#my first seizure story is pretty funny to me tbh

[misiahasahardname]

i found a photo of me in the hospital after my first seizure and i am wearing the most HORRENDOUS combination of clothing imaginable 😭😭

thinking of redrawing it with mikey because epileptic 2012 mikey is real

[frederickthegreat]

my thoughts on TUA season 2

(spoilers, obviously)

- opened with Klaus and Ben, my kings. Klaus’s hair looks so weird straightened while short 

- AWESOME opening soundtrack 

- seeing all their powers so controlled makes me wonder how they leveled up to that skill in the alternate timeline. like the only time we saw Klaus use the powers of other ghosts in the correct timeline was when two of them caught him falling out of the sky. however Diego did end up controlling bullets and Allison used her voice to technically kill one of the Swedes

- the homeless man screaming Allison’s name alongside Luther... funny shit

- big teddy bear Hazel

- Elliot was fucking awesome i think he was a great addition as a side character. rip tho :(

- honestly i don’t understand why Diego would WANT to save JFK. like it’s not that big of a deal. does he not understand what messing with the timeline can do??

- Lila... impeccable

- Sissy and Vanya... impeccable <3

- yeah and fuck u Carl

- ugh, Klaus’s beard. disgusting <3

- Ben and Klaus definitely act like they should be, given that they’ve been stuck with each other for over a decade. i’ve seen some people calling Klaus an asshole for not telling his siblings about Ben, which is completely understandable (cause he was an asshole), but I’m guessing it was because he was afraid? that sharing Ben with his siblings would mean that he would lose him to them, or his siblings would find him selfish, or they would ask something of him that he couldn’t give. if that makes sense

- that ghost bitch comment was funny tho 

- to the guy who called Klaus pretty boy at the bar: sir you don’t know what you’re getting into

- Raymond!! he’s such a sweetheart, i really liked him in the show. i’m really happy that Allison has found a bit of normalcy (as normal as the 1960s Civil Rights movement could be). it shows how passionate she is about what she believes in: even though she knows the movement is far from over, even back in 2019, she’s not gonna abandon it

- Allison staring at the moon every night: either thinking about Luther or how the moon blows them all up. maybe both

- of course Luther would be working for Jack Ruby

- awesome cinematography during the mental asylum escape 

- yeah it makes sense that the Handler would still be alive. she was a cool villain. although it would’ve been awesome to see how evil a fish could be

- Diego’s plan was pretty stupid. that’s my boy

- honestly they revealed how Klaus started a cult really well by having one of his followers find him at jail. Klaus, ever the musical aficionado, of course writes his scripture based off of pop songs

- Raymond and Klaus meeting!! that was cool to see how their paths connected

- Lila painting Elliot’s toenails green. ugh i love that crazy bitch

- i LOVE how they incorporated the umbrella man!! tbh i’ve always believed he was the one behind the assassination. Lee Harvey Oswald was framed 

- honestly a bit understandable that Luther was planning on killing Vanya? cause he had no idea who she is now, but them reuniting was actually really sweet. he’s grown up so much

- the Swedes and their cats.

- the Umbrella company building with the nuclear family mannequins... creepy, awesome shit

- baby pogo baby pogo baby pogo baby pogo

- shanked diego shanked diego shanked diego shanked diego

- did anyone else get vibes from Klaus’s episode opening that he was an escort to the old woman? like how he was being shown off at her arm or something and getting out of jail from a call from the governor. idk maybe the lady was just very taken with him, as anyone would be

- Elliot, our helpful king

- Allison and Klaus’s reunion was so sweet!! i’m so glad they got to interact so much more in this season 

- Ben getting Raymond out through a haunting... hilarious

- sweet intimate moment between Lila and Diego

- Ray meeting Luther was hilarious, but i do feel for the poor guy. i mean i’m not in love with my adoptive sister but still

- the sit-in was really well done and beautiful while terrible. the ‘riot’ that ensued was very appropriate for today’s setting 

- D-Dave

- honestly i was scared that Klaus was gonna be overly attracted to him or whatever, which would be weird cause he’s years younger than Klaus, but honestly, at the core he just wanted to save Dave’s life. even if it means never meeting him in a different timeline. he truly loved Dave. and that ptsd flashback was done so well

- i knew Lila wasn’t trustworthy but i didn’t REALLY expect that! 

- Vanya and Luther talking with each other, Luther admitting the apocalypse wasn’t all her fault. beautiful

- the Majestic 12 reminds me of the conspiracy theory that only a few families control basically everything in the world. the Majestic 12 may be based off of that, idk

- idk about everyone else but Klaus’s scorpion and the frog story made total sense to me! frogs ARE bitches

- the diner scene.... ugh. it really shows that the two of them did fall in love and they did stupid in love things, like talking about their family, about why Dave wanted to join, favorite colors, favorite foods, etc. however that’s seen later on when Dave visits the compound

- yes it’s very disheartening when Klaus is attacked, but honestly i think it had to happen, just like the riot had to happen. the 60s weren’t a fun time for lgbt people and poc. it was only going to be a matter of time before the show HAD to acknowledge the consequences of Klaus’s ‘flamboyancy’ in 1963 Texas. it doesn’t make it right or easy to see, but it’s realistic. 

- it also makes sense that Klaus fell off the wagon after experiencing something like that. yes we all would’ve liked him to stay sober, but sobriety and recovery aren’t linear. 

- Allison is so happy with Ray can we please drop this pseudo-incest plotline let’s MOVE ON 

- Texas Grace ! who is not actually Grace rip (i think? i was a bit confused lol)

- the scene with Harlan running off was really upsetting but we got to see those weird light particles that we saw in the first season

- Pogo Pogo Pogo Pogo

- Klaus being a dick to Ben again, as brothers do. i do feel bad for Ben though it must be sooo frustrating. that scene with him and Allison was really sweet and funny tho

- i just have to say that Luther and Diego are so fucking funny this season it’s awesome. like there are a LOT of good lines overall by everyone but they’re hilarious. “At least he didn’t shank my ass” “no bro, he shanked your heart”“Dads part of a sinister CABAL that’s plotting on killing the president.” “a caBAL?”“You two still a thing? *leans in* do we need to talk?” “No, she’s married.” “Woah dude... that’s rough.” and countless others

- the sibling reunion!! 

- Klaus really does get left out of everything tbh

- Ben :(

- sisters and Klaus!! that was so awesome to see. and Klaus’s hairpins, Vanya saying she’s gonna tell Sissy she loves her, their dance sequence, Klaus calling Allison out on that incest. beautiful

- the fucking Swedish cover of Hello was PERFECT i mean i was sad for the Swedes but it was hilarious. there were a couple beautiful shots of the boat on fire though

- god it must’ve been so traumatizing for Allison to be thrust into such a hostile place with no voice and no way to contact her family

-  idk about you guys but long live Team Zero

- calling Ben that he was becoming their father was a bit uncalled for 

- the fact that Klaus didn’t help Dave’s chances, and in fact escalated Dave’s own timeline.. his trembling hands... robert sheehan is an amazing actor

- the Black president bit lmaoo loved it

- the way Reginald spoke to Diego.. i’m gonna throw hands with an old man

- Klaus LITERALLY looked like he was having a seizure and they all just... played it off?? 

- poor, poor Carl. nah fuck him lol

- that bloody opening scene was awesome! and thank god Five got to say fuck. the fact that it was about a candy bar makes too much sense

- Robert Sheehan acting as Ben: amazing showstopping spectacular he’s so talented

- the whole multiple Fives and Luther bit was honestly really funny, and i immensely respect smaller Five over bigger Five. 

- yes Klaus, you survived a family of seven. you got this

- not sad about Carl dying one bit!

- Ben... that was such a beautiful scene. not just the content of the scene, but the cinematography. Ben fading away... Vanya hugging him... ugh. the main takeaway i had from that scene is that at the core of it all, Ben and Klaus love each other immensely. they have a weird, dysfunctional, fucked up relationship, where Klaus is an asshole and Ben definitely shouldn’t of possessed him without his consent, but they’re still brothers, and Ben forgives him. 

- oof Ben’s funeral was hard. also was it just me or did Klaus’s kid actor sound weird? like it sounded like Robert was dubbing his lines 

- all the siblings back together again!!!! Klaus going with Vanya to save Harlan!! Vanya telling him Ben forgives him and that it wasn’t Klaus’s fault Ben got stuck with him!! everyone in the car!!! be still my beating heart

- yeah didn’t see Lila having powers coming tbh. i really feel bad for her she’s had such a rough and traumatic life, especially with the Handler as her only parental figure

- the Swede brother and Five putting down their weapons: “enough.” the Swede wanted revenge for his brothers - an eye for an eye, but there was a mutual understanding between the two of them: they would do anything for their family. if the Swede hurts one of the Hargreeves, Five would never stop coming after him. i thought it was very beautiful 

- mmm Reggie’s foreshadowing coming into play. proud of u Five

- the ending was so beautiful. everyone got closure in some type of way. except now Klaus is alone with nothing but his dog tags :(

- EMO BEN HAHAHA WTFFF?? is Lila in the sparrow academy? why was Ben’s portrait over the mantle piece? did Five disappear?? is the sparrow academy just older versions of the siblings who stuck around?? so many questions

FINAL THOUGHTS

- Ellen Page’s acting consistently blows me away. she is amazing 

- beautiful cinematography, funny writing, pretty good acting. i didn’t like the soundtrack as much as i did the first season’s, but some of it wasn’t bad.

- i’m glad ben got peace, but i’m also glad justin min isn’t gone for good. his social media presence is too vital for us

- i swear to god if they keep treating klaus as a joke and don’t let him get any actual development like everyone else had (he barely got closure with Dave, he reconciled with Ben through a second party) next season, i’m gonna riot. PLEASE i want to learn more about his powers now that Ben is gone. what happened to seeing tons of ghosts when he’s sober??

- Luther and Diego were probably my favorite duo of the season, I’m so happy that they’ve reconciled and are bonding more. 

- just seeing Vanya grow and be happy was amazing 

all in all, really wonderful season. i probably liked it better than the first one. now it’s time to consume fanfiction and maybe finish my own (check out “god doesn’t want him and neither does the devil” on ao3!)

[whenlifegivesyourottenpears]

i miss my dog

I had the best dog from middle school till I was a freshman in high school. Her name is Amelia. My mom adopted her for me, she was previously owned by another family. She would flinch a lot so we assumed that she was possibly hit by the owners before. It took a while for her to get comfortable with us, but within the first night of having her at the house she grew to like me and would follow me around our house like a cute little duck. 

I was able to spend an amazing 5 years with her. I was able to have snuggles with her. I was able to tell her everything and never once did she judge me. When I was sad or anxious she was always there beside me. Then in the middle of my freshman year in high school I left to go to boarding school, and despite my siblings back home telling my mom that they would take care of her, my mom still told them no and gave her away. When I found out it felt like a piece of me left. Sure I wasn’t around anymore anyways, but I was still comforted knowing that I could come home on visits and see her. All those memories are just that, memories, in the past and our story together has stopped. I don’t know who adopted her next, I don’t know if shes still alive, if she is alive is she happy? I hope she is not with annoying children who like to pick on her, like the neighbor girl living in the apartment next to the one I’m in.

 Millie (a nickname that I always called her) is really picky, tbh she is really high maintenance and sleeps like a cat. Then other times she would run around in the yard or in a circle really crazy fast inside the house. It was so cute and funny. As she was getting older she started to get more seizures, and they really scared me at first, I didn’t know what was going on. But after she would stop seizing she would be like the first time I even met her, really timid, scared and wanting to hide underneath my legs. At first I didn’t comfort her, I was scared and didn’t know what to do, but now I wish I would’ve been there for her better when things like that happened. Millie had the cutest little jackets and hoodies we put on her, she was just a small dog so at time the hood covered her eyes so she walked around aimlessly, of course we wouldn’t let her go around like that but when she sneezed the hood would go right back on that little head of hers. Amelia also really hated the cold, in the winter she wouldn’t go potty outside unless I picked her up and set her out in the grass and stayed until she was done lol. She always laid in bed with me, under the blankets, with only her little nose poking out from underneath... it was adorable. After having her for a couple of years we got a cat, well my sister got a cat, and he is crazy but also really lazy and they would sleep near each other (My sister still has her cat). Then my other sister got a dog, he was also so cute, he was a small dog like Millie but he was a few years younger and really rowdy. I had never seen Amelia have so much fun before,at first she acted like she didn’t want him there. Millie would be sitting on the couch and have one paw crossed over the other, all sophisticated (she wasn’t like that until Jasper - my sisters dog - came, I think she was just trying to act cool), and while just minding her own business Jasper would come and attack her - playfully of course - she would just let him jump around or bite her ear and she would just play it cool. It was kinda cute though. Eventually she warmed up and loved to play, run in circles, and sleep with Jasper, they were best friends. 

Sadly after I went to boarding school Jasper got ran over by a speeding car, my sister was really upset about it, I wonder if Amelia was sad about Jasper leaving. 

I hate to think that Millie is with a family who is rude or upset because she can be really annoying or high maintenance. No one will ever love her more than I did, more than I do. I love the way the she would growl when I picked her up, because she was already so comfortable, but I would move her to come and sit with me. She hates to be alone, so I hope that the people who possibly have her now don’t make her stay in a room all by herself or in a cage. She’s a free spirit, living at her own pace, breaking the rules (she would squeeze through our gate and prance around the neighbors yard a lot - lol - in the moment it was pretty inconvenient but it really wasn’t that bad), and going with the flow. She loves to go on walks but is unpredictable, so I hope that the people who are her family now won’t be too surprised when they go walking with her and she decides shes done walking at any given moment :) I’ve carried her home a lot of times lol. By now, if shes not dead, she is probably about to reach “oldness,” now everyone says it’s never too late to teach a dog new tricks, right? Well Millie did not stand by that saying, which I was fine with, I didn’t care if she did’t sit when I told her too (unless I had a treat) I was just happy to have her with me and to let her do her own little thing. 

In a way I feel like when I got “sent away” (that sounds tragic-story-generic... anyways) my mom felt like she had to send away my dog also, Millie was a part of me anyways, because at first when I was away at home my mom missed me and I think she didn’t want a reminder of me around the house. Not that it would really matter anymore cause since I left home - it wasn’t on good terms with my family anyways - things haven’t been great not even good, well regarding my relationship with my bio fam. I still hold a lot of resentment towards my mom for giving my baby Millie away - she was with me in the good times and helped me through the beginnings of my toughest times, being lonely, feeling depressed, along with anything else you can think of. 

I love you Millie Billy, I hope you are doing well. I hope you live in a peaceful home, with a good sunny yard, and a nice gentle person to love you. I certainly hope that you’re not dead, but if you are then I’m praying you weren’t able to feel any pain. Thank you for always being beside me and sitting with me even when I was going through it. Thank you for putting up my loud voice and my used to be enthusiastic personality. I have never had a better best friend that you. I wonder what you would think of me if you saw me now? I’m always thinking of you and wishing I could give you a hugs and snuggles. :( I miss you and I love you. xoxo - your mom <3 

... i’m not crying, its just allergies.

[ildivine]

in any form i have been in, i never knew why i was there in the first place, for the most part. i have a natural sense that after this bodys existence, my soul will carry on, for a variety of personal and spiritual reasons.

humanity always wants a reason to keep living and i suppose i may never entirely find mine, but ive come to realize that as cliché as it sounds, the gods wont throw anything at me i cant handle.

ive abused my body enough i didnt want to register it as mine, but it very much is. lose me w disassociation culture; being focused in the moment as this being and what the world sees me as and how they experience me, is important-- and i suppose that's why i accepted some time ago im goin to b short n funny shaped n awkward n in pain all the time, no matter what. i dont think im here to make any ~big changes (done that enough tbh) n while maybe i wasnt put here to write fanfiction n struggle w addiction all my life from Unwarranted Circumstances, but all i want is to make an impact n be remembered, to b liked n favored. in the past i didnt have the chances to explore such endeavors as something catastrophic happens around me; but here i can look @ cars w my brother n cliffdive w an entire family in the desert n my personality n creativity influences ppl in the ways of fanfiction. i finally let go of my crutch that was tumblr rp til/if i can deal with it again, like a fair majority of the comm has done n its one of the best things ive done for myself. its competitive, ugly n daying & logging makes me anxious or depressed, so why bother. ive had years of fun and there still carries lots of stories n development in those blogs, but once i adjusted to quieter spaces, i DID feel better. ao3 is impersonal but i can display my projects like artwork; discord is personal n i can track me n my friends personal projects without fearing judgement or feeling inferior (tho i still struggle sometimes). ive grown to be proud of these thousands of words abt fictional characters n weird twisted plot lines cuz damn if i dont do it well! ill keep the niche n practice art n languages meanwhile.

ive contacted anubis again and its always nice to feel protected, and i realize a lot of weaker folk wouldnt have lived thru what i did, n maybe id been looked after in a way that should make me feel more confident than i do. i have to remember im forgiven n loved even in my worst moments or theyre not so worthwhile, anyway.

friends will come n go but im here to stay, i guess. my life has been a constant winding path of trying to cope, failing, shifting positions n trying again. rinse repeating isnt so bad when every relapse is jus another reminder ive gotten better before, again and again.

this body isnt so fun n ive felt pretty crooked, but so is the experience of shifting chemicals in my brain nigh constantly. ronnies not having seizures anymore but shes still talking a mile a minute, mom says; fine! let her. shes living the best life she possibly can after ive seen things that should have killed her plenty of times!

n it reminds me tht this body is small n awkward n ive made mistakes to damage it permanently, but mental wounds never stop healing i spose. i am here n i will keep in touch with the physical family that still loves this creature, even if theyve done shit stuff; they won't be around forever, either

to b ok with my situation has been hard this entire last year since i met drake in june and began the cycle. i dont remember him asking over n over for to buy, but i remember sliding my savings over a bit at a time. sly, tricky, but fool me twice etc.

ill always b naive n forgetful n clumsy n a bit slow but thts ok. theres worse n after seeing how much friends have cared for me recently, i realize i have nothing to complain about.

whether im doing drugs or drinking or not i suppose i am very much alive, even if i like the fun boxes too much; i need so much stimulation for one entity its insane, n if i could explain why i need to see 5 diff ppl in a week in order to finally wind down to write w online friends enable to finally sleep, I Sure Would! gods nerfed me or id b too powerful etc. etc