#HES ALREADY GOT SO MUCH TRAUMA
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JUSTICE!!!!!!
(Cellbit was chasing down Pac earlier shouting "Come back here, queridinho!")
#Pac#Pactw#Cellbit#QSMP#Purgatory#Blue Team#LETS FRICKIN GOOOOOOOOOO#For the record I support both teams#and I adore Cellbit and the Favela Six but I am a Pac lover first and foremost#also QUERIDINHO??? CELLBIT YOURE INSANE#HES ALREADY GOT SO MUCH TRAUMA#no but for real I'm glad they had this moment#we can't frickin RP in purgatory but at least we had this moment#November 17 2023#Fit was cheering for him when he saw Pac do this
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hi. new vegas au avery
#I think in an fnv au he’s Orion Moreno’s newphew. already got the last name and everything. something to that tune.#i don't think he's his son as avery's dad is already a whole established character#and in this setting Angel is probably still alive#he and arcade have some very obscure familial trauma in common#fallout#fallout new Vegas#new vegas#courier six#fnv#oc#avery#autumn art#artists on tumblr#this is my second character wearing chaps over a jumpsuit.#the fur collar is So Much but fur collared coats are so essential to his vibes
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I think. Alphonse has a lot of dealings with disassociation and being in a body without nerves.
#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#fma brotherhood#fmab#fullmetal alchemist#fma#alphonse elric#spenxer lou art#lou is an artist#sigh. this took three days despite the quality of it. I’ve honestly debated about posting it.#I’m not really great with comics but I’d like to get better so I’m pushing through it#grr. you can tell I desperately need to do a new hand study + actually use reference. but I don’t think they look. TOO terrible#all things considered. I had to change up one of the fingers in the third panel last minute so it looks. wonky. but whatever.#grr. . . I need to figure out new ways to lineart and render that like. . .look better#this is soo shoddy and thrown together for how much time is in it. grrr#moving on from my places to improve. I think Alphonse was heavily disassociated when he got bonded from both a lot of that trauma and#not being able to feel things properly as a big suit of armor but he’s gotten better over the years#And it’s another reason he got so shaken up by the idea of not being real. because he already doesn’t feel real so what if he truly isn’t?#anyways. sorry for all the tags. kiss kiss
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batman: shadow of the bat #0
[ID: a flashback of the outside of Wayne Manor at night. A narration box (unrelated to the scene) reads, “Ya think he's got a guardian angel, or somethin'?” Inside the manor, Leslie Thompkins and Alfred Pennyworth are talking in regards of young Bruce Wayne. They sit in a magnificent library at a small table as Bruce sits at his own desk that's across the room and has his face buried in a book. Alfred reassures her, “— Worried about him, Doctor Thompkins? I can assure you there's no need! Master Bruce has the manor to live in — myself to look after him — the best education money can buy—”. Leslie cuts Alfred off before he can continue rambling out more examples. She tells him, “It's what he doesn't have that bothers me, Alfred. Friends — hobbies — the kind of life a normal teenager looks forward to. He spends all his time in the gym, or here reading. I don't think he ever recovered from his parents' death.” We're shown Bruce, now in a close-up and able to see the book he's reading is titled ‘Lip Reading For Beginners’. Bruce peers over the book intensely as Leslie continues to express her rightful concern, “He almost seems obsessed!” END ID]
#baby brucie#love you leslie.... sorry you have to deal with the most insufferable male characters....#also side tangent maybe but i HC bruce having hearing lost because he was in an alleyway when a gun fired twice right near him#so the >:3 part of my brain loves thinking of bruce not even getting to hear the eulogy or answer a police report because of the tinnitus#that's still ringing in his ears. having his entire already lonely life destroyed because his parents were brutally murdered#and then having the permanent reminder and something that effects his senses in his every day#batman uses IIC or CIC and has amplified sound from his cowl. bruce uses BTE/RITE ones btw... if you even care.#i have mild hearing loss and tinnitus since i was a kid bc haha trauma & i had this HC since i got into batman so i have done so much#fucking research on different hearing aids and how the ear functions and such for personal AND projection purposes 👍#anyways. do you think leslie and alfred have ever explored each others bodies.#c: batman: shadow of the bat | i: 0#crypt's panels#bruce wayne#leslie thompkins#alfred pennyworth#disabled bruce#bruce's childhood
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They're both canonically autistic
#sonic#sonic.exe#sonic exe#anxietexe#jerry cao#jerry#despite both being autistic they have different traits#Both develop special interests. have trouble with social cues. take things at face value. are sensitive to sounds and textures#and they both can accidentally be blunt and get overstimulated leading to meltdowns#It is MUCH more common with Ani though as he is already an unstable disaster#Jerry's pretty quiet and will shut down if he gets upset or overwhelmed. Other than that he doesn't really talk that much unless he has to#Ani tends to fidget or tug on his clothes#Both are very empathetic with Jerry caring a lot about animals and helping others around him#Ani tries to hide his empathetic side due to his trauma. He's afraid of being taken advantage of. Ultimately though he's got a heart of gold#they both generally have trouble communicating and connecting with others. They're especially bad with jokes#Ani is extremely emotive while Jerry barely emotes at all. They also both dislike eye contact especially Ani#Jerry did good with subjects he was interested in but had trouble with others that didn't. So he studied extra hard and often burnt out#put simply Ani is more on the emotional sensory unstable side while Jerry is on the special interest and social difficulty side
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Congratulations on nothing. I'm back to drawing LoV again after a bit of a break
those are mostly just a redraw practice for fun Toga is a try in "more canon way of drawing" with color practice too
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I'm sorry that it's in russian because I have to have some will to localize jokes that came into my head while drawing it
it's like... a robot au??? or something, mostly just a joke "what if AFo just built Tenko and changed what he wanted"
and this is a joke about our 'favorite' 419 plot twist so it's basically just a bunch of joked about AFO failing to get any way to get control instead Tenko's head is not empty. It downloaded games, friends and stuff about being a hero but NOT as a literal hero, more on "villains need help I'm a hero then" way
and yes that text behind is "hands" written all over the place bc I wanted to add hands in handwritten form
#fanart#sketch#bnha#my art#toya todoroki#dabi#toga himiko#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#league of villains#mha fanart#kinda robot au#I love drawing Tenko in this “I have no thoughts” eyes I always wonder what was his life back in that period#I have a lot of questions#but sadly it's not plot relevant so no info for us#:( sigh#alrightI'll do it myself >:( as many others did#but I like to think of that period with gloves or the mix of time without them but before he got a new name#I just want to understand how to write him#I know how but the little one#he's not like a normal kid and not a just trauma kid too#I hate how I'm slowly getting obsessed again and it already made me cry like 5 times bc I'm like THEY'RE DEADDDD *cries*#and 5 mins later oh! FUN THEY'RE ALIVE AND WELL bc I just turned on MVA#MVA anime is my guilty plesure I feel like home in a way that a place that is not home is home but home not comfy but familiar#plus it doesn't feel like an anime after so many rewatches it's like oh those guys are trying again I love that#still thinking of some of the topics I want to write about#but not rn I'm going to bed good night#also I thought of Toga's talk with Ochako she's still right#I tried to bottle up my emotions and feelings about LoV and today I had like an obsession with them without a break#because I missed liking them so much
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Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..
#I’m reading volumes 14-16 of the ouran manga OOUGHHH MY HEART#I love this weird little friend group so much its unreal#like u have this charming sweeps you off your feet prince but he’s actually a huge lovable idiot with a kind heart and his friends#who are all misfits that he reached out to and drew in because of his kindness and own weirdness like that shits TIGHT BRO#and the trauma part where he has some deep seated issues with love bc he thinks that itll break a family apart like with his mom#how his family isnt allowed to be together because his mom and dad fell in love and how he says he wants to build a big house#so that way one day everyone will get along as a family like. all he wants is not to lose everyone and the only way to do that is#by maintaining a certain order.. he both wants a complete family so bad and doesnt want anything to sour between anyone#so he assigns each of his friends a family role based on how he sees them and YEAH its mostly played for giggles and tamakis#already weird so its his way of showing theyre close to him but. god damn this boy has LAYERS#it also feels kinda meta towards how found family tends to get thrown around to assign characters as 'siblings' or family roles instead of#using it to describe characters who are close enough to be each others family. cuz tamakis doing that EXACT THING in a way tht#ties in with his character and i have to say its fascinating using that within the story itself and its completely plausible#theres a lot of things i can say about ouran that are good bad and questionable but. god i love it when characters are niceys to each other#i remember i really liked the mall episode bc kyoya and haruhi got to spend time together and their relationship isnt very close#but it was really nice to see their personalities bounce off each other. i think i also wouldve liked to see haruhi alone with kaoru#i also firmly believe all of the hosts are at least a little in love with haruhi and this can be anything like endearing romantic cuz like#who DOESNT love haruhi. kyoya i think would want to study her under a microscope like his fascination with her draws him in#but im fucking obsessed with whatever haruhi and tamaki have going on because YES hes obsessed with her YES he jumps at the chance to#put her in a cute costume but haruhi? she just fucking goes with it because she knows hes fun to be around even if hes a little wacky abt i#theyre all so. NNGGHHHH#ouran#ohshc#yapping
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fanon my beloved vs. fanon my beloathed
beloved - zack's nicknames for cloud (spikey, sunshine, cloudy, etc) - kunsel has hacked into shinra's database and could cause massive damage to the company on a whim by tapping a few keys beloathed - "zack's so stupid lol he's such a himbo" - "cloud's just a cocky asshole who doesn't care about anything but money and himself"
#kunsel#zack fair#cloud strife#crisis core#final fantasy vii#final fantasy vii remake#these are just a couple examples#there are some things i really love about fanon but#some of the stuff i see in fics makes me wonder if we played the same game#free my man (zack) he has adhd#free my man (cloud) he has autism#they've both got a ton of trauma too#also cloud's got a gap in his development from being stuffed into a pod of magical goo at 16 and being stuck there for years#he didnt have any friends growing up either#i rarely see people talk about these developmental gaps and that can really change how someone interacts with people#but like cloud deeply loves all of his friends even though he's awkward at showing it#he only knew jessie biggs and wedge for a few days and he cared about them all so much already!#cloud isnt even actually cocky either#but he's got a lot going on with his identity and memory that i could write a novel about so i'll stop here#dont even get me started on people thinking zack is an idiot#there's already been a lot written on the subject of zack's adhd so i will refrain from going off about it#okay done rambling for now
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Shoutout to my therapist for now ending sessions with "We out here sinning! We out here suffering!" as a weirdly hopeful affirmation for me
#'We walk by faith and not by sight' is OUT#'We out here sinning and suffering' is IN#His whole thing is suffering sucks bootyass so we gotta learn how to tolerate it#You can express how much suffering sucks bootyass#and eventually you feel better. the sucking ass eventually runs out#you just gotta tolerate it in the least dangerous way you can#ideally it's have a cry and take care of yourself and rest up and so on and so forth#if it's self harm and drugs then so be it cause harm reduction#you probably aren't gonna focus on not smoking cigarettes if you're homeless and hungry#cause cigarettes make you feel less hungry and agitated#so once you get housing then we can worry about the smoking#you're probably not gonna stop self harming while in an abusive household so let's work on tolerating that while finding a way to get out#Once youre out and safe we can focus on moving from self harm to self care#ya know?#he says it's a tool. it's not the most handy tool but it is A Tool in your toolbox#you wanna add tools to your toolbox so you have more options. having no tools at all is the worst outcome#a broken hammer is better than no hammer when you need to deal with a nail right?#anyways that's it I just love my therapist I was homeless for like 2 months but I'm housed now so it's all good#he constantly reminds me of this concept but even more so until I got my temporary dorm#anyways again fuck Jesus I just moved into this dorm and I already might have to evacuate for Milton#you'll make my uncle a prophet but can't save my new mini fridge from a flood for me? fuck off dude#ex christian#religious trauma
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hot tip: EXCLUSIVE behind-the-scenes content available to those who livechat my fic to me
#you will learn more about me than you ever wanted to know#(apart from my crippling insecurities and traumas which are WHOLLY evident in text)#DID YOU KNOW?: just like Bella i also shot a man with a bow and arrow 🥰 except i'm currently serving 5 years no parole#jk jk#sadly the Buffalo Wild Wings date was very real#we met on Tinder. (you already know where this is going)#he drove AN HOUR AND A HALF to meet me for the first time#i specifically sent the text 'you really shouldn't drive all that way.' to no avail#i refuse several offers to get picked up for the date. a bitch don't compromise on safety#we get there. we talk about the weather. and the drive. and how much we like Buffalo Wild Wings#he talks about how humanities degrees are worthless. (i was attending a liberal arts school. for an English degree.)#rounded the night off by discussing his favorite social media: 4chan.#he proceeds to explain IN DEPTH his favorite memes and shitposts. this man is verbally illustrating greentexts#oh and BY THE WAY he's christian and looking for a tradwife#the date lasted 45 minutes. i have never hawked down 15 mango habenaro wings so fast.#at the end of the date he went for a kiss. instead i patted him on the shoulder.#i went to my car and waited until he drove away before i went home.#never talked to the guy again#yike#got free wings tho
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Got to play BG3 over Xmas with my sister and I am mentally unwell about Astarion
#BG3#I can’t play it on my own because I don’t have a gaming system#and I am not actually great at video games#also I got pretty far into the first act already#and Astarion hates my sister and my brother in laws characters#but immediately loved me#so they were very interested in all the new bits of dialogue I unlocked#this is the first time I fully understand what it means to have a blorbo I think#I love him#he’s my special boy#he’s a character I would have created#bc my characters always have so much trauma#bc that’s how I cope I guess#Astarion
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I don’t get why ppl keep saying bkdk is dead or Horikoshi broke off bkdk. If that were true, this extra would look very different as you pointed out multiple times. The extra was still heavily focused on them and I hate how ppl are letting one no dictate the entire relationship. Izuku asks him to be a special lecturer too. I think the no just needs more clarification but other than that it is mostly fine. If a ship were to be shut down by the creator, it would look very different. Same logic for if a ship were to be canon, it would look different than what we got in the end for izu///ocha. This extra was bad in different ways from ships. It was just a whole lot of nothing that doesn’t meaningfully add anything to the story but I guess we shouldn’t be surprised since it is an extra. It is still an ambiguous ending that can be pretty fixable by one shots by Horikoshi in the future or even better by fanfiction lol. Except for the Toga part. That is just inexcusable
himiko-chan :(
and yeah! like even tho 431 is terrible not only for pairs but also for the whole story, it only confirmed Katsuki feels something really strong for deku and he doesnt notice bc he doesnt consider himself to be that great; they keep talking, and they keep being in each other's lives with no problem -they also imply they will work on communicating their feelings, as the special lecture is about this topic and deku also thinks katsuki doesnt see himself in a high regard. This is actually something that could be used in the future, as their relationship and arc isnt completely finished -in the way that they arent at a point of no miscommunication, no yearning, etc. They still need something to work with in regards to themselves and each other in the process. When it comes to midoriya and uraraka, idk what exactly could develop from what 431 tell us -seems to be mostly about paying attention to the ppl in your life instead of just letting life happen I guess? But idk what conversation or arc they could have together that wasn't resolved already, it was a really weird choice to focus on them as if there needs to be more explored -which is why choosing to not make them talk to each other nor think of the other in these years is potentially interesting, like the only way they could actually need to talk things up or have a separated special moment is if they just stop being friends and want to talk more from now on. Like, if they kept their friendship these years and were part of the other's life, there wouldnt be a moment like this at all.
I think it hurt mostly ochako -and deku if we interpret it as "deku just wants to be teacher, he is super happy about it, and loveeees so much his ex bestie after 8 years of no contact and never thinking about her"-, more than the bkdk relationship.
It would be interesting to see those one shots, if he does them -I know he said he wanted to do more things and little drawings and content for it, but idk if he will do something elaborate or just one page of something silly. I think he still has to opportunity of working with the material and make something at least not this bad -or completely ignore 431 and just continue with their adventures like 430 implies lol If he wants to double down with the "romance" I have no idea how he could do it with what he has tbh, unless he just ignores the plot and their personalities.
#grrr talking#thanks bc I was getting a little crazy like wowowowow am I just making things up in my head???#I think bkdk keep having romantic connotation even if deku is so clueless#and while is sad to see them be insecure about themselves I think they do have reasons to do this more than ochako#she did learn her lesson with 429 and talked things with deku already -which is why you had to make them go no contact for them to even#have a “moment” -there was no need for them to develop anything with their friendship. and it still ended in a friendly note#while katsuki and deku never got to actually talk about their feelings alone#nor discussed all the trauma related to each other -the quirklessness the war shigaraki killing him the guilt over so many things#deku on another hand doesnt really have much to tell uraraka that would fit them as there wasn't a moment the war actually involved them tr#truly besides the himiko moment -which would lead to himiko's love for ochako and while this could be used to make her confess#its really... bad honestly considering thats the only thing that relates them -another girl who loves both#there wasn't a moment of him paying special attention to her in a romantic coded way and everything was just... pretty friendly honestly#while the war directly involved katsuki being targeted for being the closest to deku of them all#I makes sense for them to need to talk about this in comparison#what deku as a character needs is to consider why he doesnt see himself as important and why isnt he allowed to accept more for him than#what he got#and I just dont see how this could work with her considering they dont have a real friendship anymore#I cant see neither trying to push the other into being honest about hidden feelings for the other bc... why would they have that?#and why wouldnt they just talk about it before? as I said their arc was really done before the extra#which is why you had to make them lose their friendship and want to talk more from now on -bc if they keep being friends there wouldnt be#any moment that could be ambiguous enough#but with katsuki there are things left unsaid even when keeping in contact that involve each other and their self esteem#meaning they need to work in their communication#with 431 deku “going for” uraraka doesnt come off as “him choosing himself” and “living his life”#bc it was a decision that didnt involve any internal discussion about why he is the way he is#its not framed as him finally choosing for himself or being selfish -he just found her in his way home and wanted to talk more after no con#contact#he is still insecure about his needs and doesnt understand what katsuki means when he talks in such abstract ways#its not like he understood “oh I have to choose someone” or “I have to find my special person” bc he wasn't embarrassed about wanting to t#talk to her -he loves everyone yeah but he wants to talk to her more (they haven't talked to each other in so many years!)
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finally got to episode one season two of prime defenders! my thoughts so far ^^ :
dakota :(
mallard >:((
#dandy blogg#jrwi spoilers#jrwi prime defenders#god i hate mallard so muchhhhh it’s not even funny#and also the way grizz is playing dakota so far straight up made me cry my poor baby boy#they all deserve the world#dakota on the edge of a panic attack for like the entire first episode#the way william and vyncent didn’t question him about it that much and even reamed out a spirit of chaos for being too loud#and mostly just tried to support dakota even if they didn’t understand what was going on like. fuck dude#dnd podcast got hands#william has always given me mom friend vibes ngl#anyway i’m loving the atmosphere of season two so far and i love the tone it’s set with the first episode#and the difference between william now and william then feels palpable which is impressive so kudos to charlie#can’t wait for him to undergo even more trauma ^^ <- literally cried about the trauma he already has last night#that scene with dakota actually sharing his feelings candidly and very upfront for once even tho he clearly struggles with articulating#and processing his thoughts and feelings about stuff but wanting to try for his friends because honesty is important to him#the way they’re playing all their characters is absolutely devastating and i’m ONLY ON THE FIRST EPISODE#i think season two is going to crush me dude ngl. can’t wait lmao
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hold on everyone shut up im getting super emotional about jonathan sims
#tma#kara stop blogging#thinking about the web. thinking about how it was his first mark#and how that mark how that unaddressed trauma so deeply affected him.#and how befitting that is for the web too- to tie someone up its strands for YEARS#thinkin about how almost every single decision that man makes is made out of fear#that motherfucker has never felt safe in his god damn life you can tell and im EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT#thinking about how so much of his fear response is CONTROL because of it. His ridiculous skepticism was him trying to control it#if he denies it if he refuses to believe in it it cant hurt him#about his paranoia and desperation for knowledge is so rooted in that fear of losing control#about his entire s4 arc and grappling with becoming inhuman. about not feeling like he has any kind of personal autonomy#and how so often thats written off as him making excuses (and dont get me wrong- he makes excuses too. im not saying he doesnt) but also-#like you look at what happened with his first leitner and its like. he couldnt move. couldnt do anything to escape#and then when the other boy got taken he couldnt do anything to save him either#of course he feels like hes never had any control#of course hes desperate for knowledge- if he had only *known* what couldve happened then he couldve prevented it.#the survivors guilt is so deeply part of his character#and thats what makes jonah targeting him so fucking insidious and scary#he took his man who is already so terrified- put him in a situation where he was so out of his depth#knowing that his fear response would be to desperately try and figure out what was happening- to keep asking questions--#pulling himself deeper into the eyes influence and easily turning it around and making it Jon's fault#as if Jon isn't trapped like everyone else- it's just his fear response is so fucking perfect for the role the eye needs him to play#and then it leads to the ultimate trauma of ripping control away from Jon and forcing him to do something so fucking horrible#something he would never in a million years CHOOSE TO DO#how he's so terrified of being made a pawn and he is. playing a game against elias where he couldn't even see the board#locking him out of his own body...forcing him to open the door. like. FUCK#I MEAN FUCK DUDE. PETER LITERALLY SAYS “HE GOT YOU” WHEN JON ASKED WHAT HIS 'PRIZE' WAS#LIKE SCRATCH THAT!!! FUCKING SCRATCH THAT!! he wasn't even a player he was a fucking PIECE in the game#GOD!!!#GOD!!!! free my boy he did nothing wrong (he did so many things wrong)
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lmao it’s literally a dumb fucking cartoon show about hell it’s not that deep lmaoooooo- “it’s time to lose your self loathing🎶, excuse yourself, let hope in 😊” 🥺😢😞
#fuck it i’m ashamed to admit i watched and very throughly enjoyed hazbin hotel 😔 feel free to stone me in the square#everyone point and laugh and boo at me#it just had so many beautiful messages and ngl it was silly and fun too and the songs are absolute bangers#my brain just keeps hearing ‘WHAT are we even TALKING ABOUT 😡😡 some CRACKwhore 🤬 who fucked up already 🙄 HE blew his shot like the COCKS in#his mouth 😡 this discussion is senseless and petty 😡🙄💅🏼’ like absolute bangers all around#and loser baby is one of the most beautiful songs ever personally it means so much actually#omg and don’t get me started on poison#honestly the poison music video is what drew me in#i saw it on tik tok and it got me#angel dust as a character is just too real to me personally as a sa victim i find his character very accurate to how my trauma manifested#and it was great rep imo#and then the moment with husk and loser baby just 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#ah it’s so beautiful#anyways#hazbin hotel#angel dust#loser baby
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and so what if i'm rewatching simm. again.
so what.
#i think on avarage i've watched it every 6 months or so ever since it aired lmao#i just. i have a very soft spot for it ok!!! sue me#also easily my fave joong role tbh#every time i watch it i'm just so amazed by just how MUCH of kluen's thoughts and emotions he shows me just via his face#when kluen has a very withdrawn and introverted personality and talks very little#and yet. YET!! i can see what's going on inside of him#it's so nice to watch thank you joong <3333#also the joongdunk energy is just... *chef's kiss* exquisite#airenyah plappert#simm#adrm#also!!! i don't think dunk did as bad as many people like to say he did esp considering it's his first role#(bad buddy doesn't count‚ i refuse to believe he was on bad buddy <3)#(dunk natachai + bad buddy series just doesn't go together in my head dfkdfjkdf)#anyway i'm fiercly in the dunk protection squad and that's that <333#although i do constantly wanna scream at him to hold still already to stop moving around so much#and that is the point where i realize i'm turning into my camera acting teacher good lord#(the amound of times i heard him say ''hör auf zum zappeln!!!!'' lmao i've got major trauma from that class)
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