#HES BI BECAUSE I AM AND BECAUSE I SAID SO
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Interestingly, all of this is partly why I was a bit disappointed in his romance. So much of this was subtle and left for player interpretation, and I felt the cut scenes largely did not provide context for a romance, even with this interpretation.
I didn’t need kissing or sex. I wanted a conversation about how even the idea of intimacy with a demon constantly present was confusing; I wanted Lucanis and Rook to maybe lightly joke about having unwelcome guests in their heads while the subtext could be a genuine deepening of their bond. Give me more earnest domesticity—we went shopping together, and I would have liked to have prepared a meal for the team together. Let him be sexy and suave when he shows you how to use a knife properly and then a panicked bi disaster upon realizing the intimacy in how he is touching and speaking to you.
I fully love Lucanis because he is genuine. He gives his approval most often as a response to earnest and kind dialogue options. I love that about him. He is an empathetic assassin raised by a hard woman in a home with a cousin he loved who resented him. Despite his love for Illario, Lucanis had to know in his heart of hearts that Illario did not care for him in the same way. Caterina constantly pit them against one another, and it is a trauma to have that sort of home life. Lucanis was imprisoned and violated in unthinkable ways, and being back in the world and falling in love probably feels like such a wildly foreign and terrifying thing.
While I appreciate trusting the player to extract meaning, sometimes a story benefits from being more explicit (in detail, not in nudity in this case). I wanted the opportunity to see more of him in the context of intimate conversation, to see more of the Lucanis we were privileged to glimpse.
That said, I am still glad that he was my first romance in this game, and I appreciate this post breaking down some of the elements that I think were at the root of why he is such a compelling character. I will still love him always.
Lucanis is a violently swinging pendulum of awkward and literal rizz god. How is he so bad but the coffee date cute af, and that scene in the pantry soooo goooood!?!?!
How does his confession never involve actually saying anything or physical intimacy of any kind and just him making a dessert (before you come for me, yes, I know most of his conversations are layered with romantic subtext), then later says he loves you with his whole chest?
Why does he consistently fumble when talking about romance or giving advice when with companions, but will pull mad suave lines on Rook?
This man has no idea why you like him but will turn around and say the cutest shit and demand to snuggle.
Sir... SIR...SIIIIIRRRRR!!!!!!
Listen here, babygirl. I WILL marry you. Don't try me.
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Hi, welcome to Buck just had his oh moment and the color theory of it all.
Usual shoutout to @stagefoureddiediaz because being mind meld with her is what's getting me here lol
First, I'm gonna break my own rule and give too much power to the showrunners, I know I keep saying not to, but hear me out. Buck, Bothered and Bewildered is on Buck's pov, right? That was made clear by the episode and then confirmed in interviews that that was the vision, and well, Tim also said that that scene was from Buck's pov, it's all about Buck's reaction and how he will go crazy about this because he's abandonment issues personified, that is also confirmed with the way we don't see what Eddie is doing until he tells Buck, we are learning things at the same time as Buck is.
Okay, well, why am I going back to 704? Well, Buck's fear of losing Eddie (I don't care what Buck says, he wanted Eddie's attention) made him go completely batshit crazy last time. But it also triggered something really important: Buck's bisexuality. And they just repeated that trigger, but this time with Buck choosing to walk in.
They repeated the bt first kiss structure but with Buck making the choices that create that change. The bt kiss, Buck is working on some bills, Tommy shows up, Buck is spiraling because of Eddie, Tommy kisses him, Buck has the bisexual realization. The 808 scene, Eddie is working on the houses, Buck shows up, he's spiraling about Tommy, Eddie reveals something, and Buck is snapped into the realization. Important thing to notice is that Buck still doesn't fully understand the depth of what his relationship with Tommy showed him about himself, so Buck still might not understand the impact of what his abandonment issues just told him while he was sitting on Eddie's couch. And it's all on Buck's pov.
But Anna, you said color theory.
I'm getting there. Because, well, the bt kiss is blue and red.
Same as 808. So we are evoking the same feeling, especially because of Buck's short sleeves and the buttons (and not a white shirt under this like he had all season lol)
And thinking about the blue and yellow coding Buck's bi arc, he worked his way to lighter blues. He starts with the navy blue colors until that lighter teal tone from the coming out scene.
It's also interesting that in the scenes that are about Eddie in a sense, when he's talking to Maddie and he got it right about it being about Eddie, and the coming out scene being about their friendship, are lighter colors along with Buck matching his background. We don't have the yellow elements but we have that cohesion on the frame composition. (I guess the 606 hoodie also counts since blue and green theory but I don't want to make another image now).
If you're new here, the theory is that Buck worked his way to his blue from darker colors, his blue being the color he is wearing during the coming out scene (and Eddie will find his yellow, but we are not talking about Eddie).
We are back in the darker blue but the composition of the scene is lighter. Buck is literally in front of the light as he is talking to Eddie in the kitchen, and it's the middle of the day.
He matches the background, the couch, the Texas frame, the lighting is also a lot colder than it usually is in Eddie's house. And it's also very important that he is on the couch, because yay couch theory.
But Anna how does any of this prove anything?
Well, Buck is working his way back to his blue while in the darker colors, because while he got the bisexuality part right, Tommy wasn't the right person, and he's finally back in the light, we don't have the dimmed light and the obstruction of his face created by the shadow, dare I saw Buck is finally starting to see things clearer.
But why am I so sure? The shirt he was wearing today?
Same color but in a darker shade than his blue.
Buck is back on the discovery feeling that comes with the darker blue but this time he's in the correct hue, he just needs to get to the right shade, and he just figured something out.
Abandonment issues personified just had his oh moment about Eddie at the thought of losing him permanently, sitting on Eddie's couch while wearing his blue.
Other things to notice, Buck knocked but walked in before Eddie could get to the door, he used his key and the knocking was just to let Eddie know he was there, Buck is the one who suggests moving to the couch and the couch ties it back to the couch theory and the 601 dinner, dare I say that even Buck offering to bake for Eddie and the cooking aspect of it all, and the idea that the couch is home and home is a person and for Buck that's Eddie.
Something else is the way that we finally see someone eating whatever it is Buck is stress baking. Madney don't eat at the loft and the chief interrupts them at the firehouse. Eddie on the other hand is DIGGING into those. And food in 911, in media in general, is about connection, and is very pointedly about love here, and the whole stress baking is great because the kitchen is Buck's safe space, he cooks for people he loves, we see that from when Maddie comes back, to the pointed way he gets take out for his parents in 610, to the lasagna, making chilly with Bobby, cooking for the house on 709 and getting Bobby's approval. And the fact that we are getting Eddie eating what Buck's nervous state is creating while allowing Buck to just go through his kitchen to make more because he is not about to not accept every part of Buck Buck offers him is important.
The fact that Eddie isn't objecting to Buck rummaging around his kitchen is also important in the way the show uses Eddie's house in a meta way, kinda like the way the show uses the loft to match Buck's spirits in a sense, how the kitchen is his heart and for family, how the living room ends up being for guests and it's made pointed about the couch his mother bought "for his guests", Eddie's kitchen and the whole way it's the space Eddie allows himself to be vulnerable but there's the thing of honesty, the core of who Eddie is is tied to the kitchen, and the fact that he's just letting Buck move around like it's his kitchen ads a lot. Buck is the only person who walked into the house through the back door, Buck has a key, Buck has been in every room (except the bathroom but I think they are saving that for buddie canon), that's home for him too and Eddie never thinks to question and Buck never thinks to doubt it ("this is Eddie's house, I'm not really a guest").
Anyway, Buck oh moment real. Buddie 8b real. Color theory got me so high I'm wondering this is what doing hard drugs feels like. I think this is all I have to say. I might come back, who knows? I don't.
If you read this I love you.
taglist (interact with this post if you wanna get tagged)
@sparkedblaze @caw-salem @dreamofsomepiphany @100ceruleaneyes @linus-lucy @chaosqueery @gina-spike @chimchiminie98 @elvensorceress @singitforthegirls @dangerpronebuddie @182daysof @steadfastsaturnsrings @sparklespiff @inell @miles--to--go @jesuisici33 @wolfdeans @lunarsolar1 @joshwritesfics @glasscities @kejfeblintz @stagefoureddiediaz @mosaicstardust @eddiedisasterdiaz @hermioneindisguise @queerprincesseddiediaz @lookforanewangle @becausebuckley @lemotmo @thenainitaldisaster @epiaphany @trudayss @shelfthe-reader @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @buckgettingstruck @scoupsahoy @the-whispers-of-death @iced-coffee-jesus @izzysbeans @starkytower @thegeekcompanion @sunflower-eddiediaz @bucks-daddy-issues
@dingdongfries @angelcamael
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I totally agree with your points that someone can be both a man and a woman without it cancelling the other out, my question is why would they specifically count as cis?
Wouldn't a trans woman who's bigender be a trans man as well? Like they are trans and a man so thus a trans man, or is that just us using different meanings for terms?
I wouldn't disagree if someone considered themself a trans woman and a cis man, but if someone said they were bigender and a man and a woman I'd consider them, unless stated otherwise, a trans man and trans woman
good question!
every bigender person defines their bigenderism differently! just because one of someone's identities is trans doesn't mean the other will be, but for some, both will be trans, like you said :) many multigender people consider all of their identities trans, whereas some multigender people consider one or more of their identities to be cis! each and every multigender person defines their own multigenderism differently and it's important to accept all presentations of multigenderism
most of the transfems that i've met irl who are both men and women have identified as cis men and trans women, which is why i felt it was important to speak up about this specific identity. this isn't to say that there aren't people who identify as trans men and trans women due to their bigenderism, which is me! that would be me :) i am both a trans man and a trans woman, but that doesn't mean that all multigender people see both of their identities as trans! it highly depends on the individual
the key that i want to point out is that i'm talking specifically about people who identify as cis men and trans women. this is a specific group of bigender trans women and i'm not claiming that all bi/multigender trans women are cis men and trans women at the same time! rather i just want to bring it to light that there are lots of trans women who are also cis men and they're not a problem. it doesn't diminish their womanhood, and just because they're also cis men doesn't mean they're unsafe to be around
i wanted to take the time to talk about this specific subset of person strictly because of how bad the cis man hating is on this website. of course there's lots of bigender people who consider all of their identities trans, but we have to stop alienating trans women who are also cis men. there are tons of transfems with a wide variety of identities and it's really important that we listen to and acknowledge all of them. a trans woman who is also a cis man is still a trans woman, and a trans woman who is also a trans man is still a trans woman
here's a recent ask i've received from someone in a situation like this:
hope that helps! take care, have a wonderful week!
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Yeah what is time in 911 land 🤣. I think the Buck/Eddie/ Tommy (especially Lou) stuff is probably fairly accurate though. I can see that being the original plan. It certainly feels like that's where things were originally headed.
Q. I am so confused about the timeline. In episode 6 it supposedly had been 6 months but in episode 8 it's only been 3 months. WTF? I'm so confused. I'm very confused after episodes 7 and 8 in general. They were just weird episodes.
A. Right off the bat I will say that I believe episodes 7 and 8 were rewrites. I don't believe those episodes were the original outline or drafts of those scripts. Mostly because episode 7 makes absolutely no sense following episode 6. They are not complimentary episodes in any way. The timeline in general on this show is absurdly bad so we just can't pay too much attention to the ridiculousness of it all. But I do think a couple of things happened that led to the downright nonsensical timeframe so far this season. One reason for it was the audience's response to Brad and Hotshots. Tim wanted to play with that more once it became well received. The decision to extend the opening disaster from two episodes to three episodes allowed him to do that. But it came at the expense of the other storylines. The Buck and Eddie storyline was extended in part because of Tim but other factors beyond their control also contributed to it being bumped into 8b. Tim expanded the Tommy arc following the tremendous response to bi Buck. That was his mistake. Then the show got renewed immediately into the new season. The quick renewal and Tommy extension meant the Buddie storyline, which was clearly the plan going into season 7, got bounced to season 8. The original purpose of Tommy was for him to lead Buck to his Eddie feelings. That was still the plan as they were writing season 8. I think the jealousy route was clearly the direction they were going to go based on how present they physically made Eddie in their relationship. Tim even basically said that in his early interviews for the season. But a couple of things happened that forced some changes. One thing was that Gavin moved. Initially that would have worked in their favor because it gave them the ability to put Eddie in the middle of the Buck/Tommy relationship and not have it come at the expense of his onscreen relationship with Christopher. But they had to write Gavin's absence into the show and the way they chose to do that was stupid. So they had to spend time in the early part of this season trying to build up to correcting that mistake while still involving Eddie in the Buck/Tommy relationship.
The other thing that happened was I think Lou really did get fired. The temper tantrum throwing he's doing in his interviews reinforces that belief. Actors have contracts and all contracts come with provisions. There are rules the actor has to follow in order to keep their contract with the network. Lou clearly broke his contract stipulations with the cameo nonsense. The problem was they were too far along in the writing process for the early part of the season. So I think the show and network compromised and gave him a restructured contract with a set number of scenes. That scrapped the jealousy route because they would have had to have more Tommy scenes than they wanted in order to build up the jealousy arc. But they needed the onscreen breakup. Tommy's dialogue in the breakup scene was the entire reason he was brought back for season 8. They couldn't have Buck just relay that information via a conversation about them breaking up. They had to establish some kind of longevity within the relationship without actually showing most of it, so they just wrote the relationship length into the script. A 6 month anniversary dinner. But the 6 month timeline doesn't work for Eddie and Christopher's storyline because that would imply that Eddie has allowed it to carry on for far too long. So Tim wrote it both ways. It was 6 months for the Buck part of the storyline but as far as the rest of the show is concerned it's only been 3 months. He doesn't care that it's janky and nonsensical because I don't look for Tommy to be mentioned again. Tim pretty much put that to rest. So he basically reset the timeline following the end of the Tommy arc because the audience is supposed to no longer care about the Tommy of it all. Buck's Eddie/Buddie storyline has begun so he needed to be put on Eddie's timeline now. I think we're just supposed to go with the 3 month timeframe and ignore the Tommy of it all going forward and I'm more than happy and willing to do that.
Thank you Nonny!
I definitely agree with Ali about most of these topics. Nothing more to add really.
Also, It's really late here and I'm exhausted, ready to go to bed, but I really wanted to post this ask first, so here you go! 😋
IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!
Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.
Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.
If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.
#anonymous blog I love#insight into season 7 and 8#911 timeline shenanigans#L complaints#season 8 speculation#nonnies galore
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are you gonna keep writing jayvik now that viktor is confirmed straight?
Gunna answer this one diplomatically, even though this ask was clearly sent with malice. Warning for Act 2 spoilers (and possible Act 3 spoilers, since the footage used in the "The Line" music video is most likely from Act 3).
First, when I continue to write Jayvik, it will probably have to be an AU anyway, because I have about 2% confidence that both of them make it out of this show alive.
Second: he is still not confirmed straight. He was depicted taking Sky's hands as she fades away for a second time. This means nothing, romantically. It means he regrets this is happening, he knows it's his fault, and he wishes to bring comfort to her in her last moments.
And that's if it even is her, and not a manifestation of his guilt, given that she doesn't look like herself at all in his hallucinations, or whatever it is. Her eyebrows are thinner in the hallucination, and her hair is wholly different: not as high on her head nor as tightly bundled or curly. This points to a suggestion that this manifestation is his best effort of representing her in his mind, and it is wrong because he didn't know her well at all.
Not to mention, in the very few interactions that they had (before Jayce's Progress Day Speech and when she asked him to walk home together), he was shown just... not receptive. It could have been read as disinterest because he is gay (which obviously many people did), or just that he has a very one-track mind on his research at the time, and isn't even cognizant of the missed social interaction. But either way, there was no foundation for connection, intimate or otherwise, between them. Certainly not enough for the heavy-handed and forced connection depicted in season 2.
THAT SAID, I am a very ship and let ship person. I have certainly fabricated ships from less. Hell, I've shipped characters that never even interacted in canon. And I have no problem with the SkyVik ship, given that his sexuality was never confirmed one way or the other. Honestly, if it had been built up better in the writing, there is potential there! Both of them being from Zaun, and clawing their way into the Academy, which as Jayce said has a success rate of 3%. But it is not groundbreaking or even remotely incorrect to say that this ship is fabricated (and not in a negative sense. It's just fact). There wasn't enough to support it. He brushed her off multiple times. And he only seems to give her the attention after she is dead, which again points to a motivation of guilt: he wishes he'd gotten to know her and her aspirations and dreams before her life was cut short by him. But it's too late.
And lastly, the thing everyone needs to understand is this: Jayce and Viktor were released in League in 2012, and Jayce was specifically built as the mirror to Viktor. It was honestly quite a poetic "formed from the rib" kind of release for Jayce, who came 7 months after Viktor. These two had no canon romantic involvements in that time beyond mere speculation, so naturally they had very queer undertones for almost ten years before Arcane came out. And I don't think it's much of a leap to be disappointed when the producers and distributors of the show decided that they couldn't make their show "too gay" for mainstream audiences. Especially when the pre-established League fanbase consisted of 87% men (source), and a lot of cishet men are threatened/disgusted by/afraid of gay men, yet fetishize lesbian sex. So yeah. The Jayvik shippers get understandably disappointed when their 10-year old ship gets no-homo'd at the finish line.
So to answer your original question. Yeah. I am probably gunna continue to write Jayvik. Yes, even if they're both "confirmed" straight. I will hit them both with the bi hammer. And I will tag my stuff accordingly, and "stay in my lane" so to speak, and everyone is welcome to block me if they don't wanna see it. I'm not gunna go around harassing SkyVik shippers, just as I have never harassed MelJayce shippers. And I'm sure this will be called "misogyny" by many who'd like to assign a moral high ground to their attempts at eradicating the JayVik ship. Trust me, if I could have my ship without disregarding two amazing women, I would do it. But I can't, because someone at the decision making table decided to give two characters who never had any romantic involvements in League the no homo treatment.
And of course, as always, the season is not over. Some of this could change. But my love of the JayVik ship won't. Block me if you don't like it.
For obvious reasons, anon is now off ✌️
#not tagging Arcane#cuz I don't need the army of haters reblogging with their “um ACKtually” vitriol#I just want my gay little ship#please let me do that in peace since Riot can't#jayvik
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Vibe Check
Part 14: Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy
Also on Ao3 here and tumblr here
Steve can feel Robin getting bored with him. She’s been braiding some of her bangs together at the center of her forehead like a little tail.
The trouble is Steve just doesn’t know how to stop.
“And obviously, I can’t say anything! Billy’s dad was super awful to him and he’s only out to like three people. I don’t wanna break the gay guy bro code-”
“Gay guy bro code is so the name of a porn,” Robin says, tugging at the little useless thing until it came undone.
“Because I broke the whole like… circle of his trust by kissing him and turning into a creep!” Steve doesn’t even break stride in his pacing for her interruption, and Robin’s dorm was small, so pacing wasn’t easy.
“You’re not a creep, he already said that,” She mumbles.
He flops down next to her on the bed. “But like… even though I know I don’t have a shot. I keep thinking… do I have a shot?”
Robin opens her mouth.
“Because Billy’s really and honestly my best-” Steve cut out when Robin put her hand over his mouth. At least it smelled pleasantly of her shampoo not nasty, like Billy’s hand normally did.
Christ, Steve had missed him.
“There. Jeez. I can finally hear myself think,” Robin says. “Will you please chill out just a little?”
Steve has to think about it but he eventually nods.
“I am loathe to admit it because we did so much work in your ‘get over a straight crush’ twelve step program but…” she sighs, “this could mean you have a shot.”
“You think?”
“I mean, he’s gay. And you’re best friends. Weirdly touchy best friends. Clearly the kiss didn’t completely repulse him.” She nods once, decisively. “I don’t know about this Jason guy but he confided in you and came out to you. That’s huge.”
Steve nods eagerly, opening his mouth again. She quickly clamps her hand down over his mouth again.
“Now what we need to be thinking is not is this possible but how do we make this possible,” Robin shook her head.
Steve pries Robin’s hand free, “ok. How do we do that?”
She stands up with energy, pacing a little, her hair bouncing. Steve is really glad at this moment that Robin’s roommate was always at her boyfrien’s. He sits on Robin’s pink ruffled bedspread, toying nervously with one of the worn edges. Robin hated the thing, because it was a hand-me-down from her big sister, but Steve likes playing with it. Besides, it formed a contrast with the rest of Robin’s decor, and Robin herself. And there was something kind of charming about it. She turns to him, heavily lined eyes widening.
“Yeah?” He sits up straighter.
She slumps. “I’ve got nothing. This is uncharted territory. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I get a vibe from Billy. But I assumed it was latent bisexuality he was going to repress until he developed an ulcer in middle age after you two went on a bros fishing trip.”
Steve’s somach sinks and he deflates into the bed. “Oddly specific.”
“What I mean is this never happens. Normally straight crushes only end in heartbrak.” She shakes her head. “Do you have any idea how rare this is?”
“Obviously not, I only realized about myself like a few weeks ago.”
“Well, it’s a big deal. It also means I have no idea what to do.” She huffs. “I’ve failed you as a gay sensai.”
“No, no, you haven’t. I mean without you I probably would have developed that ulcer.” Steve stands and takes her hands. “You will always be my gay sensai.”
“You’re right. How could I have doubted myself?” She closes her eyes and then opens them, staring into Steve’s very soul. “Sorry, I got lost in the magnitude of it. He’s gay!”
Steve breaks into a giddy grin. “I know.”
“You have a shot.”
“You really think so?”
“Steve, for like two years I thought you and him were all shacked up. What can this Jason guy have that you don’t?” Robin’s blue gaze is so sincere it almost makes Steve want to cry.
“I dunno. He’s pretty hot. He’s like super buff with a great ass, and he’s kind of mouthy, like Billy, so…”
“How did you not know you were bi. It boggles the mind. But anyway, you’re hot stuff too, Mr. Thigh Kappa-”
“Theta Pi-”
“Whatever. Billy just needs a little nudge. You’re gonna be like Brittany and Santana.” Robin’s nodding with herself like she’s agreeing with something.
“Who?”
“Oh my sweet summer child. It’s like… friends to lovers, ok? We just have to show you in a new light,” She waves a hand over Steve’s t-shirt and sweatshorts. “Make him see you as more than a friend.”
“I did kiss him,” Steve reminds her, stepping back a little because the eye contact was getting a bit too much.
“Exactly. We’re off to a great start. Now he knows you’re bi, he’s already seeing you in a new way. The time to strike is now!”
“Okay,” Steve nods, then shakes his head then nods again. “But what if Jason likes him back?”
“Then we hope you’ve already gotten Billy’s attention,” She claps her hands together. “That’s why we need to move fast. Strike while the iron is hot. Billy said he wanted to break Jason and his boyfriend up, right?”
“Right.”
“So I say, you try and get them all out together so you can gague how Jason feels about Billy.” Robin says.
“And the boyfriend too. Maybe it’ll actually work in my favor.”
Robin grins. “Yes, exactly. Phase 1: scope out the enemy. After that we move on to, Phase 2-”
“Seduction.” Steve looks down at his shoes. “Damn, you really are the sensai.”
“I know, I’m like cobra kai over here. What is it? Punch fast, no breaks, no mercy.” Robin’s head is bobbing like a bobblehead. “This can work.”
Steve beams, “this can work.
“Totally. And besides I’m pretty sure making moves on your friends is like actually the gay guy bro code.”
“Wait, really?”
Robin sighs, rolling her eyes dramatically. “This is why I wanted you to go to a gay bar. Hookup culture. You’re basing all your gay knowledge on like… homoerotic moments on Friday Night Lights.”
“But I don’t want to just hook up with him. I wanna like… date him.” Steve looked at his hands. “Like I wanna take him out and bring him flowers.”
She squints at him, “ok, well, you do that to a closeted guy at your own risk, ok?”
“What do you mean?”
She looks at her poster of 1971’s Klute like she’s praying to Jane Fonda to help her though this. “Like you are right that you have to step a little careful. Billy just came out to you and it sounds like you can’t exactly show up with flowers to the frat house without him probably punching you.”
Steve makes a stifled sound. “I wou- the flowers are more of a metaphor. I mean I don’t just want to be a hookup.”
“Yes, I know. I’ve heard many times about how you want to stand in the thunderstorm and let it drown you. And so had everyone else in editing 102.” She nods, pacing a few steps and rubbing her fuzzy green socks into the flat dorm carpet.
Steve squirms a little, turning away and looking sightlessly at the things on Robin’s desk. “No, that wasn’t about Billy-”
“Shh… a plan is forming.” He looks, and she’s holding a hand up. “How did you and Nancy start dating?”
“I flirted with her at a few parties, and we hooked up. And then I put on my charm,” Steve starts, jolting when Robin grabs his arm.
“And Heidi from Winter’s lecture? Didn’t you say you dated?”
Steve scratches his temple. “We hooked up when a couple of us went to see In the Mood for Love. And then we started texting, and I put on the charm… but, I-”
“Exactly. Ok. Ok. Here’s the plan.” Robin tugs on his arm until they’re both flopped on the bed. “You agree to help with the Jason thing, scope everything out. And then while we’re there, just… like make out with someone. With Jason if you can.”
“What? In front of Billy?”
“Yes, Grandma. Listen. I’ll be there, I’ll watch Billy’s reaction. But it will do two things. First, Billy’s gonna see that you’re open to hooking up. So the kiss won’t seem so much like a repressed love confession.”
Steve can only shrug, because it totally was.
“And then you can start hooking up with Billy,” She smiles, even as she’s digging her blue fingernails into his arm.
Steve’s face is getting hot and his stomach flip flops. “But I don’t want him to get the-”
“Wrong idea, I know. But if you start with the lovey dovey confession and Jason’s around he’ll fully freak and think you both have to like come out to the house and be together right away. How do you think he’s gonna react to that?”
“Ok, that’s fair.” Steve wasn’t sure if he wanted to hope but his heart rose in his chest regardless.
“Once you’re hooking up you can just slowwwwly put on the charm. Ease him into it,” Robin circles a hand in the air. “And then you can find out the best ways to sneak around, and figure it out and then oopsie it’s been months and Jason? Who’s that?”
Steve bites his lip, nodding slightly.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Just nervous. What if Billy doesn’t fall for my charm? He knows what it looks like.”
“Duh. You dazzle him with your dick, Steve.”
“But I’ve never hooked up with a guy!” Steve cries.
“That’s why a friend would be a perfect first hook up. Trust me. He won’t know what’s happening. You’ll be like I dunno how teach me how to give a blowjob. We’ll distract him with your wiles,” She flings her arm towards Steve’s body with all the enthusiasm as if she was pointing at a dead spider.
Steve kneeded his lip between his teeth. He should take more time to think it through. But his head swirled with ‘what if’s,’ while his heart was storming with wild runaway wishes and hopes. He could turn hooking up into a relationship. He knew he could.
But the stakes had just never been so high before.
Robin nods like she can read his mind. It always feels like she can. “Ask him to go out. Baby steps. And don’t worry, your gay sensai will be with you every step of the way.”
#billy hargrove#steve harrington#billy x steve#shieldofiron#harringrove#Harringrove#Billy Hargrove#Steve Harrington#Billy x Steve#Steve x Billy#my writing#frat boy au#vibe check au harringrove
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ya ya bi kratos is cool and all that, but may i suggest bi brok?🧐
#BI BROK TRUTHER 🗣️🗣️🗣️#HES BI BECAUSE I AM AND BECAUSE I SAID SO#was playing gow 4 last night and safe to say the last part caught me off gaurd 😭😭😭#god of war 2018#god of war 4#god of war brok#brok gow#the huldra brothers#let’s hope the quality doesn’t go to shit like last time 😭
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Women, so pretty, so shaped, i am so lesbian,,,
#im also incredibly dysphoric tonight#but i was told by my coworker im incredibly feminine by her earlier#and i mean yeah#.....#i am a tall weird internet woman who likes to draw#so funny how i thought i was bi#I'm just really into women...#my ex is a trans guy and he told me he thinks im lesbian and i had a “holy fuck this explains so much moment”#we broke up but we still have a weird queer relationship outside of social heteronormative norms that is hard to explain and only we#can really understand#im not into men because you know#im a lesbian#had a weird period in my life when i was dating a guy and said im a lesbian and i felt sooooo scared#turns out when youre on meds and your brain is working right you just stop caring about such things#i went on a parade wearing big lesbian flag and girls loved it :)#i dont really know if i ever want to date anyone again#but i think if you look at my art you can really tell my sexuality quite easily lolol#funny how love can be so complicated sometimes#i mean it was kind of inevitable we break up cause we're kind of incompatible but tbh#it was better for us#hehe
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EVAN BUCK BUCKLEY IS BISEXUAL!!!!!!!
WHOOOOOOOOOOO 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎉🎉🎉🎂🎂🎂🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰!!!!
#IT'S CANONICAL#SCREAMING SOBBING THROWING UP#HOOHHHHHHHH MY GOSH#9-1-1#911#oasis's 9-1-1 chatter#bi buck#evan buckley#the bi buck tag is for me slfkfhsld#9-1-1 spoilers#911 spoilers#911abc#911 on abc#we are about to be trending at one for so long#y'all I stopped my review for this#I also think I stopped breathing when it happened#I was literally screaming#whisper screaming because my mom was washing dishes in the next room but OH MY GOSH#I was catching up on my liveblogging and literally just stopped as the scene was getting more and more sud#I was drawn in and also wanting to pay attention#and then as it happened I said SCREW IT I'M TYPING I'LL COME BACK slfkghs xD#my gosh#losing it <3333#guys#guys :'DD#we DID IT#oh my gosh#oliver must be so happy genuinely lol#wow. buddie soon guys :')) but I am NOT disrespecting this victory#AFTER SEVEN SEASONS :'DDDD he's finally there :')) ❤️❤️❤️😭😭🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
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i need to remake my cup bros ref… both cup and human designs… it’s been almost a year(?) and i’ve developed the headcanons and i would like to share with the class!!! (i wrote thirty tags. Please help me)
#my little hc i kinda showed in the refs but didn’t point out: cuphead’s handle appears broken/in human form his ear is halved#cause he has microtia (that also affects the eustachiantube/middle ear). basically i am a HoH cuphead truther#also to add onto that i think he has poor auditory processing issues cause i also see him as AuDHD#double also. while he would use ASL on a bad hearing day i think regularly he also uses home signs to express words/concepts#autism-related btw. it’s actually a bit visible in insert cuphead media (to me at least LOL) that cuphead expresses a lot of body language#so not liking conversation oral or signed as well as replacing oral words w home signs is in character. at least to my headcanon whatever#floats your boat!#OH! plus his split upper lip that i draw him with isn’t related to the microtia. he just roughhouses and chipped/tore his lip open when he#was younger#cuphead is also a trans boy. it feels right to me LOL#even back in 2017 when i barely knew the game or also much about trans people i saw cuphead and was like hm. hm!#tbh he just pawned his clothes onto mugman. who i’ve also changed my hc for i see him more as bigender than a cis boy now#LOL. i cast bi on mugman. sorry buddy#OH HIM TOO. im so sorry mugsy i have like two headcanons for you 😭😭😭#she uses he/she 2 me. i like casting personal parts of myself onto mugman even if i gravitate more towards cuphead/chalice#i see him as a bi ace as well. and a hopeless romantic. i don’t ship uhh i don’t remember what it’s called#i don’t ship cala maria X mugman (respect though) cause i see the cups as kids and i’m also a hilda X maria shipper LOL#but in the show. i will be real that she is a hopeless romantic. Look at that dork#FORGOT TO MENTION. i am a cuphead aroace truther to my grave. KEEP THAT MUSHY ROMANCE OUT OF MY HIGH SEAS ADVENTURE!!!!#like i said w cuphead before mugman is AuDHD (they share. many genes LMFAO)#however the difference is that they express it in different ways; while cuphead’s is more linked to his hearing/social behavior#mugman’s is more related to her emotions. i see it through my headcanon colored glasses that especially in the show mugman has more#meltdowns between the two cups#he has high emotional sensitivity both in positive and negative ways; former as in being strongly attached to cuphead and latter as in#more prone to meltdowns as well as being very literal#which isn’t a bad thing of course. mugman we are shaking hands so hard we are the same#OK that’s all the ones i want to share right now. i also haven’t shared her human or cup design i did but i’m workshopping chalice!!!!!!#i am leaving her out intentionally she deserves her own post because i luv her so much#ok post over. twenty minutes dedicated to autism about the twins out of the trio#cuphead
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My gf was listening to "White Blank Page" by Mumford and Sons and I once again told her that song is SO much better if it's gay.
She doesn't listen to the lyrics of songs but she's extremely good at literary analysis and this time she actually looked up the lyrics and has now come to the following conclusion: "It makes no sense if it's not gay."
My (objectively best) reading is this:
The narrator was in love with a guy who strung him along, never willing to be in a committed (or public) relationship with him and maybe insisting that it's extremely heterosexual "helping a bro out" sex, except in more intimate moments. Finally out of nowhere guy is suddenly committed to a woman and when Narrator confronted him, guy spat out homophobic vitriol and claimed he's not gay like the Narrator.
(For extra flavor imagine them as closeted, straight passing Midwestern flannel wearing, love-bonfires-and-camping guys who sat next to each other at church and elbowed and annoyed each other like best friends do and were each other's go-to source of emotional support! And then to suddenly shut Narrator out for the first time ever, by abruptly marrying a woman and insisting that he's always been straight and their relationship meant nothing...)
Here are the lyrics:
Can you lie next to her And give her your heart, your heart As well as your body? And can you lie next to her And confess your love, your love As well as your folly? And can you kneel before the king And say, "I'm clean! I'm clean!" ? But tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Oh, tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? A white blank page and a swelling rage, rage You did not think When you sent me to the brink, to the brink You desired my attention But denied my affections, my affections So tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Oh, tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? Lead me to the truth and I Will follow you with my whole life Oh, lead me to the truth and I Will follow you with my whole life
Why call multiple people "you" in a totally unclear way? Why would you claim that your female ex's new man can't love her AT ALL (not just as much as you did, AT ALL)? And invoking the judgment of God is so fucking tedious if you're just shaming your female ex for moving on or even cheating/getting with your friend. Also you look like a creepy asshole if you think a girl broke up with you for "loving her too much".
This song is tepid, badly written, and makes the narrator look like an asshole if it's NOT gay.
The gay reading is the ONLY compelling one.
#i don't even care about m/m romances lmao i get bored when there's no women BUT#this is objectively the best reading#anyways my gf and I came up with the main beats for an entire romance story about these guys#as a dyke raised in the church i really like the religious midwestern reading here too#also there's SUCH a phenomenon of guys having secret sex out in these rural areas and insisting even to themselves it's not gay#so this reading is very compelling to me#i also like to think the woman is like fine. there's nothing wrong with her she's sweet and friends with both of them.#gf said what if she's Narrator's sister?#like i think it's better narrative wise if the woman has no idea and isn't trying to 'turn him straight'#bc the ex CHOSE this. he caved and all so he can stand before God and insist he's 'clean'#which to me... very very resonant#updates on my boring life#also I think the ex can be either bi or gay like it doesn't matter because either way Narrator is convinced ex loves HIM still n not wifey#god i could go line by line but no one wants that lmao it's extremely funny that i fixated on this#i did not even know it was a mumford and sons song or that they are british until gf told me both facts today#i am in no way a fan#im jsut a sucker for religion flavored gay angst i guess or at least this variety of it
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i’m ngl that one scene from babylon where the director grabs nellie’s face and forces her to spit her gum out does make me feel Things
#is this hornyposting idk will probably delete when I have had more than two hours of sleep oops#has anybody giffed this moment#for no reason at all#nellie laroy is a sub I said what I said#an absolutely bratty sub but a sub nonetheless#thinking about the Margot interview where she was like ‘I knew Diego was the perfect manny#because when he said ‘shut the fuck up’ I shut the fuck UP. and Nellie only responds to people who can do that’#I’m paraphrasing but it was something like that#and her bi awakening with lady fay. the Margot interview again where she was like#‘nellie was just so discombobulated because this woman took control of her sexually in front of all these people#and she’s on this giddy high from it’#margot really read the script and said oh wow this character is for sure a sub#she really is so Character I’m normal about her#I may be the only person in the world who thinks about Nellie laroy babylon (2023) but by god am I gonna talk about her#I could’ve fucked with a Nellie/director lesbian subplot at some point#lady fay/nellie should be endgame but it would’ve been fun to have those two because they had good chemistry#the way the director was always boosting her up before a shot and nellie yelling at the sound guy ‘I ONLY LISTEN TO MY DIRECTOR’#her ignoring the sound guy when he instructs her to do something but when her director tells her to do the exact same thing#Nellie does what she’s told. and also them both being women in the industry surrounded by men? could’ve been a good subplot#hell nellie could be poly
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Just dissociated into my GA persona again - one of the better/more accurate feeling times this time - and watched the van scene.
And I think it’s function is supposed to be for Mike to finally start to get it and get what’s going on with Will. It being about getting Will’s feelings across to the audience feels a lot more fourth-wall-break-y. If you’ve been paying attention, you already know based on all the lingering stares and lingering camera shots on them and his reactions even when he’s not doing them. His reactions to Mike have been really emphasized. But even so, it can serve both purposes: putting us and Mike in the same shoes. And there is no/minimal informational purpose of a scene that is just two characters being oblivious to each other when it doesn’t even cause a miscommunication. And within just volume 2, without knowledge of season 5 - which is, of course, how it is meant to be watched: chronologically - the implication is that this scene only exists to reaffirm Will’s feelings to the audience (an insufficient motive if it is has such little affect on the characters if you ask me) and to help give Mike the confidence to tell El he loves her. But if that was the only goal it would have been done without the emphasis on Will’s personal feelings.
In the past, Mike’s said things and regretted them because he knew they hit on insecurities of Will’s and were just generally not super cool things to say and that’s why he felt bad. But he never knew Will’s specific or personal feelings before. Just inferred that it would hurt based on his knowledge of how Will’s been treated and Will’s immediate facial reaction.
But in this one, the entire scene, Mike is entranced. He’s listening to every word. I’ve said before that he avoids interrupting like he’s scared it’ll ruin it - treating it like new information that is fragilely and vulnerably being delivered to him unlike the claim that Will is just repeating it. The entire scene, Mike is entranced. He’s listening to every word. I’ve said before that he avoids interrupting like he’s scared it’ll ruin it - treating it like new information that is fragilely and vulnerably being delivered to him unlike the claim that Will is just repeating it. He’s gaining new information. And that would also be applicable to just the information about El - if it weren’t for the way he looks at Will. And I don’t just mean in a romantic sense. In fact, I mostly wouldn’t consider it one inherently. It’s more about the up and down looks - examining Will’s face - putting the focus on Will. How Will is saying it; what Will’s micro-expressions mean for the subtext of the information - as if how Will feels about the information has bearing on the information itself. Which wouldn’t be true unless Mike believes that Will is truly the one delivering it.
He is invested in other conversations with Will. He has been the whole rest of the season. And many of them have been emotionally intimate in a similar positive way to this one. But he has always made steady eye contact with him. He has kept that mutual intimacy through eye contact. This time, he’s analyzing Will visually, looking all across his face for answers, he’s darting back to the painting every time El is mentioned...he’s having A LOT harder of a time processing this information. Will in the scene where he’s packing is a great example of being relieved by hearing something you want to hear that gives your confidence back after a fight. He does not break eye contact. He just takes in the moment. He lets it be until it’s interrupted externally. But Mike isn’t doing it. He’s almost looking like he wants to get out of it not to stop the flow of information but just to escape into his own head (which he seems to do in the end). Will is the one more invested in the actual conversation. At the end, he too wants to break off because he needs to cry in private. He wants to break off for a similar reason of being alone with himself to process everything. But while he is trying to juggle processing it emotionally, Mike is trying to juggle processing it logically. He doesn’t want the flow of information to stop. And he is entranced. His full attention is on Will. Even when he glances away, it’s only in a dash because he is holding his focus and taking everything in, trying not to miss anything, and taking it in emotionally - things like why Will pushed him away.
I’d also like it noted that before this, they were also having quite an intimate conversation! An emotional one about how Mike feels and his deep insecurities. Will hadn’t talked much during it but when he did, this was not how Mike treated it. He didn’t treat it as morsels of invaluable information. He treated it like a normal response in a conversation. And yes, Will’s speech is more important information but still. During the speech, his faces aren’t so ambiguous for the audience. No good art is truly created for its audience. The characters in this have motives. Just like we may be placed in his shoes with Will even for those who knew to have confirmation, we are being placed in his here as well. It is ambiguous because he is confused. He doesn’t know how to react internally. He’s still just taking it all in trying not to miss anything vital.
Will’s words aren’t romantic. But the fact that he passes them off as Will’s is. And the fact that he would feel the need to hide them at all is too. Mike knows this. And he doesn’t know what to do with it. And he doesn’t know what to do with the fact that he doesn’t know what to do with it. Because one fact ABOUT not knowing what to do with it is that he doesn’t immediately know. He doesn’t immediately reject the idea mentally. He doesn’t KNOW that the answer is no - even a kind no. A mental “no” is fairly immediately. You just know these things. Of course, this is all just speculation. The entire point is that Mike’s face is unreadable from his confusion. We don’t GET any reactions from him. That’s. the point.
Until the end. He only responds one time, one word. And it’s to look for confirmation. It seems like a close to the information he’s getting: a concluding statement; an answer to his previous words. So he speaks for the first time. “Yeah?” “Yeah.”
And he’s happy.
HE’S HAPPY with this. He isn’t still confused - I’m sure he is still processing, he goes back to the painting immediately after and continues looking over it (providing motive to look back up at Will, preoccupied enough to not notice Will is crying when looking back up at him, and/or see it and not be able to emotionally or decide he can’t situationally help). But his emotions are visible here. If we’re meant to be seeing Will’s feelings here. And we’re meant to have seen nothing from Mike indicating feelings for Will previous to this. The information we get is still clear: Will has feelings for Mike. And Mike is happy.
I don’t think it was delivered this way so that Mike doesn’t know about Will’s feelings. I think it was delivered this way so that Will doesn’t know that Mike knows.
And this also indicates to me that Mike didn’t know before this. About any of it. We know from an interview with Finn Wolfhard that Mike was, as of Vol 1 to note, completely oblivious. I am applying this to his own feelings as well. One can act in reaction to their feelings without being consciously aware of them. Mike’s reactions in the van scene are almost universally to himself. You don’t do that that much unless you have A LOT to say to yourself. And you don’t have that much to say to yourself if you’ve already had time to think on your own feelings - even if you have a lot of very confusing feelings. No, Mike is grappling with the concept itself. I don’t know that he has logically come to a conclusion by the end of it - in fact he probably hasn’t - but he does have an immediate emotional reaction upon coded confirmation.
And this gives Mike time. He knows what Will feels now, so he confirms within Will’s code. He doesn’t ask “do you agree”, he keeps Will safe in his code. But he can clearly see and hear the emotion in the way Will answers. That’s the confirmation he needed. And this way, he keeps Will in the dark about him knowing. He gives himself time to sort it all out. And I’m not analyzing the reasons he does what he later does right now but I will say I know this: he does it in an effort to sort it out. Whether that be just to do what he has to in the moment or out of suppression. And I can also say that when Will telling him to tell El he loves her seems to hurt him. Right now, I don’t think because he takes it as a rejection, but rather because he understands more than we give him credit for. He understands what Will is sacrificing. That Will is hurting himself. He might have thought during the van scene that it was meant as a coded confession. A confession with a fallback plan. But now he sees that it wasn’t. That it was actually a secret always meant to stay a secret. That Will’s confession wasn’t him dipping his toe in the water. It was him being as self-indulgent as he would ever allow himself to be.
So now the ball is in Mike’s court. And he knows it. And he already bought himself as much time as he needs. There are loads of other factors including how he takes much of the information covered and not in this post. Who knows if he takes Will’s self-sacrifice as an invitation or a rejection, for example. But ultimately: Mike is the only one who can make a move, he is on his own time to do it, and he knows it. Now it’s just up to what he’ll do with that information.
a little analysis backtracking into s1-3 to explain his oblivion in the tags
#broke: duffers i am in your walls#woke: mike wheeler i am in you skull#mike wheeler sexuality analysis#<< i didn't cover anything pre season 4 but i think it comes down to he plain and simple didn't know himself or will's feelings and is just#bi boy acting out of impulse and knee jerk reaction to his feelings like a kid does#and this year that had way more consequences#because he was so genuinely frustrated by not knowing why he was doing what he was doing to hurt people#why he said and didn't say things#i don't think he was juggling#because i don't think any of it was calculated or some failed calculation#i think he just didn't know anything so he didn't know why it was all happening#he couldn't balance it all because he didn't know he needed to or even WHAT he was balancing#maybe there is no big conspiracy#maybe he's just a dumb kid who doesn't know what he's doing#everything was a knee jerk reaction#but now he knows more#and it can't be anymore#and season 5 is gonna be really interesting because NOW he's gonna be making thought through decisions#or trying too#he could still just be processing and mulling over it for a while before he even does anything#he could spend the whole season deciding#who knows#but we know and he knows now that there are decisions to be made#and his reactions and actions will all be informed now#and maybe he'll just exchange knee jerk for frantic to get it right#but it is different now#stranger things#van scene#byler povs#mike knows
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Hear me out, but I think Nathan Petrelli might be in the closet
#nathan petrelli#heroesedit#primatech#heroes nbc#heroes#nbc heroes#anni edits#am I an angel or a monster#at first i was afraid. I WAS PETRIFIED#loool#ok this didn't use to be my opinion like. i always said he had a self hating closeted gay man's storyline but he' somehow straight#(obv because this is all about his powers and it's only metaphorically a gay storyline)#but actually. tbh i think the metaphor is literally so overwhelming in every aspect#of nathan's character and story arc#that like. i think nathan is just a gay man. i think he literally hates his powers but also metaphorically and possibly literally#is just gay. lol#idk food for thought lol#i've been down the pipeline of 'nathan overtly has a closeted gay guy story arc/metaphor surrounding him but is textually straight i guess'#to 'ok nathna can be a little bi as a treat but v repressed about it'#to 'yeah he's v repressed about it but actually no he's just wrapped around to gay. i think nathan might be gay. lol#anyway he has a literal coming out speech at the end of s2 or would have if he didn't literally get shot mid-speech lol#future peter is a homophobe actually lmao#/rambles#heroes season 3#heroes multiseason
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[remembers gai.man's fucking incomprehensible claim that show Corin.thian is pan and sighs with dread for S2]
#( ooc. )#[ I'm tired of characters being written as bi or pan because they're immortal and therefore 'open minded' or whatever.#And also I REALLY don't like the changing of a canonically gay character's sexuality. Gives me a bad taste in my mouth.#I didn't personally see it in the show at ALL and word of God doesn't mean shit to me.#Plus my Corinth is more comics based than anything SO.#needless to say I Do Not See It and if he's in S2 at all and that shit comes up#I Will Not See It.]#[ also I hope its clear that this isn't coming from a place of bi/panphobia i am LITERALLY bi myself.#I just think writing a gay man as being into women#or a gay woman as being into men#is pretty shit.]#[ also gai.man doesn't know what the fuck pan means considering he said it was because corinth would eat the eyes of any species. LMAO]#discourse //
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got this weird thing always where im always wondering if im a gay man or a bi dude-kinda or a bi girl-a-little-bit or a gay man-also-woman-a-bit, and its like. whenever im like "OKAYY I DONT CAREEEEE MAYBE I DO LIKE GIRLS" .... IMMEDIATELY my thoughts about liking women are gone like. when im trying to appease that. and then im like "hmm maybe i DONT like girls??" the thoughts about liking girls comes back
#and GENUINELY... COSMICALLY... if i really want to date a woman i would love to just allow this for myself. and am trying to#and whenever i try to its like ''yeah nevermind man it wasnt even anything''#so when i do go ''oh okay i guess it was nothing'' the desire to like women comes back#and maybe its a case of ''putting it off the table makes me want it more'' .. but its like.. when i say ''ok im bi'' its gone.#its like hey. come back. what happened i said i liked it. gone. until i accept that its gone. and then its back. chameleon type shit#permanently grass-is-greener type of living... please..#ALSO.... this happens with ''being a little bit of a girl'' because then im like ''ok cool man im a girl now. yup''#but when i put this into action i HATE IT and VEHEMENTLY need to go back immediately#and then when i go back im like ''but what if i WASNT just a guy..... hmmm...''#and its like that bit from courage the cowardly dog where baby muriel wants her mac and cheese 500 different ways#and is never happy when you give it to her#when i MOST think about ''being a girl who is bi'' is when i feel THE MOST like a gay man#& when i think about and put into practice ''being a gay man'' i CANNOT enjoy it due to the ''what ifs''#its like i have to do a schrodinger's sexuality on myself#genuinely really dont mind what my sexuality and gender is as long as im happy and YET.... its like chasing my own tail with myself#its funny because what i do know is that i love masculine terms i love being he/him'd i love being called a man i love my body on t#but... ''what to call this other than blanketly 'transmasc'.. if anything'' and ''who do i wanna fuck about it'' are like going in circles#and NOT to say people need anything more specific than just being transmasc or just saying ''im gay'' or being blanketly queer or anything#and maybe i need to take a page from that if its giving me grief. but ... *gestures vaguely*
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