#and I am not actually great at video games
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I need to yap desperately about one single gripe I have with this game. MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD read at your own discretion
The first half is me ranting about how much certain things mean to me and how impacted I was, and the actual gripe comes closer to the end.
I'll preface this by saying this post is about Varric's death and my rage and despair regarding it, but more so about my Rook's.
I've seen people who said they picked up on the hints about whatnot, who knew before the Fade Prison. I was not one of those people. I was so relieved when I saw him after the Prologue that I didn't think twice, because I knew that it would destroy me the second shit started going wrong.
I was already not having a good time when I started the game simply because Varric was getting older. I don't handle aging well or death, and his design showing his age, and the comments he would make about "getting too old for this" just made my heart break.
And then shit got worse. I sobbed disgustingly when that knife went into Varric's chest.
After Rook woke up from talking to Solas and she heard Varric, I was so gods damned relieved. And my Rook was better taken care of by Varric in that year she spent with him than she was in the rest of her entire life.
I cried from the end of Ghilan'nain's fight until the romance scene and on and off after that. I got so used to visiting Varric just to be comforted by his presence. Inquisition was the biggest part of my life for a year and a half when I was just a kid.
I did really bad middle school age writing for it but regardless of the quality, those characters were built up in my head becoming even more than they were in the game. Varric was my biggest support character through everything I was going through at the time.
I don't talk about it much, but I didn't have a great childhood, and I know a lot of people didn't, but I coped with it through writing and video games. Varric was the one supporting me through the abuse I suffered and writing was the way I processed how bad things really were.
When Rook was in the prison she said "What am I going to find here?" And Varric said "I think you already know, kid." I DIDN'T until he said that. The second he said that my entire chest tightened and I just said "No" out loud as I watched Rook find his body.
Now for my real complaint!!!
Rook never gets the chance to grieve Varric. They go from talking to him every day to finding out he's dead and it was all a lie. I have personally never been more fucking pissed at Solas than I am now. But Rook comes back and they have that kind of "closing off" scene with Varric's empty bed (which was so hard to go through btw). And then they fuck their pookie LIKE I CANNOT BE THE ONLY ONE UPSET ABT THAT
FYM I gotta find out my dad is dead and then Rook is up for boning like there's no fucking way unless it's to cope. And at least pertaining to the Lucanis romance, Rook is processing everything that happened and they can say "So much has happened, I just don't know how to feel."
And rather than getting to process that in some kind of way, the devs said nah this scene serves one singular purpose, and Lucanis says "I do" and then dicks them down.
Personally, I felt very dismissed despite being overjoyed about finally having the romance scene, I couldn't even enjoy it with everything that happened prior.
Rook deserved the chance to completely break down after everything they went through. Tbh i don't know how they kept it together. Varric said "don't get all misty eyed" and i thought to myself that's way too delicate a term for what's happening here, I was fully ugly crying.
Fuck your "I had a good run" I still need you bitch.
All this to say I'm very upset, and I'm running my second playthrough and every time I look at, hear, or talk to Varric I tear up again. Wtf Bioware.
Rook should've gotten the chance to actually talk about what Solas did to them, especially in the sense that he made them believe Varric was still there. Or at least get to properly grieve the person who was their closest friend for a long time.
I have very strong feelings about this obviously
#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#datv spoilers#datv#datv varric#dav#dav spoilers#dragon age#dragon age 4 spoilers#dragon age 4#dragon age dreadwolf#dragon age dreadwolf spoilers#dragon age varric#varric#varric tethras#da varric#dragon age the veilguard companions#dragon age the veilguard romance#lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#da4 lucanis#dragon age lucanis#lucanis x rook#lucanis romance#lucanis spoilers#taylor’s a yapper 🗣️
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Got to play BG3 over Xmas with my sister and I am mentally unwell about Astarion
#BG3#I can’t play it on my own because I don’t have a gaming system#and I am not actually great at video games#also I got pretty far into the first act already#and Astarion hates my sister and my brother in laws characters#but immediately loved me#so they were very interested in all the new bits of dialogue I unlocked#this is the first time I fully understand what it means to have a blorbo I think#I love him#he’s my special boy#he’s a character I would have created#bc my characters always have so much trauma#bc that’s how I cope I guess#Astarion
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new prints!! n some old ones restocked >:3 link
#mine#uehehuehueuee#i got so low on stock bless....brain is so small#also u will not believe th frog plush i bought this morning .....#i collect frog plushes now i hve decided#i hve had an okay day...made sm orders...i was literally abt 2 go mail n now its raining ough#actually. i think its trying 2 snow. hmm.#largest update in my life rn is i am now th proud owner of an electric blanket#its. its so good. take this as ur sign 2 get one#its helpin my joints as well!! when i get cold for sm reason i tense up my ? hips? n i was getting so sore ough#okay it is snowing now. great. am gna wait for it 2 stop n then post n then......video game time >:)#someone stop me from buying morrowind
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allowed myself the time to spend to write a scene because the fancy took me, ended up destroying my sleep schedule to write it, woke up at 4 pm just to realize it’s not good and i would need to redo it
#at least i kind of know why but this is why i am very wary of this#writing: the hardest thing for most always no reward. as everyone already knew#i’m not exactly re-inventing the wheel with that observation#fanfiction and creative writing in general is the most fruitless hobby because it takes immense skill to do anything halfway decent#and even if you get good then no one will read it and you can forget about monetization unless you are basically a chosen one#so as a hobby it’s literally just for your own personal enjoyment and that’s great but that’s why i have a complicated relationship with it#every fanfiction is like a vanity piece and it’s an act of self-love but basically serving no other purpose#except maybe a minor social one if you share and participate in writing or fandom communities#and i don’t have time for that… every time i try writing it feels glaringly irresponsible to do so#it’s like playing video games. dude i had so much fun but i can easily see my entire life gone in a matter of seconds#if i actually did that on the regular. the amount of enjoyable timesuck is so dangerous#the elbow-high diaries
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killer should know about dumb video game meta stuff ike i-frames and animation cancels and critting amd breaking out of bounds and use it to his advantage in fights. maybe he learned it from chara in something new as a silly little thing to try out because theyre already teaching him all this bullshit on killing so whos to say a video game character cant learn a player's cheats?? he's already interacted and collaborated with a player before i think its fair he knows tricks on how to cheat undertale's fighting system
everything's all fine and dandy in a fight against killer (no it isn't) until you see him glitching around and somehow phasing through your attacks. he looks ridiculous but it gets the job done
#i have no idea if any of these mechanics are actually IN undertale#theyre just some ones i came up with in games i play#i mean if they don't exist in the ut fighting just like. pretend they do idk????#i just think it would be cool if killer could do that. he fights dirty and when i mean dirty i mean totally cheating#SANS UNDERTALE CHEATS WHY CANT HE!!!! but he gets to cheat in a more game breaking way#when you fight killer there is no YOUR turn and HIS turn its ALWAYS his turn. and youre just helplessly attacking during it#guys in this one im not talking about meta awareness im talking about loser META strats. most effective tactics available#stage 4 chara wins ahh acting like a goddamn sweaty gamer. because what am i supposed to interpret with chara wins????#chara wins means NOTHING to me??? i can only assume that it means killer either acts like chara or fully listens to whatever chara wans#boo boo boring im a VIDEO GAME PLAYER not a goddamn psychiatrist. i will always choose the more fun option#killer becoming like chara/player is infinitely more cool than him and all the psychological stuff going on in stage 4 to b obeying orders#yeahhhh like sure there probably IS a bunch of crazy stuff in stage 4 related to psychology but also#unga booga character act like YOU cool idea. besides stage 4 is almost never elaborated on#so to me that's up to personal interpretation. everything is personal interpretation if not brought up#i say as i make the most ridiculous unfathomable headcanons for the mtt just because the topics aren't mentioned#I HAVE FREE WILL I HAVE FREE WILL MY MIND HAS FREEDOM I CAN POST ANYTHING I THINK ABOUT#ok thank god because i hate having to worry about my posts#ok i dont have anything left to say about this hc so im bringing up SOMETHING NEW (haha)#killer reminds me of I'm High!!! by maretu. except replace all mentions of a girl with w a person for chara#and somehow manage to work around the mentions of love and romance. because i really really dont wanna make killer into a kid diddler#but aside from the mentions of love and specific gende??? i think it fits!!#ugh so many songs fit killer ITS NOT FAIR!!!! i can NEVER find songs for horror.... am i not looking hard enough ☹️☹️☹️#im hard#actually i found a song that fits horror lets GOOOO maretu coming in clutch with NAMIDA ‼️‼️#dokuhaku does too :3 maretu my glorious king how many great songs of yours fit the murder time trio#killer sans#murder time trio#sans au#utmv#tricule hc
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I just need to rant for a second :)
Screaming into the void please dont judge me
#that feeling when you and the person you live with have to move out of two rooms of your flat because the flooring had to be done there#and your girlfriend just. doesnt. do. anything. unless you strongarm her into it at which point she snaps at you and treats you#like you are unreasonable for not letting her just sit there and ply video games while you do all the work#eventhough its her fault that we didnt even have a full week to prepare for it because she just took the fastest possible appointment for it#when they called her to do the appointment#also sitting there like 'it will be fine we can do it in time' yea no shit because i am actually doing all the fucking work#its not like i usually do almost all the chores anyways#i ask her to help me move her pottet plants she is just like 'no. not because i dont want to help but because i dont want to move them'#why does she have to act as if she is doing me a fucking favour when putting away her own stuff that she never cleans up otherwise anyways#i am tired#like great. let me just do all of the work and then get angry at me when i ask you when you will be able to cook after taking 'me time'#because i have to clean out the kitchen but you thought it was a good idea to bring meat that has to be cooked today#because from tomorrow on we wont have a kitchen for 7 days#but then you definetly wont do the dishes after cooking which means ill have to do it#ontop of all the other stuff#idk im just annoyed#incredibly annoyed
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LMAO so funny thing is everyone knows the whole Sonic and Shadow looking alike thing is total bullshit and I totally agree those comments they try to pull in the games and show(s? I'm not technically a Sonic fan I dunno if it's multiple) make basically no sense to me but then my Mom comes in while watching Sonic Prime and says "So what, Sonic has a brother or something?" and this whole other world has opened up to me and I've seen the truth of it all
#so to clarify I do not consider myself a Sonic fan since I have never played a Sonic game and I've never read any of the comics#and idk the lore cuz I've never really bothered to watch other people play it and I have watched some of the shows#y'know my grandma had 4Kids so sometimes I would catch Sonic X on TV#but literally most of my knowledge of the Sonic franchise is just having people talk to me about it#like when I was a kid my grandma babysat these kids who were older than me I forget how old I was like under 10 I think#and one of the kid's big interest was Sonic so I would just sit and listen to him talk about Sonic the entire time I was there#he would play the games too I think but my brain didn't process any of that so I have no actual memory of the screen#I would mostly just pay attention to him talking cuz he would talk about it while playing it was great#so that is the base of my knowledge and then after my grandma stopped babysitting them it was radio silence#until y'know people would occasionally bring stuff up in videos I'd watch and I'd look @ videos about people talking abt Sonic#occasionally and see like memes or YTPs of Sonic or y'know abridged stuff#but I literally never actually watched a Sonic game until Frontiers came out and then The Murder Of Sonic the Hedgehog#and Sonic Prime is the first Sonic show I properly sat down and watched which show is great btw I enjoy it a lot#but yeah and it was vaguely purposeful like I was keeping myself away cuz I know how I am about stuff and I WILL try to learn EVERYTHING#if I get too interested in Sonic as a franchise#oh I did play Unleashed sometime after it first came out and couldn't get past like the first fuckin level but tbf I was like 7 years old#possibly 8 years old cuz I'm not 100% sure how much later I got the game but like I was really bad @ any game that wasn't just like#spamming buttons since I grew up on fighting games lmao#but yeah I dropped the game almost immediated I do not count that for anything#but yeah long story short: all my knowledge is second hand like I still think I know a good amount for what it's worth but#I wouldn't trust my own knowledge
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halfway thru my first drivers ed session. idk if i can do this aftually lol
#purrs#there’s like 30+ ppl in the class and most of them are high schoolers who already have like at least 20-30 hrs and i have 3. also the#instructor is really nice and means well but she is also a little clueless and she embarrassed me in front of everyone (or maybe i#embarrassed myself) bc she had us all introduce ourselves and say what we like to do and i said play video games and she was like oh are you#a bit of a gamer 👀 have you been to any of those conventions. LIKE 💀😭 NO I JUST PLAY SILLY LITTLE PET GAMES…..#but ajyways um. i don’t have enough driving experience to start behind the wheel lessons yet 💀💀💀💀💀 and we r watching videos rn and it’s so s#scary like istill have such trouble even maneuvering the car around how am isupposed to develop situational awareness and be driving on high#hihways and shit. this is so overwhelming. it’s like ‘every moment ur behind the wheel u and the ppl around u are at risk’ well idont want t#to be at risk or risk others lives. but also i need to move out. help 💔💖#anyways this class has INSANELY long breaks (like 15+ mins thank god) and we might be able to end early every day too so. fingers crossed it#wont be that bad and i’ll actually retain stuff and learn to drive fucking finally. but im so scared#also on thursday we are watching a video depicting a graphic c*r cr*sh so. that’s just fucking great#drivers ed tag
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I am begging people who make videos on petscop to be normal
#uploads#yes this is about the nexpo video no i havent/will not watch it#but yes i have heard of the contents from people and dude. i am begging for youtubers to actually respect the case of carrie mark and to not#keep on bringing it up with petscop In Great Detail when tony has apologized and said the case is not connected to the story Years Ago#there are themes and references and he has expressed his feelings about Yeah that was not a cool thing to do like. at least a few years ago#sagan hawks i think did a good job of mentioning it explaining what tony has said and then moving on.#i also heard nexpo didnt even do a content warning for it and flashing lights so like great job man you didnt do the bare minimum#petscop#i think im playing a dangerous game by putting this in the tags but begging ppl to be normal as well
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im going to cry this is actually healing me
#dan and phil#dan and phil games#okay like#this is EXACTLY how the old videos were?? like humorwise???#but it's 2023 and cringe culture is dead and they're gay and happy and making jokes about it AND THE FUCKING ANNOUNCEMENT MOOSE. THE FUCKIN#THE FUCKING MOOSE WHISTLE#like sometimes when media i like is revived im low-key unhappy with it because it doesn't tickle my brain the same way but#they did it so so rigt and im not sure how but this is the most i've laughed in i don't know how long#thank you guys!!#im silently wheezing through my tears im going to go on a dan and phil games binge now :thumbs:#starting with the fnaf ones of course trying to manifest a spooky week#i really needed familiarity rn!! and unproblematic media and just good lighthearted fun i am absolutely reverting and i will be so fucking#unsufferable if you do not want to see that block the tag!!#im genuinely serious was not doing great today this video made me so so happy#okay yeah actually leaving to binge now will return maybe later to rant in tags#cue rambles
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it legit pisses me off how easy it is for me to have something almost completely ruined for me because of like, one person. i hate that. mid year resolution for me please do less of that
#i refuse to go into specifics since i went out of my way not to get involved in all that shit#but i CAN say with gratefulness that i can actually start getting back into rw again and im happy about that#so HA. weird slug video game my beloved#anxiety and depression be damned im capable of GROWTH and STRENGTH and AMAZING WONDERFUL THINGS#i am DESTINED for GREATNESS and i want to do wonderful things in this world
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i have so much work to do for finals season which is frustrating bc on the one hand i'm very glad all my classes have project-based finals where i get to be creative instead of just doing an exam or a paper. however. i have a bad habit with every project-based final ever of accidentally getting an idea that's way too ambitious and creating more work for myself than i need to do
however this semester even tho i fell into that exact same trap my two most elaborate final projects each involve 1. editing a video essay which contains an interview i did with paul bellini and at least 45 seconds of it are bellini talking about why he thinks i have great potential as a comedian, and 2. editing a ten minute reel of the documentary footage i got on tour with scott. which of course involves rewatching various videos of me and scott being extremely chaotic together. so i stay winning ig
#my other finals include ''powerpoint presentation detailing the historical significance of mel brooks the producers''#and ''live sketch show that i actually don't have a significant role in but that's fine i have a different sketch class next semester''#(this sketch class was technically ''creating characters and solo performances'' and i really wish i could've done more)#(but also that whole interview-footage-debacle drained so much of my creative energy so sometimes doing the bare minimum is self care)#so i don't have a solo piece in the show. but i do get to say my favorite line in the whole show in a group sketch which is great#and i did sign up to perform an aubrey monologue in a sketch show in a suburb of boston next week#which is gonna be super interesting bc i've been looking to do more performing outside of my college#bc i've found that i don't think college kids are actually my target audience??? or at the very least i want to perform to a wider audience#it's frustrating bc for that show i have to trim the monologue down to 3 minutes but it's the tightest monologue i have and it's 5 minutes#so trimming it down feels like a game of jenga since it's so tight lmao#but honestly even if the performance bombs i'm mostly doing this so i can tell bellini about it lmao#he's so supportive of my comedy and he's been such a great help with my aubrey monologues i feel like this is bellini homework lmao#anyway i probably won't post the video essay publicly bc it's not the style of video essays i want to make#and it's too specific to the class it's for#but if people are interested in watching it i'll send you the vid when it's done#and for the tour video i'll probably post that or at least some version of it#bc that's just gonna be a fun teaser of ''here's the level of behind-the-scenes content you'll be getting from this doc!!''#and also a fun way to be like. audiences don't know me nearly as well as they know scott#but they will definitely know me by the end of this bc there are so many wild interactions i have on camera of me and scott being chaotic#anyway this post was mostly to organize my thoughts of what i still have to do this week#i am so ready to be done with school lmao i'm gonna be spending a full month in toronto this summer#and it's shaping up to be such an exciting time i can't wait
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hmm i think another thing i like abt kencen is chess should be played on a smaller stage. now i am an intimate staging truther for almost every play so i may be biased but that doesn't make it less true for chess. like i get the appeal of the big sets bc of the way they travel thru location and our initial reaction upon literally visualizing chess on a stage, but i think it makes it so easy for characters to get swallowed and for the stage to feel very empty. which may work like. conceptually but i think in practice it just limits the actor's effect. & i know that you can argue that chess is a show that needs to get by partially on spectacle bc of the quality of the book but i disagree just choose a good book. or make up for it w staging and strong character choices. it's not like it has a shallow plot bc it really doesn't it just doesn't have a well resolved one. which is actually another argument for it to be in an intimate space bc it will make the audience feel more personally invested in the characters rather than the story and will care what happens to them even if they leave with questions (does this distinction make sense?). i'm also not saying that chess Couldn't be done well on a big stage i just think most of the time it isn't
#i was thinking abt this w long beach a lot#they had Great staging i loved a lot of it and i loved the use of space#but then the camera would zoom out and i would go oh they're so far away they're tiny.#which again like! conceptually is interesting right w the whole pawns in the greater game of chess thing but mostly i just can't see them#and that stage wasn't even that big! it was just deep#iii am also just not the biggest fan of most proscenium staging and i have to be honest with that#i KNOW that it's the easiest way to fit a lot of people into a space and that sometimes the practical considerations of needing to sell mor#- tickets is just the reality of the situation#but i think. at least for the current state of theater and the way it's viewed by the general public. it does literally no favors#and it's also like. a story predicated on you sympathizing with characters who are universally making bad decisions#and i just find that tends to read better when the audience can see the detail#this isn't actually in praise of kencen in general btw staged concert is like. sort of generous for parts of that show but i think that the#- smaller stage saved parts of that as well#i lied this is actually in praise of kencen staging bc i'm looking at the video to make sure i'm not crazy and#not only is it physically smaller but they used the other actors to close the space and force the feel#chess#ted talks
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damien is killing it with his dub work on delicious in dungeon anime on netflix
#hope to see more of him voicing animation because i dont do video games at all so its nice to actually hear/appreciate some of his work#the anime is great too so yay for me!#i've been reminded of my old habit of casually watching shayne and damien as a duo doing whatever on smosh back in the day#when that was a thing still so now im kinda catching up#i mean i watch smosh sometimes (not ian/anyhony lol i never cared about them just the cast) their improv stuff can be funny#but i kinda forgot about my softspot for damien... now this mfcker making me watch twitch streams lol#who am i. exe
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#reminder to self: talk about the ecstatic joy felt when you fall down an internet rabbit hole#and you are no longer a flesh and bone creature existing to meatspace#but a purely disembodied intellectual force#connecting with they hivemind of the internet to internet the love letters#from artists/developers that are cryptic Easter eggs and hidden messages#(to decipher the love letters that are Easter eggs)#from artist/developers to the void that is loving inhabited by humanity at their most obsessive#I love when my body falls away and I am only intellectual pursuit#(yes I am drunk and watched several Jacob Geller videos)#including the one about shadow of the colossus#involving a group of internet obsessive who loved and believed so hard#the developers were moved by their passion and created the last great secret they sought in the remaster#compete with cryptic instructions to unlock a door that only existed#because they believe in the base game it could be opened (when it couldn’t)#that is love#that is love passed from one group to another in communion#until you love the very thing you were seeking into existsnce#believing in something so hard you MAKE it become#birth it into existence#it’s moments like this that remind me why I don’t actually hate humanity#sometimes I wish we’d all die in a firey cataclysm because I hate our stupidly so much#much this reminds me that we love so hard we deserve the world
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When one team complains that the historical materials you gave them for their project aren’t cool enough to use because they aren’t photos of individuals or big group meetings
And then they end up using the materials anyway and the whole workplace thinks it’s so cool and sends it around in an email chain praising the team for providing such fascinating insight into the organizations history
#I don’t need to be acknowledged i just like knowing my instincts were correct the whole time#and I also like to have evidence of what I do for future reference when coworkers ask because a lot of people don’t#get how I could be useful in a research capacity (which is honestly the majority of what I am doing at this stage in the game)#I like knowing that if anyone says ‘where’s the proof of what you contribute’ I can say ‘if you saw a photo or document or video#from before 2000 it came from me’#worklife#I love my job it is so great but lately I feel a bit butthurt that a lot of my coworkers keep commenting on all my boxes of stuff and#implying I was moved because boxes make me look like a slob when hey guys sorry boxes are what I do#some people think my job is scanning but that’s not true. my job is actually just… box
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