#He's basically fueling my existence at this point | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

changbunnies · 1 year ago

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All About You (18+)

♡ Pairing: Royal Knight/Bodyguard!Minho x Princess!Reader

♡ Genre: age gap, royal au, historical au, arranged marriage au (reader only), angst, kind of forbidden love? (maybe more than kind of), basically porn with plot

♡ Word Count: 7.5k

♡ Summary: You, the princess who ran away from the castle after finding out your father, the king, has finalized your arranged marriage. Minho, your royal knight and glorified bodyguard, tasked with bringing you back home at all costs. When found, you hit Minho with a very interesting proposition- for him to be the one you share all your "firsts" with, instead of your inevitable husband.

♡ Warnings: age gap !! reader is ~23 while minho is in his 40s, please don't read if this makes you uncomfortable!, uneven power dynamics, outdated traditions and views on women to suit the setting, brief reference to death by guillotine and death in general, mentions of injury and swordfighting

♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): lowkey corruption kink, loss of virginity (reader), pet names (princess (mostly as a title), good girl), slight sub + dom dynamics, soft dom minho, a lot of kissing (should be expected from me atp), nipple play, oral (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), slight overstim, unprotected piv, multiple orgasms, creampie

♡ Notes: at this point i am determined to write a royal au fic for every member, and my newest offering to you is minho <3 i was literally possessed writing this like once the idea hit my brain i had to get it out asap

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

Fuck. Minho was absolutely fucked.

In recent years, he had one job, and one job only, and that was to take care of the princess. Make sure she’s safe, escort her to where she needs to be and watch over her at all times– that’s all. Not always an easy job, but one of vital importance that Minho took with utmost seriousness. In the 3 years it’s been since becoming your royal knight and glorified bodyguard, he never messed up this critically.

You always had a rebellious streak and challenged authority, everyone in the castle knew that. And part of Minho’s job, apart from keeping you safe, was keeping you in check– and the king made it extremely clear that failing to do so was not an option.

He lost track of the amount of times he uttered the words “Princess, please think rationally,” or “please consider your responsibility to the kingdom, don’t do this,” in a near desperate attempt to get you to listen to reason.

And today, he fucked up the worst he ever had. He knew you were upset tonight, but he was under the impression he successfully calmed you down, and that you wouldn’t do anything rash. He turned his back to you, thinking the storm had been quelled, and that you’d listen to your father, even if doing so felt like pulling teeth. He underestimated however, just how deep your sadness and anger truly ran, and the very moment you saw an opening, you took it.

You fled from the castle with blind determination, nowhere to go and with little of value in your hands, fueled purely by the desire to escape your unfair circumstances, and live your own life by your own means. You may not believe it, but Minho understood, and felt for you– he really did. But that didn’t change what his duty was, and even if it made you hate him, he had to do his job to the best of his ability.

So now here he was, roaming the streets looking for you, the hours passing in a blur. You must’ve done a good job of concealing your identity, because no one he asked had seen a young woman matching the princess' description. And as the minutes ticked by, and sunset turned to midnight, he was at a complete loss of what to do.

He made record time combing the entire bustling town, stopping into places full to the brim with people in the hopes he’d catch a glimpse of you in the crowd, and yet there seemed to be no trace of you anywhere. It was easy for someone to hide their presence in a crowd, or in the rowdy environment of a tavern, and you were more than intelligent enough to blend into a crowd and divert attention away from yourself.

It was entirely possible that Minho had seen you at some point, and simply didn’t realize it, though he liked to believe he’d recognize you anywhere, no matter what you wore. Minho scowled, clenching his teeth as he scanned the dark horizon of the treeline; should he check the outer walls of the town for a clue, or double back and check the streets again?

He doubts you made it out of the town easily, considering you likely had no money on your person and little experience with the realities of the world. You were intelligent, yes, but sheltered; he could easily imagine you quickly getting in over your head, thinking you could make it to the next town without issue, only to end up lost and in need of help, with no one for miles to hear your desperate cries.

Fuck. If he couldn’t find you, his head would most certainly be meeting the cold steel of a guillotine. He had no family who would mourn his loss, but still, he wasn’t ready to face his mortality. And the king, despite being someone he could call a close friend, would spare no mercy if he failed to keep his one and only daughter safe.

But really, there was more to it than just the threat of death that kept him searching for you. Believe it or not, he genuinely wanted you safe and well, and he'd do anything to ensure you made it back home, even if it made you curse him for the rest of his days.

As if God himself heard his prayers and decided to grant him a miracle, Minho sees you– there, on the outskirts of town, holding your cold hands up to your face and letting your breath warm them. It’s dark, the street barely even illuminated enough to discern your recognizable features, but he knows without a doubt that it's you standing there in the cold street, because truly, he knows you anywhere.

By the time you realize you’ve been spotted and recognized, it’s already much too late to flee. Minho approached you with utmost haste, reaching out and grabbing your arm, lest you make the foolish decision to try to escape again. His hold, while not rough enough to hurt you, is firm, and it only takes one attempt at pulling your arm from his hold to know this is it; your escape attempt has failed, and you’ll be dragged back to the castle and reprimanded for your “temper tantrum.”

Your father never listens to you, no matter how hard you try to make him understand and see your point of view. Maybe if you were born a boy, your opinions would be important to him, and he’d see you are more than an object to pawn off to whatever man gave him the most political power.

“Princess–” “I’m not going home,” you interject before he even has a chance, though you already know it’s in vain. There is no avoiding returning to your glorified prison now that Sir Minho has you in his grasp.

He sighs, but his face changes to one of sympathy, his grip on your arm loosening ever so slightly. “Can we at least go to an inn room? It’s not safe for a young lady to be on the streets at night,” he reasons with you, as gently as he can manage.

Normally Minho is quite stern with you, but you get the impression that he feels being stern isn’t the right approach tonight. You’re known for expressing yourself very vocally, even when doing so is extremely ill-advised, and he is well aware of how opinionated and fiery you are.

But treating this display as anything other than a genuine act of desperation, a culmination of years of perceived disrespect and conformity, would be another critical error– one he can’t afford to make. So he will be firm, yes, but gentle in his approach.

You frown as you look at him; you’re stubborn by nature, and part of you wants to fight against him until the bitter end, but he’s not wrong about the streets being unsafe for you at night. You know he won’t let you escape again come morning, but that’ll have to be a problem for later; for right now, you really should heed his advice and go to an inn for the night.

“Fine,” you concede, much to Minho’s relief. He could’ve forced you to go with him if he really needed to, but he’d rather avoid doing something so unpleasant. He leads you to a nearby tavern, which is still bustling with activity even at the late hour.

He keeps you close as he pushes through the crowd of rowdy drunks to the dual innkeep-bartender, hoping that there is still a room available. The man departs, coming back with a key dangling in hand, “You’re in luck. Last room’s all yours.”

Minho thanks the man and pulls out his satchel to pay him, leaving a few extra coins as a tip before stashing it back in his pocket, along with the key he was given, and the two of you go up the stairs together.

“There’s only one bed,” you comment as you step inside the room, though Minho doesn’t seem to care much about that fact. “That’s fine, don’t plan on sleeping anyways,” he says as he removes his leather scabbard from his back, resting it against the back of the chair in the corner of the room.

You frown as you sit on the bed and watch him; he must’ve been in a hurry when he received word you fled from the castle, as he wasn’t wearing any of his armor, strictly in casual wear you’d very rarely seen him in. Probably for the best, you think, because if anyone saw a royal knight desperately searching the streets, multiple alarms would be raised.

He lights the fireplace, hoping to quickly spread some heat throughout the cold room, before he sits in the chair, crossing his arms and watching you carefully. Deserved, you suppose. How is he supposed to trust you’re not going to flee at the first available moment just as before?

You certainly don’t make his job easy for him; he can’t take his eyes off you for a second. The silence between you lingers for some time, the crackling of the fire the only sound either of you hear, apart from the muffled patrons enjoying their drinks downstairs. Minho, despite his relaxed posture, looks like he’d be ready to jump up at a moment's notice should he need to.

You sigh; should you just try to sleep? It’d feel awkward and uncomfortable to try to fall asleep with someone's eyes boring holes into you, but you really didn’t give him much of a choice. “Do you want to tell me why you ran away from the castle?” Minho asks suddenly, breaking the tempered silence between you. “You already know the answer to that,” you respond, crossing your own arms now.

“Is marrying Sir Jin really so bad?” he asks, and you scoff, rolling your eyes. “Yes, obviously. I don’t want to. Not that you or my father care about me or anything I think.”

Minho’s brow furrows, the frown on his face growing. “Princess, you know that’s not true. I do care about you.”

“Do you? I haven’t been able to tell in the slightest,” you counter a bit harshly, “and you could help me if you wanted to, you know. I’d be fine out there if I was with you.”

Okay, maybe you’re not being fair to Minho right now. You do know he cares, but realistically, what is he supposed to do? If he disobeyed your fathers orders, he’d be lucky if his only punishment was a swift death.

He was assigned to you because your father trusts him to do the right thing and follow orders dutifully, a trust that is usually not misplaced. But he has to admit, the more and more time he spends with you, the more he feels for you.

Minho never knew your father, the king, to be an unreasonable or cruel man, but in your eyes, he might as well be the devil himself. And maybe he is cruel– because how do you strip someone of their freedom and choices for your own gain, and not see the harm it causes, the wrong in it?

You are more than a pawn, more than a subject, more than his daughter– you are a person. A person with thoughts, feelings, and opinions as real as any mans, who did not deserve to be treated lesser than for the simple crime of being born a girl.

But what is Minho if not an upholder of the status quo? He was just a single man, and even if he recognized how unfairly you were treated in comparison to the golden child that was your elder brother, what was he supposed to do? He always performed his tasks dutifully and without question, and it wasn’t until he met you that he began to struggle with what he should do, and what he wants to do.

And maybe he could get you out of this town, help you live a quiet, modest life somewhere new, away from the watchful eye of your father. Where he could be your protector, same as now, but without the guilt, burden, or threats.

You know you shouldn’t take your frustrations about your life out on Minho, but he’s really all you have. You trust him with your life, and he’s shown you multiple times that he cares about you beyond the duty he has to you, or to your father. He's your only confidant, the only person in the world you can rely on.

Your eyes linger on the scar across his nose– he got it protecting you, the other man’s sword barely missing his eyes and cutting just across his face, and it was only one of many scars he obtained in his service to you. He’d pick you up and run with you in his arms when you were injured, he’d fight off attackers without breaking a sweat, sustain injury after injury all to make sure you were safe.

You’d watch his back, always stunned and mesmerized at the ease at which he cut down your enemies, as if they were nothing but paper. When he’d turn back to you, breathing heavy and sweat only just starting to trickle on his brow, his eyes would turn from the harshest winter chill to the gentle warmth of a spring morning.

He was quiet, stern, but his care ran far deeper than one would think just by looking at him, and all you had to do to see the true depth of his feelings was look in his eyes. So you knew it was unfair to accuse him of not caring about you, to expect him to go above and beyond for you, to ask that he go against your father to give you what you want. But you were just so sad, frustrated, angry, that you couldn’t stop yourself.

“Maybe you’ll grow to love him if you give him a chance,” Minho suggests; you both know that’s never going to happen, but what else can he say? He never married, and had no children, dedicated to his duty as he was; he had no real advice to offer someone when it came to love, romance, and the like, but he imagined it wasn’t impossible to fall in love if you just met Sir Jin with an open mind.

But as stated, that’s never going to happen. You’re stubborn to a fault, and once you’ve decided something, there’s no changing it. The best Minho can ever manage to do is get you to reconsider, but even then, you’re still likely to go about things the way you originally wanted to, with no regard for consequences or keeping up appearances. You’re a fiery woman, there was no doubt about it, and you don’t let go of things easily.

“The mere thought of giving that man all my firsts makes me sick, it’s vile,” you scrunch up your nose, making your distaste for the man very clear. Minho doesn’t even think you’ve actually met the man yet, but you’ve already decided you hate him– you don’t want to marry him, and so you’ll be firmly stuck in your opinion, no matter what anyone says.

“Maybe this isn’t advice I should be giving you, but.. You don’t necessarily have to. To give him your firsts, or love him. Find someone you do love, even if you have to keep it a secret, and hold him with all you’ve got. It still wouldn’t be ideal, of course, but.. Well, it’d be something, at least.” Really, Minho is supposed to encourage you to be an obedient daughter and listen to your father without question, but he knows you well enough to know that’s a fool's errand.

You’re never going to listen, never going to be obedient, never going to stop being opinionated. So what’s the next, most realistic piece of advice he can give? Lie, of course. Make your father and inevitable husband believe you’re a good, obedient wife and daughter, and then go live the life you really want behind their backs.

It's dishonest as all hell, and there would be consequences if you got caught, but if you’re going to be miserable no matter what you do, you might as well try, right? It’s what Minho thinks he would do if he were you, anyways.

“What about you?” you ask and Minho raises a brow in question. “What about me?” he asks, and what you respond with makes him feel like the air has been punched out of his lungs. “What if I gave my firsts to you?”

Did he hear you right? There must be some mistake with his ears, there’s absolutely no way you said what he thinks you did. “You– what?” Surely you can’t be serious about this. You’re the princess, and he’s just the man who happens to be your guard; a man who is your fathers age at that. But the way you look at him, he can tell you’re not joking in the slightest.

“Princess, I couldn’t possibly accept that,” Minho says sternly, his arms no longer crossed but instead resting on the arms of the chair, hands beginning to grip tightly so he can ground himself and try to make sense of this insane situation.

“Why not? I’d be happier if I gave it to someone like you. I trust you,” you say so nonchalantly it makes his head reel. What the fuck is happening right now?

And truly, Minho was the ideal man; at least in your opinion. He was handsome, mature, realistic and practical, knew how to reel you in without disregarding the root of what you feel or being disrespectful to you.

He never dismissed how you felt, made you feel over emotional or like a fool who overreacts; he’d ask you to see reason, sure, urge you to think more before acting, but he never, never made you feel like your feelings were invalid. And he genuinely cared about you, and you liked him, were attracted to him, so if the opportunity presented itself then.. Why not take the chance?

Fuck. Minho was absolutely fucked.

You were just freshly 20 when Minho first met you and became your guard, and hard as he tried to never see you beyond the platonic, he’s always viewed you as an attractive young woman. He liked your fiery spirit, liked how you had the bravery and gall to challenge authority, a skill that in recent months he felt he was sorely lacking. Your attitude was refreshing, and despite your circumstances, you never acted like a damsel in need of his help.

In a different life, in another world, maybe you two could have met as equals, not painfully stuck to the rules of an unfair, unforgiving reality. You’d be each other's foil; you, the impassioned dreamer with as many thoughts and ideas as there were stars in the sky, and he the realist, who didn’t dim your light but tempered it into a steady, sustainable flame.

You’d take him out on adventures, out of the strict box of his comfort zone, and he’d ground you more firmly to reality, never discouraging your dreams but making sure you took the necessary steps in the right way, responsibly. You'd match one another perfectly, complementary and meant for each other.

But that’s not your reality, and you both know it. There would never be any coming back from this if you go through with it, and there’s no ideal, happy future for you two to share. “I’m not so disillusioned to think this would be anything other than sex for you,” you continue, and he swallows, mind still racing impossibly, “but it’d be much more meaningful for me with you than some bastard I don’t like in the slightest.”

You’re wrong. So wrong, and you don’t even know it. It would never be “just sex” with you. You mean much, much more to him than you even realize. “You won’t regret asking a man like me? There’d be no taking it back once it’s done,” Minho can’t help but ask, rationality and reason desperately trying to gain control.

Despite what your father may believe, you’re a grown woman capable of making your own decisions. And this is a decision you make with full knowledge of what it means for you, more than willing to accept whatever consequences may arise for committing such a sin.

In an ideal world, you’d be allowed to love who you wish, live where you wish, do what you wish. But this isn’t an ideal world, and if there is only one thing you can ever be granted in this life that feels as if it isn’t even your own, it would be this– to have one night, just one night, where you can be the person you want to be, with Minho by your side.

“You’re free to reject me if you’re not attracted to me, but.. My only regret would have been not trying. So I ask, are you not attracted to me?” He looks you over carefully following your question, grip on the armrests tightening.

Admitting that he’s attracted to you may as well be a death sentence. But he can’t lie to you, completely at your mercy. Fuck the king, it’s you he’s really loyal to. All he’s ever done, all he ever will do, it’s always for you. He’s always tried to act in your best interest, to do the right thing, to keep you safe and protected. But does keeping you safe even matter if you’re miserable?

“I am,” Minho swallows, answering honestly despite his better judgment, “You have no idea how attracted to you I am.”

“So why hesitate?” you ask, fingers trail down your lap, over your knees, to where the very bottom of your dress lies. He watches you, eyes darting from your hands back to your face. You’re watching him too, carefully, considering his every reaction before you make your next move, impressively calculated.

You take the hem of your dress in your hands, pulling it up leisurely, getting it halfway up your thighs before Minho rises from his chair. He's is in front of you in an instant, his hands grabbing your wrists and stopping you from lifting it any further.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, Princess,” he breathes, voice low and strained; he can’t lose control of his desires, but fuck, you’re making it so hard. You look up at him, meeting his gaze with the same fiery determination you always have, but there’s more there than just that this time. Desire, want, need– all for him.

Fuck it. He’s going to get burned, but maybe it’s worth it. You’ll be his funeral pyre, engulfing him in your flame until all that remains are the ashes of the man he was supposed to be. And what a beautiful way to end his life it will be, lost between your thighs, feeling your nails dig and claw at his skin.

He lets go of your wrists, one of his hands coming to cup your face, thumb tracing over your bottom lip. “Has anyone ever kissed you, Princess?” he asks and you give a slight shake of the head, breathing a soft “No..”

He hums, and there’s a twisted sort of pleasure he derives from knowing he’ll be your first in every conceivable way. You’re not “innocent,” he knows you’re not, but there’s something about being your first kiss, your first cock, your first everything that makes him crazy.

“And you want me to be the first one to kiss you?” he follows up with another question, corners of his mouth threatening to twist into a smile when you nod, a soft, honest “yes” leaving your lips effortlessly. He leans down towards you, keeping your head tilted up so he can easily meet your lips.

He does so softly, treating you with care. His lips are softer than you expected, and the feeling of them against your own fills you with butterflies. He carefully tilts you back, and you let your body fall back onto the mattress, head hitting the surprisingly soft pillows.

Minho crawls over you, spreading your legs apart just enough to get between them, your dress now hiked all the way up your thighs. He’s hovering over you, looking down at you with so much love and lust and that it leaves you speechless. “I’ll need you to listen to me tonight. Can you do that for me?” he asks, pressing light kisses to your jaw, under your ear, your neck.

You can, because it’s Minho. He’d never hurt you, never try to control you, never make you feel lesser than. So you can listen to him, because you trust him with your care; he’ll take good care of you, you know he will. He smiles when you nod, and you see him smile so rarely that it makes your heart skip a beat; his role always requires him to be so stern and straight faced, that seeing him smile down at you like this is enough to melt you into a puddle.

“You’re a good girl when you want to be, hmm?” he hums against your neck, resuming his trail of kisses against your skin, and you can’t explain why, but the words and tone he says them in makes your stomach flip.

If you were in a different world, and didn’t have to return home to the castle tomorrow, he’d take his time marking your neck, filling it with pretty shades of blue, purple, and red, sinking his teeth into your soft, supple skin. He just knows you’d look so pretty like that, and the way you react when his breath tickles your skin and his lips linger, tells him you’d like it too.

His fingers trail down your body, finding the hem of your dress and pulling it up over your chest. You lift your back off the bed when he separates from your neck, pulling your dress off the rest of the way and discarding it to the floor. He kisses you as he fiddles with the straps of your bra, effortlessly unhooking it in the back and pulling it down your arms and off your body.

He may have never married, but he’s no stranger to being with and pleasuring women. And he’ll make sure he makes this a night you’ll always remember for all the right reasons. Capturing your lips in another kiss, his hands take in your now bare breasts, gently kneading and squeezing.

You try to squeeze your legs together, but his place between your thighs stops the act from happening, and he chuckles against your lips when he realizes what you’re doing. “Be patient, Princess, I’ll take good care of you,” he whispers before kissing you again, and you let out a small whine, not knowing exactly what you want but knowing you want something.

You gasp when he takes your nipples between your fingers and pinches them, not too hard of course, but enough to give him the chance to slip his tongue into your mouth. Your body shudders, you feel dizzy with pleasure and excitement, and the feeling of his tongue circling yours is impossibly intoxicating.

One of his hands travels down, over your stomach, coming between your bodies to feel your heat over your panties. He’s barely even begun and you’re already soaking the fabric, your eager anticipation for more of his touch palpable beyond all else. He nips at your bottom lip, gently tugging it between his teeth before soothing the sting with kitten licks, his hand slipping inside your panties to feel how slick you’ve gotten directly.

Your body jolts when his fingers run between your folds, and he barely has to move them at all to get his fingers completely coated in your arousal. He pulls back to look at you, taking in the sight of your flushed face and swollen lips, pretty and perfect.

You’re panting, breathless, overwhelmed in the best way possible. You keen when his fingers rub over your clit in circles, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip as you lift your head from the pillows to watch. “Feels good, doesn’t it?” he asks, suppressing a grin when you whine and quickly nod your head.

“Want more, want you,” you mutter, the most timid you’ve ever been in regards to a man. He coos, giving you a sweet kiss as he continues his stimulation to your sensitive spot. “Remember what I said? Patience, Princess, you’ll get what you want. We can’t rush and have you getting hurt, can we?”

You pout as you concede, and God, he finds that so cute; he’s never seen you actually act shy and pouty before, and it makes him want to give you the entire world. He’ll give you everything you want, anything you ask for, but he’ll have to remember to tease you first so he can see that cute expression on your face before he gives in to your whims.

“I’ll make sure you’re nice and ready for my cock, so just be a good girl and follow my lead until then. You can do that for me easily, can’t you?”Another shy nod, another adorable flushed look that makes his cock throb in his trousers.

It was a little intimidating for you, knowing how experienced Minho must be due to his age, and feeling like you must fall short in comparison to other women– women who knew what they were doing. But really, that was just your own insecurity talking. He didn’t mind at all that you were inexperienced; in fact, it excited him for reasons he didn’t entirely understand.

Maybe it was the knowledge that he was the first to touch your skin, or maybe that someone as determined and fiery as you are is allowing yourself to concede control, to let him be in charge of your pleasure, trusting him to bring you to utmost bliss. What bigger display of trust could you ever show him? Your glassy, pleading eyes, begging him for more but still waiting for it just as he asked– you’re too good for him. He’s going to ruin you.

He takes his fingers away, and you have to physically stop yourself from whining at the lack of contact, lest he remind you again about “being patient.” “Open your mouth for me,” Minho requests, and though you are a bit confused, you do as he asks immediately, obeying without question.

Fuck, that’s hot; the image of you, mouth open, tongue slightly sticking out and waiting to receive whatever he gives you is something he never wants to forget. Minho slides two of his fingers into your mouth, instructing you to lick, to get his fingers nice and wet.

Truthfully, you were more than lubricated enough to take his fingers without this step, but he couldn’t resist the urge to see you this way. He pushes his fingers in your mouth down to the knuckle, and you persist with coating them in your saliva even as you gag and tears prick the corners of your eyes.

He showers you with praise, slipping his fingers out of your mouth when he feels satisfied with the work you’ve done on them, kissing your cheeks, feeling the heat of your face on his lips. Slipping his hand back inside your panties, he presses the tips of his wet fingers to your hole, and you instinctively suck in a breath, body unconsciously tensing from the anticipation.

“You have to relax, Princess, it won’t feel good if you’re tense,” he explains sweetly, shaking his head when you mutter a soft apology. “Don’t be sorry, not for that. Just focus on me, hmm? On this,” he whispers, his lips lingering on yours in a deep, impassioned kiss.

His fingers stay completely still until he feels your body start to release its tension, heeding his advice to focus more on his kisses than the motion of his fingers. He keeps kissing you even as the first of his fingers finally starts to push inside you, and you moan into his mouth, hot pleasure licking your skin.

He moves his finger in and out slowly, making sure you’re well adjusted before he pushes in another one, hooking his fingers to find that delicious sweet spot he knows will have you crying his name in no time. You gasp loudly when he finds it, your hands twisting the sheets beneath you between your fingers, your entire body trembling.

It feels so good you almost can’t breathe, and when he picks up his pace, hitting your spot over and over as he brings his thumb to your clit, you know you won’t last long at all. “M-Minho, I’m– 'm gonna–” you try to warn him, but the words die in your throat, the pleasure too overwhelming to continue to try and form a sentence.

He simply hums, continuing his motions until your eyes are rolling to the back of your head, sharp, shuddery gasps and moans tumbling from your lips as your orgasm takes you. “That’s it, just let go, just like that, I’ve got you,” he praises, pressing kisses to your hot skin, helping you ride out your high.

Before you can even fully recollect your breath and get your racing heart back under control, he’s pushing a third finger inside, the trembling in your body intensifying from the addition. “You need more to get ready for me,” he tells you, and in your fucked out state all you can do is nod, taking his word as gospel truth, “need to stretch you good to make sure my cock fits.”

All you can do is lay there and take the onslaught of pleasure, unable to think of about anything other than how full and good his fingers make you feel. You don’t even register that he’s moved your down your body and tugged your panties to the side until his tongue is meeting your clit, swirling around it in expertly practiced circles, making you desperately cry out his name.

Your fingers tangle in his hair, tugging harshly as your hips buck up to keep feeling the delicious sensation his tongue provides you. He flattens his tongue and lets you grind against it as you want, the motions of his fingers not stuttering or ceasing despite the movement of your hips.

You feel the familiar heat pooling your stomach, another orgasm approaching quickly, the sounds you release turning into desperate whines and whimpers as you chase the feeling. It only takes a few more rolls of your hips and thrusts of his fingers to have you releasing all over his face and gushing around his fingers.

He sits up and pulls his fingers out when your body falls limp, chest heaving and ears ringing as you try to recover from the mind-blowing experience you just had. Your eyes are closed, and you can feel his weight shift, can hear the soft clink of his belt unbuckling, followed by the rustling of clothes.

You open your eyes to see Minho’s cock is now out, his hand lazily pumping it and spreading the pre-cum that accumulated and dripped over his time focusing on you. You reach a hand out to touch it, to replace his hand with your own, but he grabs your hand before you can, instead making you intertwine your fingers.

“Tonight’s all about you, Princess. Don’t worry about taking care of me,” he says, kissing the back of your hand and then holding it down right above your head. You’re not quite pinned, easily able to snake your hand out of his hold if you wanted to, but you have to admit, you like the feeling of his hand keeping yours held down.

He rubs his cock between your folds before he lines himself up with your entrance, though you didn’t miss the subtle smirk on his face when you whined from the feeling of his tip rubbing against your clit. “Squeeze my hand if you need to,” Minho tells you before taking your free hand and bringing it up to his shoulder, “and hold onto me.”

Your heart squeezes in your chest; the hidden romantic in you yearns to tell him you love him, to thank him for taking such good care of you, to express how you never want this night to end, but you know that would be a mistake. Neither of you can afford to let your emotions spill out, so you swallow them down the best you can, deciding to just live in this moment, to experience it for all that it is and all that it means for you.

The initial push is slow, and thanks to his diligent preparation, there is little physical pain or discomfort you experience from the stretch of his cock. A slight sting, sure, but nothing you can’t easily handle, and it’s barely even recognizable when compared to the pleasant fullness you feel. So when you squeeze his hand, and your eyes well with tears, it’s not because you are pained; it’s because you finally have something you want, a happiness you thought would forever elude you.

He takes his free hand and wipes away the tears from your eyes, a soft look of concern on his face. “Hurts?” he asks, but you shake your head quickly.

“Feels good, I just– I..” you struggle with the words, knowing you can’t express how you actually feel about him even if you felt you could. “I know. You don’t have to say it, I know,” Minho speaks to you softly, and the kiss he gives you very nearly makes you sob.

There’s still a few inches left before he’s fully inside you, and he pushes the remainder in slowly as he continues to kiss you, his free hand now rubbing soothing circles on your hip with his thumb. Minho does well at maintaining composure, staying firmly in control of himself and his body despite the way your walls squeeze and suck him in, despite the way you whimper when you feel him throb, or cry out against his lips when his tip kisses your deepest spots.

“That’s a good girl, taking all I give you, doing so well,” he praises you some more, and you love when he tells you how good you’re doing if the way you clench around him is any indicator. “Fuck, Princess–” he groans when he finally starts to move, pulling out and pressing back in much more slowly than he normally would, but the wet friction you provide him is delicious.

“Minho, I–” you start, interrupted by a sharp gasp when he finds your sweet spot with his cock.He looks at you as he stills his hips, patiently waiting for you to continue in case what you have to say is important, or a request for him to stop.

You swallow, face heating up but determined to get out what you want to say. “J-Just this once, I don’t want to be the princess. Call me by name, please–” Oh, that’s what you want? He can do that, easily; he’s already groaned your name countless times in the privacy of his room, stroking his cock to the thought of you.

The sound of your name falling from his lips as he resumes the thrust of his hips has you clenching hard, stars erupting in your vision as he picks up his pace, beginning to quickly and mercilessly hit your spot, over and over again. He takes one of your legs and props it up over his shoulder, allowing more of his cock to fill you up, the creaking of the bed and the sound of skin slapping beginning to overpower the noise from downstairs.

Taking his other hand away from yours, you’ll have to forgive him, he licks his fingers and then brings them to your clit, wanting nothing more than to see and feel you release on his cock. It only takes a few more thrusts and circles from his fingers to have you crying out his name as you cum, fingers digging into the sheets beneath you as your body shakes and legs tremble.

But Minho hasn’t cum yet, so he’s not quite done with you– not that you mind in the slightest. You’ll let him chase his pleasure as long as he wishes, even if it leaves you a drooling, fucked out mess in the end.

He pulls out of you, just long enough to sit against the headboard, and then he’s pulling you on top of him, guiding you to sink back down on his cock and sit fully in his lap. The new position has you rolling your eyes to the back of your head, Minho guiding the movement of your hips with his hands as he thrusts up into you.

He’s quite literally doing all the work, but that’s perfectly fine; this night is supposed to be about you, after all, and he doesn’t want you to lift a pretty little finger. Just let him use you a little until he cums, that’s all he needs.

You’re panting against his neck, head laid on his shoulder and nails digging into the skin of his back beneath his shoulder blades. The sting of your nails in his skin is just how he imagined it to be, and his head is falling back against the headboard, low grunts and groans of your name leaving freely as his cock throbs and twitches, getting closer and closer to his release.

He uses one of his hands to grab your face and lift it up to his, crashing his lips to yours in a desperate, impassioned display of love and lust. A few more snaps of his hips and you feel his cum spurting inside you in long, thick ropes, the sensation sending you forward into yet another orgasm of your own, your desperate sounds muffled only by Minho’s mouth on yours.

Your body collapses against his when the moment slows to a stop, both of your chests heaving and breaths heavy as you lie against him. His arms wrap around you snuggly, and keep you upright against his chest. You can hear the quick, erratic beating of his heart as he catches his breath, looking up at him to see his eyes closed and sweat trailing down his brow towards his cheek.

He looks beautiful like this, you think; you hope he thought the same of you. Even as his cock starts to soften, neither of you move, and though your legs protest and beg to be stretched out, you refuse to leave your spot on Minho’s lap.

“Are you alright, Princess?” he asks once he’s collected himself, pushing your hair from your face and wiping the sweat from your brow.

“Mhm, just want to stay like this,” you reply, and Minho smiles softly, rubbing over your shoulders and down your back in a sweet gesture of comfort. You’re silent like this for some time, just simply enjoying the feeling of him, the sound of the crackling fire, the warmth he and this room provides you.

“Does my happiness really have to end here?” you can’t help but quietly ask, and Minho is quiet for a moment, carefully considering before he speaks.

In a different world, in a different time, in a different place, maybe the two of you are meant to be. There’s comfort in imagining yourself there, truly happy with Minho, letting him care for you while not snuffing out the flame that is your pride, ambition, and spirit.

It’s not meant to be, you both know that to be true. To be with each other required great risk, sacrifice, hardship. But again he has to wonder, is being safe worth the cost of happiness? Would you even truly be “alive” if your every moment was spent miserably?

He doesn’t want to see the very core of what makes you you be snuffed out by selfish, idiotic men and their expectations of what you should be. You’re much younger than him, and it would be impossible for him to be there for you for the rest of your life, but he can be for the rest of his, at least.

“Maybe not,” he answers, unsure of what the future holds for the two of you, but not entirely ready to give up so easily. He could accept his fate, accept that love is something out of his reach, but it’s your happiness on the line that makes him want to fight for it.

There’s a lot he could lose by helping you escape this life you feel trapped in, but he’d rather see you happy than wasting your days away in the castle, subservient to a man you loathe. Your love isn’t meant to be, but that’s okay; he’ll help you all the same.

He’s loyal to you, and only you, he’s decided– so if you make your future husband, your father, or even the entire kingdom your enemy, then they’ll be his enemy too. And it’ll all be worth it just to see you smile for a little bit longer.

#skz x reader #lee know x reader #lee minho x reader #skz smut #lee know smut #lee minho smut #skz imagines #skz scenarios #not me posting a fic again literally 4 days after my last one i am serious when i say i was possessed to write this #also not posting between the hours of 4-7am for once that is a win for me !!#mdni + divider graphic credit: @cafekitsune

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dollarstorefern · 11 months ago

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ok, so i’ve been thinking about the whole food/love symbolism in house, (i’m not sure who the first person to mention this symbolism was, but i love them so much. if anyone knows please mention them!!!) and there's one more specific element that i want to overanalyze, so just bear with me for a moment; there were four people that directly interacted with house when he was cooking in wilson's apartment (episode 3 season 6): cuddy, thirteen, wilson, and a random lady from the cooking class house and wilson took together. and i feel like these four best represent how house's love is spread. just hear me out for a second you guys.

first, you have cuddy. she comes to house and he happens be cooking; however, she never tastes the food he’s preparing. they love each other, he has love FOR her, but it's never the right time for them. (house and cuddy have such an insane and doomed relationship that i don’t think i quite understand myself tbh).

for the random lady, she's cooking *with* house when cuddy is there. this one isn’t as clean/sensible as the others, but i’m sure at least one person will get what i’m trying to say or be able to word this better. house has a certain level of understanding and care for others/strangers, but on a very grudging level. his love isn't necessarily made just for them, they'll never know the depth or spontaneity of it, and they'll never know what it means like the people close to house do.

with wilson, wilson wakes up to house cooking. house shoves the food in wilson's face, not listening to a word that wilson has to say. and wilson just goes with it! and i believe that it’s around here that house admits that he stayed up all night cooking because he was in pain, but i could be wrong. if that is the case though, that just ties into the whole idea that all of house’s strongest emotions are directly tied to his pain, all of his actions are fueled by his pain, which makes his love even more insane if you think about it. (i wish i was as eloquent as some of the other house fans on here when talking about this stuff but i only ever think about it when half-awake).

and lastly, there's thirteen. she visits house to ask for advice. and you see how precise he's being with the cooking. i don’t remember quite what he was making, something to do with chicken embryos or yolks, and extracting some of the yolk to squeeze sauce in there, something along those lines. pretty precise stuff. and thirteen tries it and says that it's the best thing she's ever eaten. quick and positive interaction.

so. we only see *two* people eat his food in this episode. two people who know what his love is like: wilson, the man that house depends on to even exist, and thirteen, basically the only character that (at this point in the show) has a chance of understanding house’s suffering, to some degree (house dreading the pain that comes with simply existing, knowing each day will be filled with pain, thirteen dreading every day, knowing that her huntingtons can only get worse and one day she’ll lose control).

also, this isn’t to say that house doesn’t/hasn’t loved other characters!!! i personally just feel like the relationships he has with wilson, cuddy, and thirteen are some of the most significant on screen relationships we see. (maybe i’m a bit biased because i adore wilson and thirteen, but we’ll ignore that).

anyways. all of this was likely just coincidence, but i don’t quite care! it’s the coincidences that make for the most meaningful portrayal of characters, in my humble (questionable) opinion!

#house md #hate crimes md #gregory house #james wilson #lisa cuddy #remy thirteen hadley #hilson #house md nonsense

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vii0so · 2 months ago

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[BSD 119] Theory/Analysis

"Other Half"

I think this ties into the 'opposites/complements'. Fyodor realised Dazai had Chuya and now he's about to realise Atsushi has Akutagawa (Light & Shadow). He is looking for his 'other half' quite literally - the sole being that will complement his existence.

Basically 2 halves that complete each other. Like a jigsaw puzzle (except it's only 2 puzzle pieces that only fit each other).

Fyodor's comment "even Dazai was not fit to be my other half" could be interpreted as this: 2 puzzle pieces that seem almost identical and look like they would fit, but when you try to connect them you realise there are small differences to the shape.

Meaning, the pieces - no matter what - are not meant for each other. In this example one piece has it's perfect match - the only puzzle piece that will ever be his other half: Dazai has Chuuya.

That leaves Fyodor searching...again (seriously, this guy has lived over 2k years and he is still at square 1). So for now I'd like to assume that Fyodor's realisation that Dazai couldn't be his other half happened during the prison arc. Fyodor had been 'testing' Dazai to see if he was fit for the 'other half' role.

Also, in the end (just before Fyodor's "death") where Dazai reveals that he's alive and that Chuuya was never a vampire, Fyodor's shock seems more on point if you think of it as the reaction of realising Dazai's other half was Chuuya this entire time.

Next part will be about Atsushi in Fyodor's endeavour for his 'other half' and how it involves Akutagawa:

"So, why can Atsushi NOT be Fyodor's other half?"

Glad you (nobody) asked!

...First I'll go on small rant on why it's impossible for our lovely 'bookmark' to be the 2k+ old rat's other half.

Enjoy my constantly changing mind's thoughts :)

█▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒

What's needed to be the 'other half' of anyone?

Synergy

This is the closest and most(?) accurate word to describe the 'other half' business.

In short, 'synergy' is the interaction of two 'anything' that produce a greater effect together rather than apart.

Think how Akutagawa and Atsushi work better and are stronger when fighting together/ complementing what the other needs (Atsushi using Akutagawa's coat/combining abilities is an excellent example of this) rather than when fighting alone.

"So, their abilities being compatible is all they need to be the 'other half'?"

...Well no

Synergy isn't just about abilities, it's about effect.

Imagine you have a fire...ok good, now think of something that would make the flame rage higher - destroy more...do you have it, good

I have no idea what you thought of and it doesn't matter (maybe this whole thing wasn't a good example...). Well I thought of gasoline. You know the "don't add fuel to fire" saying?...ok.

Now think of Dazai and Chuuya for a moment (shouldn't I be talking about Aku n Sushi???)

Hypothetical scenario:

Chuya starts a fire (small, like a campfire or smth).

Then Dazai comes along and pours gasoline where the fire is.

Well...it's interesting right? (you're getting sidetracked!) oh.

Basically that's 'effect' (cause and effect - gasoline and raging fire)

So synergy = effect(a) + effect(b) = cause = effect(c)

(I really hope this makes sense to you who somehow found this)

effect(a) = first half (FH)

effect(b) = other half (OH)

cause = e(a) + e(b)

effect(c) = FH + OH = Best performance, Godly power, and more.

We continue ;-;

I wanted to sidetrack and explain soukoku's synergy/other half bs but I need to get back to our (often forgotten) protagonist and his edgy bf...So off we go!

Ok, finally back on track! ...(did you forget where we left off?)

Here! "So, why can Atsushi NOT be Fyodor's other half?"

███▒▒▒▒▒▒▒

2. Fyodor's obsession with the 'bookmark'/Atsushi's ability.

I could be done by just saying: "abusive relationship" but I won't...I'm too far in to stop now.

Let's start by seeing everything right with 'other halves':

Synergy: When they are alone, they are a pebble, but when they're together, they are a dual piloted mecha that in theory can kill a god...In short, they work best when together.

Ability compatibility/harmonisation

Essentially soulmates (the literal tied-together-by- the-soul type): will only ever have this synergy with their other half. Meaning the full potential of their power will never be understood/unlocked unless done with their other half.

Literal other half: basically all I've said above. Their puzzle piece only fits with their other half.

█████▒▒▒▒▒

⋘ ERROR ⋙

⋘ [Brain] is not responding ⋙

⋘ Ｒｅｓｔａｒｔｉｎｇ．．． ⋙

Ok...let's get back to the main Question:

"Why can Atsushi NOT be Fyodor's other half?"

I'll get straight to the point:

There is no synergy

They are not destined/fated

They don't help each other

Fyodor only wants to use him as the bookmark

Fyodor is aware that Atsushi is not his other half (he called Atsushi his "remaining option") but is still forcing it upon him.

You can't force someone to be your other half. It's a soulmate thing.

Fyodor is looking for godly power, not a companion/partner (not meant romantically).

Fyodor won't be able to do what he wants anyway because there is no synergy in play here. (maybe he'll use the 'page' to force it, but it probably won't work. He could also try getting Aku to kill him and then steal his body, but I still don't think it'll work)

And the last and most important point is:

Atsushi has Akutagawa

███████▒▒▒

Akutagawa is Atsushi's other half. Therefore no matter what Fyodor does, he will never be able to fit Atsushi's puzzle piece.

I considered writing down why Aku is Sushi's other half based on their abilities, but maybe it'll be in a seperate post. For now here are the main points:

Darkness and Light

Yin and Yang motif

Like, I'm sure most people are aware, these two might as well be the definition of this motif.

"Yin and yang can be thought of as complementary and at the same time opposing forces that interact to form a dynamic system in which the whole is greater than the assembled parts and the parts are important for cohesion of the whole." Georges Ohsawa. (1976). The unique principle : the philosophy of macrobiotics. George Ohsawa Macrobiotic Foundation.

Just realised this is the same as the synergy I was talking about earlier...Oh well, I guess it all ties together in the end! :D

██████████ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ!

Here is the TLDR:

Fyodor is looking for some form of ultimate power, so he needs a 'other half'.

Dazai has Chuuya so Fyodor chose to instead pursue a literal God-like being - The Bookmark: Atsushi.

Atsushi's other half is Akutagawa, so Fyodor can't have him anyway.

Yin and Yang is an important motif in this whole other half business.

#bsd 119 #bsd #bsd theories #bsd analysis #bsd atsushi #bsd fyodor #bsd akutagawa #bsd spoilers

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eyedoeluhn · 2 months ago

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Surprise, I think Brocktons celestial forge is handling characters badly. I don’t think the current “main pairing” (used loosely as possible since it’s one date) for our main character, Joe, is good. At all.

Crystal/Joe is at best extremely bland and basically nonexistent in the ideal platonic form of BCF that exists in a plane of perfect forms. In the real world I think it’s pretty creepy and Joe is also a massive piece of shit.

For context, to those uninitiated to BCF Joe is an ‘oc’ based off of a canonical character who is mentioned in one line and never named or expanded on. Specifically he is the man who attended college with Parian and contributed to her trigger by pressuring her to date him. That is a can of worms for another post because my god is this a terrible decision and Parian is handled fucking horribly. But LordRoustAbout has taken it on himself to expand with details on this event.

there’s an attempt to make Joe sympathetic, his perusal of Parian was fueled partially by a total social ineptitude and the spurring of his classmates, and he also found the entire situation harmful and ended up dropping out partially related to this and it tied into his own trigger event. Which….alright, whatever. But this did leave Joe with an aversion to romance and also apparently an incurable inability to understand it beyond bare minimums despite eight million powers related to it. This came up several times as online shipping is a major concern for Lord and thus Joe, but he didn’t have a love interest until Crystal.

The dissolution of New Wave is a major part of BCF. Frequently we have paused to see their points of view on how much of a big deal this is. In short, Joe, in a move at the time was unilaterally acknowledged as really fucking stupid but then he now pretends wasn’t his fault, confronts Panacea after arming the Undersiders for the bank job which went significantly worse for the Wards. He acknowledges he’s the person who did this, then goes on a long rant about what his ‘fanon shard’ has told him and trigger theory, basically bringing up Panacea’s actual father but more importantly the fact that there’s been infidelity within New Wave. This entire conversation is recorded and gets back to them. This is consequentially a huge fucking deal and is also timed just right to fuck over a lot of New Wave’s operations just in time for shit to get serious. So the city is fucking falling apart and basically looks like the Leviathan decided to pop in early with eight million effects, and Crystals entire family (yes including Lightstar, it was bad enough that he moved all the way back just to try and mediate the situation)is actively also falling apart, and these are both directly Joe’s fault. Now, you say, well to be nice to Joe it’s not his fault that Brandish and Manpower fucked or anything. Which is true, he didn’tcause the rift, but he is the one who voluntarily instigated the situation it for literally no reason for what became the worst possible moment, and is now not telling Crystal this.

Joe has met Crystal around three times, once in college, once at an event where she asks him out because he’s so hot and once on a date. The amount of stress Crystal is under as both her family life and her life in Brockton literally falls apart at the seams is pretty blatantly clear. Joe just does not fucking care. He does not find it that weird that he’s lying to this woman to date her about not knowing intimate details about her life or interfering with it. She has absolutely no idea Joe is the fucking maniac terrorizing her city or is the guy who got her cousin locked up for this entire time and destroyed her position as a cape either. She is completely oblivious, which I find extremely fucking weird.

Also this is WORM. Crystal is like, eighteen, nineteen or something like that. The most generous possible aging of Joe is in his early twenties. I think literally every part of this relationship gives me the creeps. I want Joe to stay far away from her.

Oh, and the date chapter produced what for me personally is in the running for one of the worst moments in all of BCF.

What. The. Fuck.

Joe. What the FUCK is wrong with you?

the entire city is a fucking warzone because of him. Until like, five minutes ago, there was active lava flow, giant streaks of frozen land, FUCKING GLASS SHARD CLOUDS. Half the city is under a field that blocks all electrical devices from fucking working, there’s giant craters and the Protectorate, New Wave, PRT, police department, hospitals, and firefighters were all targeted during the attacks so they’re operating at half fucking capacity with a million other problems that are half because Joe didn’t want to use more than one robot (DESPITE SHOWING HE COULD INSTANTLY FABRICATE MORE HIS FIRST OUTING) and half things he could fix instantly but chooses to not, and one hundred percent things directly attributed to him.

So, Brook here is telling Joe about the fact that she is fucking volunteering with multiple groups to raise funds and help the community in this absolute fucking mess that he caused, a completely normal COLLEGE STUDENT (Joe is a fucking dropout) with NO POWERS who is doing MORE THAN JOE EVER HAS to help these people

and his first instinct is to snark that obviously her major is easy.

Joe.

YOU DROPPED OUT. You lazy, malicious piece of shit are going to sit here and give this woman shit for cleaning up your mess. You aren’t fucking funny. You’re evil, frankly, and this entire date pains me to read. This isn’t funny. This isn’t endearing. I don’t feel happy that Joe is being ooh relatable he’s getting snippy. I feel frustrated that he’s avoided any meaningful effort to anything positive and then regards this random person who’s been perfectly nice to him and is frankly an incredible human being with derision.

fuck you joe. Jesus Christ.

#Worm #wormblr #brocktons celestial forge #Joe’s natural love interest is chen #Dont get me fucking started on Chen

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slut4sohee · 3 months ago

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forever

how a boy processes, copes and spirals when he loses someone dear to him, someone he can never hold again — at least not in this lifetime

warnings. grief, mention of murder, implied suicide

part one

♫ is it really you

sohee was never the same after losing you.

he experienced basically every negative emotion ranging from sorrow to rage.

life felt like moving through static; it was nothing more than constant white noise. his depression made it hard for him to power through, but anger was what fueled him to keep going.

one day, after he visited your grave, he decided to go to a creek you both had visited once. as he walked, the urge to look behind him took over as he felt like he was being followed; though there weren't any signs to suggest that he was.

he was beyond astonished when he looked to see you behind him, and you were beyond stunned when you realized he could see you.

at first it took a little getting used to. there were times when your appearance would be inconsistent and times he couldn't see you at all. this caused sohee to doubt his mental state; maybe he was so grief stricken that he hallucinated your presence and you weren't really there.

he decided to ignore the doubt, though, because he thought seeing you helped him cope. it eased the pain of emptiness he felt from your absence.

however, he was greedy. seeing you wasn't enough, hearing your voice wasn't enough; it only made him angrier and he wanted more. he wanted to hold you, to feel you, to smell you. you were so within reach yet so... far. it only made the fact that you were taken away from him so much more real.

every time he saw you, he hoped you would have somehow, by some miracle, come back to life. he wanted you back badly. he wanted this spiritual or worldly divide, whatever it was, to disappear. he was homesick but could never go home.

and on top of that, there was the fact that the trial had started. having to see the sick bastard that murdered you in cold blood sit there showing no ounce of regret or guilt or shame angered him. it seemed sohee carried all the remorse your murderer was supposed to have. in sohee's eyes, it was his fault that you crossed paths with the guy. he had let you go home alone at night without making sure you were safe.

it came to a point where he could not bear being in the same room as him; even the thought of going to the courthouse made him want to throw up.

all his emotions — his sorrow, his hopelessness, his moral anguish, and his indignation — became too much for him. it seemed like his life had no worth if you weren't in it. he truly believed he would keep feeling this way for as long as he lived.

so his last visit with you, when he heard you say "my soul is forever; i'll be with you always," he knew what he had to do.

he visited your grave to pay his respects. it was overgrown with flowers he had planted per your request because you thought it was beautiful that even in your death, there existed life.afterwards, he went on autopilot. he went to the train station as usual and waited. when he saw his train coming, he walked off the platform and onto the tracks. he was thankful nobody tried to stop or save him or maybe it all happened too fast for anyone to help. oh well, regardless, he was happy because he was now finally coming home to you.

𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊

a/n: hope you enjoyed and thank you to those who waited patiently!! the author curse is real lol

#lee sohee #riize sohee #riize x reader #riize imagines #riize scenarios #sohee imagines #sohee x reader #sohee angst #sohee

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cloutchaserkineme · 1 month ago

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the 21st century solar eclipse, or whatever

6:15 p.m. October 25 2024 after a bit of work

I clown a lot on Lestappen in my tags because while I admit that they would be the two racers in the current grid with the most potential for their generation's defining rivalry F1, they just don't interact enough for me to actually say it outright like that. Maybe because they're both still young at this level- Max started in 2015, Charles only three years later. They have parallel stories with different mythologies, so there's no friction to be found in their careers apart from the inchident- and even then they both look upon that moment lightheartedly now.

Their astrology actually does follow each other a bit. Aside from the fact that they literally were born sixteen* days apart, their rising signs follow each other- due to the directions, 16's 1H of self falls in 33's 12H of unconsciousness.

Traditionally, 33's ascendant point falling in 16's 2H of self-esteem and value systems would mean that 16 wouldn't notice him as much (2H is hidden from the 1H), 33 has the virtue of having Venus in Scorpio in his 12H- the planet that 16 does see, because it falls right in his 1H, which is incredibly interesting, because 16's Venus is conjunct 33's Ascendant point.

Despite their incredibly martial nature, 16 and 33 both see each other as a connection to be nurtured, not severed, and herein explains my earlier point that this is not a very direct rivalry.

Synastry overlay of Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc. 16's AA confirmed which means it is accurate to the birth certificate. While 33's had A rating, the birth time came from a copy of an announcement on his own website based on what I assume is a newspaper clip on the day he was born, so that's a bit more reliable than other A-ratings.

To explain- as I mentioned in this post, the planets typically involved in motorsports are Mars and Saturn (with F1 also having Mercury involved in some capacity). When I mention "racing planets" in a racer's chart, I refer to these two, because Mars (speed, war, fuel, fire, combustion, shooting) and Saturn (time, pressure, heaviness, steel, iron) are also significators of war. All motorsports are tied in one way or another to innovations in engines** and transportation machinery that happened becauuuuse those people got booted out of a job*** and had to find some way to put their skills to work.

33 and 16 have Mars and Saturn in the same signs, due to the time it takes for either planets to move (Saturn stays in the same sign for approx. 2.5 years, Mars in 6-7 weeks). In theory, they both share the same potential for racing. Their fallen Saturn answers to Mars, and Mars is ruled by Jupiter in Aquarius. You would think they would have the same style of driving, and way of doing stuff, or that one person doesn't exceed the other.

However, no placement or aspect exists in a vacuum- you have to take the whole chart into consideration. And with these two, it always, always come down to Venus- the planet of beauty, resources, connection, and pleasure.

If Mars and Saturn (+Mercury) is F1 The Sport, then Venus, the planet that traditionally rules the arts (and therefore film and television) is F1 The Event.

Remember- both 33 and 16 are Libra suns. Their personality is ruled by their Venus sign, which sits completely differently in their charts, no matter how much they echo each other.

The difference is very, very clear in the public perception and the incredible imagery that basically writes itself.

Sagittarius also signifies foreign cultures as well as travel. F1 is a worldwide motorsport, with multicultural racers****, but here in Mexico (a country with a very beautiful and showy Leo Venus), we see the difference between these two Libra Suns. 33's Sagittarius rising with Mars in first = He wore the sombrero when he won the 2023 Mexico Grand Prix, coming up on the podium after he won the race (Mars = competition). He wore a cape with Checo a few days ago too! 16's Sagittarius Venus combined with Mars = He wore a whole mariachi costume and committed to the bit alongside his whole team at Ferrari during the 2024 Mexico GP (Venus = collaboration). He and Carlos wore luchador masks as well, but Carlos and his Virgo placements would not be caught dead repping something that's not his assigned uniform during a work event.

Libra Sun (fallen) opposite Aries Saturn (fallen)

Sun-Saturn aspects are common among racing drivers, especially since most of them got into the sport because of family. Condition of the Sun signifies the father in natal charts as well, which is why this placement sees the racing planet that is in charge of building a foundation and the progress of time. Both of them have been racing since kids, and 33 especially- a rude observation to make would be his dad sniping his mother, who was reportedly better at karting than her husband and her son's team principal but had to give up her dreams to be his mother.

16's Libra-Aries axis sits in the 12H-6H, which are houses of service and self-sacrifice (the disintegration of the self that comes from being of service). Unlike 33, he has Moon and Mercury in Libra involved in this axis. It's not just 16's father (Sun) who is involved in his work (6H), but also his mother (Moon) and sibling (Mercury).

33 lacks this. I've mentioned in previous posts that the planets that traditionally signify women and creation in his life (Moon and Venus) make aspects to each other, but not to his racing. In order to tap into that creative, nurturing energy, he has to leave the racetrack. Though they "look" supportive, as Venus (wife) in Scorpio while Moon (Mother) and Mercury (sibling) sit in the houses next to his Sun (Self/Father), they don't really have any say, power, or influence in the axis of his racing planets.

16's Moon conj. Saturn also explained his expressiveness, and why people keep making memes (Jupiter-ruled 5H of playfulness) of his depressed face every time the cameras get to him. For a 12H sun, 16 is an incredibly public figure, which does come at a damaging price for his own mental health. It would be good for him to take media blackouts or just straight up don't tell anyone what he does until he's done it, because that dissolution (12H) of his self (Sun) does haunt him at night.

33's Libra-Aries axis sits in his 11H-5H. Both 11H and 5H are houses of community and personal expression- one is for networking, the larger group, how you bend yourself to society. It is the internet, and society outside of you.

It is incredibly fulfilling for him, racing. The entire ecosystem of it. Even the virtual form of it makes him happy, Sim Racing. His Virgo placements like checking off goals off a list, which is why he's good at rules lawyering. He gets community from the internet (11H) through his sim racing (5H = games), and thanks to the general Venusian quality of his 11H this is just a fun quirk for him instead of something debilitating.

However, the fallen aspect of his L11 is still in place. He was banned from Sim Racing before race weekends after it was found out that he lashed out and made a reckless divebomb in a race, as he was up playing Sim Racing until 3 a.m.

Lack of sleep in general is detrimental to his racing. So is being out in public. So is associating with any women (his mom and sister being exceptions, protected as such by his North Node****** and their ruler's exaltations- they can handle themselves); which is why any relationship or daughter of his has to be kept secret because his 11H (community) does not look kindly, nor do they understand or accept his relationships with women, as it is a side of himself that exists outside of what makes him the best racehorse in the racehorse competition.

Another thing to note- 16's Libra I Sun is separating from Saturn, going away from the malefic's harsh rays. 33's Libra III is applying to Saturn, getting nearer to it.

16 will physically get better after that wringer. 33 will work towards a brand new sense of self, which is going to be hard for him, because he doesn't have the same tools or support as 16 does to easily find himself outside of racing.

I wouldn't be surprised if they go their separate ways after 2026. 33 has been hinting at retirement for these past few races, while 16 has signed a multi-year contract with his company. Their Saturn return that year will lead them towards different places= 16 for work/health/daily routines, while 33 for play/children/romance.

Bonus: Scuderia Ferrari and Red Bull Racing

They are, quite literally, the poster boys for both teams at this point in time.

33 doesn't seem to care about moving to other companies despite the open air of talking about other contracts a while ago, perhaps because of some sense of loyalty to the Red Bull team, and there's no way in hell 16 will walk away from the loving embrace of Scuderia Ferrari unless he's ripped out of it by some force of nature.

Both have 12pm generated birth times because we're just here to check the general activity for these two.

(Left) Generated birth chart for Ferrari the racing company. Enzo Ferrari founded Scuderia Ferrari on November 16, 1929 in Modena, Italy before moving it to Maranello in 1943. (Right) Charles is embraced by the Ferrari engineers after a race win. He, like most people working at Ferrari, identify as Tifosi.

The term Lecfosi, referring to 16's fanbase, is also extremely tied to Ferrari, as the company's Scorpio planets fall in his 1H. He is the embodiment of Ferrari's hopes and dreams, Tifosi to the marrow, he doesn't even have to do much for the fairytale and mythology of racing to wrap around him.

The Prince of Monaco, Ferrari's favorite son, the Sun of Maranello, he is incredibly wrapped up in the red of it all. Scorpio as a Mars-ruled sign is red, red, red- it's very tied to his public identity.

Red Bull Racing has two charts, one for the December founding by F1 racing legend Jackie Stewart (Left), and another for Red Bull Energy drink's acquisition of the company (Right, the sale finalized November 19 2004) and subsequent rebranding to Red Bull Racing in 2005. (Center) Max is greeted by the Red Bull Racing team after his 12th consecutive race win during the 2023 Hungary GP.

Depending on which chart applies to the current iteration of the Red Bull company, the team is supporting him very differently.

RBR/Jackie Stewart's company has Mars activating his NN and 10H qualities, the peak of his image, and the Aries Moon providing an emotional charge to his Saturn, the racing planet. This would indicate the emotional ties to the brand itself, though not necessarily the people behind it.

The 2005 RBR which Vettel raced in has the Sun-Mars in his 12H of undoing and unconsciousness, with the benefics highlighting his Libra Sun. This iteration of the company treats him like he came out of a dream. They don't know exactly who they signed but they lucked out with him.

Conclusion:

Lestappen live parallel lives. If we were hoping for a big, earth-shattering, culture-defining rivalry the same way racers in the past did, we won't see it between them.

They are good friends. They will stay that way. They might go the way of Vettel and Raikonnen, but unless the both of them put down their personal ambitions and join a team together, they won't get that.

Charles likes fights, and thrills, and someone to go against- his chart is full of trines and sextiles- good, harmonious flowing aspects in his life. He might not have had the easiest go of it, considering his personal losses, but outside of it he defines himself by the challenges. He is a stinger-out, fight me fight me fight me I will end you type of person. His racetrack adopted son Oscar jokingly-not-jokingly mentioned about bringing NASCAR rules to the gentleman's motorsport, and that's his Charles trait, honestly.

Max is hungry. He has the racing bug. Of course he will be gung-ho for glory and for the sport. He's a purebred warhorse. But unlike Charles- who finds fighting as incidental instead of necessary, who can find symmetry and partnership and support columns all around him- he cannot find it in familiar environment, his close surroundings. He has to go outside of everything he has ever known to get that.

The phenomenon of Maxplaining and Leclerifying, of reaching out for each other during the moments post-race, looking back with fondness for their shared childhood memories... that is genuinely enjoyable for him. Daniel's bravery in switching teams and coming back and all around, their off-screen, off-camera friendship and banter, he likes that. Those connections die for him the moment other people get a glimpse of it. In order to sate that appetite for connection, he has to go to a place where he will be recognized and validated even when he doesn't shoot to kill. I think he's recognizing it, slowly. Only time will tell if he will be brave enough to put down his weapons and start the painfully boring and spiritually rewarding process of carving out a new life for himself.

(30) 3:12 p.m. the next day

*Charles specifically is incredibly prone to fairytale syndrome- Il Predestinato, the Prince of Monaco, Maranello's favorite Sun/Son. Mercury, ruler of his 11H (fanbase) in the 12H of mysticism (prone to narratives out of his control, but his 12H is ruled by Venus too, and has the Sun there as well), asteroid Champion there as well; and asteroid Nike (Victory) in his 3H of familiarity and storytelling. It is also the energy coming from his Scorpio II ASC being the decan associated with Six of Cups- someone giving something back to a child, offering a cup of water after they've cried out their grief in the Five of Cups.

**Britannica, T. Editors of Encyclopaedia (2024, August 3). automobile racing. Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/sports/automobile-racing

***Oxley, Mat (2010), Stealing Speed: The Biggest Spy Scandal in Motorsport History, Haynes Publishing Group, ISBN1-84425-975-7

****Sagittarius is the non-Cardinal sign that is most commonly found in F1 racers' charts. Four of the current racers on the grid (These two + Oscar and Checo) have Sagittarius Mars.

*****Personally, I hate the fact that the asteroid Champion is exactly on top of Max's North Node, the appetite that will not be quenched in this lifetime. As if he needed any more reason to not exist outside of racing.

#f1 #astrology #lestappen #charles leclerc #max verstappen #t #not really a shippy type of post but it is fascinating to watch them in real time. they have not hit their prime yet #but they're about to! lmao

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project-changeling-zero · 8 months ago

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things i wish the sonic franchise brought back or implement.

Dark Sonic

seriously, i love imagining a fight between Dark Sonic and Eggman inspired by Korra vs. Zaheer ( when she was poisoned ). where he loses the cool attitude, the smile, everything, and goes in with full power, charging himself left and right at Eggman. it'd be even more fascinating to still have Dark Sonic lose. not because of his lack of power, not because of lack of skill, even when blinded by rage, but because of Eggman's ingenuity.

a lot of people, to this day, misinterpret Dark Sonic as a murderous, rampaging monster, but that completely misses the purpose of why he exists to begin with. i believe this is a case of people not exactly knowing where he comes from, or just a lot of fans drawing a murderous Sonic and it took the internet by storm one day, but just in case you don't know:

Dark Sonic is from Sonic X, a TV show that is sort of an expansion on Sonic Adventure 2, adding more lore, character arcs, and overall meaning to the game's original plot. Dark Sonic was revealed in the episode "Teasing Time" in s3, and the reason he appeared is because he discovered his friends ( Cosmo and Chris ) were injured and that one of them ( Chris ) was unconscious.

the whole reason this form exists is Sonic's love for his friends essentially fueling his rage. it's like Darkspine Sonic from SATSR, or has similar formula. Dark Sonic isn't inspired by any bloodlust or desire to kill, but rather by burning anger at seeing his friends be put in harm's way.

Dark Sonic is made from the strong desire to protect his friends.

2. An Actual Arc For Shadow

you guys might be confused, especially if you consider some of my previous posts, but lemme explain.

for a long time, it's never felt like Shadow has actually recovered from his trauma, atone for his actions ( yes, i understand he saved Earth ), or live life really at all. it doesn't help that, to this day, SEGA continues to make Shadow relive the past.

i don't consider the movies to be a part of the problem, as Shadow being introduced to the plot was basically a given, and you can't introduce him in your own take without his general backstory ( unless you're Boom or Prime, i guess ). i believe the movie will be doing taking some creative liberties to his story, as they did so with Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles, and i see no reason that they should stop.

the reason why i have an issue with this is because it's an ongoing issue within the games, specifically. Shadow the Hedgehog ( 2005 ) was a disservice to his setup and the 'first arc' ( considering he's still alive after the fans demanded his return ) to his story.

aside from it just giving 'early 2010s deviantart edge', it's just so...

childishly handled.

for one, you're immediately given a Hero or Dark route, like in SA2, which i feel completely misses the point of SA2's true ending. Shadow has redeemed himself ( or began to ), so to give him complete reign to just become an antagonist all over again defeats the whole purpose of a redemption.

it's like what Prime did with Dread, giving him an already established redemption arc ( sort of ), but then corrupting him again for no real reason other than just because.

another issue i have is Shadow's amnesia and attitude in general within the game. technically speaking, yes, it does make sense for him to suffer memory and // or physical issues from his fall from space, but to completely wipe out every single thing he did just to give him the opportunity to relearn his past, do some fucked up shit, do some less fucked up shit, then throw away everything in the past, Maria and her wish included, is...

amazingly obtuse, for lack of a better word.

again, while it's technically not out of bounds, i feel like giving Shadow complete and total amnesia just disrespects SA2's vision and execution of the story. it's redundant, it's lazy, and overall just really damn frustrating to watch.

Shadow deserves to have a story that allows him to heal from his trauma, discover who he is, and respecting Maria's wish along the way. a lot of people seem to think it's either he forgets about his past ( or buries it ) or full-on dedicates his entire life and doesn't bother picking up a life lesson or two, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Shadow can heal, grow, and change. SEGA just won't let him.

3. The Echidna Tribe & Knuckles' Story

Knuckles is one of my favorite characters in the entire franchise as a whole, but his character and story is sorely dismissed. while Shadow has the issue of repetition, Knuckles suffers from being dropped on the head multiple times and played for a joke ( i think Frontiers is one of the more recent games that didn't do this, but i might be wrong ).

one of the reasons why i love Knuckles is how straightforward, yet reluctant he was about finding out his past. at the end of Sonic Adventure 1, he says something to the extent of:

"maybe i'm better off not knowing the meaning behind all of this. because i feel something terrible will happen if i do."

he is content being ignorant for the sake of his own peace of mind.

but in SA2, he's more or less forced to start facing his fear and learn more about the past. unfortunately, though, we don't actually get to see much after this game, because the tribe is almost entirely forgotten. instead, it's brought up in comics that are more or less canon ( i think ), but not fully aligning with the games. i think it's safe to say the comics are their own canon?

like with Shadow, i would've loved to see an actual conclusion on this arc of Knuckles' story. to see more of the tribe in the past, of their wrongdoings, character moments, more of Tikal or Chaos or the little Chao, and how it all ties together.

but instead, we have lots of media repeatedly insulting Knuckles' intelligence, ignoring his tribe and // or his job entirely ( i guess they forget the Master Emerald is portable? ), and just generally dumbing him down to be a hotheaded moron that apparently doesn't care about being the Guardian!

Knuckles is one of the most relatable characters in this series for me, as there's a lot of things i would rather not know and stay ignorant to, but have to face head on in order to fully move past it and grow to be better.

he was completely isolated on Angel Island for so long, yet people still make fun of him to this day for being manipulated by Eggman in SA1 ( even though he didn't even fully believe Eggman, it was just a precaution, but who cares about the details- ). he's not just a hothead, he's strong, he's kind, he's pretty blunt and, honestly, really fucking adorable, i love this echidna.

look at him, just standing there. i love him.

anyway, Knuckles deserves a proper story surrounding his tribe, his identity as the Guardian of Angel Island, his relationships, and to have a satisfying conclusion. or, at the very least, more games or media in general not dumbing him down to an angry hothead with nothing better to do but to yell and ignore his responsibilities.

3. Sonic

"what're you talking about, ashe? sonic's meant to be a flat character! what could be wrong with him?"

yeah, but after frontiers, i want more mentally ill sonic that needs to be concerned for by his friends, okay, that's all i want-

4. Storybook Era

now, now, i know a lot of people don't like the storybook games because of their shoddy gameplay and all that, but i genuinely love these games, their flaws included.

i do believe satbk has a better story than satsr, but i still have an attachment to the latter game, so suck it.

it'd be really nice to see a storybook game with switch, xbox, ps, or similar controls. as the era has Sonic diving into different worlds, maybe a world like Alice and Wonderland could be an interesting game. several elements to work with, locations turning into creative levels or even hub worlds. this is sort of a long shot dream that will probably never exist, but i wanna see an adventure-style storybook game one day.

i'll probably die before that idea is even considered, but it's a fun thought and that's all that matters at the end of the day.

there's no real big reason as to why these matter or anything, as i don't believe you need a storybook in order to send off the messages these games try to give, but they're just really charming to me and i love to see how this type of game could be implemented into video games today, with all the new engines and whatnot.

5. Teams

oof, okay, um-

there's a few games that have teams in them, and i guess you can count sonic forces as one of those games, so i should be more specific here.

i like SA1's flexibility with the roulette-like system, where you could play as any character you wished, but i also like SA2's team system, where they all had a close-knit role within the story from a similar perspective ( hero vs. dark ).

SA1 served multiple perspectives, all giving you pieces of the same puzzle that you have to figure out as you go. by the final story, all of the characters ( except Big, but idc, i love him ) have their character arcs and it's with their changes that the story is fully complete.

SA2 served the entirety of two perspectives and merged them together for the final story, heroes and villains having to work together to fight off the greater evil at hand.

overall, i want more games having the characters work together, having different details // information or even moral differences ( it depends on which system they go with, though ) on the situation at large, but maybe still having to come together.

whether or not they use official teams, i want the sonic franchise to bring back using other characters as necessary plot points with their own individual arcs.

it may not be needed, per say, as there's still a few games that work and don't have either of these systems, but i really miss the adventure games and wish for more of their elements to be implemented in future games.

6. CHAO!!!

BRING THESE LITTLE CREATURES BACK, GODDAMN, WHY ONLY TWO GAMES?!

anyway, that's all i can currently think of. i think these would serve either character or charm to the franchise, but maybe you have some other ideas of what the games could give! maybe proper returns of characters, other forgotten stories, or even new ideas!

lemme know what you think.

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic adventure #sonic adventure 2 #sa1 #sa2 #dark sonic #sonic #shadow the hedgehog #shadow #knuckles the echidna #knuckles #team sonic #team dark #team rose #team chaotix #chao #chao garden

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lightningbreath · 4 months ago

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I want to make it clear from the outset that having headcanons or theories is not a problem. Getting frustrated when they don't come true is not a problem either. But it is when people treat these headcanons as if Nintendo had an obligation to fulfill them.

I find it genuinely funny how some fans got so deep into their headcanons to the point of getting angry at the existence of Yona (poor girl) and the fact that Sidon is in a straight relationship, but that doesn't surprise me coming from people who claim to fight against stereotypes but are the ones who live and propagate stereotypes the most (the amount that most of the queer people I've met have been bugging me about being bisexual and aromantic is unbelievable).

I mean, as if canon would stop fujoshis from turning all the men in a series gay, no matter their sexuality, way of behaving or if they're in a relationship or not, so I don't understand why they say that Nintendo "removed the queer coding" when this was just a hc, Nintendo never implied that Sidon was queer, if they had said something like "a Zelda character will be queer" I could even understand, but that wasn't the case.

Now, in my opinion, the way Sidon talks and treats Link reminds me a lot of how my sister acts with the BTS boys, I think Sidon has a very idealized vision of Link, he talks about Link as if he were his favorite Marvel superhero and if we take into account that Link doesn't even seem to have frequented the Zora Region much during the time between Botw and Totk and that his ring doesn't even go on his ring finger.... anyway, it was cool to see Sidon's maturity, although his behavior is adorable, he's not a baby anymore.

I admit that Yona's introduction came out of nowhere, but honestly, TOTK introduces and disappears characters out of nowhere, Kass simply disappeared from the map, NPCs forgot about Link and the whole story of Sonia and Rauru also came out of absolutely nowhere. If Yona was the only one in this situation I would give her the benefit of the doubt, but that's not the case.

Not to mention that for a game ""with a hetero code"" I wonder why Nintendo didn't confirm right away that Link and Zelda are a couple instead of just saying this, I swear, how hard is it to formalize them? People will complain about anything, but no, Nintendo is afraid of I don't know what.

I will never forgive Nintendo for taking away the possibility of Zelda being a companion in the adventure or at least having a more constant presence. Thanks to that, I am living off of fanfics and fanarts.

P. S.: I wonder, if we ever get a remake of OoT, if Nintendo gives Malon a husband or canonizes OoT Zelink, how the fandom will react to that?

P. S. S.: Also, since people still complain to this day that TotK didn't turn Ganondorf into a "uwu boy who's just a poor victim of circumstances", a theory fueled by the appearance that the 10,000-year-old Hero had on the tapestry is because Ganondorf is a sexy man.

Although, on this last point I have to be honest, I was disappointed with the fact that Nintendo basically threw away the cinematics from the first TotK trailer and basically ignored the Sheikah technology, everything that Botw had hinted about the Zonai and the whole story of the Calamity from 10,000 years before Botw.

Anyway, it's just a question of how this fandom takes headcanons as if they were an absolute truth, and this ends up causing unnecessary fights because no one wants to admit that their hc may be unlikely to happen.

But that's just my opinion. Thank you for reading.

#zelda #loz #the legend of zelda #legend of zelda #tears of the kingdom #totk #loz totk

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mymarifae · 11 months ago

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i just want to share my thoughts about akito and Death. because even now—even off the back of an event like burn my soul—people STILL talk about him like he's an explicitly depressed, suicidal character whose every action is cause for concern.

i think the idea that akito is suicidal has been floating around for a very long time. and while it's not entirely without merit (more on this in a bit), it's still a misconception. and it really feels like kashika exacerbated the issue. which is unfortunate! it's sad to see such a beautiful song be misinterpreted like this.

now don't get me wrong! kashika is about death. but two things:

1. kashika may have been written for akito, but it's not just for him. it's also deeply personal to ryo haruka. there are certainly similarities and haruryo undoubtedly understood everything akito felt during the events that led up to the crawl green incident, but i don't think it's entirely fair to equate his very real emotions and struggles to those of a fictional character. he and akito share kashika! you can interpret it through either lens, but trying to do so through both is where things start getting messy

2. whiiiiich leads me to my second point. who decided that the only way to interpret kashika and its themes of death is literally?

i think it's pretty common for people to automatically interpret any themes of death literally—or at least very negatively. we're naturally conditioned to fear death, and then we're taught to fear it even more. it's the change. it's the unknown. it's the very idea of an "end." most people aren't very fond of these things! understandably so. but personally? i think the symbolism that can exist behind death is beautiful.

Death is the 13th card of the major arcana. above all else, it symbolizes change (positive change; it's always, always about what's ultimately best for you). Death tells you it's time to move forward; this part of your life is done. there is more waiting for you—new opportunities, new experiences, a brighter, more fulfilling future—but you must be prepared to let go.

the habits and routines you have now? the mindsets that have kept you alive? your current sense of self? whatever it is, whatever Death is asking for, you have to let it "die." it won't serve you anymore. it will only drag you down. and it might be terrifying and you might not be able to comprehend what lies ahead and you might want to kick and scream and struggle, but you can't cling forever. endings are never easy, and sometimes they hurt like hell, but with each end comes a new beginning.

and yes if you've read burn my soul this should all sound very familiar lol:

looking at death from this perspective, kashika and the entirety of find a way out should read a lot more like akito caught on the cusp of a monumental transformation. suspended between "life" (the old) and "death" (the new) so to speak.

up to this point he's been fueled by spite and desperation. two very intense, very negative emotions—but it's an intensity that worked. everyone else on vivid street had years of musical experience, and he had 0. he needed to catch up and he needed to catch up quickly because it's not like he could put the whole world on pause. he could take his time to learn the basics, sure, but every other vivid street musician would continue improving and growing while he did that. there would always be a gap between him and Them.

unless... he worked harder—WAY harder—than all of them combined.

and maybe that wouldn't do it either. maybe he would be stuck in place forever, always playing catch-up, always struggling to stay afloat, always being left behind. he knew this. and he knew the amount of destruction he'd end up inflicting upon himself if he went down this path. but in his mind, it was okay. it was worth it. because he'd rather die endlessly pursuing what he loves most than live not trying at all.

but in find a way out, when facing off against his old bullies, he starts to realize that he was wrong. he's not just stuck in place. he bridged the gap a long time ago, and he almost didn't even notice. and where he's going now, spite and desperation are the wrong emotions to sing from. he needs to let the unhealthy, extreme mindsets die, but also it's hard to let go of something when you would have given up a long long long LONG time ago without it.

but with time, and enough poking and prodding from ken and luka, he does it. he lets go. he lets the old parts of him die, and he passes on to the next stage of his life.

akito's character arc has always been about growth. improvement. learning. Becoming Better. and not just in a musical sense although Yes That Is A Huge Part Of It. his arc is also about his growth as a person. it's about him becoming more confident, and learning how to be kinder and more patient with both himself and other people. it's about him learning how to let his walls down and let his loved ones in. and to trust that they won't start kicking him to death once they're in there.

it's about him learning to exchange the Spite and Desperation for Passion and Love.

it's about him becoming happier.

which is why it's so fucking startling when people talk about him like he's suicidal and on the verge of a breakdown. like, woah, what?

as i said though, kashika isn't the only source of this misconception and i find more merit in the other sources because they're actual aspects of his character and scenes in the story and not song lyrics that shouldn't have been read so literally in the first place. like, yeah. we've seen a ton of unhealthy behavior out of akito. he's had a very extreme perspective on his place in the world from a super early age, and while the severity frequently gets exaggerated in fanon spaces, the shinonome household isn't exactly sunshine and rainbows.

he's been moody, he's been prickly and abrasive, he's lashed out. he keeps most people at arm's length and builds walls so high not even toya can get through them at first. he had to! he wouldn't have survived if he didn't! like, he was targeted and bullied by a group of adults when he first started singing on vivid street. that is actually a genuinely traumatizing thing to happen to a kid!

so no, i'm not against the idea that akito has experienced depression and suicidal ideation in the past. kinda comes naturally with the territory he ended up in. but that's the key word: past.

i get confused when the idea is dragged into the present. because again! the whole point of his character arc is he's overcome all that PAST adversity! recovery isn't linear but we're not about to see him hit rock bottom any time soon. or ever, actually. you know why? because we've already seen his rock bottom. stray bad dog. that event was his big breakdown moment. that's what opened him up to try to start healing.

we're not getting another stray bad dog. stop expecting another stray bad dog.

he's alright, i promise. he's growing up. he's gotten better. he knows he belongs in vivid bad squad. he knows he's loved. he knows his friends will be there to catch him when he falls. he's always been strong, but now he's even stronger. he's excited for his future, and i think we should be too.

#i posted this on twitter when find a way out ended but i realized i never put it over here :0 #project sekai #akito shinonome #vivid bad squad #long post #i love love love love when media isn't afraid to tackle Death as a positive theme #it's so rare. it's so refreshing #because like . i don't think we should be afraid of Death. i don't think Death should be seen as some horrible terrifying despicable End #it's as much a part of life as life itself. it's not a bogeyman out to get you. it's not a harbinger of misery and doom #it's life. it's okay to be a little scared - it's impossible to comprehend what lies beyond after all #but it's okay. Death is here to guide you. it's just time to move on. nothing more. nothing less.

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imagineitdearies · 2 months ago

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(Sorry for my English) So there was a short period of time when Cazador stopped taking Astarion to him started taking Tyrus. In the final chapters he started taking Astarion once again. Has Tyrus ever felt guilty over this? I know it wasn't his fault I just think it would be so easy to blame yourself.

Hi anon, thanks for the question! A totally valid one, too--for all that he tries to be a very rational person, Tyrus does on occasion blame himself for things he shouldn't throughout Perfect Slaughter. (Warning for a lot of discussion surrounding sexual assault below!)

For instance, Tyrus does feel responsible for the occasion Astarion is taken away, raped and drained in chapter 14, because Tyrus hid a rat for him. Likewise, after Tyrus involves Astarion in an alternate plan for its potential to keep him alive, he feels responsibility and guilt for the terrible punishment and sexual assault Astarion endures in chapter 30.

But when Astarion gets taken by Cazador more often in chapter 35, at that point it only further fuels Tyrus's resolve to complete the perfect slaughter and die to save him, as it cements his fears about Astarion's miserable existence if Tyrus took the 'deal' Cazador offered to spare them both. Beyond that, he doesn't consider the idea that Cazador's attention on him could have shielded Astarion--he hasn't learned to have that mindset about his body. Plus, it's not like Cazador wasn't on occasion assaulting Astarion during this time anyway.

Astarion on the other hand? I go into this briefly in my Astarion POV of ch30 drabble, but he definitely blames himself for teaching Tyrus how to kiss and enjoy intimacy, believing it made Tyrus more of a target for Cazador's attention and caused the sexual assault in chapter 19 (though it for sure would have happened anyway).

In Astarion's one-on-one interactions with Cazador, I imagined Cazador enjoyed bringing up Tyrus just to see how often and how badly Astarion would compromise himself at the threat of Tyrus getting hurt, especially from the events of the tomb (chapter 15) and on. It's not unlike what Cazador threatens in reverse to Tyrus in chapter 21, save a much bigger extreme, as it's been a long time since Astarion resisted something so nonthreatening (in comparison to much worse horrors) as giving Cazador a blowjob.

Slightly unrelated, but people have noted Astarion's slightly different reactions to Cazador's assault of Tyrus in chapter 19 vs. chapter 32 so I thought it'd be relevant to talk about here--Astarion's guilt associated with kissing Tyrus and 'warming him up' for Cazador (as Cazador would put it) is combined with a sense of inevitability over Cazador doing such a thing at least once to (most of) his spawn. Plus his worry over scaring Tyrus with rage when he's clearly in such a fragile state, and their relationship not being quite that established, definitely culls Astarion's rage.

In contrast, by the time he finds Tyrus in the wake of another sexual assault years later, entirely dissociated in the corner of their bath chamber, Astarion had had a false sense of security based on Cazador's 'bad review' of Tyrus from the first time (he basically had told Astarion that Tyrus was a bad lay, and Astarion could hardly contain his relief). Astarion thought it was a one-and-done sort of thing, especially since Cazador acts more interested in seeing the two of them (what a creep) in chapter 22 then truly forcing Tyrus himself. From then on, Astarion believed he had successfully contained Cazador's sexual abuse to his own body and could shield Tyrus. So with the combination of shock, less guilt, more established trust between him and Tyrus, seeing just how badly Tyrus is handling it this time, and feeling an extra outrage at Cazador for going to Tyrus even though the bastard had said he doesn't even like hurting Tyrus this way . . . well, Astarion gets very, very angry in that scene, even if he still tries to contain it for Tyrus's sake.

Alright, that's probably enough blabbering on from me! Thanks again for the question anon 🩵

#fic: perfect slaughter #ask me anything #astarion #cazador szarr #tyrus #cw sa #cw: sa

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violetvenom · 2 months ago

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Okay, here comes a post I wanted to do for a long long while and I summon all the fellow Walter enjoyers for this.

In the last 2 years I've rewatched and reread Hellsing several times and I have to admit I love to analyse stuff. So naturally a lot of questions popped into my mind regarding my fav character.

But one question stood out in particular: What the fuck is Walter? Yes, you've read this right..what..not who!

Yes, there is a theory in the fandom I think not many people know of or even care for, which actually makes a lot of sense. It's clear he his human (except at the end of the main story) but I think I speak for us all that his abilities are way over the top for a mere human. Some peple will probably know where this is going..but before I start explaining, I just want to clarify I will cite and take references and informations from several fan translations, fansubs and the official German translation of the manga. I just started to collect the new edition of the English one, so I can't properly refer to them but please feel free to fill me in with the old English version if there are drastic differences in context.

With this said..let's go trough what we know about Walter step by step:

We will start chronological with his youngest persona we saw: Young Walter or how the Japanese like to call him; Sholter.

So in The Dawn we get a throwback to a 14-year old Walter, who get's send on the mission to fight the Nazis in Warsaw in 1944. At the round table he gets praised by Arthur as the "strongest human of their existing militants".

So this clears Walter is in fact human and not something else, and also Hellsing's top figther. Alucard doesn't count here since he is a vampire and the secret special weapon.

We learn from Alucard that he officially must have met Walter when he was just mere 9 years old. Citing Girlycard here:

Hellsing's main story plays in 1999 and Walter is 69 at this point...that's simple math.

And this actually makes sense. When Girlycard and Walter get sent to Warsaw you can tell they already know each other. I won't dive deep into their dynamic here because I plan to do a seperate post for this, but I think the most notable moment to make that point clear is when Walter insults and questions "Bastard. Where's your shape?".

Or how it got translated in one fansub:

While Walter asks this, Alucard is already manifesting as Girlycard, stating "the form I take means nothing to me". So it's pretty safe to say Walter knows about the usual red coat man form and the vampire's ability to transform. Overall The Dawn gives vibes that they both already have fought alongside for a while.

I think this is enough to estabilish they met when Walter was 9 years old. Meaning they probably worked together for 5 years to this point...or at least Walter dealing with Alucard's shenanigans.🤭

This rises the question...how the hell does a 9-year-old end up in such an organization?

We don't know where Walter comes from..where he is born..who his parents are..Nothing!

It's a big mysterium, which I find rather odd since he is one of the most important characters in the main story and even the main character next to Girlycard in The Dawn.

But this actually fuels the fire of curiosity in me.

So let's take a turn here and talk about his abilities: We don't know how his wires work or what they actually are, but I will mention my idea with the final conclusion later on. So for now we ignore this part and just look at some examples of his bodily capabilities.

He is stronger than the average human:

Walter drags Alucard's coffin with one hand like it's an empty cardboard box.

Since Alucard canonically can weight basically nothing and rests in no particular shape in there (that's why he later emerged as black wobbling mass which first has to manifest into Girlycard), I just can point to the weight of a coffin for an adult.

This is the first data which shows up if you google it:

Also Alucard is canonically 6'6" (198cm) tall. Abraham staked him while he was more or less laying in the coffin...

...so it's not impossible the coffin even is oversized and weights more. I mean:

It's quite big, but not the most relatable source since Hirano fucks up with details a lot of times. lol

Walter then even kicks the coffin out of the plane with a simple kick.

Speaking of kicking; we also saw Walter kicking a knife.

You not only need a good control over your body to kick a knife from the table up and forwards, but look at the force he does this with. Animated it looked even more easy peasy for him to do so and the full force gets more clear if you see how fast the knife maneuvered to the Major. There is also quite the distance between them and the Captain catches the knife when it got pretty close to it's intended target.

Then he breaks the table in two parts with just one mere kick.

And even with 69 he still got a force in his legs which is astounding.

We saw how he kicked Jan against the wall for a brief second. And again animated it's even more impressive, when you can see and hear how Jan smashes against the wall.

And not to forget he could lift out the Harkonnen I for Seras like no biggie.

Just to paint the picture more clearly: The Jackal for Alucard alone weigthed 16kg and he handled it with it's case like it was nothing.

He is very swift, flexible and quick in reacting:

When Jan jumped over him and tried to run, he didn't take long to react to that despite being baffled by the enemies actions.

Or before that scene when he and Seras crawled trough the vents to get to the round table, where it seems that there is difference between OVA and manga.

In the manga it seems Walter crawls out with the legs first and landing gracefully on his feet (and luckily not on Seras):

Seras on the other hand....we still love you, silly police girl. In the OVA Walter emerges face first from the vent and catches his weight with his hands...

...just to push himself in the air again to regain his stance.

I can't stress enough that he is 69 here! So when he is capable to quickly move and react in such an age, it's no wonder young Walter did stunts like jumping out of a plane without a parachute and crashing through a window.

He is incredibly sturdy:

The most unflattering panel of Walter ever shows us with what force the Captain was punching the teen.

Like holy shit...that must have hurt. I can imagine this blow is the reason for his monocle later on.

Then he took a blow to the guts....

...and one in the back.

Ignoring that every anime/manga character has at least 100 litres of blood...those hits from a werewolf are sure something. No way a normal person would have survived this.

And yet Walter manages to quickly react and headbutt the doggo.

Also with an incredible force.

It's surprising as the Captain starts to strangle him, his neck isn't snapping like a twig.

We just saw how the werewolf just crushed a knife with a bare hand.

Looking at all those facts, you can't tell me he isn't the true one hell of a butler he is a mere human.

I'm convinced Walter is like Anderson an enhanced human. Which is also the theory circling around in the fandom and answers the question what he is.

But I never saw an explanation why this theory exists in the first place. So the gears in my head started spinning and tried to solve the puzzle.

We know the Vatican experimented on Anderson and thus creating his regeneration powers.

I can't remember if it ever got explained how, but it doesn't even truly matter in the end. Which matters is the fact that Walter was able to create a weapon for figthing Anderson. So my best guess is they experimented with biotechnology, which also plays a huge part in creating freak vampires.

BUT

Hellsing got their own ways and the prime example is Alucard.

It often seems to get forgotten who Abraham Van Helsing was, and what he was knowledgeable about.

And since Bram Stoker's Dracula is kinda canon to Hellsing, it's a fair use to cite Wikipedia here. ✌️

Integra even said that Alucard is the culmination of "generations of Hellsing's occult knowledge". This means nothing other than Alucard got experimented on, which makes sense since all the usual vampire weaknesses don't apply to him anymore.

But how do you experiment on a vampire? Well, if the word occult has not made it clear enough; let's have a look at a part in the manga where Richard chases smol Integra and provides some insights what Hellsing manor contains on rooms:

I think one is clearly sticking out a bit: Wizardry Analysis Room.

Combined with the fact Alucard's seals on the back of his gloves are pentragams with runes speaks a lot about what kind of experiments Abraham did.

This makes alchemy and sorcery to something which is canon and existing in Hellsing!

Since we know literally nothing about Walter, I think it's no wild guess to assume he is like Alucard an experiment of the Hellsing organisation.

I wouldn't go so far and say he is an homunculus since Arthur clearly said he is human as he fills in the round table about freak vampires, ghouls and Walter's existence. I see no reason why he should hide the fact they themselves created a homunculus at this point.

But what stood out to me was this sentence tho:

The majority of translations seem to go with born, but there are also some who are more like this:

Since I'm not able to find raw scans of The Dawn to maybe translate that part myself and to confirm, and I don't understand Japanese well enough to maybe listen and understand what Arthur exactly uses for words in the animation; take the following with a grain of salt.

If we go ahead with the born sentence...what actually would that mean?

Walter would have been indeed be born into the role of a vampire hunter. Which could also overlap with his role as being Hellsing's butler.

I'm no historian and very far off so but as far as I could research, this was something which was a thing:

Which makes the whole thing even more interesting. We don't know if Walter even has parents in the traditional sense. Is he some sort of lab-grown baby? If he got parents, were they also employed at Hellsing? What happened to them?

Questions which can't get answered here but can inspire to create nice headcanons.

To bring this long post finally to an end; My conclusion is that Walter is indeed an enhanced human, created by Hellsing themselves probably through alchemy. Which could wonderfully connect to his wires, because they could also be a product of alchemy or wizardry of some sort, since there is no logically explanation for this. 👀

Let me know if I've had missed something.

#walter dornez #hellsing #hellsing the dawn #walter c dornez #walter c. dornez

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