#Hi yes wife plz don’t look at this

[moltengoldveins]

shoutout to wife’s heated blanket, sweatpants, and Chomky sweater - it is like 38 degrees and I am worm ^.^

[uluvjay]

Glory days- S. Vettel

Sebastian Vettel x wife! Reader

In which you ask your husband to fuck you like he did in your glory days

Warnings?; SMUT, p in v, unprotected sex(plz use protection!), oral(f receiving), fingering(f receiving), dirty talk, ass slapping, degrading, cursing, porn with a small plot, prob many errors & bad grammar 

Part of my 1k celly:)

You blamed the internet for being the reason you were seeking out your husband. The damn tik tok you scrolled upon showing your husband being drowned in champagne by two of his closest friends and then him showing his tongue with his index finger up to the world.

You loved the way Sebastian treated you in the bedroom, there was no doubt about that.

But the video had you missing the RedBull days where he was more wild and would have you pinned against a wall with tears streaming down your face as he spat things at you in German, how he’d tease you for so long you were sobbing and begging for him, the quickies in his drivers room while the entirety of the RedBull team were looking for him.

Finally finding him sat at his desk in the office you snuck up behind him, running your hands down his chest to signal your presence.

“Hi meine Liebe” he smiled taking your hand in his, bringing it to his lips.

“Hi” you greeted back.

Turning around in his chair the man smiled up at you before pulling you onto his lap.

“The girls go down easy?”

“By the second story they were both snoring” he laughed at the thought of his sweet twins fast asleep.

“I’m glad, they love having you put them to bed” you beamed snuggling deep into his chest.

“And I love doing it”

You two sat like that for a minute , his large hand running along your back while he replied to emails he’d been putting off.

“Hey Seb?” Your soft voice broke the comfortable silence.

“Yes darling?”

“Remember the night you won your third championship?” You smirked at the sound of the him taking a sharp breath.

“Of course I do, what about it?” He coughed slightly shifting underneath you.

“Remember how drenched we were in champagne? How you poured it down my chest before licking it up? How you made me come three times in three different ways?”

A cry tore from your throat when his hand slotted in your hair and pulled you from his neck.

“What are you trying to do here Schatz?” He grunted

“I just…We haven’t gone at it like that in a long time, and don’t get me wrong I still love the way you fuck me but I kinda miss us being messy and rough” you spoke looking up at him with his favorite doe eyes.

A growl, an actual growl broke from the mans throat before he smashed his lips against yours, the kiss was hot and sloppy, something familiar but yet forgotten.

His free hand reaching down to grip your hip, pulling you so close you could feel his chest moving in and out against your own.

“Seb” you panted pulling away from his lips.

“What?”

“I need you, please. I need you to fuck me so hard that I don’t remember my own name-like you used to.” You begged the blonde.

Without anymore pleading he slipped his hands under your thighs before standing and making his way down the hall.

“Seb you passed the bedroom” you spoke with confusion.

“I know”

Confusion clouded your mind for a moment until you realized he was opening the door to one of your guest rooms.

“Further from the girls, don’t wanna risk your pathetic noises waking them” he spat, his hands hastily pulling your leggings down.

Slotting himself between your thighs he began trailing soft kisses against the insides of your thighs, lips brushing right past your wet cotton panties.

“Seb, please” you begged.

“Hush Kleiner Hase” he smirked at the yearning whimper that broke from your throat at the name.

His torturing kisses continued along your skin, nipping and sucking along the skin coaxing whines and whimpers from you.

“Sebastian baby-please, I need you” you begged, hands running through his soft and overgrown curls.

“Your the one that asked for this baby, wanted me to take care of like I used to.” He tutted and as much as you wanted to argue he was right.

Sebastian hardly made you wait anymore, usually due to the fact that kids made it hard for you two to take your time.

Finally running his fingers over the elastic of your panties Sebastian hooked a finger in the material and pulled them down your legs.

“So wet for me” breathed, mouth watering at the sight of your dripping folds.

“Oh god seb please” you whined.

Your body was aching for him at this point, wanting nothing more than his body pressed against yours while he fucked you silly and made you come over and over again.

A groan left your husbands throat as he left kisses along your folds, his tongue teasingly running through them. Your body shuddered at the feeling of his mouth finally coming into contact with your cunt.

Your fingers gather his hair in a vice grip, pulling on the locks so hard it had Sebastian whimpering.

“Feels so good Seb” you heaved, body shivering as he ate you like a starved man.

His tongue ran along your folds, moving in multiple different patterns while his nose bumped and prodded against your clit.

Sebastian’s hands pinned your hips down as you attempted to grind against his face, a sharp slap against your skin letting you know to knock it off.

Your thighs shook as you felt the knot in your stomach tighten by the seconds, your moans getting louder and your tugs on Sebastian’s hair getting harder.

“M’ gonna-fuck, gonna cum seb” you cried out.

“Go on pretty girl, cum for me. Want you to cum all over my face.” He encouraged as he slipped two fingers inside you to help guide you to your high.

You arched your back, breath quivering as you came, thighs closing around Sebastian’s head drawing the man even closer to your cunt then before.

Broken sobs escaped your throat as you came down from your high, Sebastian left wet kisses along the skin of your lower stomach while his fingers continued to work you open.

“So pretty Schatz” he cooed in your ear before your body was flipped over and you were placed on your knees with your face shoved into the comforter.

You could feel him shuffling before the warm head of his cock was placed against your folds, teasingly running through the cum and spit covered skin.

Sebastian shuddered as he slipped inside, his hands gripping your hips so hard you knew there’d be bruises in their place tomorrow.

“My fucking god..” he growled at the way your walls hugged him.

He could hear your muffled cries as he kept up a brutal pace, the sounds of skin slapping mixing in with your shared moans filled the room.

Your breath hitched with every thrust, you could feel every ridge and vain as he split you open. His deeps grunts and growls making you clench even tighter around him.

“Ah-fuck. Seb it feels so good” you whimpered as he placed a foot onto the soft mattress to allow him a deeper angle over your body.

“Yeah? Like when I fuck you like a little slut?” He spat, leaning his body over your back to whisper in your ear.

The man got nothing but muffled cries in return as your body squirmed underneath his, your toes curling in pleasure as he fucked you deep.

“Clenching me so tight” he panted into your neck.

Your breath hitched at every thrust, the heat in your lower stomach getting hotter and hotter by the second.

“Se-oh!-m’ gonna cum” you stuttered.

He smirked at the way your body shook due to his movements, how you cried as his hand came down hard against your plump ass.

“Go on Meine Liebe, come all over my cock like a good whore” he taunted as his thrusts picked up and soon his hand was placed on the back of your head; shoving your face into the mattress.

Your mouth opened in a silent scream, body trembling, and toes curling as your climax washed over you. Your entire body shook as Sebastian kept going, his thrusts unforgiving as he chased a high of his own.

Grunts filled the room as Sebastian felt the familiar shiver run down his spine and he came deep inside you, your cunt milking him dry.

He smirked at the sight of your fucked out face when he turned your body over, tear tracks covered your red cheeks as you panted for air.

“So pretty Liebling” he shushed as he ran his thumb along your warm cheek.

“Tha-that was amazing” you laughed as you pulled his body down to press against yours.

“Yeah?” He smirked as he placed kisses along your neck.

“Mhm”

“I’m glad because I’m far from being done with you”

-

[lewisvinga]

down bad | lewis hamilton x fem! reader

summary; just lewis being an absolute simp for his wife on the main

fc; stenss on ig

warnings; ?

taglist; @namgification @louvrepool @locelscs @thehufflepuffavenger1 @minseok-smaus @goldenmclaren @ollieshifts @lavisenri @graciewrote @xoscar03 @c-losur3

note; requested ! lewis the loml

masterlist !

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liked by lewishamilton, carmenmmundt, and others !

yourusername: when bae calls me a star girl

lewishamilton: oh my 😍😍😍😍😍

lewishamilton: absolutely love this look and i love you

yourusername: love youuuuuu🫶

lewishamilton: just the prettiest girl ever 🥰

yourusername: 🥹👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

username: me n the bad bitch i pulled by being a simp

username: SIMP LEWIS!

username: lewis is so me😭

username: TUTORIAL PLS QUEEN🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

yourusername: this friday 😇

username: pink blush girlies rise !!

username: this is how my makeup turns out in my head but not irl

carmenmmundt: gorgeous gorgeous !!!

yourusername: thank uuu carm 🤍🤍

username: this is my mother

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lewishamilton uploaded to their story !

[caption 1; the wife demanded matcha today] [caption 2; 😍😍😍😍]

yourusername i didn’t demand i politely asked 🙎‍♀️🙎‍♀️

lewishamilton ‘lew let’s go get matcha now if you say no i’m divorcing you😛’

yourusername ‘TWAS A JOKE😒

yourusername tysm for my iced oat milk matcha latte husband 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

lewishamilton whatever wifey wants wifey gets🙄👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

yourusername happy wife happy life am i right 😁

yourusername speaking of let’s go shopping

lewishamilton knew you’d want that, don’t worry, i made an appointment at hermes 😁

yourusername u know how to make a girl happy lewis hamilton 😖😖

username GIVE ME UR GAME CARD

username Y/NNNNN

username ask her where she got the tights plz

lewishamilton tezenis:)

username OMG???

username her fits are always on point omg

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yourusername uploaded to their story !

[caption 1; the husband picking out a pink shopping outfit, is this a sign for what i think it is?] [caption 2; all good things come in orange boxes right?😁 thank you so much, my luv lewishamilton 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨🩷]

lewishamilton if the wife says she wants a birkin 25 in sakura then a birkin 25 in sakura is what she’ll get 😁😁

yourusername I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON YOU WANTED ME TO WEAR PINK!!!😩

yourusername crying ilysm i already have so many outfits planned 🥹

lewishamilton and i can’t wait to see what your amazing mind comes up with 🤍

username why am i shocked abt a birkin like that man isn’t a millionaire

username i need my own lewis hamilton 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

yourbestfriend GIRLK IM SCREAMING FOR YOUU😫😍

yourbestfriend THATS BEEN ON UR WISHLIST FOR AGES

yourusername I KNOWW😩

yourusername it helps when ur man is the lewis hamilton n an absolute simp😋

yourbestfriend does he have friends 🤨🤨🤨

yourusername no why does he need friends when he has me 🙄( HIS WIFE )

yourusername jk yes🤓

yourbestfriend we all know lewis would only hang out w u if given the chance 😭

yourusername husband tingz 😇😇

username lewis is so husband material im crying

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liked by lewishamilton, yourbestfriend, and others !

yourusername: get yourself a man who hates driving so much but refuses to let you drive.

tagged; lewishamilton

username: here before simp lewis

lewishamilton: can’t ever get over your beauty, my love 😍😍

yourusername: skdkslkd stop making blush

lewishamilton: your only worry is to just sit there and look pretty, not driving

yourusername: GET URSELF A MAN LIKE THIS LADIES🥰👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

username: IM TRYINGGGG

username: y/n won the jackpot fr

username: OKAY BUT HER FIT??😫

username: mommy? sorry, mommy? sorry 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

username: outfit ateeeee

username: y/n and lewis are such fashionable couples i love them 😫😫

yourbestfriend: where u find him fr

yourusername: turns out pretending to be lost in monaco works but if you actually end up lost:/

yourbestfriend: BET

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liked by yourusername, alexandrasaintmleux, and others !

lewishamilton: happiest of birthdays to my sweetest girl. forever grateful that i get to call the most gorgeous woman on this earth my wife. may this day be filled with many blessings. i love you so much, pretty girl. 🤍

tagged; yourusername

yourusername: YOU ARE MY BLESSING🥹🥹

yourusername: i love u sm , lew ☹️🩷

lewishamilton: love you , pretty girl 🩷

username: i’m so sick rn

username: sleeping on the highway tonight 🚶‍♀️

username: idk how many ‘me n who’ i got left in me😭😭

username: MOTHERS BDAY!!🎉🎉

username: screaming crying throwing up

username: SHES SO FAIRYYY

alexandrasaintmleux: happy birthday 🌸 so excited to be in the ferrari garage with you next year🤍

yourusername: thank u alexxx🥹🥹 so excited too🫶

charles_leclerc: it means ditch the pink for red 😇

lewishamilton: hey, my wife can do whatever she wants 🙄

charles_leclerc: i’ll get roscoe and leo matching outfits 😇

yourusername: DEAL!

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liked by lewishamilton, yourbestfriend, and others.

yourusername: advice of the day; marry a man who is down bad for you

tagged; lewishamilton

lewishamilton: that makeup look of yours 😍😍🥰🥰

yourusername: i think u liked it bc we went shopping after but i’m not sure tho 😋

lewishamilton: how can i not be so down bad for you? my own wife?? a living and breathing goddess???

yourusername: LEWWWKSNDSKKD

yourusername: says the walking god😩 i won’t say much bc there are children here

landonorris: tysm for saving me

username: i will never get over them

username: my roman empire is y/n and lewis 🥹

username: thank u y/n for lewis content 🫡🫡

username: lewis js like me fr bc if i was married to y/n, i’d so be down bad for her too😩

username: him carrying the hermes, chanel, and cartier bags, IM SICK😖😖😖😖

username: not her winning the lottery omfs

yourbestfriend: does he have spare $$$?

yourusername: yes we found a bday gift for u from chanel pookie don’t worry👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

yourbestfriend: THANK U MR N MRS HAMILTON😭😭🙏🙏🙏🫶

lewishamilton: 🫡🫡🫡

username: he’s so down bad he buys y/n’s best friend chanel, why can’t my friends work harder fr 😒😒

[padawansuggest]

Do you think the clones know about espresso? Do you think they know caf comes in a condensed and bitter form?

CODY’S SPACEBUCKS ORDER THAT ONE 17 SHOT ESPRESSO AND FIVE PUMPS OF BLUEBERRY SYRUP THAT THE BARISTAS WILL REMEMBER IN HORROR FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES

Fox just replaces his water with espresso and ends up in medical within a week for the resulting rage he unleashed on the senate and probably a single lightsaber ouchie (the doctors will kiss it better) when Palpatine thought Fox was trying to murder him.

Anyways. Cody bats his pretty eyelashes at Obi-Wan who in turn bats his pretty eyelashes at Bail who in turn buys them a ten thousand credit espresso machine and Cody never has to deal with the SpaceBucks workers looking at him Like That again. Also his orders were all like 50 credits each and that was really cutting into his stolen credit card money.

Anyways. Obi-Wan becomes used to dirty chai lattes because it’s the only tea that Cody consistently gets right for him out of some sort of horrible spite. He loves his adorable caffeinated monster so much. He’s gonna bat his pretty eyelashes at Bail and convince him to send them on a fancy vacation. Bail is a fan of anything that gets these menaces to his chastity out of his office.

Anakin once mixed up his caf mug and a can of grease while working on a new droid in Padme’s space garage while less than half awake because him and Padme are trading off who’s watching the twins to keep them from getting out of their cribs with the force, and trust me, he didn’t notice till a couple gulps in, and yes, he made this everyone else’s problem. Rex had to hold his hair back while he puked. Ahsoka is the one that switched his mug and the can of oil.

Fox drinks herbal tea now.

Fives once made coffee but replaced the water with monster and Echo still thinks of it and weeps sometimes. Why did he do that??? The smell was radioactive.

Omega pouts at Hunter whenever he drinks caf around her because ewwwww but he’s too dad shaped to stop that is his fuel, come on kid, let’s go fishing. Horrible. She would like to be unadopted plz (if you stop cuddling her she WILL tantrum thanks.)

Bail Organa for Chancellor, this is all. Elect him for the title because he’s the hardest working man in the galaxy. (Plz don’t fucking elect him he would like to go home to his wife next week he’s exhausted.)

[fasolabean]

warninggg this is a long one ,,,

(Okay so I started writing this uhhh vent before more posts on the n//fts appeared later so plz keep that in mind hah)

So I haven’t been too active on here for the past month – a bit personal start, but I’ve moved to a different country whooo!!!! (its terrifying) (my brains been involved in fandom stuff as usual but physically I wasn’t lmao).

But I wanted to talk ab the n//ft (censoring bc idk ab bots here) thing bc while some people on here provided some great context and threads, most of the talk has happened on twitter. So like. Since it was first confirmed what the raffle thing was I was veryyyy disappointed, especially bc K has made fun of this very thing on stage previously. And like yea, the nature of what hes doing is different than the n//ft crypt0 scams, since the cost of the paywalled content is set and not fluid and the raffle thing was free to enter, and I know there have been threads about the website not being the worst on twitter (link) (edit: now here on tumblr too). But still man. Both of these could’ve been done on either an independent website or through stuff like youtube members or patreon. Or hell, even just on the merch store? Like buy a promo code that buys you access to the material?

Also like I get that this was probably a contract that would be rly hard if not impossible to terminate. STILL though, I wish we just got an even short thing like “hi sorry I wasn’t aware this is gonna be a one time thing we’re not doing it again”. I don’t mind extra content being paywalled personally, I know some people do, but I just really wish it wasn’t don’t with that technology. And yes, I also now know it’s a safer way to handle shit like that but I just cant see this excuse being used for commercial use? Like maybe I can see why I could be made to use it for like idk an important document, but a raffle ticket? Nah

I also, ugh. Felt weird about mikke in the team since the winter. This whole thing seems to be – at least to a large extent – either done or influenced by him, judging by even the fact that the europass thingy webpage has oy photomikke marked (no im not buying it but i did look around curiosity was stronger). Also the previous thing that had made me go hmmm about käärijä as a brand was the bnb, which now seems to be ran entirely by mikke and his wife. Like stick to your photos man? That being said tho, Jere IS an adult and he IS the face of this brand. If he doesn’t think hes qualified to make business decisions all by himself (which I get, this shit is hard), nothing is stopping him really from getting a professional to help him with those things. And if there IS something stopping him then hey man I think you should go to the press with that lol. From any interviews ive seen or read, you can feel he feels this responsibility to keep his friends and family that initially helped him afloat. But I wish he understood that not letting people who in the end are not professional about business and PR and having them stick to their own thing does not have to mean cutting them off.

But now I just wanna share a thought that to some might seem like me defending him – which, in case you didn’t get I am very much not lmao. The thing is, im really glad the fandom is able to call him out on a shitty thing – like a bad baaad business decision. You can like somebody’s art, hell you can even like the public person they are, while not agreeing with everything what they do. What annoys me though, is that apart of the kä fandom, he is also often talked about (usually negatively) in the wider esc fandom. Over the past week I’ve seen multiple threads on twitter from people that rarely ever mention him about this. That would’ve been like, not that much of a deal (though sometimes it really got… engagement bait-y) but the amount of bodyshaming and shaming of his fans that comes up with every valid criticism is making me wanna pull my hair out.

Especially cause he’s neither the first finnish esc-related artist to do that (Robin and Cyan Kicks are mentioned on the kollekt website) nor is he the first esc artist of his influence to do it either. Last year Loreen and Alessandra have released n//fts last year, and Loreen did a very similar raffle a couple months ago. Now I wanna be very clear: I don’t want this to be like. Cancelling these people, that would be so hypocritical of me. I also don’t want this to be like a fandom war like oh youre mad he did xyz?? Well THIS and THIS person did THAT!!1! I’m just merely annoyed that these people doing essentially the same thing went with no echo at all, but now I’ve seen us (the fandom) be literally called the r slur and the most vile things being said about jere and, for some reason, his appearance???

Idk man. I really try to  make it clear im not trying to excuse his decisions and I think being angry and/or disappointed at him is absolutely understandable. Im just angry that every single time he fucks up, every single time he makes a mistake, my timeline is filled with a wave of people rejoicing in it. I know he’s a controversial figure, he’s been one since day one, but I just wish he’s gotten the same amount of shit his peers do for the same actions? And this happens every time, and each time im like “well ig I can see why hes so bad when it comes to criticism”. Because imagine doing a thing that your peers have done with no/minimal criticism and then the moment you try it out you get people calling your fans slurs and commenting how stupid you are. Like ngl id also think any criticism was hate lmao.

Again I wanna be very VERY clear im very critical ab what he chose to do. I wish he took some responsibility – and hope he maybe does, at some point in the future. This year has been a whole lot of bad business decisions for the käärijä brand in my eyes, and I hope he can actually see where its gone wrong and do something about it, both for his and our sake. I am also happy to see fellow fans who are able to call out their fave. But man I am TIRED of him just getting all the shit (from people who very visibly fans are not)?? And now I have the proof that it is comparably more than other people and not just my bias towards him because wdym there’s been at least 4 esc artists, 2 of which more famous than him, and 2 umk artists doing exactly the same thing with almost no echo??

TLDR (thishasover1kwordsfuckshit); I wish he did better, simply. I kinda cling to some hope that maybe hey finally this time he will see that criticism can be constructive. I think this is still a level of fucking up that you can like, come back from. Pity it’s connected to the eurotour since kinda souring my excitement ab my first concert in a new country a bit :(

[cabinetofquriosities]

Everybody Wants to Rule the World || Chapter 3 || Back to Westview

Agatha x Rio || Warnings: discussions of physical abuse/child abuse

Chapter Summary: Agatha returns to Westview to interview her main suspects.

Ao3 (plz leave reviews ♥️)

Fic Masterlist for Chapters 1 & 2

————————————��——————————

Agatha woke up early the next morning to a text from Alison. It was a sweet message asking when she would be available for their date. She wrote back that she wouldn’t be free until Friday evening.

Alison: Four whole nights? You rly like to build suspense

Agatha: trust me, I would go out tonight if I could. My work has me traveling to my last couple crime scenes.

Alison: Are they far?

Agatha, yeah. Each one is over an hour away.

Alison: well, far be it from me to distract a crime fighter.

Agatha: Agent. Crime fighter sounds like I run around in spandex.

Alison: I’d pay to see that 😜

Agatha: Down, girl 😉

—————————————————————

Chief Jones waited for Agatha with two hot coffees when she pulled up to the station. She stepped out of her car, nodding at him as she took one of the coffees.

“What’ve you got for me?” she asked.

He led her inside to his office. Circling his desk, he pulled out a baggie. Agatha leaned over and took it. She examined it, her brow furrowed.

“What am I looking at?” She asked, looking at something flat, star shaped, and discolored.

“According to the lab, a flower.”

“Doesn’t look like any flower I’ve seen.”

“It’s a Pepper flower,” Chief Jones said.

“… Pepper?” Agatha asked, “Like his-“

“Daughter, yes.”

“Well… maybe she did have more to do with this than we thought. Aren’t pepper flowers usually white?”

“Yeah… but this one was lodged at the back of his throat… in a deep cut.”

“Damn…”

“I think you might be right about Pepper. Their finances are clean of any suspicious payments, but rich people have ways to circumvent things like this. We called her and Tony in for questioning as people of interest.”

Agatha’s eyes shot up to his. She narrowed them and her lips curled into a snarl.

“You what? Why didn’t you run this by me?”

“I don’t see what the issue is. I thought you wanted to talk to them. Now you have them right where you want ‘em.”

Agatha closed her eyes and took a slow, deep breath.

“Chief. Please do not tell me that you called in two of the most powerful people in the country, told them they were suspects, and brought them here without giving me any time to prep for the interrogation,” she said in a low, measured tone.

“Uh, okay, I won’t…”

“Unbelievable!” she growled, pacing and trying to avoid looking at him for fear of catching an assault charge.

“We didn’t tell them they were suspects, if that helps,” he said nervously.

Agatha stopped pacing and gave a curt nod. She pinched the bridge of her nose.

“That… actually does help. Give me ten minutes to get my head together. Don’t let anyone talk to them.”

He nodded, standing there for a moment. He suddenly realized she meant that he should leave his own office. He turned to leave.

“Chief! That goes for you too,” Agatha said.

“Mum’s the word,” he said before walking out.

—————————————————————

After hashing it out with a stressed out Lilia over the phone, Agatha took a deep breath. She walked out and was shown to the room where the couple was waiting. It was a small repurposed office with two couches facing each other. There were potted plants and windows that displayed it to the rest of the station like a fishbowl.

Tony was in a suit that probably cost more than Agatha made in a year. He was disarmingly handsome with a charm that showed itself immediately upon introducing himself.

He stood and reached out his hand, shaking Agatha’s.

“Nice to meet you, Agent…”

“Harkness. And, likewise. How was your trip here?”

“Not terrible logistically, but it could have been better emotionally,” he said quietly, tilting his head over in his wife’s direction.

“I can imagine. Well, I appreciate you two coming in. Would you mind if I spoke to Pepper alone?” she asked, prepared for resistance from the man who everyone had warned her about.

“Of course,” he said after a pause.

He knelt down and cupped Pepper’s defined cheek, leaning in and kissing her forehead. He stood upright and walked out to the waiting area, leaving them in the little room. She closed the door behind him.

Pepper sat stoically in a designer cream suit, her statuesque yet delicate features turned stony. She swept her straight strawberry blonde hair back over her shoulder. Her eyes affixed themselves to Agatha’s as the agent sat across from her.

“Hello, Pepper. I wanted to express my deepest sympathy for your loss.”

“Thank you,” she said with a level of detachment, “Have you discovered anything about who could have done this?”

“We have a few theories and a lead on some newly uncovered evidence,” she said.

“That’s good to hear,” Pepper said simply, her hands resting on her knees, her legs crossed at the ankles.

“This must be very difficult for you,” Agatha said.

To her surprise, Pepper shook her head.

“It was much harder when I lost my mother.”

Her frankness surprised Agatha. She thought she would be more tactful with her words.

“From what I hear, your mother was very well loved in Westview,” Agatha said.

The corner of Pepper’s lips curled up into a smile for a split second.

“She was amazing. She helped anyone in town if they needed anything. She even bought prom dresses for girls in my school who couldn’t afford them.”

“She sounds like quite a woman,” Agatha said, “To lose her the way you did must have been a shock.”

Pepper’s face darkened, remembering the horrible day she found her. She was broken and bloody at the bottom of the stairs.

“It was…”

“And now losing your other parent… I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

“Like I said before, I don’t feel too badly about my father’s death. It’s not easy to explain…”

“I definitely understand having complicated feelings about a parent. I had it with my own mother when she passed,” Agatha said, thinking back.

“Yeah?”

Agatha’s mind dragged her back to the feeling of struggling for breath underwater, her lungs burning. Her palms grew clammy and cold. She took a deep breath and began tapping her thumb against her fingertips in order.

“Yes,” Agatha whispered, “I ended up in some rough relationships later. A lot of toxic ones.”

“That’s rough. I was lucky that way.”

“Yeah?” Agatha asked, gently probing to get a sense of if the abuse rumors held any weight, “You two have been together a long time.”

“Twenty five years,” she said with a faint smile, “He’s helped me through a lot.”

Agatha nodded, watching closely for any sign of dishonesty or nerves. Either Pepper was incredibly poised regardless of the situation or she was telling the truth. However, abuse victims could be very practiced in how to portray their situation. She knew that someone had left those bruises that Chief Jones mentioned.

“I heard that your father didn’t approve of him,” she said, “Could you shed some light on that for me?”

Pepper’s eyes narrowing as she regarded Agatha. For a moment, the agent was worried the woman would demand a lawyer be present.

“My father didn’t like Tony’s interference.”

“Interference?”

Pepper sighed, her shoulders slumping. For the first time since she walked in, she looked less like a confident, privileged person and more like a human being. She looked vulnerable.

“My father wasn’t who people thought he was. No one in town will believe it, though. I don’t think anyone here wants to believe what people are capable of.”

“Why don’t you tell me about him?” Agatha asked.

“Okay… My father spread those lies that I’m sure you’ve heard about my husband to cover for himself.”

“He beat you,” Agatha said.

Pepper froze for a moment to look at her. It was as if Agatha and she shared a recognition of a common experience. After decades of putting up a front, another woman managed to see right through it. Her expression was awash with the relief of being understood.

“At least once a week unless things were going very well. Then, it would be only a couple of times in a month.”

“Is there any proof of this?”

Agatha could see Pepper’s look turn into a glare. Behind the anger, she could see the hurt in them.

“It happened,” Pepper insisted.

“I’m not saying it didn’t. I’m not like everyone else here. I didn’t grow up in this town. Catering to his memory doesn’t do anything for me or my department. I just have to collect any evidence of important things concerning the victim to get a complete picture. This is something I consider to be extremely important.”

Pepper’s shoulders relaxed a bit. She nodded slowly.

“Medical records,” Pepper said, “He always claimed I was clumsy until I met Tony. Then he was able to put it on him.”

“You ended up in the hospital? How many times?”

“Since I was a toddler… at least a couple times a year,” she said, “Broken arm, broken wrists, cracked and bruised ribs, concussions, a broken jaw one time…”

“And the doctor never reported this?”

“The doctors were golfing buddies of my father,” Pepper said flatly, “They either believed him or refused to see it.”

“And your mother?”

“Couldn’t help me,” she said.

“Why not?”

Pepper looked Agatha in the eye as she considered what to say next. She took a deep breath before speaking.

“How do you think she ended up at the bottom of the stairs?”

Agatha sat back, her lips parted as she absorbed it all. She shook her head, thinking of how the entire community seemed to either believe or knowingly defend Herb. Now, she had two possibilities in her mind. One - Pepper narrowly escaped a deadly situation and never looked back. Two - Pepper and Tony had Herb killed in revenge. A part of Agatha didn’t care either way. She figured one abuser gone from the world was an improvement to society. However, the other part of her had to remind herself of the slippery slope that thinking was a part of.

“You believe your father murdered your mother?” she asked.

“I know he did. Police said it was an accident. He said he was in the shower.”

“How do you know he wasn’t?”

“His hair was dry.”

“I looked at the coroner’s report. It said it was inconclusive. It said it was possibly a heart attack or stroke, but now I’m surprised no one looked further into it.”

“Did you see the pictures of it?”

“No.”

“Look at the pictures.”

“I will,” Agatha said, “And I will look at any of your medical history you provide.”

“Thank you, Detective. Really. It means so much to have someone who understands,” she said before standing to shake her hand.

—————————————————————

Agatha texted Lilia about the mother’s fall. She asked for the crime scene photos of it. As she was refilling her coffee, her phone lit up with a notification. She opened it, looking at the attached files.

“Fuck…”

“What?” Chief Jones asked, nearly making Agatha jump out of her skin.

“Shit, you are deceptively light footed. Here,” she said, showing him the blood streaked scene.

“Geez… what is this?”

“Mrs. Potts after her ‘accident’. A few years before you joined the force, right?”

“Y-yeah… This.. this can’t…” he trailed off as he began connecting dots in his head.

“That wasn’t just a fall.”

“What did he do to her?”

“A more severe version of what he did to Pepper.”

“No… Herb?” he asked, “But he wouldn’t hurt a fly…”

“Maybe not a fly, but it seems like he had no qualms with hurting his family. Pepper is going to give us records of her injuries through her life. I just need to press Tony to see if Herb’s murder was revenge for all of this.”

Chief Jones stood there in a state of shock and barely contained guilt. Agatha softened a bit before rolling her eyes, knowing how bad she was at anything other than sarcasm. She had already burned through her supply of comfort with Pepper.

“Look… People like Herb are good at covering their tracks. Abusive people are like con artists. You can’t blame yourself for being conned,” she said, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s my job to notice these things.”

“You seem like you’re a good guy. Good people don’t think like Herb. You think that others would think like you. It’s a normal assumption to make. You can’t notice it easily unless you either think like a monster or survived one.”

The Chief considered this and seemed to accept it.

“Thanks, Agatha,” he said before adding, “I’m… sorry you’re good at recognizing them.”

The implication of his statement hung in the air. Agatha gave him a curt nod at his sympathy before trying to shrug it off. Her skin crawled at the feeling of being seen.

“I’m gonna talk to Tony. You should talk with Pepper. Catch up on things with her,” she said, taking her coffee and walking away.

—————————————————————

Tony strolled into the room, sitting in a more casual way than Agatha was used to for a suspect. His body language was completely open. His arm spread over the back of the couch. His legs were crossed with an ankle rested on his knee. His face, while not smiling, gave off an air of cockiness. Everything about him screamed unwarranted confidence. Or, perhaps it was warranted considering how much he actually created to gain his wealth. While he was a nepo baby of a tech mogul, he managed to surpass the work of his father. His genius was unmatched in his field. His was actually working and innovating rather than just running the company. He was who most billionaires pretended to be.

Regardless of the reason, that tinge of narcissism soured his charm for Agatha.

“Mr. Stark-“

“Call me Tony. Mr. Stark was my fa-“

“Mr. Stark,” Agatha continued, “I spoke with your wife about your father in law.”

“Well, I figured you wouldn’t be chatting about the weather.”

“Cute,” Agatha bit back, earning an eyebrow raise from Tony, “She told me about how he didn’t approve of her relationship with you.”

“Of course he didn’t. He lost the last person he could control.”

“And claimed that you controlled her. That you battered her.”

“I never hurt Pepper. That was his move,” Tony said with clear contempt for the man.

“She talked about that with me. It’s horrible what he did to her,” Agatha said.

Tony arched his brow. He regarded her, his eyes scanning her much in the way she did him.

“Agreed,” Tony said, “So you understand why she didn’t want to come back when he died.”

“I do. I’m sure you didn’t want to either, considering the reputation he forced on you. Being blamed for such heinous things as a kid isn’t something that’s easy to forgive.”

“I don’t believe in forgiving people who cause that type of harm,” he said, “Or the cops who refused to look at anyone but me.”

“I always thought that being pressured to forgive people who don’t deserve it was bullshit. I’ve seen so many idiots tell victims to forgive people in order to find their own peace.”

“I hate it too,” Tony said, “You can let go of anger without forgiving the creep who caused it.”

“And have you?” Agatha asked.

Tony tilted his head.

“Have I what?”

“Let your anger go?”

Tony paused before letting out a laugh. He shook his head with an amused smile breaking through his previously serious expression.

“I was wondering what your play was,” he said.

“My what?”

“You’re not the only one who knows how to dig up someone’s history,” he said, “Agent Agatha Harkness. Decorated FBI agent who has worked some of the most notorious cases in the country. PhD in Psychology. Known to excel in all things but social prowess. Specialties include profiling, body language analysis, and - of course - interrogation techniques. You are known for your success in that specifically. You are truly impressive.”

Agatha sat back, her posture stiffer.

“Thanks for the compliment…” she scoffed.

“No, I mean it. You are impressive. I looked through your long trail of solved cases. I read your thesis on how to interrogate different categories of psychopaths for violent crimes. It was captivating.”

“What’s with the flattery?” she asked, fully aware of the tendency of the rich to manipulate others.

“I just enjoy being around someone who is on the same level as me when it comes to their craft.”

“And I enjoy people who answer the questions I ask,” she said with an unchanging focus, “Did you let your anger go?”

“Not all of it, no. I should probably say I did, but I couldn’t stand that asshole.”

She kept an eye on every micro expression he had.

“That’s understandable,” she said, “Did you ever try giving him a visit? Telling him off or anything?”

“No,” he said, “I just wanted him to stay home. Far, far away from Pepper.”

“Was he trying to get in contact with her?”

“He did for the first few years and again after we had our daughter. For the past two years, he just sends a birthday card that Pepper throws right in the trash. He mostly left us alone. He really wasn’t a part of our lives.”

“When was the last time you or Pepper saw him? In person.”

“About three years back. He showed up at an event I was having and tried to talk to Pepper. Security threw him out.”

“Were you worried about him bothering you again?”

“No,” Tony said, “He was an old man. I wouldn’t even need a bodyguard to keep him from my family if it came to it. He was just pathetic by the end. I follow what Pepper wants to do when it comes to him. She wants to just move on from the past and never look back. That’s why she never went after him in court. He’s been dead to her since we left town at eighteen.”

“And you didn’t want to confront him about all of it?”

“I did. Pepper didn’t. She told me not to and I listened. I’m glad I did. It wouldn’t have done us any good.”

Agatha’s jaw tightened as she trued to determine if this was a facade.

“We didn’t do this,” Tony said.

“I’m not saying you did.”

“But you think it’s a possibility.”

“At this point in the investigation, anything is a possibility. I do need to solve this case,” Agatha said, “But one thing I know is that Herb seemed like a person who belonged in the ground.”

“I think that is something we can both agree on.”

—————————————————————

Agatha walked the couple out to their car and gave them her card.

“I’ll let you know if there are any developments,” Agatha said.

“Thank you,” Pepper said.

Tony held the door open for his wife before giving Agatha a smile and a nod. Agatha nodded back. As they drove off, Chief Jones walked outside.

“Agatha?”

“Yeah?” she asked, watching the car disappear down the road.

“Agent Calderu is on the phone for you.”

She went into the Chief’s office and closed the door before picking up the call.

“Lilia…”

“Don’t Lilia me. Why haven’t you been answering your phone?”

Agatha pulled her phone out to see five missed calls. She let out a sigh.

“Sorry. I was speaking with the Starks. My phone was on silent. Look, they have motive, but I don’t think—“

“It isn’t them,” Lilia said.

Agatha furrowed her brows. She sat on the edge of the desk.

“How do we know that?”

“Forensics came back on the body in Chesire. There was something that lined up with this one.”

“What is it?”

“A flower. Petals were found wedged into each cut. They thought it was from possibly being dragged in the woods, but they tested them to find out which flower it was.”

“Which was it?”

“A Lotus. Not exactly a native flower of the Berkshires,” Lilia said.

“What about our first case? The one before Westview?” she asked.

“Tulips. Since he was found in the garden, we didn’t think much of it. But-“

“No tulips were planted there. I remember.”

“You were right, Agatha. We have a serial killer on the loose.”

[technicallymaximumkitty]

Happy Hotel

Swap au because everyone else is!

(playing more fast and loose with the lore more than a cheetah who can’t tie their shoes plz don’t get mad at me) 

***

Emily paced back and forth wearing the carpet in the TV studio thin. 

Seven years ago Emily was a seraphim, the seraphim in charge of keeping everyone in heaven happy. She was a good girl, always played by the rules, and did her job well. 

Seven years ago for the first time in history a sinner was redeemed right in front of her eyes. 

Seven years ago she started questioning the rules she used to blindly obey.

Seven years ago she fell.

Emily was the first fallen seraphim. She was clueless and scared if not for that redeemed sinner to lose paradise in the name of helping her keep safe in Hell. 

In Hell where the naked truth, the whole truth, was before her eyes. Hell, a cesspool of crime, hate, and abuse. Where angels would fly down once a year to rake up sinners as if they were a pest infestation. Her heart bleeds for the lost sinners, even if they were awful people, most of them didn't deserve such a fate. She would have said all sinners, if Hell had not jaded her heart. 

She wanted to help sinners, they were her people now, the seraphim had made their say. Yes heaven had cast her out, but that didn't mean sinners wouldn't benefit from paradise. As much as she was upset with heaven, she knew it would be better for any wayward sinner than the cards they were dealt now.

“Any more pacing and you’ll tear a hole through the carpet.” Emily snapped out of thought. Sir Pentious. The first redeemed sinner, and her closest friend. 

“Ah yes I just, suppose I'm nervous.” She gave a lopsided smile that crossed with a grimace. Who wouldn't be? By some stroke of miracle she got an interview with 666 news and finally an audience to share her idea with, the audience of all of Hell and not just her stuffed animals and Pentious. 

“Underssstandable yesss, but you’ll do fine i'm sssure of it.” Pentious smiled making his way towards Emily, “you have practiced thisss ssspeach for ssso long now that I would ssswear you recite it in you sssleep.” He smiled, placing his hands on Emily’s shoulders. 

Nodding Emily took a deep breath, “your right, I got this!” she smiled a small twinkle returning to her eye.

“I believe in you!” he spun the ex-seraphim around giving her a gentle shove in the direction of set, cheering with the gusto of a wife sending her husband off to war.

“Oh suck it up you little-*beep*” The camera was set to commercials and the news hostess spun her chair around stretching her legs before producing a pack of gum from her bosom. Cherri Bomb, spunky myspace queen turned new hostess with a fuse as short as her name would suggest. 

“Hello there, I'm Emily!” Emily smiled, holding her hand out for a shake. The cyclops rolled her eye before popping a bubble.

“No thanks, I don’t touch preps.” Cherri spun around in her chair before propping her feet on top of the desk. Emily gave a nervous chuckle before taking a seat of her own. Emily wanted to greet the co host but they were currently walking off a bomb explosion. She had to give it to sinners, they were very restant. 

“Thank you so much for seeing me, I'm so grateful.” Emily smiled, tapping her feet on the linoleum floor. Looking across the set she could see Pentious giving two thumbs up and a fangy smile. 

“F*** you bi*** the only reason why your on here is because otherwise we hafta’ cover that dooms day s*** again.” 

“Were on in three-”

Cherri shoved Emily out of the shot and kicked her feet to the floor, “and we are back!” She plastered on a huge smile giving bear claws to the camera. “And we are here with a guest! So Emmie,”

“It’s Emily-”

“fu** off!” Emily gulped as Cherri lit up a small cherry bomb, “anyways what is this biggest breakthrough idea that’s worth all of hell knowing about!” she smiled, chuckling the bomb at her coworker. 

***

A tall blonde demon skipped down the street humming wizard of oz showtunes, as if Hell was her playground. Skidding to a halt her curiosity was piqued. A not so small group of demons stood in front of a small TV and radio store staring at a very special episode of the news. 

Oh but what could this episode be about? It must be so interesting if everyone was curious about it. 

Standing in the shadows of the sinners she smiled to herself, something told her this was more than the normal slog of Hell’s gossip. 

***

“Well I,” She gulped, scanning the crowd. Pentious smiled, waving his arms in the air. It was obnoxious but it made her feel a bit safer. “So Hell has been at the mercy of angels for centuries and it’s so, so unfair.” 

“We already know that bi***.” 

“Yes, but what if there was a way to change that?” She smiled while holding a notebook towards the camera. The lined paper was covered in crayon and stickers with a step by step plan.

“I’d say you're delusional.” Huffed Cherri Bomb.

“But there is! You can escape Hell, all you have to do is redeem yourself!” She smiled flipping the notebook page to show a doodle of a stick demon turning into a stick angel. The studio was filled with a hush silence before everyone broke into hysterical cackling.

“Redeeming yourself? What a joke! What and all we gotta do is say please and thank you and eat all our veggies? Is that it? HA! This b**** comedy gold!” Cherri cackled, spitting her gum in Emily’s face. 

Emily’s face fell, what were they laughing? This wasn't how it was supposed to turn out. “But I'm serious, I really am!” She slammed her notebook down onto the news table trying to make her voice loud enough to break the giggling fit within the studio. “I even have proof it can work!” That made everyone shut up. 

“Oh ya? What proof?” Spat Cherri. Cherri was more than willing to entertain this delusion, she was just waiting for this to be clipped for memes the next day.

“Him! The first demon to be redeemed!” Emily pointed to Sir Pentious in the crowd. Every camera and eye in the studio whipped towards the snake, a spotlight even glowing behind him. Sir Pentious froze like a deer in the headlights.

“Then why is he down here?” someone from the crowd spoke up. 

“HAHA! OMG b****! Are you for real right now?” Cherri cackled spinning in her seat kicking her feet in the air. “This is better than a HotTopic membership! KAHAHA!” She squealed. 

Emily bit her bottom lip, she didn't know if she wanted to scream or cry, she hadn't even told everyone about the hotel yet! This isn't going like it was supposed to! “I-”

“Listen b**** your cute, fu**ing adorable even,” Cherri cooed pinching Emily’s cheek before shaking the ex-seraphims face, “but if you really think any of this is real, that snake boi over there is a redeemed sinner? Give me your dealer's number!” Cherri shoved Emily to the ground by her face. Gold trickled down Emily’s face, signaling a broken nose, but nothing hurt more than everyone mocking her. She was right! She was right! Why did no one believe her? 

***

The demon tilted her head, my how amazing indeed! She was glad she made time out of her day to watch this trainwreck. Perhaps she should bid this Emily a visit?

***

Emily and Sir Pentious were chased out of the studio shortly after their segamat ended. The night was ruined! And to top it all off their bikes were stolen because of course they were! The two of them ran all the way back to the hotel they had set up. Maybe hotel was a stretch. It was a duplex house with a downstairs home and an upstairs home. They revamped the basement so it was now three-ish houses. The only reason they could even afford such a place was because they claimed the cheapest house in money launders ave. 

Pentious opened the door for Emily as she dragged herself inside. Above the kitchen was a birthday banner flipped over with WELCOME scribbled on with fruit scented magic markers. The dining table had cupcakes in the tin waiting for the new residents that were supposed to show up.

“You did your bessst Emily! You really did, it’sss not your fault that everyone was against you!” Pentious gave a weak smile before handing a cupcake to Emily. Emily sighed, setting the sweet back on the table. She knew Pentious was trying to cheer her up, she was appreciative of it, but that didn't stop the pain of her ego getting curb stomped on live television. She collapsed on the moth-eaten loveseat of the living room. 

Pentious sighed, it really wasn't her fault, this was just hell being hell. Didn't stop him from worrying for his friends' well being. Before he could get too deep into thought there was a knocking on their door. His frill popped up in surprise. Wait, did someone just-

He swung the door open with a huge smile on his face before fear overtook his face. “YOUR MAJESTY!” he shrieked, giving a salute. Emily scurried up to the door only to freeze in place herself.

There in the doorway stood the princess of Hell herself, Princess Charlie Morningstar. The most powerful demon in all of hell after Lucifer’s sudden seven years absence. “May I come in?” she smiled, raising a hand in a wave. The second time that night Pentious froze, his eyes bulging out of his skull.

“Oh yes! Yes of course!” Emily squeaked running around the kitchen trying to find a chair for Charlie to sit in.

“Oh I must say this place is far more humble than I would imagine!” She smiled taking in the sights of mold slowly growing on the ceiling. 

“I-I must say I am more than honored to have the princess here at our hotel!” Emily squeaked, “but why?” 

“Why?” Charlie smiled, spinning towards Emily before throwing her arms in the air, “because you're singing my song sister!” she grabbed Emily’s hand before twirling her, “Redemption! Redemption! Redemption! Such a marvelous idea! Consider this an investment!” 

Emily’s eyes widen with stars, “wait are you saying-”

“Emily dear, I wish to help you with your endeavors to save our people!” Charlie cheered. Every part of Emily was now vibrating, there was no way! 

“Alright before we get down to business this isn't much of a hotel now is it?” 

“Yesss I, we diden’t-” Pentious stuttered, failing to make eye contact with the princess. Charlie flashed a huge grin before waving her hands.

“Let's fix that then, shall we?” With a wave of her hands everything was bathed in a candy apple red. Charlie spun around and sang as the furniture and building shifted and cracked turning into a now fully furnished two story hotel with an ever present apple motif. 

“Amazing-” Emily and Pentious were stunned. How? Why? 

“And let us not forget about the staff now!” Charlie smiled, spinning her way to the new and approved living room turned lounge. The two followed the princess in nothing short of awe.

Charlie kneeled in front of the TV. The air started to crackle and buzz as static filled the room, as if from the ring. Charlie reached into the TV before pulling out someone. This person tumbled from the electronic system. 

This person had a TV for a head as they jumped to their feet, “who, I, were, oh!” They smiled before bowing, “Princess Charlie!” 

“Vox!” She smiled while hugging the TV.

“What has you today?” Vox smiled. Charlie grabbed him by the shoulder twirling him to be face to face with Emily and Sir Pentious.

“Hi!” Emily squealed grabbing Vox’s hand, “Im-”

“Ah Emily, Sir Pentious, hey, hey, hey!” Vox smiled, giving the two of them brush handshakes. 

“How did you?” Pentious’s jaw dropped.

“Know? Oh, I see, everything.” Vox gave a large and slightly malicious grin as his face rippled with static. 

“Oh my.” Pentious gasped, not knowing what to do with that information.

Charlie skipped her way to the kitchen being tailed by Emily, who was now filled with nothing but admiration for the princess. 

Kneeling next to the cobbards Charlie pulled out a smaller woman, who barrel rolled into the bar. Wait when did they get a bar? Grabbing the woman by the collar of their shirt Charlie smiled, “this darling is Velvette!” Velvette could have been less thrilled as she played games on her phone, the pings of candy crush filled the room. 

“Hello Velvette!” Emily smiled, only greeted with a slight hum. 

“Vox is going to be our bendtner and Velvette is going to be our maid! And now we need guests!” Charlie threw her hands into the air Emily bracing herself for something cool to happen. 

The front door swung open. “Hey’a toots.” there stood Angel Dust a fluffy spider dressed in a sparkly pink and white suit.

“Angel!” Charlie cheered, giving the spider a bear hug.

“What have you got for me now?” Angel purred.

“I just have a teensy tiny itty bitty little favor for you, please?” Charlie gave large puppy dog eyes and a pouty lip. 

“Not like I have a choice do I?” 

Charlie giggled, “your our first guest at this-” She bent backwards to face Emily, “what is this place called?” 

“Oh!” Emily gasped with stars in her eyes, “I-I don’t know.” springing herself forward Charlie was now face to face with Angel Dust again, “the Happy Hotel!” she cheered creating a sparkly rainbow with her magic.

“Charming.” huffed Angel making his way to the lobby before draping himself on the couch, “how long am I in here for?” 

“Oh! Well, until I say so.” Charlie shrugged with a large smile, “and she should be here in three, two, one-”

A loud barrage of bullets greeted everyone's ears as the left wall blew up.

“Darling!” Charlie cheered at the woman standing in the rubble of the explosion. 

“Babe!” She smiled running to Charlie as the two spun around in a huge hug.

“And guest number two, my darling dear Vaggie!” Charlie smiled. Veggie in question has a grey and pink cameo outfit with a matching, well worn helmet. The helmet had a red bow tied around the sweatband and the words born in Hell scrawled in glitter glue on the side. A few bullets stuck under the ribbon. 

“I-I can’t say i'm not grateful, Im, I'm in debt to you!” Emily smiled with tears in her eyes, “but why? What, what do you want?”

Charlie bound her way over to the ex-seraphim before grabbing her hands, “let me put this in words we all understand.” She smiled. Vaggie rolled her eyes. “Here we go-”

“~you have a dream, your here to tell about a wonderful fantastic new hotel~

~Yes it’s one of a kind, right here in hell, ment to redeem clientele~”

***

I have no clue if i'm gonna carry on past the pilot but man are my ideas buzzing; anyways more notes!

Charlie owns Angel’s souls the same way Alastor did Husk

Lute takes Emily’s place, Nifty takes lute’s place

Adam is still adam lol

Vox and alastor still have beef because I can

Alastor is known as the big three as he has control over radio, tv, and gaming

Husk is still ex overlord of gambling and is still Al’s favorite play toy

Husk is gonna pull a pentious (as in join the hotel not die!)

This was not created to spread Emily and Pentious BFF propaganda I swear-

Vaggie is a sinner 

Charlie is doing this because she genuinely want to help but everyone thinks she is sketchy probably nothing to do with lucifer's seven year abastent nooooo 

Sinner Vaggie was created based off the full metal jacket poster (haven't watched the movie) and the dirty harry music video (gorillaz, two special interests with one stone ba-BY!)

Idk if im gonna switch anyone else’s role

Sera will still be Sera and I will do Sera slander until season two and we get her tragic backstory and then I’d feel bad for the Sera slander

Cherri is a scene queen and tom trench is still bullies on set lmao

[justchobi]

“are you done yet?”

TLOU2! joel x platonic!reader (or pedro joel, whatever makes u happy)

warnings: nothing tbh, just joel being a grumpy old dad.

summary: after a shift of checking for hoards with joel, you guys decide to ride back to jackson a bit early. due to your curiosity, you end up talking to him longer than joel appreciated.

A/N: hi guys.. erm, this is a "found family" fic, so the reader is pretty much a teen. if this gets any recognition and you repost, don't repost as like a relationship type deal, plz and thx :p also, im like 14 so please excuse how awful the writing is, i'm still trying to get used to it lol

you walk close to joel after you did a few rounds outside of Jackson. with your earbuds in your ears, joel climbs onto the horse before lifting you to sit in front of him. clicking the pause button, you remove the buds and stuff them in your pocket. joel grabs the rein and kicks the horses side as it begins to gallop, slowly picking up speed. it was awkward between the two of you.

“soo..” you started off. “did you hear how dina and ellie are thinking of getting married?” it was painfully silent.

“yes.” he said. his voice was rough but quiet. you keep your grip around his waist the same. “i don’t know if she wants me at the wedding.”

the atmosphere was tense. it was obvious he didn’t feel like talking, let alone to a curious kid. you thought to yourself, should i keep talking? “well, maybe you should ask her. you’re like her dad anyways, right?” he nodded his head before keeping it low.

“you think you’ll get married, joel?” he whipped his head around and glared at you. his eyes said “what are you talking about?” it caused you to laugh. “kid, what are you saying?” you caved in and started giggling. “i didn’t mean it in a bad way! just.. ya know, curious. anyone back home that catches your eye?” he shook his head.

“of course not, son. i prefer being alone. i don’t need a partner.” you look at him. he hadn’t told you about his past, but joel was a handsome man. there was no way he didn’t have a wife before all of this. “you didn’t have a wife before? or even a husband?” he hesitated at first, but opened up. “i did. she uh, left me. so i just had to take care of my daughter alone. it wasn’t too hard.”

“by daughter, do you mean-“

“no, i had a daughter before ellie. sarah.” he rubbed in between his eyes. “i’ll tell you later, ‘kay kiddo? just.. stop asking me questions for right now.”

you looked at him, sticking your tongue out behind his back. the sky got darker and the cold continued to increase in temperature. you held onto him tighter to stay warm.

“what’s your favorite thing in the whole world?” you could hear him groan. “pure silence without the voice of an annoying kid.” you chuckled with pride. “come on, old man. just answer the question!” it was quiet before he spoke again. “ i guess..” he thought for a few seconds. “movies. loved ‘em since i was a little boy.”

smiling, you lay your head on his back. it started to get warmed now that you were closer to him. and he didn’t seem to mind the fact you were practically glued to him. “maybe we could watch a movie later? when you have time, of course.”

he silent nodded his head. “i would like that.” you could hear a smile form on his face.

after your trip with him, you leap off the horse and put your bag on. you holding onto the animal for support while you put on some sneakers. coincidentally, joel place his hand on yours as you meet eyes. “hey, before you go kiddo..” he gave you a soft smile. “uh, thanks for the talk. it was short but.. i appreciate it.”

“psh. no need to thank me, dad-“ you catch yourself. no way you just said that. you put your foot back down and stomped away without looking back. hearing joel’s chuckles from behind, you wave goodbye. so embarrassing.. “i’ll see you later, joel.. looking forward to that movie night.”

[charryflavoredblood]

Hi! Can I plz ask for a Komegi fic? I was thinking maybe the two are having a relaxing time in the bath together. Nothing sexual, it’s just intimate. Maybe Nagito’s went into one of his manic downward spirals so to comfort him Makoto washing Nagito’s hair to help the other man relaxed.

Yes. I love you thank you. I love you. Komaeda is what I live for. I think I lost the plot somewhere along the way but just know, it was in mind and I will rewrite it if you don't like it!!

TW: Existentialism, potential disassociation trigger.

“Makoto-”

Nagito calls out to his boyfriend.  

“Wait okay, do you want peach or the rosemary pomegranate one?”

Naegi grabbed the two bottles of shampoo. (The same ones that Komaeda had bought for him after he found out that the other was using…head and shoulder. And Makoto said that he needed to show himself more respect.)

“Those are yours-” “If I mix them, it won’t cause mustard gas, right? I played potions when I was little, it’ll be fine.” Makoto questioned, talking to no one but himself. He gently kneeled down on his partner’s- no, his bathroom floor.

After Nagito’s most recent breakdown, the pair had decided Makoto should move into Nagito's home. The pair being Makoto and Komaeda’s therapist, of course. Komaeda had insisted that Makoto deserved to be in a far nicer, far bigger and far warmer home.The younger man still lived with his sister and her wife. Anywhere was warmer than that apartment. Plus, Komaeda was loaded. He was basically Togami without legal limits.

Not that he only liked his boyfriend for his money! He adored him for his sense of humor, his kindness, his intelligence and most of all his passion! 

“Hey Makoto?” “Huh?”

Komaeda snapped him out of his train of thought, which was more than welcome. Any real Komaeda was better than the best imaginary Komaeda.

“I was thinking last night. Why is living so hard? Why must we be given false good days only to fall deeper into despair with so many terrible bad days? It truly makes me wonder what the point of it all is. Why must we feel despair…? Why is hope so temporary while despair is forever. They’re considered opposites. Why is one so much more powerful?”

Normally this would’ve caught Makoto off guard…but he was dealing with Nagito and he knew the other better than most things.

“Gee, that’s pretty philosophical, huh?” He responded, pumping the shampoo on his hands.

The brunette hummed in thought as he lathered the shampoo up, moving to his boyfriend’s hair.

“If every day was great, would it still be great or would it be a normal day? If we didn’t overcome hardship, wouldn’t that make us lumps of…something. I don’t know, I failed science. Despair doesn’t extinguish hope…just like hope doesn’t extinguish despair. When someone is at a fair, they could look at a ferris wheel and say “I won’t get on that because there is a 2.5% chance of it crashing.” On the other hand, someone could’ve just gotten into a ferris wheel crash, they could say “I’m alright. I made it. I survived.” You know?” Komaeda thought of a rebuttal before letting it go. 

Makoto rubbed the shampoo into the white hair and continued.

“We can worry about things like that, we can worry about each other getting hurt, or we can enjoy our time together and cross that bridge when we come to it.”

Nagito nodded and leaned in for a kiss, only to be met with fingers against his lips.

“Sorry…I don’t like the taste of shampoo.”

“Never thought you were one of those. I suppose you’re going to make me shower before we-”

“No! I didn’t mean that! I just-”

“I’m messing with you, Makoto.”

“...I still don’t like the taste of shampoo.”

“Who does?” I loved writing this. Ily all, drink water. Don't die. Dying if dehydration when you can help it is cringe. Ily again. K bye.

[mariailoveyou-guerin]

the yt fit I liked she looked pretty in that but everything else was trying to hard to be one of them when she isn’t and would never really be in that same way as john

^ pls explain, love hearing your thoughts!! i agree that she’s trying too hard but she’s also being nasty and mean too to her husband and his family and other married-ins such as penelope etc

John is British and also from titled family so you can see he isn’t trying to infuse himself into the family like she is trying so hard and for what? even Pen tries so hard but that’s more to do with her wanting to be one of them since forever + her insecurities bc of the ton bullying but Kate there’s no need Simon didn’t John ain’t idk if it’s just the woman they try to make look like they have to be Bridgerton I’ll wait to see if they do the same to Sophie and or Michaela but yeah for me it just tacky there’s one thing wanting to be part of the family but another trying this hard ! I get why John and Simon wouldn’t wanna because they are bigger titled ranked than all of the ton almost especially Simon bc hes duke

I just know Michaela won’t be 😂 the 10s we’ve seen of her already show she has more character personality than any of the other bton views she’s the most like violet I feel very her mind thing going on which I love idk Sophie so can’t really speak on it even Edwina and Marina weren’t trying to be those people copy just part of the family while being themselves explains why I like them bc I have people changing who they are to fit into their married partners family lives have some dignity and self respect for yourself and your family name plz!

Btw when was she mean to them? I literally skipped all her season that didn’t have Colin or wasn’t colin relate but in them she was never mean I hate that bitc*h but I don’t think she was nasty to anyone and if she was to Anthony he deserves it always and way more but pen and violet when? except that embarrassing moment when she said yes to being called lady Bridgestone like please ma’am you been here 2 months let’s take a seat I was so cringed out so hard by her in that moment ew why and how did she think it was okay after being there for like 2 months max and probably didn’t marry less than a month ago or so but again when am I not tho so embarrassed by her existence like her speech with el and Colin was just crony and laughable I still cringe 😬 thinking about it my fingers just cruel into a big first!

makes me wanna start swinging at her to her FACE!

And shout out to lady featherington portia because she married into a titled family but look at her she never once gave up herself to be part of that man’s family 😂 and same goes to Daphne and I already know Francesca isn’t gonna give up her Bridgerton side to be John wife and countessa so why is it only Kate trying this hard and we only seen pen but she isn’t fully emerged as of yet but I don’t like her giving up herself to be part of Colin family either but she’s always wanted that and hated her own family so it makes more sense for her than it would ever do Kate!

[ms-cartoon]

New HB Episode! (Jesus...)

Alright... So I seen the new episode - can't say this show gradually gets any better. I can fairly say there was only one decent thing about this episode, and that was the backstory with Moxxie and why he has daddy issues. Seriously though, why does almost EVERYBODY in this goddamn show have daddy issues??? And why are all these dads a**holes?? And yes, I'm going to include Millie's father. Of course, he's no abusive dad, but he (nor his wife) wasn't kind to Moxxie at all, and all because he was considered a weakling who uses guns as a choice for weapons. Which sounds like a pretty stupid reason. There are people who are scared to even pick up a gun, let alone pull a trigger.

I couldn't tell if I was skimming through this episode, or if the episode was just skimming itself and I just couldn't keep up. I think it's mostly the latter, cuz MY GOD, this was so rushed! I had to watch this twice to process whatever was going on. Everything just feels so crammed into this episode There's also Moxxie's ex-boyfriend, but I'll get to that in a minute.

⦁ So the first start of the episode, we start with Moxxie and Loona in the room. I just love how Loona is just there, lol!! She's just sitting at the table on her phone and has no speaking lines whatsoever. She might as well have not even appeared in this episode, for real. What's bad about this is that she was only there for another "Moxxie is fat!" joke. I really don't get what's so funny about this gag. Why is it even a gag? Moxxie is not fat! He don't even look it. I highly doubt he's even heavy. Loona and Blitzo are just being d*cks to him. It doesn't even help that he mentions he lost a few pounds just so they stop making fun of him. Now it's just sad!!! They body-shamed Moxxie so much, he felt he had to lose a few pounds so they would leave him alone about it. They did not make this funny, they just made it worse. PLZ STOP with the unfunny fat jokes!!

⦁ This seems to be the most try-hard horniest episode compared to the ones that have Stolas in it. Seriously, what in the gracious hell is with these dildos popping up from chairs and walls!!!??? 

Then there's Blitzo who has photos of porn in the drawers in his office (why would he even put those where people can open it up and take stuff out anyway??)!!! And then you got this perverted fish (who's the most annoying out of everybody in this episode) tryna bang everybody in IMP! He's literally just another Stolas, Blitzo, and Angel Dust character put in one: an LGBT horny mess who just wants to get his mack on anyone around him or just certain people, sexually harassing them in the process. Plus, anything that comes out of his mouth is a literal sex joke and it's just uncomforting.

⦁ So Moxxie's family is in the mafia and they're rich...... But why??? I thought Imps were of lower class and practically poor compared to the other species of demons.

  ⦁ You mean to tell me Millie and Moxxie dated the same guy at one point in their lifetime before getting together? Okay, but it seems to be too much of a coincidence. Idk, it just comes off as odd.

⦁ So Moxxie and Chaz had a thing going on before he met up with Millie. But when they were together, their relationship seemed to be more centered around lust than there was genuine love. Obviously considering when Chaz was quick to take the money and abandoned Moxxie when he needed help during the heist. Now this, amongst other parts of this series, just keeps up the stereotypical nonsense that all gay dudes are horny for each other and want nothing but to get it on. I don't understand what Moxxie even sees in his perverted a**. What makes no sense about this is that Moxxie isn't the type of guy that just get's horny like that. He's not perverted and doesn't get turned on over the slightest of things, yet he's shown stroking a gun while cleaning it while at the same time feeling pleasure. Chaz is more vulgar than Blitzo, and Moxxie barely tolerates him! So, wtf??

⦁ So in hell, you can pretty much get away with anything illegal with no consequences. Whether it'd be robbing a bank, murdering someone, sexual harassment, etc. So why in THE HELL is there a prison???!!

⦁ Blitzo and Moxxie's meeting makes no sense to me. So #1, I was under the assumption Moxxie met Blitzo after he met and married Millie, but now they're telling us they met in jail right after Chaz abandoned Moxxie. #2, Why is Blitzo quick to let Moxxie join IMP after only saying a few words to him? He didn't even ask him for his name or let him speak or anything - he was just like, "Hey let's bust outta here and you can join my company!" #3 Why is Moxxie even smiling? What has Blitzo said to make him feel better so quickly after basically being dumped?? Does he feel like he's being accepted or something? Like bro, you just met this dude and you didn't even say a word to him.

⦁ Millie's more pissed at Chaz for abandoning Moxxie at one point. Why is Millie getting so angry and quick to kill Chaz over something that happened she wasn't even present for!? She never even met Moxxie around that time. Plus, it's not like that situation is bothering Moxxie now. There was no need for her to get so triggered here. Not saying she's not right to get upset about it, but the sudden rage was a little extra.

  ⦁ If Blitzo and Moxxie were considered friends when they met, then why is Blitzo such an ass to him all the time?? Are we supposed to give Blitzo props for acknowledging or being nice to Moxxie?

⦁ Crimson seems to make a better villain than any other antagonist introduced in this series. Mainly because he has motivation. From what I can gather from this, from Crim's perspective, Moxxie was turning soft because of his wife. It seems that he was extremely pissed off that the mother disagreed with how he raised Moxxie, going as far as to kill her. Granted it was too far and for a petty reason, but it's better than just doing things and having no motivation for them, unlike Stella.

⦁ A priest.... in hell...?

⦁ They only have Moxxie stand up for himself ONCE in this episode, and it's not even enough. His whole life from when he was a kid, he was pushed around by his father and put up with his abuse. The second he meets him after a long time, he's still afraid of him. The only time he puts his foot down is when he says he's not gonna go along with whatever his father plans for him and refuses his commands.... and that was it. It seemed like he was threatening his dad initially, saying how good he was at his job, and not even a second later he gets tased and knocked out, becoming a damsel in distress. That was the most brave we get out of him. If anything, his freakin WIFE was doing the most out of him once more, becoming the man of the relationship as always!! Wouldn't it have been better if Moxxie tried to get out of the knot and fought his dad or Chaz? Maybe he could have helped out Millie and they could make it to where Millie was having difficulties fighting all those gang members.

⦁ Speaking of that; Millie is only useful in battle only when the plot deems it necessary. It kinda seems like she's falling in and out of being a talented fighter. She gets taken down at one point and then the next she'll beat everybody's ass with no sweat! Sure - defeat an entire mob whether it be a mafia or a bunch of agents and take down a whole damn sea monster, but get knocked out by a freakin glass bottle and your leg ruptured by a bear trap...Yeah, I can totally buy that. I feel like they were being a little extra with Millie taking down all those gang members anyway. As I said, she could've had some difficulty fighting all those dudes and Moxxie could've helped her.

⦁ I swear- the women in this show get no respect not just in the show itself, but from the writers. Millie is once again only existing to be just a woman who's married to Moxxie and only gets angry and violent just for Moxxie. There's at least one episode that should've been about her, but it was mostly about her husband and she was just there as his moral support. Literally, the only thing we get outta her in this episode is her extremely hot temper, and all because of Chaz, who she dated at one point. Why is she so upset with Chaz? Why did she hate him so much before she knew about his relationship with Moxxie? What did he do to make her dump him? Or did he dump her? How did she even end up with a guy like him?? We don't know!! We only get to know about Moxxie's past relationship with him and how it faltered, and that is such a letdown! This could've been our chance to explore Millie as a character, even if it's a little flashback of her love life.

  ⦁ I'm not gonna disclude Moxxie's mother in this. Honestly, I don't think it was necessary for her to get killed off just so we could feel more sympathy for Moxxie. We can already see how his father treats him. Can't forget Loona or Blitzo. Not even Millie's parents liked him.

⦁ I'm I the only one who feels like Millie and Moxxie as a couple is boring? Yeah they love each other and would probably die for each other and that's nice n all, but wouldn't it be interesting to have Millie and Moxxie have a slight argument at least once? We all know these two love each other to death. They're sweeter and more loving towards each other than anybody else around them, and that's why it would be interesting to see a quarrel. Sometimes, you can't be a married couple without having an argument or two at one point. Millie clearly felt upset that she was kept in the dark about Moxxie's family. She kept on questioning Moxxie; "Why haven't I met dad before? Are you okay? You know you can tell me anything, right?" And Moxxie would just continuously dodge the questions and not tell her anything. This actually could've been another opportunity for Millie's character. Not that she has to lash out at him, but maybe she could've told him how she felt about him not saying anything about Crimson, his ex, his mother, or how he feeling in general while also having an upset attitude y'know. Maybe Moxxie could've argued back and said he just didn't wanna worry her or something.

  ⦁ I don't think Moxxie and Chaz necessarily have to marry just so Chaz could be a part of the family. If this is just about financial issues then why can't Crim and Chaz come to an agreement or something? How did Crim not know that Chaz was actually not rich?

⦁ I just know people are triggered over the fact that Blitzo slept Chaz and are like "BLITZO NO!! YOU BELONG TO STOLAS!!" or some whiny sh*t like that, even though Stolas and Blitzo aren't even an official couple. When did Blitzo suddenly become an imp version of Stolas? Why was he so quick to get horny and sleep with Chaz and he JUST MET HIM! This might as well be the same situation he had with Stolas, except he's Stolas and Chaz is Blitzo. Not to mention Blitzo ended up sneaking around and snooping through his stuff.

⦁ Why is Blitzo the one to get suspicious of Chaz anyway? He is mostly just there for comic relief and mostly seems more goofy and lovable compared to his behavior in the latest episode. It's kinda a good thing I guess, but I'm not gonna hope for the better of him. I wouldn't say he changed completely since there was a moment he lashed out at Moxxie for a split second. I don't even think he has any motive for trying to get him caught in a lie cuz he doesn't even know him, other than the fact that he wants to be the only one who ruptures Moxxie and Millie's relationship (I'm sorry... are we supposed to be rooting for him still?) If anything, I think it makes more sense if Millie was the one to figure out was Chaz was up to considering her history with him (if there was any. We don't know.... it was never shown!)

⦁ I can't believe Crimson easily let Millie walk away with Moxxie scott free without putting up a fight! Bro killed dozens of people!! He wasn't even afraid to kill his own wife. He even threatened to harm Moxxie and Millie! Why is he backing down so easily!?

Uh, yeah... this certainly wasn't the greatest episode. I think the only thing good about it was Moxxie's childhood. That was certainly interesting (and dark). Apart from that, I was expecting something outta nothing. We could've seen some potential from Millie, but we didn't. This show just can't exist without sex jokes. It's alright if they wanna be funny like that, but at this point, it's just uncomforting. Wondering how they're gonna screw up the next episode.

[drmarune]

Cucurucho and Josele

Josele is @loosesodamarble oc

Summary

Josele finde out cucurucho is Nacht‘s child over cucurucho year issues and talk happens here

———————————————————————

Cucurucho whas walking in the eating room as he see miss canty he doesn’t know her much from a hello as they did she whas whit Ida

Cucurucho:oh hello miss canty nice too see you here

Josele:oh hello cucurucho „she looking at him he looking really close like Nacht just the mole is there and this cucurucho have natural blond hair she wunder

Cucurucho:oh wo are the other?

Josele:charmy is buying food for here whit magna and Noelle and yami is whit finral and Nacht in a meeting and the other are on mission

Cucurucho:oh ok good to know miss canty yes it’s interesting here to say it least even whit fice captain Nacht after I found out wo he is……not a moment I would imagine HAHAHA“laughing like a puppet

Josele just stare at him him and Nacht?:what happened whit Nacht?

Cucurucho:year I found out he is my biological father in front of all the black bulls whas not nice and Now I don’t know what too do can you imagine what he tell he’s wife the dude is grounded

Josele stare just stare wait what????

Cucurucho:uh are you ok miss canty?

Josele:can you say this again?

Cucurucho:fice captain Nacht is my biological father as I found out and the dude is grounded he’s wife will be mad……

Josele proses what happened wait Nacht and a child how could he??? Wait cucurucho is 15 years old Nacht were 17 at this point why didn’t he say something cucurucho is a commoner as she know what did he do but she were white Morgan at this point but why she doesn’t know about cucurucho?!

Cucucurucho:uh plz don’t tell my you are……after you reaction…….

Josele:wait you are Nacht’s child his biological child?

Cucurucho:um yes I have shadow magic like him even…..“show he’s magic even the same attributes………

Josele:well I’m Nacht‘s wife how come I never heard of you?“stay calm stay calm

Cucurucho:well I whas a one night stand my mother didn’t like fice captain Nacht she did tell him she gave my away and this she didn’t want someone to know I exist she whas brutal honest whit my but I can assure you I know I’m not part of you family and I don’t want to claim the Faust Titel as my own I’m happy wo I‘m miss canty

Josele just stare ok this explains something and Nacht were never someone wo talk about he’s problems

Josele:well good to know cucurucho well I can’t say what to do I don’t hate you cucurucho I can promise you this well let’s us get to know more you can’t nothing from wo you are born „she needs to talk too Nacht badly why didn’t he tell her???

Cucurucho:thank you miss canty well I go now I think we both need to process what happened right now…“smile warm like Morgan

Josele just stare for a moment:well you are right thank you cucurucho for telling my….

So both go away and cucurucho laughing hart because of nervousness in the baise

[fukia]

GUYS ;;;;; when I was little I was head over heels for Pharaoh Atem and still am ;;; I just remixed the two old designs I made for my childhood OC Queen 😭😭😭😭

I spent hours with GPT recapping and refining my devastating, resurrecting limerence. Look on ye mighty and despair! 😭😭😭

Snake Queenie here began as princess of Upper (or Lower Egypt (just whichever region was ruled by another pharaoh besides Atem), growing up w/ Thief as friend - maybe more - in an Aladdin-esque childhood. Thief disappears. Her Pharaoh dad has no clue of thief nor that lil village, assumes random bandits - years later, “anyway, wanna marry that lil King Atem down the street lol?” She goes, “ruling will be me job so yeah ok sounds cool”

-something something “my god my heart beats faster, and my mind is racing yada yada - 🎶 THIS MAN IS DEAD HE IS NO MORE 🎵 - surprise! Lil Aladdin Thief Yami Bakura boy is a young man and alive! Cue tears and whatever; who would she choose? the Sigma or the Alpha 😳😳😳

Later that nite, she sneaks out to meet prickly British man and he says, “run away with me!” She goes “nah ive invested too heavily in Crypt-o’ (the Sphinx),” he has outburst, “but this other pharaoh killed me home village at the very outer edge of your kingdom’s jurisdiction or something!!” She’s like backing away as he’s losing his shit “r u gonna cancel the pharaoh??,” then he’s found by her own servants and he gotta dash- later she’s like “oh age-wise those allegations dont make sense, guess I’ll find him next time and let him down easy lol”

- [a few days afterwards]

“Yo fiancee I killed some loony thief with a big smile, plz stay inside more I’m scared 4 you”

Oh dear that’s her loving childhood incel- “that’s cool thanks my g.” (Cue a year of sadness in secret but at least a loving new hubby)

“Tell me about Kul Elna,” she asks him,

“What’s kul elna?”

“Check out deez epic Kool-el NUTS haha gottem more like gAtem!

My dear, a village of personal import to me was ransacked a decade ago by who knows what, I need closure.”

“Ok”

- truth found , considering finding a way of communicating with Thief beyond the physical realm to help everyone move on, but job gets in the way

“I feel like sacrificing myself today to zorc. Stay put plz, don’t die.”

“Ok” (actually runs off to help protect her old kingdom from zorc fragments and die like a boss w/ discarded millennium item material)

[Thousands of Years Time Skip]

Yugi: What? What is it?

*yami and yugi have a flashback*

Yami: I think…

I think I miss my wife.

I ain’t even gonna color any of this, let me just dump dump dump my agony and mad ramblings — by the Gods I must scream into the void

[tinyy-tea-cup]

Yay an Adamas fan!!!

How do you feel about Jataka x Adamas? I think it's cute, (you can find the art on Pinterest but i can't find the artist anymore)

Also your oc is his wife??!?! I love that!!

Hello!

Yeah I’ve seen the art of Adamas and Jataka before 💀 it’s uh… interesting

Plz don’t take any offense on this cuz it’s just my opinion but

Adamas x Jataka is the most random ship I have ever seen 💀 lord save me… the artist is rlly talented and I’ll give them that but like

It’s so random. They never even interacted before so like… bye 💀

Also WAHHHH tysm 😭💖 yes my oc is Adamas’ wife. He looked lonely so I gave him a little happiness.

[padawansuggest]

The senate try so hard to keep them apart because every time a Jedi and a Mando get together they move out of the republic and the senate is losing their forces this way. Shame, that.

Anyways, Obi-Wan shows up with Ani all ‘I KNOW now that our communications weren’t clear and you didn’t expect me to bring my Padawan but- is that a baby? Two babies!?! Omfg lemme hold one!’ And Jango has never been so thankful in his life he just got told these are his a day ago and Jaster is at a tense moment in meetings and won’t be here for a few days and please Boba only stops crying if he’s held and it really pisses Omega off lmao can you hold one please???

Anyways. Jango gets a good nights sleep and wakes up to a semi clean living room and a cheerful Jedi taking care of his kids and a twelve year old two fucking inches from his face just watching him. As children do.

Two weeks later Qui-Gon shows up to mooch off them during his most recent counsel censure and hold their babies and now Jaster is actually competing with some tough competition for best grandpa ever. Shit. Rude. He’d had it easy up till now.

Obi-Wan is arguing with Jango over the best place to put a garden while Anakin has the best sensory experience of his life of just putting his hands in dirt. They found an area that needed to either be replotted or toiled but Anakin had started playing in it and found worms so Obi-Wan refuses to go over there (he’s a lover but he’s not lovin when his child gets it in his mind to slurp one down like spaghetti) and set Anakin to pulling out ones good for fishing in the creek past the tree lines (am I ignoring the canon topography of the Fett farm? Yeah. Cause I like homesteading farms more and they deserve a forest and a river to fish in) and left him with the bored supervision of Grandmaster to make sure he doesn’t make himself sick.

Qui-Gon ends up laughing himself sick later when he mentions that Obi-Wan very shyly gave Jango a kiss in the hallway before darting off to bed (bitch you’re sleeping in the same bed as him so the babies have an adult available at all times plz where you running) and left Jango standing there grinning like an idiot with baby spit up on his shoulder and a dirt covered shirt from where he’d had to haul Anakin out of the worm pit.

Anyways. He immediately runs off to tell Jaster who just sighs a little and says he’s been watching them flirt like school kids for a week now and they’ll be real in laws within a month. He’s sure of it.

Also Obi-Wan gets the chance to play farmer and raise some kiddos and space chickens and Jango gets to use a chainsaw on a few dead trees and build a pavilion that they can use to play host and fence in areas for animals and the kids.

But srsly tho Obi-Wan wanders into the forest sometimes and comes back with wild but tamable animals and Qui-Gon just sighs when Obi-Wan comes back with a fully grown nexu the size of a Maine coon because yes, his boy has been doing that since day one, would you like pictures of him cuddling a baby gundark? Yes, yes they do.

Obi-Wan eventually gets lonely with only the Jedi he’s been allowed to take with him (direct lineage members don’t have to marry in or be adopted because Mandos always argue with the senate that makes them Mandalorian too and the senate just sighs and accepts it) so he contacts Quinlan and tells him to marry someone already so he can come meet Obi-Wan’s new babies and Quinlan is all ‘Ew’ but sneaks in very ‘illegally’ (Mandos just giggle and look away like ‘lmao what Jedi’) but he can’t find someone to fall in love with but Master Tholme, who followed him to drag him back to safety if he got in too far, sure as fuck ends up ass over teakettle for a nice bounty hunter of unsure gender and many guns pointed at Tholme when they first met. It was love at first sight. He’s calling the Jedi to say that means his master and his wife (obviously Neti master T’ra Saa duh) can come over whenever and his wife is all ‘fuck yeah third person to keep Quin in line’) and drags Aayla off to come to Concord Dawn and sit on her master.

Anyways, they’re all farmers now no illegal Jedi here wtf you mean. Want some cherry tart, Aayla and Anakin made it so it might hurt tummies but here’s to hoping.

Far too many of you are using the tag ‘arranged marriage’ but the fic is actually ‘mail order spouse’ and I ain’t judging either way but those are two completely different things you know.

[nebulaafterdark]

Do you think you could write something with Aegon x velaryon or targ reader and it’s their wedding night? Plz and thank youuuuu

Yes! Here we go.

Sweet Girl

Aegon x Velaryon(Strong)!Reader

Warnings: 18+ ONLY MINORS DNI unprotected sex, loss of virginity, Targcest, soft!Aegon.

This is it. Y/N fidgets restless at the foot of Aegon’s mattress. Her uncle, her nemesis, her husband.

Aegon approaches with two cups in hand.

“No,” Y/N puts a hand out, pushing back against the gauntlet lightly. “Thank you.”

“You’re shaking.” Aegon says, pointedly. “Trust me, a drink or two always takes the edge off.”

“You don’t have to be nice to me now.”

“That’s not entirely true.” He frowns. “I have no desire to face the wrath of your mother, stepfather or the King.”

“You think my mother would be angry?” Y/N scoffs, “if Rhaenyra cared she would not have been so willing to let us marry.”

Aegon tosses back his drink. “You are her heir after all, there’s bound to be sacrifice required to pave your way. If it makes you feel any better, this was my mother’s doing as well.”

Y/N looks up at him, still standing over her with the cup.

“It is not poison, I swear.”

The brunette smirks, taking the offering in hand and chugging the liquid. It burns its way down her throat, much stronger than wine. “What is that?” She chokes out.

Aegon takes the seat beside her, the mattress shifting under his weight as he claps the princess once on the back. “Only the best for my wife.”

Y/N allows the cup to tumble from her hand and clatter to the floor. The effects of the concoction hit her fast.

“Would you like another?” Aegon asks.

“Somehow I don’t think that’s a good idea. Unless you prefer me unconscious.” Y/N muses, “on second thought-” she makes for the chalice.

“Oh no,” Aegon chuckles, catching her around the waist. “If I have to be awake for this, so do you.”

“Let us get on with it then.” Y/N tosses herself backwards onto the coverlet.

“You’re just going to lie there?”

“Mhm,” Y/N closes both eyes.

“Am I truly so awful?”

“That remains to be seen.”

“How are you meant to see anything with your eyes closed?”

Y/N peeks at him, through a slit in one eye.

Aegon moves over her slowly, leaning on his elbows. Keeping most of his weight off of her. “I’ll be good to you.”

She sighs, taking in his face above her, in full. Aegon is beautiful, she’ll give him that. And when he’s not being a twat, he can be kind. “Swear it?”

“I do.”

In a spirit induced state of willful negligence, she reaches a hand up to cup his cheek. “Could you ever love me?”

“Love,” he laughs. “What is love but a frivolous endeavor which breeds eternal suffering?”

Y/N lifts a shoulder, “I suppose you’re right. But there must also be benefits. Think of all those who live and die for it.”

Aegon shifts against her, making himself at home with his chest to hers. “I have never known love. However, lust and I are dear companions. You will find pleasure each time we lie together.”

“And when we are finished I’ll leave?”

“If that is your desire.”

“What if I stay?”

“That is my desire.”

“Then you do crave affection?”

“Among other things, yes.” He admits. “From you, as my wife, I crave affection above all.”

“I’ve never…been with anyone. I can’t say if I’ll be good at it.” Her eyes search his for reassurance.

“We could learn together.” Aegon leans in a bit closer, their breath mingling. “Conquer love and rule the Seven Kingdoms.”

Y/N pushes slightly off the bedding, capturing his lips with hers. “You’ll have to conquer me first.”

Aegon grins against her mouth, “gently the first round, then without mercy.”

Y/N inhales deeply, feeling his tongue invade her mouth. Lapping against her own, tasting her thoroughly.

As he suspected, she is sweet. Aegon relishes in this for a long moment, until her hips begin canting up against his. His finger tips grazing along the silhouette of her torso through the material of her nightgown. Squeezing the flesh of her hip, past her rib cage to the outskirts of her breasts. Cupping her soft mounds, nipples pebbling against his palm.

Y/N gasps, pressure building between her thighs. She rocks her hips against Aegon for relief, gasping at the feel of him, rock solid.

“Could you come undone like this, sweetheart?”

“I- I don’t know.”

Aegon hums, trailing kisses away from her lips, over her cheek, the corner of her panting mouth, sucking lightly at the pulse point on her neck. Rolling her peaks between his thumb and forefinger. “So responsive, I think you could.”

Y/N whines, looking for some relief from her aching core. “Aegon, please.”

“May I take this off?” He tugs at her gown, lightly.

She nods, staring up at him with glossy eyes. Following his lead, until nothing is left between them. Catching a glimpse of his length, she quickly moves her gaze away.

“You can look.” Aegon offers her a lopsided grin.

“Does it hurt,” Y/N motions to his cock, hard and pink at the tip.

Aegon kneels down between her legs, parting her thighs farther and finding her bundle of nerves. Y/N squeals, gripping his shoulders for purchase. “It wants attention, but it’s not painful yet.”

“I want you inside me.” Y/N rides his hand unabashedly.

Aegon groans, “need you to peak first, while my fingers fuck open your perfect little cunt.”

She whimpers.

“Lie back for me, dearest.” He purrs, still on his knees between her trembling limbs. He pecks a kiss to her knee. “Relax.”

Y/N’s muscles are taut in anticipation of his next move, bowing off the bed when his thumbs part her lips, making room for his mouth to connect with her pearl. He teases the swollen bud with his tongue.

“Gods, Aegon.” She cries out, desperately fisting his hair in hand. Unsure if she wants to pull him closer or push him away.

Aegon hums his approval. Sweetest cunt he’s ever had. Slipping a single finger carefully into her tight heat. Feeling her walls clench at the intrusion.

The feeling is foreign to Y/N, her husband allows her to get accustomed to it before adding a second. Curling them up to coax release from her.

He laps at her cunt as she thrashes above him. Overwhelmed with sensation. Calling out for him desperately. Three digits is a stretch and Y/N does whine a bit at the intrusion but Aegon keeps her attention on his lips. Closed around her pearl and sucking until she peaks. Hugging his fingers so tightly even Aegon moans.

Y/N nudges at his head, coming down from her high, “too much.” She cries when Aegon attempts to keep her in place.

He chuckles, licking a firm strip up her slit before slinking up her boneless form. “You alright?”

“I think so,” she pants, shuttering at the lightest touch.

Aegon steals a kiss from her lips, then the tip of her nose.

“I want you.” She repeats.

The prince has been a lot of things in his life, wanted is hardly one of them.

“There might still be a bit of pain from your maidenhead,” he warns.

“Do it all at once.” Y/N encourages, feeling the tip of him nudging at her entrance.

“Tell me if it’s too much, we’ll stop.”

Y/N nods, bracing herself.

Aegon takes her mouth once more, waiting until she is fully at ease, contented in their kiss before sliding into her. There is little resistance as he bottoms out in her warmth.

“Ah.” She whimpers, it burns.

“Such a good girl,” Aegon praises, nuzzling against her cheek.

“Aegon.” Y/N paws restlessly at his back.

“Shhh,” he slides an arm behind her shoulder blades, holding her fast against the crook of his neck. Fighting to stay still.

They remain like this for a long moment before Y/N experimentally bucks her hips upward. There is still a bit of pain from the stretch, but nothing unbearable.

“Oh, my sweet girl.” Aegon admonishes, “be still until you are ready. Do not tempt me.”

“Move,” Y/N murmurs, against the shell of his ear.

He pulls out, until only the tip of him remains, thrusting back in softly. “Alright?”

Y/N nods, her head cradled against him as he begins fucking her in earnest. All the breath leaving her lungs in short puffs.

“So tight,” Aegon grunts out. “Not leaving this room until you’ve reached your peak draped over every piece of furniture. Against every wall.”

“Please.”

“Would you like that, sweetheart?”

“Yes.” Y/N is drawing near the edge again, the nip of pain from their coupling only serves to heighten the experience.

“I’ll fill you to the brim with my seed so that you might be with child on the morrow.” Aegon promises, clenching and unclenching his fingers in her dark hair. Feeling the quickening throughout his entire body. “Come apart once more for me.”

“I need you to touch me…the way you did before.” She pleads, so close to the precipice.

Allowing not an inch of space between them, Aegon snakes his free hand down to her pearl. Letting her rock against his fingers for friction.

“Fuck,” Y/N sobs, clamping down hard around his cock.

“That’s my girl,” Aegon all but growls between gritted teeth as his orgasm washes over him. “My good fucking girl.”

Y/N continues milking his length, even harder at his words. Riding out their shared high until Aegon flops down beside her, spent. He smirks devilishly; reaching down to collect the bit of his release trickling from her and forcing it back into her warmth.

He has conquered her. Or perhaps they have conquered each other.