#bc now the tooth I got feeling back in fucking aches all the time. and my face feels itchy there as well.. but still numb

[loumauve]

I was so excited to eat the Haribo Tropifrutti my dad bought for me today..

[antisociallilbrat]

Wisdom Teeth Poly Losers HCs

I got my wisdom teeth out recently and :)) I am in so much pain bc what was suppose to be a simple surgery turned into fuck shit bc ofc I had to have complicated teeth :))) my bottom teeth were on my nerve line and the dentist didn't realize this until they were pulling my bottom teeth out- I was awake too, just numb :) anyways enjoy some headcannons for what I think would happen with the Losers getting their wisdom teeth out

So this is set in my Poly losers universe and when they're young adults most of the losers have to get their wisdom teeth removed

The exceptions are Richie because his dad was a dentist so he had them removed in high school and also Eddie because of his mom

Eddie didn't even need his removed but of course his mom had them done anyways :/ I think also because of her he had them removed first, a year or so before Richie

This leaves Mike, Stan, Bev, Ben, and Bill who needs to get their removed

What prompts this is Bill, who a tooth ache and refused to go the dentist. Due to his parent's neglect he never really went to the dentist so he doesn't see why he has to go now

It takes Eddie threatening to forcefully drag Bill there himself for him to finally go

And yes Eddie goes with Bill and yes Eddie holds his hand during the appointment because Bill won't admit it but he's a little scared of those tools

Turns out one of Bill's wisdom teeth are infected and need to removed asap

So when they get home to discuss scheduling Bill's surgery with the others, Bill's worried and Mike being Mike graciously mentions how he still needs to get his removed to agrees to do it with Bill

This gives Stan the idea that- Hey they're starting to have a bit of extra income, might as well go get everyone else's done too

They're going to have Mike and Bill go first and then the next weekend Bev and Ben and THEN Stan will go

There's no reason he decided he would go last

Any who Bill and Mike's surgery happens and Bill is the BIGGEST BABY who clings to Mike the moment they get in the car

They're both drugged up and Mike goes to kiss Bill bc 'oh no his baby' and poor Ben has to get into the back between Mike and Bill to keep them from accidently hurting themselves

Bill and Mike just both end up clinging to Ben and the moment they get home won't let Ben leave them

They both proceed to pass out on Ben on the couch

Ben doesn't mind

Also I love the idea of Richie spoon feeding Mike and Bill with mocking pouty faces and going like 'Oooo does Billy Willy and Mikey Wikey hurt?'

Mike laughs (the best that he can) at Richie and Bill throws a pillow at him

He misses

Otherwise Mike and Bill heal up with little complications- Thanks to Stan and Eddie, and neither of them mind eating junk food like smoothing and apple sauce for a couple days

Oh also Bill ended having to braces a couple weeks after his surgery because he never got them in his teens and turns out he needed them- he's very upset about it

You can take the headcannon of young adult Bill with braces from my cold dead fists

The next weekend it's Ben and Bev's turn

Knowing what happened with Bill and Mike, after the surgery Bev and Ben ride home in separate cars

Richie rides in the back with Bev in the car she's in and drugged up Bev is OBSESSED with Richie's hair

Like she can't stop herself from running her hand through it and tugging on the curls

Richie finds this hilarious

Meanwhile Ben gets nauseous from the pain medicine :( bb is not having a good time and rides with his head in Bill's lap

But it turns out Ben probably has the easiest recovery of them all bc the next day he feels completely fine and can act like normal- aside from his mushy diet but he was already a big smoothie guy anyways

Poor Bev suffers

She's a texture person when it comes to food and Stan and Eddie has to fight to keep her from eating the wrong things bc she keeps trying to rush the healing process

The next week is worst than the actual surgery for her

The moment she gets the okay she can eat like normal though, all the Losers work together to cook her her favorite meal

And by all the Losers I mean Ben and Mike while the others help

Also she had to quit smoking during her heal week and that was absolute hell so she was very grouchy

Everyone- even Eddie- was happy when she got to light up again

Then it's Stan's turn for him to get his teeth out

He's very calm and composed and he trusts Eddie to take care of him since its Eddie and he's been helping Stan take care of the others

Turns out Stan's teeth are impacted which means a big ouch

But he's Stan and he'll be damned with unnecessary teeth are going to break him

He actually manages to sleep the whole way back and barely wakes up when Eddie changes his gauze- he goes back to sleep and sleeps till the next day

And then the next day he is in absolute pain and its like the pain meds aren't even working

He won't tell the Losers but they know. They all stick close by, particularly Richie and Bill since they both don't have day jobs

They know Stan is in pain because he actually allows the two dufoses to cuddle him in his bed- and he's usually not a cuddly guy

If one of them have to get up there's a Loser ready to replace them

Mike makes sure the mushy food Stan eats is till kosher <3

Stan very much loves his Losers bc he didn't have to say how much pain he was in, they just knew

Okay that's all, yes I know there's spelling/grammar errors. I'm in pain and on pain pills, whadda want from me?

[beesmygod]

UPDATE ABOUT HEALTH, COMIC, ETC.

SUMMARY: i am still doing the comic at the fullest speed i can, but ask for patience and understanding while i get myself under control. nothing is stopping, but update days might get skipped. if you donate to the patreon for "A Ghost Story" you are only charged for pages i make per month.

ok so. the thing is about whatever is wrong with me:

i legitimately cannot tell if i am malingering, imagining things, or becoming a victim of my own anxiety because the "symptoms" im experiencing are so stupid and nondescript that they could be a consequence of anything from my awful diet to my worse sleep to my lack of exercise to even just being an alive human being. i was (am?) pretty sure most people feel like i do on a day to day because we all live such dogshit lives that fatigue, pain and chronic sickness were just the factors that united us as humans one of these ambiguous symptoms is a rotten tooth sort of pain in my joints. i have always attributed this to being lazy and out of shape and experiencing a type of pain from underuse. it absolutely does not feel like pain from overexertion. it's a deep internal throbbing that is entirely tolerable, but chronic. imagine being at like a steady 3-4 on the pain scale all day. sometimes, it "flares up" and instead of just having one joint a day (usually my hip), multiple joints will hurt much worse at once for about a week. in the past i always thought i was swerving getting the flu and just got lucky. a lot.

bc the joint paint isnt dramatic it never occurred to me to like, look at the places that hurt until recently. are the places swollen? am i looking at natural asymmetry of the human body and ascribing too much significance to nerves misfiring? in my eyes these places are not as swollen later as they are in these photos. i circled the swollen places in some bc sometimes honestly i cannot tell if thats swelling. they are places that hurt at that time and looked weird enough to document.

the only one i know for sure was/is fucked up is my toe/s. which i cant post bc of internet perverts. but the big toe turned cherry red and bloated and ached weirdly under the toenail. but there's a bump on it i can feel that makes it go numb when i push on it. bonespur? who knows. as a kid, my knee once became so red hot and swollen that i was sent home but was told it was bursitis

ANYWAY: i hurt real bad right now, and the worst of this stuff is happening in my knuckles, wrist, and my toes. when its in my hips, knees, and back i couldnt give less of a shit bc those are easier to ignore than my fingers. this friday i ran a low grade fever, slept for 20 hours and threw up my only meal. the first images are from this weekend. i have a drs appointment tomorrow.

please bear with me. the only thing a web comic needs to do in order to maintain any kind of readership is be consistent, and it is making me insane with stress that i am not able to maintain what should be an incredibly easy schedule for an audience that have been giving me the gift of allowing me to entertain them for almost a decade. i am not losing steam, just falling apart lol.

[thickness-protection-program]

So I only have one other hoe story but it’s more funny and painful to recall than sexy 😅. Before that I just wanted to say I’m loving all these stories and I’m wishing the best hoe behavior for everyone (even peeps who aren’t actually hoing around).

Okay but between R and S and when I was with my ex (which there’s something hot there but it’s not really hoe behavior) there was a guy went out on a date with. We had some fun at a restaurant I’d not been to before but truthfully we probably weren’t gonna go out again. Guy was cute just giving me libertarian vibes and that’s a can of worms I’m not getting into right now, but the date was fun.

Anyways it’s in the middle the day when we were heading back to my car (parked in a lot next to a church) and we got to kissing and then we both pulled our cocks out to enjoy and he had a good size one himself but he was obsessed with giving me a blowjob. In the middle of the day, next to a church, with a busy street behind us, so of course this is the one time I don’t listen to my common sense.

Shitty political views aside, the man definitely knew how to use his mouth for more than just talking 😂, and while I was really pent up too so I was fucking rock solid the entire time, INCLUDING when I’m seeing people walking by on the sidewalk and hoping no one turns to come get in their car. So I’m enjoying myself, he’s got me on the edge and then there’s a feeling like a pinch or something it’s hard to exactly remember but it didn’t feel good. I was already shooting fucking torrents of cum while holding the dude face down bc there’s someone walking back and forth from his car to the church taking stuff in so that killed the rest of the mood. Dude seemed happy he got to suck me off tho so there’s that.

Anyways after we went our ways my dick was like genuinely sore and I wasn’t as horny as I usually am that evening I was taking a piss and realized there’s a mark on my dick. A motherfucking tooth mark on my motherfucking cock head right on my slit. I was PISSED!!! And freaking out bc I was still sore for several days so I immediately went to get checked just in case, bc of course the one time I don’t do things the long way a dude bites my cock and it fucking aches for the next three days.

I know I share a lot of horny things y’all but at the time I was still new to everything and I DID NOT KNOW HE WAS INTO BITING! It wasn’t until I had a lil freak out and had to talk to my friend about it that he mentioned some guys cum harder when getting bit and I was still pissed cuz dude didn’t even ask. So I’ve taken that to heart and I’ve made sure to take it the long way when talking to other guys.

This is kinda embarrassing but I thought I’d share bc who knows, maybe someone else had something similar happen and doesn’t know how to feel about it? It’s a small goofy hoe story. Nothing like my last one or my experiences with my ex.

SCREAM these biting stories are gonna be the end of me 😭😭 like I trusted you to give me head and you give me tooth?? But is that true? 🤔 Do you really spunk harder when bit? I have no interest in finding out the scientific way but I'm genuinely curious lmao. Jesus take the wheel and the teeth

[yeehawfolk]

Hi! I think yr totally right about Felix's teeth probably not being great and how he and the rest of the crew should have more scars! Do u have any other lil appearance HCs for him/the whole gang? (:

OK! SO! I have a Lot of HCs about the crew, appearance-wise, anyway. Don't get me wrong, I love their canon designs, but I feel like they didn't utilize "Halcyon is fucked" enough with your companions? If that makes sense. I'm going to break this up character by character, so it'll be an easier read!

Also, I'm gonna put a TW on this for slight self harm on this?? It's not emotionally motivated at all, it's like when you'd compete to see who can get the gnarliest eraser burn in middle school, but nevertheless, I want to warn y'all ahead of time, it's on Ellie's part.

Parvati:

-Honestly, her eyes are gorgeous. They're brown, but an amber kind of brown, and very bright.

-I personally HC that Parvati chews her nails when she's nervous, so they're always nubs and usually pretty dirty, bc Mechanic and all.

-Her hands have faint scars from nicks and burns from working on machinery. The skin on her hands doesn't scar easily, but she still has a few gnarly scars from particularly bad burns or cuts that she wasn't able to take proper care of.

-Constantly has bruises of unknown origin on her arms and legs. She bruises very easy, and always has, which is kind of precarious when you're a mechanic.

-This might already be canon and I just haven't noticed bc I'm using the Switch version, but I HC Parv has some freckles sprinkled around her face. Not a lot by any means, but I HC she gets frequent sun when she's working on certain parts of the town, and freckles are a bi-product of that.

-She has a couple small scars on her face; one just below her eye on her cheek, and another on her chin. I like to think she fell on her chin, and the other was from her first project that blew up in her face, literally.

-Her skin is just a bit ashy because she hasn't had access to a lot of good lotions over the years.

-Despite taking a shower every morning, she accumulates grease smudges and dirt from her plants on herself very easily. She cleans up for her and Junlei's dates, but for casual visits both don't really bother. Sometimes they make a game of smudging each other with grease while they work and by the time they're finished their faces look like they were going for war paint.

-I like to think Parvati and Junlei eventually wear rings with each other (like, years down the line) and when Parvati gets deep in thought, she rests it against her lips. Junlei does something similar by turning her ring on her finger.

-Parv has ok teeth, not like great, but she takes pretty good care of them, even if sometimes she has to forgo it for a day or few while out with the Captain.

-When she's in Edgewater, she's always skinny, and if you squinted you probably could pick out a rib or so. But after she moves in with The Captain, she gains weight, and finally has the little pooch of fat that you're supposed to have around the middle. Ellie helps her keep up with nutritional needs (what you can get in Halcyon, anyway) and gets very proud when she makes her goals.

Felix:

-This boy has horrible teeth. His sweet tooth + being an orphan in the Back Bays didn't leave much time for proper teeth cleaning. He probably never really had enough bits to get toothpaste with, either.

-Oh, boy. He has scars galore. Some are from scuffles (he has some on his back from when he was a kid and used to get in trouble for stealing) but a lot are also from getting burned by pipes, or jagged metal. A fair few are from him doing dumbass things in his teenage years ("I wonder what would happen if I heat up these rounds of light ammo with a flamethrower??") because you can't tell me this boy didn't do dumb things like every teenage boy did but with more disasterous results bc SciFi.

-His nose has been broken quite a few times, so it's crooked in a couple spots.

-Can frequently be found with bloody knuckles just because he forgets that punching someone with a mask over their face really isn't the best idea. This eventually culminates into him making the "Millstone Drop-Kick!" his go-to move.

-This isn't exactly appearance related, but I HC Felix has a fucked back from his life of hauling heavy boxes. It doesn't help that he drop kicks literally everything that moves tho.

-Probably has chronic pain in his hands from his hands getting crushed by boxes at some point or another. Several of his fingers are crooked from being broken and improperly set. His bones probably aren't the best bc of poor nutrition growing up, either, so they're a little easier to break.

-Just. Me thinking about Felix in his 40s, or even early 30s: Honey, you have a big storm coming.

-This is also a little random, but I like to think that it takes a long time for Felix to grow any kind of facial hair (he has chronic babyface) so he's super proud of his scruff.

-Max: That's peach fuzz. If that.

-Felix: Leave me alone you big hairy bastard, just bc you have to shave like every other day to keep a clean face doesn't mean all men do!!

-(He's just a bit sensitive about his facial hair)

-(He one day dreams of growing a glorious beard like Sanjar's, but it would take him like 50 years)

-(Shut up Max one day he'll have an amazing handlebar mustache and you won't be laughing then)

-I have no idea if piercings or tattoos are a Thing in Halcyon (probs not, honestly, but I can dream) but if they are, he tried to pierce his ears by himself once, they got infected, and he got really sad when he had to let them close. The marks are still there but the holes have closed by now.

-ELLIE PIERCES HIS EAR AND HELPS HIM KEEP IT CLEAN

-Felix is strong, but he's skinny and gangly as all hell and it's hard as fuck to get him to gain any weight, mostly because he still has his habit of eating only what he needs and stashing the rest. It takes him a while with the crew to get over that, and when he does, he gains a healthy amount of weight around his middle. Ellie teases him a bit, but is 1,000x happier that he's no longer damn near a walking skeleton.

-Listen. Ellie and Felix are bros I don't make the rules. She denies it but she would kill for Felix.

-Usually has slight dark circles under his eyes, because he has nightmares sometimes and can't sleep.

-His eyes are really, really pretty. Like. Super fucking pretty. He has long lashes and they sparkle when he smiles. His eyes are hazel like Max's, but more on the brown side, with streaks of green radiating out from the pupil.

-Speaking of smiles. He has the goofiest and sweetest grins around. A little self-conscious about his teeth, but honestly that doesn't stop him from laughing and smiling with everyone. He has a couple broken teeth, but honestly it just makes his grin a lil lopsided and cute.

-He gets the Worst bed-head. It stands almost straight up in every direction, but it's really easy to tame. Mostly because he just runs his hands through it and calls it a day.

-He found Max's hair gel once and went Ham. He used the whole can sticking his hair up into a mohawk, and proceeded to parade around for Ellie and Parvati. Then bolt to his room and lock the door when Max shouted his name from the bathroom. Max's hair was out of whack for like. A week. He kept blowing it out of his face and Felix and Ellie would giggle like madmen when he did.

-*BANGS FISTS ON TABLE* FELIX IS BABY! FELIX IS BABY!!

Max:

-My MANS

-Listen, I am extremely gay for Max. This needs to be known before I continue, because I have a metric fuckton of Max HCs.

-So, first off, Max takes VERY good care of his appearance. Like. Insanely good. His hair is always perfectly held back by a moderate amount of gel, his nails perfectly trimmed and cleaned. He keeps a clean-shaven face.

-But don't let that fool you, Max can and will get down and dirty when need be, he just doesn't care to stay like that.

-Quite a few scars from his prison and Tossball years. But because of the clothes he wears you wouldn't be able to see them easily. Mostly on his back/sides, though he has a couple on his torso and legs.

-The Captain calls him Bigfoot because his grows hair really fast and his arms and chest have some pretty thick hair. Max is very confused, because he personally doesn't think his feet are that big.

-Not an appearance HC per se, but he smells like soap, aftershave, and books.

-When he doesn't gel his hair, it falls in his face constantly, and it annoys the fuck out of him.

-Fuckin ripped bro. Just. What the fuck. Why is a priest this fuckin shredded. Why make my gay little heart ache more than it already does, Obsidian??

-Despite his arm muscles being like. Huge, he still has a healthy layer of fat over his middle, mostly because being an OSI Priest, he got a little bit better nutrition VS. literally all of Halcyon.

-When his knee gets Bad (like hiking through Monarch with the Captain) he has a slight limp? Barely noticeable, but you can tell he's not putting weight on it. I HC its an old Tossball injury (that might be canon, I haven't played in forever).

-Its hard to tell in the different lights of the game whether his hair is Black or Silver, and I like to think he's greying, but not fully grey yet. He can have a little hair color, still. As a treat.

-Fuckin no lashes to speak of. None at all. Baldy eyes. Its the only part of him that doesn't have really thick hair and ngl he is very salty about it. Tho his actual eyes are very pretty; they're hazel with a lot of green. He has a darker ring on the outside and flecks of brown in them.

-Has very good teeth, whiter than most of Halcyon's because of the OSI providing for him.

-Broke his nose once during Tossball, though he was able to get it set alright. Slight crook in the bridge of his nose.

-He has a lot of those moles from his face scattered around. Particularly his shoulders and back.

-Also have you seen his fuckin canon thighs??? Bro. They could crush a watermelon. Once again, I must say, what the fuck, why is this priest so fuckin shredded.

-Actually takes his physical health very seriously, so I like to think he's in great shape for his age. Seeing him in some of the canon outfits though makes me more inclined to think that's canon.

-Sorry, I have thought about this A Lot, and the gay jumps out of me sometimes.

-A fair amount of scars on his arms. Not as many as Nyoka, but a little bit more than Parvati.

-Has calloused hands, but they've softened over his years as a priest.

Ellie:

-Now I feel like Ellie wouldn't have many scars that she didn't let scar up on purpose to give her an edge. They're essentially superficial; they look cool but didn't do any real damage.

-Also, her skin is very pale, so she doesn't scar easily anyway.

-Though she does have some, and they're more recent. A couple of gashes on her arms, and a bullet wound in her side. She's proud of them.

-The dark circles under her eyes are because she likes to stay up late at night. Sometimes she contemplates her life, but she doesn't like it, and usually doesn't bother too much.

-Her lashes are very thick and full, and they compliment her eyes very well. Her eyes aren't exactly ice blue, they're a bit darker, and have real pretty lighter streaks in them.

-Yes, her lips are naturally that color. Good for picking up women, bad for looking intimidating to marauders.

-Really soft skin, she's always had access to good lotion. After she leaves Byzantium, she purposely looks a bit more grimy than she did then, which is easy to do because of her skin tone.

-Has a few moles and freckles, but not many, mostly on her shoulders and back. She was inside a lot prior to her leaving Byzantium.

-Her hair doesn't really sit down when she sleeps, but it does lose some poofiness, so she has to meticulously push it up in the mornings.

-Not quite an appearance HC, but I feel like when she gets comfortable with ADA, she gives her compliments. Stuff like "Your screen is very bright today, ADA!" ADA does the same thing. "And your hair is looking very bright as always, Dr. Fenhill."

-Muscular, but lean, and puts on weight a little easier than others, so she wouldn't look like she could kick your ass without her pirate get-up, but she could 100%, no holds barred kick your ass.

-Very good teeth. Despite wanting to look like a gnarly pirate she takes dental care very seriously. Tho she thinks about getting punched in the mouth occasionally so she could like break off a piece of her tooth. Not the whole thing, just enough to make her look tough.

-Idc if piercings and tattoos aren't a Thing in Halcyon, Ellie has pierced ears. Three in each ear, and I like to think an eyebrow and maybe nose ring. She doesn't wear them when she's in Dangerous Situations because she firsthand had to fix ears that had their earrings ripped out during rich catfights that she does NOT want that to happen to her.

-She also has tattoos covering most of her back, and some of her upper arms. She got them "illegally" (meaning it's illegal to The Board, but the Groundbreaker doesn't really give a shit) on The Groundbreaker and she's proud as fuck of them.

-I have Feelings about the missed opportunities for illegal tattoo/piercing parlors. Like I know there's not a lot of self-expression to be had and no Art aside from fonts, but c'mon. Humans have drawn on their skin since the beginning all around the world and we WOULD find ways to do it again, even if it's needle-poke tattoos.

-Anyway, back to Ellie.

-You ever hear of a "lighter tattoo"? Basically, you heat up a lighter and then stamp the hot metal into your skin and it makes a mark in the shape of the lighter head. If you get it hot enough and hold it long enough it can scar. They have a similar thing in Halcyon with Plasma Cutters. Instead of Stab, you heat it up, turn it off, and press the blade to your skin and it pretty much scars within a couple seconds.

-Ellie 100% did a few of those when she was in Byzantium as like the "hahaha edgy" thing that teenagers do.

-Like I know technically kids aren't around but... bruh... you can't tell me that teenagers in a SciFi setting wouldn't do dumb ass shit like that.

-Ellie is honestly the baddest bitch and I love her, ok, she just reminds me so much of of those high school delinquent tropes in 90s movies

Nyoka:

-SO I HAVE SOME FEELINGS ABOUT NYOKA'S CANON DESIGN... IN THAT SHE'S ESSENTIALLY A MONSTER HUNTER BUT SHE HAS NO SCARS!

-Listen, ok, she would 100% have a lot of scars from her life on Monarch. I share some HCs with @nyokaacore in that she has three scars over one of her eyes, and a few others around her face, like on her lips.

-The bulk of her scars are on her arms and body, though, as she usually is able to get the Canid or Rapt off before they get to her face.

-I like to think the scars on her eye are from Freida, the first Rapt she ever killed that's taxidermied on her wall.

-But she has a lot of scars from Raptidon claws and Canid mouthplates, sprinkled with some Manti burns and burns from Rapt spit.

-She also has her fair share of bullet scars on her, and definitely has some patches of skin discoloration from incidents regarding the sulphur pools. Chemical burns are a bitch.

-She's tall, and not exactly curvy? But broad. Big shoulders, wide hips, sturdy legs. Looks like she could kill you, could actually kill you alignment.

-The sand and sulphur in the air plays Hell on her skin, so she's got some old acne scars and places that scarred up into moles on her face. Has an issue with dry skin.

-Her skin is also pretty oily, and she washes it when she can, but water is usually better spent being drunk than washed with. However, she does carry a spare bottle of non-drinkable water to wash Rapt acid off in emergencies, so sometimes she'll pull from that to wash her face with.

-Big hands, calloused, pretty scarred up from her time on Monarch.

-I also like to think that she can tell you stories about most of the scars she has, lmao.

-Her nose, like Felix's, has been broken quite a few times and is pretty crooked.

-Most often, you see Nyoka with a slight sunburn on her face. It's hard to see, but her cheeks are usually warm to the touch.

-Her teeth aren't the best, but she does take as much care of them as she can out on Monarch. Still pretty yellow with some cavities, but not as bad at Felix's.

-Honestly the dark circles around her eyes are usually because she doesn't sleep a lot. She has dreams about CHARON, and that's not her favorite thing to do.

-At a pretty healthy weight for Halcyon, and ofc, has muscles as big as your head.

-Surprisingly soft hands, though.

[zevlors-tail]

Lonely With You

Pairing: ProHero!Izuku x GN ProHero!Reader

Warnings: Self doubt, self deprecating thoughts/words, cursing, reader is very angry in the beginning and throws something if that’s a trigger for anyone (doesn’t throw it directly at anything or anything in particular), lots of crying on reader’s part, song fic, tooth rotting fluff at the end. <3

A/N: Song fic! Sports by Beach Bunny. I said I couldn’t write shit but here we are. I just one shotted this thing in the span of like 3 hours and in 3 more hours, I have to go into work with no sleep. :’) But really it’s fine bc I had motivation and I DID THE THING. I wrote something I kind of liked! I am obsessed with this song right now, so suffer with me I guess.

The second you stormed into the house and slammed the door shut behind you, Izuku could tell something was off. Sure, you had your bad days, but somehow this was different.

“Hi, love! How was your da-” Before he could even finish, you cut him off with an angry look and a short response.

“Fucking awful. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Izuku knew better than to take your short response personally, though he would be lying if he said it didn’t irk him in the slightest. However, you didn’t curse often, and using the “F” word usually meant you were at your wits end with whatever situation you were dealing with. He watched you as you strode past the kitchen with blind rage and threw down your headpiece to your hero costume. A piece of it actually busted off from how hard you had chucked it across the room, nearly missing his eye as it flew past him and making him visibly flinch. 

Upon seeing his reaction, you immediately stopped in your tracks and snapped out of your fit of anger, concern for your partner taking over you instead. “Shit-! Izu, I’m so sorry, are you alright!?” Tears welled in your eyes as you panicked and checked his face over for any collateral damage, and when you could find none, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“I’m fine, Y/N. Are...you okay? I know you said you didn’t want to talk about it, but you look really...upset.” He struggled to find the right words for a moment. You looked upset, sure, but it was more than that. There was a foreign look in your eyes he hadn’t seen before, something heavy and dark lurking behind your usually bright orbs. His heart couldn’t help but ache for the look you gave him.

If you feel lonely, I could be lonely with you. Tell me baby, why do you seem so blue?

You broke down in tears within seconds, cries of frustration and anguish clawing their way up from your ribcage to your throat. Today had drained you for all your worth and made you feel utterly exhausted. But if you were being honest, this had been going on much longer than just a day. It just so happened that today’s events had been the last straw for you and left you feeling defeated. Months of self doubt and anxieties were finally catching up to you, and now you were paying the price.

Izuku wrapped his arms around you tightly and held your head to his chest as you hiccuped. “Shhh, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” He nuzzled his face into your hair before pressing a sweet kiss to your crown, his hand sliding to your back to rub comforting circles.

“I’m no good,” you managed between sobs. “I’m a terrible hero, and I should just quit while I’m ahead. I’ll never amount to anything useful. All I do is get in the way and cause problems for others!” You continued to cry while Izuku let you vent, although it took everything he had in him not to interject that all of those things couldn’t be further from the truth.

Why are we so complicated? Maybe love is overrated...

“I’m a failure. I failed my mission and if it wasn’t for Uravity...” You let out a strangled cry as you admitted what was weighing you down so heavily. “They almost died! They almost died, and it would have been all my fault! If I had just pushed myself harder, if I had done more, then- then- then none of this would have happened!” 

“Oh, love...no.”

“I should just do everyone a favor and stop being a Pro. My manager did always say I was better as a sidekick, anyway,” you laughed bitterly at the memory, distracted only for a moment before returning to crying, albeit a little quieter. “I’m ready to give up. Everything I do is wrong... I don’t think I’m cut out for this anymore.”

I’m tired of waiting! I was never good at sports; save the games for the girls on the tennis courts.

Izuku sighed softly before cupping your face in his hands and gazing intently at you. “Y/N Y/L/N, you are not a failure. You are the light of my life and the best thing to have ever happened to me. Do you know that?”

You hesitated a minute while you sniffled and rubbed at your eyes. “Are you sure about that? Because I feel like I’m failing at everything... At being a hero, at being a friend, and at being your partner. I’ve been so stressed out lately that I’ve barely been able to pay attention to you. I’m so sorry, Izuku...” Fresh tears pooled at the corners of your eyes as your self doubt ate at you.

Say you need me, but lately you feel unsure.

“You didn’t let me finish.” 

“Ah, I’m sorry-”

“Nope! No more apologizing, especially when you didn’t do anything wrong.” A small smile found it’s way to his lips as he spoke, “I’ve watched you grow from a student in the hero course with me into the wonderful person and amazing hero you are now, and I want you to know I’m proud of who you’ve become. You’ve been nothing but nice to Uraraka, Iida, and Todoroki, and you’ve done everything you can to support me and be there for me when I need you to be. You cheered me on and pushed me to do better when I felt like giving in so many times. Without you, I wouldn’t be the hero I am today.”

“That’s really flattering, but I think All Might was mostly responsible for making you the hero you are now.”

Come on to me, come on to me...I need more!

Izuku laughed a little as you smiled at your comment, though the pain remained behind your eyes still and his gaze was just as intense as before. He quickly regained composure and continued. “You’re not giving yourself enough credit, love. I was watching the live feed from home while you were on your mission, and from one hero to another, you did all you could with the hand you were dealt in that situation. You can’t place unnecessary blame on yourself for something that’s not your fault. You weren’t a hinder to them, and you didn’t cause them any further problems. I mean, unless you were the one who set the building on fire, but that’s not likely, right?” His teasing tone was meant to lighten the situation, but it seemed to have no affect against the worry and anxiety radiating from you. “Y/N.”

“Hm?” At some point you realized you had zoned out and starting daydreaming about all the possible ways the situation could have gone wrong. Izuku’s voice pulled you back to reality and away from your twisted reverie.

“I love you. It’s okay to feel upset and angry about today, about yesterday, about last month- and especially about that comment your manager made. Which, by the way, we need a new manager for you now, but that’s not the point. I want you to know that I will always be here to support and love you like you’ve supported and loved me. Your friends love you and support you also, you know. Uraraka was just asking me about you yesterday, actually...said you looked a little blue. Oh, and Todoroki wanted me to pass on a message. Something about an angry pomeranian? Are you two making fun of Kaachan again?” He gave you a pointed look.

“Well...yes and no?” You sheepishly grinned and laughed while he just rolled his eyes.

“Anyways, the point I’m trying to make is that you are worth so much more than you think. Your friends love you, I love you, and your fans also love you. You’re more than just a sidekick. You’re an amazing hero and an even better partner to me, and you are not and will never be a failure at any point in time. You did all you could to save those people, and if you hadn’t stepped in when you did, Uravity might not have been able to get to them after all. If you don’t want to be a hero anymore, then of course I’ll support you no matter what, but that’s not really what you want to do, is it?”

Deep down, you knew Izuku was right. There was no way you could step down from being a hero; you loved helping people almost as much as he did. Being a hero was just as much a part of you as your nose or your eyes or your lips. It was a second nature, something you couldn’t just give up on so easily.

“I want to help people and be a hero. I just...lately, I just don’t feel like I’m good enough.” 

You sounded so sad and dejected still, and it absolutely broke his heart. Izuku silently promised himself to do everything in his power to make you believe in yourself again before racking his brain for ideas on how to further cheer you up. When you had bad days, there were certain things he did to comfort you and help you relax, but this seemed to be a bit more serious, and thus, required a more elaborate solution than the normal hot bath and back massage. Maybe...yes, that was perfect! It probably wouldn’t fix the problem long term, but it would be a good start.

“You are good enough, and I will always be here to remind you of that.” He leaned in and gave you a soft kiss. “Come on, let’s go relax in bed. I’ll even give you a ride there if you want.”

Your eyes immediately lit up as he turned around and crouched down so you could climb on to his back. As goofy as he was, you absolutely adored him. “Yes! You’re the best!” You squealed as he lifted you up with ease and locked his arms around the back of your legs to keep you nice and secure while he strode to the bedroom. Once there, he set you down on the bed before putting his plan into motion.

At the foot of your bed, you had a night sky projector that would cast the image of stars and planets onto your ceiling. Izuku had gotten it for you for your last birthday, and you loved it dearly. It made you feel content and relaxed when you were restless. Often times, you used it while you were in the bath or right before bed when you were having a rough night. It was perfect for occasions like this. Choosing the setting with the purple colored lights, Izuku powered it on and the two of you watched as your bedroom lit up all over. It was like you were really in space.

He made his way back to bed where you were currently snuggling into the giant comforter you both shared, a blissful smile on his face at the sight of you. You seemed to be feeling better already; you cuddled up to him as the little spoon as soon as he slid under the covers with you. He made sure to find a comfortable position for the both of you, and with the ambience set, there was only one last thing to do.

“If you feel broken, promise I won’t break your heart. If you shatter, I won’t let you fall apart. Why are we so complicated? Love’s a word I’ve always hated...”

You listened to him sing softly, the words falling from his lips effortlessly as he serenaded you with your favorite melody.

“I’m tired of waiting! I was never good at sports; save the games for the girls on the tennis court. Say you need me, but lately you feel unsure. Come on to me, come on to me, I need more...”

You closed your eyes and slowly drifted away from your worries as he sang. If every night could end like this, then maybe everything would be okay after all.

“It always feel like I need more... Jesus Christ, you’re so confusing! If we keep score, bet my money that I’m losing...”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“No, I love you more.”

You felt his laugh reverberate through his chest as he snuggled closer.

“Go to bed, Y/N.”

“Mmn...”

“If you feel lonely, I could be lonely with you... Tell me, baby, why do you seem so blue?”

[lacheri]

Hey congrats on your followers and um ily and I saw the request kinda thingy so I’ll chip in as well. Pisces, INFJ-A personality, she/her. I’d like it to be about Levi, nsfw and canon. I know it’s quite a stretch but even tho it’s nsfw maybe it can also be sth angsty with comfort at the end?? Like maybe they fought or sth bc of jealousy idk and then it gets sweet?? :( Idk if I’m making any sense but I trust u with this one cuz you’re amazing

thank u sm this was so sweet 🥰 I hope u enjoy nonnie! bout to write toxic!levi in this bih

Knight of Cups: when this knight is upright in a reading, he’s in touch with his emotions, he’s charming and charismatic, in love with all things beautiful. however, when reversed, the knight is moody and jealous with an overactive imagination. knights represent action in the tarot, and we all know the saying that actions speak louder than words.

mount everest - labrinth. "You could touch the sky, but you ain't got shit on me, 'cause I'm on top of the world."

warnings/content: Levi is toxic and jealous and slightly ooc, face fucking, mentions of penetrative sex, minors DNI.

Levi was convinced he was going to kill someone, namely, the drunken captain who was swaying just a little bit too close to you. After a successful mission beyond Wall Rose to scope out just how bad Wall Maria had been invaded by titans, Levi had joined his fellow comrades for dinner and drinks. The squads made it out with thankfully no casualties, a rare event that was cause enough for celebration. The headquarter’s dining hall was swarmed with military bodies, some new faces Levi hadn’t even seen before. Some were even calling this a party, believe it or not, getting plastered off their asses on wine.

When the captain had finally yanked your form away from the staggering man, his disgusting hands splayed across your waist, your eyes were wide open in appreciation to your savior. The unfamiliar captain had gritted his teeth, taking a swig of his personal bottle of wine, leering dangerously close to Levi’s face.

“Whaddya’ doing with my bitch, shorty?”

The crack of the man’s skull against the harsh floor was deafening, all chatter surrounding silenced in horror as blood splattered everywhere. Levi’s fist ached, knuckles already bruising, and your jaw was practically hanging on the ground in shock.

“You motherfucker!” the man spat a tooth out, hand nursing his bloody broken nose. “I’ll fucking kill you!”

“Sir, you can’t,” one of the man’s cadets, a young man with a bowl cut, quickly rushed to his aid, circling his palms around his biceps to bring him to his feet. “That’s Captain Levi, humanity’s strongest.”

Levi didn’t stick around for the rest of the conversation, uninterested in hearing the drunken captain’s slurring of threats. Levi’s grip was tight around your forearm as he escorted you out of the hall, various soldiers side-stepping out of the way to allow the fuming captain a clear path.

The door of Levi’s office slammed as he barked out, “What the fuck was that?”

You frowned, feeling a rush of anxiety fill your chest, “I was trying to get away from that man! He kept talking to me though, I didn’t want to be rude to one of the captains, sir.”

Levi’s fist came thundering down to the top of his desk, “Not hard enough!”

You blinked several times, finally catching on as you realized that Levi was jealous, “I wasn’t flirting with that guy!”

“Sure looked like you were to me,” he spat, teeth grinding together. “Wouldn’t you just love for that old man to take you to bed?”

“He wouldn’t be the first one,” the words left your lips before you could bite your sharp tongue.

Levi whipped his head towards you, bewilderment in his eyes, “Excuse me?”

“He wouldn’t be the first old man I fucked, sir,” you decided to clarify angrily, mentally digging yourself into your own grave.

Levi came barrelling towards you, gripping your chin and cheeks in one hand while his other pushed your back into his door, “First, you flirt with that disgusting excuse of a man, and now, you’re insulting me?”

You didn’t dare make a move, stubborn in your words as you felt desire flutter in your abdomen, “Did I stutter, Captain?”

He began to chuckle darkly, not a hint of amusement on his expression, “Get on your knees, since you’ve forgotten how good this old man fucks you.”

Before you could even will a muscle to follow his instructions, your pussy fluttering at his harsh tone, Levi was grabbing the back of your hair and forcing you down to the floor. His hand weaved into your hair while the other worked on the belt loops of his pants. His cock fell out of the waistband as it loosened, your own fingers coming up to pull the material down to his thick thighs. He was half hard, still well endowed, and you could feel the drool start to pool under your tongue.

He grabbed the base of his length, guiding himself to your wet pout as you licked your lips in anticipation. Had he not been so angry, Levi would’ve kissed you gently, working his own mouth and hands to satisfy your body before chasing his own pleasure. Not tonight, though, he was going to show you that you belonged to no one other than him, humanity’s strongest.

Levi showed absolutely no mercy, your scalp burning as he held your hair in a tight vice as he thrusted his hips deep into your wet mouth. He let out a deep groan upon hitting the back of your throat, feeling you gag around him due to not being allowed time to prepare yourself to deep throat the large length of the man. You sucked in air hard through your nostrils, brain turning to mush as your cunt clenched around nothing. You were so turned on right now, your panties dampening further as his hardening cock began sliding down your throat.

He brought his other hand to your shoulder, steadying himself and holding you still as he rocked back and forth on his feet, swearing profanities and curses. You kept your eyes on his the entire time, allowing the fat tears to roll down your cheeks unashamed. You knew better than to look away, and honestly, you really didn’t want to, Levi looked divine as he fucked your face.

Globs of spit trailed down your chin and throat, Levi pumping his throbbing cock in and out of your slobbering lips at a fastening pace. Your fingers twitched at your sides, wanting so badly to unfasten your own belt and rub your clit to the sight. Again, you knew better, and kept your hands at your side, awaiting Levi to release his frustrations onto you.

“Don’t you ever let another man’s hands fucking touch you, that’s an order,” his fat tip slammed into the back of your throat, a hard and verbal gag vibrated out of your lips, spit bubbling along the edges. “I swear, I’d fucking kill the man who ever dared to take you away from me.”

You were almost sobbing in desperation, your panties soaked thoroughly by now. Part of you wanted to pull away, grab Levi and gently kiss away his insecurities. There would never be another man that would hold your affection, it was only for your him, you’d promise him genuinely, leading the raven haired man to the bed for you to ride him into oblivion.

However, the rest of you urged yourself on in triumph as you rolled your tongue against the underside of his dick, feeling a thick pulsing vein against your tastebuds. Levi roared with a moan, his thumbs swiping softly under your eyes to wipe away your streaming tears.

“I’m gonna’ fucking cum,” his thrusts fastened, his fingers hooking into your hairline. You couldn’t take it anymore, unbuttoning your pants and ridding yourself of your belt noisily as your index finger made a hasty retreat into your sopping panties. “Fuck, yeah, touch yourself.”

You moaned as you finally began to relieve yourself, your slick lubing your finger as you circled fast patterns on your aching clit. You were feeling dizzy from all the stimulation, Levi fucking you stupid without even entering your center where you needed him most. You could envision his dick slamming into your core over and over as his hip movements became irregular. You felt jealous as his load finally busted deep in your throat, rather than deep within your womb, holding your face flush to his pelvis as his legs trembled, knees threatening to buckle. Levi was cussing vehemently, face scrunched together tightly as his cock pumped against your tongue, emptying every last bit of cum. You plunged your middle finger into your hole then, moaning and creating vibrations against his length, Levi hissing out in pleasure.

You swallowed the salty substance, not even tasting a drop from his tip being shoved past your tongue. He pulled his hips back as the last waves of his orgasm rocked through him, allowing you to finally take in some much needed breaths. His hard grip on your skull softened, his thumbs brushing against your temples in appreciation.

His softening dick fell from your lips with a pop as he whispered, “I’d strike down anyone who ever came between us. I’m humanity’s fucking strongest, I’ll never let it fucking happen.”

When Levi regained his erection after a few moments, he was pinning you to his bed, the two of you fully naked and exposed. He’d show you in all the ways he could that he deserved the heavy weight of his title as he pounded into your body. You mewled reassurances and sweet nothings into his ear as he brought you so high up in pleasure, his thumb working your clit. He held you close as he climaxed for the second time, kissing sweetly all over any exposed skin he could reach. He’d never say the words out loud, but humanity’s strongest had a weakness, you.

Still, Levi felt like he could conquer fucking anything as he brought you to your own high, your eyes rolled deep into the back of your skull. Levi kissed you deeply as he finished marking his claim to your exhausted body, head filled with nothing but love and adoration for you. You murmured you had loved him, and he had placed a tender kiss to your forehead as you drifted off.

Levi loved you too, but he’d never find the words to say it.

LACHERI © 2021: all writing content belongs to LACHERI. I do not allow reposts or translations. this is my only account.

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#3)

Let’s see what we have on the slate. this should be the premiere of s3: Speak Your Truth. I am watching this during school, so let’s see how bad my focus is.

-the episode description is “The shooting of Dr. Charles moves to the courtroom and things turn complicated for the doctors and nurses of Chicago Med.” so still on brand for being all sorts of vague.

-all that really says is more sarah angst so big sad

-let’s get started

-god back to classic med, starting things off fast, just how i like it

-how tf kellogg live through the headshot. guy can’t do anything right

-connor running towards charles on the guerney screaming “what the hell happened!?” and sharon just being “he got shot.” is so fucking hilarous to me i have no clue why

-oh god i remember how much it bothered me that connor changed his hair from the end of s2 to the start of s3 lol (bc it’s supposed to be the same night, but yk, nitpicking)

-the time jump is such an interesting choice. i remember it was jarring at first. i’m sure i’ll have more to say as the episode goes on

-aw hey guys look its sarah! adorable

-also stoll

-oh god, nat taking a sabbatical was weird

-WHEN SHE LOOKS AT WILL SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE IS IN PAIN IM SCREAMING

-counting

-oh boy watching s3 means i get to watch noah get thrown through a glass door and also be a disappointment

-the way connor is effortlessly charming here in the beginning is maybe the only reason i tolerate his character (also more of sarah being adorable)

-horney boi. stop it.

-noah following after sarah like a lovesick puppy is funny

-sarah saying ‘he’s the reason i went into psych...’ honey, psych is not good for your mental health please stop giving him credit

-HOLD THE FUCK ON?????

-its the s3 premiere and Sarah talks about her dad and her strained relationship, specifically because noah compares charles getting shot to her dad getting shot. but like, foreshadowing... maybe i should give the med writers a smidge more of credit than I have been in terms of planning things...

-sarah: “don’t compare my dad to dr. charles.”

-long sigh. god... sarah being so supportive. and charles just being ‘No???’

-not to be weird but court room scenes always get me feeling some sorta way

-haha its peter stone! remember him? remember chicago justice?

-THE BETRAYAL ON SARAH’S FACE - she cares so much about him and he’s about to get his own shooter acquitted.

-god sarah is just fucking fantastic. she feels so passionately about caring about people

-god charles fucking hates himself so much? he should Not be ava’s mentor

-charles: “I think the shooting is affecting your objectivity.” sarah: “mY oBjECtiViTy?!”

-also they said ‘the fact he was concealing a weapon shows like fear malicious content’ or what ever. and uh,, sarah? please. please, for my sanity. (bc of what happens later in the season)

-charles- you know how you can help me? fuck off.

-lol this kid is the one who had like a tooth ache, and now his brain is rotting or something. probably will happen to me (@ my parents please let me see the dentist)

-this is where doris is like ethan is playing favorites

-the like background noises of the ed calm me down. they prob really shouldn’t

-they’re gonna fuckkkkk

-something to be said about sarah being gung ho about kellogg being off the streets and a danger to society when... her dad...

- I really like when med does the thing when one character is just standing in the ed and they transition to the next story by having the next character run past

-what is with all of the nurses drama like honestly

-hey guys look its ava! (let see if i have enough brain cells to find anything)

-heyyyy look at that. ava trying usurp some of connor’s cases. while, yeah she is being a tad undermining, connor’s gf was literally just discharged from a psych hold. this is just an interaction to keep in mind for future events.

-ava’s playing full cunning while connor’s busy fucking his girlfriend

-dont hate the player man

-because they’re both under latham, they’re more rivals than hero/villain, bc they have a common guy who is their advisor. but yeah. dont hate the player

-robin calling ava ‘cruella’ is making want to throw hands ngl. god dude chill - bc it means either robin just saw ava interacting with people and thought ‘what a bitch’ or connor was complaining about ava and either way I hate it.

-connor broke up with robin bc she was too horneyyy (ik he didn’t break up w her but yk)

-connor - reese interaction was nice. until he started blaming her bruh wtf chilll

-her arguing with connor is like. peak. (ava + sarah teaming up to bully connor and not take any of his shit?? i think yes)

-this ethan april thing is stupid. i’m just gonna say it.

-ava: “that would have been a really great idea if you were trying to kill him.” SHE TAKES NO. SURVIVORS. i love her so much

-YEAH RHODES GET FUCKED! i think one of the reasons ava was disliked at first was bc latham kind of favored her and... literally everyone else favored connor? so get fucked? but here, ava can obviously hold her own and connor is just whining. I’m glad they put them on equal ground bc connor and ava’s direct superior is on ava’s side, and literally everyone else is with connor. AND CONNORS STILL PLAYED AS AN UNDERDOG BC AVA TOOK HIS SURGERY! HOW. infuriating

-anyway, for the purposes of the theory ava is capable enough to hold her own as a stand alone, and clever enough to be entertaining

-holy shit no i think i just remembered how this storyline goes. connor gets a better surgery, right? he gets glory and stuff. this is too fucking rich, come on. let one thing go wrong for him.

-i miss ava

-GOD SARAH LOOKS GOOD IN HER FUCKING BLAZER. unfair. unmatched

-stop it sarah you have anxiety.

-SARAH NO. BABY IS SCARED.

-okay. Ava is half bickering, half flirting with him, a little annoying but we put up with it bc we love her and its not her fault she’s supposed to be his love interest. but still, it’s playful, it’s not neccesarily flirting. conceivably, she could be talking to anybody. But then, she tells him to relax, to take a day off. SHE’S STILL A GOOD PERSON. SHE’S NOT TRYING TO EXPLICITLY SPITE CONNOR, OR ANYONE. that’s what people tend to forget. she’s not malicious.

-connor thinks she is tho. maybe that’s why some people hated her, bc connor hated her

-charles: “kellogg is not a criminal” BRUH HE SHOT YOU

-HOLY SHIT. SHARON RN IS LIKE YOU WANT KELLOGG TO BE FREE BC YOU DIDN’T CATCH THE SIGNS OF A KILLER AND ITS ABOUT YOUR EGO

-AND??? SARAH’S DAD ANYONE? that was why he was so persistent of sarah’s dad. he wanted to catch the signs.

-OKAY HERE. When latham is like, wait, did ava manipulate me? is she actually sus? he was the one person on her side and then boom he sides with connor. literally do you have any idea how great ava would be without connor?

-this manstead thing is soooo exhausting

Okay so what have we learned?

Ava is getting Connor’s cases. kind of rude but also, they’re surgeons? It’s super competitive. AND CONNOR LITERALLY WON THAT ROUND BC LATHAM SWITCHED SIDES???

AND SHE STILL TOLD CONNOR TO GET SLEEP. LIKE SHE WAS BEING NICE WHILE ALSO BEING SNARKY

ava had less lines in the ep than in s2 and honestly. wtf.

not much content, but if you look at her content, come on she’s still amazing.

thanks for sticking through

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

[sumeshi-t]

the idea of making hc’s of children is sosososo cute. i’ll follow ur steps chloe @akaashit-baeji lolol this is gonna be really self-indulgent buuut my excuse is that it’s my birthday so here it goes... i'm writing the last half of this with a hangover and a bad case of dysmenorrhea... sucks 2 be me

Oikawa Teru (及川 輝)

his name “輝“ means “bright”, and this boi lives up to it because, let’s face it, he’s gonna be like his dad. he embodies this “brightness”, in a way that he’s smart, and he makes sure he and his team’s (or whichever team he’s going to be in) will shine on the court

wavy/curly hair and a victim of my and his dad’s astigmatism. always has this cheeky smile, and he gets my brimming energy so he’s really approachable and charming

very good with words; it’s like he always knows what to say

when he plays he also wears contact lenses

but don’t be fooled. in their generation, it’s him who has to put iwaizumi’s son in check. he knows everything about his teammates too, he knows more than what he lets on (which sometimes, they find creepy, but they all know he means well)

anyway, unlike his dad, he doesn’t really mind having geniuses around. instead, he watches them very closely; something like “mutualism”. he knows what he lacks and he knows he can learn from them too, vice versa.

is into horror games. in his free time, he and his sister take turns playing. and they decide it by seeing who can last the longest without flinching/screaming. he’s annoyed because his sister’s better at it 

has fans, ngl. i mean look at him. however, the female fans especially, are pretty on guard. he’s approachable, but anytime they see him with his sister... they back out. he doesn’t mind, he loves his sister and it actually amuses him. he’s the same when it comes to the boys who hang around her too!

basically protective siblings who are always there for eo

is very neat. can’t concentrate when something is out of place. he keeps his nails short, has a somewhat flowery scent. yes, he uses female perfumes because he despises strong smells.

bug-catching was his childhood hobby just like mine’s was. used to sneak beetles in iwaizumi’s son’s backpack back then

he will never admit it but he actually asks his sister for fashion tips because his taste sucks ass so bad

basically his major problem or issue in life is getting compared to his father (he’s also a setter). he hates that so much, being hidden in the shadow of his dad, and when people just recognize him for being oikawa tooru’s son.

something he and ushijima’s child relate to so strongly. they’re friendly rivals; might end up being teammates in their career hmm

so when he’s the one stressed, he skips practice for a day just so he could recollect his thoughts. usually stays in the library to read books he picked up based on the titles; might either open up to iwa or his sister later on, it depends. then when he’s okay, he doubles the amount of training

Oikawa Rie (及川 麗恵) it’s /ri-ye/ oki

so the kanjis are: "麗" meaning, beautiful and "恵" is blessed. tooru thought of this name obviously

also has curly hair like mine. has that tiny mole below her eye just like i do. actually has lots of moles over her body; one time she fell asleep on the couch her brother drew connecting lines between the moles on her arm and called them constellations. it was nice she thought but still, the next day, teru had to wear a band-aid over his nose bridge.

she’s just a year younger. is less “vibrant” than her brother, a bit more serious. has a resting bitch face and she’s not even sorry about it and i love her for that

she’s actually relieved she looks like that, or else she knows the girls in her class would flock to her just to get in her brother’s pants. usually brushes them off with “ask him, not me” or “do you think that’s any of my concern?” 

her tongue her words damn never get to this baby girl’s bad side she’s gonna burn you alive. like fr when she’s angry, oh she’s gonna show you that she’s angry. but tbh she's very sweet, leaves little notes or little gifts to her friends every now and then

she just doesn’t want her brother’s heart to be broken (she’s heard stories from her mom about her dad’s many hs exes), and she knows teru’s struggles

therefore

doesn’t really like volleyball that much. it’s because she didn’t get to grow up with her dad around, she felt like it separated her from him. she’s not mad at him though. she’s very supportive of him and her brother.

used to play vb though when they were kids. but that’s all it was for her

she’s the team’s honorary manager lol the occasional “i brought you guys sumn” or “something-kun, a girl from my class says she likes you so do your best” etc

the team’s lil sister how bout that

despite being tolerant of horror games, this girl is vvvv squeamish. she cries at the sight of internal organs or blood. biology lab was the worst time of her life 

when she dug up my hs videos she was shook to discover i once did theater. and thus begins her interest in theater too

and??? baby girl is actually???? really really good???? 

the girls she used to shut down nicknamed her “prima”, short for “prima donna” she hates it. hates it more when her closest theater buddy was the one who spread that around

immediately went to the gym to spike some balls from her brother. baby girl was crying because she was just so pissed.

she was given ice cream and sweets afterwards. ugh it’s so cute idk she’s baby to the team skksksk they protecc

in that upcoming play, her first ever performance, the whole team got front row seats and howled when she came on during curtain call; it was vvv sweet and memorable even if the guys were kinda reprimanded afterwards lmao

which is why, in return, boiis also have a hard time approaching her because damn??? the vb team as your knights???? excuse me??? 

oh have i mentioned she has a sweet tooth? mygod. she has a stash of sweets in her room. teru has had to sneak some away because she might get tooth aches or diabetes

her pastel nail polish is arranged by shade, her body clock is fucked up lmao she hates the mornings; has succulents by her window which she names after various characters from books/plays etc she’s for sure gonna be a theater actress tho

asks help from iwa’s son for math. even her brother’s 0% help. teru is smart but a terrible teacher. she’s an above-average student and that’s all that matters for her. she can leave the spotlight to her brother because she only craves one type of spotlight

Miya Seiichi (宮 聖一) and Miya Seiji (宮 聖二)

their names literally mean “聖” sacred then “一” is one, and “二” is two

atsumu thought it was funny. when they were kids, seiichi’s nickname was “juan” and seiji’s was “tutu” (i gave them the nicknames)

when the twins discovered the meaning behind the nicknames, they hated it. especially seiji, he despises it vvv much

so when they were hs, seiichi = chi, seiji = ji for the people they're close with

as we can see here, the twins unfortunately got my curls. seiichi likes his hair as is. he doesn’t like the thought of dyeing his hair just to be differentiated from his twin. in fact he enjoys twin jokes, enjoys tripping people up about it. seiji on the other hand, grew tired of his brother’s jokes and by the time hs started, he sacrifices his soft hair. 

between the two, seiji is the one who has my ugly eyesight. add to the fact that he reads a lot (once he starts he can’t put it down. so he reads in the dark, in a moving car etc)

the piercings was a thing that happened between them, and their cousins (which were also twins wtf)–it was a 2v2 vb thing and they lost

surprisingly, the cousins weren't pleased bc atsumu didn't scold them for getting piercings (but for playing half-heartedly). seiichi wanted the piercings tho tbh it was the perfect excuse. ngl, seiji also wanted them.

first let's talk abt seiichi, aside from the fact he also got my mole (he feels it makes him look cuter tho)

seiichi's into vb, but not a setter. he's the ace. may or may not push through with it as a career. he hasn't decided yet. is actually a bit sad that seiji didn't join the vb club in hs, he wanted them to be like his dad and uncle.

seiichi doesn't have any uh, quirks like shutting the whole cheer squad up like his dad does. but he usually dribbles the ball five times before any serve (this is something i did before) and he likes the 'ooooh hey' thing the crowd does when he goes for a serve

his side of the room doesn't have much stuff going on except workout equipment. he follows what exercise plan i give him as da PT mom that i am, and he is very strict with his diet and with what he eats–he's close to not needing a calorie counter anymore; but not a picky eater. he loves his uncle's cooking very much and he is jealous he can't cook even if he tries

he can do beatboxing, he learned it through youtube lmao his spotify playlists are da bombest; he learns a lot in youtube tho in his free time. his current interest is magic tricks and french (he thinks he can use it to woo that girl from class 4)

he hates insects, and hates mess. he has had to scold his twin about it that it escalated to them having this imaginary line in the middle of the room

anyway, he's straightforward. but not rude. he just doesn't like any pretenses so he says what he thinks or feels is right. may or may not have led to some misunderstandings, but he owns up to his mistakes if he crossed a line

next, seiji

even if he looks like a nerd with his glasses tbh he is not he actually hates studying. you can love reading without having to love studying right? he's that dude

the only time that he regrets dyeing his hair was when he realizes couldn't change identities so his brother could take his exam for him

his side of the room is littered with his sketches, notes from books, pencils everywhere – he drew a bunch of ants one time on a paper and made it look like they're real ass ants and placed it on seiichi's pillow

to solve this problem, atsumu has planned to give him a tablet for his next birthday

quits vb in hs because he kinda lost interest? he still finds it fun but he doesn't wanna be put under the pressure that his dad and uncle left for them lmao

he's in art clubs tho

he designs banners/posters for the team anyway. they use his strategic mind from the shit he's read for any plays and stuff so when he's not drawing, he's thinking

he might look like he has no emotions, but tbh he is more emotional and empathetic than his brother. he cries easily over the simplest things, like those grandparents vids, or rescuing animals and stuff

and thats why he doesn't let people in too much bc he knows he'll be hurt (dw seiichi knows this vvv well, and even if they do have arguments, he loves his lil bro and helps him about this)

has once begged to have a cat at home–seiichi didn't want bc he knows his twin is gonna leave him for clean up lmao

he can cook period.

he's gonna either be an architect or an animator, still hasn't decided.

his music taste sucks lmao. his youtube recents are filled with cooking stuff; in constant conversation with his uncle abt cooking lol it be cute sometimes atsumu is jealous bc he feels his son is closer to his brother than with him

he is forgetful that's why his stuff is messy lol he keeps misplacing stuff, sometimes it's literally in front of him and he's just 'where????'

but remembers dates well, remembers plays well. he's good at nitpicking tiny nearly insignificant details. just anything outside studying? he's good. dw he passes his classes but he hates giving effort for that shit lololol

[whumpingwithirondad]

Tony is so-not a Dad

Do you want to see more posts like this? Comment down below!

So, this began when we were talking what we like and don’t like about fics. I could not cut this into parts so yeah, this is a bit long :D 

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I love Peter calling tony mister stark or sir I don’t know I don’t try to get him to call him dad unless some requests it. There’s just something so endearing about it lol and I love the way he says it in the movies it’s adorable

irondadgroupie

Yes! I think Mr Stark is kind of an endearing nickname and usually when people call Tony it, the man is nonchalant but when Peter call him that...the boy has him wrapped around his finger.

I think if Peter thinks of the word Dad, he thinks of his biological father and traces of Ben and Tony. He is so confused so he refuses to call anyone Dad. Plus I think if Peter ever started calling Tony dad, the man would be terrified :D

wordscorrupt

tony's heart skips a few beats from excitement anytime he hears peter say his name. omg tony would be pulling out a cross if peter ever called him dad out of the blue. the only time i could understand is if hes delirious and tony would play along but otherwise tonys calling a priest bc his kid is possessed

irondadgroupie

That is a great idea! Like the enemy knows Tony and Peter are close, he is like a father to the boy so they if there is like a shape shifter as Peter who calls Tony dad, Tony immediately puts the thing into chokehold because his kid does not call him that.

wordscorrupt

omg just the mental image of that. it happens in front of happy or rhodey too and they are like WTF TONY DONT HURT THE BBY

irondadgroupie

But yeah, I like the idea of Peter being out of it, like has a high fever and is barely in the real world, then Tony would be like "Yes, Dad is here, kiddo." And when Peter gets better and hears about it he is so embarrassed.

irondadgroupie

I just had the though that if someone stole Peter's phone and tried to have a conversation with Tony (I don't know, maybe to humiliate Peter) and they wrote the word Dad, Tony is immediately going "Okay, who is this, why do you have my kid's phone?"

wordscorrupt

yesss exactly and tony just never mentions it too. he hears about from bruce or one of the other doctors that took care of him as well

irondadgroupie

Like Tony's motto is: "Yes, he is my kid but I am not his dad"

wordscorrupt

tonys like; yes i take care of him, provide for him, clothe him (too many iron dad pajamas to count), feed him (he eats me out of a house), protect him but im not his dad.

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peter gets kidnapped by a group of people who think he's tony secret son or something and tony sends a text like "hey bud wondered what you wanted for dinner tonight we're ordering in" and one of the guys texts back "anythings good with me dad" and tony basically fucking smashes through the walls like ten seconds later

irondadgroupie

Yes! And others are like: "Tony, you are such a dad.""I am not, we don't share blood!" Like Tony pays for Peter's school (what the financial aid doesn't cover), makes sure he visits doctor and dentist regularly, keeps his schedule on his phone, buys him new shoes and jackets for winter (he hates Peter's style but the kid likes it so yeah, why not), helps him revise for exams (I can just imagine Tony driving and saying a verb Peter needs to conjugate )

irondadgroupie

Yes! They make sure the style of writing is similar, check few previous messages so they wouldn't be caught, they send the message and are like "yeah, now we can have fun" and ten seconds later a cannon blows up a wall and Tony flies in. "Pretty good job, fellas but you forgot one thing, I am not his dad!"

wordscorrupt

yes! domestic tony is my everything. he definitely pays for peter's school and donates to the programs/clubs that peter is involved in as well. helps him with his college essays and applications. tony got the best doctor and dentist for peter as well and calls in to make his appointments for him. one of tonys favorite pastimes is shopping for clothes for peter online and he always make s sure to throw in one of those dumb science joke shirts everytime. tony making sure that peter is getting his daily nutrition in becuase he was not gonna have the kid pass out on him again because he blood sugar was low.

peters just in the corner, mouth taped shut with duct tape and chained up and he just nods his head like 'duh'

irondadgroupie

Aww! The image of Tony in online shops and occasionally asking Pepper: "You think Peter would like that color?" "Tony, he has like 10 jackets already!" "He could do with a new one, he's a growing boy."

irondadgroupie

I don't think Tony makes the appointments until it is absolutely necessary. Like once Peter complains about neck ache and Tony says: "It might be wisdom tooth, I'll give you a number to a dentist. She works with enhanced individuals." Then he pesters Peter for weeks "Did you make the appointment yet?" But yeah, Peter's mind is like swiss cheese, he never remembers. One day Tony calls him "You have dentist today at 3, I'll pick you up from school." "Mr Stark, I can make my own appointments!" "Yeah, clearly."

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tony stresses shops but instead of shopping for himself he shops for peter instead

i like to think the reason that peter doesn't make the appointments is because he hates going to the dentist/doctor so he thinks he can just lie about actually going

irondadgroupie

Tony is a trophy!wife inside. He buys Peter vitamins and when he is over, makes sure the boy eats a good breakfast (even if they are running late because you don't fucking skip breakfast!). But yeah, Peter is an idiot and if Tony is not there to remind him, Peter forgets to eat. Once Tony was on a week long business trip and when he came back, Peter fainted into a hug. Like Tony can't even remember how many times he had had to hold Peter's feet up because the boy felt dizzy after a work-out

irondadgroupie

Oh, why is the image of Peter being chained up so adorable? :D He watches as Tony captures the bad guys and then kneels next to him and rips of the tape. "Idiots," Peter calls to the bad guys as Tony just chuckles while working on the chains.

irondadgroupie

And Pepper returns like half the packages that arrive :D Otherwise Peter's room would have no space for the boy

irondadgroupie

Oh yeah, Peter afraid of dentists. Like the boy tries to get out of the appointment claiming he is not feeling well but Tony puts a hand to his forehead and goes "Yeah, sorry, kiddo, you are going." And then Tony guesses what the problem is "I hate dentists too. In my days, they were terrible, not gentle at all, left me with some deep rooted fears. But this lady is so nice and patient and if you are a good boy, she will give you a candy bar after you are done."

wordscorrupt

yes vitamins and protein shakes and everything else to keep peter from passing out every five minutes. loads his backpack with all kinds of snacks to keep him going throughout the day at school. oh my god the image of peter kind of just fainting into tony's arms when trying to go for a hug instead and tony just grabbing him like its not big deal. he knew the kid was going to forget about keeping his diet up.

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pepper lets tony have the fun then has to return half the things for sure and tony buys so much he doesn't even remmember what he actually all got so he never catches on

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peter just grumbles as tony bribes him into going to the dentist. thats the one thing tony is not above. he gets that peter hates going and tony doesn't blame him at all but he has to get the kid there one way or another

wordscorrupt

its great that the doctor tony chooses for him works at the compound which makes the most sense. peter is a terrible patient when he's sick or injured, trying to fight off the doctor and attach himself to tony instead. hes probably more terrible when he's alert and forced to go down for a checkup and just grumbling the entire time and glaring at tony for making him do this in the first place

irondadgroupie

Yeah, Tony orders a bunch of all kind of protein products, there are cardboard boxes of them in nearly every room, even in bathroom because one time Peter fainted when getting out of the bath and had Tony not heard the splash, the boy most certainly would have drowned.

irondadgroupie

Tony catches Peter like: "Wow, wow, buddy, let's get you lying down." And he sets the kid on the floor and pats his face while Pepper gets fruit juice. Yeah, opening the packages is like second Christmas. Tony is always surprised what he ordered :D I also think Tony spends time on online auctions, getting movie memorabilia and such for his boy

irondadgroupie

AWW Peter pouting and looking so adorable Tony takes a million pictures. The dentist is very understanding and explains beforehand each procedure. But Peter still grips the handles of the chair because he is nervous.

"You are doing so well, sweetie," the woman says and Peter relaxes a bit. "You have beautiful teeth, they need just a little cleaning up."

wordscorrupt

Peter nearly tears the leather from the chair from gripping it to hard. Tony eventually reaches out to hold one of his hands and Peter instantly relaxes

he thinks he's in the clear once his cleaning is done and he's helped up from the chair until the dentist says they need to talk about his x-rays and how it looks like his wisdom teeth are impacted

irondadgroupie

"Helped up from the chair" makes it sound like Peter suffered from a dizzy spell and had to lay down for a while. Happened to me after my wisdom teeth operation :D In Finland, we don't get anesthesia when taking out wisdom teeth (unless the person has severe fear or the operation is large), it's just pain killers and numbing the area with drugs

"It's so embarrassing," Peter muttered as he accepted the cup of water Tony offered.

irondadgroupie

I think Peter would be doing a stress test and the heart monitor goes crazy with something abnormal and the boy just collapses. Maybe his heart starts beating too fast and they have to use cardioversion

wordscorrupt

Oh man he’s terrified the entire time not knowing what’s going on. Is he dying??

irondadgroupie

Or maybe they are sparring and suddenly Peter gets out of breath and grabs his chest and collapses on the ground.

Tony is certain he killed the boy

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Tony’s thinking Peter just fainted from stress but then why would he grab his chest. He’s asking Friday if 15 year olds can have heart attack’s at the same time he’s racing to the medbay with Peter in his arms

irondadgroupie

Just think of the surgery day, Tony might be more nervous than Peter because they need to stop the kid's heart to repair it

"Don't worry, I'll be okay," Peter tells him and May with a brave smile.

irondadgroupie

Yeah, Peter fainting from stress is common because he tended to run himself down. Tony had gotten very skilled in reviving the kid, usually pouring cold water on his face was enough. But now he debated whether chest compression were needed.

irondadgroupie

You know, one idea has been flying in my head. Peter's blood sugar dropping dangerously low that Tony has to feed him jam or something with lots of sugar to bring him back around. Like Peter would lie on his lap and Tony had to feed him the stuff with a spoon. Like with a diabetic patient, he rubs the jam to the boy's mouth, gums and under his tongue

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oh lord tony thinking about the fact that peter could technically be dead while in the operating room. lets not even mention post surgery, where peter has a long scar down  his chest and has about a million tubes coming from his chest. ive seen patients in the cardiac icu and its freaking ridiculous how many machines and lines they are hooked up to.

yes tony trying to hold peter up at the same time trying to force (gently!) food down his throat to get his blood sugar back up and peters kind of just out of it

one time peter passes out on stage during a decathalon competition

irondadgroupie

Tony has to practically massage the boy

irondadgroupie

's throat to make him swallow the food and Peter just doesn't answer, just moans or mumbles when Tony shoves another spoonful of jam into his mouth.

Can you imagine Peter's blood sugar dropping during the night and Tony literally can't wake the kid up in the morning.

wordscorrupt

oh my god that would be terrifying. for a second he thinks the kid has died in his sleep but once he kind of gets his mind straight, he checks his pulse and he still has one

tony has to carry around of those machines that checks a persons blood sugar levels

irondadgroupie

Yes! It was during the last question. Tony was watching and he saw the signs that yeah, Peter is going down soon. But he was too far and couldn't get to the stage to catch the boy.

wordscorrupt

the entire audience gasps of course but then imagine their reaction when tony stark of all people is rushing up to the stage. peter hits his head pretty hard on the podium as well and by the time tony gets to him, he's bleeding from his headsterday a

irondadgroupie

Yeah, Peter's alarm went off several times and Tony finally comes to the room. "Kiddo," he shakes his shoulder. "Come on, up you get, you'll be late for school." But Peter just lies on the bed and he is completely limp. Tony nearly has a heart attack when the boy doesn't open his eyes. I can just imagine him starting to shake Peter's shoulders "This isn't funny, kid! Wake up!"

irondadgroupie

Oh, Peter definitely hits his head. Tony immediately kneels beside the boy. "Peter," he taps his face. "Hey, kiddo, wake up!" But the boy doesn't react and Tony take of his jacket to press it against the wound

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Tony rushes peter down To the medbay because while peter still has a pulse he’s not waking up. Bruce is there as tony runs in a wild look on his face

Tony demands that they bring down the curtains on stage to give them privacy and then starts ordering people around one of them to grab any kind of sugary food they can find

irondadgroupie

Bruce takes Peter's blood pressure and checks sugar levels and immediately starts setting an IV. "He is fine, Tony, it's just his metabolism screwing with him again." He gives Peter a shot of glucose (the kind they use to treat diabetes patients or people who have alcohol poisoning) and it doesn't take long until Peter is opening his eyes, still loopy and confused why Tony immediately smothers him into a hug.

irondadgroupie

"Don't worry, he is okay, this happens all the time," Tony says and lifts Peter's eyelid to check his pupils. He quickly checked the boy's neck for possible breaks and when he deems it safe, moves Pete's head a bit so that airways stay open. "He just needs something sugary to drink and eat."

irondadgroupie

"I have this," A girl from the opposing team offered a bag of fruit shaped candy that was coated in sugar. Tony smiled: "That is just perfect." Tony crouches lower and opens the boy's mouth until he can place one piece in there.

irondadgroupie

But honestly, since Peter has a head injury, the more realistic alternative is that they bring a cold compress to hold on his forehead

[ssoheartbreak]

.

my mum is getting annoyed that I dont want to join in on the streets’ whatsapp quiz and bingo this week, like of course I’m not going to join in on it I’m annoyed as fuck like just yesterday I had to fish out several of my clothes from the fucking bin because she decided they were “done”, she complains all the time that I’m eating her out the house, and a whole load of other shit that you could look through my tags for. Yet she expects me to just be all cool with it now and go back to “normal” like no, that’s not how this works, she’ll yell at me for pointless shit and then the next day or even later that night she’ll be fine and try to act normal and internally I’m just like “yeah no, I’m still annoyed, fuck off and leave me alone, everything isn’t all better just because you cooled off or some shit” 

Nothing ever gets fucking processed in this house, like I haven’t trusted her with my mh ever, and I haven’t trusted her with anything serious since before I was 14, she doesn’t know shit about the stuff I’ve gone through like;

The depression causing me to miss school coupled with the anxiety of returning and having to explain and catch up on work, which turned into her yelling and hitting disciplining me instead of yknow getting me help so that became anger issues when I was 13-14, but then she would stop hitting me when it turned out I could hit back, and yet she didn’t think to get me professional help So she get my uncle a couple houses down to “help” her out but that never worked, so she got my now brother in law to “help” and when it turned out that she took me to his and my sisters house and left me so I would stay there and they would take me to school but I left my shoes in my mums car I decided to walk miles barefooted to go back to my house because that’s so normal and yet she didn’t think to get me professional help

That was when I knew I could never trust her with anything, In my 3rd year of highschool I had 30% attendence. And then I found a coping mechanism in self harm and that rose to 70% in my 4th year, she never knew about it because I would keep my arms hidden all the time and I still do to this day. She just thought I was “behaving” more now. and so she didn’t think to get me professional help.

Then in february 2012 I tried to kill myself, I failed and no one outside of my tumblr knew about it. I couldn’t tell my mum or ask for help because well, I couldn’t trust her and all the yelling and screaming had done nothing to change that over the years.

Ever since then it’s just been self harm for periods of time then stopping and thinking i’m doing better only to get worse and go back to it. My family would make comments on everytime I ate or made food and it got so bad for years that I would “eat my feelings” and I just got fatter and fatter, and now here I am the heaviest I’ve been and I have a fucking eating disorder. But that doesn’t stop my mum from constantly making me feel bad for eating

I got better with my long term girlfriend A, I was happier than normal and depression was less of a constant thing, but my anxiety was still super bad. We got together and it was great, I was in school more, I was happier, I had regular friends. And I had someone/where to escape to when I wanted away from my mum. But my anxiety never lessened and things fell apart and she broke up with me because she thought I was using her as a safety net and didn’t need to try. Now I think she’s dating the dude she kissed at the party we went to just before we broke up, nice. All our friends obviously stuck with her, one was her childhood friend fair, one was my best friend but he was in love with her sucks but understandable, and the others stayed with the group. nice

So now I’m in my 20′s,but in the years before I tried going to college for engineering bc I was pushed into in by my mum, did a year and didn’t wanna continue. So I did a year of computer science, dropped out halfway through but made a connection that became a good friend a couple years later. then I went to electrical engineering which I was forced to do, and I dropped that instantly. A year later, gf breaks up with me, and I’m starting my frist year in accountancy, still depressed, still anxious, still kinda decent weight but now i’m getting fatter and fatter since my teenage motabilism is slowing and I’m becoming an alcoholic to deal, self harm has been on and off, I’ve been threatened with homelessness more times than I can count,

This one is quick, after the split with A I became super alcoholic-y and eventually this girl I used to know from my pokemon days hit me up on twitter we got together for a little over a year, I even spent a month in vegas living with her during the summer, and a few days before new year I broke up with her. There was so much fighting in our relationship and she would emotionally manipulate me, and she’d say things like if we broke up she would never date again and all this other shit.But then my friend got me into playing siege which is how I met my current friend group of 2years now, but early on there was this discord server for all of us who played and met on the game to hang out on, there was a girl I started to like, and I brought a friend into the discord so we could all play together. She and I get super flirty and a couple months go by and we start dating, all is good but about a month goes by and my gf at the time and my current bestfriend plan to roadtrip from texas to arkansas to visit the friend I brought into the server for his birthday for a couple days, fair enough, I can’t visit but I hope they have fun, seems all good until a month later on my birthday a good friend of mine tells me that my gf and the friend I brought into the group fucked while she visited, the other friend knew nothing and was blackout for most of the partying, but it took a month to get to me. So I confront them, she admits it but is more concerned about how I found out. I confront my “friend” and he starts being apologetic until I lay into him for being a shitty friend, then he says that I should’ve expected it since it was long distance, and that he wasn’t the only one she cheated with, so that was a whole fun chapter. oh yeah, I figured she was acting sus when she hung out with guys irl so I developed paranoia for the first time and that shit sucked!!!!

I did 2 years of accountancy and I struggled at the end of the second, depresso and anxiety hit hard and I was missing classes and almost got kicked out, I stayed behind to make up work and finished a few days later than everyone with an A grade. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do a 3rd year, not that I even wanted to I was forced into this, so I tried telling my mum that I was gonna look for work and not do the third year yet, she didn’t like that and threatened to make me homeless or send to down to fucking england to livfe with the dad I text once a year. So I ssigned up to the course and got accepted, I went for a decent amount of time, but then I’d miss days, and it would get hard to catch up, so I missed more, then in december I stopped going and eventually was removed from the course. I pretended I was still going while I would just leave for hours and sit in a car park because I couldn;t take the abuse from her finding out. Eventually she did and it was a shit show, I went on benifits and then the summer I started working as a night porter.

Work was okay for the most part, except when I would set up continental breakfast buffet how the previous manager instructed me but then the morning manager would come in and I would get told off, this happened a few times before I learn to just do it for the person coming in and how they like it. Then I would deal with shitty customers who don’t know I can’t serve them booze or anything, or dealing with drunk customers pissing on the chair in the reception, or dealing with customer who get aggro when I can’t help them. Then I went on a fire safety course that taught me almost nothing about proper procedure and order of events that I should follow. Then one morning a steamy shower set off the fire alarm, I was in the restaurant which is seperate from the lodge and I couldn’t hear the alarm nor did my little buzzer go off even though it should’ve good fucking system huh and the manager evacuated the lodge, I panicked and did what I could to help. Then the GM came downstairs and said that’s why I went on the course so I could know what to do and made me feel like shit. A couple weeks later I quit becasue I couldn’[t handle that responsibility. I had some savings that I was gonna use to visit friends in america so I lived off that, but not before my family all asking me why I quit and as we know I can’t trust them because it’ll get back to my mum and I especially can’t trust her. Then my brother in law tries asking and I can’t tell him bc it will get back to my sister then to my mum, couldn’t tell my boss bc it would go from him to my other sister to my mum.

Then in january my savings are almost done, december 31st and my tooth is aching, I hopped it was rotten so I could get an infection straight to my brain to kill me, but 3 days pass and I’m in so much pain that meds don’t work, I’m over safe doses, I can’t sleep and I get super headaches that I almost pass out from. I cry in pain and eventually tell my mum who after some convincing realises how serious it is, she stays up the night, helping me phone emergency dental places or the NHS to try and get it removed. It was bad but it wasn’t infected and had no chance to kill me that way if any. She gets me a cold press and some ice to help with it and although I couldn’t get a dentist appointment until the morning she helped with it until then. I was finally feeling like this is how a mother should be, her kid crying and writhing in pain and her helping out, and I was starting to feel some trust for her for helping me when I needed her but she couldn’t help herself she had to make a snide comment that it’s because of all the fizzy juice and energy drinks that I drink. Just when I was hopeful she tears it all back. My back right top and bottom teeth get pulled, dentist was a great guy, and life went back to the same shit. I went to my benifits appointment and got signed up, I asked for an advance payment bc my mum was hounding me for money, so now my benifits are a bit lower than they should.

Then she argues with me about being late with payments even though I show her when I get paid and how much. and now we’re here, during this pandemic where the top part of this post was today. This is a good grasp of all the shit I’ve went through, it’s not everything but it’s the big stuff that I remember.......minus the whole ///R/// situation which I will likely never talk about, and now a quote from my mother which sparked me ranting instead of just about today but about my whole life

“All you do is cost me money”

[berevityandquiet]

the breakup

i’ve been talking about this fic off and on on twitter.

i was really, really inspired by Obsession by mcgenji on ao3 - i looovvee that fic, it’s got such an amazing grasp of emotion. it’s a real breath of fresh air in writing in my opinion. 

this is, of course, an unedited drabble bc when have i ever finished a fic. 

He tells him “it's over” over lukewarm cups of coffee.

Time doesn't really stop as much as it does slow. It's late evening, there are a few clouds in the sky. It may rain soon – the weather's been fairly temperamental lately.

“I'm sorry.” Genji says quietly. He won't look Jesse in the face – eyes studying the grain on the wood table, tears dripping down his cheeks.

Jesse hears the reasons why. The standard “it's not you, it's me.”, the “I still want to be friends”, the “I just don't think this will work.” He hears ten dollar words that just scream “boredom” and “dull”, and christ it hurts and yeah, in his brain, he knows that's not what Genji's saying.

But it's what it feels like.

“Please understand-” Genji starts again, starting to look up, but it's all Jesse can do to not just walk out.

So he puts his hat back on his head and slaps on the biggest grin he can and says

“Aw, it's all right – I gotcha.”

“You do?” Genji continues to cry – Jesse wants to. Wants to curl up in bed and bury his head in his dog's fur and cry until he's bled dry, but he doesn't. He grips the back of the chair and pushes it slowly back in place.

“'Course I do. Friends?”

Genji actually smiles. Soft, watery-eyed, and miserable, but he does smile and says, “Yes. Yes of course.”

And Jesse takes his leave under the guise of “Gotta run, gotta go to an appointment.”

He walks home in a daze, enters his apartment, and doesn't leave for three days.

- - -

“I'm sorry.” Sombra says softly – there's no mockery in her voice. Instead, it's...sad , “You guys were so-”

“Somb. Please.” Jesse grits out, gripping her thigh. He's got his head in her lap, staring at the ceiling, his beard wild and unkempt, “Please just...don't.”

And so she doesn't – she turns on Netflix and they spend the night quietly watching crime documentaries and eating greasy pizza.

- - -

The first few days are hell.

The next month is hell.

Genji wants to be friends, so they stay friends. A week after The Incident (so-dubbed by Sombra), Genji texts him hello.

It takes him half a day to respond. But eventually, he replies “Hi!” with a smiley emoji. All he wants to be is left alone, but Genji was part of his life for years.

He's still in love, he repeats every night, staring up at the ceiling and running the moment over and over and over in his head. So many things left unsaid, so many loose ends. In his dreams he drops to his knees and begs and as he brushes his teeth, he daydreams lines: “That's fine, fuck you too” or “Yeah, I was getting bored too” or even “Please, please don't let this be the end for us.”

He sits in his room and listens to more Mahler than his healthy. That is, until Fareeha storms his apartment, steals all his cd's and tells him he's not allowed to listen to the “sad stuff” anymore.

And then he listens to Debussy.

And Davis.

And Frank – and Parton. And Collins and Gabriel worms their way in, calling to the Solsbury Hills and the Odds respectively.  His house virtually becomes a museum to music, because that's what he's always clung to in times of hardship. Clung to it when his parents divorced, clung to it when his dog died, clung to it when he lost his arm and he clings to it now, as he throws away pictures of Genji and him, deletes them off his phone. He can't stand to look at them anymore, can't fight the metallic-y, blackberry taste in his mouth. Dolly sings about Jolene and  here he is, sobbing about a lost love – the irony is palpable.

- - -

The first month is bad. And then it becomes... okay.

- - -

“Look, you've been stuck in your house all week.”

Lucio stands in the doorway, a crutch wedged in the space between. He won't go away, no matter how many times Jesse tells him he doesn't want to go out, “It's not healthy man. You're gonna die in there and stink up the joint.”

“Thanks.” Jesse grumbles, half hidden behind the door.

“You know what I mean.” Lucio frowns (and wow, it looks so...unnatural) “I know you're in a bad place, but you've gotta walk outside sometime.”

“I walk outside.”

“Walking back and forth to work doesn't count.” Lucio rolls his eyes, “As your friend, I'm giving you fair warning – you either come with us, or I send Jamie in here and you'll have to fend him off.”

“You are such an ass.”

“You'll thank me.”

The threat of having Jamie “Junkrat” Fawkes rolling into his apartment is enough to make him toss on some jeans and join his friends for a night.

And so they paint the town red.

First by going to the all-night grocery shop and pushing Hana in the cart through the isles, laughing amongst each other at the bizarrely overpriced items and buying way too much candy. And then sit at the towns square, hanging on the fountain, shooting the shit, and throwing pieces of candy at one another. Hana turns out Queen too loud and a passing police officer frowns at them, but it's summer and the entire town's outside enjoying the clear sky.

Sitting with his friends, watching the stars crawl across the sky, the ache goes from a sharp stab to a dull ache. He almost feels normal again – Jamie falls into the fountain and they get yelled at by the same passing officer who tells them “Act like adults!”

They all snigger behind their hands as he storms off – he's on one of those roomba things, what are they called again?

(“A segway, dummy.”

...he'd had that fight Genji.

It was entirely in jest – but it was their second date. They were going to this high-end Italian place that Jesse had to fight tooth-and-nail to get a reservation at. Jesse couldn't remember the name of the machine, so he juggled between “them scooter motherfuckers” and “them roomba fuckermothers” and Genji...

Genji had laughed so hard he had to stop and catch his breath.

In the end, the Italian food was so bland they'd left the restaurant and got McDonalds and sat in the booths and stole each other's fries)

It...didn't hurt as bad to remember that. Stung, just like an old paper cut stings when you turn it wrong but...not as bad. Jamie shakes the water off and gets drops everywhere and Jesse takes a moment to look down at his phone.

Genji S. - 10:45 PM

You guys look like you're having fun.

Jesse looks up, looks around and catches Genji's eye as he walks out of the bakery across the way. He's out with Angela, both of them ladened with brown paper bags.

(Probably full of those donuts he likes so much, Jesse thinks briefly)

Genji smiles and waves at him.

Jesse forces a smile and waves and turns back to the group, trying to swallow down the lump in his throat. He doesn't invite them over – neither do his friends, who all wave and yell “Hi!” and Genji...

Genji waves back and follows Angela back to his car.

It's an awkward moment – they're all friends, technically, all part of one group. They're not taking sides – neither Jesse or Genji would want that.

(But deep, deep down, Jesse hopes they would pick him. Genji probably thinks the same.)

Lucio swipes the phone from Hana and tells them that he's been working on a new tune and quickly turns to his youtube page, blasting his music.

The papercut sting spreads.

But Jesse's okay.

- - -

“You sure I can't drive you home?”

Jamie's boyfriend is tall and intimidating, but his voice is soft as he speaks to Jesse.

“Naw. I only live five minutes 'way, I'd be wastin' yer gas.” Jesse waves him off, plopping his hat back on his head, “'Sides, it's one hell of a night. I wouldn' wanna miss this for the world.”

Jesse sees Hana and Lucio's car pulls out of the parking lot and Jamie is dozing in Mako's passenger side seat.

Mako nods and then Jesse's alone once more.

- - -

On the walk home he pays Pearl Jam and walks around his neighborhood until all the lights in his apartment die down.

- - -

The one thing they never tell you about a breakup is that it's really no different them coping with the death of a loved one.

It's the death of a relationship. The death of something you grew and cultivated for a significant amount of time – of course you would need to grieve.

And just like grief, you don't just go through each step in a row. Occasionally, you go back and forth, ping ponging as your brain struggles to cope.

Jesse's finding himself in anger now – that bitch, that whore, after all he's done, all he's given up. He storms around his apartment and throws books off of shelves, grabs a bottle of whisky and slams it on the floor.

He curls on his couch and clutches his pillows as his dog slinks up to him, terrified, and licks his bare arm. In one motion, Jesse reaches out and grabs the pup up, burring his face into Soldier's fur.

It's one of those lines that play in his head over and over and over, until he can't take it anymore.

We can still be intimate.

Like that's all Jesse wanted in the first place. Like that's all he cared for when they were together. Like that was what Jesse wanted from Genji in the first place.

We can still be intimate.

The idea makes Jesse sick.

And moreso, it makes him angry.

Was that really all Genji saw in him? The entire time they dated, did he really think that's what Jesse cared about? Not about his family, not about his hopes and dreams, no, just his ass?

Jesse cries into Soldier, falls asleep with the dog licking his tear stained face.

And in the morning, he gets up slowly, opens his window to the sounds of the street, and cleans his apartment up as best he can.

[4yue]

idk what happened in the past two hours that made my face suddenly want to kill me but im dying

[fightmewiatch]

I feel like I'm at a complete fucking loss. I'm so pissed and I'm so upset. {I'm gonna apologize for this seeming rambling or whatever, I'm just...I'm stressed out and I'm pissed off}.

I have a long list of shit I should take care of but can't afford. But about a monthish ago, I cracked a tooth, and that ended up going to the top of the list. I made an appointment at the dentist to get it checked out (checked out because I wasn't sure at the time if it was actually cracked - it's a back tooth).

During the cleaning, they actually broke it - it was an old filling (from at least 20, 25 years ago), so what broke was mostly filling, but, some tooth too. I haven't been to the dentist in 3 years because of money (and before that, at least 4 years - sort of lost count).

But I have dental insurance. I legit forgot I have dental insurance. So they ran the numbers, gave me the estimate - I need to have 10 teeth filled (this is not recent damage. I was terrible at caring for my teeth growing up. I'm lightyears better than I was, but the damage was already done). I was terrified at how much, but the estimate for the work - ALL THE WORK - after insurance?

Approximately $250, for all the work (spread out across 5 appointments). Cheers!

Nope.

I got the first 2 teeth done mid-May - the broken one, and the one next to it. She told me if it didn't sit right in my jaw once the anesthetic wore off, to come back and she could basically file it down, but that it would probably feel weird till then. Paid my $100 for the first appointment. Went home.

And here's where it goes downhill.

I (apparently) get my Explanation of Benefits in my email, so I got one telling me the info was available. What the hell, I thought, and went to look. Oh, I'm responsible for $224 for that first appointment. I'm fucking baffled, but seeing as I haven't received a bill from her yet, I made the decision to not think about it right now.

The fun part of it going downhill? I grind my teeth in my sleep. Forgot I do that, done it so long I honestly don't realize it anymore. But I remembered really fucking fast when I woke up two days later to pain in my jaw that I hadn't felt before. It wasn't awful pain (I have felt worse), but it was definitely nerve pain. And the filling felt different. I'm pretty sure I drove the filling farther up into my tooth / into my nerve during my sleep.

It's been aching ever since.

Called my dentist this week - she's out of town next week. My next appointment is the 24th, so I can't get in to see her for anything until then. They told me if it's been pushed into the nerve, I'll have to go see a "specialist" for a root canal, as "she doesn't do them".

Background: Not the last time I went to the dentist 3 yrs ago, but the time before that when I went, it was for a root canal on a tooth on the lower right jaw. The teeth I just had filled are the top right (the teeth directly above the root canal).

So guess where the filling was pressing? Guess what tooth I ground that filling into? the one with the root canal.

And looking in the mirror tonight, I see a gap in the tooth with the root canal - a gap right along the gum, like the tooth moved. So yes. I touched it, out of curiosity, because in the mirror, it just looks like a black line & initially I thought there was something there. No, my fingernail can hook into it, it's a gap.

So 2 days after getting my cracked tooth filled, I ground them together in my sleep, and broke them both. So most likely, I'm going to have to get 2 root canals. TWO.

I can't fucking afford that! I can't even afford the work being done - I lucked out, because the estimate had been so fucking cheap, that I asked my stepdad to just pay for it as a birthday gift (bc my first appointment was the day after my birthday).

And now my insurance says it's more expensive than I was expecting, both that tooth and the one below it need to be fixed (again), I need to find a new dentist who will handle root canals, because despite my dentists website saying they do root canals & despite her page on my insurance carrier saying she does root canals, her receptionist said she does NOT do root canals.

I am so fucking angry. I am so fucking upset. My mouth is throbbing most of the time, and I have taken so many goddamn pain meds in the last two and a half weeks.

I don't even care about getting the rest of the fillings taken care of. I don't. I can, ultimately, live with those until next year and try again. But I have 2 broken teeth now, 2 teeth with what is basically come down to exposed nerves. I can't stay like this. My mouth aches.