#I KNEW ITS GONNA BE LIKE AN EPIPHANY AND IT IS

[muwitch]

What did they think was going to happen if they won?

[elizaleclerc]

epiphany 📠 ⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩

"just one single glimpse of relief / to make some sense of what you've seen"

summary: fem!reader and javier deal with the aftermath of a traumatic mission

song: epiphany by taylor swift

word count: 2.6k

author's note: first javi fic yippie. hella angst / nightmare trope / mentions of death / hurt/comfort / 18+ but no smut just fluff / established relationship / DEA agent reader / translated spanish

The car ride back to your apartment was suffocatingly quiet, the weight of grief hanging heavily in the air. The familiar streets flew by as Javier drove, but you couldn't focus on anything other than the images burned into your mind. As a DEA agent for over a year, you had seen your fair share of horrors, but never before had you witnessed something so gruesome right in front of you. It was easier to read about these things in paperwork, detached and removed from the reality of it all. But now, the memory of it all was haunting and raw, replaying in vivid detail with every passing second.

Your head felt numb, as if a thick fog had settled over your thoughts. Your whole body felt heavy and weighed down, as if invisible chains were holding you back. The sensation in your stomach was nauseating, like being on a rollercoaster that never seemed to end. Even though you wanted to vomit, you knew it would be futile - your body was too weak to even try. Even Javier, known for his stoic demeanor and ability to handle tough missions, was uncharacteristically quiet. The only sound filling the car was the low muttering of the engine. Not even the radio provided any source of distraction or comfort in this tense moment.

Javier expertly parked the car in the driveway of your shared apartment, the smooth engine purring to a stop. The dim yellow glow of the streetlights illuminated his face as he turned to you, concern etched into his features. But you didn't move to get out of the car, your gaze fixed on something far off and unreachable. Javier's gentle touch on your hand jolted you back to reality. "Hey," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper, "let's get inside where it's warm." His words were like a lifeline, pulling you out of the depths of your thoughts. He understood the weight that was pressing down on you - he was carrying it too.

You nodded, and languidly pushed the car door open and scooted out of the passenger seat. Your legs felt like noodles, weak and wobbly from the energy you exerted on today’s mission. Javier put his arm around you, his thumb delicately circling the top of your shoulder.

Javier's keys jingled in the lock as he turned the handle of the front door, and the familiar scent of the apartment enveloped you like a warm embrace. After hours of feeling disoriented and disconnected since returning from the mission, this was the first sense of comfort that washed over you. The office had been a blur, with memories of sitting at your desk attempting to file paperwork but unable to even type on the typewriter. But now, as you lazily walked into the apartment, everything slowly started to feel real again. Javier set his keys down on the sleek kitchen island, and you followed him aimlessly, your mind finally starting to settle from its chaotic state.

“I’m gonna assume you aren’t hungry?” He asked, his voice still soft. You shook your head no. He nodded, “What do you need?”

As you lifted your gaze to meet his, you couldn't help but notice the deep brown pools of concern gazing back at you. But beneath that concern, you could see a deeper turmoil brewing - the weight of today's mission and countless others weighing heavily on his shoulders. "I don't know," you croaked, your voice hoarse from screaming and covered in dust. You weren't even sure if Javier could hear you over the ringing in your ears. Tears welled up in your eyes as flashes of today's horrors replayed in your mind like a never-ending nightmare.

“Listen, you have to talk about what happened today,” he said urgently. In his experience, keeping everything bottled up inside only made things worse. He leaned across the counter, his elbows propping him up as he reached out to hold your hand in his. His touch was warm and comforting. “Tell me, cariño, what's going through your mind right now?” His dark eyes searched yours with concern and empathy as he waited for you to open up to him.

More images flashed through your head. Your throat burned trying to hold back more tears. “I should’ve done more to save them…”

He sighed, “Mi amor, you can’t think that way. You and I both know we did our very best today. The ‘what ifs’ will only haunt you if you let them.” Javier’s voice was persistent yet comforting. This wasn’t his first rodeo, so you knew he was probably telling the truth.

“How do we go to work tomorrow like nothing happened?” Your voice cracked out, and Javier squeezed your hands.

“Everyone in that office apart from the damn secretaries have experienced days like this. They know what we’re going through. We take as much time as we need to get back into the swing of things, and we persist. That’s all we can do, querida.”

You stood in silence, the words caught in your throat as Javier moved around the spacious apartment. The soft glow of golden lights flickered against the dark walls, casting shadows across his face. He poured two glasses of whiskey from a crystal decanter, the sound of clinking ice cubes filling the room. He slid one glass towards you and you reached out to take it, feeling the coolness of the glass against your fingertips. You brought it to your lips and took a slow sip, letting the warm liquid spread through your body and soothe your racing thoughts. In the background, Javier shuffled around the living room before the smooth melody of an oldies music vinyl began to fill the air.

As you made your way into the room, the smell of Javier's cologne mixed with the remnants of cigarette smoke enveloped your senses. You could feel his warmth radiating from the couch as he sat there, whiskey glass in hand, waiting for you. As you slouched down beside him, your body immediately relaxed, finding solace in his comforting presence and scent. The tension in your muscles began to melt away, and silent tears escaped your eyes once again. The weight of the day's events was finally settling in, and you were now more aware of your memories and surroundings than ever before. With each passing moment, you were forced to confront the aftermath of the mission and all that it entailed.

You sniffled as Javier scooted you closer to him. You laid your head down next to his chest and he caressed the side of your arm. “I know, I know.” He whispered as your tears wet his shirt underneath you.

He wasn’t just saying that to comfort you, he really did know. His own memories of tough missions flashed through his head. He remembered when he witnessed his first death on the job. He knew the feelings of regret and guilt that now lingered inside of you. He had gotten better at coping with the aftermath and trauma of missions, but that’s one thing that the DEA doesn’t teach you.

Once most of your tears had subsided, your mind was back to feeling blank. However, you recognized the song that was now playing from the record player. It was a soft oldies song that you and Javier once slow danced to. You thought it was cheesy at the time, but Javier convinced you to dance with him. He could persuade you to do just about anything.

Javier shifted and got up from the couch, your body sinking into the cushions slightly with his absence. You looked at him curiously as he held out his hand, “Dance with me, amor.”

You almost huffed out a laugh, but couldn’t muster up the energy. “Really, now?” He simply nodded in response. You sighed, and slowly got up from the couch.

You moved closer to him, relishing the warmth and strength of his embrace. His arms encircled your waist, pulling you in close as his fingers traced gentle patterns on your back. You closed your eyes, sinking into the feeling of being held by someone who loved you. In the background, the soft melodies of the song played, transporting you to a distant memory. It was the first time you had heard this song, dancing with Javier in this very apartment. The room was filled with cardboard boxes waiting to be unpacked, but Javier was too eager to set up his treasured record player. A fond smile graced your lips as you swayed together, lost in each other's presence.

“Te quiero mucho (I love you so much)” Javier muttered as he placed a kiss at the top of your head. His hands slowly moved up your arms, holding you tightly to him. It was as if he was so worried he could’ve lost you today that he didn’t want to ever let go of you.

“I love you too Javi,” You rested your head onto his chest. You were finally feeling a sense of peace, a sense that you could go on tomorrow and be almost okay.

“Cmon, let’s call it a night.” Javier sighed and you looked up at him and into his brown puppy eyes that held so much love for you. His lips placed a soft kiss onto yours. A kiss that wasn’t meant to lead to anything else. A kiss that stated he was here, just for you to love.

As the minutes ticked by, you both showered and changed into fresh, cozy clothes. Finally, you found yourselves snuggled up together in bed, with Javier's strong arms wrapped around you from behind. His soft lips pressed against your neck and shoulder, leaving a trail of gentle kisses that sent shivers down your spine. The soothing tempo of his breathing next to yours was like a lullaby, easing you into a peaceful slumber.

That was when the nightmare started. You were back inside the shabby house from earlier. Windows were broken and wooden boards were rotted. You couldn’t believe that anyone actually lived there. You held your gun down tightly by your thigh, just the way that Carillo had taught you. Javier was leading in front of you, and Steve was following behind you.

You heard a glass shatter from upstairs and immediately turned your head towards Javier and Steve, knowing looks shared between the three of you. Your mind seemed to fast forward this awful dream. There were three small children being held as hostages, and two men who the DEA had been trying to track down for months. You had your gun pointed at one of the men, Javier and Steve pointing theirs at the second man. Steve was trying to reason with them, but this was an impossible scenario. Your mind was racing but also laser focused. How could you get them to surrender to the DEA and also let the children go? From what you could tell these children were just pulled off the street, their innocent souls only being used as collateral for a scheming drug cartel.

Before you knew it, guns were firing and you lunged back behind a piece of furniture. You heard the voices of Steve and Javier yelling and trying to fight the men, but it was too late. You stood up and scanned the room, your eyes shifting from Javier to Steve, who were trying to catch their breath, then to the three small bodies lying on the ground.

Your own blood-curdling scream tore through the silence, jolting you awake. In an instant, Javier's strong arms enveloped your trembling body, soothing and comforting you in his warm embrace. Your chest heaved with ragged breaths and tears streamed down your cheeks as you struggled to regain control of your emotions. "Shh, it's okay, I'm here, you're safe," Javier murmured tenderly, gently stroking your hair and rubbing your back. Gradually, your breathing slowed and your heart rate returned to normal as the nightmare faded away. But the fear lingered, a palpable presence in the air. It took several minutes before you could calm yourself enough to speak.

You sat up and put your head in your hands. Javier rubbed your lower back as he sat up with you. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, and you thought for a moment.

With teary eyes you looked over at him. “They were just kids, Javi. They didn’t do anything wrong.” Your throat burned and more tears fell. Javier pulled you into him so that your head laid on his chest.

“I know. We are gonna do everything we can to get the bastards who took those kids from their families.” He massaged the side of your arm.

“Javi…” You whispered slowly and moved away to look him in the eyes. You grabbed his hand, running your fingers lightly across his knuckes. “You always talk about raising a family. I always loved imagining a bunch of little Javis running around,” a smile tugged at your lips but disappeared in an instant, “but after today…” Your voice trailed off but Javier was waiting for you to continue. His sad eyes were locked onto your face as you stared at his hands in yours. “I want a family, I really do. But I just think about those kids today. What if those were our kids. Kids who just wanted to play out on the street, and now…”

“Oh angel,” His voice was raspy and you looked up to see tears in his own eyes. “I love you so much, and I know your pain, because it’s mine too. Not a day goes by that I don’t worry about our future, about our family. When we get to that point, where we’re ready to settle down, I’ll take an office job. I won’t care what I’ll do at that point. We’ll move anywhere we want, as long as I have you, and any little ones we bring along.” He smiled lightly as his hand came to rest on your jaw. His words brought tears to your eyes. You didn’t realize how much Javier thought about the future between the two of you. He had a plan for every scenario; he would quit his job tomorrow if it meant having you by his side.

“I love you Javi,” You whispered and planted a small kiss to his cheek.

“Eres mi vida (You are my life), I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He moved his hand down to the back of your neck, pulling you in for a soft kiss. It was so gentle, like he knew how fragile you still felt. His lips felt like the softest silk and the warmest blanket. “Let’s get you back to sleep now.”

“I’m sorry- for waking you up,” You apologized as you laid back down on your pillow. Javier laid facing you, his arms shifting you closer.

“You didn’t wake me. I remember my first nightmare from a mission. I wanted to be awake to help you through yours.” He explained in a low, tired voice. He sacrificed his own sleep just so he could console you when yours was interrupted.

“Oh,” you muttered. You wrapped an arm around his torso. God, you thought, you would be totally lost without him.

You saw Javier smiling to himself, “You’re stronger than you think querida.”

You just shook your head, “I don’t know that I did to deserve you Javi…”

His hand lightly massaged the side of your hip, “You’ve got the purest heart of anyone I’ve ever met, cariño.” He kissed the top of your head, and before you knew it your eyelids felt heavy and you were pulled into sleep again.

Javier sighed to himself, “Dulces sueños mi amor. (Sweet dreams my love.)”

[arisuworld]

LAW OF ASSUMPTION: AN EPIPHANY-ⅠⅠⅠ

⋆ ☾ : How to manifest?

In the most simplest way, i am going to tell you how to exactly manifest. This time with no methods and with not even lifting a finger.

ASSUME WHAT YOU WANT TO BE

want that car? assume it. want to be a celebrity? assume it. want to date a celebrity? assume it. want to have your dream desired appearance? assume it, IT'S DONE. That's it, that's actually it.

If you assume your desire and live there as though it were true, no power on earth can stop it from becoming a fact — Neville GODDARD.

Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live — Neville GODDARD

Your opinion on yourself is your most important viewpoint, you are infinitely greater than you think you are — Neville GODDARD

SO WHAT IS THE LAW?

The law is basically: law of assumption in simple definition is: WHATEVER YOU ASSUME, YOU WILL HAVE IT IN YOUR REALITY. For example if you were assuming into your reality that you own a million dollar house, then BY LAW that million dollar house is yours! you will have it in your reality in no-time.

HOW DO I MANIFEST?

I get this question a lot surprisingly, and its pretty self explanatory by the name. You ASSUME that you have what you want.

ᥫ᭡ :: if you assume your desire and live there as though it were true, no power on earth can stop it from becoming a fact — Neville goddard

(which leads me to my next point)

LIVING IN THE END—

To successfully manifest you must live in the end. You can do many techniques as you please but if you do not maintain living in the end, then....you’re gonna struggle. Living in the end is— going on your day knowing your desire is here. Neville going to barbados is the classic example of living in the end. He mentally operated as though he was in barbados even though he was living in new york, here’s another example.

Let's say, I'm manifesting a romantic partner in my life and i'm no longer in the “WANTING” state and I'm now in the “FULFILLED” state. So, i would think FROM my desire. “everyday ___ texts me” “me and ____” have such a good relationship”

embody

/ɪmˈbɒdi,ɛmˈbɒdi/

be an expression of or give a tangible or visible form to (an idea, quality, or feeling).

WHAT IS PERSISTENCE?

People often confuse persistence with consistently. Affirming 24/7 till they pass out or their head hurts which is so wrong. Persisting isn’t affirming, it's knowing that your desire is inevitable. You feel safe and secure knowing THAT CREATION IS FINISHED. The moment you’ve finished your visualisation, affirmations, SATs or whatever or have just simply stated that your desire is yours then your desire has already been completed. Your “job” is to just continue KNOWING that it’s yours!

WHAT IS THE STATE OF WISH FULFILLNESS?

The state of wish fulfilled is pretty similar to living in the end, and they do go hand in hand. To be in the state of wish of fulfilment, you must ASSUME YOUR DESIRE IS DONE. How would you feel? happy, comfortable, relaxed, satisfied. That's literally it. You’re no longer desiring to manifest because you have finally manifested it.

People confuse the state of wish fulfilment with being happy all the time and that's what they're doing wrong. You do not need to be happy. That phone that’s in your hand you’ve manifested it, were you happy the first time you got it? yeah ofc you did, it's a new phone but soon after a while it felt natural. You were like “yeah thats my phone” you wasn’t like “OMGGG THATS MY PHONE!!!” you knew it was yours and went off.

[starzgaze]

ARCHIVED: annoyance [unfinished]

pairing: sjw/archivist!reader

unreliable synopsis: [y.name] tries to discreetly follow jinwoo but they fail so badly that jinwoo played them lmao

a/n: [y.name] whole job is from an oc so if you need a bit of context on how they work you can check my oc ophion because this is a self indulgent piece huhuhu.. also shit english and its unfinished so yeah erm

[y.name] stared down the intricately detailed paper in front of them. It honestly looked like something straight out of some fairytale but [y.name] knew better. It was a personal announcement stating where there's a bit of information that's incorrect or not processed correctly in their archives.

They sighed in irritation.

The archivist crumpled the piece of paper and then threw it aggressively to some wall, letting out an annoyed groan.

"AGH! This rarely happened before even in past timelines?? It only happened when he—" [y.name] ranted before shoving their face into their hands and let out an irritated groan again. They genuinely started to hate this job that was forcibly imposed on them.

And that job was being an archivist to archive everything that happened in this world for the purpose that their now dead boss, the absolute being, could look through the records [y.name] made if they got bored of the monarchs and rulers fighting and went off somewhere else. [y.name]'s job was supposed to made easier because information from the future and past would be forcibly injected into their head like some sort of epiphany because the movements of everything that the absolute being made was predictable. Which means they don't have to manually archive it.

That is until Sung Jin-woo came in.

That... man... almost drove [y.name] into insanity. Right after the dungeon incident, [y.name] ordinarily archived whatever happened to Sung Jin-woo in the dungeon and assumed he would have an average 'Second Awakening' and nothing more.

But when [y.name] archived it they were immediately greeted with an announcement that the information they archived was incorrect. [y.name] rose a brow at this.

They were rarely wrong so how can this be? The last time they archived something wrong was the time where Antares did something so out of character or Ashborn constantly doing decisions that even the existing predictions couldn't match his choices. [y.name] was definitely confused at this but they didn't pay that much mind to it.

They simply adjusted it and tweaked around until it approved the information [y.name] archived then after this [y.name] thought they'll never encounter this ever again for a while.

Until it repeated.

and repeated

repeated

repeated......

....aaanndd repeated......

...

"oh my god I think I'm gonna bald from stress" [y.name] whined as they gripped the folder in their hands and narrowed their eyes at the profile in the folder. The archivist gritted their teeth at the sight of the hunter.

S-rank hunter, Sung Jin-woo.

"Just how the hell did you become this strong?!!?"

The folder flew into the air as [y.name] threw it as they covered their face exasperatedly. The only thing that was haunting [y.name]'s days was Sung Jin-woo, the very reason of why they stay up at night and grovel at the thought of.

Ever since his sudden rise in the rankings in Korea, [y.name]'s work as an archivist doubled. They had to manually archive every little decision Jin-woo made in his life that'll affect the world or even the universe with how powerful he's getting. It was difficult for sure, especially when they're trying to not seem like a creep discreetly following the hunter around trying to jot down whatever Jin-woo is doing because now this magical force that helped them archive doesn't work on him.

"Eugghhh. How many days left before this guy is gonna figure out I've been following him for the past few months" [y.name] sighed as they turned their head over to where the folder fell. Their eyes hardened at thr sight of the folder, annoyance bubbling inside of them. Sung Jinwoo is seriously making their job harder than it should be.

Jin-woo can't miss how a figure would tail him whenever he was in public and most definitely whenever he's in a high ranking dungeon for some reason.

He would occasionally catch them at his peripheral vision but when he actually turn his head and try to see who it was they would magically disappear. Jin-woo could easily of course appear in their shadow but this figure hasn't posed a threat to him or to anyone he loved.

"My leige, they're tailing your trail again. Do you wish for me to dispose them?" Beru reported as he materialized behind Jin-woo. He raised his hand and waved it dismissively. "No need. Let them be"

In truth, Jin-woo recognized the figure. He was sure that the elusive stalker he has doesn't recognize them anymore but Jin-woo does.

[y.name], one of the few who didn't laughed behind Jin-woo's back but instead encouraged him and served as someone of inspiration for Jin-woo.

To be fair, Jin-woo used to have a small crush on [y.name] before but he forgotten about it when he was going through his grueling training of the system. This mostly became the reason why his feelings for [y.name] dwindled but it quickly resurfaced when they started trailing him around.

[cosmicbrowniebox]

Not a lot just forever. Episode four? i don't smoke

Previous -> next -> navigation -> playlist

Warnings: suicide jokes but sarcastically, cheating uhhh and idk but just probably heavy angst towards the end and reader tells Terushima to get lobotomized

A/n:I worked so long on this including otw home from the zoo a little bit but erm idk enjoy

Walking into Y/N’s apartment felt weird to Kenma in a way. Yachi, mid-stream herself, had pointed him in the direction of Y/N's art and streaming room, providing a bag of her favorite snacks and the cheap beer she always liked. The door, reminiscent of the one from the house he remembered her living in before graduation, was decorated with a small painted sign labeled “Y/N's streaming room,” matching all the door signs on each room. For an apartment, it sure felt spacious, but with a famous model and two well-known artists living there, it was to be expected.

“I think she might be streaming if she doesn't open the door,” Alisa called out to him from her open bedroom door. He nodded in thanks as he watched her go back into her bedroom. Knocking on the door twice, he could faintly hear her tell her stream to hold on before hearing shuffling toward the door. It opened, revealing Y/N with a face full of blue paint and the start of purple spots. He tilted his head at the sight.

“I almost forgot you said you were coming with beer,” she told him. He could tell she probably did forget, as her eyes darted down to the bag he held in his right hand. “Come in; chat's gonna love this,” she said, opening the door for him.

The sight of her room was almost funny to him. The walls seemed to be covered head to toe in some form of art or decoration, along with photos of her and her friends or family. A faint sound of Mitski played as she walked back into the frame of her stream. “Come say hi, Ken,” she told him, waving him over as she dragged out another gaming chair from what he had been told was the “closet of doom” so they could both sit.

“Hi, chat,” he said as he pulled out the case of beers and snacks he had gotten at the corner store. As he pushed the chair toward him and sat down, it sounded like she had an epiphany behind him.

“I almost forgot!” she said to no one in particular as he watched the chat confusedly fly past. “Gotta show you what I was telling you about a few days ago,” she told him with a big smile. As he turned around, he could tell she had been working on it for a long time.

“Close your eyes,” she said, not giving him a chance to interject. He closed his eyes, hearing the sound of her shuffling around in the closet. After a small thud and a string of curses, the door clicked shut. “Okay, on the count of three… one, two, three!” she said as he opened his eyes, blinking a few times to readjust to the lights. He looked straight at the painting, realizing it was of him. It looked cropped just to have him in it, with his PSP and freshly bleached hair making a star appearance.

“It’s for you hitting ten mil on Twitter,” she told him as she set it in his lap, letting him take a better look at it. The painting was detailed, with every stroke seeming like its own little chapter of their life since they had met. “It’s amazing, Y/N,” he mumbled, his fingers running gently across the edge of the painting as if trying to memorize every point and curve.

“I knew you were a good artist, I always have, but this is just… it’s just perfect. Truly perfect,” he told her as he watched her crack open a beer, unable to decipher the look in her eyes. Maybe it was a sense of fondness she held for him or perhaps it was pride in her art. Either way, it was a look he always liked to see on her.

“I'm really glad you like it. I was really worried you weren't gonna like it for some reason,” she said with a sheepish smile before taking a big sip of her beer, careful not to get paint on the rim.

“Chat, should we paint Kenma's face?” she asked, pulling the mic up close to her as if it'd give a more dramatic aura to her question, despite looking like she was supposed to be in a very bad version of Five Nights at Freddy's. He watched as the chat flew past, with comments suggesting characters like Barney the Dinosaur or All Might.

“I'll start a poll to get some ideas,” she said to no one in particular as she typed names he could spot, like Barney the Dinosaur or characters from Neon Genesis Evangelion. After a few minutes, the poll had stopped, signaling his 'demise' at the idea of being painted to look like an Evangelion unit.

“I swear, if you guys picked the Eva unit, you're going in the note,” he said sarcastically, staring at the camera. “You make it sound like my chat is your thirteenth reason why,” Y/N said with a laugh as she read it.

“Yachi asked if she had voted for the Evangelion one, she would get first named in your note,” she told him, looking over at him with eyes he wanted to say reminded him of stars watching him throughout the night. Instead, it was her; she was his star in the night sky, watching him hit all these milestones and being his support through everything.

“Yachi, you're going in the note for when Mochi bit me a few days ago,” he answered, earning a laugh from her. “Wait, so the Unit One choice won?” he asked, looking over at the screen where the poll had been pulled up for her to watch. “It won't be that bad, I swear, Ken!” she told him, pulling up a reference photo of the unit itself.

“It looks like something you would see in a horror movie, Y/N. It is that bad. After Kuro showed me an episode, I had nightmares,” he said, referring to the first time he had seen Neon Genesis Evangelion when they were kids. He refused to watch it again because he didn't want more nightmares, even though he was ten when Kuro dragged him into watching episodes of it.

“Didn't he say you refused to go near his TV for ages because you thought an angel was gonna come out and attack you?” she asked with a smile as she pulled out the paint needed, disregarding the fact she hadn't even finished her own Bibble face paint.

“If this stains your face, do you think your fangirls are gonna kill me?” she asked jokingly, aware that some of his fangirls could be a bit weird about him, but who wouldn't be weird about a sweet guy who played games that someone like them had been into?

“I mean, probably, but they'll just want you to bribe them or something,” he answered, scooting his chair slightly closer so they were facing each other. Her knee moved slightly, resting between his, her gaze unaware of the proximity as she got the paint ready.

“Guys, if he looks stupid, you should make it your Twitter profiles. It'll be so funny,” she told her chat, rummaging through a box of acrylic paint. She turned back to him with a smile that made him feel like she was the sun and he was the moon. The silence was comforting, with music playing softly in the background as the brush moved gently against his skin.

“Did I ever tell you about the one time in high school I thought you were Kuro’s little brother?” she asked, taking a sip of her beer. It was obvious the drinks were starting to hit her, and he found it funny as she painted half of his cheek a deep purple.

He shook his head. “I don’t think you did.”

She started a small rant. “It was the one day Morisuke brought me with him during our first year because he wanted me to manage the team. I think it was like the first week when all the third years were still there. When we got introduced, I thought you two were siblings at first because your hair looked similar before you got me to start helping you bleach it,” she laughed, reminiscing.

“Oh God, I hated my hair so much back then until I realized how damaged it was in third year, so I decided to stop for a while,” he chuckled, the tipsy girl in front of him reminding him of their early twenties when they’d go to bars and she’d turn into a rambling mess, slurring her words if she drank too much.

“You were always so pretty with brown hair. It was a good look on you,” she mumbled almost loud enough to be picked up by the mic sitting nearby.

“Maybe I’ll have to let it grow out again,” he responded softly. If someone walked into the room right now, it would seem like the two were in their own little world, like she was a girl on the side of a building dolled up, looking as pretty as anyone could imagine, and he was the passerby staring up in awe.

The silence was comforting as she painted his face, the brush moving against his skin. He tried to keep up with the chat, a flash on the screen catching his eye: a thing of gifted subs with a message, “At this point, why don’t you two get married?”

Y/N laughed, reading the comment. “We’re just friends. I don’t think marrying anyone is in my cards for a long time, anon,” she said into the mic, then turned back to the bag of snacks he had brought. She gasped when she saw the handrolls and bag of pretzels. “He’s an angel, guys! He got us handrolls and pretzels. Someone needs to marry this man right now.”

“I knew you’d be hungry,” he said, watching her crack open the bag of pretzels and sit the bag under her monitor so it was easy for them both to grab. A ding from her phone indicated hundreds of notifications from Twitter and texts from her friends.

“Is your phone blowing up too?” she asked, flipping her phone up to see who had been texting her, spotting messages from her group chat with Kiyoko, Alisa, and Hitoka, and thousands of notifications from Twitter. She barely had time to process what was happening before messages in the chat told her to look at Twitter when she got off-stream.

“Y/N, turn the stream off,” he mumbled. His serious tone, unusual for him, indicated that something important had happened. Nodding, she turned her chair to use her keyboard.

“Alright, guys, I’m gonna get off here. I’ll be streaming at the same time as usual on Saturday,” she told the thousands of viewers, her voice betraying her worry. Once she was off-stream, he showed her the tweet. He watched the color drain from her face. He knew their relationship had been on the rocks, but finding out Terushima had cheated on her through Twitter must have made her feel sick to her stomach. She took his phone to read the replies from over six thousand people, including some of their friends and her brother, all confused and angry.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” she mumbled, standing up. His eyes followed her as she walked out of the room. After a minute, he decided to go get Yachi. His footsteps were soft against the hardwood floor as he knocked on the door labeled “Toka’s office.”

“Come in,” he heard Yachi yell. He opened the door to see her looking like she had just gotten off-stream herself.

“I’m gonna head out, but Y/N looks like she’s gonna be sick after reading the tweets. I think it might be a good idea for someone to stay with her right now. I think you or Alisa may be all she wants with everything going on,” he told her, his voice almost quiet. Yachi stood up, and he backed up slightly to give her space.

“Thank you for being with her, Kenma. She probably really appreciates it,” she said with a kind smile. She understood his hesitation to stay, knowing Y/N probably only wanted to sit in the bathroom with a beer and contemplate her whole relationship.

“Mhm. Let her know I’ll call her if she wants to talk at all tonight. I’m just doing paperwork once I get back to my place,” he responded before walking with Yachi to check on Y/N.

“Hey, paint eater. I’m gonna head home. Yachi’s gonna stay with you,” he told Y/N, who sat with her head in her knees beside the toilet.

“Mhm. Have a good night, Ken. Make sure you grab the painting,” she mumbled, her voice muffled. He nodded, leaving the pair in the bathroom. He assumed Alisa wouldn’t be far behind as he spotted Mochi leaving the back hall where her room was, the cat almost leading him back to the room they’d been sitting in. The edge of the table propped up the portrait of him. He had almost forgotten about the face painting. Standing there for a moment, his hands ran over the painting's edge as he tried to formulate how to leave without looking like a complete and utter dickhead. But he knew deep down she was in better hands with Yachi and Alisa. They probably knew what to tell her and how to cheer her up.

He grabbed his car keys in a swift movement but saw a little sticky notepad. Instinctively, he grabbed a pen from her jar on the desk, scribbling down a little cat drawing of Mochi and a small message telling her she was a good person and that he would always be in her corner. He stuck the pink sticky note on the rim of her monitor for her to see once she felt good enough to come back into her art room.

His quiet steps hit the hardwood floor as he made eye contact with Alisa, who gave him a slight smile of greeting and goodbye. He made his way to the front door of the shared apartment, the halls full of cheesy photos they had taken, making them look like family portraits and old awards from art contests. Setting the painting down momentarily, he slipped on his sneakers, acknowledging the glaring cat sitting on its tree before finally walking out the door, painting in hand, not even caring that he must have looked crazy with half a face of semi-dry purple paint.

Even with the guilt of leaving her, it was probably for the best. He knew it wasn't a good idea to leave after having come over to console her because of what happened with her mother that morning. But now he was walking away after being the one to tell her Terushima had cheated on her. He must have looked like a complete asshole, but he was glad she hadn’t found out while still on stream. She would have been even more of a wreck. Now, he just needed to tell the group chat what happened, even though he knew they already knew. Everyone did.

Tags: @metta-crybaby @wyrcan @kunimix @phoenix-eclipses @bae-ashlynn @lotti-lyric @stayyyyyyyyyyyy21

Fun facts and random info I wanted to tell u

This was originally supposed to be fluff

I didn't intend to do this chapter that way it actually was supposed to be for the ending of it have kenma and yn having a heart to heart but instead it ended up as this

She's the epitomy of screaming crying throwing up

This might seem really rushed breakup wise for these two but nothing romantic happens between kenma and yn for awhile still I just wanna add that

Next chapter might come later tonight depending how long it takes me to plan and do it

Also chapters might be slow even tho they already are because I'm behind on some stuff and I also have crochet projects I need to work on rlly bad but I'll cook in between for y'all

[username8746489]

A scenario using both the "Naven is the head of Bliss Ocean" theory and my crack prediction that Lorelai is gonna join the organization

(Fic under cut; wordcount: 962)

Molly hated this feeling. After spending two years of her life on making sure her family wouldn't die, she was perpetually stuck in a state of discomfort unless she was doing something useful. And right now, she couldn't do anything but stand still in front of the head of Bliss Ocean and its newest operative.

Or more accurately, her teacher and sister.

She knew Lorelai was bad, but she didn't think she'd go join a terrorist organization once she realized she had to work! 

And Naven... 

"Are you alright, Molly?" The very man asked with a pleasant smile, as if they were having one of their normal interpersonal communication lessons, "I know this must be a lot for you to take in." Lorelai stood at his side, clothed in the witch's outfit from when Naven had first wormed his way into her good graces. 

Molly clutched at the straps of her backpack, nails digging into the tough fabric in an attempt to ground herself. "Why?"

Naven's head tilted to the side, making him seem genuinely confused, "What do you mean?"

"I... I know you're a mundie, but why all this?" Molly mumbled, unable to bring her voice any higher in the imposing atmosphere of the empty room. "I didn't think you hated inscribed..."

"I don't," Naven clarified, "But you do have to understand that epithets are dangerous, Molly."

"I know that!" Molly stamped a foot, summoning all of the confidence Giovanni had instilled in her, "But-"

"After all... epithets were the thing that killed your mom, weren't they?"

A beat passed. The room was silent for an uncomfortably long second.

Molly's fingers dug tighter into the fabric of the bear hoodie her mom had made her, "...What?"

Lorelai snapped her body to face Naven, staff trembling in her hands, "Naven-"

"You've never thought about it, have you?" Naven continued, ignoring her presence entirely, "Of course you wouldn't. You were already greving so much, it never occured to you to consider what caused the fire."

Molly's body felt colder with every second, the sound of her heart beating becoming so loud, it threatened to drown out Naven's words. Lorelai's panicked nature wasn't helping much, only fueling Molly's anxiety. 

"Don't you remember that night?"

Of course she did. How could she forget? The fire climbing up the walls, the smoke hanging in the air, vision obscured from the tears spilling down her face and seemingly evaporating in an instant in her little ten-year-old mind. 

"Your Epiphany happened in a very stressful moment, so I don't blame you for not connecting the dots before now."

She had been choking her little throat out, sore from inhaling smoke and, more importantly, screaming out Lorelai's name as she desperately banged on her sister's dream bubble with her tiny fists to wake her up, epithet flaring to life to break through the solid exterior and plunging inside to pull Lorelai free. 

One of the dream bubbles that she made in her sleep with no issues.

The dream bubbles that would often augment reality around it.

"About how Lorelai's epithet summoned the fire that burnt down your house."

It felt like a knife to Molly's chest. 

"A... Ah..."

Naven's face fell, stepping forward and reaching out a comforting hand, "Molly..."

Before he got any closer, Molly collapsed to her knees, hands in her hair as she screamed. A whole two-years worth of anguish and grief exploded out from the girl, wailing and screams echoing around the room and ringing in everyone's ears. There was no physical element to it, not even a stray use of her epithet. But even still, there seemed to be a barrier around Molly, preventing anyone from approaching her as she curled up into a ball.

Naven knelt down to the ground, "You understand why Bliss Ocean does what it does now, right? Molly, you're one of the brightest people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. That's why I'm trying so hard to help you see my perspective. I want you to join me-"

"You promised!" Lorelai interrupted, voice cracking, tears in her own eyes as she grabbed Naven and pulled him back up to his feet. "You promised you would let me tell her!"

"You knew?"

The witch flinched, suddenly remembering her audience. Molly stared at her, button eyes unmoving like a doll's. No emotion could be read in her pupils, but it still managed to cut the other girl down to size. Lorelai's grip tightened on her staff as her outfit seemed to fizzle under Molly's gaze, threatening to fade away at any moment, the edge of the fabric bubbling like it was being boiled.

"You... You k-" Molly choked on her words, unable to even utter the sentence she wanted to scream at her sister. It had always been like this, stuck being so quiet that everyone else walked all over her. 

Naven walked over to the twelve-year-old, still so very young for all the trauma the world had dumped onto her without regard. He put his hands on her shoulders, and Molly hated how she instinctively relaxed under the hands of the teacher she had once trusted so much.

"These past two years of suffering was because of one epithet. I just want to make sure such a tragedy never happens to anyone else. You understand, don't you Molly? You wouldn't wish your pain on anyone else, would you?"

Naven smiled at her from where he was hovering over her shoulder. Then his eyes opened for the very first time in the months she had known him, pupils staring down Molly with all the might of a predator standing over their prey. 

And in that moment, that was all Molly could see him as. 

"So won't you join Bliss Ocean?"

[its-time-to-write]

ch. 7 - hustling for the good life

table of contents

if you made it to the end, thank you🥰

the way forward

Touring is absolutely insane. It’s not as crazy as some people’s like, say, Allie Gooding, but it’s still so. Much. Work. You don’t really dance, mostly hold your guitar while sitting in the middle of a stage while people twirl and leap behind you.

It’s a Blue Glass tour, technically speaking, but Mango is by far the highlight.

You’re in the city of its origin, with its muses sitting front and center. 

“I’ll let you go/Because it’s best for me/I slip out the back/And turn the key,” the audience sings.

i saw u on tiktok, Jamie texts that night. fukig mint the way the crowd sang all the words.

Claire was crying, you type back. And why can’t you ever spell “fuck” correctly??

cant all be smarty pants musicians, Jamie writes. Then, been blessed to be a dumb, sexy footballer.

Ok, I have to go to sleep. Flying to some small city tomorrow afternoon. Maybe you’ve heard of it? Called something like idk, Landon? Lodan?

He asks, u still staying at mine?

Yep. Can’t wait!!

FUCKIMG M I N T, Jamie responds.

—

You’ve been in Richmond for approximately four hours, just long enough to say hi to Keeley, eat dinner, and, you know, ditch Natalie so you and Jamie can make up for time spent apart.

“That’s disgusting,” she says before hopping into the hired car.

“Ok miss ‘I fucked-‘”

“WHOA, ok,” she says, “I’m going to stop you right there. I’m out of here.”

But now you’re laying in Jamie’s bed as he runs his hand up and down your arm, tucked against his side.

“You’re bringing the team to the show tomorrow, right?” you ask.

“Hm,” Jamie agrees.

“Cool,” you say softly, “Do you think they’re going to want to meet the musical guest?”

“Yes,” Jamie says immediately. “Lads’ve been hounding me all week. Even fucking Ted’s been asking.”

You smile. “Seems no one’s immune to the charms of Allie Gooding.”

“I fucking knew it,” Jamie gasps. “Fucking knew it. You gonna do Creekside?”

“Yeah,” you say.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” he asks, twirling a strand of your hair between his fingers. “How you do all this shit, I don’t know.”

You’re silent. The truth is, you don’t even know how you do all this shit. Natalie is barely managing to keep your head on straight as it is. At first, it was fun to travel. Now, you just want a good night of sleep.

You have an especially hard time with meet and greets. It always feels too crowded and stifling, and there’s no Jamie to hold your hand or sneak you out the door so nine times out of ten, you have a panic attack while pretending that everything’s fine.

You’d be happy never touring again, just playing your guitar for Jamie in the living room. Writing songs for the people you love and only for the people you love. Mango felt important in a way that Blue Glass didn’t. It had a message and actually helped people, whether or not they knew it.

Claire sent you a small video every time her song was playing in a shop or on the radio, then end the song by clasping her thumb and index finger into a heart. She sent one of her and the other women in her new house, dancing to Kitchen Epiphany.

“We wouldn’t be here without you, babe!” she said at the end.

But she was wrong. You wouldn’t be there without her. It’s wrong, all wrong, but you only have a couple nights with Jamie so you roll on top of him and press your lips to his.

—

You’re in Greece less than a week and a half later, sporting a Tartt jersey as you pull up to your hotel.

Natalie’s been making wiggly eyes at you the whole time you’ve had it on but you don’t care because you’re almost done with this godforsaken tour and you haven’t broken up with Jamie. He still loves you, for some reason you don’t understand.

But hey, you’ve never claimed to understand the male brain.

As you make the mad dash from the car into the safety of the lobby, you hear a familiar voice call your name. You turn and see Donovan, your most recent ex. He’s smiling and holding hands with a girl you used to see around his photoshoots.

“How have you been?” he asks warmly. 

“Good!” you say. “Hopping all around the world, but good!”

He’s still smiling that picture-perfect smile. “Saw you’re dating Jamie Tartt. You guys actually look happy together. Just like me and Zoe. Unless, of course, it’s show?”

“Oh,” you reply, startled. “I, uh, well,”

“It’s ok,” Donovan interjects. “Zo knows we weren’t actually dating.”

“Oh,” you say again, relieved. You never did feel the need to act around Donovan. “Yeah, no, it’s real. At least, it feels real. Wasn’t set up by a PR firm or anything and we’ve been able to keep it pretty quiet.”

Donovan nods. “You’ve always been good in staying out of trouble. Me, not so much.” 

Zoe grins from her place on his arm. “Yeah, but now we get into quiet trouble. We’re getting married this week, and no one even knows that we’re dating.”

She holds out her hand to show you and Natalie the biggest ring you’ve ever seen.

“Nice,” Natalie says. “But we’ve got to check in. Great to see you, Donny.”

“God,” she says as she drags you away, “that could’ve been you. You would have made perfect plastic babies with that absolute fucking Ken.”

“Hey, Dono was nice,” you defend.

“Uh huh. What with all that… personality.”

Ok fine, so maybe he was rather one-dimensional. He and Danielle seem perfectly happy. You’re glad that he’s doing well, despite your so-called “torrid love affair.”

You’ll have to drop by their room at some point to catch up for real.

—

You end up going out to a club with him. And Natalie and Danielle of course, but as you step through the doors, you’re kicking yourself. Why did you think this was a good idea? It smells and it’s crowded, but you’re going to suck it up for Natalie, and for the sake of socialization. Your only consolation is that pretty much everyone will be too drunk to know who you are.

It’s all fine, you’ve had some water and you’re dancing with Natalie when the lights hit your eyes wrong, or maybe the beat dropped when you weren’t expecting it, but it doesn’t actually matter because your eyes go wide and you feel like you’re drowning. You push your way through the crowd out the door, barely noticing Donovan and Zoe hot on your heels.

“Hey,” he calls after you, “you alright?”

No, you want to say. No, you’re not alright because you’re with a bunch of strangers and you just want to be home with Jamie. You want to kick a football around with him on the weekends and hold his hand and be alone. You can feel tears sliding down your cheeks, and Donovan cups your face in his hands to wipe them away. 

“Maybe we should go,” he says concerned. Zoe’s leaning against a wall, phone out. 

“Already got an Uber,” she says. “You’ll be ok, babe.”

Donovan presses a kiss to your forehead. “C’est pas de problème,” he says. “Ne stresses pas.”

—

You can tell something’s wrong the moment you wake up. Maybe because you can’t hear Natalie in the other room or maybe it’s intuition, but the air isn’t right. You open up your phone to Instagram and find a picture of you and Donovan from last night. He’s holding your face and looking at you with what you know is concern, but to the observer looks like- love?

Oh shit.

The caption is the standard bullshit - “Forest Fire singer reignites old flame,” and you think you might be sick.

You keep scrolling and there’s another one, this time with Donovan kissing your forehead. The caption underneath is a rant to the effect of, how could you cheat on Jamie Tartt? What a greedy little bitch.

The more you go, the more you find. It’s the same set of pictures with the same set of captions.

It’s the damage to your public image that concerns you. You’ve been around long enough to know that it will blow over, especially because it’s unsubstantiated. You’re thinking of Jamie.

Oh god, what’s he going to think? You’re positive he’s seen it already, because how could he not? It’s so rare that you have a so-called scandal, that you’re trending. If he didn’t find it on his own, one of his friends definitely sent it to him.

Your phone is blowing up with news notifications and text messages. You have ten missed calls from Natalie an inbox full of voicemails. You’ll probably delete all of them without listening. 

But what you really care about is Jamie because in the plethora of messages all you’ve gotten from him is a single fucking voice memo. It’s five seconds long, the exact amount of time it takes to say “fuck you,” and you don’t want to open it. 

But a voice in your head compels you, the same voice that gave you the ok to fall in love with him in the first place, so before you can talk yourself out if it you press play and hold it up to your ear. 

“Hey,” says Jamie’s voice. “I love you.”

And that’s it. 

You don’t even try to calculate what time it is in London, you just hit the call button.

“Hey,” says Jamie’s real, actual voice.

“Hi,” you breathe. “I love you. And I hate touring. And press. I just want to make my songs and never fucking tour again. Donovan and I weren’t even doing anything. I had a goddamn panic attack and he was helping me calm down, and his literal fiancée is like three feet off camera but no one knows they’re together because fuck the press.”

Jamie chuckles. “No one’s making you do all this, love. You don’t owe people anythin’. You can just live your life without selling it. But like, if you want to sell it you can. You know?”

“Yeah,” you say.

“Oi. Look. Are you actually doing what you want? Because if it ain’t making you happy, you can stop.” 

You can hear a muffled voice in the background before you have a chance to respond. 

“Yeah, it’s her,” Jamie says to the voice. 

There’s a chorus of your name as Jamie says, “Dani and the lads say hi.”

“Tell them I say hi,” you respond. “Wait, where are you? It’s like nine there. Are you at training?”

“Weight room,” Jamie says, “but don’t get distracted. Are you happy?”

“No,” you say. “No, I’m not I want to- I want to play my guitar in your backyard and talk to Clare and help out Christine and not give Natalie a fucking aneurism every single day. I want to be able to sleep and not worry what people think of me and I want to like singing again. I want to visit my friends and have time to listen to their music and maybe I’ll tour with them, but only for fun. And most of all, I want to be with you. I want to go to all your matches and wear so much red and blue that I look like a gremlin and then I want to go home with you. And I want, like, domestic stuff too, like grocery shopping and cooking and- and-”

“And brushing our teeth at the same time,” Jamie helpfully supplies.

“Yes,” you say. “I’m really tired of all this.”

“Well,” Jamie says, “you’ve got one more week. Then fucking come home.”

—

You tell Natalie she’s fired, just to see the look on her face. 

She starts yelling when you tell her you’re kidding but only kind of and then she hits you with her purse, stringing together curses in both English and Spanish.

She’s less mad when you give her a raise and tell her she’s now in charge of managing all your shit so you don’t have to.

“I thought that’s what I was doing already,” she says, and now it’s your turn to smack her.

“First decision I’m making is switching to KJPR,” she says.

You ask, “What the fuck is that?” with a nose wrinkle.

Nat just grins. “Keeley’s PR firm.”

You let out a scream. “NO FUCKING WAY. NO FUCKING WAY! How did I miss that??”

Natalie shrugs and says, “She told me to pass on the message because she figured you were busy. I sent her a very nice gift basket from you.”

You sigh and grab Natalie for a hug. “You’re the absolute best, you know that?”

“Uh huh,” she says. “You’d be dead without me.”

—

It’s off-season, a year later. You’re on a beach in Brazil, lying in a chair next to Keeley, who’s in a hot-pink bikini.

“I never want to go back to England,” she says, sipping her drink.

You laugh. “I think your boytoy would disagree.”

She huffs and says, “Not my fault he has all that fucking hair. And anyway, he’s the one who wanted to come!”

“Fucking grandad,” Jamie grumbles good-naturedly next to you.

“You invited him,” you say. “You said, ‘Babe, Roy has to be there when we elope.’”

“How was I supposed to know he hated the sun?” Jamie asks, exasperated. “Twat never said anything!”

“He wears black all the time and never smiles, babe. He’s basically a vampire. You should’ve known.”

“I can fucking hear you,” Roy says from under the umbrella. “I’m not fucking deaf.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose and say, “I’m just glad Natalie left yesterday. Some honeymoon this is.”

Jamie gets up from his chair and flops on top of you. 

“Oof,” you grunt.

“Sorry,” he says, not sorry at all. “Hey, think there’s a pitch ‘round here? I brought my boots. Think they’re under the bed, love.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you say. “‘Football is life,’ or whatever. I’m gonna write a hit song about how my husband likes a fucking ball better than me.”

“I’d pay good money to hear that,” Roy says.

Jamie props himself up on his forearms and puts on his most angelic expression. “That’s me, the adorable yet sexy trophy husband. I’m your muse.”

“You’re something,” you say. “Ooh, I think I can use that in the song!”

table of contents

[morally-earl-gray]

✨crisis time✨ pt. 4

so um. i have no idea whats going on with me. BEAR WITH ME, this is gonna be my last rant for the next little while (unless something completely fucked up happens, yk)

im having doubts about my sexuality again. i came out as aroace (only to one irl person, but i also started posting on this blog) a few weeks ago, and its been pretty good since then. BUT i just remembered something that made me question EVERYTHING

when i was in elementary/middle school, i had no crushes whatsoever. nothing. i didnt know about asexuality and aromantism back then, so i just assumed that i would find someone eventually, or that i was just a late bloomer. my friends and i never talked about crushes (i didnt know it at the time but half of them are gay), and it never crossed my mind that i might be queer because i had never really stopped to think about it.

when i was ~12, i heard the term "asexual" for the first time. it crossed my mind that that could be me, but i didnt think about it much because i didnt really think it was important, and i was still holding out for The Feelings to kick in

PLOT TWIST:

i almost forgot about this until now, but im pretty sure i was lesbian?? (CONFESSION TIME: ive never admitted this to anyone for a lot of reasons, so this is very scary for me) when i was 14-15, i got a crush on this girl. i had known her for my entire life and had never had feelings like that before (for her or for anyone). it was weird and i never told her or anyone else ofc, because my family is homophobic and shes straight (probably). we started high school and the feelings kinda started to fade ig? occasionally something would happen and The Feeling would return, but by the next spring, i had zero feelings for her.

now i know what this sounds like: doesnt this mean im demiromantic? that would make sense, right? and thats what i thought, too.

but then i remembered something else:

for kinda that whole year (when i was 15), i was like 96% sure i was lesbian. there were other girls i occasionally thought about, and i barely knew them but i think it was a crush?? additionally, whenever i met a girl my age i would get silly thoughts like "maybe shes gay" or "maybe she'll be The One I Get Feelings For" and basically i knew i was lesbian.

but now i dont feel anything, not even for girls. im now 96% certain that i am aroace, but whenever i remember being 15 i get really confused. and its not in a "i told myself i had crushes on girls because i wasnt interested in guys so i must be lesbian and didnt realize i was actually aro" way. im pretty sure that was LEGIT

i had a moment of epiphany when i realized that i was aroace, and i was VERY MUCH CERTAIN of the fact. but i dont doubt that i was lesbian.

i have no idea if this is a thing that can happen, but i think my sexuality changed?? all i know is that i used to like girls but now i dont have feelings for anyone. theres a chance that im just demiromantic, but for some reason i dont think so??

anyways, if anyone has any advice, it would be much appreciated

[kumezyzo]

any dad!sapnap headcanons ? i feel like he’d love his little family so much :,)

ofc i do!!! so i was gonna post sweet and cute bf!sapnap headcannons cause ove gotten three anon asks about them 😭😭 but this is quite literally what has been sitting in my wips for so long 😭😭 and it was part of the angst i was talkin about not too long ago. but there is no angst in this!!😁

this is incredibly long cause its mostly pregnant!reader. um yea... sorry its not really what you asked for 😭😭😭

and this fem!afab!reader and even tho ive thought about this as streamer reader, im not gonna do it like that cause this anon didnt ask for that 😌 anyway, this is dad/dilf!sapnap

enjoy! or dont.... :) m.list

when you first have a suspision of being pregnant, you tell bf!sapnap immediately.

"wait, you think youre pregnant?" he asks with a concerned look. you bit your lip and nodded, fidgeting with your hands.

"i know we're really young and if you think we're not ready, im okay with not keeping it. i completely get whatever you feel like doing, i just needed to tell you even before i knew for sure-"

"hey, hey," he cut you off and walked up to you, cupping your face. "relax, okay. we can figure it out when we know for sure."

bf!sapnap who holds your hand when youre waiting the three minutes after peeing on the test. both of your hearts racing but trying to keep it together for eachother.

the tension in the bathroom was cut when the timer on your phone goes off. you both jumped before laughing nervously.

bf!sapnap who immediately hugs you when you flip over the stick and the test comes out positive.

you feel your body go numb at the idea of a life growing inside of you. nick didnt know how to comfort you properly, whether you were completely devastated or happy. so he waited for your reaction.

"are you okay?" he whispered. it was almost as if you would run for the hills if he spoke at any level above something close to silence.

you nod, squeezing him tighter. completely refusing to let go of the only thing grounding you to the moment.

"what-" he takes in a deep breath. "what do you want to do."

bf!sapnap who realizes the nickname 'mama' is suddenly a lot more fitting than before. and he says it with pride.

"come here mamas..." "damn mama..." "can i get a kiss mama?" he literally becomes the 'hey mamas' meme

bf!sapnap who doesnt realize he is/will become a dilf until you're well into your pregnancy. he would just be admiring your beautiful pregnant glow, complimenting you, when you brought it to his attention.

"you look so good, mamas," he says to you dreamily as he gets up to hug you from behind. his hands going to run over your bump. "cant wait to date a milf."

you laugh and lean your head back to rest on his shoulder. "and i cant wait to date a dilf." he proceeds to have a mini existential crisis and epiphany

bf!sapnap who is completely stunned to find out you were having a baby girl. a strange sense of protection filled him as he came to accept the fact that he now had two important women in his life. and he knew if it came to it, he'd protect them with his life.

bf!sapnap who most likely wont run to the store at midnight for your cravings. but he will postmates it for you in the blink of an eye and wait with you until it gets there.

bf!sapnap who lets you have the complete decision of when to reveal your pregnancy to his viewers.

bf!sapnap who has hundreds of videos of you laying in bed, your belly proudly showing and visible baby kicks and punches stretching through your skin.

"holy shit, it looks like an alien," he says, pointing his phones camera at your seven month sized belly. you had both paused the tv in your room to admire the way your child seemed to try to break out of the confines of your body

"this feels so fucking weird," you laugh as you watch your belly with wide eyes. then you register your boyfriends words. "wait, what did you call her-"

soon dad!sapnap who cant stay still when youre going through inactive labour, just laying in the hospital bed.

bsf!dream and george that come to visit your baby and you. they cant help but admire her full head of wavy hair and green eyes.

dad!sapnap who tries to let you sleep when you two get home. when the baby wakes up at midnight, he tries to console her as fast as possible to let you sleep.

nick is standing, trying to rock her to sleep. the little girls crys resonating through the room. his heart breaking at every little gasp she took between wails.

you sat up in the bed tiredly. you looked over at your boyfriend who looked at you sympathetically. you stood up and walked over to him. you stood next to him and leaned your head on his shoulder, watching your little girl scream her little head off.

"lemme hold her," you say with a yawn. he sighs and gently passes her over to you. he set her in your arms and almost immediately she stopped crying. you sughed once you realized her eyes were wide open and looking around. "come on baby, you can go back to sleep," you whisper to her.

nick watched you with a drowsy smile. and as you were able to get your baby to go down, he realized how this was his knew life. and he was comfortable.

it was mostly pregnant reader and thats not really what the anon asked for 😭😭 im sorry i just wanted this posted😭 if you want I'll make a pt.2 with him as an actual dad i guess? and help me come up with a name for this child please. -Nony

[sparrow-in-the-field]

Tbitb One Year Anniversary Celebration Day 1

December 18: Choose a fic/artwork and talk about how you came up with the premise, what the process was like, anything you want to share!!

I promise I'm not gonna yap about The Cormorant for every single prompt this week lmao, but since this is my highest concept fic, I figured I'd kick off the celebrations with it!!

This idea came together gradually and, in a way, was in the works in my head before I even saw tbitb

As I mentioned in the first chapter's ANs, the main inspiration was the song with the same title by San Fermin (which also has some of the sickest album art ever; the whole album is pretty good too btw). Basically, the part that was in the works before I even watched tbitb, was that I knew based on this song that I wanted to write a story with a talking cormorant.

They're just such a cool bird, aesthetically and behaviorally. I adore those freaks and felt like they're the perfect vibe for a fantasy story. But I didn't know what to do with them yet, so the idea just hung out in the back of my mind for a long time.

At one point I almost shoehorned the talking cormorant idea into a stranger things fic, just because I wanted to write something with it so badly. But I scrapped that story for a number of reasons and tbh the bird wouldn't have fit right anyway. I knew deep down the idea deserved its own story.

Enter tbitb. The vibes were much more aligned with what I wanted (I mean come on, a rowing team?? for a cormorant related fic?? perfection), so I start thinking more seriously about the premise and trying to come up with a plot. I considered what I knew I wanted and what more I needed to get there.

I knew I wanted a cormorant to be talking to Bobby in his dreams (based on lyrics from the song). I needed to figure out why. I knew I wanted him and Don to have not seen each other for some time after some kind of break up and have it be a getting back together story. I knew I wanted Don on a boat, because I knew that would be their connection to reunite: Don would have access to get Bobby to the cormorant.

There's a line in the San Fermin song that goes "on this morning you will die but before then you must try to show me what you're worth" so I decided it could be a matter of life and death for Bobby to find this cormorant. Then I had to figure out why.

At some point I had the epiphany of "what if everyone has a bird? what if for some reason, Bobby has to go find his, or he'll die without it?" Boom, just like that I had my plot. And I was very excited that this meant I'd get to assign birds to everyone!

I knew immediately once I decided everyone would have a bird that Don's would be a hummingbird. Once that thought hit me, I literally went "okay I'm actually going to write this."

Last fun fact: I do a lot of brainstorming while I walk on a treadmill. The first full scene I thought of was Bobby and Don fighting and Pip going to Bobby's shoulder instead of leaving with Don. That's when I was like "I have to write this." Pretty sure I got home from the gym and immediately started writing it lol.

Sorry that was a lot of yapping! But yeah, as you can probably tell, this fic is just such a huge personal accomplishment and I love it with my entire being. So yeah, that's kind of how it came to be!

[writers-wrongs]

Could you do either BTAS Mad Hatter or Riddler as platonic yanderes? Perhaps with a nerdy non-binary reader?

im in a hattery mood tonight, so we'll start with him and maybe ill do riddler at a later date. also, didnt know what specifically you wanted when you said nerdy, so i went in terms of hobbies

platonic!yandere!btas!jervis tetch x nerdy!nonbinary!reader

-im gonna start this after hes already established as the mad hatter and has already moved on from alice (side note- its weird that he only had one episode where he was after her, right?)

-he doesnt know what came over him, he just saw the most interesting person walking by his hideout and simply had to follow them home! hes used to flights of fancy regarding random people, but most of his fixations fade after only a few days. the only people who have held his attention for longer have been alice and now you. he loved alice, and if you captivate him like she did, he must love you too, right...? but then, why does his interest in you feel so different?

-he cant exactly bump into you in public, hes a wanted criminal, but he has to meet you somehow. he feels like if he just spoke to you, he could make sense of his feelings. so he dons a disguise and follows you to the library. hes seen all the little pins and patches on your clothing, he knows what sort of books you like, so he stations himself in that aisle, hoping he'll be able to chat with you

-and lucky him, you reach for a book right next to him! he takes note of the title- its no alice in wonderland, but it seems interesting enough. he asks you if its any good, and that leads to a wonderful conversation about literature! oh, hes so delighted to be speaking to you, especially when you mention your schedule for library visits. he already knew, of course, but now he can freely pop up there without seeming like a stalker. you part ways for the day, but you cant help but notice how he watches you as you leave...

-you become good friends soon, meeting at the library and discussing what youve read lately. youve never spoken to someone who listens so intently when you ramble about your interests, and its refreshing when he apologizes after incorrectly assuming your pronouns. and hes so respectful, promising to never give you a reason to correct him again. its a bit strange how much he cares, seeing that youve only known each other for a month or so, but nobodys really tried to be your friend before, so maybe youre just overthinking it

-you call him a good friend to his face, and he... sort of freezes. with alice, it always stung when she called him a friend, but with you? it feels like everything finally makes sense. of course he wasnt romantically attracted to you, youre nothing like alice! his mind had never wandered to thoughts of kissing or marriage like it had when he was pining for her, it had always been thoughts of a nice tea party and the like! he loved you, yes, but just as friends! friends... what a wonderful, positively frabjous word!

-after his little epiphany, he seems much brighter and eager than he did when you first met. that just makes it all the scarier when youre late to your library hangout after an unfortunate mugging. despite assuring jervis that youre fine and the only thing you really cared about losing was one of your pins, you can hear him muttering under his breath about how he wont let this stand. the mood is off for the rest of the day, but theres nothing to be done about it

-you wake up the next morning to a knock at the door. its jervis, in full hatter attire, presenting your stolen pin to you. while you question how you didnt notice that your library friend was a notorious criminal, he locks the door behind him and makes himself comfortable. he sits you down and explains how he was drawn to you from the moment he saw you, and he simply had to know you better. he regrets having to lie about his identity, but it was necessary, dont you see? if he was recognized, he never wouldve gotten the chance to become such good friends with you! but of course, he cant let his dearest friend get hurt! he had always worried for your safety, but your mugging was the last straw. he simply cant allow you to go out into gotham anymore, its far too dangerous!

-before you can protest, he slips a card behind your ear and you black out. when you wake up, youre in his hideout, in a room specifically tailored to you. your favorite books are on the shelves, theres posters of your favorite movies and shows on the walls, the tv has a few consoles plugged into it, he even got records of all your favorite music! here, he explains, youll be kept safe and happy. your own personal wonderland

-if youre alright with this new arrangement, expect jervis to hover over everything you do. not because hes suspicious, he just wants to understand your interests. he'll get you unbirthday gifts every day (except your birthday, of course), and youll have tea parties at least once a week. oh, what a wonderful time youll have together!

-if you still want to leave... oh, dear. he doesnt take rejection well, he never has. its almost worse this time, because you considered him a friend before! whats changed? hes still the same man you met all those weeks ago, why wouldnt you want to be friends with him now? hes learned from alice, a card on your head isnt the solution to his problem, but boy is he tempted. he supposes youll just have to spend some time alone before youll see reason. despite all the entertainment in your room, you still need human interaction, so youll probably go a bit mad before you see him again. but at least you want to spend time with him now! he doesnt care about your sanity, just that youre with him. after all, we're all mad here

[mads-nixon]

Epiphany Pt. 14: Soon You'll Get Better

Lewis Nixon x Reader

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Song Inspo: Soon You'll Get Better: Taylor Swift (feat. The Chicks)

A/N: thanks for being patient with this one, guys! it really hurt me to write this one. this is about the fictional portrayal of easy company on the show. nothing but love and respect for veterans on this blog!

Word Count: 4.8k

Summary: Easy finally reaches its breaking point, and (y/n) doesn't realize just how low that could be until tragedy strikes.

Warnings: main character death, intense grief, sorry for the pain guys

JANUARY 10, 1945: BOIS JACQUES, BELGIUM: 0900HRS

“Hey Doc,” Skip whispered as Eugene walked by. “Come here!”

Gene crouched just outside the hole, peering down at (y/n) who was silently sleeping in his arms. “Warren, how ya doin’?”

“Doc, (y/n)’s cast is killing her. Do you have anything for the itch?” Skip asked quietly, concern creasing his brows. “She tried to tear it off last night.”

“Casts ain’t supposed to get wet. That’s why it's itchin’ so much,” he replied, adjusting his helmet with a grimace. “I’ll see what I can do. For now, keep her mind off of it the best you can. She really needs to go back to the hospital.”

Skip thanked him with a nod and then he was gone, his form blurring in the snowfall as he walked away. An exaggerated yawn echoed in the air, and George stretched his arms above his head. 

“It’s somehow even colder than before,” he groaned, pulling his coat closer to his body. 

Muck tugged the blanket around (y/n)’s shoulders and sighed, noticing her cradling her cast in her sleep. “Yeah. It always is.”

George caught his eyes. “How’s she doing?”

“Not good, Luz. Last night…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I’m worried about her. After what happened with Captain Nixon and now this, I don’t know how much more she can take. Her arm isn’t going to get any better if she’s out here trying to pry her cast off.”

“What?” Luz asked, his eyes widening in disbelief. “She tried to pry it off? When?”

“Last night.”

Silence hung in the air as the duo pondered the situation. As much as they wanted (y/n) to be there with them, they knew that she’d be better off at the hospital, healing up properly. 

Skip’s eyes floated to the frozen ground of the foxhole as he spoke sadly. “She needs to go back to the hospital.”

“Yeah,” Luz agreed. “She’s not gonna like it, though.”

The pair quickly became quiet as (y/n) stirred and blinked her eyes open, slowly becoming aware of her surroundings. 

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Skip greeted from above her as she sat up.

George chimed in with a teasing grin. “We were starting to think you were going to sleep through the whole war.”

Laughter bubbled up from within her, and for a brief moment, the itch in her cast was forgotten. “Well, I can’t have that now, can I? What would you knuckleheads do without me?”

“Have some peace and quiet,” Penkala grumbled, squinting his eyes in the bright morning light. “How’s the wrist today?” 

George and Skip shot him a pointed glare, and (y/n) sighed, looking down at her casted arm. “About the same, but it’s not bothering me right now.”

Wanting to steer clear of the subject, Skip sat up against the frozen dirt wall. “(Y/n), did I ever tell you about how I swam the Niagra River once?”

Alex ran a hand down his face with a groan. “Not this story again!”

“No, you didn’t tell me that,” she grinned, rolling her eyes.

Skip ignored Penkala’s outburst and continued his tale. “It was a bet, so I went ten miles up from the falls and started across. The current was so strong that it must have carried me at least two miles downstream before I got across. But I got across.”

(Y/n) stared at him in disbelief. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Oh, come on,” he defended. “Let me finish the story and then you can complain about how much of an idiot I am. These two have already said enough on the matter.

“I could always say more, Muck,” George chimed, smirking as his voice shook from the shivers that wracked his body.

“Whatever, Luz. Shut up and let me finish,” Skip grumbled. “Now, personally, I didn’t think it was all that stupid, but my mom, my sister, Ruth…they gave me all kinds of hell.”

The woman buried her face into her scarf, the scent…his scent…long gone as she envisioned his story in her mind. “Well, I would’ve, too! It was a stupid thing to do, Skip. Based on what you’ve told me, I bet Ruth was close to throwing you over the falls for doing something like that.”

“Well, luckily she didn’t,” he smiled, his voice softening as he looked down at the ground. “Faye was not happy.”

Seeing her friend so helplessly in love, (Y/n) couldn’t help but smile. 

“Sweet Faye Tanner,” George drawled, winking at him.

Rolling his eyes, Skip kicked at George playfully. “Shut it, George.”

“Well,” Alex perked up. “As I said before…they had a point. You’re an idiot.”

The group broke out into chuckles, their icy breaths filling the foxhole. All of them seemed to get lost in their thoughts and silence hung over them. (Y/n) stared out at the frost-laden forest before them, seeing the carnage left by the constant shelling: splintered and fallen trees, splatters of blood against the white snow, and craters filled with frozen dirt. It all put an unsettled feeling in her stomach that she couldn’t quite shake, as if the world was waiting for the opportune time to flip her life upside down. 

Her worries led her mind back to him. She couldn’t help but miss Lew, even though they’d fought. She also knew deep down that he didn’t mean the hurtful things that he said, but the sting of their argument still lingered. Apologizing was what she wanted to do, but the memory of her own outburst left her feeling embarrassed. (Y/n) sighed softly, vowing to herself that when the time presented itself, she would find a way to apologize and let Nix know that she still cared about him more than anything. For now, she waited, her mind filled with thoughts of the man she missed more than words could express.

“Hey, (y/n),” George called out into the silence. “We want to talk to you about something, but please don’t bite our heads off for it, alright?”

Curiosity coursed through her as she raised an eyebrow. “Okay…this sounds an awful lot like an intervention, guys. What’s going on?”

George nodded toward Muck, whose face wore a nervous expression as he spoke. “We think you should go back to the hospital.”

“What?” she asked, her voice tinged with irritation. “Why? I’m doing fine.”

“(Y/n), we know you’re struggling,” he said gently. “We also know that you’re not gonna get any better if you’re here in the cold with a sopping wet cast.”

As much as she hated to admit it, there was some truth in what Skip was saying. Taking a deep breath, she replied, “Look, I get it, okay? This cast is driving me crazy, but I can’t just leave. I’m not gonna leave you guys here.”

Alex chimed in, his voice filled with concern. “You need to heal. Doc said the same thing earlier.”

Muck raised a brow at him questioningly. “You heard that? I thought you were asleep.”

“I’m always listening,” he shrugged with a smirk. “Anyways, we’re just worried about you, (y/n/n).”

(Y/n) frowned as a mix of stubbornness and helplessness washed over her. She knew they had a point, but the thought of returning to the hospital and being separated from them didn’t sit well with her. 

“I just need a bit more time,” she finally admitted. “I’ll get through it.”

Skip exchanged a worried look with George before he spoke, “We know you’re tough, (y/n), but sometimes the smart move is to take care of yourself. It’s not about abandoning us; it's about coming back a hundred percent.”

She turned her gaze to the ground, battling her inner conflict. “I’ll think about it, alright? Just give me a little more time.”

The trio nodded solemnly, realizing that she wouldn’t go unless forced. They had a decision to make, and Skip knew which one he’d make for Ruth. It was the same one he’d make for (y/n).

1900 HOURS

In the chill of their foxhole, Skip couldn’t shake his worry for (y/n). He got out of the foxhole with an “I’ll be back,” and a grunt as he made his way to one of the only people he knew could get her to see reason. The man breathed into his hands, trying to warm them among the constant pinprick sensation in them. 

He pulled his rosary from his pocket, kissed it gently, and began to pray as he walked. “Please help us, God. Help (y/n) to see reason and get the help she needs. It's hard to see the people you love suffer, and I don’t know what else to do. I know you have the power to do anything, Lord, so please change her mind about this. Thank you for keeping us safe, and please continue to do so if it is your will, Father. Amen.”

When Skip made it to the Captain's measly shelter, he found Winters and Nixon pouring over maps in preparation for the upcoming objective. Hearing the crunch of his footsteps, Dick’s head shot up, and a blue-tinged smile formed on his face.

“Come on in, sergeant. What can I do for you?” he asked, folding the maps and laying them on a nearby table.

Skip returned the grin and walked in, taking his helmet off. “Well, sir, I actually came to speak to Captain Nixon.”

At his words, Lew raised a brow at his uncharacteristic serious expression. “Alright,” he replied, guiding Muck outside the tent for some privacy. “What’s going on?”

Skip hesitated for a moment, then decided to give it to him, straight. “It’s (y/n), sir. She’s been going through hell with that cast. Last night, she tried to take it off herself. I had to stop her, sir. Doc says she should go back to the hospital.” 

Nixon’s brows furrowed in worry. He knew firsthand how stubborn and headstrong (y/n) could be, especially when it came to her own well-being. “She what? Why hasn’t she gone back to the hospital?”

Muck sighed, his breath visible in the air. “She doesn’t want to leave us, sir. You know how she gets.”

Lew clenched his jaw in frustration, his thoughts racing. “Where is she now? Is she okay?”

“She’s calmer now, but it’s still bothering her. It’s the worst at night,” Skip admitted. “We’ve tried to convince her to go back, but she says she’ll think about it. We all know she’s already made up her mind.”

Nodding, Nix’s face was etched with deep worry. He could imagine her struggling by herself, and it made his heart ache. “Alright, I’ll try to get her back to the hospital.”

The sergeant sighed in relief, grateful he was stepping in. “(Y/n) probably won’t be happy about it, but it’s for her own good. I’m worried it might be her breaking point, sir.”

Lew patted his shoulder with a nod, his brows pinched in concern. “Thanks for letting me know, Muck.”

He turned to leave but stopped and faced the Captain again with a deep breath. “Sir, I know this may be out of line, but I heard what was said between you last week. You never know what could happen out here, so don’t leave things unsaid.”

Before Nix could respond, Skip was gone, his figure disappearing into the haze of the snowy landscape. His words seeped into Lew’s mind, and he realized he had to speak to (y/n) immediately and make things right. Either one of them could be killed at any moment, and they were just wasting precious time not speaking to the other. 

Returning to the tent, Nix grabbed his rifle and swung it over his shoulder. “I’ll be back, Dick. There’s something I’ve got to take care of.”

“You mean someone?” replied, a knowing smirk on his face.

Nix shrugged as he exited the tent. “Something like that.”

As he navigated the forest to (y/n)’s foxhole, he couldn’t help but dwell on their argument. He knew he had been harsh to her, even if he didn’t mean what he said. He’d called her ‘useless’ for crying out loud. That alone would hurt anyone, much less someone who’s wounded and trying their best to contribute despite that.

Finally, in the distance, he spotted Skip talking with Malarkey, Luz, and Penkala a little ways from their hole. Skip nodded at him, and led the group farther from the hole, wanting to give them actual privacy this time. Approaching her foxhole, he could barely see her huddled silhouette. She didn’t hear him approach, lost in thought or possibly asleep. 

Lew sat down beside her and gazed at (y/n)’s sleeping form. The harsh cold couldn’t deter him from admiring the woman he loved as she lay there, wrapped in her coat and the warm scarf and gloves he had given her. Her features were softened by the dim light of the forest and the redness of her nose gave her an adorable charm that melted his heart. 

He noticed her cradling her injured arm against her chest, the white of the cast peeking out from under her oversized coat and makeshift sock glove. “(Y/n)?” he called softly, his voice cutting through the stillness of the forest.

She stirred, her eyes slowly opening to meet his gaze. Surprise flickered across her face, and she shifted uncomfortably, wanting to meet his eyes but finding it hard. “Hi. I wanted to apologize…for how I acted the other day and how I’ve been acting. I know you didn’t mean it, but it did hurt, Lew.”

Lew felt his heart soften as he heard her words, a wave of relief washing over him. He knew she wasn’t one to apologize easily, and her willingness to do so meant a lot. “Thank you,” he replied quietly, “and I’m sorry too, for what I said. I love you and would never think you’re useless.”

With the tension lifting between them, their gazes finally locked. “I love you, too. I hate fighting,” she whispered, scanning their surroundings quickly. “I’d much rather do this.”

She snaked her good hand around his neck and pulled him closer, connecting their lips. As (y/n) and Nix’s lips met, the world around them faded into the background, and for that brief moment, it was just the two of them in their own world. No war, no Bastogne, no snow…only them. (Y/n) felt the warmth of Lew’s breath against her skin, and the gentle caress of his hand on her cheek sent warmth coursing through her body that she hadn’t felt for weeks. 

As they pulled away, their breaths were slightly ragged, and the icy wind, which had been nipping at their cheeks, was now replaced with a comforting warmth. A soft, affectionate smile played on his lips, his eyes never leaving hers. She returned the smile, a sense of calm she only got around him washing over her. 

With a gentle, lingering touch, Lew’s hand brushed her cheek, before dropping it to hold her hand again. “I’ve been worried about you, (y/n), and I’m not the only one. The guys are concerned, too.” Nix paused. “I know about the cast.”

“What about it?” she asked innocently.

Nix shook his head. “I know it’s bothering you, sweetheart. You don’t have to hide it. I also heard that you tried to pry it off last night.”

“What a traitor,” (Y/n) playfully scowled as she looked over her shoulder at Skip in the distance. 

“I’m serious, (y/n),” Lew pleaded. “You know you won’t get better here.”

She sighed, looking down at the cast. “I’m not going back to the hospital, Lew. I won’t leave you or the guys. I can’t.”

“We’ll manage. And we’ll still be here when you get back,” Lew said as his fingers brushed her cheek, guiding her face to him once more with a voice full of worry. “Please.”

The sincerity in his voice pierced her heart, and for the first time in days, her wrist didn’t feel like the most significant pain. “I’ll think about it,” she conceded. 

With a quick peck on her temple, he pulled her in for a quick hug, muttering in her ear, “If not for me, do it for Muck. He’s about worried sick about you.”

“He told me I remind him of his sister, Ruth,” (y/n) murmured into his neck.

Pulling away, a smirk quirked Lew’s lips. “Good, because I was starting to worry I had some competition.”

“Whatever,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes with a laugh. The pair stood to their feet and made their way toward the huddled group of men. “What did Skip say to you?”

Lew shrugged, his eyes staying forward. “Just that you were struggling and the guys were worried about you. I guess he thought I could talk some sense into you.”

“Good luck with that,” (y/n) chuckled as they neared the group.

Squeezing her upper arm gently, he peered down at her, his cheeks rosy from the frosty air. “Please think about it, for my sake…or Skip’s if that’s not enough. And be careful, you know I love you,” he whispered.

“I will, and I will. Love you, too,” she smiled, her wrist long forgotten as she was under his warm gaze. “Tell Dick hey for me.”

With a firm nod, he slowly turned and started back toward his tented foxhole. (Y/n) watched him go, her heart feeling lighter than before. Things were okay between them again, and it became one less thing she had to worry about.

A voice called her name, breaking her from her stare, and she turned to see Skip waving her over, a grin plastered on his face. Joining the group, she stood between George and Skip, the former in the middle of a great impression of Lieutenant Dike.

“Ah, 1st Sergeant Lipton,” he imitated. “You organize things here, and I’m gonna go for…help. I need to go polish my oak leaf clusters.”

The group broke out into laughter, and (y/n) raised a brow in confusion. “What?” she asked, unable to keep a goofy grin from her lips.

“(Y/n), you’re not gonna believe what I saw. So, you-know-who comes running up to Lipton. He’s got no helmet, no gear, no nothing, and then he says that.”

“What an idiot,” she laughed, throwing her helmeted head back slightly. “I can’t believe he’s still here.”

Skip wheezed beside her, almost doubling over in laughter. “Complete asshole,” he said between laughs. “That’s really good, George.”

Lip cleared his throat behind George and called out to him and beckoned him over. George bid his goodbye and went to talk to Lip, while (y/n), Skip, Don, and Alex did the same. 

“Goodnight, goodnight all,” Mal remarked, walking toward his foxhole. 

Skip wrapped an arm around (y/n)’s shoulder, calling out to his friends. “Yeah, see ya, Luz, see you Malark.”

The trio started to their foxhole in silence, but it was soon broken by Skip’s teasing voice. “Did your Captain talk some sense into you about going to the hospital?” he asked, squeezing her shoulder playfully.

“My Captain?” she teased. “I’m pretty sure he’s your captain, too, Skip.”

He raised his eyebrows skeptically. “Well, I’m not the one necking the guy.”

She gasped and quickly looked around, praying nobody else heard his comment. “Skip!”

“What?” 

Alex chuckled from beside her as he pulled his beanie down over his ears. “Everyone knows it! None of us would ever turn you in, (y/n). You know that.”

“I know, I know,” she sighed, her feet crunching softly beneath her. “And to answer your question, Skip, I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

“(Y/n), come on. You’re putting yourself at risk of getting hurt again. Aaaand,” he drawled, “If you go now, you might be back in time to celebrate my birthday.”

“I can’t believe it’s a few weeks til the 31st,” she mused, peering up at him. “You’re turning 23, old man. What would you like for your present?”

“You going to the hospital and getting better would be the best birthday gift,” he answered softly, pulling her closer to his side.

The words hung in the air, resonating in (y/n)’s heart. As she looked at Skip, she saw the earnestness in his eyes and his brotherly smile, and a surge of emotions coursed through her. She realized that her stubbornness might not only be hurting herself but also the people who cared about her. 

“You know what, Skip? I think I can work with that,” she smirked, elbowing his side. “Looks like you’re getting your wi-”

Before (y/n) could finish her sentence, the sky erupted in a deafening roar as artillery shells rained down upon them. Trees, splinters, and the earth trembled beneath their feet with each impact. The world turned to chaos as the air was filled with dust, snow, and the screams of their friends. 

“Incoming!”

Without a second thought, Skip grabbed (y/n)’s arm and took off behind Penkala for their foxhole. With pounding hearts, they sprinted towards the safety of their hole, holding their helmets to their heads. The relentless explosions continued to rock the ground, and (y/n) would have lost her balance if it weren’t for Muck’s grip on her bicep.

Seconds later, they reached the foxhole just in time. The trio jumped down into the hole and immediately ducked in its cover. They peered over the edge at the German’s horrifying display of firepower as they were showered in dirt and wood splinters. Amongst the dust and explosions, they could make out a figure in the distance who couldn’t stay on their feet, falling to the ground every few seconds. They recognized it instantly.

“George!” (y/n) yelled. “Come on!”

Skip and Alex joined in, motioning for George to get in. “Luz!” they cried. “Hurry!”

She watched on for an agonizing moment as George scrambled to his feet but was then knocked down again, and she knew she had to do something. Jumping out of the foxhole, she sprinted toward George, her eyes locked on his figure. Skip reached out to grab her, but she slipped out of his grasp.

“(Y/n), no!” he yelled after her. 

Skip’s heart raced as he watched her run off into the barrage, and panic ate at him. His protective instincts screamed at him to follow her, and in a burst of terror, he attempted to leap out of the foxhole after her. But before he could fully leave the hole, Alex grabbed him by the collar and yanked him back forcefully. 

“Skip, you can’t!” Alex shouted, desperation filling his voice. “You can’t follow her out there!”

Muck’s body twisted and turned in a futile attempt to free himself from his friend’s grip, a mixture of frustration and terror etched across his face. Realizing he wasn’t getting to her, he yelled after the pair. 

“(Y/n)! George!!”

As (y/n) dashed toward George, the world around her seemed to blur in the chaos of the artillery barrage. The deafening roar of exploding shells and the earth-shaking tremors filled the air, making it difficult to hear anything but the explosions and blood pumping in her ears. Every step through the snow-covered forest was a struggle, and her boots almost slipped on the icy ground.

Finally, (y/n) reached his side, her gloved hand wrapping around his arm in a vice-like grip. She yelled, but her voice was lost in the roar of the artillery. The dirt shook beneath them as another shell landed dangerously close, sending them both sprawling to the ground. (Y/n) and Luz frantically crawled forward on their hands and knees, their fingers digging into the frozen earth.

Back in the foxhole, Skip and Alex continued to scream for them, their voices somehow echoing among the chaos. Their pleas turned into frantic cries, “(Y/n)! George! Come on, get in here!”

With each painstaking crawl, the ground continued to shake as explosions sent dirt and shrapnel whizzing through the air. Her breaths came out in ragged gasps, and she kept her eyes on her friends ahead of them. The world around them seemed surreal, with bursts of blinding light and deafening explosions as the artillery barrage continued. It felt like an eternity had passed when they’d almost reached the foxhole. 

“Come on! Come on, Luz! Hurry, (y/n/n)-”

The world seemed to blur as (y/n) and George saw a blinding light, followed by a colossal plume of dirt, debris, and flames engulfing their friend’s foxhole. The two friends who had been calling out to them just moments ago were silenced in an instant. (Y/n)’s surroundings slowed, and for a brief, excruciating moment, everything froze. The deafening roar of the artillery was drowned out by the sound of her racing heart. Her eyes widened, and her breath caught in her throat as she watched the horrifying scene unfold. 

The realization hit her like a freight train, and her vision blurred as tears welled up in her eyes. Shock and disbelief passed through her, and her hands trembled uncontrollably. She clamped her gloved hand over her mouth, unable to comprehend what had just unfolded before her eyes. Skip and Alex were gone. Gone. 

“No,” she whispered, her throat tight.

Reality slowly washed over them, and as another shell screamed towards them, George grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the nearest shelter, which happened to be Lip’s hole. Lip pulled (y/n) down into the hole first, wrapping her in his arms as Luz huddled next to them, the barrage continuing.

“Muck and Penkala,” George screamed. 

Lip couldn’t hear him. “What?”

“Muck and Penkala got hit!”

As soon as the words left Luz’s mouth, a shell landed right behind their cover, sending the logs protecting them flying into the air. The men yelled, but (y/n) stayed silent. Her body trembled with each deafening explosion that rocked the earth, and her heart felt like it was tearing apart. The tears flowed uncontrollably, blurring her vision as she cried hysterically into Lip’s shoulder. 

She was crammed between the two men, each covering her the best they could as the assault continued. After a few moments, the world stilled, and a haunting silence hung in the air, a stark contrast to the earlier chaos. 

A whistling sound and a thud echoed through the foxhole, but (y/n) couldn’t bring herself to look up from her sheltered position. George’s movement beside her drew her attention, and she heard the familiar sound of a Zippo being opened, followed by the scent of cigarettes wafting through the air. 

“(Y/n)? You okay?” Lip asked shakily. “You hurt?”

Lip’s concerned voice broke through the somber atmosphere, and he shifted to give her room to breathe. His question echoed in her ears, pulling her back from the brink of despair. She turned her tear-stained face towards him, her watery eyes shimmering in the moonlight. She attempted to respond, but all that escaped her was a shuddering gasp as she shook her head slowly from side to side.

“Skip and Alex,” she croaked, a sob racking through her body as she dropped her face into her hands. “They-”

Carwood’s heart broke for the girl, knowing how close she was to them. “I know, (y/n). I know.”

As she sat there in the foxhole, huddled with Lip and George, the weight of her grief bore down on her, and she couldn’t help but reminisce about the cherished moments she’d shared with her friends. The laughter that was always present in their company, the hilarious stories they swapped, the letters read, and the deep connection they all shared. 

The realization that she’d never again hear Skip’s mischievous teasing or Alex’s sarcasm again unleashed a fresh surge of agony, leaving her feeling utterly distraught. The pain of knowing that Skip would never get to hug Ruth again, or experience the joy of marrying Faye Tanner pierced her very soul. The future he once envisioned had been cruelly snatched away. 

He would never reach the age of 23, and Alex’s life would never extend to the milestone of 21. The cruel hand of fate had robbed them of their dreams and aspirations, leaving (y/n) with a grief-stricken heart, mourning not only their past but also the future that would never come to pass.

Tag List: @softguarnere @flowers-and-fichte @inglourious-imagines @peggyvan @rebeccapearson @hxad-ovxr-hxart @merriell-allesandro-shelton @shakespear-picaso-lovechild @titiglt @stvrkdream @multifandomfanfic @starlordsatellite @blvestxr @iceman-kazansky @bucky32557038ww2 @sofietargaryen @liptonsbabe @footprintsinthesxnd

message or comment if you want to be added to the tag list!

[neuroticbookworm]

La Pluie: Fuck Destiny, Communication is Key

I’m a full week late to the party because I was watching I Told Sunset About You last week and my mind just refused to focus on anything else. And now I’m finally here to write a send-off post to my beloved La Pluie, which gave me one of the most satisfying and interactive TV show experiences of my life.

I’ve been singing praises for this show’s writing for weeks now, and what better way for me to say goodbye to the show than by analyzing two immaculately written getting-back-together scenes from the finale?

Lomfon and Tien

When we last saw Lomfon in the penultimate episode, he apologized to Tai for kissing him in the rain and effectively kick-starting this whole mess. We also saw how he has worked through his feelings and understands that whatever he felt for Tai is not love; it was only rooted in Tai’s goodwill towards him, a few shared traits between him and Tai, and the fact that Tai saved his life by pushing him out of the way of a moving vehicle (a 15 second interaction, I will never get over this insanity). And Lomfon says that all this experimentation has made it clear to him where his heart actually lies.

And now, in the finale, Lomfon is working on the script for his “A Message from the Heart” project and seeking advice from Pingpong.  We see that he fully understands how much he has hurt Tien with his actions. He tells Pingpong “I messed up so much that if I were him, I would never forgive myself”. Tien overhears them and confronts Lomfon, demanding to know if he’s messing with him. “Say it”, he shouts. But Lomfon does not respond, instead insisting that he will “show him with his actions”. And Tien walks away.

This is where I realized that this show is gonna really dig in its heels and fully emphasize how much open and honest communication matters in a relationship. Love can be expressed in so many different ways, and a person’s love language is definitely unique and significant to them. But when words are DEMANDED from you, you must respond with them. You cannot work around the painful and brutal honesty that is needed to form those thoughts, and the strength and bravery needed to stand in front of the person and utter those words.

That’s why Tien walks away from Lomfon when he insists that he will “show him” instead. And that’s why he leaves the room when Lomfon’s project video starts playing. Bear in mind, as far as Tien is concerned, Lomfon still likes his brother. Lomfon has not clarified or explained anything that would justify why Tien was on that presentation screen. So when he asks demands Lomfon, and Lomfon once again tells him that he showed his heart through his actions, Tien turns to walk away. It’s when he finally opens his mouth and starts verbalizing his desire, his fears, his confusion, and his guilt, Tien stops and listens. And when Lomfon asks him what Tien feels in his heart and if he still wants to follow it, Tien finally turns around and kisses him (I will be forever obsessed with the tippy toes).

gif by @liyazaki

I adore the fact that this show never outright rejects any form of expressing love. While Tien rejected actions from Lomfon before he made his intentions clear with words, we see that after Lomfon’s confession, Tien feels no qualms in resorting to a grand and sweeping gesture, like an intense kiss that definitely popped Lomfon’s foot (the foot pop is not purely a physical act, it is a state of mind, The Princess Diaries analogy is still right and valid, I will take no critiques).

Patts and Tai

The road to redemption for Tai is much longer and harder than it was for Lomfon, and the show fully leaned into it and showed us the weight of emotional turmoil Tai must endure to finally earn forgiveness from Patts. We see him have an epiphany about how his lack of communication with Patts mirrors his mom’s approach with him (@lurkingshan). We see him finally talk to Dream, who reiterates that Patts liked Tai before he knew that they were soulmates. And we see Tai take the leap of faith and catch a flight to Chiang Mai to find Patts. My love for this show grew to uncontrollable levels when it did not let Tai find Patts immediately.

He roams the streets, day after day, trying to find the love of his life. And when he comes back to his room every evening, exhausted and alone, he sits in the dark and contemplates how painfully lonely it feels to find and communicate with someone, when your efforts don’t seem to move the needle at all. And realizing this is exactly how Patts must’ve felt in the two years of silence Tai decided to put him through. He meets Art and Phueng, who teach him, yet again, just how important it is to talk and listen to each other in a relationship. And finally, on Day 4 of his quest, Tai runs into Patts on the streets of the local marketplace.

When Tai sees Patts, Patts looks like the mere husk of the man he once was. And Tai wastes no time and starts talking immediately, asking Patts to stay silent so this time, he can be the one who speaks out his love for him. Tai admits that he was stupid and selfish in their relationship. He says “Love is about two people. It does not need destiny to pave”. And he finally, finally says “I love you, Patts. I don’t care if it rains or not. I do love you no matter what happens”. And we see Patts wrap Tai into his body and promise to never let go of him again.

gif by @liyazaki

Now, I have to stop and give Title Tanatorn all the flowers in the world for his outstanding performance in this episode (and the show as a whole). He made me feel Tai’s soul-crushing pain and sadness, and also soothed my tender and bruised heart in the span of mere minutes. This scene was the culmination of Tai’s character development arc. He went from a guy who felt so jaded about love and relationships that he had been ghosting his soulmate for two whole years, to a guy who stood weeping in the middle of the road, pouring his heart out to Patts who only wanted Tai to love him back the way he loved him. And Title Tanatorn fucking nailed it.

And Pee Peerawich is no slouch either, as my boo @wen-kexing-apologist has already established, here. In the finale, he delivers a sublime, understated performance that does not take the spotlight away from Tai, while also perfectly reflecting Patts’ emotions on his face during Tai’s confession. These actors are so incredibly talented and did everything they can to augment the brilliant work of the writers of this show. Y’all have my attention, Tanachot Prapasri and Fuke Teerapat. I will diligently show up to watch your future works, even if it’s just your grocery lists dramatized into a TV show (shoutout to @so-much-yet-to-learn, who, when I voiced this statement, immediately and unironically piped up “Have you heard of this show called Ingredients?”. My BL buddies are hilarious as fuck and I will never be not impressed by the lengths Thai BLs would go to sell stuff to the masses).

Finally, I want to focus on a moment in the finale that kinda threw me off at first but, as the days passed, slowly grew into its significance. Dream tells Tai that Patts left with one last message: “I believe in soulmates. Saengtai is my soulmate”. Isn’t that.. weird? We know that Patts has openly stated before in this show that he wanted to defy destiny, and how his love for Tai is not just because he is his soulmate. For him to state this in the final episode seemed like an odd writing choice.

But, in the final voiceover, the show tells us (through Tai’s voice) that no one chooses to find an answer (to the hearing-loss-soulmate phenomenon) anymore. Instead, the people in this world are choosing to attribute whatever meaning they want to it. We have seen Patts say that Tai is his soulmate many times throughout this show, but he doesn’t mean it in its traditional sense; he means “I love Saengtai and I believe that I can’t live without him, which makes him my soulmate”. He paves his own way, and earnestly believes that Tai is his soulmate not just because they can hear each other when it rains, but because Tai understands and completes him and they find happiness in each other's company. In short: Fuck Destiny.

Since we were teased with a setup for a potential second season, I want to wrap up this post with a smattering of potential scenarios that have borrowed into my brain:

@bengiyo gleefully pointed out that when Lomfon suggests that he and Tien wait for another five minutes before going back into the classroom, so Tien won’t be forced to watch his embarrassingly sappy video, more than five minutes has already passed since they had walked out. Which means that Lomfon made a 10+ minutes long video of just Tien being cute and giggly and adorable. I love this over-the-top, madly-in-love Lomfon and I better get many, many more moments of him being pathetically sappy about Tien in the next season

I want the Patts-Saengnuea moment recreated beat by beat, including the sunglasses flip. If I don’t see Saengnuea on his tippy toes, menacingly lean into Lomfon’s ear and threaten him with bodily harm if he ever hurts his little brother, then what’s even the fucking point?

The comedic potential of Lomfon being forced to socialize with Patts, while he tries to make himself as small and unassuming as physically possible is a treasure trove and must be treated by the writers as such. The possibilities are endless. Warun and Saengchan would be menaces, trying to cook up situations that would force them together. Tai and Tien would act exasperated, while secretly enjoying the shenanigans. Gimme all of it.

My experience of watching this show is indelibly tied to all the wonderful metas I read here. The sense of community around this show’s discourse was incredible and a joy to be part of. Thank you to all the amazing humans who decided to be very not-chill and not-normal about this show: @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup, @ginnymoonbeam, @wen-kexing-apologist, @liyazaki, @respectthepetty, @syrena-del-mar, @chickenstrangers, @rocketturtle4, @williamrikers, @shouldiusemyname, @sunshinechay, @slayerkitty, @indigostarfire, @iguessitsjustme and I know I’m missing many more, sorry! And a special, with-cherries-on-top shoutout to @lurkingshan for putting the La Pluie meta roundup together, and encouraging people to participate in the discourse. Peace out, homies! And as always, FUCK DESTINY!

gif by @ueasking

[a-roguish-gambit]

Hydra isn't a thing yet in this timeline (canonically it comes from the Nazis sooooo) so I'm thinking Laura is gonna end up being discovered by Logan some how or dropped on his doorstep one day.

Situation 1.

Gambit hears through the grape vine about a boarding school for young orphaned kids that some kid suddenly has become aggressive and others claim they have been slashed by them but they can never find a weapon on or near the child. Xavier, morph, and Logan go to check it out and discover the girl with claws drawn. Logan has a sudden epiphany she looks a lot like a woman he knew.

Situation 2.

I want the girl to show up with a note pinned to her shirt just lifting up a photo and being like "it's you!" And then attempt to attack Logan. "You're the lowlife who broke my mom's heart and made me!!! Fuck you!!!!"

Turns out, her mom was sick and dying and sent her girl out with a hand written note and a photo she took with Logan to manchester cause that's where she heard rumor he was but was too sick to travel. Girl swears revenge on her mother's death bed to make the man who she believes is the cause of all her problems in life (its been easier to cope with stuff by just blaming an absentee person after all) suffer because she doesn't know how to process all this and has Logan's temperament.

She is adopted into the fold pretty quickly.

I want to focus on more The angst of her realizing that Logan's been looking after all these kids and not his own child that hurts her so and not trying to kill Logan sort of thing given the lack of hydra involvement.

Idk

Feel free to critique

[luvrodite]

aurore this may sound insane but taking a break just give you the little epiphany i got… what if… BIG WHAT IF…. those two bi men…. were jason and simon…. in the blorbo mansion… and and and and and they realized they would put aside their rivalry just to have you their own way with you (and they know you’d be so turned on by it)….

LOL i saw your tags and i immediately knew you were thinking about them. i'm cheering you on in the blorbo mansion bc you deserve it bestie!!!!!! i think its so hot cos they'd be snapping at each other even then but their focus would be on making you feel good and you would feel good

we r so in sync though even though this isn't exactly the same but i was thinking about the blorbo mansion a few weeks ago (or was it last week? i have time blindness) and how jason in my blorbo mansion is sooo >:( about the 141 coming in ESPECIALLY with simon because ghost does NOT care. he's not there to make friends and he's not afraid of stepping on toes and jason's got seniority in terms of being the number 1 but again. simon riley does not care.

i was talking to raen (@/pluvialpoet) about this but jason and probably the rest of the blorbo mansion are horrified by the entry of the 141 like literally. 'are you kidding me?' literally calls them terrorists (as if half the blorbo mansion isn't on a watchlist) 😭 he HATES them so much. tbh i think it's specifically ghost though LMFAO i think it's because as you said at one point they're quite similar. it's probably why they butt heads so much in the blorbo mansion.

anyway sorry to ramble but i was thinking how, of the 141, gaz is probably the one who jason eases up to first. he knows how to be diplomatic, he's not gonna back down but he's also able to be civil and i was thinking about jason and gaz with that specific prompt skshsdkd like. sorry i want them to share me because there's still that tension but also i feel like they'd be able to work together.

anyway. i'm gonna go scream into my pillow

[silverview]

Distraction time! Is there an inside no 9 episode where your opinion on it has changed a lot of time/after rewatches?

ooh thank you so much!! ❤️ honestly almost every time i rewatch one, i come away thinking "fuck that was good," but i think that's because i tend to rewatch the ones that i liked in the first place...

like a lot of people i was thrown off by death be not proud the first time but have come to adore it since watching psychoville 🥰

i was mixed on tom & gerri initially, largely because it really creeped me out, like everything about its themes + structure was designed to make me anxious. but rewatching it once i knew what was gonna happen, i really liked it! i think it also helped that the 2nd time was after i had my "reece is hot" epiphany 💀

i was initially and, despite everything, continue to be mixed on the trolley problem. my reservations about it haven't gone away but with every rewatch it tightens its grip on my soul 🖤🖤🖤