can do what we want.

Alright, lets start with the relationship between Hunter and Belos. It’s FUCKED UP, people. I am I firm supporter of the Philip = Belos theory (if you couldn’t already tell ;w;) and Hunter being a Grimwalker means that Belos had “the bone of ortet” (EDWARD’S BONES!!) ready for use. WHO KEEPS THEIR BROTHER’S BONES JUST LAYING AROUND?! I mean, Belos does, I guess. 

There is no doubt in my mind that Hunter is a Grimwalker. I will be seriously surprised if he doesn’t end up being one. (I’ll be surprised in a good way. But still very surprised.) His reddish-violet eyes, the check mark on the adolescent stage that Belos had in the book, it’s very unlikely he’s writing about a different Grimwalker (oh brain please no). The nose shape of the Grimwalker also matches Hunter’s, which I’m wondering is a coincidence given that Edward’s nose also just happens to be shaped like that. Makes me wonder if Hunter is the first Grimwalker (at least in a very long time), and those are Belos’ notes. It’s not impossible. 

Either way the way Belos treats Hunter is not okay. It’s practically unanimous that Belos is a terrible parental figure and is manipulating Hunter in one way or another. Personally I think that he’s mainly keeping Hunter alive for the Day of Unity, and doesn’t care about his feelings as long as he does what’s supposed to get done. Heck, Belos outright says that Hunter can be replaced! Even if he says it’d be a hassle. Still. He doesn’t feel guilty about abusing the poor kiddo and that’s why we see such deepset issues with Hunter’s character. 

However there does seem to be a tiny sprinkle of genuine emotions in Belos’ one not-outwardly-violent interaction with Hunter. Unless it’s all completely emotional manipulation and I’m just seeing stars. But while Belos does seem to have little care what happens to Hunter in the long run, he appears to have a slight fondness for the kid. He shares a brief story about the Human Realm, Hunter is the only person we’ve ever seen him take his mask off for, and I think he likes seeing Hunter happy, even if it’s near the bottom of his “Most Important Emperor Things” list. If his ultimate plan for Hunter isn’t “Have a Sacrifice for the Titan” or “Have a Host for the Titan”, then I imagine he’d like to see Hunter make it past the Day of Unity and rule at his side. 

What I’m wondering about is what leads Belos to be so terrible to Hunter, the literal CLONE of his brother who, as far as we can tell, he cared about and had a good relationship with? Who knows, maybe the TOH team with throw a huge wrench in our plans and make Edward an abusive brother or something, leading to Belos continuing that cycle by taking it out on Hunter (WHO HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT AT ALL!!). When Hunter finds out, or smol depressed man is gonna have an existential identity crisis and we’re all going to cry. We know we are. Either way, just my thoughts on that big ol’ mess. Everyone in that family has ISSUES. (And insomnia. You’ve all seen Belos’ eye bags, right?)

Now moving onto Edward, Li’l Rascal, and Hunter. (I’m probably gonna call the palisman “Red” more than once, so don’t get confused by that.) If Rascal is the former palisman of Edward, then it makes me wonder how they got that scar over their left eye (wait who else has a scar on the left side of their face that’s right BELOS) (I mean there’s really only two sides of a face that you can put a scar on, but still). It’s possible they got it in the cave-in during the disastrous Titan’s blood mission, but it’s also possible that if we’re taking the abusive brother route that Edward himself inflicted those wounds. 

I’m not sure how that would make Red want to be Hunter’s palisman, but I guess it’s possible they sensed Hunter wasn’t as dangerous as he seems. I don’t have much else to say on this subject other than the idea that Rascal was probably gonna become Luz’s palisman until it spotted GG.

And finally an overlook of how Philip become Belos, because once again I believe in Philip is Belos supremacy--

Before continuing read this because it’s written and explained very well and covers a couple of the main options. I’ll wait. I don’t care how long you spend reading it, it’s worth it. 

Okay so now that you’ve read that, I’ve narrowed the options down to five. 

- Philip pulled a Science Man™ and either drank a potion or had a spell cast on himself so that he could preform magic without the use of glyphs or palismen. Since he’s human, he needs a source to take magic from, and that happens to be palismen. However the longer he goes on, the more “source magic” he needs, and 400+ years later he’s so degraded that he needs palismen just to stay stable, let alone preform magic. 

- Philip pulled a slightly different Science Man™ and got himself trapped between realms. Whether it was accidental or Edward or someone else deliberately staged it, that’s up to you, but one way or another the weird black in-between goo slowly erodes away at his human form and, once again, he needs palismen to stay stable. 

- Philip got himself cursed the good ol’ fashioned way! Either he angered a witch/demon or opened a magical box that was never supposed to be opened, or maybe the Collector was involved somehow, who knows (The writers know. The creators know. But they’ll never tell us.). The Collector could actually be applied to any of these scenarios with the right context, as seen here. 

- The Titan somehow fucked stuff up. I saw this theory floating around a little while ago and it doesn’t seem too unlikely that Belos is only doing what the Titan says so that it will leave him alone. Or maybe he believes that his affliction is the cost of communicating with the Titan, and it’s a price he has to pay in order to stay in power. 

- This is the most likely option: the writers sic a whole new idea at us and we love it. I have no idea what that could be, but I’m all up for new stuff I wasn’t expecting!

And thus concludes this almost TED-Talk, now if you don’t mind me I’m going to lay down for a little while and finish drinking my water. Good night/morning/afternoon/evening to you all. 

[evertriedsoywithyourpopcorn]

5 Reasons Roman Is Infuriating (And Why I DO NOT have a crush on him)

(Logince with a bit of denying and pining) Read on AO3

My first fic, based on my Logince drawing (If someone ever wants to make anything based on my art, feel free to ask. Making content is hard and people fleshing out concepts is always fun.) Word count: 3641

Tw: Cursing, Food mention, Balloon popping, Remus being his authentic self

Character’s: Remus, Virgil, Janus, Logan, Roman (At the end), Patton (Mainly implied)

~~~

He had everything ready.

"Ahem."

Three heads turn to look at him.

"Logan, I really don't understand why you're doing this. You know I'm literally the Lord of the Lies, right? I can tell when you're lying."

"Falsehood. I am here specifically to prove to you three, the ones that have doubted me the most, what I think of Roman, so that you'll stop teasing me about emotions that aren't even there." Logan says, standing in front of a long classroom table. Virgil, Janus and Remus sit there, each maintaining their own postures and looking at him with disbelieving expressions.

"Logan, we can see your heart boner from here. You really think you can convince us with a slideshow presentation?" Remus picks his teeth, seemingly bored of the idea.

"That's exactly what I'm doing- What? Why would my heart have a boner? It doesn't have the proper parts to do that-" Logan looks lost, clutching the presentation button in his hand.

"It's an expression, Pocket Protector. It means you've got feelings for him." Virgil sighs.

Logan squints at him. "Of course I have feelings for him." Logan looks behind him, to the SmartBoard behind him. The board turns on, displaying the presentation title. "And those feelings are feelings of irritation. My name is Logan Sanders, and welcome to my Ted Talk."

There is a collective sigh from the others.

Logan takes a pointer stick (the one with the little hand on one side) from a holder on the wall, and points at the words on the screen. "This is 5 reasons why Roman is infuriating. And unlike your cognitive distortions may suggest, I DO NOT have a crush on him." He gestures with the stick where the same thing is written. "So, let's begin."

~~~

1. He likes to insist that he's the most handsome side, despite us all looking like Thomas.

It's ridiculous. All of their traits are reminiscent of Thomas's.

There are some mild changes they go through when they aren't summoned, but they are just slight shifts. For example, Janus and Remus both have different long hairstyles, and they all have a bit of a hair color change. Their features do shift too, emulating ones Thomas has seen over his lifetime that he'd associate with their personalities.

However, in person and in the mindscape, Roman really thinks 'he's the sh*t' (Virgil taught him that expression). He flaunts his beauty over everyone else's, strutting like the prettiest peacock in the flock. Sure, he's good looking, but the same level of good looking as all the other sides.

"You're all so handsome. But not as handsome as me." Logan recalls him saying in an episode.

He tries to use it to one-up the other's, even though they all know they look the same. He also enjoys flaunting his ego, attempting to emulate a lifestyle of the rich and famous when he feels like it.

It's rather ridiculous.

"You think he's good-looking?" Remus coos.

Logan glares, and changes the slide of the presentation.

2. He fights everyone all the time. (Except for Patton)

It seems that Roman has made the most rivals out of everyone.

He's rivals with his brother, he's got a rivalry with Janus but with more betrayal behind it, he's got his past rivalry with Virgil, even though now they're the closest friends, and despite making up several times, Logan is also his rival. Patton seems to be fine, despite their post-wedding event. Logan believes Roman is too worried of defending what he believes in against the literal embodiment of Thomas's morality.

"So, you two have tried making up, but have you considered... Making out???" Remus pitches, his smile all teeth.

Logan sputters a bit. "Puh- Wha- I don't think that would work."

Logan has in fact not thought of making out with Roman, thank you very much. Not even when they're so close, passionately arguing about who-knows-what in the spur of the moment, where it would be so easy to move just a little bit closer and connect his lips to the soft pink ones of the prince.

He has not thought about making out with Roman, because he does not have a crush on him. Period. End of story.

The two of them argue a lot. Whether it's how Thomas should spend his day, to the Chicken or the Egg dilemma (Logan knows he's right, by the way, Roman just won't see that the egg came first), to the ideal temperature for a heating pillow, to the best Crofter's flavor. They can range from productive, to stupid, and by the end of it they may just be fighting about nothing at all.

They jab at each other, come up with clever arguments, and although they're technically fighting, it sometimes feels more like a duel.

"Or a mating ritual." Virgil says under his breath.

"These points don't sound very negative." Janus adds, twirling some of his hair with his finger.

"It is negative. We fight a lot. He fights people a lot. Every issue seems to be a battle to him that he can outmatch, despite being better suited as a civil discussion." Logan stands taller, trying to defend his point.

"Well, that makes sense. I understand this point now. Go on." Janus waves his gloved hand in a dismissive gesture.

"Alright." Logan clicks his presenter button, and the slide changes.

3. He's loud. Super loud. All the time.

From singing to dancing to bantering, there never does seem to be a dull moment when Roman is around. Some may call it nice, but Logan would say that's a very polite description. It certainly isn't nice when Logan's trying to get work done, or watch a movie, or enjoy a peaceful breakfast, or most of the time really.

Logan has stopped working outside when he's trying to be productive because Roman will, without fail, come in singing, and then start a little fight with Logan that distracts him from his work and renders him unproductive for a long time because all he can think about is Roman.

"Hm... Wonder why that is." Janus interrupts, rolling his eyes.

"Well, you don't need to wonder. I said it was because of our fighting." Logan nervously adjusts his already immaculately placed glasses, resuming his point to his slide presentation.

It's odd, because sometimes even without leaving his room, he can still hear the sounds of Roman's voice in his head. He theorizes the absence of all that noise is making him subconsciously fill it in ( even though his mind also provides him with clear images of Roman's smile).

He can't escape the noise on movie nights. Roman will sing along to any song, scream at the most poorly-timed jumpscares, and no matter what, criticize the movie. Logan does participate in that last step from time to time.

During dinners, it depends. Sometimes, Roman will come in and do his thing, sometimes he'll make a dramatic entrance, grab a plate and then go off to work on something, and sometimes he won't show up at all, off on a quest in the imagination. Those particular meals are peaceful. Sometimes they feel empty, but so far, no one else has complained. Especially considering with Remus' and Janus' seats added to the table, dinner can be a wild event.

Sometimes, when Logan gets lonely, he'll bring his work outside. Every time, he can guarantee that Roman will be there eventually. He provides a healthy distraction, and he always feels much lighter after a bantering session.

But most of the time, he just can't stand it. How can one be so flamboyant for so many hours of the day? Logan had theorized it had something to do with overcompensation, his need for validation and attention, but then thought it was strange theorizing about his friends and went back to work.

Overall, not the worst trait, but it being applied to every scenario adds to the fact that he is infuriating.

"Hold on, can we circle back to the part where you said you thought of him smiling-" Virgil begins, only to be interrupted by Logan pointing his pointer at him.

"No, we will not. Next point."

4. He makes up stupid nicknames.

And he makes a lot of them. Even during serious talks, you'd think he had forgotten your name and was too scared to ask, so he supplies an abundance of back-ups to make you feel special. And they are quite varied, though all slightly jabbing. There are play-on-words, references thrown about... It would have impressed Logan, had all of his designated nicknames not revolved around him being a nerd.

"Hey Microsoft Turd."

"I need your help, Egghead."

"Listen here, Erlenmeyer Trash-"

"Calculator Watch."

"Oh Book Geeeerm~"

"Sure thing Specs."

Logan actually didn't mind specs, but his point still stands. All insulting, clever, but still stupid nicknames. Sometimes, he wonders if Roman keeps a book of them around. Somewhere in his room, filled with all the names he'll unleash onto his unsuspecting companions. Logan may have tried to come up with a list of his own in retaliation, but he couldn't think of anything Roman would think was clever. He spent almost a full night on it, hair a mess, glasses askew, head resting on his desk as he tried to come up with something at least remotely good enough. It interrupted his perfect circadian rhythm. Never again.

Except for the next night, where he tried the exact same stunt again, but that doesn't matter.

What does, is that all of those factors cause aggravation. He always feels weird when Roman gives him a nickname, varying from annoyance to a strange tingling.

"Are you saying he should stop?" Virgil interrupts, frustrated. "This point is going nowhere."

"I-" He's not sure. Although some of the insults are quite jabbing, Logan does want to support Roman's creative process. Not to mention, the nickname ‘specs’ oddly does hold a place in his heart.

"OoOoOoohhh, I have an idea!" Remus cackles. Although Logan is hesitant, he gestures to continue. "Okay, so pinky swear I won't try anything on you, but just close your eyes, and imagine how this nickname would make you feel if Roman said it."

Logan apprehensively closes his eyes, and Remus does nothing but lean slightly forward in his seat, and puts on his best Roman impression. Which is pretty good, considering they're twin brothers.

"How are you today, my love?"

Immediately, Logan flushes bright red from head to toe, covering his face in his hands and squirms. Remus's cackling intensifies by a tenfold, and the other two are poorly failing to contain their laughter.

"That's- That's- That's... N-not a nickname. Th-That's a p-pet name."

"Awww, but you're blushiiiing!" Remus squeals in amusement.

"Falsehood. N-no." Logan says, not enough bite in it to hold value. "We are going to move on now. That just... caught me off guard." He says, adjusting his tie several times, trying to compose himself. "The point is, his nicknames are stupid, and I don't like them- No, don't look at me like that Remus even that one- so it adds to his infuriating nature." Logan grabs the presentation button and clicks it aggressively to the next slide.

"And now, for my concluding point."

5. He is incredibly and willingly dumb.

Sometimes Logan thinks he wouldn't be surprised by the illogical things Roman would say. And then he gets proven incredibly wrong.

"Much like your... 'illogical feelings', mayhaps?" Janus drawls.

Shush, Logan is talking.

Granted, both Creativity twins have proven to be rather illogical, as they are embodiments of creativity, a force that knows only slight bounds to logic. Only with a defying mind can people push boundaries in the advancement of society. That doesn't mean however that those defying minds need to be intelligent.

"I believe Virgil specifically had called Roman a.." He takes out his special cards, flipping through them. " 'A Himbo'. Judging from his past and present behaviors and from the definition itself, it is safe to assume that yes, he is in fact a Himbo."

One instance he can remember is during a picnic in the imagination. It was Patton's birthday, and Roman wanted to do something special, so he set up a picnic for them all to attend. Logan doesn't enjoy visiting the imagination as much, as when he's there, things become more realistic and that makes him feel like a burden. Regardless, it was for Patton's birthday, and so he decided it would be polite to come along.

Everyone was guided by a trail of flowers to an opening in the forest, where a giant picnic blanket was laid out, pillows thrown around, and a large picnic basket stood in the center. There were many balloons of pastel pink and blue tied around, and the birds were chirping in a joint melody. It sounds almost like Happy Birthday.

Logan, as he approaches, hopes that his influence won't cause ants to emerge, because although that would be realistic, it would also be quite the nuisance.

He and the other's are just dressed in their usual attire, but as Roman emerges from the trees, he is wearing a shiny red party hat to go along with his prince outfit.

Roman immediately goes to serenading Patton and placing a party hat on top of his head, light blue with a little pompom on the top. He ushers him to sit on one of the largest pillows, and then goes around giving everyone else party hats. Logan stills when Roman gets to him last, a dark blue party hat with little stars in his hand.

"Do I have to wear that?" He asks. Although, sure, it does look nice, he doesn't want to seem ridiculous.

"Come on, you're in good company. Please? For Patton?" Roman bats his eyelashes at Logan, who sighs and lets him put the party hat onto his head.

Roman runs off to the birthday boy, and they all sit down. The time passes peacefully, songs being sung and Roman releasing a horde of puppies to the joy of the guests. By the time the food is out, everything seems to be going well, until they're all eating, and Roman pulls out an orange. As he's about to peel it, Logan speaks up.

"Roman, I would advise against that." Which may sound ridiculous to most people, but Logan is an expert on many logical things. ( Orange peels have a flammable liquid in them called limonene, and as both it and a balloon, made of latex, are non-polar, the liquid can dissolve the balloon, thus causing it to explode.)

"Against what?" Roman asks, but he does stop his attempt.

Logan adjusts his glasses, ready to explain. "Eating an orange near a balloon. As I cause the imagination to become more logical, doing so will most likely cause-"

"Oh puh-lease! I'm sure whatever wacky science things you're going to say don't actually work here! I mean, there is plenty of influence to go arou-" Roman, the spiteful side he is, gets even closer to the balloon, starting to peel it. Lo-and-behold, he can't finish his denying before the balloon right beside him explodes with a loud POP. The sound sends him jumping back in fear, screeching to the nine hells, and then falling backwards onto another balloon, scaring him again. Several sides laughed out loud at his pain, while Patton watched him, worried. Logan smiled internally at the karma, before getting up and making sure he was okay.

Roman did spend the rest of the party in a sulky mood, but the party was still a huge success. They had some good food, and while Logan made Patton a flower crown, he fed him forfulls of cake. It was a nice bonding moment. When everyone separated to return to the mindscape, Roman waved them all off from the imagination door. Logan turns back to look at him, but Roman makes no move to follow them all out.

"You're not coming back yet?" Logan asks, adjusting his glasses.

Roman sighs. "No, not yet. I'm afraid this dashing prince has a little bit of cleaning to do. And perhaps an adventure. You never know." He leans on the doorframe, smiling.

"Well, that is correct. I in fact do not know what you'll be doing." Logan nods to himself. "Do you need any help cleaning? I doubt I'll be much help with the adventure, but I do have hands." He gestures to his hands.

Roman looks quite surprised. "Oh, thanks for the offer, specs. I think I've got it all covered though."

Logan offers a hesitant smile. "Alright then. Let me know if that changes."

Roman quickly smiles back, a faint pink dusting his cheeks, and turns back into the imagination and shutting the door. Logan stands there for a moment, but not sure why. It's clear that Roman was not feeling all that great from the balloon moment. Even Logan, terrible at deciphering emotions, can tell that much. Perhaps he needs to let off some steam.

He just can't understand Roman most of the time. They do have so many similarities, being too proud for their own good, but it's almost like they're in two separate worlds. Logan, the learner he is, wishes he could explore Roman's own. Understand it. Understand him, and his way of thinking. Even though Roman is mostly dumb, he does make good points, and Logan tries to prioritize his input, as it's usually what Thomas is hoping and dreaming for as well.

~~~

The last slide shines back at them all. A concluding statement that makes the three watching sides snicker a little bit.

"And I believe he just doesn't understand how much we all think he's great. I swear, he's just so dense! It's so aggravating! How can he not tell that he's worth everything? Why doesn't he understand that we all care for him? That I care for him? He's wonderful, for god's sake! And that I don't mean to hurt him with my critiques. I want him to thrive! I-"

Everything stops. Logan takes a moment of silence. The three sides look at him, each with different degrees of anticipation. One looks pretty much ready to pounce out of his seat.

"...Oh."

And all at once, everything gets strung back into motion. Confetti literally falls from the ceiling as Remus jumps for joy, circling a very mortified looking Logan. Janus, the tired soul, rolls his eyes and lets out a slow, long clap. Virgil just rests his head in his arms.

"I can't believe this. You sit us all down for a presentation you probably double-checked and proofread, like a nerd, and only NOW you realize you were wrong all along? Why didn't you say anything, snake-face?" Virgil complains, sitting up just to glare at him.

"Wo-ow, it isn't as if I was saying that this whole time? No, it couldn't be." Janus deadpans, sarcasm spilling from his mouth like an old, worn, broken dam.

Logan doesn't move from his stand-still spot beside the projector, but Remus manages to bounce in circles around him, cooing. "Lo-lo's got a cruuuush! A crushy crush! A crushed crust of a crush! A crevice cracking ‘cause of the crushed crust-" He was going to continue, throwing expired banana peels around to substitute rose petals, until the sound of the door opening catches everyone's attention.

"Hey losers, Patton wanted to know if you-" Lo and behold, Roman walks in, regal as ever, smiling until he takes in the sight before him. The boring classroom look, contrasted by the amount of confetti that stopped falling as soon as he walked in. Janus and Virgil, wide-eyed and looking at him, completely still. Remus, caught mid dance, frozen in place with a smile. Logan, looking at him in the way one may look milliseconds after being caught stealing government secrets. Roman's eyes flicker to each of them, before settling on the projector.

"Roman. I-I can explain-" Logan starts, but Roman is already reading the words on the screen.

"... 'In short, he saddles me with unnecessary... feelings'? 'Unease, and uncertainty'? Who... Oh my god! Logan!" Roman looks at him, smiling in disbelief and amazement. "I know what this meanssss!" Filled with giddy delight, he sidesteps the table.

Logan gulps as Roman approaches, turning beet red as Roman takes his hands in his two own. "Y-Yes?" He practically squeaks as Roman looks him right in the eyes.

"Yes! Ohhh, this is so exciting!" The three bystanders watch, once again in anticipation, as Roman swings their interlocked hands.

"Yes?" Logan offers a small, tentative smile.

"You have a crush on someoooone! Oh Logan, you should've told me!" Roman smiles, completely oblivious to the internal facepalm of several present members.

"I-I'm sorry..." Logan looks down, slightly disappointed but still too flustered to say anything.

"God save the dense." Janus mutters, inspecting his gloves fingers.

"Don't be sorry! Come, we must make plans! I shall be your matchmaker! This is going to be perfeeeect!" Roman, sings, dancing out of the room and dragging Logan along by their still intertwined hands. The other sides watch them go.

After a moment of processing, Virgil sighs. "Well, I thought that was going to be resolved. Turns out they're both as dense as... dense people." He can't seem to think of any other similes.

"Welp, I'm just happy that they're one step closer to getting. it. on. romantically." Remus punctuates every word with some rather immature hand gestures. “And that they stop dancing around each other.”

"Who do you think Roman thinks Logan has a crush on?" Virgil asks, cogs turning in his brain.

Janus lounges backwards. "Well, let's see... Soooo many options. Either he thinks it's someone outside of Thomas's head, or the simple answer..."

Remus and Virgil both look at him, both with looks of realization.

"Patton."

~~~

[shes-coming-clean]

Green Day Documentary Reviews Pt 2

The last one of these seemed to make people happy, and because my brain refuses to think about anything but this band right now, might as well do something productive with that. So here is part 2!

Today’s doc: Green Day: Born To Be (2016)

I decided to get this one over with because I didn’t remember liking it the first time, and wow, it’s even worse than I remember. So this review is going to be a lot more negative overall because oof this one pisses me off. Honestly, one of its strongest qualities is that its only 24 minutes, so at least you don’t have to suffer too long.

Pros

* It focuses on their lives from childhood up through American Idiot and includes a decent amount of detail.

* They don’t have any present day interviews recorded specifically for this documentary, which means they have to get really creative piecing old interviews together to tell a coherent story. And they do that well...about half the time (more on that later)

* There are Portuguese subtitles so that’s nice. We love accessibility in this house

* There is a mention of Two Dollar Bill! Love to see it. Unfortunately, they get the nickname wrong and call him Two Dollar Billie (How do you miss the play on words there?) but still, it’s a nice detail to include

* They actually discuss Billie and Mike’s childhoods in some detail. Tré does not get the same treatment but A for effort - 2 out of 3 aint bad.

And that’s it for pros. On to the cons. We’ll focus on the nitpicky stuff first

* This video only has audio in one ear if you’re using headphones, which is kinda unusual for this channel, so I wonder if there was some kind of mistake uploading it.

* They only seem to have footage from the Dookie era and onward so when they talk about stuff before that, they either use a mix of a couple of old photos of the band, generic stock footage, or more modern video clips. I understand that you have to work with what you have, but this is kind of distracting when you’re hearing the narrator talk about their informal audition for Lookout Records, but you’re hearing and seeing the Good Riddance music video. Like, I’d give it a pass if the song at least commented on or shared an emotion with that part of the story but it just feels random. They really don’t seem to have put too much thought into when they use certain clips, so the performances on screen aren’t always from the time period they’re taking about - even later on in the story. This, and the lack of a clear structure can make it hard to tell what year/era they’re talking about at any given moment.

* They have to rely on past interviews to do a lot of the story telling, but once again, they don’t always care too much about time period and will clip sections out of context. For example, they take a clip of Billie from roughly ‘95 talking about how the last few years have been crazy, and make it about their career downturn in the early 2000s, even though you can CLEARLY see he’s younger than in the other clips.

* There is a narrator who fills in the parts of the story not conveyed in clips which is a good choice...except that he’s really annoying. I can’t tell if it’s his voice or the script he’s been given, but either way, it’s not great.

* The narrator says that all three band members divorced or separated from their wives in the late 90s/early 2000s, except...that didn’t happen. Billie and Adrienne had a rough point, sure, but they didn’t separate or divorce.

So far, most of my critiques have not been massive. I still probably could’ve enjoyed a doc at least a bit even if it had those problems, a lot of which seem to be due to a lack of resources and having to make do with what they had. I can understand that. The same does not hold true for this next part, which is, how they framed the band’s jump to a major label and the years that followed.

Every band, actor, or public figure of any kind will usually have some kind of signature question or complaint that everyone either levies against them or debates. Green Day’s is basically “are they real punks or are they sellouts?” At this point, I think this question is pretty stupid and I have a lot of problems with the mindset behind it (I think it has a lot to do with classism and sexism, but that’s for another time), but it’s part of the band’s public persona at this point, so any documentary has to at least touch on it. Most docs tend to frame the backlash against the band after they sighed with Reprise as the petty complaints of jealous gatekeepers who were pissed that the band was inviting normies into their punk club. Basically, there was nothing Green Day could’ve done about it - it was going to happen either way.

But this doc takes it for granted that Green Day absolutely sold out, and not just that, they fundamentally changed and stopped being punk. Which, like, are we listening to the same album? The only real difference between Kerplunk (released before they signed with a major label) and Dookie (their major label debut) is that the second had an actual budget. The sound and subject matter is very very similar. They were never super “hard core” to begin with - in fact, it was their catchy melodies that made them stand out. Nothing in their style changed. Honestly, I would argue that Dookie has a lot more songs about being angry and punk than Kerplunk does. The only difference is its higher production quality. So, when this doc says things like they “lost their hard fought identity” I honestly don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. And this isn’t just me being a fan. The doc says they changed, it says they stopped being punk, but it doesn’t offer any evidence to substantiate that claim. We’re just supposed to hear the ominous music and the out-of-context clips (which were mostly self-deprecating jokes) and believe it.

When they do provide details, most of them are wrong, or at very least, misleading. For example, they claim that the backlash only happened after the band released the second and third singles off of Dookie, “Basket Case” and “When I Come Around” respectively. It claims that the first single, “Longview” was punk enough to make fans happy while the other songs weren’t, which...ok - I just don’t think you can claim “Longview” is any more punk than the other songs. Honestly, it’s kind of a departure from their normal sound into a more jazzy style. I don’t think you can argue that it’s any more punk than “Basket Case” unless you’re claiming that singing about masturbation makes something inherently punk. Like, what are we even defining as “punk” at this point? Also, the backlash started long LONG before any song off the album had ever been released. It started as soon as they signed with Reprise, so claiming it was because people didn’t like the music is just dishonest.

Overall, I really feel like this doc has a very strange tone, especially for a piece of media supposedly promoting their newest album (Revolution Radio). It pays lip service to how great and accomplished the band is, but takes every opportunity to trash them. Because it goes so hard on the “they sold out” narrative, it implies that the success of American Idiot is just because they got lucky that people liked the product of their lack of artistic integrity. I am more than ok with criticizing a band - even one I like, and I don’t mind when a doc does try to do more than just praise Green Day, but those criticisms have to be backed up. And the whole question of “selling out” is just so so stupid at this point. This doc came out in 2016 - was the most pressing issue that year really whether or not a band stopped being punk 25 years ago? 

So, thanks for coming to my ted talk. I hope you liked it and if there’s any other Green Day docs you want me to review next, please let me know. These have been a lot of fun to write and I’m so happy that people seem to like it.

[themarauderstheoutsidersandpeggy]

So we all know how dallas died at the end because johnny died and he thought that johnny was the only one who loved him/ how he loved Johnny (platonicly)

Now idk if you ever watched banana fish its an anime, so if you haven't and want to then don't read the next part (if you do want to watch it look up the tws for it) if you don't care for spoilers then please keep reading

The main character ash dies at the end. He dies because he thinks that it would be better for enji so he wouldn't put him in danger. But also because he believes he isn't good enough for enji. So he dies.

They die for opposite reasons mostly

Dallas dies because he thinks Johnny was the only one who loved him who would love him. While ash dies because he loves enji and didn't want to put him in danger. But one thing they have in common is that they both didn't think they were goos enough to keep living. For both of them dying was for them peaceful.

Idk this was a dumb analysis I did on two very different pieces of media that do not relate to each other in the slightest but I thought was interesting.

i haven't watched it but i've read the original story 😭 it's obviously not incredibly similar but i'll definitely add it to my list of things to watch :D

as i haven't watched it, I can't offer much thought on that part of your analysis, but I agree with your analysis of Dallas's death. It was peaceful for him, even if he did it out of sadness, because he didn't have to worry about anything anymore, he wanted an out and he got one. I'm sure that he knew he'd die young, he was always purposefully getting into fights and causing trouble with the law (more on this later), and I have to assume that he knew he couldn't outrun his fate forever. Dallas sees the good of the world in Johnny, and doesn't in himself. He knew that if the last shred of goodness he saw in the world was gone, that he couldn't carry on anymore. He knew he couldn't contribute the same level of purity and goodness to the world, so he chose to take himself out of it. I think this has a lot to do with what I posted about earlier, about how he's not cold or unfeeling because he doesn't care, but that he's cold and unfeeling because he cares too much.

Clearly, something happened when he was living in New York, something big, and I think it was the first and only time he'd shown any sort of vulnerability. and it backfired on him. He didn't have the emotional support that he needed in that time, and therefore didn't have anyone telling him to get back up and dust himself off, as most of us do when we experience loss or trauma. So, because no one was there to help him through it, he didn't get through it. It hung over his head for the rest of his life, and he let it rule his entire personality. He stopped feeling things, because he never wanted to be as sad as he was that day/period of time ever again. self-preservation was the only way he could survive, but it wasn't out of genuine distaste for the world, it was just because he was so hurt by whatever happened to him while he was still developing, and decided to never feel that way again. I am a huge advocate for the idea that he's not an ass, he's just depressed. Now, of course, he acts like an ass, a lot, but I don't think that's all there is to him. His behavior, that self preservation and numbness is textbook depression, all he wanted was to never break again. Ponyboy observes Dallas as tough, but I perceive him as broken. You can't break something that's tough, but you also can't break what's already broken. He just manages to bury his feelings so deep inside of him that no one thinks they exist anymore, and maybe they don't.

this leads me to my next point, on how i think the only reason he got into all of the trouble that he did was to feel something. He'd shut off his emotions for so long, tried so hard to never feel sad again, that he couldn't come back from it. He went too far, instead of never feeling sadness again, he never felt anything again. He was truly numb, and he realized this, and desperately wanted to feel something again. Which is why I think he caused so much trouble. You can shut off your emotions, but you can't shut off your senses, and getting punched in the face is a hell of a way to feel something. if that was the only thing he could feel, it's no wonder that he sought it out so frequently. Of course he wanted to get kicked in the stomach, because it felt like something, and physical pain sucks, but if it's the only thing you're capable of feeling anymore, that's all you can do.

uh, thank you for coming to my ted talk, i could sit and analyze Dallas Winston for hours. Might just go and write an essay on it, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me! I really enjoyed reading and responding to this, I'll definitely check out Banana Fish :D <33