#I already ache to be back

[nikki-rook]

Amazing moments becoming only memories gives a sad sinking feeling

[cerealbishh]

"We get to, this season, explore their chemistry and their real love and their intimacy. So we get to have a glimpse into that world that just feels so pure and beautiful and romantic! And then, sort of navigating those other circumstances once they're out in the world, dealing with real... challenges." - Isa in an interview with The Knockturnal(x)

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Books of 2024: What I'd Like To Read By The End Of The Year.

I was feeling ~Whelmed~ over the weekend about all the things I still want to read, and I thought to myself, "Gee Why Is That??", so I pulled everything off my shelf and stacked it up basically in the order I'd like to read it and then went "....ah I see, carry on."

Now this stack WOULD be fine, except everything from ALWAYS COMING HOME down through HOUSE OF LEAVES is stuff I'd like to read adjacent to writing projects, namely: 1. IN BETWEEN (which I'm working on now but need to wrap up by the end of August) and then 2. NANO (which, y'know. Starts on November 1). So the sixteen (16) books between ACH and HOL are for the next three (3) months, and then I'll come back for the side-leaners during/after NaNo, I think.

(Not pictured in this stack is STARLING HOUSE, which I don't have in hand yet but will also be a NaNo Prep book!)

Basically my plan is to read down through this stack in this order and see how long it takes me! I finally got set up with my coworking space today, so hopefully I'll be writing late a couple nights a week starting. tomorrow. Which. will eat into reading time pretty significantly, hopefully.

But there's so much cool stuff I want to read! And write! And knit!! You see why I'm having A Time, huh.

[sleepyagent]

I hope Max aged the same amount of time that has passed irl since the last time we saw her.

Itd be like catching up with an old friend who was still in the process of figuring out herself when I last saw her and see what shes been up to and what shes become!

[hirazuki]

To whoever made the creative decision for Aizen's characterization this season: Congrats, you've achieved the impossible. You've managed to turn me into an Aizen girlie.

[hewhobreathesfire]

I started with vaccuuming because we got a REALLY nice new vaccuum for Christmas from my inlaws, and it's got enough suction that it actually picks up the decades worth of dust and detrirus stuck in the cracks between floor boards and. well. everywhere else. I don't know the last time this place was actually cleaned before we moved in, and we didn't have the chance or spoons to do a deep clean before getting all of out shit in here. I've been slowly trying to chip away at it, and this vaccuum is making a huge difference already. I got SO much off of the bedroom floor.

[lightasthesun]

merthur love confession but make it river song style!!!

When you love the Doctor, it's like loving the stars themselves. You don't expect a sunset to admire you back! And if I happen to find myself in any danger, let me tell you... the Doctor isn't stupid enough or sentimental enough and he is certainly not in love enough to find himself standing in it with me...

River is Merlin. Merlin is River. Arthur is the Doctor.

[fella-lovin-fella]

can somebody please tell my cat that i am already in so much pain and his screaming and clawing at my face is not helping, actually

[ionozoned]

( me in 2022: emmet wormhole jumper because Where is his brother me in 2024, almost 2025: iono wormhole jumper just for the funsies and for epic footage )

[dent-de-leon]

Thinking again about...moments when Lucien is just so lonely and depressed and despondent. Thinking of how Molly sat alone in the tavern in Alfield and had a panic attack. How anxious he got in the gentleman's hideout when he was confronted by someone from his past--Molly expecting all the nein to turn on him and abandon him right then and there.

How much it means to hear Caleb accept him, "Perhaps we have learned all we need to learn from this conversation. Maybe it's time to turn in...I am satisfied, Mollymauk Tealeaf. For now." The way Molly sounds so sincere when he thanks him. "This is not how I expected things to go...thank you."

They're all he has now, the nein. And when Lucien's last living relative, the person he thought of as his only family--when she cuts him out of her life, he wishes he was dead. How much would it have hurt Molly then--who already lost the circus, the people who raised him--how would it feel if he was abandoned by the Mighty Nein too?

Especially after how desperately vulnerable Molly lets himself be in that moment, aching not to lose this, to lose the only people he has left--"I'm not saying that I know what I'm doing or anything, but I don't want anybody--I want this to work. I need this to work."

Molly who is always running from something, who is terrified of letting anyone get too close and finding out about Lucien and a shallow grave and how terribly hollow and Empty he always felt--

Molly's whole heart shatters when he loses Lestera. When Yasha and Jester and Fjord are all taken. He's so fiercely protective of his loved ones and can't bear the thought of losing anyone else. Yasha even berates him for rushing to the rescue of strangers, risking his own life for people he doesn't even know.

The way Lucien just wallows in his misery until someone else is there to snap him out of it, using sex as a coping mechanism to just distract himself from all his pain, wanting so badly to just be with someone and feel their warmth. Aching for companionship.

Does Molly still feel the same? Does he still try to fill that gnawing Emptiness? When he has moments where he aches to be seen for who he is, when he feels "broken" and craves affection, longing to feel more alive, whole--does he ever let himself act on those feelings? We know he's been lonely still, since Lestera. That he tries to brush it off, but still admits that painful truth to Yasha, "Suppose I could use the company, I am recently out of a relationship the hard way..."

And...months after his death, when Molly still thinks back on a gentle forehead kiss, comparing it to the last moments Lucien spent with his own lover--does he ever wish they'd had more time? That neither of them had to be alone? "A tender banishment. Caleb. Softness and light. Clammy skin under rough lips. Molly's nose brushing Caleb's hair...Those memories were gone. All of it was lost to him now. Kindness is never lost or forgotten."

Are those moments truly gone, or does that longing stay with him still? When Kingsley wakes from a long lovely dream and a terribly violent death, when he's still reeling from shock and confusion and the numbing ache of Emptiness, still trying to piece together who he is...he sill flirts with the "cute magic man," still falls back on old habits like Molly and Lucien before him.

If there are ever moments when Tealeaf starts to spiral again, when he nearly succumbs to that clawing, lonely Emptiness--does he reach out to the man he saw as, "softness and light" still? Does he still ache for a familiar touch, a tender banishment? For someone to quiet all the nightmares, and make him feel less Empty for a little while?

[theladyfae]

never volunteer to sleep on the couch in a house of 6 other people desi folk can never be quiet in their lives

[loumauve]

I was so excited to eat the Haribo Tropifrutti my dad bought for me today..

[orcelito]

I'm tired of dreaming about my dad. I know it's part of processing, but I am just so tired.

[leatherbookmark]

also i'm team rinharu for the record. obviously

[misiahasahardname]

i found a photo of me in the hospital after my first seizure and i am wearing the most HORRENDOUS combination of clothing imaginable 😭😭

thinking of redrawing it with mikey because epileptic 2012 mikey is real

[lee-jinkis-ponytail]

I had endo excision surgery in October, a little over 7 months ago now. The pain was a daily 10/10 for me in the 6 or so months before I underwent the procedure. Things were getting so bad, no treatment helped. I found a surgeon who could diagnose me and do excision surgery. She found the endo and cut out all she saw, and for about a month I felt infinitely better.

Since I had the surgery, the pain has returned. It's still there, just more at a 4 or 5 on a daily basis rather than a full 10. (I am also about 90% sure I have another ovarian cyst rn, so I'm sure that's making everything more painful.)

But every month since the surgery, when I get my period, the pain feels 20x more excruciating than it ever was *before* the surgery, and I'm starting to really worry that it somehow made everything worse.