#HHHHH THIS GOT LONG
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Day 28: Genocide
Previous/Next
(prompt list here!)
#fun fact abt my lamb!#they had very long wool that their sister loved to braid#when they got executed it was all chopped off alongside their head#also their tail was docked but ressurection made it long again and they kept it#cotl#my art#cotl fanart#cotl lamb#cotl drawtober#cotltober#drawtober#cult of the lamb#they arent gonna use that dagger on themself#i kinda am realising how it looks as im typing out the tags hhhhh
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PIRATETIMEPIRATETIMEPIRATETIME
they are theatre kids your honor
#I got more out there as I got more tired of having to do this and just decided to tack on more design notes#I’m gonna say they all have different sashes for guns and knives and stuff but I just didn’t add them here#impulse looks so boring here hhhhh I’m sorry I’ll admit I don’t watch his videos much and didn’t know what to add#my art#grian#impulsesv#tangotek#geminitay#goodtimeswithscar#zombie cleo#pearlescentmoon#7 drunken pirates we’re the 7 deadly sins#my desire for historical accuracy vs my desire to match the actual Minecraft skins#please assume all non-traditional sailors clothes are stolen and were altered during down time#I think I accidentally made them all orange but I also might be loosing it because I spent so long in this#I should probably stop using bright red as my fill-in color#almost none of the extra things are practical but they are scary and there are stories of Blackbeard tying fuses into his beard and the who#-le thing of pirateships having so many people was to be scarier to get a surrender ASAP so actually it sorta works(?)
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ma beeboo ☺️💕
#james spader#robert california#the office#my screenshots#screenshot edit#photo edit#8x10#season 8 episode 10#hhhhh he needs some good sex rn GRABBING HIM AND HUNGRILY MAKING OUT WITH HIM AND DROPPING ON MY KNEES IN ONE GO#gosh look at him with his track suit his tired face and the long ol jacket#gosh he is suuuuper rideable rn#man who just got left by his wife makes me hooot hiii hi heya hiii#loml
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thing I am normal abt #1: the simile Homer chose to describe Odysseus at the end of the 5th rhapsody of the Odyssey
(translation by Emily Wilson)
#Odysseus#The Odyssey#Homer#Emily Wilson#quotations#epics#poetry#characters#ceci je l'ai fait#listen. for all Odysseus's bravado & confidence & talent‚ he is not ultimately compared to a tidal wave or a cyclone or a storm#his persistence is not the persistence of the Iliad! this is the epic of timeworn embraceable life remember!#he is embers. the flame of his life has been beaten back & doused to mere embers#& it's all he can do to make sure he doesn't go out#not even like. reignite or flare up or w/e. Odysseus is not a bushfire here. here‚ he is on the brink of being extinguished#which is of course never an option#of course he thinks of nothing but clinging to life. of course he does#ALSO. CLINGING TO LIFE IN A BED FOR TWO MADE BY HIS OWN HANDS. UNDER OLIVE TREES#this is not lost on me#also ridiculously cute image in the sentence after he piles up his lil leaf bed#'Seeing this‚ the hero who had suffered for so long was happy.'#picture book ass sentence#but also. POIGNANT. HHHHH#bc he is a hero of epic!! & he has suffered!!! for so very long!!!!#it's ongoing! everyone else got to go home after the war. not him!!#the image of this grizzled grimy war hero beaten to shit half drowned naked freezing & on the brink of passing out#making a little den of leaves & going :) at it. god......... this POEM#TIMEWORN EMBRACEABLE LIFE INDEED!! thenks John Miles Foley for my life
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*quietly crawls out of my pit*
ohhh hiii hello i'm alive by the way
#im sorry for disappearing i really am#i just got overwhelmed from work and school and hHHHH#i literally have barely been drawing these past few months because. no time#but i'm trying to work on a little something right now because art is my heart and soul and i want to create stuff again#i also have a long weekend (for the first time in months) so. time to draw#still into rdr btw...
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You ever just want to talk about Bertl,
#i . ooc .#The tags got so long just warning U now!#OK I know his appearance wasn't the longest but like. I'll never stop talking about him because he doesn't get enough credit? rip.#I know it's not really relevant any more because post-timeskip everyone is a lot better but. Referring to everyone's skill as of pre.#Reiner said Bertolt was the strongest of all of the shifters but he held himself back. He came 3rd without giving his all. Or really trying#I hc he held himself back to try not to let too much of his strength show bc people forget he had military training b4 joining the 104th.#And ofc. Also to not bring too much attention to himself bc of who he really is???#The way he mastered his Titan straight away and also has such a good handle on it.#Out of the 3 shifters he was the one that stayed true to the mission. Despite his reluctance he's got the strength and commitment.#People are so quick to say he relies on Reiner too much. And while he does at times. Reiner relies on him just as much if not more. Even if#Reiner doesn't realise it. Bertolt keeps him on track and has no one supporting him at all.#In COTT arc... U see him dodge Mikasa who is an Ackerman and seen as one of the strongest characters in the series...#And the same in RTS. Everyone gets too distracted by Mikasa to actually pay attention to how he dodges her 4 times?? Even tho she attacks#from behind? And the way he lands a hit on her. I just *screams*. I love how many times she tries to kill him. lol#How effective he is when he abandons his guilt and this is sort of irrelevant but. It's so special to me because as someone who is#a quiet person irl round people I don't know well. Who has it brought up a lot. I just adore when a character that remains in the#background just comes out and says enough is so hhhhh I know his reasons aren't good BUT RTS BERT... AH.#Also gotta talk about his marksmanship skills in a thread at some point?? Maybe Mp bert I J UST..#Anyway I might do a cheeky revamp of graphics n icons and that. Dunno yet. Need to actually write that'd be good lol.#This account is a lovebot didn't U know.
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ping-ponging wildly between "I'm so close to beind done with this novel" and "I have so much work left to do I'm never going to finish this novel" and havin a big ol' crisis about it
#this is as close as ive gotten to finishing a novel in. hhhhh. a long time. a long long long long time#its an exciting feeling! but also#i got so much work left to do fhfjdjdkd
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Oh yeah just a quick update - I have temporarily made 13 Students private on ao3, meaning you will need an account to read it. This is only temporary. I should be making it public again soon!!!
#I've been receiving a rather specific amount of guest kudos daily and whilst I'm not complaining about getting kudos#what's making me wary is that it doesn't seem like the hits match this new influx of guests#and I'm sort of under the impression that a bot or something is leaving the kudos???#I could just be overthinking all this and maybe I've just gotten lucky but#I haven't received almost 200 kudos during a single update before#paired with the fact I have not received a single comment ever since this rapid increase#I am a little 🤨🤨🤨#I do not intend to keep it private for too long because I know a lot of my readers are guests in the first place#but idk#the latest chapter has the least engagement I've ever had on a chapter so receiving a bunch of kudos#after such a quiet response has got me a little suspicious lol#and this isn't me hinting at people to leave comments#but that has been a bit of a tip off that something isn't adding up#I haven't really heard of an issue like this before but hhhhh#rather just make the fic private for a little while instead of worrying if my fic has a bot issue or something
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❛ i’m sorry, but i’m just thinking of the right words to say. ❜ // @Kazuma but... Masked Apprentice Kazuma?? 👀👀👀👀
Songs from the 80's Sentence Starters | Accepting! | @tenacquity
((hoooOOOWEE ARE YOU READY TO CRY?? 8'D I SURE HOPE SO, HERE WE GOOO))
The right words?
He may have laughed at the statement if he remembered how. If it weren't so cruel in its irony. For the words this man spoke didn't matter when the mere sound of his voice shook the Apprentice to his core.
Every time, without fail. After months of wandering the foggy London streets like a wraith plucked from a ghost story, the feeling of being utterly lost was never as powerful—or as weak—as in this man's presence.
He made the emptiness inside of him better, yet simultaneously worse. As the Apprentice watched him struggle to speak, he didn't recognize the churning depths of his eyes or the thoughtful crease to his brow—and that unfamiliarity ached unlike anything else. Earth-shattering, even though he couldn't understand it. Powerful enough to change everything if only he could remember.
And he wanted to, with a desperation he didn't know himself capable of feeling before their fateful meeting in the Prosecutor's Office only yesterday. But he couldn't. He'd tried. And the same thought crushed down upon his shoulders now as it did then:
What right did he have to something—to someone—he did not know?
He shouldn't be here.
He'd never intended to face him to begin with. With the halls of the Old Bailey dim and abandoned for the night, the Apprentice had been about to leave, too: prepared to spend another night searching for anything that might trigger his memories, if the other man hadn't found him first.
Wasn't this exactly what he'd wanted? No—not this. It was too much. Too painful.
The Apprentice took a step back. Then another. Each one soundless yet stilted as he battled against himself: trapped between a visceral urge to flee, to leave this man behind—and an equally powerful conviction that he couldn't. Not again.
—again?
He didn't...They didn't... Did they?
It was too much...!
In the end the Apprentice moved no further. He merely watched, dark eyes unreadable in the shadows of his mask and cloak. Silently weathering the tempest of nonsensical emotion surging through his rib cage. Waiting for something he didn't understand.
Or, perhaps, simply waiting for the right words.
#tenacquity#《⭒✩⭒ || answered ask 》#《⭒✩⭒ || interaction: sword of justice (kazuma) 》#《⭒✩⭒ || bond: there’s love above love and it’s ours (tenacquity) 》#ajdsfj;sdASDLDFJSDK THIS IS FINE#I'M FINE YOU'RE FINE EVERYTHING'S /FINE/ 8')))#catch me crying while writing this tbh 8'D BUT IT'S A GOOD KIND OF PAIN#HHHHH THESE POOR BBIESSS TTATT THEY'RE IMMEDIATELY BREAKING MY HEART I CAN'T TAKE IT#I'm still forever so mad that the game didn't do more with the two of them together at this point in the timeline#fINE WE WILL JUST DO IT OURSELVES DAMN IT 😤#I figured this could be somewhere in the process of Harebrayne's trial??#maybe the night after they investigate at the fairground and ryuu and susato have that lil interaction with kazuma ;;#if that works for you ofc!#also sorry this got long (again) aslkfj kazuma's immediately having a whole episode dON'T WORRY ABOUT IT#everything in him is pulling him towards ryuu#but he still can't remember him so he's just afraid and desperate and so confused T~T 💔#tysm for sending this bby! ;3;/ feel free to continue it if you want as always!
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hhhhh nezumiiii
#hhhhh no. 6.... its so good. this is ny second reread. im actually gonna write a review this time. my last reread was right b4#going to taiwan so i was like... busy and the impulse fizzled out long b4 i got a chance to sit and really write. thorough review
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don't know why but when i get bumped or hit softly and say 'ow' despite it not hurting i've started adding 'my feelings' shortly after lol
#just me hi#ow.#my feelings#i think it's funny lol#i have no idea why i started doing it but i can't stop now so 👍#/also like a year or two ago i would walk back into rooms and say Hello to everyone who just saw me in there#now i say Hello all the time hfsh#/also been forgetting So many words recently hhhhh#do you want to remember the word division? how about honors? scrupulous? well you may not. that will be 4.99 now#//Oh and i've Finally finished the floorplan for the lab from n0t a z1p f1le :D#only took me................................#.............................................................................#a long time lol :DD#but i got it done and yeayyyyyyy :DDD#//and now i must make refs#not because i Must but because it is absolutely imperative to my plots. do you understand me here#my contrivances need the supplements so i'm going to goooo :33#/right after i commit some acts of hygiene.... sigh.....................
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[ 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜' 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜 ]
here they are!! finally!!
okay, so at first i thought that i should add something like "part 1", since this post will include only the guilty trio's side characters, but i thought about it and.. i don't really think i should make profiles for other side characters too? most side characters are just the family members (like asahi's adoptive father or eiko's mother) or they're those prisoners' friends (riku's friends/bandmates, reina's friends, etc) and i don't want to make profiles for all those friend groups.
but we'll see! maybe i'll just drop some family/friends lore when i feel like it.
Side character 001: Saito Arata
Name: Saito Arata (斎藤新) (his last name means "purification, worship" and his first name means "fresh, new")
Age: 17 y/o
Gender: Male
Birth date: March 23rd (Aries)
Height: 176 cm
Blood type: AB
Occupation: High school student (first year)
Personality: Arata is an interesting and unpredictable person. It's hard to tell what's going on inside his head, but he always looks like he's up to no good. He does whatever he wants and whenever he wants and he doesn't care what others say. He's very chill and relaxed most of the time and there's only a few things that can make him angry. He's very talkative and outgoing, but he still has no friends.. Or maybe he has one, if you can call that boy his friend. It's hard to impress someone like Arata, so if you manage to do that, don't be surprised if he suddenly becomes obsessed with you and starts basically worshipping you. But also.. don't be surprised when he just as suddenly decides that he doesn't find you interesting anymore and leaves you. His interests change all the time, he can't control it. And also, even if you are like a god to him, it doesn't mean that he will forget about everything else. He's not as loyal as he likes to make people believe. Also, what's the point of being so obsessed with someone if he actually has more power than anyone else here?
Trivia:
Arata's grades aren't that good and one of the reasons why he started to like Akio is the younger boy agreeing to let him copy his homework.
Arata doesn't look exactly like Riku, but they share some other traits, like age, zodiac sign, blood type, being taller than Akio and having dark hair. Also, Riku not looking like an exact copy of Arata and Akio still liking him because of how much he reminds him of his follower can be explained as Akio missing Arata too much.
Arata is a year older than most of his classmates, but there's not any particular reason for that.
Arata really likes animals that are considered to be weird, dangerous or scary by most people and he was obsessed with insects and dinosaurs when he was a child (he still is). He also has a huge shark plushie in his room, but it's not cute at all and it's actually kinda creepy. When Akio found out about that interest of his, he tried to find as much information as possible, so that he could impress Arata with his knowledge later.
Arata actually didn't care about Akio that much when he first met him, he only had to spend time with him for reasons I can't talk about yet, but as he kept learning more about him and what kind of person he is, he started to admire him and be truly supportive of him.
Arata knew Akio's victim well not only because of them all being classmates, but also because Akio's victim really wanted to be friends with Akio and that annoyed Arata even back when he wasn't interested in Akio (or at least he thought so). When he fully turned into Akio's follower, he did everything to make his victim's life worse: from stealing his medications to "accidentally" pushing him down the stairs. Akio actually didn't need to try and "manipulate" Arata to kill the poor boy for him, Arata would do it anyway sooner or later.
If you remember, the silhouettes' eyes in Akio's MV were green (meaning envy and jealousy) and only one of them had pink eyes (meaning love and genuine support). Yes, those other figures are Akio's classmates and the pink-eyed figure is supposed to be Arata.. but only in this particular MV (symbolism, am I right), because in real life, as you have probably already noticed, Arata has heterochromia and one of his eyes is pink, meanwhile his other eye is green. And yes, I've made his eyes like that on purpose.
Remember how Akio mentioned in his interrogation that he's okay with anything his mother cooks, but something was crossed out? He actually wanted to write "anything Arata cooks", but quickly changed it to his mother, because he found it too embarrassing and he didn't want the guards to ask about Arata. The funniest thing about this is that Arata actually can't cook at all and he just bought random food and then he was like "Yeah, I've made it for you, do you like it? <3". It worked though and Arata had to hold his laugh every single time because Akio genuinely believed him.
Side character 005: Mikazuki Ruka
Name: Mikazuki Ruka (朏 瑠日) (his last name means "crescent moon" and his first name means "lapis lazuli" and "sun")
Age: 21 y/o
Gender: Male
Birth date: May 19th (Taurus)
Height: 164 cm
Blood type: A
Occupation: Unemployed
Personality: Ruka wishes people would just.. ignore him or pretend he's not here. He doesn't like talking to people and finds it exhausting. Even simply being around people is too much for him. No, actually, everything is too much for him. Getting up in the morning or even simply eating or breathing is too much work for him. It would be nice if he had someone who could just.. do all of that for him. He'd be okay with doing anything in return for that.. well, if it's not too exhausting. Ah, and if this doesn't sound too weird yet, Ruka has this interesting habit of saying that he's actually dead if anyone asks him to do something he's too lazy to do or simply asks him a question about his past or how he's feeling right now. He often says something like "'Cause I'm dead" in the end of his sentences. He never explains why he does that and it seems much more serious than just him trying to come up with an excuse not to talk about something or not to do something. Maybe it's because he genuinely feels like he's actually a corpse and that's why he's always so tired?.. Ah, but don't think that he's always so cold and emotionless. He's actually very expressive, but only around one specific person.
Trivia:
Ruka's voice is very androgynous and most of the time people have to ask him about his gender. It doesn't help that he has a unisex name as well. And when someone asks him or thinks he's a girl, he simply shrugs and goes "I'm dead anyway, so it doesn't matter". He often wears skirts and dresses too.
Speaking of that habit of his, at first Kei thought that Ruka suffers from "Cotard's syndrome", a condition in which the person thinks that they're actually dead or don't have any blood or organs, but he has soon found out that Ruka knows perfectly well that he's alive, he just likes to think that he's dead, a walking corpse or even a zombie.
Ruka stopped growing when he was 14 years old and he still looks very young and people often mistake him for a teenager. When Kei first met him in a night club, he actually got worried and wondered how this kid was allowed in here. Ruka kinda likes the fact that he looks so young, since "it proves that he really has died and stopped aging".
Ruka is much more talkative around Kei in general. And just so you understand, he wasn't a "poor innocent guy who Kei has kidnapped and tortured in his basement", he was free to go anywhere he wanted to (without leaving the house, of course) and do anything that he wanted. He even made fun of Kei and made jokes like "Ah, do you like me for my childlike appearance or something? You're even more of a creep than I've thought" (Kei punched him right after that and made him take his words back because even he got uncomfortable after hearing that) and "Just beat me up and take as many photos as you want already, I wanna go to sleep as soon as we're done". He even teased him and said things like "What, is this everything you've got?" while Kei tortured him. Kei absolutely did horrible things to him, but Ruka still had more freedom than it was shown in Kei's MV and even though he's still a victim of kidnapping, he actually kind of enjoyed the process because he thought he was finally about to die for real.
The outfit that he's shown wearing has sun and moon motifs which is a reference to his name meaning. I wanted his name to be related to both sun and moon to show that he's Kei's "sun and moon", that meaning that he's Kei's everything.
According to Ruka, he doesn't have any parents or siblings and he also hates when people ask him about them. He still had a friend group (he didn't care about them at all) and he actually was basically forced to come with them to that night club from Kei's MV. They have still spent a lot of time explaining that he really is an adult This is how Kei and Ruka met and Kei went "Oh.. He's just like me fr.."
It's hard to explain what kind of relationship Kei and Ruka had, since it's hard to call them friends and they weren't really a couple. Their relationship had platonic, romantic and sexual elements, but they still had no idea who they are to each other and they mostly just treated each other like an artist and a muse at first before they started to become closer.
Side character 008: Kanasawa Takame
Name: Kanasawa Takame (金沢喬女) (her last name means "gold" and "swamp, stream" and her first name means "high, noble" and "woman")
Age: 31 y/o
Gender: Female
Birth date: November 16th (Scorpio)
Height: 170 cm
Blood type: O
Occupation: Maid cafe manager
Personality: Takame is a polite and gentle woman who is always very kind to everyone, especially her employees. She has a very good reputation and everyone knows her as a caring and understanding person who never lets her employees overwork themselves and if she sees someone making them uncomfortable, she will make sure to take care of that and protect them. She's quite passionate about anime, manga and games and that's.. uh.. one of the reasons why she decided to open a maid cafe. What about the other reasons? Haha, you don't have to know that. Maybe this woman really does have a dark side, but only one of her workers knows about it. And that worker still loves her no matter what.
Trivia:
Takame secretly has a thing for cute girls in maid outfits and that's a second reason why she opened a maid cafe.
Takame really does have a secret second job and her being a cafe manager is just something she does to hide her secrets and make herself look like a normal person who doesn't do anything illegal.
Unlike other two side characters who actually liked their prisoners, she didn't have any feelings for Yurika and just manipulated her because she knew that Yurika is the only worker who would agree to help with something like Takame's second job and she knew that Yurika really needs someone to rely on, so she promised she will take care of everything that Yurika has problems with. She thought that Yurika is cute, but that's all.
Takame really does like anime, manga and games and that's not something she made up. She believes that no matter how old you are, you should still do what you like, even if other people judge you for it.
She knew everything about Yurika's past and her problems and she knew about Yurika's relationship with her victims. She used that information to make Yurika trust her, but no matter how manipulative she was, she actually did protect Yurika from her stalkers and people who harassed her. Of course, that made Yurika like her even more, but when Takame did that, she genuinely wanted to protect Yurika because she didn't want her to go through anything like that.
#most facts are just about their relationships with their prisoners but if i tried to talk more about their backstories and personalities#it would be way too long and i also want to discuss those topics later so yeah#feel free to ask questions about them though!#no arata doesn't actually have an akio itabag BUT IF HE COULD MAKE/BUY AKIO MERCH HE WOULD#i really really like his dynamic with akio especially bc i know arata's backstory so i'm like. HHHHH THEY'RE SO INTERESTING#yes i can't believe i'm saying this but. kei and ruka's dynamic is kinda cute if you think about it#OF COURSE IT DOESN'T EXCUSE THE KIDNAPPING AND TORTURING AND BASICALLY BRAINWASHING HIM AND ALL THAT STUFF#but still it's very interesting how kei likes ruka bc he acts like kei's real self meanwhile ruka likes him because he makes him feel alive#and in a good way and he doesn't want to say that he's dead when that happens#also when i started working on lineart and looked at takame i realized that she reminds me of shidou's wife and i screamed#LIKE I THINK SHE DOESN'T HAVE THOSE VIBES NOW THAT THE DRAWING IS DONE BUT STILL#(yurika simping for shidou's wife is a hilarious concept though)#i don't know if these guys will have their own tags but again we'll see#i'll just tag their prisoners for now#👑prisoner 001: miyagawa akio👑#🍓prisoner 005: sanada kei 🍓#🎀prisoner 008: maruyama yurika 🎀#(and yes i used a chain brush for ruka listen i got lazy IT WAS SO HARD TO DRAW THIS GUY FOR SOME REASON)#(AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN HIS FULL DESIGN YET.)
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@the-arkham-librarian
The ‘darling’ makes her raise a delicate eyebrow. Her normal hospitality diminishing by the second. Standing up from her desk, heels making her tower over the man. With a look somewhere between exasperation and disdain, she wordlessly leads him to the history section. “It’s rather small but it’s the best I can do on an Arkham budget.”
GOODNESS , she was taller than he’d originally taken her for . something that made him grin a bit deeper , of course . willowy & red-haired , assuming quickly that she must have had Celtic blood in her veins . still never ones to back down from any challenge , should his guess be correct .
vandal nods at her in slight gratitude . but never too much — only enough to service an act . arrogant , as he usually is , but only humbled in moments . he was here for business , not pleasure . and his business , as he’d noted well , picking off several guards & freeing a select inmate , was finished . the scent of blood never truly leaves vandal savage . it is well-worn into his battle-hardened flesh , the blackened rivulets of his hair .
he allows himself passed her , eyes scanning the various titles . true to her words , the offerings were scant . then again , it was Arkham , much like anything else in this wretched city : barely serviceable for its purpose . a ringed finger points along the aged spines of the shelf , vandal plucking a dusty tome from the group .
“ some local history should suffice my curiosity , for the time being . gotham is … ever-sprawling , ever-changing , as cities should rightfully be . I can scarcely keep track of it all .
thank you , my dear . “
#thearkhamlibrarian#( 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐓 . ) | incharacter .#had to make a new post . my editor doesn't like reblogged ask posts omg ! ; -;#also this got really long HAHAHHA .#he's looking at her ... hhhhh#covers his eyes >:(
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oh yeah heres my version of this for gi. i did it a little while ago but forgot to post lol
#i got the template from ashikais twitter btw#i debated between deshret and nabu malikata for so long for the fave dead character 😫#also my least fav character... it could be dori or n*hida as well but at least their ROLES in the story dont actively detiriorate my brain#and lastly the fave wq is Only referring to golden slumber. not dirge of bilqis or apocalypse lost#hhhhh pleeease manifest 7 kavehs and a nari con for me tomorrow 😭🙏 i have 170 pulls#its such a mistake to do this but i really want c6 kveh#and 3.7 is a complete skip for me so i will be able to recover in time for 3.8#it would be nice to go to 4.X with an excess of wishes but oh well
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#hhhhh 🫠 gotta love when instead of doing literally anything im stuck anxiously vibrating for hours#like if u just did things. things would get done! thats how this works! wtf r u doing???#2 manuscripts that r supposed to be done now and 2 applications left to complete#my mum thinks i should let my boss kno thst my brain is collapsing in on itself and like yea i prob should bc i should apologize for being#all weird and disorganized. my brain feels so weird. like it takes so so much processing power for me to remember wtf i was doing and what#i have to do next but like if i tell her it wont really change anything bc its like i have to meet these deadlines either way#also i have to b careful bc i dont wanna say yea i got horrifically burned out taking measurements but like im sure itll be fine that i#have to go back to taking measurements in January. like no prob. weve only been building up to it all year#and i kno if i say im burned out she'll be like u gotta relax more! i told u to relax so we wouldnt b here!#and then i have to be like no u dont fucking understand that i cant relax. i never relax. my life is a series of tasks and thinking abt#tasks and worrying forever. if u tell me to relax i will agony spiral for hours not relaxing and not being productive 🙃#i just need my brain to allow me to focus long enough to get these fucking manuscripts done#but no my brain is like if u wanna do thing u gotta find the perfect audio but also i cant focus as well with audio but also i cant even#find the right thing to listen to anyway. and my brain is like u need one device playing media and 1 playing music#and like no stop. just fucking focus and stop falling apart#time time time not enough and far too much#its so weird bc i think im pretty level headed and self aware despite how my brain is sometimes. but it keeps doing this thing where#like everything gets so distorted and im like jesus its a good thing otherwise pretty grounded#blah tomorrow well see whst comes outta my mouth when i tslk to my boss#ugh im so tired whyyyyyyyyy#i cant even make proper time to draw#unrelated
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*gripping the google docs for my fics* why won't you write yourself you f u ck
#tw caps#AAAAAAAGH#so.#a frayed thread of hope has been and is still about two or three chapters away from completion.#every single time ive tried to write the next chapter something happens in life and STOPS me#ITS BEEN IN THE WORKS FOR FAR TOO LONG IT NEEDS TO BE COMPLETED BY NOW I HAVE OTHER WIPS#pirate au fic is. going...uhhhhhhh haha well-#i have got the next like. 5 chapters Planned.....but none of them have been written yet#i have about. two or three other multi chapter planned fics in the works.#and several other regular fics#writing.........hhhhh#i have to write them??? what do you mean the google docs cant just update itself???#all /lh
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