#you look at a man who struggles all throughout the movie. who obviously needs mental help yet is denied by everyone who has the power

[sapphic-storm69]

POV: you’re staring at the person who made the saddest, most depressing movie you’ve ever seen, into a meme

[charlies-gillespie]

it’s okay not to be okay | charlie gillespie

paring: fem!reader x charlie gillespie

summary: reader is having a bad mental health day so Charlie tries to do what he can to help her

length: short to medium

rating: PG

warnings: mentions of anxiety, an anxiety attack, some angsty content (but also some fluffy content)

!! NOT MY GIF !!

MASTERLIST

authors note: may is mental health month. i wanted to write a little something to maybe help someone understand what they can do if someone they know is having a bad day or struggling with their mental health. and if you’re struggling, please know that it’s okay not to be okay and to please ask for help if you need it

Your alarm screams at you to wake up. You sigh, rolling over and turning it over. Once it’s off, you roll onto your back and stare up at the ceiling. You think about the day ahead and lose motivation the more you lay and think about your day.

You have virtual interviews with all day with your boyfriend and Julie and the Phantoms co-star, Charlie Gillespie. He’s supposed to be here any minute. The thought of him knocking on the door sends your anxiety skyrocketing. Interviews are not your strong suit. You try to avoid them as often as you can, or you get someone you’re comfortable with to do them with you. Today, even the thought of doing an interview makes your hands shake.

It’s about eight in the morning and you can already tell that it’s going to be a rough day. You can’t even get out of bed this morning and you’re already feeling unmotivated. All you’ve done is turn off your alarm and your hands are sweaty.

There’s a buzz that comes from the table that makes you jump. You see Charlie’s contact pop up on your phone and you grab the device. You answer it, putting the phone on speaker and resting it on your chest. “Hey,” you sigh.

“Hi,” Charlie says. “I just pulled up to your house. Is everything ready to go for interviews today?”

With a nod, you say, “Yeah. I turned my stream room into a little studio. My streaming gear has turned into interview gear.”

Charlie says, “I’m on my way in. Can you come open the door? I have breakfast for us before our first interview in a little bit.”

You swallow and say, “Yeah. I’m on my way down now.”

The line goes dead. You push yourself to get up out of bed. You rub your face and walk down the stairs. Your first interview is in about 30 minutes and you’re nowhere near ready.

When you open the door, you see Charlie standing at your door with his laptop in one hand and a bag full of iHop food for breakfast. He looks you up and down in your pajamas and says, “We have a Pop Buzz interview in less than 30 minutes and you’re not ready?”

“Yeah,” you mumble, not being able to make eye contact with Charlie. “Sorry.”

Your boyfriend walks inside and he says, “Let’s go get you dressed, eh?”

You close the door and say, “But you brought over breakfast to eat before the first interview.”

Charlie puts the iHop bag down on the coffee table in the living room, as well as his laptop, before he says, “We can heat it up after the first interview is done. One thing at a time, Y/N.”

He laces his fingers with yours and walks you upstairs. You blink as you walk with him, slightly confused. You walk into your bedroom and walk to your closet. Charlie sits on your bed, looking at you as you raid your closet for something you can wear.

In the end, you find a Sunset Curve t-shirt and sweatpants because you don’t feel like getting dressed up. The t-shirt is white with black writing and it cut to look like a crop top. The sweats are black and loose on your body. You’re pretty sure you stole these from Charlie because they’re huge on you. You tie your hair up into a messy bun and turn toward Charlie.

“Look at you,” your boyfriend says. “You look very comfortable and very cute in my sweatpants.”

You say, “So these are your sweatpants.”

Charlie laughs and kisses the side of your head before saying, “I was looking for those all over my apartment. You can keep them though. You look cute in them.”

The two of you head downstairs. You walk into your streaming room. Charlie follows you inside. He’s been in here before but he’s never learned how to use any of this stuff.

You sit in your gaming chair and Charlie pulls up another chair to sit beside you.

“Zoom?” you ask, turning on your PC.

He nods and pulls out his phone. “The code was sent to our emails,” Charlie says. You log into your work email and find the code. The interview starts in five minutes. Your heart races and your hands shake as you type on your computer.

After getting Zoom up on your PC, you stare at the mouse hovering above the “join with video” button. Quickly, you turn to Charlie and say, “I can’t.”

Charlie looks at you and asks, “You can’t what?”

You can feel your breathing speed up as you say, “The interview. Charlie, I can’t.”

He realizes what’s going on and he takes your hands in his. “Y/N,” he says softly. “You can do it. It’s just having a conversation, okay? You can have conversations. Don’t think of it like an interview and think of it as a conversation. I’ll be right here and you can hold my hand during the whole thing. You know Owen, Jer, Madi, Sav, and Sacha will all be on the screen in front of you. You’ll do amazing.”

With some reassurance from Charlie, you nod but stay quiet. He gives you a reassuring smile before he takes over, clicking the button to join the call. You scoot your chair closer to Charlie. “Where am I looking, by the way,” he asks.

You point at the little camera in front of the ring light that you have on. You and Charlie join the Zoom. Owen says, “Look who showed up thirty seconds before the interview starts.”

Charlie quickly hushes his best friend and the interview starts. Throughout the whole thing, you’re rubbing your hands on your sweats and constantly looking over at Charlie. The interviewer thinks it’s cute that you keep looking at Charlie, but the interviewer doesn’t know it’s because you’re right on the verge of another anxiety attack. The smile on your face is very obviously fake but no one questions it. Charlie does most of the talking.

As soon as everyone says their goodbyes after the interview, Charlie quickly presses the “leave meeting” button. As soon as you’ve both left the meeting, you exhale the breath you’ve been holding in for most of the interview.

Concerned, your boyfriend asks, “How are you doing?”

“I hate it,” you admit. “But it’s part of my job.”

He stands up and says, “You did really good. I know how anxious these interviews are for you but you did it, Y/N. I’m so proud.”

A little smile forms on your face and you ask, “Can we heat up the iHop now?”

Charlie laughs and nods. You stand up and take his hand.

***

After several more anxiety inducing interviews later, you finally get about two hours off. You find yourself curled up on the couch with your chin on your knees. You have no idea why these interviews are so anxiety inducing today. You love acting, you usually love talking to people about acting and singing. You have to push yourself through every interview, you don’t look as good as you probably should for these interviews.

Your boyfriend finds you on the couch but your mind is so busy, you don’t notice him as he sits beside you. “Baby,” Charlie says, trying to get your attention. “Hey, Y/N.” You look over at him and he brushes something away from your cheek. “Baby, why are you crying?”

Confused, you say, “I’m not crying.”

Charlie blinks at you and says, “Your cheeks are wet. Talk to me.” He rests a hand on your knee and looks at you.

With a sigh, you say, “I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated that I have days where I have to push myself to do things. I’m frustrated that doing my job gives me anxiety. When I have these days, I contemplate why I’m an actress when talking about my job, while part of my job, gives me anxiety.”

He listens to every word that you say before he begins to talk.

“Y/N, baby, you’re an actress because it’s what you love to do,” Charlie tells you. “It’s the same reason you’re a singer. You love to do it. You’ll have these days sometimes, and that’s okay, but Y/N, I know you. You are the strongest person I know. Whatever’s going today, you’ll get through it. I’ll be right here if you need me.”

This is the man that you fell in love with. This is the man that you hope to marry one day. He doesn’t run when you’re having a bad day. Charlie is the person you go to when you’re having one of these days and he’ll come over to help you through it.

You scoot closer to Charlie and rest your head on his shoulder. You close your eyes and you say, “I don’t deserve you, Charlie.”

Charlie kisses the side of your head and says, “You deserve the world. After these last two interviews today, you and I are having a movie night in bed with lots of cuddles and kisses.”

“Cuddles and kisses?” you repeat, looking up at Charlie.

He presses a soft kiss to your lips before he says, “Lots and lots of cuddles and kisses.”

You press your forehead to Charlie’s cheek, closing your eyes. Charlie wraps his arms around your curled up body.

The day gets just a little bit easier after Charlie promises kisses and cuddles after the interviews are over. You love and appreciate that Charlie doesn’t run from the relationship when you’re sad or anxious. He embraces it and helps you through the rough days.

That night, after all the interviews are over for the day, you do lay in bed and you watch The Space Between Us on Netflix while cuddled up with Charlie. You’ve been like this for a few hours now and a thought has been on your mind.

“Charlie,” you say, looking up at your boyfriend.

He looks down at you and asks, “What’s up? Need something?”

You move until you’re on your stomach against Charlie’s side. You say, “I don’t want you to go.”

Your boyfriend says, “If you want me to stay the night then I will. I don’t have any plans tonight.”

“No, I mean I don’t want to have to say goodbye to you in the morning,” you say. “I want to fall asleep beside you every night and wake up beside you every morning.”

Charlie pushes a piece of hair out of your face and he asks, “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

You say, “I don’t want to call you to come over when I’m having a bad day when you could already be here. I have half a closet and half a bed that aren’t being used, plus lots of room on my bathroom counter.”

He laughs and says, “Yes, baby. I’ll move in with you. I wouldn’t mind falling asleep with you in my arms or waking up to your cute face every morning.”

A soft laugh escapes your lips and you say, “Good, because I would love it if I could fall asleep in your arms every night. Starting tonight.”

“Starting tonight,” Charlie assures you. You smile and snuggle up to your boyfriend. He securely wraps his arms around your shoulders and you close your eyes, feeling at home and safe in Charlie’s arms.

[babygirlizz]

izzie’s favorite movies and tv shows of 2020 (aka the worst year ever)

another year, another movie and tv show review. this year has, to put it simply, sucked. 2020 has been so terribly awful that sometimes the only light you can see are the absolute bangers of movies and tv shows that came out this year. with that being said, some of the movies and tv shows didn't come out in 2020. if the are mentioned in this post it is because they either: had a season come out this year, i found them this year, or they became popular this year.

SPOILERS: it may not come as a surprise but just in case you didn't realize, there will be many spoilers ahead, read at your own risk.

tw // death, suicide, drug use, mild adult language. if any of these things might trigger you, i strongly urge you not to read this post.

there is no specific order of these shows and movies, i'm just writing as they come to mind. if you enjoy any of these movies or tv shows, or if you have any suggestions for me, please let me know!

TV SHOWS

1) Santa Clarita Diet

Okay, so I know this show doesn't have anything to do with 2020. But, I found this show in 2020. I put it off for a while, thinking it wasn't my style of a show, but boy was I wrong. I loved this show. Sheila Hammond (Drew Barrymore) is a normal suburban wife and mom. She is a real estate agent with her husband Joel (Timothy Olyphant). She struggles with the fact that she isn't very adventurous. This all changes when she throws up an insane amount at a house showing. She then finds herself craving adventure, and craving human flesh. Yeah, she's a zombie. Not only is this show super hilarious, but it also shows the growth that they have with their characters and their family. I'm also team Abby (Liv Hewson) and Eric (Skyler Gisondo).

2) Outer Banks

So, I'm from NC. And, watching this show at first bothered me because I can very obviously tell this show isn't actually filmed in the obx, and the geography isn't exact, but once I got past that, I loved it. John B (Chase Stokes) is a teenager that lives in the poor side of the outer banks. He has a friend group called the Pogues which consists of JJ (Rudy Pankow), Pope (Jonathan Daviss), and Kie (Madison Bailey). They absolutely hate the Kooks, which are the rich kids. A while after John B's dad gets lost at sea, presumed dead, the group finds some evidence that may solve the mystery, and make them rich. In the process, John B falls in love with a Kook names Sarah (Madelyn Cline) whose father Ward (Charles Esten) may have a little more to do with the mystery than he let on. Through friendship, murder, and secrets, the gang may just figure out what happened to John B's dad.

3) Love, Victor

Alright. I loved loved loved Love, Simon. I also really loved the book "Simon vs. the Homosapien Agenda." So, when I heard about this show, I was so excited. Victor (Michael Cimino) is a teenage boy that moved to Creekwood with his family. He meets Felix (Anthony Turpel) who lives in his building. He also meets Mia (Rachel Hilson) and they begin dating. But, he also meets Benji (George Sear). While trying to get used to a new school, new friends, and a new relationship, Victor finds himself questioning his sexuality. With the help of Simon (Nick Robinson) and his friends, Victor finds it in himself to finally come out, and he admits his feelings, for Benji. This is such a good show, but I was so upset when season 1 ended on a cliff-hanger.

4) The Haunting of Bly Manor

The sequel to The Haunting of Hill House. Now listen, haunting of hill house was an absolute banger. When I saw that Bly came out I nearly died. I was so excited. But, I was alone in my apartment and also a lil bitch. So, I had to wait a week until I was home with my family to watch it. Now, I was so excited to be scared, and there were a few jump scares and ominous moments, but this season was more centered around the story line of Dani Clayton (Victoria Pedretti) and her new life in a foreign country. When seeing an ad for a live in job as an au pair. When she gets there, she meets the two young children she’ll be looking out for and the other workers of the house, including the gardener, Jamie (Amelia Eve). Throughout her stay at Bly she begins to notice weird behaviors from both children and by the end of the series she sacrifices herself for the children. Sadly, this story is being told by Jamie who Dani had fallen in love with during her stay at Bly. Now I was somewhat upset about the lack of horror, but was still very intrigued and drawn in by this series.

5) Julie and the Phantoms

Alright, at first I was not gonna watch this show. I thought it looked a little too young and childish for me, but everyone was talking about it on twitter so I had to. I. Love. This. Show. This show centers around Julie (Madison Reyes). Julie is a teenage girl who, sadly, lost her mother. The one major thing she shared with her mom, was their love for music. Since her mothers passing, she gave up music. This is until, dead musicians from the 90′s show up in her garage. Luke (Charlie Gillespie), Alex (Owen Joyner), and Reggie (Jeremy Shada) all tragically passed away in the 90′s after eating bad street hotdogs. When Julie finds their CD in her garage, she decides to play it and they come back in ghost form. But, only she can see them. With their help, she finds her confidence to play music again. Also, she has to find away for them to stay because they’re slowly disappearing. 

6) Derry Girls

Bitch. I love this show. And yeah it didn’t come out in 2020. Shut up. I found this show recently after watching the cast on the holiday special of the Great British Baking Show. I loved the actors so I had to watch the show. This show focuses on Erin (Saoirse-Monica Jackson) a 16 year old girl that lives in Derry, Northern Ireland in the 90′s. Alongside her is her cousin Orla (Louisa Harland), her two friends Clare (Nicola Coughlan) and Michelle (Jamie-Lee O’Donnell), and Michelle’s English cousin James (Dylan Llewellyn). During these years, a lot of people in Ireland struggled, especially because it was during wartime. Even thought this show isn’t focused heavily around the war, it’s amazing to see these teens live a fulfilling life while struggling with the state of their country, and the lack of money that their families have. 

7) Elite

HA. This show did have a season in 2020 so leave me alone. But bro, I love this show. At first, I didn’t watch it because I thought I could only watch the dubbed version in English, which I hate. I hate dubbed shows they look so weird. But, once I found out I could watch this show in Spanish, I fell in love. But, sadly, theres too damn much to talk about in one little post. It’s crazy. But basically it just follows the lives of teens in high school that are trying to survive. And no, not in the “I’m surviving high school,” sense. No, people be getting murdered. 

MOVIES (tbh i didn’t find a lot of movies good this year lmk which movies u liked this year and maybe i’ll like them!)

1) All the Bright Places

After the death of her sister, Violet (Elle Fanning) is devastated. She closes herself off, and has her parents get her out of doing school work that involves working with others. But, as time goes on, they realize she may need to start to move on. Violet then meets Finch (Justice Smith) who is enamored by Violet. He suggests they do a project together. While finding and visiting some of the smallest wonders of their state, they begin to fall for each other. While you are focusing on Violet and her mental health, you tend to miss some of the signs that Finch’s mental health isn’t great either, but by the time you do, it could be too late. 

2) Dangerous Lies

Hmm. This was weird for me. I had only ever seen Camila Mendes in Riverdale, and honestly, not a fan. So, Katie (Camila Mendes) and her husband Adam (Jessie T. Usher) are struggling with money. Katie decides to take a job working for an elderly man, and eventually gets her husband hired there as well. Unfortunately, he dies, but for some odd reason, leaves the house and all of his fortune, to Katie. As they get comfortable in the house, they begin to uncover some very weird and dangerous lies. 

3) The Devil All the Time

Ok. Iconic. You got so many hot men in this movie. Bill Skarsgård, Sebastian Stan, Tom Holland, Robert Pattinson. C’mon now. That’s crazy. But, this story is so long and in depth that I wouldn’t even know where to begin. This movie is a bit disturbing. It involves murder, sexual assault, killing of animals, and so much more so if that’s an issue for you please do not watch this movie. It was also quite long, but it was still good.

4) After We Collided

Okay just listen. I was that teenager. I read wattpad stories and was, embarrassingly, addicted to After. This was not a great movie per say, but it was After. This is a sequel to the movie After. This movie centers around Tessa (Josephine Langford) and her recovery after her breakup with Hardin (Hero Fiennes Tiffin). Theres sex, alcohol, bad acting. The whole nine-yards. But c’mon, they’re so cute together.

5) To All the Boys p.s. I Still Love You

Okay it was a good movie. I enjoyed it. This movie focuses on Lara Jean (Lana Condor) and her boyfriend Peter (Noah Centineo) and their relationship post the first movie. But of course relationships aren’t super steady, and John Ambrose McClaren (Jordan Fisher) shows up. Yeah, John Ambrose, from her letter. They become closer and Lara Jean has to decide who she wants to be with. Spoiler, it’s Peter. BOOOOOOO justice for John Ambrose McClaren, he deserved better. 

[theparanormalperiodical]

The Real Story Behind Insidious (2010) And The 5 WEIRDEST Stories Of Astral Projection You Need To Know About feat. The Cold War

It's one of those horror films that just gets it right.

Yes, it wears all the trademarks of overworked tropes, and sure, it has yet to shed its transphobic skin. But the beast that emerged from James Wan's mind and slithered onto the cinema screen recaptured timeless traditions with a new sense of terror.

And yet somehow the rosy cheeks of the Lipstick-Faced Demon gleaming in his various jump scares aren't the scariest thing about this film.

You see, most of the horror movies that manage to scar me for life are allegedly based on real stories - James Wan (who also directed The Conjuring franchise) is no stranger to fleshing out his dark ideas with even more twisted truths. So it was only recently when I discovered how accurate Insidious (2010) was to real paranormal phenomena that young Dalton's venture into the Further became far more terrifying.

And I need to tell someone about it. From the supernatural to the Soviet Union, Insidious is grounded in far more than rumours of a haunted house.

Insidious is based on real historic events and real experiences.

The first installment of one of horror’s most famous franchises, Insidious is already celebrating its 10th birthday. In fact, that’s how old Dalton was when he fell into a mysterious coma - and then stumbled into purgatory.

Instead of having anxiety dreams about not studying for the french exam like the rest of us, Dalton is falling asleep, separating his soul from his body, and having a gander ‘round an astral realm (like heaven or hell) called The Further. The Further is crammed full of dead people and they all want to possess the fresh young body that basically walked into the wrong room.

The first 2 films follow Dalton and his family as they navigate the all-American struggle of being followed by endless paranormal activity and various family members being stuck in purgatory.

After strange occurrences follow the family from house-to-house (which only seems to extend as far as hot-topic-goth-demons standing by the beds of Dalton and his younger siblings) a local psychic is summoned to figure out what in the f*ck is going on. Elise uses her spidey senses to determine that yep, there’s a demon and no, the house isn’t haunted.

It’s the boy, it’s Dalton.

It then turns out that this ability is hereditary (*piano wire flashback*) and comes from Dalton’s father. Josh actually worked with Elise when he was a kid after his astral projecting resulted in a ‘parasitic spirit’ of an old woman following him the afterlife. Elise therefore sends Daddy-O into The Further to fetch Dalton and bring him home.

Daddy-O does the job, and Dalton returns to his body safely and wakes up. But Daddy-O ain’t Daddy-O. Josh’s body has been possessed by the female spirit that stalks him and his soul is stuck back in The Further. The next film follows up on this plot twist and deepens our exploration into the capabilities of astral projection - namely the potential for time travel. But Insidious 2: Papa Don’t Preach mainly revolves around the backstory of the female spirit that possesses Josh.

[INSERT TRANSPHOBIA]

I’ve already dissected what Hollywood Horror gets wrong with transphobia. But I’ve yet to tumble into the world of astral projection - a world full of proof of the paranormal and political chaos, too. Dalton and his daddy issues are only the tip of the iceberg.

What Is Astral Projection?

Astral projection is an intentional out of body experience and is practised by those that follow esotericism (a religion which combines loads of different Western religious ideas) but it is present in many different belief systems. During projection the soul separates from the physical body.

The soul, or the astral body, is a body of light that links the rational soul to the physical body and is considered to be a silvery spine-like ‘cord’. The astral body travels to different astral planes which can be populated by all types of entities including angels, demons, and dead people. The Further represents one of these astral planes.

Each culture and each religion has a different take on projection, for example the Japanese believe those who are ill or comatose - like dear Dalton - are more prone to astral projection.

In Insidious we also see astral projection take a number of forms: there’s obviously the travel to different planes like The Further, but we see time travel, too. This chimes in with the different schools of thought regarding astral travel.

The history of this practice dates back to the Roman Empire, but only in the 18th century did discussion of astral projection take place when Emanuel Swedenborg wrote about his own out of body experiences. Interest in projection increased throughout the 20th century with many notable historic figures claiming they’ve ventured into other realms including noted American activist Helen Keller (she claimed she astral projected to Athens):

"I have been far away all this time, and I haven't left the room...It was clear to me that it was because I was a spirit that I had so vividly 'seen' and felt a place a thousand miles away. Space was nothing to spirit!"

Aside from being practised by historic figures, it took centre stage in a historic era, too. It was during the Cold War that the study and practice of projection took off and it became a political weapon. Beyond the cultural war, however, was a plethora of evidence suggesting the events we see in Insidious might be all too real.

The Soviet Union & The Supernatural

Unclassified CIA documents are a staple amongst paranormal enthusiasts, especially those who have a habit of following mysterious lights in the sky. A top secret memo from 1974, proposed an experiment where Patrick Price, a former police officer, would use astral projection to gain information regarding a Soviet installation in the Ural Mountains. They wanted entry and exit points, they wanted floor plans, and they wanted operations details. This was a covert operation that used paranormal capabilities already being tested and trialled by their communist rivals.

In the 1970s the Cold War took a different turn: thanks to Soviet research into ordinary people’s supernatural abilities including astral projection, American intelligence agencies sought to do the same. Just as the atomic bomb was being built, scientists Seymon and Valentina Kirlian were developing technology that could capture one’s aura in a photograph. They were investigating energy fields, trying to mentally influence animal behaviour, and practicing telepathic communication.

Yogis and masters of ancient magic were even brought in in an attempt to harness the potential of paranormal forces.

“the major impetus behind the Soviet drive to harness the possible capabilities of telepathic communication, telekinetics, and bionics is said to come from the Soviet military and the KGB”

A Defense Intelligence Agency report

Throughout the 1960s a surge in parapsychological research centres took place as ordered by a Kremlin edict. As per the Cold War, the US swiftly did the same.

But it was when the US caught wind experiments using bioplasma they grew concerned. Bioplasmic connectors to human beings echoed claims of the silver cord which - as mentioned previously - was a key part of astral projection.

A Soviet agent could travel across realms, eras, and countries in spirit-form and be going through American filing cabinets. The Americans needed to make astral projection a weapon of their own. Dr Eugene Bernard was one of the many doctors who would pioneer research into projection and sought people willing to travel to these distant realms.

Bernard was quickly caught up with the Soviet-supernatural-situ which included theories of an army of psychic spies.

Soon dozens of recruits would practice astral projection and recount their experiences including a woman called Beverly Chalker: she travelled in spirit from Dallas to a house in New Jersey and described in detail the things she saw. She saw a man asleep with a book on the floor, describing his pyjamas and the decor of the room. The team investigating her astral projection verified her claims.

She was right.

Similar stories soon leaked to the public and many ordinary Americans began to try their hand at exploring spiritual realms. Books, articles, and even a set of infamous tapes released in 1973 claimed to reveal how one could separate their soul from their body.

It used a rhythmic ticking noise to hypnotise those seeking new paranormal abilities - something we hear throughout Insidious. The tapes would be used by one Robert Antoszczyk, an infamous practitioner of projection who would mysteriously die in during a session. 6 weeks later, Patrick Price died, too. We will talk about Antoszczyk later.

Even security in the White House was allegedly amped up over reports the Russians were looking into giving their astral soldiers physical strength so they could become assassins. Interest in projection soon grew out of control, and by the 1980s the surge in serial killers was pinned on a vast number of them practicing it in prison.

(Many followed a range of extremist religious beliefs - practicing astral projection doesn’t make you a serial killer.)

Concerns also claimed some projectors could become ‘zombies’ if the soul got lost, just like Dalton was in Insidious. In fact, one practitioner demarcated several zones of astral travel with Zone C being the limbo where souls were trapped. According to some, The Further was real.

And Robert Antoszczyk was stuck there.

5 Craziest Stories & Accounts Of Astral Projection

#1 - Robert Antoszczyk

Antoszczyk was one of the many Americans swept by the incoming tide of astral projection. He had been taught the practice by a yogi whilst in India, but unlike many other Americans who tumbled into amateur projection, he delved in head-first.

He then began to have dreams about a beautiful woman. Her exotic looks and compelling voice was calling to him from a different realm and he wanted to follow it.

On the 1st of June 1975, he told his roommate not to disturb him. He went into his bedroom, locked the door, and followed the method of astral projection as explained by those tapes released in 1973.

3 days passed. His roommate grew concerned. He broke down the door to discover that Robert was dead. His seemingly healthy roommate was lying on his bed and smiling. There was no signs of a struggle or a seizure or any other cause of death.

Medical experts could offer no answer as to how he died. A local astrologer, however, claimed the answer was obvious: he simply decided not to return to his body. His death would be blamed on his astral projection and it would make headlines across the states.

But some alleged that he was not fully at fault - he was drawn in by a beautiful female entity that would call out to many others with her enticing voice. The descriptions of the woman all related to Ammut, an ancient Egyptian female demonness. And according to the Ancient Egyptians, she existed in astral planes and consumed souls of those she came across.

Laverne Landis heard the same voice. It might have killed her, too.

#2 - Laverne Landis

This mother of five was found dead in the woods in Minnesota by a construction worker in winter of 1982. She wasn’t a typical recruit for projection as a nurse working at a local hospital - but she had started hearing a voice.

The voice was from an astral spirit that promised her the power to heal the sick. So she quit her job, abandoned her children, and drove for 6 months with the voice of Ammut as her guide.

The voice grew stronger and she felt the voice vibrating in the wilderness around her. Her psychic group warned her against astral projection, claiming she might get stuck in limbo. She ignored them, and Landis and her boyfriend followed the voice to Loon Lake on a long trail road through the wilderness.

“We’ve got to stay here. They’re going to be in. I know it, I can feel it, they’re almost here.”

After Laverne passed away, probably from starvation or hypothermia, her boyfriend pulled himself through the snow and alerted a local.

Landis also reportedly was very interest in UFOs and was part of a UFO ‘cult’, and might have also gone to the woods to wait for a flying saucer to land. Either way, she was waiting for something out of this world.

#3 - Seton High School

In 1975 an entire class of students in a prep school in Cincinnati attempted astral projection. They were led in an experiment from which they would ‘travel’ home, report back what they saw, and phone calls home would prove travel via spirit was real.

(Unfortunately, this is all I can uncover on this case, but it is still creepy AF.)

#4 - Robert Monroe

Robert Monroe was obsessed with astral projection. He had often practiced it during the 1970s, even becoming angry seeing a man sleeping next to his wife in bed - before realising it was him. He subjected himself to examination at a local hospital by a psychiatrist.

They verified his astral projection put him into a comatose state rather than a sleeping state.

Monroe then spent a huge fortune on an institute in Virginia to specialise in research into projection featuring an isolation chamber to provide optimal circumstances for projection. And on one occasion he even felt a ‘trunk’ in his back during projection, something he believes was the silver cord.

The United States Army Intelligence and Security Command investigated his techniques and used his claims to inform their desire to create an army of astral projectors.

#5 - Cadell Jeansen Raja

What do Charles Manson, Herbert Mullin, and David Berkowitz have in common? Yes, they are some of America’s most infamous serial killers. But they also all studied astral projection with a desire to harness paranormal abilities they believed would provide new tools to accompany their horrific acts.

(I don’t often make mention of serial killers on this blog, but the perplexing and evil acts committed by Cadell Jeansen Raja should be mentioned.)

In 2017, Raja killed each member of his family over several days. He constantly changed the motive for murder to mislead the police, but later admitted he harboured anger against his successful family members and was obsessed by the occult.

He experimented with the separation of the soul from the body and was living in a ‘virtual world’. He then claimed his family members were killed during their own astral projection.

***

Would you dare venture into The Further?

Let me know in a comment below!

Make sure you also like and reblog this post and then hit follow to read a new article on the paranormal every weekend.

[caffeinatedbees]

Avengers Endgame’s problems

BE WARNED MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD

Look, I LOVED Endgame.

Every grand entrance had me clapping along, every sad line had me nearly in tears and every reunion or joke had me smiling and laughing because I was genuinely happy to be there.

But, as much as I loved it, this movie had SERIOUS issues.

I won’t even go into the giant unexplained plot holes this time travel mechanism created, I just want to talk about some decisions I wasn’t happy with regarding some characters.

I’m talking mostly about what they did to Thor, Loki, Steve, Peggy, Bucky and most of all Tony.

Let’s start with the easy one to unpack- Thor.

The whole movie everyone laughed about how bad of a shape Thor was in without giving it any serious thought. The man lost everything and was so clearly experiencing some form of depression, PTSD or survivor’s trauma.

This serious issue so many struggle with was reduced to a comic relief made by a cheap shot centering his huge belly, fat shaming him and invalidating what he’s going through.

Thor has made great character development over the years, especially in Thor: Ragnarok and it was devastating to watch it completly reversed, and to watch countless of people’s experience with mental disorders caused by trauma be played for laughs. What they did to Thor was character assassination at its worst.

Now let’s say a few words about Loki.

Loki is one of the most loved MCU characters and it shows how much Marvel was afraid to make him the center of attention, by how little he was given.

At the first scene of infinity war he attacked Thanos, an enemy he knew well from his time in the void being tortured by him, with a simple knife, not using ANY of his powers (teleportation, illusions, telekinesis, Jotun powers…) and making himself look like a weak idiot he is certainly not. In fact, this was so absurd that it had people just straight up assuming he wasn’t actually dead and that he had a plan- a reasonable assumption given the fact that Loki’s character is known for being incredibly powerful, mischievous and cunning.  After all the speculations, what was he given in endgame? Nothing. Thor, despite being in a terrible state mostly because he lost Loki doesn’t mention Loki’s name even ONCE, instead he has the short pep talk with their mother that Loki so obviously needed and no one seems to even acknowledge it when Loki escapes with the Tesseract in a timeline we don’t even know still exists.

Now let’s move on to team Cap.

I really loved Steve’s moments throughout the film save for one major thing- the ending.

Captain America- the person who stated he can't ever retire because he just can't stand aside when injustices are done around him, the person who gave up everything to help his best friend Bucky, the person who knows he can’t ever stop fighting- THIS PERSON just abandons everyone, including his best friend who needs him more than ever now, and goes to live in the past with a girl he knew for a pretty short period. That was maybe the most out of character thing he could possibly do: Steve Rogers would not have stood by and watched Hydra take over S.H.I.E.L.D, He would not have done nothing to help his best friend who he knew was being brainwashed at the time and he would have most certainly not left everyone in the future alone when they needed him there.

And then, when he comes back, he doesn’t even so much as look at Bucky, the person was the most important thing in the world for him 2 minutes ago, and lets a guy he knows but a few years the mantle of being Captain America, and not to the one who deserved it- Bucky Barnes.

All of this without even mentioning that Peggy already had an established husband and children in her tv series and wasn’t just a blank love interest. Where does that leave Peggy? Does she just never meet her show husband? Didn’t they say you can’t change anything in the past? The movie doesn’t care enough to explain.

What they made Cap do was done purely to go against the fans’ expectations without any regard to the fact that this action is on another level of out of character behavior for him. Doing things purely to go against expectations is a concept that makes a comeback with Tony Stark as well.

And now we’re getting to the thing that I am most angry about- Tony Stark’s death.

Tony Stark’s arc was not meant to end with him dying so early. Tony’s whole arc over the past films, including the beginning of Endgame, was about him finding his peace and retiring to be with his family.

He became a mentor to Peter Parker, He settled down with Pepper and had a kid, so many times he said he was only fighting to be able to go back home to the people he loved.

Tony deserved a happy ending more than anyone ever did.

This man was the base of the MCU. He has been through so much and still survived and managed to live the life he wanted- a family life.

So many people look up to him and to his story. So many people who struggle with anxiety attacks or PTSD relate to his experience and need that representation to be positive. He didn’t deserve to get a “you can only be free of your trauma once you’re dead” ending. 

Let’s say you really wanted to kill Tony in this film, why did you give him a kid then?? It has been an issue for a long time that Tony didn’t want to be like his father, that he wanted to be there for his kid no matter what, he didn’t deserve dying and not getting to raise her, knowing she will have to grow up without a father, what is basically his worst fear.

Tony carried the MCU since day one, His story has been going to a “retire and raise a family” place for a long time now and he has already been through a lot of traumatic events- HE DESERVED TO LIVE.

[sunflower-witch27]

Why I think “Rocketman” is one of the best movies ever

So my new go-to movie on bad days is “Rocketman”. I strongly connect with this movie even though I personally have not experienced the vast situations that our beloved Sir Elton Hercules John has gone through in his life. That being said, here are the things I want to massively bring to light (obviously from movie stand point). These are my personal opinions and interpretations, don’t hate me. Disclaimer: TW and *River Song voice* spoilers!

TL:DR “Rocketman” covers a vast array of subjects that I feel should be allowed to be openly talked about more in order to rid of the harmful associations and mentality associated with them, while having great scenes and people who played a part in the life of an amazing musician and person. Just overall amazing; if you haven’t seen it, watch it. 

#1: He understands the struggle to open up.

One of the first things Elton says when he shows up to the facility is to make a joke (natural defense mechanism) but then says, honestly, “I’m here because I want to get better.” I struggle with depression and anxiety and one of the hardest things I’ve ever done was admit “I need help. I want to get better.” Just having that be the beginning of the movie is so strong and I feel allows those in the audience to realize that there is nothing wrong with seeking help. It helps break the backwards mentality regarding mental health issues and mental healthcare. 

#2: The relationship with John

Honestly this one hit hard for me. I was lucky to never have a form of abusive relationship, but I’ve had family and friends be in relationships that seem ok on the surface but when time passes and situations occurred that made them realize that they weren’t entirely loved and being abused either physically, mentally, or emotionally. Even when John punches him before the concert at the Albert Hall, Elton ends up staying with him for a bit longer before deciding that he had enough, and because he was still his manager, John still was stuck in his life, even if he was a constant presence, which makes it harder to break free from an abusive relationship (physical or otherwise). His words to John when he sees everyone at the end: “I was holding onto something I never had in the first place”. That’s always the hardest part, realizing that no matter what you thought or felt, someone never cared for you the way you thought they did. 

#3: The “breaking down” of Elton at the facility

Honestly I think this was one of the best cinematography decisions of the movie. As we go through the movie, we see all the events that Elton goes through in his life and rise to fame, and when the storyline goes back to the facility and group meeting, he loses a bit more of the outside persona that he hides himself in as an artist. He moves from the outfit he shows up in, to having nothing but a bathrobe, to wearing comfortable clothing so we can truly see him as a person. Then, after Bernie comes to see him and give him music, we see him become himself again. 

TW: #4: Elton’s “campaign to k*ll himself”

So this one is rather difficult. I haven’t reached the point in my depression where I wanted to “unalive” myself but I have many friends who have struggled with that feeling (and unfortunately a couple who carried it out). When Elton and Bernie are at the restaurant and Bernie says “campaign to kill yourself going well, I see” makes me think about how destroying one’s self isn’t just self-harm and suicidal thoughts; it puts the focus on unconventional ways, such as bulimia; sometimes it’s not eating at all. I know I’ve had days where my depression is bad enough that it tells my body not to eat. When my partner asks if I’ve eaten and I say “No, I don’t feel like eating”, that’s my depression telling me not to eat. In “Rocketman”, we see various amounts of substance abuse, but we also see a side that isn’t immediately thought of when our bodies try to think of ways out. 

#5: “What were you like as a child, Elton?”

This one was also interesting to watch because you can tell yourself, “yeah, I had a good childhood” and yet we look back and we see that sure, we were cared for as a child but we also see the parts that essentially f*cked us up. For me, it was realizing that me being “little shy and quiet Emma” was actually me with anxiety and having at least two months of severe depression when my teacher died in 5th grade. For Elton, it was realizing that he was never truly loved and trying to obtain love wherever he could find it. Obviously not every parent is perfect; I have great parents but looking back, I wonder if they knew or just didn’t accept/care about it. What happens to us as children shapes us as we get older, sometimes those things we can’t see or understand until we’re older and understand our actions on a deeper level. 

#6:  The cameos of actual Elton John outfits

Another amazing show of cinematography was having subtle nods to the various outfits worn by Elton John. Some were obvious, like the “feather” outfit, the queen, the various glasses, and the baseball suit; some weren’t as obvious like the multi-patch jacket, which we see at Mama Cass’s party, and his robe that he wears when he plays “Your Song” (i think of the Christmas commercial for John Lewis in 2018). Whether he was performing or just doing a short scene, having Taron wear the multitude of outfits offers a nod to Elton’s fashion. 

#7: Raymond 

I have so much love for Ray; he literally pretends to be the boss man and works hard to give Elton (and in turn, Bernie) a chance to have their songs played. When they go to LA, Bernie is all ready to make his friend comfortable and was ready to go talk to Doug about refunding everyone and Ray comes in and yells at him and (honestly, I’m guessing out of sheer spite and a “you f*cking what mate?” feeling) Elton pulls himself together to perform his first night at the Troubadour. Of course, my absolute favorite scene is him singing and dancing in the control room while Elton and Kiki record “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” because in that moment, Ray is literally everyone. Then when John shows up, I feel like Ray is obviously trying to not let Elton tangle with John because I think he knew that John wasn’t good for him. Of course, Ray’s final line to John...”Your very expensive painting is upside down.” Regardless of whether it was or not (I don’t know) but I love how it kind of messes with John’s mind a bit; he glances at it and you can tell he’s thinking “God f*cking dammit, is it upside down?” 

#8: The fact that it’s set up like a musical

I love music biographical movies (”Bohemian Rhapsody”, legendary and so well done, like seriously) but for Elton John, the only way to do justice was as a musical. And it delivered. 

#9: “I’m Gonna Love Me Again”

The song for the ending credits, after “I’m Still Standing” (which honestly, was the only song they could’ve done for that sequence) just spoke to me. Throughout the movie, we see Elton going through all these situations in life where he constantly doesn’t feel loved and that he will never have that whole filled in his life. He does and the song at the end just I think sums it up; I’m gonna love me again. 

#10: Taron Egerton as Elton John

Enough said. Also, my sister predicted it even before casting was announced. I swear she’s psychic. 

[lonesomedreamereccentriclover]

This past decade(s) there have been few great horror movies. Lost in uninspired sequels/prequels and few original storytelling and mostly based on cheap jump scares instead of truly scary moments told in actual pictures, the modern horror movie seems to struggle with delievering horrifying sequenses and being, yeah well, truly scary.

Sure, there have been some great exceptions, like “The Witch”, “The Babadook”, Ari Aster’s first two full feature films “Hereditary” and “Midsommar” - but all in all they are just a few bad (as in really good) seeds midst all rotten fruits.

During the 2014 edition of Cannes Film Festival in France a director named David Robert Mitchell broke out with his truly original and horrifying “It Follows” and it was immediately praised for its original take on STD’s and stunning visuals even if shot on relatively low budget.

The film starts out in the suburbs on a calm evening, only a mother is out packing out her car of groceries, when suddenly a young lady is storming out in panic. The mom on the other side of the street packing out her car asks if everything is alright, and the young lady answeres “yes” but we can clearly see that’s a lie. But we really don’t have a clue what is going on. Not yet anyway.

The girl is running back to her house, now with her father worried sick, but only to get her (fathers) car keyes. She drives off and it now seems that she is being hunted by someone. Or something.

Ending up on a beach,  a place for the youth to relax and enjoy one another (in one form or another), the young lady seems to feel safe - for the moment. But by the arrival of the morning she’s no longer alive. As so often in horror movies the first character(s) we meet is not the protagonist nor the heroine, but an establishment of how great of a threat someone - or by the state of the properly tufted young lady rather SOMETHING (more than a human)!

Shortly thereafter we meet another young lady. She, Jay, is much clearly “in focus” as we got to spend time with her in her room dressing up for a date. Just as her, the audience believes the date is something special - and as they meet up outside a cinema (that is showing Charade with Audrey Hepburn) it really seems so. They play a game, that first seems very sweet and innocent. They pick a person around them who they would like to switch lifes with. The guy starts, and as they bought tickets and have entered the lobby and without Jay guessing right about who he (her date, that she by the time think is “Hugh”) has choosen he reveals that he would like to change place with a little kid. They joke around that he can then poop himself anytime he wants, but when he later gets killed by the entity it has taken the form of his mother - that probably took advantage of him sexualy when he was younger - and just wants a normal family to be taken care of. But now I’m getting ahead of myself. Lets wind back!

In the movie theater, waiting for the film to start, Jay now take her turn in the game and chooses someone she would switch with. She does so pretty quickly and when he tries to guess who she have choosen he takes a wild guess at a girl in yellow dress. Which confuses her just as much as the audience - since such a girl is nowhere to be seen in the saloon. That freaks him out, but not for the obiously reason we might first think. They rush out of the saloon and he excuses himself with the need for air - and maybe some coffee.

If we “look” at the the girl only “Hugh” can see we are only given very little information. She cannot be seen by others than “Hugh” and 2). she wears a yellow dress. It sounds cheerful, pretty and warm, but in color analysis yellow also have negative associations. According to this site yellow also stands for cowardice, sensationalism and mental illness. Does that means that he is “seeing her” only in his mental state? It could appear so, but shortly after they have sex he then drugs her. Which is confusing, because he doesn¨t have to drug her to have sex with her - which the situationen otherwise suggest - and that the director really “playfully” uses to create confusion and uncertainty.

When she wakes up again she is constrained to a wheelchair. The situation is just as bad for her as for the viewer. Has he taken her there to kill her? It could appear so but soon he calms her down with the assurance that he hasn’t taken her there to harm her. But why? A person is walking towards them and he explains that now that he has “passed it on” by having sex (hence the interpretation that the film is about STD’s) and that she under no circumstances let those persons walking towards her touch her. Which might be confusing and scary for Jay, but the viewer now get the connection to the girl in the beginning. That is dramaturgically called an catalyst (or: plantation), where a person or happening is introduced but only to give the story bigger meaning later on.

Jay is dropped of outside her house, and then “Hugh” dissapears. Which could be seen as a comment on modern “dating” where a guy (or girl in some cases) dumps the “victim” right after having sex. We live in a society where we throw away stuff way to easily and that seems to have been taken on even socially.

From the porch, Jay friends and one sister Kelly, sees everything and rushes to her to make sure everything is alright. But it isn’t (obviously). So they call the cops. But as the sex was consensual and he didn’t really hurt her, and his identity seems scetchy they can’t really do anything. But he will play a part and has not yet been played out in the story. We just don’t know how yet.

The next day, when Jay is in school, she is approached by an old lady. She don’t recognize her, but was told to watch out for shady people walking slowly towards her - even if “It” is taking the form of a stranger or a more familiar person to get close to its victim. And if we now presses paus and goes back a bit to “Hugh” and his lady in yellow dress. WIth this new information we understand that she was “it” trying to get close to him. And with the older information about yellow being  a “color of cowardness” we can now “read” that the “it” also can take the form of the fear and guilt of the victim. He feeling bad for taking advantage of her, simply put to get laid but in the context of the story to “pass it on” and no longer being the first target in line. We also learn that it’s only the first (latest) person in line to be haunted by “it”. Which only cements Jay’s role as the protagnoist - who ALWAYS should grow and evolve through the story (wheter it might be an childrens story, a book in general, a video game or in this case a movie) towards the morality of the story.

So, what might the morality of the story be then? Maybe the answere is in the way “It” approaches its victims - by assuming familiar characters thats also seems to hold some personal trauma to them. By running away from the fear and hide away and hopes the problem just dissapears, people die. Maybe it’s traying to say to us: don’t walk away from your fears, or trauma, but try to meet them and work against them so you by time can move on from them without taking to much psychological harm in the long run.

One of her friends is Paul (played by Kier Gilchrist that some years later would get a wider brakethrough in the Netflix-show Atypical where he plays a young man with Asperger syndrome) who seems to have a more than friendly history with Jay (played by Maika Monroe) which is made clear throughout the storyline as he tries to “get in her pants” but with his logic only to be “heroic” by letting her “pass It on to him” and thereby getting her out of the haircross of “It”.

But Paul is not her first choice. Maybe she doesn’t like him back, but probably beacuse she doesn’t want to put her friend in danger. The “lucky one” is instead a neigbhour with a car and a tough appearance. He helps her get to places and after an accident he sleeps with her - with the same motive as Paul, or at least he says so. Appearently, he doesn’t really believes in her “crazy theories” (since he doesn’t have all the information the other characters, and we as viewers, have) but just wanted to have sex. Which is going to punish him. But why? Because of the souless sex? Or because he doesn’t take the problem, the fear, seriously and tries to really solve it but instead live on with his life as nothing have happened? Probably both! Lying to get what you want is not very nice.

As she can see to the neighbour’s house across the street from her own window, she can see when a stranger (everyone who “has it” can see them walk around, but not anyone else) aproaches his house and throws a stone through the kitchen window - that also happened to her the evening after she “got it” - so now David (who both directed and wrote the film) plays with something that is called repetition - simply because something is happening more than once to improve the dramaturgelly effect, and the second time around escalate evertything - in this case by making “It” visible, and something Jay now can take action against. The first time, when it happened to herself, she only heard the noice of a window getting crashed (or, it was Paul sleeping on her cauch who heard it and then alarms her). This is very effective since Jay sees the intrusion as it happens and she now have a moral obligation (as the protagonist also always should be a moral compass for the viewer and always act “right” to not alienate the viewer to much) to help him. Which she’s really tries to do. But as “It” takes the form of his mother, probably by confronting him in form of someone familiar but also with a boob hanging out so maybe tries to comfort him by breastfeeding, who now is banging on his door - and as he opens she jumps him and his storyline is now literally over.

An interesting detail that is established early on in the story is that one of Jay’s friends - Yara (played by Olivia Luccardi) - is reading The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky on her “e-reader” and as she later on is hurt badly and put in hospital she use the text to “use it” on her friends and their situation. Especially Jay is reflected by it:

As she understands that she can no longer run from “It” but have to confront it (her fears, that seems to be related to giving birth as she sees “It” as a burned out woman who’s water just broke... and later as a very scary child that almost looks more like something of a monster in a video game) and no longer just run away frorm “It”. So they go to a swimming pool to set a trap for “It” and it finally seems that the gang has the upper hand in all this. A well telled story “always” make us feel like its all hopeless but then let a ray of light shine through!

As they are going, “It” now appears on the rooftopp in form of a naked man. As Jay drives out of the garage and out on the road, she gasps as she sees the man on the roof. Because he is naked? Maybe partly, but mostly because “It” probably have taken the form of her father - who have never been seen in the film, so he’s probably “out of the picture”, maybe because he was molesting her as a child and have been kicked out - or maybe, even better, put in prison for it.

As they set the traps around the pool they still feel they have the upper hand in the situation. But as Jay puts on her bathing suit and goes into the pool, some beautiful shots of her under water (and the reflection of her body on the surface) suggest that she no longer have a personal face and have lost herself to “It”. This goes hand in hand with the paragraph from The Idiot that Yara later reads to Jay in the hospital. The struggle and personal questioning gives her... if you all excuse my choice of words... depth.

As the final confrontation takes place nothing goes according to plan. All their planning and preparations is wasted in a blink of an eye. But as everyone who tackles with their personal problems in life realises that you can never plan your life to full - because so much other stuff is going to happen that you possibly can’t take into calculation, but rather have to be adaptive and improvise to overcome all obstacles - our group doesn’t give up but reorganizes and finally overcomes all problems. Together. Hiding all alone and trying to solve her problems all by herself wouldn’t help much but rather end in her death.

As Jay and Paul “find each other” (see: the gif where their hands toches) earlier on, they “finally have sex” but since it’s just for helping her, and he probably feels that she doesn’t really want, he doesn’t feel like it was so great that he hoped it would be. But as he stood by her all the time, and had more romantic intentions with her all along, they end up together. At least in a way. And as they walk down a road in the end, and we see a person walking behind them, we are suggested that they never fully killed “It” and that it’s still after them. Which probably both is a play with the expectations that horror movies ends with an “open road” to an sequel - but also tells us that even if we start to tackle our problems, trauma, with for exemple therapy, our ghosts will never really leave us alone. But that it’s getting easier by time, especially with someone on your side. Linou have studied film production for a year in Stockholm, and are now studying screenwriting in a program of three years (180hp) in Dalarna. This is what he came up with after re-watching the film and read “Hansel and Gretel” with his class and the teacher breaking down all terms for us.

[suspiriu-m]

Examining Youth Culture

Youth Culture in television in cinema is a theme we’ve all seen before. In some way or another, we’ve all probably related or even seen ourselves in something we’ve watched. A lot of experiences we see in these coming of age style pieces most of the time have something to do with at least one of three recurring themes. Sex, drugs and alcohol. Character archetypes are also an important part of these stories too. To sum it up, we’re generally confronted with Jocks, Nerds, Goths, Popular Kids, Pot Heads etc.

A major point to take into account when looking at this type of media is the perspective the story is told from, and where it’s taking place. For example, Barry Jenkins’ 2016 film Moonlight, is completely different from 2018’s Love Simon, directed by Greg Berlanti. Moonlight tells the story of a young Black man named Chiron. Through three different time periods in his life, we see him come to terms with his identity and sexuality, all while living with his drug addicted mother in an impoverished neighborhood in Miami. Throughout the film Chiron not only faces the struggles of his sexuality within himself, but how his unaccepting peers react, his mess of a mother, and maneuvering masculinity without the guidance of his missing father. In a review written for The Guardian, Peter Bradshaw says that Moonlight

“is a film about masculinity, the wounds and crises of which are the same for all sexualities, but conditioned by the background weather of race and class” ((Bradshaw Moonlight review – a visually ravishing portrait of masculinity).

Love Simon however, is a completely different ballgame. The juxtaposition between the two films is extremely noticeable, even from just from looking at their promotional images. While Moonlight is more of a serious, realistic and emotionally charged movie, Love Simon has more of a young adult, coming of age, happily ever after tone to it. In the film, the main character has to find his way through growing up, high school, coming out to his friends and family, but most importantly figuring out how Blue is. Blue is the person that Simon has formed a connection with through emailing each other. The only problem? He has absolutely no idea who Blue even is. One of the more important aspects of this film when looking to compare it to others is the fact that the main character and most of the cast are all white. Not only that, but it takes place in a much more suburban setting compared to that of Moonlight. Simon’s relationship with his parents is very strong, his friends are all super close to him and the impression is given that they would obviously support him once he comes out. Surprise, they do.

In terms of which character I related to from the selection of films and shows assigned, I don’t really feel like I can truthfully say that I felt some sort of connection with them. Being gay myself, there wasn’t a crazy amount of representation in terms of queer youth in the films. Yes in Mean Girls you had Damian but he was kind of underutilized and exaggerated. In Euphoria you have Jules who is a trans woman but that also isn’t something that I’ve experienced and won’t pretend to. Could I relate to a few aspects of her character? Of course, i’m sure anybody can. But am I able to say I identify with her? Definitely not. That’s not a bad thing though, trans stories need to be represented in the media. More importantly they don’t always have to be represented in some tragic story or situation. Even though we’ve seen more queer representation today than ever before. We still have a long way to go. Rachel Bays wrote an article for The Advance-Titan stating

“Out of 109 major studio releases in 2017 researched by GLAAD, roughly 13% had LGBTQ characters. Of these films, about 64% featured gay men, 36% featured lesbians, 14% featured bisexuals and 0% featured trans-inclusive content”(Bays The complicated history of queer representation in film: The Advance).

It’s imperative that we see more queer representation mashed with Youth Culture in our media because not every single person experiences the same thing, especially queer kids. In terms of Kids, Saved By The Bell and Mid 90’s, I don’t specifically remember any particular moments in which I personally felt any sort of strong connection.

Now, if we’re gonna speak about common themes in a lot of these stories, then here is where I can say I definitely connected with some situations more than specific characters. Sex, drugs and alcohol are topics we see come up in a lot of coming of age or youth centered stories. In Kids, the main cast is basically parading around the city smoking, drinking and fornicating multiple times throughout the entire day. In Euphoria, one of the main characters Rue suffers from drug addiction. Kat comes to terms with her sexual awakening and a lot of her storyline is focused on her coming in touch with that side of her, whether or not it was the best way to portray it. And most of the other characters are all seen smoking, drinking out having sex at some point in the series.

Growing up, especially in our teen years, we’ve all had the opportunity to partake in at least one of those activities previously mentioned. I know for a fact that I have definitely been to parties, drank alcohol, smoked weed. I’ve encountered hookups and the whole nine yards. Something that really stood out to me in Euphoria was the episode in which Jules ends up meeting with an older man in a hotel room late at night. We shall not name the character for sake of spoilers but those of you who watched know exactly who i’m talking about. That entire scene was just gut wrenching for me to watch and I know it was for many other young queer people as well. Everything about that scene was purposefully uncomfortable to watch from the cinematography, music, acting and the location.

Speaking of music, the soundtrack to a film or TV show is super important and a lot of the time helps the creators in getting their point across. Euphoria specifically used a lot of modern music but also threw in some classics as well. The singer-songwriter Labrinth played a big role in adding music to the show’s soundtrack. He even collaborated with Zendaya in making All For Us, the show’s theme and closing track. It was premiered in the last episode of the series and incorporated into the storyline with a performance by Zendaya herself. This song specifically is so important aside from the rest of the show’s music because it aids in showing Rue’s downfall at the end of the season. She goes through so much in her recovery and relapsing and her relationship with Jules that when Jules finally decides to hop on that train and leave even though Rue tells her it’s not the best idea, it absolutely crushed her. In an interview for Rolling Stone magazine, Labrinth stated “When you look back to your teenage days... it feels semi-magical but semi-crazy and semi-psychotic. I wanted to make sure the music felt like those things”(Marks How Labrinth Created the Perfect Soundtrack for HBO's 'Euphoria').

To help convey how certain songs can help in telling a story, I created a short playlist with songs that I felt matched certain plot points in the show. Without going into too much detail in an attempt to avoid spoilers, I want to give you guys a short explanation of each song about how I feel it can fit into the show. In no exact order, the first song I chose was Regulars by Allie X. The song is about trying to fit in with society and the people around you when you feel out of place all the time. Personally, I feel like this is a good representation of Rue when she comes home from rehab and has to try and blend back into society knowing that everybody knows where she was. Halsey’s Beautiful Stranger is about meeting somebody after being hurt so many times, or just being in a bad headspace and finally feeling like this person could be the one. This is a good explanation for how Rue feels about Jules when she first meets her. She’s hesitant but slowly starts to fall in love with her before Jules starts acting out. Contaminated by Banks is a piece about loving somebody but having their history or the other person's actions make you feel not so good about the relationship you have with them. This is how Rue feels after her first little fallout with Jules. They kind of have an on and off relationship throughout the season and Rue subconsciously has doubts. Simmer by Hayley Williams is a song about suppression. Suppressing your emotions, especially the bad ones like anger, fear, sadness, rage. Nate in the series suffers with a lot of mental suppression. He suppresses his feelings about his relationship with his father, his questioning sexuality, his feelings for a specific character. Although he does lose his cool multiple times throughout the show, it’s not until the end of the season that he really bursts and lets everything out. Another song from Hayley Williams with her band Paramore called Fake Happy is also on the playlist. Fake Happy, to put it simply, is exactly what the title suggests. Pretending to be okay when you’re really not. In the show Rue relapses a few times whether that be big or small, and she has to hide it from her friends and family.

Maddy and Cassie are both the pretty popular girls of this show, leading me to choose Rina Sawayama’s XS as a representation of them. The title XS, otherwise interpreted as “excess” is literally about money, appearance and materialistic items. All of which Cassie and Maddy display throughout the show. The popular cheerleaders with the nice clothes and toned bodies, the pretty makeup and done up hair. It’s a perfect representation of their characters in my opinion. Even though they do have storylines going deeper into their minds, this is what they portray on the surface level.

Hallucinogenics by Matt Masson is a song about going somewhere else most likely due to drugs, and feeling like a different person. Although the song is a bit lighthearted in terms of sound, I think it fits with the scene with Jules and Rue taking drugs together and tripping in her room together. Rue was wary about doing it especially after the fact that she just got clean, and she already has this war in her mind going on but she does it anyways because she likes Jules. Attack of Panic by Aly & Aj heavily focuses on anxiety, which is something Rue deals with multiple times throughout the show. Especially the episode when she’s in school and pretty much has a mental breakdown and runs to the bathroom and hides. Even though the character Kat isn’t the primary focus of the show, her storyline has a bit of line shined upon it multiple times. For her storyline i chose Doja Cat’s Cyber Sex. Kat becomes a cam girl at one point in her sexual awakening and kind of goes full throttle into it. The song talks about having sexual relations with somebody over the internet and that’s exactly what Kat does, except she sees it more as a way to make an income.

Last but not least, I of course had to choose Labrinth and Zendaya’s song made for the show All for Us. The song represents Rue’s feelings of not wanting to let her family down, knowing the struggles and pain they have gone through and not wanting to upset or disappoint them again. Everything she’s done to get clean and sober up has been because of them. She loves her family so dearly but in the end she just broke down again, all because of Jules and the mess that she got herself involved with pertaining to many of the other characters she meets throughout the show. I hope you guys enjoy the playlist and take a good listen to the lyrics and themes in each song! They might not be perfect, but to me they have a lot of commonalities with themes and specific moments and themes from the show!

https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/playlist-for-euphoria/pl.u-AGAaiylr2l

[animepopheart]

Review: Human Lost

Imagine a future where death has been conquered—any injury or disease can be healed through a government-run medical system, one that not only cares for its citizens’ physical well-being, but upon which the entirety of society is based. Yet, the vision of such a future isn’t fully secure, nor is it immune to favoritism, malfeasance, and a form of dangerous transformation, a mutation that one man will manipulate while another must control as he decides how to approach his own powers and the critical role he’ll play for the future of the world.

Human Lost, inspired (mostly superficially) by Osamu Dazai’s masterpiece, No Longer Human, is a film of staggering sci-fi vision. Set just a couple of decades into the future, Japan is now under the auspices of the S.H.E.L.L. healthcare system, to which all humans are connected, kept alive, and restored through remote nanotechnology when illness, injury, or death occurs. The best benefits of the system are enjoyed inside massive city walls; on the impoverished outside, Yozo Oba, a disaffected youth, joins a friend’s biker gang and the mysterious Masao as they make a high-risk effort to push their way through the boundary. However, their operation reveals that Oba has powers previously unknown and connected to the “civilization bringing curve,” a model that shows the current path of civilization. It is also divulged that Masao is an “applicant,” a human who wields tremendous power, which he plans to use to destroy both S.H.E.L.L. and society itself, which has forced its workers into 19-hours work days to pay for a pension system for an aging population, led by elders who want to live longest of all as they “stabilize” society. But most of all, Masao hates a system that forces people to stay alive—the exception being those that under duress transform into monstrous beings with destructive power and the unique ability to die.

There’s a strong philosophical narrative at work here that will be familiar to fans of sci-fi. The ground is laid early when one character remarks, “In order for humans to be human, we need death.” That philosophy and the opposite one are the motivating factors for most of the major characters in the film, but not for the protagonist, Oba. When he first appears on-screen, Oba isn’t even alive. His corpse, brought back to life through S.H.E.L.L. tech, is an apt analogy for his life to that point, one that feels meaningless, one where he’s trying to make a connection but to whom or what, Oba does not know. His own awakening during the wall assault conducted by his friend begins to drive him forward, though it’s the friendship he forms with Yoshiko, another “applicant” like Masao and himself, that gives him purpose.

The direction of the film is as big as the narrative. There are some wonderful “shots” in the movie, with director Fuminori Kizaki makes careful choices throughout the film: close-ups are frequent, top-down shots dominate scenes conveying the grandness of inhuman monsters, and shaky-camera animation brings us into the action when necessary. The first act also has a wonderful aesthetic, one that has a touch of cyberpunk in it, with a chase sequence that feels like Mad Max meets Minority Report. In fact, those movies feel like strong influences on the movie, the latter being no surprise with executive director Katsuyuki Motohiro’s filmography including the Minority Report-influenced, Psycho-Pass. However, the energy spent in art direction seems to dwindle away in the last 2/3 of the film, maybe by design as the animators have so much story to tell, and such a complicated one, that it’s almost as if they don’t want the art to get in the way. But it does, with 3D animation that isn’t advanced enough to animate a film of this magnitude.

While 3D animation has come a long way, it still struggles to attain the beauty and fluidity of more traditional work. Dark sequences marked by brilliant bits of light dominate Human Lost, but they can’t hide the failures in animation. The action sequences are flawed, but more troubling are the characters themselves. They look too much like they’ve walked out of a video game and not far enough from the uncanny valley effect from the first photorealistic animated film, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, developed some two decades prior. The faces, when not expressing any particular emotion, look really good, but as soon as they have to show anger or sadness, the facade is exposed. It becomes almost laughable when tears or sweat appear—they look like shooting stars streaking across the characters’ faces, not likely to incite the emotions the director wants us to feel. It’s a shame, too, because strong voice acting performances are wasted, both in the English dub (particularly from Macy Anne Johnson in playing Yoshiko, a challenging role as the moral center of the film, and Robert McCollum, who is making quite a career out of playing complex antagonists like Masao) and the original Japanese track—Mamoru Miyano is particularly expressive as Oba, but his voice seems at odds with the rubbery character animation; Kana Hanazawa fits better with Yoshiko, who is more even keel, but as her role grows more important and more emotional, the same problem occurs: the animation can’t properly convey her talent.

But ultimately, it’s not poor CGI that ruins Human Lost—it’s a screenplay that’s too grand in scope for 100 minutes. There are two tales simultaneously occurring—Oba is transforming from a (literally) brain-dead painter with a traumatic family history to a man whose heart (literally) can change the world, joining with a mystery sci-fi tale about S.H.E.L.L., the Qualification Ceremony, and Masao’s background, as well as a mental game of Who is right? The latter story is overly complicated, and despite giving the audience some wonderful questions to chew on, is told in a way that’s like jumping from the first two episodes of Evangelion to the clap-happy final two episodes (this is effectively what happens in a movie that runs the same length as four anime episodes and is obviously influenced by the property). Meanwhile, there’s no subtlety in the character development. We’re meant to see Masao as at once a frightening figure and one who may not be entirely wrong, but he comes across only as a crazed maniac since it’s difficult to comprehend why the system is so evil that it requires an entire “Human Instrumentality Project”-level reprogramming, as he intends. Oba, meanwhile, is wasted even further—nothing he does feels remotely human. He moves quickly from one world-altering decision to another, and while we understand why he might get to these places, the screenplay hasn’t earned his sudden changes nor his heroic growth. Lines like “I was always jealous of you” may work to help develop character in normal settings, but not when the speaker has only known the other character for two days.

The disconnected screenplay and inadequate animation veer what could be a great film off course, leading to a disappointing result. The good elements prevent Human Lost from being a truly bad film, but with it so chock-full of information that never quite connects, the end result might even worse: a film that’s forgettable. A movie lost.

Rating: C-

Human Lost’s limited theatrical release is this week, with showings today (subtitled) and Wednesday (dubbed) in the U.S. and November 6th and 9th in Canada. Visit the official website for theatrical locations and more information.

[luninosity]

Okay! Time for a slightly longer Avengers: Endgame thoughts post!

First, I do really, really like the film overall, so let’s get that out of the way right now: I had moments of wanting to cheer, tearing up, all that, and I want to see it again immediately.

Having said that...I do have Some Thoughts, which are not 100% positive.

Spoiler warnings, obviously! Only read if you’ve seen/don’t mind spoilers!

First, the AWESOME. OH MY GOD SO MUCH AWESOME.

--STEVE IS WORTHY OH HELL YES *screams in delight* And Thor’s genuine excitement about this! So perfect!

--STEVE ROGERS STANDING ON THAT BATTLEFIELD FACING DOWN THANOS’S WHOLE ARMY. This is a brilliant Steve Rogers character moment, it’s a brilliant narrative moment, it’s a gorgeous shot visually, it’s EVERYTHING -

--AND THEN EVERYONE ELSE SHOWING UP AT HIS BACK, YES YES YES, I WANTED TO CHEER AND CRY, LOOK AT THEM ALL TOGETHER AND FORMING UP BEHIND STEVE AND “AVENGERS ASSEMBLE” AND *screams more*

--Valkyrie getting to be king! She already has ideas for change! It’s a small moment but so satisfying, seeing where she is now versus her introduction in Ragnarok.

--”AMERICA’S ASS”

--actually everything about that Steve-on-Steve fight scene, Chris Evans’ delivery of every single line, the name-drop of Bucky being what worked

--I actually really love pretty much all the time hops, and Tony going with “Howard Potts” as his alias is both hilarious and heartwarming

--Morgan! Tony being a Good Dad! 3000!

--cheeseburgers, oh god my heart, this moment actually made me tear up

--Tony’s death felt well-earned, satisfying, and in-character, and that “I am Iron Man” - oh god yes, see above about in-character and also heartwarming and heartwrenching simultaneously

--Sebastian Stan continues to be very pretty

--Thor doesn’t magically get his old pirate-angel body back - I have a LOT of other less positive thoughts about this representation, which we’ll get into in a sec - the thing is, I do like this one aspect of it, because he doesn’t need to be magically “healed” of his fatness or anything like that; he’s chubby and damn heroic and still good at being a hero, and speaking as someone who always struggles with weight, that was actually really lovely

--Paul Rudd continues to be weirdly superhumanly likeable

--Gamora’s reaction to Star-Lord

--Nebula! Karen Gillan is fantastic throughout, and so central to the storyline

--Sam taking the shield! I love this - Bucky’s tired of the fight, which Steve knows; Sam has the heart and the will, and he deserves it, and Bucky’s clearly fine with that, and I’m so excited to see Sam Wilson as Cap

--just everything overall felt so fulfilling, like, yes, this is good, thank you, MCU, thank you

The Ambivalent (sure, yeah, okay)

--Clint and Nat: I actually really like Nat’s choice and sacrifice, doing it knowingly, and it also feels in-character for her as a dedicated protector; I don’t quite get why we’re pushing Clint to the forefront so much in this movie when he’s been so absent, and I dislike the implication that he somehow has more to live for because he’s got a biological family, versus Nat’s found family

--Thor’s killing of Thanos and the “I went for the head” and also the arm - yeah, look, you learned something! But also...it really just makes you *not* doing that in Infinity War seem...even dumber. But at least you learned, I guess?

--the Girl Power(tm) moment in the final battle. You know, the super-unsubtle obvious shot. Like, part of me went YES!! and another part of me cringed because WOW, that felt...not at all organic and incredibly staged

--Steve Rogers part one: I don’t actually mind that he took a side trip and saw Peggy and got some closure. It’s a nice nod to the end of First Avenger. And I love Steve getting to retire - not die - as Cap: he can still do so much as himself, maybe art or activism or support groups or all of the above, and he deserves a chance to find out who Steve Rogers is when not Captain America. Having said that, this is ambivalent because I really don’t like how it was done. More on that later.

--I love that Harley showed up at Tony’s funeral, but at first neither I nor Awesome Husband knew who the random person even was. We figured it out, but if you don’t know, it’s really unclear

--Carol. She’s wonderful and amazing in every scene she’s in, but also...weirdly...underused. Were they afraid she was too powerful?

--maybe I’m just kinda over Chris Pratt, I don’t know, but a lot of his dialogue didn’t land right for me? Clunky. Trying too hard to be funny? Maybe.

--I don’t really understand how time travel works in the MCU, but whatever, let’s just roll with it

--Loki! Fantastic to see again, also underused, but I’m very curious to see what’s next

The Not So Positive

--ALL the Thor fat jokes. This is a big one, and it pulled me out of the movie as I was watching it, as this kept happening. It’s obviously a serious manifestation of his trauma and PTSD, and yet pretty much every single character cracks a joke, and no one actually tries to support him. I’m...not a fan of that. (Side note: having just rewatched Infinity War, there’re fat jokes there too, about Quill. Do the writers/directors have an issue with fatness?)

--after Nat dies, there’s a whole lot of scenes of Rooms Full of Only Dudes, and Primarily White Dudes, at that, directing the narrative

--speaking of, how about a memorial service for Nat?

--Steve Rogers part two. (We’ll get to Steve and Bucky in the next point; this one’s about the time travel.) Like I said above, I don’t mind him wanting to take a side trip and get closure; he deserves that. And if I’m understanding MCU time travel right, he created an alternate branch, so “our” reality still all happened and everything. So. My first problem here is that we can assume he spent that alternate reality still Being A Hero - fighting evil, saving Bucky, getting into a happy triad of Steve/Peggy/Bucky if you want to imagine that - but we’re not shown any of that. We’re shown him...suddenly pining a lot for Peggy, which feels odd anyway: part of Steve’s arc has been him finding his place in this new century and his new found family. And then we’re just shown the dance. SHOW US STEVE AS A HERO IN ALL TIMELINES, PLEASE. But I digress. If this is a branching timeline, the way Steve shows back up on the bench shouldn’t work. He shouldn’t just live through all the years and wander over to the bench at the right time, because he’s not in the right timeline for that. (Maybe there’s something we’re not shown, like him tinkering with his time travel GPS? If that’s the case it needed to be much clearer.) There’s also no particular reason he needs to get or stay old (maybe he wants to experience aging, idk?) - we’ve established that we can de-age, for example, Scott. And Steve Rogers is a stubborn kid who will always want to be able to fight whatever might be coming - even if he’s still retiring as Cap, doesn’t he want another few decades with his current family - Bucky, Sam, Clint, Morgan Stark, everybody? Now he’s...much older than everyone, physically and mentally, and I guess that can still work but...it’s going to be a whole strange adjustment for him and for everyone...but anyway, the time travel as it’s shown seems to...break their own rules, and also I don’t like how suddenly emphasized his desire for Peggy is in this film, and I don’t like having to just sort of...guess about what Steve does in that timeline. (Also, side note: why is *only* Steve returning all the stones? Wouldn’t having a partner be helpful? In case things go wrong, as things so often do? AS WE’VE SEEN IN THIS VERY MOVIE.)

--STEVE AND BUCKY. This is the other big one. We all know I am a Steve/Bucky fan, but honestly I’m not even factoring that in here. It’s not about shipping. It’s about the fact that Steve’s narrative arc, Steve’s character arc, has been so entwined with Bucky up to now - and here they barely interact. The person Steve lost - the person Steve keeps losing - is Bucky. The person Steve shares memories of couch cushions and moving in together and Sarah Rogers’ name with - is Bucky. We’ve had to the end of the line, we’ve had even when I had nothing I had Bucky, we’ve had (paraphrasing here, I know it’s not an exact quote) he said Bucky’s name and suddenly I was a kid in Brooklyn again, we’ve had all of Winter Soldier and the relevant parts of Civil War, we’ve established over and over, canonically, that Steve and Bucky save each other. Bucky knows Steve even through brainwashing. Steve fights to save and protect Bucky. They love each other. (Friends love each other. It’s okay to show that.) They sacrifice for each other. And that relationship - in a film that’s meant to be a culmination, a wrapping-up, and closure for Steve Rogers - is almost entirely absent. And I’m not okay with that, emotionally and also as a narrative choice for Steve’s arc - like, as a writer (and English professor!) myself, this legitimately bothers me. I don’t feel fulfilled and I don’t feel happy about it. Especially not - as in the article I reblogged a bit ago - when we’re given other reunions, like Tony’s joy at getting “the kid!” back, with real pathos. I know the film’s already over three hours, choices have to be made, etc. But we could’ve had fewer fat jokes and a few more seconds of Steve and Bucky interacting, y’know? I just...I don’t like it. It doesn’t feel good or right.

Okay! Those are my thoughts.

Once again, I really really like the movie overall, and overall I am left happy and wanting to watch it again. That’s true. There’re just...some things.

I may or may not attempt to write my fix-it fic. There are so many already and I’m not sure what I could add that’s new, and I think I still don’t understand MCU time travel. But I also really want to deal with some of these emotions. We’ll see.

[imagines-dreams]

Blind Date at Seventeen - Tom Holland Imagine

Rating: PG

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, but only a little

Summary: You are a rising star, known for your novels over the past few years. Seventeen has been doing a series of videos of blind dates with celebrities, and you were honored to do one with them. Little did you know, it wasn’t going to be an ordinary blind date video.

Word Count: 3060

“Robert?” You laughed.

“Finally, our guest of honor.” He pulled you into a hug and patted your shoulders. “So, you ready for your blind date.”

You giggled. “Uh, I mean, I guess.” You shrugged. “I’m just glad I get to talk to a fan one on one.” You raised your eyebrow. “Wait, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, I had to shoot something for Seventeen a few minutes ago, and I heard you were next with this blind date thing.” He sighed. “You know, in my day, you just meet people then date.”

“And in my day, you swipe right.”

He shook his head. “Hey, I’d swipe right on Susan.”

“Yeah, but would she swipe right on you?”

Robert narrowed his eyes at you. “Don’t test me, (Y/n). You’re on thin ice.”

“Love you, too.”

“(Y/n)!” Your manager called. “Come on, they’re ready for you.”

“Oh, thank you.” You smiled at Robert. “I’ll see you after?”

“Not if you’re so taken by the man you go on a date with.”

You laughed. “It’s nice to dream!”

The set was put up, simple and pretty. A wooden stool on a pink background. Seventeen wanted this video to be very spontaneous, so there were only written questions for the two of you to ask each other when the time came. No other script necessary.

The director instructed you, “So, your date is gonna come in about thirty minutes, so we just need to shoot your intro scene.”

“Anything I need to say specifically?”

“Basics. Name, what you’re famous for, and what we’re gonna do. And make sure to say you’re with Seventeen.”

“Cool.” You sat on the stool, and when the director called for action, you put on a dazzling smile. “Hi, guys. I’m (Y/n) (Y/l/n), and I’m here in this very pretty studio with Seventeen, and I’m going on a blind date with a superfan of my book series.” You leaned forward. “Let’s go meet him.”

“Great!” The director turned around. “Let’s do that again. Uh, hair?!”

Two people swarmed you and fixed little things about your appearance.

“Ok, (Y/n), just do that again. It was good, just uh, look at the camera all the time, and don’t clap your hands like that in the very beginning, yeah?”

You didn’t even notice you did that, but you smiled and nodded. After a few more takes and a few adjustments here and there, you had the take, and your date had arrived.

You got off the set and watched as they transformed it. Two stools with a curtain between the two of them. Someone handed you a stack of cards, the questions, and instructed you to stand somewhere so you couldn’t see your date.

“Alright, talents, sit down, and we can get started,” the director instructed.

You sat down and heard the director call for the cameras to start rolling.

“You nervous?” the guy asked. His voice was American, and you couldn’t help but feel like you’ve heard it before. Somewhere.

You smiled. “Uh, kinda,” you admitted. “Not every day you sit one on one with another superfan.”

“Really? I meet a lot at Comic-Con.”

“I actually haven’t been in a while,” you admitted.

“Really?”

“Uh huh.” You pushed your hair back and fiddled with the cards.

“Well, uh,” his voice quivered, “maybe we can go together one day?”

You nodded. “Maybe.” You cleared your throat. “Shall we get started?”

“Yes! Of course, the questions.” He shuffled his cards. “Uh, who’s your favorite superhero?”

“Oh, you gotta specify,” you chided. “DC or Marvel?”

“Nope, that’s it, it can’t happen.”

“What?” You laughed. “Come on, DC’s not bad.”

“The DCEU’s not that bad?”

You groaned. “Ok, ok, fine. Uh, for Marvel and of all time, it would be Iron Man. Spider-Man’s a close second.”

“Why’s Spider-Man second?” He sounded almost offended, but you just giggled and reasoned, “Well, I grew up with Iron Man, you know? Since 2008 and all, and for the most part, I think he has a great character arc throughout the movies. Plus, gotta love some mental health representation.”

He was silent for a few seconds. “You know, I haven’t heard many people bring up Tony’s anxiety.”

“Oh, that’s one of the reasons I love him,” you admitted. “I struggle with anxiety sometimes, so to see a great big superhero deal with it was really inspiring.”

“Good point. I might just change my answer.”

“From Spider-Man?”

“I said, ‘Almost.’ Spider-Man’s still the best.” He laughed. “Ok, your question.”

“Right.” You picked up your card. “Favorite book of all time?”

“Book? You know, I do like reading, but I can’t do a lot of it due to work and my dyslexia. Still, I really like one author, really, in particular. I like her books.”

“And she is?” you pondered.

“You heard of (Y/n) (Y/l/n)?”

You bit your lip. “Uh, yeah, she’s the up and coming author, right?”

“Yeah!” He seemed so excited. “Yeah, just anything by her.”

“Anything?” You nodded at the camera. “Really? What about her first solo book?” Your first book wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either. The plot was very simple, and the main character didn’t have as complex of a character arc as you could’ve given them.

“Ok, it wasn’t her best,” your mystery date said. “But, if you read all of her books, chronologically, then you see how much she’s grown as a writer. I mean, in a few short years, she has several books out, and she’s become an idol for everyone by just sharing her stories and growing as a writer. It takes strength to be that vulnerable at that age, you know?”

You blinked a few times, the blush crawling up your neck and settling in your cheeks. No one has ever said that to you. He was right. It was always a struggle to have to produce content you were fine with showing the public, but you just never thought anyone would acknowledge that. Then again, you didn’t think you’d get this much attention from a few books.

You bit your lip and nodded. “Yeah, I guess it does.”

“Yeah, uh, what’s your favorite book?”

“Percy Jackson,” you said. “Obviously. Rick Riordan is a genius.”

“Ok, ok, we got a true bookworm over here.” He laughed.

“Your turn, mystery man.”

“Yes, uh, if you were to have a superpower, what would it be?”

You inhaled through your teeth. “That’s so hard, um, maybe super speed? Or super strength? Flying?” You pursed your lips. “Wait, no, healing. I want healing abilities. Final answer.” You slapped the cards on your thigh to emphasize your point.

“So, you’re kind, then.”

You shrugged. “I am a hufflepuff, after all.”

“A hufflepuff?” he said, shocked.

You gasped. “And, is there something wrong with that, hm?”

“No, I just never met someone who wants to be a hufflepuff.”

You huffed. “Such a gryffindor.”

“Hey, I take that as a compliment,” he argued.

You scoffed. “Only a gryffindor would do that.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Next question!” You whipped out another card. The blind date sputtered, but still, you read over his voice, “No, nuh uh, next question is if you were in a book, what role would you think the other one would play? Example, protagonist, damsel in distress, best friend.” You put the card down and said with no hesitation, “He’s a protagonist, the dumb, oblivious protagonist.”

“Hey!”

“You’re a gryffindor, aren’t you? That’s the definition of a gryffindor. Dumb and brave protagonist.”

“Brave?” You could practically hear him puff out his chest.

You scoffed, thanking whatever higher being that he couldn’t see your blush. “So? Brave and stupid. Gryffindor qualities.”

“Ok, well, I think you’d be the best friend.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because, you’re kind and supportive, like some hufflepuff, and you know how to deal with things, like anxiety and stuff. Or a princess character?”

“Princess, huh?” you teased.

He laughed. “Well, kinda like a Belle character, maybe? ‘Cause you like to read. I bet you’re the type of person to run into someone cause you’ve got your nose in a book.”

“Well, you’re not completely wrong,” you admitted.

“Ok, next question.” He cleared his throat. “Biggest pet peeve?”

You groaned. “Oh god, when you have high anxiety and you tell someone and they tell you to calm down. I hate that. I can’t.” You shrugged. “Not the way to handle anxiety.” You pointed at the camera. “This has been a PSA.”

He laughed. “I hate it when people do that. Obviously, if it were that easy, you would’ve calmed down.”

“Exactly!” You shook your head. This guy wasn’t half bad. You knew how these Seventeen things worked. You paid for a date with a fan, take a few photos, follow them on Instagram, and keep in touch for a few months. But, you didn’t expect your blind date to be this great. “Don’t worry,” you said, “if your anxiety’s high, I always think distraction. Movies, Netflix, blankets, ice cream, a dog.”

“Dogs are always the perfect solution.”

You picked the next card. “Oh. This is actually the perfect segway, so gotta say, dogs or cats?”

“Dogs, obviously. They’re the best.”

“Both are cute.”

“Coward,” he teased.

You laughed. “Fine, dogs. You’re right. They’re the perfect solution.”

“Ok, what about your ideal date?”

You hummed in thought. “Ok, I like relaxed dates, not too active, but not too lazy. Like a stroll or a carnival maybe? That would be really fun.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” he said, his voice a little dreamy. “For me, it depends on the day. I travel a lot for work, so if it’s a day off, then I’d actually like to stay in, but if life hasn’t been busy, a carnival doesn’t sound too bad.”

“Gotta ask, carnival games or rides?”

“No, you can’t do that to me?”

“Why not?” You leaned towards the curtain. “This is kinda like an interview, after all.”

He scoffed. “You can’t make me choose between a romantic ferris wheel and winning you stuffed animals.”

Huh, he did have a point. “Ok, you’re right.” You whipped out another card. “Next question!” You cleared your throat. “How do you mark your page when reading?”

“Dog ear.”

You gasped, and you swear your heart broke a little. “You’re kidding.”

“Yes, I’m kidding.” Mystery man sighed. “Come on, my dad taught me better than that.” He paused for a second. “I don’t use a bookmark, though. I usually use something else that’s around, post-it, receipt, something like that. Ok, I really like this question, who is your celebrity crush?”

You inhaled through your teeth. “Just one?”

“Just one?!”

You laughed.

“Wow, I have no chance here.”

You shrugged. “If you’re anything like Tom Holland, trust me, you’ll have a chance.”

“Oh?” He was completely silent for a second or two, not even moving. “Uh, Tom Holland’s your celebrity crush?”

“One of them,” you said. “But, yeah, love Tom Holland and his Spider-Man.”

“Is he your favorite Spider-Man?”

You wanted to tease the super Spider-Man fan, so you settled on saying, “He’s in my top three.”

“What? Wait a-”

“Next question!”

As you took out the next card, you could hear him mutter, “This isn’t fair. Not fair at all.”

You giggled. “Ok, ok, if you were to write a dedication for your autobiography, what would you say?” You bit your lip. “I actually really like this question.”

“Me, too, but it really makes you think. I can’t…” He sighed, and you could almost see him leaning forward or running his hand through his hair. “Oh god, I don’t know. That’s hard. I’m on the spot.”

“We can move on to another question,” you suggested.

“Nah.” He blew his hair out of his face. “I want to answer to this one. It’s a good one. Uh, there’s just so many people I’d wanna thank, you know. Uh, I’d actually just list all of my teachers and the people who thought I was special enough to get the job I have.”

This guy definitely was creative. From his vague job to his unique answers. You had to admit, this guy was surprising you in a great way. “Admirable,” you told him.

“Thanks.” He gulped. “Uh, this one’s kinda scary.”

“Bring it. I’m ready.” You sat up straighter and prepared yourself.

“Ok, what would you hate to be remembered as?”

“Oh, this is scary. You’re right again.” You laughed as you pondered the many things you’d hate to be known for. Selfish was bad, but also vain, shallow? You hummed. “Ok, I think the worst thing would be if people thought I was close-minded?” Still unsure of your answer, you tilted your head back and forth. “Yeah, I think that would be the worst, cause that goes hand in hand with other things.”

“I like that answer! I would never think of that.”

“Well, what were you thinking of?”

“Ugh, I would hate to be known for being big-headed, you know? I’m working really hard to stay humble.”

You smiled. “Wow, that’s also admirable.” So, your blind date was a gryffindor who loved Spider-Man, dogs, your writing. He was funny and humble, and he knew that he didn’t get to whatever success he currently has on his own. He seems to treasure his days off and worked really hard in his creative field. Mystery Man wasn’t half bad. In fact, he was actually really great.

“Thank you,” he said softly.

You giggled and pursed your lips. Yeah, he was really great.

“Uh, do you have more questions?”

“Oh!” You shuffled through your cards. “Uh, no, I think that’s it.”

The director asked you, “So, would you go on a date with him?”

You beamed. “Yeah, I’d go on a date with him.”

He turned to the guy behind the curtain. “And you?”

“Yeah, she seems awesome.”

“You guys ready?”

The two of you stood up and faced the curtain. You crossed your fingers and hoped that he would react well. It would suck if he wasn’t impressed by this blind date. He did like your books, but it’s possible to like the work and not the author. You gulped and shook out your hands. “Ready.”

“Ready.”

“Alright, pull back the curtain, you two.”

You pulled back your curtain. His was still closed when you pulled your curtain back. For a second, you were terrified. Did he not want to see you? It wouldn’t make a good video. You took a deep breath, and just as you exhaled, he pulled back his curtain.

“H-” You paused. Your jaw dropped. You stared at the man in front of you. Same hair, same eyes, same simple style, same smile, same everything, and oh god. “Tom Holland?”

His eyes went wide at the sight of you. He stepped back with a bright smile on his face. “Wait, you’re- how did you” -he laughed- “This is insane. What? You’re” -he shook his head- “You’re (Y/n) (Y/l/n)!”

You laughed, your cheeks already hurting from seeing your celebrity crush and realizing that the mystery man behind the curtain that you were laughing with and smiling because of was your celebrity crush, was Tom Holland, the Spider-Man.

You pointed at yourself. “I was supposed to meet a fan of my books.”

“I was supposed to meet a Marvel fan!” He laughed and opened his arms. “Come ‘ere!”

You laughed and let yourself fall into his arms before pulling away and smiling up at him. “I am beyond confused. I mean… You had an accent!”

“Yeah, I needed to disguise my voice!”

You giggled. “You did a great job.”

“Thank you.”

You glanced at the director, and you realized something. Robert was there to greet you, and he said he was filming something. You blinked a few times before shouting, “Robert! Where is he?”

Tom withdrew from you and pointed at you. “Did Robert set this up?”

You shouted at the ceiling. “I know you’re there, Robert!”

“Everyone keeps yelling. Giving me a headache.”

A hand came down on your shoulder, and you slapped it away and jabbed a finger at Robert’s chest. “You are sneaky, Robert!”

Robert pulled you into his side along with Tom. “For good reason.” He let go of both of you and pointed at the two of you. “You kids have been gushing about each other’s work for nearly a year. This was just inevitable.”

Tom and you cringed.

“Too soon,” you said.

Tom nodded. “Yeah.”

Robert crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. He looked at the camera. “Can you see what I deal with? When I’m not taking care of him, I’m taking care of her.”

You laughed. “Ok, wait a minute, he’s harder to take care of.”

“And why’s that?” Tom asked.

“I didn’t spoil infinity war for an entire theater.”

“Hey! I did that once.”

Robert cleared his throat. “Ok, we’ve been focusing on these two for too long.”

You slapped Robert’s chest and shook your head. “Unbelievable.”

“I know right,” Tom agreed. “He’s so full of himself.”

“Actually,” you tilted your head, “I saw him before I went in, and he changed clothes.”

Tom looked him up and down. “He did change clothes!”

“See, this is better,” Robert said, all smug and happy. “Attention on me, like it should be.”

The three of you laughed, and the director decided it was time to wrap it up. “Guys, let’s film the end card.”

“Right.” You cleared your throat and smoothed out your clothes just for Robert to pull the two of you into his sides. “Hey, guys, I’m Robert Downey Jr.”

He looked to you. “And I’m (Y/n) (Y/l/n).”

“And I’m Tom Holland. And we want to thank you for watching me and (Y/n) go on a blind date-”

“Set up by me!” Robert pointed at the camera. “You’re welcome, internet.”

You laughed. “If you wanna see more videos like this, make sure to subscribe to Seventeen’s youtube channel.” You waved at the camera. “Bye!”

Robert looked to Tom. “Isn’t she so cute?”

He blushed and pushed Robert away. “Stop that!”

Robert feigned being offended and followed Tom off set. “Hey, you can’t walk away from me. I know you think she’s cute! Tom!”

Notes: So… how was it? Do you guys hate it? Love it? I’m really nervous for this one since I don’t do celebrity oneshots, but please tell me what you think!

[twobitmulder]

Modern Day Dracula Fan Cast

Whether your particular poison is Sherlock, Elementary, or Watson and Holmes (which is a comic that’s worth looking at if you like Sherlock Holmes) you can’t deny that the idea of modern day Sherlock Holmes really works. I think the reason for that, beyond just having strong, archetypal characters, is that the original Sherlock Holmes stories were very modern at the time. It was a scientist applying the latest methods to crime solving in a world where the police ran like that John Mulaney bit about getting away with murder in olden times.

Somewhere along the way we got stuck in the Victorian conception of it, but it’s got the soul of modernity to it. Another novel that has the soul of modernity to it but has been locked to the period, Bram Stoker’s Dracula (not to be confused with the film Bram Stoker’s Dracula, which I do not care for the most part, though I bear no ill will to those who do). The world has sort of latched onto it as a Romantic era story about a brooding vampire and swooning maidens, but it really is more of an enlightenment story. I’d compare it to Pacific Rim or Ghostbusters which are films about regular folk (primarily young folk in the case of the former) who apply science and friendship to defeat old world evil (admittedly among other uncomfortable Victorianisms).

That’s the adaptation I want to see, where a band of young people join together with science and friendship to defeat the avatar of an outmoded, parasitic medieval worldview.

So here’s the cast….

Mina Murray(-Harker): Saoirse Ronan

Stoker was Irish, Murray is an Irish name, and so I think that it’s fitting for the co-star of this movie to be Irish as well. I don’t think anybody can doubt Ronan’s acting chops at this point so I’ll just say that I think she’s got the ability to be kindly and strong, and be the one to take charge of the Crew of Light (which is the badass name the heroes call themselves in the novel).

John Harker: John Boyega

I don’t think I’m the first person to say Boyega would be a great Johnathan. Based on Star Wars alone Boyega can pull off Harker’s mix of “what the F—k is happening” and “touch my friends and I’ll put a Kukri through your neck.” This character has been done wrong throughout decades of film and stage shows and I think Boyega would be perfect to make the character the active, brave, down to earth, kind and loving husband of the novel.

Lucy Westenra: Lily James

Lucy, another character that has been, in my opinion at least, misinterpreted by most adapters. I picture Lucy as Mina’s upper class best friend. A little more deliberately glamorous but a total sweetheart who we believe the Crew of Light would band together to avenge. The idea of an actual Disney Princess in the role of Lucy is a pretty solid way of looking at the character.

Doctor Jackie Seward: Hannah John-Kamen

Yes, I think Seward should be a woman. The cast needs to an overhaul so it’s not all dudes and one Mina once Lucy dies. Kamen has the capability to play a sort of brooding badassery that works for Seward. Seward is a character who is dealing with rejection, being overworked, and probably dealing with some kind of clinical depression but rises to occasion and teams up with the man her ex-girlfriend was going to marry to make sure nobody has to go through it again.

Arthur Holmwood: Tom Felton

As much as I don’t want this to be a total angst-fest, I think Arthur doesn’t really have much of an arc in the novel. Felton can obviously play upper class Englishman and sort of dorky friendly guy (watch his later episodes of the Flash). I think he could also play an Arthur that slowly breaks down at all the loss until he lets the rest of the Crew of Light support him and ends the movie a little more world weary, but ultimately standing upright.

Quincey Morris: Lucas Till

Guy’s actually Texan, which is fun. I’m mostly basing this on his role as Havoc, but I do think he’s got it in him to play Arthur’s supportive, adventurer best friend, who bonds with everyone and sacrifices himself for John and Mina. Just a fun, friendly action hero in the middle of a survival horror thriller.

Abraham Van Helsing: Mark Hamill

I’m sure he can do the accent, and he’s definitely got the look. I imagine him doing a variation on old Luke Skywalker in TLJ. Someone who knows more than the young people around him, who’s hurting from loss and past mistakes (remember book Van Helsing lost a son and has a wife struggling with mental illness) and ultimately gives his charges the tools they need to save the world on their own.

RM Renfield: Bill Skarsgard

I know Renfield should be older, but I have two points. Firstly, I think it’s fun if Dracula ends up enthralling more of an impressionable young person. Second, just look at that picture. That’s Renfield.

Count Dracula: Hugo Weaving

Credit for this one to my friend Ed. Picture him doing Agent Smith crossed with Elrond in Red Skull’s voice. No sexy Dracula (nothing against Mister Weaving), just a dark, menacing, towering figure with a powerful voice looking down on everyone around him.

[neshabeingchildish]

The Danger Force Family

Four years into the job and Ray still felt like everyday was his first. Charlotte was still feeding him information that he “should know.” Simone was still mumbling under her breath whenever he asked an “obvious” question, before just answering it. He was still wondering why the heck he let Charlotte talk him into this. Of course, it was just mornings. He found his footing after a couple of hours and from that moment throughout the day, he remembered who he was and why he was here. Captain President, the President of all Presidents… At least that’s what he’d put on his campaign posters and van. Everybody else called him “President Man.” 

Charlotte was rarely ever on site, considering that she had multibillion dollar apps - SoulDates, FaceMask, and SymBIOsis - her youngest, but most fruitful app which brought supers and non-supes together for social and networking purposes, educated one on the history and cultures of the other, and made public record of the Symbiosis policy and legal decisions regarding it. She had launched a brand of technological baby, toddler, and small child products under the company My Lil’ Ham, which specialized in all baby types, and was voted #1 source for supers babies products, as well. 

Hamilton, of course was the face of that company. She’d originally began working on products to make his life easier while she and his father rushed around, trying to do all of the things necessary for society to function. As he got older, she expanded the brand. He was now 5 and looking more like his father all of the time… but being more like his mother. 

He didn’t talk much, even though he could do so and do it well. The best way to get him speaking was to mention science or math. Then, getting him to stop talking was your issue. Unless of course, he realized that he was smarter than you. Then, he lost interest. He wanted to passionately discuss science and math with his mental peers. They hadn’t really determined who that was, yet. It certainly wasn’t the kids (or the teachers) at his first school, the kids at the institute that they sent him to after every teacher in the building tried to teach him and insisted that he was simply too advanced for their classroom, and it wasn’t his father. Charlotte had to reign him in multiple times for speaking down to Henry (though she’d wait until Henry was out of earshot), because fortunately, since Hammy was so young and not as expressive as a lot of children, Henry never could tell that he was being condescending. They tried to enter him into several programs, before Max suggested that he go to a prodigy academy in Metroburg. 

“More than half of those students become supervillains!” Charlotte complained.

“Yeah, but all of them get the education that they deserve. Besides, you don’t become a supervillain on education alone. Your family background, upbringing, societal treatment and personal response to trauma are usually key ingredients. You and Henry raise him with love, support and comfort. He should be fine.” 

Charlotte looked at her son for a while, seeing the excitement and anticipation on his face as she pondered her lab partner’s advice. She sighed and said, “Okay, we’ll check it out.”

“Yes! Thank you, Maxi!” Hammy cheered and rushed to his junior lab - a lab sized for him to work in while his mother worked on her things in the adjacent room.

“I think it’ll be good for him to be schooled around other kids like him, anyway,” Max added. “No way that any kid of Henry’s just naturally has that level of intelligence. Kid’s a super, Charls.”

“His power is what superintelligence?” She asked.

“That’s a legitimate power. I mean… He’s seemed very interested in your work since he was an infant and he began conducting his own experiments soon after he began walking. You thought that was typical?”

“You obviously don’t know my family history. We’re filled with geniuses, on both sides… well, not Uncle Roscoe, but he’s an artistic genius and maybe that counts.”

“Did you get him tested?”

“Uncle Roscoe? No! His art is that good!” She said. Max rolled his eyes and Charlotte smiled. “I don’t need to get him tested. When he’s old enough and knows what supers and non-supes are, I trust that he’ll ask to be tested when he’s ready…” They heard a huge thud from the next room and she gasped. “Charlie!” Max and Charlotte ran into the next room to see that Henry and Charlotte’s younger child, Charlotte II, aka “Charlie,” had knocked over a bookshelf to try to get her toy that rolled under it. “Charlie…” Charlotte said, relieved that the crawling infant hadn’t hurt herself. She picked her up with one hand and fixed the bookshelf with the other.

“You get her tested?” Max joked.

They knew from the first week that they brought Charlie home that she was a super. Though, at that time, she seemed to have hypermotility. Henry was definitely proud and gleaming about it. Char? Not so much. The kid’s metabolism was high and she sucked every drop from her mom’s mammary glands within a few moments, then cried loudly for more. She seemed to be starving, even though Charlotte didn’t have anything else to give her. The baby even went through the excess breast milk that Charlotte had pumped and frozen whenever she had Hammy, which he was still drinking from and it was used for beauty care, too.

But, she also wasn’t a fan of formula, so she’d eat it only when she was too hungry to function and Charlotte hadn’t produced more milk. They were terrified that the kid was gonna starve herself to death! Charlotte got a sample of her breastmilk and worked on synthesizing it in her lab. It took her a few weeks to get it just right, but she wound up having to mass produce it for her hungry little one and began to toy around with it, too.

She’d have different levels of proteins, fats, sugars, and hormones, depending on how the sensory baby bundle blankets read Charlie’s vitals, be able to select custom breastmilk for her current needs. After a while, Charlie didn’t want the naturally created milk, so that was fine - Charlotte simply rebuilt her stash for her and Hammy’s needs.

Now, months later, and crawling around, Charlie was becoming a moving disaster. She was tiny and cute, like her mom… and apparently took after her physically, too. She definitely was moving things that even an adult would struggle with. Hammy suggested locking her up when she accidentally crumbled one of his movie spaceship models within moments of putting her little hands on it. Charlotte had not yet perfected products for babies with superstrength. It was tricky.

They had super strength, but their bodies weren’t super strong. Meaning, yes, they would wreck things in their path easily, but you could still seriously hurt them with any of the tools that were usually used to subdue those with super strength. The body was still forming. They were able to withstand more than a regular baby, but they weren’t indestructible! 

Charlie had once broken Henry’s hand by squeezing it too hard. It hurt like the dickens, but he was able to repair it quickly. It was on his enhanced arm, so he was good. Hammy was a little bit jealous. It seemed that his baby sister had two powers and he didn’t even have one. No matter how many “We love you both equally” chats he was given, he could see that Charlie’s situation required more time, effort and energy. When you’re five, that could be read as more love, even if you were a genius who could deduce better. The manifestation of Charlie’s superstrength also signaled the disdain that Hammy had towards Henry. He didn’t hate him or dislike him, but he didn’t like that Charlie was able to break his bones and still get more one on one time with him!

Hammy began working on something in his little lab, which he presented to Charlie on her first birthday. It was a cute little bracelet that had “Baby Sis” in beads and was red, blue, and yellow. After he put it on her wrist, she didn’t have any more super strength accidents and she didn’t appear to have any hypermotility issues, either. 

So, the Page family presumed that she must have selected a power that they hadn’t yet seen come into fruition. It was so relaxing to have her be a normal little girl that they didn’t put huge emphasis on it. Charlotte checked her vitals and tested her for diseases. Everything was clear, so she was satisfied.

.

Hammy was a protective older brother, but he also was often away at the academy. Academy life was okay. He loved his classes and the work that he was allowed to do. He hated his classmates. “Supervillains-in-Training” he liked to think of them as, or to be clever, “Pieces of S.I.T.” He was very adverse to villainy. His parents were known heroes. His aunt was Lady Danger. He grew up in the Hero League Headquarters Nursery and the few normal people that he knew were family and super supporters. He knew that whenever he grew up, he’d most likely work in the world of supers, even though he was a non-supe. The kids around him in the academy weren’t particularly happy about it. Why was he able to get into this school? Why wasn’t he at a school for subpers? Didn’t they have EVERY access outside of this place? He agreed, to a certain extent. He didn’t think that non-pows should just take up space in areas made for supers, but he also knew that he didn’t belong in one of those non-pow schools. He’d tried already. 

He was somewhere in the middle. Both of his parents were average born and transformed into supers during adolescence. He had more non-pow in him than super, but he obviously had enough to where he couldn’t quite fit in to the non-pow fold. Even at the academy, the kids that he had classes with were supers that were several years older than him. He was one of the smartest children in the place and this was just how it was. It wasn’t his fault. He hated that he had to remind himself of that. It was as much his fault that he wasn’t a super as it was his baby sister’s fault that she was.

.

Every year, Hammy worked on Charlie’s bracelet. He didn’t want to take it off of her, just in case, so he’d work on it while she sat on his lap, babbling about her cartoons or whatever. 

Charlotte and he were best friends, though he felt (even at his young age) that he needed to protect her from knowing some of the stuff that happened in his life. The worst he would say was “I’m still having a hard time relating to the kids at the academy.” She often thought the worst, so he’d tag on, “But, it’s fine. Who needs people that you have to try to convince of your worth?”

Henry always brought him back to school at the end of the weekend, checking to make sure that his clothes and stuff were plentiful and double and triple checking the food account. It was embarrassing! “Dad, I can take care of myself. I assure you that everything is as it should be!” he said, noticing the older boys pointing and laughing as Henry counted his clean pairs of underwear.

“I know, Bud. I just gotta make sure that…” Hammy snatched the underwear from him and stuffed them back into the drawer. Henry smiled, gently and said, “You know I only do these things because it’s my job to make sure that everything is okay for you.”

“Yes,” Hammy said, annoyed. “I get it. But, I have a hard enough time fitting in with my subper genes!” Henry winced at this and shut the dorm door to speak with his son in private. “I have more to prove than most of these kids and I can’t do that if nobody takes me seriously.”

“Hammy, you don’t have anything to prove, Son…”

“Let’s start there. Stop calling me that. I’m seven years old working on an advanced degree in engineering technology. I can’t keep answering to “Hammy,” and expect someone to call me Doctor in a couple of years.”

“Well, what would you like for us to call you instead?”

“My name is Hamilton. That’s fine. Some of the professors call me Hank, because of my middle name being Henry.”

“I like Hank,” Henry said. “What else can I do to make you feel better?”

“Don’t treat me like a kid. I can take care of myself. I have patent pending products that I made in my junior lab. I don’t need you to do a panty check for me!”

Henry nodded his head and offered, “Well… My parents raised me to look after myself and my sister. Sometimes, I even had to look after them. Whenever your Gigi Siren would have a long sleep after a huge party, or skip off to some frivolous retreat on Dad’s bonus checks. Whenever your Grandpa Jake was in between job assignments and out trying to find work or doing things around the house that I definitely would have to go in behind him and repair… I’ve been being a parent most of my life and I always promised myself and I promised your mom when we got married that my kids, our kids would never have to wonder why I wasn’t around or why I wasn’t helping. I never want my children to feel like they have to do anything a moment before they have to do it. I know that you can do all this stuff, Buddy…” Hammy made a face, “Hank,” Henry corrected himself. “I was just hoping to get to be a real dad to you for longer than mine was to me. I guess that’s out of  the question. I’m sorry if I embarrass you.”

Hammy sighed and opened the door back. “It’s okay. You do your best. Grandpa Jake and Gigi Siren are train wrecks. I think that for growing up under them, you’ve done pretty good. Probably because you raised yourself, and you’re a wonderful dad. Just… Hands off my underwear, for the love of God.”

Henry laughed and nodded, “Noted.”

“How is Charlotte?” Hammy wondered. He was the only person who called his sister Charlotte, and they always knew who he meant, because of course, Big Charlotte was “Mom.”

“She’s good. Whenever you come back to school, she asks for you for the first couple of days. By Wednesday, she gets used to you being gone, then when she sees you on Friday evening, it’s her partytime.” 

“I have to tell you something, Dad.” Hammy sat on the bed and Henry joined him. “Charlotte’s bracelet isn’t just a bracelet. It’s to keep her superpowers down.”

“What?”

“She was destroying stuff and Mom couldn’t figure out what to do to keep her from doing it. So, I made something for her.”

“Hamilton! What if it would have been dangerous? You can’t just try experiments on your little sister!”

“I know. But, in my defense, I was 5.” They sat there, making the same face - somewhere between a smolder and confusion. “You’re wondering how to present this admission to Mom, aren’t you?”

“Any pointers?” Henry wondered.

“She’s very accommodating when you put food into her. Seafood, especially. Maybe some floral tea and a nice, rich slice of cheesecake?” Hammy was wringing his hands together. “Just… be sure to tell her that I meant no ill will.”

“I’m sure she’ll know that, Hank.” He gave him a pat on the back.

.

Charlotte knew. She always knew that the bracelet did the job that it did. At first, she thought that Hammy had accidentally tampered the powers, but after paying close attention to Charlie and the bracelet, she realized that he was consistently working on it. As long as she was monitoring how it went, she saw no need to interfere or to make him feel bad about it. Henry was a little bit upset that she never let him in on it, though. While food was a good way to smooth Charlotte over, Charlotte had ways of making Henry agreeable too. 

It smelled good in there. “Hey, Diffuschar? What is this blend?” He asked, putting his hand onto the air panel on his side of the bed.

“Henry, are you addressing me?” the Charlotte voice in the air system asked. 

“Yes! You are the Diffuschar.”

“I am an essential oil diffusing air conditioning system, Henry. EODACS is the acronym and can be used to address me.”

“Just tell me this blend!”

“This is Mistress Charlotte’s ‘I’m Sorry’ Sexual Seduction Mix.”

“Mis what’s who now?”

“Mistress Charlotte’s ‘I’m Sorry’ Sexual Seduction Mix. It includes Patchouli, Sweet Orange, Lavender, Sandalwood, Jasmine, and Ylang Ylang.”

“I… When did she?” He furrowed his eyebrows. “It does smell good, but honestly, she smells better. She could have Mistress Charlotte sexually seduced me by coming in here smelling like a tropical sundae.”

“Would you like me to switch to Tropical Sundae Seduction Mix, Henry?”

“No. Let whatever Charlotte has going on go on.” When she came into the room, with her hair in Bantu knots and a silk chemise on, he was alert. “Hey. Diffuschar said that she’s airing out some sexual seduction…” She climbed into the bed and crawled to him. “Do you want me to do something?”

“Not be mad at me for not telling you about Charlie’s bracelet?” She said with her lips in a pout.

“I don’t know. I told you right away when I found out.” She raised an eyebrow and he quickly reminded himself, “But, I’ve tried to keep stuff from you before too, so…” He smiled awkwardly. “I really wish that he didn’t have to be at that place. It wears down on him. He’s capable of handling himself, but he’s still just a kid. My kid… and he doesn’t even want to let me treat him like a kid.”

“Well… It’s his decision. If my parents let me go somewhere to school instead of Swellview, I’d have been elated.”

“Yeah, but then you wouldn’t have me,” Henry said.

“Yeah, but…” She didn’t have a reply. Instead, she traced down the middle of his belly, “The universe would have made sure that everything was what it needed to be for us. There’s no way that I exist and you aren’t somehow in my life.” 

He smiled and pulled her closer. “You’re trying to have another baby.”

“I 100% am not. Charlie rearranged my insides. I would never want another one of them. The two we have are perfect enough.” He laughed. 

.

The Page-Hart-Thunderman Family was a superfamily of the highest esteem, usually referred to as the “Danger Force Family,” considering that most of their missions were assigned under Henry’s command as Mr. Danger. People even began giving the other heroes Danger alternatives like Charlotte as “Danger Master” or Billy as “Quick Danger.” None of them minded the aliases. It kept them as characters in the minds of the world and that meant that less people bothered them in their everyday lives. Besides, governments had set protective laws in place such as not being authorized to approach any super or hero out of uniform for any purpose but alerting them to a present, real, and nearby criminal emergency.

That law had taken a while to perfect. Because when it first was introduced as to not approach supers outside of uniform unless it was an emergency - people determined what THEY thought was an emergency (and it usually was not). They also would bother people that they knew to be superhuman, even if they weren’t superheroes… which… those persons were not authorized nor obligated to deal with an emergency situation any more than a non-pow citizen was! Then, there was the issue of pulling someone from their child’s program at school for an emergency on the other side of town that they couldn’t even get to in time and also that there were already heroes dispatched to! It took some work before the current system was in place and people were getting used to it. They could be charged with supers abuse if they decided not to work within the stated parameters. That law was Piper’s favorite one ever written, especially with Starlette in tow. The number of people she had reflexively punched right in the face for getting too close to her daughter too fast had become a meme.

Page-Hart-Thunderman Family Reunion was a time that Charlotte, Piper, and Simone started to celebrate the merging of their families. After dating for a couple of years, Piper got married and bridged the Page and Thunderman families together officially. Five years after Ray became President, Gwen’s touched began to look normal again. It was like the effects faded over the years and by that time, nobody had a green hint left in their presentation. Simone was tired of everyone telling her that it was weird to see her normal again, but she was relieved that all of the people who had to walk around that way over the past five years would be able to fit in again. That was the year that the reunions began. She felt like herself again. She felt normal again. She got her tubes untied and began working on making more children and resigned from working for the Hero League.

The festivities began with a feast at the Page-Hart condo, with Henry and Charlotte’s parents hosting. They had it catered, usually and everyone showed up to eat and catch up. 

Siren, Jake, Esmerelda, and Antony would welcome Hank Thunderman and Barb, and Evelyn to the “grown ups table” while Henry, Charlotte, Max, Simone, Jasper, Piper, Billy, and Nora usually preferred to take their business to the rooftop. Chloe tended to want to see what was up with the kiddos. The first couple of years, it was only Maxine and Monalise, Hammy and Charlie, Piper’s one little girl, Starlette. But, of course, the family grew and transformed and eventually, they couldn’t even have the opening night dinner at the Page-Hart condo.

Charlotte’s home was the most appropriate place, considering that they added on to the estate all of the time and her inventions made for everyone’s quarters adjusting for the comfort of the individuals within its walls. She, too, had taken a step back from the Hero League, when things got smoother for Ray, and while he sometimes seemed like he had no idea what was happening, he seemed to be handling everything well. He would stop by the reunion with presents for the kids and to talk to “his kids” (Henry, Charlotte, Jasper and Piper), and to eat cake. But, he would never stay for the whole thing. Dinner and playtime with the little ones was enough to fuel his joy for a while and being around all the parents for too long might counter that for him. But, each time that he was headed out, the moms would always offer in sweet voices with kind smiles, “You’re always welcome to stay, Ray!” That was nice. He liked to see that.

.

Charlotte had been interested in politics for a while. From her work as the Tactical Chief of the Hero League, Her own Campaign Manager for her election, and Advisor to the President; she leaned towards a political career. She remembered that future Ray claiming that she would be president. For years, she thought that he meant President of the United States and to be frank, they NEEDED somebody like her, but in more recent years, she began to think that maybe he meant President of the Hero League. They always just called that position “The President” and every super always knew that they weren’t talking about whatever rubbish was chilling in the White House. 

So, whenever Hank was 10 and Charlie was 5, she made dinner one night, of fish, greens, noodles, and cornbread with large bowls of grapes and decorations of assorted lilies and daffodils, with crystals set around the vases. Charlie immediately rushed to the table and stuffed cornbread into her mouth, while Hank looked confused and asked, “What kind of changes are we about to have to go through?”

Henry had just come from a mission and showered. Whenever he came in on Hank asking Charlotte that question, he, like his daughter, grabbed cornbread and stuffed it into his mouth. Yeah… She took after him.

“Everyone sit down, so we can have dinner,” Charlotte said.

Hank looked worried, but Henry and Charlie were ready to eat. Charlotte went around the table, preparing plates and talking, “As Hank as already noticed, I have charged and put out the green aventurine, amazonite, tourmalinated Quartz, and labradorite.” Those sounded familiar to Henry. He was certain that the Charlotte Interface had probably told him about at least a couple of those to get him to go to sleep. “And as Hank knows, with his eidetic memory and studying geology a few summers ago, those are crystals associated with good luck and new beginnings.” That was the easiest way to say it for everyone, including Charlie. “Mommy wants to have a good luck dinner with her family to usher in a new goal.”

Henry raised an eyebrow. This was his first time hearing about a new goal. “Oh yeah? What’s Mommy’s new goal?” He wondered.

She took her seat at the table and said, “Present.” The room went dark and the interface pulled up a powerpoint presentation of a campaign promo for her. Whenever it ended, the lights came back on and she waited for their reactions. 

“Mommy, you’re gonna be President of the Whole World?” Charlie asked, excited. 

Charlotte smiled and said, “Well, if all goes well, of the Hero League.”

“What about Uncle Ray?” Hank asked.

“He’s comfortable, but he’s also stagnant. It’s given him gray hair. I’m sure he’ll love to be able to go and do something else. I got him an early 50th birthday present - an RV with pet friendly doggie quarters and PageMasterTech state of the art personalization program for both man and pet.”

“So, you’re gonna bribe him into resigning,” Henry said, disappointed. 

“I’m going to make sure that when and if he does resign, he knows that there’s a peaceful retirement awaiting him!” She corrected. 

Henry forced a smile and continued eating. She could tell that he didn’t like it. Hank was staring at her in disbelief. She could tell that he didn’t like it either. Charlie cheered, “You’re gonna be the best President in the world, Mommy!” 

She smiled at her, “Thank you.. But please don’t chew with your mouth wide open… or talk when your mouth is full…”  Charlie spit her food onto her plate and repeated herself. Charlotte gagged, “Okay…” She just nodded her head and stared at Henry. He was quiet for the rest of dinner, but before they left the table, Hank had more to say.

“Mom, do you think that Dad can handle being in the field without your backup? This isn’t Swellview. He works on a global level with extremely dangerous threats. There’s no way that you can assist him and be President. You would have to spread yourself entirely too thin. I’ve spent this entire dinner trying to rationalize this decision. You’ll have to help me understand it.”

“It’s something that I want to do, just like The Danger is something that your dad wants to do and I have supported him in doing it most of my life. SO, now it’s time for us to try to support me doing something that I want to do. Does that make sense to you?”

“No!” Hank snapped. “Mom, he’s an idiot! He’ll die without you on his tactical team!”

Charlotte: Hank…

Henry: Hey, now..

Charlie: DADDY’S GONNA DIE???

They spoke at the same time. “No. He’s not going to die and he’s not an idiot.” She thought for a moment, especially from Hank’s viewpoint, then made it more palatable for him, “Well, he’s not defenseless without me. He’s got the suit and gadgets that he needs. He’ll have technical from the interface, and if he needs me, I’ll drop anything for him.”

Hank rubbed his face and said, “I’m leaving the academy to resume your duties on his tactical team.”

“You’re 10, so no you’re not.”

“You think I’ll be able to focus on course material with him out there without you?”

Charlie banged on the table and asked, “Hey! Is Daddy gonna die?” 

“No, Daddy’s not gonna die,” Charlotte said. “Henry, some help?” She held her hands out and looked at him. His plate was pretty much empty and his eyebrows were still furrowed, but he nodded his head.

“Hank, Buddy - we don’t want you to quit school. You’re one of the children, and the adults are gonna handle the things that you’re worried about. I’ll touch base with you every single day so that you don’t have to worry. Charlie, Champ - I’m definitely not gonna die. Your dad was born for danger and he’ll be a fighter for many years to come, okay?” Charlie nodded. If her Daddy said it, it was true.

Charlotte and Hank went to go talk on the patio and Henry cleared the table while Charlie went to wash up for the night.

“I’m scared, Mom. The last time you wanted to be president, someone tried to kill you. I’ve read every single report that there was about that election.”

“That was a different time, Honey.” She wrapped her arms around him from behind and they looked up at the stars together, “The stars were different, then. You know, Mommy thinks that the stars line up for perfect things to be done in our lives and I believe that right now, they’re lining up to make your mom a president.”

“Grandfather, a specialist, a leader in his field, has told me to my face that your thoughts on this matter are unwarranted. But, if what you’re saying to me is that you have the confidence that things will be fine, then I choose to try to accept that, too.”

“That’s all I ask,” she said and kissed the top of his blond head. “My Little Ham.”

“Please, do not.”

She laughed and squeezed him to herself.

Henry had gone to bed after tucking Charlie in. Whenever Hank went to wash up, Charlotte went to find him. “Hey… You asleep?” she asked as quietly as possible, in case he was.

“How could I be asleep after that bomb you just dropped at dinner?” He asked back. He didn’t sound mad, but she knew that he wasn’t happy. She sighed and sat on the bed next to him. “I support you. You know I do, I just… I guess I thought that after that last time, this wouldn’t be an option. I’m scared shitless of you being in that kind of position again.”

“Me too, but like I did whenever you were unconscious and most of the world was giving up on ever seeing your eyes again, I’ve got faith. I can do it. Please, tell me that you believe in me?”

“I believe in you more than anything I’ve ever known. It’s the world around us that frightens me.”

“Well, that’s why I’ve got you, though. You and me against the world? They don’t stand a chance. Hashtag Henlotte.”

“Hashtag Henlotte,” he repeated and pulled her to himself.

[mrs-yamada]

Coping Mechanisms

I realized I’ve posted a lot of stories about abuse, but none of the things I’ve learned over my 40+ years to cope with or lessen the everyday pain one goes through. It’s so hard to struggle through each day all by yourself by sheer will - as it certainly feels like, somedays.

You need to find some ways to deal with your pain! No matter how silly something may sound, if it works it’s not silly at all.

Obviously these won’t all work on everyone and some might irritate the heck out of you, because we’re all different. But if you put your own spin on them and think of what you enjoy to do, they could be helpful. 

I’ll add to these if I remember more, since I’m in sort of a downward spiral (parents visiting soon) myself...

Onward, under the break...

Sleep when you need it

If you can, that is. I have too many issues to work and luckily we’ve managed so far with one income, although it sucks. This does mean that I can cater to my individual sleep schedule, however, and I use that to my advantage. 

Don’t listen to neural typicals when they say “go to bed at the same time every night”. They’re normies! We’re not! Our bodies differ. You may actually benefit from doing as everyone will tell you, but a lot of us with mental differences benefit much greater from setting our own, very different (and rapid cycling) sleep cycles. I am currently sleeping from 6 am until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. I simply cannot sleep until then no matter what I do - and in a few weeks, I know this will change and I’ll be back to 10 pm or maybe 12. The difference is I get the sleep my body so desperately needs, and it helps greatly. I know not all of us can do this, but if you can - go for it. Try it out. You’d be amazed how good you feel after actually sleeping.

On the flip side, though:

Don’t oversleep

No, seriously. We all have the urge to “never get out of bed”, but you’re just gonna feel like crap and get a headache. Sometimes it’s cool to do this but, you know. Don’t abuse the treat.

Clean up (yourself & the home)!

Yeah. This is another one of those “you see it everywhere” tips, but that’s because it does work. Even if you can only manage to brush your teeth, change your undies, whatever, you’ll feel a bit better. Same goes for your house/apartment/room. Clean a tiny space if it’s all you can do - you’ll feel like you’ve got more breathing room.

Don’t EVER want to shower/bathe?

We’ve been there. It stinks, no pun intended. Personally, I had to think of a great way to encourage myself to get the heck out of bed and bathe - bath bombs.

And not just the regular kind! Glitter, rainbows, especially the ones with little toys inside, those are the best for days I don’t want to wake up and shower. You can even use them (as I just said) in the shower. They act like shower steamers and smell the rooms up nice, too.

Make a “Power Outfit”

It could be a comfy sweatshirt, or animal pajamas (kigurumi). Maybe it’s a really wacky pair of socks or a shirt that features your favorite TV star or character from a series. This could include accessories, like a fun hat, headband, furry tail, superhero cape - whatever will make you feel great. Don’t overthink it. It’s not “weird” to wear what makes you feel better, no matter what.

Hide/buy surprises for yourself!

Again, this is one I absolutely love to do. I scroll around through etsy and eBay a lot as another numbing yet engaging brain exercise, and I look for the cheapest “blind boxes” and/or “surprises”. Blind boxes are packages where you don’t know what’s inside until you open it, just like the name suggests. If this doesn’t bother you, it’s great for buying yourself a surprise. I use this as stocking stuffers for myself, too. Ha.

Of course this works for things like a book you want to read or a puzzle you’d like to do. Maybe even wrap it and leave it in the “gift pile”. Gift yourself when you need a pick me up!

Another of my favorite things are called “surprise balls”. They’re balls of crepe paper strips you unravel, and each layer has a surprise in it. You unroll the rainbow-colored strips, dropping toys, novelty items, etc, as you go. You can unroll one layer at a time or all of them! Find them at etsy, you can even get them customised. 

Eat better. Exercise.

Trust me, I used to hate exercising (and when I say “hate”, I mean it). But it makes such a complete difference that I actually miss it when I skip on the weekends! Eating right (whatever is right for you, allergy-wise, dietary preferences, etc) also makes a huge difference. My mood lifted so high without the use of mind-altering drugs at all (societal approved medicine or otherwise).

Aromatherapy 

I’ve seen so many people FREAK OUT about this.

Relax. It’s not meant as a “cure-all” no matter what the MLM pushers say, it simply helps a little. And for those of us with a lot of problems, “a little off the top” is really a big help. There are different types of scents for different mood enhancers, but my favorites (bubblegum, lemon, orange) are citrus based because that lifts depression. (Google this if you’re want - there have been tests done researching depression & aromatherapy).

Use wax melts, incense, whatever - and remember that candles can be bought on etsy & elsewhere that have surprises in them, too! You take out the charms and gems and such as the candle burns. Win-win for a little pick me up!

Rainbows

Yeah, I know. I have little crystal rainbow catchers in my windows so that my rooms fill with rainbows throughout the day. You’d be amazed at how many times a surprise rainbow from one of them lifted my heart and made me smile. 

They’re not expensive, either. You can pop down to your local craft store and buy them in the beading section. Thread the bead with string or fishing line and hang it up on a suction cup or - really, wherever you can where light will catch!

Wait, did I mention craft stores..?

Arts & Crafts

I may be biased here, but there have been a lot of people that benefit from coloring books and crafts. They’re soothing, but be warned - they’re sometimes not good for mind-wanderers. If you’re “dump-trucking” bad thoughts, a mindless task will NOT be a good thing to do. I sometimes pair crafts and such with watching TV so that my mind and hands are busy at the same time.

Distractions!

Writing

*looks at self in reflection of monitor*

...yep.

This can help not only you, but others. It’s a relief to feel that you’re not alone, and when you come across something that helps you in a moment of need it’s awesome. It feels just as good to let it all out.

Write about your day, your past experiences, your hopes - anything. Heck, write fanfiction where the guys or gals or beings of your dreams help you get through things. Work it out. You don’t have to publish them. It will still feel good. And if you want to record your own in one area, or read specific fics, especially fanfics, I recommend the Archive (and not simply because I write there, ha)! 

Television/Movies/Games

Same thing for movies, games & TV. They may distract you, but that means you may get the odd, sneaky thought that creeps in. We all hate those. Oh, and watch out for triggers! Good flipping butt, so many triggers!

There’s a site that helps for tons of triggers (including books, games, etc) called “Does the Dog Die”. I use it constantly when watching new programs or movies. 

I personally do toon-fests where I watch so many cartoons, especially kiddie ones like “Molang” (so cute)! And I love using Minecraft for chilling out, game wise. Just, again... watch out for games. Man, they can be a pain sometimes if you’re getting frustrated. Stick with ones that you know are relaxing or you can play on “safe mode”. Don’t try to do a complicated campaign or grab that rare trophy/achievement when you’re stressed.

Music!

Yep. Music lifts spirits. And did you know if you search Google Play they’ve got free stuff? Like, a lot of it you might not want and there are a ton of religious readings, etc (if that’s your thing, then hooray)! But often I’ve found some really nice relaxing music with wave sounds, thunderstorms, etc. Of course you can buy albums too.

Voices

The same goes for voices. They can be very soothing and help you relax. There’s a whole bunch of Play apps where anime dudes and/or chicks talk you to sleep, or say comforting things. Well, technically, they’re real people speaking but there’s images of anime guys and gals. There are all types, so look around.

You could even ask your loved one to make a recording of them speaking to you or reading poetry, etc. It’s very helpful to hear a beloved voice - no matter who it is for you -- in times of need. 

Cuddles

Pets, stuffed animals, blankets, fellow humans... hugs help sometimes. Sometimes you really don’t want to be touched, but that stuffed animal or pillow can give you just the right snuggle to lift your mood.

Free stuff!

Every once in awhile I use a throwaway email and go freebie hunting on the internet. A lot of places will give you stickers, samples, and all sorts of stuff for free. If you have a PO Box or don’t mind giving out your address, this works so well. Mail surprises are the awesomest.

[tifarobles]

Most Inspirational Characters for My Life

Writing about Disney princesses and video games has made me take a look at what characters (specifically women) are the most inspirational to me personally. This includes not only the primary characters I related to as a child but ones I am glad the next generation has to look up to now. 

Tifa Lockhart (Final Fantasy VII): 

There are actually a number of Final Fantasy heroines that influenced me - Rinoa, Daggar (Princess Garnet), Aeris, and Terra to name some of the others - but I feel like it’s obvious who inspired me the most. 

Let’s start from the beginning. You meet Tifa as a hardcore member of the resistance group, AVALANCHE, and the owner of Seventh Heaven bar in the slums of Midgar. She clearly has her life figured out as an independent woman with strong convictions. Tifa is from the small town of Nibelheim and is seen as wearing a cowgirl hat in flashbacks. She moved to the big city with honorable motivations of changing the world for the better. 

She is beautiful and her flirtatious behavior with her childhood friend, Cloud, was relatable to me as a hopeless romantic. They grew up together, but it wasn’t until he was leaving for the war that she started to follow his story and realized that he was more complicated than she’d thought as a child. This is a realistic depiction of young love and wondering “what if” about a developmental time in your life. 

Tifa is compassionate towards others, always willing to put their needs before her own. In flashbacks, you learn that she wasn’t always this selfless, dealing with tragedy in childhood and learning to cope with her own issues before being able to help others. This past strengthens the complexity and empathy of her character. During a crucial thematic section of the game, you play as Tifa and see her be the primary influence in Cloud’s journey of finding himself during an episode of chronic depression. 

Tifa has a reputation on the internet due solely on her looks. To be honest, I appreciated that she wasn’t defined by her looks in the story at all. Yeah, she’s hot, but she is so much more than that. She proves that looks do not define you. She is an incredibly powerful fighter and often the smart and optimistic voice of the group. Throughout the plot of the game, Tifa’s ability to be a good friend and leader comes to the rescue. She was a fantastic friend to Aeris, despite their competing affections for Cloud, and she is the first person Barret trusts to take care of his daughter, Marlene. 

I hoped that I would grow up to be just like her. 

Belle (Beauty & The Beast):

I just wrote about my feelings for Belle as a feminist, but I couldn’t complete this list without her. Belle is an outspoken outcast in a small-minded community, something I can relate to. Often lost in her own imagination, she cares more about reading than socializing and would rather talk to animals than humans. Belle was definitely the smartest Princess for her time. She was also incredibly brave, making decisions for the good of her father and her strong sense of adventure. She wanted more from life and found just that with her own decisions and actions. 

Belle never lets others make her chooses for her and follows her curiosity wherever it takes her, unafraid of the unknown. This is an admirable quality. She is also in touch with her own emotions, crying when she is sad but quickly wiping her tears away to plan her next steps. Belle doesn’t let the Beast’s temper control her and she doesn’t allow Gaston’s forced advances to make her do anything she doesn’t want to do. 

For my generation of Princess movies, this was the one that moved me the most and inspired me to be a strong feminist, choosing my own love story and fate. 

Maria Posada (Book of Life):

Maria embodies all of the characteristics I hope to achieve in my own life. 

We first meet Maria as a rebellious young girl who decides to release a pin full of pigs, believing that slaughtering them is wrong. She cares deeply for animals, putting their safety above her expectations as a “lady”. Her father sends her away to boarding school, hoping to crush her tenacious spirit. She leaves her childhood friends behind, giving Manolo the advice to always play from his heart. This is a motto we should all consider more in our lives. 

Returning from school years later, it’s obvious that her schooling only blossomed her rejection of society’s expected role for her. She has a reputation for reading books for fun (gasp!) and displays her intelligence in many ways. Watching Manolo in his first bullfight, she is the only audience member to applaud when he proclaims that killing the bull is wrong. It was clear to me that she was falling for this sensitive musician. 

Standing up to her father, Manolo, and Jauquin, Maria continuously shows that she doesn’t need a man in order to be fulfilled in her life, making Manolo take time and effort to win her affection. She calls out sexism whenever she sees it and ensures to explain it in ways that they will understand. When the boys fight over her, she fights for herself, winning the battle with her own sword fighting techniques. She calls them out for their childish behaviors, refusing Jauquin’s engagement and Manolo’s attempt to kiss her. Her father’s attempts at arranging her marriage only work when her true love is thought to be dead and the town’s safety is at risk, and even then she isn’t happy about the situation. 

In the end, Maria helps to save the town, inspiring them to fight back against the villain. Luckily, once the town is rescued she gets to marry for love.

Harley Quinn: 

Harley Quinn is a complicated, important character. Her story explores the depths of abusive relationships, mental health issues, bisexuality, and overcoming a troubled past to live for oneself. 

Being a professional psychiatrist, she is obviously intelligent and obsessed with the complexities of mental health. It’s no wonder that someone as deeply manipulative as the Joker was able to take advantage of her interest in this area. Their relationship is a very real depiction of abusive relationships, with the power struggle, controlling nature of the relationship, constant attempts to tear her down with insults and win her back with grand gestures., The Joker perpetually tries to tell Harley that she is nothing without him and even attempts to kill her to show his dominance over her and display a lack of a need for her in his life. She proves him wrong, saving him many times and eventually becoming an anti-hero on her own, free from his control. This is a powerful representation for a real issue for women in our society and an inspiration for breaking out of bad habits for a better self and life. 

Joining the Gotham Girls, Harley oozes of woman empowerment. The friendship and the love interest between Ivy and Harley is a relationship worth exploring deeper. Yay for bisexual representation!��

Harley was originally a very modestly dressed character in her first appearance (in a children’s show, I’d like to point out). I have very mixed feelings about her becoming a sex symbol over the years. I feel like there are many depictions that took this too far, focusing more on her appearance as a source of sex appeal instead of using her appearance to bolster her inner strength.

I totally understand why there was an explosion of Harley Quinn cosplayers and fanart during this movement of a more inclusive industry. 

Rey (Star Wars):

Rey is the sci-fi hero that young girls have needed for generations. Rey consistently fights for what she feels is right, following her instincts regardless of how terrifying they might be. She works hard to channel the force and proves to be very powerful. 

Living independently and always making decisions for herself, Rey proves that women can lead without the aid of men, but she gladly helps anyone in need (men, droids, or Wookiee) while on her own path. She is skilled at fixing and piloting ships and I get the feeling she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to. Rey’s empathy is so strong, that she does all she can to try to help her own nemesis. This empathy is a powerful trait that I wish we all had more of and seeing that on the big screen is important. 

Rey made me care more about the Star Wars universe because I could finally see myself in that world. 

What characters influenced your life? What characters do you hope influence the next generation of nerds and geeks? 

[elizas-writing]

Thirteen Reasons Why is Torture Porn; Using Graphic Violence to Make a Point

CW/TW: Mentions of suicide, rape/sexual violence, physical assault, and everything the Thirteen Reasons Why crew were told NOT to do by mental health experts

If you are in a crisis, don’t let a poorly written TV show tell you what to do; call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or the Suicide Crisis Line at 1-800-784-2433. Surround yourself with people who will support you without judgement and are willing to take the extra step to understand. If you’re struggling to find regular mental health resources, check out here for more options. You still have a life ahead even if it takes some trial and error to figure out what the hell to do.

So Netflix released the second season of Thirteen Reasons Why, and, what a shock, people hate it for upping the graphic violence and rape. I have no plans to watch it myself after reading through all the triggers, but suffice it to say that so little was learned from the first season. Plus, I’d rather not subject myself to that much distress for a TV show I knew there was no point in continuing after the first season. Everyone’s accounts across Twitter and Tumblr of the new season seem to match up, so I’m going off of that for this piece.

If you haven’t seen my review of the first season (with and without spoilers), I found that it definitely went too far to make a point and had really confusing characterizations, but there were select scenes, when they were done right, were kinda worth the wait-- keyword being “kinda.” There was a germ of an idea begging for good writing, but got sucked into shock value for the sake of shock value. And the second season offers no promises to improve.

Of the multiple graphic scenes of this season, the one which sparked the most outrage was the final episode “Bye” as Tyler (a serial stalker) is brutalized and raped by his male classmates. As a result of being pushed too far, he brings practically a whole arsenal of guns to shoot up the school during a dance, but Clay peacefully disarms him before he can go through with it.

So apparently the creators saw the criticism of season one and thought, “So, you want to see more graphic violence, rape, and terribly confusing characterization?”

In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, creator and showrunner, Brian Yorkey, wanted to explore more of Tyler’s psyche and “how a troubled man might be driven to consider this very difficult choice” after the bullying and ostracization he experienced in the first season. While I’d never wish rape on anyone, even fictional people--and a bunch of characters who mistreated him are total hypocrites--, Tyler is still beyond redemption for never understanding how his behavior destroyed Hannah’s sense of safety. The show puts him through that much brutalization to force audiences to feel sympathetic towards him while never critically analyzing why his stalking and coping mechanisms were wrong and unhealthy, regardless of what else was going on in his life.

It also promotes the dangerous idea that social outcasts and/or victims of bullying are likely to eventually become school shooters, which completely ignores factors like toxic masculinity or racist associations-- as was the case for shootings like Parkland and Santa Fe from this year-- which contribute to a white male sense of entitlement. Even though the lapses in logic are all over the place in the show-- particularly Clay having an emotional breakdown with Tyler, even though he made things worse in the first place by sharing revenge porn--, people had every right to distance themselves from Tyler as much as possible.

He’s a creep in how he objectifies his female classmates, constantly collects sensitive photos for blackmail, and his main outlet for anger becomes shooting guns at bottles and live animals, because society as a whole tends to only show men how to be emotional through anger and nothing else. This doesn’t help that when he testified, he apparently wanted to befriend Hannah to take photos of her to which she rejected (rightfully so) and thus his stalking began. It’s already so back-and-forth among viewers if Hannah committed suicide out of revenge or actual mental health deterioration, and subtly putting blame on her for rejecting Tyler is up there as one of the worst things they did to her. Not to mention throughout the second season, Tyler is anonymously putting up polaroids around the school of incriminating evidence in the case, particularly with Jessica, who is already stressed as is coming to terms that she was raped by Bryce.

It’s upon these scenes that I realized Netflix’s Thirteen Reasons Why can’t decide who it’s supposed to be for. It’s not for teenagers with how unrealistic and unidentifiable the characters are, especially coming from an adaptation of an 11-year-old book with an outdated understanding of teen mental health, bullying and suicide. It’s most definitely not for mentally ill folks with a history of suicidal thoughts because it’s so graphic, violent, and triggering, and on top of which, is grossly inaccurate on how depression works. Are they making it for the same people who can stomach Game of Thrones easily?

Above all else, does graphic violence have any point in film or television?

As mentioned in their first Beyond the Reasons special, the writers argued about needing that authenticity for Hannah’s rape and suicide scenes “to be painful to watch,” but it’s really not worth it if it has nothing else to say besides “look at this excess violence; you need to feel bad.” If you need to spoon feed your audience an explicit rape or suicide scene to emphasize how horrible those things are, it’s bad writing. They made the same mistakes with Tyler’s brutalization, which like I said, only exists to make you feel sorry for him and almost forget he’s an irredeemable character.

Film and television are super creative visual mediums; there are ways to convey an emotion or theme without triggering content or alienating your supposed intended audience.

I mentioned this before in my first review, but Perks of Being a Wallflower did incredibly well in portraying child molestation and an attempted suicide without going too far. The scenes of the molestation are cleverly cut and mostly in shadow where all you can see is Charlie’s aunt rubbing his leg and hear her whispering “Don’t wake your sister.” And when he’s mentally breaking down and suicidal, the camera just pans to the knife slowly before immediately cutting to the police breaking in, and then Charlie wakes up in the psychiatric ward. It’s a gut-wrenching scene every time, but it’s also smart in remembering the intended audience and walking that line before it becomes too much. It’s a great depiction of an anxiety attack where everything overwhelms you at once, and sometimes there’s gaps in your memory in what happened while in that state of panic. It’s never addressed what happened between the police arriving and Charlie waking up in the psychiatric ward. But it doesn’t need to give those answers; what matters most is that Charlie is safe and finally going to get the help he needs.

A scene can be way more powerful in what it omits rather than what it explicitly shows. What you imagine might happen can be more exciting and/or terrifying than what any director could have put on the screen themselves.

Early horror and thriller films are among the most successful of this, especially if they’re directed by Alfred Hitchcock, the Master of Suspense. Sure, these films seem pretty cheesy when we in the 21st century are used to seeing much more violence and body horror, but they have their mark on cinematic history for a reason, and for an audience in the 1960s, this was horrifying. Take the famous shower scene from Psycho.

Instead of showing the knife penetrating flesh, it’s all edited in near-rapid cuts of “Mother” missing, Marion screaming and trying to defend herself, and shots of her feet with blood dripping into the water. It focuses more on the vulnerability of the situation, when there’s no chance for escape as you’re cornered against the wall and how quickly it all happens before you can react, complete with fast-paced editing and those high pitched violins. That kind of defenselessness freaked out actress Janet Leigh so much that she couldn’t take showers again without locking the doors and windows and leaving the shower door open. Hell, that still tends to be a common reaction for a lot of people who see this movie, and all without needing to show actual stab wounds.

And this trick in omitting some elements and highlighting others works well across genres for any scene motivated by any strong emotion. There’s probably about 50 different Disney films I can cite that do this well, but the one that sticks out the most is Tarzan.

Aside from Phil Collins singing, some animal noises, and a baby cooing, there is no spoken dialogue for the first 7 minutes, which is a really long time for an animated family film. Yeah, the song kinda hamfists in the themes of family and love from the get-go, but it’s otherwise a great introduction. You see these two families just starting out before they’re cut short by tragedy; one with the death of a baby gorilla and the other with the death of Tarzan’s parents, both at the jaws of Sabor. The former is only indicated by the sounds of the baby gorilla’s screams echoing in the jungle while we only see the aftermath of the latter through Kala’s perspective when she finds Tarzan.

Obviously with it being a Disney family film, they’re not going to actually show Sabor tearing up a baby gorilla or the human parents. As such, they have to rely on context clues for the audience to pick up and piece together everything else with their imaginations. When you think about it long enough, it’s a really dark beginning on how quickly unexpected tragedy can destroy everything you hold dear. And it’s all accomplished without going too far.

Does this mean we need to omit graphic violence entirely for a film? Not necessarily as it very much depends on what the film is and your target audience. But omission is a great practice in a story to explore what else you have to say besides “Look at this traumatizing shit. You should feel bad.” Of course, we’ll always have mindless films which just exist to be violent, and historical narratives and/or social commentaries in some cases need violence to portray the reality of a situation. But when you’re making something about mental illness with intent to help those like your characters, it helps to listen to what your audience and mental health experts actually want to see in such a narrative. And like I said before, the Thirteen Reasons Why creators completely ignored criticisms of season one and continued making the same mistakes just to milk their product beyond the source material. It has nothing else to say or do besides being needlessly gritty as opposed to creating likable characters or understandable motivations.

The only exception to this rule I can even think of is Deadpool 2.

I know it seems counter-intuitive to compare Deadpool 2 and Thirteen Reasons Why given the former’s more excessive violence, but bare with me here. I stand by that Deadpool 2 is way better at handling themes of suicide and violence in two hours than Thirteen Reasons Why ever did in 26 episodes.

The major differences? The intended audience’s expectations and well-written characterization.

Most everyone going in already knows what Wade Wilson is like. And this is definitely not the first time he attempted suicide in such grandiose and gratuitous fashion. The first film established itself as a wildly violent parody of superhero films, and the sequel continues that by poking fun at recent trends of these films going darker and grittier. In any other film, this would cross the line, but because it’s Deadpool, the excessively grotesque violence is to be expected. It succeeds in capturing the shock and dark humor (i.e Wade blowing himself up with his apartment, knowing fully well he can’t die) while still maintaining the weight of his emotional turmoil.

We actually get to know who Wade is and why he acts the way he does. There’s no drawn out mystery or fact-checking other sources or confronting side characters we don’t care about. We get his perspective alone, and that’s all we need to see his grief over Vanessa escalating to self-destructive behaviors and how he tries to find some family and meaning in life without her, even though her death is retconned in the end anyway. It’s all played for laughs, but you can’t help but feel sorry for Wade because he loved Vanessa so much, and they were a wonderfully sweet couple.

Another thing Deadpool 2 does significantly better than Thirteen Reasons Why is not forcing gray morality where it doesn’t belong, particularly when Wade tries to save Russell. It doesn’t matter if his actions lead to a horrible future; he’s just a traumatized kid who needs a proper family who will guide him. A lot of X-Men films try to play the heroes as the bigger people who are above murder and revenge. Yet Deadpool 2 doesn’t punish those like Russell with understandable hatred and motivations. It is very upfront that if you harm children, you deserve whatever hell comes your way-- which really hits home as Russell was put through metaphorical gay conversion therapy.

Meanwhile, I can’t even be bothered to care about anyone in Thirteen Reasons Why. The second season out of nowhere piles on excuse after excuse to justify the characters’ actions without them ever facing guilt or consequences. Anyone else with a remote chance at sympathy is just put through more emotional torture without rhyme or reason. I don’t care who has a drug problem, who’s gay, who dated who, the he-said-she-said, etc etc. If you’re trying to preach the ever-tired “it gets better” bullshit, when does it actually start to get better?

Sadly, Thirteen Reasons Why can’t find that point, and I don’t trust it will given how little the creators learned from the first season’s criticisms. They don’t care about creating a narrative to help mentally ill teens. They have nothing else to say or do than to make money and shoe-horned in so much graphic violence under the guise of being “authentic” to compensate for a tired Degrassi knockoff which would’ve disappeared if it wasn’t based on a well-known YA novel. Graphic violence in media is a tool to be used carefully, and of course it will vary project to project. But if it just exists to pad your “deep, meaningful” story instead of developing characters, motivations and relationships, then it’s cheap, lazy torture porn, and it’s bad writing.

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