#I LOVE BEING A DYKE FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER !! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

callmelola111 · 1 year ago

Text

maniac ♡ e.w. oneshot

✄ - - - - inspo track - - - - maniac

synopsis: lies are spewed and truths are revealed when a precarious friend group joins together once more on the 1 year anniversary of their estranged friends disappearance.

| 𓆣 | pairing & wc: ellie williams x reader. wc: 4.4k

| ❀ | cw: 18+ themes (MDNI), modern au, reader is referred to with she/her pronouns but other than that all descriptors are gender neutral, heavy violence blood and gore, oc deaths, drug use, homophobia (use of the word "dyke" once. i'm a lesbian so don't y'all try to cancel me), heavy language, mentions of reader having anxiety and panic attacks, lots of tension and fighting, ⭑ SMUT ⭑ ... thigh riding (r on e), dom!ellie, sub!reader, fingering (r receiving), pet names (baby, angel, etc.)

a/n: hi lovelies!! long time no see... i know this is a little different from my usual stuff but i honestly really love how it turned out. i spent a good chunk of time planning this out and then even longer writing it so i really hope y'all love it! i want this to be a fresh and exciting read for everyone. if you do end up enjoying the fic, any kind of note is greatly appreciated! ur fave tumblr writers thrive off all y'alls support! anyways, love love love you guys!!! ♡~ lola

To everyone else, it was a summer like any other. But when it came to you and your friends there was something missing this time– someone missing. This absence felt extra heavy as tomorrow would be the 1 year anniversary of August’s disappearance, and the annual camping trip was right on time with it. It had been tradition for as long as you could remember, but its memory was now tainted and left something that used to be so sure, completely up in the air…

✄ - - - - ♡ - - - -

The five of you squeezed into the small 4 person booth at your favorite local diner; Tj’s Eats. In one seat sat Lottie and Reid. The girl’s loose, dark curls gathered at the boy's shoulders as she snuggled into him, still clearly in the honeymoon stage of their relationship. On the other side of the white marbled table sat Xavier and Ellie, with you perched on her lap, of course, as she insisted to everyone that it was “necessity” and “there really, really was no more room”. In all actuality, all it took was an extra chair to fit the five, but she was your girlfriend, and even after years of dating you still couldn’t get enough of each other.

“Can someone just say what we’re all thinking, please! I can’t with this tension,” Lottie complained, finally snapping out of the cuddle fest with her red-headed boyfriend.

“What are we all thinking Lottie, huh? Since you know everything,” Xavier retaliated, guising his irritation with a poorly crafted remark.

“Don’t be fucking mean,” she said, kicking him under the table.

“Yeah seriously chill out,” Reid echoed.

“God, enough with this shit, you guys are driving me insane!” Ellie butted in. You, however, paid no mind to this type of bullshit, as fights like this had become a frequent occurrence in your group of friends ever since that godforsaken night. So you continued to down your chocolate shake and drown out the bickering with a light hum. That is, until you were rudely interrupted by Xavier’s insulting words.

“You’re being real fucking quiet over there, Y/n. Do you really have nothing to say? You can’t just tune us out forever. We’re your fucking friends.”

You felt your hands balled into tight fists, “Fine. You want me to say something? I’ll say something–my brother is still missing and if you’re even thinking of going on that stupid fucking trip this year, you can count me out.”

“Not going on that trip isn’t gonna magically bring him back. August is gone and we can’t stop living our lives because of it,” he retorted, going just a tad bit too far. This was the last straw and quickly sent you up and out of your warm place in Ellie’s lap. She grasped at your wrist trying to pull you back into this mess of a friend group, but to no avail.

“Now look what you’ve fucking done!” Ellie yelled at your defense as you disappeared into the bathroom.

✄ - - - - ♡ - - - -

Now face-to-face with your tear-stained cheeks in the mirror, your head fell down between your shoulders, slowly letting the pent up emotions roll off your back. Ever since you lost August, life had become 10 times harder. As much as your younger self would’ve hated to admit it, he was your rock–your annoying brother–but still, your rock. This confession made you feel even worse though, because deep down, there was a part of you that blamed yourself for how things happened. Maybe if you would’ve stopped fighting, or told the truth to the police, or took it easier on the booze and coke that night, August would still be here. There was nothing you could do now though. This was your reality and you had to accept it.

With that you reached into the pocket of Ellie’s varsity jacket that engulfed your figure, hoping to find a tissue to blot away your tears and smeared mascara. Instead, you were met with a small polaroid. You flipped it over to reveal a bewildering picture of Xavier and August from the last night he was seen. Their arms were swung around each other’s necks, both flashing toothy smiles at the camera and you could recall being the one to take this photo. The one thing you didn’t remember is the black sharpie captioning the bottom of the image. It read “don’t believe his lies”. Your head began to race with countless questions and zero answers. The biggest one being, what the fuck was Xavier lying about?

The wet bathroom countertop dug into the palms of your hands as you took a second to decide the best course of action, but all you could come up with was shutting the fuck up and pretending it never happened. You weren’t ready to relive last year all over again. Not yet��not ever. So you paraded back into the dining room, eyes still damp and hands still shaking. Ellie felt your energy immediately and knew it was time to go.

She glanced at you for confirmation and then turned to address the group, “I think it’s time for me and Y/N to head out. Sorry guys.” Xavier shot a look of discontent and Ellie mouthed something along the lines of “I’m sorry, I’ll talk to her I promise”, which seemed to slightly ease the tension he was previously carrying in his shoulders. She then slid out from the booth, slipped her left hand into the pocket of your denim shorts, and ushered you outside to her red convertible.

The drive back was silent but as Ellie’s hand gently stroked the flesh of your thighs and the other steered you knew there was no way she could have anything to do with that polaroid. But you had to find out who did. Just as you were nearing your house though, Ellie’s gentle touch quickly shifted to a handsier approach and it was clear she had other plans for the night.

“Els?” is all you had to say before she quickly pulled over and jumped to the backseat, pulling you along with her. She positioned herself in the middle seat opening up her legs in a dominating stance resembling a manspread. You eagerly climbed atop her lap, placing soft kisses up her veiny neck and extending them to her defining jawline. This was just what you needed to release the tension that had racked up from tonight's events. The moon was hitting your face just right and Ellie felt so lucky to have you in that moment.

“You’re so goddamn beautiful” she murmured, slightly breathless from the overwhelming touch of your lips. You smiled against the crook of her neck and dove into the girl's mouth for a deep and passionate kiss. She returned the exchange with even more fire, graciously slipping her tongue into your entrance. With each second things got messier and your hips got looser, slowly grinding into Ellie’s denim clad thighs. She couldn’t help but chuckle just a little at your desperation, to which you buried your head back into her shoulder, encasing her in your arms for better traction. Ellie’s hands swiftly found the curves of your hips and rocked them back forth to aid you in your journey towards climax. That is until your anxiety got the best of you at the sound of rustling coming from outside the car.

“Ellie?”

“What does it not feel good?” she questioned.

“No, no– It’s just… I swear I just heard something coming from behind the car.”

“I mean… we are parked by the woods. It’s probably just some animal or the wind.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes babe, I’m sure.” she assured you with a firm squeeze to your thigh and you let your worries go. This time Ellie was on top, laying you down across the seats to hover over you alluringly. Your lips found hers once again as she slipped a hand down your shorts and past your panties to meet the slick that had been piling up the whole drive. You let out a strangled moan into Ellie’s mouth as her rough digits met the throbbing bud of nerves. She took that as a sign to speed up the pace and slip in a curved finger to hit that perfect spot. You jerked in pleasure, eyes closed, almost reaching your climax from just those few movements. Ellie felt as your walls tightened around her and knew you were close.

“Look at me baby. I wanna see your eye’s when you cum all over my fingers.” she cooed. You obeyed and parted your lids open to reveal a disturbing image followed by a frightened scream escaping your puffy lips. Ellie jumped back at the clearly non-orgasmic exclamation, letting out a string of concerned “what? What??”’s. All you could do is point your shaky hand towards the message written in the condensation of the back windshield.

“I know about last summer…” Ellie read out, voice as shaky as your extremities. Both of your fight or flight responses were triggered; you choosing flight and her of course choosing fight. The door to the cherry red car flung open and Ellie climbed over and out of her seat to trail the perimeter. You cowered down, eye’s filled with tears as Ellie recklessly yelled out to whoever wrote the message.

“Hello? Anybody out there?”, she kicked at the rocks in frustration, “Seriously who the fuck are you? This isnt fucking funny!”

“Ellie, will you please just get back in the car? They’re gone!” you pleaded. She eventually returned from her fit and came to console you. You were a mess and you were scared.

“Hey, hey, it’s probably some prank. Let’s just take a breath, babe. In and out. Nice and slow.” she coached and you followed.

“But- what if it’s not though… what if this isn’t the first time something like this has happened…”

“Wha-what do you mean?” she asked.

You pulled out the polaroid and handed it to Ellie, “I- I found this in your jacket.”

“Y/n I swear I didn't put that there. I have no idea where it came from. Please, please believe me.”

“I do, I do. But that means someone else put it there, and they probably wrote that message too.”

Her head fell into her hands as she let out a sigh, “Fuck. We’re so fucked.”

“So what do we do?”

“We go on that camping trip and keep our mouths shut till we know more.”

“Seriously? What is camping gonna help? I already said I’m not going!” you yelled.

“Like hell you are! You’re insane if you think staying in the same town with the psycho freak who's borderline blackmailing us is gonna solve shit! If we’re in the woods they can’t get to us.” Ellie argued, face turning red with insistence.

“Fuck. I guess you’re kinda right. I’ll go.”

“Thank you.”

“Will you sleep over tonight though? I’m scared Els. I don’t even wanna think about being alone after tonight.”

She gave you a kiss on the forehead, “Of course I’ll stay the night. We’re in this together, okay?”

“Okay.”

✄ - - - - ♡ - - - -

The next morning Reid came barreling over in his beat up white van. He haphazardly whipped into the driveway of your two story home that looked straight out of suburbia. Ellie stood at the top of the concrete hill holding your pink duffle and her navy blue one on the dip of her shoulder. Xavier swung open the sliding door and the both of you climbed in as you were practically slapped in the face with the smell of old bong water and way too many Little Trees air fresheners that somehow made the smell worse.

“Fuckk Reid, you’ve gotta get rid of this kidnapper van.” Ellie remarked, holding her nose and pretending to gag a couple times.

“Fuck off Ellie, you should be thanking me for driving you bums around.”

She just rolled her eyes, “Righttt… Right…”

The van quickly took to the road again, heading straight for the forest where it all happened just 1 year ago.

“It’s too quiet in here. Can we please put on some music?” Lottie asked about 30 minutes into the drive.

“Yeah sure. I have a few tapes in the console right there if you wanna put one in.” Reid gestured to the compartment on the passenger side and Lottie reached in, pulling out the first tape she could find. It was in a small plastic case with no writing or cover to indicate what it was, but it sparked an intrigue, so she popped it into the car's sound system anyways. To Lottie and everyone else’s surprise, music didn’t start playing. All that came through the speakers was a muffled recording of two voices arguing.

“Shut the fuck up August you’re just jealous!”

“You’re gonna regret this Reid.”

“Are you threatening me right now?”

“You’re the one who-”

Before the tape could finish Reid ripped it out of the player, slamming it into the dashboard and destroying the possible evidence.

“How the fuck did you get this Lottie?! Where’d you find this, seriously?” he screamed as his frantic girlfriend tried to explain.

“It was just in the console I swear!”

“Don’t fucking lie to me! I’ve never seen that tape, let alone put it in my car!”

Tears welled in her eyes, “I’m not lying Reid!”

The bickering continued as you, Ellie, and Xavier sat in the back, jaws dropped in utter shock. You felt yourself shutting down at this new found information. Did Reid have something to do with August disappearing? What were they even fighting about? Suddenly breathing felt impossible and the world went silent as panic set it. You only snapped back to Earth when you heard the sound of Ellie screaming.

“FUCK REID LOOK OUT!” It was too late though and the thud of a full size deer flipping over the hood is what finally shut everyone up.

“Oh my god…” you shuddered at the smear of thick crimson blood across the dirty windshield. It didn’t matter if it was an animal, Reid had just taken a life and you were basically an accomplice. Your heart broke and the pit of your stomach swirled with sickness thinking of the likely decapitated body splattered just behind the van. Ellie wrapped you in her arms, as if to shield you from the horror of not only the poor deer, but the realization that any one of your friends could be the reason your brother was missing.

Xavier finally broke the jarring lull in speech, “I- I think we should take a pit stop.”

“Yeah…” Ellie agreed.

✄ - - - - ♡ - - - -

A few miles down the road was a small gas station where Reid pulled over for everyone to recollect themselves. Lottie scrubbed mindlessly at the deer carnage with the murky gas station water and squeegee she found beside the gas pump. Xavier paced in the parking lot like he was off one but it was the pure anxiety and adrenaline that had him tweaking so much. Reid on the other hand was still stuck at the wheel, slouching in the driver's seat, and not making a single move since he put the van into park. Even his deep green eyes remained motionless, they seemed to be locked onto absolutely nothing, just staring into the void. Everyone was a fucking mess. The only people who seemed to be somewhat on this planet still were you and Ellie.

“I think I might gouge my eye’s out if I don’t eat some Swedish Fish and drink a Yerb as soon as possible.” you professed, walking inside the little convenience store with a ring of a bell.

“I think I need a fucking cigarette.” Ellie said in a joking tone, but candidly, these past few days had her seriously considering picking the old habit back up.

“I think everybody does. I’m tired of shit like this happening and then everyone shoving it under the rug cause we’re all still ashamed about last year. I mean, I know I am, but we have to talk about it eventually.”

“You’re right, but even if we did, what is there to say? We were all so fucked up the whole night’s just a blurry mess. Like, did you see Reid's face when that tape came on? It looked like he was hearing the conversation for the first time just like the rest of us.”

“This sucks Ellie” you groaned as you opened up the glass door to retrieve your drink. Ellie approached from behind, slithering her hands from your sides to your naval and giving you a squeeze.

She planted a soft kiss to the top of your head, “This does suck, but I love you and we’re gonna be alright. You gonna be okay for the rest of the drive?” She flipped you around to face her and you gave an assuring nod in response. Ellie always knew just what to say to ease that panicky feeling that was constantly bubbling up in your chest. The girl then took your hand and led you to the counter where a gruff looking cashier checked you out. He slowly scanned each item at an agonizing pace; Hot fries, Swedish Fish, a Yerba Mate, Chex Mix, and a Fanta Orange.

“Total is $13.78” he mumbled as Ellie swiped her card and you gathered up the snacks. The clerk's eyes seemed to get meaner and meaner each second you waited for your receipt– until he finally cracked. “You know you’re going to hell for what you did.”

Ellie backed away, “Excuse me?” Had he overheard something? Did he know about August? Who the fuck was this guy?

“I don’t need any dykes shoving their sins all in my face in my own damn store!” he grunted. Oh, he’s just homophobic. Right. That was y’alls que to get back on the road and out of the middle of nowhere immediately.

✄ - - - - ♡ - - - -

After an excruciatingly mute hour stuck in the “kidnapper van” you finally arrived at the forest where you’d be spending the night. The silence looked to have eased some of the tension though as conversation grew a little more lax around the campfire.

“Yo Lottie do you have the bud? We should roll up.” Xavier suggested. You nodded fervently in agreement, a joint was exactly what you needed. Lottie seemed to have made up with Reid as she was hanging all over him not hearing a word Xavier said.

With a few calls of her name she finally looked up, “Huh?”

“The weed Lottie.” Ellie said.

“Yeah it’s in a little pouch in my tent if someone wants to grab it.” Xavier got up from his spot on a mossy log and ventured into the purple tent hitched by a tree. In just 30 seconds flat he came storming back out, face completely red and a beaded bracelet dangling from his right fist.

“What the fuck is this Lottie!? How do you have this?”

She pulled back from her steamy kiss with Reid to answer, “Oh my god what Xavier? You’re being sooo goddamn annoying today.”

“Could you maybe stop grinding on your boyfriend for 5 fucking seconds and look at what I found in your bag?!” he yelled back. After a closer look the small beads began to look eerily familiar. This wasn’t just any bracelet, this was August’s bracelet. The one he had on the last night he was seen, and all of the sudden Lottie’s loud mouth seemed to shut right up.

“I- I- Xavier believe me I didn’t put that there.”

His voice broke with pain and fury, “Oh really?? Then who did ‘Miss innocent’?”

“I don’t fucking know but it wasn’t me!”

“Fuck you!” he screamed, dashing off into the dark woods. Everyone tried to yell at him to come back but it was no use. He was too angry to listen to anyone but himself.

That being said, hypervigilant Reid stood up to follow, “I’m gonna go find him guys. He shouldn’t be out there alone. Not after…” His voice trailed off but everyone knew exactly what he was alluding to.

“I really didn’t put that there you know” Lottie said.

You and Ellie shared a glance, “We know.”

A puzzled look spread across her face, “what do you mean you know?”

“We think someone’s orchestrating all this,” Ellie said.

“Like blackmail?”

You nodded, “exactly like blackmail. It’s happened to me and Ellie too. Once with a lost polaroid photo and another time with a message written on her car.” You then pulled out the photo to show to Lottie.

She read it aloud, “Don’t believe his lies? Like… Xavier?” Ellie twiddled with her fingers, looking down at the dirt before saying what you and Lottie were both thinking.

“I mean, I don’t want to point fingers because this is a fucked up situation, but how have we all been framed except him?”

Lottie smoothed back the sweaty bangs stuck to her temples, “Fuckkkk. He probably had the bracelet from the start too, he seemed sooo damn eager to go dig through my shit.”

“So, what do we do?” you asked.

Xavier suddenly appeared out of thin air, “What do we do about what?” Lottie practically jumped out of her spot.

“Fuck Xavier you scared me. Wait… Wh- where’s Reid?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he left to look for you.”

“I never saw him.”

Lottie began to scream and call for her missing boyfriend and without a second thought went straight for the forest like an idiot.

“Lottie fuck come back!” Ellie yelled out. It wasn’t long before she was running right back to you though. A blood curdling scream dampening any sounds of nature and sending a parade of chills up everyone’s backs.

“IT’S REID Y/N! IT’S REID! HE- HE- HE’S DEAD!” Lottie collapsed into your arms dry heaving from the overwhelming amount of tears, pain, and betrayal. “IT WAS YOU! IT WAS FUCKING YOU XAVIER!” You and Ellie worked to hold her back as he denied every claim.

“Lottie you’re acting fucking crazy! I didn’t do shit!”

“Even if you didn’t, you're not helping! But to me, it looks like you have guilty written all over you!” Ellie spat back.

“Fuck you guys! This isn’t fucking funny! I didn’t do it! Please, is this some kind of-” His words were cut short along with his head by the swing of a large machete right through his neck, sending a spray of fresh blood into the air and across your face. It took a solid 15 seconds before any of you could even let out a scream, but when you did, it was pure terror.

“RUN! JUST RUN!” you yelled. Ellie grabbed your wrist in one hand and Lottie’s in the other, sprinting away with little discretion. A hooded figure trailed close behind, dirt and rocks flying into the air upon each kick of their sneakers. Air caught in your lungs with no release, all you could do was put one foot in front of the other which was a struggle in itself.

Lottie got brave though and took one single look behind her following immediate regret. A rock caught her pink converse just right, throwing her across the dirty ground and setting her feet back from the rest. And as this hooded figure caught up, the moon casting its light through the trees and across his face, it all began to make sense.

Lottie struggled backwards through the dirt with a scream, “IT’S AUGUST! IT’S FUCKING AUGUST!” Ellie halted in an attempt to pull the fallen girl back up and running but she was frozen in disbelief, in horror, in complete and utter fear. There was no choice but to leave her there and as the both of you turned to run, all you needed to hear was her earth shattering shriek to know exactly what happened.

Tears streamed down your face, “Els, Ellie I- I can’t.”

“Yes you can. Just keep running baby please.” And you did for another couple feet until fate had other plans. A hunting trap violently swept you up into a tree, encasing you in a thick net.

“ELLIE HELP!” you screamed. She pulled and pulled at the rope creating lacerations across her palms and fingers but to no avail.

“Do you trust me Y/n?”

Through tears and strings of snot you shook your head, “Yes Ellie, I trust you.” Your girlfriend then took off, leaving you dangling in the air with no protection. It was just you and August now. And with a single swipe of his weapon you tumbled to the ground, twisting your ankle at the fall.

He gave a sinister smile, “hello sister.” You scrambled in the opposite direction, hands grasping at the soil below but never getting far with your limp foot.

“August please. You don’t have to do this. It’s me! It’s Y/n!”

“STOP IT! You’re not gonna change my mind about this. I’ve waited long enough!” Your heart beats from your chest. What the fuck were you going to do to survive this?

“We’re fucking family August! I’m your sister. You’re my little brother!”

“‘Family’, ‘little brother’,” he mocked, “you haven’t changed a bit.”

“Wha- what do you mean?”

“I’m not living in your shadow anymore Y/n. I’m done being the sidekick to you and all of your stupid friends!”

“They’re your friends too!”

He began inching closer and closer, “No they fucking aren’t! Friends don’t do what you guys did to me. Lying to the police, seriously? Acting like you had no idea what happened? I disappeared and none of you even gave a fuck till the cops started asking questions!”

“That’s not true August,” you broke down into tears once more, “I missed you every fucking day!”

“Clearly not enough.” He slowly lifted his arms, gripping the bloody machete with both hands. There was no escaping at this point. You just clenched your eye’s shut and braced for the end.

“NOOO!” The sound of a gunshot rang through your ears and instead of the feeling of cold metal slicing through you, you were met with the warm embrace of your girlfriend. You broke.

“Ellie. Oh my god Ellie.”

“I’m right here baby. Never leaving. I promise.” She just held you and held you, rocking back and forth till your breaths got less shaky.

“H-How?”

“A cabin. I found an empty cabin with a shotgun hanging right on the wall.”

“God, I love you.” Ellie smoothed back your hair and gave you a kiss.

“I love you too, angel.”

✄ - - - - ♡ - - - -

After that night things were never the same. It was just you and Ellie now. But together you would heal. Somehow, despite all the pain and loss, there was a glimmer of hope. Deep down you both knew things would be okay. And they were.

✄ - - - - masterlist - - - - ♡

taglist...

@endureher @gold-dustwomxn @alexpritch @4rt3m1ss @robinismywifee @sophlovesbooks @97cityy

(taglist is for all callmelola111 works, if you'd like to be removed just kindly lmk)

329 notes · View notes

marofdawn · 3 months ago

Note

Hello!! I WANT MORE ANGST, can you drop some quotes that describes them (levi and eden) perfectly🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️

This took me so long to answer, SORRY. Most of these are gonna be song lyrics because I don’t really have any quotes saved, and I’m not sure where to look for good quotes 🤧. But I hope these fulfill your desire for angst 🫶🏼.

“I know history may not remember me fondly, but I hope you do.” - not sure who this is by, but someone in my ao3 comments said they found this on instagram :).

This is 100% Eden to Levi. She knows some people will hate her forever for what she did, but she hopes Levi could at least acknowledge the good times they had.

“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.” - Henry Van Dyke.

This one reminds of when Eden and Levi were having that heated discussion in the forest, and Eden said she just wanted every second she spent with Levi to last for an eternity.

“Was I stupid to love you? Was I reckless to help? Was it obvious to everybody else? That I’d fallen for a lie. You were never on my side. Fool me once. Fool me twice. Are you death or paradise?” - “No Time To Die” by Billie Eilish.

This song literally goes PERFECTLY with this fanfic. This whole song is Levi’s POV after finding out about the truth about Eden

“I know you’re not in love, like you used to be. Guess I’m not enough, like you used to think. So you just run.” - “Run” by Joji

I see this being about Levi being furious about how Eden kept the truth to herself for so long. This relates to what he said in the forest: “You said you loved me, but if you truly loved me, you would have stopped what we had the moment you knew I had feelings for you.” She ran away instead of being honest, and that’s what made him feel like her love wasn’t completely genuine.

“Were you sent by someone? Who wanted me dead? Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed? Were you writing a book? Were you a sleeper cell spy?” - “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived” by Taylor Swift

Literally, thank you to all the people who recommended this song because it goes SO WELL 😭, especially this part. Eden was sent by Marley to kill Levi, writing stuff in her journal about her time in Paradis, and living a lie for five years.

“I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace. ‘Cause when I’d fight, you used to tell me I was brave.” - “my tears ricochet” by Taylor Swift

To me, this whole song is in Levi’s POV about Eden’s betrayal. This line basically explains why he was being an asshole to her after they met again after four years. He’s still holding on to that anger and just couldn’t find it in himself to be mature about it because he still thought about all the pain she had caused him. She made him feel loved, only for him to discover she wasn’t who he thought she was.

“And when you go away, I still see you.” - “Sunsetz” by Cigarettes After Sex.

Very simple line, but I just really love this song. I could see this as Levi still yearning for Eden after so many years even despite the anger he held.

“Help me hold onto you. I’ve been the archer. I’ve been the prey. Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?” - “The Archer” by Taylor Swift.

I can see this being about Eden wanting to hold on to Levi. All her life, she never felt good enough or lovable. Her mother was the only exception until she passed away, but it wasn’t really until meeting Levi that she saw how capable of being loved she was. She felt misunderstood, but Levi always understood her. She wanted to find a way to hold on to him, but was terrified knowing she was hiding the truth.

“It turned into something bigger. Somewhere in the haze, got a sense I’d been betrayed.” - “The Great War” by Taylor Swift.

This song perfectly summarizes Levi and Eden’s relationship as a whole. This line obviously pertains to Levi, but I think the song in its entirety is about a relationship that has gone through toxic times (aka, a ‘war’), but in the end, they still find a way to spring back despite the difficulties.

“We were too close to the stars. I never knew somebody like you, somebody. Fallin’ just as hard. I’d rather lose somebody than use somebody. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise (I see myself in you). I see my reflection in your eyes.” - “Reflections” by The Neighbourhood.

This mostly pertains to Levi. I feel like this song is about loving someone who may not love you back? Or maybe loving someone who just isn’t good for you? Levi fell hard and fast because he had never met anyone like Eden before, and after her betrayal, he thought he’d get over her eventually, but she still continued to linger in his mind years later.

“Our love is six feet under. I can’t help but wonder. If our grave was watered by the rain. Would roses bloom? Could roses bloom again?” - “Six Feet Under” by Billie Eilish

I think this song is about yearning for a love that died. Levi was heartbroken after the betrayal, but he still always wondered what would have happened if Eden hadn't 'died' in front of him. He wondered if their love could 'bloom' again, even after all the hurt and pain.

This came out longer than I expected lol. I hope you found this fulfilling!

#ial

7 notes · View notes

lesb0 · 5 months ago

Note

Have you ever been into femmes? I find a lot of women attractive but im mostly drawn to a masc women and I know there isn’t a specific box but how did you figure it out so to speak lol

I've always had little crushes on fem women! Ive loved kstew since she was like, 12. I had an early sexual awakening from kate moennig and angelina jolie like every baby dyke lol. my high school gf was fem. but it was all personality based, or having an intimate connection.

when I was younger I thought there was something asexual and wrong with me for feeling 0 physical attraction to femininity and loving masculinity while knowing I only desired and loved the female body, it was so confusing because I kept mis-projecting my desire on boys and got super disgusted and angry at them for having a male body. but then I felt so annoyed with girls for not being boyish enough and liking makeup.

I knew I definitely wasn't bisexual after 17 and started using every internet micro label that existed in 2010. but that year I had a butch sociology feminist teacher at college and realized that the beauty of female masculinity would illuminate my entire world forever. I thought I WAS one which was a hilarious phase. I tried sooo hard to be butch but then I started researching butch/femme as a history project and I was like ohhh that's me, that's what I'm doing

13 notes · View notes

deelaundry · 15 days ago

Text

AO3 Wrapped [writer’s ^and vidder's edition]

1. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

This was another year of needing the push of fests to finish and post works. @calaisreno's May prompts 2024 helped a lot, although I didn't go as far with updating The Private Personal Blog of Dr. John H. Watson as I wanted to. I posted seven (very short) chapters for the first eleven prompts. The remaining twenty prompts have been plotted, just not written :( and will take the story to the end of S3, where we wave goodbye entirely to canon. FYI- my notes for that section say:

That’s the end of canon. NO ABOMINABLE BRIDE NO MORIARTY RETURN NO DRUGS RELAPSE NO EURUS - Redbeard was a dog - Victor was a uni friend

Second biggest surprise was how much I absolutely fell in love with Sherlock & Co. I didn't think I'd have another show grab me the way this has. Not had a ton of fannish output yet, but it's likely coming.

2. How many WIP's do you have in your docs for next year?

A gajillion in docs. I keep thinking, "Can put this away; I'll never go back to it," and then immediately having my brain go back to it. Slightly fewer in the vid idea queue, but that's not zero.

3. Your favorite character to write/vid this year?

Great big cuddly squishes for the two John Watsons I wrote, BBC John and Jonk (podcast John). Same person at core, completely different in personality.

Vid: I liked vidding Yasper for Dance the Night, but vidding Ken to a "Xavier" song was also just *chef's kiss: Imma Live Forever

4. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

Not posted yet, but I've written some Mariana from podcast. I adore her and feel I can write her inner self... but am very frustrated that I know nothing about growing up in Spain. Don't know what her relationship with her family is like, what her inside jokes are with Spanish friends about British people/UK, etc. I have some handle (from an outside perspective) on what it might be like to be Hispanic in the US but nothing on being Spanish in London.

5. What's one pairing you want to explore next year?

Sorry not sorry, more than one:

More of BBC poly QPR Sherlock/John and others around them

Podcast Sherlock/John/Mariana

BBC John Watson and James Wilson as exes from secondary school when James was on an exchange program in England

A different deep platonic relationship for BBC Sherlock and "John"

Sherlock Holmes & James Wilson friendship (where James calls Sherlock "Shushy")

BBC Molly Hooper/John Watson taking place after John's gone to prison for assaulting Sherlock in S4. You might not be surprised to learn that their relationship is actually all about Sherlock.

There's also a BBC kinky WIP that ends with Greg Lestrade/Mary Morstan, although it won't really explore that relationship per se.

6. Did you receive any gifts this year?

Yep and they were all great!

King of Anything [Fanvid] for Overboard (1987) by periru3

A triptych of related fics by Vulgarweed: Follow the Lights in Sherlock BBC, Pusherman in Watson and Holmes comic, and Champagne Supernova in Sherlock & Co podcast.

The Final Adventure of a Problematic, Lying Detective (Aka Oklahomo IV) which is an hilarious fic based on a Norwegian parody of Sherlock BBC.

7. Did you do any collaborative works this year?

Nope.

8. What do you listen to while writing?

Nothing while writing. While vidding it's the vid's song over and over and over again.

9. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

In vidding, it's the fun match of the music with Ken sliding slowly down the hood of his truck, and the Mt Rushmore horses being the "fake-ass hoes."

In writing, it's from a blurb that I may or may not ever finish: The sex was glorious, a feedback loop of sensation rather than a race to an outcome, and at one point the woman gasped, "God, Watson, you fuck like a dyke."

Oh, wait, I wrote that in 2023. What is time?

Thank you @meetinginsamarra for your AO3 Wrapped that inspired this!

#my stuff #johnlock #hilson #jonklock #house md #if you want to do this meme then i tag you #we used to call these things memes #we the olds

4 notes · View notes

thelesbianpoirot · 8 months ago

Note

please share the name of your “old woman yuri” movie.

They aren't the stars. They are the loser main character's moms. It's one of those horrible raunchy comedies. it has a sexy fat woman, a very unique older lesbian dynamic for a few scenes and the dumbest gay male teen side story ever.

I love their relationship because when I am an old senile dyke I will be in full Dean Winchester cosplay and my woman will have to humor me until i'm dead.

She (the older bi femme) loves her silly butch wife and supports her dumb dreams of being her blorbo forever.

#thelesbianpoirot

12 notes · View notes

roseworth · 1 year ago

Note

hi lauren 😌 ok if dc were to ever make the elusive jason and rose outlaws team, who would you choose as the third member

hiiiiii im sorry this took a few days to get to i put a lot of thought into it <///3

so first of all. my #1 dream outlaws team is jason rose connor kara lorena. im not even exaggerating when i say i have thought about this team (whose dynamics i mostly made up) at least once a day for MONTHS. i know some of those characters being on a team together doesnt make sense but you just have to trust me. it all makes sense in my rich inner world. and someday i may get into it but i have a lot to say

but if im abiding by outlaws tradition of a trio. i have multiple options of who besides jay & rose.

eddie: obvious answer. hes been friends with both of them so its very common to put him in outlaws. HOWEVER.... i dont really see him as an outlaw. im including him in this list because i like the idea of the three of them together but i dont think he would really fit on an outlaws team. hes kinda just a normal hero and i dont think he would be super into the whole idea of killing people the way jason and rose do

kyle: i just think that the dynamic of jason rose & kyle would be SO funny. disasters. rose with kyle is "he was nice to me like 8 years ago so hes my best friend forever" while jason and kyle. you know. are the most annoying people ever. plus kyles views on killing are sorta "i dont do it unless i really want to but i think its cool" so he would tolerate them

steph: this would be so much fun. mwsl gave me minor crumbs of a jason rose & steph team up and i havent been the same since. steph can be a little bit murderous as a treat and jason & rose are enablers. idk i just think being an outlaw could be good for her

roy: HEAR ME OUT. SHUT UP AND HEAR ME OUT. i could fix rhato roy. my thought is roy post-cry for justice where hes mourning his daughters death and pushing everyone else away. and jason & rose go "quit your job join our emo band" and he becomes an outlaw bc he wants to be Angsty and Away From Heroes but jason & rose are like "sweet we have a responsible adult now 👍" and. roy cannot be around people younger than him without accidentally becoming an older brother figure. also roy & rose make me go crazy so im doing this for ME

eddie fyers: this popped into my head as i talked about eddie bloomberg earlier and i cant stop thinking about it. can you fucking imagine

artemis: yeah yeah she was already an outlaw. but what if she was again in a cooler more homosexual way. jason & artemis had a good dynamic sometimes in rhato 2016 when lobdell wasnt being weird, and rose & artemis would be so much fun given that rose loves to pick fights and artemis would be able to pick her up and throw her. to me it would be good and i want these two to interact

grace choi: okay listen. i just really liked her in outsiders 2003. as a treat to me i think she should be worse. canon toxic dyke getting worse because of a non canon toxic dyke and her boytoy freak

dana harlow: DANA COME BACK. she was the best ever for the two (2) issues shes been in. and rose & dana would be soooooo good and i need it so bad

but ideal jason & rose dynamic is this↓ so maybe its better for everyone if they have a red hood & ravager team up. hand in unlovable hand.

#thank you so much for this question this is so fun to think about #the problem is i dont want any of these to be canon because i wouldnt wish rhato on my worst enemy #but inside my head.... comics are good #dc

28 notes · View notes

zukkacore · 6 months ago

Note

⭐⭐ pls pls pls share thoughts about who can blame a girl

Thanks so much for this!!! Tbh it's fun to talk abt Who Can Blame a Girl b/c its so short n sweet so it does kinda feel like the one that takes up the least oxygen but i am. proud of it and it is cute but to be fair it also is kinda uncomplicated in my mind so i'll see if i have any thoughts...

(For the record im very "she let me hit b/c i use his pronouns interchangeably" about dyke!Jace. I don't care how she's referred to really. In fact, for most of this i just use he bc idc. In case that's confusing.)

It's a song rec in the notes but actually the inspiration for Who Can Blame Girl is b/c i'd had the song Susie Save Your Love by Allie x n Mitski stuck in head for like forever (That and like A Ton of Chappell Roan) and the song is basically about this girl who is like. In love with her friend who is asking for a ride b/c she needs a break from a shitty boyfriend. Which. Zarajaceporter anyone. I just was really taken with this idea of Zara being very taken by Jace in this kind of... vulnerable, messy, unpalatable state i guess? B/c Jace is so buttoned up and curated at Aguefort. And like. I don't expect everyone to get on the dyke!Jace train but obviously i'm very taken with her and love her she is the soft butch of my life < 3

I guess what i CAN talk about is that. I think it was a fun thought experiment to kinda. Be in Zara's head. I have so much affection for her in canon and i think she just has this very playful, impish, yet ultimately very kind center to her based on how she interacts with Fig that is very heartwarming and as much as i love to torment Jace and put him in Situations, I do think the person who could understand and empathize with his situtation the most truly is zara.

I've talked abt the parallels between Vampirism and Jace in his post shatterstar state. They're both liminal undead existences that are based on this fundamental want that if satisfied would bring harm to others and make the people they love hate them! And like. Zara is very kinda uncomplicatedly Good in FHJY but it was fun to play around with the interiority of a warlock vampire who is in a relationship with a celestial! The whole Thing sort of revolves around this weird unspoken arrangement that concocts out of the blue when Jace calls zara. Zara is all about agreements. Negotiations that you make with the people around you. So when it comes to the gender stuff:

Jace is quiet. “No one would ever want to see that. I—I’m not brave like you, Zara. You’re always you, and—My life is petty, and small, and I—” His voice breaks. “I—I’m comfortable keeping things the way that—” “Hey. You think I don’t make compromises?” says Zara. She's thinking about that word—brave. Jace has no idea what it takes for a vampire like her to "be herself" in a way he imagines. “I make compromises every day.

It's like. This ties so into my belief that pre-shatterstar jace is egoless. He doesn't want to rock the boat. He's comfortable, until Porter comes along. In a way, Zara is unflinchingly herself. She's a hot goth vampire and she's not shy about that. But I think she'd have to reconcile with. Just living in a world that is afraid of her existence. She's free from Jace's POV, but she's not as free as he thinks. She has to be at peace with the idea ther her very existence is just going to be an abomination to some people (and like. It's dnd so i don't know how popular that attitude would be but we have seen religious zealots in text so im sure those people exist). And she's talking about gender stuff but she's also unwittingly kinda speaking to the shatterstar part of his life. Be unflinchingly yourself. You want to live. And sometimes, people will hate you, or you will do harm.

Meanwhile, what is Zara getting out of this time with Jace? Some sort of connection? I think feeling a connection was very thrilling for Jace. That's why he asks, "You felt it, too?" But what does Zara want?

I feel like Zara's motivation is summed up here. Initially, it was curiousity and obligation. She liked seeing him in a state she never had. And he needed a favor, so she felt like she ought to come through. But this is the real reason:

"We can drive for as long as you want. My entire night is free. Obviously"

To me, this is her expressing patience. Patience that she's willing to extend b/c she feels for Jace. But it's also expressing loneliness.

I very much did contrive this bc I'm just a silly billy who has been wanting to write something about Jace n Zara hooking up in a car. And like. I'm cringefail and writing hookups is hard so im always obsessed with what the emotional throughline is for a scene like that and like. I kept coming back to Zara and her celestial lover. I think it's Zara wanting something tangible and messy and faulty.

and yet Zara for a brief terrible moment wants this, with her, over transcendence, over ethereal, ascended, over purity and goodness because this is real , it’s mundane, it’s here , it’s something she doesn’t have to wait for every time her lover comes calling, if anyone knew how desperate Zara truly is they’d never see her the same way again

Like. It's tangible and present and we don't KNOW what a relationship with and angel would be like. But it sounds so... pure. So sterile almost? And textually in FHJY Zara is very mature and healed, but I was like. The idea of a warlock finding a relationship so tantalizing that they would be willing to fuck up their other contracts was just so delicious to me. And Vampires are all about temptation.

Zara can’t help herself, she wants —the same dark want that compels her feed, the same hunger for something she knows is going to destroy her, destroy everyone around her—and seriously, fuck Porter anyway, how could he ever want Jace as profoundly and completely as she feels herself wanting right now,

Like!!!! Yes Zara is better than this but im toxic and want to reduce her to the gutter w the boys! As if it's my fault! I'm not gonna quote the hornier parts but like esp the stuff about like. Zara reconciling with darker wants that—she's not as bad as Porter, but she's a vampire, it's about consumption, about taking, about predation, about desire (it’s also about penetration. lol). She's doesn't let that shit rule her, its there, she does stumble. Like. Was it a good or bad thing that she left it open-ended at the end? I mean. It's good for us for sure. I want them to get into a messy situationship in the wake of Jace's messy breakup with Porter (yes. In my mind this is THEE breakup from IYWD too. The real one).

But like. It was always going to be open ended. Zara did him a favor. This is a contract. There's always a give and take in a relationship. He'll be there for her too at some point. That's how it works.

#jan.ask #WCBAG screaming

6 notes · View notes

compassmili · 1 day ago

Note

these from the pjm asks; 🌅 🌃 👻 💀 🚪 🧷 🌈 👾 🌧️ ☀️ 🧳 🪞 ✏️ 💪 🩹 👥 for john and thea. i feel like ive given you homework

HELP. OKAY. THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU. IM PUTTING THIS UNDER A CUT MY LOVE.

JOHN:

🌅 — What are they most proud of?

Her strength and resilience! Despite everything she has gone through, she has still somehow lived this long, and she has the baggage and physical scars to prove it.

🌃 — What do they wish they could forget about?

GETTING FIRED (SOBBING EMOJIS). How badly she fucked up is playing permanently on her mind, forever haunting her and taunting her. She desperately wants to forget the fact that she is the reason she lost it all. John hates taking accountability for her actions (Even though she expects it and demands it of others) and it just haunts her because she won't accept the situation at all.

👻 — What situations do they most fear happening? How realistic are these fears?

THE MIDDLE FINDING HER. IT IS HER BIGGEST FEAR AND SHE HAS VERY FREQUENT PANIC ATTACKS DUE TO IT AND ISOLATES TO TRY AND STAY SAFE. It's realistic as hell bc they literally do track her down during her Canto.

💀 — What secrets are they trying to hide? How successful are they in this?

How she lost her job... She doesn't really mention her Fixer days at all because of the shame she feels. She's successful in it, because she just fully avoids the topic, and nobody would even naturally know of her anyway. She may make an offhand comment about old experiences she had (Working with high rank Fixers, attending nice parties, etc) but never expands and leaves it up in the air. I think (Before her Canto), only Ivan and Balladyna would ever even figure out about her Fixer past. Also of course Faust knows about it.

🚪 — Is there something they don’t wish to admit to themselves? What is it?

THAT HER GETTING FIRED WAS HER FAULT LMFAO AND GENERALLY THAT SHE IS INCREDIBLY UNPLEASANT (SOBBING EMOJIS).

🧷 — What type of clothes do they prefer the most? Do they wear it often?

She either dresses in business casual like normal or like a dyke. Like tank top with a bad fishing joke + cargo shorts + a hat. Probably sandals with socks too. She doesn't dress like that brand of dyke often/ever though just since she works for the company. In her 20s she dressed "better" though (sobbing emoji) like very nice dress shirts and slacks with nice dress shoes.

🌈 — What would be their title if they were a Color Fixer?

THE NAVY HEART!!!!!! NAVY BC OF THE OCEAN AND HEART BC OF HER DETERMINATION!!!

👾 — Do they love the city they live in?

No she hates it she hates this place bro

🌧️ — What would their worst possible end be like?

Brother. This is it. This is her worst ending (Sobbing emoji)

☀️ — What would their happiest end be like?

There's two options here. That she never got fired, continued on as a Fixer, eventually climbing to the rank of Color, or that because of Ivan and Hermine's influence, she actually improved as a person a bit. Even if she became a Color, she'd still be an alcoholic, even if she did get the praise and recognition she thrives on and needs in order to survive. If she stayed with Ivan and Hermine, and was pushed by those two to improve, she'd still have decades of damage, but would have people who loved her.

🧳 — Do they have any items that would persist with them in every universe?

Her braids, for the most part! She's only without them in the Navy Heart ID. Everywhere else, her hair is braided in some way. Also her scars are always present.

🪞 — What are their opinions on their Identities and Mirror technology in general?

She's very bitter about the existence of her Identities. Knowing that she could've turned out different, being forced to look at it, being forced to be it for a time. That she could've been more successful. That she could've been more loved, recognized, admired. That she could've been anything else and it is all her fault that she is not.

✏️ — How do they write their observation logs? Do they have any notable quirks in their writing?

She's similar to Faust and Meursault- Very basic and to the point. Doesn't waste time and only writes what is pertinent. Maybe a slight exception of noting how annoying the enemy was every once in a while.

💪 — What kind of role their IDs end up having most often? (Tanking, debuffing…)

SINKING! MY SINKING LEGEND! GET SUNK! Also mostly blunt attacks with evade rather than defense.

🩹 — After their Canto, are they doing better or worse?

Oh so much fucking worse. Her worst fear literally came true and all her paranoia and fears were proved to be justified. Everything was solidified for her. That she is worthless and never safe. That she is safest isolated from the world, that she will always be hurt, that everyone is out to get her. She is worse off for multiple upon multiple Cantos. She is completely unavailable for the Intervallo after her own Canto due to her isolating in her cell. She will not leave at all. Once she finally exits, she is afraid and jumps at everything and will break down in public. It isn't until around Ivan's Canto (Super fucking late game) that she has any sort of positive change/goes back to her usual self. Her experiences with the Middle permanently altered her.

THEA

🌅 — What are they most proud of?

How good she is at manipulating and getting her way :mwehehe:

🌃 — What do they wish they could forget about?

Kinda just how much she hates himself (Sobbing emojis) She isn't a major fan of what she's done in life but bliss can live with it. It's the self hatred that's the most annoying.

👻 — What situations do they most fear happening? How realistic are these fears?

Ending up alone and suffering and once again in poverty. She lives in the City, so there is a chance of it, but she's made herself popular enough that there'll always be a man ready to marry/provide for her. It's just a matter of her finding someone she deems tolerable/worthy enough of her time.

💀 — What secrets are they trying to hide? How successful are they in this?

Answered this already! Here's my previous response:

"I guess the main thing is that he is just trying to hide… Himself, really. He’s always acting as someone else, never showing her true self. She doesn’t want to be truly known, as that’s a threat to their safety. Showing that vulnerability is a risk. Bliss is very successful in this, in getting everyone to think she’s cheerful, sociable, and vain. That she’s just a spoiled woman seeking romance and fun."

🚪 — Is there something they don’t wish to admit to themselves? What is it?

Hm. I guess that bliss hates blissself? Like, he knows it, and sort of sinks in it, but refuses to ever show it outwardly.

🧷 — What type of clothes do they prefer the most? Do they wear it often?

Before the Company, she most often wore long dresses that were most commonly off the shoulder. Prefers warm and thick materials like velvet.

🌈 — What would be their title if they were a Color Fixer?

Ummmm. Ermmmmm. Mahogany Songbird maybe. Definitely taking suggestions on this I'm not entirely certain on any ideas.

👾 — Do they love the city they live in?

Naur she hates it here

🌧️ — What would their worst possible end be like?

Ending up alone and back in the Backstreets, tossed aside like garbage.

☀️ — What would their happiest end be like?

Hm. Maybe quitting opera as a whole and just finding a friend to live with? If she stopped obsessing over her own safety and future and allowed herself to make real connections.

🧳 — Do they have any items that would persist with them in every universe?

I'M NOT SURE NGL. Maybe her painted nails and makeup? Or her daggers since those are very important to them?

🪞 — What are their opinions on their Identities and Mirror technology in general?

Doesn't have much of an opinion on it since she's apathetic to really everything. Maybe has a bitterness seeing her other selves.

✏️ — How do they write their observation logs? Do they have any notable quirks in their writing?

Since she has to act as her friendly self in the observation logs, she's very upbeat and often lets others also chime in when writing her logs. Almost lets others actually write more than her. Her logs read more like the transcription of a gossip session than Company required documents.

💪 — What kind of role their IDs end up having most often? (Tanking, debuffing…)

Debuffing, maybe? Hm. Unsure.

🩹 — After their Canto, are they doing better or worse?

Also answered before! Here it is:

"Hum is… Worse, for a little bit, with her whole world and lies having crumbled around her. She doesn’t know how to exist now that people know who and what she really is. But Nick specifically helps her a lot! She’s really only worse for an Intervallo, by the next Canto she’s doing a lot better. She still is playing a bit of an act, as that’s her natural state at this point in her life, but she does act more and more like his real self. He may *seem* worse off because his true self is just in general a worse person, but she’s actually doing better since hum no longer is constantly lying and manipulating."

#SMILES WIDELY. EVERYONE ENJOY. EAT UP. I HAVE PROVIDED MORE FOOD FOR YOU ALL #oc posting #john #dorothea #⛪️#🕊#✉️

3 notes · View notes