tellevangeline

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(Photo of me and my husband by @mettieostrowski on insta)

Caroline Polachek as a Sociological Phenomena and why it’s Important to Gatekeep Twinks.

So there I was (picture unrelated) waiting for the train at 10:30 PM on a Sunday so I can go take some extra estradiol from a generous friend at a gay bar, full incognito, wearing a fucking hoodie, I’m so tired I spent all day working on the flier for my new absurdist drag bingo because I and everyone I know are walking parodies of bushwick transexuals.

Train is taking forever so I have some time to kill, and I decide (d? Should I care about continuity? I am not a writer, I’m an author.)

Anyway I decided to put the recent Caroline Polachek album on, which is big for me because I have been a bit of a Caroline Polachek denier. I listened to Chairlift very casually when I was a teenager but I was far from die hard and since then I’ve kind of just thought of her as an unfortunate but all too common case of a talented musician being so aggressively HAIM-Pilled that it’s practically deafening. I say this as a dyke with love for all dykes❤️

Also the “new queen of artpop” claims coming from the exact type of 5’8 naturally dirty blonde he/they’s I’ve made it my life goal to disagree with at all times are really not helping her case for me.

Because here’s my thing. I’m a Kate Bush ride or die, surprising I know. I have I’ve always been a coward tattooed below my collarbones like the only 1% I’ll ever be a part of is her Spotify listeners.

But here’s the tea, if you’re not ready and willing to hee haw like a fucking donkey on a song that’s probably about some form of domestic abuse you just aren’t the new queen of artpop. I do make the rules and to be honest the only people in pop music right now not named lady fucking gaga who has the panache, the gaul, the unwavering commitment to pull stunts and shenanigans on that level are Ethel Cain and Lingua Ignota, especially since FKA Twigs decided she wanted to live a happy and fulfilling life (and good for her, thank you for all the good times queen)

And Caroline is simply not there, she’s too squeaky clean and widely appealing to go to those absurd and ugly places that make a Bjork.

Now my personal cocomelon/surrogate father figure Anthony Fantano the Internet’s Busiest Music Nerd did love her album, and I usually agree with his takes (mbdtf is mid you just love it because it was baby’s first concept album and you have a deep yearning to return to a time in your life where you first realized music could be art) BUT WHILE I AGREE WITH MANY OF HIS TAKES (sorry) my one glaring exception is that he never takes how cunt something is into consideration while evaluating a piece of music, and by that I do mean that he said gaga peaked at fame monster and 212 is the only good azealia banks song. He doesn’t have the tools to engage with music in a fag like manor, so when we’re dealing with music for gays, I don’t trust him.

And then last night I saw a Drag Queen named The Illustrious Pearl perform welcome to my island as a showgirl vampire wearing rhinestoned knee pads and frankly if Caroline is good enough for her she’s certainly good enough for me.

And I’m gonna be really vulnerable here, I really enjoyed the album. Like, there’s about as much art in it’s pop as cranberry in a gay bar vodka cran but it’s damn good pop and the art adds a nice little aftertaste.

I believe is definetely my favorite, those Rhythm Nation/Mortal Kombat ass synth hits always make me convulse (America Has A Problem is my favorite track off Renaissance) (it took me a whole 2 minutes to spell renaissance right) but I also like welcome to my island a lot and I at least liked everything else except for Billions which sounds like a song that was rejected from The Sensual World because Kate would never release a song that non-violent.

But it was cute. I have a meeting with a literal church upstate that is trying to book me for their pride drag show tomorrow and one of them just texted me “Brainstorming with the Holy Spirit is so exciting and so fruitful ✝️💜✝️) and I believe those synth hits on I Believe will carry me through my challenges tomorrow. Love Down.

Xoxo

-Evangeline

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Biblically accurate Eva. Tumblr sees it first.

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Goodbye tw*tter come see me behind that secret door in yr grandma’s house

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rating my text posts from 2016 on a scale of 1/10

5/10 decent advice but i did not know my angles or personal style at all 

2/10 this was a lie i was not doing well at all

4/10 drag is literally a community

3/10 LMAOOOO AGED SO POORLY

4/10 i thought i was so quirky

6/10 i guess this was kinda funny but ive spent enough time on grindr to know that ass daddy is not a common term

okay 1/10 3 years later i married a boy who was moving to canada 2 days after our wedding so i could have made it work if i really wanted to

1/10 first off they’re called dips second off i have nerve damage in my left knee because of them

4/10 decent sentiment but thats personal shit why was i posting on main about this also i think my ex was still following me lmao

6/10 extremely cringe but a fair take. also not the bandom omfg i feel so blessed to have a life where i do not ever have to hear about the bandom 

4/10 this was my cry for help era. i think i forgot the humor part of self deprocating humor. its ok 19 y/o me you will find some friends and replace alcohol with horse tranquilizers

8/10 i have no idea what this means now but i bet it was a great in joke

7/10 turns out im a girl but this was funny 

5/10 sexy lady is a state of being i wasnt ready for. i needed to go through my person (average) phase to enter my sexy lady era

9/10 great take i stand by it completely would be a 10 but damn those exclamation marks date the fuck out of it

1/10 ok girlie listen up the first cry for help “joke” was mildly amusing and sort of framed as a joke this was just being depressed on main, which is fine its your social media you can say whatever you want but u gotta stop being like “calm down yall its a joke” bc you’re just not being funny at all like damn. 

okay absolute 10/10 here not because of anything i said (it was just a general accountability like if u have a problem with me you’re welcome to come talk to me kinda post) BUT a few years after this was sent to me the person who was talking shit about me reached out to me and spilled so much dirt on the person who sent me this ask and it was one of the most sickly cathartic experiences of my life 10s

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hey guys im back sorry i was at wendys

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where can we see ur cunt?

Gollum is gettin drunk and msging me mid-masturbation again

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Cringe

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Sasha Velour by Adam Ouahmane.

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There’s a girl at SUNY New Paltz going around for the past three semesters shit talking you.

I'm usually not inclined to answer stuff like this. I feel like it only serves to create drama and hurt feelings unnecessarily, but I've been thinking a lot about emotional baggage and the effect the past has on me so I guess this is worth a response. I make a lot of mistakes and I hurt a lot of people. Sometimes I lash out because of my insecurities, sometimes I can't adjust myself just right to a social dynamic, sometimes my goals and ambitions keep me from noticing the feelings of my loved ones, sometimes I'm just downright selfish. Of course I don't want to hurt the people I care about, I don't know many people who do, but I'm a profoundly flawed human being. I'm trying to do better because I know what happens when you don't treat the people you care about the way they deserve.So to this person who's talking about me behind my back (using this person as a surrogate for people I've hurt alienated or made uncomfortable with my actions) I have a message.I understand. If you want to talk about it with me, I'm here, if you don't and you just want to express your frustration about me to other people that's okay too, I hope it helps you process. I'm trying my best to learn from my mistakes and treat the amazing group of people I have in my life now the way they deserve and hope they'll understand if I can't always stick to that.

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Favourite Queens: Vander Von Odd

“Film maker by day. Femme Fatale by night.”

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Giambattista Valli | Fall/Winter 2015 Couture

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Barely ever use tumblr anymore (ig is more of my gig, follow me at strawberryvinexo) but here's a lil makeup/drag progression pic. Top two are from June 2015 bottom two are from June 2017.

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of Montreal by Ben Rouse 2016

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