#HELP THESE WONDERFUL PPL AS MUCH AS U CAN

[lordboo]

🇵🇸 ‼️Hello, please share widely, Mohamed and family and children, my sister Amir Malak has been going through a particularly scary time recently even by the horrific standards of the past few months. I hope she is well. My name is Mohamed Atallah. I urgently need surgery on my left hand and to rebuild my home and my older sister Eman's home. I live with my parents, six sisters, a little girl called Malak and a little boy called Amir in northern Gaza. I have created this link to fund a bone graft on my left hand which was hit by an explosive bullet, to rebuild our destroyed home and to evacuate my family from Gaza to a safe place. And donate any amount for a safe life.. I would appreciate your help ❤️ Can you help in whatever way you can? Click all the buttons on my wall, I beg you to visit my page, view it and donate via the link in my bio 💔 Donate and share widely 🆘🆘 Every euro makes a difference 🙏 I urge you to donate. Even the smallest amount can make a huge difference. Not only does he need to be evacuated with his family, but he is in dire need of surgery! The IDF shot him in the arm with an explosive bullet. That’s not normal. It’s explosive. So he needs treatment right away! Otherwise, he’ll get an infection and possibly an amputation. We don’t want that to happen, do we? So contribute! Be sure to retweet and share his story if you can’t. Help my family. War is devastating. There’s nothing left to live for. No schools, no universities, no home, no dreams. All dreams are shattered. I hope you can help before it’s too late. @90-ghost reviewed Mohammed's identity documents and corresponded with him as well. So, in short: This is a brand new fundraiser that I can vouch for. Please share and contribute if you can. Feel free to repost on other platforms as well.🍉

again, i can’t do anything, i am so incredibly sorry. BUT FOR THOSE WHO CAN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP MOHAMED AND HIS FAMILY‼️‼️

MY HEART ACHES FOR U AND ALL OF THE PPL IN THE AWFUL GENOCIDE. ❤️❤️

SPREAD THE WORD‼️‼️🍉🇵🇸

AND CHECK OUT @90-ghost ‘S PAGE‼️‼️

[puppyeared]

i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed

[bunnyboy-juice]

oughghgh

[seventh-district]

i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[super-done-dead]

i was so nervous that i hadnt actually moved on from my ex, that i was moving too fast etc. anyway my friend broke up w her bf YESTERDAY and TODAY has a date lined up. girl...

[toytulini]

lightly defending Toshiro while also fully understanding Laois frustrations. as a bitch who let teachers call me the wrong name all through high school cos it was kinda funny

[rxmxa]

random (spicy) astro observations 18+

disclaimer: these are based on my experiences & observations ‼️⚠️🙈

ppl that have gemini mars, virgo mars, mercury-pluto, mercury-mars aspects, mercury-lilith aspects and also air signs in the 12th house (libra, gemini, or Aquarius 12th house) could enjoy dirty talk in bed. They love talking you through it or also you hearing say it back. They are the type to say the craziest shit in the heat of the moment.

ok we all know that mercury-pluto aspects like dirty talk (hearing it BUT especially giving it). mercury (talking/conversation) & pluto (the taboo) = freaky ass shit. they want to be talked through it & they wanna talk u through it!! BUT NO FR, I was sitting here wondering what exactly the flavor of the conversation will be based on your mercury sign and where your pluto is. Here r some ideas based on a random chart:

12h Gemini Mercury in opposition to 6h Pluto. Maybe when they're talking you through it, they're saying ALL THE WILD ASS SHITTT they've been keeping in their head, like they could start talking about their fantasies and things that were on their subconscious start to come (LOL) to the surface (12h). "I been thinking about fcking u like this ever since you were teasing me wearing that dress the other day" or things along those lines! Like it could really shake you to your boots with the specific descriptions. And if it's Gemini mercury, the dirty talk could be in the form of questions and very animated or rapid questions back to back in true Gemini fashion, of course. "You like that? you like the way I fuck you?"

But then you have the 6h pluto, so theyre mentioning 6h themes during sex like for example daily life/ routines. they could be talking about how turned on they get everytime they see u do anything mundane, like reading a book or tasting something, how they start imagining your mouth on other things. Or how the other day when u were doing (random daily task) all they were thinking about (redacted).

this all stems from me being nosey and wondering who else is acting a fool in bed too :( I wonder if the sextiles and trines are more natural/ sexier sounding, LOL, and then with squares and oppositions afterward, ur, like, OMG, why did I say that? I have Mercury Square Pluto, and I [redacted]. But honestly, it's not that serious and in the moment it feels hot so who cares 😭

In conclusion, Mercury Sign = HOW they say it, like the mannerisms in their speech. Pluto House = where the scope of their freakiness narrows down. LMFAOOO.

AND ALSO, where their Pluto is, you can also boost their ego. If they have Pluto in the 6th house u tell them about how their body is so attractive, how much it turns you on when they help you and make your life easier, that u wanna show them how thankful u are. or they have pluto in the 9th house and tell them they're so fucking smart, that ur so lucky to be with someone like them that u wanna make the experience worth it and memorable for them, that u will worship them. OR OR Pluto in 1st house, tell them you love how they move through life, how powerful they are, how other people are probably so jealous you have someone like them etc

speaking of mercury in the 12h though, we know that the 12th house rules over hidden aspects of ourselves, like secrets, solitude, and unconscious desires that are not immediately visible or acknowledged in the outside world. So with sextrology, that house can give u sneak peak into their fantasies and even the ones they might be afraid of acting on.

for ex with whole signs: in daily life, taurus rising strives to maintain a balanced and harmonious daily routine (libra 6th house) BUT THENNN with that aries 12th house they fantasize about being able to let loose, to be able to be more assertive and lead in the bedroom, to be able to tell them exactly what to do etc. look at the signs and its energy.

we know ppl with Mars-Uranus aspects are ~eccentric~ in bed, like they're willing to try anything new, like that new position they saw on Twitter or some shit, BUT it's also about spontaneity, like people with this aspect in bed could be like, "Okay, now let's do this" and then randomly b like" OKAY now turn me around and then do this." It's not just about picking one ~spicy new random thing~ to try. It's about keeping up with the randomness throughout it all.

you know what vibes ppl with mars-uranus aspects also give me? The scenes in the movies where they step into the apartment and its quiet for a split second but then theyre knocking shit over and breaking lamps and flipping tables and shit until they get to the bedroom. "Is somebody gonna match my freak?" was about this aspect

moon-mars synastry also gives me the vibe where you give each other the look in the middle of the party 👀👀 and then your like wellp guys we gotta go bye!! and next thing you know you’re.. well I’ll leave it up to your imagination. ORRRR also being late to the party because you were fucking LMAO

Sometimes, the crazy thing about having birth charts of related people is how even preferences can be similar. For example, one of my college friends and her brother asked me to look at their chart. They both have a Mars-Jupiter conjunction and have the same preferences regarding physical features (they're lighter and have light eyes, and they prefer people with darker complexions and darker hair and also people from outside their own culture).

mars-jupiter can manifest in many ways, but that's just one way it does for them. Being drawn (mars) to foreign cultures, dialects, and customs (Jupiter). But then the house highlights a difference; her conjunction is in the 9th house, and she is invested in her religion and spirituality ( 9h topics); it's a turn-on for her to find someone who aligns with her sentiments. He has his conjunction in the 1st house, so looking at 1h topics (body, appearance, identity), his focus could be more on appearance and less on a specific focus. For example, he could meet someone and be attracted to their appearance and confidence in who they are, so they check off their box with their preference and are more flexible with other qualities (such as their religious beliefs or daily routine, etc). But if the conjunction is in the 10th house, it's about focusing on someone career-driven, or in the 4th house and being attracted to someone who is in tune with their family and roots.

It can look differently though, like when ppl with mars-jupiter aspects like someone they can be like "i'm attracted (mars) to your intelligence, to the way you talk about the world, to how you think big (jupiter) "

or ppl with mars-sun aspects can be like "i'm attracted (mars) to your confidence and with the way you take up space and light up every room u walk into (sun)"

mars-uranus: I'm attracted (mars) to your unique tastes and niche hobbies and how you are so different than the other people in my life (uranus)

mars-venus: I'm attracted (mars) to the way you appreciate the finer things in life the way I do, how you look so beautiful when you take charge etc.

mars-neptune: I'm attracted (Mars) to the way you bring a sense of magic and mystery into my life, how you seem to live in a world of your own that’s so spiritual and dreamy (Neptune)

mars-moon: im drawn (Mars) to how safe and emotionally connected I feel with you, how you nurture my feelings and create a comforting space for me to express myself (Moon)

cancer mars in the composite chart will have you fucking like animals honestly. There is a sense of comfort where you want to be as close as possible (aka raw sex, breeding kink, wanting them to cum inside you and them eager to do it as well). This is the couple that after will giggle and talk about baby names or how many kids they’re going to have. Or what there future house will look like. This couple could be very big on aftercare as well or just cuddling and holding each other for a while once they are done. Truly some mom and dad energy right there honestly.

sun conjunct mars synastry can lead to a fast paced relationship. You meet one day and the next two days you might already be in bed together. It can be hot synastry until sun does something, no matter how trivial, that is just going to piss mars the fuck off. Can lead to make up sex though. But then it happens again.

Gemini mars (men) can have much more stamina and last longer in bed. But in the meanwhile they’re going to put you in dozens of different positions before they finally finish.

Mars-Saturn, Capricorn Mars or Mars in the 10th house, or even those with mars at cap degrees such as 10 degrees, 22 degrees placements love when people "play hard to get." They don't mind playing the long game and being patient. They could like bondage or any kind of restraint such as holding the wrists down or arms back.

[coryndoll]

hate to be lame

rafe cameron x reader

— in which y/n, caught in a situationship with rafe, struggles to admit she might love him, constantly holding back her feelings while fearing that confessing could make things more complicated.

inspired by: “hate to be lame” (major) & “ceilings” (minor) by lizzy mcalpine

warnings: super long omfg, me treating this like a music video again LMAO, situationships, swearing, mention of drug use, no hard concepts just rafe who can’t commit to you (yet)

authors note: this has been in the works for a good few weeks lowkey. i literally studied lizzy mcalpine mvs top to BOTTOM to rly portray this mini story as best as i can. hope u guys enjoy!!

i tried to add as much as i could for ppl to notice (hopefully), but ESPECIALLY like parallels of the beginning n the end of the oneshot with the opening of the door and saying “hey”!! i wanted this to be little short film core

your room is cold, and you feel your fingers tingling as you pull the blanket tighter around your shoulders. the clock ticks softly, but each minute feels slower than the last.

you aren’t sure why, but today you’re more anxious than usual, counting down the seconds until rafe shows up. it’s not like you have any real plans, just the usual aimless drive or hanging out.

but the thought of seeing him again—his smile, the way he looks at you, even when he’s not saying anything—makes waiting almost unbearable.

you’ve been more than friends but less than boyfriend and girlfriend for the past five months now. you know it’s wrong, but you know you’ll do the same thing you’ll be doing until you reach six months: push it aside and just enjoy the moment.

you can’t tell if rafe is only there for the pleasure, but if that’s the case then you wouldn’t be hearing about his dreams or the way he struggles with trust. and you’re foolish enough to believe that maybe he’s just scared, and that’s why he can’t commit.

right on time, his texts come in one after the other.

‘ hey ’

‘ otw ’

‘ 5 minutes ’

a faint smile tugs at your lips as you send him a quick ‘okay,’ watching the message sit there, unread. but when the notification changes to ‘read’ and there’s no reply, you drop your phone on your bed and get up.

just as you’re finishing, the faint sound of a knock echoes through the house, and you know that it’s him. you head downstairs quickly, and when you finally reach the front door, your hand hesitates on the handle, but you push them down and swing it open, revealing him standing there. his gaze flickers over you, a small smirk playing on his lips.

“hey,” he says.

and there’s that smile again, “hey.”

rafe’s ring-clad hand grips the steering wheel tightly, veins visible beneath his skin as his knuckles flex. his other arm is draped out the open window, resting easily on the door. you glance over at him, watching the way he seems so effortless behind the wheel, like he was born to be in control, and the engine hums beneath you.

you can’t help but steal glances at him, the way his jaw sets when he focuses, the flicker of light as it catches on his ring every time he turns the wheel. you wonder if he knows how these small details, the smallest shifts in his posture, have started to consume your thoughts.

you know what this is supposed to be—casual, undefined—but sitting here, so close to him, makes it harder to convince yourself that it’s just that. just casual.

and sometimes it makes you wonder—does he feel it too? does he fight the same pull you do?

you and rafe end up at a two-story building, bright and welcoming downstairs. it’s one of those places you’d mentioned a few times, new on the island, somewhere you’d been dying to try.

upstairs, you grab a table in the open air, no roof above, just the sky. pillars hold up a net laced with flowers and plants, the same ones woven into the building’s logo on the far wall. a bar counter curves along that wall, half-circling it. it’s gorgeous.

you’re laughing, enjoying lunch with him. he looks beautiful, just by being there, the way he always has. doesn’t matter what you are—friends, strangers, stuck in this limbo of a situationship—you’ve always felt this way about him.

rafe leans forward, arms crossed on the table, telling you a story that keeps you laughing, each detail funnier than the last.

eventually, the day drifts into the afternoon, and you find yourselves in town, just hanging out. you drag him into a bookstore, then a music store, even a museum, wandering from place to place. hours later, when you’re hungry again, you make a quick stop a small convenience store.

you’re tucking your phone into your purse when you glance outside, noticing the sky’s turned dark, and more importantly, it’s raining.

“alright, catch you later, simon. thanks!” rafe says, grabbing the snacks off the counter. he raises his free hand in a quick wave as he turns, glancing down at you with a smirk while you follow him out.

rafe hands you your snacks, and you take them with a small smile, watching him closely to see his reaction when he realizes it started raining while you were inside. his brows raise as he looks outside, then down at you again. both of you are thinking the same thing—you parked a block away, and now you’ll have to rush to the car without getting soaked.

you pop a piece of candy in your mouth, staring at the rain across the street, when rafe reaches out. “c’mon,” he murmurs, and you take it without hesitation.

the two of you make a break for it, trying to walk as fast as possible without slipping or getting in the way of traffic. the rain pelts down around you, but you’re laughing, and rafe’s grinning as you both duck under the first marquee for cover.

you both continue walking, the car finally coming into view just up ahead. he has to jog around to get to the driver's side. as he moves, you step out from under the last marquee and into the rain, letting it soak through your clothes and into your skin. you tilt your head up, eyes clamped shut, nose scrunched, savoring the moment, even if it’s just a few seconds of quiet, cold rain.

“get in the car,” rafe calls out, his voice cutting through the sound, and you glance over at him, already opening the door.

you shoot him a look, digging into your bag of candy, before tossing a piece at him like he’s ruined the moment. it bounces off his shoulder and he slides into the car without another word, but you can tell he’s amused. with a sigh, you climb into the passenger seat, still dripping wet.

before you know it, the car slows, the tires crunching against the gravel as rafe pulls up to his house. it’s massive, even more so than you remember. cold and impressive, it stands there like a fortress—his world.

for a second, you’re lost in thought. rafe pulls into the garage, parking to avoid the rain still pouring outside. he gets out, crumpling the empty chip bag in his hand, twisting off the lid to his drink with the other to take a few gulps before shutting the car door.

you linger inside a bit longer, popping another candy into your mouth as your eyes wander around the camerons’ garage—messy, yet somehow still clean and wide open.

rafe rounds the front of the car, heading for the door that leads into the house. without a word, he slips inside, leaving you behind in the garage. he does leave his keys on the table beside the door, trusting you to lock the car for him since you’re still in there.

you sit there a moment, your head tilting as you look over at the driver’s seat, replaying the small moments in your mind—running across the street in the rain, how he’s paid for you, or the simple ‘hey’ when he picked you up earlier.

a small, soft smile touches your lips before you finally get out of the car. you crush the candy wrapper in your fist, grab the keys to lock the car, and slip inside the house, the garage door clicking shut behind you.

after hours of being at the cameron’s, only the soft patter of raindrops now begins tapping against the glass, just as you settle into the familiar bay window. you tuck your legs beneath you, leaning your head against the window frame as you stare out into the backyard.

you’ve sat here so many times before—usually with sarah, the two of you giggling about nothing in particular, watching the sky and talking about anything. but tonight, it’s just you and rafe.

the house feels quieter without her, without anyone really, except for the occasional murmur of rafe’s voice as he takes his phone call from the other room. he was quick to excuse himself when the phone rang, retreating upstairs where you couldn't overhear. not that you’d pry, but it’s not like you don’t know about rafe’s involvement with deals in the outerbanks, drugs, cash, or both. you turn a blind eye.

he walks back into the room eventually, his footsteps quiet but still pulling your focus from the window. you feel him glance at you, almost like he's about to say something, but he hesitates when he notices the way you’re sitting there, staring out at the rain.

he knows you too well—years of history have given him that advantage, not just the past few months of this undefined mess you're both tangled in. he’s seen you like this before, especially today, always itching to be outside when the rain falls, drawn to it in a way he’s never really understood.

without a word, he walks over to the door leading to the backyard. the soft creak of the door handle catches your attention, pulling you from your thoughts. you watch as he stands there for a moment, his hand resting on the doorframe, looking at you.

no words pass between you, but the way he gestures outside, a playful tilt of his head, says everything. it’s almost like a silent ‘after you’ as if he’s jokingly daring you to go out into the rain.

a smile breaks across your face, and before you know it, you’re up. you brush past him, feeling his presence right behind you as you step outside. the cool rain meets your skin, soaking into your clothes almost instantly, but you don’t care. rafe is close, following you out into the yard, his chuckle barely audible over the sound of the rain as it picks up.

the two of you don’t need to say anything. you just move, running across the wet grass, spinning around to feel the individual drops as they fall on your face. you pause every now and then, standing in place, arms spread out wide to feel the rain cover you like a blanket. but the peace never lasts long before rafe is at your side again, tackling you to the ground with a sudden burst of energy. you both fall, rolling across the grass in a fit of laughter, his weight pressing into you briefly before you push him off with a shove.

you end up on your backs, lying there side by side in the rain. your breath comes in short bursts from all the laughing, and there’s a calmness that settles over the two of you. you turn your head to look at him, and there’s something in the way he looks back at you, rain dripping down his face. it’s just you and him, the world around you disappearing into the sound of the rain, the hum of your heartbeat in your ears.

in that moment, you feel something deeper. something that goes beyond the undefined territory you’ve been navigating for months. there’s a connection—stronger than before, pulling you in, making you wonder how you ever let yourself fall this far. you feel it with every glance, every brush of his hand against yours as you lay there.

and then, almost without warning, it’s over. you’re in the car again, the engine quietly rumbling as rafe drives you home. the rain hasn’t let up, the windshield wipers swishing back and forth, and the streetlights blur past as you sit in silence.

you sit in the passengers seat, wrapped in rafe’s oversized hoodie, the warmth of it settling against your skin, but the comfort feels fleeting. your clothes had been drenched from the rain, and now, you’re dressed in his.

you don’t want it to end. when you were out there with him, laughing in the rain, time seemed to stretch. it was simple, effortless—like the world stopped just for you. you find yourself wishing it could stay that way, even for just a little longer.

but now, here you are, in his car, the night creeping closer to its end as he drives you home. you rest your head against the seat, staring out at the blurry glow of the streetlights through the rain-streaked windows. in your mind, the memories play on repeat, each one a familiar echo of nights like this.

there’s a pattern—you recognize it now. the closeness, the laughter, the silence when neither of you acknowledges what this really is. a situationship, something more than friendship but never quite a relationship. yet, despite it all, you don’t care. being with him in this confusing, undefined space feels better than being without him.

the car slows as he pulls up to your house, and the quiet reality hits. you glance at him, but he doesn’t say anything, just pulls out his phone when he gets a phone call, but he glances at you when you just sit there. it’s enough. you step out into the cool air, the dampness of the rain lingering in the night as you head inside.

the house is quiet, save for the faint clink of dishes in the kitchen. you walk in, and as you make your way to the fridge, your mom looks up from the counter, her eyes catching on your borrowed clothes. “whose clothes are those?” she asks, her voice casual but curious.

you shrug, opening the fridge and grabbing a water bottle. “rafes,” you reply simply, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. you don’t stick around for her reaction, turning and heading for the stairs, the sound of your footsteps fading as you make your way up.

as soon as you reach your room, you dive onto your bed and roll onto your back. your phone buzzes in your pocket, pulling your attention. with a sigh, you pull it out and open a group chat with your friends. for a second, your fingers hover over the screen, and then, without thinking too much, you begin typing.

how do you know when ur in

your fingers pause over the last word. the L word. it feels too heavy, too real to even finish typing. your thoughts stumble, second-guessing. do you really want their advice on this? what would they even say? maybe it’s not something your friends can help you with. not this.

with a slight shake of your head, you delete the message, watching the cursor blink on an empty screen before you lock your phone and drop it onto your chest.

just nights later, you get word that some pogues are throwing a party at the boneyard, but it’s not just any—it’s sarah’s friends.

you look over to rafe as he gets out of the car, his eyes scanning the beach. topper and kelce are already talking by the car, but rafe’s focus is sharp, as if nothing really starts until he steps into the mix.

he walks around to your side, opening the door and offering his hand. you take it so he can help you out of the car. his grip is firm, the way he holds you close as you step onto the soft sand beneath your shoes.

his arm is slung across your shoulder, and he gives you a playful shake as he leads the way toward the party.

even though he doesn’t say a word, the pressure of his touch says enough. it’s protective, almost possessive, like he’s staking a claim. you glance at him.

he wants you close, needs you to be within his reach, and you know it’s not just casual. it’s the way he is, the way he’s always been with you—controlling, protective. he walks slightly ahead, his arm guiding you forward as if he’s leading you, ensuring you’re exactly where he wants you to be.

and despite the way your body tenses beneath his touch, despite the chill that runs through you as his fingers press into your back, you let him. you tell yourself it’s just rafe being rafe—always wanting control, always needing to know where you are. it’s intoxicating in a way, the way he holds you there, the way he’s so sure that you belong with him.

your skin prickles, not because you’re afraid, but because there’s a part of you that knows this isn’t normal—this isn’t how it should feel. yet, despite that little voice in the back of your mind, you follow him. you always do.

you make your way into the heart of the party with your friends. the air smells like salt and smoke, laughter and music filling the space between the flickering bonfires. rafe’s hand slips from yours, but he doesn’t stray far, keeping close as he weaves his way through the crowd.

people greet him—some with a nod, some with a smile—but it’s like there’s an invisible line drawn around the two of you, keeping the rest of the world at arm’s length. and you don’t mind. not when it feels this good.

it doesn’t take long before rafe comes back with some drinks, and without missing a beat, he pulls you in closer to him. you laugh, sip your drink, and enjoy the chaos of the night, but there’s a quiet satisfaction that hums underneath it all. it’s the feeling of practically being his—of knowing that he knows it too.

the night spirals into a blur. somewhere between the music and the shots, you’ve lost count of how much you’ve had to drink. the warmth of the alcohol buzzes through your veins, making everything feel softer, the edges of reality blurring. but topper is there to catch you when you start to sway just a little too much.

“you okay?” he asks, his voice warm as a faint smile appears on his face.

“yeah, just a little tipsy,” you giggle, leaning into him, feeling the world tilt slightly.

as the night wears on, you find yourself laughing at everything, dancing wildly under the stars, the sound of waves crashing nearby blending with the music. but by the end of the night, it’s clear you’re done. you’re not sure if it’s the drinks or the way rafe is nowhere to be seen half of the time.

“this party is lame,” rafe comments as he finds you, topper, and kelce by a bonfire. he’s holding one of the red solo cups but he’s uninterested.

kelce shrugs, “to you, maybe. ‘cause there’s no snow.”

rafe weaves his way through the boys to reach you. “you’re staying with me tonight,” he says, and you don’t argue. you just nod, letting him guide you to the car, his hand gripping yours like an anchor.

once you reach his car, he opens the door for you, his hand lingering on your waist as you slide into the passenger seat. “you really had a good time, huh?” he teases, starting the engine.

“best night ever,” you reply, a goofy grin spreading across your face. you look over at him, feeling a warmth blooming in your chest, the alcohol making everything feel more intense. you just wish you saw more of him that night.

when you arrive at his house, he helps you out of the car. you stumble slightly but he catches you. “easy, easy,” he mutters, leading you inside.

even when his words are dry, and his touch is barely there, you cling to moments like this, convincing yourself it means something.

still, being this close feels good. it always does. you want to tell him—everything. to spill out the truth that’s been gnawing at you for weeks, months. but you know better. don’t ruin the moment, you think, your teeth worrying your bottom lip. it’s too good to ruin. too fragile to risk.

you want to tell him everything, to let it all out. but you can’t. not when he’s like this, not when he looks at you like nothing’s changed.

and now, you’re lying in his bed, the room spinning just a little. the pillows are soft beneath your head, and rafe is standing at the edge of the bed, watching you. his expression is unreadable, but there’s a slight furrow in his brow, like he’s trying to figure something out.

“just get some rest. you’ll feel better in the morning,” he says.

he’s standing over you, and for a moment, your thoughts are louder than the room. he looks at you like he always does—unreadable. it feels like the words are stuck, heavy and burning at the back of your throat. maybe he already knows. he has to. with how often you’re by his side, how you’ve never left, even when he’s cold and distant. it’s so obvious, isn’t it?

“okay. thank you for taking care of me,” you murmur, your words slurring slightly, the alcohol clouding your mind. you look at him, trying to read his expression, wanting to see something—anything—that suggests he cares.

you bite your tongue, trying to keep it all inside, but then the words start slipping, slow at first, like they have a mind of their own. “i love—”

you catch yourself, the words teetering on the edge of your lips. your heart races as you realize what you almost let slip, a rush of fear flooding through you. what are you doing? your heart is pounding and you feel like within a second, you’re able to turn completely sober.

silence. it’s so loud it’s almost suffocating. you force yourself to look up, desperately searching his face for a reaction, anything. but there’s nothing. his expression doesn’t change, not even a flicker of surprise or discomfort. just that same calm, indifferent look he always has.

it’s like he didn’t even register it—or something worse.

“go to sleep,” he says, his voice flat. he takes a step back, glancing towards the door, like he’s already moving on. “i’ll be back.”

all you can do is nod, your heart still racing from the near-slip. “okay,” you whisper, and you pull the blanket tighter around you.

you can’t breathe. you can’t move. your heart is still racing as you watch him leave, the door closing softly behind him. you sink back into the bed, pulling the covers over yourself, but the warmth is gone.

your head spins with everything unsaid, and you can’t shake the feeling that it’s too late.

he doesn’t care. he doesn’t care the way you do. the words hang in the air, heavy and unspoken. a chill runs down your spine as you replay the moment in your head, the way he dismissed your feelings without even a second glance.

he doesn’t care that you almost admitted you loved him? that, or . . . yeah, rafe already knows. and in some way, that scares you more than anything.

you can remember the first time you met rafe—back when you were kids, in middle school. you’d known of the cameron family, but you’d never been around enough to meet rafe specifically. for so long, it felt like you were in two different worlds. but in middle school, rafe finally noticed you, only to say something rude.

it stung, but you were kids. that was the odd beginning of your friendship. it was rough at first, barely getting along most of the time as barely acquaintances. still, you liked being friends with sarah, even if she was a few years younger. you two weren’t super close because of the age gap, but once you hit high school, you didn’t mind looking out for her when she needed it.

only then did rafe approach you again since middle school. he told you to stay away from his sister, as if you were some kind of bad influence. you weren’t, and you told him as much, calling him stupid. that was the end of it—for that day, at least.

you two shared more classes that junior year than you would’ve liked, which meant seeing him nearly every day. you never went out of your way to be rude unless he started it, and he always did. if he saw you, he usually took the chance to say or do something to get under your skin. still, it wasn’t like he was out to get you—it was more like an unspoken routine.

things only lightened up in senior year. you ended up helping him at some volunteer event he didn’t want to go to, and neither did you. you’d brought a flask, figuring it would take the edge off the boredom, and it helped break the ice between you two.

by the next week, you crossed paths again. you drove yourself to and from school, but your tire went flat one day, probably from driving over something sharp in the parking lot while pulling in during the morning.

you didn’t know how to change it, and as luck would have it, rafe spotted you on his way to his friend’s car. he stopped and helped you out. ever since that day, it felt like something shifted, and the foundation for your friendship started to take root.

“y/n,” rafe calls, snapping you out of your thoughts. you immediately turn to your window, tearing off your blankets as you make your way over to peek between the blinds.

there he is, leaning casually against the door of his truck, chewing some gum and fiddling with the wrapper. without wasting time, you rush to pull on your shoes and grab your bag, ready to head out.

now, you’re leaning against the rail of kelce’s boat, staring into your cup as the wind whips around you. it’s the usual sandbar party, and you’re already en route, cruising across the water.

the sun is bright, forcing you to squint when you glance up, scanning the boat for familiar faces. kooks everywhere—laughing, drinking, pre-gaming before the afternoon on the beach. in one hand, you clutch your drink and a pair of sunglasses, in the other, your phone.

you absentmindedly toss your hair off your shoulder, then peer over the rail to watch the water rush past beneath you. two people approach—a boy and a girl, probably friends of kelce’s since everyone got an invite to ride with him.

they linger nearby, the girl shifting nervously until she finally speaks up, “i like your top.” her words come out fast, almost as if she’s afraid you won’t hear her.

you glance her way, taking her in with a brief nod. “i like your . . . shoes,” you reply, offering a small smile. the girl’s wearing sneakers—not exactly the best choice for a day at the beach, but you’re just poking fun.

she seems to miss the teasing tone, accepting the compliment with a hesitant, “thanks.”

the boy steps forward now, smoothly joining the conversation. “how long you been in the outer banks?” he asks, like it’s no big deal, just another casual question.

you tilt your head slightly, thinking for a moment. “most of my life. you and your girl new to the island?”

the boy looks quickly at the girl, and she immediately looks away. “no, we’re just friends,” he says, glancing back at you while you watch them both closely. there’s something unspoken between them, though—especially when the girl throws him a quick, hurt look. clearly, there’s more to their story.

you extend your hand, breaking the tension. “y/n.”

“jasper,” he says, shaking your hand, and for a moment, his gaze locks with yours. but your attention quickly shifts to the girl beside him. you hold out your hand, waiting for her introduction, and after a brief pause, she reaches out.

“i’m isabelle,” she mumbles softly, her voice almost getting lost in the wind.

you give her a genuine smile. the teasing earlier probably didn’t help, but this feels like a better moment. you shake her hand, but something catches your eye. the light glints off the bracelet on her wrist, a delicate piece of jewelry that stands out against her skin. instinctively, you pause, twisting her hand gently to get a better look.

“that’s really pretty,” you say, your voice filled with genuine admiration. isabelle looks a little flustered, glancing down at the bracelet herself before offering an awkward smile.

“my mom gave it to me recently,” she explains, her voice soft, almost like she’s revealing something personal.

you raise your eyebrows, nodding like you figured. “she has good taste,” you say, pulling your hand away and giving her a playful grin. “i wish i had one like that.”

isabelle smiles, this time with a bit more warmth, as you take a sip of your drink. beside you, jasper checks his beer can, frowning slightly.

“i’m out,” he says, looking toward where kelce and rafe are talking. “kelce said he had some in the cooler. be right back.”

you watch him go, your eyes drifting toward rafe as he talks with kelce. for a second, you catch him looking at you, the briefest flicker of attention before he refocuses on jasper approaching. jasper’s probably asking where the cooler is.

you glance over at isabelle, who’s now standing beside you, her posture awkward, her drink clutched tightly in her hand.

you tilt your head at her, curiosity getting the better of you. “is he sure that you and him are just friends?”

isabelle looks startled, her eyes widening as she whips back around to face you, blinking rapidly like she’s been caught off guard. she looks away, the blush creeping into her cheeks as she stares down at her drink.

“he’s sure,” she mumbles, her voice small. “i’m not.”

you wince. the way she said it, the quiet frustration—it all sounds way too familiar. but you wave the thought off. it’s not about you right now.

isabelle looks at you, her lips twitching upward in a shy smile. “i’ve liked him since we were kids,” she admits, the words spilling out now like she’s been holding onto them for too long. “we’re only here for the summer, and our parents are best friends with kelce’s, so . . . i don’t know. it’s just complicated. i don’t think he can even read any of the hints i throw at him.”

you place a delicate hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her. “well, if he doesn’t see that, then he’s stupid,” you say with a small smile, your tone light but firm. “seriously, he’s an idiot if he can’t tell.”

you give her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “he’ll either figure it out, or you’ll find someone who’s not blind,” you say, shrugging. “either way, you’ve got it.”

isabelle shakes her head and looks down at her drink, swirling it gently, the ice clinking softly against the plastic cup. she’s quiet for a second, like she’s not sure if she should even bother saying the rest. but then she lets out a sigh, giving in.

“you know,” she starts, voice low but steady, “sometimes i wonder if he even notices. like, i’ve tried. i really have. but sometimes i feel like he’s just choosing not to see it. maybe it’s easier for him that way, not having to deal with what comes next. and . . . what if i’m wasting all this time waiting for something that’s never going to happen? that scares me the most. i don’t want to look back and feel stupid for hoping.”

isabelle glances up, her brows furrowed, a soft laugh escaping her that sounds more like a breath of frustration. “but what really gets me is the fear of losing him completely. like, what if this—this friendship, or whatever it is—is all we’re meant to be? if i tell him, and he doesn’t feel the same . . . i ruin everything. so maybe i should just keep this, even if it’s not everything i want, than lose him altogether.”

you listen in silence, your chest tightening as isabelle’s words sink in. you nod slightly, acknowledging how close to home they hit. it’s like she’s pulled the thoughts straight from your own mind and laid them out between you.

all those late nights you spent wondering the same thing about rafe, the moments you brushed aside the hints you were giving him, thinking it was easier for him not to notice. you regret the other night at the party. that’s probably the furthest you’ve gotten to practically telling him how you feel.

because dealing with what comes after—if there is even any after—would change everything. maybe you’re scared of that too. of ruining whatever it is you already have, even if it’s not enough anymore.

isabelle takes an innocent sip of her drink, like she hadn’t just spilled her deepest fears. she glances around, shrugging softly. “anyway, that’s how my love life is going.” she laughs, but it’s hollow, like she’s trying to play it off as nothing, like it doesn’t really matter.

you don’t respond right away. instead, you find yourself staring at her, watching as she shifts uncomfortably, unsure of what to do with the vulnerability she just shared. your gaze drifts, following the trail of sunlight dancing over the water as the boat cuts through it.

isabelle’s words replay in your mind, over and over, threading together with every uncertain feeling you’ve been holding onto about rafe. you’ve been walking this fine line with him for what feels like forever, stuck between wanting more and being afraid of losing what you already have. and now, you’re not sure which way you’re leaning anymore.

you pause for a moment, thinking. the words hang on your tongue, but you’re not sure if you should ask. finally, you look at isabelle, your voice careful, like you’re testing the waters. “so you’re just never gonna tell him?” you ask, the question feeling like it’s aimed at both of you.

isabelle shakes her head quickly, like she didn’t mean for it to sound that definite. “no, not never,” she says, shrugging. “this isn’t something i’d take to my grave or anything. maybe when we’re older, when things aren’t so clustered for us right now. i think if we were around each other more often, maybe then i’d say something, but that’s not something i can risk under our circumstances right now.”

you just nod, absorbing her words. there it is—that’s what sets you and isabelle apart.

you get it, the fear of telling someone how you feel, whether it’s like or love, especially when the timing is off or the distance makes it easier to hide. but you and rafe? there’s no distance, no gap keeping you apart. you’ve been inseparable for years, always around each other, no excuses. and yet, here you are.

you blink a few times, but you don’t say anything, the weight of it settling between you and isabelle like a silent understanding. you both turn your attention to the horizon as the boat nears the shore of an island not far from figure eight.

you lean into rafe’s side, his arm draped casually across your shoulder, pulling you in closer, while he talks to the group—kelce, topper, isabelle, jasper—all standing around in a loose circle.

laughter flows freely, and the air smells like sunscreen and the salt of the ocean. people all around have set up umbrellas, towels, coolers—transforming the stretch of beach into a party that’s as chaotic as it is carefree. music blares from portable speakers, the kind you feel in your chest, vibrating through the sand.

volleyball games erupt further down the beach, and the sound of drunken laughter and splashing water fills the air as people float lazily on oversized inflatables.

someone cheers as a girl stumbles down to the water, pulling up her shirt in a flash of skin before diving in, the moment met with more hollering and clapping. it's all easy, light—everyone’s just letting loose, and you’re swept up in it.

you find yourself spending most of the afternoon alongside isabelle, both of you lounging in the sun, sipping drinks and sharing amused glances as the day carries on. there’s this unspoken ease between you now, something that started back on the boat. you talk without pressure, just floating through the day’s moments together.

but there are moments with rafe too. he finds you in the crowd, his hand slipping into yours as he tugs you away, guiding you through the chaos. he hugs you close, his breath warm against your ear as he leans in to say something you can’t quite hear over the noise, but it doesn’t matter. wherever he goes, you follow, and the two of you string each other along from one spot to the next, like you’re tethered together.

and then there’s that kiss. it happens just before you leave the sandbar, when the sun has started to dip lower in the sky. it’s abrupt, initiated by rafe, but it feels like something he needed to do, like he couldn’t let the day end without it.

his lips are warm, lingering on yours longer than usual, and everything else falls away. it’s like you’re the only two people left on the beach, the distant chatter and music fading into the background.

when he pulls back, it’s only for a second before he leans in again, his hands tightening on your waist, not wanting to let you go. you stare up at him after, your heart thudding in your chest, adoration in your eyes as you hold his gaze.

but now you’re home, and the contrast is stark. the dim lighting making the space feel colder, emptier. the energy of the sandbar is gone, replaced by an unsettling quiet. you sit on your couch, your leg bounces up and down, restless, as you stare blankly ahead.

the silence of your empty house is deafening. the faint ringing in your ears from the silence draws you into your thoughts—back to yesterday, back to the way rafe held you close, the way his presence felt like an anchor.

you felt safe, maybe even whole, when you were with him. but now, sitting here alone, the difference is almost suffocating. it’s strange how quickly it can shift—one day surrounded by people, warmth, noise, and the next, alone with only your thoughts, replaying every detail, every touch, every feeling.

the way things are now, it’s safe. there’s no risk, no line to cross that you can’t uncross. but if you were to tell him, to lay it all out there, could you handle the fallout?

because what if he doesn’t feel the same?

but then he kissed you. like he did yesterday, so suddenly, so effortlessly, pulling you into him like it’s second nature. it’s like he knew exactly when to pull you back in, just when you were starting to think too much. and just like that, all those questions you’ve been holding onto, the ones that sit heavy on your chest every time you’re near him, dissolve. because when he kisses you like that, it’s easy to forget everything else.

they vanish, swallowed by the feeling of him, so close, making you feel like maybe you don’t need to figure it all out right now.

but even then, just for a second, it’s on the tip of your tongue. you almost say it, almost let it slip, but you stop yourself. you always do.

i love you.

you convince yourself it’s not the right time, not the right moment, or maybe it’s not something you should say at all. and just when you’re about to pull away, to push the thought down like you always do, he kissed you again.

and just like that, you’re right back where you started. questioning, doubting, but never fully letting go. the feelings circling around inside you, waiting for the next time you’re close enough for them to surface again.

the next few days blur together, each one melting into the next. it feels as though you’re standing still, trapped in your bubble of emotions while everyone else rushes past you, moving faster and faster.

your best friend’s voice cuts through the fog of your thoughts, calling your name with a playful urgency, like she’s been doing for the past few moments. you blink, looking away from the raindrops on the window and finally focusing on her, the light in her eyes breaking through your haze.

“what?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper, still slightly disoriented.

she laughs, a warm sound that pulls you back into the moment. as she continues talking, you lean into your pillow, letting the comfort envelop you.

the conversation drifts toward summer plans—what they have been up to, the adventures they’ve had. your friend shares her own stories of beach trips and spontaneous late-night drives.

“we should definitely go to that new froyo place tomorrow,” she suggests. “i heard they have all these crazy flavors. oh my g— remember last summer when we tried to make our own?”

you smile at the memory, letting it wash over you. just as you’re settling into the rhythm of the conversation, your mom pops her head in, breaking the moment. “dinner’s almost ready,” she calls from the doorway.

“thanks, mom,” you murmur, your voice soft as you turn your head slightly to give her a smile. she nods, and with that, she slips away, leaving the door ajar.

as soon as she’s gone, you lean back down, resting your elbow on your pillow and propping your head on your hand. your gaze drifts to your phone, almost expectantly, fingers itching to scroll through your notifications. you’re not even sure what you’re hoping for, but the silence feels heavy, and a part of you longs for a message.

your friend watches you closely, an amused smile creeping onto her lips. “do you want to text him?” she asks casually, the knowing glimmer in her eyes saying she’s onto you.

“him?” you feign innocence, raising an eyebrow. there really isn’t anyone else in your life who fits the bill like rafe, but you can’t just assume. she, however, sees right through you.

“come on, y/n. you know who i’m talking about.” she gets comfortable on your bed, sinking into the pillows as she watches you, her interest piqued. “what’s the deal with him anyway?”

you hesitate, slow to respond, feeling the weight of the question. you can’t seem to pinpoint how to explain what’s been going on. “things are good,” you say finally, the words feeling vague and hollow even as they leave your lips.

the look on your best friend’s face shifts immediately, arching an eyebrow. “good? really?” she prompts, tilting her head as if trying to pry more out of you.

you roll your eyes, exasperated by her unwavering gaze. “fine, it’s complicated,” you admit, the truth slipping out before you can stop it. you grab your phone, sinking deeper into your pillow, scrolling through your notifications as if the action could distract you from your tangled thoughts about rafe.

or maybe even check if you even have a notification from him.

she watches you scroll through your phone, her eyes flicking to the slight frown on your face. she doesn't speak right away, just sits there, observing. then, she reaches over, placing her hand gently over your phone and setting it back down on the bed.

“nevermind. you know, you’re gonna drive yourself crazy overthinking like this,” she says softly, shifting to face you more. “sometimes you just gotta rip the band-aid off and stop worrying about what might go wrong. otherwise, you’ll be stuck forever.”

you glance at her, unsure if you want to hear it. but she’s already readjusting her position, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she continues. “god knows i would’ve done things differently with cooper, but you know.”

you lean your head back, letting out a dramatic exhale at the mention of his name—cooper. you’ve heard enough stories to last a lifetime. but you pull your head forward again, looking at her as she reaches over once more, this time placing her hand over yours.

“i just think you should really do it,” she says, her tone more serious now.

you sigh, rubbing your eyes with the arm you’ve been propping yourself up on.

“whatever,” you mumble, shaking off the tension. “let’s go eat dinner. i’m starving.”

after dinner, your friend excuses herself to use the bathroom, leaving you and your mom at the table. your mom finishes up her plate before glancing at you, wiping her mouth with a napkin. “was it good?” she asks.

you don’t say anything, just smile softly and nod. she smiles back, the corners of her eyes crinkling with affection as she gets up to collect the dishes from the table, already moving to tidy up and call it a day.

you stand too, silently helping her by stacking the plates and utensils as she handles putting the leftovers in containers. the clink of dishes and quiet movement fill the space.

when you walk over to the sink, you place the plates inside, fingers lingering on the faucet handle. but you stop. turning around, you fiddle with your hands, the words you've been holding onto threatening to spill out.

your voice is quieter than usual when you finally ask, “how do you know if you love someone?”

your mom pauses in her search for containers, her hand resting on the cabinet door as she looks over at you. she sets down the lid she’s holding and turns, studying your face carefully. “what do you mean?” her tone is soft, open, and it catches you off guard.

you bite the inside of your cheek, unsure of how to phrase it without sounding like some naive girl, like a kid who thinks she’s in love. you lean back against the counter, gripping the edges behind you. “i’m in this situation—literally—with this boy, and—”

your mom cuts in, a knowing smile spreading across her face. “is it rafe?”

you freeze for a second, caught off guard, but the way she says it, almost amused and without judgment, relaxes you. of course she knows. it’s not like you two ever really tried to keep anything a secret. the island knew, your friends knew, but hearing your mom say it so casually makes your lips curl into a sheepish smile. “yeah,” you admit quietly.

your mom crosses her arms, leaning against the counter opposite you, still smiling. “what’s going on?”

you exhale softly, unsure where to even begin. “i don’t know,” you start, “we’re close, obviously. and he’s been . . . we’ve been spending so much time together lately, more than usual. but it’s confusing, you know? like, he doesn’t commit, but then there are these moments, like, i feel like there’s more between us. and i don’t want to ruin what we have, but i also don’t know if what we have is enough anymore.”

your mom watches you carefully, absorbing everything you’re saying. her expression softens as she considers her words. “i remember when i was your age,” she begins, her voice taking on a reflective tone. “i was in a similar situation with your father. we weren’t perfect—far from it—but i knew i loved him. i knew it because i was scared of losing him, but more than that, i was willing to fight for him. and i did.”

you blink at her, surprised. she rarely talks about how she and your dad got together, and when she does, it’s usually brief.

“we had our ups and downs,” she continues. “but in the end, it was worth it because i didn’t give up on what i wanted. and that led me here,” she says, her smile widening as she gestures lightly, “to you.”

you look down, her words settling in. “so you’re saying i should, what? take a chance?”

“i’m saying if you think it’s worth it, if you believe in it, then don’t be afraid to fight for it. but you have to be sure, really sure. because if you’re not, it’ll show. and rafe? he’ll see it.”

your mom moves toward you, placing a gentle hand on your arm. “whatever happens, just remember, you deserve to be happy. don’t settle for anything less.”

you’re still absorbing your mom’s words, turning them over in your head, when she leans slightly, nodding toward the back door. “go,” she says, her tone gentle yet resolute.

you blink, caught completely off guard. “wh— now?” your voice comes out confused, almost a laugh. you glance toward the window, where rain streaks down the glass. “mom, it’s pouring.”

she waves a hand, like the rain is the least of your worries. "i know. go put on a jacket. tell rafe how you feel."

your chest tightens, a swell of uncertainty rising up again, but there’s something in the way she looks at you—something that makes your heart stutter. “mom,” you start, your voice uncertain, but she interrupts, her expression soft but determined.

“listen,” she says, stepping closer, her hands gently shooing you toward the door, “it’s when you get to the end of your life that you realize how important the choices you made at the beginning were. you’re young, y/n. you have your whole life ahead of you to figure things out.” she pauses, her eyes meeting yours. “but you don’t want to look back, wondering what would’ve happened if you’d just taken that chance.”

your breath catches in your throat. you can’t deny that a part of you has been afraid—afraid of what admitting your feelings for rafe might do to your friendship, to the years of closeness you’ve built. but there’s something about the way she says it that strikes deep, a kind of clarity you’ve been avoiding.

“and,” she continues, stepping back just slightly, "even if it doesn’t turn out the way you hope, you both know you’ll always work out as friends. you’ve known that for a long time now.” she smiles then, soft but sure. “so go.”

you stand there, rooted in place, feeling the weight of your indecision lift—just a little. your mom knows. she’s always known. and the more you think about it, the more you realize she’s right. the fear, the hesitation—it doesn’t outweigh what you already know about rafe. about how solid you two are, even in uncertainty.

without another thought, you step forward, pulling her into a tight hug. “thank you,” you murmur into her shoulder, voice muffled but heartfelt. you linger for a second longer, breathing in the familiar scent of home, of comfort. “i owe you for this. and for the dishes next time.”

your mom chuckles as she pulls back. “all you owe me,” she says, brushing a strand of hair from your face, “is handling your friend when she gets back from the bathroom and realizes that you’re not here.”

you grin at that, shaking your head slightly as you turn away. then you rush toward the front door, grabbing a jacket from the table, your fingers fumbling for your car keys. the adrenaline starts kicking in, buzzing beneath your skin, and your heart beats faster—not from fear, but from excitement. clarity.

the rain hits your face as soon as you step outside, cool droplets splashing against your skin, soaking through the jacket almost instantly. but you don’t care. not this time.

you hurry toward the car, slipping behind the wheel, and as the engine roars to life, there’s only one thing on your mind. you’re not running away anymore—you’re going straight to him. straight to rafe, to tell him everything.

your mom is still standing in the kitchen, smiling to herself as she wipes down the counter. your friend emerges from the bathroom, stretching dramatically.

“ugh, i have the biggest food baby right now,” she groans, rubbing her stomach with an exaggerated pout. “like, seriously, i think i might be in my third trimester.”

she stops mid-step, suddenly noticing that you're nowhere to be seen. her gaze flickers around the room, confusion settling on her face. “where’s y/n?”

your mom just smiles, glancing up from the counter with a knowing look.

the rain pounds against your windshield and your fingers grip the steering wheel tighter, knuckles white, as the tires cut through puddles, water splashing up on either side of the road.

it’s dark outside, the kind of dark that makes the world feel like it’s closing in, and yet you drive, the rain blurring everything except for the weight of what you’re about to do.

you can hardly believe you're doing this—driving to rafe’s house, of all places, on a night like this. it’s pouring. but the rain, the storm, the darkness—they almost feel fitting. like the weather outside mirrors the chaos that’s been brewing inside you for months.

you think about him. about rafe. about the time you’ve spent together—the laughs, the touches, the kisses, the way he makes you feel like you’re the only person in the world.

you think about the nights he’s held you close, his breath warm against your neck, and the mornings where he pulls away just a little too soon, leaving you wondering if you imagined it all. it’s like being on a tightrope, balancing between something beautiful and something terrifying.

this thing with him, it’s not really a relationship, is it? it’s more like a maze with no exit, a constant loop of confusion and longing, of wanting more but being afraid to ask for it.

you’ve told yourself a thousand times that you’re okay with it—that whatever this is, it’s enough. but it’s not. and deep down, you’ve always known it’s not.

you’ve spent so long trying to figure it out. is this love? do you love him? or is it just the idea of him? the way he makes the world feel quieter when everything else is so loud, so overwhelming. you’ve wondered if maybe you just needed someone, anyone, to make you feel like you weren’t going through life alone. you’ve questioned if it’s love or if it’s desperation.

but then you remember the way his eyes soften when he looks at you—like he’s seeing past every wall you’ve ever put up. you remember the way his touch feels like it’s grounding you, like it’s the only thing keeping you tethered to reality. and it hits you, harder than you’ve ever allowed it to before. you do love him.

you’ve probably never loved anyone as much as you love rafe cameron. and it’s terrifying.

because how do you tell him that? how do you tell someone you love them when you’ve spent months pretending you’re fine without a real answer, pretending that this . . . undefined space you’ve both been living in is enough?

your mind is racing, your heart too, as the road blurs in front of you. the rain is relentless, but you barely notice. all you can think about is him. about how you’ve spent so long holding back, holding yourself in this limbo, waiting for something—anything—to change. but nothing will change unless you make it change.

you’ve waited for him to make the first move, to say something, to define what’s between you, but you’re done waiting. you love him, and whether or not he feels the same, you need him to know. you need to say it out loud. maybe for yourself, more than for him. you can’t keep living in this. you deserve more than that.

the rain is pouring harder now, like the sky is trying to drown the world, but it doesn’t matter. nothing matters except for the fact that you’re almost there. almost at his house. almost at the point of no return.

your heart is in your throat when you pull into his driveway. you sit there for a moment, the engine still running, the rain beating down on your car, and you just breathe.

but then you remember his smile. his laugh. the way he makes you feel like you’re floating and falling all at once. and you know you have to do this. you can’t keep living in the in-between.

you throw your jacket over your head as you step out into the rain, the cold water soaking through your shoes, your pants, everything. it’s freezing, but you barely feel it. you walk up to his front door, your steps heavy, heart even heavier. you knock, once, twice, and then wait.

your heart feels like it’s about to explode. everything you’ve wanted to say, everything you’ve felt—it’s all bubbling up inside you, ready to spill out the second the door opens. you’re nervous, terrified, but ready. so, so ready.

the door creaks open, and there he is. rafe.

he looks at you, rain-soaked and trembling, and it’s like something clicks in his eyes. like he knows exactly why you’re here. like he’s been waiting for this moment, too.

you smile, a soft, trembling smile, your heart in your throat. “hey.”

he stands there, staring at you with that familiar look, the one that’s always made you feel like maybe—just maybe—he’s been feeling the same way all along. and then he smiles back, a small, understanding smile that makes your heart skip a beat.

“hey.”

[lowkeyrobin]

helloo!! i was wondering if maybe you could write a Five Hargreeves x Reader when five just absolutely ADDORRESS the reader? it doesnt matter whats the situation, whats the backstory for it, i just NEED a lovesick fool five🙏

I ALSO ABSOLUTELY LOOVVVEEE YOUR WRITING ITS SOOOO GOOODD!!!!💞💞💞

nah I agree with this it's slightly ooc but idgaf he would be lovesick if he didn't experience so much trauma in his life TELL ME IM WRONG. /hj ; and thank you!!! I appreciate it <3 ; thanks for requesting, hope you enjoy! ; I tried to make this as long as possible so I'm sorry if it's short as hell 💔

FIVE HARGREEVES ; lovesick

summary ; five is lovesick as hell

warnings ; language

word count ; 345

masterlist

Five adored you. He was completely infatuated, head over heels for you.

"I want you so badly it might kill me"

That's how he asked you out.

You could never do wrong in his eyes. You were a work of art in them. You were the Francoise Pilot to his Pablo Picasso.

He's even worse when he's drunk. Especially when there's no hope to save the world one last time. He's a touchy drunk around you, acting like a cartoon character with bubbles popping out of his lips when he burped.

He's a fool for you, even when he doesn't want to be.

But it's alright.

man he just fell in love at first sight

he couldn't help but admire everything you did, you moved smooth like butter

when he's not busy saving the world, he's surprising you with gifts / being very lovey dovey

he's a big physical affection person when he's lovesick

he literally daydreams of kissing you all day

he's actually obsessed

and it annoys his siblings

"y/n-"

"shut the hell up, five"

he's very overprotective of you

but not in a like stalker weird way, he's just concerned mostly

he doesn't wanna lose you cause he knows shit can flip at any second

he's genuinley the sweetest

yall have that old people love (cause I mean u kinda r old ppl cmon)

you sip hot tea on the porch swing in the morning to watch the sunrise

you live in a little cottage core home in middle of no where pennsylvania

he built your dreams dude 💔💔

think those few lines in miranda lamberts the house that built me

"mama cut out houses of pictures for years, from better homes and garden magazines. plans were drawn and concrete poured, nail by nail, board by board, daddy gave life to mama's dream"

if you get it you get it

I live / grew up in rural PA don't ask ab the country music

cause you'd definitely listen to the soft country type of music when baking in the kitchen or picking strawberries in the greenhouse together

[billieshrry]

I’ll Be Watching You • B.E.

Summary: Billie has had her eye on you for awhile, you don’t know just how far she’ll go to get you.

Warnings: violence (dv from a m*n), psycho!billie, stalker!billie, ummm murder?, sorta bimbo!reader, age gap (not mentioned but billies a few years older)

Authors note: hi guys I’m trying to write so more ppl see my posts and blog and follow me so i can make friends Lol. I hope u enjoy!

The wind blew through your hair as you walked home from work. The chilly fall weather was soothing, but you could feel your cheeks turning red the closer it got to sunset. You walk in the door at 6:34pm on the dot, bending down to pet your cats before tossing your keys in the dish by the front door and sliding your shoes off.

He followed you inside, his arm on your back.

You didn’t notice the girl across the street watching your every move from her garage, where she was pretending to focus on her exercises.

You just waltzed into your home, into her sight, oblivious as ever. It was kind of cute to her, how clueless you had been for the past 3 months.

You didn’t bother to wonder who could’ve been watching through your bedroom window. She saw it all. She watched your midnight dances in your tight little tank tops and matching underwear. She watched you study, enamored by the way your eyes squinted when you focused. The way you nibbled on your pen, probably so confused because your little head could only process so much. She watched you fuck him, how short and unpleasant it looked. How quick he was, how he never paid attention to you.

You never once closed the blinds, the curtain, or shied away from the window frame.

It’s like you wanted her to keep watching, she felt like you were inviting her into your home. You wanted this. You wanted her. So, she did what anyone who felt wanted would do.

She gave you want you wanted. She never stopped watching, never stopped taking mental notes on your every action, your every emotion.

So when she saw him take you upstairs, she thought she knew what she was about to watch. She mentally prepared for the 4 minutes she was about to endure.

She watched you stand on your tippy toes, your entire body in frame, as you tried to find a specific set of lingerie in your drawer. You wanted to look sexy for him.

For him? Or for her.

It almost reminded her of the first time she saw you, when you were walking home from your job at the café in the quaint little town you lived in.

You accidentally let your cat out of the house, and it climbed up into a tall bush in front of the house. She watched your struggle, your short limbs unable to reach the poor cat’s hiding spot. She watched as you looked around, wondering if anyone could help you. She watched as you skimmed over her, not even noticing the pale, black haired girl who was pretending to work out in her garage. She just kept lifting the dumbbells, wondering how dumb you were.

Silly little thing, she thought. What a silly, little girl.

She placed the dumbbells down and put her headphones onto her collarbone, wiping the sweat from under her nose before crossing the street to your house. You turned quickly, hearing the leaves rustle as someone approached you. You jumped slightly when you heard the deep yet smooth voice from behind you.

“Need a little help, babe?”

You turn over your right shoulder, seeing what you think is the most beautiful girl in the world. Her eyes pierced yours, her teeth glimmering in the sunset lighting, her skin bright and so clear. You stutter over yourself, looking up at her. Her clothes stuck to her chest with sweat, her arms glistening and her bra strap just barely hanging out of the tank top she was in.

“Y- yes please! My cat, my stupid little cat, she got stuck in this bush! I knew I shouldn’t have opened the door so wide, my music just made me completely forget about real life! I’m so stupid, I’m so sorry!” You ramble to the stranger in front of you.

“Hey, hey, shh,” she says, calming you down although now her own heart rate is through the roof. “I’ll get the poor kitty, you just go inside.”

You oblige, running in to make sure your other cat was okay. You watch through a front window as she climbs into the bush to get your scared little fuzzball, your heart swelling with appreciation. She pets Oscar’s (your cat’s) head lovingly before smiling at you through the window. You come back outside, your smile wide and your eyes bright, practically skipping to get your cat from the sweet stranger who lived across the street.

“Thank you! Thank you so much! Seriously I owe you! That could’ve really scratched you up!” You say, looking at the light red scratches on her upper arm from the twigs in the bush.

“Really, it’s no problem. I’m right across the street if you need anything. The name’s Billie.”

You smile at the girl, and although you feel bad for interrupting her workout, you believe her sentiment. You introduce yourself to her before she walks back across the street, slipping her headphones on before laying down on the bench and lifting the dumbbells again.

And that, that was the last interaction you two had.

To your knowledge, at least.

Billie, on the other hand, became obsessed with you. Watched your every move. Watched where you drove, watched when you came home, watched who you invited into your house. She was intrigued by your innocence, by your trustfulness to have people in your house without knowing what they would do. Without knowing their true intentions. Without knowing that she was watching everything.

So when she watched you pick out a little lace bra, with the cutest little bow in the front, she took a deep breath, slouching down in her chair, feeling herself get hot.

She watched you bend over, ass toward the window, as you pulled your old pair of panties off. She watched your back arch, your cute little ass right on display for her. She watched you slip on the matching thong to the bra she saw you choose, biting her thumb and taking mental photos of you. She never wanted this to end.

But then, she saw something that she never expected to see.

She saw that man, that boy that had the luck of the draw with you, storm into your bedroom and slap you across the face. She watched as you tumbled over, your hand immediately holding the sting on your cheek. Billie shot up out of her chair, full of shock, which quickly turned into anger. She watched as he pulled his fist back again, but she quickly pulled the blinds. She wouldn’t watch anymore. She physically couldn’t.

Billie paced her room for an hour, peeking out of her front window every few minutes, checking if he was still there. If your light had shut off, if the blinds were closed, if he was gone.

Finally, at 10:12pm, she watched as he stormed out of your room. You were sitting on the bed, sobbing, with your face red from tears and your arms bruised from him. She watched you get up to turn the light off, and then she watched him exit your house.

She knew exactly what she had to do.

She couldn’t do it today, it’d be too obvious, she thought. But she started to watch him instead. She knew everything about him in the span of 24 hours.

Where he worked, his address, his parents, the name of his first pet, his license plate, his first grade teacher.

Billie found it all.

So it was no accident when she drove to the mechanic shop 2 days later. She pulled into the parking lot across the street, watching everyone leave their job for the night. But when she laid her eyes on him, her heart sped up. She was excited.

Billie was ready to kill the man that hurt you, all while you were watching a cozy show in your cute little bedroom, oblivious to it all.

She followed him to a gas station, and as he got out of his shitty little car, she pounced. The station was empty, the night was silent, and she made sure nobody would hear him scream. The hood she used around his head was full of chloroform, so his weak little body went limp in her arms in a matter of seconds. She shoved him into the backseat of her car, and sped home.

As she pulled in, she watched you dig into your bowl of popcorn in your bedroom, your eyes never leaving the screen. How ironic that the movie you were watching was Scream. How festive.

When she pulled into the garage and dragged his unconscious body into her basement, she tied him up to the chair and felt herself get excited. It had been a minute since she had been in this position, ready to kill for a girl. That’s why she had to move into your neighborhood in the first place.

She waited 2 hours, perfecting her tools on the table, waiting for him to wake up. So when he did, and he realized where he was (or realized he didn’t know where he was) the boy started to scream. He wailed and cried, looking at the knives in front of him, feeling his hands and legs tied down.

“Shut up you pussy.” Billie said, almost laughing at his pleas for her to not hurt him. “You fucking hurt my girl, so I’m gonna fucking kill you, alright?”

And so, she did exactly that.

She turned on her speaker in the basement, singing to herself some old classic rock, grabbing her favorite switchblade out of the 4 she had on her tray.

Her feet crinkled the tarp that lay underneath her and your boyfriend.

His eyes locked with hers one last time before she took the knife across his throat, watching the blood spill out of his stupid, ugly body.

Billie carved out his organs, ripping his beating heart out of his chest and holding it up in pride after an hour of torture. Holding the little bitch’s life in her hands, the little bitch that had the audacity to hurt you.

She smiled to herself, thinking of you and how happy you’d be to know he’s gone.

She saved you.

All of this happening while you snuggled up in your bed on the cozy October night, dreaming of the girl you had met that one time from across the street.

Dreaming of the girl who just murdered your boyfriend.

🙂🙂🙂 sorry guys but i felt spooky and im def gonna make a part 2 or make this a series or something if you want it. Also i didnt proofread so sorry

[mariahcarreyyy]

congrats on 2k!!! you deserve it and so so much more <3

can i request being overprotective of them in front of prospective partners with max ofc thank u very much -cait/@leclerced

# prompt no.10, being overprotective of them in front of prospective partners

mariahcarreyyy's 2k celebration announcement post

It was embarrassing.

Watching two grown men argue over who would drive you home from the lively, neon-lit bar led to a bashful flush, warming your body amidst the crisp darkness of the night.

Only minutes prior, Max had taken one look at you and decided home was where you should be. You didn't make any protests because he's right; you wonder if you looked like a book to Max—pages crinkled, broken spines, and easily read words in his favorite font.

"I can take my fucking girlfriend home, Max," your boyfriend, Scotty, seethes through gritted teeth, an ugly vein bursting on his forehead.

Scotty evidently did not like the idea of Max driving you home for a reason you had no idea of. You and Max had been friends for years, so if even an ounce of your yearning and want was reciprocated, he would've done something by now.

That thought did little to dwindle the stubborn 'what if's from gnawing at your soul, the twinge in your heart whenever you see Max with anyone but yourself.

And also the slight guilt at thinking of another man when you have a perfectly fine one waiting at home for you each night but. Whatever.

"I swear to fucking God if you get into that car with her--"

Eyes widening, you place a calming hand on Max's shoulder and ignore the daggers your boyfriend is glaring at your touch. "Okay, how 'bout we all relax, yeah?"

Max cranes his neck to look at you, his harsh facade melting when he catches sight of the worry etched on your face. Once his heaving turned into steady breathing, your face ducking shyly to look away from his gaze, your boyfriend cleared his throat loudly.

You hastily drop your hand like the Dutch had burned you, and Max lets out a disapproving noise at the loss of your contact. Yeah, Scotty did not look impressed. The murderous glint in his eyes did nothing to quell the uncomfortable atmosphere, his jaw flexing like he's capable of murder, of tearing Max's limbs off and letting the blood spill on the pavement.

"Scotty...to be fair, you did drink, and I don't really feel like dying tonight."

A hand creeps around Max's waist, your fingertips pinching the flesh after you hear him snort. A barely concealed yelp from the driver has Scotty scrunching his nose up in distaste, nostrils flared, and betrayal painted across his face.

You should probably side with your boyfriend, but. But the cool breeze makes the tiny hairs on your arms stand up, teeth chattering; you wrap the thin, barely-there jacket Max gave you at the beginning of the night and roll your eyes, walking to Max's car.

Fondly, Max observes the impatient tapping of your foot and flush on your face—from the cold, he tells himself, not for the same reasons as himself. He raises his brows tauntingly at Scotty before advancing towards your shaky frame.

"Fuckin' bitch," Scotty mutters into the air, lips pursed into a scowl and vodka overriding his senses.

Your ears don't quite grasp the words, but Max's do. So, when the world champion's fist paves the way for the colorful hues of a bruise to bloom on the bridge of your boyfriend's nose, you can't help but choke on a gasp.

authors note. anddddd scotty makes a comeback!!!! tbf in the og fic he was actually portrayed as a good bf. max & reader r js bad ppl. now i dont have to feel bd tho cus he's terrible in this🥰

[greg-montgomery]

hi! i’m not sure if you’re still taking requests, but i love your writing and your page!

i have a nsfw request and you can totally say no or not do it, but i rly just wanna see someone write it!

so like y/n is super sweet and kind at work at the bau, and everyone expects her to be super innocent since she’s almost the youngest out of all of them, but one night she ends up at hitch’s hotel room during a case because she’s stressed and her and hotch kind of have something between them (like they both rly want each other but won’t say anything, the whole team knows)

anyways, they like get down to it (idfk 😭), and she’s the complete opposite of what he expects, and it kind of surprises him because she seems so innocent and it rly turns him on (that sounds weird idk but YOU GET IT 😭😭).

anyways, i rly hope u write it but don’t feel obligated to if you don’t want to, love! also i think it would be rly funny if she’s caught rly early in the morning sneaking out of his room and a few ppl from the team catch her sneaking out!

maybe like softdom!hotch? idk 😭 SORRY IVE NEVER MADE A REQUEST

ANYWAYS. i love your writing so much! hope you have an amazing day love!

- 🎃

hii!! i hope you have an amazing day too <3 i love you!

nsfw - 18+ minors dni!!!

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

“And I was screaming at him. If I hadn’t woken up the next second, I would have probably attacked him physically.”

Hotch chuckled at your words as he took a seat right next to you on the edge of his bed.

“Don’t laugh! This is serious, am I going crazy?”

“No, you aren’t,” he said, and gently placed his hand on your thigh in an attempt to calm you down. “I’ve also had dreams about unsubs, it’s normal. You were probably affected because you had talked to the victim just a few hours before he killed her.”

He knew you were worried, but he couldn’t help but notice that you were biting your bottom lip that same way that always drove him crazy. It was so hard being around you; in his hotel room, all alone, with the scent of your perfume clouding his judgment.

“Okay. Maybe I’m overthinking it,” you said, and he caught you staring at his hand on you. If there was any indication of you being uncomfortable he would have never put it there in the first place. But he could see the look on your face; you liked it.

So he kept it there.

Your eyes travelled from his hand to his eyes. God, you were so beautiful, all he wanted to do was lay you down on that bed and take you until you were screaming his name.

The way you were staring at him made him wonder if you could read his thoughts. You were a profiler after all.

“Thanks for the advice,” you said. “You’re a wise old man.”

“That’s David.”

Nothing gave him the same level of satisfaction making you laugh did. During those moments you were almost his.

“Right, sorry,” you giggled.

There was that same look again. You were biting your lips, bit this time it wasn’t out of nervousness; you were trying to contain your laughter.

Hotch didn’t know where he found the courage, but he removed his hand from your thigh and brought it to your face, running his thumb over your mouth. “I love it when you play with your lips.”

You silently blinked at him for a moment, and for that moment Aaron forgot how to breathe. He only obtained the ability to breathe again for a second, before you took it away by opening your mouth and licking the pad of his finger.

The sight and the feeling of your tongue on him made his dick twitch.

You sucked on it slowly, your eyes never leaving his. It wasn’t hard for him to imagine your mouth was on a different part of his body, as you swirled your tongue around his fingertip.

Who would have thought?

He removed his finger from your mouth and while it was still wet from your saliva, he grabbed your face and dragged you close to him.

“What kind of behavior is this? And in front of your boss? I thought you were a good girl,” he said, his nose touching yours.

“I am.”

He could argue, but he’d rather kiss you instead. So he did.

Your little sighs in the middle of the kiss were already driving him insane - he couldn’t even imagine how you’d sound when his hand would find its way between your thighs.

Soon you were on his lap, straddling him, and he pulled away to take your top off. You were eager for another kiss, but he had to take a moment to admire the way your breasts looked covered in that beautiful black lace.

He pulled the left side of your bra down just enough to release your nipple. He played with it with his fingers, making it hard and once it was ready he replaced his hand with his mouth.

The pretty moans that were coming out of your mouth made him even more eager, so he grabbed you by the hips and pushed you down to grind on his cock even harder. You were the most angelic thing he had ever seen, but all he wanted to do was destroy you.

Before he had the chance to think of his next move, you got off his lap with a grin and took of your shoes and jeans.

“Lie down,” you said.

“Who am I to say no to you?”

You crawled on the bed, but didn’t come up to him like he expected. Instead you kneeled between his legs and started unbuckling his belt.

He was painfully hard already and he was counting down the minutes he would finally be in your hands.

Your smirk when you saw his released cock went straight to his ego. And he couldn’t wait to see you full of it.

The way you positioned yourself in all fours, and licked his length while making eye contact with him, looked like it came out of a porno movie.

Your ass looked delicious; the fabric of your panties almost non-existent making him wish he could reach it and give you a few spanks.

“Fuck…”

It was sloppy; one moment you were licking his dick from bottom to top, and the other your hand was wrapped around it while your tongue was swirling around the tip. And it was perfect.

“Fuck, it’s so good. You’re so good at it, baby, you’re so good,” he said, his hand pushing the back of your head so you could suck him deeper.

You cupped his balls and smirked at the way he moaned. You were enjoying it, maybe as much as he was.

“You like it, baby?”

You nodded, and closed your eyes moving your tongue in a torturous pace.

“You know what I like?”

At his question your eyes opened again, and you shook your head.

Aaron signaled you to go up to him for a moment, and grabbed your chin with two of his fingers to maintain the eye contact.

“I like that you’re all shy,” he said and paused to give you a kiss. “Quiet.” Another kiss. “Innocent, in front of others. But with me…you show me what a little slut you are. Just for me.”

Your smile would be the end of him.

“Just for you,” you repeated his words and kissed him before moving between his legs again.

“Spit on it,” he said. “Make it messy, baby, I wanna see you drool.”

You did as he said. He didn’t know where to focus, at your ass, the way your tits were hanging, or your mouth that was doing devilishly things to him.

Finally, he wasn’t looking at anything at all, with his eyes closed, cumming right into your mouth.

[thelilylav]

Y'know what? Fuck it (gives u guys a list of poc artists to listen to cause the white ppl on the music side of tumblr have been embarassing me)

List is under the cut, and warning bc I made it very long

Rock:

Los Abuelos De La Nada

Gesu No Kiwami Otobe

Chuck Berry

Ben E. King

Los Prisoneros

Ahmed Fakroun (ok this one's french art rock but in my book it still counts)

Burnout Syndromes (been fucking w them since I got into Haikyuu lmao)

Infinity Song (their hater song genuinely gets me every time LMAO)

People in the Box

N.E.R.D (my god if u don't know them.. idk dude my brother has been obsessed w them for forever so i just was not getting away regardless lol)

Punk/Punk Rock (& other punk subgenres):

Nova Twins (u must listen to them it's just the way it's gotta be guys)

Rina Sawayama (her hatred of Matty Healy is so attractive. i cannot believe i found her two years ago cause i still remember i would not shut up when i first heard her music it was so good)

BABYMETAL (the way their band name just straight up screams at people gets me every time lmaooo)

Indie:

The Younger Lovers

Mashrou Leila

Stella Jang

Shak SYrn (Jenni is on repeat in my room at any given moment)

Steve Lacy (if u listen to more than just Bad Habit u will find an actuall amazing discography)

Jenny Nuo (i have been OBSESSED w her music since like 2021 ish and it is a crime she hasn't blown up more imo)

Nujabes

Hemlocke Springs (oooo i hate that she does not get more love!!! synth pop and alt indie is such a fun niche like!!!)

Lyn Lapid (in my head she's huge but i have recently learned that artists i think r super popular may be unknown to an entire genre of ppl soo)

Megagonefree (found them on ig and omg!! PLS go check them out genuinely)

boa (i am once again shaming u if u don't know them)

Wallice

JAZZ (in all caps bc I fucking LOVE jazz no it's not dead go listen to jazz rn motherfuckers):

Idris Muhammad

Esperanza Spalding

Joanna Wang (ok she does pop and folk music too but idk she felt most appropriate here)

SAMARA JOY (put. some. respect. on. her. name. i would actually go to war for her i am not kidding. also this is in all caps bc MY MOM GOT TO SEE HER LIVE??? AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO SHE WAS PLS I WAS SO MAD OMGGG but i've been promised tickets next time so we're good)

Sade (my og one and only)

Funk:

Fadoul

George Clinton (i mean he's just a classic yknow)

Parliament (Give Up the Funk can make me dance like no other i swear)

Stevie Wonder (i mean.. like if we're on the topic of classics anyway then...)

Michael Jackson/The Jackson 5 (moreso his earlier stuff if my memory isn't lying to me.. look it's been a second since i listened to mj IM SORRY i am a busy person ok TT)

R&B:

Valerie June

Maxine Nightingale (if u don't listen to her... how do u have fun? actual question i put her on every time i need to feel happy atp)

Boney. M (technically they're reggae but they also count as R&B so idk.. i'm just putting them here if anyone wants me to move them later i will)

Amahla (Ca Suffit was so good and got me to check out the rest of her music, YOU SHOULD TOO!!)

Mary J Blige (not to judge but like... if u don't know THE queen then idk how to help you tbh)

SZA (wouldn't be a list without her in it tbh. i'm in love w her not even joking abt that)

Kali Uchis (to this day i cannot believe i saw her live i'm truly never getting a better moment than that omggg i have such a big crush on her anyway)

Aupinard (if ever u need to just vibe, this is the man u go to.)

Wejdene (TU PARLES AVEC UNE ANISSA MA MOI J'APPELLE WEJDENE- she's been my day 1 since i was like thirteen i can't even lie)

Annisse (just found out she only has like ~500 listeners on spotify??? apparently i'm one of them tho lmao so yeah go get that number up guys i love her too much for this disrespect)

Sister Sledge

Cheryl Lynn

Reggae:

Daddy Yankee (he's an honourable mention cause i couldn't not lmao)

Skindred (they're a reggae/metal fusion band and i will shut up abt them when i'm dead bc Nobody rewired my brain chemistry!!)

Manu Chao

Toquinho (i was so convinced this man was bossa nova but apparently he is reggae and i need to do some music theory review)

Folk:

Sushi Soucy (oh the things I Deserve to Bleed had me going thru in 2020/2021)

Miriam Makeba (Pata Pata should be enough to get anyone listening to her, just saying)

Lead Belly (do urself a favour and do some research on this man, i'm not kidding even if u don't like folk music u should know abt him- ESPECIALLY if u like Nirvana that'll make sense later trust)

Pop:

Corinne Bailey Rae (she has so much good music that gets ignored bc of Put Your Records On so.. yeah go listen to Black Rainbows she's only gotten better as time goes on lol)

Dru (he is for any person who likes ke$ha. i'm so serious he is early 2000s in a bottle and i love his music ur rlly missing out if u ignore him)

Monique Hasbun (found her recently! she's a Palestinian, Mexican and Salvadorian artist who plays around with Latin pop and does a lot of fusion music. she's dope go listen to her fr)

Mohammad Assaf (he made the Palestine song that's been going around ig a lot, but his other stuff is great as well. he's another Palestinian artist, so once again, go check him out!!)

Pinkpanthress (i LOVE her she's so much fun to just vibe to and idk how anyone couldn't have heard of her atp but then again this is the sight that didn't know who drake was so... sigh. go listen to her if u don't already!!)

Aliyah's Interlude (BROOO if u haven't heard of her actually go listen rn i'm so serious she is so good i can'ttttt ok bye)

Veondre (had a collab w Aliyah on It Girl and is gonna be releasing her own music very soon! she's trans too so go give her some love)

Shalco (wasn't sure whether to put him here or in hip hop, but his stuff is very very good either way)

Ado (she's j-pop but it's a form of pop so into the pop category she goes)

Moon (she's got two songs out rn, Moonlight and Seoul City Drift, and both r going on loop in my head at all times)

Jay Chou (call me a basic bitch idc he's good ok)

Atarashii Gakko! (i wouldn't say they're j-pop, but google did, so i'm just going w it lol)

flowerovlove (just trust me on this one)

El Tio Gamboin (Los Gatitos is such a cute song)

Grace Chang (see note for Jay Chou)

King Gnu (for all my j-pop lovers... come get ur man)

Salsa:

Lalo Rodriguez (included this genre specifically so i could mention him)

Adalberto Santiago

Roberto Roena (he's a classic i can't lie)

Hector Lavoe (i think he might be the most popular one in this genre lol)

City Pop (this is its own genre bc i literally did a presentation in high school abt it and i'll be damned if i don't flex my knowledge now):

Mariya Takeuchi

Miki Matsubara (my QUEEN my everything my-)

Anri

Taeko Onuki (one of my most listened to artists last yr for a Reason)

Kaoru Akimoto

Kingo Hamada

Jun Togawa

Bossa Nova:

Joao Gilberto (ooo he gets me every time i fucking love this man)

Elizeth Cardoso

Johnny Alf (forgot this man the first time around my bad BUT he's called the father of bossa nova for a reason so)

Hip Hop:

Flyana Boss (they're sooooo good i actually can't gush enough i have never felt so girlypop listening to music before go listen to them!! found the duo through ig so yeah if u want go follow them on there too to show support)

Lil Uzi Vert (for any emo lovers, go check out his song Werewolf with Bring Me the Horizon it is SO GOOD)

Samyra (she's slowly curing my body dysmorphia lol)

Yame (there's an accent on the e but idk how to do that on tumblr. anyway my ass loves french rap and before him i was stuck with klub des loosers so he saved my faith in the genre i can't even lie)

Lay Bankz (u cannot be chronically online and not have heard Ick yet, but i'm repping her regardless bc SHE'S SO GOOD)

A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie (HEAR ME OUT-)

Kaliii (Area Codes was one of my most listened to songs last year... as it should be tbh)

Miguel (he does R&B too i just first listened to him bc of his collab w J.Cole sooo)

Tyler the Creator (putting him on here just to brag abt getting to see him in concert lmao)

XXXTentacion (he has been mourned and talked abt an insane amount, but he deserves it i'm not even gonna joke on this one. his artistry is insane and he deserves some love if u haven't listened to him yet)

Kendrick Lamar (i mean i've been reblogging stuff abt him enough. Mr. Morale was actually the album that made me start Listening listening to him and i'm honestly glad it was bc that album is still my favourite to this day if i'm being totally honest)

Renaissauce (criminally and i do mean CRIMINALLY underrated)

[millysastroblog]

🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄

SHAKING MY HEAD ASTRO NOTES PT.4

# unpopular opinion !!!!!

🤦🏾‍♀️Venus in Libra, Venus conjunct Mars, are u guys talking to me or flirting with me. Because HONEY it is hard to differentiate, with yall charming asses. You all make my heart and mind hurt , chile. #Stop it 😏😍!

🤦🏾‍♀️Moon/- Lilith hard aspects = sexsist in WORST CASE (extreme ,out of ordinary views on females, womanhood, and female roles)

or the complete opposite being a hard core (feminist) but bashing men for literally existing.🤥 ! # In Worst case ,have seen it in many ppl charts!!

🤦🏾‍♀️Jupiter in the 3rd talk aloooot to the point of making my ears hurt, like 1000 words in 1 min is to much for me girl! # chiiiiiiiillllew

🤦🏾‍♀️Uranus in the 11th switing friend groups every new season of the year. These are the friends that you wont see that much because of how unpredictable they are ! like can yall settle down for once and not flake on people!

🤦🏾‍♀️Same with Uranus in the 7th in parterships they come and go like the wind blowing !

🤦🏾‍♀️Cancers placements and their victimization complex,

🤦🏾‍♀️same goes for pisces placements !

🤦🏾‍♀️cancer mixed with libra not showing ppl that they dont like them at all, holding a lot of resentment, and anger towards people # babes this is not helathy!

🤦🏾‍♀️the award of the attention whore of the zodiac goes tooooooo leo and LIBRAAAAAAS

🤦🏾‍♀️libras can sometimes rely to much on other people to the point of codependence! Wanting their friends partners pick and choose everything for them # i aint your mama babes!

🤦🏾‍♀️Opposite goes for Aries and Taurus placemenrs SUPER independent avoiding and rejecting help from others. #Hating to ask People for shit!

🤦🏾‍♀️Aquarius placements and their sometimes ultimate, god complex, wider than the univers EGOS , everytihing i say is and must be right (mixed with gemini, virgo, or mercury dominance) , get on my motherfucking nerves# somebody needs to check yall asses 🙄 !

🤦🏾‍♀️mars - uranus/mars- jupiter harsh aspects men are so fucking reckless , two steps away of putting yourself in a sticky situations #be carful, dont be breaking no windows, doors and unless u want to go to jail,

🤦🏾‍♀️12th house stelliums/Pisces Stelliums not living in the Moment at all. These are people u gotta call their names 5 times until they´ll catch up and wake up from lala land!# Practincing midfullness might solve the maladaptive day dreaming, # i suffer from ths shit to !! 🫤

🤦🏾‍♀️Virgos having this inner need to be perfect, babes u are fine just the way u are !!

🤦🏾‍♀️Down side of their internal perfectionism is that they mirror that back on to others. Being very critical and nitpicky about the smallest things !

🤦🏾‍♀️Lilith in the 5th/ Leo are over board scary party animals 🤠☠️ literally wanting to party and be drunk every fucking day #yall need to slow down and chiiiiiiiiillle

🤦🏾‍♀️Saturn in the 5th you guys despise children. Children for them are these scary little monsters !

🤦🏾‍♀️Venus sqaure Uranus/ Jupiter, Jupiter / Uranus in the 7th have or had a lot of suitors, relationships but sometimes they take them for granted, not taking them seriously because they have lots of options, Thinking it is all games ! # LUST before actual LOVE ! #beginning stages, # underdeveloped

🤦🏾‍♀️Venus- Mercury are dangerous charming motherfuckers hyponotizing you with their words, can use this power to take advantage of other people if not evolved, like manipulating, scamming, lying especially with Pluto and neptune prominence in Chart # siren voices 🔊

🤦🏾‍♀️Chiron in the 1st house, Chiron - ASC hard aspects are prone to pay a lot of attention to the physical appearance of others . Like having a pimple, thin hair, etc, theyll analyze your whole body and you wonder WHY??? # mmmmmhh, y’all guess? 🤔😐

🤦🏾‍♀️DARK: Mars in the 10th, Lilith in the 10, Pluto in the 10th, Neptune in the 10th, Chiron in the 10th, 10th house stellium if afflicted might be addicted to fame, success and high social status, selling their souls/ authenticity, exploiting other ppl, doing the most random insane shit , only for them to be at the top. #power greed, politicians, social media, celebrities!!

———————————————————————----------------------

*******{NEW ! ⬇️} Solar Return Chart Series: PT. 1/PT.2 *******

SHAKING MY HEAD PT.5/SHAKING MY HEAD PT.3/ SHAKING MY HEAD PT.2 / SHAKING MY HEAD PT.1

[madockisser]

Hi, I just finished reading Queen of nothing and I was looking through the books again.

The scene with the faerie fruit in TCP Carden throws the salt away (the antidote), I find that quite odd

Although as he's returned human servants before pricking their fingers seems like an easier thing than making them eat something salted?

Maybe there's no significance to it, it's just something that sticks in my mind for that scene and wondered if you had any thoughts on it

short cardan analysis / why did cardan throw the salt

hi! i am not sure i understand the question completely, so feel free to send another ask abt this, but i assume that you’re wondering why he threw the salt in the first place? i doubled this as a short cardan analysis/ scene analysis! hope u don’t mind!

if you’re asking: why bother with the salt at all, when jude has salt in her blood? not sure, but salting food destroys ensorcellment on that food, so she has to keep it on her anyway, opposed to pricking her finger and putting her blood on her food lol, BUT as for cardan..

at the faerie fruit scene, cardan does not yet recognize his feelings for jude as anything that isn’t hatred.

since jude is consuming his every thought, he’s frustrated, and eager to make her obey him, because he thinks that when she submits to him, stops opposing him, that he can finally stop thinking of her.

and so, he pushes valerian off when he’s atop her, choking her, bc he never wanted her to die. that is very clear to him from the start, he never wants to be like dain. but it’s unclear to jude bc she’s biased.

holly states that if cardan were a better person that he would’ve found a way to stop his friends sooner, which is true, but unfortunately, because of his upbringing, he is not.

now, he throws the salt in the air scattering it among the grass, because finally, he thinks that under influence of the faerie fruit, jude is going to submit to him.

in part, he does want to see her humiliated, brought down low, for bringing him down low with her. another part of him does want to see her hurt.

which is obvious. cardan hurts and humiliates faeries throughout the high and low courts. it’s just what he does.

but as the events progress, as nicasia makes her undress and humiliates her further, cardan finds himself irrationally upset.

because it turns out that cardan does not in fact like seeing jude hurt or like seeing her humiliated as he thought.

bc he hadn’t recognized his feelings for her yet. until i suspect, now, due to this scene.

anyway, i must sum up cardans character to help ppl understand, prince cardan acted as though he had no heart for a long time, to protect himself. because when he did act like he had a heart, ppl hurt him. his mother, dain, balekin, nicasia, locke even.

and so by pretending to not feel for jude made things easier, but when they both clashed and fought, he realized more and more how jude takes up his every thought, even when she shouldn’t. even when he was w nicasia.

and when jude was hurt and humiliated, he realized not just the surface level feelings of desrire, but how much he cared for her. how much he didn’t want to see her hurt, see her humiliated.

opposed to the many folk he hurt and humiliated and cast from court. bc jude was different. she wasn’t a courtier that bowed and smiled and faked at flattery, which he grew to find insufferable and angering.

she found him undeserving of princely treatment, and tried her hardest at fitting in, even when she very clearly was human. even when he thought that it was pointless and ridiculous.

cardan finds jude fascinating for many of her qualities, but as we see in htkoelths, this is one of them. and one of the first qualities in her that catches his eye. her determination. her unwillingness to give up and to submit.

which he didn’t understand, bc he’s fae and a prince and he doesn’t have to fit in, and she was a human and a bastard, so why put any effort into anything at all? why work hard for a short life? cardan does not understand humans, he’s a child, and he only interacted w glamoured humans before her and val moren.

anyway, it seems that jude and taryn were mostly left alone in gentry classes by cardan specifically, while valerian would harass jude himself (ex: when he stole her pen and madoc replaced it w a ruby one). until taryn started seeing locke which made nicasia upset.

that is when they full on started harassing them.

at this point cardan cared for nicasia(despite the cheating) which he admitted he hurt jude and taryn for her sake when he was kidnapped by jude,, but as a facade he pretended at wanting to hurt the twins just for funsies.

until he didn’t anymore, and it was fueled by jude’s “audacity” to fight back, and his hatred-desire for her.

meanwhile, valerian was struggling w the same hatred desire. except like 1000x more twisted and sick. bc he truly wanted to hurt and kill her. he is very unseelie.

and nicasia is searching for any opportunity to bring the twins low for taking locke from her.

and locke wants to make a game out of hurting taryn and jude and nicasia AND cardan (LOL) bc he knows that cardan wants jude, so he starts “seeing her” which drives literally everyone; taryn, nicasia, cardan, and perhaps even valerian mad (LOL) bc he’s a cunt

BUT the point i’m trying to make is that cardans friends ARE NOT really his friends bc they all wanna hurt him. intentionally or not. if it sates their desires then they’ll take it.

if cardan had started showing his care for jude.. i mean. it would be over. they already want an excuse to hurt jude as is, cardans just a bonus. and locke was actively already doing that, since he was the only one who had yet realized how cardan felt for her. if nicasia and valerian had realized?

i don’t think jude would’ve survived. but i do think that valerian did sorta know that cardan wanted her, but i think when he realized it was more than lust was when he crashed out and went to kill her.

why? bc, jude had always payed singular attention to cardan when they were harassing jude and taryn as a group, but to jude it was all “i hate cardan i hate cardan” and for cardan it was all “i hate jude i hate jude”

and valerian wanted jude, he wanted her to be as affected by his hurting her as it did when cardan hurt her. but it never did.

i think he realized this and crashed out and got high and tried to kill her.

so in short, i think he threw the salt as a guise to his buddies, to 1, appear as though he didn’t have a heart (like usual) so that they wouldn’t realize he cared for her and hurt her more bc of it, and 2, he knew jude’s blood has salt content, so he could always (and did) resort to that, and 3 bc he thought that he wanted jude hurt and humiliated, but as it was happening, he didn’t like it and began realizing how he truly felt for her

below are holly blacks official annotations, which are canon, so pls read the pen markings!! very important!!

this was SUPER messy i literally just threw this together the second i saw it so i’m sorry! hope this helped tho!! 🫶🫶🫶 feel free to add on!