#I adore them too much ok
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Quick doodle of THE BESTIES EVER™️ because I adore them
They’re REALLY kinning their moms here
#star vs the forces of evil#svtfoe#septarsis dragonfly au#toffee of septarsis#toffee svtfoe#svtfoe toffee#eclipsa butterfly#svtfoe eclipsa#queen eclipsa#eclipsa svtfoe#alternate universe#au#toffipsa#toffipsa/p#svtfoe au#I adore them too much ok#someone probably insulted Toffee and pissed her off#ain’t no one insult this boy who she loves/p dearly#teasing him is HER job
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A few sketches of these guys :]
#I love them. your honor#Ok. but really. I love both sets of Pines twins and all that. but I also adore the little family Stan managed to scrounge up over the years#Becoming the father figure that Soos needed after never really seeing his father for years- so much that Soos can't remember his appearance#And even tho' we didn't nearly get as many moments between Stan and Wendy (scrapped heist-training montage B-plot you'll always be famous)#there's little moments here and there that shows she cares about the old guy too. and vice versa.#Tldr; Soos and Wendy are Stan's kids and no one can change my mind /hj#Also. I wish we could've gotten more of Melody. especially with Soos. They're so gd cute together istg orz#my art#Stanley Pines#Wendy Corduroy#Melody Gravity Falls#Soos Ramirez#Gravity Falls#Gravity Falls Fanart
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#it’s ok just Leo looking at him like he’s the ENTIRE UNIVERSE#Make them kiss#Artists have too much power I can make them do anything I want how is this legal#tragic anatomy but they’re adorable so whatever#I have no regrets about lop usagi#LeoSagi#tmnt fanart#bekmadethistmnt#tmnt leosagi
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#p4#persona 4#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#EVERYDAY IM HOWLING. EVERYDAY IM SCREAMING.#for context this comes at the heel of yosuke charging at mitsuo kubo in rage because of his flippance towards killing saki and he's hit har#but souji and kanji jump in to protect him#like ok a lot of things going on here such as the obvious OH MY GODDDD yosuke being yosuke and taking things on for himself#because he doesn't want to bother people?? because he's made it his own responsibility? because his survivor's guilt is still lingering?#i mean don't tell me he doesn't look at how he surrendered to his shadow like apart from his self-sacrificing propensity#i low key feel like everytime yosuke demands answers about saki's death from the murderer/god/etc there's this undertone of how#he would rather it have been him#he cheapens his own life so much and for what#BUT ALSO!! ALSO!! not just souji jumping in because we know he would he's down bad for yosuke BUT ALSO KANJI#listen you've all heard me talk so much about how i adore kanji yosuke friendships#i can't really tell whether it's kanji or souji that says “haven't we earned your trust yet” but it's a line that hits SO HARD#regardless of which one of them was saying it and i think it hits hard in slightly different manners#it's kanji's admiration and how he looks up to yosuke and how he wants to be closer to yosuke as a friend/kouhai/whatever you want#tatsumi “who's your partner now!” kanji has so much respect for yosuke he wants yosuke to rely on him too!!!#and this stands out because kanji is very conscious of social hierarchies and such but as a kouhai as yosuke's junior#he's so specific about wanting yosuke to treat him as an equal#i smtimes feel bad for kanji because he has a bit of that vibe of a poor puppy trailing after souyo because he wants to be in their convos!#he wants to be included! but critically he also just! wants them to SEE him!!#going a lil off tangent but i think kanji's attitude towards souji is very much one of kouhai respect like he understands his place#of like deferring to souji or getting advice from him and just generally regarding him as a reliable mentor#and it's the same with chie and yukiko? but idk man. with yosuke. guys. with yosuke i always feel like kanji wants to break that hierarchy#that convention. that social norm. to cross a line and be closer to yosuke.#he's more willing to tease yosuke in a way he doesn't with the other 2nd years. and this isn't coming from a place of disrespect either#AGAIN. KANJI REALLY LIKES YOSUKE. he wants to protect yosuke!!! he jumps at the opportunity for yosuke to rely on him!!#i'm getting delulu but there's those hints of “yosuke senpai i want you to see me as a man!!!” kind of energy here and i'm it's yknow hmm
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Anyway I love Black people and seeing this explosion of creative and cultural expression is healing something in me I think 🥺
Now to make some Black ATSV moots to bounce playlist ideas off of…
#atsv#across the spider verse#black in fandom#miles morales 42#Hobie brown#margo kess#miles morales#no between these four I can have unlimited black love ships and that’s so—#even with my other big fandom…the main love interests are both white chile#I feel bad I have read much margo fic because my fic interest is basically just /Hobie#Flowerbyte and Prowlerbyte are making POINTS#as is PunkFlower and PunkProwler#even all their ship names are adorable like??#also? idk how to ask without making ppl feel alienated but uh#what…what about an interdimensional all black friend group 👉🏾👈🏾#love the spiderband as much as then next person but Margo and Miles 42 is excluded a lot from them#the sibling energy that can exist between them too…basically I’m into everything??#I just love black people being happy in community and/or in love ok#this is for the niggas strictly for the niggas
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Lying on my bed tearing up I really really miss Crew GUYS...
#ultraman#ultraman mebius#that one post is right wdym we don't have plushies for all of them#coffee dad sakomizu I miss u....#and everyone else too 💔💔💔#holding them gently and giving them all a lil kiss on the forehead#rip them#I was having so much fun thinking about them then BOOM canon dragged me back to reality#GODDAMN the absolute devastation mirai must've felt when one of them died#then he probably realised 'wow I have very very little time with them left'#THAT FUCKING TAIGA VOICE DRAMA EPISODE#“The audio was terrible distorted and cut out from time to time.”#“But the voices within this tiny gun were filled with memories far too great for it's container to hold”#“Gentle voices...Gruff voices...Adorable voices.....Calm voices and elderly voices”#“All of them wrre heartfelt words from comrades who tgought of him everyday” I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSE-#mv typing this out actually got me off the bed MANNNNN#ok talking has made it worse I am full.of anger#oh i guess I'm going through the 5 stages of grief over fictional characters that I've only known for a lil over a month ok then.
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SPEECH PATTERNS
complexity of vocabulary : ◼◼◻◻◻ emotion : ◼◼◼◼◼ sentence structure : ◼◼◻◻◻ profanity frequency : ◼◼◼◼◼ creativity : ◼◼◼◼◻ watchfulness : ◼◼◻◻◻
( bold all that apply ) ass. asshole. bastard. bitch. bloody. bugger. bollocks. crap. cunt. dick. frick. fuck. fuckshit. horseshit. motherfucker. piss. prick. screw. shit. shitass. chicken shit. son of a bitch. son of a whore. twat. wanker. ( given proper religious context ) christ on a bike. christ on a cracker. damn. goddamn. godsdamn. hell. holy shit. jesus. jesus christ. jesus, mary and joseph. sweet jesus.
( this or that )
contractions or enunciation? straightforward or cryptic? jargon or toned? complexity or simplicity? finding the right word or using the first word that comes to mind? masculinity, neutrality, or femininity? formalities or abrasiveness? insult or injury? praise or equivocation? frankness or lies? excessive or minimal hand gestures? name-calling or magnanimity? friendly or blunt nicknames?
( important questions )
do people have a hard time understanding or hearing your character ? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never does your character’s point come across easily when they speak ? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never would your character initiate conversations ? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never would your character be the one to end conversations ? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never would your character use ‘whom’ in a sentence ? yes / no / only ironically your character wants to make a counterpoint. what word do they use ? but / though / although / however / perhaps / mayhaps how would your character pick up the phone ? hello / hey / hi / yellow / yo / yeah / [name]. / what’s up / who is this / what do you want / can i help you? how does your character end conversations ? walk away / ask if that’s everything / say that that’s everything / give a proper goodbye / tell their company they’re done here / remain quiet / they don’t how does your character address others ? titles / first names / surnames / full names / nicknames what social class would others assume your character belongs to, hearing them speak ? upper / middle / lower in what ways does the way your character speak stand out to others ? accent / vocabulary / tone / level / politeness / brusqueness / it doesn’t
#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ dash meme.#i love this meme and it's been a minute since i've done it for byan so. saw it on my dash again & felt compelled to do it once more lmao#i just!!! i oh so adore discussing the way characters talk ok it's one of my favourite aspects of writing & getting someone's personality#across to others. i spend SO MUCH time thinking about how every muse i write speaks ok it's actually ridiculous sometimes#so yeah. this is one of my faves. i WILL be doing it for my oc boys over on my multi too#but as for byan... they are LOUD they are VULGAR they are EMOTIONAL and they are unapologetic#it's sort of ironic really that someone who despises men & masculinity and tends to dress more femme speaks... sort of#stereotypically masculine-ly. but they kinda do y'know?#i personally don't feel like anything is INHERENTLY masculine or feminine bc i'm a big fan of gender neutrality & expressing urself however#u damn well please (byan too obvs) but if we're going based on stereotypes/societal norms....... they do talk like a dude lmao#anyway. i could go on and on about details on why byan speaks the way they do. how being overlooked most of their life has made them#v outspoken & how they force your attention onto them etc. etc. but these tags are long enough as it is askjhfds
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you restore my faith in humanity. idk you're just so genuine and unobstructed from being yourself and loving everything around you. every time i think the world sucks i think about Robin From Tumblr and i'm like Hm maybe it isn't all bad
AW THANKS <33333 I TRY
#favorite posts <3#I didn't come to humanity pre-fabricated with no barriers to love I've just been. working on it y'know. and I've been shaped this way#ok and not to get religious on you but#(points at my ani-sama the Christ) he helped#mostly by putting a lot of wonderful people around me so I could see his love working in them. in humanity#btw this is a tangent but I absolutely adore this Japanese Christian term for Jesus: ani-sama#because ''ani'' is such an intimate casual direct way to say ''big brother''. to the point of almost being rude how intimate it is#and -sama is the highest honorific <333 and together it's just so good because it's like. yeah. my deeply revered adored big brother#he who I respect and love and who is closer to me relationally than anyone else while also higher in status than me (positive)#it really wraps up the feeling of going ''oh I want to be like you''. the kind of literal hero worship only a good big brother can inspire#(looking at all my mutuals + honorary mutuals) do they know I can see god in them? do they know their love and goodness is divine#I got an extra half hour of sleep tonight and it's making me so sappy about humanity. we are such wonderful beings we have so much potentia#—potential every single one of us#but yeah it has taken me so much intentional taming my fears and comforting the lonely little child who lives inside me to get this way#basically what I'm trying to say is THANK YOU SO MUCH and also YOU CAN DO IT TOO <333 and also THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HELPED#–ME GET HERE
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kairoooooo!!!
i’m here to ask you more about ‘out of my league’ (university au my belovedddd as you already know hehe :3 ) and ‘my love builds coffins’ because they both sound soooooo tasty!!!!
i’m so intrigued by your geto brainrot because you always come up with the most delicious and unique pairings and aus!! <33
much love,
Lily xo @storiesoflilies
THE FACT THAT I KNEW YOU WOULD ASK ABOUT UNI CRUSH!SUKUNA NDNFNFNDNDNF i know you and your love for your husband (sukie) so well 🤭 AND OMFG I’M SO HAPPY YOU ASKED ABOUT HARPIST!GETO THAT ONE JUST RECENTLY MADE ME VERY FERAL :3 putting in the wip ask game here so i don’t forget hehe
ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! you saying that i come up w unique pairings/au’s is literally the sweetest thing in the world i’m tucking that comment 2 my chest <3 hehe
my love builds coffins:
AHHHHHHH YOU DON’T KNOW HOW ECSTATIC I AM THAT YOU ASKED FOR THIS ONE HEHE IT’S A RECENT WIP AND IT’S MAKING ME INSANE!!!!! the title of the song is actually “my boy builds coffins” by florence + the machine but i wanted reader to be the coffin builder so i changed it up :3
okay so BASICALLY the gist that i have set up rn is that suguru is a harp player and ofc it’s such an angelic instrument that brings ethereal joy to others… but two of his friends (haibara & riko) passed away in a tragic car accident on their way to his show… i think suguru genuinely almost loses his way and can’t even look at his harp anymore but his best friend satoru wants him to find his way again — so suguru finds a cottage to stay at while also trying to process his grief.
there he meets a coffin maker who he gets to know a bit and they try and help him through his grief (this reader i think will be very beloved to me in the future… they’re not like my normal brash loud silly readers… they’re a bit more subdued & have an air of calm & mystique that intrigues and entrances suguru!) this fic i think will be about two people bonding over grief and trying to overcome it the best way they can together… i’m actually really excited to write this fic and get more ideas about it so thank you so much lily for asking about it :’) i think this fic will be very near and dear to me and a lot more softer/bittersweet/morose yet hopefully filled w fondness & longing! i’ll try and get ideas to write abt this soon :’)
out my of league:
ok this was actually originally a frat boy!geto fic but as i was writing it i found myself way more drawn to sukuna who is reader’s best friend! i started looking at their dialogue & the way they interact and i just fell in love with the idea of him as the campus crush but reader being the ONLY one he can tolerate! it’s a uni au and also best friend to lovers <333 sukie is so funny to me bc he doesn’t realize he’s in love until it hits him like a freight train & is like damn i like this bitch 😑😒
this snippet is what started it all for me 😭
#asks#lily tag <3#genuinely i’m so excited to write ‘my love builds coffins’#the idea of suguru being a harp player is so dear 2 me and i don’t know why 😭 i know nothing of orchestral music#i just think the harp is so pretty and sooooo suguru coded… v angelic v ethereal v celestial :3#and coffinmaker reader…….. my beloved <3 they have their owl backstory too that i’m thinking of#*own#i think they got into the ‘business’ bc they had no money to bury a friend… so they make the casket themselves. I JUST WANNA HUG THEM 😭#((also the title is also a play on words… 🤭))#OK TAKING A HARD LEFT TURN.#RAHHHHHHHH BESTIE!SUKIE!!!!!!! the uni au is actually where bestie!sukie came to fruition OFFICIALLY <3#i’m so excited for that one DJDJDJDJ they’re both such loud brash silly idiots <333#dumbass!reader x morosexual!sukuna i love y’all#it’ll honestly be a fic of their shenanigans hehe :3 I LOVE BESTIES TO LOVERS SO WAHHH I’M SO HYPED#thank you so much for asking abt these lily i adore you so much!!!!! :D#snippets
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zeno's ultimate pokemiku tierlist ⁉️(it's all his opinion and he loves them all regardless⁉️)
#like arrfgggdiakaktmcksmsama this was literally all for me like they knew what they were doing#i love character design i love pokemon i love miku. and then you put ALL THREE TOGETHER....#i will explain some of my choices here#poison miku is just too good but also i am a big sucker for freaky scientists with constant “worry” eyebrows#her design is just so out there and crazy (this is about the shoes. some understand the greatness of the shoes and some dont. and thats ok.)#every other miku in peak i think establishes their theme exeptionally well especially ghost bug and fighting#for ghost i already love spooky and gloomy looking characters and that miku delivers tenfold (of course shes designed by the GOAT take)#esp with the mix of ghostly and electronic/digital regarding the glitchy parts n the 01 hologram#she looks like shell invade my computer and give it a virus if i dont send the chainmail about her tragic file corruption to 10 friends#(in the best way possible)#for bug miku the big dress is a huge plus but also i just think shes adorable nuff said#for fighting - i love a delinquent character and she fits that really well. the half coat thing is a big highlight for me#also the leek theme is absolutely iconic#for the ones i didnt like as much - i honestly just think the koraidon one is a leeeeetle bit boring#dont get me wrong. it has really cool aspects like the hair and the koraidon like cape but idk#it feels like theres a lot going on but not that much at the same time? its still a really nice design tho esp the hair color#for the ones in yellow tier - i just dont like the color palletes very much . theyre still really nice designs esp fire miku#but all in all these are genuinely all amazing designs and i dont want to be too critical or mean to any of them esp seeing im not a pro#but this was really fun to see unfold!!! cant wait until the songs start dropping#in the topic of miku as well - hey muse dash where's my miku on the switch version....#please dont make us wait too long 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
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i love doodling swapinverse like hello drawing characters aside from the normal mtt is lowkey therapeutic 🧡🧡🧡 anyways i FINALLY FINALLY finished crash's lore!!!! and vice.SER is connected to him,,,, theyre interconnected!!! i forgot how much i liked crash's design (not the design but all the little gimmicks in the design. figuring out all the hanging ribbon bits is annoying but hey it looks good)
#outertale does not exist in swapinverse anymore. how quaint#dude thalia and melpomene are th only ones that r like. 100% good#I NEED TO MAKE MORE GOOD AND NICE CHARACTERS😭😭😭😭#mst..... recreators (qip name 4 siphon n crash?) and vice.SER........ theyre all EVIL (or have evil goals)#i WAS thinking doing something with reaper because i adore his design and aesthetic and i wanna combine it with SOMETHING idk what#anyways if core frisk error which is supposed to be vice.SER exists then should normal core frisk exist too?????#i mean i dont think that just because a core frisk role esque person exists doesnt mean the role is instantly filled up#the mst and mtt co exist in swapinverse but those 3 are like.... NORMAL aus. not outcodss n stuff#i love the giant lance thing i gave crash. i mean the ribbons can form any weapon and take any shape (kinda like puella magi mami's guns)#but like..... it just is so cool i love characters that use multiple weapons#i LOVE (haha) every single little gimmick thing i give swapinverse characters. the tiny details is what i adore giving them#if you catch me not posting 4 a bit its probably just bc im working on swapinverse or jk fashion au. or maybe ive seriously just lost motiva#anyways i have a few banger rants in my drafts ive yet to elaborate om but just like....... i dont feel like it#someon needs to wrangle those posts out of my tired lazy arms#lowkey why do siphon and crash remind me of kanade and mafuyu. idk i cant explain#if you cut vice.ser in half it would be like jelly with binary in it. i wanna eat him#he would tingle on my tongue but thats just the static. eating yhe glasses would be difficult bit they dont have lenses so its ok#i drew them both looking at us but i think that vice.ser is the only true one always looking at US.looking out from inside#god i love swapinverse sooo much i wish i could get it done faster and be goatedly good with motivation. a shame#but i do think that i may be finishing up the character descriptions 500% ish sure#SO THEN THAT MEANS I CAN WORK ON THE ACTUAL STORY!!!! WOOOOO#ive already decided that theres gonna be mentions of me myself and i in it. i love meta storytelling#im cursed with perpetually sweaty hands i hate having to draw on slighty damp paper. nobody understands me#UGH im getting too happy in life im starting to act weird in public and offering to help people. i need to stop#anyways just school doodles!!! because in the period where they take our phones i have naught to do but draw#i need to get back (start) my english reading. and then help my friend with a few questions on her homework. how joyous#and then i can get back to my BETTER homework (working on swapinverse :3)#crash managed to destroy outertale in his lore i wonder how many worlds vice.SER will destroy#actually if hes supposed to be core frisk error then i should make him NOT destroy worlds right???? right#tricule rant
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I don't know... horrible things happen all around the world and it's not a competition
Atrocities are committed against multiple groups in multiple parts of the world at the exact same moment, and none of them erase each other. They all matter, all the people in this world who are being brutalized matter. There shouldn't be any line you draw where one group doesn't actually matter as much as another
You're welcome to prioritize your energy towards helping one group or another, but what's not ok is invalidating or dismissing people who are actively being harmed
Same goes for trying to figure out which social group has things worst (and lets be honest, always using a US lens)
Like... maybe the important thing is to prop each other up and help everyone get on their own feet rather than trying to... pick fights about if physical disabilities or mental illness are less respected (I'm trying to pick a more absurd example but sadly I've seen exactly that argument happen before). Maybe it doesn't really matter and what matters is helping who we can when we can
I'm tired of it, I'm just fucking tired of it. Support people, champion them when the world is just brutalizing them, but you don't need to throw a single other person under the bus to do that
Which seems to be an absolutely impossible lesson for people to learn
#I won't say anything else on this; but I will say that to me one of the groups that it feels like is most forgotten is Syrians#including by me if I'm honest#I don't know what's currently happening in Syria... but... my understanding is it still hasn't really gotten better#assad is still brutalizing people last I had heard#so rather than saying anything else I'd prefer to simply focus on some people it feels like were forgotten back during Obama#and... and have remained forgotten#and I'm sorry I can't do more to help with the suffering in the world#but... you notice what I'm not having to do here?#I'm not having to throw a single other person under the bus#I'm able to just focus on how much I wish for Syrians to be ok (which is a hollow gesture on my part in many ways I think)#and I can keep all the focus on Syrians rather than throwing anyone else under the bus or doing any whataboutism#and that's literally all I'm asking of you fucking people#don't downplay human misery to try and make your thing seem more important#they're both fucking important... they're all important#there's so much suffering I can't even keep up with it#there's so much of it that I can only name without knowing the details; Congo; I believe Sudan is still suffering; Haiti#I don't know how things are in Ethiopia right now... I can't keep track#and none of these situations and the horrible things they're dealing with; things I haven't even been able to follow#none of it detracts from and of the issues I am following more closely#I don't need to compare them and say 'well it's not as bad'; because... bad is bad and any is too much#and nothing I say here will do a damn thing; no one'll hear and even if they did they'd ignore it or get pissed#that's what my evidence shows me about how people behave#but suffering isn't a competition; the correct amount is zero#and... perhaps I'd have more tolerance if I hadn't watched how you behave with stuff#...the worst part is the person I adore who... man... I wish I could just get them to really think through their words#they mean well; they're coming from a place of love; but I just haven't been able to paint the picture for them of the harm#and I'm flawed; I don't have all the answers; I could be wrong here#but... can you at least see why I feel that maybe we shouldn't pit misery against each other#that the people suffering have more in common with each other than opposed and... maybe westerners aren't fucking helping#eh... too fucking drained thinking about this; end of tags
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Watching Jung Eun Chae in all her glory as Moon Ok Gyeong is ironically making me miss Kang Gil Young 🥹😭 a lot 😭
MOG is so handsome, gorgeous - hot, hot, hot 🥵 - and everything magnificent, and am swooning and melting every time I see her on my screen 🤩😍🫠
Yet…
(A good time to rediscover KGY while I squee over MOG 🥰)
#jung eun chae#kang gil young#moon ok gyeong#the feelings both characters inspired are totally different even if swooning and 🥵🤩😍😳 are involved#am always feeling protective over KGY#while the love and thirst I see for MOG is especially gratifying and satisfying#sure KGY inspired gratification too but I think most of all I want to protect and give her every happiness there is#MOG is already a star ⭐️#already wealthy and partnered#successful and adored by fans#while she seems to be having some issues those are best solved on her own#talking about fictional characters like they are my family 😜😆 when I don’t even worry that much over them#IRL#but am feeling maudlin about KGY again#another recurrent cycle 😉😥😝😆
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im like sincerely so sorry bc my most shameful flaw is that envy is one of my favorite characters in the entirety of fma which is like. listen it's genuinely irredeemable but she knew exactly what she was doing when she made envy the pinnacle of gender envy bc my non-binary ass is NOT immune to feeling the gender envy to the highest degree for that little freak
#mine#i feel less ashamed for being hornee abt shin tsukimi do u understand. how humiliating that is.#literally dont even perceive me this is my greatest sin ok AT LEAST IM SELF AWARE#THEY LITERALLY DO ALL THE MOST HEINOUS SHIT IN THE ENTIRE SERIES NEXT TO KIMBLEE#AND THEY /BOTH/ GET OFF ON IT TOO WHICH MAKES IT WORSE#BUT THEYRE JUST SO PAINFULLY GENDER IM TOO WEAK TO RESIST#i want their voice. i want it so bad it's so painful i hate them so much. but i also adore them. and hate myself for that#she was targeting ME SPECIFICALLY when she made them frfrfrfr#fma#i hesitate to even put this in a tag but i feel like other trans ppl will get it. right. u get it right or am i just a lonesome fool#also. js. i hate kimblee. i fucking DESPISE kimblee actually. worst piece of shit ever in the whole series.#i actually got mad bc i forgot just how long he lasts in the series. FAR TOO LONG IF U ASK ME.#& also. i. feel like. i should get points too bc envy is rly the only absolute irredeemable piece of shit i actually enjoy#bc usually. i am a sheep. & i HATE them. but. i am also a sheep. to gender envy. sooooo. unsurprising exception.#but like otherwise unless u wanna count like my man dracula from castlevania which i feel like is not comparable bc he was VALID#envy is the only villain i actually truly like. any other 'villain' i like is more... morally grey. or. understandable. u know. u get it.#anyway. dont ever perceive me for this im ashamed#& also no the irony of having the mention of jealousy/envy as a my most strict boundary & yet having the literal embodiment of envy#as one of my fav characters in my favorite anime of all time is not lost on me. i am a walking contradiction we all know this#at least they're not THE favorite. u can take a very predictable guess on who that title goes to
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man i dont know why (i have theories but hold on) but the fandoms Ive been in on the internet have been a little meaner these last few years. like i dont get nice comments on my fics anymore. i get ones with no reading comprehension or i get angry ones or i get ones that are enthusiastic and delighted but instead of any decorum they are like. aggressive in their delight. usually just a demand for more content. something has definitely changed in how people in fandoms interact with one another. my theories are just like. younger generations more comfortable with the internet not being as polite as older people on the internet are combined with quarantine kinda ruining a lot of peoples ability to interact socially (mine was ruined too to be fair). but like lately ive been in search of a fandom thats not the markiplier fandom that is nice to me and not aggressively-enthusiastic-weird (but i might take this too) and its kinda hard to find one. i dont know if i just dont have interests that align with happy communities, or what.
#markiplier fandom nice to me forever and ever.#sometimes they get me on edge when they demand i update and dont even say like 'nice fic i liked this' they just say 'update'#but thats literally like the meanest fan ive met so 👍#fnaf fandom is interesting. you definitely gotta treat them the way you want to be treated or theyre not gonna be nice#unfortunately this means you cant joke too much with them.#uh. moment of truth. percy jackson fandom kinda mean. ok they are mean. no kinda. also no reading comprehension#definitely a fandom that bonds by choosing something to nitpick and hate together. which sucks if you liked that thing they chosen that wee#my little corner of the xmen fandom has actually gotten nicer as time goes on. but also more obsessed with details and accuracy#but my corner of the xmen fandom was still nice enough that i adore them even if i havent been in it in ages#marvel is very so-so depending on where you are in the fandom but its such a large fanbase it is what it is. normal#witcher fandom from my experience has been pretty chill but i havent done much as a content creator for them to really know#d:be human is. decent. unfortunately a lot of outside hate there that it kinda outweighs how polite the fans are#star wars.... well. if you find your niche good for you! nice people. but if you get too generalized with your niche. rip#sw fandom when you study mando'a or dai bendu: hai X3 !!#sw fandom when you get too generalized and talk 'prequel vs sequel': die#vent#this is funny because i was really nice about this sw comment. but its generalized. which means someone will tell me to die.#why do i know this? because ive made this comment about the sw fandom before. =_=
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i do love my family very dearly but the internalized ableism the men in here struggle with is. so much
#marzi speaks#it’s worse with my brother but he’s doing more to actively work on improving that#my dad however has very subtle internalized ableism that i don’t think he recognizes is there#which is. fun#like earlier. either last night or this morning i don’t remember#i was talking to him about how while ideologically i have nothing against accepting needing help and things like that#in practice it’s very challenging to adjust to being disabled even temporarily. and that if i do end up with a diagnosis that’s gonna be#a lot to handle. both mentally and just with the lifestyle changes i’ll have to make#and he makes a bit of a face and goes ‘i wouldn’t quite call you disabled. i’d just say ‘ill’’#and i just sort of look at him. and i blink. and i go ‘i am physically Un-Able to do things i am normally able to do’#‘i can’t walk long distances at all. i can’t sit in chairs for too long without causing pain’#‘i’ve spent the last 24 hours staring longingly at my computer because i want to draw but am currently Not Able To’#he didn’t argue with me but i can tell he was still unnerved by the idea of picturing his daughter as disabled#also like . illness and disability are not mutually exclusive? several disabilities are or involve chronic illness#i shouldn’t be surprised though. i mentioned considering starting lexapro#and he went on his ‘you’re an adult and it’s your choice in the end but i wouldn’t recommend it’ spiel#(he’s anti-psychiatry bc he doesn’t like the idea of breaking the brain down into smth so purely physical)#(and also doesn’t like the idea of someone being dependent on pills their whole life)#(which i’m giving him some slack on rn bc he is a just-got-clean recovering opoid addict. so)#(btw before any of you say SHIT abt my dad he took his pills legally prescribed for chronic pain and did not abuse them)#(and even if he DID that would give nobody a right to make a moral judgement on him. ok cool)#i then reminded him that my mom takes anti-anxiety meds and they really really helped her#and he just goes ‘true.’ and moves on#king u got some shit to unpack#it’s fine if u didn’t want to start antidepressants when it was recommended to you meds aren’t for everyone#but like come on now. u don’t gotta be so fundamentally against it when literally ur own wife who you adore takes psych meds#anywho my mom handled me making the disability comment much better. she was basically just like ‘ur fear is totally understandable’#‘u have a good support system we’ll help you through it’#which. thanks mom 👍 that was very kind of her to say
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