#Her sister is parallel to Natalie

[berryblu-ocs]

(oc talk)

i know ive said Aki and Nyx are the alternate universe version of Arachrona and Natalie (coincidentally the same initials lol) buut... now as im reworking the Ensata siblings they fit so well and it hurts sm also!!!!

[linkspooky]

TOGACHAKO VS. FUFFY: How To Save Your Evil Girlfriend

So, once again My Hero Academia has failed to deliver on its promise of saving / redeeming one of the main villains of its story, and victims of its ficitonal society. This time I'm going to make the added argument that not only does failing to save Toga make the story worse, it also makes Uraraka's character almost completely hollow. While you can dismiss Deku's lack of character development as him being a shonen protagonist, both Uraraka and Shoto had arcs and Ochako's is effectively ruined by her failure to save Toga.

In order to make my point I am going to compare it to a villain redemption arc in another piece of media that does it right, Faith's character, and her strained relationship with Buffy in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. A series which is overall anti-state punishment and pro-redemption and delivers on practically all the themes MHA promised us.

MORE UNDER THE CUT:

THE GOOD GIRL and THE BAD GIRL

There is a reoccurring dynamic between two female characters in media, usually between a heroine and a female villainness that I like to call: The Good Girl vs. Bad Girl complex.

However, if you were a Freudian you'd be calling this a Madonna Whore Complex.

To explain the Madonna Whore Complex, one of the biggest examples in other Media is Aronofsky's Black Swan. The entire movie is themed around the Madonna Whore complex, and the impossible double standards the male perception imposes upon women.

"The white swan and the black swan are not merely characters, and not merely characters that are relevant to Nina. The black swan and the white swan are archetypes of women. They are emblematic of the Madonna and the Whore [...] . The white swan is the Madonna, she is pure, innocent, the ingenue. The black swan is the whore, she is cunning and deviant. The seductress. Nina and her ballet counterpart Odette are characterized as perfect ingénues. Ingénues are young, innocent girls who possess qualities of youth, innocence, kindness, naivete and purity. She is the fawn eyed damsel in distress and in literary films she's often the heroine or protagonist. On the other side of the coin from the ingenue, we have the seductress, embodied by Lily and her ballet counterpart Odelle. The seductress is characterized by her promiscuity, cunning nature and sex appeal. She is the alluring femme fatalle, willing to do whatever it takes to get what she wants. She's most often framed as the village. These draw parallels to Freud's psychoanalytical theory, a theory that suggests in the minds of some men they struggle to fully see women as fully realized and rather view them in archetypal categories." [SOURCE]

Black Swan is also a movie where Natalie Portman attempting to live up to the impossible expectations society has placed on her to be both the White Swan and the Black Swan goes insane, and quite possibly dies at the end of the movie.

Considering that Toga's entire story is that she is a shapeshifter who went mad because she could not fit both her parent's and society's expectations of being a "normal girl" then you can see why the Madonna Whore Complex is relevant, with the oversexualized, vampish, femme fatalle Toga quite obviously playing the part of the whore.

Before you call me a fraud for citing freud though, let me prove my point that the Madonna Whore Complex is quite literally everywhere in media.

I could literally keep going if this post didn't have an image limit: Jean Grey and Emma Frost, Jean Grey and Madelyne Pryor, Starfire and Blackfire, Raven and Terra, The Two Sisters from Ginger Snaps, t's literally everywhere all the way back to Lilith and Eve.

More intelligent takes on this trope play with the concept of the Madonna Whore Complex (MWC) to either present the archetypes as two fully rounded people (Catra and Adora) or demonstrate that it's impossible for women to fit into these two dinstinct categories (Natalie Portman in Black Swan).

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a work that challenges the MWC, by allowing both its good girl, and bad girl to be fully realized characters. My Hero Academia plays the MWC straight to a sexist extent by not allowing Uraraka and Toga to escape their categorization of Good Girl and Bad Girl, and also going out of its way to punish and kill the seductress for her sexuality like this is a slasher horror movie. Actually, it's worse than a horror movie because at least Jennifer's Body plays with the MWC in a clever way.

It's not just bad writing anymore Hori's writing has crossed over into actively murdering female characters to enforce puritan values, but let's not get into that just yet we'll talk about the writing portion instead.

I'm going to outline what BTVS accomplishes, demonstrate how it does this below, and then go on at length picking apart how MHA fails.

BTVS:

Shows Buffy and Faith as fully realized people

Shows the pressure to conform to the "Good Girl / Bad Girl" label.

Breaks down those two categories

Redeems it's bad girl

With that out of the way let's get the ball rolling.

HOW TO (NOT) SAVE YOUR EVIL GIRLFRIEND

This is the part where everyone in the audience is going to gasp. Even though I'm using Buffy and Faith as a positive example of deconstructing the MWC and redeeming a villain, Buffy does not save Faith. The two of them reconcile in the end, but Faith is not redeemed or saved by Buffy, and in fact Buffy is in part responsible for Faith's fall.

So, why would I say Buffy and Faith are a better example of villain redemption then Uraraka who at least did everything she could to offer a helping hand to Toga?

Because Buffy not saving Faith is THE POINT and Faith receiving redemption even though Buffy gave up on her is also THE POINT. Lemme explain, by starting at the beginning.

BTVS is a story that exists to flip both horror tropes, and the idea of the chosen hero on its head. The concept started out with Joss Whedon noticing that the Cheerleader is always the first victim in any given horror movie, and wondering what it would look like if the Cheerleader could fight back. If the Cheerleader was the thing that monsters ran away from.

Which leads us to Buffy Summers. Buffy is chosen by the universe to slay vampires, she is hero with super strength that can easily take on legions of vampires and often has to fight even tougher villains for each season's conflict. Buffy carries all the classic features of both the ingenue and the chosen one protagonist rolled up into one:. Ingénues are young, innocent girls who possess qualities of youth, innocence, kindness, naivete and purity.

However, after dying in the first season, and having to kill her boyfriend in the second season after he turned evil and inflicted a lot of psychosexual abuse on her Buffy has also got a whole lot of trauma. Which is when Faith appears on the scene. One of the first ways that the show challenges the idea of the "Chosen One" is that there are actually two Chosen Ones, Faith being the other Slayer.

Buffy much like Deku has a case of protagonism brain rot, but in her case she was actually chosen by the mystic powers that be to be the protagonist of reality. Buffy, who views herself as the hero of the story as a coping mechanism (we'll get back to this later) is suddenly challenged when the fates chose yet another chosen hero, challenging her pre-conceived notion that she is the hero of the story. If Buffy is not the only hero then who is she? What is all the suffering she's endured so far if it's not a part of her own personal hero's journey?

Buffy begins to dislike Faith on sight for projection reasons, before Faith does anything wrong. In a way Buffy herself the female lead is enforcing society's standards of the MWC because all the reasons Buffy decides to disturst and dislike Faith on sight are because she exhibits qualities of the seductress.

Faith is openly promiscuous, often comparing the art of killing vampires to sex, she is also someone who is proud of her power as a a slayer and uses it for her own purposes. She is a slayer for selfish reasons (apparently) while Buffy is the selfless hero. In the first episode Faith appears in, Faith, Hope and Trick Buffy is almost immediately hostile to Faith who has so far done nothing wrong for, trying to get along with Buffy's friends, getting a little bit too into vampire slaying and openly relishing her strength, and like occasionally making lood comments.

FAITH: Don't… touch… me…! BUFFY - yanks Faith off the unconscious vamp with one hand, stakes the vamp withher other. Then she turns to Faith who is breathing hard, high on adrenaline, rubbing her fists. BUFFY: What is wrong with you? FAITH: What are you talking about? BUFFY: I'm talking about you living large on the great undead here. FAITH: Gee, if doing violence to vampires upsets you, I'm pretty sure you're in the wrong line a work… BUFFY: Or maybe you like it just a little too much. FAITH: I was getting the job done. BUFFY: The job is to slay demons. Not mash them into sloppy joes while their

Buffy then escalates to like ableist slurs towards Faith within half an episode for getting slightly violent in a fight against vampires that were trying to kill her.

GILES: Well, Buffy, you have to realize you and Faith have very different temperaments… BUFFY: I know, mine would be the sane one. Giles, she's not playing with a full deck. She has almost no deck. She has a three. GILES: You said yourself she killed one of them, she's a plucky fighter who got a little carried away. Which isnatural, she's focussed on Slaying,she doesn't have a whole other lifehere like you --

The twist this episode is that no matter how much Faith tries to present herself as a free-spirit, she's actually a scared homeless girl who just happened to become the Slayer. Unlike Buffy she does not have a watcher, a mother, or friends to support her. She lives in the cheapest motel in sunnydale. The reason she's so violent against vampires is because she is understandably having a trauma flashback because her mentor was murdered right in front of her by a different vamp.

This is repeating pattern throughout the whole season, Faith is shown to be a victim of trauma, and occasionally acts in ways that are understandable for a victim like her to ask, only for Buffy to start mischaracterizing her as someone violent and insane and throwing the slurs.

You can compare both Faith and Toga as characters who are complex victims of trauma who society turns their back on and become bad victims, but Faith is a special case because we actively see her turn to the dark side. Faith starts out trying to be a hero like the rest and she practically does nothing wrong for half a season, and when she does finally make a mistake and become a bad victim it's the hero's desire to punish her and castigate her that turns her into a villain.

We actively see Faith's fall happen onscreen, and it's like totally Buffy's fault. Buffy throws her completely under the bus, because she's so desperate to see Faith as the Bad Slayer and Buffy as the Good Slayer. Faith is almost pushed into evil because of the MWC, the characters around her can't see her as a fully fleshed out human being so they are quick to demonize her when she starts acting like a bad victim.

So the two episodes appropriately named: Bad Girls and Consequences depict Faith's fall. In that episode Faith and Buffy are fighting vampires, and one human is mixed among the vampires. The human grabs Faith by the shoulder, and Faith thinking that the human is a vampire turns him around and stakes him.

It's a complete accident, something that Giles even says later on is an accident that can happen to any Slayer on the job and is completely normal. It's a murder that Buffy herself could have committed.

GILES: This is not the first time something like this has happened. BUFFY: It's not? GILES: A slayer is on the front lines of a nightly war, Buffy. It's tragic - but accidents have happened. BUFFY: What do you do? GILES: The council investigates, meters out punishment if punishment is due… I've no plan to involve them,however. That's the last thing Faith needs right now. She's unstable, Buffy. She seems utterly unable to accept responsibility. Shows no remorse.

However, even in the same breath Giles explains that it's an accident and not Faith's fault, he's also calling Faith unstable and irresponsible. Basically when they're not calling her a psycho (just hitting her with the ableist slurs), the protagonists all lowkey imply that Faith is somehow inherently violent and unstable because she displays symptoms of a bad victim.

I might also remind you Faith has not done anything to earn any of these accusations, until she kills someone in a complete accident. A complete accident that Giles once again said wasn't her fault and wasn't really a big deal.

FAITH: My dead mother hits harder than that.

Faith is stated to be a victim of physical abuse, heavily implied to be a victim of sexual abuse, and is homeless (none of the main characters offer to let her stay in her house she spends half a season in a terrible motel). However, Faith is quickly demonized by the white wealthy main characters for acting in ways that are completely typical for a homeless teenager.

The moment she commits one mistake they all turn on her and use that mistake as proof of these violent tendencies they all want to accuse her of having. Faith can never be the ingenue so she must be the seductress, because she can't just be a person.

Buffy: So, I, uh... (sees Faith scrubbing) How are ya doin'? Faith: (still scrubbing) I'm alright. You know me. Buffy: Faith, we need to talk about what we're gonna do. Faith: (looks at Buffy) There's nothing to talk about. I was doing my job. Buffy: Being a Slayer is not the same as being a k*ller. Faith has nothing to say. She's finished scrubbing. Buffy: Faith, please don't shut me out here. Look, sooner or later, we're both gonna have to deal.

It is essentially two episodes of this, Faith after killing someone on accident in a life or death fight is constantly called a murderer by others. She wasn't even like, drunk, or high, or being especially reckless she was being a normal slayer.

FAITH: So the mayor of Sunnydale is a black hat. Shocker, huh? BUFFY: Actually - yeah. I didn't get the bad guy vibe off him. Faith shakes her head. Scoffs. FAITH: When you gonna learn, B? It doesn't matter what kind of "vibe" a person gives off. Nine times outta ten he face they're showing you? It isn't the real one. BUFFY: I guess you know a lot about that. FAITH: What's that supposed to mean? BUFFY: Look at you, Faith. Less than twenty four hours ago you killed a guy. And now you're laughing and scratching and zipidee doo dah. That's not your real face, and I know it. I know what you're feeling because I feel it too. FAITH: Do you? So, fill me in. I'd like to hear this. BUFFY: Dirty. Like something sick creeped inside you and you can't get it out. And you keep hoping what happened wasjust some nightmare…

Faith is dirty, faith is disgusting, faith is unstable, Faith is sick for... killing a guy on accident in a way that Giles said was a perfectly understandable accident, and not showing clear guilt because the moment she did it everyone around her jumped on her and started accusing her of being a murderer.

Why do the selfless main characters suddenly start demonizing this girl before she even did anything wrong - well it's because she's poor problem solved.

No, but it does play a factor. Why do most american white middle class look down on the homeless? Because, they must have done something to deserve it, right? If Faith killed a man, that clearly is an indication that she was violent all along and the heroes don't have to sympathize with the fact she's homeless or you know lift a finger to help her.

Now, this makes it sound like I hate Buffy, but Buffy is actually my favorite character in the whole show. The thing is Buffy's complete lack of sympathy for Faith makes her a better character. Buffy needs to demonize Faith and throw her under the bus, because Buffy is a victim of sexual abuse too. Her boyfriend turned evil after having sex with her once, and spent an entire season stalking her and terrorizing her the entire season 2 Buffy / Angel plotline is a thinly veiled groomer metaphor.

The thing about Buffy is she's not allowed to show any kind of reaction to her trauma. The episodes preceeding Faith, Hope and Trick are Anne, an episode where Buffy runs away from home after being sexually abused (stalking is sexual abuse) by Angel for a whole season and feeling like no one would understand her, and Dead Man's Party, an episode where every single one of Buffy's loved ones ruthlessly criticize her for having run away. Like, how dare a teenager not react perfectly to being horribly stalked by a serial killer after she had sex with him for like half a year.

JOYCE: Buffy! You didn't give me any time. You just dumped this… this thing on me and expected me to get it. Well -guess what? Mom's not perfect. I handled it badly. But that doesn'tgive you the right to punish me byrunning away. BUFFY: Punish you? I didn't do this to punish you XANDER: Well you did. You should have seen what it did to her. BUFFY: Great. Would anybody else care to weigh in? What about you? By the dip. XANDER: Maybe you don't want to hear it, Buffy. But taking off like that was selfishand stupid. Buffy's breaking down. It's all too much. BUFFY: Okay - I screwed up! I know it - alright!? But you have no idea. You have no idea what happened to me or what I was feeling

The reason Buffy is so hard on Faith is because everyone else is equally hard on her. The label of the ingenue is so difficult for Buffy to maintain, because she has to be pure, and without any flaws, especially when reacting to trauma that she throws Faith under the bus for her bad victim behaviors.

The white middle class demonize the homeless because they don't want to face the reality it can happen to them, Buffy doesn't want to reflect on all the things her and Faith have in common because she could very easily become Faith. Buffy is the victim of extremely similiar trauma to Faith, and being pressured to be the perfect victim of that trauma in a way that's destroying her mentally slowly.

FAITH: It was good, wasn't it? The sex? The danger? Bet a part of you even dug him when he went psycho BUFFY: No FAITH: See - you need me to tow the line because you're afraid you'll go over it, aren't you, B? You can't handle watching me living my own way and having a blast - because it tempts you. You know it could be you... ( Something snaps in Buffy. She rears back and POPS Faith a good one. Faith falls back, but she's smiling as she puts a hand to her bleeding mouth. ) FAITH: There's my girl…

Buffy is suffering under the expectations of the MWC too, but in her desperation to make Faith out to be the seductress instead of... like... a csa victim... Buffy is reinforcing those standards on both herself and another woman.

The entirety of Bad Girls and Conesequences is Faith being called a murderer by several people, having another trauma flashback to a sexual assault because Xander came to her motel room under the guise of "helping her", getting hit over the head and chained to a wall, then getting the swat team called on her and almost dragged to London for trial. Then the heroes do nothing to help her. The first thing Faith does is go to the main villain, who buys her an apartment AND A PLAYSTATION. So... the evil main Villain of the show helped Faith with her homelessness situation while none of the main characters lifted a finger.

it sounds like it sucks but it doesn't because it's all intentional. Buffy cannot process her own sexual trauma so she is just awful to people who are also domestic abuse victims. here's one of my favorite scenes, Buffy yells at a girl being beaten by her boyfriend with a visible black eye.

Buffy: Where can we find him? Debbie: I-I don't know. Buffy: You're lying. Debbie: What if I am? What are you gonna do about it? Willow: Wrong question. Buffy takes her by the arm again and pushes her up against the sink in front of the mirror. Buffy: Look at yourself. Why are you protecting him? Anybody who really loved you couldn't do this to you. She takes a few steps away. Debbie turns around to face them. Debbie: Would they take him someplace? Buffy: Probably. Debbie: (shakes her head, sobbing) I could never do that to him.(Willow sighs) I'm his everything. Buffy: (disgusted) Great. So what, you two live out your Grimm fairy tale? Two people are dead.

That poor girl gets her neck snapped like five minutes later and Buffy just kinda, moves on even though it would have been an easily preventable death.

Buffy getting mad at an abuse victim for showing textbook behaviors of abuse victims in bad relationships. Buffy is a good character because she is a hero, she can be empathic, but she really only understands heroism in term of defeating the bad guys, and when called to relate to people with complex trauma, especially trauma that reflects her own trauma she can't! She just can't process it! The expectations of being the ingenue, the perfect hero are so crushing she can't cope with a messy reality so she needs to have a black and white view of herself and other people.

Buffy needs to be firmly in the good category, and Faith needs to be firmly in the bad category in order for Buffy's brain to keep working.

Not only does Buffy's conflict with Faith characterize how much Faith suffers for being a bad victim, it shows how the pressure to be a good victim destroys Buffy mentally to the point where she starts using Faith as a punching bag.

Literallly.

It's all intentional too, Buffy gets called out on it, Faith always gets the last word and the final episode of the season makes out Buffy to be a hypocrite. After Buffy literally threw Faith under the bus, called her disgusting for murdering a man, Buffy is completely willing to murder Faith to get a cure for her vampire boyfriend who's been poisoned.

All human life is sacred and needs to be protected, but Fuck Faith I guess.

Faith: I could say the same about you. I mean, you're still the same better-than-thou Buffy. I mean, I knew it somehow. I kept having this dream, I'm not sure what it means, but in the dream the self-righteous blond chick stabs me, and you wanna know why? Buffy: You had it coming. Faith: That's one interpretation, but in my dream, she does it for a guy. Faith: I wake up to find the blond chick isn't even dating the guy she was so nuts about before. I mean, she's moved on to the first college beefstick she meets. Not only has she forgotten about the love of her life, but she's forgotten about the chick she nearly k*lled for him. So that's my dream. That and some stuff about cigars and a tunnel. But tell me, college girl, what does it mean? Buffy: To me? Mostly, that you still mouth off about things you don't understand. (Sirens) Uh-oh. I guess somebody knows you're here.

So the show goes to great length to show you that there are two sides to this conflict, Buffy demonizes Faith, because her friends expect her to be the perfect hero. Faith reacts badly to trauma because she has no support system, and the people around her have no empathy for her because they're too privileged to imagine the things in Faith's life ever happening to her.

Buffy and Faith are fully realized people.

Buffy and Faith are presented to the audience as the ingenue and the seductress but they're both fully realized characters. Buffy's not the ingenue because she's just as capable of murder as Faith is. Faith isn't the seductress because she's a homeless teenager. They are both victims of sexual trauma, though one reacts in what people consider an "acceptable way" and the other is a total slut about it.

Shows the pressure to conform to the "Good Girl / Bad Girl" label.

Buffy throws Faith under the bus specifically because the pressure in her life to be the perfect slayer is so immense that it could be her that takes the fall so she needs to believe in black and white concepts like she is inherently good and Faith is inherently bad to justify the bad things that happen to Faith and therefore convince herself said bad things could never happen to her. "You can't handle watching me living my own way and having a blast - because it tempts you. You know it could be you..."

Faith: Angel said there was no way you were gonna give me a chance. Buffy: I gave you every chance! I tried so hard to help you, and you spat on me. My life was just something for you to play with. Angel - Riley - anything that you could take from me - you took. I've lost battles before - but nobody else has -ever- made me a victim. Faith: And you can't stand that. You're all about control. You have no idea what it's like on the other side! Where nothing's in control, nothing makes sense! There is just pain and hate and nothing you do means anything. You can't even.. Buffy: Shut up!"

Buffy needs to fit her and Faith into neat little boxes because she cannot face the inherent senselessness of the world (and also that she is a victim too "you made me a victim")

Breaks down those two categories

Even in Seasons where Faith is not present she haunts the narrative, because the writers were well aware that Buffy and Faith are the same person under different circumstances.

All of Season 6 Buffy is faced with many of the same situations that Faith was, she suddenly becomes poor and in danger of losing her house, she has extreme depression from coming back from the dead (long story) she can't share those feelings with any of her friends because they treated her much like they did Faith - having no sympathy for imperfect victims. Buffy even gets into an unhealthy, sexual relationship, and like Natalie Portman basically changes from the ingenue into the seductress.

A relationship she has to keep a secret because once again, Buffy must fit into the box of the ingenue in order to be loved by her friends. This leads to her committing several bad behaviors, and at times borderline emotional abuse towards her sister (and debatably her boyfriend) and all comes to a head when Buffy is faced with the exact same situation as Faith.

Buffy in Season 6 believes she has killed a person accidentally while being the Slayer. It's a repeat of Bad Girls with several paralels, including someone trying to hide the body only for it to turn up later, and Buffy insisting she has to turn herself into the police and face jailtime.

However, in this version Buffy unlike Faith has friends who try to stop her from turning herself in and explain to her the murder wasn't her fault - and Buffy still reacts the same way Faith does. She basically borderline quotes Faith.

Faith: Shut up! Do you think I'm afraid of you? [Faith grabs Buffy and throws her down, then sits on top of her and starts punching her.] Faith: You're nothing. [Punch. Punch.] Faith: Disgusting. [Punch. Punch.] [Faith grabs Buffy's hair with both hand and bangs her head.] Faith: Murderous bitch. [Bang. Bang...] You're nothing. [Bang. Bang...] Faith: [Switches back to punches] You're [Faith is now crying.] disgusting.

This is an earlier scene which plays out as an exact parallel to this scene:

BUFFY: You can't understand why this is killing me, can you? SPIKE: Why don't you explain it? She hits him a few more times. He takes it, not fighting back. SPIKE: Come on, that's it, put it on me. Put it all on me. (She kicks him) That's my girl. BUFFY: (yelling) I am not your girl! She hits him hard. He falls back onto his butt. Buffy gets on top of him and begins hitting him over and over. BUFFY: You don't ... have a soul! There is nothing good or clean in you. You are dead inside! You can't feel anything real! I could never ... be your girl! She continues hitting him throughout this. Now Spike goes back to human face. He's looking very bruised and bloody, but he doesn't fight back, just takes it. Buffy hits him again and again, looking angry and desperate. Finally she stops and looks at him in horror.

So if Buffy can react the exact same way that Faith does, when faced with the same trauma there is no good girl or bad girl, there's only two people who are complicated human beings.

The story *gasp* lets the hero be a bad girl.

Redeems it's bad girl

Faith's redemption is a shocking contrast to MHA the plot of BTVS does not allow Faith to commit suicide in order to redeem herself. In fact, her entire arc is an argument against the "put her down like a mad dog" trope. Starting with the fact that the heroes who are partly responsible for Faith's fall in the first place, are all too willing to just let the homeless teenager fall by the wayside, and then put her down for her own sake.

As I stated above, the inherent hypocrisy Buffy shows in her calling Faith a murderer and irredeemable for killing someone on accident because all human life is sacred to her, and then going on to try to murder Faith at the end of the season already shows the "put her down like a mad dog" argument doesn't work. Faith isn't too far gone, it's just Buffy who sees her that way. And because Buffy has given up on Faith she's failing at being a hero.

As I said above, Buffy is not the one to rescue Faith. In fact, in the episodes where Faith's redemption arc starts, Buffy is the one trying to hunt her down and enforce punishment on her. The episodes "5x5" and "Sanctuary" are both focused on Buffy going to LA to hunt down and interfere when Angel is trying to help Faith get back on her feet. The two episdodes basically explore the concept of redemption vs. punishment and how punishment saves no one.

5x5 depicts Faith's spiral as she runs away to LA to escape Buffy who is hunting her down, and accepts a job to assassinate Angel, which if she succeeds will get her rich and also get the cops off of her trail. We're led the whole episode to believe Faith has learned nothing until the confrontation with Angel at the very end, which you should really watch because it's great television.

Faith: You hear me? - You don't know what evil is! - I'm bad! - Fight back! Faith keeps whaling on Angel, sometimes he ducks, sometimes the hits connect. Angel grabs a hold of her: Nice try, Faith. He tosses her away from him. Then walks after her. Angel: I know what you want. She hits him and he hits back dropping her. She comes back up hitting and screaming, but not making much of a dent. Wesley leans out of the window and sees Faith beating up on Angel. He goes into the kitchen and grabs a butcher knife, then heads for the door. Angel as he dodges another hit: I'm not gonna make it easy for you. Faith throws herself against Angel screaming: I'm evil! I'm bad! I'm evil! Do you hear me? I'm bad! Angel, I'm bad! (She begins to sob, grabbing a hold of Angel's shirt and shaking him) I'm ba-ad. Do you hear me? I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad. Please. Angel, please, just do it. Wesley comes running out of the house. Faith sobbing: Angel please, just do it. Just do it. Just k*ll me. Just k*ll me." Angel wraps his arms around her shoulders and pulls her against him. She over balances them and they sink to their knees, Angel still holding her as she cries. Angel: Shh. It's all right. It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here. Shh.

Faith tries to take the Toga approach to commit suicide in order to atone, but Angel actively understands that is what she's trying to do, and denies her the chance to die to redeem herself and instead holds her until she calms down.

Angel doesn't just save her once though he spends the entire next episode defending Faith from Buffy who has come to LA to take her revenge, and trying to talk Faith into believing she can still keep on living in spite of all the bad things she's done.

Faith: Are you saying I got to apologize? Angel: Think you can? Faith: I don’t' know. - How do you say 'Gee, I'm really sorry tortured you I nearly to death? Angel: Well, first off I think I'd leave off the 'Gee.' And secondly I think you have to ask yourself: are you? Faith: What? Angel: Sorry. Faith: And what if I *can't* say it? There are some things you can't just take back, no matter how sorry you *are*, right? Angel: Yeah, there are. I've got some experience in that area. Faith: Right. And you've been doing this for a hundred years! I'm not gonna make it through the next ten minutes. Angel: So make it through the next five, the next minute." Faith: "I don't think I can. Angel: Yes, you can. Faith walks away: God, it hurts. I hate that it hurts like this. Angel follows her: Oh well, it's supposed to hurt. All that pain, all that suffering you caused is coming back on you. Feel it! Deal with it! Then maybe you've got a shot at being free.

Angel's advice is "Guilt is supposed to hurt but if you face your pain you can try to find a way to be free of it" which is something much more profound then any of the forgiveness crap they peddle in MHA. More importantly though, the conflict the whole episode goes out of its way to show that revenge is bad, and punishment doesn't save a soul.

Angel: I didn't - I didn't think it was your business. Buffy: Not my business? Angel: I needed more time with Faith. I'm not sure... Buffy: You needed - do you have any idea what it was like for me to see you with her? That you went behind my back... Angel: Buffy, this wasn't about you! This was about saving someone's soul. Buffy: I came here because you were in danger. Angel: I'm in Danger every day. You came here because of faith. You were looking for vengeance. Buffy: I have a right to it. Angel: Not in my city.

Faith's suicidal ideation is a recurring theme that carries through her character arc in the following season - she does in fact go to prison for awhile (Elizabeth Dushku had to go make Bring it On) but Buffy remains anti-state punishment because going to Prison doesn't help her whatsoever. In fact, she just breaks out when she has to save Angel and spends the rest of the season free.

There are two episodes that actually are dedicated to showing prison didn't help, and what Faith needs to redeem herself is to spend every day of her life trying to be good, not just accepting punishment.

ANGEL: Faith, wake up! FAITH: (wakes) I've rolled the bones. You for me. ANGEL: I used to think that. That there'd be a point when I'd paid my dues. Angel and Angelus are fighting in the alley again. Angel leaves the fight and goes over to Faith's side, holding her up in his arms. ANGEL: Faith, listen to me. You saw me drink. It doesn't get much lower than that. And I thought I could make up for it by disappearing. FAITH: I did my time. ANGEL: Our time is never up, Faith. We pay for everything. FAITH: It hurts. ANGEL: I know. I know. ANGEL: Get up! You have to get up now. Faith, you have to fight. I need you to fight. Do you understand what I'm saying?

So you have one manga series where the teenage girl who did bad things commits suicide because she believed she was going to be in prison for the rest of her life and had no future, and you have the other where the teenage girl tries to commit suicide - only for Angel to stop her and encourage her every step of the way that there's still a future for her even if she can't be "forgiven".

One work ends Toga's life because she's done "unforgivable things" and the other tells Faith that the things she should feel guilty for the things she's done, and she should feel that guilt so she can keep working to be a better person every single day.

One of these is a good message to send to your teenage homeless trauma victim, the other is incredibly harmful. With that out of the way let's switch to BNHA.

HOW TO BURY YOUR GAYS

Now I'm going to attempt to demonstrate why MHA fails to truly deconstruct the MWC, and this not only ruins any potential character development for Uraraka, it also sends a deeply harmful message with Toga's death.

I think I've gone to great length above explaining how BTVS communicates it's stance of being anti-punishment and pro-redemption and even goes as far to demonstrate how punishment does not save anyone. Yet, here is the manga about heroes saving people that completely fumbles those exact same themes.

MHA:

Doesn't show Toga and Ochako as fully realized people

Doesn't show the pressure to conform to the "Good Girl / Bad Girl" label.

Doesn't break down down those two categories

Doesn't redeem it's bad girl

So let me start by saying outside of the context of the story Ochako and Toga both had the potential to be great characters. Unforunately this isn't Gacha, so the way the characters are written in the story, and the quality of their story arcs affects how well they are characterized.

Toga is much better off as a character as opposed to Ochako who sort is reduced to a satellite that revolves around Deku, but their story arcs and the way they conclude does a disservice to both of them as characters. They fail entirely to be shown as fully realized people by their narratives, because of the narratives desire to force them into the good girl and bad girl box.

More or less, Ochako isn't allowed to have flaws, and Toga isn't allowed to redeem herself in any way that doesn't involve killing herself.

Let's get to the characters though, the basic premise of the comparsion between Toga and Ochako is that Ochako perfectly fits into the mould of what society considers a "good, nice girl" she perfectly embodies the ingenue. Whereas Toga was horribly abused for most of her life until she snapped, because she was unable to simply pretend to be the normal girl that Ochako is naturally.

One thing I will give credit to MHA for, it does Toga being pushed to the margins and eventually falling off the edge of society as a young eventually homeless girl that no one cared enough to help about as effectively as Faith did. Toga and Faith were also both demonized before they did anything wrong, and were further demonized because they didn't act the way good victims were supposed to act.

The manga is almost masterful at portraying how much being forced into the box of the ingenue caused Toga's mental decline, until she eventually snapped and became the seductress instead.

Toga hasn't even done anything yet, she's already being punished and demonized simply for appearing deviant. Because once again the categories of Ingenue and Seductress aren't for viewing women and girls as fully realized people, you are either a perfect, innocent, girl, or you're a whore.

Toga is also hypersexual the same way Faith is. Of course it's not done with any of the same amount of nuance of BTVS because Hori has a habit of using Toga for fanservice, but Toga does have a habit of sexualizing herself, in a way that would be classified as deviant love. We also in the manga first view her as nothing more than a shallow yandere who creeps Uraraka out with her blushing and hot desire for blood, only to be shown she's actually capable of being an emotionally intelligent and caring individual when it comes to how she relates to her friends.

Toga viewing sucking blood as love is a clear metaphor for deviant sexuality, or even hyper sexuality, it's something that makes her a literal vamp. Toga being overly sexually aggressive and suggestive with the way she sucks blood is something the society she's in demonizes her for, Deku even makes a thoughtless comment that pushes her off the edge that he'd never even think of hurting someone he loved.

Faith is a CSA victim who is constantly trying to play off her trauma, so she's totally into sex guys, she loves sex, she loves it rough, she goes to clubs and grinds on guys, she's all into sex and violence and safety words are for chumps.

Toga was told her way of expressing love and attraction was wrong and deviant from a young age, and as a result of that the same way that Faith embraces hypersexuality, Toga embraces her femme fatalle / yandere persona and plays it up. Well everyone was right about her, she's fine with being a monster, so she just wants to live as a monster stabbing people randomly and taking their blood before moving onto the next victim.

They can't ever be the ingenue, so Faith and Toga embrace being the seductress instead. Yes, Hori does use Toga for fanservice, but at the same time you can't deny she's deliberately playing up her sexuality like a femme fatalle in a way that is not healthy (Faith is a hypersexual teenager too, I'm saying it's a trauma response for both of them).

MHA also shows much like with Faith how Toga despite being just a teenager is someone all of society has given up on - the same way that everyone gave up on Faith for being a homeless teenager. Then further demonized her for acting in ways homeless teenagers act, until she at last finally committed one crime and they turned on her.

Toga's first crime was committed after her mental breakdown, but it's revealed much later on that Toga wanted to ask Saito for permission to drink his blood, and if she'd just been granted it or at least the emotional abuse heaped on her had stopped she never would have had her breakdown.

For Toga it was Saito, for Faith it was killing by Mistake, after being abandoned they endured violence that further radicalized them with no help from the heroes.

Toga's character also textually acknowledges that the heroes are not going to help her, and are likely going to kill her, whereas in Buffy it stays subtext. Which isn't a problem, it trusts it's audience to go "Oh, the good guys are being jerks here" however, it's a direct facet of MHA's worldbuilding that Toga has watched the heroes kill her best friend, and now thinks she has to fight to the death because the heroes will kill her too. She can't back down and let herself be saved, because the heroes don't even see her as human.

Buffy can't forgive Faith for accidentally killing some random guy because all human life is sacred, but also she tries to kill Faith multiple times, because Faith's not human I guess. Uraraka and Deku believe themselves to be heroes but they actively support people like Hawks, who murdered Toga's best friend and have done absolutely nothing to show her that they won't kill her.

Toga reflects a lot of Faith's suffering for being a bad victim that society allowed to fall through the cracks, and a Seductress who needs to be punished for expressing her sexuality. In fact if it were just Toga, you could call it at least an effective deconstruction of the "seductress/whore" because Toga is a fully realized character and her entire backstory is about how society's expectations for her to be a perfect ingenue, and then punishing her when she wasn't a perfect ingenue is what led to her complete mental breakdown. She couldn't be the white swan or the black swan, so she became the blood-soaked swan instead.

Where the comparison starts to fall apart is Ochako. Toga is a character, and Ochako is not. Just like Deku Ochako more or less just kind of morphs into a plot device that exists to save the villain counterparts to prove what good heroes the kids are - and then she doesn't even do that part. Failing to save Toga is the final nail in the coffin for Ochako being a character and not a plot device to show how good and virtuous the heroes are.

BTVS goes to painstaking extents to establish how Buffy and Faith are the exact same girl in different circumstances. They are both victims of sexual abuse. They're both the Slayer. They both lose their mom at different points in the story. They both struggle with the fact that slayers are also killers, they're both the "chosen one". They both have issues that makes them conflate sexuality with violence.

Buffy is put through several situations that parallel Faith, she loses her mom, she becomes financially destitute, she starts exploring her sexuality in a very faith-like way. The two of them swap bodies at one point and nobody can tell the difference.

There's no strong parallel between Ochako and Toga to give the audience a reason why we should care about the relationship between the two girls in the first place. Ochako's connection to Toga tells us nothing about her character, because there's no strong parallel as shown to us by the story.

There are some parallels, the story attempts to tackle the emotional repression angle of how much the ingenue suffers because she's forced to repress her emotions and how much she envies Toga's free expression.

Why does Ochako think that way? Why does she focus on Toga in particular? The plot tells us why Buffy feels she has so much in common with Faith, they're both the chosen one but Buffy feels like she's under such intense pressure to be perfect that seeing Faith get to act out and express herself makes her jealous.

The manga tells us that Ochako is emotionally repressed, but it doesn't show us, because there are never any real consequences for Ochako repressing her feelings. Natalie Portman in Black Swan, and Buffy both experience mental spirals because the pressure to be the perfect woman is too much for them - to meet the impossible purity standards of the ingenue while still being a sexual creature.

In Uraraka this is the extremely simplified belief that she can't have feelings for a boy, while also being a hero because those beings are selfish and she should be focused on saving people. However, we never see her suffer because of these feelings. We don't even get the bare minimum of having her angst over unrequited love.

I don't want to give Ochako too little credit, there are several things that could have been a connection to Ochako, but they all turn out to be non-starters. Ochako is poor and often makes remarks like "The best way to save money is to not eat" in omake and she hangs out with mostly rich friends. She had early angst about the fact that her friends were becoming heroes for mostly altruistic reasons and she became a hero for money.

That could have also connected to the scene where Ochako witnessed the scene of a hero quitting amongst all of the destruction after the end of the first war arc, to show her the consequences of all the heroes who were heroes for less than altruistic reasons.

Ochako could have even told Toga something along the lines of "I was poor, I know how it is to struggle" especially since Toga spent a good portion of time homeless after she was throne out by her parents.

Instead that goes unaddressed except in this scene which makes it look like Toga is ignorant for assuming Ochako never suffered.

Toga and Ochako both feel like they need to repress their feelings but Toga was emotionall abused by her parents, then experienced psychiatric abuse, and then was disowned after her mental breakdown led to a violent incident. Uraraka feels like she can't tell the boy she loves how she feels. One of thsee things is not like the others.

There are more possible connections that you could draw between them, Uraraka gives a big speech about how the heroes have it rough too guys and at that point it cuts to a picture of Toga crying and that could have led to a revelation that if Ochako is asking the common people to see heroes as human beings, then they should try to see villains as human beings too.

This could also couple well with the fact that Toga believes Ochako wants to kill her the same way that Hawks killed Twice. Both of these facts, Ochako originally only being a hero for money and watching heroes for money quit, and also Ochako learning about Twice killing Toga's friends could lead to some self-reflection on the hero system and Ochako could listen to Toga and be the one to convince her that heroes will save her.

However, none of these happen so we don't know why Ochako feels compelled to save Toga, other than the fact that Ochako is just that nice.

It is really a repeat of Deku's writing, we are told that Himiko just really, really, really wants to save Toga, but not only are we never given an in character reason why that is, but we're also supposed to ignore all the evidence that contradicts this.

Ochako wants to reach out and touch the sadness inside of Toga, but she never actually does anything to try to understand or talk to Toga until the last possible minute. In fact, it's Toga who reaches out several times and Uraraka who ignores her. It is Ochako who insists several times that Toga's deeds are unforgivable and then the conversation stops there.

There's also the scene where Deku and Ochako are looking over the cliffside and Ochako is actively reminding herself of the damage that Ochako caused as a reason that she doesn't have to think of her as a human being.

Ochako doesn't even go in with a plan to take down Toga non-lethally like Shoto did with Toya, nor does she even think about what she wants to say to her until the last possible moment.

Ochako's actions make her more like Buffy, someone who actively doesn't empathize with the villain and doesn't want to save her because of her own personal hangups. (However, we're given no personal hangups for why Ochako, the most perfect hero ever wouldn't want to save Toga). Her actions are like Buffy's, not reaching out a hand to Toga she only gets worse and worse, but we're told the opposite. That she's someone who wants to reach and touch Toga's sadness.

It would be better if Ochako DIDN'T want to save Toga, because at least there would be an arc to it. The lack of empathy would be a character flaw on Ochako's part, something that she needs to overcome to be a proper hero. It would be better if Ochako DIDN'T want to save Toga, because then she'd need an in character reason why she doesn't empathize with Toga, like Buffy does with Faith.

Ochako is supposed to be deconstructing the ingenue, but she's not allowed to have any flaws, or be anything other than the perfect, empathic hero and because of that she ends up reinforcing the Ingenue instead. The ingenue isn't allowed to be anything other than perfect, and the Seductress must be punished.

Doesn't allow the Bad Girl to be redeemed:

Toga's death ends up reinforcing basically every backwards double standard about the MWC including the need for men to punish and villify women who freely express their sexuality. Toga's entire character arc is asking the question if soemone like her is allowed to live in this society, if the heroes will save the life of someone like her and the answer we receive is: no she can't live.

Toga can't live in this world, she has to die. Not only does Twice die and never receive justice and his murderer get off scott free, Toga who asks the question of if she's going to die too, the answer is yes.

In both of these plotlines you have young woman who have done bad things but are still teenagers, who are struggling with suicidal ideation who believe their only escape is death. Faith is told that the guilt of the things she's done is painful, but she has to live in order to make up for it because that's the only way to free herself. Whereas, Toga comes to the conclusion that there is no future for her other than being in jail for the rest of her life and therefore it's not worth living.

Toga has to be punished by the narrative in a way that's completely unnecessary, because characters like Bakugo and Edgeshot somehow survived doing open heart surgery in the middle of an active battlefield, but Toga dies from a blood transfusion.

One of these narratives is telling a troubled young abuse victim who's still a teenager to live, and the other is telling her to die. Now which one of these plotlines would you want a young girl to read?

[unlikelyjapan]

Rebirth

Disclaimer: I’m on the start of a baby journey myself, please excuse any insanity hormones that may have seeped into this disjointed wisp of a post. 

The two selfless examples of active caretaking we see from Syd + Carmy in S2 are them tending to the needs of pregnant women they don’t even have fully-formed relationships with yet.

This was definitely a choice. 

Carmy makes the Sprite for Tiff without provocation - he understands the gravity of her discomfort, takes it seriously (while everyone else just acts authoritative and flails) and shows his respect by making her what she needs from scratch. 

Too bad that was lost on everyone but the viewer.

Syd does the same for Natalie in the making of the omelette - she hears the need/discomfort, takes it seriously (while everyone is MIA) and shows the respect for what Natalie is creating by making her what she needs from scratch. 

This time it’s not lost on anyone. Carmy is so incredibly touched that Syd and him are identical in this way, that she actively took care of his pregnant sister in his absence. Syd is an anointed Berzatto. 

Both Carmy and Syd aren’t ones to make an emotional acknowledgement or give congratulations (ok, maybe insanely awkward ones) that someone is expecting - it’s all in their active reactions, and in that you can see the extreme reverence they have for someone doing the work of creating a family. 

The rebirth of The Beef as The Bear is an act of creation between Syd and Carmy - other people are excited to assist and be part of the “found family” (some actively, while some just want to “hold the baby”), but it is theirs.

We could also argue that Carmy was absent for the birth, but these and other parallels are for another post.

The way they both show active care for the expectant mothers in their midst shows that they value acts of creation in all forms, not just their own, and that they aim to create something more meaningful together with The Bear.

[teas-of-trin]

“Sharp Objects uses the mystery around the story of dead girls to dive deeply into the psychology of motherhood, and the entrapment of female characters in cycles of violence and their own traumatic family history—a history that repeats itself again and again in persistent yet futile attempts to resolve the childhood trauma perpetuated by the malevolent mother.”

“In Sharp Objects Flynn situates violence by and against women against the trauma and dysfunctionality of a matriarchal family.”

“There are two parallel stories of dead girls in the novel, the killing of… Natalie and Ann… [and] the mysterious death of Marian, Adora’s daughter….This meeting point between violence, trauma, and the female body points to a larger discourse that delineates the missing/dead female narrative and underlines a common culture “of the atrocity exhibition, in which people wear their damage like badges of identity, or fashion accessories.””

“Flynn also twists the dead girl victim narrative often found in crime fiction by shedding light on her complex female characters who often cross the line from victimhood to transgression and criminality. Sharp Objectsthus paints dark and disagreeable images of the mother as well as her daughters, who are both victims and perpetrators of violence.”

“Adora’s diary entry after Marian died shows this intense obsession with her daughter and death itself: “Marian is dead. I couldn’t stop. I’ve lost twelve pounds and am skin and bones. Everyone’s been incredible kind.”…In contrast, Camille recalls her mother’s neglect and coldness towards her, which seemingly shaped her upbringing and her mental state…Adora’s open admission of hate towards her own child can be viewed in light of the mother’s mental state and the broken mother-daughter relationship.”

“Camille is shown to suffer from a severe trauma after repressing a lot of painful memories from her childhood, especially the trauma of losing her sister Marian at the hand of their mother. The narrative illustrates the failure of processing her trauma; Camille is painted by her past and her pain is literally painted on her body…Camille embodies words literally and the words on her body become her main narrative, a vehicle for whatever attempts to escape language and expression—her trauma.”

“Adora needs to be at the center of her daughter’s lives and assume control over them to the point of suffocation and death. She seeks attention and love from her daughters but she takes loving and caring for her children to the extreme. What Camille describes as her mother’s “voraciousness about children” is not separate form the violence and control that she exhibits.”

“While Camille rebels, Amma plays along with her mother, she lets her mother give her the medication that makes her sick yet she also revels in the attention she is given.”

“Throughout the story Camille is presented as a puzzle; she is full of conflicting feelings towards her mother, her family, and even the whole town. She refuses to end up like her sister Marian, another “dead girl”, and turns her pain, anger, and frustration towards her mother inwards. Her body is a full canvas of her traumatic past, while it also speaks to the present…”

“Adora is “a girl-woman who occupies an ambiguous space between appearances of innocence and expressions”, while Amma oscillates between the roles of a child victim and a ruthless killer.”

“The sexualization of the child exposes the dysfunctional family and the harm that Amma suffers under her mother’s hand, but it also reveals the doubling in her personality. The two faces of Amma—a child and an oversexualized girl—disclose the fissure in her psyche and the trauma that lies behind her dissociative behavior. It is the trauma of being a victim of her mother’s constant manipulation, which is soon translated into violence.”

“…the temporal fluidity in Flynn’s story shows how the female characters navigate their reality. The story moves smoothly between the past and present, which creates more tension around the murder mystery of the two dead girls, and at the same time underlines the trauma and the complex family history of the female characters. She demystifies and resolves the mystery of the murders and brings attention to the conflicting facets of femininity, victimhood, and power.”

“…in presenting “a lineage of disturbed women,” Sharp Objects focuses on femininity in a display that reveals a tension between public “performance” and “private deviance.” Femininity in the novel is closely related to criminality and monstrosity…Although Adora’s daughters are victims of their mother’s MBP…the novel also suggests that there is a mirroring between the mother and her daughters. Flynn establishes Amma as a “monstrous double of the mother,” as both Amma and Adora killed girls, while Amma herself is the product of her mother’s abusive upbringing. This complicates the demarcation lines between victimhood and criminality on the one hand, and victimhood and agency on the other.”

“Through a family full of dysfunction and destruction, Flynn brings to the fore the origin of female monstrosity and dissects the inner workings of femininity and motherhood in this narrative. The story reveals generational hatred and damage in the family structure.”

-From Monstrous Mothers and Dead Girls in Gillian Flynn’s Sharp Objects and Gone Girl by Maysaa Jaber [Part 2]

[rayhalloffame]

hey hi hello i have returned and im now making it everyone’s problem

it’s longer than i first expected but like

i mirror these characters with people from my hometown so

*

ray hall and saying slurs when he’s young bc he doesn’t entirely understand them but his dad said them a lot and he picked up the habit.

ray hall (bi king he is) having so much self hatred due to internalized homophobia that usually manifests in outwardly lashing out at anyone even slightly insinuating he’s queer

ray hall and The Mullet Phase/neg

heather nill and staying quiet when she knows she should speak up and speak out against the injustices around her because in her house that was backtalking and never ended well.

dodge mason and being an outcast the entire year because he was new in a school where everyone knows everyone

dodge mason and sitting alone in a corner of the commons area for lunch because there aren’t enough lunch tables for all the kids and he has no one to sit with

tyler young and saying things that definitely Aren’t Okay but they don’t know any better because they’re kids and havent seen anything but the way everything’s always been.

bishop moore and almost alwaysbeing smarter than everyone, but not having the ability to know when it’s okay to share what he knows and when it isn’t.

natalie williams and not being able to go through her rebellious phase because of her dad keeping a close watch. that manifesting as an even bigger blowout rebellion later down the road that strains their relationship for a long while.

sheriff cortez and feeling like he has to prove something to stay sheriff, he has to earn it. so he starts being stricter on the laws. then his son is gone, and he falls into an endless well of gambling, and it ruins him.

daniel diggins and being able to read people like books. being burdened with how everyone feels, not because they told him, but because he can see it in their faces. he can look at you and just know.

troy van and playing panic to try and escape bullying and name calling and threats and beatings because of how they choose to express themself.

shawna kenny and spreading rumors, not out of maliciousness, but because theres nothing better to do. she thinks no harm comes from them, because she can just roll rumors off her back, why can’t everyone else do that?

anne mccarthy and being called crazy and kooky and weird because no one understands how she lives. no one understands what she does or who she is. and in a town like that, that’s perceived as a bad thing.

dayna mason and being babied by the whole town. dayna and hearing ‘bless her heart’s and ‘we pray for you every day’ when all she wants is to be treated like a person.

luke hall and raising his brother the way he was raised. with fights and booze and driving boats. luke hall and doing his best to shoulder a reaponsibility that should’ve never been his.

heather nill and raising her sister the exact opposite how she was raised. heather wanting the best for lilly. heather wanting her to never know fear in whatever place they’re living. fear is for outside. fear is for the real world.

*

this is everything i have off the top of my head

not all of them are negative!! yippee!!

Omg the Luke and Heather parallel I’m so sick to my stomach!! Trying to do their best as older siblings :’((

Also diggins has my heart truly

[watchitnowulala]

do any ffviii fans watch the bear? my bf and i've been watching the show (on season 2 rn!) and i've drawn some parallels between the characters. this is probably a reach but still fun nonetheless!

-> we got carmy and squall. both keep distance from others out of fear from getting hurt (carmy with his brother, squall w/ ellone). both can have very emotional outbursts under pressure (carmy in that one episode lmao/squall when rinoa is unconscious).

-> sydney and rinoa. two very determined, driven and unmovable women. they both have an idealised version of carmy/squall until it is shattered by actually working with them. both can easily get ahead of themselves and jeopardise their team as a result (sydney in the aforementioned ep/rinoa with the odine bangle)

-> seifer and richie. the classic rough around the edges/troubled type. this is more of a reach considering richie is a 45 year old and seifer is 18 (and actually does have many skills relevant to the party lmao). both prefer it done their way, prone to outbursts of anger and just shitstirrers all around haha. richie and seifer both display noble qualities too, and if we saw a seifer redemption arc like with richie, i think the parallels would be stronger.

-> tina and quistis. both extremely hesistant/bitter about rinoa/sydney's presence at the beginning seeing them as competition. they eventually come around and support the girls, acting as a mentor and emotional support for not just them but the entire team. (i love tina's character development btw.)

-> sugar (natalie) and ellone. they're both big sisters trying to keep what's left of their family together, offering emotional support and always trying to get their younger brothers to open up.

obv it's nowhere near a 1 to 1 parallel. like i couldn't find good fits for selphie, irvine or zell, or even laguna. i mean raine does own a pub and she is dead (like the berzatto's father) but honestly laguna is nowhere near as much of a trainwreck as the berzatto matriach ( i think her name is donna?). selphie would like taking the L though and i can see either kiros and ward taking the place of uncle jimmy.

[haereticus]

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐈𝐍 ...

𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐮𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝… 【 maika monroe //. cis woman //. she/her 】 welcome, CORALINE CAIN. you have successfully been loaded into THE HUB. according to our records, you are THIRTY YEARS OLD and have held citizenship for THIRTY YEARS in the barrier city, neo california. your key attributes have been identified as PROTECTIVE and GUARDED. please confirm your NEUTRAL GOOD status to proceed. our data indicates that you are currently employed with BIOTICS AS A BIOTIC MARK (KINETIC FIELDS) //. HEAVEN'S NIGHT AS A BARTENDER. for your safety and security, it is crucial that all background information is accurate. further analysis of our archives highlights your alignment with NO SURPRISES BY RADIOHEAD. ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ verification 100% complete. please adhere to all local regulations and laws during your stay. we trust that your time here will be both fulfilling and safe.

𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒.

full name. coraline cain. nickname(s). cora. gender & pronouns. cis woman & she/her. date of birth. december 19, 2116. age. thirty. hometown. neo california. current residence. neo california. nationality. american. occupation. bartender. affiliation. biotics / her sister. languages. english, spanish, mandarin, japanese, latin. education. high school diploma + bachelor degree in social studies.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘.

positive traits. protective, loyal, observant, pragmatic, independent. negative traits. guarded, defensive, sarcastic, pessimistic, bitter. mbti. isfj-a ( the defender ). enneagram. type six ( the loyalist ). moral alignment. neutral good. deadly sin. wrath. heavenly virtue. temperance. western zodiac. sagittarius. parallels. fiona gallagher, shameless / lori grimes, the walking dead / britta perry, community / buffy summers, buffy the vampire slayer / katniss everdeen, the hunger games / natalie scatorccio, yellowjackets / vi, arcane.

𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐘.

tw: pregnancy complications, maternal death in childbirth, paternal death, scientific experimentation on children, guns

Perhaps, you were doomed from the beginning.

Can this not be said for all creatures so grotesque as you? Beasts that were never supposed to exist – slated to be destroyed by god before birth, salvaged only by the meddling of man. Your parents had tried for some years to become pregnant – fertility treatments and alternative therapies and simple blind hope proving fruitless until, at the age of forty, your mother finally falls pregnant. Even more, she is told she could expect twins. She and your father are overjoyed – the next months occupied by painting nurseries and reading parenting books and buying a copious number of plush toys. To them, it is a dream come true – and they counted down the days until each appointment with the midwife. They watch in awe as two tiny hearts beat in unison.

Of course, things can never be simple, can they? In the middle of her pregnancy, your mother falls gravely ill. The doctors tell her that her babies aren’t getting the nutrients they need, and that carrying the pregnancy is killing her. Her options are simple: deliver now, and risk losing her babies, or continue the pregnancy, and risk her life. After waiting so long to become pregnant, your parents are devastated by the news, and entirely unsure how to proceed. The doctors tell them that there are no good options – the best they can offer is a few extra days to make a decision. It seems that, before you were even cognizant of the world around you, it is plotting against your very existence.

Your parents, naturally, seek a second opinion. It is here they unwittingly fall into the grasp of THE SPECIAL CHILDREN INITIATIVE. A man in a lab coat explains to them that they are trialing an experimental treatment – that they will expose the fetuses to a substance that will significantly improve their chances of survival if they are born early. The specifics of the treatment are hidden behind pages of fine print and an absurd amount of scientific jargon. Your parents barely understand what it is they are consenting to – except that it will ensure that their precious babies might live. So, they allow you to be exposed to sunstones, blissfully unaware of the consequences of their decision.

To the credit of the man in the lab coat, you and your sister do live. You are born ten weeks too early – small and bluish, but very much alive. Unfortunately, your lives come with a trade-off. Whether a side-effect of the sunstone, or the wrath of some divine being – your mother’s condition rapidly worsens after she gives birth. Her sheets rapidly turn from white to red as her complexion does the opposite – quickly paling as she bleeds out. Try as they might, there is little her doctors can do – your mother is declared dead a mere thirty minutes after she gives birth to two healthy baby girls.

You and your sister are transferred to the nursery and watched over by a doting, if grieving, father. He names you as his wife had requested – you are called Coraline, and your sister, Cassandra. He watches as you breathe and clings to the only piece of his wife that is still living. And perhaps this could have been the end of our story – perhaps you could have gone on to live a perfectly ordinary life. Your father would have taken you home once you were well enough and raised you and your sister as best he could. He would have sent you to a good school, you would have made good friends. You would sit around the dinner table each night and recount the mundane intricacies of your day. Each moment would be tinged with a hint of sorrow for what you had lost, but this would fade and give way to love and joy.

Of course, things can never be so simple. You are a doomed creature, remember? You are not heavenly – created by a benevolent god for love and pleasure. No, you are infernal – a beast born of hubris, forever tethered to the original sin which allowed you to live.

The representatives of the initiative return before you and Cassandra are discharged from hospital. They offer your father condolences before making a simple request – they would very much like to take you off his hands. His staunch refusal catches them off-guard – you and your sister are special, they insist, and you will need appropriate guidance and training to reach your full potentials. You are alive because of their intervention, and so your very existence is owed to them. Your father is steadfast in his denial, but it won’t matter. He leaves the hospital to fetch breakfast the very next morning and never returns to his post by your bedside. His disappearance would never be investigated nor solved.

So, Coraline and Cassandra Cain are taken in by the initiative where they will remain for the next eighteen years. You are not raised, you are trained. You are not loved, you are prized. You are brought up like a rat in a cage, a bug under a microscope – an experiment, a feat of human potential, hubris manifest – but never a child, never a person. In the cold, clinical environment you call home, the only person you ever have is your sister. Whilst the constant poking and prodding turns you bitter and sceptical, Cassandra is the opposite. Despite growing up in the same environment, she refuses to become hardened by it. She remains soft, and caring, and beautifully genuine. She never grows into her fangs, and so you must sharpen your own. You are her older sister, after all, you are the protector, the gladiator. In a world where you only have each other, you are happy to settle into the role of attack dog, if it means your sister can maintain her innocence.

At eighteen, you are permitted to enter the real world. Tracked, of course, but for all intents and purposes, free. This, you are told, is the next stage of your training. You have learned all you can within the confines of the institute – you have mastered your abilities, become versed in mathematics and science and literature. Now, they want to see how their beasts will fare in the big bad world. To see whether they will flourish or flounder. Live or die. Conquer or fall. You take the opportunity and run with it – although you worry about how the world might treat your sister. You do your best to tuck her under your wing and usher her carefully into the world, choosing to live with her even though the scientists offer to buy you two apartments. You think she might be too soft for what lies beyond the four walls of the research facility you both know so well – so you use your barbs as a shield and pray she will not break.

You enrol in a social sciences degree – not because you are particularly interested in scholarly pursuits, but because you think it will be a good way to learn about the intricacies of society you may have missed in childhood. You quickly realise that such things cannot be learned from books alone. So, you take a different approach, batting your eyelashes and securing yourself a position as a bartender ( if the higher powers monitoring you and your sister have anything to do with this, they at are at least discreet ). It is difficult at first – you feel a step out of time with everybody around you, as though they are speaking a language you cannot quite understand – familiar and foreign at the same time. You feel stilted and robotic and stunted, a cheap imitation of something alive despite being made of flesh and blood just like everybody else. You worry that you have made a terrible mistake – as much as you had hated the facility where you grew up, at least you understood how it worked.

Over time, it becomes easier. Over time, you begin to understand the subtle nuances of social interaction that you had missed growing up. You learn to interpret body language and unfamiliar lingo. You come to appreciate music, and art, and find that the outside world is as beautiful and freeing as you had always hoped. Some days, you even forget what you are. You forget where you have come from – that you are little more than a weapon crafted in a laboratory, a science experiment set loose to wreak havoc upon the world you have come to love. Some days, you feel close to ordinary, to truly content. Some days, you feel like you could go anywhere, be anything – free and untethered. But, when it’s dark enough, you can still a tiny tracking chip glowing beneath your skin – and you remember that you will never be free.

[victoriams]

ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀᴅ ᴅᴀᴜɢʜᴛᴇʀ, ᴛʜᴇ ꜰʀᴇᴇᴅᴏᴍ ꜰɪɢʜᴛᴇʀ, ᴛʜᴇ ꜱʜᴀᴘᴇʀ ᴏꜰ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴍᴀꜱᴋꜱ. ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱɴᴀᴋᴇ. ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʀᴏɴᴇ.

lucy boynton . cis woman . she/her ➶ I RECOGNISE THAT FACE ! that’s LIVINIA CRANE , the TWENTY-EIGHT year old GAMEMAKER from THE CAPITOL . they’ve been in the capitol around HER WHOLE LIFE , long enough to gain a reputation for being so POISED & OSTENTATIOUS . they’re so lucky getting to live in the tribute center for the duration of the games! ( character ISN’T part of the uprising )

STATISTICS

FULL NAME livinia diana crane

NICKNAMES liv, livi

DATE OF BIRTH may 26, 66th year

AGE twenty-eight

DISTRICT capitol

ROLE gamemaker

GENDER cis woman

ORIENTATION bisexual biromantic 

PERSONALITY

POSITIVE TRAITS intelligent, poised, strategic

NEGATIVE TRAITS selfish, ostentatious, callous

MBTI intj-a – the architect

ENNEAGRAM type 1 – the reformer

MORAL ALIGNMENT lawful neutral

DEADLY SIN pride

HEAVENLY VIRTUE diligence

ZODIAC gemini

CHARACTER PARALLELS shiv roy, succession / claire, fleabag / natalie berzatto, the bear / madelyn stillwell, the boys / michaela pratt, how to get away with murder / blair waldorf, gossip girl / abigail armstrong, dance academy

RELATIONSHIPS

AUGUSTUS CRANE, SENIOR father

RHEA CRANE mother, deceased

AURELIUS CRANE older half-brother

AUGGIE CRANE older sister

MAXIM CRANE twin brother

PRIAM PLINTH husband

BIOGRAPHY

You do not come into this world alone.

Well, this isn't entirely true – you exist in the world for exactly twenty five minutes and thirty-nine seconds before your brother, your twin, your other half – Maxim, arrives, kicking and screaming and demanding your parents' attention. Unfortunately for both of you, two older siblings wait outside of your mother's delivery room, eagerly anticipating the arrival of their new baby brother and sister. They are the heir, Aurelius; and the spare, Auggie. What does that make you and Maxim? Little more than decorative ornaments, bodies to fill up space in the family portraits. Two extra names at the end of birthday cads. Two extra plates at dinner.

There are exactly three things all Crane children have in common – blonde hair, delicate features, and that you are trained to thrive on attention. You all learn to find it in different ways. Aurelius finds it wherever he goes – your father's firstborn, the only child with the genes of his beloved – he seems to do nothing and have everything. He even wins your mother's favour. He is strong, powerful, and disciplined. Your father says he will inherit the earth, one day. Auggie fluctuates between finding attention by being the perfect foot soldier, and by being a wrecking ball. Your father punishes this. When Auggie exists within the mould she has been assigned, your father promises great things. Promises her the kingdom, if Aurelius cannot take it. A step out of line, and she is charged with treason. Your father watches with an eagle eye – he dares her to defy him. She cannot get away with the things Aurelius does by being the golden child, nor what you do by being forgotten. You think it is the scraps of attention, of hope, that keep her coming back.

For you and Maxim, attention is much harder to come by. You're not sure whether your parents had even wanted any more children. They had their heir, their spare – and sometimes you think that Maxim and you had been unfortunate byproducts of an ill-fated tryst. You are never particularly close with either of your parents. Maybe they had loved each other, once, but by the time you are old enough to recognise it, any affection is long gone. You don't know why the wedge exists between them – maybe your mother could never live up to the woman she'd replaced. Or maybe your father resents the way she bleeds his resources dry. But, apparently, you remind him of her. Unlike Maxim and Auggie, you possess your mother's features. Her pointed nose, her pale face. Even her demeanour, to a certain extent. Your father resents you for this, and he fails to see you beyond a pale, and far less useful, imitation of the woman he'd married.

Your father may not be your father's daughter, but you are certainly your mother's. She tends to you like her own personal garden, sewing poisonous seeds that will forever be rooted in the back of your mind. She can never decide whether she loves or hates you; whether she wants to use you to correct her own mistakes, or send you down the same treacherous path out of spite. You had been a sweet child, once. You had loved dancing and music. You were afraid of the dark and monsters under your bed. You don't remember that girl now. Your mother said that softness wouldn't serve you in the long run, and so she eradicated it. She teaches you to look in the mirror and despise what you see – to strive for better. To starve and groom yourself until you can no longer be criticised. To hide your teeth behind a smile, to never display weakness. She tells you that you have started life at a disadvantage – that the only way you will ever make it in this world is through underhanded tricks and strategic alliances – nobody will ever give you anything for free.

You hunger for perfection. You hunger for her approval. You hunger for your father's love. You will always be hungry.

We would, of course, be remiss to talk about your childhood without mentioning your twin. Maxim exists by your side as a shadow. Save for your shared birthday and upbringing, you have little else in common. And yet, he is the person you feel closest to in the world. He is the only person who has ever existed on equal ground – looked at you, not as a competitor, or an asset, or a liability, but as a friend. He is also the only one who can see past the facade build. You had quickly learned that scrutiny hurts less when your exterior is made of stone. Easier to be criticised when you know the person they critique is a fabrication – made up, not you. Maxim sees through it, and, in turn, you see through his loud, blustering, careless charade. Maybe it really is a twin thing, or maybe you just both know how to craft yourselves into something you aren't. You both know how to identify the gaps in a structure and squeeze yourself into them. You become ice – cold, calculated, indifferent. Maxim becomes fire – warm, raucous, passionate.

You are married when you are twenty. It hadn't been your idea, but you go along with it nonetheless. At the time, you are your mother's only eligible daughter, and she seeks to secure your family's social and financial status with a neat little union. You won't get anywhere without a husband on your arm, Livinia. At the time, her words had felt like gospel. At the time, you had been a sickly, wretched thing – living off scraps of love and affection and little else. Begging simply to be seen, to fill the void inside of you. At the time, you think that maybe marriage will fix you. That it will satisfy the relentless hunger that has existed within you since you were a girl. Your mother seems to think that it will, anyway. Priam is a decent enough candidate – the second born son from a well-off family. He is a few years your senior, chivalrous and kind. He takes a position at your family's company along with your hand.

You are married, and yet you are still hungry. Garden parties and book clubs and gala dinners bore you. The idea of children nauseates you. You watch Priam go off to work each day and realise you have nothing to keep yourself occupied, you are alone in a big, beautiful, empty, dreadful house. Your parents have pushed you from one cage and into another – but you come to realise that they have forgotten to lock the door. Outside of their house, you feel more free than you ever have in your life. You may not have chosen Priam, and you are not sure if you will ever love him as you are supposed to, but he cares for you. He supports you. It is not something you have experienced before. Maybe you are selfish, but you cling to it, you consume it, like a ravenous creature. You cling not to your husband, or the vows you had made, but the sanctuary he provides, the way his doting makes you feel. You become more emboldened – dressing in different clothes, speaking your own mind. You enjoy things – not for others, but for yourself. And yet, freedom and affection do not satisfy your hunger.

You had never really given much thought to what the future held in store for you – part of you, buried and subdued, had always longed for greatness. That part of you had wanted the throne, but the more rational part of your mind knows it was never going to be yours. Your father and your siblings have made this abundantly clear. But, without the constant, overwhelming pressure to be the perfect daughter, you realise you want something. You have wasted your life hungering for attention, for respect, for love – but now you turn your appetite towards something more substantial – glory.

You take inspiration from your late uncle, and manage to secure yourself a role as an apprentice gamemaker. It is the perfect fit for somebody like you – so clinical, calculating, methodical. Your parents do not approve of the choice – your mother, because it does not follow the plan she had made for you; your father, because it is the job that had gotten his brother killed, that had cast a stain on your family's name for almost two decades. Where you once would have shrivelled, you hold firm. You rise through the ranks quickly – you become known not for your name, or your looks, or your husband, but for your skill, your intelligence, your wit. You think maybe this will be enough to satisfy the hunger, but it's not.

You taste greatness, and you want more, more, more. Come to think of it, maybe your siblings have four things in common. It is not in your natures to be satisfied.

[third-thoughts]

Headcanon - Tessa Bailey Protagonists Play D&D

For the purposes of this headcanon, it's Piper and Hannah Bellinger, Brendan Taggart, Fox Thornton, Taylor Bassey, Myles Sumner, Hallie Welch, and Julian and Natalie Vos. Somehow they're all playing together. I hope some people who like both D&D and Tessa Bailey read this and understand what the hell I'm talking about...

Piper chooses an aasimar after reading about their heavenly beauty, and the sorcerer class so she can have a high charisma. It's basically her, but with magical powers. Her play style is the definition of "highjinks" and Brendan loves her for it.

(While thinking this up, I thought "Rose Gold Dragon" and found it way too funny.)

Brendan would absolutely, 100% be the guy who just plays a human fighter. He chooses all the boring but sensible options - I can see him picking the Battlemadter archetype. I can imagine the adventure stalling because of him being so methodical and cautious when he plays. He physically cannot speak in any voice other than his own, despite everyone urging him to imitate their voices as practice. It's painful to behold.

Before I read too much of Hook, Line and Sinker, I thought it would be too obvious to make Hannah a bard. I stand corrected. Hannah IS a bard. She would have a specially curated playlist for using her class abilities. After deliberating over what race to pick, she goes with Piper's idea of playing an aasimar too so they can be sisters in-game too.

I had trouble thinking of what character Fox would play. I don't think he'd be a straight up fighter/wizard/rogue/cleric. I considered bard, paladin and ranger, but after watching the Critical Role Campaign 2 opening credits I could see him getting enthusiastic about Beau's fighting style, so I'm going with monk. He plays a halfling for the dexterity bonus (and maybe Tolkien homgae?). I think he'd be a good role-player, and be the one who thinks of interesting uses for his abilities - like out of the box problem solving.

Hannah and Fox would definitely be the ones with the well thought out backstories who get properly into the setting, whereas Piper would be the one to keep an eye on and a bit of a DM's nightmare. Brendan would just be interested in achieving the goals of the adventure. He certainly wouldn't be a a Munchkin power gamer (he'd hate people like that) but he would totally be just focused on optimising his character.

Taylor decides to go all out and picks the barbarian class. Ignoring Myles' suggestion that halflings were made for her, she plays a goliath. She goes out of her way to talk to NPCs, and rages with utter glee.

Myles plays a Life domain cleric and is constantly loaded up with healing spells - because even at the gaming table, he can't help but do everything to protect his girlfriend. He plays a hill dwarf for the Wisdom bonus, which after his halfling comment, Taylor finds hilarious. She makes sure to mention how she towers over him at every opportunity. If anyone's seen Lord of the Rings and the "dwarf tossing" moment gets mentioned, every possible joke ensues.

At Julian's urging, Hallie agrees to play, partly because she wants a ringside seat to his utter nerdiness. I originally thought "druid" would be an obvious parallel to her profession, but now I think she would play a rogue. Her gnome charms everyone at the table, before unleashing an absolutely lethal mischievous streak as she settles in to the game.

Julian might make a good Dungeon Master, if the planning didn't stress him out. Otherwise I feel like he'd be the kind of guy who creates a really powerful character build AND thinks of role-playing reasons to justify it. Maybe a wizard? I also feel like he'd be looking over Hallie's shoulder, trying to help her out and tearing his hair out if she made a "non-optimal" choice. Also, one word - "lore".

I haven't read Unfortunately Yours yet, but I feel like Natalie would just embrace a certain side of herself as a tiefling warlock. She and Piper wreak havoc together and have earned a "duo nickname" by the third session.

Sadly I don't know enough about August yet either. We could assume he's the DM, since no one else is. From the little I know about him and Natalie, that could prove... interesting.

If anyone else has any thoughts on this... I need to hear them.

[trans-elrond]

collected poker face tidbits from e1 dead man's hand

...that may or may not have future importance, i'm just trying to think like rian johnson. for the most part don't mind me i'm just thinking out loud :)) but if you wanna talk theories i'm all ears (or correct me if i missed something)!!!!

spoilers and speculation ahead obviously <3

cliff was "offsite" when natalie's husband jerry stormed into the casino; seems like a strange detail to me, what was the head of security doing somewhere else??

sterling jr. says his dad taught him three things ("keep the carpets clean, keep Caine happy") but he doesn't tell charlie the third thing. some secret?

sterling sr. had a long relationship with caine ("goes way back"); will caine reappear? / or the CP ring and caine's crew? could sterling sr. be implicated in the CP ring?

i really want the lady galahad nickname to have some deeper meaning because seriously, out of all the knights... galahad? what about gawain, lancelot, etc?

tons of guns in sterling jr.'s office--chekhov's gun(s) or a throwaway prop?

sterling jr.'s "bad situations previously" aren't explained

sterling jr.'s line that sterling sr. "gave you a job to keep you in a cage"--maybe sterling sr. wanted to use charlie for something in the future? sterling sr. spent 10 hours watching her, maybe he was wanting her for some job?

likewise this episode proves charlie's skills work over video, wonder if that might have future importance

i thought the cut to michelle with her kids while charlie calls asking for the key combo was a little random (what's the importance of showing michelle's house unless...?) (though if i really want to stretch it, it could just be about showing the contrast between someone with a lot of ties & connections in this place, vs charlie being a drifter)

coffee makes charlie crazy, hopefully she gets it again because that was hilarious <3

will dale mcclintock, the shill, make a reappearance?

cliff is on charlie's phone a pretty long time (he must've guessed her 1234 password, lol) before he finds and plays the incriminating text message, was he looking at anything else on there?

sterling sr. tells charlie he's gonna hit her where it hurts, which implies not just killing her, but what else? framing her for something? i just have strong feelings that charlie got sterling jr. so good by getting him blackballed, maybe there's going to be a parallel with what sterling sr. does to her with post-s1 implications to make her traveling escapades a little more complicated in the future. *** haha holy shit i just checked imdb and clea duvall is playing "emily cale" in episode 10. sister??? EX-WIFE??? given that clea duvall played natasha lyonne's love interest in but i'm a cheerleader?????????

charlie sent the incriminating picture of caine's laptop to the local police, but sterling jr. claims they're in his (dad's) pocket anyway. i imagine this will be part of episode 10's plot--if charlie can still incriminate caine et al with luca clark's help or not.

having checked imdb we know cliff is in episodes 9-10, luca is in episode 10, and sterling sr. is in episode 10, so cliff catches her end of ep 9.

[themovieblogonline]

Landscape with Invisible Hand Review: A Glimpse into Alien Domination and Teenage Turmoil

In the realm of speculative cinema, where the mundane blends with the extraordinary, Landscape with Invisible Hand emerges as a thought-provoking exploration of societal shifts and the complexity of young love under alien dominion. Directed by Cory Finley, this film delves into the near-future world painted by M. T. Anderson in his 2017 novel of the same name. While offering intriguing insights and a distinct visual style, the movie occasionally falters in its pacing and character development. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAD81wjRnL8 Set against the backdrop of a society grappling with the overpowering influence of the Vuvv, an enigmatic extraterrestrial species, Landscape with Invisible Hand takes us on a journey through the eyes of Adam Campbell, portrayed with sincerity and vulnerability by Asante Blackk. The film's opening sequences adeptly establish the transformed world, where the Vuvv's technology has both revolutionized and decimated the job market. Adam's artistic aspirations intertwine with the harsh reality of his family's financial struggles, providing the foundation for the moral dilemmas that propel the narrative forward. The Good: Kylie Rogers delivers a convincing performance as Chloe Marsh, Adam's girlfriend and collaborator in their audacious plan to generate income by live-streaming their romantic relationship to the intrigued Vuvv. Their journey from earnest partnership to begrudging cooperation reflects the fragility of young love under the weight of external pressures. However, the evolution of their dynamic sometimes feels rushed, leaving their emotional transformations less impactful than they could have been. The film's visual design, spearheaded by Cory Finley's adept direction, deserves commendation. The portrayal of the Vuvv's advanced technology seamlessly integrated into the familiar setting creates an eerie atmosphere of coexistence between the human and alien. From the mesmerizing hues of the Vuvv's communication devices to the sterile grandeur of their towering structures, the visual representation plays a significant role in immersing the audience in this parallel reality. One of the film's strengths lies in its ability to draw parallels between the alien invasion and the commodification of human relationships. As Adam and Chloe's manufactured romance unfolds for the Vuvv's voyeuristic pleasure, the narrative serves as a cautionary tale about the potential pitfalls of sacrificing genuine connections for the sake of profit. The allegory is potent, echoing contemporary concerns about the monetization of personal lives through social media platforms. Tiffany Haddish's portrayal of Beth Campbell, Adam's mother, adds depth and emotion to the story. Her fierce determination to provide for her family resonates as she navigates a world reshaped by alien intervention. Similarly, William Jackson Harper's portrayal of Mr. Campbell, Adam's father, injects nuance into the portrayal of a family grappling with strained dynamics and the fading glimmers of a bygone era. The ensemble cast's performances undeniably contribute to the film's authenticity. Brooklynn MacKinzie as Natalie Campbell, Adam's younger sister, brings a fresh perspective to the narrative, portraying the impact of the Vuvv's reign through the lens of childhood innocence. The Bad: Nonetheless, the film stumbles in pacing during its middle act, which feels drawn out and occasionally monotonous. The tension between Adam and Chloe reaches a boiling point, yet the narrative seems hesitant to fully delve into their emotional turmoil. This pacing issue dampens the impact of the conflict, diluting the intensity that should be driving the story forward. A pivotal aspect of Landscape with Invisible Hand is its exploration of the ethical quandaries that arise from the Vuvv's presence. The alien species' role as passive observers turned manipulative benefactors raises questions about autonomy, the price of progress, and the consequences of cultural exchange. The film teases these complex issues, yet the exploration remains somewhat surface-level, leaving audiences craving a deeper dissection of these themes. Overall: Landscape with Invisible Hand offers a compelling speculative narrative that draws parallels between alien occupation and the erosion of genuine human connection in a digital age. Cory Finley's direction, supported by standout performances from Asante Blackk and Tiffany Haddish, creates a visually arresting depiction of a world redefined by extraterrestrial influence. However, the film's pacing issues and occasional lack of depth in exploring its complex themes prevent it from reaching its full potential. Despite these shortcomings, it remains an intriguing cinematic experience that invites contemplation on the intersections of technology, capitalism, and love in an ever-changing world. With its strengths and weaknesses, Landscape with Invisible Hand is a hugely respectable effort that leaves audiences with much to ponder long after the credits roll. Read the full article

[whenmemorydies]

@espumado!!!! THANK YOU for writing this! Ever since I heard the opening music for 3x05 I've been meaning to look into The Night of the Hunter (where the song is from) because honestly it was so discordant from the music of the rest of the season!

The following threads have also remained loose for me at the end of season 3: the fact that Carmy still hasn't seen Nat and her baby while the fucking Faks have?! That Carmy seemed frozen at the end of 3x05 while looking through baby photos of him at his mother in that box labelled "DD". That Cicero had to tell Carmy to call his mother back about "the baby" during 3x09 because Carmy has been "fucking avoiding it" (whether this is avoiding speaking to his mother or visiting the baby and his sister, I'm not sure).

The Bear is a collaboration amongst many folks but chief among them is the one between Chris Storer and his sister, Courtney Storer. My understanding is both of them grew up with addiction and trauma in their family. It would make sense that the relationship between Carm and Natalie (as stand ins for Chris and Courtney) take a more prominent place as part of both of their stories of recovery.

Also using a horror story like The Night of the Hunter to parallel the reality of a traumatic childhood is honestly perfect. I've said here (in the replies) that I appreciate the physical honesty of horror - this is why. Because if we're being frank, A LOT of the human condition is horrific but it gets sanitised and made palatable in so much of our storytelling media. You don't have to make horror palatable - in fact if you did, you'd just be making a drama - and so you have the freedom to depict terror and fear as they genuinely feel. You also have the freedom to make trauma visible, in a world that so often insists on hiding it (this is particularly the case for domestic abuse and family violence - like that which Mikey, Carm and Nat would have experienced as children - which is so insidious precisely because it occurs behind closed doors).

I think there's too many loose ends after season 3 regarding Nat and the baby that need to be resolved. I suspect that while Nat is dealing with the very present reality of breaking cycles of intergenerational trauma with her newborn (recall Donna's implication in 3x08 that she was raised by an abusive mother also), Carmy is also being triggered to hell and back by the arrival of the baby. We don't know much about Carmy's experience of his childhood apart from what he told us during his monologue in 1x08...but Donna's description of his birth in 3x08 (particularly as compared to how she speaks of Nat's and Mikes') seem to indicate this kid may not have been as wanted as his older siblings...the implication being that he might have been made to have felt that way too.

Anyway all of this is to say, that I think you're onto something @espumado!! Thank you again for pulling out those parallels between the film and the Berzatto children. Oooo this is all very delcious.

NOTE: When I was reading about The Night of the Hunter, I read that it was originally commercially and critically panned but then later got its flowers and is now deemed one of the greatest films in American cinema. This reminded me of @thoughtfulchaos773's observations about Storer tanking season 3 on purpose in order to make bigger statements this season. The more meta I read and the more I rewatch season 3, I really do think its a bit of a masterwork. I guess time will tell whether others agree!

Tagging others who might be interested (but anyone feel free to jump in with thoughts): @currymanganese @ambeauty @ago0112 @moodyeucalyptus

Guys, you don't know what just happened to me!! I love soundtracks so I stopped to listen to The Bear's, i found the official FX playlist on Spotify and was listening to it when suddenly a podcast starts and I was like???? So i looked and it was about a horror film??? I, tring to understanding, went to the FX site to see the playlist and the episodes and saw that it was the song from the beginning of the ep5- Children (the lullaby) with our beloved Natalie💖...So what happened was that the music is from a horror film and instead of putting the soundtrack they put on this podcast!!! And I don't know if it was on purpose or just a mistake!!! (And all this reminded me of the people here who started a tag, I don't know who, about The Bear being a haunted/ghost story💀)

It's this scene, with this song:

And the Playlist has this podcast:

But i was like Nat why you have a horror movie song playing in your head??? And cause I'm curious, I went to find out more about the film, cause I didn't know the movie (horror isn't really my thing) and I discovered that: 

The Night of the Hunter is a 1955 American film noir thriller directed by Charles Laughton. Despite receiving negative reviews upon its original release, it has been positively re-evaluated in later decades and is now considered one of the greatest films ever made. “The movie is best known for Robert Mitchum's extraordinary performance as serial-killer-posing-as-priest Harry Powell, a menacing religious misogynist who marries widows for their money and kills them off in the name of the Lord. Having been jailed for stealing a car, he shares a cell with father-of-two Ben Harper, soon to be hanged for murder and the theft of $10,000. Before his arrest Harper hides the money in a rag doll belonging to his little daughter Pearl, making her and his 10-year-old son John swear never to tell where the money is hidden. The plot hinges on Powell's pursuit of the money and John's determination to protect his sister and escape from a psychopath whom others assume is virtuous. Hiding his past, Powell woos, then marries Harper's widow Willa (Shelley Winters). When she discovers his motives he murders her, and the children escape on a boat down the river. A tense chase ensues. The film exists in that cinematic no-man's-land of fairy tales for adults, is a children's fairytale – strange and idiosyncratic – but also a noir thriller, laced with the darkest elements of both genres: death, guilt, greed, poverty, cruelty, biblical references and a terrifying pursuit by the scariest of bogeymen. Laughton described it as "a nightmarish sort of Mother Goose tale". John, played superbly by the steely eyed Billy Chapin, is pivotal as the boy who is alone in perceiving Powell's true motives. In a tale of innocence and experience, he must quickly grow up in the most sinister of circumstances; he must resist adult hypocrisy and stupidity, and a new "father" who pretends to be loving, but is secretly abusive. Gripping in its narrative, the film is also frequently and darkly humorous.”

“Thinking of The Night of the Hunter in terms of its visual impact on other filmmakers, there’s a striking echo to be observed between its unseen presence in films by Scorsese, Spielberg, the Coens, even Ari Aster, and the influence of silent cinema on Laughton’s own filmmaking choices.”

“We can notice the importance of one particular scene: the escape of the children in a boat (they are running away from the killer). This scene, being so important, is also one of the most memorable of the entire film. The components that make it so memorable are: setting, lighting, framing, blocking and music. In the river sequence, the usual realistic environment of the film disappears, giving place to such an artificial setting that it seems that we are watching a whole new film.[...] Again, we feel that the children are safe again in the boat, as they run away from their hunter.

“The river symbolise safety – it is what separates (even temporarily) John and Pearl from Powell. In a way, it is a metaphor for the transformation of a past full of terror into a brighter future¹ with Rachel.”

About the music: “Composer Walter Schumann called the heavy four brass chords that often accompany Preacher a “‘pagan motif, consisting of clashing fifths in the lower register,’” which cede to the lullaby “Dream, Little One, Dream” with a shot of Gish. This celestial lullaby foreshadows her adoption of the children after they escape downriver. In the opening and river sequences especially, audio-visions juxtapose fantasy and reality, and good and evil, to propel the children to safety.[...] In these sequences, Laughton’s visual constructions and Schumann’s score establish abstract contours that take root in spectatorial memory. When the overture transitions from Preacher’s pagan motif to a tranquil lullaby, celestial sounds and Gish’s presence seem to safeguard the children from Preacher’s tyranny.[...] Schumann’s pagan motif, Miz Cooper’s lullaby, and the sounds of the children’s river journey mix realistic tropes and emotional flourishes in the manner of 1950s melodrama films, which especially employed music to articulate these opposing poles. For Peter Brooks, music punctuates the wordless gestures of the melodramatic “text of muteness”: its sweeping rhythmic motions render space and time tangible to imbue characters—especially muted victims—with emotional depth².[...] Analyzed through a motivic model that binds characters to themes, Hunter’s river lullabies foreshadow the children’s eventual safety with Miz Cooper even though maternal figures are not visible.”

So there is this important and well-known scene in the film when the song plays. When the kids are finaly safe in a boat on the river (the part of the song they use in the series starts at around 3:55):

So basically: there's a father who hid some money in the kid's toy (which reminded me of the money in the cans of tomatoes- KBL); an orphaned brother and sister; children looking for shelter; during the escape they are they feel safe in a boat on a river (when the lullaby plays) and in the end they are adopted and everything is fine.

I wanted to understand what this means for Nat, what it has to do with her. When the scene starts the song says "fear is just a dream…" then she thinks about her fears: her brother, mother and a mom's funeral (Marcus), then the song continues "so dream, little one, dream", like, it's not real, no need to fear it!

So…this is ep5 called Children, where: 1-Syd and Marcus take his mother's stuff out of the house and talk about their family 2-we find out that Ever is going to close (a funeral will happen) 3-Marcus and Nat talk about his mother and to start a new project to honor her while Nat is resting from pregnancy discomfort 4- it's the ep The Computer appears and Nat defends Marcus 5- there are the Faks, including John Cena, talking about their family and the hauntings 6- Syd and Uncle Jimmy talk and he says he wishes he had done more for the kids (she reminds him that he is there for them) and finally 7- Carmy goes to the basement and finds a box with photos of the family (Donna and Mike and himself too and a baby that could be Nat?!!!) then some riffs of the song Mixed Emotions by Rolling Stones start and it cuts to the credits with the lyrics right in the part: You're not the only one, You're not the only ship, Adrift on this ocean. And that's it! Just these lyrics and then just instrumentals. They cut the song to fit the scene and without any other part of the lyrics!!!

Carmy my man, Nat needs you! And she was the one who reminded him in the first season: "did you know i recently had a brother die too?" She's trying. She wants help, she already told him, "the thing that pisses me of is that you never ask her how i am doing!!!" but he can't ask her that "because he feels trapped, because he can't describe how he feels, so asking someone else how they're feeling seems crazy to him" (like, he literally told her that in S1). They need to talk, they need each other, they need family (a new one probably...the restaurant...uncle Jimmy too?? She talked with him about be a parent last season and he is always there for them, saving them). Nat managed to talk to her mother, even asked for help (it’s not a solution for everything, but it was a start)...but Carmy...there's still a long way to go, a next season thing. But I think it may be a thing they need to do together somehow, i dont know...

Nat is afraid of her past, motherhood and knows family is complicated, she is looking for a brighter future¹. She and Carmy (and Mike) are children of a abusive/alcoholic parent and live with the consequences of that (some people here have already talked better about the subject). So they are like the kids from the movie, who are muted victims—with emotional depth², in a complicated family, going throught the river until they reach a safer place with better people.

And also, last seasons they showed the "pyromaniac tendencies" of the Berzatto brothers, there were these references to setting the restaurant on fire as if that was the solution to their problems...and now in season 3 I thought that had been forgotten...instead, the ep1 already starts with (first a train, and then) a lake, which appears other times throughout the season... Copenhagen Carmy living in a boat on a river!!!, and all happy and safe, drawing on a bridge over a river!!!

We also had a scene with water being thrown on the kitchen countertop and "flooding" the space (with a song by Trent Reznor and Atticus for a war doc! that the director describes as profound, haunting, unsettling and deeply moving!!!) in a moment that the crew is cleaning the kitchen and everyone is tired and overwhelmed; there is Donna talking about the fish tank that breaks in a dream that takes place in a place she doesn't know that looks gray except for the tank (surreal, like a noir thriller maybe). These don't seem so safe, but they seem to be about the past, something to be overcome... And there's even a scene of Syd reflecting in front of a lake... Several water references...and I have no idea if that really means anything...or if i am going to deeper into this?😅

...but Nat, dear, are you okay?!...you feel like in a horror movie with your remaining brother seeking safety together somewhere or with someone, running away from a curse, a haunting in your family??? (in S1 Carmy talks about how she blames the restaurant, not her mother or Mike, she says the place sucks up all the work, money and time and all they get back is chaos and resentment) But seriously, someone help her!!!...and Carmy...She must have felt very lonely this season with Carmy like that...But I guess this all means that everything will be fine in the end, like in the movie!

Seriously, I couldn't come to a better conclusion about this but it left me curious and confused... And of course, it might mean nothing and just be an interesting song from an amazing movie that director Chris Storer likes because he likes great movies and that's all 🙃 But with all the movie references, great directors and hauntings...maybe I'm not so crazy😅 <<<I tell myself to feel better🫠

[tanjamikaelson]

LOVE FOR ETERNITY - PART 94

MASTERLIST

PART 94: | THIS IS THE PART WHEN YOU RUN, EXCEPT IF YOU’RE A MIKAELSON  |

It didn’t take long for Kol to get a call from Rebekah and when she told him that Elijah was killed he knew that his fun was over. He took a private plane and flew to New Orleans where the rest of the Mikaelson’s were.

As he walked into the courtyard he saw Rebekah who was waiting for him. When she heard him she turned towards him and rushed to hug him. After a moment she pulled away and saw an unfamiliar girl standing behind Kol.

  - “Who is she?” Rebekah asked him.

  - “Just a girl I turned.” Kol replies.

  - “So your new plaything.” Rebekah remarks, crossing her arms.

  - “I’m not a play thing and I have a name, you know.” Claire retorted.

  - Rebekah raises her eyebrow at her, “You sure know how to pick them.” she says to her brother, “But why did you bring her here, this is family business?”

Rebekah didn’t even know the girl, but she knew that she didn't like her.

  - “She goes everywhere with me.” Kol tells her.

  - “Natali isn’t going to be happy that you turned her.” Rebekah reminds him.

  - Kol smiles at her, “I know. Make up sex after a fight always does the trick.”

  - “Oh I see, that’s your brilliant plan.. you are just going to make her mad even more.” Rebekah says, “It’s not enough that you killed her family.”

  - “That was a thousand years ago, she should be over it by now.” Kol told her, and quickly changed the subject, “I hope that you didn't spend all your free time looking for me.”

  - “Actually I didn’t, I was with Eric.” Rebekah tells him.

  - Kol raises his eyebrow, “With Eric, huh?”

  - “You have something against it?” Rebekah asks.

  - “I don’t. I know he likes you.” Kol told her, “And I know that he knows that if he hurts you he’s a dead man.”

  - “I can take care of myself, Kol.” Rebekah told him.

  - “I know you can, little sister.” Kol says.

  - “Why are you so nice to me all of sudden?” Rebekah asks.

  - “You don’t want me to be nice?” Kol asks back.

  - “I’m just asking because you were so rude over the phone when I just wanted to know how you are.” Rebekah told him.

  - “Well, I told you I’m fine.” Kol brushes her off.

  - “Here we go again.” Rebekah remarks, “We both know that’s bullshit. You are trying to hide how you feel with girls and booze.”

  - “All right! Chitchat's over. Can we slaughter someone now?” Kol replies, not showing any emotions.

⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡

EARTH 2

After not feeling welcomed at the compound anymore Natali and Kai went back to a bar called “Happy hour”. It was empty now after the police were there to investigate. 

  - “In a parallel universe? How did we end up in a parallel universe?” Kai asked.

  - “I’m not sure, but it could be because we didn’t use real virgin blood, so the spell didn't work exactly how it should.” Natali explained.

  - “Well that makes sense.” Kai says, “I had a feeling something would go wrong.”

  - “Right, because you are such a smartass.” Natali remarks.

  - “Don’t blame it on me, you are the one who said that we can just purify blood.” Kai reminds her.

  - “It was the only way and you know that.” Natali tells him.

  - “Okay, what’s done, it's done.” Kai told her, “We are just lucky that we are alive.”

  - “And from here we can go back to our world.” Natali says.

  - “We don’t have power from the prison world.” Kai told her.

  - “We’ll figure something out.” Natali said and went to a bar to make them some drinks, “But for now let’s open this bar for business again, with a proper name,”

  - “I have a feeling Mikaelson’s aren’t going to like that.” Kai tells her.

  - “Enough with your feelings. I don’t care what they like.” Natali says and hands him a glass of bourbon, “And you know what else we can do?”

  - Kai smirks at her, “I’m all ears.”

  - “We can make some vampires, I can bet lives here are pretty boring without us.” Natali tells him. 

  - “I never turned anyone, so I’m down for that.” Kai told her.

  - “Really? Never?” Natali asks.

  - “Well it’s not like I had enough time to do that.” Kai said.

  - “Well then, we’re going to have so much fun.” Natali tells him and raises her glass so they can click glasses.

⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡

EARTH 1

Rebekah and Kol walked into a room where Klaus and Freya were standing besides Elijah’s  dead body. 

  - “So how did this happen, did Marcel bite him?” Kol asked.

  - “You didn’t tell him?” Freya questioned Rebekah.

  - “She didn’t tell me anything, so speak up.” Kol says.

  - “Well first of all you are probably wondering why we are in New Orleans..” Klaus spoke, “Vincent called Freya to tell her that three in a new enemy in play and that Marcel is missing..”

  - Kol cuts him off, “So you came here to help find the one thing that can kill us?”

  - “Kol, there’s more to the story.” Rebekah tells him.

  - “Fine, I’m listening.” Kol said.

  - “New Orleans witches made a lethal thorn that can kill us, Freya thinks that it was made from his blood.” Rebekah told him, “He didn’t finish the job so they are doing it instead.”

  - Klaus looked towards his brother, “One scratch from the rosebush is lethal to us. Freya has tracked down the eight that remain, including the main plant. Here, in the Ninth Ward.”

  - “So we have to burn them all and murder the witches.” Rebekah says.

  - “Right, what could possibly go wrong?” Kol says sarcastically.

⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡

  - “Like stealing candy from babies.” Rebekah says as she was throwing pieces of wood into the fireplace.

  - Kol pulls a chair to sit in front of a man, “Yes, but I'm not finished with this one.” 

  - Klaus sighed in frustration, “Well, hurry up. We still have more ground to cover.”

  - “What is the point of interrogation? We know their motives. New Orleans witches despise our family. They always have.” Rebekah pointed out as Klaus lit a match to start a fire.

  - “Because you are beasts.” The man started, “Evil atrocities against Nature. Your kind has ruined this city.”

  - Kol grabbed him by the chin, “Yes. I'm the worst of the worst. So tell me, who’s going to save you from me?” he taunted, letting go of a man who simply laughed.

  - “Go ahead, kill me. My life ends for a greater cause than you can ever fathom. The Hollow has risen. Nothing can stop her. Not you, not even the Ancestors, despite what they might claim.” His words caught their attention.

 - Klaus throws a piece of wood right through his chest, “I thought he'd never shut up.”

⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡

  - “You shouldn’t have killed that guy before we found out more about the Hollow.” Rebekah says as the three of them walk into the next location with the dreaded thorns.

  - “He wouldn't have revealed anything to us anyway.” Klaus tells her, “But my guesses are she’s the one who gave them the idea to make leithal thorns.”

  - “You’re right.” They all hear a familiar voice coming from another room.

  - “Marcel?” Rebekah asked worriedly.

  - “What are you doing here, Marcel?” Klaus asked.

  - “I woke up here a few minutes ago.” Marcel replies, “Witches used my blood to make thorns that can kill you, and I know why they killed Elijah, they needed a large enough sacrifice to bring Hollow back.”

  - “So they just let you go?” Kol asked.

  - “It’s not like they need me for something else and he can’t kill me.” Marcel replied.

  - “Well they could’ve used you like bait.” Kol suggested, then he looked at Rebekah and Klaus, “It’s best for us if we go somewhere where we’re safe.”

  - “And leave other thorns to the witches so they can use them against us?” Rebekah questioned.

  - “If you want, feel free to continue, but I’m leaving.” Kol says and runs away.

⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡

MASTERLIST

Tags: @mikaelsonsmagic   @p3nny4urth0ught5   @cute-freak27   @ias-born  @superhalsteads  @characterobsessed   @hinata7346   @luiza-4-ever  @huntress1428

[markinganx]

I am literally unable to express how very much this chapter hurt me and healed me. I was TERRIFIED for Baby’s reaction to Mikey- AND FOR GOOD REASON!

Im hiding spoilers

The line where Baby hints at almost resenting Carmy for not being around whilst she watched Mikey deteriorate from the inside out??? So hurtful. The fact that this same line is then paralleled with the realization that she did the SAME THING TO NAT?!?! Like genuinely, Natalie deserves the world and I want nothing more than for her to be able to heal and just- AHHHHHH!

Carmy staring at Baby for the first time since the Feast of FishesTM and immediately spotting the scars- ouch. Baby thinking that Carmy doesn’t want her around the Bear and immediately prepping to annoy the fuck out of him? Outstanding, showstopper, icon. It’s what he deserves after all his self sabotage- time for him to be Baby Sabotaged!

I now have ONE new fear regarding this fic and that is when Richie finds out about what happened to Baby- because the idea of him losing Mikey, his wife, everything that gave him a sense of normalcy, and then finding out that one of the girls he considered a sister almost died and he never even knew??? Just, I know that that would add a WHOLE other layer to Forks and his development within the episode. He is seeking purpose and I can only imagine finding out about Baby only adds to that persistent search. Baby lost her purpose, Mikey lost his purpose- Richie can’t lose his.

ALL IN ALL HOW DARE YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS EVEN THOUGH I KNEW JT WAS COMING

chapter four | to burden natalie berzatto

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣ |

pairing: platonic!natalie berzatto x f!reader | slight carmen berzatto x f!reader | slight the bear crew x f!reader | male!oc x f!reader |

summary: your lack of competent decision-making after mikey’s death puts natalie in a compromisng position.

warning(s): substance abuse | overdose | grief | self-sabotage | angst | humor as coping mechanism | one mention of ativan | unintentional self-harm | blood | hospitals | scars | mention of treatment centers | rehab | recovery | thoughts of relapsing | appreciation of natalie berzatto | avoidance of grief | selfishness | memory loss | unhealthy grieving mechanisms | PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANYTHING!

wc: 8.1k

please remeber you are responsible for your own media consumption. if any warnings trigger you DO NOT READ!

The smooth music filtered out of the record player, a rich voice singing through the house painting the atmosphere with a calm vibe. The two occupants were gathered in the living room, sifting through the last of the boxes that contained small decorations and keepsakes. Discussing what would look best where and what should have been left behind in the move.

You looked over your shoulder to check on Nat, her sudden silence cause for concern. Circling over to her you realized what had stolen the words from her lips. You maneuvered to stand behind her, looking over her shoulder at the framed photo in her hands, the two of you silently reminiscing.

You placed your head on her shoulder as she let out a quiet sniffle, her emotions heightened due to her condition. “You looked so beautiful that night,” you let out a quiet laugh before moving to stand next to Nat, eyes still focused on the framed Polaroid in her grip.

It had been a year and it still wasn’t easy to look at any pictures of Mikey without feeling like your chest would cave in. You hadn’t seen this particular picture since his passing, the grief too much, all memories painting your west coast apartment shoved into a nondescript box.

You understood now why it was so important to label your boxes when moving. If the box in front of Nat had some type of label on it, you knew for sure it already would’ve been shoved into the dark recesses of your closet.

“You can just put that one back in the box,” you left Nat’s side to continue going through your box, pulling out the book designated to sit on your coffee table.

Natalie watched you from her side of the living room, a small scowl painting her face as she watched you so easily disregard a memory that had once been so special to you. She looked back down at the picture, your bright smile staring back at her as Mikey and Richie leaned in to kiss your cheeks. A fond memory of the three of you the night of your senior prom.

Looking back at you one last time Nat let out a sigh before walking over to the mantle and setting it on the corner, visible for everyone to see. She understood how much Mikey’s death affected you, but there was no way you could heal from the hurt if you never allowed yourself to live in the uncomfortability of grief. It was something you had to want for yourself.

Nat had half the mind to keep digging through the box, eyes catching on another memory. Not wanting to sour the first night in your new home, she replaced the cover, doing her best to act as though she wasn’t curious about the box of memories.

The doorbell rang as you were looking for a place for the picture of you and your mom at your college graduation. Carefully sitting it on your coffee table you made your way to the door making sure to grab your wallet on the way. You opened the door to see the pizza delivery person standing there, giving them the money and a tip before thanking them.

“Oh that smells delicious,” you laughed as Nat followed behind you to your decent-sized kitchen. The two of you grab plates and a slice of pizza before heading to your couch.

Setting your plate on the coffee table, you left to quickly grab two wine glasses and the sparkling cider Natalie and Pete bought you as a housewarming gift. Stopping to grab a bottle of water from the fridge for Nat just in case the cider upset her stomach before taking your seat on the plush couch.

“I’m happy you’re home Baby.” Your eyes met Nat’s before you moved to pour yourself a healthy amount of sparkling cider, ignoring Nat’s laugh at the full glass in your hands. You raise your glass in a mock toast, at least one of you was happy that you were back.

“I guess it's good to be back. Nice to be around people that care about me,” the grateful smile sent Nat’s way as a form of thank you.

Natalie deserved more than a pathetic smile and both of you knew it.

You had been relatively alright after Mikey’s death, which came as a surprise to everyone. Your impromptu stay in Chicago after the funeral was a way for you to keep an eye on Natalie and Donna, occasionally helping Richie at The Beef when you could.

But you had to return to your own life eventually, and when you did shit spiraled out of control for you.

People always drone on and on about the five stages of grief and how it affects everyone differently, and you never thought that statement to be more true than when you stepped foot in your apartment upon your return from Chicago. Grief is supposed to come and go, you were doing everything that everyone was telling you to do. Following all the steps, checking all the boxes. Forcing yourself to try and heal, to feel your emotions as much as you would allow yourself to.

But at the end of the day, it was just you, an apartment full of memories, a voicemail you were too scared to ever listen to, and the shadow of your grief following behind you.

You experienced all the denial, anger, bargaining, and depression and you waited and hoped for the acceptance to come. But all that ever came was the cycle of grief replaying in your life like a bad dream.

You had thrown yourself into your work, anything to forget about the pain Mikey’s ghost left behind. And when your psychiatrist recommended a prescription to aid with your anxiety, you accepted. Anything to escape the shadow of a man you once knew appearing in your apartment on late nights.

But then the prescription wasn’t enough, and the alcohol you once used to numb everything had lost its edge, your days just turned into functioning as best you could. And then there were times you couldn’t even remember the previous day, the last five minutes, falling asleep on the couch.

You had become dependent; dependent on the alcohol and the drugs, and the way they made things all better for a short time.

And then you had woken up in the hospital one day, with no memories of how you got there, no care for what happened to you.

The figure in the chair next to you helped you to escape the fog in your brain. The woman you had known your whole life looking down at you with a tear-stained face, her hand tightly clutched around yours, her presence all the more confusing.

The silence in the room was too loud for you as you just watched the blonde, the lack of emotion on your face breaking the woman down even more. When the doctor came in to explain what happened it shocked you. Not because of the severity of the situation, but because you couldn’t remember a thing.

The theory was that you had been mixing prescription drugs and alcohol for some time, a truth you already knew and were purposely partaking in.

You were at your apartment after work winding down from the long day, pregaming for a night out with your co-workers. The Ativan you had taken earlier at work already put you at ease. You were trying to get to your patio for some reason but had trouble with the sliding glass door.

Too inebriated to unlock it you had essentially thrown yourself against the glass until it finally gave way to the weight of your body and you ended up face down covered in glass and the pool of your blood.

Not fazed by your injuries you collected yourself, glass and all. Grabbing your keys from the counter leaving to whatever destination you had in mind. Somewhere between removing yourself from the mess of your ruined sliding door and stumbling out into the hallway, you swallowed two more pills.

According to the reports, a neighbor found the mess of your body in the hallway, making it a mere few inches from your door before your body succumbed to the deadly cocktail swirling inside you.

In October of 2022, 8 months after Michael’s death; you would overdose.

You were broken from the haze of memories as you felt a dip in the couch. Natalie came to sit right next to you head resting on your shoulder, you gently laid your head on top of hers. You owed Nat your life.

A quiet sniffle left you, losing the battle to keep your emotions under wraps. “You’ve done so much for me Sug, and I…I’m sorry if I haven’t shown you enough appreciation.” You felt Nat’s arms wrap around you, squeezing you into a side hug as the two of you sat in each other’s presence.

It was no secret that without Natalie and Pete, you might not have been experiencing this moment. You for sure wouldn’t have gotten your shit together if you were still all alone on the West Coast. Nat had gone out of her way to find the best treatment facility on the East Coast for you, it had been decided that you would make the move back to Chicago when you were released.

So while you were away facing the consequences of the darkest moments of your life. Nat was at home picking up the pieces of your life while also trying to keep hers intact, not that you realized or cared back then.

Nat and Pete sold the family home that was still in your mom's name, nobody needed to ask to know that it wasn’t healthy for you to live in or across the street from a museum of memories. The couple got you a good deal on a quaint home not too far from them, the leftover money put towards the rest of your savings.

Natalie Berzatto, a miracle worker in your eyes had somehow pulled strings to get you an interview with the Tribune. So yeah, you owed Nat a lot more than placating smiles and cheap pizza.

“Are you sure you’re ready for tomorrow?” You shifted positions at Nat’s question, the two of you now sitting criss-cross applesauce, facing each other on the couch. You gave a small nod, fingers playing with your fuzzy socks.

“I don’t have much of a choice,” you let out a small laugh. “I can’t expect you and Pete to babysit me forever.” You smiled up at Natalie, the prospect of writing again caused a sense of excitement to stir within you. It felt like the only thing you had left, the only thing you were still good at. Although you had almost completely fucked up your life, you still had your writing, and that was a start.

“Maybe we can meet up for lunch after?” You didn’t want to celebrate too soon, you hadn’t even got a job yet, but the idea of a lunch date with Nat sounded like the best form of indulgence you had allowed yourself in a while.

The night continued with the two of you talking, Sugar doing her best to catch you up on all that you missed sans any mention of a certain blue-eyed baby brother she had. As the night began winding down the two of you cleaned up the mess of your dinner, before you sent Nat on her way with promises to fill her in after your interview tomorrow.

Making sure your kitchen was cleaned to your liking, you made your way into your room to begin settling in for the night. A knit crew neck you had meant to return to its rightful owner once upon a time, becoming the basis of your pajamas after a relaxing shower.

Settling into bed you couldn’t help but lie awake, mind racing with all the different scenarios that could play out tomorrow. This was your first night alone in your new home and the reality of just how alone you were slowly began to sink in. You knew Nat would always be there for you if need be, but she had her own life to live, the beginnings of a family in her near future.

All you had at that moment were your racing thoughts and the regrets of a life you had almost ended too soon.

You sat in the lobby of the Tribune leg bouncing nervously as you waited for your meeting with the editor-in-chief, resume, and copies of your work sitting snugly in your tote bag. You knew Natalie had already sent over your information, but your nerves forced you to believe that being over-prepared would be necessary.

The sound of the receptionist calling your name caught your attention. She was standing a little ways away from you waiting for you to follow her, you gave a nervous smile before rising from your seat and following the rhythmic click-clack of her heels down the hall. As you watched her walk in front of you, you thought you may have been a little underdressed in your casual street clothes, but you forced yourself to push your thoughts aside. They’d be judging you for your backlog of work, not your choice of attire.

The receptionist lead you to a corner office, the frosted glass of the exterior providing a sense of privacy. Ushering you into the empty room she let you know that the editor you’d be meeting with would join you shortly. You sent her a small thanks before walking into the room, eyes catching on the minimalistic decorations scattered around the office.

Your feet lead you to the wall of windows situated behind the desk, the view reminding you of an office you had occupied so many months ago. You looked out over the Chicago skyline, it still felt so surreal to be back in this city.

The face staring back at you something you were still learning how to get used to. The scars that decorated the right side of your face were healing up nicely considering how deep some of the glass had gone.

You jumped at the sound of the door closing, someone entered so swiftly you hadn’t even heard them, or maybe you were just too wrapped up in memories of a past life. You hurriedly turned from the window not wanting to seem rude, the man who had entered the room caught your eye before gesturing for you to take a seat at one of the two chairs in front of his desk.

You felt a little less concerned about your fashion choice as your eyes followed his Levi-clad legs as he settled into the chair behind his desk. You could feel your nerves returning, not knowing what to expect from this interview. In the most humble sense you had forgotten what being interviewed felt like, not having to go through the process since getting your first big journalist job straight out of college.

“Nervous?” Your leg stopped bouncing as the man’s voice met your ears, a shy smile curving your lips.

“Here I thought I was being subtle,” you tried to joke hoping to relax yourself a bit. The responding chuckle helped somewhat, so far the man sitting in front of you didn’t seem like too much of a stickler.

“Never thought I’d see the day you were nervous in front of me Baby,” you tried to control the look of disgust you felt begging to paint your features. You were grateful for Nat’s help but you were sure this was a mistake.

“I’m sure HR has their hands full with you.” You mumbled, the roll of your eyes showcasing your irritation. “Thank you for the opportunity sir, but I don’t think this is a good fit for me.” You reached out to the chair next to you where you had sat your tote bag wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible.

“No wait,” the sound of the rolling chair moving rapidly caused you to stop, seconds away from rising from your chair. You turned your attention to the figure in front of you eyebrows pinched together.

“It's me, Hayden,” your brows furrowed even more, your mind searching your memory for that name. “I…uh, I took you to senior prom. We met in our creative writing class that same year.”

You felt your eyes widen as your mouth formed the shape of an ‘o’, eyes darting to the pristine nameplate facing you on the desk. The name ‘Hayden Ivanovski’ staring directly back at you.

“No fucking way.” The whisper traveled easily through the silent office, Hayden’s echoing chuckle caused you to let out a small one of your own. “I’m sorry, it's just nobody but close friends and family even call me that anymore. And, I really wasn’t expecting to see you.”

You watched as he nodded, you could see it now. The boy you once knew in the maturity of his face, hadn’t changed much but it was enough that you wouldn’t easily recognize him if he passed you on the street.

“Uh, the porn stache sure is a uh choice,” your hand raised to gesture to your upper lip, you couldn’t help the smile curving your lips.

Hayden laughed head dropping as he resumed his seated position. “Divorce makes you do crazy things,” your smile faltered, you hadn’t meant the quip as an invitation to discuss any personal grievances. “No need to look so sad, it was mutual.” He shrugged the topic off like he hadn’t given it a second thought in a long while.

You nodded your head distractedly, “Enough about my failed marriage, how have you been?” You gave him a small smile, mind going blank as you thought of the best route to take this conversation.

“I uh, almost died five months ago,” the laugh ripped from Hayden’s chest, the last thing you were expecting to hear. You watched as he found your eyes, his smile disappearing as he took in the harrowing look on your face.

“You-you’re not serious are you?” The question almost caused you to laugh.

“As serious as my overdose was,” you watched as Hayden shifted in his seat, the air easily became uncomfortable. “Sorry coping mechanism.” You laughed the topic off, you had assumed Nat told him when she booked you this interview.

“So um, when does the interview start,” your leg began bouncing up and down again, the nervousness returning. If you hadn’t already made a bad impression you were sure exposing your less-than-stellar life choices definitely lost you the job.

“Nat didn’t tell you?” You stopped your brows from pinching together, the constant frowning sometimes the tiny scar between your eyebrows. “I don’t need to interview you, you’re an amazing journalist. I hired you the second Nat told me you were moving back. That is if you want to work here.”

“You’re not just hiring me because we went to prom together, or as a favor to Natalie are you?” Nat had helped you to get your foot in the door, you had wanted to secure the job because of your merit.

You watched as Hayden quickly shook his head, “While it is nice to reconnect with you, we need some experience in our newsroom. I know before your uh… incident you were working as a travel journalist, and the pay here wouldn’t be the same. But you’d still have full control over the stories you write, although you might not write as often as you’re used to.” You nodded along listening to his explanation. The fact that this was happening failed to resonate with you.

“So, the position of Managing Editor is yours if you want it.” Hayden sent you a small smile awaiting your response, he did his best not to focus too long on your scars as he stared in your direction.

“As long as I can write and edit then I will happily work for you,” the large grin spreading across your lips stretched the small scar stitched into your upper lip.

The smile on Hayden’s lips matched yours as he walked around the desk to shake your hand. The two of you sat there going over the expectations that your new role required, Hayden explaining the environment he tried to uphold at the paper.

You finished the meeting off with a tour of the floor the Tribune occupied, the one you’d mostly be working on. The two of you caught up a little as he input you into the system and created your badge so you could easily come and go as you pleased. You learned that he married Marlene Buchanan, a girl you went to high school with. The ink of their divorce still drying after only being finalized two months ago.

He invited you out to lunch but you had to rain check explaining the plans you made with Natalie promising the two of you would work something out in the future. He walked out with you, the two of you parting ways once you left the lobby.

You stood on the sidewalk taking in the crisp Chicago air. Your life was finally starting to feel like your own again, and even though you had only secured a job, the inevitable weight of doom that followed you was beginning to feel a little lighter.

Natalie was pacing in the office quickly moving to close the door as the chaos sounding through the building caused a headache to form. She knew Cicero would be there in the next hour, and that the money problem was their biggest issue in getting the new restaurant up and running.

The urge to call you was immediate after speaking with Cicero. Nat knew how much you cared about this place, and regardless of what anyone else thought she wanted you to have a say in any decision they made now that you were permanently back in Chicago. And she’d be lying if she said the reserved funds that came with you weren’t also a reason to invite you to this meeting.

Shouts could be heard through the door as she finally made her mind up, you two had plans for lunch anyways so you could just meet her and the two of you would leave together. Any excuse Nat could think up to call you would help her.

Sighing she scrolled through her contacts before forcing herself to press on your name and just call you. She listened as the phone rang, part of her hoping you didn’t answer her call, the hope immediately dying as your voice sang through the speaker.

“Nat, hey! I was just about to call you,” She smiled at the light tone in your voice, a tone she hadn’t heard in quite some time. “We still on for lunch?” The question caused her to take a deep breath, it was now or never she either asked you or she didn’t.

“Yeah of course. Uhh but would you mind meeting me at The Beef?” She was hoping the question came across as nonchalant, she called out your name as the line went quiet, sure you had hung up on her.

“Nat, I’m not sure I’m ready for that,” the apprehension in your voice made her feel guilty for even asking you in the first place.

“Listen, Baby, I know how you feel but we’re making a big decision today and I feel like you deserve to have your input heard,” she waited for a minute before continuing. “If it triggers you we can leave immediately, no questions asked okay? I just…this might be good for you.” She bit her lip as she waited for your response, she would be okay with whatever you decided but at least she had put the opportunity out there.

“I think I can be there in 45 minutes,” the tired sigh that escaped your lips matched the way Nat was feeling.

“Thank you, Baby.” She listened as you said your goodbyes before hanging up the phone, Nat was sure if she didn’t already have morning sickness she would’ve thrown up from that phone call alone.

It was exactly as you remembered it. Not that you had expected the exterior to change in the year since you’d been there. Although not physically changed things felt different, it no longer felt nostalgic as you stood there looking at the newspaper-covered windows. You could feel the anxiety eating away at you, the sick part deep inside of you wishing you had something to numb your feelings.

You could hear the faint sound of an alarm blaring with how close you were standing, the sound helping you to focus on the things you could control. You hadn’t come all this way just to look at the old building’s facade, and part of you didn’t think you could take disappointing Natalie by walking away. Nat wouldn’t have been disappointed in you though, but since your accident, you were scared to ever see that look in her eyes again.

The deep breath of fresh air filling your lungs helped to cool you down a bit. The pairing of your puffer jacket and scarf felt a bit suffocating.

In through your nose out through your mouth, a few more deep breaths were all you allowed yourself before forcing your hand to grip the door handle and step foot into a building that might haunt you for a lifetime.

The constant screeching of the alarm was so loud it made you glad that it drowned out the sound of the bell ringing above the door. Your eyes traveled around the restaurant, it was the same but it wasn’t. Little things missing telling you that some type of work was being done.

“As I live and fucking breathe!” The loud voice you would recognize anywhere drawing your attention to the dining area, Richie’s large figure taking up the doorway.

You shared a small smile with him. Subtly adjusting your scarf to cover the most noticeable scar lining your face, you watched as the older man took steps to close the distance between the two of you. The tall man quickly pulled you into a tight hug.

You hadn’t realized how much you needed a hug from Richie until you were snuggly pressed against his chest, the warmth of his body helping to relax you. The unconscious thought crossed your mind that you might have never experienced one of these hugs again if you hadn’t made it to the hospital in time.

The love Richie was pouring into the hug caused your eyes to water, Mikey’s passing bonding the two of you, the loss of someone you both loved so much bringing the two of you impossibly closer. But not close enough for him to know the path you had taken after. And not close enough for you to want to burden him with being just another addict in his life.

He pressed a gentle kiss to your head before pulling away, the annoying alarm still blaring at full volume. You stepped back to give him space, “You been fucking around in the crawl space Richie?” The question paired with your signature grin as Richie let loose his boisterous laugh.

“Of course, you’d fucking know about the alarm.” Richie’s disgruntled mumbling met your ears.

“Hey, Richie, could you please turn that goddamn motherfuckin thing off?” The voice of Cicero filtered through your ears. “It’s making me insane!”

“My bad Uncle J, Baby just walked through the door and shit like a ghost. Fucking Mikey booby trapping crawl spaces and shit.” He poked his head back into the dining room to let the occupants know he somewhat had the situation under control.

“Mikey’s fuckin Kevin McCalliper-,” The responses correcting Richie caused you to let out a small giggle, the noise bringing a smile to Richie’s lips.

You continued standing with Richie as he spoke to somebody on the phone, the long one-word password he gave made you chuckle. Pretending you knew how to help Richie was an excuse to not join the conversation going on in the back for a while.

While the blaring alarm was causing your ears to ring, the loud noise was a buffer between your impending thought and the inevitability of being back in this restaurant. The sudden quiet was the only sign that you would have to face a now unavoidable situation.

“Here lemme take that,” Richie reached out expecting you to give him your scarf and jacket. You hesitated, your wardrobe feeling like a sense of armor for the time being.

“Uh, I’m actually pretty cold. Thanks, Rich.” Your hand shot out to pat his bicep, head jerking in the direction the voices were coming from. “Sugar in there?” You didn’t need Richie to reply to know the answer.

You followed Richie’s lead as he headed to the back, taking a deep breath to still your nerves, not all too sure what you were getting yourself into. You watched as Richie pulled up a chair next to Cicero for you, taking your tote bag out of your hands as he gestured for you to sit. You smiled politely, giving him a small nod as you moved further into the room.

Three out of four familiar faces stared back at you, the look on Nat’s face indicating how much it meant for her that you showed up.

“What is this an intervention?” You made the joke as a way to cut the tension that had filled the room, the silence felt even louder as Nat said your name in a reprimanding tone, the joke not being funny to her one bit. You shrugged before moving to sit in your designated chair, shooting a small smile to the dark-skinned woman who was eyeing you from across the table. Your eyes easily avoided the blue ones you knew too well.

You listened as Nat cleared her throat, all attention focused on her. “So uh, I invited Baby here because I think she deserves to be a part of this decision.” Four eyes flashed to you as you awkwardly adjusted in your seat. “And, um she has a decent savings account.”

A snort left your lips at Natalie’s rushed words, her ulterior motives for inviting you here reminding you a bit of her mischievous brown-eyed older brother.

“Sorry uh, big fan of your work. But uh, how do you play into all this.” Your eyes drifted to the unknown woman, a smile played at your lips, a feeling of shyness sweeping across you at the fact that she had any idea who you were.

“Family friend.”

“Old acquaintance.”

The three other people at the table looked between you and Carmy, eyes darting back and forth at both of your explanations. You couldn’t help the cackle you let out, missing the look of panic shooting through Natalie’s eyes. You couldn’t recall a time you would ever describe your relationship with Carmen Berzatto as an acquaintanceship.

“Baby is a close family friend,” Nat interjected before any other response could be given. “A friend we should be thankful for even considering investing in the restaurant.”

Your eyes finally found Carmy’s having a hard time taming the smile threatening to spread across your lips. The false confidence you were exuding helped you not overthink the situation you were in.

The conversation picked back up where it had left off after you entered. You sank into your seat shoving your hands into your jacket and tucking your chin into your scarf as you did your best to pay attention. You couldn’t help but let your eyes travel across the mostly empty dining room, memories of a life that no longer felt like your own clawing to overtake your senses.

Up and down, up and down. The tick you gained while in recovery helped you to remain in the present your leg working overtime as it bounced to keep you focused.

The voices talking around you are drowned out by your wandering thoughts. Thoughts that had you re-evaluating your relationship with Natalie.

It was no secret that you had become a selfish person after Mikey’s death, every decision you made was to benefit you, and if someone else somehow benefited from it then good for them.

That was the reason you stayed in Chicago so long after the funeral, telling yourself that the remaining Berzattos needed you, that you were staying to make sure they made it out of the deep end alive.

But that was a lie, you stayed because you were too afraid to face your own emotions, afraid to face your grief head-on. Even now you could say you stayed behind to ensure Donna and Sugar were okay, but deep down you knew that you stayed because you didn’t want to be alone.

You helped Richie at The Beef because he needed you, needed to know he wasn’t alone. In all actuality, it was you who needed them, you who had become dependent on people grieving just as much as you.

The same could be said about your substance abuse after returning to your reality. The idea of never being able to talk to Mikey, see Mikey, or hold Mikey was all just an excuse you used to justify your indulgences.

You constantly told yourself that it wouldn’t be fair to burden Sugar or Richie with your hurting, that they didn’t need to babysit you while trying to heal themselves. That when your memory became spotty and you missed more than one of Sugar’s calls, it was because she didn’t need to put up with you and your problems.

And then unintentionally or not, you became Natalie’s problem. Not even letting her brother’s grave grow cold before you forced her to face the idea of losing another person she spent her whole life loving.

You pleaded with the universe for Nat to wipe her hands of you. To let you waste your life away and rot like you were starting to. To turn her back on you, because how could you so easily fall into the same vice as Mikey knowing how much it affected him; knowing how much it affected the people who cared for him.

How dare you pretend as though no one would give a shit if they had to bury you mere months after putting Michael to rest. How fucking dare you be so selfish.

There were nights in bed where you’d lay awake questioning your intentions. Had you purposely thrown your life away because you knew Natalie would come to your rescue? Did you somehow manipulate Natalie’s good nature into digging you out of a hole you were so far gone in you couldn’t bring yourself back from?

You always got on Natalie about putting herself first, and how she needed to stop stretching herself so thin for everyone else. And then you went and almost fucking died, and you forced her to take on a role she had been playing her whole life.

You had willingly ruined your life and forced Natalie to face the consequences.

If there was one thing you learned in your recovery, it was that getting clean, staying clean, and becoming a healthier better version of yourself should never be done for someone else. You had to want it for yourself, but damn if seeing Natalie’s face didn’t push you to get your shit together you weren’t sure what did.

“500,” you weren’t sure where the confidence to speak up came from, not even entirely sure what the balance in your savings account even was. Your unfocused eyes now staring directly into Natalies. “That’s my offer.” You quickly glanced around at everyone else unsure as to what they were even talking about but needing to put your stake into the game.

“Like $500..or,” your attention turned to the other woman, her voice trailing off indicating that she indeed was asking a question.

A chuckle parted your lips as you shook your head. “No, I mean 500K.” You made sure to look at each person across from you individually, instilling how serious your offer was.

“Bullshit.” The sound of Carmy’s voice startled you, sure he had been speaking this whole time but it's not like you were paying that much attention.

You scoffed, eyes rolling in tandem with the sound. “I thought you needed money Carmen,” the name slipped through clenched teeth. You turned to face Nat. Your final numbers would be decided between the two of you, “Nat?”

“100.”

“450.”

“120.”

“375.”

“200,” you hesitated for a minute. The triumphant smile on Natalie’s lips caused your eyes to narrow.

“250, or I walk.” You leaned forward hands moving to lay flat atop the table, a small smirk played on your lips. Your leverage was total shit and Nat knew that there was no way you’d walk away from this project.

“Deal.” The smile on your lips faltered as you faced Carmy again, his annoying crystal blue eyes staring daggers into you.

Clearing your throat you slumped back in your seat, hands moving back to hide inside your pockets. The meeting finished on a good note without a hitch, with the restaurant gaining an extra 250K to put toward inevitable expenses.

You quickly stood from your seat moving to escape any awkward reunion that may have sprouted between you and Carmy. The interest in meeting Carmy’s partner was pushed to the back burner as you made your way through the restaurant, looking for the one other person you wanted to speak with at the moment.

Maneuvering through the kitchen you found Tina not too far from what you remembered to be her usual station. You leaned against the wall watching her work, the effort she was putting into saving burnt and rusted pots bringing a small smile to your face. You shrugged off your jacket and slipped the scarf from around your neck.

“Need some help?” The hesitation in your voice was evident. You weren’t sure where you stood with Tina, you knew how she felt about Mikey and how much his choices affected her. The thought of relaying the past few months to her was too much for you to think about at this moment, you had time, and when you were ready you would confide in her. But for now, there was no point in ruining a much-needed reunion.

You watched as Tina jolted, not prepared to hear your voice. “Ay, dios mío!” Tina turned to you hand raised above her heart, eyes wide. “Why the fuck are you sneaking around the kitchen.” You listened to the older woman’s voice scold you before making your way in her direction.

Not giving her another second before throwing your arms around her, you probably should’ve made sure it was okay, but there was nothing like a mother’s endearing hug to let you know that everything would eventually be okay.

The two of you stood in each other’s embrace in the middle of the kitchen. Neither of you said a word as your quiet sobs began to echo off the walls. You were crying for Mikey, and for yourself, and for all the lives the both of you had ruined, whether they knew it or not.

You were apprehensive to step foot back in this establishment so soon. But it had easily shown you all the things your life would have missed out on had you not allowed Natalie to get you the help you needed.

Carmy’s head perked up as he noticed you exit the kitchen with Tina. His irritation began to rise as he laid eyes on you, Sugar had blindsided him with your arrival. He hadn’t even known you moved back to Chicago, let alone that you had any interest in getting The Bear up and running.

You looked different. His eyes immediately caught the obvious scar tracing along your jaw. The tip of it started a few centimeters below your chin before meeting your jawline and finding its end just before your ear. It was a gnarly scar and he knew for sure the amount of stitches you needed must have been painful.

Carmy was also sure you didn’t have that scar a year ago, nor the smaller one that was carved into your upper lip. He would’ve taken notice, you can’t spend 48 hours with someone and not be able to recall all the puzzle pieces that were specially made to create them.

He watched the two of you approach the group at the counter, you hanging a little farther back than probably necessary, pretending to occupy yourself with the bare walls. Carmy might’ve smiled at your awkwardness if he wasn’t so confused by your presence.

A distracted farewell to Tina left his lips as he tried not to be so obvious in his study of you. His eyes refused to meet Sugar’s as he could feel her watching him, watching you.

Sydney’s return gained his full attention, forcing himself to focus on something else other than his thoughts that were racing and full of you. The clearing of your throat as you finally made your way to stand next to Sug had all six sets of eyes focusing on you.

You didn’t just look different. From the very few interactions the two of you shared and Carmy’s constant people-watching, you seemed like an altogether new person, the confidence and surety he was used to seeing in you was dull.

“I don’t mean to impose, but I was kind of hoping I could take on a more involved role in all of this?” Carmy’s eyes squinted as your hand raised in a flourish to signify you were talking about the restaurant.

You were met with silence. Carmy was too distracted by being in your presence after a drought without you, and Sydney still hadn’t even been truly introduced to you.

“Shit, sorry.” Your hand shot out to shake the woman’s hand as the two of you introduced yourselves. Although she read your articles, mostly your profile stories highlighting various chefs, it was different to be formally introduced to the person behind the stories.

“I uh, actually read most of your articles.” Carmy watched as you brightened up a bit your writing something that would always bring you joy. “I had to cancel my subscription though.” The sound of your laugh went straight to Carmy’s heart, he hadn’t realized how much he missed the delicate sound until hearing it again in this moment.

“I actually have a proposal for you three,” you paused, making sure everyone was paying attention before continuing your explanation. “What if I highlighted the renovation? I was..uh…before,” you had to stop yourself and take a deep breath to ground yourself.

“I was profiling The Beef and Mikey before he…yeah. Um, so I was thinking I could maybe continue that with The Bear,” you stopped to make sure everyone was following along, sending Carmy a small smile before continuing. “We could profile the team, give people a behind-the-scenes look into the renovation, and who’s behind it. I would publish it, it would be great PR and might help to fill seats.”

The following silence made you feel insecure about your proposal. “Maybe just give it a thought. No pressure or anything uh just let me know if there's any interest.” Your voice trailed off as your confidence continued to plummet, Carmy’s blank eyes doing nothing to quell your nervousness.

You turned your attention back to Sugar, a silent plea to leave in your eyes. She nodded “Uh, Baby and I had plans so we’ll be heading out.” You sent the two chefs in front of you a forced smile before hurriedly returning to the kitchen to pick up your jacket and scarf you left there. Call it cowardly but slipping out through the kitchen’s back door seemed to be in your best interest.

The fresh air whipped against your face like a blade, and the immediate change in temperature helped to relax you. There would never have been a perfect time to make your return to this restaurant, and maybe it wasn’t how you things to go, but you felt an immense pressure off your shoulders.

The hard part was over, you made it through the door, walked past the remnants of Mikey every time a specific spot reminded you of him.

It wouldn’t always be like today, you knew that. Some days would be harder than others as you worked through your struggles and allowed yourself to feel the loss of Mikey. One step at a time, it was cliche but it was really how you had to live your life from now on.

Being around Carmy would continue to be hard for the time being. You had essentially watched his brother deteriorate, watched as his mind no longer became his own. And you too had almost become a victim to the whims of your drug-addled mind.

You wouldn’t force a relationship with him and would make him privy to your shortcomings when you were ready. But you told yourself you would be okay if he wanted nothing to do with you, the choices you made would not be easy to come to terms with. And if Carmen Berzatto decided he was finally done with your constant disappointment in his life, you’d just have to accept it.

The sound of Natalie’s footsteps pulled you from the labyrinth of your mind, a small smile sent her way as the two of you made your journey far from this lot of memories.

Carmen stared at the outlines they had hung along the walls, eyes following along with tasks that needed to be completed to open in six months.

He didn’t want to admit it but he was a little bummed out that Sugar returned to the restaurant without you. Any small glimpse, or interaction he could get with you he would swallow like a man starving. The chef stood there doing his best as his counterpart gushed over meeting you, doing his best not to cringe at his two worlds colliding.

Carmy wasn’t sure if he could keep it professional while you worked alongside him on the renovation. Sure you would be doing your own thing in tandem with the work that would get done. But surrounding himself with you in an already stressful time in his life and an even more stressful environment wasn’t something he was prepared for.

He let his mind wander, thoughts of what happened to you in the year since your visit drowning him. Carmy had no clue what happened after you left that night, no clue what had seemed to connect you and Sugar more than you already were.

Seeing you again made his chest hurt. Seeing you was like a hot poker being shoved through his heart, unbearably comfortable but all so warming at the same time. He wanted to know you, know what had changed you since the last time his fingers had traced your skin.

Carmy knew the two of you were nowhere near as close as you had once been. Unsure if you’d ever share a connection like your past one. But he knew while you were here, in Chicago, surrounding yourself with him, the two of you would be given equal opportunity to put this years-long game of cat and mouse to an end; it was just a matter of who bit first.

a/n: well…here we are. i know this might read like baby’s life is just gonna be sunshine and rainbows from here on out but i can promise its not. she is a deeply flawed character with a lot of shit to figure out and a half baked relationship with everyone’s favorite chef won’t fix that. i’ve been around addicts my whole life so i have an understanding of what they can be like, i want to iterate that in no way am i romanticizing addiction. my personal experiences with functioning/addicts DO NOT make me an expert on this topic in anyway, but i do use those experiences to write for baby. i’m always here if anyone needs to talk. i hope you all enjoy <3

taglist: @hawkins-2000 @elliesbabygirl @allbark-no-bite @anakinswh0re3005 @rexorangecouny @thecraziestcrayon @fruitcupsworld @nishinoyahhh @lilylovelyxo @ridingthehotmessexpress @noas-ark @jadeittic @hellokittyever @luvr-bunnyy @sxgees @fandomhopped @is-this-a-febreze-commercial @kravitzwhore @chanluuvr @readingwiththereids @chims-kookies @ladygrey03 @ferida-kahlo @wanderlustnightwanderer @how2besalty @armydrcamers @jointherebellion215 @jackierose902109 @blkbxrbie-esther @ajordan2020 @head-slut-in-charge @magnet-girl @thebookwormlife @sevikasblackgf @writers-hes @senassn @bunnysthngs

unable to tag: @khena @kailyn-g05 @ovaqma @fire-treasure-iii @frequentnosebleeder @gcidrvsh @awatt31 @cauliflowerpatch

[jackoshadows]

Stark Sibling reunions.

So there was some discussion on this in another forum and I thought I would jot down some of my long rambling speculations on which siblings will meet up and reunite first in the next book.

Jon and Rickon

Up north, I think there is a very strong chance that Jon and Rickon will be the first Starks to meet each other again. GRRM has stressed a couple of times that he has important things planned for Rickon, Davos has gone to Skagos to fetch him, Rickon has the backing of the most powerful Northern house in Manderly and in Bran’s absence, Rickon is Lord of Winterfell.

We know that GRRM is writing Rickon for the next book. He has mentioned how his Osha is becoming more similar to Natalie Tena’s version on the show. He has outright stated that Rickon will be in the next book. And how the books are different to the show because Rickon is still alive in the books.

Now, two things about the battle against the Boltons:

1. There will be a different Stark Vs Boltons battle in the next book. We have this note from GRRM:

Speaking of which: Martin leaves a little note for the producers when writing about Ramsay’s flesh-eating hounds, whom we see hunting down a girl for sport.

[N.B. A note for future reference. A season or two down the line Ramsay’s pack of wolfhounds are going to be sent against the Stark direwolves, so we should build up the dogs as much as possible in this and subsequent episodes.]

https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2018/12/game-of-thrones-george-rr-martin-last-script-the-lion-and-the-rose

Notice the plural - as in direwolves, not direwolf. And the only two Starks with direwolves currently in the North are Jon and Rickon. We may see Jon come down from the Wall with a Wildling army and the North rallying behind Rickon and they combine forces to attack the Boltons. If Stannis is still alive and has an army at this point, it could be that everyone else joins him in battle.

Rickon could travel to Eastwatch-by-the-Sea which is closest to Skagos, or White Harbor or to Stannis’ camp. Either way, Jon and Rickon are now the closest siblings and have maximum potential to reunite since their plots look to be colliding soon as well.

2. Theon will be important to the resolution of the Bolton storyline.

What inspired him to create Ramsay Snow? GRRM said, and I quote, that he needed something “to bite Theon in the ass”. Ramsay was created for Theon’s storyline, and he is first presented as a prisoner and a servant and then rises to a high position while Theon becomes his prisoner and servant.

https://www.reddit.com/r/asoiaf/comments/6uwfb0/spoilers_extended_notestranslation_of_grrm_qa_in/

Theon is currently with Stannis who is preparing for battle against the Boltons. I doubt his story ends there - without meeting up again with either Bran or Jon. We know Bran is trying to communicate with Theon through the Weirwoods and Theon feels an immense guilt for what he did to Bran and Rickon. Jon and Theon have a lot of parallels and some of the same identity issues.

It’s possible therefore that Theon survives the battle of Ice with Stannis Vs Boltons to meet up with Jon and Rickon for the later battle of the bastards.

Arya

Lets examine Arya’s travel options from Braavos:

1. There’s plot and route that can take her to the North via Justin Massey and Jeyne Poole. The prevailing speculation being that once Massey lands in Braavos along with Jeyne, the real Arya meets up with fake Arya and decides to leave behind the FM and travel to the wall to take down some mutineers.

I think that plotwise for Arya’s character this makes sense. She has pretty much finished her FM training - time for plot progression and for her to move on to the North and get mixed up in both the political shenanigans and the army of the dead plot.

And if she does go North, she will finally reunite with Jon Snow - something she’s been trying to do since book one.

But there are some issues with Justin Massey getting to Braavos. In the first place, winter and storms have come to the North making travel hard. And in the second, Massey needs Stannis’ ships at Eastwatch-by-the-Sea to travel to Braavos - those ships are currently being overwhelmed by both storms and wights at Hardhome. So without transport, it’s hard to see how Massey gets to Braavos and Jeyne meets Arya.

It’s also possible that Arya just hears about what is happening in the North, gets on a ship and sails to White Harbor. She could meet up with Rickon and Jon that way.

But if Arya is not going North, where will she go to?

Travel-wise it would be easier for her to sail to Eastwatch-by-the-Sea or the port at White Harbor - traveling for a single person is always easy and Arya is an old hand at this.

But there is also speculation that Arya will travel to the Riverlands and meet up with her mother, Lady Stoneheart and the Brotherhood without Banners again. I am not fond of this theory, since in my opinion it will be once again a retread of her Riverlands story in books 2/3.  She’s done with that part of Westeros. Yes, she did see her dead mother be dragged out of the water and a resolution and closure with her mother would be nice, but I am not sure how Arya in the Riverlands will progress the plot.

So if Arya does manage to reach the Riverlands and Lady Stoneheart, is there a sibling that she will meet up with?

Sansa

Let’s take a look at Sansa.

Sansa is busy in the Eyrie, embroiled in LF’s plot to snare Harry the Heir. Winter has come to the Vale and it’s pretty much snowed in. So it may very well be Sansa’s plot is limited to the game playing and political goings on in the Vale. If Sansa does indeed step outside the Vale, the logical place that she can travel to is the Riverlands.

I have often seen it argued (By a certain section of fans) that Arya’s story is in the Riverlands because she is just as revenge obsessed as Lady Stoneheart and her story is about giving up revenge while Sansa will travel North and reunite with Jon and win battles and become Lady of Winterfell.  But in actuality, Sansa is far closer to the Riverlands (Much closer and easier for Sansa to get to the Riverlands than Arya) and has actual plot reasons to be there.

What plot reasons? So a recent thread on asoiaf reddit brought up a 2012 comment from GRRM on Littlefinger:

That said, back in 2002, here's what a fan recounted with George:

Who is over lord of the Riverlands? (Since the Freys have Riverrun yet Littlefinger was named Lord Paramount). George says that Littlefinger is the Lord of the Riverlands but that he is going to run into trouble. I commented that Littlefinger is really powerful now that he has the Riverlands and supposed control of the Eyrie. GRRM laughed and said that I need to remember that for all his power Littlefinger has no army. (I thought that was interesting). GRRM also commented that (I forget which Frey, Emmon?) the Frey given Riverrun really wants to be Lord of the Riverlands and has dreams of having his father be his vassel. (I thought that was interesting also)

https://www.reddit.com/r/asoiaf/comments/itw5wd/spoilers_extended_a_deeper_look_at_three/

So it looks like Littlefinger is going to run into trouble in the Riverlands - where LadyStoneheart and the brotherhood  have set up their base - and it looks like the Freys want control. All LF needs to assert his authority is a Vale army. The Lannisters are pretty much done in the Riverlands, the Blackfish is still around and Edmure is a prisoner.

LF could get support in the Riverlands with Sansa - a Tully. Remember LF, his vale army and Sansa being responsible for defeating the Boltons and avenging the red wedding on the show? What if we get LF, Sansa and his vale army taking on and getting rid of Walder Frey, avenging the Red Wedding and winning favor in the Riverlands and the North that way?

I suspect that Lady Stoneheart is a part of the Vale/LF plot in the books and that’s why it disappeared on the show with the rest of the Vale while D&D combined plots and transferred LF and Sansa to the North to take on the Boltons.

I think a LF/Lady Stoneheart confrontation will be very interesting and possible - given their history and given LF’s current infatuation with Sansa. We have this from GRRM:

 My Littlefinger would have never turned Sansa over to Ramsay. Never. He’s obsessed with her. Half the time he thinks she’s the daughter he never had—that he wishes he had, if he’d married Catelyn. And half the time he thinks she is Catelyn, and he wants her for himself. He’s not going to give her to somebody who would do bad things to her. That’s going to be very different in the books.

LF, Sansa and Lady Stoneheart meeting again is almost certain in my opinion.

So if Arya is heading down south to the Riverlands for closure with her mother and if Sansa is heading there with LF to help solve his Riverland issues, is it possible for them to meet up? Will we get a Sansa-Arya reunion in the Riverlands? Remember, GRRM has assured us that these two will meet again and have ‘deep issues to work out’. Maybe this happens in the Riverlands with Sansa and Arya and Lady Stoneheart?

Anyways, if Sansa is uniting with a sibling it’s most probably going to be Arya. Everyone else is far up North and currently Arya is the only sibling truly free to move around to any destination. Will Sansa go North? Hell No.

Jonsa Stans think that Sansa is somehow going to travel all alone, all the way from the Eyrie to the Wall in harsh snowstorms.

Which, lol. By the time Sansa gets there, the books will probably be over and everyone would be chilling in Winterfell.

No army is currently getting North with the snowstorms. The Vale doesn’t even have a fleet to sail to White harbor from the Sisters. Littlefinger would have to hire a fleet from Essos and from Dany’s predicaments there we know how hard this is. After sailing to White Harbor, the Vale army would then have to march 400 miles to Winterfell in harsh snows that have stalled Stannis’ army and covered the walls of Winterfell.

Can Sansa, by herself, escape, catch a ship and sail from the Sisters to White Harbor? Possible, if she can get down the Eyrie, get to the Sisters and get a ride aboard a ship. I can’t see Sansa doing al; this. Plus, I still think with LF in the Vale and Riverlands, there is still a lot of plot for her down south. Plus, LF likely will clash with Varys as well:

Littlefinger and Varys are adversaries, both know a lot about the others' plans, so they're at a stalemate. LF knows more about Varys's motives than Varys does about LF

https://www.reddit.com/r/asoiaf/comments/5g7vef/spoilers_extended_grrms_second_talk_at_the/

---------------------------------------------

So  we have Jon and Rickon reuniting in the North and Arya and Sansa maybe reuniting in the South if Arya travels to the Riverlands instead of the North.

As for Bran? I think he will be busy exploring the Lands of Always Winter and learning more about the Others in the next book. No reunions for him yet. I think he will meet up with his siblings in the last book.

[nellwritesstuff]

ALARA DOLINSKI, 39, NATALIE PORTMAN

Exudes first-born child energy like you would not believe. Poised, polished and perfect. Truly believes that she will (and should) take over her mother's Convocation seat, and has been preparing for that her entire life. Will give you a gracious smile to your face, and then talk an unbelievable amount of shit about you behind your back. Married well and has the perfect, nuclear family.

Click more to learn more about the request for Mr. Dolinski (he took her name).

Seeking one husband for Alara Dolinski.

Character parallels: Zoe and Wash (Firefly), Rebecca and Ted (Ted Lasso), Morticia and Gomez (Addam's Family), Madeline and Ed (Big Little Lies)

Alara Dolinski always knew she would get married. It was part of her plan. And the plan was important. What she didn't know is that she would enjoy it so much.

She met her husband during the War. He was from a well to do family (not as well to do as her own, of course) and seemingly lost in the chaos. Some would say he was the black sheep. She just thought he had a kind heart. Everyone used to laugh - the wolf and the sheep taking up together. But it worked.

Perhaps the moment she knew she loved him was when he managed to navigate the minefield of her family. Batting away questions from her icy mother, and charming her sisters. It was easy to imagine what a life with him would be like. There would be balance.

They were married at twenty-one and gave birth to a healthy baby girl later that year (no one questioned the timing, they were at War after all). Three years later came their son, and the perfect nuclear family was created.

Above all - they are happy. They know what people say about them - that she's a wicked witch without any joy in her life, and he's nothing more than a simp who wanted to marry into the Convocation. But they don't care, because they know what they have. And to everyone's shock, it's a healthy and loving marriage. He softens her edges, and she toughens him up.

Of course, things are probably going to go to shit for them. But that's half the fun! DM me on the Discord if you're interested. Some potential faces include: Jake Gyllenhaal, Jude Law, Michael Fassbender, Chris Messina, Adam Driver. But it's totally open!