#His stand-up comedy special “The Comeback Kid”

[int3r3st1ng]

Percy: I think I accidentally joined a cult Later Percy: Update, I am now the leader of said cult

[therecordconnection]

The Comeback Kid, the Midwest Princess, and the Shared Horrors of Online Parasocial Interaction

On September 28th, the long-running NBC sketch comedy institution Saturday Night Live will be starting its fiftieth season. In anticipation, NBC recently revealed the first five guest hosts and musical guests that will kick off the anniversary season. There are some neat combos: Jean Smart and Jelly Roll, Michael Keaton and Billie Eilish, Ariana Grande and Stevie Nicks. I haven’t followed SNL for years, but I’m sure people will enjoy those episodes.

However, the one that really grabbed my attention was John Mulaney and Chappell Roan, which is scheduled for Saturday, November 5th. On the surface, those two have absolutely nothing in common with each other, but upon thinking about it a little, I can’t think of a more apt celebrity of the current moment to pair up with Roan. Why? Because both of those two have experienced being utterly adored and obsessed over by the internet. Both of them also had to endure what happened when the internet decided to turn on them, eat them alive, and spit them back out when people were forced to stop imagining the idealized version they made up and remove them from the pedestal they were placed upon. When the internet was forced to reconcile with the fact that Mulaney and Roan are flawed, flesh-and-blood humans as opposed to the perfect and imaginary versions they invented for those people, the love and adoration for both of them stopped. I found that connection utterly fascinating.

We’ll start with Mulaney, since he’s had it bad, but nowhere near as bad as Roan has. Back in the early-to-mid 2010s, I hadn’t watched either of the major stand-up specials (New In Town and The Comeback Kid) that made him omnipresent in the culture, but I can absolutely tell you that I’ve seen every single frame from them in picture form, due to how often screenshots from those specials were posted online. Whether they were just shared as its own post or used as a response to another post, I became incredibly aware of Mulaney and the major bits from those specials. I’ve still never seen those specials, but I can quote major parts of them through pop culture osmosis alone. I remember being present for all of that.

I also remember being present for when the internet, Tumblr especially, did a complete X-Games caliber Frontside 180 on that guy in 2021. It was weird and it only made me think of the same question Thugnificent once asked on The Boondocks: Man, what did he do to make them that mad?

The answer ended up being both simple and complicated. The simple answer is that a big part of Mulaney’s stand-up persona was built on being what is known as a “Wife Guy”. His marriage to artist Anna Marie Tendler factored into the bulk of his comedy and that’s what people latched onto. This guy was super happy to tell you how great his marriage is and relay all the crazy adventures that happen in marriage. That wasn’t the only thing he based material around, but a lot of the dude’s most beloved bits had something or everything to do with his wife, their relationship, and their marital bliss. A “Wife Guy” normally uses his wife and milks that relationship in order to gain fans and get fame (there are dudes on Instagram doing this play as we speak), and that would certainly be true of Mulaney... if he wasn’t already notable for having been a writer on SNL from 2008 to 2013. He contributed to a lot of the best known sketches from that time. He was in The Lonely Island’s video for “Like a Boss.” He co-created the Stefon character with Bill Hader. He was doing stand-up long before he married Tendler, so it’s not like his entire career and source of fame is tied to her. He just got married and started writing observational comedy about married life, a thing you do when that major life event happens and you’re a comedian looking for anecdotes. Also, Tendler, it’s worth noting, was and still is an artist in her own right, both before and after her marriage to him. But since Mulaney didn’t achieve superstar status until after the specials started happening, the internet came to know him as “the guy who really loves telling you about wife and how marriage is going.”

Now, wouldn’t it be crazy if, oh I don’t know, dude ended the marriage with the woman that he wrote all of that material about at some point? That would be crazy right? Probably wouldn’t happen, right? I mean, he sounds so happy talking about her during those comedy sets! Once you’re married that’s it! That's the endgame! The Mulaney/Tendler marriage is gonna be the next Johnny and June!

I say all of that because the marriage didn’t last. Mulaney and Tendler divorced in 2021. Based on reports at the time, it didn’t sound like it was amicable...

Fans online were shocked when this happened. For a number of reasons. This is where the complicated part of the answer comes in. In 2020, Mulaney had checked himself into a rehab facility to address alcohol addiction and cocaine abuse. The public didn’t know that until he left rehab in February 2021. A few months after that, news broke that Mulaney and Tendler’s marriage would be ending after six years. Again, it didn’t sound like it was amicable, mostly due to Tendler flat out being quoted in Vanity Fair as saying, “I am heartbroken that John has decided to end our marriage. … I wish him support and success as he continues recovery.” I heard that news and had a perfectly normal reaction to it: “Damn. That sucks, but breakups happen. I’m sure they’ll be alright.” I promptly moved on after that, but some people online felt personally betrayed and thought he was a piece of shit for immediately leaving her after she had supported him through relapse and eventual recovery. I don’t know either of these people and also don’t care how two adults I don’t know choose to conduct themselves and their relationship/divorce. I just want to hear Mulaney do the bit about the guy playing Tom Jones’ “What’s New Pussycat?” on a diner jukebox some fifty-something times (with one “It’s Not Unusual” peppered in there at some point).

But the thing that really seemed to piss off fans and internet denizens came with the secret third surprise: Mulaney started dating actress Olivia Munn shortly after that divorce announcement... Oh! And also that she’s pregnant with his kid. That’s a wicked fast turnaround! There were rumors of infidelity on Mulaney’s part, but most of those rumors only really ended up being hearsay and never had much (or any) confirmation attached. But, for a moment, it looked like Mulaney was living a real life version of Usher’s “Confessions Part 2.” He and Munn got married earlier this year. Good for them.

I remember the Comeback Kid being yeeted off that pedestal at dizzying speeds as soon as all of this happened. He’s still a popular comedian, mind you, that’s one big reason why he’s gonna be a guest host on SNL (for the sixth time) in a little over a month. But I remember reading posts from people who were being Absolutely Normal About It(tm) online and voicing how betrayed they felt and how shitty he is and how he “definitely cheated on his ex-wife.” The biggest and most common genre of post I saw were from people who now thought his career was built on one giant lie, that he basically used his wife to get famous and then betrayed and dumped her when the time was right. I don’t think that’s what happened at all. A good number of comedians make anecdotes and build sets and bits around married life, Mulaney was just the white hot star of the moment getting really popular from doing that kind of thing. Plus, marriages end all the time, for any number of reasons. I don’t doubt all the anecdotes and happiness Mulaney displayed was a giant lie. He was happy, then he wasn’t, then he chose to end their marriage for whatever reason. Your neighbors and coworkers could do the exact same thing and the internet isn’t going to go insane over it. But that’s what happened! People saw “the ultimate Wife Guy” got divorced, started dating somebody new, moved on with his life, and felt like this was now just a Hollywood playboy leaving his old wife for a new model. He’s been continuing his stand-up comedy career up to the present moment and is still doing fine for himself, but I remember all of this really starting the conversation surrounding celebrity worship and how we don’t actually know these people. I know John Mulaney (Comedian), but I don’t know John Mulaney (Just a Guy in the World), you know? I also distinctly remember the word “parasocial” becoming much more present in the lexicon when all of this happened, and we’re all worse for it, because it’s now been overused to hell and it doesn’t have any of the original meaning left intact (the internet does this for every single new buzzword it learns). Watching somebody and enjoying their personality and following their career isn’t “parasocial,” but it does become that when you suddenly think said person is your friend and you think you know them better than they do. That’s when it gets weird.

Last thing on Mulaney. Apparently, all of this stuff I’ve been talking about is topical again because Anna Marie Tendler just recently released her memoir, Men Have Called Her Crazy (not the most incredible celebrity memoir title, but still a pretty good one), last month. In it, she details her mental health journey and her experiences in a psychiatric hospital after her divorce... but I’m willing to bet a good chunk of change that people will only really want to read it so they can learn about the end of her marriage to Mulaney and hope it talks about how much he sucks and how he definitely betrayed her and left her scorned. I haven’t read the book, and in all honesty I don’t have much interest in celebrity memoirs, so I think I’ll be skipping that one. I can tell you that the internet is still definitely not normal about either Mulaney, Tendler, or Munn in the slightest. The Slate article “Uh-Oh, People Are Being Weird About John Mulaney and Olivia Munn Again” did a good job at filling me in on some things regarding that strange triangle(?) and it’s worth the read if you want a more in-depth version of that whole story. The wildest part of all this is that back in Spring of last year, Munn had made the announcement that she had been diagnosed with an aggressive variation of breast cancer. She got a bunch of surgeries to combat it and as far as I’m aware, she’s doing fine! Which is good and I’m happy to hear that! The bad part is that Munn apparently announced this right around the time Tendler announced Men Have Caller Her Crazy was coming out... to quote Slate: “Most, of course, were sending Munn and Mulaney well wishes. But some distasteful posters instead saw Munn’s illness as karmic payback for Mulaney’s supposed maltreatment of Tendler. Others even found the timing of Munn’s statement to be shady, accusing her of attempting to steal the shine from Tendler’s memoir announcement.”

Positively normal one right there, guys. I highly doubt Munn waited until the perfect time to drop that bombshell on us. I doubt Munn even really cared or was even aware that Men Have Called Her Crazy was coming out. Why would she give a shit about a book written by her now-husband’s ex-wife? Does she even know who Tendler is beyond “my husband’s ex wife”?

The whole thing just reeks of reaching super hard for reasons to hate somebody that you don’t know. But hey! Speaking of hate, don’t you just hate it when your fans are really weird and don’t understand respecting boundaries and privacy? Don’t you just hate it when your fans think they’re putting pieces together and figuring things out? Don’t you just hate it when your fans make up completely preposterous things about you and act really weird about the choices you make in your life when they have absolutely zero say in how you conduct your business and relationships? You know who might be able to relate to John Mulaney in those ways? Chappell Roan. I’m sure they’d have a lot to talk about at SNL when it comes to people online being weird about them.

Let’s talk Chappell Roan, Your Favorite Artist’s Favorite Artist. The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess is the name of the debut album that shot Roan to fame back at the start of this past summer... but you could just as easily use it to describe the way her entire summer played out. It feels like I watched an entire three act stage play unfold in real time. Act I was the early days of summer, when I was first introduced to Roan via my sister playing me “Good Luck, Babe” and “Red Wine Supernova” for the first time. Act II began with the absolute breakneck speed at which she attained popularity in the mainstream consciousness. Every time a music festival happened this summer, news sites were quick to tell you all about what Chappell Roan did for her performance and how it went. It helped that she dressed up in wildly elaborate and different costumes every time. Some highlights include: Paying homage to drag queen icon Divine at Kentuckiana Pride, dressing as a wrestler at Lollapalooza (I lovingly called this one, “Gay Bane from Batman”), and my personal favorite, the Statue of Liberty at the Governors Ball. In a short amount of time, that woman captured the imagination of everybody. My brother and his wife are not pop music listeners in the slightest and even they were under the spell of Miss. Roan. Act II was fun and immediately set up Act III when Roan made two TikTok videos going into detail about how weird fans were becoming towards her and how she was feeling increasingly unsafe and uncomfortable with everything. She detailed a lot of upsetting and invasive behavior from fans and started a conversation about current celebrity culture, respecting boundaries, and recognizing that fans are not entitled to anything from the person they’re a fan of and shouldn’t be upset when a fan doesn’t immediately grovel and give them what they want. If for some reason you haven’t seen these two videos, you can view those here and here. The main message can be summed up like this: Leave me alone and stop being so fucking weird. (Spoiler: People are still being really weird. When the internet is told not to do something, people just do it even more.)

We’ve now reached the point in Act III where if she even says anything regarding how she’s been treated in recent months and how she feels about it, pretty much everybody will tell her some variation of, “Oh, God, just shut up and quit whining already.” Part of this stems from media outlets sensationalizing the entire thing and really only interested in the bad parts. Interviewers and reporters aren’t really interested in her music much, like they were a few months prior. Did you know that she had a great performance at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards? You might have! She came out in a suit of armor, she had a whole castle setup on stage and even made it look like it was being lit on fire! It was cool. But I’m willing to bet you heard more about her being harassed by a photographer on the red carpet and telling him to shut the fuck up after he yelled at her. Fun stuff.

We’ve also reached the point in Act III where the internet has decided to turn from overwhelming adoration and obsession to looking for any reason to despise her. You know that thing internet users like to do when they want to turn heel on a famous person? You know, that thing users do where they look for any moral reason to justify why they now hate said famous person? Even if they have to stretch more than Mr. Fantastic in order to do it? Yeah! Well, don’t worry, the internet has done that classic play with Roan as well. Take your pick! Would you like to go the route of “Is Chappell Roan actually queer or is she just appropriating drag?” RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 16 contestant Plane Jane went that route. Bold move! That was a take that landed her the coveted “Main Character on Twitter For the Day” award! If you don’t like that option, you could always go the political route with “Chappell Roan is a ‘both sides are evil’ kind of person and is actually Republican”, despite the fact that she never said that and there’s no evidence that she’s fully blue or red. Instead, she opted to advocate for the importance of voting, using your brain, and being critical of both parties; to not fall into the trappings of blind loyalty. If people actually read full articles (and if said articles were accessible to people and without fucking paywalls!) maybe people might know what Roan actually said in the Rolling Stone cover story where she talked about the upcoming election and how she isn’t publicly endorsing any candidate:

“Right now, it’s more important than ever to use your vote, and I will do whatever it takes to protect people’s civil rights, especially the LGBTQ+ community,” she tells me in August. “My ethics and values will always align with that, and that hasn’t changed with a different nominee. I feel lucky to be alive during an incredibly historical time period when a woman of color is a presidential nominee.”

She was also very adamant in a Guardian interview about paying attention to smaller places, your own city, and using your critical thinking skills when casting your vote:

“I have so many issues with our government in every way,” she says. “There are so many things that I would want to change. So I don’t feel pressured to endorse someone. There’s problems on both sides. I encourage people to use your critical thinking skills, use your vote – vote small, vote for what’s going on in your city.” The change she wants to see in the US in this election year, she says instantly, is “trans rights. They cannot have cis people making decisions for trans people, period.”

For the record, I absolutely think Roan is correct. Anybody advocating for “use your brains, people!” is a winner in my book. Neo-Liberals with terminal brain rot really don’t like when you’re critical of Democrats in any way. If you're critical of Harris or disagree with her on some things, that's healthy and perfectly. That's how you're supposed to view politicians, even the ones you may really like and may have respect for. They need to be criticized and called out when they're being foolish, which is a big reason why Roan declined the invite to the White House’s Pride event back in June. From Rolling Stone:

"Roan opted to turn down the invite, though there were some who misread what she felt was a pretty clear message. 'I saw a couple of TikToks where they were like, So she's pro Trump?' Roan's face contorts into disgust. 'It is not so black and white that you hate one and you like the other. No matter how you say it, people are still going to be pissed for fucking some reason. I'm not going to the White House because I am not going to be a monkey for Pride. And thank God I didn't go because they just made a huge statement about trans kids a couple weeks ago,' she says, referring to the Biden administration stating its opposition to gender-affirming surgery for transgender minors in June (The administration would walk back those comments a month later.)"

I can tell you this with confidence because I’ve lived long enough to see this play again and again and again. Whenever the internet turns on someone, they always make them seem like a giant flaming ball of shit, because it’s apparently not enough to just say, “I think they’re annoying” or “I really don’t care about what’s going on with them.” Going the “they have shitty politics but I don’t have credible sources for that” route is a surefire winner. And also, because I won’t get another chance to say this, for twenty years we continue to circle back around to that classic Dave Chappelle bit about caring too much about what celebrities think, citing when TRL asked Ja Rule what his thoughts, feelings, and reactions to 9/11 were in late 2001. Dave summed it up perfectly: “Who gives a fuck what Ja Rule thinks at a time like this!?” Roan herself thinks that the responsibility of voting and learning who is worthy of your vote isn't in her hands but the hands of people and fans. People twisted her words from interviews so much that she had to go to TikTok (again) and make videos clarifying that she's not publicly endorsing anybody and relying on a pop star to tell you who to vote for is a dumb move. You can watch those two videos here and here. It fucking sucks that she had to do that because, and this is just me, I thought she made herself pretty damn clear. But in the wake of the Harris campaign co-opting Charli XCX's whole "Brat Summer" meme and Taylor Swift publicly endorsing her via Instagram, I imagine Roan felt she had to make things even more clear regarding where she stands politically. I hate to break it to you, but there’s a non-zero chance that many young voters will cast their ballots for Kamala Harris specifically because Taylor Swift told them to. Anything that gets people to vote is a positive, but the blind loyalty stan culture on display from doing what a pop star fave tells you to do is not. Roan rejected that and is now getting burned for not being the made-up version of Chappell Roan that people invented. It sucks. I feel bad for her.

The online opinion and complete turn around on Chappell Roan happened almost as quickly as her rise to stardom happened. At least Mulaney had close to a decade before people online got weird and turned on him for no reason. She was completely and utterly adored and obsessed over by the masses. She was placed on a pink pedestal fit for a Midwest Princess... until she asked that people stop being so weird and to stop harassing her and making her uncomfortable. After that, the masses were forced to look at her not as Chappell Roan, the hot lesbian drag queen dressing up in elaborate costumes and doing cheers and dances to some of the best pop music of this year, but as Kayleigh Rose Amstutz, a regular human woman in her mid-twenties who has had her life completely turned upside down and is just trying to keep up with the giant wave she’s riding; a woman who is now being called “entitled” and “ungrateful” all because she demanded there be boundaries between musician and fan, which is a normal thing for people to ask for and have respected.

Time is a flat circle, history repeats, and part of me can’t help but wonder if Mulaney and Roan are being paired together as host and guest on SNL on purpose specifically because somebody noticed their experiences with weird fans that don’t understand boundaries or speculate and make shit up about them is exactly the same in some regards. All of it sucks and it shouldn’t happen, famous or not, but there’s at least some positive aspects to find here. John Mulaney is doing fine. People are still weird about him online sometimes, but his career isn’t hurting and he seems happy and content with Olivia Munn and their toddler son. Good for him. Chappell Roan has had many other pop star women reach out to her to voice their support, check in on her, and express that she isn’t in the wrong at all for asking for boundaries and asking that people stop their weird behavior. She’s apparently bonded with Sabrina Carpenter in recent days, that other pop star that shot into the stratosphere this past summer and is trying to handle the massive amounts of fame that came with it. I think that’s nice. From what I’ve seen, Carpenter seems like a nice gal. I’m happy those two have each other to confide in and relate to. I hope it helps both of them, but especially Roan, considering that it just got announced that she’s been diagnosed with severe depression, which isn’t shocking to me in the slightest and shouldn’t be shocking to you, given what she’s been through as of late.

As for where the Chappell Roan story is headed, she is up for the Album of the Year Grammy this coming year, but has expressed that she doesn’t want to win it: “I’m kind of hoping I don’t win, because then everyone will get off my ass: ​‘See guys, we did it and we didn’t win, bye!’ I won’t have to do this again!” I totally get that. If she wins, I kinda hope she pulls a Bo Burnham and doesn’t even go to the show. What I want is for her to disappear for five years and come back with the weirdest, most off putting Kate Bush/Bjork/Mitski-ass album ever conceived and just use it as a test to see who the real fans are. If not that, my hope is that her happy ending is in the Carly Rae Jepsen route, where the world at large only remembers her for her own “Call Me Maybe” (I don’t know what the Chappell Roan equivalent would be) but a dedicated cult of online pop music nerds prop her up, keep her working and, more importantly, keep her as happy and as (moderately) famous as she’d like to be, if at all. That’s my hope for her. Fame is a real bitch and I hope once the wave finally dies, she ends up being okay. Pop music has enough dark and twisted stories to tell until the final embers go out. Roan doesn’t need to be one of those dark stories and I hope she isn't. I hope she has a good time on SNL. Maybe she’ll get to meet John Mulaney. Maybe they can chat about how weird people on the internet are towards them. Maybe she’ll find another famous person who has been there and understands and cares. That would be nice.

Good luck, babe.

[thelight-traveller]

When it comes to comedy, few have mastered the art of storytelling quite like John Mulaney. With his clever wit, sharp observations, and relatable humor, Mulaney has carved out a unique space in the world of stand-up—without relying on the shock value many comedians lean on today. Let’s take a deeper look at the man behind the microphone and why he’s become a favorite for so many.From Writer to Stand-Up Star John Mulaney’s career started behind the scenes as a writer for Saturday Night Live. During his time on SNL, he not only co-created the beloved character Stefon with Bill Hader but also contributed to countless sketches that shaped the show’s humor. While many talented comedians have passed through SNL, Mulaney’s work there set the stage for his leap into stand-up superstardom.A Different Kind of Comedian In a world where edgy, boundary-pushing humor often dominates, Mulaney’s clean comedy is a breath of fresh air. His jokes aren’t built on crude language or controversial topics, but on brilliant observations and deeply relatable stories from his own life. Whether he’s recalling his Catholic upbringing, dealing with awkward social situations, or reflecting on the quirks of adulthood, his comedy feels both timeless and refreshing.The Special Touch Mulaney’s Netflix specials, including The Comeback Kid and Kid Gorgeous, have solidified his place as a modern comedy icon. His signature storytelling style, paired with a delivery that can make even the most mundane topics hilarious, keeps audiences coming back for more. His specials are highly regarded for their blend of humor, intelligence, and heart—qualities that define Mulaney as a true master of his craft.A Broadway Star, Too? As if dominating stand-up wasn’t enough, John Mulaney also took his talents to Broadway. Teaming up with long-time friend Nick Kroll, the duo created Oh, Hello on Broadway, a hilarious show that earned critical acclaim and delighted audiences. Their on-stage chemistry and quirky characters from their Kroll Show days turned into a Broadway hit, later adapted into a Netflix special.Facing Challenges Head-On Beyond the jokes and accolades, John Mulaney has been open about his personal struggles with addiction. His journey through recovery, especially in recent years, has added another layer to his already fascinating career. Through it all, Mulaney has shown that it’s possible to be both vulnerable and funny—a testament to his resilience and authenticity.Conclusion: A Comedian for the Ages John Mulaney’s career is a reminder that great comedy doesn’t need to shock—it just needs to connect. His ability to blend humor with heartfelt stories, all while keeping things clean, has made him a favorite in the comedy world. Whether you’re laughing at his hilarious stand-up or watching him bring characters to life on stage and screen, Mulaney’s unique comedic voice will continue to resonate for years to come.So if you haven’t yet dived into John Mulaney’s specials or shows, now’s the time. Get ready for a masterclass in comedy—one that’s equal parts clever, heartwarming, and absolutely hilarious! 

#JohnMulaney #StandUpComedy #CleanComedy #ComedyGenius #BroadwayComedianJohn Mulaney #Comedian #Comedians #John Mulaney

[wack-ashimself]

Jim Gaffigan is added to the list with Kevin Hart, Dave Chappelle & so many more comedians...

I have enjoyed stand up as long as I can remember watching it on tv.

However, I noticed a pattern with at least...1/2 of all comedians. I want to say more but...once I see someone on that list, I don't tend to watch any more specials and give them chances. There COULD be some that make a comeback off of it, but I have yet to see it.

After they get SO rich, so popular, so mainstream, so recognized, their comedic takes on life get worse. Their comedy isn't as funny or relatable.

They sell out.

#1 way to know is if most of their material comes from their world travels (which they did not have previously). Mr Fluffy ONLY has material from his travels now it seems.

Top traits I have found when people sell out is -after they get their own tv show (usually with their name in it)

-after they get a semi serious role in a show and/or movie(s). Sometimes winning awards.

-again, once they do some world tour shit*.

-This is for a LOT of newer comedians, but they work more on being popular, streaming, and crowd work than ACTUAL JOKES. They care more about being seen than creating the scene, ya know?

Once they get to that level fame & money, the heart of their material...fades. DIES even. Cuz most of their material came from being a regular poor ole joe that grew up like the rest of us. And without regular access to the resources of which their material comes from, it withers. Their edges fade. You can't talk about how annoying this is, or these things people do, or this daily activity if...you're so rich, you're never exposed to it anymore, ya know?

Seriously, watch Jim Gaffigan's newest special and say it's even 1/4 of funny as his first ones. They're not. You don't get hot pocket material out of 'I'm rich and took my kids to Hawaii' (that was actually a special or two ago, but ya know what I mean.)

Side note-his movie Linoleum sucks too. Couldn't even get close to finishing.

*Know what I don't understand? How many comedians are anti government, anti war, anti everything the USA stands for...but then proudly go and do stand up to 'support our troops' overseas. Then come back, brag and do material on that. Hypocrites.

[johnmulanymerch]

John Mulaney Merchandise Hot Spots

John Mulaney is a comedian to watch. He is well-known for his observational style, sharp wit and sharp humor.

He has been a beloved comedian and writer, winning Emmys. Comedy Central airs a weekly comedy show that he hosts.

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How often is new merchandise released? The life of the former Saturday Night Live reporter has been quite turbulent. He's had a drug relapse, rehab stint, and a baby (recently spotted with his Uncle Pete Davidson).

Mulaney's silence has been atypical in recent months. He did however perform a brief stand-up set on Netflix’s “Is a Joke Fest” and discussed his sobriety last month on Saturday Night Live.

John Mulaney, From Scratch, is currently on tour across North America and sold out all venues, from Madison Square Garden to Hollywood Bowl. Now, Mulaney has added eight new dates to his current tour, including eight in Canada.

Who decides the best merchandise? Merchandise allows you to spread your brand across the globe. This can include t-shirts, hoodies or coffee mugs. It's a great way of promoting your business and keeping your followers happy.

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His official website is one of the best places you can find the best merchandise. Hot Topic and Amazon both have a range of merchandise available.

A tee-shirt with one his clever jokes printed on it is the best way to show your support for him. They come in many styles, including crew necks with long sleeves, v-necks, and crew necks. Many of these are made of polyester or cotton and have moisture-wicking and odor control properties. They are available in a range of colors and sizes to meet your individual needs. They are certain to be a hit.

What are some of your favorite John Mulaney merch products? John Mulaney is an actor, comedian, writer, and actor who is most well-known for his observational style comedy. Mulaney has won legions of fans for his comedy skills and Comedy Central's weekly show cements his status as one the best comedians in America.

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John Mulaney T-shirts make great gifts and are a popular choice for John Mulaney merchandise. T-shirts with his albums The Comeback Kid, New in Town and Saturday Night Live logos are available. All sizes are available so that you can find the perfect one to gift or keep for yourself.

[scarodscarft]

next up on: things i didn’t expect to find relatable on tumblr today yet look where we are

i know more about john mulaneys childhood than i do my own father's

[blueprint-han]

stay tonight — bang chan.

↪ why, you must be in love, then. oh trust me, i know.

— new years’ with Chan is spent confessing known feelings to each other and getting back at him for what he did to you on your first date.

pairing: chan x (gn) reader [while this was written with a fem reader in mind, i do think this can be read with a gender neutral perspective]

genre: fluff.

⇥ warnings: nothing at all! a little bit of kissing here and there, but this is completely sfw.

word count: 2.6 K

type: drabble. 

⇥ disclaimer: this fiction does not represent the activities of the real Bang Chan, nor is associated with JYPE in any form. Events are pure fiction. ♡

song: this was inspired by Stay Tonight by Chungha! Highly recommend listening to it when reading this fic <3

↯ note: This is actually shit™ because I was very writers blocky with this fic and had to rewrite it many times to develop a decent plot </3 still, hope you have a lovely Christmas! 🥰 Happy reading <3 this isn’t very well edited so please excuse any errors <//3 ⇥ dawn.☀️

“You know you’re not supposed to be sitting there, right?” 

You straighten up and turn around at the familiar sound that rings through your ears, content when it’s exactly who you wish to see standing there. The smile exchanged between the both of you is simple, sweet and relaxing as you get off where you’re seated on the compound of the building. Walking towards him, your hands go around his waist and he chuckles in response. “Hey.”

“Hey.” You revert back. “I was just about to call you.”

Chan quirks a brow at you, silently grabbing your hand and leading you to the two random chairs placed at a convenient angle — one where you can both bask in each other’s presence and do some stargazing at the same time.

“Why? Did you miss me that much?” His tone is very cocky at the moment, and it makes you want to kiss that stupid grin off his lips. Sadly, he knows you well enough to know that such comments only fluster you when spoken — and that’s exactly what happens — you feel yourself go warm from the inside, a dizzy expression taking over your face as you sit next to him.

Love. The first time you’d encountered the term was in first grade — yet you’re almost certain it’s nothing like what you feel when he’s around you. This kind of love is different — it’s special. It’s the kind of love that causes a fiery sensation to bubble through you when you spare as much as a glance at him, yet it’s also the kind that keeps you calm and running like the waves washing against the shore of a golden beach. 

You can’t put words to explain what love means after you met Bang Chan. It’s more than just a feeling or sensation — it’s like the warmth that flows through your insides when you sip on hot chocolate during cold winters, it’s when your whole life turns into shy smiles, delicate giggles and nervous glances exchanged towards each other. That could perhaps, only outline what you felt around him.

A small tug on your lips and flutter of your eyelashes is all it takes before Chan places his warm hand over your own, lacing fingers together as his thumb runs over the soft skin of your hand. There’s no need for words right now — just soft gazes lingering on each other and the chill air that clouds itself around you, making you yearn for the warmth that you know only Chan can provide.

You take a brief moment to let your eyes quickly run over Chan’s features — his black hair falling over his temples, his eyes peering into your own, his lips slightly parted open. He hasn’t taken the face chain off, yet. He looks like he’s taking you in too, and you want this moment to freeze right here. Because the way Chan’s looking at you right now almost sweeps you off your feet.

But of course, there’s your goofy side coming out when the feeling gets to the point where all you wanna do is just lean in and close the gap between the both of you.

“Close your mouth, mister.” You give him the most obscene-looking pout ever. “I know I’m too pretty to resist.” That (very cringy statement), paired with a wink thrown with each eye causes Chan to break eye contact from you and start laughing, hysterically.

“Y/N.” You can’t even see his eyes because of the tiny™ crescents that have taken their place. “What, in the name of lord, was that?” Chan clutches his stomach, his loud giggles very prominent in the quiet surroundings around you.

“Oh, come on, it’s the end of year. There should be harmony—” The last word is in a singsong voice, spreading your arms out to enhance the dramatic tone. “— everywhere possible. You just can’t appreciate my comedy.”

Chan only coos at you, leaning in to kiss your cheek ever-so-lightly before giving you the most beaming smile you’ve ever seen. He pinches where your cheeks feel hot. “Yes my little comedic genius, you’re adorable.”

“You love it.”

You pout at him, and Chan immediately leans in, cupping your cheeks and squishing them together before kissing the pout right off your face. He pecks lightly once, twice, thrice before pulling away, eyes glittering under the stars — you could see a whole universe in his orbs, and they seemed to be dragging you in.

You’d met — no, you’d properly seen Bang Chan for the first time when you passed by him in the MNET Countdown for their Miroh comeback. You’re forgetful enough to not remember what song you were promoting at that time, but you do remember bowing down at all the members of Stray Kids multiple times as you exited the stage. It was also the time you felt that tug on your heart’s strings, all because Chan’s lips pulled into a smile when his eyes fixated on yours. 

You’re again, forgetful enough to not remember anything about your surroundings, but you do remember staring off into his brown eyes, even if it were for a mere second — yet it felt like you were swept off your feet. You do also remember when Chan reached out for your shoulder, and you froze. You weren’t capable of words as Chan brushed off a piece of tinsel off your top; throwing you a beaming smile.

“T-thank y-you,” You remember saying, stuttering, rather. You could feel his radiance clouding your brain as you scrambled along your route, trying to calm yourself down of that unfelt rush of emotion you’d just felt. The loud applause and the bustling crowd, the members singing their parts of the song, the other groups making their exit — you couldn’t bring yourself to focus on anything except that smile. Those eyes that crinkled into the finest of crescents, that flash of his dimples that softened your heart and then that final brush of his fingers against your shoulder, enough to take your breath away.

Call you lovestruck, but Bang Chan had you in his grasp the moment he laid his eyes on you.

The second time you met Bang Chan was again, at a show, but this time. You were an MC instead of a performer. You don’t need to dwell on the lot of details again, but you can still feel that shock wave that ripped through your fingers when Chan borrowed the mic from you. Your fingers only barely touched, yet you could feel all the blood rush to your face in that very moment, biting your lip slightly as you allowed him to do the talking.

You did pray and hope that he, or anybody else for that matter, didn’t notice how red you were, because hell that was embarrassing. 

“You look at him like he’s an anime character come to life.” Ah, typical friends. Using your love for anime boys to tease the way you kept blushing every time Chan even so happened to walk past you. 

Of course, by the third week of this happening, you were almost certain you’d fallen head over heels for the man — that man who you’d never talked to before, if you didn’t count the awkward hellos and bows you’d shared. You didn’t understand why or when or how he managed to catch your attention so much — all you knew was that you were hurled headfirst into the vortex of love, and you were only plunging deeper and deeper in, with no way out.

But did you want a way out?

“I can feel you staring.”

Oh shit. You awkwardly straighten yourself before shifting your gaze two degrees to the side. Chan’s dorm (he’d made sure all the boys were out) was a less-than-ideal-location for a first date, but being an idol has its own repercussions, you like to believe. 

“Y/N!” He exclaims, giggling at you as he shakes your arm, like he’s trying to pull you out of a trance or something. It only makes you very obviously shy of the fact that he’s caught you red-handed.

“I have something for you…” He drags, his eyes looking curiously into yours, scanning for a response. Your own widen and a smile takes over your lips — you don’t care about the gift in all honesty, just the fact that he thought of getting you something for something like a first date warmed you up.

“What could that be, hm?”

“Wait here.”

He runs into his (shared) room and you hear sounds of him rummaging through something, and he returns with a small object in his hand. You try to get a glance at it but his hand is covering it up majorly, and he cheekily smiles as he sits in front of you.

“Close your eyes.” He says in that adorable, pouty voice that can have you do almost anything for him. Sure, this is your first date, but it took you two weeks after the confession to clear up your schedules and set a timing and place for you to meet up.

“Channn, just show it already!” You counter, groaning at his secretiveness.

“Nope, you’ll have to close your eyes.” 

If he wasn’t so freaking adorable, you’d have snatched that thing from his hand, owing to the amount of curiosity you had.

“Ugh, okay fine.” You squeeze your eyes shut, sighing when you feel Chan’s soft hand engulf your own before placing something cold and… is that plastic?

You open your eyes to look at the small, rectangular object in your hand.

“A cassette tape?” You raise an eyebrow — not mockingly, but rather in a questioning way. As far as you remember, cassettes weren’t something used regularly to play music. 

“Mhm, we had a lot of time before our first date, you know? So I thought I’d try to make it special.”

“Awh, how are we gonna play this?”

“Behind you.” 

You frown, turning behind you to look at the massive, ancient cassette-player sitting on a table.

“How did I just notice that now?” Chan shrugs. 

“Let’s l-listen to it then.” A small smile graces your lips.

And of course, you were crying by the end of the tape.

You do remember the contents of the tape. It had four songs — all of which were supposedly written for you — you didn’t bother to ask, but the mere thought of him going through all that to record and immortalize them into a tape had you touched.

The thought invokes a heavy feeling of nostalgia — suddenly you wanna go back in time, one year ago on your first date, just to relive the experience. Looking at Chan has always made you want to give everything you could to the man — yes, he was handsome, he was pretty, but moreover you could never, ever get over how much of a kind hearted and empathetic man he was. He’d pulled you out of your most vulnerable state and shown you how the true world was really like — filled with love, joy and exhilaration.

“Hey.” You hear the whisper and shake yourself out of your thoughts. “It’s thirty seconds to midnight. They’re gonna release the fireworks.”

A nod, and the both of you rush to move to the edge of the compound and gaze at the night sky.

“Don’t you think they’ll be looking for us below?”

“Nah, I told Hyunjin and Jisung where I’m going, they’ll take care of it.” Like usual, he intertwines your fingers together once again, looking up at the sky and then at his watch. You only giggle at his words, nodding before leaning to rest your head against his shoulder.

“Twenty seconds.”

This was it. In twenty seconds, the year would come to an end — while all the memories you’d made with Chan, and everyone for that matter, would remain, a small part of you would miss this year and all it’s days. Yet, you could be either excited for the year that was to come, or be sad that an amazing one was going to end — and you were leaning towards the former.

“You know,” You feel a sudden burst of emotion cutting through you — almost like you’re starting to tear up. 

“Yeah?”

“I’m-I’m really glad I met you.” 

The bustling of the city grows louder, and you can hear the collective chats echoing throughout the space.

Chan isn’t amused, but you can tell he’s taken aback by the sudden vocalization of your thoughts, especially when you tend to keep yourself on the more silent side.

“O-Oh…” 

You smile, still holding his hand when you turn to face him and he does the same, eyes filled with curiosity, a hint of confusion, but he nonetheless let’s you speak. 

“I don’t know, every time I look at you, I just think about — how grateful I am to have you standing next to me like this. And I might sound a little cheesy or dramatic here, but I’m really, so happy when I’m with you — you really make me smile without doing anything, you make me feel safe and it’s just… you’re so special to me.” 

Perhaps it’s just the sudden surge of emotion you feel when you look into Chan’s eyes, but you can’t seem to stop yourself from saying anything. The words just spill out and string themselves into a confession that leaves Chan breathless.

A soft sniffle leaves your lips and Chan’s eyes gloss over too, he silently brushes his thumb under your eyes to collect the tears that fall out. 

The loud sound of ringing resounds throughout, signifying that there’s only ten seconds left. The chants pour in, one by one. Ten, nine, eight, seven…

Chan really doesn’t know why he’s gotten emotional over a small confession, but to him it feels like a weight lifted off his shoulders. Not that he had any doubt in the first place, but the reassurance you give him is more satisfactory than anything he’s ever felt. While Chan knows you’re happy being with him (and vice versa), moments like these are what make your relationship lively and exciting, joyous.

Six, five, four.

“Why, you must be in love, then, Y/N.” He feels himself say. You look up to him and your eyes meet and it feels like a world’s united together. You love him, he loves you, and tonight, that is all that matters.

Three, two…

“Oh trust me.” You say, and at that moment, you hear nothing, except for the thudding of your quickened heartbeat and Chan’s voice catching in his throat. “I know.”

One.

You barely notice the luminescent firecrackers that start bursting behind and all around you high up in the sky when Chan’s gentle grip on your cheeks tightens and he pulls you in, chest crushing against yours as his lips engulf your own in one of the warmest, softest kisses you think you’ve ever received.  

Because in the end, this is where you like being the most — in his arms, feeling his presence beside you building your confidence. You think it’s destiny, it’s fate how the both of you seem to click so much and fit with each other so well — indeed, you’re in love with Bang Chan. Because with the start of the new year,  you can feel yourself forgetting about everything negative, everything except the light of your life, him. Your thoughts are fuzzy but still coherent, and you want to drown yourself in everything Chan, Chan, Chan.

When you pull away and rest foreheads against each other, finally, it all seems peaceful. There’s the distant chattering from below, but you and Chan are trapped in your own world to notice that.

“Happy New Year…” It’s a tiny whisper, yet you catch it quite easily.

“Happy New year,” you say, smiling at him lovingly before pecking his lips, leaning into his chest and humming when his hands wrap around your shoulders, engulfing you in warmth. “I love you.”

“And I love you.”

You smile to yourself. In your head, you know what you’re gonna do is half to revive past memories and half because you want to get back at Chan for almost making you cry on that first date with his dimpled smile and his thoughtful gift.

“I have something for you.” You playfully word, feeling that wave of nostalgia hit you when Chan raises an eyebrow.

“I thought we didn’t get each other gifts for new years.”

“Yeah, but this is special. Close your eyes.” Chan does as you say, though reluctantly, holding himself back from tangling his fingers with yours again. You snicker at how he bites his lips and stiffens his fingers, leaning to press a soft kiss into his palm before placing the gift.

Chan frowns and opens his eyes to peer into your own, fiddling with the cassette tape in his hand.

“A cassette tape?” he probably doesn’t remember in explicit detail, but you try not to laugh at how he mimics the exact same way you acted on the first date.

“Yeah, it’s something I made for you.”

“Oh,” He looks at you sweetly, making your heart swell as you nod in agreement. “I’ll listen to it when I get home, we have the cassette player there.”

You shake your head. “Mhm, nope! Lucky for you, I contacted the right people so you could listen to it.”

Chan raises both his eyebrows in amusement, chuckling to himself as he turns in the direction you point.

“Behind you.”

And just like the old times, that cassette  player was still there. It had taken you a whole two trips to McDonald’s to convince Minho to help you sneak it in, but if it all worked out, everything was set.

“How did I just notice that now?” Chan seems amused at the level you’ve gone to present your gift, and a tiny bit mellow at your actions.

And this time, you were the one who had him tearing up by the end of the night.

*:･ﾟ✧ find the other fics here ! ​

[tabloidtoc]

Entertainment Weekly, June

Cover: The Pride Issue cover 3 of 4 -- Lena Waithe

Page 3: Contents, other covers featuring Lil Nas X, Mj Rodriguez, Bowen Yang

Page 4: Sound Bites

Page 7: The Cold Open

Page 14: The Must List -- In the Heights

Page 15: Instructions for Dancing by Nicola Yoon, Iceage -- Seek Shelter, Ziwe

Page 18: Trying Q&A with Esther Smith and Rafe Spall, Day Zero by C. Robert Cargill

Page 20: Milestone Returns #0: Infinite Edition, In Treatment

Page 21: Brat: An '80s Story by Andrew McCarthy, The Empty Man

Page 22: My Must List Pride Edition -- Niecy Nash

Page 25: Pride 2021

Page 26: Lil Nas X -- the 22-year-old rapper is still breaking barriers one song and several clapbacks at a time

Page 29: St. Vincent -- the chameleonic singer-songwriter returns with Daddy's Home, an adventurous new album inspired by her father's prison time

Page 30: Olly Alexander -- after a lauded lead turn in It's a Sin, the artist returned with the single Starstruck, from his newly solo musical act Years & Years

* Rostam -- the new solo album from the multi-instrumentalist is rooted in society's fear of change

Page 32: Lena Waithe -- the producer and actor, and the new star of Master of None season 3, wants to create provocative art while elevating voices

Page 35: Josh Thomas -- the Australian creator-star of Everything's Gonna Be Okay is telling his story through his art

Page 36: Meet Your Maker -- Natalie Morales -- the queer star directs her first film(s), the sharp indies Plan B and Language Lessons. Here's what got her behind the camera

Page 37: Joshua Safran -- the man behind Alex Parrish's attitude and Blair Waldorf's one-liners shares how his sexuality helps him empathize with his characters

* Brandon Taylor -- coming off his explosive, best-selling debut novel Real Life, the lauded author is looking toward his second act and beyond

Page 38: Mj Rodriguez -- with the final season of the history-making FX drama Pose, it's leading lady is ready to claim what's hers

Page 41: Colman Domingo -- after decades of stellar work, the scene-stealer is front and center on Euphoria, Fear the Walking Dead, and more

Page 42: Auli'i Cravalho -- the star of Disney's Moana proved how far she'll go to be her authentic self, and is now focused on joy and inclusion

Page 43: Queen Supremes -- the international RuPaul's Drag Race winning class speaks power to the franchise's worldwide domination and looks ahead to a fab future

Page 44: Bowen Yang -- the Saturday Night Live breakout is defining funny for a whole new generation and pushing boundaries in the process

Page 47: Margaret Cho -- the stand-up comedian plays the lesbian pal we all wish we had in the comedy Good on Paper

Page 48: Molly Bernard -- after playing Younger's pansexual publicist, she's ready to explore the full spectrum of queerness

* Josie Totah -- from Disney's Jessie to the Saved by the Bell revival and Amy Poehler's Moxie, the actress has made a name for herself twice and Hollywood's paying attention

Page 49: Calendar -- 10 upcoming LGBTQ projects to get excited for --from eye-opening documentaries to sweeping romances, there is plenty to add to your Pride watch queue

* Pride season's 6 essential reads

Page 51: Summer TV Preview

Page 52: Loki with Tom Hiddleston

Page 53: Panic, The Celebrity Dating Game, Gossip Girl

Page 54: September Mornings, Schmigadoon!, Masters of the Universe: Revelation, Ted Lasso

Page 55: Heels, The Good Fight

Page 56: Power Book III: Raising Kanan

Page 57: Sweet Tooth, Blindspotting, Kevin Can F**k Himself, Mr. Corman

Page 58: We Are Lady Parts, Love Victor, Sex/Life, Turner & Hooch

Page 59: Physical, Hit & Run, American Rust

Page 60: Bosch, Marvel Studios' What If...?, Lisey's Story -- Q&A with Julianne Moore

Page 61: Calendar

Page 62: The Fast and the Furious oral history -- how did a little movie about underground racing speed off to become one of the most profitable franchises in history? The cast and crew reminisce about 20 years of Fast, one quarter-mile at a time

Page 68: News + Reviews -- Nominate Them, You Cowards -- on July 13, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences will announce the 2021 Emmy nominees. Here are some standout shows and performances we insist not be overlooked

Page 72: Movies -- Summer Star -- taking the lead in blockbusters A Quiet Place II and Jungle Cruise, Emily Blunt is the face of Hollywood's comeback summer

Page 74: Making the Scene -- Army of the Dead -- Zack Snyder explains how he bet big on destroying Las Vegas in his bloody zombie heist movie

Page 75: Oxygen, The Woman in the Window -- the journey from smash best-seller to star-studded streaming thriller was long and fittingly bizarre

Page 76: Meet the Fab G -- director Kay Cannon on how Billy Porter found a fresh, inclusive take on the fairy godmother in the new Cinderella

Page 79: My Favorite Shot Pride Edition -- Sebastian Lelio, A Fantastic Woman -- the Chilean director revisits a gravity-defying sequence in his groundbreaking Oscar-winning drama

Page 80: TV -- The Underground Railroad

Page 81: The Upshaws

Page 82: Oral History -- in 2011, Teen Wolf premiered on MTV. Ten years later, we look back at the pilot episode that introduced us to Scott, Stiles and the werewolves of Beacon Hills -- Jeff Davis, Tyler Posey, Russell Mulgahy, Dylan O'Brien, Crystal Reed

Page 84: What to Watch

Page 86: Music -- Miranda Lambert Q&A -- for The Marfa Tapes, Lambert decamped to the quiet artsy town in West Texas and recorded songs around a campfire. She talks to EW about the album and being an introverted superstar

Page 88: Ear Kandi -- Xscape member and current Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss reflects on the hits she's made for Destiny's Child, *NSYNC, TLC and more

Page 89: The Black Keys

Page 90: Books -- summer books special -- a comedy of eras -- in a sharp new essay collection, The Wreckage of My Presence, actor Casey Wilson weaves big feelings into even bigger laughs

Page 92: Poetic Justice -- prolific romance writer and political powerhouse Stacey Abrams bookend an incredible year with more thrills, this time in her first novel not written under her pen name Selena Montgomery

Page 93: Author Spotlight -- Silvia Moreno-Garcia -- Velvet Was the Night

Page 94: Fatal Attraction -- inside the intoxicating depravity of Animal, Lisa Taddeo's meaty follow-up to Three Women

Page 95: Critic's Pick -- The Great Mistake by Jonathan Lee

Page 96: Critic's Pick -- In the Country of Others by Leila Slimani

Page 97: The Conversation -- Taylor Jenkins Reid and Paula Hawkins -- the names behind Daisy Jones & the Six and The Girl on the Train are coming for your beach tote

Page 98: Q&A with Zakiya Dalila Harris -- The Other Black Girl, former book editor Zakiya Dalila Harris' genre-bending evisceration of workplace privilege, is set to become the debut of the summer

Page 99: Critic's Pick -- Afterparties by Anthony Veasna So

Page 101: Q&A with Billie Eilish -- in between winning Grammys and releasing her sophomore album, the pop star is publishing her first (self-titled) book, a collection of never-before-seen pics of her early life on the road

Page 103: Parental Guidance -- your crib sheet on the best entertainment for kids from toddlers to tweens

* Q&A with Gabrielle Union-Wade and Dwyane Wade -- the actress and her NBA legend husband, bring it on with their new children's book Shady Baby

Page 112: The Bullseye

[httpsfelicity]

“In a black dress, she’s such an actress” - Harry Styles × Model Reader AU

Summary - Harry meets a model downtown and falls for her quickly, leading the public to think that it’s a pr stunt. Unsure of what to think, the reader plays along, not knowing that Harry is unaware of the rumours.

For @cruizmanadu, @stephaniemalvie!, @kissessfordraco Xx

A/N - Third and final chapter! Wow! Thank you for the support on this. I apologize for it being shorter than the other chapters. Sadly it’s the end of this story, but if you click here you’ll find my master list and you can request things here. Thank you so so much for everything! I hope you enjoy!

Part one HERE

Part two HERE

“Harry.”

"..."

"Harry."

Harry jolted awake from beside you. "Hi, y/n. What's up?"

"You tell me what's up."

"Um... well, I was just asleep. And now, I'm awake. What about you...?"

"Just wondering why I'm here."

Harry sat up and turned on a lamp. "What? Do you want to go home? I can call you a cab. Pass me my phone. You should've just said."

"No, not 'Why I'm here' as in your apartment here, but as in -" You motioned to the two of you quickly "-here, you know?"

"Oh," Harry put his face in his hands. "I must've misinterpreted something along the way. Oh."

"No, just..." You sighed. How were you supposed to explain this? You racked your brain for an answer to this seemingly impossible question. "Am I some sort of publicity stunt? Or beard? Like, a fake girlfriend?"

Harry raised his eyebrows. "What? What makes you think that?"

"Well, I don't know. It just feels that way. It doesn't feel that way with you, per say, but people online and in the news think that I'm just with you for a bit of good TV."

Harry shook his head, his curls falling into his eyes unintentionally. "That's one hundred percent not the reason why you're 'here', y/n. Not at all."

You turned your head to the side, allowing him to continue on.

Harry just shook his head again. "I- I'm sort of out-of-the-loop on this whole situation. I don't use social media much... can you fill me in?"

You nodded. "Well, we met, obviously. That's where it started."

Harry laughed a little, then waited for you to keep on talking.

"And then after - well, during our first date, or first outing, or whatever, people saw us and took photos and posted them. And that's where it all kicked off."

Harry nodded understandingly.

"Then yesterday, people took loads of photos, and the press and the general public must be starting to get impatient or whatever, because they're really mad. They want to know if I'm a PR stunt or not."

"Yes, but you know you're not one, so what's the worry for?"

You looked down and took a deep breath. "Well, we've only been out twice, and both times the paps found us. Both times we were in a really public place, and a fancy one, too."

"But if you were, wouldn't I have told you? And if not me, someone important from management?"

"My management doesn't tell me much. I thought it could be a bit of a possibility."

"Trust me, y/n. I'm here right now because I am genuinely interested in you. Not because some intern told me to be. I would never, ever keep a secret that big from you. Or any secret, actually. None. I'm sorry you feel that way. I wish you would've told me sooner. I could've arranged a different date, er, whatever."

"Yeah, date," you confirmed. Might as well call it that now. "But I just... well, I guess that's all, really," you laughed.

"So... are we gonna keep doing...-" Harry motioned between the two of you like you had done earlier, "-this?"

"Well, I mean, I can't see why not. I still like you. And you..."

"I obviously still like you. Don't be silly!"

"Okay, and you still like me," you blushed. You felt embarrassed because seriously, blushing? are you 14 again?, but at the same time you were over the moon.

"We can definitely make this whole everyone-thinks-we're-fake thing work. We can just go on, um, dates in private. Like, I can probably get a special reservation..."

"No, no, don't go through all that work. I don't really care what anyone else thinks. And if it gets too bad, do you know what we do?"

"What?"

You quickly grabbed his phone and opened up the camera. "Say cheese!"

The both of you smiled obnoxiously as you hit the capture button.

"That's so cute," Harry laughed as he admired it from his camera roll. "Can I post it?"

"I thought you said you didn't use social media?"

"I'll make an exception for you," he said, kissing your shoulder fondly.

You laughed, then rolled over. "Sorry for bringing this up at the ripe ol' time of three AM."

Harry layed down and held you close. "Don't worry about it. I'm glad you said it when you did."

"Cheers to communication."

"We aren't drinking anything, though."

"Cheers."

"Cheers."

***

*Photo of you and Harry from that night, in black and white with the caption ':)'. Posted by @HarryStyles*

@harrysenchiladas: OMG IT'S OFFICIAL OMG OMG OMG OMG

@camillesluvbird: omg, i remember when i used to stan harry. so glad to see him dating someone so talented. wishing the best to the two of you cuties x

@purple.y/n.mf : Is this the confirmation we've been waiting for?

@haroldgucci69420ahhh: ugh.

@BTSboyscouts_: I'M IN CLASS RN U MUST BE JOKINGHDBHDH

@Junkookie1 replying to @BTSboyscouts_: Armyyyyyy

@katiesummer: Ew. Nope. Unstanning.

@directiondiana: Wait, it's not officially confirmed yet though. It's just a pic. Idk.

@t0x1ch3nr13: KILL URSELF BB. ;)

@Sarahsmile.s replying to @t0x1ch3nr13: Okay chill out plz

@LiamPayne: Congrats mate! :)

@Laylaz replying to @LiamPayne: omg GET OUTTTTT NO WAY NO WAT NO ADIOISHDIUERH

@Princesspark222 replying to @LiamPayne: HI LEEYUM

@y/ncherrypit replying to @LiamPayne: IT'S CONFIRMED

@HarryStyles replying to @LiamPayne: Thanks mate :)x

@directiondiana replying to @HarryStyles: NO FREAKING WAYYYDUFHSDU

@paynoisthebest replying to @HarryStyles: I'M CRYING RN

@julie25drew replying to @HarryStyles: THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE COMEBACK OF ALL TIME I STG

***

You leaned over Harry's shoulder to try and get a better look at his phone screen. It was early morning - around eight, you assumed, and you were looking through instagram comments together. Harry had secretly posted the photo while he was taking a pee break in the middle of the night, and the entire internet was in shambles.

"Show me! I wanna read some."

"I'm reading them all!"

"You're skipping the mean ones on purpose. I know you are."

"No I'm not! I swear!"

"Yeah, sure."

"What about that one about how I should cut my hair? That one was pretty mean," he said as he pouted and ran a hand through his chocolate brown bed head.

"Mean ones about me, Harry. There's barely any for you, but me, on the other hand..."

"Wow, self centered much?"

"Harry."

"Sorry, sorry. You know that I'm not funny by now."

"Read them."

"There's none."

"Give me your phone." You reached over and grabbed it from his hands, noticing the many rings on his fingers. You wondered if he slept with them on or just slipped them on as soon as he woke up. You decided to ask him later.

Harry watched as you scrolled through thousands, if not millions, of comments in awe. You were surprised to see that he was right - there we little to no negative comments compared to last time.

"Believe me now?"

You nodded silently.

"Told ya I would never lie."

You rolled into him lazily and grinned.

"Want me to make breakfast?"

"...Sure."

Harry jumped up, and you followed him to the kitchen. It was only when you sat down at the table when you realized you were wearing Harry's clothes.

"Oh my god," you muttered, inspecting your shirt.

"What?" He asked half-heartedly, rooting through his SmartFridge for some eggs. Of course this man had a SmartFridge.

"Just looking at my pink Gucci shirt that I'm just magically wearing right now. And... are these sweatpants Gucci, too?"

"They're just spare clothes I hadn't opened yet. Don't worry, there's no cooties or anything."

"How do you just have spare Gucci clothes lying around?"

Harry shrugged as he shut the door and walked over to the oven. "You can keep them. They suit you better."

"Oh. Well, thanks."

"No problem!"

"Want any help with breakfast?"

"Nope!"

"I can make toast."

"No, I've got it."

"I want to."

"The bread is in the breadbox."

You walked over, took out a (homemade) loaf, and began to cut it. "When did I put these clothes on?"

"After I drug you home from the restaurant."

"Huh."

"You don't remember, do you?"

"...No. Can't say that I do."

"Oh, wow. I knew you were drunk, but not that drunk."

"I didn't embarrass myself, did I?"

"No, of course not."

"Oh, thank goodness. I would've cried."

"Well, there was that one time..."

"What?!"

"I'm just kidding."

"Never pursue a career in stand-up comedy."

"Wasn't planning on it!"

You popped the bread into the toaster and sighed.

"Are you tired?" Harry asked.

"No, but I do want to run to the washroom."

"Okay, I'll be out here if ya need me."

"Okay."

"..."

"Where... is it?"

"You don't remember?"

"Clearly no."

"Down that hall, third door on the right. It's the one with the toilet in it."

Harry doubled over at his own joke while you suppressed a smile that eventually cracked. You walked down his fancy apartment hall and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you.

It wasn't until you saw his makeup wipes when you remembered a tiny bit of last night - he had makeup. He had makeup because he had makeup wipes, which he offered to you. After that you went to the kitchen and drank something, and then you woke up with Disney+ paused asking him why you were there and confronting him. Suddenly, memories of being confused came rushing back to you. You grabbed a towel and shook your head, smiling - you were glad that drama fest was over.

You walked back into the kitchen and saw Harry laying out eggs and toast carefully, then standing back and admiring his own work. You smiled; he hadn't noticed you walk in, and he was being cute. You gave him a quick peck on the cheek, and he jumped a little.

"Didn't see you there."

"Hi."

"Bon appetite."

"Why, thank you!"

"Do you know what I was thinking? O should do your makeup after breakfast."

You smiled.

"Do you remember that?"

"I actually did back in the washroom."

"Awesome!"

You smiled as you watched him dig into his eggs. "You're good at keeping promises."

"Thank you!"

You grinned and took a bite.

You could get used to this.

Get used to him.

[maleksrami]

Can you rec me some John Mulaney monologues I should absolutely watch?? I always see him in memes so I would like to see the context where those come from

all I can do is recommend his three stand up specials that are on Netflix because they’re all iconic (new in town, the comeback kid, and kid gorgeous) because that’s where 99% of those memes from! If you search those titles on youtube, you’ll find some clips from each of them! he also had some comedy central specials early on in his career, one of which is where the famous salt n pepper diner story comes from, which is arguably his most famous bit. if you can’t find videos of his stuff, pretty much all the audios are on YouTube too from the album versions so you can listen to them 👍🏻

[lucysuniverse]

Shower of Rain

One-shot inspired by Pentagon’s song ‘Shower of Rain’

Pairing: male x female OC/reader

(When I wrote it I imagined Hui as the male character, but this is just a little BTS, you can think of anyone you’d like)

Genre: slice of life, romance, angst, fluff

Word count: 1,664

Another day started like this. We fought. It was nothing serious. We just didn’t match. That’s all. But we tried so hard. We gave each other so many second chances I couldn’t keep track anymore. We held on to each other so badly, but we both should have accepted that this is not working. Sometimes we even fought about putting plates in the dishwasher. It started to become ridiculous. On that specific day I asked him to leave.

‘Hey, wait. You can’t be serious. Should I move out because of this? Can’t we just sit down and calmly discuss?’

‘No, it’s over. And there are no second chances now. Why don’t you see it is not working anymore? I am not sure it has ever worked.’

I saw the disappointment and bitterness on his face, but we had to stop this finally. It wasn’t fair with ourselves. It was time to move on.

The first few days were like paradise. I was free and careless. I regained my freedom. But afterwards, I regretted that (not so) sudden made decision. Our flat was filled with a lot of memories together. Everywhere I saw he was there. His laughter, his smile, his annoying comments and his cute compliments. I should have reminded myself not to regret anything. It didn’t work. But in those lonely moments even our biggest fights seemed to be stupid little things in my eyes.

April was especially rainy in that year. The weather was getting warmer, but I couldn’t feel any warmth of it. Without him the wind seemed stronger, the rain heavier and colder. I hated those days. During our relationship we dedicated those days to relaxation and we just laid on our couch, covering ourselves with a thick wool blanket and cuddled while watching some comedy movies. When I saw the rain, I was reminded of those days, and I hated this weather even more.

I was in a hurry, because I woke up a bit late. It wouldn’t have happened if he was there. He was usually a type to wake up early, and I missed his voice as my special alarm tone. Those stupid memories. As I was walking on the streets carrying at least 6 bags for my boss an umbrella in my right hand and 4 cups of coffee in my left, stepping cautiously in my high heels I really hated my life. And this feeling got just even worse when I accidentally stepped into a puddle, to make me lose my balance and fell on the ground, spilling all the coffees on myself and on the bags, which had important documents in them.

 I would have called him, if we were still together. But I said it is over and I had to deal with my own problems own my own. I took a deep breath, tried to align my clothes as if it was still possible to make them look organized. I collected the empty coffee cups and the already wet papers from coffee and water. I had to at least arrive in time. I really hoped my boss would spare me if I can properly explain this situation. They might have noticed that I didn’t really live up to the expectations in the past weeks. It was also his fault. Did I mention how much I hated living in that moment?

‘Good morning! I am sorry for being late.’

‘Oh, for goodness sake. What the heck were you doing until now? Damn it.’

‘I am so sorry. There was a little accident on my way here.’

‘What accident? Since when are you using public transport?’

You know, I’ve never driven a car.’

‘That wasn’t my question. And what about that guy, the always silly, smiling one? He used to give you a ride, didn’t he?’

‘We broke up.’

‘Again?’

And suddenly my manager’s voice became a slightly bit friendlier than before.

‘Yes.’

‘Look. I am sorry to say this, but this cannot go on. You and him always had fights but you’ve always figured it out. But recently you are not yourself. You are just an empty hollow, who seems to be here but is so so far away. You are not present.’

‘I am not sure I fully understand what you are trying to say’

‘You are one of my best employees. Well, you were until just recently. So, I won’t fire you.’

‘Oh my God. Thank you so much.’

And I really thought that was all. But it was early to be relieved.

‘But you cannot work here in this state.’

‘But you’ve just said…’

‘I know what I’ve said. We are not going to terminate your contract. But I want you to go on unpaid leave. Think of it as a holiday, okay? You will have a little time to make sure everything is okay in your personal life. And once you feel like it you can come back and we will continue where we left off. We will wait for you. I guarantee that.’

‘Okay, I will go home now and then tomorrow we-‘

‘No. At least two weeks, okay? As I see it now, maybe more. But I will decide if you are ready or not okay? I feel like it is also my responsibility that you became like this. I am sorry for pushing you too hard.’

I didn’t know what to say. I lost my job. Well not completely, but why couldn’t she understand that it will be just worse at home. How could I get better if I am spending every day in that freaking flat where every single thing reminds me of him? How? HOW?

I was heading home, since I couldn’t do anything else. Without a boyfriend, without a job, without dry clothes and without even an umbrella. I didn’t have cash to go home with taxi. I was trying to find my just recently purchased monthly-pass but seemingly it fell out of my bag without me noticing when I fell on the street. Okay. Then walking. It couldn’t get any worse.

It was ironic but somehow, I liked how I was getting soaked in the rain. It felt cold, lonely and unfortunate. But finally, I felt it on my skin. When we broke up I couldn’t even cry, I was holding it in. I told myself it was for the better. But it was so hard to let him go. I was always the type of girl, who liked to make own choices and even if they weren’t the best I wanted to be responsible for them. I thought I was an independent woman.

But in that second, I didn’t want anything else just hug him tight and feel his hand gently stroking my hair, while he quietly whispers ‘it’s going to be alright’. But it was too late for that. I said what I said, and trying to beg him to comeback would make me look childish in his eyes, and also it wouldn’t have been fair to toy with him like this.

My tears were slowly flowing on my face with the rain, but it was all useless. I took a deep breath and started walking. I couldn’t really see anything, my vision was still blurry, but the rain has suddenly stopped above my head. The raindrops were making funny noises on the umbrella. I was scared to look at him. I was scared to wipe away the tears to see him clearly. But without even seeing I knew it was him. I knew him better than anything. Just his closeness, standing under the same umbrella made me calm down. I was hoping again.

He took of his warm coat and wrapped me around with it. For a second, I was just staring at him. I couldn’t say anything. I wanted to tell him ‘please come back and let us try this all over again’ but I could have looked pitiful in his eyes. Him being nice didn’t mean he wanted us to be together again. Let’s be real he was always nice and caring.

‘Thank you.’

That’s all I could say. And instinctively my body was moving closer to his and I found myself hugging him, burying my already wet face and hair in his chest. I knew he was hesitating how to react. I pushed him away and now I look all miserable holding on to him like a scared kid. It was so calming to stand there with him, even the rain which was so painful and irritating earlier seemed peaceful and calming now. But it had to stop. I couldn’t be selfish and inconsistent.

I was already stepping away when he finally wrapped his arms around my waist to pull me back to him.

‘Why do we fight all the time?’

‘I don’t want to cry anymore.’

When I said this, I knew he understood what I wanted to say. We hurt each other. But I wanted us to be happy. It didn’t work together. But it didn’t work separately either. It seemed to be harder alone. After a while he nodded and quietly said:

‘It’s going to be alright.’

And when I saw that beautiful smile appearing on his face I knew it is going to be alright. It was one of the main reasons falling for him. I loved the way his eyes were also smiling and how humble he looked. And his soft and moist lips, I could never resist them. When I felt his soft lips on mine even though I desperately wanted to feel more, kissing him was never this intimate and gentle. As our kiss became more intense he was holding my face in his hands suddenly I felt the raindrops falling on us again.

Take a rain shower

Erase the tears

‘I love you so much.’

And with a huge smile on both of our faces we were holding each other’s hand and dancing in the shower of rain.

[honeypiehotchner]

Beautiful Stranger (Chris Evans x OFC) -- part one

Hello again! This is a soulmate story. The general gist is you hear your soulmate’s laughter. I won’t say much more because it’ll all come with the story, but that’s the premise. This is in first person with an original female character (OFC), but it’ll also bounce around with third person to show some of Chris. Enjoy!

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, depression, purposeful isolation, insecurities, etc. (Basically, if you want a completely happy story, this might not be for you!)

There’s something about all this soulmate business that makes my skin crawl. Blame it on my parents, blame it on my own insecurities that stemmed from my parents, or blame it on my own cynicism that I’m 99% sure I developed on my own time. Whatever is to blame, the idea of soulmates makes me want to crawl into a cave and never come back out again.

But I can’t do that. So, instead I settle for being “severely introverted” as my last therapist put it. We tiptoed around other phrases like “generalized anxiety” or “severe depression” but none of them seemed to stick.

I’ve since stopped seeing that therapist. I’m not depressed; I’m actually quite happy with the life I live. I’m not anxious; I just don’t particularly enjoy going out to parties and on dates with random strangers to fill my time. And I’m not introverted; I’m a homebody. Always have been.

“Okay, forget labels--” This wonderful, too-optimistic-for-her-own-good of a person is my best friend, Camile. “I’m just saying Bluebird--” That would be her nickname for me. “I think it could be good for you to get out.”

“I told you I don’t want to go out,” I absentmindedly reply to her. This conversation barely needs any effort anymore to continue because we have it so often. “Also, no offense, but I’d really rather not third wheel with you and Jack again.”

“Come on,” Camile whines. “You need to laugh! How do you think your soulmate feels?”

“I’m sure they’re fine,” I give her a tight smile. “And I will laugh. I’ll watch some John Mulaney tonight.”

Camile gives me a very, very tired look. “Fine. I’ll get you out of here at some point.” She pats the couch for emphasis. “Well, since you’re not going to come with me, I’m gonna go get ready.”

“Have fun,” I tell her, and I really do mean it. “Tell me all about it.”

“If you’d come with me I wouldn’t have to,” she presses further, grabbing her purse off the kitchen counter.

“Then where would I be? What would I do without our phone calls?”

“You’d be just fine,” Camile gives me a look. “And maybe you’d be with your soulmate.”

I scoff loudly, picking up the remote from beside me. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I think you’ve got me beat,” she pulls the front door open. “Talk to you tomorrow.”

“Looking forward to it.”

As promised, I pull up John Mulaney’s comedy special, The Comeback Kid. Halfway through the intro, though, I start to hear laughter again.

The idea of a soulmate might make me want to scream, but the sound of their laughter does not. It’s -- without sounding too cheesy -- music to my ears. It blocks out John Mulaney and all I can hear is the sweet melody that graces my ears a lot more often than I expect.

Whenever I do hear their laughter, it does make me feel a little guilty. I know I don’t laugh as much as I should, but laughter in my house as a kid wasn’t seen the way everyone else sees it. I still remember nights when my mom would throw things at the wall in frustration because dad was laughing -- wherever he was.

They absolutely could not stand one another. They tried to make it work, but it failed. It’s rare for that to happen -- for soulmates to despise one another, but it isn’t entirely impossible, either. As proven by my parents.

Another round of laughter fills my ears, this time a full on cackle. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re doubled over, either.

It’s enough that it makes me laugh, too, and as soon as I do, their laughter trickles away. 

I stare blankly ahead, now suddenly aware of how loud John Mulaney is delivering jokes. And how deafening the silence is when it follows my soulmate’s laughter.

+++

“So, Chris, tell us about your new movie that’s coming out.”

Chris smiles and begins relaying the plot of the movie that his publicist told him he could say. He doesn’t mind doing press that much, but he thinks he’d mind it less if it wasn’t the same questions over and over again. And if he could actually talk about the movie itself.

Once he finishes, the interviewer cracks a joke, so Chris laughs -- it was actually funny -- and he has the sudden wandering thought of if his soulmate can hear him.

A few more teasers for the movie and then another joke comes, this one completely catching Chris off guard, so much so that he practically roars with laughter, and that’s when he hears it.

It’s faint, but then again all of the laughter he hears from his soulmate is this soft. Despite being so quiet, though, the little breath of a laugh still blocks out everything else, causing Chris to not hear a single word of the question he was asked.

Here comes the awkward part. “I’m so sorry man, I completely missed what you just asked me,” Chris apologizes. He doesn’t know why, but he keeps going, motioning to his ears and saying, “She was laughing again.”

Of course, this gets the crowd going. Chris almost never talks about his soulmate on camera. Part of the fact being that he hasn’t met her yet, and part of it being that he wants to keep her to himself. For as long as he can.

“No problem, no need to apologize,” the interviewer smiles. “We can run it again.” He motions to the crew to reset and while they’re doing that, he asks Chris, “Have you met her yet?”

“No, no, not yet,” Chris shakes his head, choosing his words carefully now. He can’t take away the fact that he brought her up, but he can tiptoe around it. “One day. Soon, hopefully.”

“She’s a very lucky woman,” the interviewer says, then getting the nod from the crew that they’re ready again. “Okay, so, Chris--”

And Chris almost misses the question again because all he can think is, I’m a very lucky man.

[calamity-bean]

Reddie Fic Recs: Richie Does Stand-Up (and Similar)

This is such a specific niche, but there were getting to be quite a few of these in my other Reddie rec lists, and I feel like they’re distinct enough in form and focus to merit their own subgenre, y’know? So: the following list consists of fics that (1) focus on Richie’s work and/or public persona and (2) are primarily told in some sort of format other than a traditional, descriptive linear narrative — e.g., news articles, social media threads, transcripts of a stand-up routine, etc. As such, I haven’t included fics that are primarily driven by a surrounding narrative of in-scene storytelling, even if supplemented by articles or the like; stories like that can be found on my other lists.

All of these are at least implicitly Reddie but, by the nature of the genre, tend to focus much more on Richie than on Eddie. More will possibly be added at any time I feel like it. Enjoy!

And Please Welcome... Richie Tozier by dramaticagain

"So yeah, I had my Eminem moment as I too was ‘Cleanin' Out My Closet’ – with less mommy-issues and more identity issues.

“Now, I don’t know how many of you studied English Lit. But, there’s this thing called subtext. Can I get a cheer for English Lit?.

"I won’t bore you though. There’s other devices such as symbolism and allusion and whatever else – I can’t remember. Anyway, there’s a reason why I’ve decided to address the wardrobe problem – or the closet crisis as my boyfriend likes to call it”

Richie and Eddie’s relationship told through the whirlwind of Richie's 2019 press tour.

breaking free (soaring, flying) by QueenWithABeeThrone

 If you’re wondering how I, a comedian, got together with that, I’ve got no idea either. I guess [Jeff Goldblum Voice:] love, uh, finds a way.

or: vignettes from Richie's career, after coming out, as told through transcripts of his YouTube videos.

don't call it a comeback (seriously, don't, that sets expectations way too high) by lamphouse

Subtitles and audio description of a semi-professional recording made by Richie Tozier's manager of his first set after personal leave. Made unbeknownst to the performer, for promotional private purposes (i.e. to shop around at Netflix, etc.).

Or, I see your fics about Richie doing stand-up post-movie, and I raise you 13k of the in-universe transcript of a half-baked hour long routine.

Re tweet. by plinys

Everyone does social media au's where they are kids, which valid, but consider all of them as adults with Verified Accounts and Richie still just shit posting. That spawned this fic, which I wrote after taking cold medicine, so it might actually only be funny to me.

Enjoy?

richie tozier in conversation with beverley marsh: the internet's favourite funnyman interviewed by fashion's best comeback queen by 17826

Richie Tozier is the Emmy winning comedian and writer taking comedy by the throat after his return from rehab. Beverley Marsh is the world's new favourite designer who got her mojo back by revamping her life and her label. To mark the release of Richie's hotly anticipated new comedy special Motherl*ver, they talk fashion, love and childhood trauma.

RICHIE TOZIER IS...THE COMEBACK CLOWN by owlinaminor, tinypersonhotel

Griffin: You’re like, Richie, you’re like on a weird career roller coaster only you switched the ride up halfway through. Like, before it was a shitty wooden roller coaster that you think is gonna collapse right as you get to the top of the big hill, but now it’s, like, sleek and has real seatbelts, and you can go upside down, and you’ll throw up after—

Richie: You’ll Throw Up After. Title of my Netflix special.

In which Richie Tozier comes back and comes out. Featuring Who? Weekly, the McElroys, Billy Eichner, Tan France, et al.   

richie tozier: not an asthmatic by walmartofficial

“I’m getting word that I’m not allowed to tell this joke,” he tells the audience, “but it was gonna be about eating ass, if that wasn’t clear.”

Richie Tozier Settles Down by sleepcycle

As Richie Tozier prepares to launch his first national tour, a reporter from the New Yorker sits down with him to talk comedy, coming out, and life with his new husband.

Richie Tozier: The Manchild Tour by hellotailor

The Manchild Grows Up: An interview with comedian Richie Tozier, November 2019.

“Everyone in this industry either has a pill habit, or they can’t hold a relationship together for more than two months," Tozier explains. "Or they spend 16 hours a day arguing with people on Twitter. Best case scenario is you find a way to be reasonably well-adjusted about your desperate need for strangers to laugh at you.”

[aion-rsa]

The Justice Friends from Dexter’s Laboratory Deserve a Revival

https://ift.tt/3kXKHFK

I’d like to think that it’s widely accepted that 1990s animation was very good to comic book superheroes. We had a genre-changing Batman: The Animated Series, the deep and socially relevant X-Men: The Animated Series, and two expanded cartoon universes that came out of each one. But there was one superhero cartoon, neither DC or Marvel, that sticks out to me for being a bit underused and well before its time.

I want to take a second to talk about the Justice Friends.

The original two-season run of Dexter’s Laboratory not only focused on the main misadventures of the boy genius and his bratty sister Dee Dee, but it had two side-cartoons that popped up here and there. One was Dial M for Monkey, where it turned out Dexter’s lab monkey was secretly superpowered and spent his time fighting world-threatening enemies behind Dexter’s back. The other was the Justice Friends, an animated sitcom about three superheroes who shared an apartment.

The Justice Friends had only nine shorts in the show’s run outside of appearances in the main Dexter cartoons and Dial M for Monkey. Outside of a guest appearance on Powerpuff Girls in 2002 and cameos in the Cartoon Network-based knockoff of Super Smash Bros., we haven’t seen the Justice Friends in the spotlight in decades.

And man. If anyone needs a revival, it’s these guys.

The main three Justice Friends were made up of Major Glory, Val Hallen, and the Infraggable Krunk. Major Glory acted as a long-winded patriot, decked out in red, white, and blue. The metalhead Val Hallen wielded his magic electric guitar and spoke in a cross between Shakespearean English and surfer dialect. The Infraggable Krunk was a purple rage monster in torn, green pants and basically had the mind of a child.

In other words, this cartoon was a parody of Captain America, Thor, and the Hulk. It was a jab at Avengers back in a time when nobody cared about the Avengers!

In other episodes, we’d even see further members of the team. Living Bullet, despite his super-speed, was obviously designed as a take on Iron Man, down to the rectangular eyeholes. Capital G could increase his size at will like Giant Man. There was a Scarlet Witch stand-in named Miss Spell. Phan Tone was blatantly Vision.

They even had White Tiger! While Marvel does in fact have a superhero named White Tiger, this guy was a take on Black Panther. Imagine that. Coming up with a Black Panther parody for your cartoon and not knowing that this would be incredibly relevant in 20 years.

While Avengers movies are the biggest thing these days, it’s a major whiplash to remember that the 90s were a blind spot to the brand. Unless you were big into comics, the closest thing you got to a real Avengers cartoon around this time was the season of Iron Man when Force Works was a thing.

Despite all the animated Marvel crossovers, we didn’t get an actual Avengers cartoon until the very end of the ’90s going into 2000. Avengers: United They Stand was not only the last gasp of the Marvel Animated Universe, but it was a strange, strange short-lived series. It focused entirely on the B and C-list Avengers, some who still haven’t appeared in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and treated Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor as these untouchable legends who were too special and busy to appear on the show.

The opening credits ended with a group shot, followed by a half-second pan to show the Big Three above…

I don’t think Thor ever showed up in those 13 episodes.

The Justice Friends mainly existed for two kinds of storytelling. In their own cartoons, they acted like the weird Hanna Barbera shows from the ’70s that had laugh tracks. The trio would deal with mundane sitcom stuff (visiting relative, dating situation, arguing over what to watch on TV, trying to get a good night’s sleep) with a superhero twist. For example, they would go with the TV trope of trying to DIY on fixing a toothache instead of seeing a dentist. EXCEPT it’s Krunk and while having a Dorito shard digging into his tooth will cause him intense pain, removing said tooth is nearly impossible due to his invulnerability. It’s not the kind of situation where you can just tie it to a door and slam it.

Outside of the Justice Friends cartoons, their appearances would paint them as half-competent crime-fighters most of the time. It’s there that we got their three most memorable appearances. There’s a quick fake commercial for Justice Fruit Pies starring Major Glory that’s painted as a parody to the old Hostess comic book ads from the 70s and 80s (which all late-90s kids are familiar with, right?).

In the ever-memorable Dial M for Monkey episode “Rasslor,” a cosmic wrestler voiced by Randy Savage comes to Earth and bases his judgement of humanity’s survival on whether or not their greatest heroes can best him in combat. The Justice Friends each give it a go and lose, leaving things to Monkey. Strangely, this is based on the comic Marvel Two-in-One Annual, but it’s not so much a parody as a blatant retelling with different characters. An issue of Deadpool Team-Up featuring Thing blatantly calls it out when a Randy Savage-like alien invades a wrestling show.

Then there’s “Last But Not Beast,” the original finale to Dexter’s Laboratory. This full half-hour storyline has Dexter accidentally unleash a vicious kaiju upon Japan. In the end, the creature is taken down by the joint efforts of Dexter, his family, and Monkey, but before all that, we see the Justice Friends fight the beast and lose horribly. It’s a huge comedy of errors where Capital G can only grow to a fraction of the kaiju’s height and nobody can dent the stupid thing. They’re finally done in when Krunk tries to throw the monster into space, but it doesn’t break escape velocity and instead crushes the heroes.

Read more

TV

How The Animaniacs Reboot Will Be Both Fresh and Timeless

By Gavin Jasper

TV

Pryde of the X-Men: The Animated Series We Almost Got

By Stephen Harber

While Dexter’s Laboratory came back for another two seasons later on, the Justice Friends only made one appearance. In “Dexter’s Wacky Races,” various characters from the show take part in a big Wacky Races parody and this includes a hot rod driven by the three main Justice Friends. They ultimately don’t have a lot to do in this adventure (though more than Monkey and Honeydew, who are practically forgotten about by the writers), but it’s nice to see them pop up one last time.

Five years later, Iron Man would be released in theaters and everything would change. Now the characters Major Glory, Val Hallen, and Krunk are based on are part of the most money-making movie in film history. And yet, they’re obscure footnotes in Cartoon Network’s pantheon.

When I got to talk to Rob Paulsen about the return of Animaniacs recently, I brought up my interest in seeing the Justice Friends make a comeback. Paulsen, the voice of Major Glory (describing his performance as, “a combination of Fred Baxter and Robert Stack”), seemed pretty stoked about the character and agreed that creator Genndy Tartakovsky was well ahead of the curve.

“We were having just a freaking hoot,” Paulsen remarked, “and I was looking at Genndy going, ‘Dude. You’re way younger than I am.’ He’d been, I don’t know, maybe not way younger. He’s probably 50 now. But I said, ‘This is very hip. I mean, you’re just Marveling out.’”

But would a Justice Friends revival truly work in this decade? I mean, can you imagine a show in this day and age about comedic superheroes coexisting as dysfunctional roommates when they aren’t being semi-competent in saving the day? How could such a show be a success and—

Wait a second…

Huh.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Well. At least if they brought back Justice Friends we won’t have people moaning about how it’s been turned into an atrocity compared to the source material.

The post The Justice Friends from Dexter’s Laboratory Deserve a Revival appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[local-femme-gentleman]

10 things I’ve watched in the quarantine (so far)

1. Dazed and Confused 1993 ‧ Comedy/Indie film ‧ 1h 43m

So, I kicked off the apocalypse lockdown with Dazed and Confused - and yes, even though the movie made me realise I was going to have to survive literal months without my usual amount of marijuana consumption, it also filed me with that warped sense of nostalgia and longing for a bygone era that Dazed and Confused always leaves me with - especially a deep yearning for seventies music because the soundtrack of this movie may be one of its best aspects. It is equal parts kinda stupid, ridiculously fun, and wholly introspective, and at the end of the day I love this movie for helping me see what my boomer parents - and their whole generation - were like as teenagers more than anything else.

2. 2001: A Space Odyssey 1968 ‧ Sci-fi/Adventure ‧ 2h 44m

2001: A Space Odyssey has since its release become an absolute classic, and I for one adore it to absolute death. This was one of the first ‘adult’ movies I watched, I was 11 years old at the time - and although I didn’t understand it then, and frankly got a little bored, revisiting it now (after having rewatched it many many many times, and as a slightly older, well, kid) I’ve come to absolutely love it. I personally was looking for some slightly longer movies for the lockdown - considering I have more than enough time, and if you are too then this one may be just what you’re looking for - even if you’ve seen it already. There’s always more to discover in a movie like this one.

3. Okja 2017 ‧ Adventure/Drama ‧ 2 hours

Of all the movies on this list this may be the one I recommend the least. Not because it’s a bad movie, because it honestly and truly isn’t ( Bong Joon Ho still definitely came through for this one), however, this movie is, in my opinion, far too heartbreaking for this exact moment in time. If it was any other period in history I would be overwhelmingly promoting this movie, because I honestly and truly loved it - but it made me want to give up meat in a period of time where I simply do not have the resources for that to be an option. So if you’re down with your day just getting a little bit sadder, albeit in a not entirely bad way, I’d say watch Okja - if not, then I’d say, just for now, maybe stay away.

4. Spirited Away 2001 ‧ Animation/Fantasy ‧ 2h 5m

Okay, I love this movie, my parents love this movie, your parents love this movie, your sister loves this movie, your best friend loves this movie, you’re-cousin’s-nephew’s-dog’s-best-friend’s-owner loves this movie - and, if you don’t love this movie, well, each to their own but you’re kind of a monster. Spirited Away is one of those universally agreed upon masterpieces, everything about this movie just makes you feel good, from the colours, to the world, to the characters, to the animation. Spirited Away wraps you up in a blanket of all things warm and comforting in this world - if you’re looking to just feel better, which given current situations you probably are, this is the one for you.

5. Before Sunrise 1995 ‧ Romance/Drama ‧ 1h 45m

I’ve always loved this trilogy, yes, it may be one of the most teenage girl things to ever exist, the ultimate teenage girl fantasy, but what’s wrong with that? Before Sunrise, at every watch and rewatch, makes me want to meet a stranger on a train and just wander somewhere in europe for a single night. I’m fairly sure this will never happen, but this is the perfect time for daydreaming and so I will. Honestly, this movie truly is good, the amount of angles explored in Jesse and Celine’s still forming relationship over a single night is fascinating and it’s a very pretty film. If you’re just looking for something light and easy to watch - that gets you just the right amount of emotional, this is the one for you.

6. The Royal Tenenbaums 2001 ‧ Drama/Comedy-drama ‧ 1h 50m

Oh so you thought I’d go one recommendations video without mentioning Wes? Ha. Okay look, The Royal Tenenbaums is probably my fifth favorite Wes movie, but considering I love basically every Wes Anderson movie that isn’t not saying much. The Tenenbaum siblings stand as some of my favorite Wes Anderson characters and I love Angelica Houston no matter who she plays. The Royal Tenenbaums is just a good Wes Anderson film, and you get exactly what you’d want and expect from it - whip pans, impeccable wardrobes, symmetrical shots, a Wilson Brother, a sugary colour pallette, the futura font, and rich white people, well, being rich white people

7. American Vandal 2017 ‧ Satire ‧ 2 seasons

Ok I’ll say it, this is the perfect quarantine show. It’s completely stupid in the smartest way possible, absurdly funny, and overall one of the best shows netflix has ever produced. If you’re looking for a laugh, and I know I was when I clicked on this, then this is the one for you. American Vandal is satire at its peak - and I can officially say that both seasons hold up at a third rewatch, because yes, I’ve watched this entire show three times over. If you like true-crime series, or The Office and Parks and Rec (and yes I see the disparity in genre) then you will absolutely adore American vandal - and the fact that this show didn’t get a third season is a whole tragedy. Shame on you Netflix, shame on you.

8. Marriage Story 2019 ‧ Comedy-drama/Drama ‧ 2h 17m

Again, considering current times Marriage Story may have not been the best choice, but hey, I love this movie, and as sad as it makes me, it also makes me incredibly happy in a bittersweet sort of way. The good thing about marriage story is that it’s one of those films you truly get lost in, when I watched it just a few days ago, I truly and honestly, for just those few moments, forgot about everything going on right now, and - i say this at a risk of sounding selfish, I know - it felt good. Marriage Story is by far one of my favorite movies of last year, the writing is gorgeous, the editing is genius, and although the movie isn’t intrinsically happy in nature, it may just be what you need right now.

9. Every John Mulaney Special New in Town ‧ The Comeback Kid ‧ Kid Gorgeous ‧ etc.

So I, in true Gen-Z fashion, have watched every John Mulaney Comedy Special  many many times. I love these specials, they truly mean quite a bit to me. I like playing these in the back while I do other things like cleaning my room or cooking. I think I watched him so much  that his voice has become almost comforting - I may have formed a bit of an attachment. Chances are you’ve probably seen at least one John Mulaney Special, if you’ve only seen one watch the rest! And if you’ve seen the all then rewatch like I did! For me, this is the perfect time to just watch some good standup, so even if it isn’t John, just watch a comedian who makes you happy - trust me, it’ll help.

10. Tangled 2010 ‧ Animation/Musical ‧ 1h 40m

Ok so honestly my friends put this on together on Netflix Party to watch that first song and get some self-quarantine ideas - but then we just watched the whole movie so, yeah. I do love Tangled though, it was one of my favourite Disney movies as a kid, granted I’ve always been more of a Pixar girl (speaking of which this is the best time to binge on Pixar movies!!!!). Honestly, this is just a solid disney movie, it’s cute, it’s adorably animated, I properly adore Pascal and Maximus because no matter how old I get I will always adore a fun animal sidekick. Honestly, now is just a good time to watch a good disney movie, I had fun with this movie okay, no lie it was great.

[cartoonessays]

OFF-TOPIC: All the Rage

Dave Chappelle has just released his latest stand-up special on Netflix, Sticks & Stones.  This stand-up special comes after four other comedy specials that have been beleaguered with criticism over Chappelle’s material about the LGBTQ+ community, particularly transgender people, and about the women who accused Louis CK of sexual misconduct.  And Sticks & Stones has attracted just as much controversy as any of Chappelle’s other Netflix specials if not more.

And that’s by design.

The special opens up with this quote from Kendrick Lamar’s “DNA”

Tell me somethin’ / You mothafuckas can’t tell me nothin’ / I’d rather die than to listen to you…

In Sticks & Stones, Dave Chappelle sets himself up as some kind of defiant martyr fighting the good fight against so-called “cancel culture” or any moral busybodies who get offended by any jokes he or any of his other comedian friends might have told at any point.  Many of those who express praise and enthusiasm towards Sticks & Stones defend it on similar grounds, writing off any criticism of it as people being “too sensitive”, “offended”, and “trying to cancel Dave Chappelle”.

Enough dancing around the subject.  I found the special really tired and juvenile.  What he’s doing here is thumbing his nose at any critic who had dared to take issue with anything he has said in his prior Netflix special in a way that eschews the thoughtfulness that Chappelle is capable of for petulance.  That might have been okay if it was funny regardless, but I didn’t think it was.  A better version of what Chappelle tried to do here was more than 30 years ago, in Eddie Murphy: Raw.  Eddie Murphy opened up this special complaining about criticism he got for his last special from Mr. T, Michael Jackson, and the gay community with much funnier jokes.  The crescendo of this bit was his brilliant story of Bill Cosby calling him on the phone to browbeat him about his foul language.

A bunch of the critics praising Sticks & Stones are calling it revelatory and a breath of fresh air in this moment of time.  Really?  All this is is Chappelle’s version of “PC gone mad” in response to criticism, which is not a novel concept.  Carlos Mencia’s whole shtick 15 years ago was to crack jokes using racial stereotypes and then spend the next ten minutes guilt tripping the audience into laughing by expressing faux-martyrdom aggrievement over “political correctness” or “sensitivity”.  This is as cliche a comedy staple as “take my wife, please”.  Other comedians who have gone this exact same angle include Jerry Seinfeld, Roseanne Barr, Larry the Cable Guy, Ricky Gervais, Bill Maher, Chris Rock, Andrew Dice Clay, Lil Duval, Jim Norton, Patrice O’Neal, Nick DaPaolo, Joe Rogan, Doug Stanhope, Rob Schneider, Lisa Lampanelli, Eddie Griffin, John Cleese, George Carlin, Aziz Ansari, Sarah Silverman, DL Hughley, Tracy Morgan, Adam Carolla, Amy Schumer, Tim Allen, Aries Spears, Russell Peters, Redd Foxx, Dennis Miller, Mike Epps, Patton Oswalt, Jeff Dunham, Sam Kinison, and Louis CK just to name a few.

Despite this being a cliche, I think taking the angle Dave Chappelle took here is more expedient for himself than ever.  A part of the reason is because our society has become more politically polarizing than ever.  A lot of the discourse around Sticks & Stones falls along politically partisan lines (yes, I know that includes myself too).  Most of the people defending Dave Chappelle so ardently are right-wing pundits/publications like Breitbart, Dana Loesch, and Gavin McInnes and most of the people criticizing Chappelle are liberal/pro-LGBTQ+ publications.  Chappelle and his defenders are using this special as a denouncing of “cancel culture”.  I hate that term and I hate the framing around it even more because it’s so vaguely defined other than the fact that it’s nakedly partisan.  The screeds against “cancel culture” are not so subtle digs at the left and reinforce a narrative that the left wants to censor everything and that the right are the true defenders of free speech and free expression.  It’s weird that the “cancel culture” designation never applies when the right-wing gets upset about Nike, Gillette, or Keurig coffee makers.

I think a better name for all of this is “outrage culture” and it’s nonpartisan.  So much of our public discourse is handled on social media, particularly Twitter, that rewards shorter and more attention-grabbing hot takes over lengthy, nuanced analysis.  And one of the easiest ways to grab attention is by being outrageous or inflammatory.  In response, online publications of all political stripes write their headlines in inflammatory ways that grab attention in order to be shared on social media.  Even if the actual article has more nuance to it, most people don’t read past the splashy headline anyway.  In regards to politics, it has further defined people, whatever their personal views may be, in reaction to what they aren’t or what they disagree with.  It’s partially why so many people have blamed things like the 2016 Ghostbusters film or Star Wars: The Last Jedi as the reason they voted for Trump or why they’ll vote for Trump again.  It’s also why so many of the people praising Sticks & Stones so zealously have attempted to use it as a rallying cry for Trump and Trumpism.  This also goes for any liberals who expressed a desire to buy Nikes or Gillette razors after the right-wing meltdown over them.

Sticks & Stones was a rallying cry to anybody that has defined themselves or their politics to being anti-politically correct (which isn’t only right-wingers, but largely encompasses right-wingers) to look to Dave Chappelle as a hero to wrap themselves around.  I felt the same way about Louis CK’s stand-up “comeback” where he mocked school shooting survivors, millenials, and non-binary kids.  CK was hugely popular on college campuses and liberal crowds despite never being “politically correct”.  He was also often very thoughtful in the way he towed that fine line when tackling touchy subjects.  But in light of his sexual misconduct scandal, he must have figured that he permanently burned a bridge with that crowd so he pivoted to a crowd that doesn’t care that he sexually harassed multiple women.  This same crowd also tends not to think too highly of the Parkland shooting survivors for their gun control activism or trans and non-binary people.

The thing is, Dave Chappelle and Louis CK don’t give a damn about any of these right-wingers or their pro-Trump causes.  They’re just looking out for number one.  Breitbart wouldn’t write fawning articles about Chappelle if the focus was on him expressing discomfort over a white person’s laughter over a blackface sketch he was doing on his show.  They wouldn’t rally around Louis CK either if he was still telling jokes expressing confusion as to why women would want to date men based off violence against women statistics.  Conversely, Nike and Gillette don’t actually give a damn about putting an end to police brutality or toxic masculinity.  If they were to discover that they could make more money off of using “Blue Lives Matter” sentiment or objectifying women, they would do it in a heartbeat.  This is all this whole shit is.

I suppose that’s ultimately the joke in all of this.  I don’t find it very funny, but I suppose I’m just too sensitive, right?