#Pack bond with anything

[cuprohastes]

Visit Strange new worlds and… Pet the Hardware.

Ok we all remember Vice Admiral Stabby the Space Roomba. Well all know that as soon as humans come up with an AI that we’re reasonably sure is sentient, we’re going to give it human rights and make it pay taxes.

So imagine the non-human survey team giving their assigned Human some funny looks. They’re there to carry things and do Human Stuff, which apparently means occasionally talking to the non-AI hardware and sometimes patting it.

Which is funny. Does the human know that this thing has hardly enough computing power to justify a power cell? Is this that Human Pack Bonding thing?

But an astute observer might notice that the Human seems to have developed machine empathy and will occasionally note that there’s a failure happening before it happens.

Or they’ll suddenly pause and do that funny face thing and go “Oh that’s not good” and hit stop… and hey yeah look, there’s something in there, let me just…

How do they know?

After a while, the people who work with the machines start patting them or that odd little grooming thing that humans do with inanimate objects. They start talking… and listening.

“Huh. You can actually hear when the suction line misses” says the B-Shift operator.

The A-Shift operator agrees. “I can feel when there’s sand got into the bearings. You just have to…” they mime running their lower hand along a console.

Worse, now the oprators are talking to their machines. Asking what’s wrong and discussing their job like they’re sentient. They swear it actually works. The statistics show fewer breakdowns and faster repairs.

All the Human will say is: “Rubber Ducking”.

[humansarespaceorcsforeal]

Human Observation Log 192

Out of concern for our Human crewmate, I tried to warn them about the Nardian that just joined our crew. As you know, Nardian’s are highly volatile and will not hesitate to challenge even weak species to duel. They bath weekly in the blood of animals and come from a planet that is constantly at war. Their aggression is well known to all but when I informed our Human, Kim, they became agitated. They accused me of being ‘racist’ and expressed their ‘deep disappointment.’ 

I do not understand. I was merely concerned for their physical wellbeing. Kim left, declaring their intention to become friends with the Nardian. Human’s do not understand that it is impossible to befriend a Nardian.

Human Observation Log 192: Follow up

The Human has befriended the Nardian. His name is Greg. I have been invited to join them for red mud baths as a form of ‘self-care.’ I am beginning to believe Human Kim could befriend anyone short of an Android.

Human Observation Log 192: Follow up

Human Kim has befriended the Android and I understand nothing.

[forcefedthelies]

there is something very beautiful about the irresistible human desire to create

clowns like these will be on etsy very soon <3

UPDATE: etsy fucking banned me lol. currently selling these via cashapp within the united states only

UPDATE: I HAVE SOME PREMADE CLOWNS LISTED ON DEPOP UNDER @mishandmars

[injuries-in-dust]

Captain’s log, number 197.

Well, it finally happened. They warned me it would when I took humans aboard, but I didn’t believe them.

The humans have threatened mutiny over an object they have pack-bonded with.

A few cycles ago, one of the humans placed ... decorative items ... what are they called? “googling eyes?” upon one of the maintanence drones. While against procedure, this seemed to be amusing to the humans and I let them have this bit of enrichment to their environment.

Last cycle another human, or perhaps the same one, I haven’t been able to get a clear answer on who did it, decided to expand upon this decoration with the addition of black bonding tape, cut into shapes the humans find very amusing.

See attached picture for clarity:

In another cycle we will be docking at space-station 114-Hartnell for our annual maintanence and reguation-compliance inspection. I need not say how we must be reguation compliant in order to maintain our trade lisence with the alliance.

This would, of course, include that all maintanence drones are kept up to code. So I ordered the humans to remove the decorations.

... I ...

...I have no words ...

Their reaction.

They named him.

It! I meant to say, they named it.

They stated, and I quote, “You will not touch one hair of Robert Floor-Buffington the third, captain, or there’ll be a problem!” 

They’ve made up stories! Robert Floor-Buffington, he’s a humble, but hard working space bot, who just wants to do right for his a robot wife, and robot children!

It’s a maintanence drone! Identical to the hundred other maintanence drones we have on board.

But the humans they’re insane!

They just will not be moved on this issue.

... Maybe I can pursuade them to just ensure this Robert Floor-Buffington is kept out of the inspectors way. We have a hundred identical models, surely they won’t notice that one is missing?

***Log paused for incoming message***

Captains log addendum.

Perhaps the inspectors will not notice four maintanence drones are missing.

The humans have decided to decorate three other drones and have taken to referring to them as the “wife and two children of Robert-Floor Buffington the third.”

At this time, there is a heated debate occuring in storage bay three over what the names of this robot family will be.

...

...

...

Additional. I have over two-hundred days of shore-leave accrued. I think I’ll be making good use of that in the near future.

[zeldathusiast]

My Roomba just tried to vacuum my foot on accident and for some god forsaken reason I scolded it like a *dog.*

"Ah-ah-ah! Bad Scooter! Bad!" I say, before proceeding to reassure the bot that "it's okay, I know you didn't mean to :)"

Then I stopped dead in my tracks and realized I had just scolded and comforted a robot vacuum.

[brasskingfisher]

Humans are Space Orcs: reverse pack bonding

Ok, so we all know humans will pack bond with anything, and I've seen plenty of fics based around the idea of 'human adopts alien because it's cute/fluffy.' BUT.... what about the reverse? Why wouldn't an alien adopt a human/see it as its' parent for whatever reason, I mean there's several instances of birds (particularly geese) imprinting on humans (both accidentally and deliberately) who are there when they hatch, so why wouldn't that happen in space? Say a human crew find and are examining an alien creature's nest just as an egg hatches. Then the hatchling automatically sees the human as its' parent.

[marlynnofmany]

Friend-shaped

“She’ll want to pet it,” said a smug voice from the next room. “Humans will pet anything.”

“Even spiky things?” asked the skeptical voice that I recognized as Zhee. “I’ve never had a human want to pet me, and this thing is much worse.”

As curious as I was to see our newest cargo and judge for myself, I first had to finish setting out food for the animals in the next bay. I lugged in bags of dried pellets and fish jerky as the door slid shut behind me, cutting off the sound of Zhee insisting to the delivery person that there was no way under several suns that I would want to touch this new mystery animal. We’d see about that.

I stashed the pellets in the appropriate closet and pulled out a sheet of jerky for each of the three fangy monstrosities that twined around each other, trying to hypnotize me through the bars. I ignored the moving pattern of stripes that probably worked on prey from their world. Working quickly, I set the sheets down on the floor outside the cage, spaced as far apart as possible, then used a gravity wand to lift them through the bars without losing a finger. Left one, right, one, then the middle, to keep the beasties from all jumping on the same treat.

A chorus of happy growls and chewing noises filled the air. Success. I put away the gravity wand and reflected that I absolutely would have liked to scritch all three terrifying predators on the head, but I valued life and limb too much for that.

On to the next room! The doors opened and closed in quick succession. I passed other people loading and uploading various crates, but I only had eyes for the terrarium that looked like it was made of force fields instead of glass. Or maybe some room-temperature version of hard water, given that the person chatting with Zhee was a Waterwill. They had some pretty bizarre tech.

“Ah, here’s the human!” the Waterwill said happily, her voice burbly and vaguely female. “What do you think of your newest live cargo?” She extended what passed for an arm from her column-of-goo body. Beside her, Zhee spread purple pincher arms in a silent display of “ta-dah.”

Inside the tank I saw rocks, sand, a puddle of algae, and the ugliest little ball of snot and spikes that I had ever encountered. Protruding eyes struggled to focus on me like a wall-eyed Chihuahua that had rolled through the most unfortunate of trash piles.

“Wow,” I said, bending down for a closer look. “That’s an animal, all right.”

The Waterwill bobbed up and down. “And is it not, as you say, cutesy-wootsy?”

Zhee made various clicks and taps that were probably skepticism. I couldn’t blame him.

“Well,” I said, struggling for a tactful answer, “It sure is a little one. Looks a bit scared.”

“They always get twitchy when they’re moved around before egg-laying,” the Waterwill said with a dismissive wobble. “It’ll settle down when everybody stops walking by. It’s non-toxic. Maybe once it’s calm—”

The rest of her sentence was cut off by loud snarls from next door, carrying through the hall while both doors were open at the same time. It sounded like a brief squabble over fish jerky, no cause for alarm.

For me, anyway. The animal in the terrarium made a piercing squeak and tried to burrow under the rock, its spines growing visibly longer and flinging droplets of moisture as it trembled violently.

“Oh, that’s bad,” said the Waterwill, all cheer gone. “It could sour the eggs. Everybody be quiet! Move slowly!” She waved two armlets at the other people carrying boxes, who did as she asked.

Zhee was making a whistle that was probably a curse in his own language, or maybe someone else’s. “We’ll get blamed for egg troubles. Would dim light help? I’ll hit the controls.” He moved off on quiet bug legs.

“What else helps?” I asked. “Wait, there’s a manual for this, right?” Without waiting for a response, I unfolded a screen from my pocket and looked for the newest files. There it was. Easily searchable, too.

While I spent a moment on that, the room dimmed and quieted into a soothing nighttime. The other crewmates grabbed the remaining crates, left, and shut the door. I heard someone say to leave oncoming boxes in the hallway for the moment.

“It’s still stressed,” the Waterwill said. “We should have brought another one to soothe it!”

“Hang on, I found the sound files,” I said. “Here’s the soothing one.” At the press of a button, a brief gurgle played, then cut off. “That’s it?”

The animal turned toward me, then back to the rock. No change.

I asked the Waterwill, “I don’t suppose you can make that sound?” When she hesitated, I tried myself. Hard to do without any water around to gargle, but I managed an awkward warble in the back of my throat.

The animal’s shivering stilled.

“Keep doing that!” the Waterwill said with an urgent wave.

I did, feeling silly. But the animal liked it. The trembling ended, and the spines started to retract. When I paused for breath, the creature held perfectly still, then when I started again, the spines continued shortening. After a few moments, it was a slimy ball of green with eyes that stuck out, and soon enough those finally closed. When they opened again, they weren’t bulging any more.

A head lifted from the goo, with a cute little face that chirped curiously.

“Aw, look at you,” I said to it. “All calm and happy.”

It oozed over towards me, moving much like Waterwills did, without any legs. It nuzzled a hatch that I hadn’t noticed in the side of the tank.

“You said it’s non-toxic, right?” I asked, not waiting for a response. I’d skimmed the manual. The hatch opened easily for me to stick my hand in and stroke the slimy little head. It purred like a babbling brook.

“Told you,” said a voice behind me.

Zhee hissed.

I turned to see him handing over credits with a displeased tilt to his antennae. “Did you just lose a bet?” I laughed.

Zhee threw his pincher arms into the air. “It was covered in spikes! No fair changing shape like that.”

“Well, if we’re going to be fair,” I said. “I would have sacrificed a hairbrush to pet it through the spikes, if it liked that kind of thing.”

“Of course you would,” Zhee muttered.

“Righto,” the Waterwill said as she stuck the credits into a wallet pouch that floated among her other miscellaneous bits. “I can see it’s in good care here. Guess I’ll be off.”

I gave the creature one last stroke, then eased my hand out and closed the hatch, waiting to make sure it stayed calm. When it settled back into goo, I stood and joined the other two in soft-footing our way to the door. “I’ll keep an eye on it,” I promised.

“And a hand,” Zhee grumbled.

“I’ve petted worse,” I told him.

“I’m sure you have,” he said. “And I don’t want to hear about it.”

~~~

The ongoing backstory adventures of the main character of this book. More to come!

[tallsc]

Hello fellow QSMP Tumblr people, I would like to make a offer and would love to see if this can catch on.

If we're adopting A1, let's go all out. We're taking care of this kid.

At least three times a week, someone on Tumblr, under the "qsmp a1 tasks" tag, should draw or write something about A1 doing at least one of the official tasks for that day or the prior few days (cause I know it takes time to draw or write). It doesn't have to be huge, could be anything from a sketch to a full picture or comic, from a few sentences to a full short story, as long as it appears under the tag and has something to do with A1 and one of the recent tasks! (Please say somewhere what task you're doing and what day it was from.)

A1 doesn't mind what name you use - Ai, Aaron, Ivan, just A1, something else entirely - as long as you still use the right tag so everyone can see that there's been a task completed. They also use any pronouns and have a whole wardrobe of accessories, again as long as it's clear in the art or story that the egg is A1 and not one of the other eggs.

Feel free though to include yourself or your OCs or one of the QSMP members or none or all of them, this is just a series of writing/drawing prompts with a purpose, go wild and have fun!

Due to it being Saturday already, required tasks won't start until this Monday. After that, let's see how long we can keep our community's new kid going!

Updates account

If anyone would like to translate this into any of the other three languages, I will gladly add the translations to this post and credit you for doing so. I want to make this visible and accessible to as many people as possible.

Translations below (French by @lb1412, Portuguese by @aurora-bore-aura)

Portuguese:

Oi pessoal do QSMP Tumblr, eu queria fazer uma oferta e eu adoraria ver se isso irá se espalhar mais.

Se a gente tá adotando A1, vamos com tudo. A gente vai cuidar dessa criança.

Três vezes por semana pelo menos, alguém no Tumblr, na tag "qsmp a1 tasks", tem que postar um desenho ou escrever sobre A1 fazendo uma das tarefas oficiais daquele dia ou uns dias antes (porque eu sei que leva tempo pra fazer arte). Não precisa ser muito, pode ser um esboço(sketch) pra um desenho completo ou quadrinho, de algumas frases para uma pequena história completa. Que precisa é ao menos aparecer na tag e ter relação com A1 e as tarefas recentes! (Por favor diga em algum lugar que tarefa se tá fazendo e que dia foi ela)

A1 não tem preferência com o nome ou pronome que você usar — Ai, Aaron, Ivan, só A1, algum outro que se faça — desde que você ainda use a tag dita pra que todo mundo veja que tarefa foi feita. Além de liberdade de pronomes ele tem um armário cheio de acessórios, então por favor deixe claro em algum lugar da sua arte ou história que o ovo é o A1 e não um dos outros.

Sinta-se livre pra incluir você, ou um dos seus personagens, ou um dos membros do QSMP, ou ninguém, ou todo mundo acima. Isso aqui é só uma série de sinopses para desenhar/escrever com um propósito, se solta e se divirta!

Como já é sábado, as tarefas necessárias não vão aparecer até segunda-feira. Depois da revelação, vamos ver por quanto tempo podemos manter a nova criança da comunidade!

French:

Salut les fans du QSMP, j'ai une proposition à vous faire et j'adorerais voir si ça peut devenir concret.

Quitte à adopter A1, sortons le grand jeu. On va s'occuper de cet enfant.

Il faudrait qu'au moins trois fois par semaine, quelqu'un sur Tumblr dessine ou écrive quelque chose où A1 fait au moins l'une des tâches officielles du jour ou de l'un des jours précédents (parce que je sais que dessiner ou écrire, ça prend du temps), et le poste sur le tag "qsmp a1 tasks". Pas besoin de faire quelque chose d'y mettre énormément d'efforts, ça pourrait être n'importe quoi, d'un croquis à une illustration ou BD complète, de quelques phrases à une courte histoire complète, tant que c'est posté dans le tag et que ça a un lien avec A1 et l'une des tâches récentes ! (S'il vous plaît, notez quelque part de quelle tâche vous vous chargez et le jour auquel ça correspond.)

Peu importe quel nom vous utilisez pour A1 (Ai, Aaron, Ivan, juste A1, ou même un tout autre nom), cela ne lea dérange pas tant que vous utilisez le bon tag pour que tout le monde puisse voir qu'une tâche a été accomplie. Iel utilise n'importe quels pronoms et possède toute une galerie d'accessoires, tant, encore une fois, qu'il est clair dans le dessin ou l'histoire qu'il s'agit d'A1 et pas d'un autre œuf.

Sentez-vous libre de vous inclure vous, vos OCs, l'un des membres du QSMP, tous les membres, ou même aucun, ce ne sont qu'une série de prompts de dessin/d'écriture avec un but précis, faites-vous plaisir et amusez-vous bien !

Puisqu'on est déjà samedi, les tâches nécessaires ne compteront pas avant lundi. Après ça, essayons de voir combien de temps la communauté peut maintenir notre nouvel enfant en vie !

[enbyandyy]

I love that tango builds are kinda alive

the dungeon definitely was devouring souls and giving excess tomes out to its favourites (etho) and now hungry hermits dramatically sighs when there's no customers around

I love it

[halloweenreaper]

My favorite thing about humans is that they'll pack bond with literally anything. Even when we make something that's just a tool to use, something that doesn't think, sometimes doesn't even move, some human will get attached, and it becomes something precious. We make monsters meant to frighten and scare only for someone to find it friend shaped and loveable. We see it everywhere in fantasy and Sci-Fi. Dragons, demons, robots, aliens from distant worlds. Hell, we pack bond with words on a page or images on a screen because we innately want to connect even if it's with characters that don't even exist.

Despite so many of us hating the forced proximity of the modern world, myself included, I can't help but find it adorable how we're so desperate for a pack, so desperate not to be alone, that we can connect with anything.

[ot3]

re: last post. im also envisioning a story beat in this hypothetical reality where chang insists that he needs to be in the polycule because he is the father of shirley's unborn baby and thus in the relationship by default and then britta backs this because she thinks a nontraditional communal baby raising situation would be good and healthy and help them pack bond and that including the baby's father in that is natural and how pre-industrial civilizations would have done it. and jeff is like okay everyone since britta wants to be in a relationship with chang so badly i guess we have no choice. and the regret is immediate as soon as he says that but she can't take it back. she can't take it back.

[kirwell]

Swooping down to catch my skeleton before he could crumble to the floor in a pile of mangled bones, a gasp escaping my lips, and my hand resting under his slender, bony spine as I gaze deeply into piercing black sockets, has been the most romantic thing I've ever done,,

your faves could never,,

[pr0cyon-lotor]

Hugo having a whole meeting with the crew that basically can be summarized to

Don't make fun of Fuh'fin! He's trying his best. I will find you and fire your ass

Now no one was planning on it but they understood the message

[injuries-in-dust]

"Human-Mark, you have to help me! Human-Alex is trying to poison me!"

Mark looked confused as Chixx continued to fluff their feathers in a sign of stress and worry.

"Alex is the kindest person I've ever known. They would never!"

Chixx produced a small box from a satchel hanging around their neck. "But they sent me these highly toxic balls of death!"

Mark looked at the box and smiled. "Those are chocolates."

Chixx dropped the box to the ground. "The most toxic of poisons! Are they threatening me? Why would they want me dead?!"

Mark shook his head. "Calm down guy. Look, chocolates aren't poisonous to humans. I'm sure Alex just forgot that not everyone can eat them..." he trailed off as a thought occurred. "Just let me check something.

He pulled out his computer and opened up a calander to check earth time against the galactic standard.

First Mark's checks flushed red, then a smirk crossed his face. "Dude. I didn’t know Alex was like that."

Chixx was not comforted by this tone.

"It's valentines day on earth."

"What does that mean?!"

Mark had to stifle laugher as he spoke. "Well, it's a traditional holiday when people usually give gifts to someone they have romantic feelings for. Dude, Alex wasn't trying to poison you. They like you man, really LIKE you!"

Chixx wasn't fluffing their feathers out of stress anymore. Their eyes grew wide as realisation dawned upon them.

(If anyone wants to continue this, you have my permission.)

[grim-faux]

another rainy day in the Pale City brought to you by Thin Tok:

"It̴ Is̵ Im̵p̴o̸r̸t̴a̵n̶t̶ to̵ Kn̸o̷w̷ Al̸l̵ Yo̸u̵r̸ Ch̷i̵l̴d̴s̸ Ne̵s̵t̴i̷n̴g̸ Pl̴a̵c̴e̸s̶. Ro̶u̷t̸i̵n̸e̸ Cl̶e̸a̷n̵i̷n̶g̴ Is̸ Im̷p̶o̴r̵t̸a̸n̴t̵ As̶ A ̷Ch̶i̵l̴d̵ Wi̵l̵l̸ Ha̶u̵l̶ An̴y̸ An̷d̴ ̷Ev̸e̵r̶y̵t̴h̶i̶n̸g̴ No̸t̸ Na̵i̵l̶e̷d̵ To̵ Th̵e̸ ̸ Fl̷o̷o̶r̸ In̵t̸o̵ ̸ It̴s̴ Ne̷s̴t̶." [ The Thin Man crouched beside a squat dresser with a steadily growing pile of fabric, toys, food, bones, and anything else... He keeps reaching under the dresser and pulling out more items]

[A child wearing a paper bag stands nearby observing. When one toy in particular was set aside, he darted in to snatch up and flee with.]

"In̵c̸l̵u̷d̷i̴n̷g̷ Ot̴h̷e̶r̵ Ch̴i̷l̶d̶r̵e̶n̴" [A scrap of cloth launched off the 'nest' pile while the Thin Man wasn't looking and darted away.]

"A̵l̶w̶a̶y̵s̴ Le̷a̸v̵e̴ On̶e̵ Or̸ Tw̴o̶ Ne̴s̴t̷s̷u Un̴d̷i̷s̵t̴u̷r̴b̶e̸d̸s So̸ Yo̷u̴r̶ Ch̴i̷l̸d̴ Wi̵l̴l̶ Ha̴v̸e̶ A Sh̴e̶l̸t̶e̷r̶ To̴ ̸ Re̵t̴r̴e̷a̶t̴ To̷ Wh̴i̸l̶e̵ Th̶e̶ O̷t̵h̵e̶r̶ Ne̴s̷t̵s̷ Ar̶e̸ ̵Ge̸t̸t̸i̷n̵g̶ 'Ra̴i̴d̵e̷d̷'̵. Ot̴h̶e̸r̸w̸i̸s̷e̵, Yo̴u̷r Ch̶i̴l̷d̷ Ri̴s̶k̸s̴ Be̵c̶o̴m̶i̴n̷g̴ A̷d̸v̶e̴r̴s̷e̷ To̶ In̸t̸e̶r̵a̷c̴t̷i̷o̴n̷s̷ And An̷g̸r̷y̴, W̵h̴i̶c̷h̵ Ty̸p̷i̸c̸a̶l̴l̷y̶ Re̶s̵u̷l̶t̸s̴ In̷ Th̵e̷m̵ Hi̸d̸i̶n̵g̸ In̶ Ra̵n̷d̴o̸m̵ Lo̴c̷a̵t̷i̶o̸n̷s Th̶a̷t̴ Are No̴t̵ Su̴i̵t̴a̴b̸l̵e̶ Fo̶r̸ Ch̶i̶l̷d̵ Ne̷s̶t̸i̶n̶g̷."

[The Thin Man enters a kitchen area and opened up the oven. He reached in and tugged out Mono.]

[adaginy]

We have a robot vacuum named Herbert. Herbert has (had) a pair of googly eyes. Today the googly eyes fell off. This leaves behind two dark spots where dust/sun have not reached, and two circles of dried-up glue.

The effect is that of a robot vacuum skull/zombie bumping blindly around the kitchen. It is actually very unsettling and I can't watch.

We will pick up more googly eyes in town on Monday.