#I CANT AFFORD TO GETS MY HOPES UP LIKE THIS
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Frenchie stands next to izzy so much this season what is HAPPENING
ALSO HE HELPED COMFORT IZZY???
#IK ITS MY SHIPPING GOGGLES BUT#HES LIKE CONSTANTLY NEXT TO IZZY#ALWAYS HOVERING NEARBY#I CANT AFFORD TO GETS MY HOPES UP LIKE THIS#I ALREADY HAD ONE OF MY CRACK SHIPS BECOME CANON IN GOOD OMENS#YOU CANT MAKE ME HOPE IT'LL HAPPEN AGAIN#(please im begging you make them canon)#ouizzy#frenchizzy#frenchie our flag means death#frenzzy#frenchie ofmd#frenchie x izzy#izzy our flag means death#izzy hands#manifesting ouizzy being canon frfr#our flag means death#ofmd#ofmd s2#ofmd season 2#aml speaks
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i think the toughest part for me during all this is how fast it's been. going from being totally normal but with gas/bloating/farting....to suddenly having no gas/bloating/farting but experiencing difficulty breathing and high heartrate one time when i ate too much. then during the week having that happen more and more every time i ate. and then having it happen even if i ate hardly anything. and then starting the probiotics the next week and having that solve the difficulty breathing issue but introduce other side effects. and eventually getting to the point where that nerve pain and extreme reduced ability to move my legs/arms and mental confusion was a constant rather than just when i ate. i have felt so helpless through this whole thing and the doctors kept saying 'wait a week for your appointment and get a referral' while the ER was saying 'you need to see a specialist NOW'. and every day i was waiting it got worse. its just so frustrating because if i had been able to see a real doctor on the 27th of july when i ended up in the ER the first time, so much of this pain might have been slowed or prevented. im sitting here being dizzy and unable to do basic things like clean my house or move around much and am looking forward to spending the next four days just trying to survive till i can see a doctor.
my lovely neighbor went out and bought me these drinks called 'orgain' so im drinking that now and just hoping desperately its not going to trigger anything
#jrnlsht#i have an apppointment monday#i finally got fed up with insurance and found a private GI specialist in beverly hills lmao#grandma is gonna help me figure out how to financially afford it and hope that i wont have to pay thousands for the tests#but soooooo many patients dont even have that option of relatives who can help#this is common enough that when i explained my situation to the private doctors office#they said that they were acustomed to getting people with state health*care who were in emergency situations and couldnt wait#there are much better doctors in places like the hun*tington hospital but they are not allowed to accept cash#because if you are on state health*care you are not supposed to have money to pay cash to see a doctor even in emergency situations#its so profoundly stupid#like yes im on state healthcare because i cant afford 300$ a month insurance payments while unemployed#but that doesnt mean it isnt worth it to take 400$ out of my savings to see a doctor in an emergency situation#i fucking hate the united states so fucking much
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(//i don't normally do text but cw in the tags erm. i went a little off track)
#inanimate insanity#ii#ii lightbulb#daily lightbulb#scribbly bulb#god. ohh my god. im not doing so hot yall#once again i apologize for suddenly halting on posting; ive had a couple rough days recently and it's constantly crashed my motivation to#even QUEUE SCREENSHOTS. my mental health has been so messed up too and i just had to take a step back#for starters. happy birthday to my baby sister that was born yesterday. like legit. im a big sister now#it's hard getting used to it; i was never good with change#secondly; like in the 100 post i've gained a new fixation thats unfortunately pushed ii to the side#i have adhd and autism so its hard for me to keep up with such a daily routine that includes a media i may end up losing interest in#i LOVE lightbulb and i LOVE ii i just.....need a bit#thirdly; i actually havent seen inside out 2 yet. might end up watching it this week or next week though which will be fun#while waiting in the hospital inside out was playing on the room tv so i wanted to draw smth to get my thoughts out#inside out is one of my favorite. modern? disney movies. rlly means a lot to me.#sorry for ranting i shouldnt dump all my life problems on yall LMAO you just wanna see lb pics#anyways posting will try and resume! cant afford to slack off with ii 15 being so close#if anyone is reading this ty sm for liking my silly blog and i hope you have a good day/night#102
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can we catch a break. can we catch a fucking break.
#gonna be real with you i really havent been doing well and i keep trying to just force myself through it and ignore it but oof man#therapists arent kidding when they say you cant do this forever which personally i think is evil and fucked up and unfair#the only reason i havent crashed yet is bc i have literally no safety net to get me back up lmao like if i crash now ill crash hard and#idk. idkkkk i dont have the stability in this country to afford fucking up my job situation.#and strangers on the internet give more shits about me than those closest to me lmao which uhhhh yeah that stings i wont lie#the most someone cares is a 'hope you feel better soon!' and thats from people who dont even know me LMAO#anyways anyways whatever. its whatever.#ive felt like absolute dog shit for a month and my dad left a day early bc the weather sucked and there was nothing more to do here and i#just feel like extra crap bc i know im the one that moved away and i cant blame him bc he also came a day early so really its a plus minus#zero situation but saying goodbye still always fucking sucks and now i feel extra awful#whatever i just need to complain somewhere and be whiny for a bit and ill be back to work tomorrow its whatever
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Thinking you shouldn't have to pay for Watcher content is you being entitled, actually.
did i ever say i shouldn’t have to pay for it? no, i said it’s disappointing that i would now have to after years of it being free. it would be easier to take if they were completely changing and upgrading their shows or established that the stream wouldn’t just have their current shows and maybe discontinued ones, that it would be different from their youtube channel and worth the sudden charge, but it’s hard not to feel like they’re throwing their audience under the bus
#from what weve seen the shows will still have the same number of episodes so we arent even getting more of the same content#just nebulous ‘better’ content which could mean anything and also nothing when the shows have gradually started to feel overproduced#it is my and anyone elses right to be disappointed by this#and its a personal choice#if you think its worth the money or if youre in a place where you can afford another service then thats wonderful and i hope you enjoy it#but that doesnt make it any less tone deaf to say we as a company need more money when people cant afford to eat#plenty of creators have successfully crowdfunded their own shows without putting all of it behind a paywall#critical role immediately comes to mind#they have literal thousands of hours of content for free and when it came time to ask for money people showed up for them#the answer didnt have to be put everything on a streaming service when there were plenty of other options#its also just a bad business decision but i dont have the expertise to talk about that#tldr people are allowed to feel however they want about this#also acting like its somehow more ‘authentic’ to get money from your audience#instead of advertisers and sponsors who can actually afford it is sus as hell im just saying#mailbox#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#watcher#shane madej#ryan bergara#steven lim
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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I cant believe this is just what im doing now. Its so strange and yet so natural
#i cant imagine doing anything else really. let alone liking it#i think i want to stick w the ppl im with and hopefully get a camper one day#that would be sick#i could have my cats with me <3#i could just get the camper dropped off wherever i need to be at#could also just leave one somewhere..? hmm.#i have like. $4k rn ? if i keep this up for about three more festivals and not spend much i can probs afford a camper#i hope this lady sells hers. this one is great i want it lol#but i wont count on it
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Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 16: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression
(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)
Yesterday's poll decided that The Adventurer should offer to help the travelers with their broken wagon.....
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After much internal deliberation (and some zoning out staring at butterflies), The Adventurer decides it would be best to offer his assistance. Technically, he IS still following his goal of not getting distracted, because theoretically it would make his journey much faster if he were able to catch a ride on a carriage. So really, this is all an ultimate big brain genius strategy for maximizing efficient travel.. Or, at least that sounds like a good enough justification to him.
Gathering up all of his social courage, he approaches one of the travelers fiddling with a broken wheel near the far end of the carriage and meekly asks if there's anything he could do to help.
The man was so focused on his task, he seems initially startled to look up and find someone near him. "OH..! Oh, uhh.. help? With the wagon?", he smiles pleasantly, gesturing towards a few wooden boards that are just out of his reach, "Sure, kid. If you could just hand me th-"
"Apologies, but we actually won't be needing your assistance, stranger." A taller man, surprisingly almost matching the stature of the Adventurer, suddenly slinks out from somewhere behind the carriage, sternly placing himself like a barrier in front of the man working on the wheel. Wheel Guy nervously averts his eyes, making himself smaller, silently resuming his work.
The Adventurer tries his best to maintain composure against the weight of the tall man's bitter gaze, but can't seem to muster much of a response "Aeughh,,, uh… b-but, h- Bu--HHHh,,?.."
"Look, disregard whatever my father told you, he's old, never has any clue what he's talking about. It'd be best for you to simply move along." ('Father'? They don't look alike at all, and seem to be nearly the same age..)
"W-well.. he.. he didn't really tell me anything, I me-hhH,,.. I mean, I literally just got here, s-so...."
"Good. Even more reason to be on your way."
Placing a gloved hand firmly on his shoulder, the tall man begins to motion the Adventurer away from the wagon, but a strange noise interrupts, echoing from inside. Perhaps some sort of animal sound? Or a person faintly yelling about something? Or… both?
"WH-wHggg… whAT was t-that???!!" The Adventurer immediately stops in place, pausing to listen as the tall man keeps trying to push him ahead.
"I didn't hear anything, stranger."
"No, t-there.. was dEFinitely, UHH, a-"
"Likely something in the forest."
"Wh--aah... d.. do you think it was an animal?"
The tall man continues a dramatic struggle to 'subtly' drag him further down the road, whilst the Adventurer mindlessly digs in his heels, too distracted to even notice he's being so strongly prompted to leave.
"Many animals do, indeed, exist within forests. This should not be suprising."
"...It's just.. ..eughh… s… so weird…"
"I assure you, it is not."
"I-it really sounded like.. like it came f-from insid-"
"Yes, from inside the forest. Now, please, if you would.."
The noise interrupts again. It's definitely someone, or something, in some sort of distress.. And definitely from inside of the cart.
"wHoAAGH, aa!!! T-tHat's NOT from the f-forest, that-"
The tall man fully just shoves him now, sending the Adventurer toppling across the dirt, clumsily rolling and landing just past the other side of the carriage. A mother and young child who seem to be part of the traveling group simply stare down at him with empty blank gazes, wholly unconcerned about helping him up.
As the Adventurer fumbles back to his feet (still confused as to why he was even pushed in the first place), the tall man looms by the carriage, diligently watching to ensure that he leaves.
"Travel safe, stranger."
Despite his initial obliviousness, the Adventurer begins to piece the situation together as he stares back at the man, now fully convinced something suspicious might be going on...
…What should he do next??
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Additional Information
the adventurer's current main quest: follow his map to reach the abandoned castle ruins and see the rare animal specialist about the mysterious egg he has
#paventure posting#poll#polls#choose your own adventure#ERM.. ... hee hee... yes.. alas.. it has been like two months since the last one lol#IT'S SUMMER!!!! how can anyone function in the summer..? It's literally 83F in my room indoors right now at this moment at NIGHT#I'm about to go to sleep.. who can sleep in an 80+ degree room comfortably?? ghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#Really no hope of productivity at all from like June - September basically... EVIL.. and also the spring this year had some heat waves so#AUGhh... my nemesis the Summer.. Or moreso capitalism is my nemesis for worsening climate change and also keeping people in such#economic inequality that cheap apartments with terrible ventilation get made and people cant afford air conditioners and etc. etc.#but ALSO... the summer... grrrr.. 'Heat' you will never be famous.. you will always be lame nasty and so forth..#ANYWAY.. also sorry this is another blurb that's longer. The text is always longer when there's actually spoken interactions lol#I know I'm not very good at this style of writing (especially when rushing with these) so I always feel kind of awkward having really long#sections people will have to slog through or etc ghbjhjh but.. I don't really know how it make it shorter. the interaction#is just the interaction. certain things must be said and conveyed. peace and love on planet orth.#Ough it's been so long I almost forgot to draw his injuries lol.. in-world it's only been what like.. a day? since he got into a fight with#that mysterious cloaked person who was tracking him to steal the egg. I also always just forget how to draw him in between breaks#hopefully his hair and stuff doesn't look too different. They're meant to be really quick sketches anyway but still.. you at least want him#to be recognizable lol#ANYWAY.. another update from the Son.. what is he up to on his little traveles...
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my body knows im getting a hysterectomy & its plotting against me
#increased my t dose (w permission) & ended up not liking it so i went back down (also w permission) & now im getting periods again even tho#i never got them w this dosage before i increased it & didnt even get them regularly before i was on t at all#but its been two months in a row now & im suffering. hoping i can get my surgery in january (they had earlier but i cant afford the time off#work this year) but my top surgery is in april so i need to make sure that wont cause issues. it should be healed by then tho. i have my 6mo#pre op next month so ill ask then. if that does cause problems idfk what im gonna do i dont rly want to wait any longer
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good lord my brain is running laps and i just wanna knock it out and get some goddamn sleep
#apparently just bc I figured it out my brain still isn’t gonna chill out#now i’m stuck between do i communicate and embarrass myself#in hopes that it calms down the fears that i’m already aware are probably irrational#or do i do my best to ignore it and hope my brain chills out on its own soon#and that in the meantime i don’t do my go-to moves when i overthink something#which are running away or getting mean#(not like. mean mean. but snarky. and a little harsh and irritable)#bc no one has done anything wrong!#myself included so far!#my brain just will not let go of this stupid fear#and it’s the same fucking fear that has haunted me on and off through every era of my life#i WILL NOT isolate myself or push people away that’s wildly counterproductive#and honestly i find it mind boggling that that’s even a response bc IT MAKES NO SENSE#anyway everything is changing and it’s fucking me up big time#there’s too many things changing all at once and tbh i’m fucking terrified#and this just happened to be the thing that finally pushed me into ‘cant fucking deal with this’ territory#and nothing has even changed! it’s all in my head right now!!!#it’s so fucking frustrating to know something intellectually but your emotions are off doing their own shit#‘you can’t think away emotions’ I CAN FUCKING TRY#it comes down to fear and anger at that fear and anger at change#i’m so angry and there’s nowhere to direct that anger#being angry at a concept or the very passage of time is just so unsatisfying and annoying#*change as a#personal#i’d say sorry for the vent posts but i can’t afford therapy so#and this is the next best thing
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🐮
#ok ok im gonna try to go to the gym today#i havent been able to make myself leave the house at all this week#and im feeling so bad about myself :((#im up earlier today and im gonna have breakfast calmly and then walk 45min to the gym#work out (which is the part i love lol) and then go to the store#bc that store has a special price for salmon today which makes me wanna go today skksksks#i havent had salmon in 10 months at least and even before that i havent had it in like a year#it is super fkn expensive lately so i cant at all afford it#but now it costs way less so i can actually afford it....#i just hope the store actually has it and that it isnt just 'sold out' :((((#if that's the case then thats how it is but oh it'd make me so sad#i havent had salmon for years 😭#it's one of my fav things to have for dinner :((((#ok anyway im gonna try to go to the gym today#it is a bit annoying that it will probably rain#im so sick of it raining constantly#i love the rain but when i cant afford taking the buss and have to walk everywhere it becomes a nuisance#having to walk for 45min and get fkn drenched and then have to go to an appt or exercise or smth it's so gross#but yeah... i just have to go anyway :<#can it stop raining now#also it is in the middle of june and we just stopped having warm weather???#global warming is scary bro#anyway i hope it gets warmer soon
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Felt cute, might deteriorate later. [He/Him]
#feels like im in hell um#shibuya to belgium#anyway did my eyebrows perfectly but its night and ill prob sleep em off so ugh#im so tired bro i went thru my arm workout THREE times today bc of stress and anxiety#not to mention body dysphoria on top of the health concerns im trying to not think about anything rn so selfie time#OBLIGATORY: 'DISCLAIMER: i'M HI (HIGH)' TAG#but tbh not enough im still hurting with stress#could fuckin go for another round but i rly gotta try n sleep bc i get to cry abt all this in therapy tmr yaaaaay#fuckin hate that i cant treat endo lmao its like living in a cage w a tiger and not knowing when its gonna attack or give a love bite#anyway not to be a crybaby but yeah im not okay and dont know how im expected to go on lol#thought i looked good in my red light but ended up w a good orange light pic#wish i could show off my arms but its not impressive. mostly just feels nice to be like... solid lol#wish i could afford a gym#so my face will have to do for now hope i dont regret posting selfies at almost midnight lol#me#selfie#Cori.exe#Image.exe#ignore my chapped lips pls my dermatillomania has been rampant for the past like 2 days lmao i never stood a chance#hhhhh idk what to tag beyond this fence sitting whether to post or not so im just gon post and then go sleep hffff
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My parents should be fuckin ashamed
#you borrow 80 bucks then can only find me 21 back then i put that 21 into good for your kids then spend the rest of my paycheck getting#diapers pull ups medicine more food for kids and then i fill up the 15 passenger van and then when dad asks why i don't have money to eat#on my lunchbreaks at work like I'm some over spending wild irresponsible bitch when he's the one going to concerts and paying for fancy dat#s and jewelry for his gf and buying groceries for her but you know it's fine#take all my time and energy#so that i literally am a zombie and fall asleep on the very very very limited free time i get#(after doin extra chores to earn said free time)#wo that i fall asleep half way in which isn't fair to my partner and isn't fair to me#take all my income so i cant afford anything#take all my time#take all my energy#YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED YOU GROOMED ME AND MESHED THE FAMILY'S ENTIRE LIFE STYLE FOR ME TO BE LIKE THIS#I CANT MAKE HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS BECAUSE I JUST CAN NOT FUNCTION IF I'M NOT GIVING EVERYTHING TO SOMEONE#IT SUCKS I HATE IT#THEY'LL NEVER ADMIT THEY FUCKED ME OVER#EVER#THEY'LL NEVER DO ANYTHING TO FIX IT OR CHANGE#AND I HAVE NO HOPE FOR ANY CHANGES#MY LITTLE SIBLINGS SEE WHAT I DO FOR THEM AND THEY HUG ME AND TELL ME HOW MUCH THEY LIVE ME#'thank you so much for taking care of us' that tell me all the time 'you do so much for us'#it breaks my heart i wish i could give them the world i love them so much they deserve so much better#my mom lost her chance to be decent my dad better learn soon otherwise all his kids minus his favorite will hate him#i love ny parents#and i know they live me and my siblings#but they groomed me into the most miserable personification of elder daughter syndrome and they should be ashamed for what they've done#and be ashamed that they sucked so bad that they're own child had to step up
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(oh victory. stern talking to frm boss on diminished performance at work prompts local woman to finally book drs appointment and figure out wtf wrong w her <3)
#if only so i can hold up a paper and go please dont fire me. im only lacking the energy bc i havent properly digested food in about 2 months#i thought it was the stress of my abuser staying w my terminally ill mother or the increased work load you guys have been putting on me#but im STARTING to think it might be IBS a food allergy long term lack of nutrients OR. i mean cancer does run in one side of the family so#:'') ive been putting it off bc im scared to find out but. more scared of having to go back to unemployment not w my fucking rent babes#or would a serious diagnosis only INCREASE my odds of being let go bc they cant afford fr my state to worsen and need someone reliable?? aaa#not me hoping i get diagnosed: Deadly Disease Likely To Kill Me In Under A Year so i neednt worry abt anything beyond that limited time span#knowing full well it's wayy more likely to be like. make some minor changes to general life style and youll be fucking fine syndrome. anyway#whats up good morning i otherwise had a great weekend at the bbq and the free music festival. and i do have therapy later tonite
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my poor jiggles isnt feeling good 3': i wanna cry
#like my tummy was hurting already and the situation of course made me more nauseated but then she started getting sick everywhere#and i just !! my baby is important more than my own tummy rn i hope shes ok#im gonna stay up a bit longer to make sure she doesnt get sick more but god im so worried#usually the times she has its been a rly tiny bit? but this was a concerning amount#i cant afford the vet#but we'll do what we can#emetophobia //#cat health issues /#pet health issues /
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,
#r#need to get a stupid car i cant afford so that i can get jobs further away and spend money on fuel i cant afford#its fine!#theres a job i want so bad but im not going to get a car in time so i guess hope it comes up again#i am making plans i am going to get my fucking life together#i am going to spend money to make very low amount of money so that i can then make minimum wage#but doing something i like#and this will work and i will definitely not be stuck with a car a no job#why r there so many costs just let me buy a car and drive it wtf is insurance#i hate driving :(#BUT THATS OK#👈 stressed
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