#I CANNOT TAKE THIS RIGHT NOW OKAY
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Thomas Brackenreid, I swear to god, if you leave the station house, I will brutally murder you in like five fics, those are your CHILDREN there at the station house, you cannot go out to get milk on them, I refuse to allow this
#murdoch mysteries#murdoch mysteries spoilers#thomas brackenreid#SIR YOU CANNOT#I CANNOT TAKE THIS RIGHT NOW OKAY#LIKE HEY HELLO INSPECTOR SIR?#YES HI I HAVE LOST MY BEST FRIEND; MY FAVOURITE TV SHOW; AND MY INDEPENDENCE AND AGENCY OVER MY HEALTHCARE ALL IN THIS PAST MONTH#YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME MR BRACKENREID#YOU CAN'T#YOU DON'T GET TO LEAVE#YOU ARE THE CONSTANT IN MY LIFE YOU AND THAT SILLY LITTLE SHOW YOU'RE ON#IT'S ALWAYS THERE FOR ME OKAY?#YOU CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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insane how people act like charles is ‘the jealous one’ like edwin didnt spend the whole first episode screaming crying throwing up every time charles looked at crystal and not him
#obv its deeper than that#like after 30 years of almost always taking edwins side on everything#he suddenly leaves WITH SOME RANDOM GIRL while saying he has a poor attitude and hes like? do i? yeah bc the living suck right? right?#and he decides to stay annoyed when they come back bc he LEFT him ugh. for a GIRL. like they’re actually still teens in school#so he really really hopes this is a passing fancy. like a pet or something. a wounded bird that we CANNOT KEEP#and when charles points out that it is in fact jealousy (which by charles time is not at all couple exclusive) it literally takes him aback.#bro said ‘jealous?’ so breathlessly like cmon. but b4 he could let that sink in crystal wakes up so he lets it go#probably had a whole internal convo where he reconciled being able to be friend-jealous and then kicked it up. like really up#‘maybe its your outfit’ and ‘also we are punishing you’ and ‘are you ready to talk to her shoes’#‘you spoke to a demon in this friendly malt shop’ and ‘oh you love this dont you’ and ‘saved you one time and now you wont leave either’#like yes he IS jealous and yes he WILL make it everyone’s problem on purpose#do i even have to pull out ‘of course you fell for a living girl’ (looks at him through his lashes) help him#90 percent of these are from the FIRST EPISODE okay#episode 1 edwin is THE cattiest bitch so it tracks that the cat king wants him#point is they are both insanely jealous ok#dbda#dead boy detectives#payneland#paineland#bumblysdumbly
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MY BRAINS NOT WORKING AND THE CUTE BOY I WORK WITH KEEPS CORRECTING MY GRAMMAR THIS IS SO AHAIWIAKSDHDGRRRRHRNE
#dhakaksdjs fuckdwkufeisfjsjajsueei#im using a translator and it keeps outputting 您 instead of 你 and he keeps calling it out like bro ur making it awkward#AND IM LIKE SORRY I CANT ACTUALLY WRITE IN THIS LANGUAGE IM REALLY DU M. BB#also he offered to take over the last part bc i was like hi its almost 9pm here and i literally cannot think anymore#like i am certain its a very easy last part my brain is just finished#i feel so bad bc i wanted to push this proj over the line#this company is so intense i am so baby i am so tired#hugging my cat and rubbing my gross face all over his gross body#me in vc trying to figure out how to say: it was broken earlier idk how it was fixed u saw it was broke tho right#but all that came out was: in the past it was….problematic… *20 yr silence*#before he awkwardly went: um its okay i dont think this is necessary also u have lint issues#and i was just like ya….i know 😭#its ambiguous to some of my teammates if i just dont understand them or if im fking dumb#its probably both im ngl#the blank stare i have on my face is first from trying to comprehend what the actual words they are saying mean#and then to comprehend what technical concept they are trying to convey#using like 50% of the information i managed to parse out#also im used to literally spending 30-40% of the working day talking smack#now i try to crack and joke and everyone is like three this isnt the time#three we are all gonna be hear past 9pm working this isnt the time
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went to post this on twitter but i didnt wanna get banned . crazy that u can scrape my entire lifes work and i cant even tell u to die over it <3
#im just so ........#grips fists#i feel Helpless#i hate feeling like the people i know are receding further and further Away from art communities and the public because its so#painful right now#to be posting art :(#it just IS.#and to the motherfuckers in Toyhouse doing this like... i cannot stress enough how much if u called me rn i would tell u to die 2 ur face#i just... cant pretend like im Okay with u being anywhere Near the same space as me anymore <3#there are people i Hate on an individual level and#i still want to see them eat. just not at my table#but to everyone who Scrapes Art. I want you to Die <3 ....#you value having pretty little image and serving yourself over the grief of millions of artists#to the point where you break into Our spaces where we trust that we're at least safe from *you* motherfuckers#and take Even More ...#youre fucking#selfish and greedy#truly an embodiment of every fucking sin#unable to fucking Help Yourself ?#imagine if all of these people were like. contributing to society.or. idk. DRAWING#the Waste it generates stresses me out to no fucking end too#like you will literally harm the entire human race for Yourself#i Hate you . I Hate you so Wholly#I hate Everything you are and Everything you have done to me and Everything you have done to my community and my peers#yeah. i want you to Die. The same way i want a politician to die.#no human Deserves death <3 but i still want you to <3#annnyyywaayyyyyss#i wont tag this as my art LMFAO its basically a fucking#vent post#i just HAD to get my feelings out cuz genuinely every time i talk about this with my friends it
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"Song Lan... I- I can't see." finally snapped; im making a pacrim au, lets fucking go
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#xiao xingchen#song lan#songxiao#the untamed#cql#my art (??)#okay so i have a lot of stuff i wanna draw for this au aye i love it so much#i am so deeply into my mech phase (yet again) right now and just cannot be stopped#i learned the basics of how to draw a gundam and now im convinced im good at it or something aye#but anyway; the lore for this part of the story is basically that the mech was sabotaged by xy#with the intention of blinding sl and during the drift he was and the mech was blind too and thats how they got to injured#but the mech sort of threw them out of the drift and they thought they were okay in the end but xxc's vision goes black a little later#(the mech didnt throw them out; xxc tried to save sl by forcing him out (dangerous!!!) and taking the injuries of the mech onto himself)#basically xy tried to blind sl (and did temporarily) but ended up blinding xxc instead#mech au
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Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡
So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.
At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.
Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.
I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.
So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.
If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.
#spotatalk#i'm just gonna drop this in the queue I guess?#but I'm writing this on the last day of june so....#whenever this rolls around will be a jumpscare abd a half I guess?#I think honestly I coukd do a full breakdown of the Crew and why they're all expressions of me but like#quick summary is#Reset: Wants approval from people but mostly clings to the past. is afraid of losing his brother and acts on it to bring him back. i#<- I lack that conviction to do whatever you have to to get your way. i worry my brother and I have a weird gap between us we wont repair#Orchid: Uhhh woman. lots of pressure that she had at one time that's now no being pressed but she still tries to live up to it also.#<- I don't like the pressure of being a woman. also gifted-kid who cannot move past the pressures imposed to be 'perfect' and it's screwed#Stereo: Pulled into a situation he doesn't want to be in initially. it's bad for him but he likes the people so he decides to stay#<- I see the good in people. even when they hurt others around me. I was a bystander often and should've left the situations. paralelling.#Monochrome: Afraid. No purpose or preperation in life. soneone offers to guide him and he takes that offer because it's better than home.#<- Kinda self-explanitory but I've got little direction and feel lost a lot of the time. If I'm given a path I usually walk it no hesitation#and... for fun let's do some others!#Haphazard: Cleaning up after others since childhood. he's never really gotten a break and sees any sort of mess as an enemy#-> He's fixing rifts in universes I gotta patch relationships. there's so much conflict and I'm always so overwhelmed by it#Lost: He's got amnesia. no clue where he is. where he's from. who you are. who he is. he'll know when he gets there. he's sure.#-> I've been hsving minor issues with my memory for years. i coukd be forgetful but sometimes it just escapes me and that's spooky#Teddy: Isolated in her universe for years. she self-mutilated until she liked herself. when she finally met people she compulsively lied#-> Much more extreme version of how isolated I sonetines feel. hobbies can't replace human interaction but it's hard#oh and Ichor: God who loves mortals but cannot seem to find ones who will prove hin right for his trust and care#<- I've got a big heart. i express it often but the sentinent is scoffed off a lot. I get beat down about it and just keep moving forward#Pretender: Knows who he is. however the world doesn't like it much so he acts how they expect him to or isolates away#<- I still present femme when I'm nb/agender. i bend and break to people's perception of me. if I can't solve something I run.#okay I feel more insane than when ai started but these stupid skeletons have helped me through so many mental health problems it's only a#little bit funny 🙏
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buck and eddie would be the most insane PTA moms ever, actually. because eddie loves his son and being a bitch and buck loves bossing people around with a clipboard and being involved.
#eddie would absolutely have beef with one of the moms over something stupid like the bake sale banner colors or something#and would convince buck to join the planning/organizing commitee and buck would be all okay!!!! yay that sounds so fun!! :)!!#and buck would end up taking it Very Seriously and whenever eddie tries to tell him ideas for the bake sale buck would get all ah ah ah#as a member of the committee i cannot consider new ideas without consulting the other committee member#eddie always complains that hes just brain storming and needs to bounce ideas off of buck and buck would just be all rules are rules eddie#so eddie has to present his ideas to the pta like all the other parents and buck doesnt ever appear to treat his ideas any differently so#eddie always catches his eye after hes done and winks at him and buck just glares back at him with red ears and ofc buck (usually) ends up#voting in favor of eddie and buck scolds him after meetings because “its inappropriate to flirt to try and get my favor eddie”#“i already have your favor buck. and when you have a clipboard its really hard not to flirt.”#also you know buck would be all over the micromanaging#like “hi jill you wrote down on the spreadsheet that you were going to make four dozen brownies#NOT four dozen chocolate chip cookies. now we have more chocolate chip cookies than we'll be able to sell and not enough brownies.“#and eddie would love getting involved like “yeah jill WAY too many cookies. now the sale is ruined and the kids will never get their trip.”#“eddie why dont you go set up your booth? you shouldve already done that by now...”#“right....”#like eddie would love arguing with the moms about like which activity is more suitable for earth day or whatever#they would literally love it so much
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(follow-up to this)
having grown up in atlas, weiss is very familiar with the academy's team anti-frat policy and gets very hung up on just how much trouble they could get in if anyone thinks they're dating.
(which they're definitely not doing. no, sir. absolutely not, sir.)
so better safe than sorry.
(except winter has eyes. and also doesn't care.)
#snowstorm vampire au#weiss schnee#nora valkyrie#nordic winter#rwby#rwby au#winter schnee#this may have been an excuse to draw winter okay don't @ me i've neevr drawn her before and once i realized this fit the sitch i had to#weiss (upon being properly lucid): wait they saw?? PENNY SAW?!?!?! we are going to be in SO MUCH TROUBLE OH MY GODS#(they're not. honey. you are riding so many exceptions right now this barely registers)#heavens forgive me im shitposting about my own fic aksbskdbsnsdn#kina draws#ssvau future spoilers#though they're probably not too bad there's just a lot a details thart raise a lot of questions i cannot answer right now#ignore the mix of volume hairstyles and stuff i had to choose practicality over spoilers assume nothing is canon until proven otherwise#*shrugs* i mean its a military academy thry probably have anti frat rules im running with it#did i spend too much time thinking about the initial comic to the point where is't baaaaasically canon. maybe hush now.#also like. weiss has already broken so many rules why would she hang on to this one specific one?#well you see when you're repressing your feelings for the girl who's save your life a million times you'll take whatever wall you can build#arc ii hiatus
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Saw on my dash how “x is allowed to exist, but y is not.”
And. Hoo boy. No. No “x” is NOT allowed to exist. If I say I’m asexual, I’m expected to also be 0% Romantic Aromantic Asexual. If I describe what I would want in a romantic relationship, I’m told it’s “just” a friendship. If I describe my demiromanticism, that’s just a “good head on my shoulders” or has people suspicious I’m only friends with them to date them—neither is true. I can and will sit with romantic feelings that ONLY develop when someone is SAFE platonically indefinitely. But also demiromanticism is not “Aromantic Enough” and therefore I’m not “Aroace Enough”. Asexuality and dating? Either you break your boundaries or the other person feels physically neglected or you can’t have exclusivity. Dating apps? Free ones do not include asexuals with the full features—it’s either a trial period or essentially a paying Allo has to approach YOU—with maybe the exception of Tinder. Paid service apps that include or are for asexuals are few and far between.
Remind me how romantic/grey&demi aromantic asexuals are so “accepted.” Because this isn’t even getting into the constant allonormative messaging. This is just the practicality of when an asexual falls in love, wants to date someone, or would like to try experiencing either.
#tiger’s roar#asexuality#aphobia#no I’m not going to say what the og post is that ticked me off but I might just quietly unfollow the blog that reblogged it#I am literally in love with someone RIGHT NOW who I could bet money on loving me back#but even if the situation changed: I cannot ask them out because of how society treats asexuality and romance#and not everyone is as okay with ‘friends only indefinitely’ as I am And Shouldn’t Have To Be#while yes. there is a compatibility issue many times for aces and allos#aces literally are not given a fair chance to find someone who IS comparible while also invalidated at every turn for our feelings#and yeah. I know all this from trying to help other ace friends who COULD take advantage and pay for dating services#(whereas Dating vs Falling In Love With A Friend…egh. makes my skin crawl. gets my aro showing the most.)
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#i hate the fact that i have so much burnout that i cannot do shit right now :///#wanted to get up early today play some games for a bit go do some necessary moving stuff i need to do today and then go to my#1pm language class i am taking voluntarily. instead its almost 11.30 am and ive done nothing. not even the fun play games bit :///#idk if can skip the class again but i have no energy to go there. like im genuinely filled with so much dread at the idea of going there#and its been on and off raining and i dont really wanna go out into the rain as well :///#delete later#idk what happened it was okay i was supposed to go visit a friend this weekend which fell through but i have rescheduled that already#and i dont really mind + it will be a way more chill and less hectic trip then so idk what :///
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wherever you stray, i follow
kiara doesn’t know what to believe in anymore. conversely, the only thing jj believes in is her.
or, alternatively, the jiara hug spec fic part two (also known as the jiara bracelet spec fic (k’s version)).
out on ao3 !
#jiara#jiara fic#jiara spec fic#jiara spec fic pt 2#IT’S FINALLY HERE IT’S FINALLY DONE TAKE IT TAKE IT FROM ME#seriously i cannot look at it any more my brain has been on fire for like 2 weeks straight 🤡#all i can say is i tried 🙏🏽🫶🏽#obx#jj maybank#kiara carrera#jj maybank x kiara carrera#otp: ‘hi’ ‘sup’#otp: nothing to lose#k writes#collapsing until further notice#war is over like i’m so happy right now#ANYWAYS hope y’all enjoy and i hope it’s okay!!! something to help tide us over until trailer day/join in the spiraling and jump headfirst#🫶🏽
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This country is fucked. The state of this country feels devastating. Even if Trump hadn’t won, the outcome would still be heartbreaking. It’s a lose-lose situation, and we ended up with the most fucked of the two. I’m angry. I hold the Democratic Party accountable for not pushing harder. This is the result of a weak campaign and trying to align with figures like Liz Cheney, a literal war monger. It’s what happens when they shift toward conservative ideals, adopting right-leaning positions on immigration and the border. And it’s what happens when they fail to make clear their commitment to Palestinian freedom and the fight against genocide. I can’t blame Palestinian or other Arab Americans who didn’t vote; the Democratic Party did little to support the issues that matter most to them. They’ve been let down by an administration that has shown they do not care about the atrocities happening.
There is so much frustration over third-party voting and non-voters, but, we need to acknowledge that the Democratic Party must urgently get their shit together. Also more glaringly, acknowledge that the two party system itself is deeply flawed.
Regardless, I think we all need to have compassion for one another. That’s going to be so hard to come by these days. We need to be lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down. Lead with compassion and never settle for what this shit government has to offer. If this doesn’t radicalize you, then wake the hell up.
#₊˚ 彡✩ ₊˚ (=^‥^=)#us politics#maybe controversial takes#but I have seen so many people point the finger at third party voters or some people who willingly chose to not vote#and by that I mean people who chose to not vote out of solidarity with Palestine#they are not at fault#I have seen people literally say they are waiting for when Trump destroys Palestine so they can say I told you so#do you know how fucked that is#you need to start holding these politicians accountable#we cannot be settling for this#I know we are all so scared right now#but please keep fighting and keep living#we will be okay as long as we keep organizing and keep moving#never let the love leave your heart#and of course if you actually voted for Trump then die lol
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Say what you will about the Cyrano movie (and one day I'll be able to in a halfway articulate manner), but I am still mildly obsessed with "Every Letter", and I think about this ending couplet all the time...
Your letters are drawings on me from above I know who you are and I know you are loved
Just... the idea of Cyrano and Christian receiving a letter in return from Roxanne and feeling their breath catch both with ecstasy and with bitter regret.
I know who you are...
But she can't. But she mustn't. But it would break her heart--she would never trust them again. But it wouldn't be fair to Christian. But Cyrano could never show his face again. But they already feel themselves burn under her gaze, and to meet it honestly without the armor of a soldier, of these letters, would scorch them until nothing remains. But the only true honor is to hide, even if they know it's really the coward's way out. But the only safety (if they were being brutally honest with themselves) is to hide.
... and I know you are loved.
But God, they wish they didn't have to.
#It's four thirty in the morning and I have been slam-dunked back into Cyrano Hell...#Listen okay ever since the movie introduced the idea of *Roxanne actually writing back* I have been even less normal about these idiots.#The imagery is so fucking delicious either way because you get to imagine either the two of them sitting close enough together#that they can both read either together or over the other's shoulder and just... occupying that space together the two nearly becoming one#and I get to lose my mind over the proximity and the warmth between them forged in the fire of their love for Roxanne.#OR *or or*... the two of them taking turns reading and just *watching* the other's face as they read trying to glean from their expressions#what she might have said and the intensity of that study becoming its own terrible intimacy that right now they can only show through proxy#and I *also* get to lose my mind over Cyrano watching Christian and musing that even if his partner might look like a marble statue#he's never seen a marble statue make that face before but he's *definitely* seen it from Roxanne and it's just as coronary-inducing on both#and Christian watching Cyrano and musing that this might be the closest he'll ever come to seeing the pride of the cadets#and the mythic figure he's built around himself completely *shatter* if only for a moment... he's *human* and he's *exquisite.*#CANNOT be normal about it... it's 'So--here's my heart under your velvet now'--#it's 'I've loved but one (man) in my life and now I must lose him twice'--#it's the darkness of the balcony and the endless sunshine metaphors regarding Roxanne herself--#it's the goddamn Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known and how much Roxanne *craves* it from two men terrified to submit to it...#God these three make me sick I love them so much.#cyrano de bergerac
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Usually my ear ringing is managable but today it feels like bugs are trying to crawl out of my head
#and there is something wrong with my cat i don't know what#she's extremely hostile and doesn't let me get close#i don't know what to do i hope it's not something serious and she'll be okay#i know she is old and something bad will happen eventually but i cannot take it right now#not right now
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i feel like i dislike modded followers that attempt to have their own moral high ground and will leave you or become hostile to you if you join the thieves guild/dark brotherhood/volkihar clan because it's really rich for someone aiding the dragonborn in slaughtering literally hundreds of people just because they're bandits like it's nothing and raiding and pillaging tombs and killing the already subjugated falmer like they're beasts to suddenly take a big stand against a little thieving/assassination/blood sucking. bonus points if said follower also already participates in something considered abhorrent/taboo like casual use of necromancy spells and the like.
#like you literally have no moral high ground you helped me kill hundreds of people to level up and get loot#you cannot take a moral high ground in a game like this so it becomes janky and quite annoying when authors do this#and act like it makes theit follower better or more im depth. no i just dismiss your follower or kill them in self defense and go '#'well that was pointless' and continue playing the murder rpg#it just doesn't work in elder scrolls.#attempting to punish a player for playing a game that doesn't really punish the player in the same ways just doesn't work.#like im not a hater of games with moral quandaries but are you gonna do that in fucking skyrim.#the game that lets you aid ethnonstionalists or imperial colonialists in their bloody war.#and pretends both sides are a morally gray situation#the only follower mod that reasonably criticizes the player is julan#if the player joins the imperial cult and takes the quest to do missionary shit to ashlanders#bc you're literally oppressing his people right in front of him#THAT'S reasonable#not punishing a player for fucking. stealing shit#wanted to try the expanded lydia mod but didn't like that she will quit serving you if you join the thieves guild n shit#like really.#really?#that's what we're doing now?#again: so slaughtering bandits is okay but stealing from rich people is where we draw the line?#anyway.
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