#Humans are Friend Shaped

[nart-is-a-monster]

I told my beloved @pinkwindowwithin to draw them like this and we went straight to a magma

This was inspired by this picture

And the original artists of that is:

And they have a Tumblr!! @mikarons (sorry for the tag)

Definitely go and check them out his art is absolutely beautiful!

[nihildenial]

how i react everytime i see a cat and it runs away before i can pet it

[kiddphel]

No more fighting and shaming people for their type of f/os. Support and love for all kinds of f/os Now.

✰ You have live action f/os? Maybe even only live action f/os?? That's awesome!! Your f/os from movies? Tv shows? Some independent series/project? That's so cool!

✰ You have anime f/os? Does your f/o list have popular characters from this season's newest anime or the most popular anime phone games? Love that for you! Glad you're having fun with your latest interests.

✰ You have f/os from video games? That's cool! Recent releases? Maybe even older games, last generation? Or maybe games even older than that? Indie games only a handful of people know, or indie games everyone knows? That's amazing!

✰ Your f/os come from children's shows or movies? Are they animated, or maybe live action, or one of the shows that use puppets? That's really great, I'm glad you can find beauty in these shows people might say you're too old for. Never let anyone stop your love for your interests.

✰ Your f/os are from comic?? Me too! Are they from big name series or maybe the lesser known ones? Are they indie comics? Maybe even webcomics?? Hell yeah, great taste.

✰ F/os from podcasts? Actual plays/liveplays?? Novels?? Yes!! How fun!! It can be hard when there's very few visuals of your f/os and all of your content is just audio/writing, but it's sweet that you can find so much love for them that you don't need visuals.

✰ Maybe your f/os are from something I didn't even think of. If so, I love that. Your taste and love for your f/os is unique!! And I'm glad I get to learn more about it :)

I think it's great that there is such a wide variety of types and tastes when it comes to self shipping. Some people's f/o lists are only super attractive anime pretty boys, some are from clunky PS2/Xbox games, some don't even have visuals of what they look like, some you've seen everywhere and some you've never heard of in your life. It's great, our differences are what make all of us coming together even more beautiful, I think.

[If you're an adult that ages up characters under 18 or are pro.ship or whatever, this post isn't for you to reblog]

[not-an-alien-scientist]

Human: Hi Buddy!! AWWW DRAGON! COME ON DRAGON!! *gives all the pets*

Alien: ..... that is a carnivore that can bite at 1,100 psi force .... why are you calling it buddy

Human: Oh hooo hoo what is that *scritches* huh?

Hyena: *jumps*

Alien: *alarmed* !!!!!!

Human: >:( no you can't have the camera

[cuprohastes]

Visit Strange new worlds and… Pet the Hardware.

Ok we all remember Vice Admiral Stabby the Space Roomba. Well all know that as soon as humans come up with an AI that we’re reasonably sure is sentient, we’re going to give it human rights and make it pay taxes.

So imagine the non-human survey team giving their assigned Human some funny looks. They’re there to carry things and do Human Stuff, which apparently means occasionally talking to the non-AI hardware and sometimes patting it.

Which is funny. Does the human know that this thing has hardly enough computing power to justify a power cell? Is this that Human Pack Bonding thing?

But an astute observer might notice that the Human seems to have developed machine empathy and will occasionally note that there’s a failure happening before it happens.

Or they’ll suddenly pause and do that funny face thing and go “Oh that’s not good” and hit stop… and hey yeah look, there’s something in there, let me just…

How do they know?

After a while, the people who work with the machines start patting them or that odd little grooming thing that humans do with inanimate objects. They start talking… and listening.

“Huh. You can actually hear when the suction line misses” says the B-Shift operator.

The A-Shift operator agrees. “I can feel when there’s sand got into the bearings. You just have to…” they mime running their lower hand along a console.

Worse, now the oprators are talking to their machines. Asking what’s wrong and discussing their job like they’re sentient. They swear it actually works. The statistics show fewer breakdowns and faster repairs.

All the Human will say is: “Rubber Ducking”.

[marzipanandminutiae]

dolls are for that moment when you look over at one and their beautiful little face brings you such joy that everything feels alright

[marlynnofmany]

Friend-shaped

“She’ll want to pet it,” said a smug voice from the next room. “Humans will pet anything.”

“Even spiky things?” asked the skeptical voice that I recognized as Zhee. “I’ve never had a human want to pet me, and this thing is much worse.”

As curious as I was to see our newest cargo and judge for myself, I first had to finish setting out food for the animals in the next bay. I lugged in bags of dried pellets and fish jerky as the door slid shut behind me, cutting off the sound of Zhee insisting to the delivery person that there was no way under several suns that I would want to touch this new mystery animal. We’d see about that.

I stashed the pellets in the appropriate closet and pulled out a sheet of jerky for each of the three fangy monstrosities that twined around each other, trying to hypnotize me through the bars. I ignored the moving pattern of stripes that probably worked on prey from their world. Working quickly, I set the sheets down on the floor outside the cage, spaced as far apart as possible, then used a gravity wand to lift them through the bars without losing a finger. Left one, right, one, then the middle, to keep the beasties from all jumping on the same treat.

A chorus of happy growls and chewing noises filled the air. Success. I put away the gravity wand and reflected that I absolutely would have liked to scritch all three terrifying predators on the head, but I valued life and limb too much for that.

On to the next room! The doors opened and closed in quick succession. I passed other people loading and uploading various crates, but I only had eyes for the terrarium that looked like it was made of force fields instead of glass. Or maybe some room-temperature version of hard water, given that the person chatting with Zhee was a Waterwill. They had some pretty bizarre tech.

“Ah, here’s the human!” the Waterwill said happily, her voice burbly and vaguely female. “What do you think of your newest live cargo?” She extended what passed for an arm from her column-of-goo body. Beside her, Zhee spread purple pincher arms in a silent display of “ta-dah.”

Inside the tank I saw rocks, sand, a puddle of algae, and the ugliest little ball of snot and spikes that I had ever encountered. Protruding eyes struggled to focus on me like a wall-eyed Chihuahua that had rolled through the most unfortunate of trash piles.

“Wow,” I said, bending down for a closer look. “That’s an animal, all right.”

The Waterwill bobbed up and down. “And is it not, as you say, cutesy-wootsy?”

Zhee made various clicks and taps that were probably skepticism. I couldn’t blame him.

“Well,” I said, struggling for a tactful answer, “It sure is a little one. Looks a bit scared.”

“They always get twitchy when they’re moved around before egg-laying,” the Waterwill said with a dismissive wobble. “It’ll settle down when everybody stops walking by. It’s non-toxic. Maybe once it’s calm—”

The rest of her sentence was cut off by loud snarls from next door, carrying through the hall while both doors were open at the same time. It sounded like a brief squabble over fish jerky, no cause for alarm.

For me, anyway. The animal in the terrarium made a piercing squeak and tried to burrow under the rock, its spines growing visibly longer and flinging droplets of moisture as it trembled violently.

“Oh, that’s bad,” said the Waterwill, all cheer gone. “It could sour the eggs. Everybody be quiet! Move slowly!” She waved two armlets at the other people carrying boxes, who did as she asked.

Zhee was making a whistle that was probably a curse in his own language, or maybe someone else’s. “We’ll get blamed for egg troubles. Would dim light help? I’ll hit the controls.” He moved off on quiet bug legs.

“What else helps?” I asked. “Wait, there’s a manual for this, right?” Without waiting for a response, I unfolded a screen from my pocket and looked for the newest files. There it was. Easily searchable, too.

While I spent a moment on that, the room dimmed and quieted into a soothing nighttime. The other crewmates grabbed the remaining crates, left, and shut the door. I heard someone say to leave oncoming boxes in the hallway for the moment.

“It’s still stressed,” the Waterwill said. “We should have brought another one to soothe it!”

“Hang on, I found the sound files,” I said. “Here’s the soothing one.” At the press of a button, a brief gurgle played, then cut off. “That’s it?”

The animal turned toward me, then back to the rock. No change.

I asked the Waterwill, “I don’t suppose you can make that sound?” When she hesitated, I tried myself. Hard to do without any water around to gargle, but I managed an awkward warble in the back of my throat.

The animal’s shivering stilled.

“Keep doing that!” the Waterwill said with an urgent wave.

I did, feeling silly. But the animal liked it. The trembling ended, and the spines started to retract. When I paused for breath, the creature held perfectly still, then when I started again, the spines continued shortening. After a few moments, it was a slimy ball of green with eyes that stuck out, and soon enough those finally closed. When they opened again, they weren’t bulging any more.

A head lifted from the goo, with a cute little face that chirped curiously.

“Aw, look at you,” I said to it. “All calm and happy.”

It oozed over towards me, moving much like Waterwills did, without any legs. It nuzzled a hatch that I hadn’t noticed in the side of the tank.

“You said it’s non-toxic, right?” I asked, not waiting for a response. I’d skimmed the manual. The hatch opened easily for me to stick my hand in and stroke the slimy little head. It purred like a babbling brook.

“Told you,” said a voice behind me.

Zhee hissed.

I turned to see him handing over credits with a displeased tilt to his antennae. “Did you just lose a bet?” I laughed.

Zhee threw his pincher arms into the air. “It was covered in spikes! No fair changing shape like that.”

“Well, if we’re going to be fair,” I said. “I would have sacrificed a hairbrush to pet it through the spikes, if it liked that kind of thing.”

“Of course you would,” Zhee muttered.

“Righto,” the Waterwill said as she stuck the credits into a wallet pouch that floated among her other miscellaneous bits. “I can see it’s in good care here. Guess I’ll be off.”

I gave the creature one last stroke, then eased my hand out and closed the hatch, waiting to make sure it stayed calm. When it settled back into goo, I stood and joined the other two in soft-footing our way to the door. “I’ll keep an eye on it,” I promised.

“And a hand,” Zhee grumbled.

“I’ve petted worse,” I told him.

“I’m sure you have,” he said. “And I don’t want to hear about it.”

~~~

The ongoing backstory adventures of the main character of this book. More to come!

[phoenixcatch7]

Man, I want shapeshifter cap SO BAD.

I want to see a Billy that really leans into the wonder of the world, the million paths a child could take in their life.

I want to see a Billy that wants to try everything, at least once.

A Billy that looks at all the people who spit at him, deride him, pity him, dismiss him, ignore him, because he has no future, no prospects, a child in the gutter and say no. I'm going to grow up to be whoever I want to be.

And a captain marvel that says you're going to be amazing.

Billy taking the premise of captain marvels form - his ideal self, a blank slate for Billy to paint his bright colours, the person he wants to be deep inside - and dialling that freedom up to eleven.

A dancer, a dinosaur, a train conductor, a tiger, an ice cream maker, a butterfly, an astronaut, a shark, a college student, a Tamaranean, a mouse, a scuba diver, an elephant, a doctor, a moose, a race car driver, a dog.

A child wanting to see the world.

If you want to find captain marvel, well first you've got to try his comm, probably a couple times.

Then you've got to go to fawcett, hope he's there and not saving the yetis from a salamander invasion in a different dimension.

You've got to ask around, because it often goes by word of mouth here, no matter what technology you bring. Don't worry, it'll spread very quickly, but if you're in a hurry you can find his commemorative statue and leave an offering. No one knows if it really works, but it's a good way to pass the time and feel productive.

Soon, a face will peel out of the crowd. It's always familiar, but it's never the same one.

Wait for the flash of lightning in a cloudless sky.

And then you will find captain marvel.

[badly-gravity-blog]

If you're willing to share, can I see some of your fan kids? :D I absolutely adore fan kids!!

My first asks is about my gremlins — i couldn’t be happier thank you so much !

I’m working on a post with one of them :3

Currently I have two kids only !

- Mags, short for Magpie because Dipper -> bird muaha… BillDip Kid !

- Sigh. Bloodthor Maximillius Mandelbrot, nicknamed Mandel or Mandy or hell feel fancy and call him Max…. BillFord atrocious kid.

Refs rrrright under, my soggy boys 💕

[english-history-trip]

Some more truly baffling denizens of the margins of the 14th century Luttrell Psalter.

[averlym]

smth smth red queen ?

[playeroftapes]

Happy thwack him Thursday

[fluffer5]

How Protective Terrans Are

So... I might've dropped a few trauma bomb in my previous entries... but we won't further open those particular can of worms *smiles brightly while throwing the proverbial can at the traum-- ehem, garbage disposal*.

Anyways, this is my 5th entry to Humans Are Space Orcs! For today's human documentary, we're going to talk about what adult Terrans can and will do to you if you touch their young, family, close friends, pets, or special mementos given to them by a special someone (which doesn't have to be from a dead anybody or a romantic somebody). We all know people wouldn't hesitate to throw hands just to keep their people or stuff safe.

So, let's refer to my list, cuz it's easier to do lol. Again, I've used movies, series, podcasts, and a writer's angst-filled mind to type this. Should I warn the rest of you for further reading? I guess I should (I was so used to reading things without the warning that I'm sometimes confused of the TW tag on some stuff lol).

TW: Gore, violence, theoretical bodily harm even though I censored most of it, death, stabby people, bullying, the insanity train.

Kill the threat. Bit of an extreme one for the first thing to pop in my head, yes? But it is true. Wars were waged for lesser things. See this news article for one example: "Mom fatally shot home intruder to defend kids, she says". This one was published on August 18, 2022. In 2012, cuz I'm too lazy to search recent ones, there's another news articles featuring the same thing but focuses on a mother shooting an intruder to protect her 3-month-old baby. In 2015, an 11-year-old boy also shot an intruder trying to defend his 4-year-old sister from possible harm. I could go on and on about this but in countries where guns are not accessible, the next possible thing to use in defense would've been something sturdy and blunt or something extremely sharp. Actually, if we were in a time wherein tribes or kingdoms exist instead of cities, I can surely say that killing their young would definitely put you and your family in said people's sh*t list.

Fight the threat. Whether is be physically punching them on the face of the place where the sun doesn't shine, nobody cares as long as the deed of letting them know their place is done. Exhibit A that a lot of us know would be bullies ganging up on a younger sibling in school. We know that younger sibling are the proverbial pain in the *ss of older siblings. It's a love-hate relationship between them. But it's also an unsaid rule that only the older siblings can threaten or push around younger siblings. Anyone else touching them aside from the close family ties should be prepared to taste someone's fist. Or feet. Or the pavement. You get the gist of it. Though as long as the child in question can take care of the bullying on their own (which I did in my experience) then the parents or older sibling would gladly back off until the time they notice that things are going too far. Though, sadly, some kids prefer not to talk about their problems which leads to behavioral issues in the future, sorta trying to get attention from their elders but in a negative way.

Threaten the threat. I see this as the tamer version of protection actually lol. I don't know about other countries but in my country, the smart kids in school can threaten your life as a student. We have the usual bling-bling kids with the money and huzzah but they don't last long in the face of being a social pariah at school. They can throw money all they want but the smart kids wouldn't be threatened at all cuz they hold the key to higher GPA. Even the teachers complain about them nerds but action speaks loud and their compilation of evidence speaks louder lol. You'd be lucky if the nerd assigned to you has the patience of a saint cuz if not... well, I've had to stop fights from breaking out from simple arguments. Not just in school though. If you've got connection in higher places then that could also be a way to threaten someone (it does happen in real life so it isn't far-fetched). Though it is more effective to threaten the threat if you're in the same place as them. Another thing would be holding blackmail on said person (though that only works if they're not an immediate threat). If you have enough social influence, well, you can destroy their entire life without touching them even once.

Torture the threat. A friend says I'm too kind for ending their lives easily. Well, watching too many action and horror films prepared me for this part lol. I don't know which one would be done but interrogators have done the worst to get information from their victim. Too gory for this though and I don't know how many kids or emotional teens are in here so I have to censor a ton of the juicy details. Let's say it would be a bit similar to Saw, Jigsaw, and war interrogations. Chemicals, acids, peeled skin, salt, knives, and hammers might also be in place. Just know that it would be a bloody, unforgiving event that would take place in that particular room with that unfortunate victim.

Play the long game. Another said killing them quickly was... well... too quick XD. This one centers heavily on having money and patience. Know who the threat is, where they live, who they interact with, and what makes them tick. For this to work, you need to give up who you were before and settle on anonymity. This is... a bit more drastic than torture but works well if you have too much hate in your chest or the deed done was something you can never forgive. It's more on watching them physically suffer with their injury or doing the threatening on their family (gets messy very fast), but since this threat had amassed A LOT of enemies, they won't exactly know who did the evil deed on them. Shoot them on their legs, feet, and shoulder. Their spine if you're a good shot and know where to hit. Places that aren't close to their vital organs but would render them disabled. You'll let them live, but it will be a life of pain and agony.

Talk to the threat. The most peaceful type and probably the most boring out of this chaotic list > v <. This should be the first thing we do and not escalate to violence if some of us can help it. Again, your patience and wit will be tested here. If your threat is minor (like another child), then talking to their guardian would help with keeping the problem from going through a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes that doesn't work and the problem turns into an adult fight.

In summary, you have 2 kinds of Terrans. One would shoot before asking; the other would talk before shooting. Which is why you should never step on this particular deathworld if you were thinking about making Terran slaves or using our young in experimentation. We haven't given chase on aliens yet. Don't make yourselves the first intergalactic specie the Terrans would obliterate.

Meanwhile in a fast approaching spacecraft...

This alien reading this How To Deal With Terrans manual : Why did we want to go to this deathworld again?

Another alien turning yellow from anxiety : To befriend them and learn about the resident Terrans?

Yet another alien wilting as they feel faint from the information : Oh, thank the stars we won't be terrorizing them.

The alien commander whose frills are flaring in alarm as they read through the unredacted version of the manual : They will torture and skin us for taking their young and their pets?!

This particular scientist whose skins are changing colors in excitement : See? I told you their famous quote of "If predator not friend, why friend shape?" also applies to them!

[mango-sideburns]

My fav thing about TAZ is that any aspect out of context sounds fucking bonkers.

Like, in the balance finale there's a scene in which Garfield (who is very specifically never described visually bc most people imagine him as like. The Lasagna Cat. Who in this universe is the most powerful warlock in the realm and also has a hobby of cloning people, which is great for the one character that got forced into haunting a mannequin) is summoned by an alien spaceship that runs on the power of friendship so he could beat up some flashing balls. In D&D.

And that was just. Such a normal scene in the narrative. No one blinked an eye. I would like to bow down to Griffins clear unmatched talent for making me feel such big emotions over ridiculous shit like a goddamned umbrella or a regular ass pair of jeans or the idea of a taco recipe.

[thecosmiccrow]

my son says hi

HOLY SHIT IS THAT A TRIMMING FROM THE HIT ANALOGUE HORROR YOUTUBE SERIES VITA CARNIS? IM SUCH A BIG FAN!

this is my mimic drawing uh. im posting him again but im allowed to because i spent 13 hours on him

[littlehatmouse]

i finished this in the last 20 minutes of lesbian visibility week after not drawing at all LETS GO