#I KNOW he’s not out here using he or she correctly for binary trans people

[genderfreakxx]

Uncle at the Thanksgiving table: It’s HE and SHE. That’s what it is. HE/SHE and- and, uh…..he/she and, uh…….whazzit….he…she...and...HIM AND HERS, yeah, that’s it, uh-

[resting my faggot chin on both my tranny hands:] Go on you’re doing SO good right now and you sound SO smart :)

[arecaceae175]

A Guide to Neopronouns

Questions, answers, usage, and helpful resources at the bottom! :D

What are neopronouns?

In simple terms, neopronouns are a category of pronouns used in the place of typical pronouns like he, she, or they.

Neopronouns allow trans people to find pronouns that fit their specific gender identity or expression if typical pronouns do not. Neopronouns can be an expression of someone's personality, gender identity, gender expression or lack thereof, and can be an act of rebellion against a binary and transphobic world.

Neopronouns (or neos) can mean different things to different people, and depending on the different pronouns. For example, I use xe/xem pronouns because I like the use of x instead of sh/h in she/he. I like the implication of the gender being completely removed from the word with an x put in its place. Also, I just like the way they look. They have good vibes.

Why are neopronouns important?

Using neopronouns correctly is just as important as using he, she, or they for someone. Using a person's correct pronouns is a sign of respect and support. Trans people use pronouns that reflect their gender identity and experience. Using the correct pronouns affirms the person's identity and helps them to them feel confident in their trans identity.

Using incorrect pronouns for someone is very hurtful. When people use the wrong pronouns for me, I feel dejected. It shows me that they do not understand, respect, or support me. It is very alienating. I feel upset, and if it goes on for a long time I start to shake and feel like I am going to cry.

In online spaces, neopronouns are even more important. I do not use neopronouns in my day to day life because it is exhausting to explain the concept of neopronouns to everyone I meet. I never know if they will be supportive, or if they will have a negative reaction, or if telling someone my neopronouns will cost me something like a job opportunity or put me in danger. In online spaces, or with my close friends, I get to be my authentic self and use the pronouns that fit me the best and makes me feel good.

How do you use neopronouns?

This is the hard part. Some neopronouns follow a conjugation pattern, but for the most part each pronoun is unique. That is part of the appeal.

I made a google doc with conjugations of 30 common neopronouns. You can find it here! I tried to include all the neopronouns I know of in my typical fandom circles. If you have a neopronoun that is not on this list, please share it with me and I will add it!

There are infinite neopronouns, and sometimes people use different conjugations of pronouns that look similar. It is always a good option to ask neopronoun user. Most of us will not be offended by this question! In fact, I love when people ask about my pronouns. It is an opportunity to teach someone new about neopronouns!

Also, you can type the pronouns into google and usually it is easy to find resources on how to use the pronouns. This is a good way to show extra support to a friend who uses neopronouns. This way, you are putting in the time and effort it takes to use their pronouns correctly.

Practice is key! If you don't put in effort and practice, they will never stick. When I was learning how to use neopronouns, I kept a screenshot of a neopronoun chart saved on my phone for reference whenever I got confused.

What if you make a mistake?

That's okay! Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. Most people will not expect you to get their neopronouns right on the very first try. For me, as long as someone is putting in genuine effort to use my neopronouns correctly, I am happy.

If you catch your mistake, correct yourself quickly and move on. For example you could say, "Oh, sorry, I mean xe," and then let the conversation continue.

If you apologize over and over or derail the conversation, it can be uncomfortable for the person who you misgendered. If you still feel guilty after the conversation, you can reach out to them individually and apologize.

If someone else corrects you, apologize or thank them, correct yourself, and move on. Here are a few sample conversations.

"I was telling them-" "Xe uses xe/xem pronouns, actually." "Oh, I'm sorry. I was telling xem..."

"I am going to ce's house." "Actually, it would be 'cer house'." "Oh ok, thank you. I am going to cer house."

"I was telling them- oh, wait, I mean I was telling xem"

Please try not to be offended if someone corrects you. It can be hard, especially if you have a condition like rejection sensitive dysphoria. If someone corrects you about their pronouns, it means they feel safe enough or trust you enough to share that with you. Your reaction will dictate if they feel safe enough to be their authentic self in front of you.

Also, if you can, correct other people if they use the wrong pronouns. It can be hard for trans people to constantly correct others about our pronouns. If you correct someone else, you are showing us your support and demonstrating to other people that our pronouns are important.

Here are some more resources about neopronouns:

Understanding neopronouns

Extensive neopronoun list

Dey/dem for the black community

Gender neutral language around the world

Neopronouns in German

Neutral pronouns in Hebrew

Neutral pronouns in Spanish

Neutral pronouns in Swedish

Neutral pronouns in French

@neopronounfaq is a very helpful blog that describes neopronoun usage

If you have any questions about neopronouns or their usage, please feel free send me an ask (anon is on) or leave a comment on this post. I'm happy to answer any questions that are asked with good intentions! I will delete and block any transphobic asks :)

[tornad001]

reply to a trans woman on her post without degendering her and calling her they/them/their challenge (impossible) (how the fuck are you going to debate someone on the existence of transmisogyny and not even correctly gender her and yet expect everyone to agree with you)

i don't check for ppl's pronouns before responding. if u read the posts and come away with the conclusion that the 2 (two) they/thems i used are a sneaky transphobic tactic, im sorry to say the reality is much more banal and unintentional

i changed it tho. i default to they/them when i don't know someone's pronouns. but i honestly have very little respect for trans ppl who get actually upset when u "misgender" them with gender neutral pronouns. i think it shows a fragility of identity and a level of self-centeredness that is telling. if ur too emotionally reactive to hear a queer person use gender neutral language as a default for ambiguous circumstances, then ur too emotionally reactive to be having mature conversations with other queer folk.

i thought we were all about not assuming people's gender? but maybe that just doesn't apply to binary trans ppl? am i supposed to just divine the gender identity when it's a trans woman? i could've made the connection, username catgirlforeskin, being belligerent about the misogyny/misandry paradigm, etc. but any of that would still be an assumption. and if u want me to just look at their profile before i respond to anyone, im not gonna do that

cuz again, i have very little respect for trans people who get unironically upset at being they/them'd. thats the way i do engagement and if u think that makes me transphobic, well i obviously disagree, but ur entitled to ur opinion. i literally don't even bother correcting ppl if im misgendered irl usually. during the pandemic i got ma'am'd a lot cuz of my long hair, mask, and shawl, but how does it affect me? why should i care? i always just got kinda tickled that without even meaning to i was performing femininity well enough to bamboozle the lady at the reception desk. i think if ur performing queerness, u can't get upset if ur they/them'd. we're all for correcting ppl who misgender u here, but i think that process should be a gracious notice that that's not the pronouns u use with increasing intensity and eventually vitriol if not respected. but no, yall decided to serve up emotional reactivity from the start. i used they/them twice in the same post and didn't misgender them aside from that (cuz the rest i referenced her directly with you/yall) but rather than a "hey she uses she/her pronouns" followed by my "oh i didn't realize, ill change that", u had to come out the gate swinging with accusations and assumptions. like it wasn't even a he/him, that i can at least understand being emotionally reactive about, but for gender neutral they/them? insane, whacky nonsense. its the year of our lord 2024, be more normal

[angelique-of-the-volturi-guard]

It’s 2:30 in the morning, I’m severely depressed because I left my laptop at my best friend’s house, everything out is gross and rainy, and it fucking hailed today so I’m doing the only thing I can think to do which is give my hot take. And it’s this:

Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff would be the best parents in the entire MCU. Bar none. End of story.

And I know there are going to be people like “But what about Stark?! What about Barton?! Did Wanda and Vision’s story mean nothing to you?!”. To you people: Sit down. This is their moment. Y’all had yours already, and they likely never will so let me get this out of my system okay?

Bruce and Natasha would be incredible parents because they both understood what it felt like to hurt as children. Natasha was raised as part of a project with a fake family. Bruce’s father was severely abusive and killed his mother. They both have done everything they could to make sure no one would have to suffer as they did.

And before you go “but what about the Hulk?!”, I’m here to tell you: If you don’t think Bruce would do everything in his power to protect that baby from the hulk, you’re wrong. And if you think the hulk would harm a kid, then you’re forgetting that he was born out of Bruce’s anger over his father’s treatment of him AS A CHILD and his mother. I know we all love to just think about the hulk smashing things but come on. He has a heart.

They would love and spoil that child rotten. Both of them having fertility issues means that either by virtue of adoption or a combination of magic and science, that child is a miracle. And they would do everything to give them a good life. Both of them are polyglots so that kid would grow up learning multiple languages. Bruce is a genius, so if they wanted to homeschool, they could. Nat is skilled in marksmanship and would make sure they could hit targets and exercise. But despite them both being introverted people, they would make sure that kid got out there to make friends because they understood what it was to be lonely, and would never want it for that child.

Bruce reads stories and gives baths every evening, getting to enjoy playing with them. Natasha spends time chasing them around, playing whatever imaginary games they enjoy, just happy to see them so unburdened.

Gender means nothing here. Boy, girl, non-binary, or trans, this kid is getting taught everything. Bruce is shockingly great at baking and would spend stormy nights baking cinnamon buns with his child, the way his mom did when he was upset as a kid. Nat would never let a girl be told she couldn’t make a basketball team, or let a boy be told he couldn’t do ballet. She would work with them and show them that they could do it.

Bruce is a master at helping with emotional intelligence. He has enough for himself that he can pass on his mistakes and victories to a child, and hope that they’ll learn from him that anger can be a messy feeling, but when channeled correctly and carefully, it can be a force for good. Nat teaches them how to know when it’s safe to let their guard down with someone, because sometimes it’s dangerous but other times, it can be rewarding.

The two of them often flip traditional gender roles in the face. Bruce enjoys being as much of a stay at home dad as he can, often answering questions and making good memories with their child. Nat, meanwhile, loves going out in the field and feeling as though she accomplished something, going home to be rewarded with snuggles and excited exclamations about what they did today. The two of them often switch off with working, but always come to every event that child has, in an outpouring of support.

This is not to say that they aren’t sometimes triggered by this child they love so much. Because oh, it happens. Bruce catches himself starting to yell like his father used to and stops mid-sentence before hugging them, apologizing, asking Nat for help, and then going to deal with his feelings. Nat sometimes tries to push that child away when she feels touched out, but then remembers what it felt like on those lonely nights as a child when she did something wrong, and hugs them, later on having a drink and thinking through what she could have done better. The two of them talk often about what they’re going through to the other and are incredibly supportive to one another. Parenting isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.

The two of them believe in one another, they say how proud they are of the other often. Kisses are exchanged, and the time after bedtime is spent curling up with some tea and Netflix on the nights when they don’t have to clean as much. They’re affectionate as a couple but private. The child somehow understands this and reflects their quiet sort of love with gestures of help and remembering what they like in regard to food, music, jewelry etc. for birthdays, Christmases, and important occasions.

Natasha gets to see this child grow up completely secure and loved with no secrets between them. Bruce gets to be the dad he always wished he’d had, and it heals him in so many ways he can’t explain. And while they sometimes wish that they had more family around, more normal jobs, more money, or just more time, they both know that they’re giving this kid everything they have. And at the end of the day, they go to bed smiling about it.

Bruce and Natasha would be the greatest parents in the MCU. And we were robbed of seeing it.

[yeetlegay]

Heya! Asking this as someone who has watched the movie Pretty Woman but not for a LONG time, so my memory is fuzzy.

If I recall correctly, there were some bits in various spots that I think wouldn't float today. So if the Pretty Woman movie were remade today, with an updated approach and more contemporary viewpoints on sex work, what do you think might change? How might the story go differently?

Partly I'm asking because I'm curious to see what different choices you make from the film in FLH. 🤔 *curious curious curious*

Ohhhh this is fun, although idk if I’m the person to speak in depth about the “right way” to tell a story about sex work. Most of what I know about the industry is based on either a) academic scholarship or b) conversations with friends who currently are or used to be in sex work. Representation of sex work is complicated and there are contradicting opinions even within the sex worker community about what it should look like.

With that disclaimer aside, the original Pretty Woman movie isn’t perfect by any means. I think its big weakness is with Vivian’s character and how they chose to write/depict her journey and backstory. They lean into this very Christian/evangelical/biblical idea that women become prostitutes because they have a low sense of self-worth or they’re tricked/forced into it. (I say women because the movie ignores the existence of male sex workers entirely, and is so heavy with the gender binary that trans and nonbinary sex workers are even further off its radar.) Obviously sex workers can have low self-worth just like anyone else, and it’s a high-risk profession that a lot of people get manipulated or trafficked into. The problem is that they didn’t have any other sex workers in the movie besides Vivian’s friend Kit, who’s in pretty much the same boat as far as character background and motivations.

(Throwing in a cut here, it’s about to get rambly lol)

So what hasn’t aged well for me is that Vivian’s development relies so much on ideas about sex work that minimize women’s agency and moralize their sexuality. Vivian got to be the main character in the movie, the person people rooted for, because a) she was ashamed of how she made a living and b) her arc centered around self-esteem and wanting to be “saved” from poverty and exploitation, both of which made her a kind of Mary Magdalene figure that was the only archetype of a sex worker that would be palatable/sympathetic to a broad audience’s values and norms.

That perception of her was reinforced by a pretty big age gap, even though it’s not really discussed much in the movie. Julia Roberts and Richard Gere have a 19-year age gap. She was like 22 to his 41 when this movie was made. To be clear, I don’t give a shit about age gaps (I actually love age gap romances when done well, noona romances are my absolute WEAKNESS) and I’m not saying it makes their relationship unhealthy or anything. It’s just something that helps drive home to both them and the audience that Vivian is the young girl who needs a second chance, and Edward is the older man who can help her. He treats her well, but also he has a pretty condescending, paternalistic attitude toward her that exacerbates the power/class divide and infantilizes her a bit for the audience’s sake. Honestly he’s kind of a dick lol. It’s a miracle I like this movie as much as I do given how much I would hate him if I met him in real life. (Also the way he doesn’t CALL THE FUCKING COPS when his friend Stucky tries to force himself on Vivian??? What the actual fuck my guy)

Okay, now that I’ve rambled about all that, to answer the “what would I change” part of the question, I’d actually say Fake Love and Hennessy is pretty much my answer tbh, in the broadest strokes at least. When I first started outlining and writing, I knew what didn’t work for me in the original Pretty Woman and I had a decent grasp of sex work advocacy, so it was just a matter of figuring out what felt true to Porsche’s character and sort of reverse engineering the plot of Pretty Woman to fit that as much as I could. Which was actually ridiculously easy, not because I was some kind of genius lol, but just because Pretty Woman and Kinnporsche have a surprising amount of plot points and narrative elements in common. The outline basically fell in my lap, I’m not even joking.

Intentional choices I made re: representing sex work and character arcs:

Porsche has self-worth issues, just like Vivian, but they’re explicitly tied up in his role as caregiver for his brother and the class/power divide between him and Kinn. He doesn’t feel good enough for either of them, but that’s not why he got into sex work. It’s just a thing that happened, a choice he made, and he’s not ashamed about it, even if he feels the friction of deviating from social norms. It helps that Kinn is a deviant too (sociologically speaking, not talking about morals just that they’re both breaking society’s rules in different ways) so it would be pretty hypocritical for him to look down his nose at sex work, a major part of the underground economy in his world. (In fact, pretty much everyone in Kinn’s network is sex work positive and Porsche being a sex worker is by itself a total non-issue. If you’re afraid someone is gonna slutshame him or demean sex work at some point in the fic, don’t be. I’m not writing it, point blank. Not even the villains get to pull that shit on my watch.)

I’m playing around a bit with the wiggly consent moments from the movie. Kinn isn’t as pushy as Edward is, which is because a) he’s not as steeped in Western patriarchal influence and b) he just plain digs consent. He doesn’t repeatedly try to kiss Porsche after Porsche shows visible discomfort (like Edward did in the piano scene) and even after a couple of days when it’s obvious Porsche would be pretty down for kissing, he doesn’t make a move because Porsche already set his boundaries.

The D/s stuff honestly just sort of happened lol, I didn’t mean to make it such a big part of their relationship, but when I realized it was going there I went back to my outline to puzzle it out. It was really important to me that Porsche’s submissiveness wasn’t somehow conflated with powerlessness, considering the class divide between him and Kinn. I wanted it to be about him feeling empowered to own his pleasure and desire in a way he’d never let himself before, NOT about him lacking agency in his body as a sex worker. Porsche as a character is just so wrapped up in taking care of everyone around him that he’s not very self-aware in a lot of ways, so Kinn’s style of domming—extremely attentive, confidence-boosting, worshipful—throws him for a complete loop. So while the movie wasn’t very kinky, I thought Kinn and Porsche’s sexual power dynamic in the fic would be an added way to give Porsche agency as he starts exploring this new side of himself.

I’m still not trying to represent sex work “accurately” because that’s sort of impossible to do, and also it’s fiction, where a bit of idealization/rose-colored glasses treatment is pretty much a given. So I’m not saying this fic is even remotely realistic or true to the lived experiences of sex workers. That was never really my goal honestly. What I do want, and what I hope I’ve succeeded at, is to tell a story that respects sex workers across the board and doesn’t stigmatize, dehumanize, or otherwise contribute to their marginalization and oppression.

Okay, that’s a SUPER LONG response lol I get wordy very easily. There’s a lot of stuff in later chapters that departs from the movie, which I would’ve loved to talk about, but it’s all massive spoilers 😔

This made me realize how much I’d love to talk about all kinds of “behind the scenes” stuff about the fic when it’s done, because there’s all these little things (Easter eggs from the movie and show, role reversal moments, scene inspo, etc.) that I’ve had so much fun thinking about and working into the fic. Maybe I could do some sort of Q&A or something at the end if anyone’s interested, or just a list of fun facts/cutting room floor stuff.

But thank you for asking, Nemi, you gave me the perfect excuse to rant about the movie lol. 💖💖

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

Ok. So the twitter thread anon is talking about is about 1. all the various mogai genders, 2. how to ask someone for their pronouns safely, and 3. not to assume someone’s gender. So let’s go through it.

1. Mogai is harmful to the lgbt community and needlessly confusing. It treats gender as a feeling and a joke and shits on trans people. End of story. I can talk about that if you send me another ask about it. But this is going to be way to long of a post if I talk about it here. The twitter thread had someone asking about different genders and someone sent him a link and he’s like “wow, so many. How do I tell what someone is?” Which ties into the number 2.

2. I can appreciate the way they discuss asking someone for pronouns. Saying to do it in private so you don’t out someone. In general the thread says very calm and civil which is good. No one is shamed for asking questions. However, I do have a concern which leads to the next number.

3. I don’t actually like the whole “don’t assume someone’s gender” in the way that it’s being used. There is nothing wrong with being confused and unsure about someone. And it’s totally ok to ask. But people take this way to far. I don’t want to have to constantly introduce myself as “Hi! I’m [name], and I go by he/him/his.” I want people to look at me and immediately think I am a man. I think it’s safe to say that’s a pretty common feeling in the trans community. You want people to assume your gender. And to assume it correctly. 

Not to mention there are plenty of cis people who have body dysmorphia, are gnc, or just in general appear in ways where... you can’t always tell what gender they are. Some of them might not care about people not knowing, but there are a lot of self conscious people who do. Not to mention most people who get asked their pronouns tend to be trans people who might not pass well, or cis people who are just gender non conforming. A masculine woman is still just as much a woman as a feminine one. But the masculine one is the one that is not only going to get questioned a bunch, but also have people insist she’s non binary or some mogai shit. This implies that the masculine woman doesn’t appear to be a woman as much as the feminine one-- which is sexist and tied to gender roles.

The “don’t assume gender” idea has been used to reinforce gender roles more than it has been used to actually help trans people feel more comfortable. Not to mention, there is literally nothing wrong with assuming someone’s gender. It’s ok to be wrong about someone’s gender. My brother is cis and gets called her all the time. He corrects people and everyone moves on. I’ve done the exact same thing. It can suck sometimes but it literally isn’t a big deal. It’s only a problem if someone is being a dick about it. But people treat it like the worse thing imaginable that anyone can do that’s totally unforgivable!! But it’s really not. People are a lot more chill about correcting themselves than a lotta people care to admit. 

Hope that’s what you were going for with your ask. Feel free to shoot another if you want more clarification. 

[stagandsteer]

Today is Trans Day of Visibility!!!

Quite some time ago, I got some anon questions about Froy adding his pronouns to his insta bio from people who weren’t familiar with this action. I promised anon I would make a post explaining about display pronouns and didn’t get around to it, but today is a good day for that!

here are some actors with he/him pronouns in their bios. Pedro added his long before his sister came out as trans. He did this purely to be an ally! I’ll explain why in a second.

here are some artists I follow that have she/her pronouns in their bios, including the show runner of Cruel Summer! Emily Hampshire has hers right in a little piece of fan art she uses for her profile pic.

and here are some fabulous artists I know who identify as non-binary, or genderqueer. They use a variety of pronouns! JVN uses they/he/she interchangeably. Savannah is a writer on Cruel Summer! they identify as trans and non-binary.

What does all this mean and why is it important that Froy, Blake, Tia and cis-gender identified people use display pronouns! pinkmantaray is a great resource and you can find some easy to share infographics on their instagram too.

NORMALIZE INTRODUCING WITH YOUR PRONOUNS, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE NOT TRANS

Not offering pronouns implies that other folks should either intuit or know your gender simply from your expression. While many folks’ gender expression does reflect their gender identity, not everyone’s does.

Sharing pronouns not only dismantles the idea that gender expression always equals gender identity, but also creates a safe space for trans and gender nonconforming folks to share our pronouns and be gendered correctly, too.

So when someone like Froy, a #goodgood, puts his pronouns in his bio, it helps break down the assumption that everyone "looks like" their pronouns or that people who identify as he or her should look a certain way.

Sharing your pronouns, even and especially if your gender presentation closely matches your identity or some perceived cultural norm (help fuck the paradigm!) helps chip away at assumptions about gender that make the world less safe for trans and gender non-conforming folks. It makes a more welcoming space for trans people to be authentic and live their lives visibly at a time when their very existence is still regularly and unforgivably under attack. With visibility does eventually come more understanding, and acceptance and safety.

I hope I explained this well and please, anyone can Inbox me if I missed any points or if you have any questions!

[quasieli]

top six: fictional characters that give you gender envy, flowers, little things that make you happy and d&d moments :D

Ooh lotsa questions!

Gender Envy:

1) Bow from She-Ra (2018). Something about buff athletic dude who wears crop tops and is soft as hell is very Gender to me.

2) Vax from Critical Role. Pretty boy, kinda goth rogue? That’s sexy as hell and I wish that was me. 

3) In a wildly different idea of gender envy, I’ve been thinking about it lately and @quantum-lesbian’s character in the Frostmaiden game I’m in with them, Ambrose, is Big Gender. Beautiful non-binary drow with a starry and kinda witchy aesthetic that dresses super grandly and ostentatiously no matter the occasion? Yes please.

4) Pete from The Unsleeping City, specifically season two. I adore season one Pete but season two Pete that works in a queer bookshop and has a teapot arcane focus, is artsy and is unapologetically a trans man who doesn’t give a shit about gender roles? Sign me the fuck up.  

5) Beau from Critical Role. Buff GNC lesbian mixed with academia, but like academia from the prospective of a grad student with ADHD trying to learn everything about their special interests? A+, I love her and I’m jealous. 

6) I’m gonna cheat a lil bit for this last one. I know the prompt is fictional characters, but Julia Lepetit and Jacob Andrews in their Hitman streams? Simultaneously both of them were Gender for me. Jacob esp felt like that for me, which is weird cause dresses can make me dysphoric, but I am also slightly envious of the Dude in a Dress type of gender presentation. 

Can you tell that I’m a confused trans masc enby

Gonna put it under the cut from here cause oof, there’s still a lot more.

Flowers:

1) Big slut for Sunflowers, always have been, always will be.

2) Fun fact, my dad’s family used to own a flower shop (in like the 70s, so I never got to see it :(), and one of their big things was hydrangeas. My dad has always loved them and now I love the snowballs too!  

3) A recent favorite, the Baker’s Globe Mallow. It’s a type of flower that only grows from the soils of forests that have been affected by wildfires. It’s a simple little flower but I love the idea of something beautiful rising from the ashes after tragedy. A little dramatic, but I’m queer, ofc I’m dramatic.

4) Roses are another important flower to my family (Rose was a family name for a couple generations), and ya know, they’re a classic. 

5) There’s this beautiful magnolia tree in front of my house that blooms with the most beautiful white and pink flowers every spring, and it’s one of my favorite things to see every year. 

6) There’s so many different types of Lillies and they’re all very pretty, but the Purple Stargazer is prob my favorite.

Little Things That Make Me Happy:

1) My cat, Maddie. She may be a cranky girl at times, but she is also very sweet and will always be my baby (even though she is 12). 

2) Not a little thing really, but my best friend. Just getting a sweet/silly text from her or the two of us chilling in a room, sitting in a comfortable silence because we just like being together, nothing better. 

3) Baking, esp if I’m doing it for others. I’m not much of a sweets person myself, a little treat every once in a while type person, but I love baking. It’s a very relaxing process for me, even when it can sometimes get stressful, but seeing people enjoying something I made, especially something that brought me great joy to make, is simply the best. 

4) In the same sorta vein, crafting and other art, but that’s a bit more personal. I love making things for others, but art, particularly drawing, is something I do more for me. It’s such a great feeling when you can get into a really good art mood and just sink yourself into a project. I love it.

5) My plush toys. Yes, I am a 23 year old, no I will not stop loving my plushies. I just got a few new friends, which I made a post about recently, and they such good cuddle buddies. However, there is one king amongst them all. I have this old, beat up christmas puppy beanie baby, on his tag named Jingle Pup, but I just call him Jingle. I had one version of him since I was like 6, but he currently lives on a shelf cause he is very beaten up and fragile, but his “brother”, who I got when I was 8, is still in kinda good shape and is currently chilling on my chest as I type this lol.

6) Again, not a little thing, but it’s important to mention; D&D. The game itself is such a joy, but truly the best part of it is the people. I love creating stories and memories with people through this weird little game. Truly one of my favorite things to do.

D&D Moments:

These are all gonna be personal moments, rather than anything from actual play shows/podcasts. RC is Reforged Campaign, where I play Saube, and FM is Frostmaiden, where I play Sparks.

1) RC - Meeting Mahety, Saube’s girlfriend. We met her way back in session 12 and we are now up to like session 73. Saube saw her and was immediately big heart eyes at her but also felt a bit awkward and shy. So, being a game a dice, I decided to roll. 10 or higher, Saube would talk to her, 9 or lower, she’d stay put. I rolled a 17, 17 is now a lucky number for me. I love Mahety and I’d die for her. 

2) FM - This was an insane fight that should not have been so crazy, but in a fairly early session, my group went up against an angry druid and her awakened animals. So much batshit stuff happened in that fight, and we unfortunately lost our bread loving bard (RIP Agneyis), but one of my favorite combat turns happened in this fight. Our artificer, Omaren, has a robe of useful items and one of the patches on it creates a large pit. Thinking quickly, Omaren tore off the patch, slid it under one of the dire wolves we were fighting and created a looney tunes style pit under it, allowing us to take it out easily via pot shots. Such a clutch move and such a funny visual, especially because the dire wolf kept failing the checks to get out of the pit.  

3) RC - Saube’s Zebrith (I will never remember how this actually spelled RIP). So, for context, Saube ended up with a death curse (long story) that mechanically meant they had disadvantage on any death saving throws. Scary as hell, need to get that fixed! So, Saube and their party had to be smuggled into another country to talk with some religious leaders of a goddess known as The First, the goddess of death. They were told that Saube would have to go through the aforementioned ritual, which included her soul leaving her body for a short period of time. During this ritual, her friends had to call back to her, to say things that would bring her back to her body and I still cry thinking about that game. That ritual was not only important for Saube bodily, but spiritually as well. After that ritual, Saube officially became a cleric of The First! 

4) A real sappy one, RC - Saube meeting all of her friends. Anyone who follows along with the rantings on my blog probably knows how important this game is to me. I met this random group of strangers on tumblr and formed a D&D party with them and now, a year and a half later, I honestly think it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I know that sounds silly and dramatic but not only has this game brought me so much joy and comfort, but I also gained a group of really amazing friends who have been nothing but amazing since day one. As much as Saube knows she can depend on SICL, I know I can depend on my group of weirdos lol. We both love our friends very much and even though we’ve all been through some crazy shit, we wouldn’t change it for the world.    

5) RC - Just playing Saube in general. I really didn’t intend for it to be this way, but Saube is very much a reflection of myself. She is the first long term character I have ever played and so much of me is in her. I try not to treat D&D like therapy, because that’s unfair to my DM and fellow party members, but playing Saube has allowed me to work through some of my own problems, especially social anxiety, in a lot safer of an environment. It isn’t so much that I’m asking this game to help me fix my life, but playing out these scenarios that, in the real world, would make me anxious or make me freak out, I can stop, take a moment to breathe and work out these issues in a way that makes sense to me. Playing her has led me to understanding myself a bit better, as well, and that’s truly such a wonderfully unexpected gift from this whole experience. 

6) Lastly, a silly one: RC - Getting a crit 6. The last session of this game got real interesting. Saube’s party ended up in the ethereal plane and magic got real fucky there. So, any time any of us tried to cast a spell, we’d roll a d20, not look at the result, and then try to guess what number rolled. The closer to the number, the better the result. A few times, a few people managed to get within like 3 or 4 of their roll, but oh the power I felt when I rolled a 6 (on Saube’s die!) and guessed it correctly! So, not only did the spell (Bless) work, but it worked super well. So instead of getting +1d4 to attack rolls and saving throws, Saube and two other party members got +2d4 to attacks, saving throws and skill checks. So powerful I broke the rules of D&D lmao. 

[whatsupspaceman]

Writing and reading non-binary characters

i think talking about non-binary characters in literary settings is really important.

Often times, characters who use they/them pronouns fly pretty easily in a visual our auditory setting like film or comics, but I’ve seen a lot of “how do i do this” when it comes to writing.

I want to talk a little about a character I wrote for a short story in a college writing class. Their name is Damien, they are a wizard in an urban fantasy setting, and they exclusively use they/them pronouns. I am a nonbinary person too, and while I use any pronouns, I knew my class was predominantly straight, cis people, and I did not want to compromise on this character’s identity- by assuming (correctly), that they would default to he/him pronouns because of Damien’s name. I was worried about doing this, obviously, knowing I would probably get some transphobic remarks in workshop. I’ll talk a little bit about that too.

The story was in third person, and centered around Damien, the college aged magic user, and Wren, a middle school aged girl who tags along with them. My first draft I did not really describe the appearance of either character- Wren I think just being a kid, and Damien having cropped black hair. The comments I received never questioned Wren’s appearance, but I received a lot of “Well, what does Damien Look Like”, “I would like to know more about Damien”, “I felt that you were being unnecessarily vague with the whole pronoun thing-”

In this draft, I didn’t mention that Damien was non-binary exclusively until near the end, where Wren asks, and Damien responds that they’re “neither a boy nor a girl.” I probably put a little too much faith in my cis classmates here- some of whom didn’t get it and others who skipped the comment entirely. Anyway, from a trans perspective- the act of clearing this up was an afterthought, something I’m tired of doing in my every day life, and something I didn’t want to focus on in my magical wizard story. However, because of the lack of non-binary representation in general media and especially literature, there’s a bit of compromise necessary to take with majority cis readers and trans writers. I had to move the clarifying remarks as to Damien’s gender identity earlier in the story to avoid the all-encompassing obsession with gendering people and characters that many of my readers possessed.

I think the most noticeable thing about this story was the reaction to transphobia- or the lack of- in it. I did not have any instance of Damien being misgendered, no snide remarks, no assumptions, and no physical description of their birth sex- all things that are absolutely rampant in trans characters I typically see portrayed in media. (Now, I understand the importance of having non-binary characters in media who aren’t perfectly androgynous because that is yet another stereotype in and of itself, but we’re still in Gender 101 here. I only had so many pages) And for this story, Damien’s assigned sex had absolutely no business being in the story. It would be absolutely redundant to tell the cis audience that, and only cement this idea of Damien’s “real gender” in their minds. Does that make sense? So, of course, all of the cis audience assumed that Wren, the cis character, was in the same boat as them and the need for a gender assumption. I got a lot of “Why doesn’t Wren misgender them?” “Why doesn’t Wren remark on how confused they are about Damien’s gender?” and the absolutle worst comment of all, “When Wren falls on them, why don’t they talk about their gender- like ‘she couldn’t tell whether the weight under her had breasts or not-‘“

I don’t have to tell you that was Really something else to read in workshop. And of all the “this was unrealistic” remarks I got, never once did anyone think to comment on the unrealistic nature of curses, magic wands, spells, and umbrellas that shoot fireworks. Turns out, it’s my fantasy world and I get to eradicate transphobia if I want to! The reason this happens once again is because of the predominance of sexism, racism, and homophobia in fantasy settings- some of the most famous of which are written by cishet white men. (and yes, Even cishet white men i actually enjoy reading.) it’s not a new thing, but it is something writers Must consider when writing fantasy. We have to destroy the idea that discrimination is inherent to fantasy and scifi universes, or that minorities just Don’t Exist in such.

And finally, the presence of singular they pronouns in a third person story. We’ve all read stories where there are two people (for example) who use he/him pronouns. Suddenly the author throws in a new paragraph, or dialogue without a tag, and you can’t tell which “he” is talking or doing the action. We’ve all been there. However, we’ve Also read scenes where all the characters use the same pronouns, and the author does a lovely job clarifying- peppering in the perfect ratio of names vs pronouns, collective actions versus clarifying characterization: “Oh, Obviously X character is the only one who laughs like that”

Writing they/them pronouns is absolutely no different. We must overcome this idea that it is some brand-new scary writing technique. And if you’ve never written non-binary characters, you’re gonna mix it up a little bit! It’s only natural. That’s where practice comes in, a lot of editing, and beta readers.

Damien shook their head. Taking Wren’s hand, they pulled her over to the side of the road, out of the way of the car.

Damien shook their head and grabbed Wren’s hand. They stumbled to the side of the road together, narrowly avoiding the car.

In the first example, I use singular they for the action of pulling Wren to the side of the road, and in the second, I use the collective they- and sometimes that might require you to use “they both” or “all of them” more than you thought you would. And here, the two examples are a little different- your language is still going to reflect the urgency of the situation, and what each character wants to do- that’s still natural.

The most important thing to remember is just to treat your nonbinary characters like people. Real people with tons of different identities and intersections and ways to express their gender. Bad and good and chaotic and quiet and loud and self absorbed and generous. (And please, please make more human nonbinary characters too!)

[chibimyumi]

Forgive me for being ignorant, but I’ve always been scared about asking this question because it’s 2020 and I should be aware by now- but what does trans mean? If you’re a trans-boy does that make you a boy that’s transitioning to a girl? Or a girl that’s transitioning to a boy? Every time I look it up I seem to be getting a different answer. And how does sexuality fit in? I hope I’m not being offensive... I just never learned and haven’t had the courage to ask anyone until now.

Dear Anon,

Please don’t worry, people are not BORN with knowledge. It is something other people might benefit from remembering too ^^ I can tell you ask the question in good faith, and I am flattered that you thought that I could give you trustworthy information.

The question you have is a very simple and yet complicated question, so PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR SIMPLIFYING THINGS DOWN LIKE THIS.

1. What are gender, sexuality and sex?

Let us first look at this question using a pizza. Dough is one thing, cheese is another, and so is tomato. Together they make up a pizza. But what makes the dough ‘dough’,  has nothing to do with the cheese.

Cheese NOT on a pizza is still cheese, and the fact that it is cheese is likewise NOT determined by whether the tomato is there or not. All these things are “individual things” that are the “ingredients that make up a pizza”.

This may seem bullshit talk, but this just serves as a metaphor to understand how different things exist on their own, but are indispensable in making up another ‘combination’. (Smart-asses out there, don’t pretend to be smart by being willfully obtuse or pedantic for now, please.)

Now let us look at gender, sexuality and sex, wherein gender is the dough, sexuality the tomato, and sex the cheese.

In humans too, gender, sexuality and sex are three different ‘key ingredients’ that shape the basis of who we are (the margarita pizza. Only later we add the toppings like olives, meat, or pineapples (which are kinks! Not for everyone, but much beloved by its lovers.))

In a human too, just like dough, tomato and cheese, ‘gender’, ‘sexuality’ and ‘sex’ exist separately, and do NOT determine the ‘nature’ of the others.

Step 1. There are 3 primary questions to ask.

Q1a: What is your gender? Who do you identify as? Do you identify as man, woman, otherwise, or different genders depending on the day?

Q1b: What type of person are you interested in romantically and/or sexually? Men? Women? Both? All genders that exist? Or are you not romantically/sexually interested at all? (There are too many different sexualities, so I shall leave it at this for now.)

Q1c: What ‘sex’, or with what primary genitals were you born with? Upon birth, doctors see our genitals and label ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ on us depending on what genitals they see. Some children are born with ‘intersexed’ characteristics. And depending on the doctor again, someone is then labeled ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ again. (This too is a topic for another time.)

Step 2. In order to understand what ‘transgender’ is, let us look at Q2. “Combine the answers from Q1a and Q1c. Do you identify as the ‘sex’ your doctors assigned to you at birth?

Hypothesis: Let’s say you were born with a vagina, and your doctor therefore assigned you to be ‘a girl’. Are you comfortable with being a girl/woman, and do you feel that correctly reflects your identity too?

Yes. ➡You are probably ‘cis-gender‘.

No. ➡ This is a VERY broad thing here, but most crudely, if you feel like being labeled ‘girl’ because you were born with a vagina does not reflect who you really are, and you identify as ‘man’, ‘something else’ or ‘also something else’, you are probably ‘trans-gender’.

Bonus: If you identify as ‘otherwise’ or specifically as ‘neither man or woman’, this is usually called ‘non-binary’. If you feel like you are sometimes one gender, and sometimes another, that is usually called ‘gender-fluid’. “Non-binary” and “gender-fluids” are two of the many options that fall under the umbrella of ‘transgender’ too.

2. Simulation through ‘Black Butler’

I have selected Nina Hopkins as our first example because she is one of the few character from whom we know their gender identity, AND have one clear established gender she is romantically/sexually interested in.

Q1a: Honestly... Nina can’t shut up about how proud she is to be a woman.

Q1b: Given how antagonistic she is towards men and how she fondles women... she probably likes women.

Q1c: For metaphor’s sake we shall assume she was born with a vagina. So her birth was probably announced with the words “it’s a baby girl!”

GENDER: Nina is proud to be a woman, and seemingly happy to be assigned as such. Therefore she is a cis-gender woman (or cis-woman).

SEXUALITY: Who someone is sexually/romantically interested in is by NO means determined by your sex or gender. So Nina’s sexuality is an altogether separate category. The only part that has SOME role is ‘gender’, but ONLY in the ‘name’ that someone gets. Namely: Nina identifies as ‘woman’. Nina likes ‘women’. A woman who likes women is ‘a lesbian’. Hence, Nina is a cis-gender lesbian.

PIZZA: The pizza identity of Nina is probably a pissaladière. Caramelised onions, anchovies, garlic and olives? Strong flavour to the point of choking, not for everyone, but VERY beloved by its lovers.

Now let us look at Grell, a character who is surrounded by many controversies, even though she is arguably one of the least gender ambiguous characters in the Kuroverse XD. Unlike for Nina, questions Q1a to c can easily be filled in without too much hypothesising.

Q1a: Grell has said multiple times in the manga that she identifies as woman.

Q1b: Grell likes MOSTLY men with potentially some rare exceptions (Madam Red???).

Q1c: Grell was born with a penis and assigned to be ‘male at birth’.

GENDER: We see that Grell was ‘assigned male at birth’, but is uncomfortable identifying and living as a man. Rather, she constantly calls and presents herself as a woman. Hence, Grell is a transgender woman. (Dear Anon. Yes, we call somebody by their ‘preferred gender’, not their ‘originally assigned gender’. Let’s just say that Grell for example would never let anybody call her a ‘trans-man’. The thing of coming out as transgender is partially to ‘break away from your ‘assigned’ gender and living as your ‘discovered true gender’.)

SEXUALITY: We don’t know for certain whether Grell was romantically interested in Madam Red, but we do know for sure that she is 99% of the time interested in men. Grell identifies as woman. A woman who likes MOSTLY men, but maybe very occasionally other genders, is probably bisexual or pansexual. Hence, Grell is a trans-gender bi-/pansexual woman.

PIZZA: Grell’s pizza identity is indisputably PIZZA HAWAII. Fight me. Endless controversies and debates about FUCKING PINEAPPLES!! Not for everyone either, but people who love this pizza will defend it TO THEIR GRAVES!

Sebastian.... is a whole different can of worms, cockroaches and tarantula spiders... BUT SINCE I HAVE OPENED IT BEFORE ANYWAY, LET’S OPEN THIS AGAIN!

In this post I have touched upon how we cannot be sure Sebastian is ‘male’, much less assume he has a gender to begin with. But there are no characters in this series that are confirmed to be neither man or woman, let us use Sebastian just to add to our simulation test here.

Q1a: Sebastian has said that “he is nothing, but can become anyone.”

Q1b: N.A.

Q1c: The genitals he was born with was probably ‘black goop miasma’, but in his current human form he probably concocted a penis.

GENDER: Eerm... he is ‘masculine presenting’, FOR NOW... but as Sebas has also said that “he is nothing and can be anyone”, and can take the shape of even a table... I’d say it’d be unreasonable to assume he identifies as a gender we know of. Gender, after all, is a purely human construct. (Click here for more details on gender and human society.) Hence, IF according to human standards, then Sebas would be non-binary and/or gender-fluid. As discussed above, these two fall under the ‘transgender’ umbrella.

SEXUALITY: So far in the series we have only met 1. humans, towards whom he has not shown any romantic or sexual interest (and as humans are cattle to Sebastian, this is very understandable), and 2. reapers, towards whom Sebas has also not shown any romantic/sexual interest (and since all these reapers are actively after his blood, that is quite logical too.) 

“What about Ciel???” Short answer: LOL. Click here and here for the full answer.

“What about Beast?” Short answer: Nope. Click here for the full answer.

PIZZA: The pizza identity of Sebas is CLEARLY a quattro formaggi. Someone as cheesy as him can only be a quattro formaggi.

Welp... I guess that’s the most schematically simplified version I can give on gender, sexuality and sex for now... I hope this helps?

For more, please use this masterpost on gender in Kuroshitsuji.

BONUS ROUND!!

What is YOUR Pizza identity? Let me know which pizza you are and why (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧🍕

[odaatlover]

Hey so I’m trying to explain to my best friend what it meants to be non-bianary. It’s hard because I identify as a cis woman & I want to be sensitive to nb folks. I also want to explain it correctly. When I tried she replied “well they obviously have to know if they are a man or a woman.” I told her not everyone feels like a man or a woman but I couldn’t elaborate. She just doesn’t understand. What do I say?

Even I have trouble explaining it. I just know I’m not a woman, but not a man either. I don’t want society to perceive me as either of those things because it feels wrong. But everyone’s experience is different, so I can only speak for myself. And I will explain this to the best of my ability based solely on my own experiences.

In order for your friend to understand that there can be a person who feels like neither woman nor man, she first has to detach genitals from gender, and understand that they are not dependent on one another. I think that’s where many people get stuck, especially cis people, because there are two main types of genitals — vagina or penis. If she can see a pre-op trans person as the gender they identify as (for example, if she can see a transwoman with a penis as a woman), then she’s already got this idea! Some people are born with both types of genitals, and so you’d think maybe they feel like both a woman and a man, but that’s not necessarily true. Some intersex people feel like one of the binary genders (woman or man) and take hormones and/or get surgery to match that identity. So genitals and sex do not equal gender.

Gender is a social construct. Women and men are treated differently by society in certain ways. And it has nothing to do with what’s in your pants, because how do people know what’s in your pants when you’re walking around? Identifying as a woman means that you want to be seen as a woman and treated as such. And identifying as a man means that you want to be seen as a man and treated like one. But what happens when you don’t want to be seen as either of those because neither of those things feel right? ...or as both? Or maybe one day you feel like you’re a man, and the next you feel like you’re a woman? What then? How do you choose when both feel equally incorrect...or equally correct?

For me personally, I feel like somewhere in between. When I stand with a group of women, I can relate to some things, but I don’t feel like one of them. I also feel that when I’m with a group of guys. It’s the same feeling your friend gets when she’s with a group of guys. She can relate in certain ways, and she can hang out with them, but she knows she’s not one of them. And it’s not because she doesn’t have a penis like they do, but because she is a woman and identifies as one. I get that feeling with both of the binary genders — that I am an outsider. If she still has trouble disconnecting genitals from gender, then ask her this...

Imagine you feel exactly the same way you do now, like your soul is the same, you still like the things you like and you still are who you are, but you wake up one day and you have a penis. And it’s not a temporary thing, you’re now stuck with it forever. This is your body now. Do you want to start living like a man now just because you have this new body part? Do you start going by he/him pronouns even though it feels wrong? Do you go into the men’s bathroom when going into the women’s bathroom feels right? What do you do then?

For some people, being called she/her and he/him pronouns feel equally wrong. And going into the women’s and the men’s bathroom feels equally wrong. And being called “ma’am” or “sir” feels equally wrong. And when you’re standing in a room and someone says “okay all women stand on this side of the room, and all men stand on the other side of the room” some people just truly don’t know where to go. And what’s in their pants, or on their chest, or what clothes they’re wearing, doesn’t matter. Gender is something inside you, not outside. You feel it in your soul, and everything you choose to do on the outside is a form of expression based on who you are and what feels like you. So, the outside (the body you’re born into) doesn’t determine the inside (your soul)...but rather, the inside determines the outside.

All humans are so similar in ways we don’t even realize. We try so hard to separate women and men into these two drastically different categories, but they’re not all that different. We all feel, we all bleed, we all love...we’re so similar. And no matter what body you’re born into, hormones can change it very easily. If a born female takes testosterone hormones, their voice changes, they grow body/facial hair, fat redistributes from the hips/thighs to the belly and other areas to give a straighter looking shape and strong jawline, the clitoris grows to look very similar to a small penis, they stop getting their period (for the most part), and their sex drive raises. And when someone born as a male takes estrogen hormones their body changes as well and they stop growing hair everywhere, and sometimes their penis shrinks, and fat changes to give a more curvy shape and soft looking face, and their sex drive lowers, and so on. Here are a couple of examples:

(A person born as a female who changed testosterone levels)

(A person born as a male who changed estrogen levels)

I don’t know either of these people and if they’ve had bottom surgery, but let’s assume they didn’t and they have the same genitals they were born with. If you saw these people on the street, you would assume the top person is a man and the bottom is a woman, despite what’s in their pants. Because these things such as body/face shape, hair, etc. are the things we use to determine woman or man...things that hormone levels create. And we treat that person a certain way based on that outer appearance (AKA, the amount of estrogen and testosterone in their bodies). So if you think about it, the fact that our bodies can change so easily just from changing hormone levels, means that we’re not all that different from each other. Separating “woman” and “man” from each other in such a drastic way is a societal idea, not a scientific, because anybody can look like a woman or a man without surgery no matter what sex (female or male) they’re born as. And so if that’s the case, and we can easily go back and forth, then doesn’t it make sense that some people can feel, and be, somewhere in between?

Some cis people will never get it because their body matches their gender identity, and so it’s very difficult to imagine the real possibility that for some people, it doesn’t. And that’s okay. It’s a lot to wrap your head around, and it takes a lot of time and a lot of patience for the idea to start to make sense, especially when we live in such a binary world. But everything is a spectrum, even gender. And just because you are on one of the very ends of that spectrum and you were born into a body with the right amount of hormone levels to match your identity, doesn’t mean that everyone is the same.

I hope this helps!

[lettersandinkstains]

hi, sorry if this is annoying but i think i might be transgender (mtf) and i’m freaking out because i don’t know anything about how to transition or the identity and i was wonder if you have any advice or anything??? thanks a million

Anon, hello! You’re not being annoying at all! I’m sorry this is so late!! 

First things first, thank you for trusting me with this. And good for you for reaching out for answers! I’m not MtF, so my experiences are gonna be a little different but I’ll give you a run down of what I did, and list options for you and sorta just explain the identity. At the end, I’ll link the resources I can! Hopefully you’ll find this useful!

(Please be warned that this is going to be long ! Everything is itemized and broken down for hopefully an easy understanding and help!)

My Experience / What I Did

When I realized I was Definitely Not Cis, I was fairly into adulthood. She/Her pronouns made me want to die, but he/him felt like a puzzle piece that could fit, but not quite. 

I started talking to a therapist about it, and still continue to this day with talking to my new therapist about it. Over the course of the early sessions, I ended up being diagnosed with gender dysphoria, where there’s distress / discomfort between my assigned gender and my gender identity.

From there, on my old blog, I made a post asking for people to use ‘Silas’ and ‘they/them’ for my pronouns. And it just fit perfectly. I elated that I was being referred to correctly -- the pronouns and the name didn’t make me cringe and want to die.

That’s what I did.

What Is Transgender?

Transgender is the term for someone who does not identity as the gender they were assigned with at birth. They can be a trans man, a trans woman, non binary, genderfluid, etc.

The Steps To Take

Talk to a professional who is trained with and is supportive of the LGBTQIA+ community. While it’s not required per se, I very much recommend it. Talking to a professional is incredibly useful for many reasons:

You can get your thoughts and feelings out to a non biased party.

They can help navigate and help you figure out the steps to take.

It’s good to talk to someone! This person can become part of your support network!

Find a supportive community! There’s a thriving trans community on Tumblr, and elsewhere on the internet!

These people are the ones you can go to and talk and ask questions about being trans and transitioning. People’s experiences vary and everyone has different insight!

They will also be a support network for when you need it!

And it doesn’t always need to be online, you can search up local groups where you live, there should be something nearby. If not, that’s okay! Internet friends are real friends too!

I really love r/transpositive and r/asktransgender! Everyone on those two subreddits are so nice and incredible. r/lgbt is also really cool!

I don’t know any community blogs here on Tumblr since I follow only writeblr’s but someone is likely to know something.

I’ve also got an LGBT+ based writeblr discord if you wish to join a welcoming & incredible community! There are also non writing LGBTQIA+ discords! I’m in one for gaming, and r/lgbt’s mod’s run a discord as well called Spectrum. Highly recommend.

Play around with names & pronouns -- and you can also play around with styles too! You’re discovering yourself and your identity. Do what you feel is comfortable.

You can ask a close group of friends you know would be supportive of you to refer to you with she/her pronouns (or whatever pronouns you prefer!), and a name you would like to be called by!

It’s okay if you pick a name now and want to change it later! Names are an important part of your identity and you need to feel comfortable with it!

Dress in clothes that’s considered to be for women. You don’t have to do super femme if you don’t want to! Like, there is no wrong way to dress and present yourself! There’s butch, there’s femme, there’s an in between, etc.

After all, we don’t force cis women to dress super femme and model like (and doubt their gender identity and presentation), so we shouldn’t expect trans women to adhere to those standards either.

However there is nothing wrong with wanting to do! If that sundress makes you feel like a model, and make up makes you feel wonderful, go for it!! And if dressing in jeans, boots, and a t-shirt makes you feel happy, do that!! Dress in a style that makes you feel happy about yourself!

If anyone complains, punch them. Or Snip Snip.

HRT / Transitioning - Hormone Replacement Therapy. This is the act of taking hormones to develop secondary sex characteristics -- trans men take testosterone (T) and trans women take estrogen. Doctors will also sometimes prescribe another hormone to go with it.

If you decide to transition, estrogen will cause a development of breasts, softer skin, fat distribution will be more feminine, and you’ll also develop curves. Essentially, you’ll be going through the typical female puberty.

You don’t have to take hormones if you do not want to or are not ready yet! This is not a be all, end all situation! Take your time and do research on it and the effects it will have!

If anyone tells you that you have to take HRT to be a ~real trans person~, punch them. They have no right telling you what you should do with your body.

This also leads me back to point one: the professional will be able to help you figure this out and help be a support during the process.

Starting Transition

Depending on where you are and your age is what will be available to you.

Some countries do not allow those under the age of eighteen to transition. Some do with explicit parental consent. Be sure to research this as well.

I don’t know if this has changed since I was a youngin, but you would have typically needed a diagnosis if gender dysphoria* in order to get the doctor’s okay and prescription to start HRT. There are exceptions to everything.

This also may depend on local laws too, so check those out!

Depending on what you’re prescribed, you may take birth control, you may have to take shots, etc.

Where you get your hormones also largely depends on where you are too. Here in the United States, universities offer them at their on site clinics (mine does, anyways!), and some Planned Parenthood’s also prescribe hormones too! I can’t speak for other countries, and I wouldn’t even know where to begin looking for you.

HRT is also hella expensive in some places.

If you live in a country with universal health care, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem!

Coming Out -- Don’t come out unless you are ready & you are in a safe environment to do so!

This is basically LGBTQIA+ 101. If you are not safe to do so, do not do it. I know it sucks, but your safety is absolutely number one!

Everything is going to be okay. You are okay, there is nothing wrong with you.

There are certain groups of people who will tell you that your identity may be ~wrong~ or whatever arguments they can think of. Do your best to ignore them, and when you need to, vent to the people you trust.

Things To Check Out

YouTubers:uppercaseCHASE is a trans man who talks about trans issues and his own transition. He has an HRT 101 series that might be helpful! His expertise is FTM (Trans men) so there will be things that might not be as helpful. Educational videos, however!

arielle scarcella - while i do not like her very much and disagree with a lot of her beliefs, she’s a cis lesbian who has done videos in the past that’s educational about trans people -- and frequently has trans women on her channel where they talk about their experiences with HRT, as well as Gender Affirming Surgery if they’ve had it. (same goes for trans men!)

andrea chrysanthe is a trans woman who has documented her experience with transitioning and does life updates. She recently released a two part video that talks a lot about it. (warning: I haven’t watched all of her videos, and some look to be NSFW for at least talk of kink so be careful going in!)

melanie-ish is another trans woman youtuber! she talks about political issues as well as her own experience with transitioning and coming out. (warning: she hasn’t updated her channel in two years!)

PRINCESSJOULES is another trans woman who also documents her life as a trans woman! She also does make up tutorials, vlogging, and a lot of other things!

jammidodger is a trans man who talks about his experience with transitioning. he is by far one of my most favorite youtubers!

(if anyone else has any youtuber recommends, feel free to add on!)

trans resources -

leolines on etsy. they sell underwear for trans women -- a safer alternative to tucking. they also have binders! fairly inexpensive, and so many styles and designs!

the trevor project’s international center - the trevor project in general is absolutely amazing! they have a lot of resources on their website from phone numbers you can call if you’re feeling suicidal to groups and support groups! this link, if you are out of the united states and are looking for something, will give you a listing of international resources! 

transgender law center - legal services and advocacy for trans folks!

trans women of color collective - an advocacy group for trans women of color! they do a lot to help trans women of color! check them out, they’re super cool!

trans youth equality federation  - they provide support for family membes of trans youth, trans youth, and allies. as well as education!

gender spectrum - provides support for all trans youth, as well as education for families and educators!

I AM: trans people speak - a project that was made to raise awareness of about the diversity that exists within the transgender community.

glaad - resources - glaad is a well known organization for advocacy and education!

WHEW ANON that was a lot. Hopefully you made it through to the end, and hopefully it was helpful! I hope those links above help provide some use for you and figuring out what steps you want to take.

On that note, if anybody who has read this wants to add on, they are free to do so. The above is only advice, from one person whose experience is one of millions and still, different.

AND ANON, one more thing! If you wish to talk, you are so much welcome to DM me! They’re open for non mutuals :)!

Good luck on your journey, may it provide you happiness!

[purplesurveys]

507

Name everyone you know who... is Jewish: I don’t think I know anyone who is. Do people I don’t know personally count? ‘Cause the first Jewish person I thought about was Colt Cabana lmfao. is Christian: 92% of this entire country. is Atheist: Me. JM is also atheist I think. is of another religion: I had a classmate in high school who I heard quietly converted to Buddhism, but I was never close with her so I don’t know if that is true, and if she still is. I haven’t seen her since we graduated. has brown eyes: My sister probably has the brownest eyes out of all of us, but it’s still quite a dark shade.

has blue eyes: I doubt there’s anyone in my circle with this eye color. has green eyes: CM Punk? LMAO has another colored eyes: Almost everyone I know has black eyes. is between the ages of zero and five: My youngest cousin is turning 6 in December, but until then, he is 5. is between the ages of six and ten: My cousin Sam is definitely in that age range, I’m just not so sure what the exact age is. is between the ages of eleven and fifteen: Gabie’s sister is 14, turning 15 this November. is between the ages of sixteen and twenty: My sister (18, turning 19), Gabie’s other sister (16), my old busmates Yanna (18) and Lex (17). is between the ages of twenty-one and thirty: Me and almost all of my friends. A bunch of us were born in 1998, making us 21 years old; a handful are 1-3 years older, like JM (22), Jum and Aya (23). is older than thirty: Other than my parents, my internship supervisor. Not sure how old she is but she’s definitely between 30-40. is a morning person: My mom. It drives me crazy when she wants to get soooo much stuff done within the day since I’m more of a night owl and like it’s just not my schedule lol. is a night person: Me, and just about everyone in UP. is employed: One of the more senior members in my org, Toby, has a job. is unemployed: Everyone else I go to college with. works at the same place as you: I don’t work yet. is single: Laurice. Although we’re counting on her to get a boyfriend before she graduates, so she still has around two years to go. :)) is in a relationship: Jo, who is seeing Aya. is engaged: I have a high school classmate who posted a status about her boyfriend proposing to her many months ago. She hasn’t said anything about it since then so I dunno if they broke it off or nah.

is married: Uh...my parents. is widowed/divorced: The mom of one of my childhood friends is widowed. Her husband died from cancer a few years ago when their daughter and I were in high school, if I remember right. is pregnant: My class adviser from senior year in high school. I know she’s in her 40s, so it was a really pleasant surprise when she announced her pregnancy. has kids: My dog, hahaha. has no kids: My friends in college. has brown hair: Agatha dyed her hair brown a while back.  has blonde hair: Gabie had blonde tips until just recently. She had them cut off last week, so now she’s back to having black hair. has natural red hair: No one I know. has black hair: Aya. has their hair dyed an unnatural color: Everyone I know who has unnaturally-colored hair had it dyed, because Filipinos only have black hair unless they’re half-something. is good at singing: Hannah is a born superstar tbh. I know Ed and Laurice sing too. is good at dancing: Dianne. She’s a high school batchmate who was always the best dancer from our class. She’s a member of the Streetdance Club in my uni now. is good at drawing: Aya! She’s our go-to editorial cartoonist in the org. Angela too, and my sister. is good at painting: Gabie and her youngest sister. My sister’s really good too. She also has a classmate I follow on Twitter, and she’ll post her paintings from time to time, all of which are amazing. is good at acting: Gabie. She was president of the theatre club in high school. is good at writing: Me? Hahahaha gotta flex my own talent too :(( is good at guitar: Gabie’s younger sister. I swear those siblings have the most amazing set of talents. is good at piano: My cousin Luke has been playing the piano for as long as I can remember. His grandma (my great-aunt) also knows how to play and they have a grand piano in their house, so he must have picked it up from her. is good at drums: Denise, a classmate from high school. She was the drummer for my batch’s band. is good in another instrument: JM plays the violin. He’s still a rusty here and there, but can play a tune nonetheless. is athletic/sporty: Hans, Angela’s boyfriend. He plays basketball with his friends all the time. is into fitness and going to the gym: Gabie has a gym membership, but she’s not super obsessed with fitness. smokes cigarettes: Mik, an orgmate of mine. He has always extremely smelled like cigarettes the few times I’ve seen him and I honestly have to step away from him every time :/ smokes weed: I know Danika has had weed brownies. does shrooms: Not anyone I know in real life...I think. does other drugs: Can’t name anyone I know, buddy. drinks often: JM will have moods where he will buy a whole bottle of gin or whatever alcohol he’s feeling at the moment for himself and drink it all in his room, but he’s not an alcoholic hahahaha. doesn't drink: My eldest cousin from my mom’s side. His dad is a horrible alcoholic, so it’s understandable why he avoids it at all costs. doesn't do drugs [not even weed]: Me. is emo/goth/scene/alternative: I uhh...don’t know anyone who identifies as this since probably 2011 at the latest... is preppy/popular: KATE without a shadow of a damn doubt. doesn't fall in either of those stereotypes: Aya. has cats: My tita has multiple cats. It’s her business, but she also loves those cats to death and pampers them. has dogs: Gabie’s family has four dogs, but I only get to see Harley since the other three aren’t behaved all that well. JM has two dogs, Mika and Alley. has other animals: Michelle has a bird named Moonmoon, but I don’t know what kind of bird it is. A girl I used to be friends with in high school (she was from a different school) had a pet snake. has no pets: Jo. is vegan: @badsurveyshit​! is vegetarian: Not sure if I know someone. Filipinos are obsessed with their meat. is on some other diet: The same tita with a bunch of cats is on a keto diet. has no diet/dietary restrictions: ME is lactose intolerant: Also me. But I still have milk and other dairy stuff because yum haha. has/had cancer: My great-aunt died from cancer. My old Filipino teacher had thyroid cancer, but she beat it. is bipolar: Edi, a friend of mine. is depressed: Me, I guess. plays videogames: My sister, my dad, my kuya, Gabie. loves to read: LAURICE. It’d be such a shame if I went with someone other than Laurice. got a GED: We don’t use that here. never graduated highschool: One of my friends’ mom. graduated college/got a degree: Both my parents, and all of my friends who graduated before me, e.g. Kate, Aya, Luisa, Jane. is or has been enrolled in beauty school: I don’t know anyone. makes YouTube videos: Ricel, my sister’s classmate from high school. She seems like such a sweet and nice person so when she started her channel a few weeks ago, I was more than happy to support her. is white: My uncle from New Zealand (unrelated; he married my mom’s cousin / my aunt). is black: I have a mutual friend from high school who’s half-black, half-brown. His dad, if I remember correctly, is from Nigeria. is Asian: Literally everyone I know!!!!!!!!!! is Hispanic: I don’t know anyone in real life but one of my favorite wrestlers, AJ, is Puerto Rican. is of another race: Everyone I follow on this Tumblr :)) is into photography: Reiven. likes rock: Rick, I think? The few times his earphones were blaring his music too loud it was always hard rock. likes metal: I dunno if I still know any metal fans nowadays. likes pop: Hannah. likes hiphop/rap/R&B: Hans. And all the other kids in uni who think they’re white. likes KPop: JM and Jum. likes country music: No one I know. likes jazz: Gabie and me. likes classical music: Sofie. When I was driving us to Batangas a few weeks ago for a beach getaway, she was in control of the car music and she briefly played stuff from her classical music playlist :(((( I was shookt at first but I liked the music anyway, so I didn’t tell her to change it. is a male: My dad. is a female: Me. is non-binary: Gabie’s editor from this website she’s a part of. is trans: Mac, from high school. He was formerly Maica, but he started going by Mac once he graduated. is straight: Laurice. is gay: Gabie. is bi: Patrice. lives on the eastern half of the USA: My Tito Rocky, who lives in New York. My Tito Raffy is also from New York.  lives on the western half of the USA: Aubrey, Rielle, Norielle, Margeauxe. All originally from elementary/high school, but eventually migrated. lives in a different country: My Tita Pia and her husband, who is the one I listed under the “is white” portion of this survey. They live in Vietnam, but they used to live in New Zealand. is blind/visually impaired: I had a classmate from my History of Southeast Asia class who is legally blind. He has this device he puts on his eye to be able to read our professor’s slides. is deaf/hearing impaired: I don’t know anyone IRL. is in a wheelchair or disabled: One of my orgmates’ mom is in a wheelchair. is austitic/retarded/has learning disbilities: My Tita Bianca. is very thin: Aya. is overweight: Gabie is a few pounds overweight.

[writingindarkness]

We need to talk about my dad more often

I grew up thinking my dad was the most cool and open minded adult in my life. That’s the word I used most to describe him during my teenage years: open minded. My parents were divorced, I was always in conflict with my mom, and discussions with her side of the family always ended up in tears on my side because they were a bunch of conservater-ish snobs who thought teenage me was only yelling about socialism and inclusion because it was teenage me.

My dad was an artist and a socialist (he had a party card at some point), with cool friends and family members who treated me like an actual person rather than a naive child when we were arguing politics and when I talked about my life choices.

So yeah. My dad was the good guy.

Fast forward ten years later. I travel a lot but whenever I come home I go back to living with my dad, because I have a useless bachelor degree and the books I write are a couple galaxies away from paying any kind of rent.

I have figured out a way to communicate with my mum without it turning into a five acts drama, and she’s one of the few family members to whom I’ve come out as a non binary trans man. She says it’s okay.

She also says she’s not ready to call me by my chosen name and to use my pronouns, and really we should keep that between us, right?

Right. Room for improvement here, but I’m fairly certain I can get her there eventually.

My dad is one of the family members I know I cannot come out to. I’ll pass on the personal reasons and the reality of the kind of person my father truly is when you stop seeing him through the eyes of a teenager who’s being emotionally abused by the other side of the family. It’s that but it’s not just that.

My father recently pointed out in a kind of annoyed way that I was “becoming completely obsessed with that”-and by “that” he means... literally anything related to queerness. Queer people, queer fiction, queer community, you name it. Apparently I “talk about it all the time”. He didn’t tell me to stop talking about it or that it annoyed him, mind you.

(I should have answered “yes, and?” why the fuck didn’t I answer “yes, and?”!!)

My father recently sighed during an episode of a show we were watching when one of the characters came home and kissed their same sex partner hello. “That’s how it is, nowadays. They need to put that everywhere. They can’t make a show without it.” (I’m paraphrasing but I can’t remember him using actual words to talk about gay characters on tv.)

He didn’t turn the tv off. It was actually his second time watching the show, he wanted me to see it too. We went through the whole thing. There were more gay characters in the next season. We still watched it.

A few years ago a gay couple got married in the association my dad is part of. They asked my dad to give a speech. It was very emotional. The couple and all the guests all praised my dad for his speech.

Last year my dad had to go to Paris for work. The gay couple for whom he gave a speech at their wedding hosted him. When he came home, my dad cheerfully explained to me that although he likes them very much, he shall not stay at their place again in the future. You see, it made him kind of uncomfortable.

What he means by it wasn’t very clear.

I could go on and on. I brought new friends over recently. They’re a couple, and they’re both agender, both using the pronouns he/him. A has a beard. B presents more neutrally. My dad likes them a lot. He said so, unprompted, one evening. “They’re so nice, the friends you’ve brought over. I really like them.” He was being completely genuine about it. He sincerely likes them.

But he cannot, for the life of him, gender B correctly. He consistently misgenders them.

He does the same with the open trans woman in the show we’re currently watching.

So I keep postponing coming out to him.

Not because he might hurt me if I do. Not because he’s going to kick me out if I do. Not even because he’s transphobic. Because that’s the thing: my dad isn’t transphobic -I mean, of course he is, but not in the way most people imagine a transphobic person.

When you say transphobic you imagine a red faced trumpist getting someone arrested or worse, shooting them, for trying to use the bathroom.

You imagine a bigoted parent forcing their child through conversion therapy.

You imagine a smiling face who continues to gender their kid wrong and using their dead name, denying their identity.

Because those are the kind of transphobic parents we always talk about.

My dad doesn’t want queer people dead. My dad sincerely believes that queer people should be left the fuck alone to do whatever the fuck they want and be whatever the fuck they are. My dad doesn’t give much of a shit. He thought the assholes marching against gay mariage in France a few years back were a complete joke. If dead trans kids were something the news talked about sometimes, I’m pretty sure my dad would be very sorry about them. We would hear him rage about transphobic parents from time to time.

He’s not transphobic. He’s just stupid.

I’m fucking serious.

My mom has exactly as much internalized homophobia and transphobia as my dad. Like him, she believes we should have the same rights as everybody else and she doesn’t understand why we’re still being persecuted all over the world. But she doesn’t personally know any queer people except me, and being actually confronted with it makes her uncomfortable. Her first reaction was to ask me to keep it a secret. She doesn’t think she can use my new name and pronouns just yet -and is making zero effort to try and get used to it.

But she’s smart. She questions things. Now that she’s being confronted with the reality of having a queer relative, she’s wondering about it. About how it affects our relationship. About what to do and say so as not to damage said relationship.

She asks questions.

She fucking listens what I answer them.

My dad’s not smart enough to do that.

My dad cannot possibly have failed to notice that all my friends call me a different name than the one he uses when they come over, and that we all talk about me in a masculine way. He definitely noticed that I’m now wearing swim trunks when we go to the pool, and that I come home with men’s haircut.

But he didn’t ask, and he never will.

He doesn’t wonder what it means, what is happening, and how it affects our relationship.

He doesn’t want to know, because if he knew then he’d have to make an effort, to go out of his way to accommodate my feelings so as not to damage our relationship. And he doesn’t want to do that. So he’s pretending to be blind and deaf. It’s not his fault if he doesn’t know.

Queerness makes him uncomfortable, because it’s so foreign to him, and he’s not as open minded as I originally thought he was. He stops at that. It makes him uncomfortable, therefore he doesn’t want it. Neither on tv nor in his life. Granted, he won’t make any active effort to get rid of it -he continues watching shows in which there are gay people and he doesn’t cast people out of his life upon discovering that they’re queer.

He just pretends it isn’t there, because he’s too stupid to realize that it’s already damaging our relationship. He’s too stupid to realize that it’s narrowing his horizon.

He’s not queerphobic. He’s just dumb.

And we need to talk about dumb parents more.

TL;DR: some parents aren’t queerphobic, they’re just too stupid and lazy to get over their internalized queerphobia, and we should talk about it more cause I don’t know what to do.

[chaseagainstonision]

Asks

It appears as though I’m an idiot and the work computer had a snipping tool. Regardless, asks:

It was sarahbear8500 last I recall, but it may have changed. At least, it’s still up, if you wanna take a look. but I’m not sure how active it is and if she jumped ship to a new blog

Tbh, I still think it’s body dysmorphia and not gender dysphoria. They are kinda similar at a glance, I suppose, but they are different things. If Taylor truly had dysphoria, there is not a chance in hell that they would be meandering around with no clothes on. Especially not in front of other people like Sarah or other guests that they’ve had over. It also doesn’t help that they always are taking shirtless selfies and posting them to Instagram (obviously not showing anything revealing per ToS). There is a lot of doubt from the community, generally, that Taylor isn’t trans. Actual trans and non binary people who regularly deal with dysphoria have called them out, myself included. As far as this whole detracting from the issue thing? Nah, I’m not here for it. Taylor and Gerg can both make up shit but it doesn’t mean that they were being inappropriate with Sarah, because they fucking were. There’s no excuse in the world for what has happened and I’m personally disgusted with them even more than I had been. It’s a new low for them, but what’s new.

It boils down to the fact that it’s a controlling thing. Gerg doesn’t want Taylor to have all of the attention from the girls that they have invited over, so Gerg manipulated them and gaslights them into being in a “trinity” poly relationship. On top of that, Taylor is incredibly jealous and doesn’t really want Gerg to be with another girl. That’s why they sabotage the trinity, lmao I have a friend who is in a poly relationship with two guys. Of course there is always going to be jealousy, but they manage it well. They communicate their feelings to each other. And the two guys are not in a relationship together, just with her. So it’s not a triad type relationship, but poly relationships don’t have to be. It’s just frustrating that Gerg and Taylor try so hard to pretend to by poly and show that they of relationship off as really toxic while I know there are others who are appalled by people like those two.

I haven’t the foggiest. They tend to keep the kids out of the spotlight. BUT!!! And please listen: DO NOT CALL CPS. We have no proof of them abusing their kids. I know that Gerg has said that he doesn’t talk to his daughter since she couldn’t speak, but I dunno if she’s able to speak now. I’m not going to make any assumptions about how they treat their kids unless they decide to show hard evidence of them abusing their two kids.

Ooof, Madison. I personally don’t like her. But, that aside, she used to be friends with the Avaroes. She has appeared in some of Gerg’s videos, but they have been fighting and now they aren’t friends anymore. There was a fight a while ago about the whole DDLG scene, how Gerg was against it and had stated some misinformation and made Madi uncomfortable. The reason they parted ways was due to that, if I recall correctly. Recently, though, Madi said on the Drunken Peasents that Gerg’s had some not so kosher relationships that had pedophilic overtones. I can only assume this was in reference to Shi and Taylor, but who knows if he’s been truly hitting on girls that young constantly. There have also been videos where he rates girls, some of which are underage and in skimpy clothing or underwear, which is inappropriate. As far as Maya, she was an ex of Taylor’s. Gerg manipulated her and tried to gaslight her into being in the triad. She was flown out two Christmas’s ago and was drilled by Gerg on her weaknesses. There are leaked texts and messages from her about Gerg. Texts and DMs/messages. Gerg also posted this tweet recently, with this other message to either him or Taylor. He’s also made this video about the situation, though this was a diversion tactic from the Sarah drama. They also talked about it in their livestreams, but I couldn’t honestly give you a timestamp as I haven’t seen them.

Thanks, annon!

I can only assume that this was in reference to the Connect 4 video. I did hear about it, but I try not to watch too many of their videos directly from Youtube. I think it was the son, from what I’ve seen around. Still, I don’t think that Gerg was watching the kids very well. It is possible that the son just wanted to be with Taylor, though. I’m not really sure what to make of it, tbh

[katsukiboom]

@wizarmonfan asked: Can I please have #13 with trans!Katsuki and Izuku working out how to approach non-binary Shinsou at the start of the first year? (Mineta got expelled so Shinsou is in 1-A). They’re in a relationship with trans!Shoto, but their main concern is helping nonbinary Shinso settle down into 1-A.

As I’m posting this I’m really nervous - it’s the first ever oneshot/scenario I’ve done with trans!au, that’s why I took so long and I’m not sure if I got it all correctly, so due to the sensitive nature of the topic I’m sorry if I mess up in any way. Also, I wrote this from Deku’s POV, so it’d be slightly easier to write. I hope you like it ♥

The new kid of the class was quiet, sitting at the back of the room just staring out the window with sleepy eyes and a neutral expression. They all knew them already, but the fact that they now had to see them every day as a classmate was strange to everyone – having had someone expelled from the class was only just slightly hard, but this seemed to be the major challenge, especially when Hitoshi had such hard walls built around themself.

Izuku first noticed something was up when Mina tried to chat with them during break, telling him how cool she thought their Quirk was, and how she was excited to have another guy in the class, and that’s where it all went down. “Ashido,” Hitoshi said slowly, not breaking eye contact, “do you have to study for something?” The pink-skinned girl happily said yes only to stop midway through; her eyes blank and without saying another word, she retreated back to her seat to take out a notebook from her bag and start reading it, looking like she was still somewhere else, just not in her own body. Midoriya witnessed all of this, and the feeling that there was a bit more of backstory to all of that left him thinking for days.

It wasn’t until he got together with his boyfriends, Katsuki and Shouto at his house that he discovered the truth. “They're like us three in a way,” Shouto explained carefully to the two boys, one of which listened with all his attention while the other listened but still looked away, clearly uninterested. “I talked with Momo the other day, who also had talked with Itsuka from 1-B… they’re genderqueer. They probably got mad at Ashido the other day because she used the wrong pronouns and while I don’t feel like that’s an excuse to use the Quirk so carelessly…”

While Todoroki kept speaking and with his mouth opened like an ‘o’, Deku now partly understood the reason of Hitoshi’s anger, the reason why they had used their Quirk on Mina like that, and the anger that came along being misunderstood – the threesome had faced similar problems each on their own and together, as the three of them had come out as trans; they knew how much of a pain it was, how much they had to go through to get where they were today, and the sole thought of Hitoshi having to go through that alone just crushed his heart.

Looking at Katsuki, he remembered the struggles he’d had just to accept how he felt trapped in his own body and the confidence he’d gained after the transition, despite the many jokes thrown at him, and the way his Quirk became even more powerful once he was who he truly was meant to be.

Looking at Shouto, he recalled the many stories from childhood the boy in front of him had told him, from the way his father had lashed out at him when he told him how he really felt, the way he almost got kicked out of his own house when they found out he was researching about the treatment he needed, and how ashamed he was of himself the months that followed after the start of his transition.

Looking at himself, he could tell he’d grown so much since the start of the treatment, but the look of confusion and slight sadness that his mother had displayed back when he first told her and before she got informed about everything still appeared sometimes on his mind, yet it was all just a way to bring him up, to prove to everyone that he could become the number one hero no matter the background of a person.

Looking at Hitoshi the next day at school, he decided that they didn’t need all of that. They already seemed like they went through enough shit on their own, both with the unintentional fearsome nature of their Quirk, and with the many personal struggles they seemed to have – although, much to Izuku’s confusion, he understood that he knew almost nothing of his new classmate besides their Quirk and motivation, prompting him to approach them during lunch along with Katsuki for moral support.

The purple-haired person wasn’t eating that much, just a small fruit salad while listening to music. Swallowing a little bit, the couple approached them with Izuku re-thinking his every word; he wasn’t scared of their Quirk, so this made the exchange a lot easier already. “H-hey, Hitoshi,” he said nervously as the other turned around to face him, removing the earphones once they saw him.

“Hey,” they replied, eyeing Katsuki with annoyance.

This will be a lot harder than expected.

“I was wondering, can we take a seat?” Deku’s hands were sweating, and when they sat down he almost hit his knee with the chair. He wondered, how could he start the conversation? Did he need to prepare himself or something? All the earlier preparation had just vanished from his mind, and the only thing he could do was look at Bakugou in embarrassment while he looked at him with anger – why had he thought that speaking with them about that in a public space would be a good idea?

“Hey,” they said, their voice bringing Izuku back down to the ground as he quickly looked at them, “I’m no mind reader but I can tell there’s something bothering you. Want to talk?”

The fact that they were a nice yet misunderstood person did not leave Midoriya’s mind as he gathered enough courage to speak up. Breathing in and holding Katsuki’s hand, he said, “I know this is going to sound weird or that it might annoy you a little, but we talked with Kendo about how to make you feel more comfortable and… she told us about you, and what you want to be called.”

“If this is going to be something about that, I don’t want to hear it,” they said while gathering their stuff, but before they could get up and leave Deku placed a hand softly on their shoulder, making them freeze in place.

“No, don’t leave just yet,” he pleaded, “we’re not all that different, that’s why we wanted to talk to you about it.” He thought about it for a second while looking at his boyfriend for reassurance, to which Katsuki just gave him a little pissed-off nod. “Here,” he added while unbuttoning his shirt just enough so that the bandages that covered his chest below were exposed. Hitoshi just stared wide-eyed, and Izuku wished he could read minds. “It’s the three of us here, Kacchan, Shouto, and me; we all know what it’s like to feel left out. We know what it’s like to feel different, and we don’t want you to go through all of that anymore, at least not alone.”

Blinking a few times, it seemed to go slowly through Hitoshi’s head as they understood what they were trying to say, to which they just scoffed and turned around once more, looking out the windows with what Izuku  recognized as sadness. “No matter how much you guys say you can relate to me it’ll always be the same, it’s just one more excuse for people to leave – I won’t blame you, that’s for sure, but thanks for the advice anyways.”

And just like that, Deku was just fed up. Getting up, he slammed one fist on the table, making surrounding students turn around to look at him in shock; Hitoshi just stared with a blank expression before the words Izuku let out next melted it into a tired yet content one. “I’m – we’re not going to leave you. You’re never going to have to suffer by yourself again, I promise.”