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awarenesshealing · 2 years

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#How do I start dealing with trauma #Awareness Healing #hypnotherapy for trauma #hypnotherapy for trauma central coast #hypnotherapy for trauma sydney #hypnotherapy for trauma near me #hypnotherapy for trauma Australia #Best hypnotherapy for trauma #qualified therapist #qualified therapist sydney #qualified therapist central coast #qualified therapist for trauma #trauma in Central Coast #trauma therapy #Trauma Therapist Central Coast #trauma therapist #Trauma therapy Sydney #trauma therapy central coast

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realbeefman · 1 year

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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh #some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2 #recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person #and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety #like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that #my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms #UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child #so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had #a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time #which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it #and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md #hilson #greg house #james wilson #stacy warner

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da-janela-lateral · 1 month

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Listen I love Shou doing crazy stuff as much as everyone else, but something that bugs me a little is... I don't think "chaotic" is his standard behavior. He feels like a nice extroverted child who is well liked by his peers and is pretty chill in normal situations. Emphasis on normal. The thing is that most times he is given protagonism on the plot, it is when he is under a extremely stressing context that demands extreme solutions (even more in World Domination Arc, when he has to face his traumatic years-long conflict against his father). It all makes it very hard to determine how he usually acts. He is not always like that! Absurdly high danger is not his natural habitat!

#there are the trauma responses too #does he even get to live a minimaly normal life post-epilogue every part of his past is ingrained on claw and psychic powers #his school friends must not know a fraction of what he is dealing with. I don't think he would share anything (its “his responsability”)#oh shou how do I even start. I have some thoughts about him #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #shou suzuki #lalá rambling...

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bitchthefuck1 · 3 months

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you know what, I actually will talk about this because it's bothering me. The issue with focussing so heavily on syd and carmy's potential for a romantic relationship isn't that there's something inherently unintellectual about romance or whatever, it's that a lot of people seem incapable of doing that without immediately flattening the story and ignoring or intentionally misreading any and all nuance for the sake of that romance. Every scene suddenly becomes about how it impacts their relationship, every analysis is done through a romantic lens, every frame or line of dialogue becomes about finding some easter egg or hint that "proves" these people should start dating. Their dynamic is absolutely a fundamental part of this show, but if you can only see it as a will-they-won't-they, you miss so much of what the story is actually trying to say with these two.

There are good versions of this story where their relationship is romantic and there are good versions of this story where it isn't, but as soon as you decide them being together is "the point," you lose the ability to actually judge the story for what it is, not what you want it to be.

#like so much of their dynamic (esp but not exclusively in S3) has been about showing the ways that carmy's trauma and dysfunctional #attitude in the kitchen impacts other people and how even though he cares about syd and wants their partnership to work he keeps self #sabotaging and setting himself and by extension her and the restaurant up to fail and replicating the same toxic environments that #he grew up and trained in and this is very much consistent with his character and a natural continuation of the conflicts they've been #having since S1 but because him being shitty with her runs contrary to them getting together suddenly its 'ruining the story' and #out of character and only happening bc the writers just hate to see this ship winning and like. if you really think that i genuinely don't #know what show you've been watching bc it sure as shit wasn't this one. like it hurts to see him do this because you know #they could do something genuinely great together and that he's ruining a really good thing but this is also the reality of where he is rn #if he was just a good and supporting business partner and not deeply dysfunctional it would be wildly out of character #the problem w S3 wasn't that it 'ruined' their relationship it's that it had no clear focus overemphasized carmy's arc at the expense #of the other leads deprioritized the supporting cast while failing to give them their own arcs gave more screen time to #unecessary and uninteresting new 'comic relief' characters and let conflicts stagnate without resolving them or #letting them evolve over the course of the season.#this isn't exclusive to the bear this is a general trend ive noticed where as soon as the 'shipper' part of people's brains get activated #it's like they lose the ability to read the story any other way and it stops being about what's good for the narrative and starts being #about whether or not these two people kiss and anything that gets in the way of that is bad and anything that brings it closer is good #and it's usually whatever but it's really frustrating when the story ppl are doing that to is this good #it also makes people fundamentally incapable of treating any 'obstacle' to that romance in a way that isn't wildly meanspirited and #gross (esp bc those characters are usually women) which is exhausting. like no claire isn't evil or a 'pick me' or 'bad' for carmy #or a useless addition to the story or whatever other nonsense you guys have decided must be true to feel okay. she's a perfectly normal #character and their relationship is exploring some of the ways that carmy's inability to deal with or actually address his trauma #impacts the various relationships in his life. she doesn't even have to be a monster or a narrative mistake for him and syd to be #'destined' for each other or whatever. this isn't a middle school wattpad fic.#im definitely gonna get killed in the street for this but ive been looking for a good reason to spend less time on here so might as well #the bear #sydcarmy #sydney adamu #carmy berzatto

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lord-squiggletits · 1 year

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The funny thing about Pharma and the Delphi situation is that that's where the concept of the DJD was first introduced (with the first scene with the DJD at work happening literally the issue afterwards, issue #6) and literally the more you learn about the DJD the more it vindicates Pharma in his paranoia and being convinced that he couldn't ask for help like

In the Delphi issues we learn that the DJD hunts down Decepticon turncoats/traitors/etc and that Ambulon, one of the Delphi staff, was a Decepticon traitor. We also learn that their leader is evidently terrifying in addition to being a t-cog addict, but that's it.

Except in the subsequent issue #6 and all issues with the DJD afterwards, we learn a variety of fun facts about the DJD such as

Several of the members either literally transform into torture equipment or have said torture equipment built into their bodies

Their leader, Tarn, the guy with the t-cog addiction that forced Pharma into blackmail, can kill people with just his VOICE

We later learn that the DJD have a fanatical devotion to the Decepticon cause/Megatron such that they literally worship an idol of Megatron

Even later on, we learn that Tarn's kill-you-with-his-voice powers work both over the phone and via recordings of his voice

Tarn is also very talkative during torture sessions and he seems to find pleasure in his stupid, smug-smart guy persona where he likes to describe to victims what's happening to them and why. And there's no reason he wouldn't apply this to Autobots just as much as he does to Decepticon traitors

The DJD have access to signal jamming technologies that make it so that even if their victim can get a help signal out, no one will receive it until weeks after the fact

Their entire system of hunting people down is based on pursuing them no matter what, isolating them from any help, driving them mad with psychological terror, etc

They're capable enough warriors to slaughter an entire ships' worth of people, apparently without sustaining any meaningful casualties

They're drug addicts that are prone to overdosing and/or losing control and slaughtering people while they're under the influence

So like???

If Pharma was only privy to HALF of the things that we as the audience know about the DJD, it's perfectly reasonable to assume that Pharma probably wanted to call for help at some point, but was convinced that doing so would lead to 1. the signal being jammed/blocked so no one would help anyways 2. him and everyone else at Delphi (including the TRAITOR WHO IS ONE OF THEIR EMPLOYEES) would be horribly tortured to death by fanatical Decepticon torturer freaks.

Like I get that in the text Pharma only says that he did the Red Rust stuff so that he wouldn't be caught/blamed for the t-cog deal and is prideful about how he stopped the DJD from murdering Delphi, but like...... there's no fucking way that Pharma going "oh I didn't want to get in trouble and also I'm better than everyone" was his PRIMARY reason for everything on Delphi. Pharma didn't go from perfectly normal/sane Autobot doctor to raving egotistical maniac because he was always an asshole and he decided to solve the DJD issue in an asshole way. It's bc according to all canon evidence we have of the DJD and the way they react to traitors/Autobots, Pharma had every reason to fear for his life and believe that no aid would come to him.

#not to mention that fucking uhhhh it was BLACKMAIL???#generally when BLACKMAIL happens the whole deal is 'you give me this thing and i don't kill you'#'but also if you go running for help i'll kill you'#or 'you can't call the authorities for help bc you're doing illegal things for me so theyll just arrest you'#squiggposting #pharma apologism #mfs wanna say 'pharma could've just ran or called for help' when the DJD are literally famous #for their ability to hunt people down and murder them horribly #remember when the lost light was getting hunted down by the DJD and they called for help?#remember how it took 3 weeks for anyone to get the SOS and by then everything was already over?#also it's reasonable to think that like pharma was just giving spare tcogs to tarn without having to kill anyone at first #figuring it's just extra supplies to order and it's a small price to pay for delphi not getting horribly murdered #and it was only later that he had to actually start killing people #and by then tarn could've easily hit him with 'you could run and ask for help but then they're going to ask you'#'why you were giving tcogs to a decepticon in the first place. have fun being a traitor for that'#and then there was you know. the paranoia and constant anxiety and trauma from being next door to the DJD

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lynxfrost13 · 1 month

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Do you guys think Holt and Storch Sieben ever hatefucked

#I think they have a complicated relationship I’ve been pondering it #bc Holt very much does hate her before the events of the Koliblunt force trauma incident #her initial dislike of Sieben comes from a bad first impression when Sieben was fresh meat on sierpinski (Holt is olddd)#she was petty about it but willing to deal with it to a certain point #but as her higher up sieben pushed her buttons one too many times early on #which is bad you WANT the senior medical EULR on your side in case of emergency!!!#i do think they’ve spent a lot of time together for work related reasons #they become not quite friends not quite enemies?? but a secret weird cold thing full of regret maybe #this partially has to do with how I characterize present day sieben bc yeah she’s a Storch and they are prone to temper tantrums especially #if not trained correctly #but Sieben’s basically one of the highest ranking units at sierpinski if I remember correctly #and you don’t get there without some degree of level headedness + when talking to her she’s not necessarily warm and fuzzy #but she also didn’t seem like a young volatile Storch to me #at least not anymore #I think about sieben a lot but anyways #roundabout way of saying that when Holt did fall ill with the infection it wasn’t ignored by sieben #Holt was visited by her once alone when her vision started fading and they had a moment.#a reconciliation? an attempt on sieben’s part to make things right before the inevitable?? or just wanting to check on her? who knows #I certainly don’t #holt #thanks for listening to the ramble I’m attempting to blorbo post more #and this has been rotating in my head for weeks #figured I’d get it out #blorbo tag

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lupins-hehim-pussy · 1 month

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Just speed consumed all of addison lee very much enjoyed I am waiting with my popcorn for next chapter! I did have a wonder while reading, what is Wriothesley's scope of vision? Is it like this needs to be 3 inches in front of his face? Can he see faces clearly if he's close enough? Loving the fic, keep writing!

The short answer is:

No matter how close he gets, it's still gonna be unclear. It's not quite like myopia/short-sightedness where the blurriness can change with glasses/distance. His vision is more like looking through foggy glass. If something is pressed right up to the glass, you can see it more clearly, but it will still be foggy. Additionally, the guy has always been red/green colour-blind, so that doesn't change even after his war injuries, but because his vision is worse in general, he can barely tell colours apart lol. Unless it's bright blue.

LONG ANSWER UNDER THE CUT.

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA HEHEHHHEHEHHE WHUAGHAHA sorry. I like to infodump about my fics.

Not kidding when say this: I have a document that have notes on every single year in the 10 years between the Celestia war and current INGITAL events.

Unfortunately this was all planned before Sigewinne release, so I didn't have her canon birthday (AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT CANON ANY MORE I'm burying my head in the sand.) but it accounts for every year that Sigewinne grew up and some other random lore bits. "What does this have to do with my question?" you ask. Well, I have the 10-years progression notes specifically to keep their life events in order and Wriothesley's and Neuvillette's healing progress consistent KJNDSKJNSANSKJHASDJNJSNDKJNASJNDSAJNKSAKJ.

SO. Detailed answer is this:

At this point in INGITAL, if you stand 1-2 meters away from him and wave, he's gonna notice if he's looking at you, paying attention, and you're both indoors, or he's wearing sunnies. He's not gonna be able to recognise anything, though, he can just tell something is moving. He can sort of read regular text on a computer screen at about 2-3 inches (on a good day) using his better eye (left, so he always sorta lean that way when he's trying to look at something), but it's a struggle and he'd rather not do it. His right is worse.

There's also his field of vision. So like, his peripherals are pretty much gone, and he has some dark patches/blind spots. He's also light-sensitive, so everything's kinda painfully bright sometimes, but his vision is also bad in the dark, so he needs a happy medium, but that can shift from day to day.

Very rough idea of what Neuvillette might look like to him on a sunny day. Veeery rough idea. I'm not blind I just researched a lot.

And then, regardless of what he can actually physically see, if his eyes hurt or feel too sensitive to keep open, it's all moot anyway. And once again, usually that depends on the day.

When Sigewinne was born, he had functionally decent vision in one eye (had a corneal transplant on his right). Legally can't get his driving licence, but y'know, he still felt confident enough to drive (Neuvillette did not let him, though.) The transplanted eye deteriorates over Sigewinne's first few months, and so did his better eye. He got another surgery for his left eye (the better one) when Sigewinne was about one, and that lasted for a bit, but by the time she's two, he's pretty much considered legally blind. By the time she's four, he does most things on his own and his other issues are managed as well, which is why they decided to have a second kid, and they had Carole when Sigewinne was 5. But Neuvillette struggled a bit with that second pregnancy. I mean, his first wasn't exactly rose and rainbows, but he his mental health nose-dived with the second one for a while. It's because he's been so focused on keeping it together while Wriothesley recovers that he hasn't fully dealt with his own trauma until his second pregnancy. Because yeah, thinking your husband died while you're carrying your first baby was traumatic. They've both got PTSD. By the time Sedene comes about though, they're all good. Sedene's pregnancy was a breeze, there was just Covid lockdowns HAHAHAHA. And then, if I go through with another pregnancy at the end of INGITAL, well... That's for me to know and for you to ponder.

[By the way, Clorinde mentioned going over to their house for Wrio's birthday 8 years ago in Chapter 9, which is when Sigewinne was 3 and he was 28. His previous birthday (his 27th) was a disaster. Had a big fight with his husband. So that's another morsel of lore from the 10-years-of-plot document.]

There's a scene planned somewhere in all this, where Neuvillette shows him some of their photos on one of the days when his vision is better. Photos of eeeeveryone their kids and their friends and all. He printed them out and edited them to raise the contrast so Wriothesley can see it more easily. Wriothesley voice: Ajax is fucking ginger? [This is lore relevant. No spoilers though.]

#ingital #do not talk to me about my fics im not normal /j #....................................... PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT MY FICS #krill #ask #wriothesley #neuvilette #the amount of one-shots i can do from the 10 year document. scratching my head indeed. why am i like this #YES their claw machine adventures are also noted in there.#wriothesley considers himself lucky though. like genuinely. he's happy that his vision held out long enough for him to take care of neuv #in his last few weeks carrying sigewinne. And then he was able to handle things for the first month of her baby life while Neuv recovers #he even pushed back his PTSD to focus on sige. but yeah. Once things started to settle tho. everything went wrong JKLNSDKLJNAJSNJKNSD #because trauma has a habit of only unleashing when you're in a safe enough position to deal with it. yknow.#also why neuv's separation anxiety and his mental illness peaked during his pregnancy with Carole. bc he's safe he lets his walls down #wriothesley also struggled with like. bad agoraphobia. I think I mentioned him being unable to leave the house for a while #was rough #but everything is fine in the end! because life happens but it can still be a happy life #telling myself this every damn day man its how i survive HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. FUCK ME.#neuvillette

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xalatath · 29 days

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Okay lowkey it kinda annoys me that people treat halsin as if he is viewing his trauma re: being captive in menzoberranzan "wrong" like first of all he is old as fuck and he did all his character development off screen and secondly it is very possible to be able to talk about your trauma in a lighthearted or nonchalant manner and it doesn't mean you're in denial or you don't grasp the weight of what happened. And shockingly everyone reacts to trauma differently.

#especially if it was a long term situation! when it becomes your daily life it stops being so shocking and starts being mundane #i would know. but i am not dealing wirh my trauma well but i am capable of talking about it casually and it doesnt lessen it or whatever #this is bc i saw a post that was a sc of some of his dialogue about it and the caption 'uhh that is NOT what happened'#how do you know what happened bettwr than he does...you werent even there...

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willowfey · 1 year

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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

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sophiethewitch1 · 6 months

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in my hater era

#sophie speaks #tw vent #like. what. what???#i do try not to upset anyone with trauma dumping or whatever but sometimes that bites me in the ass because people assume I'm not strugglin #struggling hugely #had one of my most violent meltdowns ever recently and it was after pushing myself to do something #and you know. thats on me #but saying like #im NOT trying??#i dont want to start any problems but oh my GOD what do you think being sick constantly does to a person #what???#trying to be a proper adult here but i am quite upset #idk how are you supposed to deal with shit like this #express this has upset you and that you are having a hard time #but then they dont believe you??#trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes #like im level 2 support needs autistic. i need a little fucking leeway or i genuinely try to kill myself #i KNOW its pathetic i KNOW its weak but my number one priority is keep myself alive #im so tired #ive been suicidal for like 7 years now #my life sucks so incredibly hard and I'm in constant pain and that just #it doesnt make me willing to deal with this shit #cripplepunk core lmao #cripple and im going to kill you #this is just geniunely upsetting #i feel like i need a good cry #i really am so tired #i feel like i just dont want to do this #why am i paying for this? why am i doing this?#if im not enjoying this why the fuck would i do it

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unheavenly · 4 days

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꒰ა ໒꒱

#⁽ ˚₊‧ ꒰ა id: writer ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ⁾#the fact that no one really talks about javi’s trauma #like trust me that boy didn’t join the military cause it was a calling or anything like that #he lost everything and everyone he cared about (yes very much including kate)#he dropped out of school and couldn’t deal with his trauma so he joined the military as a way to try and do something and cope #he mightve not been in the tornado but watching it come and getting the readings and screaming into the radio for his friends until he lost #his voice and then seeing only kate walk out and how she was?? not easy at all #and not to mention the survivors guilt and also the guilt of not being able to help kate #anyway he didn’t see his life going anywhere and he joined the military and he met scott there and focused on that #his trauma and avoiding it honestly sent him down a path where he was actively changing who he was to try and distance himself #also i don’t agree with the whole he changed who he was when talking about helping kate and the wranglers and others tbh?#that’s genuinely who javi is… he always wanted to help others from the start #just that facing that meant truly working through what happened and the loss and the trauma and he took refuge in scott and their business #but you can tell his heart wasn’t ever in it and once kate came around she became his priority again and he felt alive again in the chase #also yes he lashed out but it’s what can happen when your trauma is open and facing you and you’re trying to keep your claws in your last #piece of ‘comfort’ that you have. but once he was ready… he left absolutely everything in order to do right by himself and what he believes #javi getting out of those stuffy shirts and growing his hair out again is so important to me because he’s no longer changing his identity #or avoiding his trauma by actively changing!! and im just!! it’s my favorite thing for him to heal and be himself again because #he’s been nothing but a ghost and a follower and allowing everyone to live through him #trauma tw

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infinitethree · 12 days

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Okay, you know what?

The bastard is almost, on an aesthetic level, not terrible to look at while he’s like this.

Asleep, he can’t be a fucking sociopath or an asshole. Those too-clever eyes of his aren’t judging and dissecting, they’re closed.

The absence of that bright blue gaze makes him seem surprisingly vulnerable.

So does the way Daz has, in the short while he’s been asleep, already snuggled up to him and is being clingy.

After the last few hours of running around looking for him, it’s a relief to know that he’s been mostly fine all along.

Naturally, when Daz didn’t come home, Raine got worried. The Council, aside from Lee who had been kept out of it, have been searching his known hidey-holes for hours now.

Obviously the HQ was one of the first places they checked, but the wall that leads into the hidden room was sealed off. They assumed that meant he wasn’t there, so they ignored it.

It wasn’t until Aster, in a last-ditch attempt, decided to open it up and check that the bastard was found.

He’d been fine, thankfully. Just having hyper fixated on the code and shut out everything else.

Aster carefully takes his com out and taps out a message to the others.

ShiningAster: bastard located. fine but asleep. focused on coding body for Innit, forgot he has a human body.

RaineStorm: seriously?? uhg, at least it’s normal shit this time

RaineStorm: as opposed to soul crushing despair and existential terror

Khons: need help moving him? ShiningAster: staying here. fell asleep on me, he has nightmares. also touched starved. might be less bastard if he gets good sleep

It’s only a little bit of a lie. Technically, none of that was wrong, but the implication was that Daz wasn’t strongarmed into accepting.

RaineStorm: yeah his nightmares are BAD and music only kinda helps.

ShiningAster: I think I can fix it. saying more will make him pissy

Khons: well if he’s not in trouble and staying there we’re going to bed

ShiningAster: night

RaineStorm: gn

RaineStorm: it’s gonna be really funny seeing him fall for you ngl

ShiningAster: its gonna be weird as fuck for me

After a moment, he switches to DMs.

ShiningAster: at some point we have a kid. Not adopted I think. looks just like him. her name is Azira. means rising star.

RaineStorm: WHAT THE FUCK??????

ShiningAster: also he made a deal to help with Innits body for seeing the same shit I do. but for me obviously

RaineStorm: oh my god that stupid asshole

RaineStorm: maybe he’ll learn his lesson. bc you’re def good to him, I know you.

ShiningAster: hes capable of being good to me back. too busy being petty for now though

RaineStorm: yeahhhhhh. he’s def an acquired taste. but he really is a great guy when you get past his him-ness

ShiningAster: lol

RaineStorm: he figured out I’d want a heated tub, art studio, and a porch. it’s freaky tbh but it’s nice.

ShiningAster: sounds fake but ok

RaineStorm: you’ve never seen him be like that so it’s hard to picture but it’s true!

That’s not quite right; Aster has seen Daz be kind and generous to others…he’s just never been the target.

No, maybe that’s not fair. He’s dragged Aster to a place of being better in a way he never would have done on his own. Despite his attitude, it did still benefit Aster.

Granted, he’s also been an asshole on purpose for literal years, so. That kind of events out.

ShiningAster: honestly just want to eat his damn food without being drugged

RaineStorm: something something the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach

ShiningAster: it sucks so bad to play chicken on if Ill suffer when I touch his cooking

ShiningAster: usually its worth it. at least until whatever he put in it hits

RaineStorm: and now we know why

ShiningAster: maybe therapy will fix him

RaineStorm: ngl I think not thinking he’ll kill anyone he loves will do wonders on its own

RaineStorm: but therapy will help too probably

ShiningAster: cant say much for obvious reasons but hes fundamentally broken. has been for most of his life.

ShiningAster: but Id never have a kid if he didnt seem in a good place. so whatever he does works

RaineStorm: have you considered it might be the power of love

ShiningAster: fuck you

RaineStorm: I’m serious!! think about it, he’s spent like 4 years thinking being loved will get that person killed

RaineStorm: he might have divine confirmation but he’s stubborn. might not feel real

RaineStorm: soooo someone who loves him despite his bullshit might be the thing that makes him be less…yknow

Ah, another reminder of how deeply fucked up Daz actually is.

ShiningAster: could be having someone who knows his secrets or even just Innit being out

RaineStorm: remind it that it needs a new name btw. too close to existing ones

RaineStorm: but yeah that probably helps too

RaineStorm: I feel awful I never noticed he was so…unwell

ShiningAster: hes good at hiding what he wants to hide. cant blame yourself when hes a master manipulator.

Said master manipulator mumbles into Aster’s chest, voice small, “I missed you.”

And, fuck, something in his chest feels like it cracks when Aster realizes what and who Daz must be dreaming about.

There’s nobody it could be but his former mentor. The person who gave him everything he ever wanted…and then committed an unspeakable sin against him.

Clearly, Daz still misses him. Despite what Dream had done to him, a part of him still misses the person who crushed him infinitely worse than anyone before him.

Despite only getting brief glimpses of that time, Aster gets the impression that Dream had been someone whose preciousness went beyond words.

Yet Daz couldn’t stomach letting him have his way after what he did. He rejected a place as a near-god beside someone who, despite the sickness in his soul, was devoted to him to a disturbing degree.

That…takes a strength of will that Aster isn’t completely sure he could match.

Fuck, nor does the decision to use the lethally broken enchantment as a backup plan.

If the rest of the server had failed to kill him, Daz would have chosen a death so agonizing that it chills Aster to his core.

It’s not hard to see why Daz is so…himself, honestly. Aster might not be able to think like him, nor agree with his actions, but in a fucked up way he can follow most of the logic now that he has the pieces.

He swallows as Daz’s voice wavers and cracks. “You said you’d protect me, so why…”

Aster adjusts his arms to a more comfortable positon, and messes with his hair more. “I’m not him, Daz. You’re not Tommy any more. Dream was sick– you know that.”

Horrifyingly, Daz starts shaking as he cries.

He rushes to add, “But– but you can have something new. Fuck, if you can be even halfway decent, I’d fall for you pretty damn quick. You can be charming, you know? And– and pretty romantic. It was– maybe it wouldn’t be awful. If you just stopped being such a bastard–”

At a loss for what else to do, he cuts himself off and starts humming.

Eventually, Daz slips back into deeper sleep.

But the memory of this unsettlingly fragile side of him will remain in the back of Aster’s head. Even when Daz is being the biggest bastard he can be…Aster knows he’ll remember this.

#chronotag #shiningaster #dazzlingvoid #Aster has COMPLICATED FEELINGS about this!!#on one hand he still has a lot of resentment and anger bc of Daz's actions #on the other like--#Daz is shockingly vulnerable in this scene. it's not something Aster has seen of him y'know?#trauma is dealt with with snarling anger and seething hatred #not crying. not asking 'why' in such a broken voice.#so yeah. Aster is like-- 'fuck I kind of see what future me sees in him #he's stronger and weaker than I ever imagined #and maybe since I already know that I'll fall for him anyway it's....okay? to feel something here???#let's start with pity. I'll begin there and see if he fucks it up.'#also yeah Raine is like WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU TWO HAVE A KID #he's having a little crisis at home lmao #'there's no fucking way I'm not one of multiple godfathers. is it me Theo Lee??? (yes)#do I. do I start figuring out baby shit now. how quick does this happen. there's like 9 months at least right?#I can start when they bring it up probably. but also this is DAZ AND ASTER'S KID #gods help that poor kid. what do you need to babyproof a house actually that's something innocent I can research'#esp after Aster stops replying he's just left to deal with his ?????????????????? about it all LMAO #like granted he's also proud that Daz is letting Aster help him sleep. Daz rejects most kinds of touch in blackout rooms #but especially anything that lasts a long time #this is a HUGE deal for both of them and Raine (as their mutual bestie) is like YEAHHHHH GO ENEMIES TO LOVERS ARC #Raine def has THOUGHTS about all this btw. if anyone cares.

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beautifel · 11 months

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seems like my heart does nothing but break lately

#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level #for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her #still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions #Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later #jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this #not fair not fair at all this is evil #and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences #i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it #i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity #is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike #Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂#AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪#at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even #LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it #what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol #hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather #kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter #how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there #n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng #or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak #n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own #well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her

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johndonneswife · 5 months

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not a sad ‘woe is me’ post so don’t send me weird messages but: the thing abt cycling through every ED possible and being bulimic for like 10 yrs & making yourself vomit up to 10x times per day on ur worst days is that your teeth and gums will eventually give out on you (bc it doesn’t make a difference if you’ve been good & it doesn’t matter how well you’ve taken care of your teeth for the last x years) and u will be 30 years old crying to your very sweet and kind dentist when she tells you about the 1 million things that are wrong with ur teeth

#anyway i feel strongly compelled to quit my job and dedicate my entire life to speaking out abt eating disorders #& doing research & writing & advocating for people who are suffering #women who are suffering #i think this is honestly my life’s calling!!!! i just don’t know where to start #you know movies glamorize having anorexia & it’s always like: she is the most beautiful girl in the world…but so sad…she doesn’t eat :(#i need to make movies that have scenes like that one chapter of i’m glad my mom died:#where jennette has been throwing up like 15 times a day and her tooth falls out #and she’s literally just like: yeah i’ll deal with that later #& instead of writing about a beautiful skinny white girl who is upset about eating carrots at inpatient #i would just force people to read/watch the things in this thread:#https://www.reddit.com/r/EDAnonymous/s/H1C3JZyvFK #because that’s the reality #the one comment in that thread ‘i ate something poisonous because i hoped it would make me puke’#like yeah same. LOL. & i always thought i was the only one so fucked in the head #anyway society is very cruel to women and i need to do something about it. genuinely whereeee do i even begin #i guess i have been writing a lot abt my personal experience and all the disgusting things ppl like to avoid talking abt #and how my mother made me this way etc #i could def make a memoir out of it. maybe i’ll do that.#i would love to have more options than just. trauma porn.#ah anyway maybe i’ll open a nonprofit. IDK. i just need to make a lot of noise somehow

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thethingything · 2 months

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also shoutout to the hospital for sending us a bunch of PDFs with information about preparing for surgery and what to expect, except the information was all generic stuff where most of it does't actually apply to wisdom tooth removal, so I had a huge panic attack where I nearly threw up because a bunch of the stuff mentioned in there is extremely triggering for us, only to then find out that stuff literally doesn't apply anyway, but now I feel like I have even less of an idea of what to actually expect because it's so hard to figure out which information does apply

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #posts made on pain meds #emetophobia tw #the thing is one of the PDFs is actually specifically for us and has our name in the file name and has been edited to be the right info #but it's only for one specific thing while all the other information about what to expect is just generic stuff #which makes it even more confusing because it gives the impression that it's all specific to this surgery when it isn't #also it's 13 fucking PDFs and we're supposed to read through all of them #but I managed to skim over like 2 paragraphs from one of the generic ones before I started panicking so hard I nearly threw up #(I tried to read the others while already panicking and you can imagine how this went)#it would be nice if people could fucking communicate with us clearly about what's going on #instead of whatever the fuck this is because now we've had multiple instances of being confused as fuck because nobody explained shit #and also if medical professionals could actually fucking understand how medical trauma works and maybe work with us #to figure out how to make this less distressing so we don't have to keep dealing with panic attacks like this #we're not freaked out by the procedure itself. it's a bunch of the other stuff around it that probably doesn't seem like a huge deal #a lot of it feels very dehumanising and like we don't get a say in what people do to us #and there are lots of little things you can do to make us feel less like we're in control and less like we're being dehumanised #but nobody does that and they don't seem to get why certain stuff would be distressing #also the kind of panic attacks we have with this are ones where we don't seem to be able to calm ourselves down #we literally have to use the ''shove an ice cube/something really spicy in your mouth'' trick when we have them #because our brain will not fucking stop and then we spend the next couple of hours really dazed and struggling to process anything #and obviously I don't fucking want that to happen in a hospital because nobody is gonna handle that well #I'm concerned the nurses won't understand how dissociation works and will keep refusing to let us go home #because of us being really spaced out and woozy from the dissociation because they'll assume it's from the sedation instead #when going home would be the thing that would help us stop being so spaced out because we'd be leaving the triggering environment

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magentagalaxies · 5 months

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.

#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted #i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter #the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back #and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context #or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with #''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!''#which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it #BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM????#and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with #i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together #but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person #it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist #but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary #of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be #and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it #but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well #or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations #and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think #or even what other people understand #but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun #and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time #he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i #and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma #is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!''#that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels #i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott #idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back #but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it

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