#I REALLY LOVE SAM OK
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i swear i hate Reed, Davis, Kat- every single one of them- what is this acting bro???
bro's acting sounds more convincing than me having a genuine break-down fr- like how do u even do that???????????????
they do this every. single. time. i swear- who allowed them to do that to me- who i ask- /pos
[EP: Moon's BREAKING POINT in VRChat (SAMS)]
#screaming crying throwing up sliding down my the wall dramatically banging my head on the wall ripping my hair out punching air coughing#after the last 2 ep i really am not ok#Reed's acting being just top of the top is not helping.#someone remind me this is just a stupid yt fnaf rp abt literal clowns help#no but i legit hate drawing Monty#idk what it is abt him but it just does not go well like 80% of the time#unfortunately for me i love Monty and want to draw 'em more.#sams#sun and moon show#sams fanart#tsbs#the security breach show#moon#fnaf moon#dca moon#sams moon#moon fanart#moondrop#monty#fnaf monty#sams monty#mgafs monty#monty fanart#monty gator#art
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I said this in tags on another post, but it’s relevant and deserves its own post (I should be reading my usual pre- sleeping fic selection, BUT! I had this revelation -being sleepy is useful once again! -)
They NEEDED Steve to disappear, to be gone. To never care about Bucky anymore. That way they could treat Bucky as they see fit, and that means treating him like shit.
Steve would NEVER accept or allow Bucky to make amends, he would NEVER let the government take care of Bucky or be part of his “rehabilitation” in any way shape or form. That’s why he became Nomad, that’s why Bucky stayed in Wakanda. He would had fight with teeth and nails for Bucky.
“He died already more than once! He was a victim! A prisoner of war. He saved the fucking universe. What the fuck do you mean with amends!”
He became a wanted criminal for that same reason, to not let them have Bucky (nor other people in a fucking watchlist)
They needed Steves relationship with Bucky to become bitter, to be nothing more than a memory.
Steve being in retirement wouldn’t have cut it and…
Bucky was always going to follow Steve, no matter what.
So they needed him to stay alone (or with a companion that didn’t really care as much as Steve, enter Sam)
This way they killed two birds with one stone in Endgame: Reinforcing Steves “love” for Peggy, because “he’s NOT gay, you guys!”, and the partial isolation of Bucky.
#steve rogers#bucky barnes#stucky#i had this revelation bc Im sleepy af#also I love Sam but cmon! he didn’t believe much in Bucky and then was friendly with him bc of Steve#they didn’t have a good relationship really#more like friend enemies? sorta#idk I already said that I don’t care much about marvel nowadays#and I mean that#but I had this thought and was huh that actually makes so much sense#partial isolation of Bucky bc he doesn’t have anyone that really knows him as Steve knew him#sure he can have friends o be friendly with others#But its the same problem Steve had with meaningful relationships and shared experience#also Steve loved him and believed in him unconditionally#who else is going to do that for him now?#Thats why they NEEDED STEVE GONE#and being on retirement wouldn’t have cut it#this only makes my hc of Old!Steve being a skrull stronger#also Steve replacing Bucky with Peggy on his mind and when he speaks bc of internalized homophobia#everything makes sense!#im actually like the dude from that meme where hes with a board filled with stuff and like see im right!#i need someone to talk about this omfg my friends can’t care less about ny favorite things dude why#also this really makes sense to me and will become my favorite headcanon because canon is shit and doesn’t make sense#i need things to make sense and to be logical ok? at least in character#and endgame Steve wasn’t Steve Rogers#old!steve wasn’t even Steve wtf
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his new wings look so good. his new suit looks SO good. i'm so mad oh my god
#JUST TAKE HER OUT OF IT. IT'S OK WE CAN ALL PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED MARVEL i'm lying. they just hate him they just hate my best friend sam#stirring my coffee silently in a state of crisis. why doesn't marvel want me to be happy#why don't they want the guy they let be captain america be captain america#mickey mouse i am just asking questions do not mind the brick in my hand just quickly just really quickly why's she in the movie. and now.#AND WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO ISAIAH. LEAVE THAT MAN ALONE#kayvswords#tbd#mcuwhining#he did the little spin kick thing......sam i love you so much.....
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castiel does the worst thing he can to sam, he breaks his wall forcing him to remember centuries of hell and a year of being a soulless machine. not even as an act against him personally but as a pawn. castiel does the worst thing he can to sam and sam prays to him days later telling him he doesn’t think cas is too far gone, to let them help him. cas does the worst thing he can to sam and sam wants to save him.
#cas then apologizes to Dean#interesting!#are you fuckinh kidding me#this is not anti cas I love cas it’s just something that makes me crazy#Sam ur insane I’d hold such a grudge but ur really out here being a better person ok#castiel#Sammy#cas#Sastiel#kj speaks#txt#spn#supernatural#sam winchester#winchesters
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what do you fucking mean that's how charlie dies. THAT'S HOW CHARLIE DIES??? i mean i know the show has a penchant for killing off every character who's not a winchester brother or an angel of thursday but good god. what the fuck. charlie was such a good and enjoyable recurring character, and she had such a fandom impact that i've seen, and she's only around for THREE SEASONS?? (sidebar: it's amazing she has the presence she does for only being around for a couple episodes in the long run!) but: was this necessary? and she just dies offscreen after her skills are utilized to progress the plot of decoding the book of the damned?? oh my god. what in the actual fuck. i'm finding myself getting genuinely very upset at her death. she did not fucking deserve that. and i can absolutely see why the fan response to her death is what it is now. completely fucking unjustified and throwaway and useless.
#theo.txt#spn#charlie#spn spoilers#spn 10x21#almost none of the women who've gotten fridged on this show have deserved it but still#good god this one made me especially angry#why do you use this character for a plot point and then ship her off somewhere. to oz or to the afterlife. so often?#she was such a cool character with a good story that i enjoyed and related to and THIS is what they did with her?? and from my perusing she#doesn't even really come back like bobby occasionally does?? and his death. while devastating to me as somebody who really liked him. still#felt WAY better than this#sorry i ended that episode with my jaw on the fucking FLOOR oh my god. /neg#what did she have to die for? where is that post about female characters dying so male characters can feel sad but it's a gifset of all the#bullshit ass deaths of women on supernatural#i love the show fucking obviously but jesus h christ.#but also you know what. having the context that i have. still a fucked up thing to say but i see why dean says That to sam now during#charlie's funeral. it IS an interesting look into how they respond to the other one violating their wishes/freedoms and into their larger#dynamic actually! but thats not what this post is really about#wow. i am actually livid. poor fucking charlie.#if she was like a sister to the winchesters how about you bring her back huh? how about you revive her? jesus christ#i wonder what her heaven is like. i hope its dnd and movie night with the girls#i took a little break mid-typing this to see if i was just being insane and angry but no the super wiki has a whole section about the fan#outrage at charlie's death and the discussions it furthered about the show's misogynistic tendencies#and you know what? good!#ok anyway. im going to go browse charlie art and feel abnormal now.#supernatural#charlie bradbury
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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huh. crazy how the secrets sam keeps arent about trauma right?
#ok i need to stop hurting myself#anyways#sam keeping the secret about the demon blood/dreams in s1-3 is COMPLETELY fair#and totally related to trauma when your family LITERALLY HUNTS MONSTERS#and on top of that#when you have felt unclean and evil since childhood#idk man#i think thats fair#and then s4#s4 my absolute beloved#do i care that dean keeps secrets from sam in this season? not really#the secrets i get mad at dean for keeping are the ones that are about sam's personhood#like sam has the right to know about being soulless bc fuck dude that was literally him#sam has the right to know that their dad said to kill him bc fuck dude that's literally about! him!#but dean not telling sam about hell? yeah thats fine whatever#the demonblood tho.. oof thats just good storytelling#i love that shit#its just so intertwined with sam's self-image#along with the fact that he is an addict#of course he's not telling dean#dean actually literally in canon almost kills sam over it#and its my favorite television ever#anyways there is a double standard here bc you think sams secrets have nothing to do with his trauma when. uh. yeah they fucking do#lea speaks#fandom wank
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Caradydion (n)
(lit.) a spot where wild strawberries grow
(fig.) a special, secret place, only to be shared with those you love. To visit a caradydion together is seen as a declaration of intent between two lovers.
A fic about Frodo and Sam and the places they share between them.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOLKIEN AND HAPPY GIFT DAY @merry-finches! I had you for the LotR Musical Gift Exchange and I really hope you like this over the top sweet fic - I hope it fulfils your need for soft and joyful but also just a tad rip-your-heart-out as well 🍓 it has been a joy sharing this fandom space with you!
#OK OK IT'S HAPPENING#lotr musical exchange#lotr musical#frodo/sam#frodo baggins#samwise gamgee#lord of the rings#I AM SHAKING POSTING THIS#full disclosure because of who i am as a person i procrastinated this so hard and finished at around 3am this morning#it is the most embarrassing thing I've ever posted but i love these hobbits i want them to be soft together and i hope it brings some joy#posted from mobile so if you see any ao3 formatting fuck ups no you don't#i really hope you like it though
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I improved my morning alarm
#It was just Heat of the Moment#but *now* it's Heat of the Moment + Dean#and I now will let it go off *solely* so I can fill in the dialogue as Sam XD#If I don't have it memorized after spending almost 40 minutes editing this together I'll be thoroughly dissapointed#If I wake up and its Tuesday again I'll be frusterated but also *religiously* hunting for Gabriel#I bet he was one of the guys who came into the pet store today#sorry I'm getting ahead of myself there lol#WAIT#nononono what if he's my boss#hear me out#ok so I was complaining about not being able to be a hunter because 90% of monsters don't even exist in this world#THE NEXT DAY I have my first shift at the pet store#and let me tell you: that place is HAUNTED#flickering lights; weird sounds; cold spots; objects moving on their own. All of it.#This might be a little crazy but if Gabriel was going to be impersonating *somebody* in my life rn it would be my boss#and if I wake up in a time loop then I already figured it out. I win. And if that's the case: I bet the haunting is fake#If I don't wake up in a time loop I'm actually going to be more disappointed than if I do#I want an excuse to be able to tell my mom “yesterday was tuesday right? but today is tuesday too”#and then she's going to tell me I'm lying so after enough loops I'm just going to start saying all the same words as her at the same time#ohmygod and that would be SUCH a Gabriel thing to do actually#ok so my mom is a Sam Girl and I'm a Dean Girl so having us in the oposite characters' situations would be really funny#especially because I *really* don't like Sam that much#Guys trust if Gabriel was real he'd have a golden opportunity sitting at his feet right now#omg I love this#idle speaks#supernatural#spn#spn gabriel#dean winchester#sam winchester
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Okay I get the hype with Stardew Valley now. I understand.
when you set into the rhythm and understand what to do it's so chill. I have to get used to finding the towns folk though... some of my time has been used on wandering around hoping I run into the one I need. (I took a cauliflower to Jodi and I could not find her until I walked into Pierre's and she was just there)
(also accidentally gifted Sebastian a Geode and he literally said "...?" and I couldn't stop imagining my little character standing there like 😳)
#My farmer is Bip and they are a little blue guy and i love them#best persona to date actually... Stove Pokemon is a close one though thats a classic#also i thought for a second id have to hand in my gay card over Elliot bcs i grinned when i saw him. its so jover.#but its ok because hes a fictional character and i definitely didnt get upset when he rejected me at the Dance. nope nope#i like a lot of the non romance-able npcs actually.... and also Alex and Sam are my homies#me having two hearts with Jodi and then her basically making fun of me#she really said 'are you excited to dance' and wasnt an option to dance with#also made one billion times funnier bcs my bffs name is Jodi... and she looks a lot like her too its weird lol#stardew valley#wyrms can talk
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Everytime I look at Tumblr and see the tl I remember why I hate endgame with a passion you couldn't understand.
They fucked up Steve and Bucky so bad (yes, Bucky too bc suddenly he doesn't matter/isn't even a secondary character that deserves to be near Steve)
It's so funny to me (not) bc they talked about gay characters being in the movie at panels and interviews and even talked about Stucky at some point (basically queerbaiting) for then... Steve not even acknowledging Bucky. An awkward and impersonal hug doesn't cut it.
And Steve suddenly yearning and talking about Peggy? When he didn't even mourned her that bad and already had let her go ages ago? They knew they fucked up in CATWS with Steve and Buckys relationship, so they tried to distance them and then inserted Peggy bc ofc
(they possibly didn't have the time for a new character and they already had fucked up pairing Nat and Bruce and Wanda and Vision). Steve didn't have anyone else he cared about so they couldn't give him a new girlfriend. So they used Peggy AGAIN.
I'm not mad bc "Stucky not canon grr"
No.
I'm fucking pissed off because they did the worst character assassination and friendship assassination possible. Every movie of Cap America revolved around Steve saving Bucky at some point and him caring about him above all else, and you want me to believe that Steven Grant Rogers didn't care about him when Bucky died in front of his eyes? AGAIN? That Peggy's death was more important and impactful for him? If that was the case then why the fuck did he crash the plane then? If he cared so much about Peggy since forever?
No, that was just lazy writing and a way to reinforce Steve's sexuality "He can't be gay and you can't say that bc he LOVES PEGGY"(even tho he only kissed her once, even tho he crashed the plane and didn’t give her the coordinates, he didn't really care that much after all) they could have paired him with Nat in later movies, but they didn't.
That's why I only raise my eyebrows a lil when people say that x character will be gay canonically in a marvel movie/series. Is more than possible they won't. And if they are they're Deadpool, a secondary character no one cares about (obscure in lore too, so they can cut them off) or is plain queerbaiting again (because yes, even if you don’t see Steve and Bucky’s relationship as romantic, they DID QUEERBAIT IT)
Steve and Buckys relationship wasn't even written in a romantic way (you can ship them or not), but they tried so hard to rectify Steve's heterosexuality in endgame, that they fucked up their character arcs on purpose. And now they will always feel hollow and inconclusive. A bad taste in the mouth, a painful reminder of what it was and a what? 11 year long? characterization.
Idk man, I know I've talked about this more than three times, but omfg Tumblr reminds me why I hate that fucking movie!!! It's not my fault!!!
I know I'm going to end up writing something out of spite bc I can't take it shdkdjjcif
"It's been more than 4 years get over it" NEVER
Also the bit with Johnny Storm in Deadpool and Wolverine was also a dig (a fuck you if you will) to the fans bc Deadpool explicitly calls him Cap. And it implies that Steve as a character (not that old Steve nonsense) won't be back.
It's funny they've remade over and over again some movies (Fantastic 4, Spiderman) changed actors for characters (James/war machine, Bruce) and they include them in the multiverse/plot, but they won't do the same to some movies and some characters when they fuck up their stories, because they know if they do, they will have to acknowledge WHY they did it. Like with James/war machine changing actors.
So yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't care about Marvel anymore.
**I mean remake the movies ((Also they Can't remake Cap America bc that would mean they need to remake every important movie. And they don't have the time, the money nor the need. So that's why they decided to fuck their character arcs))
or include some characters in multiverse (they're going to do that with Tony/RDJ/Dr Doom after all, no?) and they also won't remake Cap bc the movies are amazing.
But the point stands. Steve couldn't be in DaW bc that would imply he's an alternative one or that Old!Steve was an alternative one or wasn't even Steve to begin with. But they couldn't do that ofc, no, bc that would give the fans hope in seeing Steve and Bucky together once again. So they did a dig at the fans bc "haha you thought it was Steve, but it's Johnny!"
Idk if I'm making sense at this point I'm tired af, need to sleep.
The thing is that they fucked up Steve Rogers's arc on purpose (Bucky's too, and others charas too tbh) and now they expect the fans to accept everything they give us with open arms. And imho I won't accept shit.
"Deadpool saved the MCU" how? If the other og characters are DEAD or they fucked them up too? Or are the butt of the joke now? Don't make me laugh. Most people don't gaf bout the new charas bc they only are presented in series not everyone watches (only available in one place) or are presented with characters that are dead now or as a replacement for the og characters. They aren't interesting on their own (not really, at least in mcu) and that's why most of the new stuff isn't liked as much. If they wanted to present more characters the opportunity passed already.
Also now if you want to watch and really understand 1 movie (if you don't read the comics too) you need to watch like 20 other movies and 5 shows. it's fucking exhausting.
#oh boy here we go again#im once again SCREAMING INTO THE VOID#anti endgame#anti marvel#i wrote this on twt originally#im really pissed off still#and so so tired#steve rogers#I don’t count X men bc the fucking timeline is more complicated than my brain can process rn#also weren’t they dead too?#idk I can’t remember atm#and I haven’t watched the movies in ages#the thing is I feel cheated bc they fucked up Steve and Buckys relationship specifically#and I can’t accept that and I really cant see Sam and Bucky suddenly being buddy buddy with each other either so TFAWS is a NO for me#also a notp noe bc people LOVE to hate on Steve and shit on him while they write stuff#also why I don’t believe anything Marvel says about having gay characters#if they really cared about representation or shit they would have assumed Steve was gay or at least bisexual or Buckysexual#but they queerbaited the shit out of the promos to give us that big fuck you in the end#and THEY KNEW they fucked up with CATWS because they went from theyre best friends to theyre kinda codependent in like an unhealthy amount#I mean assume in the other tag in a shit we fucked up ok well he’s this now kinda way#if you think about it Steve and Bucky are the almostonly characters that could be canonically gay or bi in the MCU (deadpool doesn’t count)#because they don’t have significant relationships with other people and even less with women#maybe Natasha? but they paired her with Bruce… when he has a relationship with Betty#THEY SHOT THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT AND BLAMED US#basically they got mad at us and broke their own toy bc they had a tantrum#so fuck you russo brothers#fuck you mcu#To the Tony isn’t straight crowd… they paired him with women only in MCU if I remember correctly#and yes I cant see Sam and Bucky as a couple#not sorry and if you ship them great! But i wont interact and not going to follow you bc i really can’t tolerate thst ship
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Sam accidentally confessing to Bucky bc whenever they're in the same room he unconsciously taps out the Morse code for "I love you"
#also if the usaf hasn't used morse code in like forty years or smthn don't tell me#sam wilson feels like the kinda man who just knows morse code#he's slay that way#sambucky#sam wilson#Bucky barnes#sam x bucky#bucky x sam#the accidental confession trope gives them#I really think that's the peak way to do it#because they irritate each other so much there's no way either of them would want to be the first to say it on purpose#but they're so in love they're about to jump out of their skin wanting to say it anyway#so one of their subconsciouses goes ok fine I'll do it myself#this post brought to you by Leo Valdez btw#(stan a short king)#mcu#marvel cinematic universe#marvel#morse code#martianbugsbunny reblogs#martianbugsbunny ships
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I haven't found one yet but there better be a freelance husbands fic of future max taking care of future sam from 204 somewhere
#i just want max to take care of his old man of a husband#sam litteraly says some random shit and max is like 'woah really?'#sam and max#freelance husbands#it'd be real cute ok#'I can't shoot max' 'thx sam thats sweet now lets get u to bed'#they're still very much in love after all those years u get me
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Waiting for someone to ask H:SR Kaeya "do you believe in yourself? are you still on fire? did you ever put out that fire?" so I may pack my bags and end my roleplaying career right then and there because of the "fire burning away his old identity" allegory and I may be slightly obsessed with this to the point where shooting myself in the knee would be less painful and more productive.
Because, despite everything, he's still in the middle of the house fire.
Kaeya travels with a goal that has stopped making him feel anything but obligation to completition. He can only become whole with others that bring out the good in him, and he's at a loss when alone, drifting aimlessly without a real personality that could have a chance to develope in company. Not in the way he wants to.
He never put out that fire. And there's nobody who's going to walk through the tall, raging flames to do it for him.
#from another realm ━ (ooc)#“sam are u good” NO. HOPE THIS DOESNT HELP IM IN TEARS#:)#i am. not ok. i need to hold him#<- is the one making him go thru this#wow i really made him doomed by the narrative huh. man#knowing that theres the ''fire'' needs a deeper degree of understanding past his superficial mask#and then some more willingness to get serious with him because you see past said mask and hes just lost and tired#there's really no saving him. more like trying to make him have as much fun and loving him as much as possible#which is not only a good path but completely fine#its also less about being ''rescued'' from the fire and him just having to put it out really#also my antistaminics work alright. i laid down at 2pm for a bit and woke up just now SKDHSK HELP
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this has potential to nuke my notes, so under the cut.
rewatching spn with an idea of the fandom landscape is so funny to me, bc i don't really find wincest and destiel that irreconcilable. sam & dean are the most canon-grounded end-game to me bc overall their bond is the backbone of the show. but there was always space to explore other relationships within that. and (given that, as always, i am a deanjohn truther) i find destiel interesting mostly in s4-s6, where castiel is presented as a stand-in authority figure that inspires in dean both terror and hope. there is something incredibly wrenching to me in dean absorbing the message he is cherished and loved by god and by this immortal all-powerful angel watching over him. that he is fundamentally good, that he deserves to be saved. that the world can return to be a simple and safe place if he just does his part. the almost irresistible appeal in the fantasy that all it would take would be melting back into that mindless obedience, into the simple conditionality of earning his keep by executing orders, and not feeling any conflict bc he trusts those orders to be good. and this time, it would stick. this time, he would always be warm and protected and cared for.
and how hearbreaking it is that it was always just a fantasy. even before any disillusionment towards god and towards the idea itself that there is anything good at all in blind faith, castiel's attraction for dean is framed as a corruption. while dean chases acceptance and absolution and safety from god through castiel, he is inevitably causing his fall, therefore disquilifying him from the role. their bond is not about god's plan after all: dean is once again being coveted for the sexual services he can provide. what does it say about him that even a sexless entity on a mission from god sees him and thinks of fucking him? what does it say about him that he caused his father to fall to hell and an angel to fall to earth? he was never a child and he can never return to being one. there is no protection for him and no father that can love him without first branding him.
all arguments stating the value of endgame-destiel for dean is about him "being saved by an angel" crumble in symbolism before this process. castiel as an authority and figure of Good that can provide credible answers on it stops existing after s4. in fact, dean becomes more of a moral compass for castiel than the opposite. and while that's an interesting dynamic and basis enough for castiel to love him, i don't see it generating in dean the same potential for awe-struck devotion that felt so gutting to me when he first approached castiel asking about salvation.
#i can feel the powerful pull of relating to dean#bc every time i am right there with him#i wish that god was real and good and that castiel loved his soul before anything else#and that dean could receive external and definitive confirmation that he is Good and worthy and everything is going to be ok#that he could finally be cared for instead of doing the caring#(not that sam does not care for him but yk - he was never mother and father to dean)#and ofc it's a fantasy no one really gets to return a child#and this is not a criticism i love how twisted the final product is#and i am not even exactly saying dean arrives a this level of elaboration in his thoughts towards castiel#as everything is moving pretty fast#but this is def the appeal to me#dean does make me pretty sad
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thunder and lightning are yuri couple. idk why no one has said it yet (fro mmy searches). also thunder called lightning dear once and im not gonna check the subtitles to see if i heard it correctly
#pajama sam#rambles#thunder and lightning arent so frightening#ermmm.... i wanna draw art of them later#ill add them to my list#i also just really love their dynamic alot :))#i know te red oni blue oni dynamic is kinda basic but i really like it ok#plus lightning just being so Frantic and Screaming all the time is just so slay of her fr fr#girl id be stressed 24/7 too if i controlled the entire world's weather#idk why shes wearing a massive L on her shirt tho 😭😭😭#but i respect the hustle of her just wearing normal clothes while in an office building lmao#thunder and lightning aren't so frightening#humongous entertainment
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