#HE'S SO FUCKING GROSS I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF

[iforgottoavoidthenoid]

yeah so uh i think i'm gonna pretend the flip side doesn't exist.

[shutit-haha]

"Katsuki," you swayed, "I think I might have been roofied."

"What!?" He gives himself whiplash from how fast he turns, neck cracking and muscles giving a slight pull. The two of you are in some damn frat house because someone invited you and you REALLY wanted to go. Knowing full well that you would stay here for an hour tops, half-hour if everything was already in full swing. This was certainly knew though, I mean 45 minutes in and you've been ROOFIED!

"I said," you leaned against him. Closing your eyes and attempting to take deep breaths even though those very same breaths seemed to make it feel worse. "Sorry Kat," you grabbed at him tightly with your hand. "My stomach's getting all swirly."

He goes into full fucking panic mode. His large hands wraps around your arm a little too tightly dragging you into the crowd with him. He's moving like a fucking linebacker just shoving whoever's in his way. The blonde takes a sharp left turn around a corner yanking you into a hallway with him. The lights here are shut off making it damn near pitch black. His shoulder slams into strangers making out and dry humping and the two of you cringe at the moans that come from the many bedrooms. The floor underneath your feet is sticky, and with the way you feel right now it's a fight just to rip yourself off the wood. Your muscles feel heavy, eyes barely open. The world keeps swirling and spinning, bright colors popping out at you even in the darkness. There's this terrible throbbing between your legs, making your thighs tremble slightly.

"Kat," you whine. He kicks open the bathroom door throwing out the couple currently occupying the space.

"Yea," he gently guides you over to the toilet bowl. "Wait actually don't fucking touch anything in here, it's all disgusting. Bastards don't know how to fuckin act." He's tugging you out into the hallway again, the couple from just a few seconds ago scurrying back in.

"Katsuki," your legs are struggling to keep up. You feel weak in the knees, stumbling over yourself as a result. Your hearing comes and goes, a war between absolute silence and migraine inducing noise. "Bakugo I can't," air escapes you in huffed breaths. "I can't keep up, please," you beg him.

The blonde -still rushing for a reason you don't understand anymore- scoops you up in his arms. "I'm gonna get that shit out of your system, and kill that asshole. Fuckin scum, piece of shit doesn't deserve to walk the earth." He grumbles clutching on to you even tighter. Your brain is so fuzzy you giggle at his silly words. "What," he looks down at you for a quick second.

"Hot, Kat. Tired," you yawn. Moving with large strides Bakugo carries the two of you out of the fraternity. You shiver the moment the cool air hits your sweating skin. "Cold," you whine curling into him and wrapping tightly around his neck. The poor man chokes with the grip you've got him in. How the hell is he expected to breath in a condition like this?! Not only that but you're pressed flush against him with the way you've twisted yourself around.

"HAH, didn't you jus' fuckin say you where hot?!"

"I'm hot on the inside Katsuki," you screech and wail. You say it like it's common knowledge and it kills him a little. "Wait," your hands fly outward. "I got throw up." The man damn near drops you, only half careful of how he's handling you. Your feet hit the ground and you bend at the ankles and then knees. Just as you're situated it all hurls itself back up. It's ok though, because he's here to hold back your hair for you.

"Gotta get your dumbass home," he mumbles under his breath. You whine bringing your hand up to your mouth to wipe away the mess, only for Bakugo to grab at your wrist. "Don't you fuckin' dare, that shit's gross."

"How am I supposed to clean myself," you look up at him with big blown pupils. Your lashes leave long shadows on your face from the streetlight, lips puffy from whatever drug was forced into your system. There's water lining the bottom of your eyes, a result from emptying your guts, and you're still so hot.

"Just hold on a minute, dammit." His head whips around in search of something, though to no one's surprise there's not much to clean with on the front lawn. His eyes fix onto the door, resignation settling in. "Don't you fucking move from here," he points down at you aggressively. "Do you understand?"

You nod absentmindedly, hand coming up to your mouth once again.

"Don't do that shit! Just sit still dammit, I'll be right back." He hates having to run back into that fucking mess of a party. It reeks worse than it did before, the odor much more noticeable after breathing in some fresh fucking air. He fears that if he makes the wrong step he'll roll his ankle from the sticky floor, and then theirs all the bodies. These jiggling, sweaty bodies, in sync and yet still so far off beat. He's quick, bulldozing through all those extras to get to where he's going. You've been fucking drugged by one of these damn creeps and part of Bakugo worries that they'll find you while you're all alone out there.

"Katsuki," big gooey smile, when he emerges back outside. A shiver racks through him, the cold catching him off guard. He immediately steels himself right afterward determined not to let it happen again. "Katsuki," you sing, "kat-suki, suki, kat. kat, suki," you giggle and then smile. You're clearly out of your damn mind, body rocking back and forth while your hands grip onto your ankles tightly. You look like a fucking kindergartener, at the thought of that he snorts.

"Here," he throws the whole paper towel roll at you.

"Thank yoou," more singing, and an even bigger grin.

He only spares you a couple seconds to clean yourself before he's yanking you up onto your feet. The rough skin of his hand wraps around your elbow, and you stumble right into his side. The roll is hugged close to your buddy like some sort of stuffed animal, thighs pressed together tightly. "Can you carry me again?" Your eyes fall shut sleepily, cheek resting against his hard shoulder.

"Hah!?"

"Please," your hip presses against his now. "Please, I'll kiss you if you'll do it for me."

"Don't say that shit," his cheeks dust pink like a school boy.

You giggle, "I'll kiss you even if you don't pick me up." Paper towel roll still pressed against your chest, you lean into him lips grazing under his jaw. "I wanna kiss you," you hum breathing in his scent.

"Don't say that shit!"

"But I wanna kiss someone," you whine.

"Someone?"

"Anyone," you kiss the flesh at his jaw and neck.

"That shit's getting to you."

You nod absentmindedly again, placing another kiss on his warm skin. "Mhm, I think so."

"I'm taking you home," he bends at the knees slightly begrudgingly picking you up.

"Mmmm," you hum, "I like the sound of that."

He squeezes your thighs harshly receiving a slight hiss from you. "Gotta fucking behave if I'm gonna be doing this shit for you. Not gonna fucking baby you for you to be a brat."

Your arms wrap around his neck bringing yourself as close to him as possible. That damn paper towel roll still smooshed between the two of you. "Does that mean you're gonna punish me?" It was said so innocently, still made his cock twitch.

"Don't say that shit," he growls at you, jostling your body as a way of adjusting himself.

"I'm sorry," you kiss his neck, "I'm sorry."

"Don't do that shit either."

"But," you grind against his abs, "I need to feel something."

"Not me! Take care of yourself later," the thought of you touching yourself quickly popped into his head. Once again he was jostling you to adjust his pants.

"You feel so good," another innocent comment as you grind yourself against him.

"What's I say about behaving," he snaps at you.

"But you said to take care of myself."

"Later!"

"Are you gonna punish me now?"

Thank god the car was coming into view. "Oi! I'll fucking drop you!" He hakes his head, "the hells your obsession with that shit."

You shrug, "like how your hands feel on my ass." Another kiss to his neck, and then your hips jolt on their own grinding against his hard abs. This time you just can't stop yourself, the pit of your stomach feels like it's on fire and the way your muscles are contracting- you just have to. You need too.

"Hey," some part of his subconscious had clearly been paying attention to you. The part about his hands, and the punishment, because his hand came up and then down in one sudden slap. You could hear it whoosh in the air, and then that crackle when it met your rear. You stilled, moaning and arching your back. He nearly fucking dropped you, the one hand holding you completely unprepared for that hell of an arch.

"Fuck," you panted. Your lips kissed a trail up his neck and then nipped the skin behind his ear. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry d-" You bit your lip, suppressing what so desperately wanted to be said.

He fucking dropped you.

Your legs where shaky, knees buckling soon as your feet hit the floor. You expected to fall onto your knees just like you did on the lawn, but he slammed you up against the car. Your back roughly hit the metal, one hand keeping your hip trapped against it, the other hand keeping hold of your wrist. "You're driving me fucking crazy you know that," he spat in your face. His breath fanned against your skin, eyes burning. "I have no clue what that fucker gave you but-"

You kissed him, hips wiggly in his hand in search of friction. He bit your bottom lip, teeth sinking into plush, your back arched. "Fuck me, please. Please just fuck me, swear I'll stop after that. It'll make it stop just fuck me please just-"

He leaned back in, mouths smashing together, teeth clinking just before he forces his tongue in catching a taste of your mouth. Aphrodisiac, "bastard gave you a fucking rape drug."

You shake your head, hips wiggling with more vigor. "No want it," you breath heavily, "want it."

He shoves you aside, opening the passenger door for you, "just the drug."

"No," you're crying now. Hand venturing down to your waist band to give yourself some kind of relief. "Want you," you bite your lip when your hand grazes your clit. "I-" pant, "want you." All your weight is held up by the car, eyes shut to better see the fantasies. "Fuck," you groan.

He doesn't know what to do, he's kind of just watching you. It feels gross, feels wrong but, fuck he likes it. Mouth agape while you fuck yourself to him. It's not real. He's gonna wale up. It's just a wet dream, a movie.

"Wanted you since-" gulp, "that compression shirt, at the- at the gym." You whimper at that, "sweat, nipples were hard." Your eyes open all half lidded and hazy, pupils having consumed whatever color was once there. Your sclera isn't even visible anymore. "You're such a whore," as if your fucking pussy wasn't literally squelching right now.

That was it for him, you weren't gonna fucking insult him like that. As if you were some fucking saint. Yeah, right. He slams the passenger door shut, the back door flying open followed by him quickly shoving you into the car. Your back bounces on the leather seats, one hand quickly rushing to yank down your pants and underwear. The burly man climbs in right after you moving with quick hast, he shuts the door behind him with another loud slam.

"Keep that fucking mouth shut," hand squeezing a the sides of your throat. He's fucked once or twice, never like this. In the back of his car, cock aching, in such a hurry. With the way you were acting it seems like it's only take a couple strokes before you tapped out, you had already been edging yourself in a way. (I mean with you grinding and whatever else and him stopping you every other five seconds.)

He unbuttons his jeans, briefly thinking about turning on the air-conditioning only to decide against it. Fuck it, let the windows fog up. (That'd be new too.) Katsuki doesn't even unzip his pants he just tugs at the sides and forces the zipper to go down itself. You brely catch a glimpse of his boxers before those too are tugged down his muscled thighs. Damn gym rat.

He rudely slaps away the hand you have between your legs, only to smack his dick against your clit. "Condom," you mutter.

"Didn't I say to shut up," it's a nasty snarl, yet still you have the balls to smile at him.

"Please," you spread your legs for him.

"Didn't bring one," fuck please don't tell him this is what's gonna cock block him. He'll fucking destroy this car with the amount of anger that wants to blow. Yet you ever so seductively reach into your bra and pull one out.

"Here." You take it between your teeth tearing at the packaging while he pumps himself. You pass it over to him, the wrapper gracefully falling somewhere underneath the seat, condom rolled on in a blink. No prep, just his dick getting shoved into you.

It's a stretch, a painful, hissing stretch. Your tugging at his shirt pulling it off of him while you adjust, his hands sliding up and under to unhook your bra. "Move," it's a command, an order. And despite his big fucking ego, he listens to you. One large hand placed next to your head, the either forcing your shirt up as it ghost over your body. Your scratching at his back, and rubbing his scalp. It's an odd combo of pain and pleasure for the both of you as a result. "More," you're shouting now, "more," you gasp.

"Take your shirt off," his voice is gravelly and out of breath. The hand once fondling with your breast is now gripping under your thigh. It's pushing your legs up and up and up, till they're resting right on top of his strong shoulders. Your pussy clenches around him upon feeling the muscle moving under your legs. His mouth comes down to suck your right nipple, eyes staring dead into yours.

Fuck you're cuming, quick with his name on your tongue. "Not fuckin' done," he groans, grinding into you with another thrust. "Don't even think about movin' didn't-" He hisses, "fuck, didn't get to cum yet." Another grind and then he's bringing a calloused finger to your clit.

"Katsuki..."

"Yeah baby," it's low and husky, drawing more slick from you.

"Was lying about the condom." He gives you a harsh thrust at that, clearly fucking pissed. "Don't give a shit about it," he nearly pulls all the way out to slam back in. "Just wanted to-"

"Get to the fuckin' point," other hand squeezing at your throat.

"Want you to come in me," you're fucking yelling. "Please," begging.

"Fuck baby, that's enough to make me come on the spot."

You whine at that, "no."

"No?"

"No, please. Inside please."

He pulls out, smirking when he sees how your walls clench around the empty space. "Missing me," he teases rolling off the condom carelessly dropping it onto the floor. In a snap he's back in, three strokes and then he's gone.

The liquid is fucking hot, it's scorching. You wanna taste, wish you would have gotten the chance to. The thought of that has your walls fluttering and coming a second time. Your eyes are all dazed and glossy, hair sticking to your neck and forehead. Carefully Katsuki pulls your shaking legs off his shoulders, while your hand reaches up to push his hair out of your face. "Fuck you're a brat," your lip tint smeared all over his lips.

It makes you smile all soft and gooey. "I'm tired now."

He snorts, pulling your underwear back onto you. "'Course you are," he tugs on his boxers and jeans. "Don't let any of that shit spill out you understand me?" He's pointing at you, face back to that scowl. You nod, pulling your pants back on. The both of you tug on your shirts, he moves to the front while you remain laying in the back. You find a sweater of his and tug it on while he starts the car, rolling down the windows to air the thing out.

"We're doing that shit at least one more time," he says pulling the car out of park.

"You're place or mine," you smile at him through the rearview mirror.

[wishful-thinking64]

One Hell of an Unpopular Opinion #03

Characters like Barbie Wire, Chaz, Crimson, Octavia, and Stella only exist as plot devices to garner sympathy for other characters. _______ I knew fully well that Chaz and Crimson were going to merely be plot devices for Moxxie the more I watched Exes & Oohs. And sure enough, Chaz was killed at the end of that very episode and Crimson is yet another wacky cartoon villain that the narrative expects for you to take seriously. Both of these characters existed so that the audience could gain sympathy (or at least pity) for Moxxie being raised in a Mafia family and having been abused as a child along with being betrayed by his ex-boyfriend (who also happened to be Millie's ex-boyfriend for some reason.) Other than Moxxie's Mafia family upbringing making zero sense the more you think about it, Viv has basically done this exact backstory before in the form of Angel Dust (with the whole mobster backstory who was also abused by his father.) However, the Exes & Oohs episode and title actually stems from one of the HH mockup episodes that was originally about Charlie and Vaggie coming across Charlie's ex, Seviathan (yes, that's what Viv named him), and his sister, Helsa, while they were at a dinner party.

Now, do I think Chaz and Crimson could've had the potential to be good characters? In all honesty, no. Especially not Chaz. The guy is a harmful stereotype of pansexual people and how, "They'll sleep with anyone," which no, they won't. I'm not pansexual myself but that thought process is as gross as it is fucking stupid. The only person who I've seen even re-writing Chaz has been Loves Art23 (I mainly know her for YouTube videos being critical on Hazbin Hotel + Helluva Boss along with other shows like the disaster known as High Guardian Spice) and I think she's done a fairly good job so kudos to her for making him work. Personally, though I'm scrapping him as that gives me one less character to worry about when re-writing HB. Crimson would have to be heavily and I mean HEAVILY reworked/re-written in order for him to make any actual sense. That and I'm tired of every character having some variation of the same daddy issues in the Hellaverse. Which means he's also gonna get axed from me. Moving onto the ladies I mentioned, let's start off with Barbie Wire.

Having been foreshadowed since the pilot of I.M.P. (as seen when Tilla was still Barb's and Blitzo's older sister rather than their mother) Barbie Wire was an anticipated character by fans for years! And then her actual appearance finally happened in Unhappy Campers, an episode hated by practically everyone who saw it, and no one really cared about her showing up, other than the fact that the writers thought that having her seduce a BARELY legal adult would make for a good joke, when in reality, it only made everybody uncomfortable and several people dislike Barbie because of it. Sure, near the end of the episode she had that "emotional" scene with Blitzo that wants the viewers to feel bad for him and Barbie before she left but in the long run it didn't matter as fans barely even talk about it because of how uneventful it truly was. So, with that out of the way, would I keep Barbie Wire around for a rewrite of HB? To that I say, yes! There are several paths Barbie Wire's overall character could go in. If you're mainly sticking to canon, then what you have to work with is a former circus performer who lost her mother in a fire caused by her twin brother that left his own best friend to rot and be disabled for the rest of his life. It's very likely that this very fire, caused her to be out of a job and probably even homeless for a bit which could explain why she ended up becoming both a drug attic and a drug dealer. Homelessness is one of the few things that nobody wants to experience. It causes people to be filled with a sense of overwhelming loneliness and desperation as many of them either believe that there's nothing they can do or they do anything and everything that they can to get out of it even if that means resorting to crime. If you wanted to have her be loosely based on canon instead, you could make it to where she never learned about who started the fire and actually stuck with Blitzo well into adulthood. Have her become one of the members of I.M.P. and later down the line have her learn through someone like Fizz or maybe Cash (her and Blitzo's father) what actually went down that day. Have her be rightfully pissed off at Blitzo for screwing over multiple people along with being the one responsible for killing their mom. Anyway, let's proceed onto Stella and her daughter Octavia.

As much as the narrative wants me to hate Stella with a burning passion cause she hurts Stolas, I can't do it for multiple reasons but I'll list my top three. #01.) Stella's just as (if not even more so) stuck in this arranged loveless marriage as Stolas is. #02.) If the man I had no choice in marrying not only cheated on me with a man from one of the lowest classes in all of Hell but IN OUR OWN HOME & SHARED BEDROOM NO LESS? OH, FUCK NO!

#03.) This woman had to spend 9 months having to nourish and care for a baby inside her stomach that she had with a man that didn't even want to sleep with her. On top of that, she had to have become pregnant with Octavia when she was a young adult since current day Stolas and Stella are only in their mid 30s. I need you to let that information sink in.

In short, I can't hate Stella for loathing Viv's pathetic self insert bird twink with every fiber of her being.

Having said that, would I have Stella in my HB rewrite? Well, considering that I plan on keeping the war that happened in the bible that caused Lucifer and several angels to fall from grace, one of which being Stolas. Kind of. Allow me to elaborate, I would keep Stella as Octavia's mother but I wouldn't have her marry Stolas. I'd have her be a surrogate mother that way Stolas still gets an heir and Octavia could still exist. Speaking of Octavia...

We all know that she exists to make Stolas look like a better person as several stans of this show love to say how much of a good dad Stolas is when he isn't. He neglects Octavia frequently in favor of Blitzo and only pays attention to her when she's gone although EVEN THAT doesn't last long as shown in Seeing Stars where HE KNEW Octavia was missing on Earth but rather than ACTIVELY look for his daughter, what does he do? HE SITS THROUGH A STUPID LIVE COMEDY SHOW CAUSE BLITZO IS PERFORMING! HE COMPLETELY SIDELINES HIS OWN DAUGHTER IN FAVOR OF A LIVE COMEDY SHOW!

God, Octavia deserves so much better than to have a dad like him. I'm keeping Octavia for my HB rewrite so that this poor girl not only realizes how much of a bastard her dad is but eventually gets the found family she deserves. I don't plan for it to be through I.M.P. though. In closing, the characters of this show deserve to be better developed but especially the women in them.

_______

That was a long one to get through cause it's been on my mind for a while. Thank you all for reading through it and bye for now everybody!

[mulletmitsuya]

Toman groupchat

Warnings: swearing, suggestive, mentions of poop, mentions of homophobia (joke), mentions of men getting pregnant

Desc: here the boys discuss whether men can get pregnant or not and other shenanigans. this also very fucking stupid

Mikey: i just took the biggest shit

Mikey: you guys will not believe the sheer size of this thing like it's as big as my forearm

Mikey: makes me wonder how women give birth

Kazutora: ?

Draken: keep this shit to yourself what the hell is wrong with you

Mikey: how can i keep this shit to myself when i've already flushed it down the toilet🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mitsuya: what does you shitting have to do with women giving birth?

Mitsuya: never mind shouldn't have asked

Mikey: well the poop tore my butt up so imagine what babies do to vaginas

Baji: this is why i'm never giving birth. looks too hard

Draken: ...you're not a candidate to do so? you're male?

Baji: what does my gender have to do with giving birth

Draken: it has everything to do with it??? what are you talking about

Baji: wow didn't know you guys were so sexist

Chifuyu: Baji-san, gender and sex are two different things...

Baji: ?

Chifuyu: sex is your chromosomes and basically what you were born with and gender is what you identify as. so since you're male, you don't have the reproductive organs to get pregnant and have a child. only female bodied people can.

Smiley: bro you're 17 how the fuck do you not know this

Baji: never been good at biology

Smiley: you don't have to be good at it to know you can't get pregnant💀

Baji: so men can't get pregnant?

Chifuyu: well if someone born as a female transitions into a man, then gets pregnant, we can pretty much say that men can get pregnant

Baji: so men can get pregnant but not males?

Chifuyu: yeah i guess

Baji: interesting

Baji: i don't think anyone's tried hard enough

Baji: i'll get a male pregnant one day, watch

Mitsuya: wtf

Draken: is the biology lesson over?

Mikey: my ass still hurts i think i'll need ointment

Kazutora: why r u reporting this to us

Mikey: you guys are my friends

Mitsuya: no ones wants to know about your bowel movements

Baji: why do you always wanna sound smart Mitsuya. just say shit or shitting

Smiley: watch, next time he'll say defecation

Chifuyu: excretion

Mikey: excrement

Kazutora: fecal matter

Draken: guys what the fuck can we not talk about this? it's fucking gross

Baji: oho here comes the fucking poop police

Kazutora: instead of his siren going "wee woo wee woo" it probably goes "pee poo pee poo" lmao

Mikey: LMAO😭

Draken: what are you a bunch of 5 year olds??

Baji: we're 17

Draken: 😐

Mitsuya: can we change the subject? christ

Smiley: i did crack for the first time yesterday. shit was crazy

Mikey: YOU DO DRUGS???? BRO

Baji: yo Nahoya what the fuck

Draken: we're not supposed to do drugs

Smiley: who's we?? i'm doing them not you🤨??

Draken: and what's Angry gonna think?

Smiley: he doesn't need to know. and i did it to impress a girl so chill it's not a regular thing

Mikey: why would you try and impress a girl with doing crack?

Smiley: she's a drug addict

Smiley: but the sex was fire tho even though she tried to kill me halfway through

Mikey: YOU'RE HAVING SEX??

Kazutora: that's not fair☹️

Kazutora: where are you meeting women?

Smiley: outside

Kazutora: oh

Draken: why did she try to kill you?

Smiley: halfway through she started choking the shit outta me while she was on top and i almost died but also it was the best nut i've ever experienced so it's a win win

Mikey: that doesn't sound appealing at all😭

Draken: that sounds like assault actually

Smiley: idgaf a beautiful woman can do whatever she wants with me and if she wants to kill me then so be it (i'm a feminist)

Mitsuya: yeah but like, she should have asked

Smiley: we were both high off our rockers

Draken: yeah i feel like she should have asked you so you could have developed a healthy sex dynamic where you both share each other kinks before hand

Baji: oho here comes the fucking sex police

Kazutora: this time the siren would be men whimpering

Chifuyu: why men?

Kazutora: i don't think Draken would use women moaning cause of how the brothel might have traumatized him i think and he respects women too much

Kazutora: also he's gay

Draken: fuck off i'm not

Draken: and Baji say something else i dare you

Baji: what are you gonna do? have sex with me?

Smiley: you're all taking this way too seriously😁

Baji: with what Kazutora said, i'ma start blasting whimpering audios when i get a car

Mitsuya: i'm pretty sure that's illegal or something

Smiley: dawg no one wants to hear that

Baji: who wouldn't want to hear men whimpering?

Baji: especially the high pitched ones

Baji: cause you can associate them with twinks

Baji: with dual coloured hair, jingly earnings and large unsettling eyes

Baji: and maybe even a blonde with an undercut and big blue cow eyes

Kazutora: Baji what are you on about

Chifuyu: wait are you being serious or is this a joke Baji-san 😂😂😂😂

Draken: uhh

Smiley: i keep hoping you being gay is a joke but then you say shit like this

Baji: why

Smiley: i'm not fond of gay people

Baji: homophobia's got you missing out on some good head

Draken: we support and respect all identies, Smiley. don't make this a problem

Smiley: i'll ask again, WHO'S WE?

[skelly-words]

more bf!sukuna hcs, but he’s insufferable and stuck in my head. this is part 4…

warning: some NSFW, slight intox, minors DNI

NEVER lets you drive. he’s so misogynistic. “females are bad drivers” ass bitch. "you're gonna wrap us around a tree."

claims to despise when you baby him e.g. forehead kisses, scratching his back to put him to sleep, even fucking cuddling. don’t believe that shit for a second but pretend to and stop until he starts acting grateful.

way too confrontational to be taken out in public. just pretend you don’t know him when he’s pulling a gun on someone who stepped on his shoes.

you’d be broke if you bailed him out of jail every fucking time. at least let him marinate there all night before folding or call his dad to do it instead.

so messy. it's unintentional, but sukuna just leaves a trail of disorder in his wake. throw pillows on the floor, shoes in the walkway, and always leaving the lights on despite complaining about the utility bill.

throw him outside to do yardwork or something. he loves that shit. putting in a couple fruit trees, maybe stepping stones. by the end of the summer you have a tiered garden with slate retaining walls and an automatic irrigation system.

why does he have a green thumb? he's in a secret competition with the neighbors for prettiest lawn. and yet, you manage to kill the little succulent garden he planted for you.

a minimalist (derogatory). sukuna is always trying to throw your trinkets and knickknacks away when you're not paying attention.

he loves getting a little fashion show after you buy new clothes. it's one of the few cute things he'll admit to enjoying. it doesn't matter if the outfit is skimpy or modest, hearts are popping out of his eyes like in a fucking cartoon.

doesn't apologize under any circumstances. the word 'sorry,' isn't in his lexicon. however, he will leave his card on the counter before heading to work and pick up flowers on the way home and make reservations at your favorite restaurant. don't expect to hear a real apology though.

super duper tender-headed. you can't even detangle it without him whining. might cry if you try to do braids, twists, any kinda style. fucking pussy

irritating asf. actually hate him, idk why i’m writing this. i'd probably poison him and collect the life insurance.

UMM nsfw

calling sukuna something corny and dominant in bed (sir/daddy/king/etc.) out of the blue would make him nut. and he isn’t even embarrassed about it at all.

incapable of pulling off a quickie. i think this is more endearing than aggravating. he can't hit it right in just ten minutes. he'll ask for more time. and a little more. then it's been an hour and you're likely running late for something.

thinks you're hottest bent over (i'm not even projecting rn bc my ass is flat). don't worry, he thinks your face is cute, missionary is great too. but if you wore one of those pillow case ass house dresses with no panties he'd go crazy. i hate to air him out like this, but it's true. i gotta link this shit so you know what i'm talking about. makes him feral. maybe i am projecting bc i luv those dresses.

but anyway, he'd fall for the 'bend and snap' so bad (legally blonde reference). these are basically crack, sorry

occasionally forgets that foreplay is a thing and tries to go straight from light frenching to stickin it.

i feel like sukuna’s sunday nights are spent getting really high and kissing on you for hours. he just gets the munchies dude. leaving dewy spots of saliva on all your exposed skin. once he’s tasted that, your clothes is peeled off so he can drool on the rest of you. he doesn’t even realize how much of a tease he is. his mouth suctioned to your inner thigh… maybe i should just write this as its own thingy

p sure i said this already, but he’s a biter. gnaws on you like a mf chew toy. it’s an oral fixation thing, if you don’t like it buy him lots of lollipops and tic tacs.

ok i have to stop before i gross myself out. tyty for reading <3<3<3 have a wonderful day.

masterlist if you wanna read the rest

[inu-jiru]

Jazz's "Apology Tour" ramble

Episode was trash, let's go.

First off, the whole "Fuck Blitzo" party is so stupid to me, like you're telling me this 30-something year old man had intimate relationships with ALL these demons and HE was the sole thing that ruined ALL of them?

And how did Verosika even find out about Stolas? Like I know Ozzie's happened, but how'd she hear about their "breakup" (they weren't together but whatever, show)?

Why the FUCK does Verosika care about Stolas being an uwu sad victim of mean old Blitzo aside from everyone being written to want to huff Stolas' sad boi farts?

Why is no one trying to kill Stolas like in Loo Loo Land, like suddenly we're just cool with the oppressive racist now (who am I kidding, the rank system doesn't exist anymore unless the "meanie supremacist" characters bring it up I guess)?

Don't think I'm trying to be "Blitzo's#1Bitch69" or anything, but Season 2 is just so gross in how they've written him. Either he's the big bully meanie for hating his abuser, or they've had him commit the most out of pocket atrocities (like possibly SAing Stolas since he was technically drunk or the circus incident or the shit he pulled with Verosika because what the fuck kinda trauma makes you steal someone credit card for horse riding lessons???) that they just gloss over because fuck having Blitzo actually progress normally or Stolas taking actual responsibility for his own actions, let's just speed through everything so it's back to Stolitz City, don't think about the implications. I just can't stand itttt, I still like and pity Blitz to an extent but his writing is killing meeee

Stolas, stop whimpering about being wanted YOU HAVE A KID WHO HAS STILL NOT APPEARED SINCE SEEING STARS WHERE IS SHE?

Am I really hearing that people are hating the dude flirting with Stolas like come on yall STOLITZ IS NOT OFFICIAL YET CHILL

I've honestly started skipping through episodes, like I can't fucking listen to "WAHHHHH BLITZO I WANT YOU TO WANT ME" for the millionth time, I wish this episode could've just been Blitzo and Verosika facing their issues or something I just don't wanna see this owl loser act like a victim anymoreeee

Man really said "when have I ever been condescending?" SEASON ONE???? How about every time you grab his face and call him out of his name and watch him be shot at while demanding he come over one a month? Oh, but when Blitz starts doing it back it's "Oh I'm uncomfortable ooOoOoo stop it Blitz hnnghhh I don't like it :C :C :C", like whatever man.

The Striker comment was dumb and wrong but that's because Stolas is dumb and wrong

Honestly I feel like I'm repeating the same points I and others have made in the past so all imma say is, I hope Octavia and Stella are enjoying their off-screen and better written adventures together. I'm gonna draw some AU stuff now to give my eyes something better to look at.

OH I forgot to talk about Verosika, uh, she was there? I honestly think she should just get over herself at this point, idk when she and Blitz broke up but what the fuck is it about this clown that she was so enamored over where she's this hurt? I can get being mad about her credit card and Blitz being a lazy partner but if that's the case, I fail to see how they got to a point where she got his name tatted on her arm. Idk it's weird

The Mayweather shit or whatever her name is was pointless and made no sense, like "I want you to kill this woman who made me attempt to kill her and myself but now we're dating" like? Hey Vivzie if yall can callback to that why can't yall call back to Stolas being a creep huh?

EDIT: They really made that fuckass "it's hell" excuse canon, huh? Like, it doesn't even make sense in the context of Blitz saying that, like people say "it's hell" because Biblically speaking, it's where those who truly oppose God in order to live a life of wickedness go as just punishment. Blitz the equivalent of a regular guy in Hell unlike the Hazbin characters, he shouldn't understand that there's a better alternative to Hell because he's not human and never had any opportunity to learn about Heaven or God (unless it's just in their DNA or something idk who knows with this show)

[seattlesea]

Lorien Legacies Characters as Things My Family and I Have Said (part five)

Nine: God the smell in here is making me want to die John: Then go outside Five: Then die --- Maggie, writing a book: Can your breathing get cut off if there's a heavy weight on your chest? Adam: Yeah Maggie: Cool Adam: That's how they killed people in the old days, by stacking a bunch of rocks on their chest and suffocating them Maggie: Okay a 'Yes' would've been fine --- John: Finish your food Nine: I'm going to go home and take the fattest shit you've ever seen do not make me eat more --- Eight: I'm psychic, I can see into people's futures. I see in your near future that you're going to get sick Eight: *coughs in Nine's face* --- Adam: Did you eat? Maggie: Yeah. A strawberry Adam: That's it? Maggie: Two strawberries --- Six and John: *talking about spirit animals* Six: You'd be a swan John: Because I'm so graceful? Six: No cause you're white --- Sam: I was actually really good at orchestra in school, I was first chair on the cello Six: *puts her hand to her chest and gasps* Oh my god! Sam: What? Six, sarcastically: What a cool story! --- Six and Marina: *having a normal adult conversation* Eight: My black olive just rolled across my laptop --- Nine: Dirty mother... John: *giving him a dirty look with Ella next to him* Nine:...Of...Jesus --- One: Hey what're you gonna be for Halloween? Adam: I dunno yet what about you? One: I was thinking of being a witch Adam: Oh that's cool One: Yeah maybe you can be my broomstick so I can ride you all night Adam: WHAT- One: What, is that bad? Would you rather I be a pirate and you be a sword so I can stick you in me? Adam: *screaming* --- Ella: *touches a gross blanket* Ew Marina: What? Ella: It's giving me the ick Marina: The what? Ella: I'm acoustic --- Six: Bitch, I do NOT lift to be called a lipstick lesbian --- Five: *staring at a candle* Eight: What are you doing? Five: Trying to light myself on fire with my mind --- Nine, in public loud as hell: Yeah I'd fuck young Elvis Strangers passing by: *giving him grossed-out looks* Nine: What? You would too Nine, muttering: Prudes --- Sam: Look at my skeleton animal collection. I can a bat, I got a rat, and I got a cat Hannu, sadly: But no hats --- John: *celebrating his birthday and opening gifts* Five, silently crying: *places a couple wadded-up singles in front of John* That's all I got --- Six: You know it would've been easier if you just took the highway Marina: But...the trees... --- Adam: I'm gay John after taking Adam to a Fall Out Boy concert and watching him sit on the floor with three empty couches: Cool --- One and Six: *Talking about the ped@ at their job* Six: He's the reason there's an 18+ age limit --- Five: Despite popular belief, I will be going to Heaven because Satan will be jealous someone has a fatter ass than him --- Sam teaching the Lorics to make cereal: Okay first gather your things Lorics: :) Sam: Then, you put in your milk Daniela: Huh? Lorics: :) Sam: Next, you add your cereal Daniela: Hell no Lorics: :) Sam: Then drizzle in your honey Daniela: Bro WHAT Lorics: :) Sam: And finally, put it in the microwave Daniela: WHAT THE FUCK Lorics: :) Sam: And then you have cereal Lorics: Yay Daniela: I'm going to kill you --- Marina: So what is credit score? Sam: *ten minute explanation of credit score, payments, debt, and loans with examples* Marina:... Sarah: The loophole so the bank can't lend poor people money to stop being poor Marina: Ohhhh --- Nine: Damn, dude, I really don't know anything about you. I only know like your favorite color and animal, the music you listen to, your favorite movies, how you dress, your favorite coffee flavor, your personality, your deepest fear, your address, your entire backstory, all the people you like and hate, and your habit of needing to use a straw with every single drink or it doesn't 'taste right' John:... --- Eight: Damn I'm thirsty Adam: Then go drink water Eight: I can't, I'm fasting Adam:...Well I think you're supposed to drink water if you're running around all the time Eight:...

[witchinatree]

magnus protocol episode 25 ramble

one week into senior year and i already want to kill myself ??? not looking too good for me

anyway it's my favorite day because it's also the day of the umbrella academy season 4 and i'm gonna miss it so much i might cry

magnus time!!!

why are they making fun of alice for being worried about the deadly things stalking them. i am worried too.

I WILL START HUMPING YOUR LEG LMAO???

i love that things feel back to normal but i also don't because this means horrible things are going to alter them forever

i'm really worried about how gross this statement is going to be i saw things in the vague tag

also i was genuinely going to eat during this episode but i'm just gonna do it after, post school snack can be delayed for the greater good (my stomach)

kieran what happened to you..

there are so many red flags even trying to GET to this place oh my god

maggot mention. this will be horrific.

oh i get it. it's not a grill to feed hungry men. it's grilling hungry men. welcome back cannibalistic themes

the hunger is compelling them :scream emoji:

has anyone seen dead boy detectives?? episode 7 when edwin and charles walk through the gluttony level of hell (briefly) is what this reminds me of. i don't like it. i hated that scene.

wwwwwhat the not-noodles did wwhhhat

THERE'S A BANDAGE ON MY FINGER OH FUCK OFF

this made my day worse this is making my day worse somehow oh my god oh my god i need this to be over. this is my new mag18. i think i have issues with food horror.

POLEASE SKIP THE DETAILS OF DESSERT PLEASE I'M ALLERGIC TO DAIRY I DON'T NEED THIS PLEASE

shoutout kieran they actually seem really strong for this i guess????? go off. i wish you were vaguer with your writing.

oh. oh... ooooh.... cccan you not...

ALICE WTF DO U MEAN BY THAT ????? LMMAOOO?????

COLIN WTF? COLIN HEY? WELCOME BACK COLIN? WWWHAHTHHHHHH WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WAHAT

I KNEW IT? I THINK I CALLED THIS? I THINK I CALLED THIS? COLIN BABE. GO BACK TO YOUR HOUSE I THINK?

HEYYYYY ARE NORRIS AND CHESTER OKAY. ARE THEY OKAY. DO THEY LIVE IN THE SERVERS. COLIN ? COLIN ? I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU COLIN

WHHHAT WHAT HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT HOOLY HSIT WHAT I JUMPED I JUMPED I'M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND

hi lena babygirl. she needs to file so much paperwork i'm sure. oh my god he got arrested :(

sam bodytackled colin for alice? that's kinda cute sam you're back on my good side. polyoiar back on

well the server is fine. OKAY SAM WAIT YOU'RE ONTO SOMETHING BABE GO OFF KING I'M SORRY FOR PUBLICALLY SHITTING ON YOU A LITTLE BIT

i wonder who the minister is? maybe next episode?

poor celia :( and i don't like that they're gonna hire someone new this feels ominous

someone help lena she did not want this

HAHAH I CALLED IT THE PAPERWORK

oh celia honey where did you go?? where did you end up??

poor celia :( also what the fuck guys

i will no longer be eating as it turns out. i did not like that one

[richeeduvie]

Do Roman and Baby enjoy period sex? I feel like Baby would be all for it, but Roman would be sort of yucky about it, at least the first few times they try it???

Roman has his reasons for not liking it.

"I just feel like I'm killing you."

"...What?"

"It's also just gross. Yucky. I don't like when it feels like your pussy is yucky cause it's like...my home. Where I panic and enjoy myself and I don't like when it looks like my cock's impaled you either."

...Baby understands.

"And there's like...squelching noises. I like when you're squishy, but not when it feels like you're dead."

"I can't be dead if you're in the middle of killing me-ow!"

Roman's yanked on her hair before a cheek kiss.

"But you do know what I mean, right? Like you're not crazy for getting me to fuck you bloody."

"Only if you're up to it. It's not like a kink I have."

"...You're not gonna get someone else with a cock to have sex with you while you're bleeding everywhere?"

You smile slightly. How quickly Roman can get so nervous, but he's an expert to put the worry of his question in antsy humor that insults you.

You kiss him, then his nose.

"My whorishness only goes so far. I think you like it that way. Just for you?"

"...Whatever."

You smile against Roman's mouth, pursed and trying so hard to be casual.

"I love you too."

[blckbarbiedoll]

Ghost Of You (M.B.)-Chapter 4

What You Need

CONTAINS NSFW CONTENT (Oral sex, f receiving, p in v sex)

2005-Chicago, Illinois

The past few days had been different. It seemed like Mikey was avoiding Angie at all costs. He barely talked to her at home anymore, and he'd only talk to her if necessary at work.

"Do you want eggs?" Angie asked him as he came down the stairs.

"No. I'm gonna head in early." He walked out the door.

"What the fuck?" 

"What?" Nat asked.

"He's been avoiding me for like a week." Angie sighed. "I think he's mad at me or something."

"He's not mad at you."

"How do you know?"

"He told me."

"He told you specifically that he's not mad at me?"

"Yes. I asked why things were awkward with you guys and then I asked if he was mad."

"And?"

"And he said no."

"Okay, but why is he being weird?"

"I don't know. He said something about the bathroom and you in a towel."

"Oh my god." She groaned.

"What?"

"I came out of the shower in a towel the other day. He's so repulsed by the idea of me basically naked that he's stopped talking to me."

"Hey." She wrapped her arm around Angie. "I doubt that's the case. And if it is, he's a dumbass."

"I'm gonna kill myself."

"Later. You gotta go to work."

"Ugh. This is gonna suck."

🤍

Just as Angie expected, Mikey spent the whole day away from her. If he didn't need to be in the same room as her, he wasn't. After close, he was in his office doing whatever paperwork. 

"Richie?" Angie called.

"What's up, sweetheart?" He grabbed his stuff from his locker and shoved it into his bag.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Go for it."

"Do you think of me as a kid?"

"Not anymore."

"Okay..."

"Is that it?"

"Do you find me sexually attractive?"

He paused and stuttered to find the right words. "Is that a trick question?"

"What do you mean?"

"Mikey's not gonna come and kill me if I say yes?"

"No..."

"Then yes."

"Even though we've known each other forever and I'm younger than you?"

"Now you make me sound like a creep."

"Richie."

"I mean, I guess it's a little strange. But who gives a fuck?"

"What do you mean?"

"We're both adults. And you're more mature than me. So who gives a fuck?"

"Yeah. Who gives a fuck?"

"So...are we gonna..."

"What? No! I wasn't talking about us. I was talking about me and Mikey."

"Oh."

"He saw me in a towel and he's been avoiding me since. I think he's grossed out."

"Why would he be grossed out about a hot chick in a towel?"

"Because he thinks of me like a sister I guess."

"Did you try talking to him?"

"He just runs away."

"Well, he's not gonna run away now." He pointed to the closed office door.

"Okay." She sighed. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck. And if that don't work out, you have my number." He winked.

She rolled her eyes and waited until he left to knock.

"Come in."

She took a deep breath before opening the door. "Hey."

"Hey." He hesitated, turning away from the paperwork. "It's late. You can go if you want."

"I actually wanted to talk to you."

"I got a lot of work to do, Ange."

"And five minutes won't make a difference. I need to talk to you."

He sighed and nodded. "What's up?"

Even though the building was empty, she shut the door and leaned against his desk. "Why are you avoiding me?"

"Who says I am?"

"Me. You find any excuse to get away from me. What'd I do?"

"Nothing. I'm just busy."

"Michael."

He huffed and ran his hands through his dark waves. "It's complicated, okay?" He stood up, trying to get past her.

"So tell me." She blocked the door.

"You wouldn't get it, kid."

"I told you not to call me that!"

He stepped back and crossed his arms. "Ange-"

"I'm not a kid, Michael! I'm so sick of you seeing me like one and treating me like one! I'm a fucking adult just like you!"

"Why do you care so much about what I think?"

"Because I fucking love you!"

His brows furrowed slightly. "What?"

"I love you. And don't tell me about my age, or about Natalie, or anything else. I don't give a shit."

"But you should."

"I don't. I don't care about any of that. I want you. I love you."

"Stop."

"No."

"Angie, stop it."

"Tell me you don't love me. Tell me that you don't feel a fucking thing for me, and I'll stop."

He grabbed her hands and squeezed them. "Angie..." He hesitated. "I love you too." He said in a whisper.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Girls like you shouldn't be with guys like me."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I'm a mess. I'm a fucking mess that you don't need in your life."

"Mikey-"

"I can't give you what you want. What you need. What you deserve. I can't be that guy."

"I don't want anything that you can't give me." She whispered. "You're all I want. All I need."

At this point, both of them had tears in their eyes. His hand came up to cup her cheek. He softly stroked her face with his thumb.

"This is could end badly, Ange."

"Probably." She chuckled through her tears. "But I don't care."

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. "I don't wanna ruin you."

"I don't mind if you do."

That was all he needed to lean in and press his lips to hers. He gently held her waist to pull her as close as possible. She melted into the kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck. His hands traveled down to her hips and squeezed them tightly. She moaned into his mouth which sent shivers down his spine. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and tugged at the hem of his shirt. He took it off and tossed it on the floor. She trailed her hands up his bare chest as he began to kiss her neck.

"Shit." She sighed. She lifted her shirt off and slowly unclipped her bra.

"Fuck." He groaned. "Can I touch you here?" She nodded. His hands came up to cup her breasts. "You're so beautiful. You're all I've been able to think about this past week."

She unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them down her legs. Once she stepped out of them, Mikey pushed the paperwork off of his desk and picked Angie up to set her on the desk. He kissed down her neck and chest and over her stomach. He knelt down between her legs and slipped his fingers under the waistband of her panties.

"Can I take these off of you, baby?" He whispered while softly kissing her thighs, his brown eyes giving her a pleading look.

"Yeah." She whimpered as his touch.

He rubbed her clit over the cotton fabric before lifting her hips up and pulling them down. He spread her legs and scooted her closer to the edge.

"You're so pretty." He kissed her wet core softly.

"Mikey." She gasped as she held onto the desk

"You taste so good, baby." He dipped his head back in and licked up her core.

"Fuck." Her hands tangled themselves in his hair.

His lips wrapped around her clit and sucked on it softly while he looked up at her. He put his hands on her thighs and spread them farther apart. She tugged on his hair, keeping him right where she wanted him. 

"S'that feel good, baby?"

"Mhm." She whimpered.

"Pretty girl." He whispered into her cunt, licking her softly. "I could stay here all night."

"Mikey." She pulled his head up. "I need you."

"What do you need, baby?"

"I need you inside me."

"Yeah?" He stood up, revealing the tent in his pants. "You want me to fuck you?"

She nodded and leaned forward to unzip his pants. He pushed them down along with his boxers and placed his hand on the back of her head. 

"You have no idea what you do to me, do you?" He whispered against her lips.

"Show me."

He looked into her eyes as he slowly slid inside her. Angie's lips parted as she gasped.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Keep going."

He started moving in and out of her, gripping her hips to ground himself. "You feel so fucking good." He sped up his movements slightly. "Let me hear you." His fingers trailed down to rub her clit.

"Shit." Her grip on his biceps were so tight that her nails began to dig into his skin.

"Fuck." He winced at the pain. It only turned him on more. 

"Mikey." She gasped against his mouth. 

Angie wrapped her legs around his waist to pull him closer. He groaned at the contact and picked up his pace. Between him thrusting inside her and the noises she was making, he wasn't sure how long he'd last.

"I know, baby. I know." He whispered in her ear. "You gonna cum for me?"

She nodded, throwing her head back. He sucked and bit on her neck as he felt her tightening around his cock.

"I'm so close." She whispered.

"I know. I can feel you. I'm close too. Let me feel you cum, baby."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and held onto him as she came.

"Fuck!" She cried out. "Oh my god!"

"Shit!" He wasn't far behind. He pulled out once he felt himself getting closer and shot his release onto her stomach.

"Holy shit." Angie whispered, trying to catch her breath.

Mikey leaned his head on her shoulder and kissed it softly. "Was that okay?"

"Okay?" She placed her hand on the back of his neck and played with his hair. "That was fucking amazing." She lifted his head up and kissed the tip of his nose.

"You gonna get all soft of me now?" He grinned.

"If you let me."

"Baby, you can do whatever you want to me."

"You mean that? Because I meant what I said. I wanna be with you."

"Yeah, and I meant what I said. This could go really wrong."

"Or it could go really right."

"I love you. And if you're sure this is what you want-"

She leaned forward and kissed his lips. "I'm sure."

He sighed and gave her a smirk. "Okay then."

[thefanboyhub]

I said I could make an essay about why Cleaning/Organizing is one of my strongest coping skills so I am going to because I can.

(Writing and explaining myself are my other coping skills 😔)

Uhhhh TW: Trauma ✨(?)

For starters one of the things I've been forced to do since a young age— mostly due to the whole gender standards but also because of lazy fucking adults in my life— is clean. I would clean anything and everything, all they had to do was ask and I had to follow. It wasn't really that bad until after foster care. One of my mom's boyfriends at the time was a lazy piece of shit, claimed to be disabled but he wasn't, he was just extremely lazy and obese (not fat shaming but he was very clearly the unhealthy kind of fat, y'know the kind that actually does kill you) plus he didn't want to work. He'd have me and my brother do the laundry, have me clean just about everything (all at 8 years old by the way) except vacuuming because I wasn't tall enough to do it right.

That's wasn't the bad though I honestly didn't mind it unless it was a massive mess and made me wanna kill myself with how gross it was. The part that really traumatized me is a two parter and involves my oh so lovely Gran (she can fucking die and I'd be leaping with joy).

First part is the fact that if I didn't do a chore (which of course as the only "girl" and because girls "do things better than boys" I had to do the dusting, cleaning the table, vacuuming, and the bathroom I shared with my brothers, plus mopping once a month, my laundry and help my Gran do everyone else's laundry, AND CLEAN NY ENTIRE ROOM.) right or her way, I would have to redo it. I would have to redo it until I did it right. If it looked like I didn't vacuum, I was forced to revaccum the entire house again. If I didn't clean the baseboards right she would make me move everything off the walls and clean it entirely. When we had stairs, if I didn't clean them right I would have to redo them again. On top of repeating these chores over and over again I also got basically all my privileges taken: Phone, TV, Art supplies, my books a few times, going outside, and other stuff I can't remember.

Which led to the second part of this. I would clean and organize my room for fun when I had stuff taken from me. What else was I gonna do? I couldn't just sit there and daydream or sleep, I would be yelled and and grounded longer for that. So I daydreamed while I cleaned and organized my room. Sometimes I'd reorganize our kitchen and stuff, anything to be busy and not get yelled at or get brownie points so I can have something back.

This slowly became a habit for me. Grounded? Time to rearrange my stuff. Stressed? Clean the bathroom. Trying not to cry because she's right there yelling at you for attitude again for the tenth time this morning? Time to deep clean my room. Anything negative would trigger my response to clean and organize. Even if it's already clean I would clean it. It even got to the point where I clean myself too. I developed germaphobia. I was almost diagnosed by this one therapist I was forced to see at one point with OCD because of the cleaning habits. Fun times.

But some other stuff that contributed to the whole cleaning coping skills would be that it gives me control, a blank start, and physical activity. Moving furniture around, cleaning the walls (oh yeah she made me clean a wall with a toothbrush once. Halfway up the wall she let me switch to a rag so eh.) on my hands a knees scrubbing the tile floor of the kitchen. It helps me get the aggression that my mom and I worked so hard to keep under a tight hold out of my system. It makes me feel as if I have a new start when I'm in a clean space, specifically if I cleaned it. On top of that I also feel on control. The act of cleaning is controlling the environment. I have control over what I clean and how.

Anyways. This was all started because of today. I lost a friend (they aren't dead they just don't want to be friends with me anymore). I struggle with social situations and for 7 years I only had one friend and she left about a year ago. I was 15 when I finally started to have more than one friend. I've basically lost everyone at this point minus one maybe two but even then they get along better so yeah. I suck at making friends, socializing, and all that stuff. Which also means when I lose a friend it causes me great distress and makes me freak the fuck out. I started cleaning my room at 9 pm and I only got done with it at 10:23 pm so yeah. Coping skills yuh.

[witchern]

just got done seeing the re-release of sam raimi's spider-man on the big screen and now y'all are gonna hear my thoughts whether you like it or not:

the danny elfman music kicked on during the opening credits and i had full-body goosebumps before the marvel logo even came up on screen because i'm a fucking loser.

speaking of opening credits, remember when movies used to have those? i miss it. bring them back.

the upside-down kiss remains the greatest cinematic kiss of all time. don't argue with me when i'm right.

the setup and repetition of "don't tell harry." fantastique.

the cinematographyyyy. bitch. the way the camera follows spider-man swinging through traffic, up and around buildings, across the city…..i just don't get the same feeling of movement in either of the reboots. they're too clean. they're like iphone commercials. they're gross.

speaking of iphones, during the festival scene in times square there was a billboard ad for cingular and i thought about how i used to have a cingular phone and i almost committed suicide in the theater. i'm so old.

everyone calls her "aunt may" – including norman osborn, a grown-ass man. 'twas adorable.

"and i know i'm not your father—" "then stop pretending to be!" maybe i WILL kill myself in this alamo drafthouse.

watching this made me miss having regular-degular goons and scumbags in comic book movies. i'm tired of the "i want to rule the world, i want all the power" schtick. rob a bank. hijack a train. kidnap the mayor. have fun with it. you're in a comic book movie, for fuck's sake.

the balance between campy fun superhero stuff and earnest, genuine emotion was better than i remembered – and one never came at the expense of the other.

jk simmons. nothing else to add here – i just wanna remind people that he fucking crushed this role and burned it down and nobody has been able to touch it since.

on a similar note: willem dafoe. he didn't just chew the scenery – he had a fucking feast. fuck, man. he's great.

unrelated to the film-making itself, but....what exactly is the military purpose of a glider where the pilot is completely exposed? and why did it already look like a halloween machine before osborn becomes the goblin? questions i ask.

anyway, i realize you could hand-wave a lot of this as me falling for the nostalgia of it all (which i absolutely am), but also...i dunno. there's an undercurrent of sincerity to this movie that i just don't really feel in comic book movies anymore. that's probably because the current spate of comic book movies aren't even really movies anymore – they're products. they're vacuum-sealed, rubber-stamped, climate-controlled products to sell you a disney+ subscription or whatever the fuck the warner bros equivalent is (is it max? i think it's max). and every movie has an ending setup that tries to sell you on the next product, and the next, and the next...

anyway. with this first spider-man, yes it's silly at times, but this movie embraces it, warts and all. there's a well-balanced mix of goofy dialogue ("are you in or are you out?" "it's you who's out, gobbie – out of your mind!") and heartfelt moments (i mean, do i even need to say it? "with great power comes great responsibility"). i know it's a hack thing to say "they don't make movies like they used to" but.....man, they REALLY don't make movies like they used to.

[callme-dickmaster]

Sweetheart - (eddie munson x reader)

Ch. Four - I Love Halloween

summary: halloween night brings near car accidents and the entrance too a party. pairing: eddie munson x fem!goth!mayfield!reader cw: 18+ (minors dni) this is obnoxiously long, unfortunate use of y/n, i don't think i projected in this one, language, mentions of abuse, billy hargrove, almost unaliving middle schoolers, mentions throwing up, underage drinking -i think that's all- author's note: i can't with these warnings lolll. I'm sooo sorry this one took so long omg. I've been so busy with work and I am so sick rn it's ridiculous. But I'm gonna write anyway :) pls let me know if i missed any warnings. love you <3

<< Part 3 --- Part 5 >>

Y/n bounced her leg nervously as her and Billy waited for Max to come out of the school. "Dude where is she?" she mumbled. Billy shrugged, dragging his cigarette. Y/n sighed and stared at the hill Max skated down the day before. Just as she was about to go up there and get her herself, Max came gliding their way. She smiled nervously at Y/n and kicked up her board.

Billy sighed, tossing his cigarette. "You're late again," he said.

"I had to get catch up homework," Max replied, tossing her board in the backseat. "Jesus. I don't care! You're late again and you're skating home," Billy replied. Y/n narrowed her eyes at him as Max crawled into the backseat. "Don't go after my sister like that, man," Y/n sighed. "Or what?" Billy sneered.

"I'll tell."

Billy's face dropped and Y/n got in the car. Billy got in right after and turned the car on. In his little temper tantrum, he swerved out of the parking lot a little too fast, almost hitting a group of middle schoolers on the way out. Y/n stole Billy's lighter and opened the glove box. She grabbed one of her rolled joints and lit up, cracking the window.

"This place is such a shithole," Billy complained as they sped through the neighborhoods. Max and Y/n shrugged. "I like it," Y/n replied. "Yeah, it isn't so bad," Max added.

Billy dramatically rolled his eyes. The sisters constantly got on his nerves. They would disagree with him and agree with each other just to push his buttons, and they wouldn't hesitate to toss him under a semi-truck if they needed to.

He rolled Y/n's window down all the way and plugged his nose. "Smell that? That's actually shit! Cow shit!" Billy exclaimed. Y/n stuck her face out the window and inhaled deeply. It didn't actually smell like cow shit, she just wanted to gross Billy out.

"I don't see cows, man," Y/n replied, rolling up her window. Billy scoffed, "Clearly you haven't seen the high school girls," he mumbled, earning a snort from Y/n.

Billy rolled his eyes, "So, what? You like it here now?" Max shook her head and said no. Y/n smiled, "Yeah."

"Gross! You're not serious right?" Billy asked. Y/n shrugged, inhaling more smoke. "I figure it like this," she blew it out, "we got moved here and we're kinda stuck here. Might as well try and enjoy myself."

Billy glared at Max through his rearview mirror. He blamed her. He didn't like Max at all. He could tolerate Y/n in small doses, but he didn't like her either. He found them both insufferable. "Yeah, we are stuck here. You're right. And whose fault is that?" Billy growled. "Yours..." Max whispered. Billy picked up on her attitude quickly. He knew he should've just left her to skate home. "What'd you say? You say it's my fault?" Billy snapped. "Dude, she didn't say anything," Y/n said. Billy hushed her and kept looking at Max. "You know whose fault it is..." he trailed off.

His eyes were set on the redhead in the backseat. Max shrunk into herself trying to make herself as small as possible.

"Say whose fault it is," no answer, "Max... say it." Y/n shook her head and Max kept her mouth shut.

Billy finally snapped, leaning into the backseat and screaming in Max's face. Y/n yelled, but Billy swiftly changed gears and sped up the car. "Billy, I swear to fuck! If you kill me in this car I will fucking castrate you!" Y/n yelled. Billy flipped her off and slammed on the gas. "Billy slow down!" Max called. She could see the three boys biking ahead of them. They weren't friends but she didn't want to see them get hurt. "Why? These your new hick friends?" Billy yelled. Y/n leaned forward and squinted. "I don't know them! Just slow down!" Max replied frantically. She shook Y/n's shoulder with a pleading look on her face.

Y/n looked between her and the kids they were rapidly approaching. "Billy, they're just a couple kids. Let it go!" Y/n said, shoving his shoulder. Billy ignored them completely. He was having fun and didn't care about the consequences. Max yelled at him to stop, begging the older boy to stop the car or slow down. Y/n braced herself for impact but when none came, she opened her eyes and looked behind her.

"Dude, that was fucked up, man! I'm serious, don't do that!" Y/n exclaimed. She was nervous the rest of the ride home, but luckily Billy was done with his bullshit.

Y/n and Max practically ran into the house to start changing into their costumes. Y/n was going as Wendy from The Shining because she couldn’t find any funny costumes on short notice. Max came in in her costume with a huge smile. “Can I use your pillowcase? It’s bigger than mine,” she asked. Y/n laughed and said okay. Max ran to grab Y/n’s body pillow and stripped it of the case.

When they were both ready to go, Max and Y/n walked around their neighborhood for a bit getting some early candy so Max could eat while she walked later. Y/n also just wanted candy. They looped back around when the sun set, and Y/n met Steve Harrington in her front yard.

“Steve!” he turned around and smiled at her. “Hey! I was gonna go up there and everything and you weren’t even home,” he spoke. Y/n held up her bag full of candy.

“All for some 3 Musketeers. How dare you?” Steve laughed.

Y/n grinned, “So sorry good sir. But I would make you explain to Billy why you’re at my house a million times if it brought me closer to nougat.” She kissed her Ziploc and smiled happily at him.

Steve nearly made a face at the feeling her looking at him like that gave him. it wasn’t a bad feeling. He felt like he was a middle schooler. Crushing on a girl who wouldn’t even look twice at him.

“Who are you supposed to be?” Y/n asked, circling him. “Oh, Risky Business,” Steve gave her the finger guns.

Y/n nodded slowly, “I’ve never seen that.”

Steve stopped and gaped at her. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’ve never seen Risky Business?!” he exclaimed. Y/n shook her head, and he ran a hand through his hair.

Steve shook his head, “No. We’re fixing that. Tonight, you’re coming back to mine and we’re watching Risky Business.” Y/n shrugged and agreed. It was just Steve so who cares? “Well, who are you?” he fired back. “I’m the dumb bitch wife from The Shining!” Y/n exclaimed before faking a scared expression and flopping her hands in her face. Steve laughed and decided to take her to the car so they could get Nancy and leave before the party was too crowded. Y/n put her candy in the glove box, and they were off.

“Where’s Nancy?” she asked.

“Your house is closer to mine than hers is. Plus, I don’t think she would’ve been ready to go if I went there first,” Steve said.

Y/n chuckled and turned on the radio. Psycho Killer by Talking Heads started playing and Y/n laughed. “W-what?” Steve stuttered. Y/n shook her head, hiding a smile. Steve poked her shoulder over and over to pester her into spilling. “Okay! Okay! It’s just a very Steve song to play,” she said. Steve laughed, “What does that mean?” Y/n turned in her seat to face him.

“Like, if I thought of you. If I were thinking ‘Steve Harrington’ I would think of that song. Or Girls on Film. That would work too,” Y/n explained.

Steve hummed, nodding slowly. His expression slowly turned into a teasing smile. “Aww Y/n… You think about me!” he teased. “No sir! Nope!” Y/n laughed. “You totally do! You’re so into me, it hurts,” Steve continued. Y/n punched his arm with a fake angry face. “I’m gonna beat you up, I swear,” she said.

Now, she would be lying if she said she didn’t find Steve a little attractive, but not like a boyfriend attractive. More like a “I would hit it for the one time and move on” kind of attractive.

Y/n looked out her window when Steve parked outside a nice two-story house with Nancy standing outside. “What’s up, baby?” Y/n yelled, sticking her whole upper body out of the window. Nancy covered her mouth and laughed, forcing Y/n back into her seat before hopping in the backseat. The trio listened to music and talked the rest of the way to the party and Y/n wondered if she would see Eddie there. “He-hey. What do you guys know about Eddie Munson?” Y/n asked. Steve made a face and Nancy looked confused again. “Isn’t he that weird kid?” Steve asked. Nancy nodded and looked at Y/n. “I have third period with him. I was just wondering,” she said.

Steve shrugged and parked the car in the street in front of the house that was already packed with drunk, high, and sweaty teenagers.

Y/n took out her bag of “special stuff” and checked to make sure it was all there. “Shit, Y/n!” Steve breathed in surprise. She looked at him with a “what?” expression on her face. “I didn’t know you did that stuff,” Steve said. “Yeah. It keeps me calm and helps my pains,” Y/n said, stuffing it back in her jacket pocket before jumping out of the car and following the couple inside.

“Don’t act all innocent, Steve. You and Tommy used to smoke together all the time,” Nancy laughed. Steve put a finger to his lips and shushed her. Y/n snorted and followed the couple inside. She sidestepped a girl throwing up and took Nancy’s hand. “No ma’am,” Y/n whispered. Nancy snickered and pulled her further into the house. Y/n’s eyes widened. Toilet paper, food, cups, anything you could think of was thrown all over the house either in decoration or just to be thrown. She recognized the counting outside for the keg they obviously bought for this party. It smelled like ass in the house, but Y/n felt like she didn’t want to leave.

taglist: @sisgotdemons @tlclick733 @deafeningmoontragedy @marjoriea13 @playfuloutcast @twosluttychains @leetaeilsnecktattoo @lil-quinnie @razzles-bottom-lip @originalstar1 @yessargeantbarnes @bebe0701 @shotgunhallelujah @uselessastheginlasagnaa @mynameismothra @niragis-right-hand-rabbit @shecagobaby @moviefreak1205 @munsonmunster @chonkzombie @sadbitchfangirl @screaming-blue-bagel @urdad-hot @kjaxm @xxaestheticboyxx @ok-boke @coffeeaddictednymph

<3

[lumpsbumpsandwhumps]

ALLEGEDLY???

apparently i've never told this story before okay so a few years ago myself, my fiancee, and a mutual friend went downtown to drink at the gay bars. eventually we end up at this rly tiny ramen noodle bar and the bartender was going in HARD for me but i guess i was just not picking up anything.

he would give me free drinks and i would be like "oh no thank u (:" bc i don't like hard liquor, i'm a soft baby bitch who can only get fucked up on sweet fruit frozen drinks. so then it kinda became a game where he'd give me a drink to try and i'd sip it, say "ew", and then he'd grab my hand and refuse to let me put it down until i finished the whole thing.

anyways we're all teetering buzzed/drunk by then and i don't remember who made the comment but i know that i was like "bitch i love shibari (japanese robe tying) so fucking much" and the bartender was like "well, i've got some rope in my car, if you wanna give it a go ;)" and bitch i JUMPED up ready to FUCKING GO, grabbing my coat, absolutely about to follow this man to a dark parking lot for him to tie me up, i'm telling him like "yeah yeah yeah lets do it" i am so fucking down

well my fiancee apparently thought it would be better that i didn't end up on a true crime podcast that night and was like "uuuuhhh actually we're gonna get going" and had to drag me out of the bar while i was complaining the whole time bc what a fucking killjoy am i right?

would he have actually kidnapped and killed me? whomst is to say. she was convinced he would have but as far as i'm concerned i didn't have to pay for any gross drinks and i missed out on getting my titties tied

[whatyourusherthinks]

MaXXXine Review

Now onto part 2 of The Weirdest Triple Feature I've Ever Done. The reason I was excited for this movie was the trailer. Not only did it look really exciting, but I only saw the trailer twice. Do you know saturated the marketing in theaters now is? Do you understand how deflating it is to see the same ad over and over and noticing all the little parts that you realize are gonna be bigger issues. Or heck, a movie that has an amazing FIRST trailer and then the second one comes out at it completely ruins all prerelease goodwill you had for the movie. (Not mentioning any The Wild Robot I mean names.) Before you ask, I haven't seen X and Pearl. But I did read their plot descriptions on Wikipedia. They seem like modern 'splotation movies for sure. X seems interesting but I pretty sure I don't need to watch Pearl.

What's The Movie About?

Maxine Minx, the survivor of X, gets a big break as the lead in a horror movie. However, her past comes back to haunt her as the Night Stalker serial killer takes special interest in her.

What I Like.

This movie is pretty fucking awesome. My favorite part is the setting. Hollywood is portrayed and a neon, grimy, urban hellscape, filled with not just criminals or all sorts, but also puritan protestors. The movie is steeped in the satanic panic of the 80s, an idea I loved it in Late Night With the Devil and love here. The grime and sin of movie is excellent, and works great with the story. I really like the plot, it's simple but I think effective. (After the last two and next movie having so many plotlines, it was refreshing to have something that was straightforward.) All of the character were good. Actually, let me rephrase that, all the characters are well written. None of the characters are good people, but I like them anyway. I particularly like Maxine and the private detective played by Kevin Bacon. The gore in the movie is relatively brief, but very effective. And unlike the last movie I saw, I didn't feel so grossed out that I couldn't watch. Even when a guy's balls were getting crushed on screen.

What I Didn't Like.

Eh.... Nothing? I mean there are definitely some parts that didn't really make sense, but I didn't care. I guess they killed Maxine's black friend, but at least he did something before getting murdered.

Final Summation.

MaXXXine is great, and I enjoyed myself a whole lot more than I thought I would. And I was already pretty optimistic going into this movie. My only other thought is that I guess I should watch X. I'm not at the point where I feel like need to watch Pearl yet, but that could change.

[weonlyneedfour]

Really? They want that interview now? Come on, man, I was gonna do that for the employee valuation the next weekend! Oh really, three weeks I've been saying that, gee, like I've even HAD a weekend to sit down and look at the time. We just got back from another round of embarassing ourselves, can't I at least wash the clown make-up off first? No, whatever, f*%k it, I'll do it now. If I step in that shower, I ain't coming out for nothing. Hayato can file the report on how we dealt with Mr.Potluck and Shamaid when he's done picking sesame seeds outta his pants. This ain't gonna be for the public, right? Cause, y'know. Hmm, strictly for V.A.P.O.R intel only, got it. Ask away.

Marco Craine. 22 years old. Human turned vampire. Field name is Vulturine. Born in Garden District, New Orleans, was living in Toulonville, currently stationed out in Manhattan. I'm, uh, employed as a "specialized emergency responder", which is barely-respectable legalese for what everyone calls a registered superhero. I mean you guys read my file, right? If this isn't a public thing, what is this for? ... Whaddya mean, the "vampire thing"? Oh, you wanna pick at that, huh? Yeah, I know how this goes, I'm guessing half of you get to think vampires are not real even though you're looking at one. Oh I WISH that was true, believe me. You think I want people to know? You think this is fun for me? It's my life, jackass, I don't get to not-believe my way out of it.

...Okay so you wanna ask me about how vampire stuff works? Man I'm, look, sorry I snapped at you guys, under a lot of stress lately, but I'm not sure I can really help. Yeah, I don't know if my transfusion power is like a, me power, like the others have, or if it's a vampire power, not like I've been able to ask on the latter. I mean, not everyone's powers work the same, but any more particulars on how powers work than that, you're gonna have to go ask Kris, or Doc. Maybe I don't even have my own powers, or maybe I just got stuck with a gross ironic one that makes me suck at being a vampire.

I can't really go to the doctor to figure that stuff out, cause I risk ratting myself out. I have a pulse, but Kris ran some tests on me and apparently I got a bunch of organs missing, and she's not sure if it's a vampire thing or it it's just something my power did to the rest of my body. I mean, I'm pretty sure something like that happened to Noma. She's strong as hell, but I don't think she even has any organs left. I don't sleep on a coffin for the fun of it. I don't have a spleen and my liver doesn't heal properly, and if I don't sleep standing upright, I get really bad acid reflux. Plus, I see in the dark, and if I don't sleep in an enclosed space, I wake up pretty much as soon as the sun comes out. Also, I have bits of my intestines missing, but I'm pretty sure that's Talon Tori's fault. I guess my old folks were paying extra, cause she got, too close, that time. No, I'm not answering that. I go to the bathroom just fine, you dicks.

Yeah the fangs are mostly a defensive thing, like some animal scare tactic. The "drinking" is done through the fingers, see how they open up? But no I don't drink blood. And when I have to "borrow" blood occasionally for my power to work, I feel every drop that's not mine, and it all comes out soon as I can get it out. I guess that's what some of those organs I got missing were for. I mean, for one it tastes fucking gross. Two, I don't kill. Three, I don't even wanna RISK what would happen to me if I did drink it. Cause you know how I "turned", right? When my folks killed me, it kicked in. I had to have been born with latent vampirism, cause I don't remember ever getting bitten. Now, I can't confirm what I'm gonna say cause, and don't you ever tell Jeremy about this, but most of what I think I know about myself comes from the movies. But a lot of what goes on in the movies goes on with me for real, so I take it as enough accuracy to work with. But vampires, when they drink blood, they live forever by always regressing to the age they were when they got turned. Creepy old rich guy becomes creepy 20-something rich guy kind of deal, right? So, I got turned when I was a kid. I'm 22 now. So, going by that logic, there's like a 50/50 chance that if I drank blood, if it worked the way it's supposed to on vampires, that I'd just regress into a 10 year old again. And that is my actual worst nightmare. That's why I barely use my power. I don't even wanna risk any of that blood slipping in by accident. Maybe when I find my piece of shit parents I can ask them in private, assuming they don't kill me first. But yeah, nuh uh, no blood for me. Never had, never gonna have it.

Yeah, sorry, this isn't gonna work out man, my bad. Wait, actually I was meaning to ask, don't you V.A.P.O.R guys have intel on vampires? Cause you guys have intel on everybody for who knows how long. Again, I don't know any other vampires, I'm guessing the only ones I could ask are too busy hiding out somewhere trying to kill me. You guys are government spooks, don't you deal with MIB stuff? None of the other clowns you hired before me ever fought vampires? . . . Wow, great. It really is just a me problem. Joy.