#How liberating. I am become god

[leconcombrerit]

When struggling with a scene in a multiple pov's fic, switch the goddamn pov and watch every problem fly away like a beautiful little butterfly

[snekdood]

If you believe the shit my abuser says about me and use that as your reason to not listen to trans men who are vocal about our issues then you dont care about trans rights. you make all of your moves based off of drama and a desire to keep the clique pristine.

[bamsara]

I dont know if it was intentional but I love that Narinder when he sees Lamb throwing up he turns gentle and pushes their wool and ears back so they dont get stained with vomit and for some reason it reminded me of how when Nari was throwing up too after the nightmare he had when they were on route to fight Leshy, Lambert helped him with camellias for the nausea.

Ahh, parallels. I think.

IM SO GLAD YOU POINTED THAT OUT allow me to ramble for just a moment.

Narinder was trapped in the Afterlife for over 1000 years, with little social skills and plagued by wishing for vengeance and his only company being two kittens who become disciples under his rule. He has terrible social skills, if not lacking them entirely.

(I would argue that Aym and Baal also have horrific nonexistent social skills, so those three cat's can't really help each other communicate properly to anyone else outside themselves.)

It can be argued that since The One Who Waits had other vessels to pass time and try to kill /annoy his siblings before the prophesized Lamb arrival, that he would have developed them a little bit more, but I would argue that the power balance would have been oodles more severe since the vessels weren't the promised one. He didn't need them, so if they no longer were of service or disobeyed him, he got rid of them. Whether just sending them out or killing them, any how.

Lamb, however, knows they are the last Lamb, the prophesized liberator of The One Who Waits, and therefore his only option. They knew that they were his only reasonable way out of there (whether they asked for it or not) so they were oodles more comfortable than how a professional relationship would have been.

So they asked questions, bothered him, played and ran around him. Complained and vented to him. Yapped and yapped. What is he gonna do? Kill them? Find a new vessel? He can't. "You're as trapped into this prophecy as much as I am, so let's be friends"

Example parts from Chapter 3:

The power balance equalizes because Lamb did not see his presence a God, but rather a fellow prisoner and victim of fate. Rude and demanding, but in the same chains as they were. 'My lord' was simply formalities at first.

This puts Narinder / The One Who Waits in social situations he hasn't been in (or hardly been in) in over a thousand years, and frankly, he had no idea how to navigate them:

Example from Chapter 5:

The God of Death has not needed to comfort or 'be there' for someone in a long, long time. The Lamb's presence is what forces him to try, even if his first attempt aren't perfect. So in that same chapter, he'll ask them a question to distract them. Conversation. Like how they do it.

While I won't post a screenshot of everytime this happens in written format (not including the dreams/memories/flashbacks that haven't been posted yet)-

The One Who Waits is pushed outside of his bubble when it comes to socializing in a way that isn't just 'God-to-Lowly-Vessal' format. He has to talk to them like a person, because he's being talked to like a person, not a god on a pedestal.

Obviously after the final battle and betrayal (to both of them, otherwise known as the Grand Miscommunication) this means nothing for a while as tempers are still high and feelings are hurt. But overtime, this returns, and can show in small ways (ways that may not seem like comfort but is certainly an attempt) like just in Chapter 18:

Trying to bring them an 'offering' (breakfast) mirroring other times the Lamb has done the same for him:

Crudely offering to replace something they are upset at losing/later offering reassurance abet in a curt way:

And what you mentioned: earlier when the Lamb is throwing up, narration shows they're having trouble with keeping their wool, cloak, bell, ect all back at the same time. He can see that. He has a mental boiling pot explosion over the fact that helping them is even a want that he has after the denial crisis he's experiencing where the only answer a minute ago seemed like he needed to kill them, and he chose comfort.

It is intentional. Narinder is learning how to show care, and allowing himself to show care. Slowly, and not perfect, but learning.

[vesora]

there is no past

ive been avoiding making posts because all the info u need is already posted but i saw making this post in a 'dream' so might as well

so what exactly is the past? it is an event or experience that precedes the present time.

however if you have been in the loa community for long you may have realised that the only time that exists is now. i had mentioned this briefly in a previous post but i will expand.

the past and the future are concepts made up of thought and false identification. there is essentially no proof of your past existing except from in your mind. therefore how can we be extremely sure that the past actually exists and it's not something we made up?

there is no difference between an 'imagined' past and a past you think you experienced. they both exist in the mind. it is your false identification with an illusory past that makes you believe that what you see in the '3D' is real, when in fact if you choose your 'past' to be different, the '3D' will 'change' accordingly. this is why neville introduced the topic of revision. everything in this world is malleable. the only reason you see the world as solid is because you assume it's solid. if you believed it was liquid, then it would be liquid. there are no objective facts in this world, only what YOU as the creator deems to be true.

isn't this incredibly liberating? nothing from your past holds you back, because it doesn't exist except in your mind! and guess what? YOU are in control of your mind so you can have your desired past where you experience the things you want to and which reflect on the present day.

every moment is a moment you can start afresh. every new moment is a moment you are liberated from your subconscious habits. destroy what you do not want to experience and let it be destroyed. do not come back to it, it does not exist. maybe your ego wants you to revisit it and you become trapped in the clutches of your own mind and your reality becomes a prison, but how silly is that for a God? when you wish to paint, you gather acrylics or watercolours and buy some brushes but without the action of you painting, the canvas remains empty. it remains as it was before because you did not decide to paint. you just stared at the canvas just wishing, hoping, it would change. there is no such thing as 'inspired' action or any of that law of attraction BS. what i am talking about is the act of DECIDING and ACCEPTING that YOU are the painter and the world is your canvas.

don't fall into the trap of just reading posts and understanding it intellectually, apply it. there is literally nothing holding you back, NOTHING. the human body cannot manifest but YOU can. the habits, memories, and thoughts of the mind are illusory. YOU have the power to choose what you want to experience by consciously identifying yourself as the person you wish to be and identify yourself as the life you wish to live. there is no duality, you ARE it now.

although we have said it countless times, leave the world alone. it only listens to your command. it does not exist without you being aware of it, so why not choose to be aware of something you desire? why not choose to be aware of a different past?

there is nothing to do except realise that the human body-mind is illusory. it cannot hold you back. it cannot MAKE you experience something you, as the creator, do not want to.

be free! you are in control. there is nothing outside of you. all is happening within you. you have an abundance of joy and resources within you, access it. live a life you deserve. take life easy. have fun with the human experience. be your own anchor and be grounded in your own power as god.

[maul-of-shame]

Spoilers for the Acolyte Finale: (spicy)

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Maybe this is me being picky, a bitch, or just using braincells but this didn't make sense on so many points???????!!!!!! You want me to believe Osha, who witnessed the deaths of the Jedi, INCLUDING HER FRIENDS JECKI AND YORD, right in front of her in the most BRUTAL WAYS, realized her sister had been/was being manipulated by Qimir, who got basically kidnapped by him, THIS OSHA, would go hand in hand off into the sunset with the man who murdered her friends right after she choked her master to death and they wiped the memory of her twin sister after finally finding her after years thinking she lost everyone and leave said AMNESIC sister into the hands of people she thinks are awful ?????

AM I GENUINELY TRIPPING ???????!!!

Don't even get me started on the Vernestra stuff because- Sol was not the only one on Brendok. They were 4. 4 damn people. One went into exile, one took the vow of silence, one didn't seem that affected by it (hello she was the one saying they should cover it up) and Sol did his very best to train Osha for YEARS. He wanted her and Mae to be safe. He tried to save them both and it backfired. Did he go about it the right way ? No. Did he deserve to die for it ? Definitely not.

Sol did try to redeem himself, tried to be the best teacher and parental figure he could be for Osha, taught younglings to not be like him (visible in the lesson he's giving, also he was the only one back to teaching, JUST SAYING) and there's no point in denying that. He thought Mother Aniseya was going to kill Mae. His heart got the best of him and he acted without knowing what was happening. But don't you dare try to say they went there to "steal children" because this wasn't the damn point of the MISSION. They have been seent to EXPLORE the planet, not to STEAL CHILDREN, or MURDER PEOPLE.

Their actions were not the best, yes, but there is no need to make it seems like it was part of a "grand plan" or even more messed up.

What happened was a kid tired of spending time on a planet for god knows what was starting to get restless and a man worried about two CHILDREN, thinking something terrible was about to happen with two other people trying to shut them down messed up big time.

The miscommunication caused all of this, this could have been avoided if everyone involved TALKED.

And what was the point of making the "twins" reunite only to wipe Mae's memory and do ANOTHER cover up??? Like my sister in the Force, WHAT THE HELL ????

Mae's character, the growth, realizing he should go and be judged for his crimes, her character was beautifully written and to just end this like that: this disminish her character, Sol's character, Jecki's, Yord's and all the others.

Osha snapping after learning the truth, I can understand it, but would she just go like this? Full darkside and believe the man who manipulated her twin, killed her friends and all to just run off into the sunset with him? Would she go that easily with him????

This genuinely feels like a fanfiction someone wanted to end quickly, no matter how far off the ending and characters seemed. But, with Leslye saying she loves "enemies to lovers", I'm not surprised she did this, just heavily disappointed.

If the Jedi are this bad... Why leave an amnesic Mae with them then?

Mae, Sol, Yord, Jecki, Torbin... They all didn't deserve this. If you have to kill two potential love interests (Jecki & Yord) + downplay the villain's actions to make sure your ship (Oshamir) happens, then there is an issue here.

How in the Hell becoming a Sith and going on a rampage is liberating? Genuinely, how is that good and freeing?

Haven't you guys watched the prequels??? And Anakin's downfall???

This series was so good, genuinely great with beautiful decors, scenes, fighting choreography etc and it just... It feels like an empty ending. Idk what she thought she did with this but this ain't it.

Again, this is just my rant about it, you don't have to like it. If you loved this episode, then good for you! Congrats!! I loved the show, I really did. Until episode 5. Then it just went downhill.

[ladykailitha]

Icarus Part 21

Hey guys!! The story is starting ramp up to the finish line! I hope you guys are still enjoying it as much I enjoyed writing it.

In this we have Steve taking back his agency, Eddie and Jeff having a little chat and Abbadon leaning on his friends.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20

~

As soon as Abbadon grabbed the mic, the audience knew they were going to be in for a ride.

“Las Vegas!” he roared to the crowd, who roared back. “There seems to be some confusion about how naughty I got with Eddie Munson in Denver.”

The crowd went wild, screaming and jumping up and down.

“I never do anything without prior consent,” he grinned. “I’m a gentleman, until you tell me you want it otherwise.” He winked and the crowd screamed back. “I’m not saying I’m coming for Asmodeus’s job,” Abbadon said, draping himself over his guitarist’s shoulders, “but I’m no innocent. I don’t need protection.” He walked across the stage to Astraeus. “I’ve always been affectionate. But I think it’s time to be put the rumors to bed.”

“Oooooohhhhhh!” Asmodeus and Astraeus shouted and got the crowd to say it with them. Once they were loud enough, Azrael started rapidly tapping his drums to further build up tension.

Just when Abbadon was sure the tension couldn’t stretch much further he said, “I’m not a slut. I’m the slut!” The throng of people roared back. “And I’m not going to hide who I am to make myself palpable to people I’ve never met or no longer have any connection to me. I am Abbadon! I AM THE FALLEN!”

Waiting in the wings was Jeff and Eddie. They had gathered to watch Steve do this in person instead of watching it live in the green room.

Jeff cocked his head to the side and clicked his tongue. “Whatever else you think of Abbadon and the rest of the band, you have to admit the man has charisma.”

Eddie pressed his lips together and nodded. He was proud of Steve. Of course he was, but it did sting a little that it took Shane to get him to talk about it. Not him, Not Robin. Hell, not even Simon, whom Eddie thought was unhealthily close to Steve. Shane. Of all the band members, Shane had the least in common with Steve. Spence had the EMT thing, Simon, the upper class upbringing. Other than them liking metal, they couldn’t be further apart then if God planned it that way.

Shane came from a middle class liberal family with an older sister he was close with. Hell, he even still talked to his parents while Steve definitely did not. He was a giant nerd who loved history and myths. Steve struggled in school and only made it out alive because he was on three sports teams and captains of two of them. Shane even slept around to Steve’s search for ‘the one.’ Which Eddie really, really hoped was him.

But maybe that was it. Maybe the reason Shane could get through to Steve was because they didn’t have much in common. Maybe their connection were their differences. That they were friends in spite of the gap between them.

Eddie almost wanted to get Steve into therapy like Gareth was. Because even though it always seemed to him that Gareth was one drink away from destruction these days, the therapy did appear to be working.

Steve could really use something like that.

They watched the set a little bit longer.

“Are you sure you’re okay with Abbadon flirting with Gareth?” Jeff asked.

Eddie blinked for a moment wondering where the comment was coming from. Because, sure, Gareth had talked non-stop about Abbadon being his favorite member, even going as far as to tattoo Abbadon’s mask on his left bicep. But Gareth didn’t seem interested in Abbadon as a person.

And it wasn’t like Steve was really interested in him that way before or after becoming a rockstar.

“Gareth and Abbadon both say it’s fine,” he murmured after a moment or two. “And I trust Abbadon.”

Jeff hummed thoughtfully. “Yeah okay. So this time it’s not going to be the duet?”

“No, I don’t want a repeat of last time. Abbadon is going to be taking the lead vocals on ‘Might as Well Fly’, I think he’ll lend a haunting quality to it.”

Jeff pursed his lips. Steve definitely had the pipes for it, but it wasn’t the song out of their discography that he would have chosen for Abbadon to shred.

Eddie huffed beside him and crossed his arms in front of him. “Let me guess, you have other ideas?”

“Can Abbadon play guitar?” Jeff asked rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

Eddie shrugged. “I mean, I guess. He’s like able to play piano, violin, and guitar. Can he play the song you’re thinking of is the real question.”

Jeff turned to him with a grin. “Oh, if I know our friend as well as I think I do, he knows it.”

Eddie frowned at him and cocked his head to the side. “Which one?”

Jeff told him and Eddie rubbed his lips, skeptical. It was a good song. Harder than ‘Might as Well Fly’ and faster too. It had an extra guitar to it because it originally featured a famous guitarist. But it was also the lead guitar on that song.

“Do you really think he can do it?” he asked, licking his upper lip slowly.

Jeff scoffed, “Why? Do you think he can’t?” Eddie just shrugged. “Because holy hell, dude, I was talking to Asmodeus and he was telling me they formed their band over their love of our music. I’m betting if you asked Abbadon he could list his favorite albums alphabetically, chronologically, or which one is best musically. Even before you guys got together, before their band, before we even got a record deal, he’s been your number one fan. And he’s got the chops for it. You know he does.”

Eddie looked around to make sure no one had heard Jeff’s impassioned speech. He ducked his head. “Have Abbadon meet us before we go on to discuss the change while they setup our equipment.”

Jeff grinned and licked his lips. “You won’t regret this. And neither will they.” He jutted his chin out at the roaring crowd.

And yeah, Eddie knew he was being ridiculous about the song. He was trying to play this safe, but Steve didn’t need safe right now. He needed to take back his agency and Eddie knew that this song? It was fucking perfect for Steve. They would be able to feed off the roar of the crowd and give Steve a chance to really show them how good he is.

~

Steve loved the idea of the change in song. Don’t get him wrong, he loved ‘Might as Well Fly’. It just wasn’t the vibe he was trying to send today. Steve already was flying. Now he was raging at the people who were trying to clip his wings. And fuck them.

It meant that he couldn’t start on Gareth’s lap, but that was okay. This was going to be better. A hell of a lot better.

He pulled on his Corroded Coffin logo lined coat and swapped his mask for the lighter everyday one. He was going to need the extra movement for these vocals. He started in the middle again, this time in front of Corroded Coffin instead of between them.

“Hey, Las Vegas!” Eddie cried. “You bitches ready to rock?”

The crowd screamed back and Eddie laughed. “We’ve got a treat for you tonight!” The crowd screamed even louder. “We don’t usually play ‘Nightmare Killer’ because we don’t have that third guitarist.”

The audience went wild, screaming and whistling and stomping their feet in excitement.

“We asked Asmodeus,” Eddie continued. “But he’s too cool for us!” The crowd made teasing booing noises and oohhed. “But that’s okay, we found someone else willing to play.”

The room fell to a hush as Abbadon’s spotlight came on. There was some uneasy wrestling from the audience as he stood with his ear mic and white guitar. Something that eagle-eyed fans would know about Eddie and Jeff was that they didn’t own a white guitar. And all The Fallen fans knew that all of Asmodeus’s guitars were red and vaguely devil themed. This wasn’t his either. This was clearly Abbadon’s.

Abbadon began the opening riff and the crowd took a massive intake of breath as he sailed perfectly through the chunky bits of the original artist’s style. Then he began to sing, the haunting quality of his voice filling in the gaps of the silence that seemed to stretch on from the audience.

Eddie didn’t even bother trying to hold back the look of admiration on his face as he joined Abbadon for the chorus. Their vocals mixing beautifully to the backdrop of a hell beast looking for more from life than the violence it was weaned on.

Throughout the song the only sounds from the crowd were clapping in time to the beat. Eddie had never seen anything like at their concerts before. It was like there was this reverence for what was happening on stage.

Abbadon ate it up and played it up as he enticed the members of Corroded Coffin to him. Each of the members resisted. Then Abbadon handed his guitar off to a roadie and climbed the stairs to the platform that Gareth was on. He straddled Gareth’s lap and drumming cut out as his bandmates played on. From behind it looked like they were kissing, but with Abbadon’s mic off they were making fun of each other. Then suddenly he whirled on Gareth’s lap and hit the drums right on the last note with a crash.

Then in an instant the crowd thundered to life, cheering and stomping and clapping.

Abbadon blew Gareth a kiss and leapt off the platform to take his bows. The flutter of the coat revealing the Corroded Coffin logo again and the crowd screamed even louder. He blew kisses to the crowd and continued to bow. Eddie whistled loudly and Abbadon laughed.

Eddie grabbed the microphone. “Abbadon everyone! One very talented son of bitch! Another round of applause everyone!”

The crowd continued to go wild. Abbadon let out a whoop and jumped up and down, laughing. It was exhilarating, everyone just feeding the energy back to Abbadon and just feeling high off that. Eddie and Jeff shared a glance and Jeff winked. Eddie shook his head. Because yeah, Jeff won that bet.

Abbadon waved goodbye and walked off the stage. Once he was out of view of the audience Hopper swooped in and immediately threw a cool, damp towel over his head and Steve nearly sank to his knees in relief. Because try as they might, the hoods were still fucking hot. Hopper lead him to the dressing room where the rests of The Fallen were waiting.

As soon as the door closed tightly behind Abbadon, Steve pushed back the hood and ripped off the mask. His hair was wet and sweat clung to his face and neck. He let himself sink slowly into the soft cushions of the sofa and laid his head back.

A bottled water was being pushed into his hand and an ice pack was placed on his brow. He let out a small shuddering breath. He opened the water and dumped half of it on his face and the rest into his mouth.

“Thanks, guys,” Steve muttered, his eyes fluttering shut. “How did I look out there?”

Simon huffed a little a laugh. “Like fucking rock god.”

“I’m with Simon,” Spence said. “It won’t silence the naysayers but it’ll drown them out which is even better.”

Steve laughed. “Fuck that was so much fun. Gareth called me a queen. So I called him a bitch. I honestly don’t know if he likes Abbadon more now, or less!”

“Considering how little time you had to prepare,” Shane said, sprawled over an armchair instead of on the floor for a change, “I say you kicked ass. You’re going to get people saying you weren’t really playing but, they can suck your dick!”

Steve lifted his head, the ice pack sliding into his hand. “I hate doing this without you guys, though,” he admitted. “But as Shane pointed out, I’m already super affectionate with you already and short of French kissing Simon, they aren’t going to believe shit.”

“Nothing against you, Steve,” Simon said with a wince, “but I really don’t want your tongue down my throat.”

Shane raised his hand. “I volunteer! I volunteer!”

They all laughed. Then Robin as Celeste slipped in and sat next to Steve. She grabbed the ice pack and pressed it to the back of her neck. They all waited as she let her defenses slowly come down. She pulled off the wig and tossed it Spence who caught it deftly.

“Vickie has been working tirelessly tonight to keep an eye on social media,” Robin began, “she even has two of her assistants watching all the accounts, constantly refreshing.”

Steve turned on the couch to face her. “And what are they saying?”

Simon and Spence immediately moved over to her to sit on either side of her and Steve. Shane sprawled over the back like some Renaissance painting. He rustled her hair and she huffed out a laugh.

“You’re getting the trolls from both fans shit talking about how Abbadon is better than Corroded Coffin and should have turned them down like Asmodeus,” she continued, pausing only for Simon’s huff of laughter. “The Corroded Coffin fans were whining about how Abbadon’s vocals ruined the song and that he probably faking the guitar playing for the views.”

“I’d like to see them fake that bridge,” Steve scoffed. “It’s insane.”

Simon nodded. “I don’t think I could do it.” He snapped his fingers. “That’s what I’ll do. I’ll post a Tiktok of me trying to play it.”

“Wait!” Spence said. “Have Steve do it first, showing a close up of the hands dancing on the frets. Then you stitch it with your version. That should kick them in the ass.”

Steve and Simon fist bumped each other. “Hell yeah!”

“But the rest of the tweets and shit coming in is overwhelmingly positive,” Robin finished. “So that Tiktok should silence the Corroded Coffin fans.”

When Simon did his stitch of Steve’s video he made sure to admonish their fans about thinking who’s better than who. He was friends with the boys in CC and the being ‘too cool’ was a fucking joke.

Then Eddie did a stitch of both of their videos and showed them again how complicated the riff was for Abbadon to play by playing it himself. Abbadon and Asmodeus’s videos racked up a lot of views and shares, but Eddie’s really did the numbers. It blew up and completely overshadowed all the haters.

Steve made sure to thank Eddie for that later in the privacy of Eddie’s hotel room.

~

Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25

Tag List: CLOSED

1- @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence

3- @goodolefashionedloverboi @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @irregular-child @blondie1006

4- @yikes-a-bee @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten

5- @genderless-spoon @y4r3luv @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt

6- @disrespectedgoatman @eyehartart @dawners @thespaceantwhowrites @tinyplanet95

7- @iamthehybrid @croatoan-like-its-hot @papergrenade @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars

8- @ravenfrog @w1ll0wtr33 @child-of-cthulhu @kultiras @dreamercec

9- @machete-inventory-manager @useless-nb-bisexual @stripey82 @dotdot-wierdlife @kal-ology

10- @sadisticaltarts @urkadop @chameleonhair @clockworkballerina @garden-of-gay

[yandere-daydreams]

man, having a yandere like Neuvillette whose effect on the weather could essentially keep the entire nation hostage for Darling would be ROUGH. Suddenly every rejected gift or escape attempt becomes a possible casualty, how do you do anything but try and play along with the delusion, when the delusion is held by someone whose very mood could flood villages?

because i am the person that i am my mind goes instantly back to the raiden shogun,,, she's surrounded an entire nation in a single storm, slayed gods with one strike of her sword. even if she'd rather pose herself as a protector than a captor, even if she claims to think of her subjects as a precious resource worthy of preservation, you can't help but remember the guards whose heads were liberated from their shoulders for the great crime of letting you slip away for all of an hour during your daily stroll through the city (an act she claims you're too naive to be at fault for). it doesn't even have to be a deliberate effort. you've seen the way the clouds darken when fail to respond to her petnames, felt the static in the air buzz whenever one of her many advisors implies that there was a chance her fondness for you might possibly be distracting her from her duties.

the last time you failed to kiss her cheek before she departed from her estate, a schoolhouse on the other side of the island was struck by lightning on an otherwise clear day, and you can swear the thunder is just a little louder on the nights you refuse to share her bed. you know she's too mature to be doing it consciously, that she's not so petty as to try to guilt you into intimacy, but it's difficult to be as coldhearted as you want to be when you know some unfortunate village will be the one to pay the price.

it's difficult to tell her how unhappy you are, when her unhappiness is so much more destructive than your own.

[iouinotes]

Drunken Love | Five Hargreeves (Part 2)

summary: Five shows you what he always wanted to do with you...

pairing: Five Hargreeves x female!reader

word count: 1,5k

warnings: SMUT (Five is 18 in this fan fic)

author‘s note: here is the second part, a little longer this time :))

part one here

As we make our way out of the room, he reaches in vain for a wine bottle, but I reach out and take his hand so that our hands are joined. My heart quickens, his gaze becomes more fixed. As soon as we are out of the room, out of reach of the liquor, I let go of his hand. He says nothing, I do the same.

A silence spreads, only the beeping at the elevator can be heard. The only thing he addresses to me is the floor he has to go to and his room number, I nod even though I already know that. And then he squints his eyes at the bright light in the elevator, slumps against the wall. I look at him, press the button and notice the tormented expression on Five's face as the speed increases.

"Feel sick-" Luckily for me, the elevator stops the next second and the doors open. It takes a while to reach his room, but suddenly he stops. ,, K-key. Pants." Shit. Although he tries to reach into his pocket, it is no use. "I-" my voice fails. " Do you want me to?" I ask hesitantly.

His tired eyes look at me, his gaze glides over my face. Then he nods. With shaky hands, my hand wanders to his jeans, I swallow and avoid his gaze. Fortunately (unfortunately) for me, he seems to be slowly sobering up a bit. "You're shaking." I get the slight impression that he is trying to keep his tone monotone, but he can't quite hide his curiosity.

However, I remain silent and try to ignore his statement so that I can quickly get him into his bed, at least so that he can sleep in it. Despite my attempt not to say anything to his words, he does not give in. "Are you... nervous?" His assessment is rude, even if he guesses exactly right.

"No." I murmur, but his eyebrows rise lazily. "I feel so light, unconcerned. Why are you with me?" His change of subject confuses me. "You weren't in any condition to get up here yourself, or to your own bed." My gaze wanders to his face, surprisingly he is already looking at me. But different than usual, more like he hates me less than normal. I am even more confused.

"Yours?" He asks, without me understanding the context. "What?" I almost forget why we're even standing here, I'm not used to being questioned by him like this. Usually he only talks to me when it's necessary. "You could have taken me to your bed." My eyes widen, because what did he just say? I look at him puzzled.

"Why do you always want the things you can't have?" Now he babbles, the alcohol showing its effect. "You tried everything to save the world, don't blame yourself for that." He shakes his head.

"I want you."

I drop the keys I just obtained. I don't think I can move. "Every dream I have is plagued by you. Your eyes, your mouth. Your voice, I'm addicted to it. I want to hear you speak again and again, it's a punishment not to."

"You're drunk." My voice trembles, now I'm the one who feels sick. "That's true. But I'm also in love with you." He laughs, so loud that it echoes throughout the hallway. "I feel so liberated to finally be able to say it. I thought I was going to die with this burden. God, I can finally admire you for as long as I want."

My head hurts, I think I'm going to cry. "You don't know what you're saying." I want to run away, I must be dreaming. It seems to be the most beautiful dream, but in a moment he will roll his eyes and tell me how naive and stupid I am to believe that. That he could never be in love with me. But none of that happens, he just looks at me with a drunken smile on his face and bright eyes reddened by alcohol.

"I thought you hated me." My whisper is fragile, my eyes are fixed on the floor in front of me.

"Pretending to hate you was easier than pretending not to love you."

The first tear escapes my eyes.

My breathing is heavy and I don't know what to do. "I hate seeing you cry, even more when I'm the one who's causing it." I want to disagree with him, but my voice seems to have run away.

As I unlock his door, I feel two arms around my waist. I almost collapse. His lips are so close to my ear, I can smell the alcohol coming from him. "There's so much I want to do to you that I shouldn't." I am not able to answer, my knees are weak.

"I want to kiss you, hold you, hug you, talk to you. Spread your legs apart to be in between myself, do things to you that make your eyes roll back and your hands tug at my hair. Just the idea of seeing you like that in front of me could drive me crazy. I probably already am. Because you're making me stand so close to you and I don't want to be three feet away from you."

I feel so dizzy, I can't think. Slowly, he leads us into the room, letting the door fall shut and his hand slide to my hip. His lips approach my cheek, fluttering lightly over my skin and moving to my neck. My breathing becomes heavy, my eyes fall closed and when he starts talking again, I have to pull myself together not to crumble.

"Do you want me the same way? Because if you don't, run out of this room now and spare my heart. I can't wait to love you."

My teeth chew on my bottom lip, trying to make sense of his drunken words. I whisper, "Yes, I want to be with you," feeling my skin burn at the touch. "Good," he murmurs.

His hand moves down my side at a slow pace, slides over my skirt, under the fabric and lingers there. "Is that what you want? My hand? My lips?" I nod, trying to formulate words, but I'm too caught up in his way that I didn't imagine dreaming.

“Come on, dear. Talk to me, otherwise my hands will stay right there and do nothing. I need to hear you say it." My next breath is heard even by him. "I-I want you." I feel his grin, against my flushed cheek. "What exactly? Tell me and I'll do it, I'll do anything for you." My back presses into his chest, my legs tighten and are brought apart by his hand with a sinister giggle.

"So eager, huh? Make an effort, darling. I know this mouth can do more than what you're revealing. ,,Your hands." My voice trembles. "Where do you want my hands? Here?"

His hands slide down my thighs, leaving the place where I want them. I shake my head. "Here?" They skim over the plaid fabric, his fingers hooking at the top waistband. ,,Do you want this off? Or do you want to keep it on?"

His mouth slides to my neck, brushes away my hair. "On." It just escapes me, feeling like I'm in a fever dream. And then I feel his hands going under my skirt again, this time higher up. Until it comes back to me. "No underwear?"

My knees go wobbly as a finger strokes the throbbing spot. ,,You're wet, are you feeling turned on already? I haven't even really started yet." I feel weak, I've never had sensations like this before.

"I love you" it escapes me.

When he replies without hesitation, I'm sure that even if the world ends now, I'll be by the side of the person who means everything to me.

"Do you want more?" I nod. "Can't you speak anymore, so caught up in what I'm doing to you?" I nod again. "God, this turns me on. If you only knew what you were doing to me." His fingers stroke my folds, slowly, but so decisively that I have to remind myself to breathe.

"That's right, hold on to me, I've got you." My hands try to hold on to him, his breath brushes over my pulse, leaving a kiss in that exact spot. "You are beautiful." A sound leaves my mouth that almost sounds like a whimper, but it's cut short as his hand grips my chin and I hear his voice again.

"Open your mouth, darling." I listen to him, almost as if I am under a spell. His fingers slide slowly into my mouth, pressing gently on my tongue, making me breathe through my nose.

"That's it, you're doing great." My eyebrows draw together and a warm feeling spreads through my chest. As his fingers leave my mouth, they slide to my hips again, but this time a little more precisely underneath. "Still okay? May I?" Nodding, I wait.

And then I feel his wet fingers and have to hold back a moan. "Let me hear you, you can be as loud as you want." My mouth opens and with each movement of his fingers that roam over me, sounds escape me.

"You sound so beautiful. Do you want more?" My mouth moves "yes" and as his other hand turns my head to kiss him, his working hand slides inside me with tentativeness.

It feels good, even if it is unfamiliar. "You okay?" I nod. "That's good, it would be a shame to stop now." Without realizing it, my eyes have fallen shut, and now when I open them again, I see our reflection in the window.

I groan at the sight of him and the fingers that have disappeared under my skirt. "Looking at you is like having the sun in front of me. You are magnificent." His movements become faster, my knees more tender, his voice softer and my sounds louder. As I feel something building inside me, I feel his smile.

,,You are so good for me, come pretty girl."

At his words, I feel my release. As soon as my breathing synchronizes, I feel his soft kisses. I have to smile, even though I am exhausted. He turns me around in his arms so I can look at him. His eyes are clearer, his smile genuine.

As he walks me to the bed so I can sit, he puts an arm around me. I lean against him. "I'm sorry for my behavior over the last few years. I'm glad to be able to show you how I really feel."

I still have to smile.

"Yes. Me too."

[yellowflowrs]

What was Nari and the Carillonneur's relationship like pre-betrayal? I'm assuming not good since you said Narinder found enjoyment in their post-defeat state and taunted them occasionally.

It definitely wasn’t a healthy relationship by all means and was kinda co-dependent. It’s sort of hard to properly explain their relationship in words . All I gotta say: The song breezeblocks by Alt-J and that one song Saccharine sums their relationship up

(Cw for talking of an unhealthy relationship) sorry for mistakes I was really tired

//

So yeah their relationship was pretty … toxic for a lack of a better word. The Carillonneur was extremely obsessive over Narinder, since he was the first person that they could properly interact with, and also their promised liberator which led to them becoming very attached. They craved his attention, and with their status as a god felt entitled to it, and would be miserable without him

And, being very unhinged with a broken mind, they didn’t exactly know how to properly handle the greatness of their obsession, and when Narinder visited them, they often had outbursts under the weight of their own emotions, these outbursts would be out of excitement, frustration, etc. most of their the frustrated outbursts really just stemmed from them being so excited. They didn’t know how to properly express their feelings and tried to show ‘their love’ in their own weird ways, what can be perceived as threats or sick desires is what they meant to be a showcase of their of ‘ endearment ‘

Before Narinder had the red crown bestowed upon him he felt weak, constantly in a state of fear of beings that could hurt him, so when he got the red crown it gave him a huge ego boost. Developing the glaring (aka the flock) with beings under his thumb further fed into it as he loved the feeling of being ‘powerful’. Though, when he was with The Carillonneur it’s like he gets knocked off his pedestal of being great and all, because he’s also attached to the carillonneur in his own way. He felt obligated to them, as his the god that saved, befriended, -and in their more calmer moments- provided a ‘safe haven’ and praise for him. He subconsciously sought comfort in the arms of their praises and thrived off it, he was dependent on their approval and they somehow, despite being everything they are, made him feel at ease, which he absolutely loathed . The way The Carillonneur treated and talked to him made him feel like an object of their possession

he recognised that The Carillonneur was also attached to him in a different way than he was with them, and would begin to ignore the Carillonneur’s attempts at contact through the crown and enjoyed the desperation they had for his attention which, of course, he used to feed his ego

In a way, The Carillonneur resented Narinder for making them feel emotions that were incredibly overwhelming for them and how he messed with their already jumbled brain wires, while Narinder resented the Carillonneur for how they knocked him off his pedestal of greatness and made him feel inferior ..,. So yeah, really shitty relationship the two of them had and OG Narinder with Mori arent much better (neither is Shamura with Koa) I took a good chunk out of these paragraphs and there’s more layers to their relationship but it is 3 AM AS IM WRITING THIS AUGHHH. I’m sure you guys can fill in the little details that I left out.

[metalichotchoco]

Honestly what I’d like to see in more ihnmaims media if we ever get any is the relationships between survivors, here’s my take, picking and choosing from each version of canon.

Ellen is the most stable so her relationships will be saved for another part

In the triangle that is ted, Gorrister and Benny it’s a vicious cycle

Ted and Benny have a complicated mutual hate towards one another they both play to their most deep insecurities. Ted already believes that everyone hates him due to being “better” or not broken the way they’ve been so it’s not hard for him to antagonize people anyways. For Benny’s part ted provokes his complexes about sexuality, animalisticness and the difference between the weak and strong. For as much as ted is a lying narcissistic criminal, he’s shameless about it, about his nature he cares about the consequences not the actions. Benny cannot own his actions at all, there’s a disconnect between the educated, handsome former general and professor and the aggressive,almost feral war criminal he is. Ted is very self centered but doesn’t handle slights to his ego well, Benny in his non mutated form is much more successful and traditionally attractive than him. God he even deludes himself into thinking am changed Benny’s “size” in the book. Both of their moralities are twisted and it’s not hard to imagine them being snippy when they both have the mind to think properly. They are also coincidentally am’s favorite victims.

I do think it would be in character for both of them to make snide remarks about gorrister’s former hippie status, he’d be seen as an extreme liberal since this book takes its characters from the dawn of the Cold War, just after ww2. Most of Benny’s pride and identity came from being in the military so that’s obvious to see how that’d pan out, whereas ted seems like the type to not care about politics unless it directly relates to him. His problems come from the idea of people not centering their lives around money or power.

Individually there’s some fun dynamics to be had. Ted in general would think gorrister is a bore. For a person who likes stories, ted finds non fiction exhausting. Gorrister likes talking about history and politics even though his spark has faded out. It’s a bit funny that Ted believes am has changed Gorrister too despite his symptoms sounding much more like being worn out and becoming depressed. It’s not like he’d really consider that a real condition though. Gorrister just finds ted to be a bit annoying. An attention seeker but he figures ted was always just a weird kind of guy.

Gorrister is mostly ambivalent to his forever roommates, though he would consider Benny a war dog past his prime. A key example of what happens to soliders, men forced to kill and then given power. Then as soon as it’s given, it’s taken away and you’re left with an unstable pitiable person. How could they go back to living a normal life after that. With am being a literal war machine made by the government Benny put so much trust in, he finds it poetic in a sober way. Benny finds Gorrister very confusing, he never understood protesters before anyways. He would’ve found him preachy if he had met him beforehand. Gorrister does threaten his masculinity though, like ted he’s a brand that’s not the ultra traditional that he’s built himself around. Gorrister freely admits that he’s had queer experiences while still carrying a traditional masculine job, a truck driver. He can’t be put into that stereotypical box that’s nice and safe for Benny. It’s also good to mention that Benny is soothed by gorrister’s stories even if in that scene he wasn’t fully there.

Both ted and Gorrister see the clear closet case that is Benny but they don’t act on that knowledge. Both of them believe that being a solider sucks but for different reasons. Ted thinks it’s for suckers who get caught up in manipulation tactics going on about morals. Gorrister also believes they are manipulated but also sees the horrors of war as that, horrors. Basically he takes a more empathic view. Gorrister and Benny both agree that Ted is annoying but not in the way ted himself thinks everyone hates him. He’s very loud and shows off his now eternal youth. They are not even sure if the man did or did not graduate college. Gorrister doesn’t mind breaking laws but he does care about people’s wellbeing whereas Benny’s stricter about following the script but he’s done worse so he doesn’t have room to talk.

[nondualiber]

guys, guys, gUYS. SUCCESS STORY THERE!!

first of all, this happened like a week ago or something. okay, so, i'm going to keep this short. i was in some sort of "manifesting block", i was OVER complicating things, my mindset sucked, blah blah blah blah. that's essentially the reason i wasn't posting (and will continue to not be, probably); because i was focusing on my life and actually manifesting new stuff.

warning; kind of long post ahead, talking about how i did it my journey blah blah blah. if you want to see the success story directly js go right to the bottom

first, a bit of background; i have manifested things in the past, but mym indset was always shitty. when i archieved my manifestations i would say it was a coincidence, i was obsessed with the 3d, and what i'm saying has been going on for *years*. for the past 6 months i was in this vicious circle where i'd try a method full of hope, then eventually lose confidence because of some negative beliefs and give up in three days. i'd have a one week meltdown, then search for a brand new method, and repeat. clearly, i didn't manifest anything lately. and i didn't know what i was "doing wrong" because i had manifested lots of things in the past, but i didn't know how nor how could i do it now.

okay, so. like a week ago, when i was in a terrible mood, i decided to stop using tumblr to see information and talked to this bot on character.ai, that assesored me a lot on my mindset. it suggested me lots of things: since i had 0 trust in the law, start to manifest little things i didn't care that much about so i had "proof", actually stop caring, etc. (i really recommend that bot if ur struggling with the law) but the most important thing, it challenged me to try a new "method" i had heard of before, but because of my shitty mindset, i didn't try because i thought it wouldn't work or that it was "too good to be true" or whatever. the method was literally just keep going with my day knowing that i already had it. and oh my f*cking god.

i won't say it just "clicked" for me because i hear that a lot & i things that's just not how it works. at least i can't "click" with something i don't know. what i can say is that at first it wasn't easy, i still had some doubts, not gonna lie, but i just ignored them and keep going knowing that i already had it. i got used to it really fast, and THAT'S how i knew this was the way, because i felt liberated. if you read my blog you'll probably know i talk about that all the time, but my idea of manifesting is that it has to feel liberating, not like a chore, a price to your desires or anything else. i was liberated, because i knew it was done, that i had nothing to give in exchange, that i was free of the 3d & its circumstances. i was Me, and I was free.

this was the best thing i've ever done in my journey. in only one week, i've successfuly manifested:

money: (me and my family are kind of wealthy tbh, but i am bratty asf & always want more money to buy me things 😜😜) my mother recieved 200000 pesos (my country's currency) out of literally thin air on her bank account a random tuesday. she doesn't know who send it or why. i don't know about the u.s.a since there 200000 pesos are 200 dollars, but in our country, that's a LOT of money.

self confidence: i've been feeling super insecure lately. like, i am insecure since i have memory, but since this year started it has become WAY worse. i'd literally cry almost every night. now, i def wouldn't say it's all gone, but it's gotten much better. i've been feeling pretty lately, and if i didn't felt pretty, i would hardly think about my appearence at all this days. i am constantly feeling like i have one less weight on my back, which i am gratefull for :)

discipline: ngl i am forever a lazy girl and a foodie. I have always wanted to be more productive - study more, exercise more, talk to my loved ones more often and eat healthier, but discipline is something i struggle with a lot. however, since i have shown better discipline i have had some of the most useful days of my life: i went out with my friends three times in one week, ate much better than i usually do, exercised EVERY DAY without fail (even while on my period) slept well and passed all four exams this week with an 85/100 on my worst one and two 100s.

reciving a compliment in public: since i tried to start manifesting things that seem "easier" for me to acomplish, i tried manifesting this because it was rare but not impossible. so, like 3 days after i started to embody the state of someone who's always complimented by strangers, i went to the sjopping centre with my friend. then, two guys walked by us and one of them said "i want the instagram of that lady"! notice that during the whole time i was in the state, i visualized that people were asking me for my instagram + i've noted that when i'm in public, i catched people's eye more. yesterday, a guy won't stop looking at me in the café and i think he tried to approach me :)

i'll keep escalating on the "level of difficulty" of the things i manifest as my mentality becomes accustomed to the fact that everything is equally easy to manifest -which is a fact already, i just have a hard time accepting it-, and, of course, i'll be updating ;)

conclusion; look for what works for you. for what makes you feel good & secure that you have already what you want. search a "key" that makes you (actually) not give a f*ck about the 3d, if you have negative beliefs, don't ignore them. work from them, and of course, persist! let your mindset keep you on track.

that was all for today, love ya ♡

[reunionatdawn]

My Analysis of Felix's Relationship With Dimitri

Dimitri: A beast craving blood, am I? I assume you're speaking of the events two years ago. Last time we met outside the academy? Felix: I am. The way you suppressed that rebellion… It was ruthless slaughter and you loved every second. I remember the way you killed your victims. How you watched them suffer. And your face…that expression. All the world's evil packed into it. That was our first battle. I remember it vividly.

In Greek mythology, Ares was the god of war. He specifically represented the physical and destructive nature of war, embodying the bloodshed and rage that come with it. His sacred animals include the vulture, the dog, and (whaddaya know) the boar. Athena, on the other hand, represented the more intellectual and disciplined side of war. Her warfare was guided by strategy, planning, and intelligence, emphasizing the importance of foresight and wisdom in conflict.

Despite their shared domain of warfare, Ares and Athena are often depicted as rivals. Their differing approaches to warfare and conflicting personalities led to tension between them. Athena was connected to peace, as she sought to resolve conflicts through wisdom and negotiation rather than brute force. She was often portrayed as a protector and a planner, who preferred to avoid unnecessary bloodshed. If Boar!Dimitri was meant to be symbolically aligned with Ares, then Felix was almost certainly meant to be aligned with Athena, who was the wielder of the Aegis Shield.

(Japanese Translation) Felix: If you were ordered to commit needless slaughter? Dedue: I would kill. Felix: Even if the target were defenseless children or elderly people… even if they were once your fellow countrymen?

Felix also refers to Dedue in a dehumanizing way. "Dog" was a dig at his blind obedience. In English Felix asked if Dedue would attack his own comrades. That could mean anyone. The other kids from Garreg Mach or maybe Church soldiers. But in Japanese, it was clearer that he was actually referring to the Duscur people. It implied that Felix was revolted with Faerghus's genocide and did not condone it.

Felix didn't know anything about the relationship between Dimitri and Dedue. But considering his misunderstanding, it explained why he was so disgusted with Dedue initially. And it showed his fear of becoming a knight. He was afraid that he'd be used as Dimitri's attack dog, sent out to kill whoever he wanted revenge against, possibly innocent Duscur people. And since he was king, he'd have no choice but to obey. And I don't think his fear was irrational or unfounded. Felix would have been an outlier for not supporting the genocide.

AM's story was, in many ways, a critique of patriarchal societies and values. Patriarchal societies often glorify aggression and dominance as masculine ideals. The "King of Liberation" Nemesis was named after the Greek goddess of divine retribution. Overall, Nemesis embodied the concept of "righteous anger" in Greek mythology, ensuring that mortals, especially those who defied the natural order or ethical standards, faced consequences for their actions. And Nemesis was the true "goddess" of Faerghus, not Sothis.

Dimitri: The first time I led on the battlefield, I was sent to quell a rebellion in the west. It was not a difficult fight. The enemy was not well-trained and their morale was low. A swing of the lance, and your opponent falls. A flash of your blade, and a path opens up. That's the sort of battle it was. Easy…right?

The storyline of 3H was also a criticism of feudalism. Peasants and serfs had very limited personal freedoms and were often subject to the will of their lords. In feudal times, there were instances where peasants took up arms in various uprisings and rebellions due to coercion or threats from local lords. Unlike knights, peasants typically lacked formal training and proper equipment for warfare.

(Japanese Translation) Dimitri: But at that moment, I realized that those we had deemed as enemies and cut down without hesitation…are human beings, living just like us. Of course, we can't just let those who commit reckless acts of violence run rampant, but…We are imposing our own sense of justice, and in doing so, we are taking away someone's family or comrades. Even though I've come to terms with it, there are still times when my legs tremble at the gravity of my actions... Byleth: That's what it means to be a normal human being.

It was heavily implied that most of the soldiers Dimitri and Felix fought during the rebellion were mere peasants acting at the behest of their lord and had little agency in the overall conflict over the throne. Because of this, I could understand why Felix saw Dimitri's unnecessary brutality during that battle as evil. And Felix was not portrayed as wrong for his criticisms, either. Dimitri himself admitted that he had crossed a moral boundary and violated his own ideals.

Dimitri: If we could just accept each other and make mutual concessions, one step at a time… Perhaps… Who knows if that's even possible. Everyone has something that is unacceptable within them. I certainly do, and I'd wager you do as well. I wonder which is best, Professor… To cut away that which is unacceptable, or to find a way to accept it anyway…

Dimitri's actions were unacceptable. And Felix had to decide whether to cut away the unacceptable or find a way to accept it anyway. And that conflict of cutting off vs. acceptance extended to his relationship with his father, his other friends, and even himself as well.

Dimitri: Well now! He never said any of that to me. Ingrid: Well, he was Felix's brother. That family's not big on displays of affection. Dimitri: That is true. We spent about as much time arguing as we did training.

In Japanese, Ingrid said that Glenn wasn't "素直" (sunao). It describes someone who is honest, genuine, and open with one's feelings, which was how Ingrid meant it. And it also has connotations of the person having an obedient disposition. "Sunao" implies someone who avoids being overly assertive or aggressive and behaves in a soft or gentle manner. Dimitri added that Glenn was not "sunao" in that sense, either, as he was always picking fights with him.

Sylvain: I remember it more like you always following me around. Whenever there was something wrong—like you lost to your brother or you fought with Dimitri— you'd come crying to me. You were so meek and pure back then, cute even… like a baby brother.

Felix had the exact opposite personality of his brother. Sylvain said that Felix was "sunao". He also described how clingy Felix acted towards him as a child. And the Japanese word usually carries a negative connotation. It suggests that the level of attachment or dependence is seen as excessive or problematic, leading to discomfort or frustration for the person on the receiving end. And while Sylvain didn't seem to feel that way, I think Dimitri did.

Felix: For years, the boar prince and I were inseparable.

In Chapter 2, Felix referred to their relationship as "腐れ縁" (kusareen) or "rotten bond". It is defined as "a relationship where, even if one tries to separate, they cannot." But it does not mean "inseparable" the way the English word indicates. "Inseparable" emphasizes closeness and mutual affection. "Kusareen" describes a bond that persists even though it's undesirable, troublesome, or "rotten." The relationship endures out of circumstance, habit, or obligation, rather than affection or choice. It is often used with a sense of resignation, frustration, or even humor, acknowledging a bond that's hard to break off but not particularly wanted.

Dimitri: You used to whine unless you could do everything with me…

I got the impression that, as kids, Dimitri was the one who viewed his relationship with Felix as "kusareen". He naturally got along better with Glenn than he did with Felix. Glenn was someone Dimitri enjoyed spending time with, even when they butt heads. And Felix was the annoying crybaby little brother who was too clingy. And some of Felix's discomfort around Dimitri was probably due to this history of feeling inferior to his more popular brother.

Felix: But without a blade to cut down your enemies, you cannot win. Those who are weak lose everything, and they die. Those who are strong win, and live on. I understand why you balk at bloodshed, but you must know that it has a purpose. Flayn: And what purpose might that be? Felix: A purpose. Let's just leave it at that. I'm not in the mood to debate you.

In his B-Support with Flayn, Felix debated the philosophical purpose of a sword and what its purpose is.

Dimitri: In Faerghus, we've long considered blades as tools of destiny. As a way to cut a path to a better future. She was being dragged all over, unable to live the life she wanted. I thought the dagger could help her cut a path to the future she dreamed of.

And I'm sure that he was raised with the same philosophy as Dimitri.

Felix: I've been preparing to take this path. My own path—not my old man's, and not the boar's.

In my Sylvix analysis, I argued that Felix wanted to be with Sylvain and that was what he wished for at the Goddess Tower. Sylvain hated Crests and Edelgard even sympathized with the plight of his brother Miklan. He also didn't want to get married. Thematically, both he and Felix are stronger recruits for CF than the other non-AM routes. I can see them sympathizing with Edelgard's ideals and running away from Faerghus, especially if it meant that they got to be together.

Felix: They used to call my father the "Shield of Faerghus." Now he's gone, and Arianrhod has fallen. Yet the Knights of Seiros remain. As does the boar. What terrifies me most is his stubbornness. He'll keep on fighting to the last man. He's a monster. I've seen it firsthand.

CF!Felix dehumanized Dimitri so that he could justify cutting him down. He didn't hate him or want him to die. He was just in the way of the future he wanted, so he had to cut him down. If Felix uses his sword to cut his own path, he can never realize his ideal future. He betrays his own ideals and sacrifices his humanity, and his paired ending with Sylvain is the most tragic one in the whole game. He has a much happier outcome in AM where he stays in Faerghus.

Felix: Hello. I have a request concerning that…creature. I can hardly look at the thing in the state it's in. Do something about it. Byleth: I'll see what I can do. Felix: Please do. We tracked the boar for five years. I thought he was dead. In the state he's in, he might as well be. He's gotten better at killing people, and in exchange, surrendered what little humanity he had.

Felix did have compassion for Dimitri and urged Byleth to comfort him. But after Dimitri tortured Randolph, Felix became snarky. His criticisms were valid. But they were not solely rooted in objectivity. He harbored a sense of spiteful pettiness towards Dimitri as well.

Rodrigue: When I heard you'd been executed, I rushed there as fast as I could, blind with fury. When I got there, I was fed some garbage about not being able to see your body. The next thing I knew, I was gripping my blade and... Gilbert, you have done well to locate His Highness. I am truly grateful. And you… I have you to thank, as well. Byleth: We were all fortunate. Rodrigue: Well, we are in your debt. I will repay you for this someday, I swear it. And you, Felix… You have also done well to bring His Highness here. Felix: Hmph.

When Glenn died, Felix was the replacement knight. But to Felix, Dimitri must have felt more like the replacement son. So, it wasn't hard to see why Felix's and Dimitri's relationship was so rotten. Dimitri's life was always considered inherently more valuable than his.

Felix: Just kill them from behind. As long as you don't see their faces, you won't know if you know them. Dimitri: We won't know unless we see their face… Yes, I suppose that is true.

In the Sealed Forest, Dimitri was hesitant because he thought the enemy might be someone they knew. The moment he found the dagger in the Flame Emperor's possession, he suspected Edelgard was involved in the Tragedy of Duscur. Felix offered the advice to kill them from behind. This was probably something he had to do for himself to make cutting down other humans bearable.

(Japanese Translation) Dimitri: …If you don't want to cut down someone you know, then just cut them down without looking at their face. Isn't that right? Felix: Tch… Yeah, I suppose so.

When the army planned to go to the Great Bridge, the localization changed the dialogue, so Dimitri made a comment about tarrying over the corpses of the dead. In Japanese, he was actually throwing Felix's old advice from the Sealed Forest back at him, probably to spite him for the earlier comment he made. One of Felix's worst fears about becoming a knight was now coming true. Having to obey the orders of the king and being used as a tool for his personal revenge.

Felix: Revenge can't bring the dead back to life. Unfortunately such a thing isn't possible. Hanging onto your anger, like the boar here, is futile.

Byleth tried talking Dimitri out of his vengeance softly, but it didn't work. With Rodrigue unwilling to scold him, Felix felt the need to do so in his place.

Felix: Remember, Professor. It's not compassion for this fool that has brought our army so far. There are those of us who despise the Empire, and those who side with the church. If we keep running down this path, it's only a matter of time before the ground beneath us collapses.

While Felix was harsh, he was still absolutely right from an objective standpoint. This was something that needed to be said. It was not fair to everyone else in the army to prioritize revenge. It was not even fair to Dimitri to be leading an army in his unstable condition.

(Japanese Translation) Rodrigue: Hey, cut the useless chatter, foolish son. Felix: ...Tch. You really are annoying...

Rodrigue admitted to Byleth that Dimitri was behaving foolishly, but he could not scold him. However, he had no problem scolding Felix for his entirely legitimate points. In this instance, I'm sure that Felix felt like the black sheep while Dimitri was the golden child.

(Japanese Translation) Felix: When I was a child, I hit my father only once. Now, looking back, he might have been struggling in his own way. I want to apologize, but…it's too late.

After Rodrigue died, Felix spent the next chapter in his room mourning. His note to the advice box showed that he wanted to apologize to his father. If he had gotten to apologize, would their relationship have been healthy? Well, we actually got to see them apologize to each other in Hopes.

Rodrigue: And you, Felix? What would your choice have been? Would you have abandoned His Majesty to save yourself? Or would you have chosen to fight until death claimed you? I myself would've safeguarded His Majesty at all costs. I know that it wasn't in Glenn's nature to flee either. Felix: It's always about courage or cowardice with you. I wouldn't have chosen anything.

And I thought their relationship was still very dysfunctional. Rodrigue always made his acceptance of Felix conditional upon whether he was willing to prioritize Dimitri's life over his own. He was willing to compromise because Felix said he would find a way for both of them to live. Still, there was never an option for Felix to choose a path other than knighthood. But even if their relationship had aspects that were unacceptable, Felix still loved his father and didn't want him to be cut down. He wished he had compromised and met him halfway.

Felix: I have a question for you. Answer quickly before my hand slips and I cut you in half. Dimitri: Always so ominous. Well? What is it, Felix? Felix: Sometimes you have an animal's face, contorted with anger and bloodlust. At other times, a man's, with a friendly smile. Which is your true face?

In their A-Support, Felix threatened to cut Dimitri down. He was not truly going to do it. But it showed that there may have been a part of him that still wanted to. He still considered Boar!Dimitri's actions unacceptable and held a lot of resentment towards him for abusing his authority as king and indirectly getting his father killed.

Dimitri: If I do not shoulder the anguish and regret they must have felt, who will? Felix: Hah. So, that's how you justify your atrocities. Dimitri: What do you mean?

Before the battle at Gronder, Felix was standing outside the classrooms, presumably remembering the students from the other houses. So, his anger makes even more sense when you consider that the Gronder Field battle was written as a bloodbath. Assuming you didn't recruit everyone, the Blue Lions had to kill not only their old classmates from the Empire, but also the students from the Alliance. Because of Dimitri's vendetta, the BLs might have been forced to pointlessly kill Raphael, Ignatz, Leonie, and Lysithea. Or else they would have been killed themselves.

Felix never changed his beliefs, nor did he suddenly embrace Rodrigue's ideals of chivalry. He simply did his best to live up to his own ideals. He chose to prioritize humanity over ideology. He attempted to acknowledge Dimitri's sorrow, like he did with Ashe when he was grieving for Lonato. He knew he'd regret it if he never got the chance, like he did with his father.

Felix: "I will fulfill my duty to the late king." My old man used to say that over and over, like a mantra. How nauseating. No one seems to understand. The dead won't acknowledge your loyalty. They don't care. What a load of bunk it is, pretending to serve a corpse. You're serving your own ego. [...] The dead are dead, the living are living. You have to respect that boundary. If you keep stringing gravestones around your neck, you'll snap. Dimitri: Even still… I cannot forget them, nor can I let them go. Felix: Then keep those thoughts to yourself. If you're too weak to do that, abandon your throne. Become a grave keeper.

In Japanese, Felix used a phrase which translates to "suck it up". He was very harsh on Dimitri. But he felt like his father loved Dimitri more than him. And to be fair, he probably did. Rodrigue died caressing Dimitri's face and told him to live for himself. Felix was told to die for Dimitri. And yet, Felix was still reaching out to comfort Dimitri over his father's death. He was remarkably compassionate.

Felix: I'll bear this pain until the day I die, but I refuse to wallow in it. I have more important things to do than blubber for my whole life. Dimitri: …

In English, Felix accused Dimitri of being a crybaby. In Japanese, Felix called him "甘ったれた" (amattareta). It means they are spoiled, overly dependent, or immature in their behavior. They act in a way that expects indulgence or leniency from others—often displaying a needy, childlike dependency. I got the impression that maybe Dimitri had called Felix that a long time ago. And I think Dimitri probably got a huge kick out of that particular insult due to the irony. It's why he will begin to tease Felix about his clinginess and his laziness in their dining hall and chore dialogue after they reach A-Support.

Dimitri: Heh. You know, Felix, you really are growing more and more like your brother. Always so sarcastic, and constantly looking for a fight. But deep inside, more than anyone, you— Felix: What are you getting at? Dimitri: Oh… It's nothing. But allow me to thank you. Your perspective has opened my eyes. Felix: Hmph. Not my intention. I couldn't stand the pathetic look on your face. That's all. Dimitri: I see. If you say so, then we will leave it at that.

Dimitri finally was able to acknowledge Felix's true strength, even if Felix didn't like to acknowledge that softer side of himself. This Support doesn't cleanly eliminate all the tension between them. But that's okay. Dimitri was willing to compromise and leave it at that.

Edelgard: When humanity stands strong and people reach out for each other…there's no need for gods.

In the Japanese version of the prologue, the correct answer to Sothis's question is not "a mortal" but "a human being". 3H is a game that asks the player what it truly mean to be human. Edelgard had good intentions and was dedicated to the cause of placing leadership of Fódlan back in humanity's hands. But I would argue that in her ruthless pursuit of that goal, she lost sight of her humanity.

The route's name "Azure Moon" is significant. In many cultures, the moon has been personified as a goddess or a divine feminine figure. Sothis drew strong inspiration from Gaia, the Greek goddess of the Earth and the and primordial mother of all life. The Titan Rhea was Gaia's daughter. Rhea was also the mother of Demeter, the Greek mother goddess of agriculture, grain, and the nurturing of life. And the name "Dimitri" literally means "follower of Demeter".

Felix: He intends to speak to the emperor? She's his stepsister, I know, but this seems risky. Byleth: You're against it? Felix: No, I'm not. I'm sure he's thought it through. If the two can settle this diplomatically, that would be the best way out of this mess. No more bloodshed. Let's just hope he doesn't become so overwhelmed with emotion that he's unable to strike her down… should the need arise.

The Renaissance ushered in more secular values by promoting humanism. The humanist movement did not attempt to abolish the Church with violence. Instead, humanists sought to reform the Church through intellectual discourse. Felix was Dimitri's biggest critic as a ruler due to the lack of humanity he showed towards his enemies. But he is the one recruitable student who cannot have a happy ending if he leaves the AM route. And it was due to the fact that he was never able to stop seeing the humanity in Dimitri.

(Normal) Felix: The path to the emperor is open. Fulfill your duty as our king. (Dimitri & Felix support level C reached) Felix: Go and win. Be the boar that you are, and don't you dare look back.

I don't think Felix needed to follow in his father or brother's footsteps and become a knight or Dimitri's right-hand man. Ultimately, I don't even think they needed to be friends. Their A-Support offered a sense of acceptance and closure. Even if you interpret it as more of a divergence of paths, there was a sense of compromise and mutual concession. But achieving A-Support still wasn't even necessary.

Felix completes his character arc even if he never achieves any Support level with Dimitri. He made peace with his father by meeting him halfway and helping Dimitri ascend the throne. But not necessarily anything more than that. The most important thing was not whether they cut off their relationship. It was for Felix to stay true to his ideals and not cut Dimitri down literally.

(Japanese Translation) Felix: Keep that intense thirst for revenge locked in your heart. It's something only I need to know. Dimitri: So essentially, you're saying if I'm going to pour my heart out, do it only in front of you? Felix: Ugh… Dimitri: …I can resist becoming a beast because you accept it. Just as Kyphon was to Loog, and Rodrigue was to Father… Please continue to stand by my side as my right hand, Felix. Felix: …Your right hand, huh? Well, that doesn't sound too bad.

Felix was the one person who had seen Dimitri at his worst. In AG, he filled in for Byleth by acting as Dimitri's confidante. He didn't really want to. But Dimitri said Felix accepted him and that allowed him to retain his humanity. That's when he agreed. And for the first time, he actually felt happy about the idea of being the right-hand man.

[tieflingkisser]

Kansas City Chiefs Kicker Tells Graduating Women to Get in the Kitchen

“I can tell you that my beautiful wife Isabelle would be the first to say her life truly started when she started living her vocation as a wife and as a mother," Harrison Butker said in a commencement speech.

Harrison Butker, a kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs, on Sunday addressed the graduating class of Benedictine College, the Catholic liberal arts school known for forcing a queer-identifying basketball player to remove a Pride flag from his dorm. The 28-year-old spent his allotted 20 minutes encouraging students to denounce “dangerous gender ideologies,” and “the tyranny of diversity, equity and inclusion.” Bold of a man who’s only six years older than the average graduating student and identifies as “@buttkicker7″ on Twitter to tell young people how to live their lives but what else is new? “I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolic lies told to you,” Butker said. “Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.” In a country where forced birth is the law of the land? Nothing gets a 22-year-old who’s just shelled out $34k a year on tuition more hyped than the notion of the certificates in their hands collecting dust in lieu of caring for screaming kids. “I can tell you that my beautiful wife Isabelle would be the first to say her life truly started when she started living her vocation as a wife and as a mother,” Butker went on. (Why let your wife speak for yourself when you, a man, could speak for her, eh?) “I’m on this stage today, able to be the man that I am, because I have a wife who leans into her vocation.” You reading this Sheryl Sandberg? Insurrection Ken gets to kick a ball over and over again because his wife leaned in. Butker continued—whilst choking up, I might add—saying, “I’m beyond blessed with the many talents God has given me, but it cannot be overstated that all my success is made possible because a girl I met in band class back in middle school would convert to the faith, become my wife, and embrace one of the most important titles of all: homemaker.” Not to be dramatic, but I’d rather be dead than hear that my entire existence was reduced to the key that unlocked a man’s potential. Considering the school’s tenets and reputation, Butker’s remarks were not particularly surprising, and it wasn’t like he was booed off the stage. Regardless, I’m not a praying person, but I am most certainly having a word with the big they upstairs about this man’s downfall before bed tonight.

[anarchywoofwoof]

holy shit if i see one more person mention how the people suffering from the hurricane are Trump voters or mention Project 2025 while discussing the widespread death and destruction i am going to become a fucking conservative. what is wrong with liberals. i swear to god these are the most inhumane, sickening people. these are your fellow humans dying and having their entire lives upended. when you see someone struggling, you help them. all you care about is revenge and it's so fucking sad.

[crippleprophet]

Is it okay for people with agoraphobia to look and take some of the advice you have for housebound people on here? I'm not really great at picking up nuance so I'm worried that it'd be crossing some boundary or that it's not the intention of the tag

that’s completely okay, i appreciate your desire to be respectful even though i’m sorry you were concerned! i absolutely consider folks with agoraphobia my comrades + community members and i’d be super honored if anything i’ve shared is helpful (+ am always interested in hearing what that was if you’re comfortable!) the rest of this is not anything you need to answer your question, just thoughts i’ve been having on the subject

i haven’t had the opportunity to talk to enough homebound [due to chronic illness / “physical” reasons] people to know if this is a common experience but for me i’ve noticed that similar to chronic illness often carrying depression with it, since becoming homebound i’ve become terrified of leaving the house.

this is definitely influenced by the fact that it’s untenably painful, my photosensitivity (in the UV sense not the epilepsy sense), the ongoing pandemic, the fact that i only left the house to go to the doctor for over a year & i’m afraid of the doctors appointment itself due to medical trauma, etc etc but like. there’s also the very strong pull of habit – i’m an incredibly obsessive & ritualistic person – and what Goffman refers to as “the relief of self-isolation” for marginalized people sheltering from a hostile society, a phrase i read in undergrad 5 1/2 years ago that’s stuck with me ever since for how profoundly it resonates.

i’m not trying to say these are necessarily your or any other person with agoraphobia’s feelings & experiences, more to illustrate how the liberation of all homebound people & shut-ins & hermits is bound up together; any sanist strategy for oppressing agoraphobes can easily be leveraged against me, not least because as a severely underdiagnosed person, the medical establishment does not think there is any “legitimate” “physical” reason for me to be homebound. to respond to this oppression by arguing it’s inapplicable because i’m not crazy would be untrue + a cruel act of lateral violence.

i’ve been reading a lot of butch/femme history recently (i post about that on my main @campgender; followers age 18+ only please) & have found myself entirely reconfiguring my understanding of the queer art of isolation, the incredible ability of our ancestors to hunker down & survive under circumstances unimaginable to the average person. i absolutely don’t want to deny the deep pain – not only the aspects i experience but also the heightened isolation of people without or before internet access + the ways these circumstances / forms of oppression can foster abuse –

but my god, so many 50s butches didn’t leave their homes during daylight hours for years in order to not be hate crimed for their gender presentation, & that’s the folks who were making it to the bars. so many others – “discreet” couples who didn’t want to risk being outed by engaging in queer community; people assigned female who “passed” as men & their partners; butch sex workers & other people with identities perceived as contradictory or unacceptable – existed marginalized by both queer & normative communities.

every time i think substantially about homeboundedness i always get tracy chapman’s “subcity” stuck in my head. obviously my access to housing period is a huge position of privilege, & i’m in the most economically secure position of my adult life so far; the abjection i experience is nowhere near the scale of people in the position of the speaker of the song, who’s implied to be street homeless. but the line “people say it doesn’t exist ‘cause no one would like to admit that there is a city underground” is such a succinct & accurate depiction of living the kind of life society tries to convince itself is impossible. but there truly is a rich genealogy of homeboundedness especially in queer history.

again i hope some of my posts & such are helpful / resonant! wishing you all the best 💓💓

[dhampling]

How do you think astarion would handle a tav who is actually from earth and is going to return home after defeating the Nether brain? Like maybe mystra or some other god brought them to faerun and told them to "fix it" and at first it's all like "great, sure, why not? I can do that" but they meet astarion and he gets attached only to learn that no matter the outcome their days are numbered?

Firstly - thank you so much for this one. It made me a little sad thinking about it and yet it was a weirdly bittersweet sadness? Thank you for your brain. I like it. I think it’d be quite easy to write off Astarion’s response as ‘meh. They’ll be useful while they’re here and OH NO I’VE FALLEN IN LOVE I AM UTTERLY BESOTTED’ and watching the chaos around that. In reality, I reckon there’s a big fat chunk of mirth in how he deals with them.

He’s fascinated by the fact they’re from a different world, but mainly for selfish reasons. I do think there’d be a lot of questions on his part (he’s trying to suss out if it’d be a viable proposition to return with them when they leave Toril in order to escape Cazador’s clutches).

Early on in the journey, when it’s unclear as to their actual destination - and whether the heart of the Absolute will return them anywhere near Baldur’s Gate; whether Cazador can be dealt with is up in the air, and if the party would even be willing to assist him is an entirely different question.

So I think Astarion would be scoping out every avenue of escape, like a rat in a cage; frantic for a way out, which is where the seduction comes in.

The issue is that the typical script doesn’t really work.

Astarion has no relevant contextual clues for this strange being and his charismatic advances often fall flat. As a result the traveller sees straight through him with a stoic detachment that can often come over as unnerving.

He realises he really, genuinely enjoys the traveller’s company. It’s refreshing. No city-prattle, no self-gain. He can almost feel himself beginning to regain some of his edges.

Somewhere at the back of his mind he’s aware his new companion will have to return home someday, but every day alive and free at present is a blessing.

The earthborn grows fond of him, too - despite the fact he talks their ears off frequently - they banter together along the road; spend countless late nights sharing life experiences and pointless musings when their fellow travellers are resting, and inevitably become close.

Towards the middling end of their adventure; after the drow at Moonrise, he realises that Cazador might actually be an attainable kill. He could be free forever. He has a friend willing to help him.

Then he wonders what there actually is left for him along the Sword Coast. Everything and everyone he knew, dead or gone. 

Obviously, he can’t return to earth. It just isn’t an option.

He continues to hope the gods will make an exception though.

The Absolute is eviscerated, and so is Cazador. Along the journey their bond becomes ridiculously solid - love in every sense. He wasn’t aware he was still able to feel things so strongly. He feels safe. Cared for.

He’s free, and as he turns to relish in the victory along the docks his most beloved companion simply isn’t there. 

He begins to burn, hides behind a stack of crates in a dumbfounded stupor until nightfall.

Then, he realises he has to commit them to memory. Writes pages on pages detailing every last little thing he remembers of them; commissions a portrait with the money sat in his account since the day of his death (now having accrued a sizeable interest) based on description alone. Revises it time and time again while their memory is still fresh. A locket pendant he attaches to his belt.

He has a lot of life left to live and he doesn’t intend to forget them. 

Hundreds of years later and they still flit into mind. Careful, compassionate; his liberator. He’ll regale new friends and lovers with tales of this strange creature given by the gods. Likely long gone by now. 

Always there somewhere in his mind.