#He’s watching the carwash

[yeetusthemighty]

Safe

And also freaking tf out

the og post was way too long so I'm making a new one

thanks for the tag @lombolica !! :D

You're stuck in a room with the last character in your gallery how safe are you

very safe

the worst thing that could happen is him being clumsy, so I think I'm alright (unless monsters find him I guess)

tagging (no pressure): @flaretheidiot @lemonic-whimssyy @wibbly-wobbly-blog @cryptidanathema @virtualunease @aurlworthfightingfor @angrysheep @sugarplumanderson @time-travelling-chaos @fateisnotafactor @monstrousmaws @sinfulauthor @idkaguyorsomething @vampireopossum and anyone who wants to do this!

[asphodeldreams]

the scene in challengers where the guy is pathetically (affectionate) laying his head in his wife’s lap after their argument about him not being physically/emotionally capable of continuing on with his career but it’s wash and carolina send post

[fischiee]

carwash sibs is OVER make way for mainelina sibs

[seraphdreams]

we need to talk about the annual (insert gang here) bike washes!

[emmyrosee]

How about a little something of Samu doing a shirtless car wash 👀

OOOOOOOO 👀👀👀

———

For the nth time that hour, you peek out the window of your house to watch Osamu be, once again, the most handsome creature to walk the face of the earth.

It’s hot outside, so hot you can’t help but fan yourself with your hands or random pieces of paper around the house. The ac broke, leaving you shrouded in heat and Osamu to entertain himself with the hose as he polishes and washes your cars, your new clean car glimmering in the sun and the dirt rinsing off of his and onto the ground below.

His hat is turned backwards, and you know it’ll give him a ridiculous tan line but you’ll somehow find it beyond attractive regardless, and his shorts sit low on his hips, revealing the dips of his hips and abs that rest happily amongst a small bit of tummy pudge you love to bite.

Water glimmers on his chest, and you sink your teeth in your lip as he turns to face you, a smirk curling on his cheeks and a wink from his grey eyes. You’re snapped out of your daze however when he sprays the hose at the window, and you squeal and duck away out of instinct.

“You wanna help me?” He calls to you, and you giggle and shake your head.

“Just enjoying the show!” You call back. He laughs and shakes his own head, going back to washing his car, muscles shifting and bulging as he moves. You grab a can of soda from the fridge and make your way outside, and he groans gratefully.

“You’re literally the love of my life,” he pants, grabbing the can and rolling it along his neck, beads of sweat trickling down his forehead as he sighs in relief. A finger then flicks the tab of the soda open, and he takes more than a few grateful sips- your eyes fixate on the bobbing of his adams apple.

In your staring, you can’t help but shriek as a splash of cold water covers your body, soaking your clothes and sending straight shivers down your spine. It would feel awful had you not been overheating just moments ago. “Osamu!” You squeal, and he chuckles.

“What’re you starin’ at?” He teases.

“You. Always,” you assure. He smiles and tosses an arm around you, his body warm from the sun and you burrow into his side. “You know… maybe we should do a shirtless carwash for onigiri miya- bring in some business.”

He snickers, “you want that many people seeing me shirtless?”

You pause. He looks down at you and you look up at him.

“Never mind.”

“That’s what I thought.”

[rafeyscurtainbangs]

Frat Rafe Headcanons

+18 Minor DNI

🪄 warnings: Pet names, unprotected p in v, mentions of oral sex, public sex, choking, jealousy, ownership kink, perv Rafe, recording sex, possessive, mentions of fighting, degradation

⭐️ republished ⭐️

Meeting Him…

Frat Rafe – Who first noticed you from across the lecture hall. Luckily for him, you were sitting next to a pledge who quickly switched seats the second Rafe gave him a hard look. He didn’t say a whole lot at first, chuckling to himself as he watched a little blush creep across the apples of your cheeks when he spread his thighs slightly brushing his knee against yours.

Frat Rafe – Who couldn’t take his eyes off of you through the soapy glass at the Fraternity Car Wash. You shamelessly recorded the show, giggling and smiling as he and his brothers washed cars between slow grinds and finger-drawn hearts. A very wet Rafe Cameron somehow made it through the car window, his tall frame barely fitting inside the cab as he continued to work for your cash. He danced to the music blaring through the speakers, smiling cheekily as you tucked a few extra dollars in his short red trunks.

Frat Rafe – Who waved you down before you could pull out of the lot, jogging up to your freshly cleaned car, asking you to come out to the bar that night.

Frat Rafe – Who sent three back-to-back text messages before you could pull away, the third making your mouth fall open. You looked through the window, watching Rafe chuckle and smirk, pretty proud of himself at the reaction that he got from you and the smile you couldn’t take off your lips.

Frat Rafe – Who you fucked after the first date. You couldn’t stop thinking about him after the carwash, his tanned, toned skin glistening in the sun. It was unclear just how many times you watched that fucking video, but it was a lot. You couldn’t wait to get your hands on him. Rafe Cameron lived up to every one of the rumors. The sex was amazing, the best you ever had, rough and slow, fast when you needed it. His long thick cock filled you deliciously. It seemed like he was always one step ahead of you; like he knew what you wanted before you even asked. His beautiful blue eyes were always on you, hazed with sex. His soft lips and tongue pleased you again and again ‘til you were a babbling mess.

Dating Frat!Rafe…

Frat Rafe – Who’s affectionate and gentle with you. Only you get to see that side of him, Rafe, reserving all his sweetness for you.

Frat Rafe – Who loves to wrap his strong arm around your neck in doggy, tugging you as close as possible, ‘til you’re begging him to let you cum.

Frat Rafe – Who went absolutely crazy the first time you called him daddy. The petname quickly became his favorite.

Frat Rafe – Who loves to brag about you to his frat brothers, especially when he’s drunk. The blonde, quick to remind them how much better you are than the girls they are hitting on to the point where it’s downright rude. You’ll scold his tipsy ass, and he’ll sass you as he continues to dog his friend until you have no choice but to smash your lips against his and steal the words off his lips.

Frat Rafe – Who sent you this message just a few days after you started talking:

Little did you know how much it was on his mind. He hated that you weren’t official. A much as Rafe wanted you to belong to him, he wanted to belong to you.

Frat Rafe – Who asked you out that night ‘cause he couldn’t wait any longer.

Frat Rafe – Who loves sneaking away with you at parties. Sure, he loves showing you off, but his favorite thing to do is chill in his truck, listening to music while the two of you share a joint and talk.

Frat Rafe – Who would rather spend every night at your place than the frat house because he can actually relax. Some nights you go to sleep alone and wake up with Rafe’s strong body hugging you from behind after he let himself in with the key you had cut just for him. He couldn’t sleep and needed you.

Frat Rafe – Who lives in weathered fraternity t-shirts and snapbacks if he’s not rocking a crisp polo. At any function, Rafe’s hat usually ends up on your head, one way or another, left on from time to time when you suck him off or ride his cock.

Frat Rafe – Who doesn’t trust any of his frat brothers around you but Top. If you’re coming over to hang out he’s meeting you out at your car to walk you in. If you’re at a party his hand is in yours, resting on your back, draped over your shoulder, or wrapped around your waist. He loves the contact just as much as he loves keeping you safe.

Frat Rafe – Who texts you cute/horny shit when he’s drunk and you’re away.

He often questions how he got so lucky or why are you dating me again? Rafe knows you love him, he just loves hearing it. His frat brothers also know when you’re gone for the weekend because Rafe turns into an absolute dick, bitching about everything until you’re back.

Frat Rafe – Who doesn’t care if people can hear the two of you having sex in fact he loves it. Rafe coaches you through each orgasm, trying hard to get you screaming for him.

“C’mon, princess… Let these boys hear how good daddy’s givin’ it to you.”

“Shh… Baby, I’d hate for all these guys to hear what a filthy fuckin’ slut you are f’me.”

“Bet he didn’t think I was fuckin’ you right. What do you think he thinkin’ now huh?”

He also loves watching you walk back into the party all flushed and wobbly knowing that he was the reason you were weak in the knees. Rafe loves to mark you with love bites, and hand prints, dark hickies on your cleavage that peek out of your low-cut dress, pairing beautifully with the sparkly little R pendant around your neck.

Frat Rafe – Who dedicates every Wednesday night for date night and will never let a frat meeting or function interfere.

Frat Rafe – Who’s a surprisingly good dancer. He’ll only dance at the bar if he’s wasted, but when he does, your ass is pressed up against him with his strong hands clutching your hips. It doesn’t take long until you’re dress is bunched up around your waist, panties pushed to the side, with Rafe’s pants in a puddle around his ankles as he fills you up in the dingy bar bathroom. On the other hand, if you’re at the frat house, it only takes a song or two until your bent over the bathroom sink or pressed up against the hallway wall.

Frat Rafe – Who couldn’t wait for Spring Break. Each drunken day was spent at the beach with his frat brothers and your friends – each night, a different bar. But Rafe made sure you still had some moments alone whether it be to take you shopping, share a beer, or watch the sunset.

Frat Rafe – Who got rid of his dirt bike and bought a motorcycle instead. Of course, making sure he bought a helmet for you so he could bring you to class or for a cruise around campus.

Frat Rafe – Who fell in love with you all over again when you made him a beer poster with yourself as the model. You had no idea how much he loved it until you showed up to the next frat party and saw it framed on the wall.

Frat Rafe – Who’s gotten in trouble with the law a few times for fighting. Rafe, no stranger to a fight on account of you when someone tries to start shit or gets handsy. He never ends up making it to jail, usually talking or paying his way out of it.

Frat Rafe – Who knows your class schedule like the back of his hand. Whenever he’s at the library he’ll text you and ask if you need a study break which is code for stuffing you full of his cock in study room D.

Frat Rafe – Who jealously gets the better of him, and when he pisses you off, all it takes is a flirty smile and a wave at one of his frat brothers or a hockey player to set him off. The rest of the night consists of rough, possessive sex, and punishment which somehow turns into sweet, slow passionate sex where’s he’s mumbling I love you’s and I’m sorry’s between deep strokes and kisses.

Frat Rafe – Who loves it when you wear his clothes, especially his oversized frat t-shirts paired with your cute little panties.

Frat Rafe – Who sends you gym selfies because he knows how crazy they make you, especially post-workout shots.

Frat Rafe – Who couldn’t keep his hands or eyes off you at the frat formal. It was hard not to think about the future when you looked so pretty in your white sparkly dress.

Frat Rafe – Who’s fiercely loyal. You never need to worry about other girls around him, but the sight of it still makes you jealous. Rafe is quick to assure you you’re all he wants and needs.

Frat Rafe – Who has a thing for your panties. The lacey and prettier the better; wrapped around the shift of his truck, looped over the hand of his bedroom door, the rung of his bedpost, anywhere and everywhere. He loves to wrap them around the base of his cock when you ride him or knot them around your wrists when he ties you to his headboard. But his eyes roll back in his skull when you stuff them in his mouth because he loves how you taste.

Frat!Rafe – Who loves recording the two of you having sex and frequently snaps pictures of you just ‘cause.

Frat!Rafe – Who won’t just send you dick pics when you ask, but videos with the sounds on, usually moaning your name until he’s spilling onto his hand, using the pictures or videos the two of you took as porn.

Frat!Rafe – Who had to change his lock screen when you took him home for the holidays because it was a picture of you in his favorite lingerie.

Frat!Rafe – Who has pictures of you everywhere and he doesn’t care who sees because don’t you wish you had a girl like mine.

[reidmarieprentiss]

Car Wash

Summary: Derek drives Spencer through a carwash fundraiser.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: flirty fluff

Warnings/Includes: sorority, swimsuits, washing cars in swimsuits, suggestive content (16+)

Word count: 1.1k

a/n: i think Spencer would feel so uncomfortable seeing a bunch of people in swimsuits washing his car lolol

main masterlist

The rhythmic thud of the highway under the tires accompanied the quiet hum of the car's engine as Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid made their way back from a particularly intense death row interview. The two FBI agents, having spent the past few hours delving into the mind of a convicted criminal, were both relieved to be heading home, though their minds lingered on the case's haunting details.

"Man, that was intense," Derek finally broke the silence, his hands firmly on the steering wheel as he navigated through the bustling city traffic. "I'm glad that's over."

Spencer nodded, his gaze fixed on the passing scenery outside the window. "Yeah, I don't think I'll ever get used to that kind of interview."

Derek chuckled lightly, shaking his head. "You'd think after all these years we'd have a thicker skin. But nope."

As they turned a corner, Derek noticed a sign up ahead, its bright colors catching his attention. "Hey, check that out," he said, nodding toward the sign.

“Oh, looks like we stumbled upon a fundraiser,” Derek remarked with a grin. “You’re in luck, genius. Maybe a little car wash will wash away some of that prison grime from our heads.”

Spencer’s eyes widened as they neared the scene. The sorority members were decked out in swimsuits and tank tops, holding colorful sponges and buckets of soapy water. They moved gracefully between the cars, laughing and chatting with the drivers, their enthusiasm infectious.

As Derek drove them into line, Spencer shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his gaze darting from one vibrant swimsuit to the next. The vibrant scene seemed to overwhelm him. His fingers tapped nervously on his knee, and Derek couldn’t help but chuckle at his friend's obvious discomfort.

“Relax, pretty boy. It���s just a bunch of college kids raising money for a good cause. Nothing to be nervous about,” Derek teased, patting Spencer on the shoulder.

“Uh, yeah, I know,” Spencer mumbled, trying to focus on anything but the exuberant display of youthful energy around them. He tugged at the collar of his shirt, suddenly feeling out of place.

A cheerful, beautiful young woman approached the car, her hair and body glistening with droplets of water, and a welcoming smile on her face.

You leaned over, hands on the window frame, and peered inside. “Hey there! Thanks for stopping by! This is for the academic sorority – we’re fundraising for educational resources. Would you like a wash?”

Derek nodded, his smile brightening. “Absolutely. Do you have a special academic rate for FBI agents?”

You laughed, a sound like tinkling bells. “Sorry, no special rates, but we promise the best car wash you’ll ever experience. Just pull forward, and we’ll take care of you.”

Spencer gave a nervous smile, unsure of where to look. The energy of the place was intoxicating, yet he felt like an outsider, his usual calm replaced with a peculiar kind of tension.

As Derek pulled the car into the washing zone, the girls and nonbinary members surrounded them, sponges in hand, and began their sudsy assault. The group worked with practiced efficiency, their movements fluid and rhythmic, creating an almost choreographed display of teamwork.

“Reid, you’re missing the show,” Derek said, nudging him playfully. “Lighten up a little. It’s just soap and water.”

Spencer tried to maintain his composure, but it was nearly impossible with the enticing spectacle unfolding outside the window. “I know, I know,” Spencer replied, his voice barely above a whisper. He watched through the window as a particularly enthusiastic member wielded a hose, sending a cascade of water over the windshield. “It’s just…a lot to take in.”

Derek chuckled, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “You mean the half-naked people covered in soapy water rubbing their bodies on the car?”

“Yeah,” Spencer cleared his throat, his eyes flicking to the scene outside once again. “That.”

His gaze unintentionally kept finding you, drawn in by the way your swimsuit fit you so perfectly, and the way the bubbles seemed to cling to your skin, accentuating your every curve. The sun was relentless in its teasing, casting golden rays that danced across your shimmering body, emphasizing the soap suds glistening against your skin. Spencer's cheeks flushed with warmth, a result of both the sun and his own embarrassment.

You noticed Spencer’s stare, your lips curving into a playful smirk as you met his gaze. With a teasing wink, you took the sponge in your hand, wringing out the water so it cascaded down your chest, sending rivulets of soapy water running down your body in a mesmerizing display.

Spencer felt like all the air had been sucked from his lungs. He shifted in his seat, trying to find a position that would hide the obvious problem in his slacks. His mind raced, heart pounding in his chest.

“You’re that uncomfortable, pretty boy?” Derek teased, a knowing smile on his lips.

“Shut up, Morgan,” Spencer mumbled, his face burning as he tried to look anywhere but in your direction.

Derek laughed heartily, shaking his head. “I think she’s got her eye on you, man.”

As the car wash ended, and Spencer’s discomfort reached its peak, Derek rolled down the window to pay. But instead of approaching Derek’s side, you walked confidently to Spencer’s window, tapping on the glass.

Spencer rolled down the window, eyeing you with curiosity and suspicion. “Um, hi,” he stammered.

“Hey,” you greeted him, your smile dazzling. “Do you have a pen?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Spencer fumbled in his satchel, retrieving a pen and handing it to you. His fingers brushed against your wet skin, and he felt a shiver run up his spine.

You took the pen, holding out your hand expectantly. Spencer hesitated for a moment before realizing what you wanted. He extended his arm, raising an eyebrow in surprise as you began writing your number on his forearm with a playful grin.

“The wash is on the house,” you said, smirking at him. “You can take me to dinner instead.” With a blown kiss and a confident stride, you walked away, leaving Spencer utterly speechless.

Spencer sat there, mouth slightly agape, as he watched you disappear into the crowd of volunteers. He glanced down at the number on his arm, then back at Derek, who was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“Did that just happen?” Spencer asked, his voice a mix of disbelief and awe.

“Yeah, Reid,” Derek laughed, giving him a pat on the back. “That just happened.”

As Derek drove away from the car wash, Spencer couldn't help but stare at the numbers on his forearm, a giddy smile spreading across his face. This unexpected turn of events had certainly added a twist to their day, and as he contemplated the prospect of taking you to dinner, he couldn't deny the flutter of excitement in his chest.

It was going to be an interesting evening, to say the least.

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tag list <333 @spencerreidsreads @sapph1re @idefktbh17 @dirtytissuebox @yokaimoon @reggieswriter @loumouse @mentallyunwellsposts @time-himself @chaneladdicted @kathrynlakestone @furrybouquettrash @hearts4spensco @gilwm

[tojipie]

as long as trade professions exists i WILL write this man working as each and every one of them.

mechanic toji x fem reader | 2.2k words !

content: smut ! semi public (??) not sure if garage sex counts

the feeling of your shoes losing their grip nearly sends you flying as you step into the car shop lobby.

whoever was working tonight clearly had no grasp on what a wet floor sign was, opting to cover the floor in what felt like 2 feet of suds.

“oh! sorry!” suguru exclaims, extending an arm for you to hold onto. “you okay?” 

“i’m ok sugu,” you tell him, feeling your anger dissipate at the sight of the shop’s newest bright-eyed apprentice. 

you can practically hear him asking you not to tell his boss, eyes big like a kicked puppy.

the smile you shoot him is soft and reassuring. 

suguru apologizes again, grabbing a caution sign from the supply closet.

“he’s in the garage if that’s who you’re looking for.” the apprentice adds, sending you in your husband's direction with a smile.

“toji?” you yell, scanning the 8-door garage for his telltale mop of black hair. 

“on your right!” he shouts, waving an oil-stained hand in the air to flag you down. cars in varying conditions line your path as you make a beeline for your husband, following his black footprints like breadcrumbs

a 59’ impala comes into view as you weave in between the tall legs of the suspension machines. toji is crouched on the driver’s side with his back to you, fiddling with the front end of the vehicle.

“woah,” you whisper, trailing your hand over interior seats wrapped in glossy leather. 

the cherry red exterior of the classic car is blinding, waxed to perfection by none other than the man in front of you

“aht, aht—hey.” toji chides, motioning for you to get your hands off the car.

“no fingerprints,” he says firmly, tossing you a rag from his equipment cart.

you quickly wipe down the headrest of the driver's seat, restoring it to its original sheen. the residue left on your hand smells like lemons, the sterile scent of carwash soap.

“you fix this up by yourself?” you ask, watching him fasten a new headlight into place. the amount of detailing was beyond impressive.

“course i did.” your husband chuckles. “can’t even trust these other guys with an oil change.”

you laugh, recalling the shop’s newest employee and your little wet floor debacle. toji reaches for the back of your calf, rubbing your leg affectionately from his spot on the floor.

“you’re the one that hires them.” you remind him.

“yeah, gotta stop doing that,” he mumbles, snorting at the way you smack his shoulder in protest.

the impala looks fresh off the conveyor belt with the amount of restoration that had been done to it. you can’t quite recall the last time you’d seen toji put this much work into a vehicle.

“what’s the story with this one?” you ask, stepping back to let your husband stand up.

navy blue coveralls come into view as toji rises from the floor, chest peeking out from where the one-piece garment is unzipped. he’s filthy, covered in motor oil and sweat. god, he looked good.

the raven-haired mechanic steps back with a cocky smile, zipping the garment down to just above his waist.

“what, like what you see?” he asks, slipping toned arms out of his uniform and tying the excess around his waist.

your mouth goes dry, eagerly taking in the way his body ripples under his black tank top.

“nah, nothing i haven’t seen before.” you tease, taking the spray bottle and cloth he holds out for you.

“right, okay.” your husband laughs, ego clearly knocked down a peg.

you’re wiping down the front windshield when he speaks again, answering your question from earlier.

“one of our regulars dropped her off a week ago, needed some help with parts,” he explains. the “her” in question being the obscenely glossy car in between the two of you.

“how’d the inside look?” you ask, strolling over to the sink. the smell of leather polish and windex gradually fades with a bit of scrubbing.

your husband scoffs, recalling the abhorrent state of the under-hood.

“fuck.. awful.” he explains, handing you a roll of paper towels. “some people don’t deserve cars like these.” he laughs, rubbing your back as you join him at the hood.

your husband fiddles with the tool cart, wheeling it closer to begin working on the tires.

“you look good tonight.” toji mumbles, leaning down to accept a kiss from you. you tug on the neck of his wifebeater just as he begins to pull away, roping him into a deeper kiss this time. 

“careful.” scarred lips mumble. you feel his hand trail down your back, slipping under the waistband of your jeans and leaving just as fast.

“stop being a tease,” you tell him. 

“s’ one hour till quitting time.” he says, grabbing a wrench from the cart. “can you make it, pretty girl? or do you need it right now?”

“i can wait.” you lie, not wanting to distract him from the job.

he nods, clearly not believing you. 

“you remember how to get these bolts off?” he asks, handing you the wrench with a sly grin. his hulking form settles behind you as you crouch down in front of the tire he’d picked.

vintage cars like these needed a lot more manual work, not being able to withstand the force of any automated tools. 

you unscrew the bolt with ease, fidgeting at the feeling of two warm hands rubbing up and down your waist.

“mhm, just like i taught you.” toji says, nosing at the curve of your neck.

you twist another one free, groaning at the feeling of scarred lips suctioning onto your neck.

“can’t focus.” you whimper, trying to wiggle free of your husband’s embrace. 

“s’ not your job to focus.” he chuckles, biting the meat of your shoulder for good measure. toji takes the equipment from you and replaces the bolts with new ones, motioning for you to stand up.

you wait as he washes up in the sink, scrubbing the grime from his hands and forearms. thick hands dry themselves on his uniform, stalking over to you with a look that can only be described as lust.

“think that’s all for today,” he says, voice hinting at something much deeper.

“you’re still on the clock,” you tell him half seriously, taking note of the 45 minutes left in his shift. still, warm hands settle on your hips, backing you up against the washing station 

“yeah?” he says, entertaining your jest. deft fingers slip under the hem of your shirt, lifting the garment off your body. 

“funny how that works out.” he starts, “guess I'll have to live with getting paid to fuck you.”

your skin is on fire, prickling with every calculated brush of his hand. you lean up to kiss him again, feeling his tongue flit over your bottom lip.

“someone will hear,” you whine in between kisses.

“they know not to bring it up around me,” he says, lifting you onto the counter with ease. 

toji’s zipper is next to go, stopping just under his crotch to reveal his boxers.

convenient you think, palming him through the opening in his coveralls. now that you think about it, why hadn’t you two fucked in the shop before?

scared lips peck over the tops of your covered breasts, biting down momentarily to leave a red mark.

the whine that escapes your mouth echoes throughout the spacious garage. blood rushing to your ears as embarrassment takes over.

“shhhh,” he tells you, crowding impossibly closer to muffle your sounds.

“can you stay quiet for me?” he asks, genuinely curious. a small nod is all he needs to seal your mouths in another kiss, shucking your bottoms down along with your panties to position himself in between your thighs.

you scoot to the edge of the counter, kicking off your shoes and wrapping your legs around your husband's waist. he doesn’t free himself from his boxers just yet, choosing to grind himself on your heat while you leave dark hickeys at the bottom of his neck.

“fuck.” he groans, flinching at how loud the sound echoes in the garage.

“quiet,” you whisper.

“i know, i know baby.” you watch as toji hooks a thumb into his boxers, his manhood already dripping with pre.

you pull away from your husband's neck right as he pushes in, a thin string of saliva connecting you to the dark bloom of purple your lips had left.

it’s a tight fit, but not impossible. the angle you’re at has you clenching down on the cock that’s splitting you open, squeezing him like a vice.

“fuck.” you whimper, lifting your husband’s tank top to expose his abs. toji bites the hem for you, letting you caress the dips of his toned muscles.

the distant echo of his rhythmic thrusts reverberates throughout the shop, drowning out your shared pants and groans.

“no fucking point in being quiet, huh?.” he mumbles with a smirk, taking you by surprise as thick fingers slide under your thighs and hoist you into the air.

“wait—wh-” you’re cut off as toji turns around, holding himself inside of you as he walks you over to the car.

“oh shit.” you gasp, mouth agape as you’re set down on the long hood of the impala.

your husband props his knee up on the vehicle, pummeling into you at an angle even deeper than before.

“thought you—ah- said no fingerprints.” you whimper, feeling yourself slide up the hood of the car with every thrust.

thick arms wrap around you, holding you in place while your husband ruts into you from above. 

“you’re helping me wipe this thing down after.--fuck” toji says with finality, pulling you into a deep kiss with a hand cradling the back of your head. 

the car continues to rock as the two of you go at it, filling the shop with noises that are beyond sinful.

“wanna ride you,” you mumble, taking in the way his eyes darken.

you’re flipped and carried up the hood of the car, the two of you now fully seated on a bed of cherry red aluminum.

toji settles into his back, satisfied with his work. he does it all without leaving your walls, cock still buried to the hilt.

“come on.” he encourages, moving you up and down his shaft with two hands around your waist. you’re practically being tossed around on his cock like you weigh nothing, panting and groaning while your walls struggle to accommodate his length.

“just how i like it, give it to me,” he tells you, leaning back on his forearms to watch where you two connect.

“gonna make me fucking cum, shit.”

you rock yourself onto your husband's dick, feeling him twitch each time you sink to the base.

“wait, wait.” you pant, smiling at the idea that just dawned on you.

you let toji slip out of you for the first time in half an hour, readjusting so your back is to him. cautiously, you reach both arms back, feeling him wrap both hands around your wrists.

“reverse cowgirl? on a fucking chevy? shit.” he chuckles, clearly impressed at your bold move. the raven-haired mechanic gathers both your wrists in one hand, using the other to guide his cock back into your heat.

the first thrust is agonizingly deep, pushing you closer to your edge. strong legs anchor themselves onto the hood of the car, steel-toed work boots leaving murky footprints.

“ah shit—like this?” toji groans, each hand holding your arms behind you at the wrist. 

“want it like this? want me to ruin you?

"please." you groan, feeling your climax hit you like a tsunami.

the sound that rips out of toji is purely carnal, a long groan reverberating throughout the garage.

"fuck--oh fuck-hah" he pants, still reeling from the sensation of your walls pulsating around him.

you slowly lift off of his cock, holding onto his leg to balance. warm, viscous fluid drips down your thighs and onto the red surface beneath you. you hadn't even realized he came inside with how intense your climax was.

"fuck, look at this." the raven-haired mechanic chuckles.

the state of the car is absolutely abhorrent. obsidian footprints bleed into sweaty handprints. you'd think a game of twister went down if you didn't know any better. 

"oh shit." you frown, stepping onto solid ground for the first time in half an hour.

guilt gnaws away at you at the thought of toji's hard work going to waste. this was his only form of income after all.

"hey, not a problem." he coos, pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

"s' nothing some scrubbing can't fix, right?" you nod, lifting your arms to let him redress you.

navy coveralls zip back into place, covering the mess of hickeys you left on his chest.

you finally button up your jeans, frowning at a murky streak of oil across one of the legs.

"must've tossed those on the ground when I took em' off of you." he chuckles, dodging a swat from you.

You pad into the lobby first, blissfully unaware of a very disturbed sugaru sitting at the front desk.

your husband follows soon after, watching you walk into the parking lot.

“see ya, man.” the mechanic says plainly, shooting his apprentice a smug wave with a laugh. 

[endzithefangirl]

"I'm gong to put 'being a WAG' on my CV" part 2

Authors note: The part 2 of this to celebrate Maxie winning the Brazil GP! Sorry it took so long, your girl is a STEM student, life got busy. Also now you know the inspo for the TechCEO!Reader.....

Summary: You come with Max to the Brazil GP to see many things: a win, an engineer.... and to have a long chat about Alexa....

Warnings: English isn't my first language, no use of Y/N, female reader, famous reader, swearing, also slight jabs at Max's dad and a few others...

Word count: 2.9k

It was the first race you had come to watch in a while. You desperately wanted to attend the one in Austin, but you got stuck in New York for work. But here you are, in Brazil, being driven to the paddock at 6:30 am for a delayed qualifying session that was probably going to be in the rain. You were worried about many things: the fans, your looks, the fact that Max's dad was going to be there, and the possibility that Max's ex-girlfriend might also be there, although Max reassured you that they were on friendly enough terms where it wouldn't be a problem.

Also, Max winning. He hasn't won since, like, April. He's been doing better recently, but he still hasn't won. And Norris was getting closer and closer to that number one spot. It was an incredibly chaotic morning. In that pre-qualifying session, Max was doing everything to avoid a repeat of the weekend before. On top of that, he was trying to end a months-long winless streak.

Great.

"Well, at least I brushed my hair today..." you mumble, looking at yourself in the phone camera. You still didn't know how to dress like a WAG. You were wearing jeans, the Red Bull jacket Max got you a while ago, some boots for the rain, and your hair down and brushed, which for you is a big thing. You also put on concealer. Miracle.

You were incredibly sexy to Max, though. Unfortunately, you both knew his father and the fashion police on social media might disagree. He didn’t mind, though. He actually preferred you didn’t wear a high-fashion, tight dress. It would have just been a distraction, not to mention, he wouldn’t see you in anything but a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants in the flat anyway.

"Did you know," you say, trying to make conversation to distract from the anxiety, "that your engineer Michael and I went to college together?"

"Really?" he asks, genuinely surprised. If he was honest, he had no idea what the engineers were like outside of their job. The rain was coming down harder, hitting like stones against the windshield.

"Yeah. So, if he got into MIT, he must be good."

Max chuckles, nodding as he looks at the road in front of him for a bit. His engineer was good, but then again, Red Bull didn’t hire anyone but the best and the brightest from the top of the class. He needed people who could handle the race and perform well under pressure. Suddenly, Max turns to you.

"Remind me again, who graduated top of the class at MIT?"

"Allen Chen..." you say, confused.

He laughs loudly before turning back to the road, his eyes fixed ahead once more. He was impressed that you didn’t even have to think for a second before listing them. That was very much like you.

"God, you’re a nerd..." he mutters affectionately with a smile.

"Says you," you laugh. "It's really raining, huh?"

Seeing your reaction to his little joke made him feel all warm inside. Knowing your sense of humor, you had absolutely no idea what you were doing to him. It was also making Max forget about the race, but at this point, he knew it was a rain delay anyway. "Yeah. Feels like we're in a carwash."

"Well, as a big enjoyer of the laws of physics, the best advice I can give you is to go slow on the turns but speed up when going uphill... There is an uphill, right?"

Max actually paused and turned back to you with a grin. It’s funny how you can switch him from hot to cold so swiftly. He still wasn’t convinced you weren’t doing it on purpose. But he couldn’t help but be amused and also impressed. "There are two hill sections, yeah. You sure you never thought of becoming a race engineer instead of becoming a nerdy billionaire?"

"I was gonna be one, but I had to drop out of college, you know, to run the company."

"You had to?" he said with an amused smirk. Max was well aware of the fact that you could buy out the entire campus if you wanted to. But he’d be lying if he said your workaholic tendencies didn’t slightly concern him.

"I tried, but it was really hard. And also, I had to move to New York—"

"Babe, you can run your business in every country imaginable and you’re telling me attending one university was too much?" Max knew he was being a smartass about it. This was more than just the workaholic in you, though. You were also a very stubborn creature, to say the least.

"Okay, I just went to college to get the visa, there, I said it. You happy?"

He chuckles, the car coming to a halt as you arrive at the paddock. The rain is hitting the sides of the car loudly. Max turns to you with a playful smirk. "See, was that so hard? But I’m happy if you’re happy, babe."

You walk out, people with umbrellas waiting for you. There were people taking your pictures as you walk into the Red Bull garage. You introduce yourself to everyone new, and a few of the engineers want pictures with you.

"Hey, we went to MIT together," you say to Michael.

"You remember?" he says, shocked.

"Of course I do," you say before Max pulls you to walk back to the driver’s area.

Max had been watching you talk to the engineer and the others with a faint smile on his face. You had been able to charm all of them within 30 seconds. It wasn’t particularly surprising, but he was still amused. He didn’t think many people realized just how captivating you were.

When you’re done talking to Michael, Max takes you to the Red Bull garage.

"That was easy. How did you make friends with my mechanics so fast?" he asks with a small chuckle.

"You might be a legend to regular people, but I'm a legend to nerds."

"Do I want to know how that happened?" he asks, amused. He knew you had always been incredibly smart and talented, but he had no idea you actually had a bit of a nerd fandom attached to you.

"I’m running a billion-dollar tech company," you say, shrugging.

He looks at you for a moment, his eyes wide. He always somehow keeps forgetting that you’re a goddamn genius. Because whenever he looks at you, he can only think how goddamn beautiful you are.

And yet you say stuff like that as if it’s normal.

You kiss his cheek. "I'll leave you to go ride fast. I'm gonna see if Michael will let me sit with them during quali." Max smirks as you say it before you kiss his cheek. He’d always found your ability to go from incredibly sexy to super nerdy to be insanely attractive. It was one of the things that made him fall in love with you in the first place.

"Sure thing, nerd. Have fun." Max jokes before giving you a kiss on the forehead.

You stayed with the engineers during quali, both because it was super interesting and also to avoid Max's dad in the front of the garage.

And then the rain fucked it all up.

All up.

Max was out of Q2.

He was 17th.

You all saw him and his dad raging in the front of the garage.

The whole quali was a mess, with so many crashes, slips, and generally poor driving in the heavy rain and fog.

As Max got out of the car, soaked and drenched from the rain, he slams the door shut in sheer anger. This whole quali was a shitshow from start to finish. So many poor decisions, so much poor driving. He wasn’t even the worst offender. And he was still only P17. In the garage, he could still hear his dad going on a rage, but he just couldn’t. Max was too annoyed and frustrated to listen.

"Well, that was shit," you say, turning around to Max from where you were sitting.

He didn’t even notice you were nearby until he heard your voice. He turned around to look at you, his hair and shirt completely soaked from rain and sweat. But he couldn’t help but smile at your comment.

“That’s putting it lightly…”

"They definitely fucked you all up with that delayed yellow flag," you say, taking off the headphones and walking over to him slowly. "Save my seat for the race, guys."

He’s about to open his mouth to answer when he finally notices the headphones around your neck and realizes you had actually been in the garage the whole time. Despite how bad the day had been so far, he’s still very impressed that you’re here in the garage and not in some skybox with champagne in your glass. As you come closer, Max can’t help but wrap his arms around your waist and pull you close, not caring how soaked he is.

You hug him back. "It's fine. At least you didn't crash like some of them. Take a breather and then you'll do great at the race later." You take a Snickers out of your pocket. "Calm down now. You're not yourself when you're hungry. Here, eat a Snickers."

He raises an eyebrow as he sees you take out a Snickers from your pocket. It wasn’t the most normal thing to have in a pocket, but somehow it wasn’t surprising at all. It was definitely very you. He also couldn’t help but think that you were probably the type of person to carry emergency snacks around in case anyone was hungry.

“How many of those do you have on you?”

"A few. They're for you if you want them. You know I'm a Mars person," you say, showing him the inner pocket of the Red Bull jacket he got you.

He smirked slightly. The fact that you were so casually admitting to carrying around a little bag of Snickers for him was hilarious. But knowing how much you care and how much you want to make sure he’s doing okay, it wasn’t actually that surprising at the same time.

“Of course you are… Can I have another one?”

He unwraps the second one and pops it into his mouth, chewing on it slowly as he looks at you. Max takes a seat in the chair behind him, his legs spread wide as he leans back, exhausted.

“…come here…” he says, pulling you to sit on his lap. You blink as you realize what he wanted.

He looks at you with a pleading look in his eyes. He usually wouldn’t ask for something like this because he knows you weren’t the type for public displays of affection in the slightest. But for some reason, he was feeling particularly needy, and he knew you would most likely not refuse if he looked at you this way.

He’s surprised at how easy it was to convince you, but it probably has to do with how terrible this weekend has been and how miserable he looks. Or maybe you’re just extra nice today. Who knows…

As you sit on his lap, the other engineers laugh.

"That's right. I know how to code and I get laid," you say, making them all laugh. "You should go have lunch and then be ready for the race."

He hums in agreement. He knew you were right, but he was still very reluctant to let go of you now that he’d finally gotten you to sit with him. He’s well aware that the others are probably still watching you.

“One kiss, please?”

You roll your eyes and give him a quick kiss. You ruffle his helmet hair as you stand up. "Go."

“See you after the race?”

You nod and wink. Max’s heart skips a beat as you wink at him, and he gives you a small smirk in response. There was something insanely attractive about your confidence and how well you handled yourself in this environment.

Before the race, you came to the front of the garage to wish Max good luck. You saw him talking to his dad in Dutch. "Hey, just wanted to say good luck," you say from the door.

His dad noticed you first as you came in from behind Max. Both Max and his dad turn to look at you, Max’s features immediately softening as he sees you. He had to hold himself back from just immediately coming up and giving you a hug… his dad was standing literally next to him… He takes a deep breath, his voice still sounding a bit tense and nervous as he looks at you with a forced smile. “Thanks, babe… Thanks for coming…”

"I'll be with the engineers. Just be calm; it's gonna be a good race regardless."

Jos, Max's dad, nods at you politely. You smile at them both and then leave.

Max watches you leave, his smile turning much more genuine right after. He really did get lucky, being able to be with such an amazing person. Even his dad seemed to acknowledge it with a respectful nod in your direction.

Max looks at his dad, taking a breath as he can somehow feel a lecture coming.

".....Ik denk dat als je het uit moet maken met de dochter van een drievoudig wereldkampioen... Je hebt haar in ieder geval vervangen door iemand die heel rijk is...." his dad said.

Max looks at Jos, his face already turning into a frown as he starts his little speech. He already had his suspicions as to where this is going, but he knew he won’t be able to stop him anyway, so he just listens.

"...... Ze is een beetje raar. Maar... Niet de slechtste die je hebt uitgekozen..... Denk je dat zij mij kan helpen met het installeren van het volledige camera-AI-systeem op mijn nieuwe plek?"

The question takes him off guard a bit. He didn’t expect his dad to actually say something like that at all. He looks at him for a moment, his expression conflicted. On one hand, he didn’t like the idea that his dad wants to ask you something like this. On the other hand, he’s well aware that you would excel at something like that… “I wouldn’t be surprised…”

Max won the race. After a red flag and on-and-off rain, Max was the winner of the Brazil GP after a 10-race no-win streak. You run to the barrier with Christian, the Red Bull team principal, cheering with the team as Max comes into the garage. Max parks the car in the garage, exhausted by the long and hard race, but elated by the victory. He gets out of the car, helmet in hand, as he walks up to the rest of the Red Bull team, adrenaline still running through his veins. He looks around at everyone, giving them all some high-fives and handshakes as he walks through the garage. But he’s most excited to see you, standing by the side, cheering together with Christian.

Max immediately makes his way towards you and Christian. He gives the team principal a high-five, but his main focus is on you, of course. He looks at you with a tired but joyful smile as he finally comes up to you.

“Hey there…”

"Whoooo! That was one hell of a race!

He wraps his arms around your waist, hugging you tightly, not even caring that he got you all drenched with rain and sweat. “That it was…” He gives you a quick kiss before going to do the post-match interview and then into the cooldown room.

As he stood on the podium, you cheered loudly from the bottom.

"Hey there champ," you say, coming through the door of the trailer a bit later. "We were thinking of dinner? And by we I mean your dad and I.... He has an Alexa?" you say, confused.

Max looks up from his phone, his face brightening almost instantly as he saw you in the doorway. His eyebrows raise in surprise at the mention of his father. Though he supposed it wasn’t really a surprise, the two of them were supposed to go out to dinner together after all.

“An Alexa?” Max asks, a look of bewilderment on his face.

"He asked me if I could set him up an AI house helper, and I was like, 'an Alexa?'"

Max nods and shakes his head, amused, a little chuckle leaving his lips at the thought of his father coming up to you with those kinds of requests.

“You’re gonna have to be careful, he’ll be asking you to install a whole AI security system in his house next…”

"....he does know my corporation is a partial owner of Ring cameras, right?"

“Maybe we should keep that little fun fact secret from him for now…”

You hug him tightly, more intimately as he stands up. He hugs you back, his arms sneaking around your waist to hold you tight against his body.

“Could you do me a favor?”

"What do you need? An Alexa?"

[roosterforme]

So Fresh, So Clean | Rooster x Reader

Summary: At first, Bradley is mortified when the guys force him to stop at a carwash featuring bikini clad women from a college softball team. But when he meets you there, he starts to think he should thank his friends instead.

Warnings: Fluff and swearing

Length: 2000 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

I wrote this for a request and for @wicked-remarks Summer Festival! Check out my masterlist for more!

"Dude, stop at In-N-Out. I'm starving," Payback whined from the passenger seat as Bradley zipped down the road in his Bronco.

"Nah, just stop at Starbucks," Jake argued from the backseat. "I need more caffeine."

"We're going to be late," Bradley groaned, passing the fifth fast food place while Payback whined and pointed out the window. 

"We told Nat we'd be there around noon," Coyote said from the back. "I mean, if we stopped for food, we could grab something for her too."

Bradley rubbed his hand over his face, wondering why he had agreed to drive all of these idiots. "Guys, if I stop, I'm only stopping once. Then straight to the beach. So decide what you want."

Then Coyote started stuttering at the same time Payback said, "Holy shit! Pull over! Pull over!" Bradley looked where Payback was pointing, and then he saw a sign that said University of San Diego Softball along with a car wash and a lot of scantily clad women.

"Fuck caffeine. We're stopping here!" Jake said, practically climbing into the front seat. "Come on, Rooster!" He started trying to grab the steering wheel, and Bradley had to smack his arm away.

"Seriously!" Bradley yelled. "Stop reaching for the steering wheel!" He slowed down as all three of his passengers started loudly begging him. "You want to look at a bunch of college girls who couldn't care less about you more than you want burgers?"

"Hell yes!" Payback sang as Bradley put his turn signal on and pulled into the parking lot where the collegiate softball team was holding a very popular looking car wash. There were so many cars lined up, and a lot of men milling around. Bradley parked next to a pickup truck and eyed the women in wet tee shirts and bathing suits while Jake pounded on the back of his seat. 

"They are practically naked! Get out so I can get out!" Jake whined.

"Chill!" Bradley said, loud enough that he had the attention of all three of them. "You guys need to be on your best behavior. I'm not kidding!"

"Look at them," Coyote said, pulling his sunglasses lower on his nose and whistling. "These girls are hot."

Bradley groaned. "Yes, I see them. And don't call them girls. They're women. And please don't touch any of them. Oh my god, I'm already so embarrassed."

"Let's go," Payback said, opening his door. "Time to flirt."

"They don't want to flirt with you," Bradley muttered. "You're thirty five."

"I dunno about that," Jake drawled, fixing his hair. "That redhead looks like she might like a daddy."

"Oh my fucking Lord, we are going to get kicked out of a fundraiser," Bradley groaned as he climbed out of his door and was nearly trampled by Jake.

"Relax man, I'm about to pay for your car to get washed," he said, shoving Bradley out of the way to get over to the redhead holding a hose. "Hey, sweetheart, my name's Jake...."

Bradley headed in the opposite direction, cradling his forehead in his hand. The last thing he wanted was to try to chat up some nineteen year old. He was almost thirty seven, for fuck's sake. But if they wanted to humiliate themselves, that was fine with him. But it didn't mean he needed to watch.

He thought he had found a nice spot to stand and wait while listening to a car stereo blasting Pour Some Sugar On Me. He was out of the way of the guys who were being roped in to helping the girls wash cars now. Jake's shirt was mysteriously missing, and Payback was spraying the hose while a few of the girls screamed.  

"Grown ass men," Bradley muttered, pushing his aviators up higher on his nose.

He heard soft laughter and turned to see you standing next to him. And of course you were gorgeous. And young. And looking up at him with a smirk that he should not have found adorable. 

"Yeah, well, the deans at the college are always amazed by how much money our car wash fundraisers make every summer," you said, smiling at him. He found himself smiling back. 

"My friends almost made me wreck trying to get me to pull over, so I guess that does make sense," Bradley replied with a nod. You were the only one on the team who was still dry, and he could see the straps of your bathing suit tied above the collar of your USD Softball tee shirt. You had on some tiny denim shorts and flip flops, and Bradley bit back a groan and forced himself to look away from you. 

"Your friends look like a bit of a handful," you told him. Bradley was treated to the sight of Coyote dancing to the music in the spray of the water. 

"Just show them women in bathing suits, and this is what they turn into." You were laughing and gaping up at him, as Bradley quickly added, "They're harmless though! I promise! Your teammates have nothing to worry about! They just like to flirt."

"Teammates?" you asked, head cocked to one side.

"Yeah," Bradley grunted, really trying so hard not to look directly at you. Fuck, this was getting difficult. He could tell that your bathing suit was red through your snug fitting white tee shirt, and now he was looking at your chest. He pinched the bridge of his nose over his sunglasses and rolled his shoulders, trying to focus on the dirt being rinsed off a filthy car. "Your teammates? Uh, are you a senior? Or team captain or something?"

Your laughter rang out as you said, "No, not exactly."

"Oh. Uh, what position do you play?" He knew he was rambling now. Really, he should just get out of here. 

"I used to play third base."

And now Bradley was biting his knuckle, because he was thinking about getting to third base with you, unzipping those little shorts in the backseat of his Bronco and slipping his hand inside. "Oh god," he swallowed hard. He was worse than the rest of the guys who were currently covered in soapy water and surrounded by softball players. 

"I'm their coach."

Bradley froze, looking at you out of the corner of his eye. "You're the coach? The softball coach?"

"Yeah. They're not my teammates."

Bradley turned to face you and let his eyes drift down your body and back up to your face. You did look a little older than twenty two. And that's probably why you weren't actively washing the cars. He must have been staring for too long, because you were smirking again as you held out your hand and introduced yourself. "Head coach of USD women's softball."

He took your smaller hand in his. "My name is Bradley, and I'm really hoping you're going to tell me you're like twenty eight years old?"

"I'm thirty," you said slowly, still holding his hand and looking at him with a confused smile. 

"Even better," he said, smiling happily and pulling you a little closer by your hand. "So, you played third base? Which school?"

"University of Oregon."

"Shit. You must be good."

"I'm very good," you told him, and Bradley squeezed your hand a little tighter. 

"I'll bet you are."

"Do you play?" you asked, really sizing him up now. 

"Yeah, just on a Navy rec league. But I'm very good, too."

"Bet I can guess which position you play," you told him before you bit your lip, and Bradley swore he was never going to let go of your hand. 

"Okay. Go ahead and guess."

"But...if I'm right, you owe me a drink," you said coyly.

Bradley's eyebrows shot up. "Then you better fucking get this right."

With a bright laugh, you told him, "You look like a shortstop."

"Damn. You are good."

"I'm right?" you asked, and he nodded. "You owe me a drink."

Bradley took his sunglasses off with his left hand, and your smile grew. "Listen, as soon as you told me you're not a student, I was absolutely going to ask you out. So all you did was make it easier for me."

You pressed your lips together in pleasure, and it was so adorable. "You're still holding my hand."

"I know," he confirmed with a nod. "When are you free? Tomorrow?"

You licked your lips. "I'm coaching a game tomorrow, Bradley. You know, since I'm not a student."

He smirked at the way you were sassing him before asking, "Is it home or away?"

"Home. At USD."

"You gonna invite me to watch?" he asked, and you looked so damn pleased with yourself now. 

"Would you be coming just to ogle the players?" you asked, nodding toward the soaking wet women who were now spraying the hose at Payback. "You know they wear their uniforms to the games instead of bathing suits, right?"

He narrowed his eyes and glared at you playfully. "It's much more likely that I'd be ogling their coach."

"Oh, I like that," you told him. "You can come then. And we can get that drink afterwards?"

"Absolutely," Bradley said, and he finally released your hand as he added, "Can I get your number?"

"Mmhmm." 

He retrieved his phone from his pocket, unlocked it and handed it to you. He watched you enter your contact information, and then you handed it back to him, letting your fingers linger on his. "Text me later today, and I'll send you a ticket to the game."

"Sounds good, coach. I can't wait."

You glanced to the side and then met his eyes again. "It looks like your car's done. And your friends look like an actual disaster."

Bradley groaned as he saw the three of them getting the soap hosed off so they could leave. "Yeah, let me go babysit them for the afternoon. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes, you will." And then you put your hand on his chest and kissed his cheek before you turned away to help one of your players who was calling for your attention. 

Bradley tucked his phone away and watched you as he made his way toward the Bronco. You waved to him and he smiled back before turning to assess his three sopping wet friends. 

"Rooster, you idiot!" Coyote said, dripping water on the pavement. "You just stood there like a lump, man."

"We got phone numbers," Jake drawled, holding his wet phone while Bradley snorted. 

"Yeah, we did," Payback said, high fiving Jake. "And we're going to meet up with Sylvia and Taylor later tonight at a bar on their campus."

Bradley just shook his head. "Wring out your shirts and get in the Bronco. Nat's already going to kill us, I hope you know that."

"Worth it," the three of them said in unison. And while Bradley waited for them to dry off a bit, he sent you a text. 

Can't wait for tomorrow.

And right before he pulled out of the parking lot, you wrote back.

XOXO

And there was a ticket to the USD softball game for tomorrow afternoon attached. 

"Hey, what the fuck?" Jake said as Bradley drove down the road toward the beach. He had his phone to his ear as he added, "Taylor gave me a bogus phone number!"

Payback scrambled to unlock his phone, and a second later, he had it on speaker. "Oops, it looks like the person who gave you this number is not actually interested in you! Better luck next time!"

"Damn," Coyote said, completely crestfallen. "Sylvia gave us a bogus number, too."

"I spent fifty bucks to get this thing washed for nothing!" Jake complained, gesturing around the Bronco.

"I can't believe we all struck out today," Payback whined. "We should have just stopped at In-N-Out."

Bradley bit his lip and shook with silent laughter. "Yeah, you all struck out. What a shame." But he was already thinking about where he was going to take you out for a second date.

-----------------------------

The way Rooster flirts, just holy shit. Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls.

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[intergalactic-garbage]

true facts about little alex horne

he can fit a penny in the gap between his teeth

has exactly 30% fewer bones than the average person

comes into work with his sandwiches cut into fingers, because he believes they "taste better"

tina turner once described him as "simply the best", and in a separate conversation, "a complete arsehole"

goes around the supermarket following people he thinks look cool, and when they pay and throw away the receipt, picks it up, and buys what they bought

nibbles and scurries his way through life like a long human rat

has his mantra going in his head at all times, and it's "absoluta pulsis voluptatem" (absolute driving pleasure)

when naked, looks like a weird, ill monkey

has crumbs in his beard dating back to the 90's

when it comes to childcare, he doesn't think his wife rachel "pulls her weight"

he doesn't really like women, because he thinks they've gotten a bit "too chopsy of late"

walks like a weird victorian clockwork toy soldier

is the answer to the question "what happens if you throw chunks of pork at a revolving carwash brush?"

his new years' resolution was "bringing back the patriarchy"

his first french kiss was with his second cousin jacob, now a legal underwriter on the isle of man

he doesn't think the NHS is very good, and according to him, some nurses are "lazy"

cries every time he watches free willy, and frees his willy every time he cries

has a separate bank account that his wife doesn't know about

as a child was so irritating, that his mother paid for "a barrage of medical tests"

he's scared of three things: slugs, small spaces, and women being allowed to vote

was once chased and bitten by a peacock in a day he refers to as "the day [he] lost [his] children's respect"

thinks all primary school teachers are the scum of the earth

thinks the refuge team that collects his bins every week are "stupid" and "don't deserve to be paid"

thinks climate change is a hoax propagated by "liberal pussies who don't know how to party"

sometimes deliberately revs his engine in traffic, because it makes him feel "like [he's] in charge of all women"

"[doesn't] know much about politics, but [he thinks] poor people should stop moaning and pull their flipin' fingers out"

is the answer to the question "what does a corpse look like when a corpse continues to grow hair post-mortem?"

his father has only ever given him one christmas gift, a beautifully wrapped piece of welsh slate, that had one solitary word engraved upon it. that word? toad.

until the age of 14 thought his penis was an eleventh finger, with the specific purpose of putting stamps onto letters

when he was young, used to practice kissing on his grandfather's pet carp "mr. suckles"

his slogan is "friendless oddball"

if it was up to him, scotland would be physically sawn off from the UK, and floated into the north sea. horne stated that "we'll soon find out how much they want independence when all they've got to eat is shortbread"

when his wife shouts at him, he whispers "get lost" under his breath

his children call him "little alex horne"

once got dragged 11 miles through the open country side by holding on to what he believed to be a horse's "fifth leg"

makes up tasks in his jacuzzi, and knows he's got a "good one", because "[his] bald ferret breaks the surface for air"

if he sees the pilot of any plane he boards is a woman, he immediately leaves

once hospitalized himself by doing high kicks to toxic by britney spears

🎶 he says he's over six foot but he's five foot four 🎶 little alex horne! 🎶

without hair would be as physically featureless as one sausage

ran away with a circus, but was sent back home, because he was annoying everyone and upset the animals

at some point nearly every day, he cries

once did a poo in a paddling pool

pretty woman is his favourite film

collects teapots that look like cottages

has no respect for the military, and if any soldier came up to him in public, "[he] could easily have them coz they're all stupid"

his head is shaped like the rubber of a pencil, and his body is shaped like a pencil

statistics are his foreplay and spreadsheets his post-coital cigarette

his wife keeps a pocketful of treats for when he remembers to "do toilet outside"

is single-handedly keeping the plastic shoe industry alive

once wet himself on a train when he was 30

hasn't bought car tax or insurance since the 90's, because he thinks it's an example of "big government"

[luxthestrange]

Incorrect quotes#771 Bath Day

Mc*Ridding On the back of Cerberus*Hurry Cebby!The Bad Angel who kidnapped Daddy is getting away!

Cerb*Running thru Devildom Street being sure not to hit cars along the way after being told by you the bad angels took daddy away, But makes a one-car crash along the way*Aroooo!

Mc*Looking back at the Car*Sorry!!!-Come on baby! Come on they are right there go get em!

Cerb*Heading into the building Mc is telling him to go but takes a closer look at the sign of the building, eyes widening in realizing stopping before his noses enter the giant door*!?!

The Building is...a GIANT Car Wash, Which makes the Giant Hellhound growl at your lying as he sets you down on the floor*

Cerb:Grrrr!*Turning around in a huffyfit*

Mc: Yeah Yeah-I know! But you wouldn't have come if I told you it was bath day!*Walks to be in front of him, crossing arms was knocked by the three heads blowing a breath*ACK-Cerberus Morningstar!*Gets back up and grabs his tail*

Cerb*Yips and body jump look as his body is dragged by his Tiny Human parent*!?!

Mc: UUGH!-NO! LISTEN TO MAMA!?*Trying not to budge in pulling him inside the washing building, as Cerberus whines and barks to get away, is using both Beel training to handle Cerberus and...magic to make them stronger*YOUR NOT GONNA WIN YOU KNOW THAT!

CarWashDemon*Watching in shock as the human is able to take control and lecture THE Cerberus like a mere human world dog*...

Mc*Puts the money on the register, looking at the worker*Four quarters please~

Cerb*Hidding behind a car, whining*

Mc: Uh Hello...I can SEE you...

Cerb*Pouts and brings his tail to also hide, hoping now you won't see him*...

Mc: BOY GET YOUR BUTT IN THERE!*Points at the carwash*

Luci*Sees Cerberus with a clean coat,smelling...of a new car? with pink bows on his necks*...Not so funny now that it happens to you huh

Cerb*Pouts at him*Ruff!

Just imagining you M!Mc calling himself "Mama" to Cerberus like Newt Scamander with his creatures-

[beomie3]

drive - choi yeonjun

pairing: best friend! yeonjun x reader

summary: life at home isn't the easiest, so one night you sneak out with your best friend yeonjun and he takes you on a late night drive.

content: best friends to lovers, late night drive & ocean vibe, fluff, some angst, mild cursing, tender embraces, sweetheart yeonjun <3

wc: 2.6k

♬ soundtrack:

otw - khalid

drive all night - joan

made in hollywood - lany

drive - glades

racetrack - carwash

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

your eyes: puffy, swollen, and red. cheeks tight from layers of dried tears as you stare up at the glow-in-the-dark star-speckled ceiling of your bedroom.

you hear your parents yell at one another from your bed and a small stream of fresh tears pave their way along the dried ones of your cheeks, turning up the volume of your music to drown out the racket.

it's 11 pm and it's all pouring out of you now. tears, stifled cries. you lay alone; the only being to comfort you is your dog, who tries to get up from her place on the floor when she hears your heavy breathing and sniffles you so direly try to keep down.

you feel that you can't get any of these emotions out to your parents because they'll make a big deal out of it — make you feel that feelings like yours don't and shouldn't exist within you. as if they are ones to talk.

each night you listen to them bicker and argue; feelings of despair only welling up inside you over the years.

trapped within your own home and emotions, having to deal with all of them on your own; having no real outlet except for your tear-stained pillow, some tissues, and your own voice in your head conversing with itself, practically screaming it wants you to get out of the house. get away from it all.

you feel like your life is complete shit, wallowing away in the nagging pit of loneliness caused by never opening up to anyone.

well, maybe not anyone.

and just like you summoned him, your phone dings. you found yourself with a sliver of hope that it might be someone instead of just another dumb instagram notification.

the name yeonjun🦊 on your phone screen brings that sliver of hope to your night. texting or talking to your best friend would surely distract you from the shit show happening in the room over.

🦊: attatchment: 1 video

you clicked the message open, finding a video of your dark-blue-haired boy dancing to his current favorite song as it had come on the radio as he was at a red light; a smile immediately spreading across your face like a wildfire.

you watched him lip-sync the words to otw by khalid perfectly, nodding his head energetically along with the beat. some part of you wished you were there. right there next to him singing along.

you: wish i was there xx

you lay back on your bed, phone face down on your chest as you sighed. contemplating whether or not you should dump all of these pent up emotions onto yeonjun, like you sometimes did because you knew he was always there to listen. he was the only one that you trusted with your deepest, darkest secrets and emotions, anyway.

a small smile crept onto your face at the memory of him in the video; he always helped cheer you up. your phone vibrated on your chest so you picked it up again.

🦊: attatchment: 1 photo

a photo of... your house??? you nearly tripped over a pile of laundry as you jumped out of your bed at lightning speed, peeking out of your blinds to find yeonjun's black mercedes parked right outside. you profusely typed on your phone screen, smile burning on your cheeks, heart racing.

you: yeonjun my parents will kill me!!

🦊: they don't have to know...

and with that, you muffled a laugh with the back of your hand. you literally would do anything to get out of your house right now. it was like he could read your mind. thank you, junie. you mentally thanked him as you quickly tied your shoes, pulling a sweatshirt on and locking your door.

you giggled, realizing that the prior video of him lip-syncing the lyrics i’ll be on the way was meant to be taken literally.

you quietly pushed open your window, gingerly sliding your body out of the little space that it allowed. once you landed on your feet and tip-toed over to the black car where he awaited, a burst of adrenaline kicked in.

you finally felt free.

~

the fresh scent of his car, his glistening smile in the passing street lamps, the comfort of his presence next to you alongside the leather seat you nestled in; you couldn't wipe the smile off your face even if you tried.

"you seriously rescued me, jun," you hugged his arm as a greeting, quickly securing your seatbelt before he drove off into the quiet neighborhood.

"yeah? how's everything going tonight?" he flicked his eyes over to you, half a smile on his lips. yeonjun knew all about your situation at home with your parents; he's known you since your family was once happy and that was years ago.

"i think i heard plates shatter again," you sighed, rolling the window down to trail your fingers through the wind.

"jesus, y/n. i'm so sorry," you felt his eyes upon you as you watched distant neighborhoods out the window grow smaller. although your home life did indeed suck, right now, it all melted away. it felt good to escape from it all.

you looked over at a worried-looking yeonjun, giving his leg a gentle pat. "i'll be okay," you smiled, and he looked back at you briefly; eyes holding yours gently.

through all the years, he couldn't fathom how you handled all of this and still kept that bright smile on your face. how you even mustered up the courage to say it'll all be okay. he slightly smiled, nodding at your reassurance. he promised himself to be here for you. always.

"enough about me, where we headed?" you leaned back in your seat, legs propped up, getting comfortable in the cool leather. it's like the seat had molded to your body with how much you sat in it.

"that's for me to know and for you to find out," he grinned, keeping focus on the road, slightly wincing when you lightly punched him on the arm. his laughter filled the car like music to your ears.

"fine. but we need some music," you cranked up the car volume, rocking your head with the beat, hand out the window to feel the soft air against your skin. drive all night by joan seemed to fit the scene perfectly as it reverberated through the car.

"now this is what i'm talking about." you began to feel your body melt into the seat as your shoulders relaxed, your breathing slow and rhythmic. you already felt happier, calmer; how you always felt with yeonjun.

he turned the volume up a bit more when another of your favorite songs came on -- knowing you'd always blast this song in your earbuds. he drove you through the dark city with the windows down, music blasting as you sing along with it and absolutely jam.

you couldn't help but glance over at him as he drove and sang to the song with his entire soul. driving with one hand, dark blue hair parting over his eyes mysteriously as his beautiful smile beamed like the moon high in the sky.

"i think a late night drive calls for..."

"icecreammm!" you completed his sentence and he could almost feel your smile radiating from next to him. he knew ice cream would cheer you up because it always did.

and so he drove you, fuzzy socks up on the dash as you leaned back in the seat, occasionally looking over at yeonjun as he eyed you when your favorite song blasted through the speakers, both singing it so loudly.

something about him; the way he sits so confidently and focuses on the road, effortlessly and also multitasking; driving with one hand while holding an imaginary microphone in the other and singing so beautifully into it.

you felt a weird sensation in your chest, something you hadn't felt in such a long time; a sparkle that spread into your stomach and made your cheeks grow warm. butterflies.

~

yeonjun had driven you to the beach, the most popular beach in the city known for its ice cream shop that stayed open extra late. it was one of your favorite places.

the ocean at night was rather eerie you admitted, but something about it; pitch black and mysterious, only making itself known through the sound of water folding and crashing together. it made your heart race. similar to the giddy boy next to you.

"so you'll eat half of my ice cream but won't let me taste yours??" yeonjun laughed, eyes nearly closed from smiling, pearly white teeth on full display. you swear your cheeks hurt with how much you smiled, almost as if he was healing something within you that hadn't seen light in years.

the light of his smile. it cured you.

you turned your back to him in a faux pout, waiting for him to wrestle his ice cream cone out of your hand. and boy did he ever, wrapping his arms around you from behind so that the warmth of his skin through the thin fabric of his button up engulfed you, nearly picking you up off the ground.

you freed yourself from his grasp and began running, both barefoot through the sand, shoes and socks long abandoned by the dock.

the sea spray was chilly at this hour, subtly misting your skin after each crash at the shore, cold water barely skimming your feet.

"yaaaaa!" he yelled after you, his pretty laugh ringing through the air as he ran as fast as he could behind you, arms out and yearning to grasp at your shirt.

at last he grabbed a hold of you, causing the two of you to topple to the soft sand, sending his ice cream cone flying out of your grasp and it was too late to be saved. but right now, it was the least of your worries when yeonjun landed right on top of you, tension suddenly rising as his nose was only inches from yours.

it felt like an eternity passed as he just hovered over you, eyes flicking to each of your eyes. your breath hitched in your throat, pupils dilated and not daring to look any place other than the depths of his brown eyes.

it wasn't until his eyes flicked down to your lips that you felt the butterflies in your stomach multiply by a thousand, face growing hot at the sheer tension.

you couldn't help but travel your gaze down to admire his plush lips, knowing that this wasn't the first time you looked at them and wondered what they would feel like on yours.

his finger gently tucked away a strand of stray hair from of your face, thumb sweeping over the plush of your bottom lip and you knew what you wanted in this moment. what you've wanted since you stepped foot into his car and realized there wasn't anyone who understood you like this beautiful boy.

lifting your head from the sand, you crashed your lips to his and nearly had mistaken them for a velvet pillow, the way they immediately engulfed yours without surprise like his lips were made for yours and yours only.

he subtly pulled away, gazing into your eyes with a certain tenderness, not one hint of uncertainty in his eyes. you smiled and the corners of his mouth tugged upward, the prettiest smile you’d seen making itself present.

the sound of waves crashing beside you, moonlight illuminating the beautiful man above you, his warmth pressed to your chest and engulfing you entirely.

he lowered himself fully onto you, a hand in your hair as he pressed his lips to yours again, the kisses pure and passionate, exploring one another’s hair and face with gentle touches.

in this moment, you realized you didn't want to kiss anyone ever again. just him, eternally.

~

"junie, see that star?" you both lay on the soft sand, tousling yeonjun's silky hair as he lay his head on your stomach, both looking up at the speckled night sky.

after hours of deep talks, a few kisses and long embraces in between, this moment felt surreal; like you and him were always meant to share more than just a friendly relationship. this just felt so right.

that said, you were also clueless as to what time it even was. it could be 1am or it could be 4am. right now, it was the least of your worries.

"which one? there's so many..." he squinted his eyes in search of this mystery star you so wanted him to see. you couldn't help but laugh, realizing he probably isn't looking at the same star as you, lightly ruffling his hair at his cuteness.

"i wish i could just live with you," you sighed, absolutely hating the thought of having to go back home in several hours so that your parents wouldn't discover you missing.

he looks up at you, a subtle pout on his lips. he didn't want to leave you just as much, knowing that his heart will break a little when you get out of his car and trudge back into your room just to face the depressing reality of your home life.

the time you spent together was always an escape, a safe place, a time you got to truly unwind and be yourselves. he looked over at you, knowing that one day he'll make the time you spend in this safe place together permanent.

"one day." he reaches up to grab your hand that rested atop his head, interlacing your fingers with his. the sound of that, you and your best friend one day getting to live under the same roof; it gave you the hope that you needed to get through each day leading up to it.

finally checking his phone at 4am and deciding he wanted to take you one last place before driving you back home, the two of you were on the road again.

he took the long route, passing by large mountains and cliffs that overlooked the ocean, watching the orange glow bleed into the sky as the sun was beginning to rise.

yeonjun pulled over at the top of the highest cliff by the ocean, taking your hand and pulling you so that your feet were nearly at it's edge.

looking over the edge took your breath away; this altitude, knowing that if you took another step you'd be dead. but knowing that if you stayed right where you are, you'd stay in the warm embrace of your comfort boy.

the wind blew gently across the ocean, creating subtle ripples and waves, the rising sun reflecting off of the water like a mirror. you both just stood there in awe of the sea, listening to its lull from where you stood and melting into his tender embrace of you from behind.

"this beautiful view. this is what it feels like to be with you," yeonjun's voice rung out softly behind your ear, just loud enough for you to hear. you felt his eyes on you even though you couldn't see him, both smiling as the wind blew your hair softly.

slightly turning your head to look at him over your shoulder, your eyes met his, lost in their dark brown depths. you pulled him in, kissing his lips like it was the last.

in this moment, you felt what it meant to be alive.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

a/n: as always i appreciate you so much for reading :)) and thank you, with my ENTIRE heart, for 400 followers!!!! u all literally mean so much to me 🫶

[agendabymooner]

✦ 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 !!! 𝐥𝐧𝟒 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐮 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 ✦

summary: hannah-sue ‘honey’ lewis is so much like her sideman brother with the exception of the fact that she didn’t watch formula one as much as she used to back when she had her crush on mercedes driver michael schumacher in 2010.

lando norris never considered anything a miracle, but when he found out that his youtuber crush was somewhere in his party on the verge of passing out, he couldn’t help but label this unfortunate event as a work of an angel.

content warning: social anxiety, mentions of alcohol + nicotine consumption, use of explicit language, humour (possibly more mature), formula one x sidemen content (HEAVY ON FORMULA ONE THAN YOUTUBE UK), chatfic + social media post. more content warning to be added.

(SET ON 2022)

masterlist

note: lemme cook for a little 😮‍💨 i watch a lot of sidemen and the fact that they know a lot of f1 (and willne’s literally friends with lando) just gave me hopes on a crossover

⎯ 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓 (𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰)

●•●•● 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐀𝐇-𝐒𝐔𝐄 𝐋𝐄𝐖𝐈𝐒 aka honey-sue: DISASTER SISTER. youtuber (50 million views in her crossbar challenge video against her brother — who had a 71 million views on his sidemen one) known for being the less problematic and funniest counterpart of wroetoshaw. had the fattest crush on michael schumacher back when he drove for mercedes now she has her eyes on his carbon copy (only for a short while). despite being funny and foul mouthed on her videos, she can’t help but dislike socializing and attending parties.

●•●•● 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐒 ⁴: DISASTER SIMP. has had a crush on honey sue since she started doing some youtube videos in 2018 with the sidemen. he isn’t being nice to get closer — he just didn’t want her to be uncomfortable around him and his friends. he should’ve ended the party as soon as the disaster happened.

●•●•● 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐒: DISASTER PROTECTIVE MEN. all of them have collaborated with honey-sue one way or another — but mostly under the main channel of sidemen.

●•●•● 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍

𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐋𝐄𝐖𝐈𝐒 aka wroetoshaw: only a year older than honey-sue. no, he loves him not in a guernsey way. stop making those jokes about them. he only means well.

𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐉𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐍𝐉𝐈 aka ksi: has made it a mission to buy honey-sue anything she wants after she confronted him about being called a sket in the wroetoshaw diss track. doesn’t even bother to fuck around and find out with her anymore.

●•●•● 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐁����𝐈𝐄𝐅 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅: british youtubers willne, theburntchip, calfreezy, beta squad, yung filly, quadrant (ria bish + max fewtrell), nella rose, harry pinero, johnny carey

●•●•● 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐀 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒: DISASTER GRID AND SEBASTIAN VETTEL (SOME HAVE DISASTER STRATEGIES). everyone are set on making the girl feel welcomed and comfortable as they found out that lando is set on winning her heart. alex albon definitely knows who she is as he found a storage box full of her merch once in lando’s bedroom. lando just hopes they don’t fuck things up for him.

⎯ 𝐏𝐋𝐀��𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 (𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐨)

every summertime ; niki

crush ; tessa violet

striptease ; carwash

late night talking ; harry styles

pretty lips ; winehouse

honey ; samia ft. maya hawke

you don’t have to be alone ; summerdrive

she way out ; the 1975

i’m in love with you ; the 1975

when i met you ; apo hiking society

loverboy ; a-wall

leaves ; ben&ben

bad texter ; ryan woods

last friday night (tgif) ; katy perry

why can’t we be friends ; the academic

hey barbara ; iv of spades

take a chance on me ; abba

she’s so high ; tal bachman

flight ; postcard boy

fall ; ben&ben

i broke my neck when i fell for you ; remy

sunkissed ; khai dreams

4ever ; lany

maybe the night ; ben&ben

[fountainpenguin]

Riddle watches New Wish - Post #5

They're so cute...

OH, she set them up!! Here we go!

Wanda making squeaky toy noises when Cosmo hugs her is all I've ever wanted.

"We're real, all right! ... Real fairies. Not real humans."

BUDAWHAAAAAAAA-? Thank you Cosmo for just confirming elastic skin, which has been one of the most important headcanons in my worldbuilding. I did not expect you to do that for me, but... thanks?

Pfft, Wanda changing her legs.

ERG??? Is that you?

Okay, there's that "We've been retired for 10k years" implied time travel bit; I think I remember that from the story bible + early convos with my friends, so at least I came prepared to expect that.

This is either time travel - which plays perfectly into my established "Cosmo ate a time key during dinosaur times and has been running around through time unsupervised for ages" headcanon anyway, LOL - or they're flat-out lying to Hazel, seeing as the audience already knows Timmy is confirmed as a recent godkid, so... Hm.

SLDKFJSD I love how the guy who accidentally sent his baby stroller down a steep hill is wearing a #1 Dad hat. "My expensive stroller! ... I mean, my baby!" - Yeah, we're still in FOP. All the parents are terrible here.

Setting her up as loving french fries and then turning her into a fly who found french fries was clever.

Cosmo once again being so close and yet so far to his mark. Good to see him back!

Me when I return my would-be murderer's daughter, who is a bug.

I AM SO GLAD that even in 10,000 years, Wanda's small talk skills have not improved far beyond "I'm Human McRealPerson" and "My husband is a grilled cheese sandwich" from back in the day, sdlkfj. That's my girl!

oh no, the Venus flytrap gift they brought over is about to go so wrong.

Yep, she's still goin'. Talking about the carwash.

GIRL check your fingers.

OH MY GOSSSSSSH, he's dressed for a classy party in Fairy culture. Cosmorella? We thought you were dead!!

... That's an ant? I would've guessed tick.

It's a guy ant? Buddy, are you sure you're supposed to be foraging?

Let's go!!

SDLKFJSDKLFJSLKJF noooo... No, no, no, no, no... Not the thing I use to symbolize memorials for the dead, c'mon!

It IS an accurate item for a Fairy house- these were all over the place in Fairy World during the old show, AND in that color, though you usually see more than one "wand" per pot.

I'm super impressed the artists studied the old interior design customs. Huh.

Cosmo lives here. Also, BABY!!

OOH, I'm excited that Cosmo and Wanda's window overlooks Fairy World because it's kind of a portal. I did something super similar with a rat cage in an upcoming Frayed Knots scene, where Anti-Cosmo and Wanda are godparenting together during school. Nifty!

He even confirmed it's a spell on the front door! Wow. Somehow, Past Me nailed that.

"We can choose which world we go out into!" -> /Me with my 'fic where Kevin Crocker is confused that Shirley's Pizza Parlor has an exit on the other side that goes to Retroville.

Cosmo: We lived in Timmy's fishbowl for 20 years. Wanda: It was 7.

You are both wrong- it was like 68 <3 But honestly, I forgive you for not wanting to tell Hazel time was frozen for 50 years. I don't think she'd like that. Actually, I don't think she was born yet, because my vision is time freezing at the end of Season 4, and Dale was rescued in Season 2, so... Yeah, she wasn't born. Still, you don't wanna just drop that on someone.

That's actually very funny that Cosmo and Wanda are struggling because they're out of practice during their retirement.

THERE'S THE SIGN!! Way to go.

Oh, and the credits are done in a similar style to the old ones? Even the colors? That's so cute! That's also nice that Hazel's VA was a story editor too- That probably helps with the passion and vision.

That was cute. I liked it. Huge relief to see something well-researched and made with love after "Fairly Odder" was a struggle for me.

I've got a little more time tonight, I might be able to get one more episode done before bedtime.

[jade-kyo]

Season 17 post restoration thoughts

Casually skipping 16 and going straight to 17 because lord knows I can’t afford to lose anymore braincells. I genuinely enjoy this season so I’m looking forward to the rewatch!

Ngl jumping straight from 15 to 17 really highlights how absurd this is like bro why is there gods and shit omg 😂

The fates are racist- that explains a lot

Donut my sweet baby boy

You know as much as I hate time travel stories this works way better for a “lets reference and call back to as many previous arcs and seasons as possible” nostalgia trip than Restoration did

Okay while I personally prefer the take that Donut is fully aware of all the innuendos he makes and is doing it to be a little shit I do think it being unintentional is really funny considering the ace Donut thing

“You have me all wrong” “I doubt it.” Donut the master at not getting gaslit

Donut knows Wash’s name is David- meaning Wash must have told all the reds and blues his real name

JESUS CHRIST DONT KILL JUNIOR

Felix is afraid of knives

Man I love it when Dr. Grey sounds like herself

We love insurance fraud

DONUT WASH TEAM UP MY BELOVED

Wash just silently shooting Donut again has me wheezing holy shit

The Wash and Carolina conflict is so freaking good man I love them

Man this season is just genuinely entertaining to watch despite everything- the way I wish we could’ve gotten this character writing with a better story

Oh what’s that a way to reference back to all the freelancers that includes Wyoming and the triplets. The concepts are wild again.

Also it’s just genuinely hilarious

WASH SCREAMING INSIDE HIS HELMET

DELTA OMG I FORGOT HE WAS IN THIS SEASON

I need to find the ost for when Wash and Carolina reunite and she’s saying how she trusts him and doesn’t know why bro this music is so pretty

Seriously I’m enjoying this as a nostalgia trip so much more than restoration

Oh I can feel my inner 15 year old desperately trying to take control of my body and send me down the carwash pipeline again holy shit- platonic or romantic. They’re good either way 🙂

OH GOD THE CABOOSE FEELS AGAIN THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL

Kai I love you with all my heart and soul but you do not disrespect Junior like that

STOP BEING MEAN TO DONUT HE IS DOING HIS BEST

Yes Caboose IS a genius and also my son

Kai messing with Tucker is glorious holy shit is that bit funny I love them

“Time is made of circles” what a nice, funny and succinct callback. Look at those concepts being wild.

Not Tucker dropping the “your mom” bit on Doc AGSKHAKS

HELL YEAH DONUT YOU FUCKING TELL THEM THATS MY BABY BOI!!!

PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wash might be a competitor with Church for number one Donut Stan

Or simulation headcanon: Church is projecting his liking of Donut onto Wash

Okay but Donut should be in the caves not under the pelican FR PEOPLE STOP FORGETTING ABOUT THE CAVES!!!

Laughs in Spanish

I love competent Caboose and Donut

“My testicles send their regards” has no right being as badass as it is

Love a good Tucker moment- sure wish it wasn’t just redoing his character development that never should’ve been undone to begin with

OKAY BUT TUCKER AND DONUT MOMENT THO???? So good- can’t believe Donut is the “angsty bitch”

WASH AND CAROLINA AKDHAKBSKSHSKDHK

Love them talking about the AI like they’re Carolina’s siblings

Holy shit the voice acting between these two is so good

“If he’s single there’s no hope for any of us” sargington nation rise

Sarcastic Donut my beloved

I said this last time but seeing Church impaled by a golf club, even if it is actually Genkins, is entirely unnecessary bro I don’t wanna see that

THE LABYRINTH!!!

GOD CAROLINA VS CAROLINA AGAJSHKAH FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

Sarges vision is further proof that the correct ending for him is retirement

OKAY I STILL HATE THE LOPEZ VISION LISTEN I GET HE COMES BACK BUT ITS JUST IN POOR TASTE

“Don’t say toodles” LOVE sassy Donut so much

DOC BADASS MOMENT LETS GO

GRIF SIBLINGS MY BELOVED

Grif enlisted reveal you will always be famous to me

I never actually thought about it too deeply before but now that I am holy shit do I love that detail it’s so good and actually reminds me of my own brother who enlisted for similar reasons and regrets it now- seriously Grif enlisting is so realistic, a lot of kids sadly think the military is the only thing that can give them structure and purpose. It’s a great addition to the anti military themes of RvB

And yet- despite all these good red team moments- THEY FUCKING TURNED SIMMONS INTO A PENIS JOKE???? AND A BAD ONE AT THAT?????? COME ON S17 I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THIS THATS SOME S16 NONSENSE

TUCKER CANONICALLY HAS PANIC ATTACKS- the fact they kept his visions so vague is truly a CRIME

“Still got my penis” “what-“ GOD DAMN IT THAT ONE WAS ACTUALLY FUNNY COME ON I WAS TRYING TO MAKE A POINT EARLIER

AND WE DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO CABOOSE- honestly I know they probably didn’t have this arc planned back then but they should’ve used the labyrinth for Caboose to find closure in Church’s death rather than the Time Machine nonsense in s15. I feel like that would’ve been infinitely more interesting.

Carolina vs Carolina MY BELOVED HOLY SHIT I AM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

OH FUCK THE FREELANCER TRAINING ROOM IM AKDHKAHSKSH THIS SHIT IS SO GOOD

GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET WE LOVE THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP

Caboose gets it!!

GOD THE SLOW PIANO COVER OF BLOOD GULCH BLUES I CANT

AAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH

Man what nice fairly satisfying conclusions to everyone’s arc- don’t we love wild concepts.

Sure maybe it’s not anything super poetic or perfect like 13 but at least it makes sense

Hell I’ve even warmed up to Donut leaving! Bro deserves some him time and it’s not like he said it was permanent or anything… doesn’t that just really hit you in the wild concept 🙂

You know what- this season is genuinely such a delight at times. Im thinking about adding it to my regular rewatch list along with 1-13 as just like a little bonus I can have at the end cause it’s just such fun. Glorified fanfiction! We love to see it- maybe Restoration sucking was a blessing in disguise cause it really gave me a new appreciation for 15 and 17 (but 17 especially). I probably won’t rewatch 15 as much cause being honest I don’t really enjoy it in its entirety as much as 17 but it’s got good moments I love.

Now- I know the logical thing for me to do is go back and watch 16 and then Restoration but here’s the thing… I don’t want to.

I genuinely do not enjoy those seasons. I don’t want to put myself through something that’s just gonna make me angry and bitter just for the sake of giving commentary on them- not right now anyway. Maybe one day I’ll feel like being a bit salty and do it but that’s just really not how I want to spend my time with my favorite show. I’ve already rewatched any clips from restoration that I cared to rewatch and I don’t think any of my feelings on it are gonna change. And I’ve seen 16 enough times to know my feelings won’t change.

Now what I am considering doing is rewatching 1-13 for the 20th time (<- accurate number, I’ve kept count over the years) and continuing to do these thought posts cause they’re good fun to do! So who knows whenever the time comes you’ll probably have to deal with more of my insane ramblings 😂