#idk sometimes u just have to remind yourself that you do in fact have good music sometimes lol

[thelilylav]

Y'know what? Fuck it (gives u guys a list of poc artists to listen to cause the white ppl on the music side of tumblr have been embarassing me)

List is under the cut, and warning bc I made it very long

Rock:

Los Abuelos De La Nada

Gesu No Kiwami Otobe

Chuck Berry

Ben E. King

Los Prisoneros

Ahmed Fakroun (ok this one's french art rock but in my book it still counts)

Burnout Syndromes (been fucking w them since I got into Haikyuu lmao)

Infinity Song (their hater song genuinely gets me every time LMAO)

People in the Box

N.E.R.D (my god if u don't know them.. idk dude my brother has been obsessed w them for forever so i just was not getting away regardless lol)

Punk/Punk Rock (& other punk subgenres):

Nova Twins (u must listen to them it's just the way it's gotta be guys)

Rina Sawayama (her hatred of Matty Healy is so attractive. i cannot believe i found her two years ago cause i still remember i would not shut up when i first heard her music it was so good)

BABYMETAL (the way their band name just straight up screams at people gets me every time lmaooo)

Indie:

The Younger Lovers

Mashrou Leila

Stella Jang

Shak SYrn (Jenni is on repeat in my room at any given moment)

Steve Lacy (if u listen to more than just Bad Habit u will find an actuall amazing discography)

Jenny Nuo (i have been OBSESSED w her music since like 2021 ish and it is a crime she hasn't blown up more imo)

Nujabes

Hemlocke Springs (oooo i hate that she does not get more love!!! synth pop and alt indie is such a fun niche like!!!)

Lyn Lapid (in my head she's huge but i have recently learned that artists i think r super popular may be unknown to an entire genre of ppl soo)

Megagonefree (found them on ig and omg!! PLS go check them out genuinely)

boa (i am once again shaming u if u don't know them)

Wallice

JAZZ (in all caps bc I fucking LOVE jazz no it's not dead go listen to jazz rn motherfuckers):

Idris Muhammad

Esperanza Spalding

Joanna Wang (ok she does pop and folk music too but idk she felt most appropriate here)

SAMARA JOY (put. some. respect. on. her. name. i would actually go to war for her i am not kidding. also this is in all caps bc MY MOM GOT TO SEE HER LIVE??? AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO SHE WAS PLS I WAS SO MAD OMGGG but i've been promised tickets next time so we're good)

Sade (my og one and only)

Funk:

Fadoul

George Clinton (i mean he's just a classic yknow)

Parliament (Give Up the Funk can make me dance like no other i swear)

Stevie Wonder (i mean.. like if we're on the topic of classics anyway then...)

Michael Jackson/The Jackson 5 (moreso his earlier stuff if my memory isn't lying to me.. look it's been a second since i listened to mj IM SORRY i am a busy person ok TT)

R&B:

Valerie June

Maxine Nightingale (if u don't listen to her... how do u have fun? actual question i put her on every time i need to feel happy atp)

Boney. M (technically they're reggae but they also count as R&B so idk.. i'm just putting them here if anyone wants me to move them later i will)

Amahla (Ca Suffit was so good and got me to check out the rest of her music, YOU SHOULD TOO!!)

Mary J Blige (not to judge but like... if u don't know THE queen then idk how to help you tbh)

SZA (wouldn't be a list without her in it tbh. i'm in love w her not even joking abt that)

Kali Uchis (to this day i cannot believe i saw her live i'm truly never getting a better moment than that omggg i have such a big crush on her anyway)

Aupinard (if ever u need to just vibe, this is the man u go to.)

Wejdene (TU PARLES AVEC UNE ANISSA MA MOI J'APPELLE WEJDENE- she's been my day 1 since i was like thirteen i can't even lie)

Annisse (just found out she only has like ~500 listeners on spotify??? apparently i'm one of them tho lmao so yeah go get that number up guys i love her too much for this disrespect)

Sister Sledge

Cheryl Lynn

Reggae:

Daddy Yankee (he's an honourable mention cause i couldn't not lmao)

Skindred (they're a reggae/metal fusion band and i will shut up abt them when i'm dead bc Nobody rewired my brain chemistry!!)

Manu Chao

Toquinho (i was so convinced this man was bossa nova but apparently he is reggae and i need to do some music theory review)

Folk:

Sushi Soucy (oh the things I Deserve to Bleed had me going thru in 2020/2021)

Miriam Makeba (Pata Pata should be enough to get anyone listening to her, just saying)

Lead Belly (do urself a favour and do some research on this man, i'm not kidding even if u don't like folk music u should know abt him- ESPECIALLY if u like Nirvana that'll make sense later trust)

Pop:

Corinne Bailey Rae (she has so much good music that gets ignored bc of Put Your Records On so.. yeah go listen to Black Rainbows she's only gotten better as time goes on lol)

Dru (he is for any person who likes ke$ha. i'm so serious he is early 2000s in a bottle and i love his music ur rlly missing out if u ignore him)

Monique Hasbun (found her recently! she's a Palestinian, Mexican and Salvadorian artist who plays around with Latin pop and does a lot of fusion music. she's dope go listen to her fr)

Mohammad Assaf (he made the Palestine song that's been going around ig a lot, but his other stuff is great as well. he's another Palestinian artist, so once again, go check him out!!)

Pinkpanthress (i LOVE her she's so much fun to just vibe to and idk how anyone couldn't have heard of her atp but then again this is the sight that didn't know who drake was so... sigh. go listen to her if u don't already!!)

Aliyah's Interlude (BROOO if u haven't heard of her actually go listen rn i'm so serious she is so good i can'ttttt ok bye)

Veondre (had a collab w Aliyah on It Girl and is gonna be releasing her own music very soon! she's trans too so go give her some love)

Shalco (wasn't sure whether to put him here or in hip hop, but his stuff is very very good either way)

Ado (she's j-pop but it's a form of pop so into the pop category she goes)

Moon (she's got two songs out rn, Moonlight and Seoul City Drift, and both r going on loop in my head at all times)

Jay Chou (call me a basic bitch idc he's good ok)

Atarashii Gakko! (i wouldn't say they're j-pop, but google did, so i'm just going w it lol)

flowerovlove (just trust me on this one)

El Tio Gamboin (Los Gatitos is such a cute song)

Grace Chang (see note for Jay Chou)

King Gnu (for all my j-pop lovers... come get ur man)

Salsa:

Lalo Rodriguez (included this genre specifically so i could mention him)

Adalberto Santiago

Roberto Roena (he's a classic i can't lie)

Hector Lavoe (i think he might be the most popular one in this genre lol)

City Pop (this is its own genre bc i literally did a presentation in high school abt it and i'll be damned if i don't flex my knowledge now):

Mariya Takeuchi

Miki Matsubara (my QUEEN my everything my-)

Anri

Taeko Onuki (one of my most listened to artists last yr for a Reason)

Kaoru Akimoto

Kingo Hamada

Jun Togawa

Bossa Nova:

Joao Gilberto (ooo he gets me every time i fucking love this man)

Elizeth Cardoso

Johnny Alf (forgot this man the first time around my bad BUT he's called the father of bossa nova for a reason so)

Hip Hop:

Flyana Boss (they're sooooo good i actually can't gush enough i have never felt so girlypop listening to music before go listen to them!! found the duo through ig so yeah if u want go follow them on there too to show support)

Lil Uzi Vert (for any emo lovers, go check out his song Werewolf with Bring Me the Horizon it is SO GOOD)

Samyra (she's slowly curing my body dysmorphia lol)

Yame (there's an accent on the e but idk how to do that on tumblr. anyway my ass loves french rap and before him i was stuck with klub des loosers so he saved my faith in the genre i can't even lie)

Lay Bankz (u cannot be chronically online and not have heard Ick yet, but i'm repping her regardless bc SHE'S SO GOOD)

A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie (HEAR ME OUT-)

Kaliii (Area Codes was one of my most listened to songs last year... as it should be tbh)

Miguel (he does R&B too i just first listened to him bc of his collab w J.Cole sooo)

Tyler the Creator (putting him on here just to brag abt getting to see him in concert lmao)

XXXTentacion (he has been mourned and talked abt an insane amount, but he deserves it i'm not even gonna joke on this one. his artistry is insane and he deserves some love if u haven't listened to him yet)

Kendrick Lamar (i mean i've been reblogging stuff abt him enough. Mr. Morale was actually the album that made me start Listening listening to him and i'm honestly glad it was bc that album is still my favourite to this day if i'm being totally honest)

Renaissauce (criminally and i do mean CRIMINALLY underrated)

[l3viat8an]

Rooo!!! I have Levi brain rot rn, and I need to share Grand Admiral! Levi thoughts with u :/

As an important figure in the military, Levi has to go out sometimes to check up on the outskirts bases of the Devildom. Make sure that everything is working as they should.

This usually lasts for weeks, and today you had found out how long 2 weeks can feel when your loser gamer boyfriend is out on assignment.

Finding solace in his uncharacteristically empty room, you cuddle up in the bathtub bed, desperate to feel anything that reminded you of your beloved player 1. Using his favorite jacket, watching replays of his old streams, sleeping in his bed, that's slowly losing his scent and feel.

But one day, while curled up in his gaming chair, rewatching his old clips for the thousandth time. Levi comes home. Still in his uniform as he marched into his room, not expecting to find his PC on.

Once you realized he was there, you quickly jumped into his arms, peppering kisses all over him. When you pull away, you expect to see the usual sight; Leviathan a blushing mess, stammering about something you can't quite make out. But now, he wasn't blushing at all. He barely changed his stoic demeanor.

"L-levi...?"

You asked confused, removing yourself from his embrace to look at his attitude. Giving a hurt look as you basically pouted. Throwing a small tantrum that he didn't miss you at all

Unbeknownst to you, Levi was freaking out. After weeks out on field he just wanted to sleep and go back to his shut-in lifestyle. What he didn't know was that what he needed was to see his player 2 dressed in his jacket. Being an adorable tsundere as she pouted.

"On the bed, and strip. Leave the jacket on"

Levi commanded, looking serious as you stood there. Shocked at his words.

"E-excuse me?"

"Did I stutter? Strip, on the bed."

"W-wait–"

Shocked and confused, You stood their unsure of what to do. And why the hell that turned you on so much

It wasn't the first time Levi was in control, but he was usually so sweet and gentle. Not this... demanding. You're not sure if it's the uniform, the attitude, or the fact it was Levi being so assertive. But you followed without hesitation.

And you're so greatful that you did, because the two weeks waiting for him were quickly rewarded. Levi being as merciless with you as he took what he wanted. Leaving you a blushing mess, passed out in his bed, as for the first time in two weeks, you slept with him again on his bed.

The next day, he profusely apologized at how rough he was, while all you could think about was when could you bring that side of him out once more

(AHHH IM SORRY FOR GOING ON FOR SO LONG BUT I NEEDED TO SHARE IT SO BADLYYY 🙏 IDK IF THIS IS SMUT OR FLUFF BUT I JS LOVE HIM AHHHH)

Nsfw!

Looks like fluffy-smut to me- holy shi 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 ‘n idk what happened but my add-on is definitely smut helpjdksj

Levi didn’t actually expected you to obey his command so quickly. He watched as you stripped down, leaving the jacket on like he had ordered. Fuck you look so good It took his breath away and he has to shake his head a bit, collecting himself as you climbed into his bathtub bed.

He quickly joined you, climbing on top of you in the bathtub before pulling you closer and kissing you, moaning softy as he deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue to tangle with yours.

His hands didn’t stop either, roaming over your body, exploring every inch of it, as if trying to burn it into his memory again.

Honestly there was something about this side of Levi that you couldn't resist. It was as if you were being taken by a completely different person, one who was confident and assertive…the grand admiral....it���s really hot-

You moaned when his fingers finally found their way between your legs, pressing against your already dripping cunt. He thrust two fingers inside you, causing you to moan loudly.

"You- you look so beautiful like this." Levi breathed into your ear, his voice low and husky. "I've been waiting for weeks to feel you again…..and I can’t wait anymore.”

He lines his cock up with your ready pussy, waiting for you to nod before sliding in and letting out a little whine he just can’t stop from slipping out, “S-so, good, messed you so m-much..”

He wanted nothing more than to keep you close, to let you feel how much you meant to him, as he fucked you faster, harder-

It was as if he had been holding back for weeks, waiting for this moment to release all the passion that had built up inside him.

“G-gonna cum soon….need, need you to cum with me.” as he leans down to kiss you, one of his hands slides back down to you clit and his thumb rubs against it roughly. Making Levi moan against your lips as you tighten around him, soon as he feels you orgasm take over your body Levi cums. rutting his hips into yours, riding through your orgasms together.

Panting Levi hides his face in your neck for a moment and he can hear you let out a little giggle, before whispering "I've missed you too, Levi." and Levi laughs, pressing a few soft kisses along your neck~

The next morning you’ll wake up to your, sweet boyfriend acting like his usual self. Looking over your body and apologizing endlessly, he promises he’ll be more gentle next time!! Wait no- he didn’t mean it like that!!- he did-

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

hiii saw u were doing a ship match up thingy and wanted to see if u could do me with pjo?! not sure if ur still doing them tho so i apologize if not!

so first of all i’m pretty fem presenting, she/her, im a girl and im bi :) i got medium length wavy brown hair with long curtain bangs (im tryna grow them out..) i also wear glasses! im half mexican, white dad😬 and im literally a no sabo kid (IM TRYING TO LEARN SPANIDJ I SWESR.) im pretty tan as well, im 5’4 if that matters, my friends either call me very calm or like very weird, im also very sarcastic and ppl say my personality is fun and silly. i am an introvert tho but like very loud and outgoing wjen with my friends, like im highly embarrassing when im with my friends in public

i like to read (pjo), im pretty smart #ap/honors classes😇 but like i act rlly dumb sometimes. i play piano (not very good!) love atla, stardew valley, i lovr horror movies, hate roller coasters, love nayure and animalsnand shit and I TALK A LOT. IM SUCH A YAPPER. also rlly like painting and drawing and stuff like that but im not the best at it, i also keep lots of trinkets in my room that just dont have a specific place to go like theyre just everywhere. oki idk what else to put so >_<

take ur time in doing this and thank uuu!!

Your PJO ship: Percy Jackson!

Explanation: starting off with looks, I think that he loves your medium length brown wavy hair. He just likes the way that it looks in the fact that it’s not completely curly not completely straight. It’s just wavy and it kind of reminds some of the oceans waves almost with the way that it goes up and down, and I don’t know. I just think he would love that feature about you.. he really likes your curtain bangs and thinks that they are adorable and they go really well with your glasses. I feel like he’d make a lot of jokes about your glasses and also your curtain bangs like friendly teasing just show how much he likes them. He would also tease you about not knowing Spanish yet even though he knows literally knows himself and he’s such a hypocrite but yeah, I feel like he that’s something he would kind of tease you about, he loves your weird personality, but he also loves the side of you. That can be calm because it very much contrast with his personality and I just feel like you guys would have such opposites attract energy and it would be really, really sweet. he’s also pretty sarcastic, silly funny, etc. so I feel like that’s something that you guys would have in common and I feel like you guys would make such a dynamic duo in battles with all of your comebacks and smart remarks and things like that I just feel like you guys would be hilarious together, and everyone around you would honestly kind of love it. You guys have the best banter. Like the best top-notch.. he relates to The being smart but kind of acting dumb sometimes thing, and even though he wishes that you wouldn’t dumb yourself down sometimes because he knows how incredibly brilliant you are he would understand and he would be a hypocrite if he told you otherwise, so he mostly just nods along and gets it. he’s not the best at art, but I feel like you would still be great at art so he would absolutely support you and constantly stand behind you and ask questions whether you were painting or drawing or whatever he would just be totally invested in it even though he has ADHD and can’t like sit still for long. I still feel like he would find a way to be invested in it and, if you ever wanted to draw something would be offensive please do not make a portrait of anyone you would get punched in the face with that shit man he cannot draw for crap. I love him, but he can’t draw for crap so I feel like he’d always ask you for lessons and stuff anyway you guys are cute. I ship it. 🩷

[hinamie]

I would bet my two arms the piece is gorgeous anyway, but I understand if you don't find it good enough. Now, about the concept being something already done, jjk is such a big thing that I feel that's bound to happen? I've been in this fandom not too long yet I find the similar ideas repeated over and over. And I don't mind. Quite the opposite, I love it. I wish that were true foe the small fandoms I have been in for years. It's the "holy shit two cakes!" thing, but it's not just that. It's the fact that I just like some artists' styles better than others just because of personal preference, but it's also, mainly, because every time the same fonce has a bit of a twist that is uniquely that artist's, and it's always great. And you say it's not enough, but in a third person pov as a non artist person,I truly find sometimes even the small details in which the art/concept differs sometimes bring so much to the piece they make you reconsider a whole point of view, a whole dynamic, a whole aspect of the text/manga/character

I think it's like comparing translations. Two translators make trantlate the same text into the same language, but even so you can see differences between them,and a bit of the translator,what they thought of the text, the characters, the ideas, their interpretation, shines through. That's the feeling it gives me when two artists go on about doing similar concepts with the same characters/worlds. And there's so much of it in jjk for real

I don't know. I've written a lot but I just wanted to say I'm sure it's all wonderful and gorgeous, that I know/understand why you'd ask more from yourself, but that every piece I've seen of yours has been fantastic, that I always utterly adore your take on concepts and ideas, that it's one of my favourite aspects of your art, and they I love your insight about your pieces in your tags, even if sometimes they also read like you're being a bit too hard on yourself.

thank you so much for taking the time to send this <3 you're absolutely right of course, I know that audiences are not going to turn their nose up at More Content :'> and it makes me happy that u think so highly of my art and the spins i put on certain concepts ! with the recent gojo/screens art , when I drafted the sketch for it I immediately went 'no way this hasnt been done before' so I knew going in that I had to bring my a game, n i got rly discouraged when all th bumps in the road started popping up. by the end I was mostly just tired of working on it, not to mention frustrated that I had wasted a fair chunk of time on the partner piece that I ended up having to scrap. overall just a lot of headache over a piece tht rly shouldn't have warranted it

also . i know i'm too hard on myself a lot of the time but old habits and all that hdsfg it is simply in my nature to pour absolutely everything of myself into my work. it ends up being a double edged sword a lot of the time bc when things like this do inevitably happen it's difficult for me to look past the areas I view as shortcomings . but messages like this do help to put everything into perspective dsghjfh i try to remind myself that most people will look at a drawing once and nowhere near as in-depth as me having worked on it for however many hours.

idk if i said anything in all that but tl;dr thank you for your kindness and reassurance i rly appreciate it <3

[khaleesiofalicante]

Ramblings-

I always thought I was very good at leadership. I love being in a team and guiding people and delegating and figuring out their strengths. Idk, I feel like it's just something that's innate to me. I like to lead.

I was the Head of Press Department for my schools MUN and I thought I did a pretty decent job. But today, 2 years later, my junior who became the HOD after me posted a ss of how her team members wrote grateful messages to her and her leadership. And somehow, instead of feeling happy for her, I feel jealous? Which is so weird cuz I should be feeling happy for her but I feel like she did a way better job than me and that I'm actually not a good leader.

It's just so difficult to accept that you are not good at the one thing you were so proud of and that's making me introspect every single accomplishment I have.

This also reminds me of this constant thought- that I'm fake. I know how to look smart or manipulate people into thinking I'm what they need. Because when I tell this problem to my friends, they are like "oh no if u were chosen, u must be good." But you see, I feel like I'm a better actor than anything. I feel like I'm good at fooling people to think I'm competent and then once I do the work, they think I'm just another over-promiser or something.

I totally get where you're coming from. Sometimes it’s hard to see others shine, especially in a role that meant so much to you. But it doesn't take away from what you did. It sounds like you gave your best shot and that’s something to be proud of.

Feeling jealous doesn't make you a bad person, it just means you care a lot about being good at what you do.

And just because your junior got some recognition and gratitude notes doesn't mean you didn't do a great job too. Think about it like different people getting different salaries for the same job. Sometimes it's got nothing to do with you. It's the people around you and how they want to appreciate you.

As for the self-doubt and feeling like you're "fake," that’s something a lot of people experience. Idk if you're aware of imposter syndrome, but it’s super common, and sometimes verbalizing and conceptualizing these feelings that dominate us actually helps. So, maybe read about it a bit and see what others who are feeling it think too.

Also, the fact that your friends believe in you is a sign that you're not just fooling people. It's easy to doubt yourself (and your intentions!) when you're always striving to be better. It comes with the territory.

But it's okay to have moments of doubt and introspection. We don't always feel good about ourselves and the things we do ALL the time. It's okay to have these bad days or doubts.

Also, sometimes, it doesn't matter if you're faking it (like influencers on social media doing some charity for popularity). Someone is getting the help and support they need, and that's still great. That's enough. Sometimes actions are more important than intentions.

Sending strength to you 💙

[symptoms-syndrome]

@transqu33r IDK if this is rhetorical or not but

It's okay if you're dragging yourself kicking and screaming to be quite honest. But the best thing to do, IMO, is to remind yourself after the fact that it was a good thing to do.

Say, for example, you really wanted to stay home and lay in bed, but you pushed yourself (which you don't ALWAYS have to do, if you need your rest days. Just make sure it's a rest day and not. Depression/etc just telling u u can't) and went out with some friends instead and had a good time. Take a second to think to yourself "wow! I'm having such a good time with friends right now, I feel [happy/loved/energized/supported/etc.]" You can even say it out loud. "I'm so glad I came, I'm having such a a fun time with you."

Fun and joy and pride etc can sometimes fade quickly and be forgotten about. Cherish it, remind yourself of it, hold it gently in your hands. Acknowledge it.

Same w Tasks. You did your laundry? Take time to congratulate yourself! Admire your clean room, smell your clean sheets, wear that favorite shirt that was just sitting in the hamper for weeks, brag to your friends. Sometimes when I clean my room I literally go to my roommates and go "look! I cleaned my room! My room is clean now!"

Sometimes it sucks total ass before and sometimes even during. Remind yourself why you're doing it. Really stick that reward into your brain and really relish in it. Be proud of yourself intentionally on purpose and maybe even excessively. Eventually your brain will rewire "ugh I hate that I didn't do my laundry" to something like "wow I can't wait to wear my favorite clothes again!"

Passive aggressive maybe, but like...healing and getting better isn't easy. When I see people make posts about "LOL google says I should make a schedule to help manage my ADHD but I can't make a schedule bc I have ADHD" it's like. People saying that stuff know it's hard. That's part of why you gotta do it.

Sometimes healing is easier. Sometimes it's something really small that becomes routine. But sometimes it's hard! Sometimes you gotta push yourself to do something and it sucks! But I don't know what to tell you, other than that you don't need to be good at it right away.

Using the calendar example, I have ADHD + semi-frequent memory loss, so it can feel really difficult to try and make a calendar when both of those things can directly get in the way. So I started with making sure recurring events were in it, like therapy and med reminders. Now I'm usually able to remember to put in appointments or other one-time events in as soon as I know about them. It takes a lot of work.

I don't know. I just think sometimes people on this site are sitting in mud and complaining about being dirty. You really do need to try.

[lqfiles]

user lqfiles i have no idea what to call you.

see saying "hello tumblr user lqfiles" sounds ominous and it's giving sigma... god i hate that word. i have beef with the gen alpha slang, everytime i hear a reel with "what the sigma" i grow a little closer to throwing that toaster right into the bathtub. ANYWAYS, my point is that i'm going to figure out how to come up with a nickname for you. it'll come, eventually trust. i'll think of one okay. something to do with l & q idk. unless there's something else you want me to call you? ALSO NOOO IM NOT RICH. 😭😭 as i mentioned before i bought like... 3x the amount of pcs i OWNED BEFORE i went on a buying spree. so all i had was just the pcs i collected from albums that were gifts from friends... (i never thought it a good idea to spend money on this stuff for myself.) I was actually traveling abroad which was why i hadn't checked in for a bit, and the prices... were just so much cheaper!! So I decided, why not? fuck it we ball! (my life motto to everything at this point...) and i'm in a decent financially stable point in my life where i can indulge in this stuff, so i bought quite a bit... i tried to focus on buying pcs... cause storing albums in my suitcase makes it a lot heavier.

i definitely have a hand kink its not a joke anymore. IT REMINDED ME OF THIS IMAGE (idk if it's going to work if it doesn't uh.... ignore! cause i've never sent links on anon and tumblr hates making things easier for us.) https://postimg.cc/1gWC0B48 AND IDK IF YOU CAN SEE IT BUT ITS SO FUNNY I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING. they're both me

i also have no idea who louis partridge is BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT I JUST LOOKED HIM UP AND GOD DAMN. like my taste in men is obviously questionable, and like most people i did have a thing for andrew garfield and theo james... but i think i often find myself crushing on east asians half of the time, mostly because i am eastern asian myself, and it's not like on purpose cause i do find other races hot, it's just the way i grew up finding famiiarity in those faces? does that make sense idk im yapping at this point.

ALSO THE SMAU IS SO FUNNY IM CAUGHT UP NOW.... HAECHAN LITERALLY GOING THROUGH ALL STAGES OF GRIEF. HE WANTS HER SO BAD BUT ALSO THE COMPLAIN ABOUT THE WHOLE PINTREST BROWSING.... LIKE HES SO REAL AND CUTE AT THE SAME TIME I LOVE HIM. (chatgpt is too real AND THE FACT THAT y/n IS EATING IT UP IS SO FUNNY LIKE I WOULD'VE ALREADY BEEN LIKE.... why does this sound like it's written by ai...) holy fuck that's a lot i ranted a lot anyways hello, look forward to the next chapter. love you and hope u have a great day TUMBLR USER LQFILES - 🤠

hejdhskdj sometimes i’m tempted to put my name back in my about me so you guys can put a name to my account but then i remember how don’t wanna be perceived THAT much and rethink #SOZZZZ idk maybe i’ll come up with a new alias that you can start addressing me by, tho if you’re curious you can figure my name out if you find my main blog and check my tags 😭

you’re gonna hate me omgg bc except for the word sigma (cos that cringe) i unfortunately love brainrot content atm… like yess give me the skibidi toilet rizz party, give me the ohio fanum tax, GIVE ME RHE MAXIMUM AURA 😅😂 the effect of living with little boys..

FUXK IF WE BALL IS SUCH AN AMAZING LIFE MOTTO like exactly.. we are ballin.. anyways you not spending any money yourself on albums is sending me lmaooo but at least you were able to use the money you had saved to buy yourself some cheeky pcs. tbh i think pcs are the only appealing part for most part when buying an album anyways so it’s a good thing that you didn’t buy albums lmaooo

THE IMAGE IS SHOWING LMAOOOO i love this pic so bad ughhh he has such nice hands i wish i could hold his hands and play with them.. the perfect mix between girly dainty hands and manly veiny like I WANXTHU SO BAD HAECHAN

MOST PEOPLE MUST NOT INLCUDE ME… but tbh i don’t think i have a specific race i like in men, THO IM IN MY ARABIC BOYS ERA RN… idk if anyone knows slushynoobz but hamza.. i wantchu saaaur bad like GIVE ME THE YEMENI BOY.. also i don’t think it’s weird to prefer your own people!!! its something a lot of cultures have too so don’t worry about it you’re not yapping, my mum is the same 😭

LOLLLL HAECHAN EXPERIENCES THE LOSS OF HIS UNOFFICIAL GF he was probably with his head in his hands when she didn’t respond to his apex request. and ntm he tweaked the letter a bit to make it more personalised!!! a bit of ai here and there but still personal!!!!

I LOVE YOU TOOO COWBOY ANON!!!

[gaythemayaway]

ask game! 1, 12, 17, 18, 23!

1. when did you first watch/discover good omens, and how did you find out about it?

I first (!!! I watched it so many times) watched Good Omens some time last year, in September I think, when I met with a friend that had just recently moved quite far away to study creative writing (so proud of them btw). And well, all we really planned was to meet, not what to do. So we were kinda just sitting there, wondering what we should do (I think?) until they said "Ayy can I show u a thing I really like bc I think you'll like it too?" And I said "Lezzgo!" And then we started watching and when the Intro started I went "OMG IT'S NEIL GAIMAN??? WHY ARE U ONLY SHOWING ME THIS NOW??" And then we binged the first season and started the second one and I LOVED IT so I forced them to do an Amazon watch party with me during the week (bc they had left again by then) bc I COULDN'T WAIT but I also didn't wanna watch it alone. Aaaand yeah,,, I think they found my reaction to the final 15 (or all of the show, probably) quite entertaining xD

12. has your interaction with the good omens fandom been overall good or bad?

It's been mostly good, actually! I've been in quite bad ones before. But this fandom actually got me back on tumblr and rediscovering this hellsite with all its silly little tumblr weirdos made me feel so at home again in a way? If that makes sense? I mean idk what happens on other ppl's timelines but mine is just all fun artsy stuff, queer ppl and well,,, general tumblr tomfoolery. And A LOT of love and support. So I feel quite nice here :D It's been my main source of comfort ever since I watched Good Omens.

17. what is your favorite husband-y moment between aziracrow?

Ooooof that's a tricky one. I'm not good at picking favorites. But uh,,, probably the Crowley-off-his-head-on-laudanum (1827) where he's just running around like some uncoordinated cat and Aziraphale catches him and grabs his waist to steady him and tells him how kind it was of him to save Elspeth. I like that one c:

18. what is your favorite moment through history, and why?

ALSO 1827 because first of all, I think it was a very important plot point, especially for Aziraphale to understand that the world isn't just black and white and sometimes things that seem bad at first glace have very good intentions behind them and are. just. needed. And right. And good. And then ofc also bc of what I just said to question 17. AND the fact that I LIVE for Crowley singing Flower of Scotland <33 The entire last scene just always has me giggling. It makes me so happy.

(Plus, the "Trying to kill yourself. That's, I mean, It's NOT ON!!" is a thingy me and my friends (those I forced to watch Good Omens with me :P) now do every time one of us is in a difficult phase. It's a silly way of reminding each other to just keep ourselves alive, and that's so dear to me <3

23. what's a good omens headcanon that you considered canon?

Idk if it counts bc I'M STILL NOT SURE IT'S NOT SOMEHOW CANON??? But I always thought Crowley was just the wildest Queen fan ever. Bc his Bentley always plays Queen. And that was the first thing (right at the beginning) that made me love Crowley in the show, bc I LOVE QUEEN, I LITERALLY CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOW ANYBODY COULD EVER NOT LIKE QUEEN (I was very offended when, last year, some old guy told me he didn't like Queen bc they were too "camp" for him. (Actually, he said "tuntig" which is an offensive term in German, bc we had that conversation in German.) I never spoke to the guy again.) ANYGAY, then I read the book and found out that it's not actually Crowley who likes to listen to Queen all the time, but the Bentley. That was quite a disappointment at first. For like a minute. Then I decided the Bentley is now my favourite GO character. I draw a heart around it every time it's mentioned in the book. :D (I still headcanon Crowley loving Queen tho)

[dearlyjun]

ASH!!!!

I sorry for the late reply for some reason I didn’t get a notification that you had answered my ask and I just saw it now 😩😩😩

I honestly life has been so hectic for me lately everytime i wanna come back something happens. Last Friday…got into a big argument with my parents. Hours later broke it off with my situationship? I fuckin hate that term but that’s what it was we decided him mostly that we weren’t a good fit and that we should stay friends! And everytime I texted him I would just get reminded so I decided to just get some space from him all. I just can’t get over the fact that he said “hope you find someone special and better than me” I never asked for someone better ?? Why are men like this…

Anyways that’s a little recap on my life 🫠

Ahhh I bet the professor and other student were shocked that you knew about formula 1!! But hey nothing shocking about it everyone can like whatever they want hehe!

I need to catch up on reading and writing 😩 in January I read 5 books February is almost over and i haven’t read anything! I need to catch up and even come here and read what I missed 💕💕

Hope you’ve been taking care of yourself!

Also do you have a tag list??

ang sorry I didn’t answer this even though I’ve been interacting with you lol….

yea I hate that term as well…..I’ve had my fair share of them. one of my ex ones still likes my ig stories once in a while actually lol. I hate men that talk like that. my ex bf would always actually be like afraid I’d leave him for someone better and like openly talk like that. like?? why are you with me then lol if I make you afraid. whatever hope he’s miserable.

I literally WISH I had the time to read real books…..like I have a section on myself of books that I legit haven’t read. idk sometimes school takes up too much time and then if I’m gonna choose reading or writing….im gonna choose writing. idk I just love to create!!

(also I saw your other ask about ignoring the tag list lol glad u found it)

[notquiteaghost]

#hm. im not sure how to feel about this post #because like i do get it #sometimes there really is no part of the before self left. sometimes every part of you has been changed and scarred. #but like. it's still you? #scars are still flesh youve grown yourself #scars are a type of healing. without a scar you'd be left with a permanent open wound #yes under the scarring might just be more scars all the way down to the bone and marrow #but the existence of scars implies the existence of a self. the scars have to have been grown from the original flesh #it is changed but somethings still remains #a ghost follows from a living soul #and to stick around means the ghost has something to hold on to #idk i just think that even inthis state there is still hope for happiness and healing #i don't know where im going with this #perhaps this post is just refering to media and im looking too deep into it. or misinterpreting. #its good to tell tragedies. it's good to tell stories exploring the dark and sad and toxic and and and #perhaps im a romantic or too much an optimist #but i look at things like this and my first reaction is to say #wait. but maybe there is still hope here. maybe there is still the possibility for healing and a good future. maybe. (via @nerdybitchywitchy)

hi u probly weren't expecting an actual response but ur tags got me Thinking so. no ur right!!! the scarring IS you, and there IS still hope. but being a ghost doesn't have to be mutually exclusive with healing. that's my point: sometimes things happen to you that are inescapably terrible, and get right into the bones of you, and it's the end of the world and then you get up the next morning anyway. and it will feel like a kick in the teeth if someone thinks if they just love you right the terrible things will never have happened at all, because every morning you are reminded they did, in fact, happen. you will never be the person you were before, but you don't have to be. this new you can keep going.

"it's okay, i can peel back the layers of you until i find the soft and gentle core of you you've had to work so hard to hide"? no. no, it's okay, i know you're hollow; i'm here anyway. you don't have to pretend it isn't masks the whole way down. whatever face you want to wear, i still love you. i don't need you to be good or unflinching or the antonym of violence. if i did, i wouldn't be here. i wouldn't ask that of you.

[hertwood]

dts s5 e3-5

e3: -"i am perfect 🥰" fuck u know what sometimes the charles leclerc charm does get to me ngl -"breaking america is very important" OH IS IT. let andretti join then -i'll say it. miami isn't that bad. you can critisize the consumerism of it all without being so anti-america yall -fuck caitlyn jenner but her gushing to christian horner abt how great it is that ferrari is winning is iconic -i did watch this season but i did after the fact /knowing/ max was gonna win in the end. its sorta hitting me how it did really look like, oh my god, charles could really win here. just lookin at his lil face thinking how much did he get his hopes up. how much did i hurt, watching it slip away. how do u even handle that emotionally -i know i've talked abt this before but when i was binging the 2022 season i got super drunk before/while watching miami and when i woke up in the morning i remembered basically nothing other than carlos taking his shirt off (priorities). i watched the race highlights sober and was surprised by the lando crash. lol -if anything this rewatch is putting me back in my max girlie era. chomp chomp chomp. and/or i'm ovulating. combination of both -cannot wait for padel game 2023 edition on dts. it will be superior i know it -i do think its wierd that theyre framing (trying to) prioritize charles as a mean thing to do when its exactly what merc did in 2021 for lewis and it was 100% necessary both times. the guy who said 'ferrari won with the wrong car' wasnt wrong thats just how this shit works!!! -idk why dts couldn't just explain that max has non terminal but non fixable damage and thats why he was so damn slow. i feel like it wouldve been so easy to just mention. give context to why he couldnt get back up there -i dont think having multiple episodes focus on the same race from different perspectives is the worst thing ever, but i do think they fucked it up here by having the silverstone episodes back 2 back 2 back...... at least mix it up a lil. put another episode inbetween so we've forgotten by the time its being rehashed is it rly that hard

e4: -"i would've fucked the whole paddock" you know what maybe gunther IS iconic. maybe i will miss him a lil -i'm not a mick girlie but he is such a sweet boy. gunther count ur days :) -being reminded that michael and jos were teammates is such a jumpscare. how did that happen -"its not about proving them wrong, its about proving yourself right." HES SUCH A SMART N WISE LIL BOY. MWAH MWAH MWAH -that was a legitimately terrifying high speed crash. like a crash is a crash but the way that car got torn up is insane -STAY AWAY FROM OLLIE BEARMAN BTW -kevin supporting mick is So Important like an older sibling trying to break the cycle w/ a shitty parent. kevin i love u -ALSO underrated ship. btw -respectfully. as someone who knows nothing abt cars. if the haas keeps having problems splitting in half during crashes mayb. its a car issue. just a thought -faldskjfalksjf but this monaco crash: thinkin abt during the race, kevin had a mechanical dnf nearly the same time, so when the camera cut from mick's smashed car to kevin standing on the side of the track, looking disappointed, there was legitimate confusion on who fucking crashed. anyway that goes to show MAYBE THE CAR IS JUST SHIT -sebmick. is indeed. important -i love the way mick thinks his name is only a blessing. i just love seeing other people be brutally positive in the face of adversity bc its what i aspire to try to do too. its a good mindset to have i hope he is doin well now <3 -small children humbling tf out of christian horner is so important actually -i'm so glad daniel knew what he was worth with haas. i'm so glad they couldn't damn afford him. as he should 💅 -mick & max ALSO underrated ship. this man is so shippable -i am glad max n mick got to have this lil battle tho. they got to have what their dads predicted finally :)

e5: -ok so this is actually the most recent dts episode ive seen since before i started the rewatch, right after otmar got fired i watched it as a fun lil victory lap. this'll be fun lets goooooooo -otmar as a man is such a walking ick. even if i dislike other TPs at least they dont give me the ick. thats the second most unforgivable crime otmar has committed -i'm sorry the way otmar left AM bc he didnt like lawrence as a boss only to sign up to work for LAURENT ROSSI????? u have to laugh -i've said it before and i'll say it again nando n estie were fucking raw 100% -even if mclaren continued to be shit and alpine didn't implode oscar still made the right choice bc CLEARLY otmar was keen on keeping the nandoestie lineup for as long as fucking possible. and then he gets mad when oscar realizes that and bails??? i hate this man sm -'je m'appelle yuki. merci' iconic dts quote. yall if dts didnt exist we wouldnt have this be grateful -ok. so i know when this season came out this whole dando in the parking garage bit got some heat bc apparently that was not at paul ricard like the episode implies. but honestly. listen. netflix got a fun lil moment with daniel and lando. they didnt have anywhere else to put it. was there really any harm with having it squeezed in there. its not like ppl thinking theres a parking garage at paul ricard is super damaging misinformation. pls find real solid criticisms of dts instead of this kinda bitchin and moanin THANK U -HI SEBCHAL CRUMBS -ok um. not 2 tinhat here but i know dts got some heat for not having enough women in this season. did they go back and add these bits with jennie gow after she recovered from her stroke i dont remember her being here. its fine i just dont particularly like how netflix can go back n change shit -i hate birthdays i get so much second hand cringe from this. if i never get sung happy birthday again ever in my life that would be ideal -how many times has nando left and gone back to renault/alpine? god its like a girl who wont stop getting back together with a cheating bf and then being surprised when he cheats again oh fernando left ur team WATER IS WET BABES -ok what i'm getting is otmar is bad at getting contracts finalized in a timely manner and maybe this is his damn fault :) -'lets show him he made the wrong choice' you have to laugh ladjfaklsjdfaljd

[finelinevogue]

the fact that Y/N has post natal depression Is somewhat refreshing idk I just don't see it talked about much on here and if it is it's like Hella angsty and the partner doesn't understand what it is but I was wondering if u could touch on it a bit more cause it's something I'm really scared about happening to me and I just want harry to hold me and tell me it's going be okay 😚😚😚😚

P.s. if u don't wanna it's understandable

anon: can u write about harry helping y/n through her ppd maybe like the 3rd time was so bad that h decide that he won’t be having more children

so this was requested twice so i would love to be able to write this for you both, hope this is okay - mind it’s heavily angsty!;

tw: vomiting, ppd and od

oli - 4, felix - 3, belle - 12 weeks

Motherhood was really fucking hard.

The birth of your newly born daughter, Isabella, had really taken a back pedal on your mental health. You had suffered with post natal depression after the birth of your two sons, but nothing as bad as this.

It had hit you around the 7 week mark after giving birth. The pregnancy itself was okay, even though she was slightly premature, but it was after you’d taken her home that it’d all spiralled downhill. It started with complications with her breastfeeding - like she was rejecting the milk that you had produced. It hurt to see her reject you and your body, finding more comfort in drinking from a pre-made milk bottle as her dad rocked her to sleep. You recall the evening so clearly and felt like an utter failure as you watched her drink a bottle of formula for the first time.

“Ssh ssh,” Harry cooed to your 7 week old daughter as he rocked her in his arms on the rocking chair in her nursery. She was whining because she was hungry, but the problem was that she wasn’t accepting your milk. She hadn’t been accepting your milk all day and now it was becoming dangerous for you to keep on saying ‘Oh i’ll just try later.’ Harry had told you to make a formula bottle for her. “Mummy’s coming.”

As much as you didn’t want to, you were walking back to the nursery with a warm bottle in your hands. You’d tested it on your hand to make sure it wasn’t too hot and then taken a sip to taste it, out of jealousy, and you thought that it didn’t taste any different to you. Then again you’re not a 7 week old human whose only date is milk.

“Look here’s mummy with your yummy milk, okay? Look Belles!” Harry cooed at his darling angel and you only wished he wasn’t as happy for her as he was.

“Yeah.” You spoke softly, handing him the bottle and standing nearby, part of you hoping that she would reject this too and she wasn’t just rejecting you.

But no, she drank the formula like it was her last meal.

“Such a sweet girl, aren’t you?” Harry praised her, watching her in awe as she kept on drinking the formula. Watching as she was drinking to become the strong girl you knew she’d become. It just hurt that it wasn’t you that could help her become that.

You felt powerless. Worthless, even. The one thing that you had carried the weight of your breasts around to do and you couldn’t even do it. Your nipples were so sore and your breasts ached so badly and it was all for nothing. Perhaps it was punishment for being such a bad mum. Perhaps you’d never been good enough for this job and it was your bodies way of shutting you down forever. You wouldn’t need the ability to produce milk anymore, because you weren’t worth the title of becoming one again. You wanted to be happy for your little one, seeing her happy but all you felt was rejection and sadness. She didn’t think you were good enough to be her mum and that really hurt.

Along with the breastmilk problem, Belle also became very stubborn when you wanted to change her nappy. Anytime you tried to change and help her she put up a fuss, kicking her legs and sometimes she would bite or hit you away. It was just a reminder that you weren’t a good enough mum for her and that she didn’t feel safe enough around you. She didn’t find comfort in your presence and she was so fussy about what you did around her. With Harry, though, she was an angel. She loved him so much and obviously he made her feel so loved and safe - something you’d clearly never be able to give her.

There was also the chores of being a mother to your other two sons too. Oli and Felix were old enough to understand that they had a baby sister, but they weren’t old enough to understand how miserable you were. Harry wasn’t even able to figure it out yet. You tried your best to put on your bravest face, knowing that your family needed you to be strong but the truth was that you were crumbling on the inside. You were feeling less and less like yourself and you were waiting for the moment when you’d completely fall apart. Nothing felt right anymore. Everything was just numb.

“You two boys okay?”

You walked into the children’s playroom see that they were sat at the little table colouring in. Felix’s little legs dangled slightly, whereas Oli’s legs touched the floor and it made your heart swell at how big they were both getting.

“Yep!” Oli cheered, scribbling with his left hand as his tiny tongue stuck out from his lips as he concentrated - a habit passed onto him from his father.

“What are you both drawing?” You asked, coming over and kneeling on the floor beside them and having a peek at their drawings.

“We’re colouring for daddy.” Felix answered, some of the words not being pronounced properly due to his young lisp and lack of being taught how to say things correctly yet.

His words stung though. You appreciated that he was only a toddler and he meant nothing evil or malicious by it, but it hurt to think that maybe, just maybe, your sons were doing this for their dad because he did so much more for them than you did. Of course you tried to be the best mum you could, but maybe you weren’t doing enough. Maybe you weren’t meant to be a mum after all, or at least not a good one.

“O-oh,” you tried to hold back the tears in your eyes because your boys looked so proud at their artwork - and you should be too. “Tell me about them then, my loves.”

Oli went first, “So this is me and this is Oli and this is dad. It’s us playing football like we did the other day, mummy.” He pointed out to each of the figures, some looking actually quite terrifying but you’d never have the heart to tell him that. The figures were all holding hands though and it hurt to think that you weren’t a part of that.

“Oh that’s so good Ols!” you rubbed his head of hair and then turned to Felix’s, “What about you Fix?”

“I drew daddy as the best.” He pointed to a trophy that the figure - more like a stick-man-slenderman - was holding, which was decorated with the award of ‘my hero’.

“I told him to write hero, mummy.” Oli added, and you smiled at both of them.

“Well done. Good job both of you. Daddy will love these!” You only wished that they would draw something for you. You hated to think that you were being petty, but honestly you just wanted to feel loved. “Shall I go cut up some apple for a snack, hey?” You asked, trying to feel useful.

“Daddy is making us smoothies!” Felix answered and you had to stand up, up and away from their heigh, so they didn’t catch the tears in your eyes.

“Okay! Don’t forget to give him those pictures - he’ll love those.” You praised them and they both giggled to each other.

The sight of your sons laughing should’ve made you so happy, but it only reminded you that you weren’t the source of their happiness. You weren’t on their mind enough to be their inspiration for drawings. You definitely weren’t their hero. You were just a woman to them, not a mum. You wanted to be so much more but it was clear that they didn’t need you. They were loved by their dad and each other, not in need of your heart.

Eventually Belle settled down and was sleeping better through the night, leaving you and Harry to much more peaceful nights sleep. Well, just Harry.

You had found it near impossible to get to sleep now. You lay awake at night wondering when Belle would next wake up, wondering when she’d next need you. Harry was always quick out of bed though, even if he actually was sleeping, to help her ordering you to stay in bed and rest yourself. You couldn’t help feel like he was telling you to stay put because he knew you wouldn’t be able to do your job properly - and you started to believe him.

You’d found yourself getting jealous of those that could get to sleep. When you were walking down the road you’d judge a person by how much sleep they looked like they got last night. You definitely looked like you only had 2 hours - even when you’d only had 37 minutes but who’s counting? Your dark circles were heavily noticeable, but no one cared enough to ask. Even Harry stayed clear of you more and more often; spending more time with the kids than you and sleeping on his side of the bed instead of yours at nighttime.

There had been one evening where you had been so restless that Harry had gotten so frustrated and left the room, with a blanket and a pillow, and slept on the couch. You’d never felt so much like a burden than that night. Your family was rejecting you and you felt like a failure. You were a success at failing in everything. The meals you cooked went half eaten by everyone because you would’ve forgotten to add a key ingredient. The children preferred to spend more time playing with their dad because you weren’t energised enough to play the games they wanted to. Your daughter still rejected your milk. It was all too much and you just wanted one nights peace for it to change.

Last night had been that night.

Fuck these were so addicting. You were finally getting the sleep that you so badly craved, only with the help of tablets.

You wanted the sleep because that was the one place you could escape to. You needed that escape to help you get out of bed the next morning. Life was too hard for you to not dream, and without dreaming you didn’t want life.

It started off with taking one every night before bed, but then they stopped working again, so you started taking two, then three. Four was obviously where your body hit its limit.

“Mummy? Can you come tuck me in please?” Oli asked, little toy giraffe in hand and shaking you in hopes of waking you up to send him peacefully off to sleep.

You’d gone to bed a bit earlier tonight, lying saying that you were extremely exhausted. Harry said he would be able to handle things and that’s when you excitedly ran upstairs to take your pills; 4 of them. You’d made it into your bed, feeling slightly drowsy after completing your nighttime routine, but then you started to feel unwell and really ill. Before you’d passed out you’d stuck your fingers down your throat in hopes to make the feeling in your stomach disappear, but it ended up you throwing up all over the bed and pass out right there.

“Mummy! Wake up!” Oli rattled your back, but you were still unresponsive.

Oli padded out of the room and down to his sisters room where he knew his dad was. Belle was being extra fussy this evening and Harry suspected it had everything to do with you retiring early. He heard Oli come into the room just as he’d gotten Belle down.

“Y’alright buddy?” Harry whispered, tip-toeing out of Belle’s room, leaving the door open slightly, and crouched down in front of him.

“No. Mummy’s not waking up.” Oli pouted, rubbing a tired fist over his eye.

“She’s probably in dreamland, bud. She was really tired today.”

“She’s really tired all of the times.”

“I know, Ol.” Because Harry did know, but he was too much of a coward to face up to the problem. The doctors had said that post natal depression can strengthen with every birthed child, but he was too blind sighted by the fact that you’d overcome the first birthed post natal depression so quickly, and was so in love with his baby girl, that he didn’t truly see how bad things had gotten. Harry had tried giving you some space, distancing himself from you in bed and spending more time with the kids so you could relax and rest up, but nothing seemed to be working. He was surprised, actually, that you’d been having better sleep recently and so was hopeful that maybe the worst of the depression was over.

Hell, was he so wrong.

“Go to bed, bud okay? I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Wake mummy up so she can give me a kiss.”

“I’ll try little man, alright?” Harry scuffed his sons hair and then watched him walk off to his room.

Harry walked into your dark room, the air smelling slightly sour, and walked around to your side of the bed. He sat down next to you sighed heavily. He needed to speak to you, no matter how tired or angry you’d be with him. He was losing you as a wife and a mother and a soulmate and a lover. He was just losing you, just as you were losing yourself and he was doing tip-toeing around the problem any longer. He was going to try and make this better. He was going to better understand how you were feeling in order to help you.

“Baby?” He spoke softly, nudging you gently, “Baby wake up.” No response. “Y/N, my love? Wake up for me darling, need to speak with you.” Normally you would’ve stirred by now but there was still nothing. “Y/N?” Harry shook you a bit more urgently now - one that would surely wake even the deepest of sleepers. “Y/N!” He shouted, perhaps a bit too loudly for the comfort of his children.

He turned you over and that’s when he knew this was very, very, bad.

Your face was pale grey and your mouth was covered in the remains of vomit, and he suddenly understood the gross sour smell from before. Your hair was greasy and stuck all in the wet sick all over your face. Your eyes were puffy from the remains of tears. You looked dead.

“No, no, no. Y/N! No you don’t.” Harry’s eyes starting weeping and he couldn’t think straight. He checked your pulse on your wrist and timed it - it was unhealthily faint. He wouldn’t be surprised if you were in your last beats of your heart. His tears and sobs were uncontrollable, but he had to be both strong for you and his children, as well as for him. “Fuck sake pull yourself together Harry. Okay, baby hold on please. Okay? You don’t get to leave me like this, you hear me? I love you so much, baby. Fuck i’m so sorry.” He gently placed your head back down on the pillow and pulled out his phone.

999

“What’s your emergency?”

“I need a-an ambulance p-please. I-I think my wife i-is dying.”

The rest of it was a blur for Harry. Him trying to wake you up. The ambulance arriving. Oli and Felix crying when they saw you being carried away on a stretcher. Belle’s deafening screams. Harry’s heart beating for the both of you.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

It was the rhythmic beeping sounds that woke you up.

Your whole body felt achey and sore, your head a pounding mess. You opened your eyes slowly, adjusting them to the light of the room. You expected to see the family photo on the wall opposite you and the white of your curtains, but you were met with a heart-monitor machine and a hospital bed instead. You looked down at your body and noticed a cannula in your arm, making you squirm because you hated stuff like that so much. Your nose had a tube running inside it too, feeding you the oxygen your lungs weren’t receiving properly.

It then dawned on you how you weren’t in the room alone. You saw a sleeping Anne and Gemma on the chairs in the far corner, with Felix and Oli tucked against their sides - Anne with Oli and Felix with Gemma. It was so cute to see them so cuddled up close. They looked peaceful. You took note of the baby pram that was at the end of your bed, most likely playing bed to your beautiful daughter. Your mind felt lost. You can’t really remember what had happened, apart from taking four of those sleeping pills. You fully remember the weight of feeling worthless and useless as both a mum and a wife, though, and that feeling was still very prominent.

Your eyes lastly landed to the side of you, where Harry was sat but also laid on your bed. The top of half of his body laid upon the bed, his head buried onto this arm deep within the bed, whilst his bottom stayed rooted to the chair. His hand was holding yours tightly, which was a sign that he wasn’t asleep. You were so scared to face him though. You had failed him, again and again and you weren’t sure whether you could be enough for him anymore. Enough for your family anymore.

You squeezed his hand three times saying ‘I love you.’

“Y/N,” He whispered so hoarsely, but you were so focused on him to even catch it. He looked ruined, and you’d done that to him. His eyes were dark and tired, but also red and puffy from where he’d been crying. His hair was a mess and you could tell it hadn’t been washed in a while. How long had you been out for? You felt rested in your sleep, but not in your mind or your heart.

“I—” Your breathe got caught in your throat, but you persevered to finish your words. He deserved to here them. “I’m sorry.” You were whispering so you didn’t disturb anyone else in the room.

“No, stop it. I’m sorry baby.”

“Harry don’t, you don’t have anyt—”

“Stop yes I do I—”

“Harry please you don’t owe—”

“Y/N listen!” He cut the little volley-conversation and ordered you to just stop. You started crying when you saw that he was too. “Whatever you’re going to say, don’t. Whatever you’re thinking, stop it right now. Because I love you. Fuck, I do. I love you so much that when I found you unconscious in a pile of your own sick thinking you were dead, my only thought was that I wished it were me instead”.

“Harry, you don’t mean—”

“My god Y/N! You don’t get it, do you? I would do anything to switch places with you right now. I would suffer a thousand times over if it meant you were okay. I’d suffer in hell for you. Nobody else but you has ever made me feel like this. I married you because I love you and I want to wake up next to you every day of my beating hearts life. I chose to have children with you, because I knew how great of a mum you’d be and what beautiful people you’d help bring up into the world—”

“But i’m not.” You cut Harry short, trying to pull your hand away from him but he didn’t let you - only tightening his grip and pulling himself closer towards you. He was so close you could kiss him.

“Not what?” He asked, although he already knew the answer. You’d both had this conversation before, but you were both tired of it and were ready for it to be your last now.

“A good mum. I’m- i’m not a good mum or wife, Harry and i’m sorry.”

“I told you not say it and stop thinking it, because you’re completely wrong Y/N. You’re a good mother and a good wife, because you are a good person.”

“But i’m not great.” You whimpered, thinking back to the drawings your Oli and Felix had done. “I’m not the best.”

“But you don’t have to be, baby. You see our beautiful, healthy, happy and safe babies over there?” Harry turned to look at them, love in his eyes as in yours. “They wouldn’t be all those things, no matter how you feel about yourself, without you. I could never have brought them up to be half the people they are without you by my side, the way you make me a better person. You claim you don’t got this, but baby you’re already doing it and have been doing it for 5 years with our children and so much longer with me.”

“I’m just so fucked up Harry.” Your head tilted back on the pillow as you got heavily emotional over the situation.

Harry shook his head and moved his hand to cup the back of your neck, moving your head forwards until it met his. The touch of his skin against yours, no matter where and how small, made you feel alive and you’d missed him and that feeling so much. You missed loving him so much.

“Listen to me.” He ordered, keeping you still. “You are strong and you are brave Y/N Styles. No matter what you tell yourself I will be here every goddamn day of my life, if I have to, to remind you that you are worth more than your fucking weight in gold. You are my heart. You are my soul and the mother to my greatest achievements. I know they are yours too, just as I know I am your heart.

“You are.” You whispered so quietly under your breathe, but Harrys heart warmed when he caught you saying it. He knew though.

“Just let me love you. Let me be there for you. If you want medication then let’s do it, and i’ll be there for every step of the way. If you want to go to a rehabilitation centre for a bit, that’s okay we can—”

You shook your head and licked the tears away from your face. You were both such tearful messes, but the love between you was undeniable. “No, no please, no.”

“Okay, okay, love. We won’t. See, you’re okay. I promise, you’re okay. Stay with me, yeah? I’ll love you and keep you safe, just as you will me.”

“Promise.” You told him sincerely. He brought his lips to yours with that single word. He was so proud of your for being so brave and strong. He wishes he was half the person you were. His lips conveyed those thoughts of his and you could taste the love and passion burning through his heart and out on to his lips. He tasted like home. z he was home. Your lips smacked together messily, but you didn’t care because you loved each other too much and had kissed each other even more. Once you pulled back he stayed close to you, smiling at you with such awe. “I think.. I think I want to try medication please.”

Harry didn’t say ‘okay’ or ‘sure thing’, no. He said four words that meant more to you in that moment that any others in the universe. More than saying ‘I love you.’ Words that reminded you that not everything is okay and that sucks really bad, but you’re doing your best to get through it. It was a reminder that you had so many people who loved you and cared for you. It was a gun at the starting line symbolising that the journey ahead wasn’t going to be easy, but worth it.

“I’m proud of you.”

[elysianslove]

maʼam do you have any megumi or reki drabbles to spare 🤲🏼🤲🏼👁️ if not, dw, bc i can also just reread. like. seriously, your writing is so delicious 🤩

HELLO YES OF COURSE OF COURSE. OF COURSEJEJEKEKD

HAVE BOTH BC I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. ALSO I LOVE Y O U SO MUCH YOURE SO SWEET PLS 

feral megumi brainrot 

megumi’s pretty compliant in bed, you’d say. he’s putty in your hands the moment you place them on him, brushing your palms along his torso, your fingers hovering and teasing at his hips and thighs as you slowly lead up to riding him, taking your time as you sink down onto his lap, his cock nudging deep inside of you. and he’s always making the sweetest sounds with you, looks so pretty when his eyes get dewy and hazy, when he cries out for you, when his chest heaves for you, when his skin flushes for you. 

but sometimes, sometimes, it’s the complete opposite. 

sometimes, you find yourself on your knees, your ass raised, thighs smacking against his as he fucks into you from behind, your hair twisted and knotted in his fist. he’s brutal, vicious, unforgiving, menacing, and it’s because he never gets like this. it’s a once in a lifetime moment, where he’s so— harsh with you. where he pulls at your hair even harder, so hard it hurts, so hard it forces your head back, your back arching deeper, further, his cock buried so deep within you, the tip tickling your cervix at this angle. 

he doesn’t stop, even when your thighs and ass are red from the brutal fucking, or when your throat is hoarse from the screaming and crying, or when you’ve cum a thousand times. it’s like he wants to ruin you, properly. 

at some point your hair untangled from his fist, and you fall, unsupported, onto the mattress, finding leverage in the sheets as you grip them tightly and as you sob, heart-wrenchingly sob, into the bed. your body’s going numb, burning with oversensitivity. your cunt’s a mess around his cock, drooling and drenching him, still somehow unbelievably tight, sucking him in so well. and he tells you that much. 

he’s not too much of a talker, not when he’s like this, reserving to more noises, the most beautiful of, than anything. but sometimes, he spares you a few words, telling you how pretty your cunt looks ruined like this, for him, all for him, how you’re so good, so tight, around him, that you’re his perfect little plaything, hm? and it all goes straight to the knot tightening in your stomach. it all deepens the clouds surrounding your mind, hazes it over, has your eyes rolling back and your mouth dumbly falling open as you wet the mattress with your drool. 

his hands, so big and large, are squeezing at your hips, so rough, so hard, so bruising, helping himself fuck into you, before they travel to your ass, kneading and squeezing roughly, turning the skin a bright red. his thumbs reach over to where your cunt is stretching out around him, and he strokes at your lips, spreads you more as he watches himself disappear within you, watches as you swallow him whole. 

no wonder, no wonder, he gets like this sometimes. who could ever hold back with someone like you at arm’s reach anyways? of course you were his weakness. of course. 

the first time you gave reki a blowjob, he came all too quick and landed some in your eye, which had you squinting for the rest of the day. it was a little too embarrassing for him to look back at back then, and it honestly still is to this day, but to you, it’s a reminder, a reminder of how much he’s grown. and it’s pretty hilarious. 

but now, now reki sits above you so much more confident than he used to be. while months ago he was shy, cautious, too careful, and a stuttering, awkward mess, he’s now a lot more relaxed, a lot more trusting. where he’d jump and squeak at the tiniest of movements, at the simple brush of your fingers against him, a small flick of your tongue to the head, he now leans into the touch, sinks into the feeling and trusts in you. 

it’s why you agree to something different this time.

he spreads his legs wider for you, letting you settle more comfortably before him as your hand reaches for his cock. your spit on your palm and the precum he oozes makes the process a lot smoother, a lot easier, as you fist at his cock, slowly, tugging lightly, squeezing at the tip and lowering your hand all down to the base. your grip on him is a relieving one, tight and warm and firm, but reki can never, ever, compare it to the feel of your mouth. 

your tongue darts out to kitten lick at the tip, swirling it slightly and poking at the slit as your hand continues to very slowly stroke him. he had already been hard to begin with, but with all this borderline teasing, his cock feels so much heavier in your hand, the tip darkening as he grows more and more desperate.

and so, finally, you look up at him, his dick inches away from your face, throbbing in your hand, and ask him, “do you wanna fuck my mouth, baby?” and it’s another reminder of how much he’s grown. his dick twitches in your hand, and he looks visibly pained as he groans deeply at your words, at your suggestion, at your offer. but still, he contains his self control, because if there’s anything being with you has taught him, is that patience is key. 

he nods, nods so urgently he feels his neck sprain, and lets you guide his hands to the back of your head. you bring your hand to his cock, your lips obediently falling open, tongue sticking out as you push his cock into your mouth. slowly, you lower your head, taking more and more of him, sucking and hollowing out your cheeks and slurping until he sits nestled in your throat, your loud swallowing and soft humming keeping away at any gag reflexes. 

reki, above you, is already shivering, eyes wide and pupils blown as he gapes down at you. it’s not his first time watching you take his dick down your throat. again, the first time you’d done it, aside from his first blowjob in general, he’d came the moment your throat squeezed around his tip. and although every other time after that he’s gotten better and better at enjoying it for longer, at letting it last, at dragging it out for as long as possible, he remembers what you’d consented to just a minute ago, and he thinks, fuck patience. 

his hands are shaky as they grip at your head, as his fingers tangle in your hair. it doesn’t take long for him to find a rhythm, no time at all before he’s pushing your head down in time with the thrust of his hips up. you’re making so much of a mess, gagging and coughing as drool and spit pools on his lap, sticky with precum as he fucks up into you. he thinks you look so pretty like this, eyes red and watery, lips swollen and wet, staring up at him so pleadingly and desperately. 

and god, he— he’s fucking gorgeous. there’s a tightness in his jaw for a few, teeth gritted as he suppresses any noises he wants to make, before it all dissolves into a blissed out expression, eyes fluttering and mouth parted, skin flushed as red as his hair. he’s gripping your hair so tightly as he fucks up into you, so hard it almost hurts, and the praises he sings for you are stirring up a swarm of butterflies in your stomach: telling you that he loves you, loves you so much, he’s thanking you, thanking you, thanking you— 

and when he cums, he holds you to him, head buried in his lap and throat full of his cock until you’re thrashing in his hold. he spills and spills and spills, pulling you off of him only to watch his cock weakly shoot cum at your lips and chin. still, the fact that you grin at him, so cutely, so prettily, has him carelessly pulling you in for a searing kiss, swearing upon the fact that he loves you, loves you so much, loves you so, so, so much—

goodNIGHT. idk if this is actually good cause im half asleep rn 😭 but yk, the brainrot is real, so — i hope u like this anon! mwah <3 

[its-deputy-caleb]

Hiii, could i have a request for how the gang members would react to meeting a historian or explorer in the wild?? thank you! I love your blogs sm!!

anon ily <3333 i went wayy overboard with these but i regret nothing bc this was soo cute and fun to write. I hope u enjoy and i made it gn for everyone. I only did the VDL boys for this but if enough ppl like it i might do the girls with something similar idk yet?

Dutch Van Der Linde

Dutch first laid eyes on you when you were hanging off the edge of a cliff after slipping when you got too close to the edge. He immediately ran over to you, helping you off the cliff and getting you settled back on your feet.

He seemed genuinely concerned and agreed to help you safely record the rock carving that was on the side of the cliff face, keeping you from falling.

You were a historian and had been studying these mysterious rock carvings after meeting an equally mysterious man, Francis Sinclair.

You didn’t see much of Dutch Van Der Linde after that until you ran into him again in Saint Denis in the saloon. He remembered who you were instantly and started up a conversation about your work where you chatted away for hours.

You became very close after that and he often accompanied you to Museums and fancy fundraisers that you were invited to.

He’d always get dressed up and complimented your finer outfits which was such a difference to the field gear you’d have on. You’d spend all night chatting away over nice champagne and dancing together before actually engaging with other guests but you didn’t have a care in the world with Dutch in your life.

Arthur Morgan

Arthur finds you standing in the middle of a field, flipping over rocks and staring numbly at what appeared to be a map in your hands.

When he approached you he soon learnt you were a young amateur explorer about to get your big break with a treasure hunt but you couldn’t find the gold bars for the life of you.

Arthur gave you a heart warming smile and held up a gold bar after retrieving it from his satchel having felt a little bad that he’d discovered it not a week before you.

The two of you laughed about it, calling yourself a fool for trying to find it for so long when it was clearly missing— the thought that someone took it clearly never crossed your mind.

Arthur was always a gentleman however and promised to make it up to you. After taking you to dinner and getting to know him better, you spent the next few days camping out and finding a new treasure together.

You travelled through caves and through valleys of flowers to find this treasure. Sometimes it was so beautiful that the two of you just stopped by a stream to let your horses rest and enjoy the scenery.

When you finally found the treasure you gave Arthur a big hug in excitement which caught him by surprised but he happily returned. He let you keep the treasure and wished you luck with more exploring but of course that wasn’t the last time you saw Arthur again.

Charles Smith

Charles meets you one day while you’re out surveying wildlife. You specialised in conservation, wanting to study and protect animal species.

Fresh out of the university from Saint Denis you’d been dying to get out of the confining city and explore the heartlands. That’s where a kind gentleman named Charles Smith had offered to protect you and show you around the herds of bison you’d taken to studying.

You spent days together riding the over the hills and following the herd as they travelled. While you were Charles told you all about his family and the respect and love they have for the beautiful creatures.

It was amazing the array of knowledge Charles knew about bison and you couldn’t stop the smile on your face as he told you about the characteristics of the bison. You rushed to take notes in your journal, knowing that all that he told you would help you study and protect these animals.

“Do you think it’ll actually do any good? The work you’re doing?”

“One can only hope Mr.Smith but I will do everything in my ability to protect such beautiful creatures.”

Even when you had to return to the city for study you constantly wrote to Charles, staying in touch and keeping him updated with all your work. It was hard to say goodbye to someone you’d grown close to but you made regular visits to each other long after that.

John Marston

You first found John in the saloon after a long day at work, in desperate need of a drink. Being a zoologist you instantly noticed the scars on his face and would’ve guessed a wolf was the animal that caused the damage.

The two of you instantly started up a conversation and shared all kinds of stories. He told you about being up on the mountain while you showed him the scar on your arm from your run in with a cougar.

You were collecting a compendium of all the animals across the heartlands and during the months you worked on it, you ran into John more than once.

He was always curious about your work and you often spent time together in the afternoon sun, showing him the animals you’d found so far.

“What about the stray dogs in town or do you only deal with cougars and wolves?”

“Well they’re animals too aren’t they not?”

Even though you couldn’t see John all the time, he often came along with you to see the wildlife and covered you when you were around particularly dangerous animals and you enjoyed every second you had with him.

Micah Bell

When Micah met you he had absolutely no idea what you were on about. In his mind the whole idea of a palaeontologist is ridiculous and made up, much less the fact that you chose to read books and study in your spare time.

At first he doesn’t do anything but mock your work but after running into you time and time again he finally started to come around.

He grew more and more curious when he saw the drawings in your sketch books of dinosaurs and even more so when he laid eyes on the fossils. But knowing Micah, he’s still incredibly stubborn.

“Ain’t no way that thing is real.”

“One needs an open mind to comprehend what’s prehistoric Mr.Bell. It requires a certain practice.”

Every so often on your work you’d run into Micah who’d be riding around on his horse, just passing by. By now you’d consider him a friend and your face lit up as he pulled a small ammonite fossil from his bag.

It wasn’t really your area of expertise but you could tell he wanted to impress you and seemed almost nervous as you examined the fossil. Nonetheless you could tell it was real and you let him keep the small fossil as a reminder of you until the next time you saw him.

Javier Escuella

Javier meets you when you’re down my the docks, trying to capture the sunlight and noticed him fishing.

Not wanting to disturb him you kept out of his hair until you heard him cheer loudly at a catch he managed to pull in. In your particular interest in animals, you couldn’t help but ask if you could take a photo of the fish he’d caught.

From then on the two of you became friends, often running into each other as you tried to capture landscapes and wildlife.

You’d always spend the day together and you’d show him how to use a camera while he showed you how to fish and play the guitar.

When you spent time apart you’d often write to each other to fill the gap. You’d always send pictures with little writing on the back of them while he sent you poems and songs that he wrote for you, promising to play them for you next time you’d meet.

In your personal journal you have the first picture you ever took of Javier, kept safe between the pages. He’s standing along the docks, facing the away from the water as he holds up a large sturgeon and a large smile.

You and Javier always stay in touch and after he told you of his chaotic and dangerous time in guarma he made light of it by telling you about all the different wildlife he saw while he was there.

Bill Williamson

Bill stumbles upon you in the wild by accident. He’s out scouting a lead when he ended up getting lost through the shrubbery and found you examining flowers closely.

When you told him you were a botanist he looked as if you’d just spoken a different language to him because he didn’t have a clue as to what that meant. Bill always made you laugh fondly at the confused look when you told him all the scientific names of flowers.

In Bill’s mind, a flower was a flower. There was purple flowers and blue flowers and even red ones but they didn’t have their own names.

The next time Bill ran into you he brought you what he thought was a bouquet of white flowers. Instead they were actually a species of weed that was poisonous when eaten but it didn’t stop you from smiling and hugging him which was the intended purpose.

In light of that incident Bill was actually curious about some plants, trying to learn about them more. When Bill went exploring with you he pointed out some of his favourites and you picked a few to put them in the brim of his hat for him to take him back to camp.

When you run into him again Bill tries to give you another flower, this time actually understanding the plant he’d picked was a Vanilla Flower Orchid or the Vanilla planifolia but he never learnt how to pronounce it unlike you.

With a high blush Bill placed the flower behind your ear and you pulled him into a hug, being careful not to crush the beautiful flower.

[simluvbot]

how enhypen hyung line spoils you

a/n: okay so the only reason im writing this is because heejay went on tmi news and heeseung said jay is probably the richest enhypen member.. plus jay spending 6k on a hotel for heeseung and the fact that jay’s dad owns a travel agency got me thinking so 😁  yeah here’s a headcanon on how hyung line spoil you :D — also reminder that this is a work of fiction and I wrote this based on what I think would suit with their personalities !

HEESEUNG

hee will also spoil you with his undivided attention !!

it sounds simple but whenever he is with you, he is not focusing on anything but you. he feels like he doesnt spend as much time with you as he wants to, so moments with you are so precious to him and he is always listening and responding. its really relaxing </3

(open to read more <3)

i dont really think heeseung is the type to buy you lots of materialistic things but since i feel he is really attentive he’ll instead just randomly gift you things that you had said you needed around him and just ended up forgetting about.

you complaining about it being so hot lately and needing to buy a small fan to carry around? heeseung will randomly gift you a portable fan he bought you the other day, oh you know, just ‘casually’ as he says. you saying how youre so hungry and dont have time to go get food during your lunch break?  you have food delivered to your work.

 also !! heeseung is so sO unbelievably talented !!

plus he knows how much you like his singing, so how else does he spoil you? with his voice.

it sounds cheesy but ); how could you not drop everything right that second when heeseung starts singing for you 

so,, you both chilling in bed together and relaxing? he’ll start humming softly or singing quietly because he knows how much you enjoy it, especially when youre stressed out ):

You’re so lucky because he literally voice records him singing cover songs in English too and send them to you, just for your ears only

Also will show you snippets of enhypen’s new songs or choreos because he knows you’re an engene too hehe

JAY

tbh he doesnt even bat an eyelash at the prospect of buying you something expensive

i mentioned this before but if he is out shopping, travelling, etc and he sees something he thinks you would like, need or look good on you? he buys it with no second thoughts !

loves buying matching outfits with you <3

he likes to spoil you as well in terms of quality time ):

he’ll rent a small yacht for you both to enjoy a relaxing evening together, rent a restaurant out just for you both, etc just so you two can spend a relaxing time together privatley <3

WILL pull a lee young joon on you from what’s wrong with secretary kim and rent out a whole theme park just to surprise you with 😋

also uses the fact his dad is the owner of a travel agency to his advantage and often books hotel and resort stays for you both whenever he can 😋😋

i think jay would also be the type to spoil you with cheesy couple gifts during anniversaries and on dates lol

so you HAVE started to build a small collection of stuffed teddy bears on your bed..

ofc he spoils you with materialistic things !! he likes it but with jay your comfort and happiness is ALWAYS one of his top priorities with you so he also always makes sure to make some time in his schedule whenever he can, just to spend some time with you <3

JAKE

I think jake wouldnt spoil you that much, at least he wouldnt make it explicitly obvious

more the type to spoil you with surprises during anniversaries or special occasions 

will be all shy like, “y/n youre not busy for the two days after your birthday, right? just saying please leave your schedule free for then.”

you’re confused but do what he says anyways, and when he surprises you with plane tickets, you have to pretend to act surprised hehe

often pays for expenses such as café or restaurant bills for you (EVEN if you tell him you can pay it yourself 🙄)

i think he would spoil you with random gifts that he gets for you, and over time they accumulate and each little thing he gives you is a reminder of one of your many dates with him <3

that picture frame on your bedroom wall over there? oh jake surprised you with it. the necklace youre wearing? oh jake bought it for you. that blanket on your bed? oh jake didnt want you to get cold at night, so he bought it for you to make sure youre warm ):

he is also very thoughtful so he always considers your health! and he spoils you in the sense of making sure you have the necessities he thinks you need !

when you both went out on a date and he noticed you didnt have a scarf and was complaining about how cold it was he went and bought you a new one rIGHT that second. jake wont dare let his y/n catch a cold 😠😤

jake is also so so sweet ): so he ALWAYS is showering you in compliments and praise

lowkey youre spoiled by his kind words like you could be doing the bare minimum and he’ll be telling you ‘yes thats my baby! youre doing so well!!”

overall jake just wants to make sure youre healthy and happy !! he is always noticing the small things about you hehe so he ends up spoiling you in his own ways unintentionally (:

SUNGHOON

okAY so youre literally dating him but he’ll be telling you how lucky you are to even be receiving his attention in the first place 🙄

but lowkey he does spoil you too

I see sunghoon making beaded bracelets for you and gifting them to you ):

Another one of the #teddybeargivers™

Spoils you a lot on special occasions. Will buy you roses, candles, chocolate, teddy bears etc. the typical boyfriend-y gifts on days like valentine’s or your bday </3

I feel like sunghoon is very subtle about spoiling you but when he sometimes does spoil you it’ll be something low-key expensive

Like uh sunghoon ?? An apple watch for Christmas?? i don’t think I can accept this

But he’ll look at you like 😐 y/n I went out of my way to buy this for you and it was expensive u better be grateful

Idk if this makes sense but he spoils you in his hoodies 😋

He always have a bunch that he separates ready for you to steal hehe

Also you know how I mentioned the gifts on special occasions? Well he will also write these long, detailed cards and give them to you and since sunghoon isn’t the best at conveying his emotions when he puts down all of his feelings down on a piece of paper,, you always feel so spoiled and flustered in his love ):

<3

[rotshop]

help girl i just woke up and im already thinking abt mag s/o again. anyway please consider ;

[ tw body horror, some brief light gore and violence ]

[ note ; reader is SLIGHTLY described. the only thing mentioned is that they have a noticeable, identifying scar on their face

hank + mag s/o

-he knew you even before the boombox incident. he doesn't even really remember how you two first met, he just remembers that you started talking to him and then just kinda kept coming back. at first he wasn't the biggest fan of you since he was 'doing just fine on his own,' but...he admittedly was already really attached to you. they've never been much of a talker and that's especially noticeable to you at that point in time but ,,, they respond enough with signing, nodding / shaking their head, or the occasional speaking that you're able to carry some conversations pretty well.

-he doesn't really. have. a lot of people in his life. you're really his only real close friend, it's kinda hard for him to fully wrap his head around it so !! they chose not to, instead focusing more-so on whatever it was you were rambling to them about that day.

-not super sure of where to put this lmao but ummm ehe . he's actually surprisingly touchy with you????? like. you've hung out at his house a few times and he just like. you'll start out sitting next to each other and you'll end up either laying with your head on their chest or vice versa . its . a little funny . you tease him about it a little and he just flicks your shoulder. also traces your scar a lot if you'll let them, they're not entirely sure why they do it, they just . like asking you about it occasionally.

-also you have scary dog privileges. they might look like any other grunt at that point but they're still tall as fuck and idk man !! something abt getting a blank stare from someone who towers over u would probably make u shut up and mind ur own damn business.

-again, he's not super good at fully recognizing / acknowledging certain thoughts and feelings of his but . yknow. he can definitely tell he at least worries about you a lot more than he would some other grunt he just met. he can definitely tell there's a reason he doesn't mind you touching him, whether by grabbing his hand to go show him something or just placing a hand on his shoulder or arm (most likely arm, again. hes tall. ). they can definitely tell there's a reason that they find themself genuinely enjoying your interactions.

-after the park thing you don't see them for a long time. everytime you try and call him the lines dead, everytime you try and ask others about him you just get choice words, all in all you're pretty much lost on the entire thing. sure, you know what happened but . it just never sits right with you. it doesn't help whenever people ask questions about them or give you wary looks because of your association, half steps back when you take one forward.

-anyway. yeah nevada goes to shit and you get magnified for the aahw. by now you just. don't really talk about hank. surprisingly, you have a little more of your old memories than the average mag !! congrats. problem is they're all foggy enough that you only really distantly decipher them. lmao. you aren't super high on the ladder but you're a pretty tough mag to beat. you're well known enough that other mags tend to hang around you when there's not much else going on. v2 mags especially think it's fun to mess around with you by jumping on your back or otherwise clinging onto you . idk man u've got like . a little family here .

-at one point or another there's an outing youre on that ends up going wrong. you get split up from the rest of your unit and are forced to hide out in some old abandoned building while you wait for backup. you're a little too injured to try and walk all the way back, a heavy gash on your side preventing you from doing too much in the moment. when you hear heavy steps on concrete you're able to give some sort of noise of relief, turning your head to look over your shoulder at whichever agent in your group had finally found you-

-you're instead met with red goggles and the end of a gun.

-any kind of relief is snatched away, you know damn well who it is by just the bit you can see in the dark alone. even standing in the shade between two windows (one of which you were sitting by, probably how they seen you in the first place- if that's the case though, it's a little weird they hadn't just shot at you through it.) you knew it was him. you're already stumblingly forcing yourself up to as much of your full height as you can manage, taking some kind of defensive position even as one of your hands ghosts over your gash. the throbbing pain of it and the feeling of blood sticking and running down your skin is enough that you can't seem to focus on the fact that he won't stop staring at your face.

-it doesn't take long before your legs seem to fail you, forcing you forward a bit as you kneel in some sort of attempt to keep upright. you're too busy hissing under your breath and screwing your eyes shut in pain as your hand covers your side to notice your company stepping forwards. you're snapped back to attention when there's a hand on your face, fingertips digging into your skin as they yank your head down a little further. you know you should be grabbing him, that you should be digging your claws into his torso and ripping him clean in half, throwing whatevers left aside and leaving. you know thats what you were told to do, what you were told they deserved anyway. yet, you aren't. instead, you're just giving some warning growl as you stare at them. you notice how the end of the gun is pointed away from you, how their touch seems to outline the mark on your face.

-"If you try and hurt me, I'll kill you." That's the only real heads up you get before he's crouching down and shoving your hand out of the way, grabbing something from his pocket to get to work on you. you don't fail to notice how little attention they're paying to you (aside from the focus on your wound, of course), that you could just rush forward and slam them into the ground if you really wanted.

-ok im skippin g ahead bc this is already way too goddamn long for hcs DEJWJCS

-anyway. it's a complicated relationship for a while. the others tend to avoid you a little but he just keeps showing up around you. they keep staring at you and just hanging around in your general area. it's not that much of an irritant if you ignore all the weird emotions and thoughts it keeps bringing to the forefront of your mind, forcing you to once again try and meddle with your memories.

-eventually he just starts walking over to you and sitting down next to you. sometimes he doesn't say anything at all, just sitting there and seeming to wait for one thing another- he never seems to find whatever that is, as he always gets up and leaves without a word at some point or another. then they start talking, its just little things at first, point-blank statements you can't say much on. sometimes they're just saying they and the other three will be gone for a bit othertimes it's some half-demand to let them look at the stitches they did on you (semi-related, he's not good at them. the stitches are pretty rough. at one point or another sanford has to redo them properly lmao)

-but then there's one particular night. they do the normal thing, come over, sit down next to you, not say a word. this time though you note how they're facing you. instead of some reminder or a demand for anything, he's pulling his ask down and asking a simple question. 'What do you remember?'

-it's a long conversation. he's talking more than he normally would by a long shot, occasionally stopping whenever his words seem to especially fail him and get stuck in his throat. you don't even really remember moving around, or even him pulling you in any way, you just know you somehow end up laying next to him with your head on his chest.

-whenever the memories do seem to click into place, it's hard. you have a lot of choice words for them yourself, months of being left alone without a word bubbling up with a vengeance, they listen to them. while some mags (such as yourself) do have the ability to speak, the san and dei don't think they've ever heard one with that much emotion in their voice. they've especially never seen a mag just break down like you do, they're both tensing up a little from their far away spot when hank's walking closer to you. instead of you lashing out or swiping at him though, you just sit there while he wraps his arms around you (as best as he can at least, it's a little difficult but he's able to get them around your neck and reach his other hand behind you well enough). you're eventually doing the same to him, though it's more so just your hands resting on their back.

-it takes a good while for proper trust to be rebuilt along with an honest, proper explanation from hank that only you're privy to. eventually though, there's enough trust that you're able to hang around him again without narrowly avoiding an argument or anything. they don't like being super affectionate or 'vulnerable' in front of the other two, so most times they prefer being in your or their room. also they're still touchy lmao, doesn't help that you're mag sized now and so they just want to hold you . its hard to explain, he's never been super affected by others heights and even when he is it's usually a negative thing for him but . for some reason . he just likes being shorter / smaller than you lol ,,,,,,,, hope you like holding them a lot bc that's what you're gonna be doing

-holy shit these are long so . i think .i am going to stop here.