#HOW FUCKING HILARIOUS IS THAT 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[etrevil]

join the port mafia, we have your boyfriend

[ariana1881]

I watched the episode with my mother so here are my thoughts, just not live

[coldercreation]

Storytime : come enjoy the clownery of my life w me<3

Honestly wish I was making this up lmaooo why even bother with my whole ‘building a strong social circle’ campaign when I end up in these wild ass situations when I try to make friends

That feeling when you’re all happy and excited when you finally make a friend, and then also become friends with their partner, and you finally feel like you’re not invisible and have friends who actually also put effort into your friendship and you feel like someone actually cares for you as a friend and they show mutual initiative in staying in touch...... only to realise that the couple was angling for some sort of threesome and the friendship is fizzling out once they found you only ‘swing one way’ and just WANT TO BE FRIENDSASDFHGJKLN;TR’CG 😭😭🤣😭

Stop tryna get in my pants I just tried to make friends ffs what the heckkk

Anyway, hope you're having a nice weekend xx

(Edit: NOT an April fools loll I wish)

[sapphic-storm69]

POV: you’re staring at the person who made the saddest, most depressing movie you’ve ever seen, into a meme

[sovamurka]

Ok, whore, go ooooooooon-

[liinos]

It makes me fucking insane how grad programs are like oh did you not go immediately into a masters? Well you better have a good reason why or we might not think you deserve to get one bc you're not committed 🤭 omg you didn't cure cancer or solve world inequality before applying? Don't even look in our direction 🤮 it's so great you want to further your education it would really be a shame if we made it as hard as possible 👉👈

[23victoria]

1 v 1

lando norris x actresses!gamer!fem!reader

fc: maitreyi ramakrishnan

warnings: cussing

authors note: i like this one! any feedback is appreciated and please like, comment, and reblog!! hope you enjoy!!

f1 masterlist

lando.jpg

liked by charleslec.jpg, carlos55.jpg, lewishamilton, daniel3.jpg, mclaren, oscarrr.p.jpg and 2,934,897 others

gamergirl_y/n please stop killing me in COD 😓

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username1 no cause they way everyone he respawned she was there ready to kill him had me weakkkk

username2 LMFAOO she smoked you 😭😭

daniel3.jpg AHAHAHAHAHA 🤣🫵

oscarrr.p.jpg nah bro you just gotta learn how to fight back

↳ username5 @.oscarrr.p.jpg oscar please 😭✋

charleslec.jpg lando what happen to being champions?! 😪

carlos55.jpg if you suck just say that 🤣🤣

username93 lol that’s @.y/n_ig 🤣🤣

y/n_ig

liked by markruffalo, sza, rdj, yourbff, kehlani, cardib, zendaya and 4,363,991 others

got a new setup and it’s so cuteeeee!! also that boba was so fucking good we need to get some more @.yourbff sidenote whoever ln4gaming is sucks ass at COD 💀😭

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username1 nah cause the way you kept killing then 😭😭😭

yourrbff bruh i know whoever that was, was mad as helll

username6 nah cause how did you keep finding him?!?!

lovey/n but why didn’t he fight back…💀

username7 yea he needed to log off fr cause after that 😭✋

username10 you know how quickly I wouldn’t turned my shit off 😭

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twitter

messages

lando.jpg

liked by charlesleclerc, carlossainzjr, lewishamilton, landonorris, mclaren, oscarpiastri and 1,234,897 others

sooooo…i 1 v1 @.yn_ig in COD …and sadly i lost 😓 now i owe her food 😪

username13 LMFAOOO

username12 she literally destroyed you 😭😭

y/n_ig sucks to suck ig, thankfully i wouldn’t know 🤭

↳ lando.jpg @.y/n_ig you still want food right?!? 🤨

↳ y/n_ig @.lando.jpg yes please don’t deprive me of my food 🙏😔

username8 the stream was hilarious!! haven’t laughed like that in a min 🤣🤣🤣

username17 one of the best streams I’ve seen in a while

username43 never laughed so hard 😭😭

username2 nah y/n is mad good at COD 😭

carlossainzjr lando…do better

↳ lando.jpg @.carlossainzjr dude 😧 i’d like to see you try 😑

↳ carlossainzjr @.lando.jpg i would beat you 🥱

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twitter

landonorris just posted a new story!!

y/n_ig just posted a new story!

twitter

y/n_ig

liked by charlesleclerc, sza, lewishamilton, landonorris, disney, marvel, oscarpiastri and 4,568,897 others

lil dump 💖

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username13 cuteeee 💕

username14 omggg those cookies look delicious 🥴

username15 the cookies are soo cuteee☺️

username16 omg i love the phone case 🤗

username17 not the picture of her playing COD with lando 🤭

↳ f1gossip101 @.username17 👀👀👀

username18 her rings are so niceee!!

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lando.jpg

liked by carlossainzjr, charlesleclerc, daniel3.jpg, lewishamilton, y/n_ig, oscarpiastri and 4,568,897 others

date nights 🥰

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username14 ummmm pause who is this??! 😧

username13 wait this is cuteeee☺️

username15 awwww 💕

username73 lando off the market?!?

username03 noooo it was supposed to be me 🥲

username18 you guys make me sick

↳ username23 @.username18 stay mad

username65 so cuteee 💝

username3 i feel like ik who it is 🤭🤭

↳ username93 @.username3 same girl 🤧

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lando.jpg just posted a new story!

y/n_ig just posted a new story!

y/n_ig just posted a new story!

y/n_ig

liked by charlesleclerc, sza, lewishamilton, kehlani, f1, landonorris, cardib, oscarpiastri and 4,868,777 others

Brazil!!! You have been so much fun!! 🤧❤️

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username13 it was so fun meeting you!!!

↳ y/n_ig @.username17 same honey!! thank you for the bracelet!! 🥹💕✨

username8 omg?! you were there!! i wish I had seen you 🥲

↳ y/n_ig @.username8 aww I’m sorry baby!! next time 💕

username5 kitten update?!

↳ y/n_ig @username5 soon 💕

username7 ik the fits ateeee

username20 omg?! not the mclaren garage 🤭

username11 we all know who she was there for 🫢🤭

↳ y/n_ig @.username11 yes ma’am the GOAT Sir Lewis Hamilton

↳ username2 @.y/n_ig deaddddd 😭😭

↳ username9 @.y/n_ig opp - 👀

↳ username10 @.y/n_ig LMFAOOO 🤣

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twitter

landonorris just posted a new story!!

y/n_ig

liked by charlesleclerc, sza, lewishamilton, landonorris, disney, arianagrande, oscarpiastri and 4,568,897 others guys there was two of them!!! brother and sisters!! meet Loki and Thor!!! 🥹🥰🤧❤️

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username19 OMG HOW CUTEEE 🥰

username22 THE NAMES AHHHH!! 🤭

username11 OMG KITTENS!!! 🥹

username32 THE CAT DISTRIBUTION SYSTEM CHOSE YOU TWICEEE 🤩🥰

username24 I WANT ONEE 🤧🤧

landonorris cute ☺️ liked by y/n_ig

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y/n_ig posted a new story!

lando.jpg

liked by y/n_ig, charlesleclerc, gerogerussel, lewishamilton, oscarpiastri and 2,868,197 others

first time having indian food and mango boba 100/10

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username19 so we just going to ignore the first pic? 🫢

username7 sir who is that?!?! 😮

username1 he’s taken nooo 🥲

username22 ya’ll it’s me in the pic don’t trip 🤪

↳ username11 @.username22 you delulu girl

username61 we know who that is 🤭

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y/n_ig just posted a new story!!!

landonorris just posted a new story!!

y/n_ig

liked by charlesleclerc, sza, lewishamilton, landonorris, hbomax, carlossainzjr, oscarpiastri and 4,568,897 others

carnival!!! 🤩

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username33 they are so cute ☺️

username99 lol they aren’t even trying to hide it

username8 i love them 😍

username27 couple goals fr

username20 how did yall know it’s lando?!? What’s if it’s someone else?

↳ username19 @.username20 girl..

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y/n_ig

liked by charlesleclerc, versace, vogue, lewishamilton, landonorris, cardib, oscarpiastri and 4,628,137 others

dress to impress 💋✨ #oscars2024

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username19 she ate the oscar girlies up 🤭

username8 she’s so pretty 🥹✨

username3 im obsessed with her 🤧

sza preety girl 😍 liked by y/n_ig

username7 I can’t wait for the days he wins her oscar!!!

username15 this color on her?!?! yessss!!!✨

landonorris absolutely beautiful 😍🥰 liked by y/n_ig

username4 ^^ they are definitely dating 🤭

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messages

y/n_ig

liked by charlesleclerc, sza, lewishamilton, landonorris, cardib, oscarpiastri and 5,998,897 others

my boy 🥰🤭

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username3 I knewww ittt

↳ y/n_ig @.username3 everyone knew tbh 😭🤭

yourbff congrats baby 🥰

username6 AHHH THEY ARE THEE COUPLEEE

username9 omg the streams are about to be crazyy!!

username5 the funniest couple frfr

username87 the are so cuteee 🤭

livelaughlovey/n hard launchhhh 🤧

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landonorris

liked by charlesleclerc, carlossainzjr, lewishamilton, landonorris, mclaren, oscarpiastri and 3,568,897 others

my girl 🤩😘

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username3 AHHH SO CUTEEE

username2 wait these pics are so cuteee

username4 what is with boyfriends and off guard pics 😭

username32 they are so cutee

carlossainzjr 💕

oscarpiastri finally about time congrats buddy 🥰

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[starstruckmiraclekitty]

Oh GOD, a crazy idea came into my head. What would happen if each of these five men faced the problem of an unexpectedly broken bed during rough sex?? How would they react and what would they do? i'm terrible...

Literally laughed out loud at this one. Thank you🤣🤭 Hope this does your request justice!

PS: literally got second hand embarrassment writing this

141 + König Breaking their GN! Partners Bed

Warnings: This is trash, smut, cursing

Simon "Ghost" Riley-

You were bouncing up on down on Simon's cock, your hole swallowing his shaft entirely with each movement.

Simon could tell your body was starting to weaken, and decided he'd take the initiative to help you find your release.

He'd flipped you over, so that he was on top, trapping you in a missionary pose.

Lining himself up with your entrance, he began pounding into you with a brutal speed.

Evidently, the bed was not made to withstand the amount of force that Simon was emitting, as he was practically fucking you into the mattress.

Mid thrust, the beds legs had completely given out, causing your mattress to go tumbling to the ground in the middle of the bed frame.

The two of you grew very quiet as you both took in what just happened. You looked up at him and saw a small smile forming on his lips before letting out a fit of giggles.

"Think it's funny, do ya?" He asked, chuckling. He kissed your brow before returning his lips to your neck.

"Simon, its broken!" You managed to get out in between giggles. "We can't continue like this!"

"Say's who? 'S fine, needed a new one anyways. " He smirked as he continued his movements, still wholly intent on still having you each find your release. He sure wasn't about to let a broken bed prevent him from making you feel good.

"Johnny "Soap" MacTavish-

Johnny wasn't one to be rough in bed much. The two of you often having your rough sex in the shower.

He'd woken you late in the night one night, as he was beyond sexually frustrated, and his fist just wasn't enough.

With your legs wrapped around his waist, and his arms tightly gripping your headboard, Johnny was pounding into you at a brutal pace.

His grip on the headboard had tightened, and just as he had almost reached his high, the headboard had snapped in half underneath his grip.

Soap immediately stopped his movements, staring on in shock at the piece of broken wood in his hands.

"Jolly." He cursed, looking down to find you staring at him with wide eyes.

"Did you just break our bed...Johnny?" You asked, a hint of a smile forming on your face.

"I uh.. I think I did, lass." He slowly pulled himself out of you, and set the piece of wood on the floor. He was about to turn and mumble his apologies when he heard a loud cackle come from you. "Darlin?"

"YOU BROKE OUR BED!" You hollered, unable to control your laughter.

Johnny gave a sheepish glance to you, and rubbed his hand along his mohawk in embarrassment. "I'm so sorry, I'll get us a new one."

"Don't bother, this is a hilarious story to tell people when they come visit. Oh hey, why is half your headboard missing? Oh, yeah Johnny fucked me so hard he broke it!." You doubled over in laughter, causing a smile to form on Johnny's lip, as he too started to chuckle.

The bed did in fact remain there, and you and he never could get through telling the story to your friends without laughing.

John Price-

Price was always one for rough sex. The man craved it. He loved seeing his marks littering your body, and hearing your desperate moans for him to go harder.

Tonight was no different, and you and John were in bed, his hand fisting your hair, while thrusting into you from behind.

"F-uuck. Feels so good, love." He'd groaned, feeling you clench around him

He'd put more pressure in his knees, so he was able to ground himself better, the movement causing a CRACK to come from your bed.

John's brows furrowed in concern, before the end of the bed collapsed on the floor, causing the mattress to fall at an angle.

John had fallen backward at the impact, losing his balance and landing on his ass with a thud.

"John!" You cried, turning yourself around to see your husband on the floor, laughing hysterically.

He threw his head back in laughter, causing you to laugh yourself. "I am so sorry about that love. Can't say that's ever happened to me before."

The two of you laughed together, as john moved to stand up, inspecting the damage that was done. The bed was destroyed, the foot board beyond repair.

"What do you say we go to Ikea, pick out a new one yeah?" He asked, helping you off the broken bed. You nodded your head eagerly, catching your breath from your laughter.

Later that night, once your new bed was put together, Price made damn sure to put it to the test.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick-

Kyle had a tough day at work, nothing was going his way. From spilling coffee on himself, to shutting his finger in the car door, he was convinced the world was out to get him.

He was in serious need of a stress reliever, and was over the moon when you'd taken him to the bedroom once he walked in the door.

Kyle had you in missionary, and was jutting into you in a frenzied pace, desperately seeking his release

He'd evidently put too much pressure on the one side of the bed, because a loud cracking noise filled the room.

The post on the right side of your bed had split, causing the bed to shift at an angle, sending the two of you tumbling off the side of the bed.

You'd landed on Kyle with a THUD, the two of you on the landing on the floor next to the now broken bed.

Kyle's eyes widened as he looked over to the bed, and looked back to you, about to mumble his apologies.

You bit your lip to stifle a laugh. You knew he had a really bad day, and presumed laughing at this would only make it worse.

Kyle sat in silence for a moment before a laugh escaped his lips. "Fuck this day, man. I can't even shag my partner without something going wrong."

The two of you erupted in laughter, as Kyle moved to lay on the ground next to you.

"Babe, what do you say we do a pillow fort in the living room tonight? Get some wine and pizza and have a movie night?" You asked, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "We'll worry about the bed tomorrow."

"God, you're so perfect for me. I love you." He declared, pressing a kiss to your lips.

Though the evening didn't go as Kyle had originally planned, he didn't regret a second of it.

Konig-

Konig was going fucking ham on you in your shared bed.

He'd been away on deployment for nearly 3 months, and barely made it through the door before the two of you jumped each other

He had you in a mating press, and was punishing your hole at a brutal pace.

He'd barley fit on your bed as it was, so his feet were pressed firmly on the footboard of your bed as he was jutting into you.

"Harder, please." You'd begged him, causing his mind to go blank as he obeyed your commands.

He pushed just a bit harder against the foot board, allowing him to go deeper

The force from his feet had caused the wood to crack, and split open, the top half of the foot board falling off.

"Heilige Scheiße!" Konig cried out, turning to look at what he'd just done.

You sat up abruptly, and looked at the end of the bed, before howling with laughter.

"Maus?" He asked, brows furrowed in confusion. "Why are you laughing?"

You were unable to get a word out, from how hard you were laughing. Konig's cheeks burned from his embarrassment, and he muttered something incoherent in German under his breath.

"Baby, no! It's fine. I'm not laughing at you, I promise. You have to admit that was funny." You immediately went to console your boyfriend.

"But I broke your bed, you should be mad at me."

"I am not mad in the slightest, that just made my day." You chuckled. "Please, it's okay I promise."

He nodded his head and allowed the giggle bubbling in his chest to escape his lips.

He'd still felt terrible about breaking your bed though, and spent the rest of the afternoon gluing the piece back together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[stylespresleyhearted]

POV: YOU’RE DATING CALLUM TURNER

or the one where i pretend i am Callum’s girlfriend (and also tagging @precious-little-scoundrel on this bc I GOTTA)

liked by yourinstagram and 56204 others

tmznews Callum Turner spotted with a mystery girl! Is the new heartthrob off the market? Link in bio for everything TMZ has on his new gal.

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user23 the invasion of privacy … yikes

user12 What does it say about me if I read the article because tbh I’m curious

fan12 don’t do it, lets respect their privacy

callumupdates Don’t give TMZ any clicks. Look at the horrible quality of the photos, they obviously weren’t supposed to obtain these. Callum will share when he is ready.

yourfriendsig At least she’s pretty 😍

yourinstagram stopppp haha

liked by rafflaw, anthonyboyle, and others

yourinstagram soft launching my man bc he’s hot and i love him ❣️ (oh yeah and tmz exposed us)

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fan12 GIRL THIS IS A HARD LAUNCH NOTHING SOFT ABOUT IT!!!!

user41 crrrryingggg omg iconic

user23 lol attention seeker

yourfriendsig It took me three years to be IG official with you, why does he get special treatment 😒

yourusername take a guess 😉

keoghan92 @tmznews you suck

liked by fan12 and 63917 others

deuxmoi Spotted: Callum Turner and his girlfriend at a pub in downtown London. Looks like no more hiding for this couple. Sources tell me they’re in love and don’t care who knows it.

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fan12 wahhh they’re so cute

user23 i’m so jealous but i also ship it so hard

fan41 my friend saw them making out at a diner last week lmao she said they were eating each other not the food

liked by austinbutler and 36072 others

yourinstagram so proud and moved to tears ♥️ the entire cast and crew did a great job honoring these brave men

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fan12 we love a supportive gf

fan41 what a great picture fr

user23 I met y/n at the event tonight and she was the sweetest, most HILARIOUS person its easy to see why Callum is in love with her ❤️

liked by yourinstagram, rafflaw, and 78912 others

anthonyboyle One Direction

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user97 OMGGG they’re so hot wtf

yourinstagram more like Wrong Direction

keoghan92 you think you’re funny huh

yourinstagram Callum finds me funny 🥲

rafflaw he’s biased he’s in love with u

fan91 cryingg she’s a part of the mota fam 💍🥹

liked by keoghan92 and others

yourinstagram hi movie star ♥️ i love you - your biggest fan

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rafflaw 💍💍💍👀

yourfriendsig @rafflaw LMAO DONT START THE RUMORS

appletv Mr & Mrs Egan spin off?

keoghan92 sappy

yourinstagram @sabrinacarpenter

liked by yourinstagram and 639 others

yourfriendsig good times

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user91 … the hand on her ass … making out … CALLUM TURNER I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

yourinstagram why would you post this when you know im missing him 🥺

yourinstagram brb omw to ft him

fan23 i love the way y/n loves him she isn’t afraid to be a normal girlfriend

liked by anthonyboyle, keoghan92, austinbutler, and 941633 others

yourinstagram social media making fun of me for this but if he was your man you’d get it 😌 i say that’s my baby and i’m proud ♥️♥️

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fan12 if i didn’t see my bf for a week i’d react the same way people need to mind their business

yourinstagram it was only three days but yes your point still stands 😆

yourfriendsig y/n you’re an icon

fan92 i love them so fucking much pls adopt me

yourinstagram okay! ♥️

liked by austinbutler, rafflaw, and 76043 others

yourinstagram someone tell y/n not to leave her phone unlocked 🤣🤣🥳 - anthony & barry here!

edit: got my phone back. can’t bring myself to delete my boyfriend looks so cute. i guess barry and anthony look okay.

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fan23 LMAO PLS HOW DID THEY STEAL HER PHONE !!!😂😂CALLUM TAKE IT BACK!

yourinstagram he was supposed to hold it for me it didn’t fit in my clutch and he sided w the enemies 🥺

anthonyboyle New profile picture?

yourinstagram i’ll kill you

yourinstagram also i think it’s important for everyone to know @keoghan92 stuck his hand down my boyfriends pants pocket to get my phone

keoghan92 and i liked it

anthonyboyle 😂😂😂

—

The End

Ahhhhhh making this was so much fun!!! Y/N is a bit shameless in her adoration for her man but that’s the point!!! I’d be the same if he was mine (I mean look at Vanessa Kirby and Dua Lipa lmao)

Marina this is for us because this man deserves our love we’d make him so happy 🙌🏼

It was supposed to be silly and funny so don’t give me shit obviously celeb relationships would be a lot more private. And for bonus fun check this out ⬇️

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling a guest his snowsuit was the trans pride flag?

okay so i work at a super popular ski resort in the midwest, and most of our clientele are white Straights. im like very obviously a tranny. there was one day that this guy came thru, his snow suit was black with the trans pride flag stripes all over it. he was sat in a gondola cabin with about 5 other men. he came by, and i was in a weird mood ig. i gushed over how "cute" his pride flag snow suit and "omg hun where can i get one🤗" and his friends just started going in on him. it was kinda gross to watch, but idk it felt satisfying? they continued to make fun of him relentlessly for the next 3 days, especially whenever they saw me "yooooo look he's still wearing it🤣how hilarious is that"

i know I just put that man thru about a week of hell, but it felt so perversely nice to get one over on a straight white man.

ive actually started doin in to everyone i see in pride flag colors (its a crazy high amount of people???), and like ill only "assume" that folks here are gay

ex: this guy lost his gf on the mountain, and he didnt say her gender so I was calling her "your partner", "oh I hope you can find them soon!", "omg i hope ur bf gets to you asap :(" and he seemed rather frustrated with me over that but like. fuck em?

so. am i the asshole for "assuming" everyone is queer even if its obvious they arent?

What are these acronyms?

[magicalink]

Do they fuck or do they make love?

Headcanons with no specific AU! Mainly character x reader but it ended up implying character x character ships too in sime characters. I wrote this headcanons and when I was reading them to my boyfriend (who is my only beta reader) he started giving his opinions about them and I found his comments absolutely hilarious so I decided to include them! 🤣 First go my headcanons about the character and then my boyfriend's comments indented. Some of them are unhinged 🤣

Venti: Depends on the partner and the situation. He adores making delicate love to you but he's always up for a quickie in the middle of the house, the forest, anywhere and anytime you're willing. And oh Archons, is he intense when he does any of the two! He likes sex to be THE experience, and he tends to be over the top when it comes to it. Also an uncontrollable moaning machine.

Bf: Nah, he fucks. All the time. Cuz he is drunk all the time. We all know his only love is alcohol. I agree on the moaning machine part though, he is loud and doesn't care if others hear.

Diluc: Makes love. He has no time for sex if it's not with the love of his life. Doing it with him is a ceremony to remember. Expect long sessions full of kisses, heartwarming confessions, and body worshipping.

Bf: Accurate. Total gentleman. He only makes love. And possibly the first time you do it he will propose to you the morning after.

Childe: Fucks. He is all in for the adrenaline and pleasure in life, whether it's battle or it's lust. He wants to dive in and feel as much as he can,the more intense and dangerous, the better.

Bf: A fucking degenerate. He loves violence and competition and if he doesn't get it in sex then he's not interested. More of a masochist than a sadist, don't be surprised if you fight him and he ends up insinuating sexually to you. Especially if you're winning the fight. He wants to get beaten up. To sum up, he has a very weird way of "making love"...

Xiao: Makes love. To him, it's something sacred that should be shared with the people you love and respect the most. Will worship every inch of your body and be desperate to convey his feelings to you. Will focus completely on your pleasure, so make sure to calm him down and reward him a bit too!

Bf: Turbo virgin who self cock blocks all the time. He is always afraid: of hurting you, of making you uncomfortable, of saying something wrong, of looking at the wrong place...If you moan he asks you if you're okay. He gets soft all the time because he is afraid of hurting you. He has suicidal thoughts half the encounter. But yeah he makes love.

Albedo: Who knows, really. He's still studying what's the difference between the two. And he sure is doing an experiment and carefully studying it when he has sex with you. To be perfectly clear, he loves you, but this whole thing about sex and human relationships is new to him so he's trying to understand all these new feelings. 

Bf: "Making love? Fucking? What is that? I'm the chalkman." Doesnt have a dick and if he had, he is not interested in human relationships at all. But if you manage to fuck him he would be writing down notes about it the whole time.

Scaramouche: Fucks because he thinks giving in to love will make him weak.💔

Bf: Fucks and he only thinks about his mommy issues while doing it. He only fucks to dissociate. And if you treat him with basic human kindness he will start seeing you as a maternal figure so be careful.

Wanderer: Now understands that lying about his feelings is the true form of weakness and doesn't want to waste a single more second of life, he makes love to you making sure he makes crystal clear how he feels about you: in the most explicit, toe-curling, fluid dropping way he can. If you like it hard, prepare to be smacked until you can't sit the following day.

Bf: He's gone to therapy so the mommy issues are better but he's still annoying af. He plays hard to get and pretends not to be committed but the truth is he's just being tsundere and hiding the fact that he is eating from the palm of your hand.

Kazuha: Makes the finest comfiest love in the world. Fucks like a horndog when he's drunk or high but won't stop telling you how crazily he loves you while doing it.

Bf: He is high af the vast majority of the time and during sex, it's no exception. If you manage to fuck him sober he will be the super reflexive and emotional type that cries during sex. But he fucks you lovely but won't make love to you, he only makes love with the love of his life Tomo, the rest of you are his cattle. He's a super friendly guy so after sex he will share his weed with you.

Gorou: He's a gentleman who wants to become good at making love but is extremely shy and gets flustered easily so he fucks sloppily. An adorable sight to behold!

Bf: I agree he is a little gentleman.

Tighnari: Makes love. Except when he's in heat. Then you have to be prepared if you wanna handle him. 

Bf: another stoner. He would experiments with aphrodisiacs all the time, makimg them into weird salts or sth.

Cyno: Very similar to his jokes. He's completely sure he's giving his best at making love to you or Tighnari and showing you his devotion, but his poker face, stoic manners, and scary appearance make him look like he's angry fucking you. He doesn't get what he's doing wrong and doesn't do it on purpose. But it doesn't matter since you know him very well and not only are you used to his antics but you also have become sensitive to his very subtle changes of expression.

Bf: He can't help bit to tell bad jokes when he fucks. Self cockblocks himself all the time: either he goes soft in the middle of the act because he's laughing at his own jokes or he makes so cringy jokes that his partner gets uncomfortable and leaves. He can't help it, if he doesn't get them our he will explode.

Itto: Fucks wildly but it's his way of making love. He is just too brute to control the size and strength of his body, especially when he is under the effect of the feral feelings he has for you. 

He loves you so much he can't help but to pick you up like you're a potato sack and swirl you in the air like you are a rag doll and take you with him everywhere. When he hugs you he leaves you breathless, when he kisses you he leaves you all sloppy and when he fucks you…well he leaves you sore for weeks but let's say it's totally worth it!

Bf: totally disagree! It would be so hard to fuck him, he would be clueless and friend zone or family zone you all the time. If you tell him you wanna be more than friends he would say "Superfriends??" With the biggest smile. And if you manage to fuck him he would be super careful, he knows he is a brute and is scared of hurting you.

Thoma: Makes super lovey-dovey love. Always double-checks if you're comfortable and enjoying the experience. Knowing he's making you feel good makes him glad and arouses him so don't be shy and tell him if he's doing it well!

Bf: nononono, absolutely wrong, you're blinded by his looks. He is a degenerate masochist and he only fucks Ayato. They have this weird dynamic where he literally acts as his dog.

Ayato: Another one who depends on the partner and situation. Honestly, he's so overworked that he desperately needs a good fuck. Ok maybe many of them. But not only he doesn't have the time, but also he can't be seen sleeping around due to his political position, so probably he'll only get to have sex when he finally finds the person he wants to marry. He hopes to be able to marry someone he actually loves instead of marrying for political reasons. So if you're the lucky one, expect heated sessions of lovemaking from this touch-starved man! Also, he'll love you but that doesn't mean he's gonna stop being a merciless tease 👀

Bf: Degenerate sadist who only has eyes for Thoma and makes him go through so much weird stuff they don't even remember what is to have normal sex. Tying him up and putting him on a leash is the most normal thing out of what they do.

Kaeya: Fucks. He lives for the spectacle and the mystique of it. Also, he's super popular around Mondstadt and wherever he goes so he sleeps around a lot. He has tons of admirers from both sexes and he makes sure to reward their love and devotion. He knows exactly how to please people, how to exacerbate his natural beauty and how to leave them crazy for him. He's simply so erotically natured. Probably the most experienced guy you know in the field. 

Bf: Agree. Turbo slut. No more comments needed. If he manages to open his heart he can be sensitive. But that only happened once and it was with his own reflection in a mirror.

Heizou: Fucks lovingly 💕 He loves teasing and making his partner flustered. People and relationships are simply so fun and fascinating to him. And when he gets to be sexually intimate with someone it's even better! If you end up involved with him, be prepared to be taken to your limits.

Bf: Another degenerate. Probably makes you pretend you're a criminal to chase you around town. Pretty sadistic and I can imagine him having yandere tendencies. A cool guy though. When he is not horny.

Al Haitam: Zero interested in the matter. Until he met you. He is learning everything from scratch and even though he's always been a fast learner in everything, this subject is particularly hard since he needs to stop rationalizing and let his feelings take control for once. But his feelings for you are pretty intense, so little by little he is learning how to make love to you 💚

Bf: I imagine him as a turbo aspirator 3000. He would suck your soul out of your genitals. If you manage him to make him interested in sex, which is highly unlikely because he is like 0 interested in any kind of human contact. I picture him having sex with Kaveh and Kaveh would be a pillow princess and Haitham despite being the kind of guy who always sits down and just reads books he would be restless in bed, doing all the job and moving him around.

Kaveh: Another sweet-sweet love guy! He'll make sure to treat you like a princess and spoil you rotten in and out of the bedroom. He'll do the corniest expressions of chivalry but please bear with him, it genuinely comes from his heart. But if you want to see a more sloppy and wrecked side of him, you can always seduce him after he goes to the bar…

Bf: Sassy pillow princess. Or prince? Idk how to say it. He doesn't do anything but he will be all the time criticizing or praising what you do like a talent show judge. "Come on? Is it the first time you suck a cock or what?" You can imagine this kind of behavior is what infuriates Al Haitham and motivates him to go feral and fuck him around the whole house until he shuts the fuck up.

BONUS: This is an old draft but now that Neuvillete and Wriostheley are out, we couldn't let them out! So for this, we are interchanging roles, my bf will give you his headcanons and I will comment!

Bf: I'm 100% sure both Neuvie and Wriot are completely opposite in bed from their personalities in public. Our chivalrous and calm Neuvie is a pasional beast in bed. He is unsatiable, he is a dragon after all. Gives me the same vibes as Zhong Li who acts super calm but when fucking Childe he destroys 3 hotel rooms every night (exactly the type Childe loves. He got a crush on him when he struck him down at Fontaine's court. I'm sure Zhong Li will get jealous when he finds out and we will have some dragon drama going on) Back to Neuvie, he is super feral but he doesn't fuck, he makes love. It's his draconic way of making love. He is also very emotional and if he likes you, after having sex and having calmed down, he will open his wallet and start showing you the pictures of his 300 Melusine daughters and tell you their names and each of their jobs. He is a very proud dad.

Wriothesley loves you from a distance. While you fuck he is super sweet and loving, but during everyday life, he sucks at showing his feelings. He reminds me of the dad of Komi San, super silent but full of love. He communicates through glances (like a dog). Everyone thinks he is a bad boy but he's a super sentimental guy (won't admit it though) If you give him a gift he will treasure it forever and if someone breaks it or steals it from him he will beat them up.

One of his phrases would be "If something happens to my schmoochpsiepups I will kill everyone in Teyvat and then myself," and when he messes up with you for being unable to show his emotions he goes to a karaoke and sings "Baka Mitai" all depressed. He has 0 emotional intelligence and would go there often, crying "Oh, I wanted to tell Y/N how much I love them before they went away and I just groaned 'hmmm' AGAIN 😭😭".

YET ANOTHER BONUS: If Neuvillete and Wriothesley were in a romantic relationship, I'm sure Neuvie would tell him about all of his Melusine daughters. Wriot would act all cold and as if he didn't care but in fact he remembers all their names and thinks about them as his adoptive daughters. Don't be surprised if you walk down the street and see a Melusine falling down and he rescues her and goes to buy her an ice cream cone. He is a proud dad too.

Me: I have no comments. I agree with everything. And Wriot singing Baka Mitai would be amazing, he has the voice of Jotaro and Erwin after all.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Wow this post was longer than intended. AND ONLY NOW I realize we left Lyney and Zhong Li out. I guess bc to me Lyney is kinda teen coded? I feel like they wasted so much husband material making him look so young. I've seen the fandom drawing him as an adult and he looks so hansome. And both my bf and I rambled about Zhong Li but we forgot to include an entry for him 😂 He says it's ok because he's tied to Tartaglia and we spoke about him in Tartaglia's section 😂 God we are a disaster. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the post, whether you found the headcanons hot or my bf's comments funny. He is scared of getting cancelled though 😂

[eltoshaw]

holidays with you- A. frederick (atv)

a/n or a holiday soft launch with arthur tv through the lens of a fan

yourusername

liked by arthurtv, faithlouisak, gkbarry and 3,000 others

italy archives with you 💕

gkbarry looks gorge 😍😍 happy for you too babe xx ↪️yourusername thank you darling it was most amazing time 😍😍

faithlouisak omg! i need the place of where you stayed and those espresso martinis omg 😍😍 ↪️yourusername i’ll dm you hun. it wasn’t too pricey tbh

fan1 since when did y/n have a bf? happy for her though she seems so happy now than when y/e/n gave her that shit. ↪️fan2 i think she’s literally starting to soft launch. so happy for her though too 😍😍

arthur tv

liked by yourusername, arthurfnhill, georgeclarkeey and 30,000 others pov: I went to italy and only got these three pics

fan3 shut up. ↪️ fan4 ??? ↪️fan3 y/n was in italy too and was posting with a man that suspiciously looked like arthur!

arthurfnhill any excuse for you to take your top off for a photo ↪️arthurtv any excuse for you to pretend to be harry styles for a photo

georgeclarkeey looking gorgeous as always arthur 😍 ↪️arthurtv yeah looking gorgeous for your mum

yourusername

liked by gkbarry, arthurtv, max_balegde and 3,000 others

well that podcast launch went well, thank you everyone for the support and showing your faces 🤣. p.s. last photo is how i ended up last night.

gkbarry so proud of you babe, have to get together sometime soon. ↪️yourusername yeah defo!! lemme know when and I'll sort something for us!!

faithlouisak thank you for letting me stopping being a mum for one night. And big big congrats to you honey 🥳 ↪️yourusername thank you honey and your defo welcome hope you had a great time!!

fan1 since when did y/n have a podcast ↪️fan2 since last week when she announced it. its easy to miss, honestly i missed gemma style's baby announcement 🤣🤣

arthurtv

liked by georgeclarkeey, yourusername, chrismd10 and 30,000 others

lastnight was great thank you @yourusername for inviting me to your podcast launch

yourusername happy to!! did you enjoy yourself? ↪️ arthurtv was a great night! did you? ↪️ yourusername I think you can tell by the photos i took last night 🤣🤣

georgeclarkeey cant believe we turned up wearing the same outfit. ↪️arthurtv we didn't I just had to just change because my girlfriend spilt rose on mine when we arrived 😒 ↪️yourusername whoops! sorry! ↪️fan3 WHAT? ↪️yourusername whoops. Again

yourusername

liked by gkbarry, faithlouisak arthurtv and 3,000 others

cats out the bag, i am indeed dating arthur tv. this wasnt meant to happen until next weeks podcast. puts a whole new meaning to dumb blonde, sorry honey xoxoxox

arthurtv its okay darling, you're not a dumb blonde love you xx ↪️ yourusername i am though, love you too xx

faithlouisak the amount of times I was trying to get peoples cameras to dodge you two and you just let it slip on his comments. fucking hilarious. happy for you two though 💓💓 ↪️yourusername i know. im so sorry. it was a genuine accident, i don't know.

gkbarry oh ffs, hahaha the amount of times youve almost slipped that your dating arthur then it actually happened. hilarious. love you babe and happy for you 💓💓 ↪️yourusername cant let it slip now. hahaha but yeah love you too babe xx

arthurtv

liked by yourusername, georgeclarkeey, chrismd10 and 30,000 others

riiiight so the beautiful @yourusername outed herself as my girlfriend so i guess this is me hard launching?? it was meant to be done on the first ep of her podcast on monday but immensely proud of you darling xx

yourusername thank you honey xoxoxo love youuuu ↪️Arthurtv anytime darling xx love you too xx

georgeclarkeey who’s this and what are they doing with my boyfriend. ↪️yourusername george. you know full well that arthur’s MY boyfriend and stop trying to steal him from me. ↪️arthurtv you can both share me. i have enough love to go around. but george please stop calling me your boyfriend.

fan3 CALLED IT.

[rendezvouz-fling]

Astro Observations #20

• Is it just me or do most saturnian moons (Aqua/Cap) tend to grow up with single mothers who only care about making money and having multiple boyfriends? Lmao.

• I feel bad for Gemini risings with Aries mercuries because they’re so genuine and they might be very chatty but it’s their biggest love language.🤎 I think this might also apply to just about every other Gemini rising too!

• I feel bad for Aries moons with Libra mercuries/risings because yes they can be a little hot headed but they won’t be flat out bold and they might beat around the bush a lot! On the other hand though when they’re really arguing with somebody they might switch to intellect and surprisingly demolish that person.✋🏽

• People with mercury at a Fire degree (1, 5, 9, 13, 17, 21, 23, 29) love to exaggerate things! Calling myself out too, chile!😩😂

• Virgo suns with Leo mars can be very sweet and caring but also very scorning, abrasive and wants themselves/their partner & kids to look/dress their best almost all the time! Pretty much the always picture-ready type moms.

• You better believe that even if a Sagittarius moon won’t say it they might feel hurt and start detaching until they’re completely gone out of your life and you’re left wondering what went wrong.

• Tbh idk why but Libra mercuries also be out here saying mean, out-of-pocket stuff just not normally in people’s faces so maybe that’s why their friends might not take them seriously.

• Whereas Aries mercuries probably have a reputation of arrogance and downright disrespectfulness but they can also be very nice especially if you’re close with them. You’ll notice they just like to cuss for fun lol.

• Scorpio mercuries need to stop being on interrogation mode!😭

• Gemini mercuries be telling some of the funniest stories and their facial expressions/hand gestures make it even more funnier than it has to be.😭🤣

• Dear Cancer mercuries, you guys are so thoughtful and caring Ilysm!

• Capricorn mercuries, you’re not boring and I love how also detail oriented you are!

• Can I just say Cap mercuries so be out here clowning too! 😂 I have a close friend who’s a Cap sun & mercury and she says funny things often, she just has a very articulate way of speaking but besides that she’s hilarious!🤣

• I recently noticed people with Air/Earth placements tend to have speech impediments and other stuff. E.g. my little sister is a Virgo sun/moon & Libra stellium and she can’t pronounce the letter ‘R’. I have a Gemini rising at 23 degree, Capricorn mars & other air placements and I used to have a speech impediment and developed selective muting. 💀

• Having Air/Fire placements can be such a challenge! 😭 My Aries mercury just be saying anything along with the super chatty Gemini rising but then later my Aquarius moon has a pep talk moment and makes me say “Why the fuck did I say that? Now they’re going to think I’m—” 😂😂😂

• People with harsh aspects between the sun and pluto might be known as open books but they might become self-conscious about it and have the urge to remain a mystery yet they can’t help but overshare!😭

• They might also think about it often! Like it might haunt them.💀

• Gemini venuses are soo fun!! I’d literally take these people with me if I was to go on a road trip because they’d keep me entertained and we could just goof around & talk about anything lol.

• You might also find yourself attracting/being attracted to people who’s venus sign is your rising sign!

• Pisces venus, for the sake of your own life please stop staying in toxic relationships because you fear being abandoned and think it isn’t worth it because you’ve been with this person so long—LEAVE. ✋🏽

• Cancer venus, you know I love you but sometimes you gotta stop trying to control people. 😭

• Scorpio venus, with you I feel like we’re always on the same page and see eye to eye in most things/interests.

• Capricorn venus you are literally one of the most giving venus signs! I literally love you!!<3

• Sagittarius mars men having a thing for smacking their girlfriend’s butt.🤣

• Leo mars want only the best of the best especially if there’s Taurus in the mix!

• While Libra risings might develop people pleasing tendencies, Gemini risings tend to develop social anxiety.

• I’ve seen so many Gemini suns always point out that they either have or think they have a mental illness. Especially ADHD.😨😰

• Yes Earth suns are normally very chill and grounded. But add some Air and especially Fire in the mix and they’ll be the most erratic, short tempered people you’ve seen!🙃

• Fire mercuries/mercuries at Fire degrees, how does it feel to get shouted at your whole life then gas-lighted and blamed when you turn out to be a sharp-tongue individual?

• Gemini moons and their many 1-3 Am shows in their rooms.😭 Same for Aqua and Libra moons but Gemini moons do it more often lol.

• If somebody is very generous, bold, funny, and gets pissed off/defensive very quickly then they’re an Aries dom.❤️‍🔥

• Taurus moon, why are you so stubborn?

• The best thing to hear is “Okay fine.” From an Aquarius/Taurus moon when you’ve finally got them to change their opinion that they stubbornly wouldn’t let go of lol.

• 9H moons tend to be very attached to their ideas/opinions/beliefs. I can testify😂

• I’ve noticed some 2H moons tend to stress eat?

• 7H moons looove music and fashion!💗

• 9H Aquarius moons are normally cultured people.

• Fire moons are the loyalest friends hands down. I said what I said.✋🏽❤️

• Scorpios suns with Sagittarius moons/mercuries somehow be coming up with the funniest life-stories??😭🤣

• I’ve noticed Sagittarius mercuries tend to be awesome yet underrated songwriters! E.g. Nikki Sixx of Mötley Crüe who wrote most of their songs😩🖤

• Say what you will but some Leo risings literally exude not only a very charming but bright aura! David Lee Roth is literally your typical Leo Rising!🦁🌞

[hotheadedhero]

Not sure if you're taking requests so feel free to ignore this, but I was wondering how the 2012 turtles would react to an S/O that swears a lot 🤣

My first ever request! And an absolutely hilarious one at that 😂 I love this so much, thank you! This is right up my street!

S/O that swears... a lot

Warnings: bad language but you coulda guessed that :]

2012 Turtles x Reader

Leonardo

He loves you but he wishes you didn't have such a vulgar tongue. This poor guy has no idea what to do, in all honesty. Leo isn't even sure if there's anything he can do. You swear when you're happy just as much as when you're upset.

There's nothing malicious in the way you go about it. He knows this and he knows you harbour no ill intent but he will try to coerce you into at least swearing less. Unfortunately, he realises that this is a futile attempt given it's practically your second language.

Eventually, he learns to suck it up and gets used to it because, gosh darn, he just loves you that much.

Raphael

Doesn't even bat an eye considering his family has to interrupt him before he speaks crudely. He doesn't get why. They're just words with negative associations, after all. The two of you are a massively bad influence on each other, unintentionally encouraging the other to exercise their foul mouth.

It certainly makes banter very interesting, to which the rest of the Hamato family are made either uncomfortable or concerned. Raph has no idea what the problem is. Minus their father, they all grew up in New York, for crying out loud!

At least you two get each other in that respect.

Donatello

May occasionally flinch with the odd swear here and there but doesn't seem to mind too much overall. Even he has some colourful expressions of his own. Sure, his own versions of obscenities are very much more family-friendly but he kind of gets it. "By Darwin's beard" is a prime example.

Donnie isn't one to frequently budge at your choice of vocabulary but he'd be lying if he said he isn't impressed with your creativity.

"What the fuck?! Pavlov's dog could figure this shit out!"

As crass as it is, that might be a personal favourite that often has him humoured.

Michelangelo

Incredibly shocked at first but he doesn't think any differently of you. This guy does not care one bit. You could have two heads and that wouldn't change a thing. At the end of the day, he loves you no matter what.

Someone may need to keep an eye on things, however. Don't forget - Mikey is impressionable when it comes to phrases, let alone the profanities that carelessly fall past your lips. If he's to accidentally repeat one of these words, it's not just his brothers you'll need to worry about getting an earful from.

Splinter will be all up in your case, so be mindful if you want to avoid a stern lesson in the dojo.

Also, just to put it out there, I'm happy to take requests! Just headcanons for now, however. I have so many stories to write and want to get them out before taking on ideas from all you lovelies :)

[qraceiuv]

open arms. jude bellingham.

summary — jude bellingham x arnold!reader | fans notice you've joined your brother trent and his friends on vacation, and can't help but suspect a relationship between you and jude

note — barely looked over this, its honestly horrible. but honestly might even do a pt 2 for fun

warnings — nothing i can think of fs

_________________________________________

y/nsusername

y/nsusername: vacay captures🌴☀️🩵

—

username: MY QUEEN HAS POSTED

username: 6th slide is me

username: JUDE? I SEE JUDE

— username: me every second of the day

username: omg she joined trent and them w her friend thats cutee😭

username: the jude pic helloooo

username: idk why but her posting a pic w just jude in her post calls out to me

— username: it is not as deep as u think it is

username: NOT YALL SAYING SHES W JUDE GOODBYEEE yall funny

trentarnold66: the angle on me is horrible

— y/nsusername: maybe dont take up all the space where i was laying!🥰

— trentarnold66: YOU GOT UP.

yourfriend: 6 is a call for help btw!

username: the sibling banter in the comments is real

dominikszoboszlai: did your phone fall in

— y/nsusername: for the last time, no😒

— masonmount: it did

— y/nsusername: WHY R U EVEN HERE?

judebellingham: 🩵🩵🩵

— username: is that all u got

— username: lowk random

— username: yes king, give us nothing!

username: OKAYYY HIM COMMENTINGGG

y/nsusername

y/nsusername: nothing better than golden hour on the sand with my favorite person ☀️💛

—

username: face card hello

username: baby

username: yes girl, put that caption and dont show us who!!! how cute

username: and who is that maam??

username: jude

— username: now why would she be talking about her brother's best mate

username: yall its probs y/f/n or maybe trent obviously

username: girlie saw the jude allegations and said let me stir it up

trentarnold66: thats funny, cause your favorite person (me) has been at the hotel all night!

— y/nsusername: you think youre funny

— trentarnold66: yeah

yourfriend: my invite is?? where??

— y/nsusername: u always lose things

username: THEY CONFIRMED IT WASNT THEM SO WHO IS IT??

username: not trent, not y/f/n... call me delusional but...

username: jude needs to comment hello

judebellingham

judebellingham: ☀️

—

username: this mf.

username: WHO WHOOOO

username: THOSE ARE LITERALLY Y/N'S NAILS

username: Y/N JUST POSTED THOSE NEW NAILS ON HER STORY GOODBTEEE

username: HER FAV EMOJI THAT SHE USES 24 FUCKING 7

username: now ik dang well

username: when i was RIGHT?!

username: GUYS GUYS GUYS

trentarnold66: sad day

— username: OHMYGOD

username: no this is so unexpected

y/nsusername: ☀️😊

— username: THEY HAVE TO DTOP

y/nsusername

y/nsusername: challenge: find jude in every pic (except one) GO!! 😘 (since you all are so good at that😒) ((jk i love u and this is all hilarious!))

—

username: GET OUT

username: the caption shes so sweet😭

username: cutie pie

username: MY FAVES WTF?!

username: im gagging im

username: im flabbergasted BAD.

username: found him hahahaha (im ending jt)

username: TRENT WYA??

username: living the fanfic life rn tf

username: I CALLED IT

— username: RIGHT LIKE U GUYS CAN SUCK IT

judebellingham: im in none of these photos??

— y/nsusername: oh right! totally forgot about my brothers best friend in the photo dump!🤣

— username: THERES NO WAY😭

— trentarnold66: alright.

username: THEYRE SO MEANNN.

_________________________________________