#He's a phd after all
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I'm not sure what they mean by "knowing the recipe by number." Do they mean the measurements of ingredients?
Also, sometimes I change the way I write something because I think it looks cooler another way. When I was 8 I changed significant aspects of how I wrote in print because I thought the way a friend wrote was really cool.
I changed the way I wrote 7s because I liked the way a fellow ASL club member wrote them.
In my mid-twenties I changed the way I wrote lower-case a's to resemble alpha's because I thought they looked neat.
On the subject of recipes, it is a family dictum that we always allow the vanilla to overflow when measuring it out. My brother and I have never even considered questioning it, and it would be blasphemy to suggest we should.
humans are hauntingly beautiful.
Some days, most days really, I think about how we’ve drove ourselves to hell. And how we are so complicated, too complicated that things like hell and heaven shouldnt matter but yet they do.
Then once in a blue moon, the same reasons look at me and suddenly it just twists cause what else could something be but extraordinary if so many people can have such faith and if each of my feelings and the way i feel can be a memory and we feel a different way, you and me.
i could never stop talking about it.
ever.
do you get what im trying to say?
Its that theres so many possibilities?
and I write my 7s the way my old yr 4 teacher used to, and that i dont know the recipe by number but taste from my mum?
and that holy shit theres a world out there
#yes this post makes me sound a little stalker-ish#but this is genuinely the highest level of creepy I ever got towards anyone#never did anything with my cursive though#Though my Dad has commented that I sometimes write cursive in a way similar to him#Which isn't a compliment tbc#He's a phd after all#I can read his handwriting but that's because I grew up with him as my Dad#I don't know how anyone outside my family can#And yes the vanilla measuring thing is literal family law#My mum has a whole list of family rules and I think the vanilla one is number 2 or 3
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Why do the FEH devs insist on ignoring Nabatean lore so much?
I recently had a surprisingly cordial discussion on redshit with someone about the "nabateans = colonisers" take, and one of the main points raised was that the game was purposedly foggy around Nabateans/Sothis/their story because it would obviously favor a certain narrative (and thus make another narrative look, uh, not that marketable anymore).
To be honest, we still ended up with a product that had a lead go "this race and its blood* is the reason why the world sucks" and yet that lead is still marketable enough to have raunchy cipher cards and 5 FEH alts, so I actually wonder if, while pissing on that lore had that purpose, it was ultimately pointless since Supreme Leader can still sell goodies despite her incarnation in FE16.
And not only Supreme Leader - but the entirety of WC where we basically have 70% of the cast crying/complaining about their "mixed blood" or lack of and basically adding their 10 cents to the "this race and its blood is the reason why the world sucks".
I mean, can you imagine Sylvain selling any goodies and alts if Flayn replied to his "wah wah people only are kind to me and want to fuck me because I have Nabatean blood :(" by some uncharacteristic "good for you, I have to hide my ears, had to dye my hair, have to lie about my family because if the truth is found out about my identity, I will be hunted and vivisected like an animal and harvested for parts by people who call my kin abominations - just like what happens in the game where the same people who call my kin "abominations" ally with a classmate who calls me a creature and pretends I am incapable of human feelings based on my race".
FE Fodlan's main selling point is its cast of students, for various reasons, but even if I tried to kid myself, Nopes and FEH made it clears : students are the main selling point.
If you spare more time and attention to the Nabatean plot/lore, the students either grow from "likeable" to "despicable" or worse, you won't gaf about them because yeah sure, Hilda might be upset because people expect things from her due to her crust, but it would feel like a "peanut" compared to Seteth's irrational (granted, it's not so irrational since GW exists) fear that Flayn's newest friends would dissect her if they learnt she was a Nabatean, and being conflicted by finally letting her have human friends and form bonds she crave, or protect her due to the trauma from the genocide of their species.
Don't get me wrong, I love peanuts, I mean, not everyone can have a tragik of loaded backstory!
And yet, given how this verse's DNA is "can you fight against the red emperor who uwus about you", they had to add copious amounts of Earl Grey to their games so there's no clear-cut factions :
The "Your alien blood and its influence on the world corrupted it, so I want to reform it under my command" vs "I don't want to die and you oppose me due to my race and side with the people who genocided my kin"
is turned to :
"Your alien blood Crests and its your church's influence on the world corrupted it, so I want to reform it under my command"
"I don't want to die and you oppose me due to my race and side with the people who genocided my kin"
Sprinkle with the cast's hammering here and there that the "reforms" might be needed - but never develop on what they are - and add a few baseless and groundless takes as a toping (basically everything Claude says about tolerance and the general "isolationism/foreign policy" stuff) and you get FE Fodlan where the Red Emperor's war isn't seen as the catastrophe it is in the other entries from the series!
Now, for FEH...
FWIW, the F!F!Billy's trailer had them try to explain that Sothis was a bit pissed about her slaughtered/massacred children when Nopes never gave any reason about why she was pissed - maybe on Billy's behalf bcs Jerry's dead, but come on, she would indeed deserve the medal of the worst parent in the franchise if that was the case, since Billy can murder her daughter without Sothis taking over ! - but given that they cannot write/go against the source game those characters are from.
They tried a bit, with B!Supreme Leader and Hegemongard's FB, but then it stopped (because she had no "new unit" released since then lol) and I can understand why : Hegemongard came out before the Supreme Emblem, and Hegemongard hates dragons who are seen/perceived as gods by some of their human followers. Come FE17, and now Supreme Emblem accepts Alear because they are "one of the good ones". We can come up with HCs and details and talk about what are emblems or if Hegemongard's views were only hers at the end of AM all day long... But imo, Doylist wise, it still feels it's a retcon because the devs from the main games tried to scrap and remove the most "controversial" traits she had.
For the other characters... Well, you see what Marianne is in FEH (but even in her base games), she's one of the few characters who reacts - in a way - to the partial history about relics and demonic beasts and all... only to give sad uwus to Maurice.
FE16 (and Nopes) refused to have any "student" character react to the Nabatean lore/reveal, about what are relics and all. There are no lines, Claude shared some knowledge in the explore section of VW's last chapter, but we don't have anyone muse or think or even talk about what are relics, what are crests, and what kind of fuckery their ancestors or the ancient humans of Fodlan did.
With that in mind, FEH can't do much : either they write Marianne in a retcon-y way like what happened for Hegemongard (and they're not afraid to piss on characterisation, look at Lyon!), or they flanderise her "character" and develop her around 3 lines she had in the game in her paralogue, and continue to give sad uwus about Momo when he was at best a guy who slaughtered and murdered so much that he abused the Nabatean turned into a relic to the point where he turned in a demonic beast even if he had a matching crest, or at worst, had been part of Nemesis's piñata party in Zanado and was something of a genocider.
Tldr :
Why FE Fodlan never gaf about Nabateans : earl grey + the marketable cast has to stay marketable and you can't sell peanuts at the same price you'd sell swordfish
Why FEH dgaf about Nabatean lore : they can't afford to retcon characters + they have to sell peanut alts with the same seasoning they had in their base game.
For what it's worth though, I think FEH is more daring than the base game(s) given how they gave more lines and screentime to Rhea - through her different alts - than GW. And they even designed her Halloween!alt's lines to piss on some of Claude's assertions, while the various FB involving members of the church also - indirectly - reply to some accusations thrown their way in FE16 when, FE16, never gave them an opportunity or lines to explain that those takes were full of dung.
*"but random, maybe she doesn't know that the crests she often decries is "dragon blood"!"
It's highly debatable, especially given what she and Hubert throw to Billy in CF - but even if she doesn't, Doylist wise we still have a character who, knowingly or not, says "this race and its blood* is the reason why the world sucks" and who is never called out on her prejudice. That's more of an issue regarding the general writing though, she has to be a red emperor and took pages from Ashnard's book, and yet, the player must still feel bad and want to romance her, so her mindest/goal cannot be looked at too closely, because, I guess, even the devs thought it would be difficult to romance her (thus sell goodies!) if more light was shed on the "blood from this race corrupts our people" schtick -> which in turn would also make characters whose backstory and gimmick rely on "crying about crests" be way less likeable, thus marketable and able to sell goodies.
#anon#replies#heroes salt#fodlan nonsense#they can't develop stuff about nabateans else the people would wonder if this thing existed in FE16/Nôpes#and we all know people siding with the Agarthans would have like#a harder time justifying being allied to the Agarthans even if they don't know everything that transpired between them and the nabs#and yet Pelleas is accused of being a moron for listening to Izuka when he didn't even knew Izuka was the one who#developed the feral subhuman drug and earnt a PHD so#in the end everything's always about money#I'd buy in a heartbeat any Hilda (fe4) figurine#but i guess thes devs/money makers believe that antagonists at least in this franchise don't sell as well as marketable characters#like prime waifus#hell even UO started to print figurines of the main heroines but none as of yet of Alcina#can you imagine if the uwu overprotective dad joke#that is basically the crux of the Flayn'n'Seteth's relationship#was more developed in the lines of Seteth being afraid that Flayn would trust humans too much and reveal the truth about her#in a gesture of friendship and trust! and it would turn against her#I mean isn't it basically why the nabs are pissed at Adrestia??#Rhea trusted Willy about her pointy ears and now Willy's scion wants them out of Fodlan because their ears are pointy#or Flayn really getting along with people but ultimately not being able to trust them fully because she cannot tell them the truth#and maybe her support friends and all either pulling what everyone does with Marianne#or have the issue resolved in a more meaningful way like Nabs finally accepting to trust humans again in a plot relevant cutscene#and Flayn's final supports only being available after that cutscene#but we couldn't have that at all because again#Earl Grey + peanuts#can you imagine Sylvain getting a convo with Flayn post reveal? Where he feels like trash for wahwahing about his crust?#that's not the route the games wanted to walk on#so FEH can't walk it either#I swear this isn't a post asking for a new rhealt lol
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with all his phds and all you can pretty much make dr ratio whatever you want and i know everyone does physics/math/medicine in some form and all, but that man is so fucking history humanities coded it’s like… embarrassing to see
#i cannot explain it. he has at least some form of a history degree even if it’s not a phd. he’s so humanities coded#hsr#dr ratio#veritas ratio#thoughts#still deciding between public / policy / social & cultural and all#like i feel like no matter which one he gets a phd in or whatever. after he becomes a prof he starts leaning into public history#public history sometimes gets a bad rep too bc it’s not like research for research’s sake and is trying to *do* something w it#and i think he’d absolutely thrive in it. especially in trying to make history more accessible to ppl outside of academic settings
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I know that the overlap is probably razor thin, but I need those in the overlap to imagine the insane potential that a DBD Midnight Burger AU could bring
#they'd all be young adults and they'd all have wildly different reasons for joining the diner#edwin actually sought it out after getting out of the wwi draft and earning a PHD in physics#charles wound up on a TED spaceship after he left home with nowhere else to go and bounced around the triad for a while before he found it#crystal needed to escape from her life and did it in the most insane and unpredictable way possible#niko was listless after her parents died and just needed a new job and a fresh start#and jenny? she needed to use the phone#no clue if there'd be a version of effie and zeb but i am playing around with crystal's powers manifesting similarly to effie's premonition#dead boy detectives#midnight burger#edwin payne#charles rowland#crystal palace#niko sasaki#jenny green
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Beard and Nate: friends to enemies to God I hope they get to be friends again
One thing I found interesting about this episode is Beard and Jane's axe-throwing date with the bespoke Nate Crotch Targets. Leaving aside Beard's 17 axes, which he cannot imagine having in a different country (and I do love that at some point between probably season 1 and 2, when he and Ted decided to stay in the UK for the forseeable future instead of going home after those first four months, Beard had his axes shipped and has added to the pile since then. Also that Ted is aware of Beard's axe problem), the vitriol of that is something that's really narratively significant, I think. Because it speaks to the fact that Beard has not remotely forgiven Nate for what he did. And I think that says a lot about Beard as a person, and as a friend.
Beard and Ted have been friends for a long time — long before Wichita (remember, they were only there for one year) — and whatever their past may be, they have a loyalty to each other that is really remarkable. Yes, Beard came to the UK along with Ted; but Ted must have insisted on them as a package deal, and Beard would have a pretty nice salary from Richmond too, not to mention comparable company housing to Ted's pad. They're very close and comfortable talking about complicated, messy emotional stuff with each other — part of the reason the Diamond Dogs formed was because Ted and Beard's rapport began to expand to encompass Higgins and Nate. He sees those two as similar kinds of men, willing to honestly express their feelings and mutually support each other.
And then Nate starts to change.
Beard and Ted first clock it in the very first episode of season 2, in Nate's attitude toward Will (which I think is more Nate repeating the mistakes that his father made with him than Nate actively reveling in abuse — I have a whole BOOK I want to write about Lloyd and Nate's conversation in this past episode, I absolutely cried, don't look at me). Neither of them say anything, which I think would be a mistake if this was real life but in the show is meant to reflect the idea that "sometimes you can let people make mistakes and improve on their own, but sometimes you have to step in early." But Beard, throughout the season, watches Nate a little more carefully, and then when Nate really goes over the line with Colin, he finally steps in. Nate makes his public apology to Colin and things are seemingly fine — remember, Nate's awful comment to Will happens out of Beard's sight.
But Beard obviously doesn't stop watching Nate, because he figures out pretty much instantly that Nate was Trent's source for the story about Ted's panic attacks. Not only that, but the first thing Nate does when Beard sees him is to ask where Roy is, and then lie to him when Beard makes a pretty blatant comment about the article. Then later, when they're all talking with Roy about the Jamie & Keeley situation and Nate confesses about the kiss, Beard makes the flat "I'd be happy to punch you in the face" comment. Because from his perspective, Nate's done something absolutely awful and won't even admit to it, even though he'll readily admit to trying to kiss Keeley. (I'm not making any claims as to which one is "worse," but the show clearly wants to portray Nate talking to Trent as the bigger problem.) Then you have the fight between Nate and Ted (which Ted 10000% told Beard about, I cannot imagine a world where he didn't), the ripped sign, and Nate leaving the club to coach for Rupert Mannion.
As far as Beard can see, Nate took what Beard and Ted had given him — not the assistant coachship, but the camaraderie and trust — and used it to hurt Ted in the most cowardly way possible.
And I don't think Beard is right.
We still don't know exactly why or how Nate told Trent about the panic attacks (what I wouldn't give for THAT flashback), but I think the folks who assume he did it to advance his own career or at the behest of Rupert or something are way off. I think Nate's anger at Ted is a whole other essay, and this past episode has really made it clear how much it's tangled up in his expectations for himself as well as for his father-figures, but I don't think that it's something Beard has been able to understand. All he sees is the fallout from Nate and Ted's broken friendship, and the grief that caused Ted this past year. He's only seen the pain on one side and not the other.
So we have Beard celebrating Nate's departure from West Ham, despite (and maybe because of) the fact that Ted's already forgiven Nate. We see Beard slowly trusting Trent — who after all did write the article but who wasn't Ted's friend or confidante at the time and owed him absolutely nothing — but still willing to erect boundaries when he wants to (even if he pulls them down within 30 seconds). And what I hope we get in the next two episodes is Beard understanding Nate more and accepting that his friend still needs him.
And that his friend is Nate.
#ted lasso#this is what I meant the other day when I said that I don't really watch the show for romantic relationships#because the friendships are SO FASCINATING#not all the characters on this show are written to be fully dimensional#(Dani as amazing as he is does not really... make sense as a person ESPECIALLY AFTER THIS EPISODE)#but the even those characters I want to study like my PhD is on the line#sidenote: who else is dying to know what the deal with Rene is#BECAUSE THAT RUNNING GAG WAS STUPENDOUS#believe mothereffers
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...
#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day#is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into#spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill#keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else#and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late#to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a#job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place#but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human#level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker#unrelated
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chapter 162 page 18
#beastars#melon beastars#beastars melon#melon#chapter 162#what always gets me is that she lets him do this#she lets her son kill her#like there is absolutely no doubt that she abused him#she loved his papa so much something broke in her when he left and instead of learning to cope like a normal person she...#i have sympathy for a woman who clearly needed a lot of help and in the absence of that ended up abusing her child#but thats about where it ends#she deserved to die for what she did as much as she deserved to be helped#anyway unrelated to melomama sometimes i think about what happened to him after this#like chances are they wouldve tried to find the next of kin to dump him on#but considering how hybrids are viewed by society and how isolated melomama is AND how hard he was to track down by the police#chances are he just got lost in the foster system#having a fully fledged PhD by 23/24 is fuckin INSANE btw he wouldve had to skip grades n get into college courses by 12 at the latest#which means btw on pretty much all his legal documentation hes probably JUST marked as a gazelle#lol. melon. i think about him every day
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stinkiest little scowl on the fattest little cheeks, dickolas + hair gel ain't comin' within one zip code of him anymore
#on tpac#tpac.jpeg#phd-verse#phd.jpeg#verm scribbles#idk i think i'm getting legit sorta slightly better at doodling?#when i'm trying#i did do a lot of doodling over the past week#(but i still stay humble and fr i don't really know how to draw okay okay okay)#something about suiting lines (when i try) are easier to capture vs normal clothes#but god i cannot draw a hoodie#(he's usually in a hoodie + dress shirt + tie after school)#very avril lavigne of him (he never forgot his roots lol)#sweater vest szn upcoming & he plopped a little gotham academy patch that blends with the neckline ribbing for the charm#you might be thinking. ''all of the adult doodles of him have glasses. when does he get them?''#oh. just wait. soon.
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I started a literature course at the public library and there was the poshest women I've ever heard in my life there my eyes literally widened in disbelief at the way she was pronouncing some words omg...
#she was so um annoying though LMAOOOOOOO#every time she started talking about 'the first populations' of america i could see the trans girl in the group going like 😐#she was all like 'this story takes place in nature and of course the first population in america are very in touch with nature'#'which suggests to me the author definitely spent time with them' girl he literally is using nature as a source of horror#he explicitly stated that he used the 'hostility of natives' as an inspiration for the horror in his novels? he wasn't learning from them#it just seemed like she was trying to score liberal points or something idek it was so strange#and then this other woman was like 'the narrator just seems like an incel who didn't get his way' girl...#the poor guy teaching us has a PhD in spanish literature and he was trying his best to agree with everyones contributions but lmaoooo#also the people like 'its hard to understand old language' bro this is the teachers second language don't complain about finding it too hard#then half the group didn't even do the reading dkbdkebdkdjdj#anyway. i did really love it though i felt like hearing some other people's thoughts and the historical context was really fun#i love when you feel ambivalent about a text and then after analysing it you start to love it because you notice things you didn't before
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i’ve talked before about the fact that i like imagining down then left kahmunrah having some fancy rich fashion designer husband, and originally i was going to have this come up in the fic for plot related reasons (and the husband was going to be napoleon because i thought that would be funny) but the reason i ended up taking it out is because i became more obsessed with the idea of kahmunrah and al meeting each other through octavius and ahkmenrah and then ending up having a thing together but i didn’t have space to leave it in the fic
#al x kah is SO GOOD#just know that in my head al and kah end up having a thing#the horror on octavius and ahk’s faces when they release their best friend is fucking ahk’s brother#listen. gay friend groups are so messy with all the intertwining relationships and hookups i’m just making it realistic#i have this all planned out for no reason btw#al and kah meet because ahk’s friends have a dinner party thing to celebrate ahk getting his phd#this is after jed and octavius are together so jed is there too#they end up flirting and only ahk can tell because hes the only one who knows what flirty kah looks like#he drags octavius to the side and he’s like al is fucking hitting on my brother. octavius is like LMAO GIRL NOOO#jed is fucking oblivious and keeps interrupting the flirting by trying to join in with their conversation#octavius texts him under the table and is like stop fucking cock blocking al#i will say no more no one asked for this
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Called my aunt to wish her a happy birthday and we spent an hour discussing what I was doing with my life 😭
#my uncle wants me to go get a PhD in quant or finance or information systems and then become a professor#OR#be a lawyer or a dentist#the PhD thing was very specifically catered when I was like 👉🏽👈🏽 I wanna teach#none of those things sound all that appealing..#space law Has Potential#but I think it would make me want to rip my hair out#they were both like. you have two years but then figure your life out by then#and then they were like. what is ur cousin doing. has he proposed yet#and I was like ??? it hasn’t even bee n a year?? I think they’re going to Japan#and oopsies apparently he had not told them they were going to Japan#my bad#after I. very reasonably said it makes sense to wait 2-3 years#he went ‘what is there going to be left to talk about then. life is all downhill from there. might as well get married now’#and. I’ve never ever ever heard that from a human being before#WHAT DO U MEAN YOULL RUN OUT OF THINGS TO TALK ABOUT#I could never#anyways love having my existential crises exacerbated by familial interactions#they just Say Things#I need to study. I’m gonna go do that maybe#actually no I want to complain more. my uncle keeps saying that the problem with space is that there’s only a few cities that work on it.#and that’s gonna limit my choice of partner#(so funny how they say partner. they are very homophobic and have no idea or they’d go THE MAN YOU MARRY like my mother does)#I feel like space is growing…#altho I’m sure that’s what people thought in the 60s and 70s and 80s and 90s#idk some of these bitches have been around since like the 70s and 80s and 90s#so it’s not like they all got fired immediately#my dental hygienist was telling me space was great until Obama slashed the budget#I didn’t have anything to say back considering I was 8 when he was elected and know v little about his policies#anyways. this is a psa to not call ur relatives even to wish them happy bday because then they’ll trap u in conversation and make u question
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update if you're anxiously awaiting the follow-up to my post from last night: i went to the open mic and performed one of my aubrey monologues!! tbh this performance was the best any of my aubrey performances have gone so far (tho to be fair that's a bit of a low bar. i don't mean to be self-deprecatting or discredit the people who have seen my performances so far and liked them, i'm mostly judging from how it feels to be performing which doesn't always line up with outside perceptions etc.)
idk if it's at a level yet where i'd want to post the video bc there were two main spots where i know my pacing could have been better, and also the audience barely laughed (which was fine bc there was barely anyone in the audience and they were spread out throughout the room and people tend to not laugh as frequently when they're by themselves) but that might make the audio seem weird
but as for positives: most of the people at the open mic had their notebooks/papers/phones/etc. with them bc they were trying out new material and had to check it as they went, which is a fine and normal thing to do, but it really made me stand out that i had my monologue completely memorized (which was very cool bc like. yes i've done the uncle reg monologue more than any other but i have revised some pieces so they were new, and i didn't even practice the monologue at all during the day leading up to the open mic! it's just in me!)
i still need to work on my physicality a bit more but wow this stage made such a difference. for one thing it's the first actual deliberate performance venue i've done aubrey at (i had three shitty classroom performances and one at a coffee shop which even tho it technically had a stage in the corner it clearly wasn't the main purpose of the room). and even more important it's a stage i've performed on so many times in a different context (with my improv troupe) that i felt more comfortable walking around and using the full space rather than standing still
interestingly even tho i was definitely an outlier in many ways compared to the other comedians (youngest performer, only performer who's not a cis man, potentially the only queer performer tho i can't be certain of that since i don't know some of the other comedians on that level) i actually really loved that contrast bc it brought more energy to my piece (and i have a high tolerance level for cishet men, especially in comedy. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i am who i am).
surprisingly i was not the only "extra" comedian (as in, a comedian that requires things other than the bare essentials to perform their set) but that's just bc my favorite improv scene partner was also performing tonight and he did a whole bit that involved a candle, two lighters, and a tarp, which made my character-schtick seem average in comparison lmao
i'll probably do another one when i can (they're the first thursday of every month, i might be in toronto for july's show but i'll probably be around for august)
#i don't have my video of my set yet bc fire-guy's wife filmed it for me on a high quality video camera and idk when she'll send it over#it was a great time especially bc even tho i've been performing with the improv people who were there for over 5 years now#they hadn't seen me do any aubrey stuff yet so it was cool to share that side of my comedy#and i love that the two ''weird'' bits were from me and fire-guy bc he's legit one of my favorite comedians to work with#(even tho he's not a professional comedian like this guy's day job is some super advanced physics thing. he and his wife both have PHDs)#someday i'm gonna make some kind of show or project and cast him in a role lmao#i remember when i was like seventeen he introduced me to someone as ''the funniest person i know''#and that same year he was given an uncomfortable prompt in a solo-improv thing#and he ended up taking it in a surreal direction that made it much funnier and after the show he told me that he came up with it by going#''ok what would jess do if they were given this prompt''#so yeah i'm happy even doing our solo ''standup'' sketches we were able to do our own weird bits together#btw this post is like mostly for me. if you read all this that's cool but if not that is fine i'm just using this to process
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mini life update in the tags bc i need somewhere 2 rant < 3
#u can ignore but!#in the process of secretly prepping to cut my mum off bc shes got total financial control over me (im 26)#i got a lot of money when i was 18 from an accident n shes basically in control of my assets bc she made it that wah#*way#if that makes sense#like i can only access my money if i go to the bank with her. she lives in a house i boyght her free of charge#sje bullied me into biying another house in wales so she can rent it out as a holidah home n use it as a free holiday spot n said i would#get an income from it but shes given me nothing in the 4/5 yrs weve had it#she put her name on the deeds to all my assets#so i have money but it is inaccessible#i need some bc i need to fund my phd next year but sje wont help me#anyways! thats lowkey besides the point#my dads got a brain tumor n my mum doesnt know i still see my dad bc she thinks i havent spoke to him since je left like 3 yrs ago#but i helped hjm leave bc she was abusing him n had been since i was like 9#n now im stressed out bc my dads not well and i feel like um running out of time with him#but hes in the hospital at the minute after having a siezure a few weeks after his brain surgery#so ive visited him like 3 days in a row n he remarried this year and my stepmum/sisters are so nice#its like having a real family#and it makes me feel guilty yo say that abt my mum n sister#like the guilt of havi g a bad parent is so real tonight fellas im just gonna sit n cry for a few dags#tbd.#if u read this far i love u .. whats hr zodiac#but yeah! this is why im so inactive#n bc im doi g my masters degree but . that pales in comparison rn
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Celebrimbor met mortals on each trip to Nargothrond. Some intentionally - specifically the dwarves. The months that he spent as guest in his Cousin Felagund’s halls were with the express purpose of furthering his knowledge of metallurgy and stone-masonry under the guidance of the dwarves, and it was more convenient and feasible to learn from the dwarves that worked and studied at Nargothrond than to travel to Belegost or Norgrod and plead for admittance. Learning from the dwarves at Menegroth was strictly out of the question. Cousin Finrod Felagund was an excellent teacher himself and had knowledge over a wider range of subjects than anyone else in Celebrimbor’s extended family - and most important of all, Finrod was one who loved to teach and share. Curufin’s son knew the value of a willing teacher and someone whose prodigious skills included the art of teaching. To fulfill ambitions for self-actualization, Celebrimbor needed Nargthrond. He needed to study there as much as possible and needed the exposure to as many wide and bright and new ideas as possible.
And because Nargothrond was a bustling city at the crossroads of Beleriand, center of its diplomatic web, and Cousin Felagund was so closely entwined with the Edain, there were mortals that were not dwarves that lived in Nargothrond. Or at least came for a few months or years to study and learn as Celebrimbor did. Of course, their studies did not overlap with his, or at least Celebrimbor was ignorant if they did. He could only pick out one or two strange figures in the crowds of the underground city that wore unfamiliar clothing and had bearded chins without the stunted height of the dwarves. Distant curiosities that did not interest him, though Cousin Felagund never tired of them.
Celebrimbor did not care, except to learn the word of greeting in Taliska - and only because Cousin Felagund used it himself with everyone regardless of race.
The Edain woman that shook Celebrimbor awake, sparing his book on trigonometric roof angles and calculations for domes and vaults from further damage via the puddle of drool forming beneath his open mouth, was no such mortal. But in his embarrassed and bleary flush at being roused from so mortifying a state, Celebrimbor honed in on her clothing and the brightness of her braided hair. Having only rumors of the Hadorim extolling their blond hair and height, he did not perceive the oddness of her fair features paired with Bëorian garments. Nor would he have known the subtleties of difference in Edain cultural dress, though he was cognizant enough to recognize the fine quality of the gems on her jewelry. That she wore several emeralds set in gold in both a necklace and bracelets did not strike the Noldor elf as unusual. That, at least, was the ignorance of a prince and not an elf.
“Find a bed or bench to sleep, if you are so tired to endanger the books,” the young woman said. “That’s one of Cousin Turgon’s that you’re drooling over, and Uncle will be sad if it is ruined.”
Sleep could not be blamed for the confusion that her words caused, though they were spoken in clear Sindarin with a northern accent. That a mortal would call their King Nóm by the appellation of Uncle was strange indeed. The woman left as Celembrimbor wiped the sleep (and drool) from his face. Her disappearance troubled him, as did her appearance, and Celebrimbor stood to chase after her. But exiting the room, he could not tell in which direction down the empty tunnel-like hallway that she had turned. He pondered the mystery and why the features of her face clung to his memory until he puzzled out that she had not been a mortal at all. Those gray eyes were as familiar as kin. Finwion gray, those eyes had been, even if their light lacked the glow of the Trees. Cousin Orodreth had a daughter, Finduilas. That must have been the identity of the mystery maiden.
For their second meeting, the maiden looked even less like an elven princess with flour streaked across her brow, a large apron covering her dress, and a white cap hiding most of her hair. She shoved a strange pastry of golden-brown pebbly dough into Celebrimbor’s hands and brusquely demanded that he take a bite of it. The intensity by which she observed his tentative and then enthusiastic mastications were that of a hunting hawk or scientist. Celebrimbor thought that she looked beautiful, though the aroma of food on his empty stomach was a strong influence. A princess clinically evaluating the sweetness and moisture of pastries did not strike him as unusual. Rumors placed Finduilas’s interests in other fields, those of music and horsemanship. But Cousin Finrod flitted from one hobby to another. She truly was beautiful. And this pastry was perfect. A second pastry was shoved into the famished elf’s waiting hands.
“Anárwen Aegnoriel,” she introduced herself as, and he was doomed.
#flash ficlet#a recent comment of Whatcha Gonna Call It reminded me of them#my fic#silm fic#nómwen#celebrimbor#their dynamic is starving phd student and culinary student that adopts him#and peredhil that hates mortality and inventor who tries to fix it totally nothing can go wrong with that#their early dynamic celebrimbor after much study decides he’s in love with Nómwen#she tells him that he’s wrong actually he’s just starving because he forgets to eat and she brings food#celebrimbor: ok I was just squishing on your homecooked meals and your vague Nerdanel Galadriel vibes#Nómwen: god damn this nerd boy is stupid I find him irritating and not at all attractive#Finduilas watching all this: they are both in denial this is painfully cute
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now that i'm actually satisfied with her name and face claim i can finally start figuring out how to put briar into the clown brigade storyline properly
#personal#still kinda waiting for the cyberpunk dlc to come out so i can determine whether or not i wanna use the story for my canon#i'm still hoping it's gonna be like. added into the existing timeline of the in-game events if that makes sense?? so not added Afterwards#would make it easier for me to use it SHGJFDHGJFDG#after the broker fic there's a bit of an interlude. followed by the introduction of mikhail's family#and then after that mikhail is going back to school to get his phd and cato gets to be head of security for a while#and after all of THAT is when briar comes into play :^) she's younger than her face claim and a merc who shows up at vitali's office#and well she is very young and if he sends her away she's just gonna end up with another fixer so he lets her stay#and who knows what else will happen!! not me!!!
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#theres gotta be. like there has to be something wrong with my head#ugh. not wrong. wrong is a bad word. just. i should not b this hard to get my brain to focus on literally anything that matters#its just so frustrating. im doing the best i ever have. and yet i still cant focus. wtf else can i do?#god dammit. all i wanna do is listen to garbage and draw and draw and draw my shitty little scribbles#maybe my head jsut wasnt built for what im trying to do with it#so idk how tf im supposed to get thru the next 4 years of my phd. or wtf im gonna do after#maybe i should just have just started working at a lab when i graduated. just be a lab manager for thr rest of my life#i dunno. i dunno what to do. how to make my head work. it shouldnt be this hard. my dad can just do things he doesnt want to and im like#HOW??? Im too much like my mom. especially now that im way less anxious. she was a procrastinater and a messy disaster#ay. im just frustrated and feeling guilty abt the lack ot work getting done. i just wanna get back into thr lab#unrelated
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